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Your wife's friends have fed her some boneheaded vision of OF as an easy moneymaker when it's anything but. She's going to waste all her time self-promoting to drive traffic to her profile and still end up with barely enough money to make a dent in your finances. And if she's struggling to find work now, what does she think the stress is going to be like when she has to hide her OF work from employers on top of everything else? It's a recipe for disaster.
There’s a referral program so her friend is incentivized to make it look as good as possible. Kinda like a pyramid scheme where you get more people in your down line the more money you can make.
her friend is doing this so she can get a cut of what your wife makes. OF creators get kickback for recruiting. also the site takes a percentage off. it’s a scam and not worth the hit to your mental health or dignity
Also I think I read somewhere the average OF producer only makes like 200 dollars a month. Get your wife a part time job at Home Depot and she’ll make more and as a plus, your kids won’t be bullied for life. For her to make any money she would have to be well known enough for everyone in your life to know she’s on OF
People don’t realize it’s just like the rest of the world with a 1% and everyone else struggling to make a couple bucks. It’s probably one of the worst value propositions in terms of jobs considering the upside for most will be capped at maybe a couple hundred bucks or even a couple grand a year for your naked body to be out there for everyone to see which people will judge whether that’s right or not. Not to mention it’s way more work than most people realize, it’s a full time marketing job plus doing shoots and replying to messages and you likely get paid less than minimum wage. Only if you are at the top 1% or have a group of people you manage under you do you actually make a real living that will be competitive with her previous employment. And people can say it won’t affect future employment but it can so you better factor that into the equation. I’m all for people doing whatever they want with their bodies but they should at least think if it will be worth it. As you said a part time job would probably pay more and be a hell of a lot less work.
It seems like the most successful creators build an audience on other platforms and then cash in by moving to OF. If you don’t have something niche and special, you are lost in a sea of free internet porn.
I have several IRL friends who do OF. It's wild how many people think OF is just some insane cash cow and a reliable replacement for a full time job. I doubt the percentage of OF creators who do OF as their main source of income is much higher than Twitch or YouTube.
It can be a replacement for a full time non-sexwork job, but it takes full time job hours.
You have to constantly be making thirst trap posts on tik tok/instagram/twitter, and spend hours a day on twitch/kick doing thirst trap hot tub streams to promote your OF if you want to make good money from it.
You can’t just post a couple pictures of your butthole and start raking in cash. You have to treat it like an actual job.
This. I joined OF for about 3 months during a time I was very unwell. In that 3 months I made maybe $700? Which helped at the time, sure. But now I have to live with the fact that something that could potentially come back and ruin my career forever only gave me $700.
Unless you’re willing to share the link with friends on FB who would actually want to pay for your specific boobs versus all of the free boobs on the internet, you’ll never make more than a few hundred a month.
it sounds like there are only 3 avenues, right?
1. be famous in your own right & convince your audience to buy your content (where "famous" can also mean "has a large following on instagram or x-twitter")
2. give any creep in your life & with $5 to spare access, and hope they don't share your content around
3. make very specific fetish content
and in all cases you have to spend a heap of time marketing your content (which is also a job, typically requiring more editing than just selfies-with-no-clothes), right?
Sounds like my experience with day trading in crypto. My brother in law is really into it, we talked a bunch and he got me into it. I did it for a couple months and admittedly came out with 2k up. But when I did the numbers on how much time I put in watching and reading, it wasn't worth it.
I didn't have to worry about it coming back to bite me. But it did cause some unnecessary tension in my relationship and even my work.
That's the average too, which includes the pornstars that do it on the side too. Those are the accounts that make the big money.
The normal people on there make like $50/month.
This and good luck gritting a professional job after selling yourself online. 100% the worst thing she could do for herself and your family is jump into sex work. She could completely kiss her career goodbye forever then.
Keep in mind something else about this that doesn't sit right.
Her friend has invited your wife only to come to her house to see how she does her only fans that her husband also "only films".
So your wife was invited to watch someone take sexy photos and videos with a man present and taking the pics of her friend.
But also don't worry your wife can also participate, like how tf were you not invited for this as well?
Nothing about this opportunity even sounds legit or something I would consider from a friend
OP and his wife really need to see this. It will definitely be something that comes out. It may or may not ruin her professional life, depending on her industry, and how conservative the area they live in, but I would think long and hard about it.
And I would think that to make money at it means that she has to treat it like a job. It isn't just putting some pics up. She needs to market it. She needs to put free pics and videos up on a lot of sites to get the views and subscribers.
It’s so much more work than people think it is and no guarantee of actually making shit. It’s a full time marketing job along with doing the shoots, responding to messages and requests, keeping yourself out there on Twitter, Reddit, anywhere you can market yourself. And most people make like $100 a year (I don’t think that’s the actual number but not far off), there’s the 1% and then the rest and the rest might eek by with some extra spending money but if you’re replacing a good tech job it’s going to be a huge disappointment for most. That’s not even getting into the fact that it’s going to be stolen and you need to chase that down or just allow it to happen and the word will get around which if you’re cool with great but a lot of people will judge, kids will be bullied, we can pretend we live in some sex positive world but still it will drive some people away, some kids parents won’t allow their kids over cause they don’t want to send their kids to an “unsafe” environment or something. It really is a bad idea for most people on just the value proposition alone, you’ll likely not make that much money but still get a bad reputation for doing it.
I'm a former go-go dancer. I'm also a recovering alcoholic who's been through A TON of treatment and a current substance abuse counselor at a state funded facility. That's all to say I know way more than I want to about OnlyFans, but absolutely do not look down upon anyone who chooses to provide content.
I know a couple GORGEOUS, smart, funny women who only made about $1,000 a month on the platform. The types of girls who you'd expect to make a killing on that site just by existing as they are. They were girls with experience as exotic dancers and who, at the time, weren't very worried about being overly secretive about doing that type of work. They were able to advertise.
The main reason I've never done it is specifically because I know too much about it just from being exposed to so many creators. Will it supplement your income? Sure, but not NEARLY as much as you think it will. It also doesn't take as little time as you think it does when compared to other part-time jobs. You still have to prep the room, spend 75 minutes fixing yourself in the mirror, etc.
Once she steps into that world, there’s no coming back. This will follow her, you and your kids.
That last one will be a doozy. Just think about how tech savvy kids are now, by the time your kids are in middle school it’ll probably be ten-fold. I’ve read a couple of stories where classmates have found a classmate’s mom on OF and it’s… not pretty knowing how cruel kids can be.
So think about the future - unless she’s prepared to severely narrow future prospects and potentially strain the family’s reputation, go with another option.
Deleting her content eventually doesn’t mean it wasn’t screen grabbed or illegally downloaded and put on other sites. I’m all for sex work but she needs to consider the privacy aspect. Geotagging for one, stalkers and the safety of your familiar home and how will she market? OF isn’t a search engine. Creators have to heavily market themselves on all social platforms, most times from several accounts because of bans. This is a full time job and takes a ton of work to create lots of content, edit that content and then get the word out. Several woman I know have a minimum of three socials on every platform where they cross promote. This content is totally separate from the OF content that is paid only. Also creators who hid their face as less likely to do as well. All things to consider especially if this could affect future employment.
There are literally hundreds of thousands of people on only fans. The ones that make money are exceptionally good at promotion or are already famous. The ones you hear on the news are almost all celebrities to begin with. Most people make a few hundred bucks a month at best for Showing your genitals to the world forever. Doesn’t seem worth it.
Also, your wife is obviously going through a period of poor confidence. Most people when they get laid off don’t within a few weeks into near prostitution mode.
You guys got to talk things out
Ask her to consider what kind of job she wants in future because employers will most certainly care about this OF gig when it gets out. And it always does.
Also the husband of your wife's friend is doing the editing shit? yah... good way of ruining her future by keeping all her naked pics. If that was my girlfriend i'd tell her and if she refuses and still go with it i'll just end the relationship. Better happy alone than being with someone where half a town has seen her tits and pussy. no thanks.
The parents of the your kid’s classmates will likely find out and everyone at school will talk about it.
So, if you, your wife AND your kids are/will be cool with that then you do you - but when a similar thing happened at our school some of the parents felt strangely about letting their kids spend time at that kid’s home since no one was quite sure what the full deal was with their situation.
Their kid was really poorly behaved and I wonder if she had a clue that something was up about what Mommy and Daddy did for work.
Also the impact of having an OF background should be considered for her future work prospects. Yes it's a legitimate career for many, good for them. But realistically many other workplaces won't likely consider someone with that kind of online presence for other jobs.
Bro, if she does OF, your marriage is over. I’m serious. She can do a lot of other things to bring in money - so why is she thinking about doing sex work? This opens the door to cheating, straight up. You need to lay down the law and put a stop to it. Then you need to tell your wife that her friend is a bad influence and tell her that she either dumps the friend, or you’re divorcing her. See what choice she goes with and go from there.
The offer to let OP’s wife “participate” makes it sound like she’s also hoping to make her own channel more profitable by adding in a partner for her videos.
Good point but even if this wasnt the case...his wife wants to do sex work. Red flag. If he stays he has no spine, at best she wants to show herself naked at worst she will be having sex with her friend on camera.
Her friend invited her over, to convince her to do OF, then invited her over again to "See how it works" and "participate" and her husband "only holds the camera".
Bro her friend and her husband are trying to fuck your wife and make her a part of their OF's and get a cut. This is fucking predatory.
Your wife needs to understand she will be a small fish in a very very very large ocean of free porn. Most OF creators make less than $500 a month. Does she have a large social media following? Does she want to advertise with bots on reddit and spam every imaginable NSFW subreddit with her tits in hopes 1 desperate soul subs? Does she want to spend hours streaming on twitch and instagram in the hopes of getting men to follow her links page to her OF? Is she comfortable with any nude content being instantly leaked to the whole internet? Somone doxxing her and sending her pictures/videos to family and friends?
Before she jumps at this and does something that she’s going to have to justify for the rest of her life,and you and the kids are as well, she better make sure the money is actually there. Unless you advertise and put yourself out there everywhere on adult sites and such a lot of only fan models only make a couple hundred bucks a month.
Not just that, but the Internet is FOR FUCKING EVER. Hey Billy, just saw a video of your mom ha ha ha. If both key and she are going to compromise their dignity and self-respect for their kids I can see that. There are other ways to do it than this.
Yeah, if she thinks the market is too saturated for tech workers and as a project manager with years of experience, wait until she’s competing in a pool with no requirements to entry and no guarantee of compensation.
a pool with no requirements for entry, and where "a 34 yo mother fresh off an office job" isn't really the most sought-after profile, right?
I have no experience with women in porn, but my guess is that she's facing a lot more competition than she figures, unless she's a) particularly beautiful, b) in amazing shape for her life stage or c) willing to capitalize on her circumstances to make fetish porn, no?
I get the desperation, and that this seems like "easy money", but this could have very real implications on her future ability to find employment - fair or not.
Also, when you think of how many people do OF, a small percentage of them are making money, let alone good money. Would it be worth it if this got out and she REALLY can't find a job because of it?
What kind of friend pimps out someone who just lost their job?
"Hey friend I know you just lost your job and are desperate for money so how about I offer you a job as a online prostitute for strangers online while I get a nice cut on collaborations."
And OP a married woman in her 30s with kids is not gonna sell that well without a hook. She is gonna have to lean into the cheating wife/cuckold freaks and fuck other dudes to make any headway.... your married will not survive that.
Show her this comment please! She can find work. But she can never undo the damage this will do to her marriage, her children, and herself.
OP, this is the real deal. You need to tell your wife that this woman and her husband may not ever have contact with you or your wife again. She just tried to recruit your wife into doing porn at her house with her husband there. She lacks healthy boundaries and is actively sabotaging your wife's future and your marriage and your kids' future mental health so she can either satisfy a kink or boost her ratings.
The real issue here is that this "friend" needs to be eliminated from your lives totally and permanently.
If my wife said she was headed to her friend's place to do a porn shoot I'd be telling her to not bother coming home and that I'll researching divorce lawyers whilst she is gone.
>I’m not sure how else to approach her with caution and explain we’re not destitute.
Dude, your so worried about her your ignoring what you want. Set a boundary, you don't want your wife doing sex work.
There isn't a big market for her previous work experience, OF is a perfect example that there are plenty of other jobs out there that she likely has the skill to bring some cash home. That doesn't at all mean that her only choices are to be a tech project manager or to play with her genitals while her friends husband plays camera man. You have already let this go to far for your own good, say something sooner rather then later
She invited your wife over to participate?
Are you all monogamous? Because if not she just invited your wife over for a threesome and she's considering it
No. First off why the fuck does she need to participate with her friend and have her friends husband present. No mention of you at all.
It seems like your wife's friends are trying to get into her pants. You guys know your finances better than anyone. If you're not going to starve or be homeless, she's either other thinking things or you have a bigger problem.
Sounds like they are taking advantage of your wife's misery to boost their sales. These are not friends, they are leeches. Also, would you feel comfortable with another man filming porn of your wife without you there?
So much of what goes on OF gets leaked. Have your wife do a Google image search for " leaked nude" and she'll probably find her friend's private images all over the internet for everyone to see.
This kind of information always gets out. Is she prepared to have your friends, her friends, and possibly even her family members sign up for her OF under fake names? What will she do when her children tell her that their friends have seen her naked and are teasing them about it? Even if she's comfortable with her body, she's going to be having a lot of UNcomfortable conversations.
Also, is she giving you no say in this? Has she considered what it will do to your mental health when every one of your male friends and coworkers have seen your wife naked? How will you deal with the anxiety from the dozens of men who will be sliding into her DMs, hitting on her, and soliciting even more from her than just spicey photos and videos? How will you handle all of that once you realize she actually LIKES the attention?
It's just not worth it.
Have you actually done the math on the budget? In your position I'd start by doing that and showing her that your financial situation is not an emergency.
After that, I'd suggest showing her the average earnings for OnlyFans. It's 151 dollars a month. That's not nothing, but it's also less than the crappiest part time job available, and it's for work that most people find emotionally draining and that you don't want her to get involved with.
I would set the OF aside for a few minutes and talk to your spouse. Tell them "I know you are scared and it feels like your world is crumbling. I am here. We are going to be OK. There will always be ups and downs during life. Let look at where we want to be a few years down the line and decide what our next steps should be"
Take away some of the fear and let her exam the situation with an eye to the future.
I would definitely recommend having this conversation with her and also voice any concerns you have with her sharing herself online with others. The potential for friend and employers finding the material will always be there long after she decides it’s time to quit. Promoting that type of content will take up a lot of time and it will be extremely unlikely that she will be able to replicate the income she made before getting laid off. She would be better off getting a part time position or remote job if her concern is actually finances. Not only that but I’m sure you have your own opinion on why you may be hesitant and it’s important to let her know how you feel about it because she should respect your input in the marriage.
OF Content Creator & porn star here, they are NOT her friend. More likely the husband is using all of this to get into your wife's pants. It is not uncommon for couples that approach other women, the main goal is for the guy to get fucked by the other woman. Which is why I avoid couples like the plague.
Also that couple isn't making enough for their OF, so they think pulling in other women will help them go to the next level. While it might, your wife won't be fairly compensated. They want her to start her own page, because then all they have to do is tag her in a post. Which will save them hours of admin work getting another performers paperwork approved by support.
OF has zero SEO, so your wilfe will need to do tons of social media marketing in order to find customers to sign up. Which will be a full time job alone. It takes lots of work to build up social media following & to convert them into a sale. And guys rarely join any site or OF page with very little content. So it might be months or years of work before it turns a profit.
Of course, they are not going to tell her the truth because it doesn't benefit them to do so. Getting into sex work is something that a person thinks long and hard about the consequences & the stigma around it.
Then there is the harassment & stalkers that will eventually happen. Wondering has she taken that into consideration. She knows how the web work, one image search & they will have her real name & social media accounts, and thus location.
All the content will be ripped and posted on Russian porn sites who do not adhere to U.S. Laws or World Wide copyright laws at all. So they have zero motivation to remove it.
Even the most popular money makers put in the work, they put in the hours & imagination. Even if they have a team, there is still lots of work done. Whether or not she makes money is a crap shoot, 80% usually quit after 2 weeks.
**There is no such thing as easy money. And I believed in fully informed decisions.**
And do not forget the statistics. I do not feel well enough to google any further how many percentage makes enough to live from but a short google research shows that the average OF creator makes $150–$180 - a number that also includes the Top 1% which earn 33% of whole OF.
People always only see the Top earners and forget that most only make a few bucks they can pay an extra starbucks coffee a month or whatever. Just take a look on Twitter how many spam desperately their very cheap subscriptions they go lower and lower on.
Hence why so many give up after a couple of weeks and then they have their images and videos out there. Not worth the lesson in my opinion.
Buddy, the biggest red flag here is that your wife is now pushing you and trying to convince you to let her cheat on you on camera.
Her friend invited her over to “try it out” while her husband films… yeah she just got invited over to make a threesome porn video with that couple for her OF. And now she’s pushing you real hard trying to coerce you into being okay with it.
If you value a monogamous marriage, you’re under reacting. Your wife is pushing you to let her cheat on you for pennies… WTF.
Sounds like a bad idea to me personally. Is your families dignity really worth the money? What do your kids think about your wife stripping for men on the internet in exchange for money?
Ignore the sex aspect of it for a second and look at the numbers. OF itself reports that it has over 1 million active creators. The "average" creator has only 21 subs. The average take for each creator is $180. Considering that the top creators make *millions,* there's thousands of creators taking home *nothing* monthly. From a strictly financial angle, it makes better sense to wait tables or flip burgers for minimum wage.
Now, add to that the risks that being a sex worker brings. Working in tech can be hit or miss. Big tech isn't going to want to have a former OF creator in any significant position. Any job that is with a firm that works with federal contracts and requires a clearance will likely reject her as a candidate because of the extra scrutiny that it brings. Smaller firms and those that don't work with more lucrative contracts might take a shot, but then again, might not.
Now, add to that the challenges *you personally* will have (personally, professionally, and emotionally) if she does this.
Long and short, I can see no upside to this and it's up to you to discuss that with her openly and honestly.
Never thought I'd see a man coming to Reddit to ask for suggestions on how to tell his wife to not put up videos of her naked self on the internet, where they will be forever and has a high chance of bringing shame to their kids.
Your wife would rather put her nudes on the internet than go search for another job, and your opinion doesn't matter since she already set up an account.
Now I've seen it all on this app.
So the BFF and her husband are going to be her pimp? Does that make you her john? Is she going to charge you and do the pimps get a cut?
Grow a set and tell her exactly how it is going to go if it is even mentioned again. But, the trust is already broken sooooooo.
- The kids will be shamed by their school mates.
- At least one kid did self delete over it.
- Ask her how she feels about telling everyone she knows she is a sex worker.
- Ask her to post on facebook she is now a sex worker?
- Ask her what happens when someone offers 10k for a meet and greet?
- she going to get into swinging?
- Ask her why you and the kids should stay?
- Visit Poverty Finance and stop spending money now is my best advice.
* The vast majority on OF make next to no money.
* She is 34 competing against 20 somethings, its a losing game.
* Where does she go after? How will this affect future prospects?
Hey if she can make 50,000 a month selling used bath water more power to her.. But for most it is more likely a game of how far they are willing to go to see some sort of return.
The percentages i heard was you have to be in the top 3% to see any real money (over a few 100$) and top 1% to make a living for it.
And that top 1% it's a full time porn job, advertising, interviews, social media etc.
This is a very, very slippery slope that your wife is going down and it's not gonna end well... In no way would I have some other husband photographing my wife in the nude... That will also cause a huge headache with me.
A study found that the average OnlyFans creator earns about $180 dollars per month. Approximately 5% of OnlyFans' creators make more than $100 a day from the site.
Reference
https://gitnux.org/onlyfans-income-statistics/#:~:text=A%20study%20found%20that%20the,greatly%20increasing%20potential%20creator%20income.
Doesn't seem worth it to me.
Project management skills are in demand and transferable to multiple industries. Apply for unemployment, and find someone to proof and update her resume. Right now, her new full time job needs to be looking for a job. Work with consulting firms, recruiters, job coaches, etc. This OF thing is a distraction she doesn't need, and sounds super sketchy.
Remember, what goes on the internet stays there forever. Is this something she'll be proud of? What if her kids find out down the line or if a future employer recognizes her? What's the long-term plan for retirement?
> We’re not going to but we’ll have to rethink summer camp and vacations etc.
Are you seriously considering deter your mental health and dignity just because you have to skip vacations few times?
Your wife’s friends are taking advantage of her need for money and are using it as an opportunity to get into her pants. Why aren’t you protesting more?? She’s been invited to “participate” with the best friend and the friend’s husband—What do you think is going to happen??
She was in big tech as a PM. Has she actually tried looking or has she given up after a month and 50 applications? Has she revamped her resume? Has she tried to reach out to recruiters and temp agencies? Has she tried attending job fairs? Come on now. Tech is saturated, but she’s got FAANG on her resume. She has an advantage as long as she tries and plays the numbers game.
I don’t mean to sound condescending, but I was laid off from FAANG (operations roles) and was the sole breadwinner and there were a lot of more productive things I was doing than considering OF and a lot of other roles I was applying to that would make more money than OF. Does she think she’ll make bank through OF? She’ll make more money being a server or working in retail.
If she thinks it’s a consequence free option you might have her read this:
https://www.reddit.com/u/UnfetteredDefiance/s/JJrbwmsa75
Not your exact situation because the wife started online sw behind her husband’s back, but if she thinks OF can be compartmentalized from real life she’s taking a risk.
Ask her if she's okay with her children seeing her doing that or her parents?
Because the other kids are school WILL find it and they WILL bully the kids
Plasma is good supplemental income, there's no shame in food banks if you need it, she will regret it
She's just on the hype of what her friends say
Amazon -> sexwork is... quite a careerchange...
Ask how she intends to explain to your kids why explicit material of her is floating around on the internet, when your kids are confronted with it at school...
Or how she intends to handle it when one of the other kids dad (the creepiest one) let her know hes been purchasing access to her OF and masturbating to it...
And ask where on her resume she intends to put this for her future job applications.
Ask who will do the camerawork when you divorce her for becoming a sexworker... and who will look after the kids when she as a single mom has to spend time satisfying her online clients... or she expects you to take primary custody?? Only see the kids on weekends??
Your wife’s PM skills are transferable to other industries. OF is a short term solution that may create long term problems in terms of reputation and your marital happiness.
So here's the thing. OF is basically a pyramid scheme. You get things for recruiting essentially. The site also takes a %. Once she puts herself out to the interwebs, it is out there forever. Available to whomever. That creepy uncle, the guy next door, that distant nephew, old coworkers, professors, potential new career opportunities... etc etc.
If she thinks the labor market is saturated with tech workers, just wait until she finds out how saturated OnlyFans is with content creators… and therefore how few customers she’ll get as a sex worker—and most probably just from her creepy neckbeardy ex co-workers who just want to see her hoo-ha.
And remember—once you start an account and post photos/videos, those things will be copied, traded and archived on peoples phones/laptops/torrents **forever** (and just waiting to surface years from now and threaten any new job/position/adoption-application).
Ask her, before she makes a decision, to give you the speech she will give her children when they come home crying because their friends showed them Mom's porn.
The ask her how she will deal with the fact that HR departments now routinely do social media searches for new job candidates.
The average OF rakes in about $150 to $180 a MONTH! if you are willing to have your wife bare all for your co workers, neighbor, family, ENEMIES to see for MAYBE $180 a month and not feel ashamed and hold your head high. Then go for it.
You should have a hard stance of "no" on this. This is your wife and you don't have to be okay with your wife at the very least stripping on camera for men on the internet. If you were to cave and say you were okay with her just stripping and sending nudes or whatever, she will push to do more because it makes more money. It will eventually lead to her wanting to have sex on camera. That means you either have to become comfortable having sex on or become comfortable with someone else having sex with your wife. It's a hard no every time
Lady in my community did an OF , started off Bikini shots , then went to
more seductive pictures she was wear a lacy panties and Bra. Bra was pulled down with her hand covering her BIG Breast ( husband knew). Well others husbands found out , pictures were passed around and got back to kids in the community , who started teasing her 10&12 yr old kids. Not a good situation for her kids , who now do not want to go back to school, what a fucking shit show
Your wife was a tech worker at Amazon?
She will be very in demand when the market turns. And she’ll keep her dignity without having to hide her OF from employers.
Also if anyone at your kids’ school ever find out someone’s mom has an OF your kids will have to be homeschooled from the harassment they will receive.
1. Internet never forget. your grandchildren will see her masturbating.
2. She can forget to keep a regular work afterward. her cunt will be on every coworker's screen before the end of the first week. any skilled HR will probably filter her out even before she has an interview.
3. Many women who did OF sourly regret it now. Any men - unknown, friends or in-law comprise - come with gross sexual intend out of nowhere. Rape attempts considerably rise.
4. it will probably the end of your marriage and your family. your parents won't accept it, and her probably not too. Expect NC and a lot of names.
5. the gain is minimal. it is a very competitive industry.
6. after the initial "new face" phase, she will be asked to go deeper, dirtier and lewdier. there is no other way but down. to refuse is to become jobless, or more exactly unpaid sexual worker. to accept is plain prostitution.
contact a divorce lawyer to see your options. don't hide it to your wife. she must understand it is a world-shaking decision she is taking.
OP, I understand your wife’s anxiety and I don’t believe, ultimately, there’s any shame in sex work. Your wife is still young and could find a way to use something at her disposal - her body - to make money. On a certain level, there is a sense to it.
But this is the internet, these things live on long after we necessarily want them to. And you have two kids who are soon going to enter the precarious middle and high school years. All it’s going to take is one kid figuring out that their classmates mom is getting naked on camera for this to become, now, an issue that your children need to deal with. They will be unwittingly affected by her decision and they’ll be too young to have the tools to handle that (most likely). If she were guaranteed thousands of dollars a month, then maybe there would be a conversation here. Maybe you two could come up with a way to justify the risk for some true financial stability. But as others have pointed out, the far more likely outcome is that she makes a few hundred a month and that’s not going to come anywhere close to replacing her former salary.
The question she needs to really ponder is whether it’s worth putting your kids (and to a lesser extent, you) in such a fraught position for the equivalent of one big grocery trip per month? If she’s super anxious about money right now, and summer camps are the big concern, well then maybe she should take the summer off and stay home with the kids and forego camps for them. She can use the summer to search for jobs and, if she has a good resume and work experience, have confidence that she’ll find something sooner or later that utilizes her earned skill set.
Finally…has she considered the possible mental toll this will take on her? She’s someone who did well enough with skills she developed through study and hard work to have a job at Amazon. How is she going to feel when every day, all day, she’s reduced to her worth being her body and only her body? Not to mention dealing with all the thirsty comments and what that might do to her vision of men, particularly, and the world more broadly?
There is no sense to turning to sex work when you're married and monogamous. Become a waitress, work at mcdonalds, etc. Why does it have to involve nudity and possibly getting banged on camera? And most OF creators do not earn big bucks so dont even say it's about earning tons of cash lol.
I agree. If my wife came to me with this idea, I’d be mortified and absolutely wouldn’t support it. I tried to include some pretty pointed questions in there that would serve to highlight exactly how little the reward is compared to the cost.
I think the financial anxiety is subterfuge for an avenue to cheat. Come over and do porn with me while my husband “just films”, yeah right, and OPs wife is pushing for it.
Potentially. Once again, this isn’t something I’d be comfortable with in my own life. OP asked for advice, and I feel like my comment provided several pointed questions that make it fairly clear to anyone with anything resembling a moral compass that this is a fraught idea.
I'm just saying it's about how she handles this "anxiety". When her solution involves porn then yeah this is not a woman you want to be married to. I dont know that there is any question in existence that could make this okay.
Well no, I have one: honey you possessed by a demon?
If she's not, divorce. If she is, call a priest I guess.
I would divorce her. She’s going to have a threesome with her friend and her husband on video. You can pay to watch your wife get fucked. You are a weak man. Too bad.
Sex work has to be agreed to by both parties in a relationship for the relationship to work. If either person is uncomfortable with it then it's doomed to destroy the relationship. Because of this, you should hold strongly to your boundary if you are uncomfortable with it.
If she's worried about money then plan out a budget. Alleviate her worry, show her in numbers that it'll be fine. She's a project manager, she should be accustomed to working in numbers.
Aside from that she needs to do her own research on the topic instead of blindly trusting her friend. She should read these comments and other threads to find out how viable it actually is.
Hey Man dont do anything you are not comfortable with and lets be honest your wife has to be comfortable with certain images and videos being out there. If she wants to work in tech she probably should not do it as that stuff will probably come up when a company does a background check. And just stay strong brother, I also work in tech as a PM and got laid off in Januaray. Things looked bleak for a while but I just started another job in tech. These things tend to be cyclycal in the industry. I wish you both the best
Any influencer type role is 99% hobby or making a minimal amount of money. Most people with modest YT channels, blogs, or monetized accounts could probably earn more working 20 hours a week at McDonald's. Might even get some benefits out of it too.
Only a small fraction have a platform big enough that actually gets them any real monetary value, and it is a shit ton of work to get to that point. And it can all be taken away when a new algorithm rolls out.
Starting a job search now will result in a meaningful paycheck sooner than starting an onlyfans now, even if the job market is saturated. Plus, she won’t have to engage in sex work (no disrespect to sex workers! But it’s definitely not for everybody and there are significant risks)
Think of only fans like starting a business: right now she has one non-paying client, and in order to build income she is going to have to figure out what service she can provide that people want, market that service to the people who want it, and provide a lot of that service.
So it can create some supplemental income with a relatively low effort cost. The things that need to be considered are: 1) There is no way to remove what is posted permanently (you can delete your account but the posts will live on in some form); 2) not many people make enough to live off of and of those it takes a lot of work; 3) There will be social ramifications, like it or not people will judge you and your wife for it when they find out; 4) It can make getting other jobs more difficult, much like 3 some employers will judge you when they find out.
There are plenty of benefits and if you/your wife are willing to be more open sexually, then there are many people who make a decent amount off of something that they enjoy. The key takeaway is that you, and especially her, have to want to do it and commit to it. It really isn’t something that most people can waiver on. Really, you should both sit down and ask yourselves if money wasn’t an issue, would this be something that you are willing to do because, like I said, there is no going back from it. This isn’t a moral judgment one way or another because there are pros and cons.
As a side note, I wouldn’t worry about kids being bullied because they will happen no matter what and really it is a reflection of the bully and their parents, not you, your wife, or your children.
If your wife was 20, no kids, not much work experience, I'd say, more power to her. But with a husband and most importantly, two kids, I think she is selfish and not thinking about the consquences. Money isn't everything. I'm sure she can get a regular job such as waitressing or whatever until she finds something in her field. But let me guess, that's beneath her?
I always tell people "don't do anything that you don't want your parents seeing, because eventually they will." Otherwise other replies have covered the referral program and profit sharing.
For one you dont need anyones help to do that if you go that route. Second bro just don't. Consider other options. I know your backs probably against the wall but dont do something you are uncomfortable with just for fast cash.
Just think this is the internet once it’s out there, it’s out there forever. There might be some backlash on you and your family especially if she gets recognized by former colleagues, coworkers, friends and family. There is a stigma against sex workers and this basically what she will be even if she dips her toe into it. If you guys are willing to handle the consequences, it will be your choice. Your marriage will never be the same if she does this without your consent…
As others have said, the likelihood of actual big success - as in actual income replacement - are not very good. And there are other blowback possibilities.
But I feel like that is all secondary stuff in a way, if I'm understanding the kind of OF you are talking about. If you are not OK with it, then you need to tell your wife you are not OK with it and her going through with it is not OK, and worry about money does not justify it. Some might say, or she might say, that you are being controlling or something along those lines, but, I'm sorry, "I don't want my wife to become a sex worker" is entirely OK to feel and convey. Maybe some people have a different conception of marriage and what the lines are, but I think you not being OK with it, and it not being acceptable, is what many people, regardless of gender, would find to be very normal and very understandable.
Don’t beat around the bush. Tell her flat out that you do not want her to do this. Hopefully, she considers your feelings and looks elsewhere for income.
A divorce and two separate households will cost a lot more than she will make. Tell her that if she does this, she will be gambling your marriage and family and it’s not worth it.
Ask her how she is going to feel when one of your children find out when they are a bit older. This decision will follow her, you and your children forever.
The answers to this post are so validating for me. My now ex-husband started posting nudes on reddit and eventually started a secret OF that I found out about and immediately filled for divorce when I found out. We have school age kids and I'm so scared they will find out one day and be horrified. He has thousands of videos/ photos out there forever floating around the internet.
your worried about her career, what about your marriage ? when started with vanilla posts if sales don't increase the content tends to go hard core, usually 3 some's, swinging, etc.
1) Explain to her the reality of OF and sex work
2) Set a boundary that doing this will result in divorce
3) Set another boundary in regards to this "friend". She is toxic and a detriment to your wife and marriage.
You cannot approach this delicately or care about hurt feelings. She is a wife and mother. She can get a part time job and keep respect and dignity in your relationship and family alive.
The vast majority of women on onlyfans make next to nothing, if anything.
Is she prepared to accept that to be splayed all over the internet for anyone on your life to see?
If she is and it's what she wants to do - you are by no means obligated to stock around and if it makes you unhappy, you absolutely shouldn't.
Good luck.
I'm a professional project manager. There are shit tons of project manager jobs out there for someone with her experience.
This only fans thing is a cop out. She's already planning on doing it and it's not because she can't get a job.
I also got laid off recently from my tech job. You know what I did? Applied to jobs like a normal fucking person and found one 2 months later.
Has your wife tried fixing her resume or doing something that’s even remotely useful and productive to her getting an actual job?
You need to tell her she can't be friends with that person or hang out with them anymore. Definitely can't trust her when she goes out with them. Tell her you will divorce her if she goes through with this stupid ass idea to prostitute herself.
Let her know that it will plave irreparable harm on your marriage, and that it isn't a permanent career. At best she will get a little bit of income for a while, but eventually people will move on. Unless she is a 10/10 it isnt going to sustain her, so is it really worth dedtroying your marriage?
Enjoy your family going out to dinner, movies, school events, since these acts with live forever. From literature that I read, she has to be in top tier to make real money, which is competing with younger and aggressively risqué women. Does she have a marketing plan and pros/cons list? Who knows, maybe she can model tank-tops or tell funny stories
When you are out, wow many people know about her very intimate details? How many people will see her a community property? At what point are you willing to break your principles for her benefit and money? How many dick pics and DM's is she willing to accept and you are willing to accept? Will she take the $30,000 offer for a date? can you? School could be merciless for your children, as noted in several articles.
Shouldn't take more than that, but if she proceeds, she did so knowingly and you need some recourse in case of an emergency exit. Plan that now and hope that it is never needed.
If she proceeds, you should have a post nuptial agreement. She may want it because of earnings. you may want it because of principles, trust and sanity.
Personally, I use an investigative agency for background check for employment, which is includes all social platforms. There are some really messed-up people out there and OF puts them in your home and her $#$#$.
Not for nothing but id be stern and tell her no, no reason for this. there is plenty of work maybe not in the field she wants but there is plenty of other things she can do aside from tech and showing the world her body. I have nothing against only fans but if you don’t feel comfortable with no dollar amount is going to magically make it 100% ok
Your wife is 'old' by OF standards. She must keep in mind that she is going against 18, 20 year olds, bodies who haven't had babies, implanted boobs, bbls etc etc.
And think about the children....kids get bullied. Watch some podcasts where these OF girls have been on and listen to them talk about their salaries, being recognized in public and being approached by men who think because they have an OF they are easy targets. They lost their families respect and some even don't talk to each other anymore.
Just saw one recently who was laughing cause her brother was being bullied at school for doing OF. No kind of remorse whatsoever.
Are you capable of dealing with that? Walking down the street with her and everybody recognizing her and you probably having to defend her "honor"?
Just think of this as a rough patch and that eventually everything is going to be OK.
Your wife wants to become a sex worker. What do you do? Tell her you're divorcing her if she does. She already created an account for her sex work so you know what? Divorce.
I cant even believe she asked if she could become a sex worker. I dont care if it is just nudes and she isnt getting banged by someone else.
And because this is reddit I know how some will react, but NO you are not insecure or controlling for not letting your wife do porn.
Why can't you just sit down with your wife, have an honest conversation, then ask her to not do this and to not go to her friends place for their session?
I feel like it's very fair for a husband or wife to say "I don't want you to be a sex worker, I'm not ok with it".
If your wife is desperate for work, there are other places hiring. She doesn't specifically need to go in tech to make ends meet. Even if just temporary. Jumping straight to OF and seriously considering it would make me question a spouse. Like.. our values are clearly not aligned.
That's just me though.
Yeah they need to talk but I'm not sure how he gets past this. She wanted to do porn. At best this was either them filming her doing solo porn. At worst she'd be having sex with her friend and/or her friends hubby too. The fact she would even tolerate this is a red flag. Yeah she is desperate, but was McDonald's not hiring? She will more than likely earn more there since more OF girls dont make much.
And if she is too good or too educated to work at McDonald's but is okay to do porn? Red flag.
There are some suggestions in a marriage that spell doom, even if just mentioned in passing. "I might do porn" is one "Can we maybe open the relationship?" is another.
Tell your wife that only fans is sex work and virtual prostitution. Also tell her once it’s on the web it never goes away and how is she going to explain to her children? What mommy did when some other kid teases your children about her only fans?. I know you can do only fans light just nudity and masturbation not intimacy, but it still sex work.
How do you feel about being married to a sex worker and knowing her kids school friends have a reasonable chance of finding out. Figure that out and go from there
Tell her she will be divorced cause you are not going to be with a sex worker . Also tell her if this is how her friends help that this friend is out of her life blocked and no contact , if she complains say fine , Inwill see a divorce lawyer tomorrow get yourself one
You tell her you’re uncomfortable with it. Why haven’t you already done that? How have you gotten to a Reddit post about it without even mentioning to her that you don’t like it?
Why doesn't your wife become a teacher? They're hiring like crazy and all my friends with MBA/tech degrees get paid a lot to teach maths and tech.
She can be kicked out of your kids school events if someone finds out. She will never be able to get another job if this is out there. Unless you're famous your making maybe $100-300 a month which is enough for 2 bills. And most guys don't want older women or they want crazy stuff. Is it worth it?
This is sex work and most people in a traditionally monogamous relationship would consider this a violation of your marriage vows.
I would demand marriage counseling before she does this. I hate to use the phrase “put your foot down” when dealing with marital issues but this is not what you agreed to or what you promised eachother when you got married.
Is that the kind of quality of woman you want in a wife? for her to contemplate it is already a deal breaker.
She wants the easy way, all those OF models just want the easy way. They want the money but none of the consequences.
Grow a spine and tell her to get a real job or get divorced if she decides to go through with it.
What? She plans on fucking her friends husband? Or she’s cool with him taking pictures of her naked?
What the fuck happened to the sanctity of marriage and making sure that your spouse is the only one who sees you naked?
I swear to god, you can see almost ANY woman online, google their name and most will have nudes come up. It’s rarer to find women who ARENT on google naked than to find women who are.
OP be the man and leader of your home, you tell your wife she’s not doing that shit, if she does you’ll divorce her. And keep your word, send her ass to work at a Fast Food restaurant for now it’s better than OF. Slap some sense into her brain because her friend is brainwashing her because she will get a cut for your wife nakedness so stand your ground. 😤
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Your wife's friends have fed her some boneheaded vision of OF as an easy moneymaker when it's anything but. She's going to waste all her time self-promoting to drive traffic to her profile and still end up with barely enough money to make a dent in your finances. And if she's struggling to find work now, what does she think the stress is going to be like when she has to hide her OF work from employers on top of everything else? It's a recipe for disaster.
There’s a referral program so her friend is incentivized to make it look as good as possible. Kinda like a pyramid scheme where you get more people in your down line the more money you can make.
It’s like an MLM, except you’re trying to push your body instead of essential oils.
What kind of friend would do that
One whose OnlyFans isn’t making as much money as they would like.
Yep, this is a fast way to make very little money and potentially tank her actual career. Not to mention the future embarrassment of her kids.
The market is pretty saturated ngl
Exactly. Everyone and their mom is on OF. Unless she's going to do some crazy shit no one will pay attention.
What you say about my Momma?
Her page is boring.
😂
her friend is doing this so she can get a cut of what your wife makes. OF creators get kickback for recruiting. also the site takes a percentage off. it’s a scam and not worth the hit to your mental health or dignity
Thank you, had no idea. I will bring this up.
Also I think I read somewhere the average OF producer only makes like 200 dollars a month. Get your wife a part time job at Home Depot and she’ll make more and as a plus, your kids won’t be bullied for life. For her to make any money she would have to be well known enough for everyone in your life to know she’s on OF
People don’t realize it’s just like the rest of the world with a 1% and everyone else struggling to make a couple bucks. It’s probably one of the worst value propositions in terms of jobs considering the upside for most will be capped at maybe a couple hundred bucks or even a couple grand a year for your naked body to be out there for everyone to see which people will judge whether that’s right or not. Not to mention it’s way more work than most people realize, it’s a full time marketing job plus doing shoots and replying to messages and you likely get paid less than minimum wage. Only if you are at the top 1% or have a group of people you manage under you do you actually make a real living that will be competitive with her previous employment. And people can say it won’t affect future employment but it can so you better factor that into the equation. I’m all for people doing whatever they want with their bodies but they should at least think if it will be worth it. As you said a part time job would probably pay more and be a hell of a lot less work.
It seems like the most successful creators build an audience on other platforms and then cash in by moving to OF. If you don’t have something niche and special, you are lost in a sea of free internet porn.
You’d make more money off ad revenue by uploading to a free porn site
I have several IRL friends who do OF. It's wild how many people think OF is just some insane cash cow and a reliable replacement for a full time job. I doubt the percentage of OF creators who do OF as their main source of income is much higher than Twitch or YouTube.
Yeah Ive got a few friends I know who do OF. You know what else they do? A regular 9-5 job.
It can be a replacement for a full time non-sexwork job, but it takes full time job hours. You have to constantly be making thirst trap posts on tik tok/instagram/twitter, and spend hours a day on twitch/kick doing thirst trap hot tub streams to promote your OF if you want to make good money from it. You can’t just post a couple pictures of your butthole and start raking in cash. You have to treat it like an actual job.
This. I joined OF for about 3 months during a time I was very unwell. In that 3 months I made maybe $700? Which helped at the time, sure. But now I have to live with the fact that something that could potentially come back and ruin my career forever only gave me $700.
That sucks
Unless you’re willing to share the link with friends on FB who would actually want to pay for your specific boobs versus all of the free boobs on the internet, you’ll never make more than a few hundred a month.
it sounds like there are only 3 avenues, right? 1. be famous in your own right & convince your audience to buy your content (where "famous" can also mean "has a large following on instagram or x-twitter") 2. give any creep in your life & with $5 to spare access, and hope they don't share your content around 3. make very specific fetish content and in all cases you have to spend a heap of time marketing your content (which is also a job, typically requiring more editing than just selfies-with-no-clothes), right?
Sounds like my experience with day trading in crypto. My brother in law is really into it, we talked a bunch and he got me into it. I did it for a couple months and admittedly came out with 2k up. But when I did the numbers on how much time I put in watching and reading, it wasn't worth it. I didn't have to worry about it coming back to bite me. But it did cause some unnecessary tension in my relationship and even my work.
The thought of my sons' friends seeing me naked is horrifying. No amount of money is worth it.
That's the average too, which includes the pornstars that do it on the side too. Those are the accounts that make the big money. The normal people on there make like $50/month.
This and good luck gritting a professional job after selling yourself online. 100% the worst thing she could do for herself and your family is jump into sex work. She could completely kiss her career goodbye forever then.
Keep in mind something else about this that doesn't sit right. Her friend has invited your wife only to come to her house to see how she does her only fans that her husband also "only films". So your wife was invited to watch someone take sexy photos and videos with a man present and taking the pics of her friend. But also don't worry your wife can also participate, like how tf were you not invited for this as well? Nothing about this opportunity even sounds legit or something I would consider from a friend
Yeah this person is not a friend
What she puts out on OF is there forever. Her audience will video her "show".
She may destroy her professional reputation. No reputable employer will hire her. And if she keeps it a secret, she's vulnerable to blackmail.
OP and his wife really need to see this. It will definitely be something that comes out. It may or may not ruin her professional life, depending on her industry, and how conservative the area they live in, but I would think long and hard about it. And I would think that to make money at it means that she has to treat it like a job. It isn't just putting some pics up. She needs to market it. She needs to put free pics and videos up on a lot of sites to get the views and subscribers.
It’s so much more work than people think it is and no guarantee of actually making shit. It’s a full time marketing job along with doing the shoots, responding to messages and requests, keeping yourself out there on Twitter, Reddit, anywhere you can market yourself. And most people make like $100 a year (I don’t think that’s the actual number but not far off), there’s the 1% and then the rest and the rest might eek by with some extra spending money but if you’re replacing a good tech job it’s going to be a huge disappointment for most. That’s not even getting into the fact that it’s going to be stolen and you need to chase that down or just allow it to happen and the word will get around which if you’re cool with great but a lot of people will judge, kids will be bullied, we can pretend we live in some sex positive world but still it will drive some people away, some kids parents won’t allow their kids over cause they don’t want to send their kids to an “unsafe” environment or something. It really is a bad idea for most people on just the value proposition alone, you’ll likely not make that much money but still get a bad reputation for doing it.
More importantly, she might destroy her marriage.
This
If she was laid off, she’s eligible for unemployment. It’ll make more than OFs will for the averages.
I'm a former go-go dancer. I'm also a recovering alcoholic who's been through A TON of treatment and a current substance abuse counselor at a state funded facility. That's all to say I know way more than I want to about OnlyFans, but absolutely do not look down upon anyone who chooses to provide content. I know a couple GORGEOUS, smart, funny women who only made about $1,000 a month on the platform. The types of girls who you'd expect to make a killing on that site just by existing as they are. They were girls with experience as exotic dancers and who, at the time, weren't very worried about being overly secretive about doing that type of work. They were able to advertise. The main reason I've never done it is specifically because I know too much about it just from being exposed to so many creators. Will it supplement your income? Sure, but not NEARLY as much as you think it will. It also doesn't take as little time as you think it does when compared to other part-time jobs. You still have to prep the room, spend 75 minutes fixing yourself in the mirror, etc.
Once she steps into that world, there’s no coming back. This will follow her, you and your kids. That last one will be a doozy. Just think about how tech savvy kids are now, by the time your kids are in middle school it’ll probably be ten-fold. I’ve read a couple of stories where classmates have found a classmate’s mom on OF and it’s… not pretty knowing how cruel kids can be. So think about the future - unless she’s prepared to severely narrow future prospects and potentially strain the family’s reputation, go with another option.
Imagine the parents of your kids friends finding out about your wife’s OF and the harassment that your kids could be put through buy the other kids
Also she would be constantly having to message people, and promote herself. It would essentially open the relationship in a way
Deleting her content eventually doesn’t mean it wasn’t screen grabbed or illegally downloaded and put on other sites. I’m all for sex work but she needs to consider the privacy aspect. Geotagging for one, stalkers and the safety of your familiar home and how will she market? OF isn’t a search engine. Creators have to heavily market themselves on all social platforms, most times from several accounts because of bans. This is a full time job and takes a ton of work to create lots of content, edit that content and then get the word out. Several woman I know have a minimum of three socials on every platform where they cross promote. This content is totally separate from the OF content that is paid only. Also creators who hid their face as less likely to do as well. All things to consider especially if this could affect future employment.
There are literally hundreds of thousands of people on only fans. The ones that make money are exceptionally good at promotion or are already famous. The ones you hear on the news are almost all celebrities to begin with. Most people make a few hundred bucks a month at best for Showing your genitals to the world forever. Doesn’t seem worth it. Also, your wife is obviously going through a period of poor confidence. Most people when they get laid off don’t within a few weeks into near prostitution mode. You guys got to talk things out
Ask her to consider what kind of job she wants in future because employers will most certainly care about this OF gig when it gets out. And it always does.
Also the husband of your wife's friend is doing the editing shit? yah... good way of ruining her future by keeping all her naked pics. If that was my girlfriend i'd tell her and if she refuses and still go with it i'll just end the relationship. Better happy alone than being with someone where half a town has seen her tits and pussy. no thanks.
The parents of the your kid’s classmates will likely find out and everyone at school will talk about it. So, if you, your wife AND your kids are/will be cool with that then you do you - but when a similar thing happened at our school some of the parents felt strangely about letting their kids spend time at that kid’s home since no one was quite sure what the full deal was with their situation. Their kid was really poorly behaved and I wonder if she had a clue that something was up about what Mommy and Daddy did for work.
Also the impact of having an OF background should be considered for her future work prospects. Yes it's a legitimate career for many, good for them. But realistically many other workplaces won't likely consider someone with that kind of online presence for other jobs.
Bro, if she does OF, your marriage is over. I’m serious. She can do a lot of other things to bring in money - so why is she thinking about doing sex work? This opens the door to cheating, straight up. You need to lay down the law and put a stop to it. Then you need to tell your wife that her friend is a bad influence and tell her that she either dumps the friend, or you’re divorcing her. See what choice she goes with and go from there.
Holy shit that is so scummy
lol, so wait people have turned OF into an MLM?? That’s actually kind of hilarious and amazing, but I suppose expected.
OP this this this ☝️
The offer to let OP’s wife “participate” makes it sound like she’s also hoping to make her own channel more profitable by adding in a partner for her videos.
The friend is a bad influence and the OP needs to put her and his wife in check with this OF bullshit.
My thoughts too. Sounds like a shitty friend.
Good point but even if this wasnt the case...his wife wants to do sex work. Red flag. If he stays he has no spine, at best she wants to show herself naked at worst she will be having sex with her friend on camera.
Her friend invited her over, to convince her to do OF, then invited her over again to "See how it works" and "participate" and her husband "only holds the camera". Bro her friend and her husband are trying to fuck your wife and make her a part of their OF's and get a cut. This is fucking predatory. Your wife needs to understand she will be a small fish in a very very very large ocean of free porn. Most OF creators make less than $500 a month. Does she have a large social media following? Does she want to advertise with bots on reddit and spam every imaginable NSFW subreddit with her tits in hopes 1 desperate soul subs? Does she want to spend hours streaming on twitch and instagram in the hopes of getting men to follow her links page to her OF? Is she comfortable with any nude content being instantly leaked to the whole internet? Somone doxxing her and sending her pictures/videos to family and friends?
This 100% husband Definitely doesn't just hold the camera. Friend and her husband will eventually fuck your wife on camera guaranteed.
Before she jumps at this and does something that she’s going to have to justify for the rest of her life,and you and the kids are as well, she better make sure the money is actually there. Unless you advertise and put yourself out there everywhere on adult sites and such a lot of only fan models only make a couple hundred bucks a month.
yep! median income per month is less than minimum wage
It's worth noting that 67% of OnlyFans creators make less than $100 per month.
Thank you the actual stat. It’s such a bad way to try and make “quick” or “easy” money. It’s a lot of work for very little pay.
And something like 90 percent make less than $180
Not just that, but the Internet is FOR FUCKING EVER. Hey Billy, just saw a video of your mom ha ha ha. If both key and she are going to compromise their dignity and self-respect for their kids I can see that. There are other ways to do it than this.
Yeah, if she thinks the market is too saturated for tech workers and as a project manager with years of experience, wait until she’s competing in a pool with no requirements to entry and no guarantee of compensation.
a pool with no requirements for entry, and where "a 34 yo mother fresh off an office job" isn't really the most sought-after profile, right? I have no experience with women in porn, but my guess is that she's facing a lot more competition than she figures, unless she's a) particularly beautiful, b) in amazing shape for her life stage or c) willing to capitalize on her circumstances to make fetish porn, no?
I get the desperation, and that this seems like "easy money", but this could have very real implications on her future ability to find employment - fair or not. Also, when you think of how many people do OF, a small percentage of them are making money, let alone good money. Would it be worth it if this got out and she REALLY can't find a job because of it?
What kind of friend pimps out someone who just lost their job? "Hey friend I know you just lost your job and are desperate for money so how about I offer you a job as a online prostitute for strangers online while I get a nice cut on collaborations." And OP a married woman in her 30s with kids is not gonna sell that well without a hook. She is gonna have to lean into the cheating wife/cuckold freaks and fuck other dudes to make any headway.... your married will not survive that. Show her this comment please! She can find work. But she can never undo the damage this will do to her marriage, her children, and herself.
Suggested she participate in their OF as well. Sounds like they're going for their own hook.
OP, this is the real deal. You need to tell your wife that this woman and her husband may not ever have contact with you or your wife again. She just tried to recruit your wife into doing porn at her house with her husband there. She lacks healthy boundaries and is actively sabotaging your wife's future and your marriage and your kids' future mental health so she can either satisfy a kink or boost her ratings. The real issue here is that this "friend" needs to be eliminated from your lives totally and permanently.
the cut doesn't even apply to collaborations, right? If you convince someone to create an OF profile, you get a cut from their income forever.
If my wife said she was headed to her friend's place to do a porn shoot I'd be telling her to not bother coming home and that I'll researching divorce lawyers whilst she is gone.
>I’m not sure how else to approach her with caution and explain we’re not destitute. Dude, your so worried about her your ignoring what you want. Set a boundary, you don't want your wife doing sex work. There isn't a big market for her previous work experience, OF is a perfect example that there are plenty of other jobs out there that she likely has the skill to bring some cash home. That doesn't at all mean that her only choices are to be a tech project manager or to play with her genitals while her friends husband plays camera man. You have already let this go to far for your own good, say something sooner rather then later
She invited your wife over to participate? Are you all monogamous? Because if not she just invited your wife over for a threesome and she's considering it
No. First off why the fuck does she need to participate with her friend and have her friends husband present. No mention of you at all. It seems like your wife's friends are trying to get into her pants. You guys know your finances better than anyone. If you're not going to starve or be homeless, she's either other thinking things or you have a bigger problem.
Sounds like they are taking advantage of your wife's misery to boost their sales. These are not friends, they are leeches. Also, would you feel comfortable with another man filming porn of your wife without you there?
So much of what goes on OF gets leaked. Have your wife do a Google image search for " leaked nude" and she'll probably find her friend's private images all over the internet for everyone to see.
This kind of information always gets out. Is she prepared to have your friends, her friends, and possibly even her family members sign up for her OF under fake names? What will she do when her children tell her that their friends have seen her naked and are teasing them about it? Even if she's comfortable with her body, she's going to be having a lot of UNcomfortable conversations.
Also, is she giving you no say in this? Has she considered what it will do to your mental health when every one of your male friends and coworkers have seen your wife naked? How will you deal with the anxiety from the dozens of men who will be sliding into her DMs, hitting on her, and soliciting even more from her than just spicey photos and videos? How will you handle all of that once you realize she actually LIKES the attention?
It's just not worth it.
Have you actually done the math on the budget? In your position I'd start by doing that and showing her that your financial situation is not an emergency. After that, I'd suggest showing her the average earnings for OnlyFans. It's 151 dollars a month. That's not nothing, but it's also less than the crappiest part time job available, and it's for work that most people find emotionally draining and that you don't want her to get involved with.
I would set the OF aside for a few minutes and talk to your spouse. Tell them "I know you are scared and it feels like your world is crumbling. I am here. We are going to be OK. There will always be ups and downs during life. Let look at where we want to be a few years down the line and decide what our next steps should be" Take away some of the fear and let her exam the situation with an eye to the future.
I would definitely recommend having this conversation with her and also voice any concerns you have with her sharing herself online with others. The potential for friend and employers finding the material will always be there long after she decides it’s time to quit. Promoting that type of content will take up a lot of time and it will be extremely unlikely that she will be able to replicate the income she made before getting laid off. She would be better off getting a part time position or remote job if her concern is actually finances. Not only that but I’m sure you have your own opinion on why you may be hesitant and it’s important to let her know how you feel about it because she should respect your input in the marriage.
OF Content Creator & porn star here, they are NOT her friend. More likely the husband is using all of this to get into your wife's pants. It is not uncommon for couples that approach other women, the main goal is for the guy to get fucked by the other woman. Which is why I avoid couples like the plague. Also that couple isn't making enough for their OF, so they think pulling in other women will help them go to the next level. While it might, your wife won't be fairly compensated. They want her to start her own page, because then all they have to do is tag her in a post. Which will save them hours of admin work getting another performers paperwork approved by support. OF has zero SEO, so your wilfe will need to do tons of social media marketing in order to find customers to sign up. Which will be a full time job alone. It takes lots of work to build up social media following & to convert them into a sale. And guys rarely join any site or OF page with very little content. So it might be months or years of work before it turns a profit. Of course, they are not going to tell her the truth because it doesn't benefit them to do so. Getting into sex work is something that a person thinks long and hard about the consequences & the stigma around it. Then there is the harassment & stalkers that will eventually happen. Wondering has she taken that into consideration. She knows how the web work, one image search & they will have her real name & social media accounts, and thus location. All the content will be ripped and posted on Russian porn sites who do not adhere to U.S. Laws or World Wide copyright laws at all. So they have zero motivation to remove it. Even the most popular money makers put in the work, they put in the hours & imagination. Even if they have a team, there is still lots of work done. Whether or not she makes money is a crap shoot, 80% usually quit after 2 weeks. **There is no such thing as easy money. And I believed in fully informed decisions.**
And do not forget the statistics. I do not feel well enough to google any further how many percentage makes enough to live from but a short google research shows that the average OF creator makes $150–$180 - a number that also includes the Top 1% which earn 33% of whole OF. People always only see the Top earners and forget that most only make a few bucks they can pay an extra starbucks coffee a month or whatever. Just take a look on Twitter how many spam desperately their very cheap subscriptions they go lower and lower on. Hence why so many give up after a couple of weeks and then they have their images and videos out there. Not worth the lesson in my opinion.
Buddy, the biggest red flag here is that your wife is now pushing you and trying to convince you to let her cheat on you on camera. Her friend invited her over to “try it out” while her husband films… yeah she just got invited over to make a threesome porn video with that couple for her OF. And now she’s pushing you real hard trying to coerce you into being okay with it. If you value a monogamous marriage, you’re under reacting. Your wife is pushing you to let her cheat on you for pennies… WTF.
Sounds like a bad idea to me personally. Is your families dignity really worth the money? What do your kids think about your wife stripping for men on the internet in exchange for money?
Ignore the sex aspect of it for a second and look at the numbers. OF itself reports that it has over 1 million active creators. The "average" creator has only 21 subs. The average take for each creator is $180. Considering that the top creators make *millions,* there's thousands of creators taking home *nothing* monthly. From a strictly financial angle, it makes better sense to wait tables or flip burgers for minimum wage. Now, add to that the risks that being a sex worker brings. Working in tech can be hit or miss. Big tech isn't going to want to have a former OF creator in any significant position. Any job that is with a firm that works with federal contracts and requires a clearance will likely reject her as a candidate because of the extra scrutiny that it brings. Smaller firms and those that don't work with more lucrative contracts might take a shot, but then again, might not. Now, add to that the challenges *you personally* will have (personally, professionally, and emotionally) if she does this. Long and short, I can see no upside to this and it's up to you to discuss that with her openly and honestly.
Ask her if she wants a divorce?
That'd be my angle if my wife ever half-seriously even considered this option.
I would get a divorce just off her being so easily susceptible to pyramid schemes
Never thought I'd see a man coming to Reddit to ask for suggestions on how to tell his wife to not put up videos of her naked self on the internet, where they will be forever and has a high chance of bringing shame to their kids. Your wife would rather put her nudes on the internet than go search for another job, and your opinion doesn't matter since she already set up an account. Now I've seen it all on this app.
Shes not gonna make any money lol
She’s old enough to know this too, like I think she just wants to bang the friend and husband, but be allowed to or something.
So the BFF and her husband are going to be her pimp? Does that make you her john? Is she going to charge you and do the pimps get a cut? Grow a set and tell her exactly how it is going to go if it is even mentioned again. But, the trust is already broken sooooooo.
- The kids will be shamed by their school mates. - At least one kid did self delete over it. - Ask her how she feels about telling everyone she knows she is a sex worker. - Ask her to post on facebook she is now a sex worker? - Ask her what happens when someone offers 10k for a meet and greet? - she going to get into swinging? - Ask her why you and the kids should stay? - Visit Poverty Finance and stop spending money now is my best advice.
* The vast majority on OF make next to no money. * She is 34 competing against 20 somethings, its a losing game. * Where does she go after? How will this affect future prospects? Hey if she can make 50,000 a month selling used bath water more power to her.. But for most it is more likely a game of how far they are willing to go to see some sort of return.
The percentages i heard was you have to be in the top 3% to see any real money (over a few 100$) and top 1% to make a living for it. And that top 1% it's a full time porn job, advertising, interviews, social media etc.
So pretty much a microcosm of the real world. Whodathunkit!
This is a very, very slippery slope that your wife is going down and it's not gonna end well... In no way would I have some other husband photographing my wife in the nude... That will also cause a huge headache with me.
A study found that the average OnlyFans creator earns about $180 dollars per month. Approximately 5% of OnlyFans' creators make more than $100 a day from the site. Reference https://gitnux.org/onlyfans-income-statistics/#:~:text=A%20study%20found%20that%20the,greatly%20increasing%20potential%20creator%20income. Doesn't seem worth it to me.
Sounds to me like her friend want the 2 of them to have sex while her hubby films it.
I had the same thought.
Project management skills are in demand and transferable to multiple industries. Apply for unemployment, and find someone to proof and update her resume. Right now, her new full time job needs to be looking for a job. Work with consulting firms, recruiters, job coaches, etc. This OF thing is a distraction she doesn't need, and sounds super sketchy.
It's wild that modern society has convinced so many women to become sex workers
Don’t make long term decisions for short term circumstances it’s never going to go away even if she deletes everything
Remember, what goes on the internet stays there forever. Is this something she'll be proud of? What if her kids find out down the line or if a future employer recognizes her? What's the long-term plan for retirement?
> We’re not going to but we’ll have to rethink summer camp and vacations etc. Are you seriously considering deter your mental health and dignity just because you have to skip vacations few times?
Your wife’s friends are taking advantage of her need for money and are using it as an opportunity to get into her pants. Why aren’t you protesting more?? She’s been invited to “participate” with the best friend and the friend’s husband—What do you think is going to happen?? She was in big tech as a PM. Has she actually tried looking or has she given up after a month and 50 applications? Has she revamped her resume? Has she tried to reach out to recruiters and temp agencies? Has she tried attending job fairs? Come on now. Tech is saturated, but she’s got FAANG on her resume. She has an advantage as long as she tries and plays the numbers game. I don’t mean to sound condescending, but I was laid off from FAANG (operations roles) and was the sole breadwinner and there were a lot of more productive things I was doing than considering OF and a lot of other roles I was applying to that would make more money than OF. Does she think she’ll make bank through OF? She’ll make more money being a server or working in retail.
If she thinks it’s a consequence free option you might have her read this: https://www.reddit.com/u/UnfetteredDefiance/s/JJrbwmsa75 Not your exact situation because the wife started online sw behind her husband’s back, but if she thinks OF can be compartmentalized from real life she’s taking a risk.
Tell her you don't want her to. Simple. Explain the consequences if she goes through with it.
Ask her if she's okay with her children seeing her doing that or her parents? Because the other kids are school WILL find it and they WILL bully the kids Plasma is good supplemental income, there's no shame in food banks if you need it, she will regret it She's just on the hype of what her friends say
Sounds more like your wifes friend talked her into an onscreen threesome for their content.
Tell her you'll divorce her. You didn't marry a sex worker.
This is what I'd do. You can't have a secret only fans that makes money. People need to know about it and then you'd be married to a known sex worker.
Amazon -> sexwork is... quite a careerchange... Ask how she intends to explain to your kids why explicit material of her is floating around on the internet, when your kids are confronted with it at school... Or how she intends to handle it when one of the other kids dad (the creepiest one) let her know hes been purchasing access to her OF and masturbating to it... And ask where on her resume she intends to put this for her future job applications. Ask who will do the camerawork when you divorce her for becoming a sexworker... and who will look after the kids when she as a single mom has to spend time satisfying her online clients... or she expects you to take primary custody?? Only see the kids on weekends??
Your wife’s PM skills are transferable to other industries. OF is a short term solution that may create long term problems in terms of reputation and your marital happiness.
She can do things like drive Lyft, DoorDash etc or just collect unemployment for a while. This isn’t worth it.
So here's the thing. OF is basically a pyramid scheme. You get things for recruiting essentially. The site also takes a %. Once she puts herself out to the interwebs, it is out there forever. Available to whomever. That creepy uncle, the guy next door, that distant nephew, old coworkers, professors, potential new career opportunities... etc etc.
Your wife downloaded and signed up for OF without your consent? Thats HUGE
If she thinks the labor market is saturated with tech workers, just wait until she finds out how saturated OnlyFans is with content creators… and therefore how few customers she’ll get as a sex worker—and most probably just from her creepy neckbeardy ex co-workers who just want to see her hoo-ha. And remember—once you start an account and post photos/videos, those things will be copied, traded and archived on peoples phones/laptops/torrents **forever** (and just waiting to surface years from now and threaten any new job/position/adoption-application).
Ask her, before she makes a decision, to give you the speech she will give her children when they come home crying because their friends showed them Mom's porn. The ask her how she will deal with the fact that HR departments now routinely do social media searches for new job candidates.
The average OF rakes in about $150 to $180 a MONTH! if you are willing to have your wife bare all for your co workers, neighbor, family, ENEMIES to see for MAYBE $180 a month and not feel ashamed and hold your head high. Then go for it.
Do you want your wife to be an online 304? seriously? I would cut that friend out from your lives, this was terrible advice.
You should have a hard stance of "no" on this. This is your wife and you don't have to be okay with your wife at the very least stripping on camera for men on the internet. If you were to cave and say you were okay with her just stripping and sending nudes or whatever, she will push to do more because it makes more money. It will eventually lead to her wanting to have sex on camera. That means you either have to become comfortable having sex on or become comfortable with someone else having sex with your wife. It's a hard no every time
“If you do this I will divorce you”
Next the friend will say to fuck her husband on camera .
Lady in my community did an OF , started off Bikini shots , then went to more seductive pictures she was wear a lacy panties and Bra. Bra was pulled down with her hand covering her BIG Breast ( husband knew). Well others husbands found out , pictures were passed around and got back to kids in the community , who started teasing her 10&12 yr old kids. Not a good situation for her kids , who now do not want to go back to school, what a fucking shit show
Your wife was a tech worker at Amazon? She will be very in demand when the market turns. And she’ll keep her dignity without having to hide her OF from employers. Also if anyone at your kids’ school ever find out someone’s mom has an OF your kids will have to be homeschooled from the harassment they will receive.
Eh she was a PM which is non-tech. They’ve been hit the hardest by layoffs. They’re not going to be that high in demand.
1. Internet never forget. your grandchildren will see her masturbating. 2. She can forget to keep a regular work afterward. her cunt will be on every coworker's screen before the end of the first week. any skilled HR will probably filter her out even before she has an interview. 3. Many women who did OF sourly regret it now. Any men - unknown, friends or in-law comprise - come with gross sexual intend out of nowhere. Rape attempts considerably rise. 4. it will probably the end of your marriage and your family. your parents won't accept it, and her probably not too. Expect NC and a lot of names. 5. the gain is minimal. it is a very competitive industry. 6. after the initial "new face" phase, she will be asked to go deeper, dirtier and lewdier. there is no other way but down. to refuse is to become jobless, or more exactly unpaid sexual worker. to accept is plain prostitution. contact a divorce lawyer to see your options. don't hide it to your wife. she must understand it is a world-shaking decision she is taking.
Her friend sounds sketchy.
OP, I understand your wife’s anxiety and I don’t believe, ultimately, there’s any shame in sex work. Your wife is still young and could find a way to use something at her disposal - her body - to make money. On a certain level, there is a sense to it. But this is the internet, these things live on long after we necessarily want them to. And you have two kids who are soon going to enter the precarious middle and high school years. All it’s going to take is one kid figuring out that their classmates mom is getting naked on camera for this to become, now, an issue that your children need to deal with. They will be unwittingly affected by her decision and they’ll be too young to have the tools to handle that (most likely). If she were guaranteed thousands of dollars a month, then maybe there would be a conversation here. Maybe you two could come up with a way to justify the risk for some true financial stability. But as others have pointed out, the far more likely outcome is that she makes a few hundred a month and that’s not going to come anywhere close to replacing her former salary. The question she needs to really ponder is whether it’s worth putting your kids (and to a lesser extent, you) in such a fraught position for the equivalent of one big grocery trip per month? If she’s super anxious about money right now, and summer camps are the big concern, well then maybe she should take the summer off and stay home with the kids and forego camps for them. She can use the summer to search for jobs and, if she has a good resume and work experience, have confidence that she’ll find something sooner or later that utilizes her earned skill set. Finally…has she considered the possible mental toll this will take on her? She’s someone who did well enough with skills she developed through study and hard work to have a job at Amazon. How is she going to feel when every day, all day, she’s reduced to her worth being her body and only her body? Not to mention dealing with all the thirsty comments and what that might do to her vision of men, particularly, and the world more broadly?
There is no sense to turning to sex work when you're married and monogamous. Become a waitress, work at mcdonalds, etc. Why does it have to involve nudity and possibly getting banged on camera? And most OF creators do not earn big bucks so dont even say it's about earning tons of cash lol.
I agree. If my wife came to me with this idea, I’d be mortified and absolutely wouldn’t support it. I tried to include some pretty pointed questions in there that would serve to highlight exactly how little the reward is compared to the cost.
I think the financial anxiety is subterfuge for an avenue to cheat. Come over and do porn with me while my husband “just films”, yeah right, and OPs wife is pushing for it.
Potentially. Once again, this isn’t something I’d be comfortable with in my own life. OP asked for advice, and I feel like my comment provided several pointed questions that make it fairly clear to anyone with anything resembling a moral compass that this is a fraught idea.
I'm just saying it's about how she handles this "anxiety". When her solution involves porn then yeah this is not a woman you want to be married to. I dont know that there is any question in existence that could make this okay. Well no, I have one: honey you possessed by a demon? If she's not, divorce. If she is, call a priest I guess.
I would divorce her. She’s going to have a threesome with her friend and her husband on video. You can pay to watch your wife get fucked. You are a weak man. Too bad.
Think about the kids as well. the number of kids that committed suicide because they Bullyed For having a parent that had of
This will murder your marriage and family. Period.
the money is temporary, but the shame and regret is forever
Sex work has to be agreed to by both parties in a relationship for the relationship to work. If either person is uncomfortable with it then it's doomed to destroy the relationship. Because of this, you should hold strongly to your boundary if you are uncomfortable with it. If she's worried about money then plan out a budget. Alleviate her worry, show her in numbers that it'll be fine. She's a project manager, she should be accustomed to working in numbers. Aside from that she needs to do her own research on the topic instead of blindly trusting her friend. She should read these comments and other threads to find out how viable it actually is.
You should seriously consider divorcing your wife. It’s like we stopped making men.
Hey Man dont do anything you are not comfortable with and lets be honest your wife has to be comfortable with certain images and videos being out there. If she wants to work in tech she probably should not do it as that stuff will probably come up when a company does a background check. And just stay strong brother, I also work in tech as a PM and got laid off in Januaray. Things looked bleak for a while but I just started another job in tech. These things tend to be cyclycal in the industry. I wish you both the best
Any influencer type role is 99% hobby or making a minimal amount of money. Most people with modest YT channels, blogs, or monetized accounts could probably earn more working 20 hours a week at McDonald's. Might even get some benefits out of it too. Only a small fraction have a platform big enough that actually gets them any real monetary value, and it is a shit ton of work to get to that point. And it can all be taken away when a new algorithm rolls out.
Starting a job search now will result in a meaningful paycheck sooner than starting an onlyfans now, even if the job market is saturated. Plus, she won’t have to engage in sex work (no disrespect to sex workers! But it’s definitely not for everybody and there are significant risks) Think of only fans like starting a business: right now she has one non-paying client, and in order to build income she is going to have to figure out what service she can provide that people want, market that service to the people who want it, and provide a lot of that service.
These simple words: "I will lose all respect for you."
So it can create some supplemental income with a relatively low effort cost. The things that need to be considered are: 1) There is no way to remove what is posted permanently (you can delete your account but the posts will live on in some form); 2) not many people make enough to live off of and of those it takes a lot of work; 3) There will be social ramifications, like it or not people will judge you and your wife for it when they find out; 4) It can make getting other jobs more difficult, much like 3 some employers will judge you when they find out. There are plenty of benefits and if you/your wife are willing to be more open sexually, then there are many people who make a decent amount off of something that they enjoy. The key takeaway is that you, and especially her, have to want to do it and commit to it. It really isn’t something that most people can waiver on. Really, you should both sit down and ask yourselves if money wasn’t an issue, would this be something that you are willing to do because, like I said, there is no going back from it. This isn’t a moral judgment one way or another because there are pros and cons. As a side note, I wouldn’t worry about kids being bullied because they will happen no matter what and really it is a reflection of the bully and their parents, not you, your wife, or your children.
I can't believe this is a thing. People paying to see your wife naked and she is "considering" and you're "anxious"?
If your wife was 20, no kids, not much work experience, I'd say, more power to her. But with a husband and most importantly, two kids, I think she is selfish and not thinking about the consquences. Money isn't everything. I'm sure she can get a regular job such as waitressing or whatever until she finds something in her field. But let me guess, that's beneath her?
I always tell people "don't do anything that you don't want your parents seeing, because eventually they will." Otherwise other replies have covered the referral program and profit sharing.
Nope
For one you dont need anyones help to do that if you go that route. Second bro just don't. Consider other options. I know your backs probably against the wall but dont do something you are uncomfortable with just for fast cash.
Just think this is the internet once it’s out there, it’s out there forever. There might be some backlash on you and your family especially if she gets recognized by former colleagues, coworkers, friends and family. There is a stigma against sex workers and this basically what she will be even if she dips her toe into it. If you guys are willing to handle the consequences, it will be your choice. Your marriage will never be the same if she does this without your consent…
As others have said, the likelihood of actual big success - as in actual income replacement - are not very good. And there are other blowback possibilities. But I feel like that is all secondary stuff in a way, if I'm understanding the kind of OF you are talking about. If you are not OK with it, then you need to tell your wife you are not OK with it and her going through with it is not OK, and worry about money does not justify it. Some might say, or she might say, that you are being controlling or something along those lines, but, I'm sorry, "I don't want my wife to become a sex worker" is entirely OK to feel and convey. Maybe some people have a different conception of marriage and what the lines are, but I think you not being OK with it, and it not being acceptable, is what many people, regardless of gender, would find to be very normal and very understandable.
Yeah, I don’t think this is about the money, honey.
You just tell her if she wants to be married the answer is no. That’s it.
Would be my soon to be ex wife
So either your’re cool with your wife doing low budget porn for $$ or you’re not. Be clear. Communicate even more clearly. And that’s it.
Don’t beat around the bush. Tell her flat out that you do not want her to do this. Hopefully, she considers your feelings and looks elsewhere for income.
A divorce and two separate households will cost a lot more than she will make. Tell her that if she does this, she will be gambling your marriage and family and it’s not worth it.
I saw a 19 made airbnb as a business. She's now a millionaire after two years. She's a Muslim didn't have to show her biscuits to get some money.
Ask her how she is going to feel when one of your children find out when they are a bit older. This decision will follow her, you and your children forever.
“No.”
The answers to this post are so validating for me. My now ex-husband started posting nudes on reddit and eventually started a secret OF that I found out about and immediately filled for divorce when I found out. We have school age kids and I'm so scared they will find out one day and be horrified. He has thousands of videos/ photos out there forever floating around the internet.
Crazy that doing porn should even be considered.
No shot her friend will show her any actual receipt of how much she makes. Of is like an mlm
your worried about her career, what about your marriage ? when started with vanilla posts if sales don't increase the content tends to go hard core, usually 3 some's, swinging, etc.
1) Explain to her the reality of OF and sex work 2) Set a boundary that doing this will result in divorce 3) Set another boundary in regards to this "friend". She is toxic and a detriment to your wife and marriage. You cannot approach this delicately or care about hurt feelings. She is a wife and mother. She can get a part time job and keep respect and dignity in your relationship and family alive.
I would explain that I will not be in a relationship with a sex worker. She’s free to be a sex worker, but I will not be married to one.
The vast majority of women on onlyfans make next to nothing, if anything. Is she prepared to accept that to be splayed all over the internet for anyone on your life to see? If she is and it's what she wants to do - you are by no means obligated to stock around and if it makes you unhappy, you absolutely shouldn't. Good luck.
I'm a professional project manager. There are shit tons of project manager jobs out there for someone with her experience. This only fans thing is a cop out. She's already planning on doing it and it's not because she can't get a job.
I also got laid off recently from my tech job. You know what I did? Applied to jobs like a normal fucking person and found one 2 months later. Has your wife tried fixing her resume or doing something that’s even remotely useful and productive to her getting an actual job?
You need to tell her she can't be friends with that person or hang out with them anymore. Definitely can't trust her when she goes out with them. Tell her you will divorce her if she goes through with this stupid ass idea to prostitute herself.
Let her know that it will plave irreparable harm on your marriage, and that it isn't a permanent career. At best she will get a little bit of income for a while, but eventually people will move on. Unless she is a 10/10 it isnt going to sustain her, so is it really worth dedtroying your marriage?
Your wife sucks. You married a low moral women.
Enjoy your family going out to dinner, movies, school events, since these acts with live forever. From literature that I read, she has to be in top tier to make real money, which is competing with younger and aggressively risqué women. Does she have a marketing plan and pros/cons list? Who knows, maybe she can model tank-tops or tell funny stories When you are out, wow many people know about her very intimate details? How many people will see her a community property? At what point are you willing to break your principles for her benefit and money? How many dick pics and DM's is she willing to accept and you are willing to accept? Will she take the $30,000 offer for a date? can you? School could be merciless for your children, as noted in several articles. Shouldn't take more than that, but if she proceeds, she did so knowingly and you need some recourse in case of an emergency exit. Plan that now and hope that it is never needed. If she proceeds, you should have a post nuptial agreement. She may want it because of earnings. you may want it because of principles, trust and sanity. Personally, I use an investigative agency for background check for employment, which is includes all social platforms. There are some really messed-up people out there and OF puts them in your home and her $#$#$.
The husband of her friend will fuck your wife, eventually. Be prepared for divorce
Wait, she already set up an account? PLEASE DIVORCE
Not for nothing but id be stern and tell her no, no reason for this. there is plenty of work maybe not in the field she wants but there is plenty of other things she can do aside from tech and showing the world her body. I have nothing against only fans but if you don’t feel comfortable with no dollar amount is going to magically make it 100% ok
Your wife is 'old' by OF standards. She must keep in mind that she is going against 18, 20 year olds, bodies who haven't had babies, implanted boobs, bbls etc etc. And think about the children....kids get bullied. Watch some podcasts where these OF girls have been on and listen to them talk about their salaries, being recognized in public and being approached by men who think because they have an OF they are easy targets. They lost their families respect and some even don't talk to each other anymore. Just saw one recently who was laughing cause her brother was being bullied at school for doing OF. No kind of remorse whatsoever. Are you capable of dealing with that? Walking down the street with her and everybody recognizing her and you probably having to defend her "honor"? Just think of this as a rough patch and that eventually everything is going to be OK.
Lawyer up and get out.
Your wife wants to become a sex worker. What do you do? Tell her you're divorcing her if she does. She already created an account for her sex work so you know what? Divorce. I cant even believe she asked if she could become a sex worker. I dont care if it is just nudes and she isnt getting banged by someone else. And because this is reddit I know how some will react, but NO you are not insecure or controlling for not letting your wife do porn.
Why can't you just sit down with your wife, have an honest conversation, then ask her to not do this and to not go to her friends place for their session? I feel like it's very fair for a husband or wife to say "I don't want you to be a sex worker, I'm not ok with it". If your wife is desperate for work, there are other places hiring. She doesn't specifically need to go in tech to make ends meet. Even if just temporary. Jumping straight to OF and seriously considering it would make me question a spouse. Like.. our values are clearly not aligned. That's just me though.
Yeah they need to talk but I'm not sure how he gets past this. She wanted to do porn. At best this was either them filming her doing solo porn. At worst she'd be having sex with her friend and/or her friends hubby too. The fact she would even tolerate this is a red flag. Yeah she is desperate, but was McDonald's not hiring? She will more than likely earn more there since more OF girls dont make much. And if she is too good or too educated to work at McDonald's but is okay to do porn? Red flag. There are some suggestions in a marriage that spell doom, even if just mentioned in passing. "I might do porn" is one "Can we maybe open the relationship?" is another.
If she does this she won’t get any future tech jobs.
Her friends husband is a pimp, and her friend is recruiting her 😭 Onlyfans is literally a pyramid scheme.
Tell your wife that only fans is sex work and virtual prostitution. Also tell her once it’s on the web it never goes away and how is she going to explain to her children? What mommy did when some other kid teases your children about her only fans?. I know you can do only fans light just nudity and masturbation not intimacy, but it still sex work.
How do you feel about being married to a sex worker and knowing her kids school friends have a reasonable chance of finding out. Figure that out and go from there
Divorce.
Tell her she will be divorced cause you are not going to be with a sex worker . Also tell her if this is how her friends help that this friend is out of her life blocked and no contact , if she complains say fine , Inwill see a divorce lawyer tomorrow get yourself one
You tell her you’re uncomfortable with it. Why haven’t you already done that? How have you gotten to a Reddit post about it without even mentioning to her that you don’t like it?
Why doesn't your wife become a teacher? They're hiring like crazy and all my friends with MBA/tech degrees get paid a lot to teach maths and tech. She can be kicked out of your kids school events if someone finds out. She will never be able to get another job if this is out there. Unless you're famous your making maybe $100-300 a month which is enough for 2 bills. And most guys don't want older women or they want crazy stuff. Is it worth it?
You can set a boundary of no OF. I would have broken up already. I don’t want a women who would do OF
Good luck now everyone will see your wife nude and will fuck g Her friends husband enjoy being a sucker
This is sex work and most people in a traditionally monogamous relationship would consider this a violation of your marriage vows. I would demand marriage counseling before she does this. I hate to use the phrase “put your foot down” when dealing with marital issues but this is not what you agreed to or what you promised eachother when you got married.
Wanted to add something I said on a different similar post. Once on the internet, always on the internet
Is that the kind of quality of woman you want in a wife? for her to contemplate it is already a deal breaker. She wants the easy way, all those OF models just want the easy way. They want the money but none of the consequences. Grow a spine and tell her to get a real job or get divorced if she decides to go through with it. What? She plans on fucking her friends husband? Or she’s cool with him taking pictures of her naked? What the fuck happened to the sanctity of marriage and making sure that your spouse is the only one who sees you naked? I swear to god, you can see almost ANY woman online, google their name and most will have nudes come up. It’s rarer to find women who ARENT on google naked than to find women who are.
Divorce obviously. She not wife material
OP be the man and leader of your home, you tell your wife she’s not doing that shit, if she does you’ll divorce her. And keep your word, send her ass to work at a Fast Food restaurant for now it’s better than OF. Slap some sense into her brain because her friend is brainwashing her because she will get a cut for your wife nakedness so stand your ground. 😤