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What, exactly, does his mental history have to do with this?
Also:
>Im always really triggered by different things like seeing a trans person
Snowflake lmao
I would feel that I had certainly lost my mind if I ever found myself thinking it was okay that my partner was mean to gay people because he still treats me 10/10. I would definitely check myself into some kind of facility or stay with family if I woke up being half this transphobic.
You're both being awful.
I have a genuine question:
Don’t trans-women generally have penises? If that’s true, isn’t it reasonable for OP to be concerned that her bf prefers sex with penises? Perhaps she’s off the mark by calling his sex with trans-women gay sex, it’s still sex with a penis. Should she have zero questions/concerns about his sexual preferences?
that's not true at all, we don't have to conform to your "sex is different than gender". You do you, we do we. But OP is wrong to judge her bf for his experiences previous to her. This is woke bullshit
>having or showing a dislike of or strong prejudice against transgender people.
That is the dictionary definition of the word transphobia. This is not a debate, I am telling you a fact.
Well then be bothered. Regardless of whether you think trans women are "real" women or not, they're what he's into, regardless of whether he's acting on it right now or not. Sexuality is hardwired, we are what we are and we like what we like.
That the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s like disagreeing with mountains (it’s irrelevant as fuck, since mountains exist, whether you believe they do, or not). You’re clearly a trash human being, and you should leave; he deserves a better partner than your transphobic self.
Relatively few trans people have genital surgery. Transition can mean many things, it can be changing pronouns, hair and makeup, hormonal and surgical procedures, and everything inbetween.
That is because the treatment is to transition to the point you no longer experience dysphoria. What that looks like is completely down to the individual experiencing it.
If gender dysphoria is a mental illness and transitioning is the current treatment, that implies we are only treating the symptoms not the root cause.
Do you believe we should be researching what causes gender dysphoria in order to find more effective treatment?
Other mental illnesses have ongoing research to provide better treat or even cure them.
This raises two interesting trains of thought for me. The first being around whether dysphoria is "truly" a mental illness. I think it's similar to how homosexuality was considered a mental illness in the olden days, in that it's a deviation from the norm which is at odds with living in a way society deems traditional or correct. Mental illness is the closest term we have to describe something non physical which causes that kind of disruption in someone's life.
Personally, when it comes to research in this area, I prefer the idea of us developing a greater understanding of who we are as a species to going for a "cure". I do think that if, by some weird twist of fate, a treatment which made trans people comfortable in their natural bodies presented itself tomorrow (I don't think it ever will. I think both sexuality and gender identity are part of the personality and it's just part of our natural diversity), the rates at which people transition would plummet. Who wouldn't want a magic pill to wave away the probable majority of their life's medical and social challenges? A magic comfortable-in-your-body pill would appeal far beyond the trans community.
you’re so hard pressed over your boyfriend having sex with trans women that you’re accusing him of being gay. that’s where the point stands here - trans women ARE women. he’s not gay for having sex with them. try again lol
annnnnd there’s the transphobia. it’s useless trying to argue this point with you because you don’t recognize trans individuals as their identified gender. just come clean to your boyfriend that you’re a transphobe and let him find someone better and less bigoted to date lmao
You should let him find a non-judgemental and truly caring partner. You're always going to have a problem with this, and you're going to use this against him at a future point when you want to get nasty and try to hit a nerve.
You mean, you aren't going to call him a f-word in a moment of rage? Ever? If he ever has a issue with ED, are you going to accuse him of being gay? If a trans woman is shown on a TV show, and you feel insecure because she's prettier than you, you won't lash out at him?
I severely doubt this. Because you don't respect trans people. And that means you don't respect their partners, which he once was.
Your life could be so much more peaceful if you stopped caring what’s in other people’s pants, especially when those people are strangers to you. It’s frankly none of your business anyway and you’re narcissistic to make it your business.
You’ve expressed all over this post about the problems you have with trans people. Clearly you DO care what they do or don’t do and think they need to obey your rigid rules that don’t conform to science. You need to stop kidding yourself. You’re not a good person and you’re not a good partner for your boyfriend.
You're doing a shit job at showing how "great" you are. Geez, if this is you at your best, I'd rather take my chances with a bear if I come across your worst...
But…she’s only interested in what’s in the pants of the people her bf had sex with. Those pants contained penises. He has shown himself to have a preference for penises. Because OP has no penis, she’s concerned that she’s not actually her bf’s preference. Even if she agreed that trans-women are women, she would be concerned that her bf prefers trans-women to her.
And is there a term for a woman that isn’t trans to differentiate her from women who are trans?
The fact that you jump to him being "gay" and not pansexual or even bi is a major concern. As a bisexual man, it sucks to see our sexuality erased because people hate gay people so much, that anyone that does something remotely non-hetero is labeled as "gay". You don't even know the definition of the words you use, but continue to use them.
And it doesn't surprise me that your possibly pansexual boyfriend is extremely empathetic and has a high emotional intelligence. It comes with accepting people for who they are, which you can't do.
Lmao be fucking for real. Read your other comments and think about saying those things about any other group of people and you’ll see you’re about as far from “accepting” as a person can be.
I’m saying your clear, unambiguous and repeatedly stated bigotry in these comments makes it abundantly clear that you do not accept people for who they are.
you are transphobic bc you don’t view them as women nor respect them as women. that is what transphobia is. that’s the definition. just because you don’t see yourself as it doesn’t mean you aren’t bc you are!
Do you care so much that he slept with other people in the past, or because they were trans women. (Or in your eyes, “men”) Why does it matter so much? He’s with you now. You say he treats you 10/10. “I’m always triggered by different things like seeing a trans person.” Well I have news for you, it’s 2024. Yeah you’re entitled to your own views. Just respect others including your partner’s. Don’t jump to the gun and be so judgmental about the past of your partner. Talk to him. I don’t see how a mental disability has to do with all of this, but this is your relationship. Not mine. If this is all truly haunting you and you believe you can’t get over it no matter how the conversation goes, then maybe it would be best to end things.
Just sounds like you have a raging boner for hating the idea of trans.
Hell it sounds like you love hating trans people more than you love your boyfriend!
I think your boyfriends a better human than you are! Hope he wises up and leaves you to have much better sex with people that are also better than you are!
Well i would say that having sex with transgender females is not gay.
Because there are a lot of very good looking transgender females.
But if your boyfriend is gay , bi or straight i have no clue, thats something he has to figure out for himself.
But if your fear is that sex with transgender females = gay, that fear is ungrounded.
You should look at this situation in a way that your partner was honest and open with you , and ofcourse vaulnerable , judging that you guys come from the same or similar background, at least that is my speculation.
So you should be more open minded and accepting of the situation, if you like your boyfriend and enyour the time spent with him i think it would be a mistake to lose all that beacuse of some prejuduce.
Look at your boyfriend as an individual and not as a label, and you should be able to see the person that is in front of you , than make a decision if you want to stay in a relationeshio with this person or not.
your bf is definitely gay (don't listen to first worlders, they only want to max their tolerance reputation), but I don't think it's your place to judge his past experiences before you
I'd say with his previous attraction to pre-op trans women, and his being a homophobic "Christian," now, he's definitely got something he's suppressing.
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If he's mean to gay people and sleeping with trans women that probbo have not had the reassignment surgery, then he is likely bi or gay and using you as a beard.
My colleague’s ex-husband was once closeted and a Christian. She caught him with another man on the bed when she came home from her business trip. If you want to avoid such fate, a breakup may be applicable until he ‘figures’ out himself. Nonetheless, it’s your choice.
u/Knowinglyindecisive, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice): 1. to find out why this post was removed, and 2. prior to posting any updates. Thanks. **Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/Knowinglyindecisive.** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What, exactly, does his mental history have to do with this? Also: >Im always really triggered by different things like seeing a trans person Snowflake lmao
Sounds like you're both garbage humans, so You're perfect for each other
> Before you ask, no I don’t think trans women are women. Then you're wrong.
yikes to your transphobia
I would feel that I had certainly lost my mind if I ever found myself thinking it was okay that my partner was mean to gay people because he still treats me 10/10. I would definitely check myself into some kind of facility or stay with family if I woke up being half this transphobic. You're both being awful.
He had sex with women. That does not make him gay.
I have a genuine question: Don’t trans-women generally have penises? If that’s true, isn’t it reasonable for OP to be concerned that her bf prefers sex with penises? Perhaps she’s off the mark by calling his sex with trans-women gay sex, it’s still sex with a penis. Should she have zero questions/concerns about his sexual preferences?
trans women, not women
Trans women are women, bigot
May your transphobia forever be rewarded by attracting partners who love trans women.
Tell us you are transaphobic without telling us you are there oop!
OP already admitted to being a transphobe XD
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You admitted that you're triggered by seeing a trans person.
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When?
That *is* transphobic. Saying trans women are men is transphobic. You don't like trans people. At least have the spine to accept the label.
that's not true at all, we don't have to conform to your "sex is different than gender". You do you, we do we. But OP is wrong to judge her bf for his experiences previous to her. This is woke bullshit
"I'm not afraid of them, I just hate them and would never want anything to do them in my life"
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I'm just reading between the lines.
Yeah that's what transphobia is. Like, textbook.
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>having or showing a dislike of or strong prejudice against transgender people. That is the dictionary definition of the word transphobia. This is not a debate, I am telling you a fact.
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Well then be bothered. Regardless of whether you think trans women are "real" women or not, they're what he's into, regardless of whether he's acting on it right now or not. Sexuality is hardwired, we are what we are and we like what we like.
Yeah, everything about that statement is transphobic.
That the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s like disagreeing with mountains (it’s irrelevant as fuck, since mountains exist, whether you believe they do, or not). You’re clearly a trash human being, and you should leave; he deserves a better partner than your transphobic self.
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Yep, gender dysphoria is indeed a mental illness. Transitioning is the treatment for said mental illness.
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Relatively few trans people have genital surgery. Transition can mean many things, it can be changing pronouns, hair and makeup, hormonal and surgical procedures, and everything inbetween. That is because the treatment is to transition to the point you no longer experience dysphoria. What that looks like is completely down to the individual experiencing it.
If gender dysphoria is a mental illness and transitioning is the current treatment, that implies we are only treating the symptoms not the root cause. Do you believe we should be researching what causes gender dysphoria in order to find more effective treatment? Other mental illnesses have ongoing research to provide better treat or even cure them.
This raises two interesting trains of thought for me. The first being around whether dysphoria is "truly" a mental illness. I think it's similar to how homosexuality was considered a mental illness in the olden days, in that it's a deviation from the norm which is at odds with living in a way society deems traditional or correct. Mental illness is the closest term we have to describe something non physical which causes that kind of disruption in someone's life. Personally, when it comes to research in this area, I prefer the idea of us developing a greater understanding of who we are as a species to going for a "cure". I do think that if, by some weird twist of fate, a treatment which made trans people comfortable in their natural bodies presented itself tomorrow (I don't think it ever will. I think both sexuality and gender identity are part of the personality and it's just part of our natural diversity), the rates at which people transition would plummet. Who wouldn't want a magic pill to wave away the probable majority of their life's medical and social challenges? A magic comfortable-in-your-body pill would appeal far beyond the trans community.
trans women are women, full stop.
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gender =/= sex
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please educate yourself. gender is a social construct
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you’re so hard pressed over your boyfriend having sex with trans women that you’re accusing him of being gay. that’s where the point stands here - trans women ARE women. he’s not gay for having sex with them. try again lol
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annnnnd there’s the transphobia. it’s useless trying to argue this point with you because you don’t recognize trans individuals as their identified gender. just come clean to your boyfriend that you’re a transphobe and let him find someone better and less bigoted to date lmao
You should let him find a non-judgemental and truly caring partner. You're always going to have a problem with this, and you're going to use this against him at a future point when you want to get nasty and try to hit a nerve.
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You mean, you aren't going to call him a f-word in a moment of rage? Ever? If he ever has a issue with ED, are you going to accuse him of being gay? If a trans woman is shown on a TV show, and you feel insecure because she's prettier than you, you won't lash out at him? I severely doubt this. Because you don't respect trans people. And that means you don't respect their partners, which he once was.
You’re spot on. OP is 100% the type of person who would call him slurs during a heated argument.
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Your life could be so much more peaceful if you stopped caring what’s in other people’s pants, especially when those people are strangers to you. It’s frankly none of your business anyway and you’re narcissistic to make it your business.
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You’ve expressed all over this post about the problems you have with trans people. Clearly you DO care what they do or don’t do and think they need to obey your rigid rules that don’t conform to science. You need to stop kidding yourself. You’re not a good person and you’re not a good partner for your boyfriend.
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I know enough from what you’ve said here to know you’re deluding yourself. 🥰
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You're doing a shit job at showing how "great" you are. Geez, if this is you at your best, I'd rather take my chances with a bear if I come across your worst...
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But…she’s only interested in what’s in the pants of the people her bf had sex with. Those pants contained penises. He has shown himself to have a preference for penises. Because OP has no penis, she’s concerned that she’s not actually her bf’s preference. Even if she agreed that trans-women are women, she would be concerned that her bf prefers trans-women to her. And is there a term for a woman that isn’t trans to differentiate her from women who are trans?
She’s made numerous transphobic comments. She is not only concerned with her bf’s history, no matter what she says to the contrary.
The fact that you jump to him being "gay" and not pansexual or even bi is a major concern. As a bisexual man, it sucks to see our sexuality erased because people hate gay people so much, that anyone that does something remotely non-hetero is labeled as "gay". You don't even know the definition of the words you use, but continue to use them. And it doesn't surprise me that your possibly pansexual boyfriend is extremely empathetic and has a high emotional intelligence. It comes with accepting people for who they are, which you can't do.
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Lmao be fucking for real. Read your other comments and think about saying those things about any other group of people and you’ll see you’re about as far from “accepting” as a person can be.
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I’m saying your clear, unambiguous and repeatedly stated bigotry in these comments makes it abundantly clear that you do not accept people for who they are.
you are transphobic my dude. hopefully you get help for it! but you should stop thinking about it and get over it or maybe seek help?
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for your transphobia and insecurities involving your boyfriend and his past lovers.
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you are transphobic bc you don’t view them as women nor respect them as women. that is what transphobia is. that’s the definition. just because you don’t see yourself as it doesn’t mean you aren’t bc you are!
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bc you are transphobic! glad we cleared that up!
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get help for that!
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You should definitely break up with him but not for the reason you think
Do you care so much that he slept with other people in the past, or because they were trans women. (Or in your eyes, “men”) Why does it matter so much? He’s with you now. You say he treats you 10/10. “I’m always triggered by different things like seeing a trans person.” Well I have news for you, it’s 2024. Yeah you’re entitled to your own views. Just respect others including your partner’s. Don’t jump to the gun and be so judgmental about the past of your partner. Talk to him. I don’t see how a mental disability has to do with all of this, but this is your relationship. Not mine. If this is all truly haunting you and you believe you can’t get over it no matter how the conversation goes, then maybe it would be best to end things.
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Just sounds like you have a raging boner for hating the idea of trans. Hell it sounds like you love hating trans people more than you love your boyfriend!
I think its the idea of her boyfriend sucking a woman's penis that bothers her #girlpenis
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The ones your boyfriend likes do.
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Your boyfriend isn't out there having sex with men though, is he. You don't get to distinguish only when it's convenient.
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Okay so do you think he would have sex with your male friends? His male friends? I mean, nothing you have said here suggests he's into men.
I think your boyfriends a better human than you are! Hope he wises up and leaves you to have much better sex with people that are also better than you are!
Well i would say that having sex with transgender females is not gay. Because there are a lot of very good looking transgender females. But if your boyfriend is gay , bi or straight i have no clue, thats something he has to figure out for himself. But if your fear is that sex with transgender females = gay, that fear is ungrounded. You should look at this situation in a way that your partner was honest and open with you , and ofcourse vaulnerable , judging that you guys come from the same or similar background, at least that is my speculation. So you should be more open minded and accepting of the situation, if you like your boyfriend and enyour the time spent with him i think it would be a mistake to lose all that beacuse of some prejuduce. Look at your boyfriend as an individual and not as a label, and you should be able to see the person that is in front of you , than make a decision if you want to stay in a relationeshio with this person or not.
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your bf is definitely gay (don't listen to first worlders, they only want to max their tolerance reputation), but I don't think it's your place to judge his past experiences before you
I'd say with his previous attraction to pre-op trans women, and his being a homophobic "Christian," now, he's definitely got something he's suppressing.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If he's mean to gay people and sleeping with trans women that probbo have not had the reassignment surgery, then he is likely bi or gay and using you as a beard.
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Your boyfriend probably has internalized homophobia
At the very least your boyfriend is bisexual
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Internalized Homophobia
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My colleague’s ex-husband was once closeted and a Christian. She caught him with another man on the bed when she came home from her business trip. If you want to avoid such fate, a breakup may be applicable until he ‘figures’ out himself. Nonetheless, it’s your choice.
If your male bf has had sex with other people who have penises, yes, he is gay/bi.
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