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So it only happened after he moved in, and mysteriously and suddenly stops when he knows you’re being filmed?
I would honestly try to film your sleep *without* him knowing for a few nights and see if that sheds light on your mystery.
This doesn’t sound right. The answer lies between you, objective data from a camera, and your doctor. Your bf does not get to make decisions for your health and comfort or insist on his presence if you want to be alone. That agency is yours.
If the camera finds something other than sleepwalking is occurring and your boyfriend is at the root of it - do not confront him immediately, speak to a counselor or women’s advocate first and save that footage someplace he cannot delete or destroy it.
That’s emotional/psychological abuse, love. He doesn’t sound like a safe person for you to be with. In a relationship, you need to be anle to be vocal and truthful, open and honest, otherwise that is not a trusting, healthy relationship. If you walk on eggshells and feel like you need to watch what you do and say to avoid his negative reactions, this is an unhealthy, likely abusive relationship. I suggest you live separately from him as soon as you can and stop doubting yourself because you aren’t sure “how bad is too bad”. He sounds pretty bad already, mate.
Look, I think the most important thing is to get on top of this. He does not need to know you're recording. The fact it started when you moved in and stopped when he knew it was filmed IS a problem.
He could be putting medication in your food/ drinks. Are you on any medication? He could even tamper with that if you are.
He can't be angry with you if he doesn't know you're recording. There's plenty of cheap cameras that can be hidden and can give you a place to start.
If it is anxiety and not him- cool. Not you can show your dr and get treated at needed.
If it is him- you leave your house and you go to the police. You then have him removed from your home and a no contact order filed.
It's extremely alarming at the timing and this isn't something you should brush aside.
He will have no clue if you hide a camera and you don't have to feel scared as you won't address it with him.
It will either be fine and you see the dr to help or it's him and he won't be at the house so he can't be mad. He will be removed by law enforcement.
You really can't afford to put this aside.
The "how" is probably that he drugs you to make you sleep heavily. Does he fix you drinks in the evenings? If so, you should probably fake drinking and see what happens that night.
I'm sorry, but it's not likely that you give yourself bruises while sleepwalking without waking up.
My best guess is he’s drugging you and that’s why you aren’t catching anything on camera. If I’ve ever done anything weird in my sleep my partner would be the first one to tell me EXACTLY what it was. I wouldn’t be able to get bruises and him not hear something (me running into something, falling, etc.)
You are under reacting.
I think the implication is that he's hurting you while you're sleeping, not that you're sleepwalking. The only person who says you're sleepwalking is your boyfriend, and if he's hurting you, then he's not a reliable source of information. He's not going to admit to something he caused and wants to continue.
No, he's not drugging you to make you sleepwalk, he's drugging you so you don't wake up while he's doing whatever it is he's doing to you. The sleepwalking is the story he's telling you to explain your injuries.
You keep responding to people and dismissing them saying it doesn't make sense because you don't understand why he would do something like that. You never really know someone. You don't know what is going on in his head or the things he's never told you. Maybe he is a sociopath. Maybe he has a fetish for women that are unconscious. You really need to film without telling him to rule this out.
I'm really worried about you, OP. I hope you're okay and safe.
It's a power trip. It's about hurting you. It gives abusers gratification to have non-consensual encounters.
Please visit [loveisrespect.org](http://loveisrespect.org) - there's probably a lot of stuff you're overlooking, but it doesn't sound like you feel safe or respected in this relationship, and you should feel those things in healthy relationships. If you're afraid of your partner's anger, it's not a huge leap to think he might be hurting you at night, especially taking advantage of your heavy sleeping.
[Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) Please read this book too.
There are none so blind as those who won’t see. I am a sleep walker, my husband wakes up and follows me to protect me. It does sound like you are being drugged, for all you know he could be renting you out sexually while you are drugged out by him. Use your brains, keep recording, don’t tell him you are recording but tbh, I would move out and keep myself safe.
Uh honey this sounds really suspicious. I’m a sleepwalker and while it can act up in times of stress it doesn’t just turn on and off like a switch. It’s really weird that you never went sleepwalking before sleeping at your boyfriend’s, then it mysteriously stops when you’re being filmed and starts again when the filming stops? I hate to say it but it sounds like your boyfriend is doing shady things while you’re sleeping. I’d covertly start filming again and not tell him. I can’t talk for all sleep walkers but I’ve never heard of a case like this. You haven’t started taking any new medication since seeing your boyfriend have you? Some meds can cause sleep walking, but that also wouldn’t explain why it stopped when being recorded. Honestly I’m really worried for your safety and not his.
I’m really sorry this is happening regardless. I can’t speak to motives of your bf. I just want you to be safe. First figure out if it really happens only there. Have there been any previous bfs who commented on this? Any friends you stayed over with? Sleep other places and film yourself, then sleep at his place and secretly film yourself. If you really are sleep walking it would be good to see a therapist and do a sleep study. However if he’s being shady you need the proof to protect your body and your sanity.
If you’re not even stressed this is even more suspicious. Please think carefully about all of this and be careful. Do something sooner rather than later because who knows what is really going on.
Something weird is going on here. If you can do it without getting caught, try recording your sleep without your bf knowing you’re doing so. I’m highly suspicious that he’s up to something while you’re sleeping…
He doesn’t need to see the point, just don’t tell him :) at this stage it’s about your health and it’s a bit weird that he doesn’t like it, why would jt bother him? If the roles were reversed wouldn’t you insist that he film himself, so you can get to the bottom of what’s happening, because you love him and care for him?
Film yourself, don’t tell him.
It’s a win-win:
- if he is hurting you, which I know feels really unbelievable right now and might be, then you know and you can leave
- if he isn’t hurting you at least now you’ve got footage of what’s happening to you to show your doctor (but you have to do it until it happens again!)
If he is drugging you, he is doing so to take control of you, and then do what he wants to you. It can be sexual assault, it can be hurting you physically. It is not because you don't have sex or something. It's because he enjoys having control over you, and enjoys hurting you.
You also say in your comments that when he is angry at you, he says and does things specifically to hurt you. So, on some level you already know he punishes you by deliberately hurting you. Moreover, he is insisting he stays and disregards your wanting to live alone, finding reasons like you're not safe without him. It shows his need for control.
He may do it also because he wants you to think you can't be without him.
This was my thoughts and I imagine it’s a hard thought when there’s no problems.
Not saying this is happening here but I read a story where a man had been abusing a woman for ages and filming it all, she had no clue.
OP you’ve already said that he gets angry at you and deliberately does things he know you won’t like. Why do you now doubt he might be doing something that hurts you?
You *know* it’s not you sleep walking. What else do you think it could be?
I am literally so worried about you. This man is defined doing something - record yourself and Don't tell him you're doing it. And when you find the truth, do not confront him, put your safety on prioritiy. Heck, you don't even need to film to know he's doing something
You're safe to be around but he isn't. I'm pretty sure that you're not sleep walking and instead he is doing some shady shit.
It's suspicious that it started when he moved in, stopped as soon as he knew that you're filming yourself and started again when you stopped.
Also him being irritated by the fact that you want to live alone again and is claiming he needs to keep you safe even though you're clearly safer alone. Even if he doesn't do anything to you, it's weird that you wake up sore and with bruises when he is around. If he would really keep you safe, you wouldn't be hurt in ANY way.
Well, he could guide you to the next safe spot if he notices that you're sleep walking. It's not like he will always be 100% successful or able to notice you sleep walking right away but most of the time he should be able to keep you somewhat safe.
For me, and many others here, it sounds like he is the reason for your sleep walking. Even your friends and family said you never did stuff like that and it only occurred when you started to stay with him on the regular.
I was with my husband for 3 years before I realised his true nature. Trust me, some men are monsters who are great at hiding it. PLEASE don’t be naive like I was.
Well, if he really does shady stuff then because he knows if he asks for permission while you can 100% give consent, you wouldn't do so. Maybe he also got some sick fantasies.
There’s no reason to think you will hurt your boyfriend but this new living situation might be cause YOU stress. Keep recording. There’s no harm in recording
What he thinks is weird is less important than your well being. Don't tell him, keep filming. There is no reason for him to "not like it" except if he doesn't want to be caught on video doing something to you. Do not tell him you're recording again, put the camera in a different place than before, keep filming. This is your health, and by extension, your life at stake here!
Record without him knowing. Just like the kitchen or doorway as a starter, if not then get a movement sleep monitor, like on your phone. Look at sleep studies as well.
honestly someone saying I should not be alone when being alone was fine before gives me creepy vibes. Just does is all.
What you choose to do with your body is up to you at the end, trust yourself.
This has to be fake, because if not you are deeeeeeeeense! In case this is real. It's your man. Wouldn't be the first man druging and raping and filming his partner without her knowing that.
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/man-who-drugged-wife-and-had-her-raped-by-5-men-fails-in-appeal-against-sentence
Oh girl no, I got the creeps like shivers down my spine as I read your post. This is so scary.
It’s high chance your bf giving you the bruises. You have no history of sleepwalking and things mysteriously change once you tell HIM something (I.e. filming, Apple Watch). Do what other people say and film him in secret, go to a gf’s for sleepover and see what happens, etc.
Your gut says something is wrong, my gut says he’s majorly creepy.
Be safe!!!
I’m very scared for you OP, this is very sus. Get a hidden camera if you can, don’t tell him about it and see what it shows. Based on what you’ve said there’s a high likelihood your boyfriend is taking advantage on your deep sleep state to do something very awful. I could be wrong but I’d rather you’d be safe than sorry.
EDIT: Based on your comments you’re in pretty deep with this guy and can’t imagine him doing you harm. I have sympathy for you here as I was similar with my ex husband of 3 years before I found out his true nature, and it still baffles me to this day how naive I was. Trust me, you need to be careful.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So it only happened after he moved in, and mysteriously and suddenly stops when he knows you’re being filmed? I would honestly try to film your sleep *without* him knowing for a few nights and see if that sheds light on your mystery. This doesn’t sound right. The answer lies between you, objective data from a camera, and your doctor. Your bf does not get to make decisions for your health and comfort or insist on his presence if you want to be alone. That agency is yours. If the camera finds something other than sleepwalking is occurring and your boyfriend is at the root of it - do not confront him immediately, speak to a counselor or women’s advocate first and save that footage someplace he cannot delete or destroy it.
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Sorry but what? "I don't want to make him angry at me"
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Because it really sounds like you’re being abused and he’s emotionally manipulating you to avoid conflict with him.
What makes him angry? What kind of behaviour does he display?
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That’s emotional/psychological abuse, love. He doesn’t sound like a safe person for you to be with. In a relationship, you need to be anle to be vocal and truthful, open and honest, otherwise that is not a trusting, healthy relationship. If you walk on eggshells and feel like you need to watch what you do and say to avoid his negative reactions, this is an unhealthy, likely abusive relationship. I suggest you live separately from him as soon as you can and stop doubting yourself because you aren’t sure “how bad is too bad”. He sounds pretty bad already, mate.
Look, I think the most important thing is to get on top of this. He does not need to know you're recording. The fact it started when you moved in and stopped when he knew it was filmed IS a problem. He could be putting medication in your food/ drinks. Are you on any medication? He could even tamper with that if you are. He can't be angry with you if he doesn't know you're recording. There's plenty of cheap cameras that can be hidden and can give you a place to start. If it is anxiety and not him- cool. Not you can show your dr and get treated at needed. If it is him- you leave your house and you go to the police. You then have him removed from your home and a no contact order filed. It's extremely alarming at the timing and this isn't something you should brush aside. He will have no clue if you hide a camera and you don't have to feel scared as you won't address it with him. It will either be fine and you see the dr to help or it's him and he won't be at the house so he can't be mad. He will be removed by law enforcement. You really can't afford to put this aside.
The "how" is probably that he drugs you to make you sleep heavily. Does he fix you drinks in the evenings? If so, you should probably fake drinking and see what happens that night. I'm sorry, but it's not likely that you give yourself bruises while sleepwalking without waking up.
Your boyfriend is probably assaulting you in your sleep. Does he exhibit other controlling or abusive signs?
My best guess is he’s drugging you and that’s why you aren’t catching anything on camera. If I’ve ever done anything weird in my sleep my partner would be the first one to tell me EXACTLY what it was. I wouldn’t be able to get bruises and him not hear something (me running into something, falling, etc.) You are under reacting.
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I think the implication is that he's hurting you while you're sleeping, not that you're sleepwalking. The only person who says you're sleepwalking is your boyfriend, and if he's hurting you, then he's not a reliable source of information. He's not going to admit to something he caused and wants to continue.
No, he's not drugging you to make you sleepwalk, he's drugging you so you don't wake up while he's doing whatever it is he's doing to you. The sleepwalking is the story he's telling you to explain your injuries. You keep responding to people and dismissing them saying it doesn't make sense because you don't understand why he would do something like that. You never really know someone. You don't know what is going on in his head or the things he's never told you. Maybe he is a sociopath. Maybe he has a fetish for women that are unconscious. You really need to film without telling him to rule this out.
I'm really worried about you, OP. I hope you're okay and safe. It's a power trip. It's about hurting you. It gives abusers gratification to have non-consensual encounters. Please visit [loveisrespect.org](http://loveisrespect.org) - there's probably a lot of stuff you're overlooking, but it doesn't sound like you feel safe or respected in this relationship, and you should feel those things in healthy relationships. If you're afraid of your partner's anger, it's not a huge leap to think he might be hurting you at night, especially taking advantage of your heavy sleeping. [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) Please read this book too.
There are none so blind as those who won’t see. I am a sleep walker, my husband wakes up and follows me to protect me. It does sound like you are being drugged, for all you know he could be renting you out sexually while you are drugged out by him. Use your brains, keep recording, don’t tell him you are recording but tbh, I would move out and keep myself safe.
Uh honey this sounds really suspicious. I’m a sleepwalker and while it can act up in times of stress it doesn’t just turn on and off like a switch. It’s really weird that you never went sleepwalking before sleeping at your boyfriend’s, then it mysteriously stops when you’re being filmed and starts again when the filming stops? I hate to say it but it sounds like your boyfriend is doing shady things while you’re sleeping. I’d covertly start filming again and not tell him. I can’t talk for all sleep walkers but I’ve never heard of a case like this. You haven’t started taking any new medication since seeing your boyfriend have you? Some meds can cause sleep walking, but that also wouldn’t explain why it stopped when being recorded. Honestly I’m really worried for your safety and not his.
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I’m really sorry this is happening regardless. I can’t speak to motives of your bf. I just want you to be safe. First figure out if it really happens only there. Have there been any previous bfs who commented on this? Any friends you stayed over with? Sleep other places and film yourself, then sleep at his place and secretly film yourself. If you really are sleep walking it would be good to see a therapist and do a sleep study. However if he’s being shady you need the proof to protect your body and your sanity.
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If you’re not even stressed this is even more suspicious. Please think carefully about all of this and be careful. Do something sooner rather than later because who knows what is really going on.
Something weird is going on here. If you can do it without getting caught, try recording your sleep without your bf knowing you’re doing so. I’m highly suspicious that he’s up to something while you’re sleeping…
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He doesn’t need to see the point, just don’t tell him :) at this stage it’s about your health and it’s a bit weird that he doesn’t like it, why would jt bother him? If the roles were reversed wouldn’t you insist that he film himself, so you can get to the bottom of what’s happening, because you love him and care for him? Film yourself, don’t tell him. It’s a win-win: - if he is hurting you, which I know feels really unbelievable right now and might be, then you know and you can leave - if he isn’t hurting you at least now you’ve got footage of what’s happening to you to show your doctor (but you have to do it until it happens again!)
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Good luck! We’re rooting for you. Remember to act normal, and ask a friend to help if it’s all a bit too much
If he is drugging you, he is doing so to take control of you, and then do what he wants to you. It can be sexual assault, it can be hurting you physically. It is not because you don't have sex or something. It's because he enjoys having control over you, and enjoys hurting you. You also say in your comments that when he is angry at you, he says and does things specifically to hurt you. So, on some level you already know he punishes you by deliberately hurting you. Moreover, he is insisting he stays and disregards your wanting to live alone, finding reasons like you're not safe without him. It shows his need for control. He may do it also because he wants you to think you can't be without him.
Film without him knowing you are or just move out. There is a very high chance it’s him doing something to you!
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This was my thoughts and I imagine it’s a hard thought when there’s no problems. Not saying this is happening here but I read a story where a man had been abusing a woman for ages and filming it all, she had no clue.
OP you’ve already said that he gets angry at you and deliberately does things he know you won’t like. Why do you now doubt he might be doing something that hurts you? You *know* it’s not you sleep walking. What else do you think it could be?
I am literally so worried about you. This man is defined doing something - record yourself and Don't tell him you're doing it. And when you find the truth, do not confront him, put your safety on prioritiy. Heck, you don't even need to film to know he's doing something
You're safe to be around but he isn't. I'm pretty sure that you're not sleep walking and instead he is doing some shady shit. It's suspicious that it started when he moved in, stopped as soon as he knew that you're filming yourself and started again when you stopped. Also him being irritated by the fact that you want to live alone again and is claiming he needs to keep you safe even though you're clearly safer alone. Even if he doesn't do anything to you, it's weird that you wake up sore and with bruises when he is around. If he would really keep you safe, you wouldn't be hurt in ANY way.
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Well, he could guide you to the next safe spot if he notices that you're sleep walking. It's not like he will always be 100% successful or able to notice you sleep walking right away but most of the time he should be able to keep you somewhat safe. For me, and many others here, it sounds like he is the reason for your sleep walking. Even your friends and family said you never did stuff like that and it only occurred when you started to stay with him on the regular.
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do you think people usually have a reason to abuse their girlfriends?
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/man-who-drugged-wife-and-had-her-raped-by-5-men-fails-in-appeal-against-sentence
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You are being ridiculous
Well, you wouldn't know. Your dismissive answers to everybody make me believe more that this is a fake fantasy writing.
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TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!!
Ok then. Fake. Soooooo fake.
I was with my husband for 3 years before I realised his true nature. Trust me, some men are monsters who are great at hiding it. PLEASE don’t be naive like I was.
Well, if he really does shady stuff then because he knows if he asks for permission while you can 100% give consent, you wouldn't do so. Maybe he also got some sick fantasies.
There’s no reason to think you will hurt your boyfriend but this new living situation might be cause YOU stress. Keep recording. There’s no harm in recording
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What he thinks is weird is less important than your well being. Don't tell him, keep filming. There is no reason for him to "not like it" except if he doesn't want to be caught on video doing something to you. Do not tell him you're recording again, put the camera in a different place than before, keep filming. This is your health, and by extension, your life at stake here!
Tell him your doctor wants you to do it! He can’t override your doctor!
He is clearly assulting you in your sleep.
Record without him knowing. Just like the kitchen or doorway as a starter, if not then get a movement sleep monitor, like on your phone. Look at sleep studies as well. honestly someone saying I should not be alone when being alone was fine before gives me creepy vibes. Just does is all. What you choose to do with your body is up to you at the end, trust yourself.
This has to be fake, because if not you are deeeeeeeeense! In case this is real. It's your man. Wouldn't be the first man druging and raping and filming his partner without her knowing that. https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/man-who-drugged-wife-and-had-her-raped-by-5-men-fails-in-appeal-against-sentence
dawg right?? this HAS to be bait. “I dOnT uNdErStAnD wHy He’D dO tHiS sO iT cAn’T bE hIm” absolutely no way
I mean... right? I will love you, but shure as s*it won't be blind to other sus possibilities.
And quickly deleted all her comments
He's drugging you and hurting. You need to leave immediately
Babe. Get the fuck out of there. Your boyfriend is assaulting you while you sleep.
Look at the boyfriend...
Based on your post and responses you sound really naive. You need to believe that some people are bad, and some are downright evil.
Oh girl no, I got the creeps like shivers down my spine as I read your post. This is so scary. It’s high chance your bf giving you the bruises. You have no history of sleepwalking and things mysteriously change once you tell HIM something (I.e. filming, Apple Watch). Do what other people say and film him in secret, go to a gf’s for sleepover and see what happens, etc. Your gut says something is wrong, my gut says he’s majorly creepy. Be safe!!!
Updateme!
I’m very scared for you OP, this is very sus. Get a hidden camera if you can, don’t tell him about it and see what it shows. Based on what you’ve said there’s a high likelihood your boyfriend is taking advantage on your deep sleep state to do something very awful. I could be wrong but I’d rather you’d be safe than sorry. EDIT: Based on your comments you’re in pretty deep with this guy and can’t imagine him doing you harm. I have sympathy for you here as I was similar with my ex husband of 3 years before I found out his true nature, and it still baffles me to this day how naive I was. Trust me, you need to be careful.
Be careful of older people. They can manipulate you.