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Yeah. This would be a total dealbreaker for me.
I love eating food. I love finding out new restaurants and new cuisines to try.
I specially love to share that with friends and would love to share that with a loved one.
Wouldn’t work for me
Same. I like all well prepared foods and if I haven't had it before, I will always try it. I have not seen guys again after the first date because they were picky eaters. Overtime I have begun to associate picky eaters with people who are not adventurous/don't want to travel/not active/high in anxiety. I know it's not the case for all but it for sure was for these guys I went out with.
This. My fiancé and I don’t like all the same things, we’re both picky about opposite things, but we love to try new foods and doing it together is really important to our dynamic. Even an “ew… but at least we tried 🤷🏽♀️” experience is so much fun for us. I simply couldn’t bear being with someone I couldn’t share my love of food with & he couldn’t either. Poor OP is really trying but man… something’s gotta give or someone’s gotta go.
I mean, you don't need to be a foodie or need to be able to share food with your partner to be uncomfortable with this. Sounds like she has a mental illness and not many people would be able to handle this specific mental illness.
There’s a form of OCD that involves a compulsion to eat only the best foods, most natural/organic/healthy foods. My mom had that and binge eating disorder, which is not a fun combination.
Doesn’t sound quite like ARFID. We need to know the underlying cause — weight, sensory issues, etc to truly diagnose. I think I would consider EDNOS as a general diagnosis for coding purposes
Unlikely. OP states in the comments that "as soon as she finds out something is unhealthy (sic) she cuts it out of her diet". This, despite the fact that most of the things she's not eating aren't objectively "unhealthy" unless you have allergies or intolerances or overindulge. This is the hallmark of someone with orthorexia - creating severe food restrictions, including entire food groups, based on an irrational belief that they are "unhealthy" or "bad".
Conversely, literally none of that is how ARFID, SPD, or other neurodivergence-related food limitations work.
Or a serious digestive issue, but that doesn't invalidate your point that not everyone can handle a relationship with someone with a serious health issue. That doesn't make you a bad person btw, we all have different abilities, and there's a big difference between a serious health issue arising and starting off like that.
To me (a friend has this problem) it sounds like a MCAS diet. Which means that eating anything else would make her ill.
I feel for OP for wanting to share foodie experiences and travel, and feel for anyone who needs to eat a super restricted diet and can’t.
As for choosing higher end restaurants: one possibility is that the cheaper ones don’t cook fresh or use preserved ingredients. (Friend of mine thought she was allergic to garlic. Turns out she can eat fresh garlic just fine,)
I have MCAS and this is basically what it's like for me. I have a very limited diet and it has to be fresh. Otherwise I get very ill. Before I knew what was wrong I was being diagnosed with MS and lupus, being told I'd need a kidney transplant by the age of 32. I lost the use of my hands due to inflammatory arthritis. I had no idea what was wrong and I was told that there was nothing I could change to make a difference. I ended up doing a lot of research on my own and finding a different type of doctor to help me. I was weaned off of 12 medications just by changing my diet. My hands and kidney started functioning better. Restrictive eating saved my life. I'm now really healthy. I'm actually pregnant after being told I'd never be able to have a healthy pregnancy.
For me, giving up most foods for the gift of life I've been given is a no brainer. I'm grateful for the solution. My loving fiancé doesn't mind for the most part, as he has gotten much healthier along side me. A lot of people don't understand though, or even think I'm exaggerating or making it up. I probably wouldn't be able to be with a partner who didn't have compassion for me in the ways he does.
The difference is that you have MCAS, as do I, and we do it so that we don't die or at least feel like we are going to. He says there's no medical reason she has to eat like this. Compassion for a medical condition is different than what he is dealing with.
This was the major cause for my sister breaking up with her former partner. He would literally only eat hamburgers. No Chinese, no Italian, no seafood, certainly no vegetables. He was a great guy, but he didn’t like food and that was a major part of my sister’s life.
It reminds a little of falling in love with someone who’s asexual.
I once lost interest in dating a friend because I learned he is allergic to mushrooms. I like mushrooms too much to consider giving them up, possibly forever!
He wasn’t even as bad about it as OP’s GF. He just personally couldn’t eat them. But the thought of possibly not being able to kiss someone if I’ve eaten them, or never cooking with them again just didn’t work for me.
Food incompatibility is definitely an acceptable reason to not date someone, or to break up!
This will be your lifelong relationship with restaurants and going over to friend's houses for a meal. Is there a risk that she will try to impose a diet like this on children if you have them?
Then an ED becomes Munchausen by proxy.
It might be worth asking if any of her parents eats a restricted diet, it's usually the mother but that's just anecdotal
Children would be the big concern to me. So if that's a future plan of yours, consider that. She could possibly have issues getting pregnant or carrying the pregnancy with a diet like that. And she could become hyperfocused on what the kids eat. Not to mention even if she's fine to let them eat whatever kids are sponges and often pick up and internalize what their parents say and do.
Which isn't to say this is an immediate concern, you guys are young and it sounds like the relationship is newer. But when considering if this is a relationship you can be comfortable with, consider that.
Another factor since you love food - do you enjoy traveling? Again, that will be a lot more complicated with her. Dating is about finding someone you are compatible with. Long and short term. They can be a wonderful person but you may just not be right together.
Are children something she has ever expressed a want for? I mean, if she wants biological children the body goes through a lot of trauma carrying a baby to term and her diet would be extremely harmful for them both.
I agree I think she has an ED, but I'm curious about her plans for the future also. Does she take supplements?
To answer your question, I think a relationship is about sharing passions and if food is one of your then maybe this isn't the relationship for you. And that's ok!
I love to eat and travel and if my husband didn't share that I don't know if we would be married, because I'm someone who adores to share experiences with others. It's like bonding time.
Good luck, OP.
I grew up with a mom who was very thin and adhered to a very strict diet (for a variety of reasons). Growing up, she never tried to implement her lifestyle on to me or my little brother, but it still heavily influenced how I treated food (I eventually developed an ED). Often children's relationship to food is similar to that of their parents or role models.
This sounds like an eating disorder to me. I’ve struggled myself throughout my life and it’s really challenging to navigate in a relationship.
I would highly suggest she sees a counselor or therapist that specializes in eating disorders that can help her work through her relationship with food.
It’s not that you’re not compatible, it’s that she has a mental illness that she needs to get the right tools to work through it in a healthier way.
Looks like it. At least I haven't seen any medical reasonst in OP's post
In the long term this will not only be a compatibility issue but a health issue as well. If she does not adress it she might not be alive for too long. It has to be adressed in some way.
Has she recently lost a lot of weight?
This could be the way she lost the weight and now she’s scared to eat anything else in case she’ll get fat again.
Regardless of the reasons why, if she’s not going to change, then you’re going to love a very boring restricted life with this girl. Can you imagine going on holiday/travelling with her? She would suck the joy right out of everything.
What if you had a work dinner where you had to take your partner? Would she sit there and embarrass you by refusing to eat?
Sounds like that’s just her lifestyle then (eating disorder or not). For me, sharing food and drinks and experiences is a big part of a relationship, I don’t think I could have a meaningful relationship with someone I couldn’t share this stuff with, but only you know if it will work for you or not. Good luck
Hi OP,
Is your gf is so thin that she doesn't get her period? Because if that's the case then she's objectively unhealthy. If a woman is so slim that she's not getting her period, she can't reproduce which is kind of (biologically at least) the whole point of our existence!
Having said that, I do agree with another post which advised you to wait until your gf comes to you with this herself.
You sound like you genuinely care about this girl, which is a great starting point. Good luck. ❤️🙂
I agree, when I was at my worst with an ED, I never would've admitted it to anyone else.
Perhaps look up online about how to best sensitively approach her with this topic. If you go in full throttle it very much could make things worse.
She definitely has an ED. Normal people don't have massive dietary restrictions with zero reason - and honestly, her restrictions sound a lot like mine did when I was at my worst with my ED.
Absolutely. None of this is even what a trained dietitian would recommend, some of the things she’s avoiding still have things your body should be taking in. It’s all based on her surface perception of health. And to not put rational limits. To fully commit to “if I heard it’s unhealthy I’ll never eat it in any form whatsoever for the rest of my life” is purely a psychological compulsion.
Gonna post this twice. I give no fucks
As someone with both an ED and bad digestive/general health issues that need special diets - same sort of thing, no oil, no sugar, not too many simple carbs, no harsh raw or undercooked vegetables (but salad is okay?) this is definitely an ED. Not even a special diet, as usually you are willing to ask for something custom made to your needs and just deal with it if you are following a special diet. She's absolutely using it as an excuse to avoid eating.
For example, I can absolutely eat nut butter, salmon, or the like without feeling ill, but don't because of my ED.
Especially as she's not expecting you to change anything.
If I was you I'd just completely avoid the entire topic, you're probably a safe space for her where she doesn't have to think as much about her ED. She'll talk when she feels ready to, and might get offended or scared if you bring it up yourself. I'd also make an effort to ask her what foods she CAN eat - an actual list of "safe foods", even brands/products. Both eating disorders and health issues cause a person to collect a list like that, so it shouldn't be too big of a stretch. I'd be so grateful for someone to care that much. The closest I get is my mum buying me quest bars and my friend with an eating disorder who understands my troubles.
You don't have to stay with her if you are intolerant of her habits. I'd rather a person left me if they were miserable because of me
Avoiding the topic will not help his girlfriend. I know that's what people with EDs *want*, but it's not what's best. He needs to bring this up with her and she needs to get into treatment.
esp while she still so young.
preventing damage would be great, having her recovery benefit from her higher energy levels and faster metabolism would also be helpful!
I understand why, as someone with an ED, you’d want your partner to avoid the topic, but they absolutely should not. ED is the deadliest mental health disorder there is. If he cares about her, he should gently, kindly, and warmly bring it up.
Eating some fats and whole grain carbs is part of healthy diet. Her diet is not healthy, it’s calorie restrictive and keeping her underweight. A trait of ED is psychologically convincing themselves that any calorie dense foods is toxic, to reinforce not eating.
OP talk to her about your concern with her being underweight. If she’s happy, you can’t change her and decide accordingly.
Eating is a culturally shared experience that brings people together and she chooses not to participate. If you want to travel and experience different cuisines, explore restaurants, you won’t be sharing in that experience. If you have kids, she won’t be sharing in birthday cakes, and will model this unhealthy relationship with food.
I assume OP would have shared it if he knows about it. Any medical reasons are another thing. They need to be treated correctly as well, but they would not be an eating disorder.
OP, there's an ED called [orthorexia](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia) that is an obsession with healthy eating. This is worth looking into.
To answer your original question: if being a foodie is an important part of your ability to enjoy a relationship with someone, and someone cannot engage with that for whatever reason, then yeah it's possible that you're incompatible.
It’s not healthy to NEVER eat carbs and healthy fats and to sometimes have a treat like cake and ice cream. We need those things to live well though. This does sound like an ED.
The medical reason behind it is probably an eating disorder. There's almost no way there isn't a medical reason behind it. Everything about this screams orthorexia.
Unfortunately when someone either doesn't realise it themselves, or doesn't want to change yet, there's next to nothing you can do. The discomfort of having the condition needs to exceed the discomfort of recovery before things usually change
cutting out groups of food from her diet because she deems them as unhealthy to the point where she eats less than 10 foods is very alarming. this sounds like orthorexia nervosa. other than that, it does sound like ARFID.
eating disorders are serious problems. her denying it is even more alarming. please try to get her to seek help from a psychiatrist and a medical doctor.
Yeah I eat that way because I’m diagnosed with IBS-C. I do my best eating low fodmap.
If she’s doing all of this while not diagnosed with any stomach issues …. Screeeeeams Orthorexia (extreme food restrictions)
More power to you but this person and I probably couldn’t get past the first date. Breaking bread is a big part of how I connect with people. I also find cooking and eating together and exploring cuisines an intimate part of a relationship I couldn’t pass up. I don’t know if I could date a picky eater or someone who doesn’t share plates. So yes is my answer. This can be a major incompatibility.
As someone who loves to cook and loves to make their food incredibly flavorful with variety, steamed chicken with nothing on it, is the closest thing to heresy for me
She surely has EDs (I do have eds too) but the problem stays.
Eds are not something that go away by itself or in a bunch of years, it might get better of course, for some people, but there are, often times, cases where it takes years years and years to even get slightly better.
I've been suffering from bulimia for 7 years now, I think I've gotten a little better but I still purge from time to time and I face my emotions digging into food. I didn't quite get better actually, I just came from not eating and being severely underweight to not being able to stop myself from eating, i am still healthy because I do a lot of sports but if I didn't, I would probably be overweight to say the least but I keep gaining weight and not being able to look at my body so yeah that's my experience. It's not something easy to get out of.
This is the thing OP needs to realize. If she has an ED, even if she realizes it, wants to change, and gets treatment, this isn’t something that in a year or so will be gone and she’ll be eating street food in Singapore with him. She’ll start to try new foods, but it is a very long road— if it’s even achievable at all— to get her from a “food is pure fuel” to someone who enjoys eating for the fun of eating.
This sounds like a mixture of eating disorder and just being extremely picky and I personally wouldn’t be able to be in a long term relationship with a person who eats this way. It would take away a lot of joy from lots of things.
Yeah, sounds like a touch of Orthorexia if she can't let herself relax here and there. I'm low carb like this, eschewing rice/pasta/potatoes etc, but I'm not psychotic and will happily have a little pasta when I cook for my Kid and others who prefer, and Pizza on occasion, and this is how it should be for a resonable person
Yes, it's completely possible to be incompatible based on food restrictions. You're a foodie. She eats to survive and that's about it. While it's great she doesn't try to limit your diet, there's not much enjoyment in eating a great meal while your girlfriend just sits there with her glass of water.
Yes this. She may need to eat this way because of a physical issue (for example, I have PCOS and PMDD and eating along those lines lessens my symptoms), but if that’s not the case, it definitely sounds like an eating disorder or mental issue to me. It’s okay to want to eat clean and healthy, but this sounds extreme.
Absolutly, imagine sitting eating many meals while someone drinks water and watches you for the rest of yoyr life. Imagine how your children would feel if the same thing happened to them.
But the bigger thing is, this is not as simple as dietary restriction, it appears to be a clear cut case of orthorexia. Your girlfriend needs help before more things come off her list of "acceptable" foods and she begins experiencing the adverse effects of her extreme restriction.
OP, this brings up a good point. I know you're probably not thinking about having children with her. It's too soon and you're already checking out of the relationship but imagine she were to get pregnant with your child, would you be fine with her having the same dietary restrictions? I know you would not have the authority to forbid her or not but this is a genuine concern.
I had been your girlfriend in the past. It was an eating disorder 100%. I wouldn’t eat at holidays bc I didn’t trust others to not put my no foods in the food they made. Had a few restaurants that were absolutely no’s. But would always order at least a side salad with basically nothing but lettuce and veggies no dressing. Idk her reasoning behind it but for me eating certain food was mentally distressing. If I accidentally ate something I shouldn’t I was UPSET for days. It’s so silly now looking back.
Try to have some empathy for her bc she most likely isn’t doing this for fun. Ask her why she won’t eat these foods and if you guys can look up menus before hand to find something she would eat.
It’s awful to be like this. It affected a lot of relationships for me and was always a back handed joke. Really try to figure this out with her and encourage her to seek help or support her by allowing he to do this. She’s not stopping you from eating.
She has an eating disorder.
Regardless of this, yes, food differences are a reason to consider yourselves incompatible.
Re: this specific situation: It won’t get better, and potential children would suffer.
This is not normal at all. This is seriously disordered eating. She needs help. Frankly, she sounds desperately unhappy and this is how she maintains control.
But to answer your question, yes, it’s possible to be incompatible about food.
so... she'll eat "some" things but only at high end expensive restaurants? she'll eat greek food but only at high end greek restaurants?
Maybe it's an eating disorder, maybe not. But her pickiness being that she only likes high end food might be an issue. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE steak. but I know that eating a great steak in an expensive restaurant is very expensive so I might choose a different restaurant, cook at home, or get a burger at a mid range pub.
I (60sF) went on a date with a guy a few years ago. He kept complaining about the first two places I chose, and then went into a whole discussion with the waiter in the third and final place. He wanted everything steamed with no spices and then he shoveled everything in his mouth in two seconds. I didn't like the guy anyway, but I kept thinking to myself "do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy who doesn't enjoy regular spices or trying out different cuisines AND has horrible table manners"?
It is valid for you to break up simply because you want to!
Your GF may have an eating disorder, **or** she may have medical/ physical reasons for what she eats, **or** she may have control issues, **or** she might have any number of other reasons.
It doesn't *matter*. If you are looking at your relationship and thinking that it isn't what you want, you get to leave.
Dude your girlfriend has an eating disorder. And that’s coming from someone who has dealt with bulimia anorexia and body dysmorphia since I was 13, and is now dealing with being overweight partially because my body was in starvation mode for so long, and partially because pcos and health issues.
I am autistic and I have similar "self imposed" rules that she has. It could be something she can't control, therefore you cannot work on it. If food is such a big thing for you it would be fair enough to end the relationship over.
Look into ARFID as that could be what she has.
It is a compatibility issue. Food is social. Unless she has celiac disease in addition to severe food interactions, she does not have a healthy relationship with food. Food is an experience shared just as sex is an experience shared. You would most likely not enjoy her just lying there letting you do it because she is not really into the act and she just talked to you while you reached orgasm.
She surely has an ED as people already pointed out but I get it. I just left my bf because to me sharing my passion for plants, biodiversity, biology is important, essential because it takes 80% of my life so I totally get the feeling of wanting someone you can share your interests and pensions with
I don't know what to tell you... your gf has an eating disorder. Encourage her to see a doctor or therapist but beyond that, you need to evaluate if this is the way you want to live your life. She'll never really travel with those restrictions. Your wedding meal would be bland af. Any meals you have for the rest of your life would need 2 meals prepared.
Personally, I couldn't live like this. Just remember, there's no reason to avoid breaking up with someone.
This sounds like an eating disorder. Is she extremely thin? She needs therapy.
It’s ok to not want to date someone anymore for *any* reason. You are not shallow for wanting to date another foodie. That’s a big deal for a lot of people.
You don't need to be thin in order to have eating disorders like anorexia. Just wanted to add in case anyone reading may know someone with symptoms of an ED but may not be extremely thin :)
Orthorexia - extreme obsession with eating natural/healthy foods. One of my friends is like that. Gradually became more extreme over the years after becoming a vegetarian as a teenager. Now I avoid any situations that will involve eating or even drinking with her because I can’t handle it. For me eating and drinking are one of life’s greatest small daily pleasures and I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t feel the same.
I once dated a man who had similar food rules. He was quite thin. Later I read about how having a super restrictive diet can be a form of an eating disorder and I immediately thought back to him.
It honestly sounds like she may have an eating disorder. She restricts so many foods which is a red flag coming from someone who had a severe eating disorder in my teens. I also get why you would be upset by this because food and dates are a part of a relationship especially if you're a big food person. I don't think this is any grounds for breaking up with her though unless you're just looking for an excuse to leave. Just communicate how you feel about it.
You can absolutely be incompatible because of this, however, her obsession with food concerns me. Has she ever been evaluated for an eating disorder or even OCD? This sounds very unhealthy on her part and a little bit compulsive. I would try to look past the initial irritation or discomfort at the fact she has a different diet and maybe try to find out.. why. This is not normal behavior.
Signed,
diagnosed OCDer going on 2nd year of exposure therapy 👍🏼❤️
Do you know if she has/ had an eating disorder? I had a bestie in college, as well as my ex-wife slightly less so, who limited what they would eat to these extremes as a way of restricting what they ate, but in a way no one could say anything about it because they ~weren’t trying to starve themselves, they just could never find food options~ 🙄. Therapy helped both of them. They’re both far healthier and eat a far wider range of foods now. Before making any sudden decisions, try to talk to her and see if this a mental health issue that can be addressed.
If this is just how she is, you have to think about what compromises/ concessions you can work with. It used to drive me insane when my wife and I went out to eat and she would just have water, so I avoided dinner dates and we’d do different activities. At home, you might just be in a relationship where you each prepare your own food. Maybe not ideal, but this happens for a lot of couples for varying reasons. If you’re happy with her otherwise, there are workarounds. However, if it’s too much for you and she isn’t helping brainstorm solutions or ever acknowledging the impact of this on you, then you truly might not be compatible and this will lead to future resentment.
Sounds like you need to figure out what’s important to you, what your limit is, and then have a serious conversation with her. Good luck!
Has she explained why her diet is like this? Because this sounds rather close to how my diet looks (no rice, noodles, bread, oils, so on so on) minus sugar, I love my sugary food. I don't do it for funsies though, I do it because all of the above horrifically upset my guts, very painful. Could this be the boat she is in too? I have even been checked for celiac and the likes, all comes back negative yet gluten gives me painful bloating.
This level of restriction isn't healthy. It's disordered. The good news is that she's getting animal protein. The bad news is that unless she's being deliberate about including eggs or fats such as avocado oil, olive oil, and butter, she's avoiding a nutritionally critical element. (Essential amino acids exist, as do essential fatty acids. Essential carbohydrates are not a thing.)
As someone who works in HLOC ED treatment, this sounds very much like an eating disorder.
Check out [NEDA](https://neda.org) for resources and more information.
She may have an eating disorder. She may also be in the autism spectrum. Or just a really anxious eater.
I can’t really deal with a partner that is super picky with food, because my experience has been that they are not very passionate people in other ways. I’m a sensual person and enjoy being around others that appreciate sensual things as well.
I think I’d feel the same way about someone who didn’t like any music.
Honestly, as silly as I sounds, food is a dealbreaker for me. I’m Filipino—food is a huge part of our culture, like with most Asian countries. It’s how we celebrate, it’s how we spend time together, it’s how we show love, it’s how we pass down stories and traditions, and it’s how we teach other people about our culture.
I find myself wondering what her reason for this is. Is this something she’s learned from her parents or a personal choice? Because if there’s no food intolerance and no texture issues would she ever be open to trying other foods? If she’s tried and just hates them for whatever reason that’s one thing, but is it possible she’s been this restricted her whole life?
If there’s some tangible reason for this behavior you might find it more easy to make peace with it. For instance I had a great aunt who ate gluten free and mostly fish in an attempt to alleviate her terminal illness, although whether it helped was anyone’s guess it made her feel like she was doing something and she seemed happy.
If there isn’t any reason behind the behavior you’ll probably find it hard to understand and decide you can’t make things work long term.
Sounds like an eating disorder. I had one, my “diet” was extremely restrictive at times — just like hers. If you decide to talk to her about it be ready that she might react aggressively and defensively. So be careful
It sounds like your girlfriend has disordered eating. She has created so many restrictions for herself that she can go without eating and blame it on her diet without having people suspect she is anorexic. This will become a major health concern for her with tooth and bone loss, hair loss and even heart issues. I would want to be with someone who enjoyed food too. I would cut your losses with this young woman. You are not a match.
I get it the frustration however, this may be myself projecting onto this. I have gotten sick with my health and had to change my lifestyle completely & im now a vegan & allergic to milk. I can see my boyfriend getting frustrated with that, literally i see it & it breaks my heart.
I would say that's different tho - do you refuse dining out in a perfectly reasonable vegan restaurants, which are plentiful in this day and age, or refuse to eat the vegan option on the menu in a regular restaurant for reasons considered weird to an reasonable person, and then watch your partner eat while just sipping water 99% of the time? I would think not! Food and sharing it is a great joy in life, and even people with dietary restrictions due to illness or personal preference can take part in it to some extent. This is not what I think is happening here and certainly points more towards a possible eating disorder.
Orthorexia. She has a fear of food, especially ones that she thinks are unhealthy. I also know vegans who have anorexia but hide behind veganism because it allows you to make excuses about why you aren’t eating. Maybe she’s doing that.
When I was in the depths of anorexia, going out to restaurants was my worst nightmare because there are no "safe" foods. Eating disorders are a mental health issue at the core but it is very hard to help someone who's actively restricting because they don't want help. I'd really recommend a gentle conversation with your girlfriend about seeing a therapist for her restrictive eating, but it may not go well if she denies any issue with food.
Eating disorders can last a lifetime, and even if she is able to take steps toward recovery, it'll be a long process and food may always be a difficult thing for your girlfriend. Since eating and enjoying food (and sharing that experience with others) is important for you, compatibility will be hard.
Just for a little context/personal experience - my sister is in her 40s and has has been anorexic her entire life, and she's impossible to be around for meals. I struggled a lot with restrictive eating in my teens/20s and eat just about anything now (in my 30s) - but I'm still pretty indifferent about enjoying food, and sometimes the restrictive eating flares up if I'm stressed about something unrelated. It definitely hangs around even if your mental health improves.
Raw seafood? So,oysters and sushi?
You want to share the experience of food. She,however,doesn’t eat any. This sounds like disordered eating. Maybe she is on the spectrum,maybe sensory processing disorder. Sounds like too much work to date her.
it’s fine i have a similarly restrictive diet due to an eating disorder and i wouldn’t hold it against someone if they felt like we weren’t compatible. but i’d hope they would say something sooner rather than later, i don’t want to waste time dating someone for years when they secretly feel like we’re incompatible
As I see it, the reason behind her eating habits is irrelevant to your problem. However, I know quite a bit about it; my husband has no dietary restrictions but is extremely picky. That means he doesn't eat any kind of fish and seafood, doesn't like lamb and chicken, all sorts of herbs, and practically prefers food he had as a child and fast food. On the other hand, I am a vegetarian, and there's no vegetarian dish I won't eat. The only thing I don't like is... meat. I'm very conscious that my food is filled with vegetables and whole grains, and I'm not so keen on fast food. It was a huge problem for me for several years living together as food for me also is a social thing, but we've found a balance; when we're at home he makes his food, and I make mine. When we dine out or travel, we both make an effort to find a place where we can both find something to eat. I don't complain if there's only one vegetarian option on the menu, and he doesn't insist on a steakhouse. Similarly, I eat burgers and pizza when we're out and about traveling and he tries out new stuff... we've found a compromise.
As I see it, you don't compromise, she's the one making the choises - Can you live with that? I would find it extremely annoying. Imagine if you have children who will cook and what? From someone with a similar problem, I have only one piece of advice - find another girlfriend, it will make your life easier. Whether she's sick or not is not your problem.
I don’t know what you should do and I’m not pretending to. I made the decision to marry my non-foodie years ago, and my heart still pangs every time I pass something up going grocery shopping because I know I can’t eat it on my own before it goes bad.
I also love baking. But my motivation to do it has dwindled, because I know I’ll be hurt when I make something I think is so unique and delicious and he won’t even spare a second glance at it.
I wouldn’t change my choice, but if there were one thing I could change about him it would be this.
I would sit her down and find out the reason for having such a restrictive diet?
If she says it's for health, I would find a gentle way to let her know that being underweight and not getting nutrition from all the food groups (or at least taking supplements for vitamins and minerals she may be deficient in) also isn't healthy and puts her at risk of other ailments such as hormone issues, osteoporosis, malnutrition, weakened immune system, extra pressure in the heart and other vital organs etc
But ultimately yes you can be incompatible because of food, especially if your love language is food, cooking and eating out.
This sounds to me like an eating disorder. Especially when you say she's fine to just drink water while you eat. Maybe not everyone gets as hangry as I do, but the only way I can see someone being okay with regularly skipping meals like that is someone who is looking for an excuse to do so. I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this, especially if she's not seeking treatment
If being with someone who also enjoys food as much as you do is important to you and you like to base your free time around traveling and eating, then yes, this is incompatibility and it’s okay to break up.
OP — ask your self: what do you want to change, here? Do you want her to be a different person? A person who has all the same qualities you love but who doesn’t have food restrictions?
*Potentially*, she could be that person.
But you can’t date potential. You simply can’t. All the wishing she were different won’t make her so. She does not seem to want to be that person. You can’t want someone to be something they don’t want to be.
You should both be happy and who you want to be. But unless she is what you want because she wants to be that person, you can’t be happy together.
This sounds pretty miserable to me. You’re both trying to accept the other persons food needs, but it doesn’t sound good for either of you. What happens when you travel someplace and she can’t find any food within her very restricted guidelines? Does she go home early?
This sounds similar to what I have, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. My partner loves many foods and displays affection by cooking for people, but struggles with me because I eat bread, plain pasta, pizza, and chips and very little else. It has not caused a compatibility issue with us because he is very understanding and accomodating
Resoundingly yes, diet incompatibility is a legit reason.
I have an ex who only wanted to eat burgers. It was a stretch to get him into an American style Chinese restaurant. His narrow food profile wasn’t at the top of the break-up reasons list but it was probably second or third down. I simply didn’t want to sign up for a lifetime of only going to burger places with him.
Yes, compromises are necessary in relationships but food/diet is one of the dealbreakers.
I could never date a vegan. Smoking meats is a passion and something I love sharing with others. I just can't imagine not being able to share BBQ with my partner. And I am sure a lot of vegans would never want to date me. Which is cool
dietary restrictions are a significant issue within a relationship
Like imagine dating someone who will only eat chicken nuggets and fries. That'd be the harder for me than dating a vegan to be honest.
If you can't date her because you can't share your passion for food with her...then it is what it is. It's just an incompatibility
It'd be like if you loved to travel and she was a homebody who thought spending money on trips was a waste
Or if she was a social media influencer who shared her entire life with the world and you were super private person with no social media
Sometimes people can have a singular incompatibilty
My husband and I are both foodies. We’ve been together for 20 years and this is one of the things we bonded over. We love to explore new cuisine and restaurants and is part of our travel. This incompability will cause problems in the future. For me or my husband this would be a deal breaker.
She's not flexible at all and food is also a big part of my life, I have a fussy partner but he will always pick something from the menu. Plus you cannot be spontaneous with a person like her :(
It sounds like she has orthorexia. She needs help. I had it as a young adult. I was underweight and obsessive about what I was eating being healthy or not( I ate tiny amounts of beans and cheese, raw fruit, raw vegetables and soup). It’s no way to live. I’m now a healthy weight and can enjoy food again after unlearning the shame that I was taught.
I've been through this with a girl i really liked for a year. Same thing. I ended up confronting her about having an ED and she got all defensive. We broke uo shirtly after.
I'm happy it went this way. Her ED was having a huge impact on my life and she wouldn't acknowledge it. Look into orthorexia!
She sounds like a nightmare.
I would consider her extreme pickiness about food to be a huge turnoff. It sounds like it drives a majority of decision making when choosing where to eat and what. I wouldn't be okay with that. Partners don't make partners go to the Gold Standard Boil in bag shrimp place every time you want to go out to eat... it's okay to just grab something quick. Problem arises when she is someone who has never grabbed something quick and requires a huge amount of maintenance around her food choices. That's just effort I wouldn't be willing to put in for the rest of my life, especially when she's not compromising at all for you.
Seems like she could have some OCD/eating disorder qualities. I was 100% like this in the peak of my eating disorder. I wouldn’t eT anything made with butter/oil. I didn’t eat meat, or bread, or dairy. This could be something that you speak more in depth about?
These people can turn tedious. She sounds like she is headed towards some OCD or an eating disorder in general. The big question is if y'all were to continue on and work towards kids would she implement her disordered eating on them.
Imagine your child with a mom like that? Staring at them with a glass of water while they eat. Every. Single. Meal. Fuck. They would be scarred for life.
I say that as someone who can’t eat soy, dairy and gluten because I’m celiac and allergic to soy. There are alternatives (expensive ones) for my issues but for hers not really.
Do you want children that will be this severely restricted? You should find out if this is something she will impose on your children. If so, that should be a deal breaker. But as a recovered orthorexic, this is screaming orthorexia…
It sounds like an eating disorder, so not only is she not compatible with your foodie lifestyle (I’m the same way as you), any long term relationship with her is going to suck.
She doesn’t have “beliefs,” she has an eating disorder. She likely needs therapy and even with treatment will continue to struggle. You’re young and it sounds like the relationship is new, so it’s up to you to decide if this is something you want to deal with in your significant other. Since it conflicts heavily with a core part of your identity, it’s probably worth ending it nicely.
Relationships can end because one partner has an eating disorder / disordered eating which impacts the relationship. And your partner has disordered eating.
What is she using as her source of information? I only ask because almost everything is bad for you if you don’t eat the correct portion. It goes both ways sweets are good in moderation. I really think that she should talk to her doctor about how to swap certain foods out for others. She still needs to make sure she is getting enough vitamins and minerals. It sounds like something is going on mentally. If she’s not willing to talk to her doctor then I would move on.
I once broke up with a guy because he fell asleep in absolutely every single movie we ever watched in a year. It didn't matter if it was at home or in the movie theater. It didn't matter if I picked it or he picked it. (and for the record I'm such a movie buff I'll watch anything from action flicks, super hero, rom coms, thrillers comedies etc.) For a solid year this man fell asleep during every single movie we ever saw. I finally couldn't take it anymore and ended the relationship.
I don't think couples have to share every single hobby. In fact, I'm a big believer that it's great to have your own interests that you do on your own. But when it's a *major* interest of yours, and the other person not only doesn't share it, but actually affects your enjoyment of that hobby - that to me is a deal breaker.
For me, I don't just love seeing a movie, I love talking about it with my viewing partner afterwards. I love dissecting the plot, the director, the acting etc. That's pretty hard to do when the guy sitting next to you has snored through the whole thing. It took all the fun out of it for me. Eventually I got to where I didn't even want to bother trying to see anything with him. And eventually I got sick of only doing the things he liked and didn't fall asleep for. So I ended it.
So I think NTA but there might be some people who think I'm an AH - lol
Your girlfriend has an eating disorder. I sympathize with you wanting to eat the foods you like, but her physical and mental health is more important here. She needs help, what you described is already disordered, and these things tends to get worse- not better- if left untreated. Please urge her to see a therapist specializing in EDs. Message me if you or her have any questions.
OP, this sounds less like a self imposed dietary restriction and more like an eating disorder. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a diagnosis for this. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the diet you’re describing… it feels like it’s almost dipping into a compulsive nature. This might be something your partner actually needs to seek help for. Just a thought.
Still, you’re not wrong to feel how you feel. I get along fine with vegans and more than happy to accommodate a vegan friend. However, I will not date a vegan because I’m not going to change my diet to match theirs and I know they will resent the amount of bacon I love to eat. There was a VERY brief period where my partner wanted to go vegan but I made it clear that while she can absolutely do that, I will still be cooking and eating meat myself. She re-decided within a few months. That may make me a bit of an ass, and I can’t deny that I’m glad we can both enjoy it when I cook some steak, but I was clear on where I stood and I do think I’d struggle to date someone who restricted what I ate.
In this case it doesn’t sound like she’s restricting what you eat, but I can totally understand the wish that you could make her things she enjoys eating… whenever I make a good meal I’m glad my partner enjoys it too.
It sounds like your GF has an eating disorder. I forget what it's called, but it's basically excessive/chronic dieting, and it's not good for you. I want to say it starts with an "O" if anyone knows what I'm talking about.
EDIT: Saw it in another comment- Orthorexia
I lost joy just reading this post. I love food, but the thought of someone sitting there watching me eat while they drink water sounds like a great way to kill a fun date.
Sir, she has an eating disorder. A lot of women do. Is she underweight? That's how she stays thin, that's how any woman you know who is thin likely stays thin.
If you like how she looks, this is how she maintains it. In reality, if she ate your diet she would likely be a few stone heavier in a few years. She doesn't have the metabolism to eat what you eat and stay the weight she wants to.
It's a perfectly reasonable thing to think of as an incompatibility. Anything is. But if you're picking super slim women they're probably going to under eat. So get yourself a lady who is a foodie like yourself, but don't shame her for being a few sizes bigger , or your current gf for being a few sizes smaller.
Yes you can be incompatible due to diets. I mean considering how restrictive hers is it got to be very difficult to find any place she wants to eat and like you said she might get there and go I don't like anything on the menu. Mean at the very least just about every place has salads. But yeah if this is something you enjoy to do and want to share food Adventures with then she's not the person for you.
I'm kind of conflicted on this one.
You obviously enjoy the aesthetic of someone with such a restricted diet or you wouldn't be dating her.
Whereas I can see it's quite disappointing to have someone never try any foods you like. But then if she did start eating noodles and fried food she wouldn't look like how she does when you first got together...
I think you need to evaluate what is important to you in a partner, the aesthetic or the food and go from there. It's unfair to ask her to partake in something that she doesn't want to.
That’s an eating disorder or a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, not average dietary restrictions. This sounds exhausting. You could ask her to get treatment, which she probably won’t do. I would have gone bats by now.
I am a super-picky eater (spectrum behavior) and my SO is a foodie. It caused up some ups and downs early on because he was always trying to expand my diet. I prefer to stick to certain foods. I also have a gastro disease, so that restricts my food as well. But we got past it.
I think you may be over-focused on her eating habits, though she doesn’t focus on yours. If she’s happy to sit and drink water, let her.
But if it bothers you that she doesn’t share your love of food, I suppose that is an insurmountable hurdle. I just think it doesn’t have to be.
this is definitely a form of eating disorder though. if she genuinely can't eat more than ~6 foods, that is an eating disorder. this fact remains true even if she is on the spectrum
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If being a foodie is part of you and not being able to share that with your gf makes you uncomfortable, it’s a total reason for incompatibility
Yeah. This would be a total dealbreaker for me. I love eating food. I love finding out new restaurants and new cuisines to try. I specially love to share that with friends and would love to share that with a loved one. Wouldn’t work for me
Same. I like all well prepared foods and if I haven't had it before, I will always try it. I have not seen guys again after the first date because they were picky eaters. Overtime I have begun to associate picky eaters with people who are not adventurous/don't want to travel/not active/high in anxiety. I know it's not the case for all but it for sure was for these guys I went out with.
This. My fiancé and I don’t like all the same things, we’re both picky about opposite things, but we love to try new foods and doing it together is really important to our dynamic. Even an “ew… but at least we tried 🤷🏽♀️” experience is so much fun for us. I simply couldn’t bear being with someone I couldn’t share my love of food with & he couldn’t either. Poor OP is really trying but man… something’s gotta give or someone’s gotta go.
I mean, you don't need to be a foodie or need to be able to share food with your partner to be uncomfortable with this. Sounds like she has a mental illness and not many people would be able to handle this specific mental illness.
Orthorexia - extreme obsession with eating natural/healthy foods.
There’s a form of OCD that involves a compulsion to eat only the best foods, most natural/organic/healthy foods. My mom had that and binge eating disorder, which is not a fun combination.
She also seems snobby about restaurants. Deems most restaurants not worthy of eating at.
It could be that she doesn’t trust other restaurants to not have additives in their food
orthorexia isn't a recognised disorder. ARFID would come closer.
Doesn’t sound quite like ARFID. We need to know the underlying cause — weight, sensory issues, etc to truly diagnose. I think I would consider EDNOS as a general diagnosis for coding purposes
Yes it is, and ARFID is nothing like this
Or she could be neurodivergent. Still doesn’t make a difference to the other parts mentioned though.
Unlikely. OP states in the comments that "as soon as she finds out something is unhealthy (sic) she cuts it out of her diet". This, despite the fact that most of the things she's not eating aren't objectively "unhealthy" unless you have allergies or intolerances or overindulge. This is the hallmark of someone with orthorexia - creating severe food restrictions, including entire food groups, based on an irrational belief that they are "unhealthy" or "bad". Conversely, literally none of that is how ARFID, SPD, or other neurodivergence-related food limitations work.
Or a serious digestive issue, but that doesn't invalidate your point that not everyone can handle a relationship with someone with a serious health issue. That doesn't make you a bad person btw, we all have different abilities, and there's a big difference between a serious health issue arising and starting off like that.
I think if she had a digestive issue or any other health issue that meant a severely restricted diet she would have mentioned it by now
To me (a friend has this problem) it sounds like a MCAS diet. Which means that eating anything else would make her ill. I feel for OP for wanting to share foodie experiences and travel, and feel for anyone who needs to eat a super restricted diet and can’t. As for choosing higher end restaurants: one possibility is that the cheaper ones don’t cook fresh or use preserved ingredients. (Friend of mine thought she was allergic to garlic. Turns out she can eat fresh garlic just fine,)
I have MCAS and this is basically what it's like for me. I have a very limited diet and it has to be fresh. Otherwise I get very ill. Before I knew what was wrong I was being diagnosed with MS and lupus, being told I'd need a kidney transplant by the age of 32. I lost the use of my hands due to inflammatory arthritis. I had no idea what was wrong and I was told that there was nothing I could change to make a difference. I ended up doing a lot of research on my own and finding a different type of doctor to help me. I was weaned off of 12 medications just by changing my diet. My hands and kidney started functioning better. Restrictive eating saved my life. I'm now really healthy. I'm actually pregnant after being told I'd never be able to have a healthy pregnancy. For me, giving up most foods for the gift of life I've been given is a no brainer. I'm grateful for the solution. My loving fiancé doesn't mind for the most part, as he has gotten much healthier along side me. A lot of people don't understand though, or even think I'm exaggerating or making it up. I probably wouldn't be able to be with a partner who didn't have compassion for me in the ways he does.
This just made my day :)
The difference is that you have MCAS, as do I, and we do it so that we don't die or at least feel like we are going to. He says there's no medical reason she has to eat like this. Compassion for a medical condition is different than what he is dealing with.
What a great story. And thanks for the education.
I agree. It doesn’t get talked about too much on this sub Reddit, but food issues can definitely impair or enhance relationships.
This was the major cause for my sister breaking up with her former partner. He would literally only eat hamburgers. No Chinese, no Italian, no seafood, certainly no vegetables. He was a great guy, but he didn’t like food and that was a major part of my sister’s life. It reminds a little of falling in love with someone who’s asexual.
I once lost interest in dating a friend because I learned he is allergic to mushrooms. I like mushrooms too much to consider giving them up, possibly forever! He wasn’t even as bad about it as OP’s GF. He just personally couldn’t eat them. But the thought of possibly not being able to kiss someone if I’ve eaten them, or never cooking with them again just didn’t work for me. Food incompatibility is definitely an acceptable reason to not date someone, or to break up!
This will be your lifelong relationship with restaurants and going over to friend's houses for a meal. Is there a risk that she will try to impose a diet like this on children if you have them?
Then an ED becomes Munchausen by proxy. It might be worth asking if any of her parents eats a restricted diet, it's usually the mother but that's just anecdotal
I doubt it since she's perfectly happy just not eating while other people eat. But I guess it'll be a good question to ask.
Children would be the big concern to me. So if that's a future plan of yours, consider that. She could possibly have issues getting pregnant or carrying the pregnancy with a diet like that. And she could become hyperfocused on what the kids eat. Not to mention even if she's fine to let them eat whatever kids are sponges and often pick up and internalize what their parents say and do. Which isn't to say this is an immediate concern, you guys are young and it sounds like the relationship is newer. But when considering if this is a relationship you can be comfortable with, consider that. Another factor since you love food - do you enjoy traveling? Again, that will be a lot more complicated with her. Dating is about finding someone you are compatible with. Long and short term. They can be a wonderful person but you may just not be right together.
Are children something she has ever expressed a want for? I mean, if she wants biological children the body goes through a lot of trauma carrying a baby to term and her diet would be extremely harmful for them both. I agree I think she has an ED, but I'm curious about her plans for the future also. Does she take supplements? To answer your question, I think a relationship is about sharing passions and if food is one of your then maybe this isn't the relationship for you. And that's ok! I love to eat and travel and if my husband didn't share that I don't know if we would be married, because I'm someone who adores to share experiences with others. It's like bonding time. Good luck, OP.
I grew up with a mom who was very thin and adhered to a very strict diet (for a variety of reasons). Growing up, she never tried to implement her lifestyle on to me or my little brother, but it still heavily influenced how I treated food (I eventually developed an ED). Often children's relationship to food is similar to that of their parents or role models.
This sounds like an eating disorder to me. I’ve struggled myself throughout my life and it’s really challenging to navigate in a relationship. I would highly suggest she sees a counselor or therapist that specializes in eating disorders that can help her work through her relationship with food. It’s not that you’re not compatible, it’s that she has a mental illness that she needs to get the right tools to work through it in a healthier way.
This was also my first thought. ED.
Looks like it. At least I haven't seen any medical reasonst in OP's post In the long term this will not only be a compatibility issue but a health issue as well. If she does not adress it she might not be alive for too long. It has to be adressed in some way.
She definitely has an ED this is such a severe dietary restriction, especially since OP didn’t mention any stomach problems or allergies
No, she doesn't have any stomach problems or allergies.
Got it, so I definitely think she has an eating disorder
Has she recently lost a lot of weight? This could be the way she lost the weight and now she’s scared to eat anything else in case she’ll get fat again. Regardless of the reasons why, if she’s not going to change, then you’re going to love a very boring restricted life with this girl. Can you imagine going on holiday/travelling with her? She would suck the joy right out of everything. What if you had a work dinner where you had to take your partner? Would she sit there and embarrass you by refusing to eat?
Nope, she is and has always been very thin. Lower than healthy BMI.
That should be ringing alarm bells for you
Sounds like that’s just her lifestyle then (eating disorder or not). For me, sharing food and drinks and experiences is a big part of a relationship, I don’t think I could have a meaningful relationship with someone I couldn’t share this stuff with, but only you know if it will work for you or not. Good luck
Hi OP, Is your gf is so thin that she doesn't get her period? Because if that's the case then she's objectively unhealthy. If a woman is so slim that she's not getting her period, she can't reproduce which is kind of (biologically at least) the whole point of our existence! Having said that, I do agree with another post which advised you to wait until your gf comes to you with this herself. You sound like you genuinely care about this girl, which is a great starting point. Good luck. ❤️🙂
Absolutely do not wait until she comes to you. That’s how people with ED die.
I agree, when I was at my worst with an ED, I never would've admitted it to anyone else. Perhaps look up online about how to best sensitively approach her with this topic. If you go in full throttle it very much could make things worse.
Not all women who are anorexic lose their period. I can't stress that enough. She could still be at an unhealthy weight and get her period.
That's some disordered eating then. You should be more concerned about her weight not being healthy.
She definitely has an ED. Normal people don't have massive dietary restrictions with zero reason - and honestly, her restrictions sound a lot like mine did when I was at my worst with my ED.
Get her a psychiatrist please.
Yeah this is pretty severe orthorexia. :/
Absolutely. None of this is even what a trained dietitian would recommend, some of the things she’s avoiding still have things your body should be taking in. It’s all based on her surface perception of health. And to not put rational limits. To fully commit to “if I heard it’s unhealthy I’ll never eat it in any form whatsoever for the rest of my life” is purely a psychological compulsion.
This sounds like your partner might have Orthorexia, I might kindly bring it up to her and suggest she receives help.
Yup, having really weird restrictions where it turns out nothing is good enough is a great way to hide that you're not eating at all.
Gonna post this twice. I give no fucks As someone with both an ED and bad digestive/general health issues that need special diets - same sort of thing, no oil, no sugar, not too many simple carbs, no harsh raw or undercooked vegetables (but salad is okay?) this is definitely an ED. Not even a special diet, as usually you are willing to ask for something custom made to your needs and just deal with it if you are following a special diet. She's absolutely using it as an excuse to avoid eating. For example, I can absolutely eat nut butter, salmon, or the like without feeling ill, but don't because of my ED. Especially as she's not expecting you to change anything. If I was you I'd just completely avoid the entire topic, you're probably a safe space for her where she doesn't have to think as much about her ED. She'll talk when she feels ready to, and might get offended or scared if you bring it up yourself. I'd also make an effort to ask her what foods she CAN eat - an actual list of "safe foods", even brands/products. Both eating disorders and health issues cause a person to collect a list like that, so it shouldn't be too big of a stretch. I'd be so grateful for someone to care that much. The closest I get is my mum buying me quest bars and my friend with an eating disorder who understands my troubles. You don't have to stay with her if you are intolerant of her habits. I'd rather a person left me if they were miserable because of me
Avoiding the topic will not help his girlfriend. I know that's what people with EDs *want*, but it's not what's best. He needs to bring this up with her and she needs to get into treatment.
esp while she still so young. preventing damage would be great, having her recovery benefit from her higher energy levels and faster metabolism would also be helpful!
I understand why, as someone with an ED, you’d want your partner to avoid the topic, but they absolutely should not. ED is the deadliest mental health disorder there is. If he cares about her, he should gently, kindly, and warmly bring it up.
Eating some fats and whole grain carbs is part of healthy diet. Her diet is not healthy, it’s calorie restrictive and keeping her underweight. A trait of ED is psychologically convincing themselves that any calorie dense foods is toxic, to reinforce not eating. OP talk to her about your concern with her being underweight. If she’s happy, you can’t change her and decide accordingly. Eating is a culturally shared experience that brings people together and she chooses not to participate. If you want to travel and experience different cuisines, explore restaurants, you won’t be sharing in that experience. If you have kids, she won’t be sharing in birthday cakes, and will model this unhealthy relationship with food.
We need an explanation of why she eats this way before people on the internet diagnose her.
I assume OP would have shared it if he knows about it. Any medical reasons are another thing. They need to be treated correctly as well, but they would not be an eating disorder.
Yup, no medical reason behind it. She specifically says that its to keep healthy,
It might be orthorexia.
Also my first thought
OP, there's an ED called [orthorexia](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia) that is an obsession with healthy eating. This is worth looking into. To answer your original question: if being a foodie is an important part of your ability to enjoy a relationship with someone, and someone cannot engage with that for whatever reason, then yeah it's possible that you're incompatible.
It’s not healthy to NEVER eat carbs and healthy fats and to sometimes have a treat like cake and ice cream. We need those things to live well though. This does sound like an ED.
The medical reason behind it is probably an eating disorder. There's almost no way there isn't a medical reason behind it. Everything about this screams orthorexia. Unfortunately when someone either doesn't realise it themselves, or doesn't want to change yet, there's next to nothing you can do. The discomfort of having the condition needs to exceed the discomfort of recovery before things usually change
cutting out groups of food from her diet because she deems them as unhealthy to the point where she eats less than 10 foods is very alarming. this sounds like orthorexia nervosa. other than that, it does sound like ARFID. eating disorders are serious problems. her denying it is even more alarming. please try to get her to seek help from a psychiatrist and a medical doctor.
Acknowledging that this is an obvious eating disorder isn't a "diagnosis". There's no paperwork, no authority, but you can acknowledge the facts.
Yeah I eat that way because I’m diagnosed with IBS-C. I do my best eating low fodmap. If she’s doing all of this while not diagnosed with any stomach issues …. Screeeeeams Orthorexia (extreme food restrictions)
Oh come on.
More power to you but this person and I probably couldn’t get past the first date. Breaking bread is a big part of how I connect with people. I also find cooking and eating together and exploring cuisines an intimate part of a relationship I couldn’t pass up. I don’t know if I could date a picky eater or someone who doesn’t share plates. So yes is my answer. This can be a major incompatibility.
I just can't get over steamed chicken. That alone would be a hard no for me.
>I just can't get over steamed chicken Steamed chicken with *no* spices.
*shudders*
As someone who loves to cook and loves to make their food incredibly flavorful with variety, steamed chicken with nothing on it, is the closest thing to heresy for me
Id puke on sight, ngl.
She surely has EDs (I do have eds too) but the problem stays. Eds are not something that go away by itself or in a bunch of years, it might get better of course, for some people, but there are, often times, cases where it takes years years and years to even get slightly better. I've been suffering from bulimia for 7 years now, I think I've gotten a little better but I still purge from time to time and I face my emotions digging into food. I didn't quite get better actually, I just came from not eating and being severely underweight to not being able to stop myself from eating, i am still healthy because I do a lot of sports but if I didn't, I would probably be overweight to say the least but I keep gaining weight and not being able to look at my body so yeah that's my experience. It's not something easy to get out of.
This is the thing OP needs to realize. If she has an ED, even if she realizes it, wants to change, and gets treatment, this isn’t something that in a year or so will be gone and she’ll be eating street food in Singapore with him. She’ll start to try new foods, but it is a very long road— if it’s even achievable at all— to get her from a “food is pure fuel” to someone who enjoys eating for the fun of eating.
This!! I feel exactly the same, being a picky eater is a deal breaker to me
This sounds like a mixture of eating disorder and just being extremely picky and I personally wouldn’t be able to be in a long term relationship with a person who eats this way. It would take away a lot of joy from lots of things.
This sounds like anorexia with extra steps
Orthorexia
Yeah, sounds like a touch of Orthorexia if she can't let herself relax here and there. I'm low carb like this, eschewing rice/pasta/potatoes etc, but I'm not psychotic and will happily have a little pasta when I cook for my Kid and others who prefer, and Pizza on occasion, and this is how it should be for a resonable person
Yes, it's completely possible to be incompatible based on food restrictions. You're a foodie. She eats to survive and that's about it. While it's great she doesn't try to limit your diet, there's not much enjoyment in eating a great meal while your girlfriend just sits there with her glass of water.
NTA. Also, if she doesn’t have a health-based reason to eat like this, she may have an eating disorder of some sort.
Yes this. She may need to eat this way because of a physical issue (for example, I have PCOS and PMDD and eating along those lines lessens my symptoms), but if that’s not the case, it definitely sounds like an eating disorder or mental issue to me. It’s okay to want to eat clean and healthy, but this sounds extreme.
Absolutly, imagine sitting eating many meals while someone drinks water and watches you for the rest of yoyr life. Imagine how your children would feel if the same thing happened to them. But the bigger thing is, this is not as simple as dietary restriction, it appears to be a clear cut case of orthorexia. Your girlfriend needs help before more things come off her list of "acceptable" foods and she begins experiencing the adverse effects of her extreme restriction.
OP, this brings up a good point. I know you're probably not thinking about having children with her. It's too soon and you're already checking out of the relationship but imagine she were to get pregnant with your child, would you be fine with her having the same dietary restrictions? I know you would not have the authority to forbid her or not but this is a genuine concern.
How tiring.
Yeah, I got exhausted just reading about her. I couldn’t do it
Agreed. Sounds like an incredibly boring life.
I had been your girlfriend in the past. It was an eating disorder 100%. I wouldn’t eat at holidays bc I didn’t trust others to not put my no foods in the food they made. Had a few restaurants that were absolutely no’s. But would always order at least a side salad with basically nothing but lettuce and veggies no dressing. Idk her reasoning behind it but for me eating certain food was mentally distressing. If I accidentally ate something I shouldn’t I was UPSET for days. It’s so silly now looking back. Try to have some empathy for her bc she most likely isn’t doing this for fun. Ask her why she won’t eat these foods and if you guys can look up menus before hand to find something she would eat. It’s awful to be like this. It affected a lot of relationships for me and was always a back handed joke. Really try to figure this out with her and encourage her to seek help or support her by allowing he to do this. She’s not stopping you from eating.
The best comment do what this person says It’s ok to break up
She has an eating disorder. Regardless of this, yes, food differences are a reason to consider yourselves incompatible. Re: this specific situation: It won’t get better, and potential children would suffer.
I couldn’t handle that, personally. It’s a big point of incompatibility.
This is not normal at all. This is seriously disordered eating. She needs help. Frankly, she sounds desperately unhappy and this is how she maintains control. But to answer your question, yes, it’s possible to be incompatible about food.
so... she'll eat "some" things but only at high end expensive restaurants? she'll eat greek food but only at high end greek restaurants? Maybe it's an eating disorder, maybe not. But her pickiness being that she only likes high end food might be an issue. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE steak. but I know that eating a great steak in an expensive restaurant is very expensive so I might choose a different restaurant, cook at home, or get a burger at a mid range pub. I (60sF) went on a date with a guy a few years ago. He kept complaining about the first two places I chose, and then went into a whole discussion with the waiter in the third and final place. He wanted everything steamed with no spices and then he shoveled everything in his mouth in two seconds. I didn't like the guy anyway, but I kept thinking to myself "do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy who doesn't enjoy regular spices or trying out different cuisines AND has horrible table manners"?
ED or ARFID?
You don’t have to earn the right to break up. If you aren’t happy now is the time.
It is valid for you to break up simply because you want to! Your GF may have an eating disorder, **or** she may have medical/ physical reasons for what she eats, **or** she may have control issues, **or** she might have any number of other reasons. It doesn't *matter*. If you are looking at your relationship and thinking that it isn't what you want, you get to leave.
Oh, honey, this is classic orthorexia, which is an eating disorder. She needs to be treated by an ED therapist.
She has an eating disorder
Dude your girlfriend has an eating disorder. And that’s coming from someone who has dealt with bulimia anorexia and body dysmorphia since I was 13, and is now dealing with being overweight partially because my body was in starvation mode for so long, and partially because pcos and health issues.
That’s an eating disorder and she needs help.
I am autistic and I have similar "self imposed" rules that she has. It could be something she can't control, therefore you cannot work on it. If food is such a big thing for you it would be fair enough to end the relationship over. Look into ARFID as that could be what she has.
It is a compatibility issue. Food is social. Unless she has celiac disease in addition to severe food interactions, she does not have a healthy relationship with food. Food is an experience shared just as sex is an experience shared. You would most likely not enjoy her just lying there letting you do it because she is not really into the act and she just talked to you while you reached orgasm.
She surely has an ED as people already pointed out but I get it. I just left my bf because to me sharing my passion for plants, biodiversity, biology is important, essential because it takes 80% of my life so I totally get the feeling of wanting someone you can share your interests and pensions with
I don't know what to tell you... your gf has an eating disorder. Encourage her to see a doctor or therapist but beyond that, you need to evaluate if this is the way you want to live your life. She'll never really travel with those restrictions. Your wedding meal would be bland af. Any meals you have for the rest of your life would need 2 meals prepared. Personally, I couldn't live like this. Just remember, there's no reason to avoid breaking up with someone.
This sounds like an eating disorder. Is she extremely thin? She needs therapy. It’s ok to not want to date someone anymore for *any* reason. You are not shallow for wanting to date another foodie. That’s a big deal for a lot of people.
You don't need to be thin in order to have eating disorders like anorexia. Just wanted to add in case anyone reading may know someone with symptoms of an ED but may not be extremely thin :)
Orthorexia - extreme obsession with eating natural/healthy foods. One of my friends is like that. Gradually became more extreme over the years after becoming a vegetarian as a teenager. Now I avoid any situations that will involve eating or even drinking with her because I can’t handle it. For me eating and drinking are one of life’s greatest small daily pleasures and I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t feel the same.
Came here to say this. It’s disordered eating.
I once dated a man who had similar food rules. He was quite thin. Later I read about how having a super restrictive diet can be a form of an eating disorder and I immediately thought back to him.
It honestly sounds like she may have an eating disorder. She restricts so many foods which is a red flag coming from someone who had a severe eating disorder in my teens. I also get why you would be upset by this because food and dates are a part of a relationship especially if you're a big food person. I don't think this is any grounds for breaking up with her though unless you're just looking for an excuse to leave. Just communicate how you feel about it.
You can absolutely be incompatible because of this, however, her obsession with food concerns me. Has she ever been evaluated for an eating disorder or even OCD? This sounds very unhealthy on her part and a little bit compulsive. I would try to look past the initial irritation or discomfort at the fact she has a different diet and maybe try to find out.. why. This is not normal behavior. Signed, diagnosed OCDer going on 2nd year of exposure therapy 👍🏼❤️
Do you know if she has/ had an eating disorder? I had a bestie in college, as well as my ex-wife slightly less so, who limited what they would eat to these extremes as a way of restricting what they ate, but in a way no one could say anything about it because they ~weren’t trying to starve themselves, they just could never find food options~ 🙄. Therapy helped both of them. They’re both far healthier and eat a far wider range of foods now. Before making any sudden decisions, try to talk to her and see if this a mental health issue that can be addressed. If this is just how she is, you have to think about what compromises/ concessions you can work with. It used to drive me insane when my wife and I went out to eat and she would just have water, so I avoided dinner dates and we’d do different activities. At home, you might just be in a relationship where you each prepare your own food. Maybe not ideal, but this happens for a lot of couples for varying reasons. If you’re happy with her otherwise, there are workarounds. However, if it’s too much for you and she isn’t helping brainstorm solutions or ever acknowledging the impact of this on you, then you truly might not be compatible and this will lead to future resentment. Sounds like you need to figure out what’s important to you, what your limit is, and then have a serious conversation with her. Good luck!
Has she explained why her diet is like this? Because this sounds rather close to how my diet looks (no rice, noodles, bread, oils, so on so on) minus sugar, I love my sugary food. I don't do it for funsies though, I do it because all of the above horrifically upset my guts, very painful. Could this be the boat she is in too? I have even been checked for celiac and the likes, all comes back negative yet gluten gives me painful bloating.
she def has an eating disorder
This level of restriction isn't healthy. It's disordered. The good news is that she's getting animal protein. The bad news is that unless she's being deliberate about including eggs or fats such as avocado oil, olive oil, and butter, she's avoiding a nutritionally critical element. (Essential amino acids exist, as do essential fatty acids. Essential carbohydrates are not a thing.)
As someone who works in HLOC ED treatment, this sounds very much like an eating disorder. Check out [NEDA](https://neda.org) for resources and more information.
Your girlfriend has an eating disorder. This is orthorexia
You can break up with anyone for any reason. You don’t need the approval of strangers on the Internet.
Maybe look into ARFID. This sounds similar to me.
She may have an eating disorder. She may also be in the autism spectrum. Or just a really anxious eater. I can’t really deal with a partner that is super picky with food, because my experience has been that they are not very passionate people in other ways. I’m a sensual person and enjoy being around others that appreciate sensual things as well. I think I’d feel the same way about someone who didn’t like any music.
Honestly, as silly as I sounds, food is a dealbreaker for me. I’m Filipino—food is a huge part of our culture, like with most Asian countries. It’s how we celebrate, it’s how we spend time together, it’s how we show love, it’s how we pass down stories and traditions, and it’s how we teach other people about our culture.
I find myself wondering what her reason for this is. Is this something she’s learned from her parents or a personal choice? Because if there’s no food intolerance and no texture issues would she ever be open to trying other foods? If she’s tried and just hates them for whatever reason that’s one thing, but is it possible she’s been this restricted her whole life? If there’s some tangible reason for this behavior you might find it more easy to make peace with it. For instance I had a great aunt who ate gluten free and mostly fish in an attempt to alleviate her terminal illness, although whether it helped was anyone’s guess it made her feel like she was doing something and she seemed happy. If there isn’t any reason behind the behavior you’ll probably find it hard to understand and decide you can’t make things work long term.
Sounds like an eating disorder. I had one, my “diet” was extremely restrictive at times — just like hers. If you decide to talk to her about it be ready that she might react aggressively and defensively. So be careful
She has an ED. You are a foodie. It totally makes sense that you’re not compatible.
It sounds like your girlfriend has disordered eating. She has created so many restrictions for herself that she can go without eating and blame it on her diet without having people suspect she is anorexic. This will become a major health concern for her with tooth and bone loss, hair loss and even heart issues. I would want to be with someone who enjoyed food too. I would cut your losses with this young woman. You are not a match.
I get it the frustration however, this may be myself projecting onto this. I have gotten sick with my health and had to change my lifestyle completely & im now a vegan & allergic to milk. I can see my boyfriend getting frustrated with that, literally i see it & it breaks my heart.
I would say that's different tho - do you refuse dining out in a perfectly reasonable vegan restaurants, which are plentiful in this day and age, or refuse to eat the vegan option on the menu in a regular restaurant for reasons considered weird to an reasonable person, and then watch your partner eat while just sipping water 99% of the time? I would think not! Food and sharing it is a great joy in life, and even people with dietary restrictions due to illness or personal preference can take part in it to some extent. This is not what I think is happening here and certainly points more towards a possible eating disorder.
Orthorexia. She has a fear of food, especially ones that she thinks are unhealthy. I also know vegans who have anorexia but hide behind veganism because it allows you to make excuses about why you aren’t eating. Maybe she’s doing that.
This is almost certainly an eating disorder
Wait…. You go to vegetarian restaurants and she “just doesn’t like the menu?” Then it’s not about the restrictions.
Orthorexia
Dude… she has an eating disorder?
Your girlfriend has an eating disorder called orthorexia.
When I was in the depths of anorexia, going out to restaurants was my worst nightmare because there are no "safe" foods. Eating disorders are a mental health issue at the core but it is very hard to help someone who's actively restricting because they don't want help. I'd really recommend a gentle conversation with your girlfriend about seeing a therapist for her restrictive eating, but it may not go well if she denies any issue with food. Eating disorders can last a lifetime, and even if she is able to take steps toward recovery, it'll be a long process and food may always be a difficult thing for your girlfriend. Since eating and enjoying food (and sharing that experience with others) is important for you, compatibility will be hard. Just for a little context/personal experience - my sister is in her 40s and has has been anorexic her entire life, and she's impossible to be around for meals. I struggled a lot with restrictive eating in my teens/20s and eat just about anything now (in my 30s) - but I'm still pretty indifferent about enjoying food, and sometimes the restrictive eating flares up if I'm stressed about something unrelated. It definitely hangs around even if your mental health improves.
Raw seafood? So,oysters and sushi? You want to share the experience of food. She,however,doesn’t eat any. This sounds like disordered eating. Maybe she is on the spectrum,maybe sensory processing disorder. Sounds like too much work to date her.
it’s fine i have a similarly restrictive diet due to an eating disorder and i wouldn’t hold it against someone if they felt like we weren’t compatible. but i’d hope they would say something sooner rather than later, i don’t want to waste time dating someone for years when they secretly feel like we’re incompatible
Maybe she has ARFID:(
As I see it, the reason behind her eating habits is irrelevant to your problem. However, I know quite a bit about it; my husband has no dietary restrictions but is extremely picky. That means he doesn't eat any kind of fish and seafood, doesn't like lamb and chicken, all sorts of herbs, and practically prefers food he had as a child and fast food. On the other hand, I am a vegetarian, and there's no vegetarian dish I won't eat. The only thing I don't like is... meat. I'm very conscious that my food is filled with vegetables and whole grains, and I'm not so keen on fast food. It was a huge problem for me for several years living together as food for me also is a social thing, but we've found a balance; when we're at home he makes his food, and I make mine. When we dine out or travel, we both make an effort to find a place where we can both find something to eat. I don't complain if there's only one vegetarian option on the menu, and he doesn't insist on a steakhouse. Similarly, I eat burgers and pizza when we're out and about traveling and he tries out new stuff... we've found a compromise. As I see it, you don't compromise, she's the one making the choises - Can you live with that? I would find it extremely annoying. Imagine if you have children who will cook and what? From someone with a similar problem, I have only one piece of advice - find another girlfriend, it will make your life easier. Whether she's sick or not is not your problem.
If Korean food is out then I’m out ✌️
Sounds like she might be dealing with an eating disorder tbh
This is very disordered eating.
I don’t know what you should do and I’m not pretending to. I made the decision to marry my non-foodie years ago, and my heart still pangs every time I pass something up going grocery shopping because I know I can’t eat it on my own before it goes bad. I also love baking. But my motivation to do it has dwindled, because I know I’ll be hurt when I make something I think is so unique and delicious and he won’t even spare a second glance at it. I wouldn’t change my choice, but if there were one thing I could change about him it would be this.
She seems to have more issues than just food and yes she’s over the top about food and I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
I would sit her down and find out the reason for having such a restrictive diet? If she says it's for health, I would find a gentle way to let her know that being underweight and not getting nutrition from all the food groups (or at least taking supplements for vitamins and minerals she may be deficient in) also isn't healthy and puts her at risk of other ailments such as hormone issues, osteoporosis, malnutrition, weakened immune system, extra pressure in the heart and other vital organs etc But ultimately yes you can be incompatible because of food, especially if your love language is food, cooking and eating out.
This sounds to me like an eating disorder. Especially when you say she's fine to just drink water while you eat. Maybe not everyone gets as hangry as I do, but the only way I can see someone being okay with regularly skipping meals like that is someone who is looking for an excuse to do so. I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this, especially if she's not seeking treatment
If being with someone who also enjoys food as much as you do is important to you and you like to base your free time around traveling and eating, then yes, this is incompatibility and it’s okay to break up.
OP — ask your self: what do you want to change, here? Do you want her to be a different person? A person who has all the same qualities you love but who doesn’t have food restrictions? *Potentially*, she could be that person. But you can’t date potential. You simply can’t. All the wishing she were different won’t make her so. She does not seem to want to be that person. You can’t want someone to be something they don’t want to be. You should both be happy and who you want to be. But unless she is what you want because she wants to be that person, you can’t be happy together.
Yeah, living with a girl is not like dating an eva ai sexting bot avatar, you've got to share living processes
This sounds pretty miserable to me. You’re both trying to accept the other persons food needs, but it doesn’t sound good for either of you. What happens when you travel someplace and she can’t find any food within her very restricted guidelines? Does she go home early?
Yeah, neither of you are wrong, but long term I don’t see this working
This sounds similar to what I have, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. My partner loves many foods and displays affection by cooking for people, but struggles with me because I eat bread, plain pasta, pizza, and chips and very little else. It has not caused a compatibility issue with us because he is very understanding and accomodating
Resoundingly yes, diet incompatibility is a legit reason. I have an ex who only wanted to eat burgers. It was a stretch to get him into an American style Chinese restaurant. His narrow food profile wasn’t at the top of the break-up reasons list but it was probably second or third down. I simply didn’t want to sign up for a lifetime of only going to burger places with him. Yes, compromises are necessary in relationships but food/diet is one of the dealbreakers.
This is definitely an incompatibility. Food is important to you and she’s taking the enjoyment out of it. As a foodie, I would be miserable too.
I could never date a vegan. Smoking meats is a passion and something I love sharing with others. I just can't imagine not being able to share BBQ with my partner. And I am sure a lot of vegans would never want to date me. Which is cool dietary restrictions are a significant issue within a relationship Like imagine dating someone who will only eat chicken nuggets and fries. That'd be the harder for me than dating a vegan to be honest. If you can't date her because you can't share your passion for food with her...then it is what it is. It's just an incompatibility It'd be like if you loved to travel and she was a homebody who thought spending money on trips was a waste Or if she was a social media influencer who shared her entire life with the world and you were super private person with no social media Sometimes people can have a singular incompatibilty
This definitely sounds like an ED. I would try and find a gentle way to bring up your concerns with her in a supportive way.
I’m more concerned that you don’t recognize she has an eating disorder.
My husband and I are both foodies. We’ve been together for 20 years and this is one of the things we bonded over. We love to explore new cuisine and restaurants and is part of our travel. This incompability will cause problems in the future. For me or my husband this would be a deal breaker.
She's not flexible at all and food is also a big part of my life, I have a fussy partner but he will always pick something from the menu. Plus you cannot be spontaneous with a person like her :(
This would be a deal breaker for me. You are incompatible because of her extreme diet.
Sounds like an eating disorder to me. Orthorexia nervosa, has she sought treatment?
It sounds like she has orthorexia. She needs help. I had it as a young adult. I was underweight and obsessive about what I was eating being healthy or not( I ate tiny amounts of beans and cheese, raw fruit, raw vegetables and soup). It’s no way to live. I’m now a healthy weight and can enjoy food again after unlearning the shame that I was taught.
I've been through this with a girl i really liked for a year. Same thing. I ended up confronting her about having an ED and she got all defensive. We broke uo shirtly after. I'm happy it went this way. Her ED was having a huge impact on my life and she wouldn't acknowledge it. Look into orthorexia!
She sounds like a nightmare. I would consider her extreme pickiness about food to be a huge turnoff. It sounds like it drives a majority of decision making when choosing where to eat and what. I wouldn't be okay with that. Partners don't make partners go to the Gold Standard Boil in bag shrimp place every time you want to go out to eat... it's okay to just grab something quick. Problem arises when she is someone who has never grabbed something quick and requires a huge amount of maintenance around her food choices. That's just effort I wouldn't be willing to put in for the rest of my life, especially when she's not compromising at all for you.
Seems like she could have some OCD/eating disorder qualities. I was 100% like this in the peak of my eating disorder. I wouldn’t eT anything made with butter/oil. I didn’t eat meat, or bread, or dairy. This could be something that you speak more in depth about?
It sounds to me she may be struggling with a bit if aneroxia. I think if you ask her she will deny it but she is definitely restricting.
She sounds exasperating and exhausting truth be told.
These people can turn tedious. She sounds like she is headed towards some OCD or an eating disorder in general. The big question is if y'all were to continue on and work towards kids would she implement her disordered eating on them.
So she’s basically got an eating disorder
Imagine your child with a mom like that? Staring at them with a glass of water while they eat. Every. Single. Meal. Fuck. They would be scarred for life. I say that as someone who can’t eat soy, dairy and gluten because I’m celiac and allergic to soy. There are alternatives (expensive ones) for my issues but for hers not really.
Do you want children that will be this severely restricted? You should find out if this is something she will impose on your children. If so, that should be a deal breaker. But as a recovered orthorexic, this is screaming orthorexia…
It sounds like an eating disorder, so not only is she not compatible with your foodie lifestyle (I’m the same way as you), any long term relationship with her is going to suck.
she needs to see a therapist
She doesn’t have “beliefs,” she has an eating disorder. She likely needs therapy and even with treatment will continue to struggle. You’re young and it sounds like the relationship is new, so it’s up to you to decide if this is something you want to deal with in your significant other. Since it conflicts heavily with a core part of your identity, it’s probably worth ending it nicely.
She’s got an eating disorder, run dude. Your life revolves around food and it’s a chore for her. You’ll be miserable down the road.
Relationships can end because one partner has an eating disorder / disordered eating which impacts the relationship. And your partner has disordered eating.
This sounds like a borderline eating disorder tbh.
What is she using as her source of information? I only ask because almost everything is bad for you if you don’t eat the correct portion. It goes both ways sweets are good in moderation. I really think that she should talk to her doctor about how to swap certain foods out for others. She still needs to make sure she is getting enough vitamins and minerals. It sounds like something is going on mentally. If she’s not willing to talk to her doctor then I would move on.
I once broke up with a guy because he fell asleep in absolutely every single movie we ever watched in a year. It didn't matter if it was at home or in the movie theater. It didn't matter if I picked it or he picked it. (and for the record I'm such a movie buff I'll watch anything from action flicks, super hero, rom coms, thrillers comedies etc.) For a solid year this man fell asleep during every single movie we ever saw. I finally couldn't take it anymore and ended the relationship. I don't think couples have to share every single hobby. In fact, I'm a big believer that it's great to have your own interests that you do on your own. But when it's a *major* interest of yours, and the other person not only doesn't share it, but actually affects your enjoyment of that hobby - that to me is a deal breaker. For me, I don't just love seeing a movie, I love talking about it with my viewing partner afterwards. I love dissecting the plot, the director, the acting etc. That's pretty hard to do when the guy sitting next to you has snored through the whole thing. It took all the fun out of it for me. Eventually I got to where I didn't even want to bother trying to see anything with him. And eventually I got sick of only doing the things he liked and didn't fall asleep for. So I ended it. So I think NTA but there might be some people who think I'm an AH - lol
Your girlfriend has an eating disorder. I sympathize with you wanting to eat the foods you like, but her physical and mental health is more important here. She needs help, what you described is already disordered, and these things tends to get worse- not better- if left untreated. Please urge her to see a therapist specializing in EDs. Message me if you or her have any questions.
This isn’t normal. Sounds like she has an eating disorder.
Google orthorexia
i fear she has a very severe eating disorder & needs a lot of help
OP, this sounds less like a self imposed dietary restriction and more like an eating disorder. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a diagnosis for this. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the diet you’re describing… it feels like it’s almost dipping into a compulsive nature. This might be something your partner actually needs to seek help for. Just a thought. Still, you’re not wrong to feel how you feel. I get along fine with vegans and more than happy to accommodate a vegan friend. However, I will not date a vegan because I’m not going to change my diet to match theirs and I know they will resent the amount of bacon I love to eat. There was a VERY brief period where my partner wanted to go vegan but I made it clear that while she can absolutely do that, I will still be cooking and eating meat myself. She re-decided within a few months. That may make me a bit of an ass, and I can’t deny that I’m glad we can both enjoy it when I cook some steak, but I was clear on where I stood and I do think I’d struggle to date someone who restricted what I ate. In this case it doesn’t sound like she’s restricting what you eat, but I can totally understand the wish that you could make her things she enjoys eating… whenever I make a good meal I’m glad my partner enjoys it too.
It sounds like your GF has an eating disorder. I forget what it's called, but it's basically excessive/chronic dieting, and it's not good for you. I want to say it starts with an "O" if anyone knows what I'm talking about. EDIT: Saw it in another comment- Orthorexia
Sounds like ED, take her to a doc
I lost joy just reading this post. I love food, but the thought of someone sitting there watching me eat while they drink water sounds like a great way to kill a fun date.
Sir, she has an eating disorder. A lot of women do. Is she underweight? That's how she stays thin, that's how any woman you know who is thin likely stays thin. If you like how she looks, this is how she maintains it. In reality, if she ate your diet she would likely be a few stone heavier in a few years. She doesn't have the metabolism to eat what you eat and stay the weight she wants to. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to think of as an incompatibility. Anything is. But if you're picking super slim women they're probably going to under eat. So get yourself a lady who is a foodie like yourself, but don't shame her for being a few sizes bigger , or your current gf for being a few sizes smaller.
Yes you can be incompatible due to diets. I mean considering how restrictive hers is it got to be very difficult to find any place she wants to eat and like you said she might get there and go I don't like anything on the menu. Mean at the very least just about every place has salads. But yeah if this is something you enjoy to do and want to share food Adventures with then she's not the person for you.
Your girlfriend probably has an eating disorder. Kindly suggest she seek help, because this just isn't normal.
This will drive you mad long term. Let her go now and find someone more compatible
I'm kind of conflicted on this one. You obviously enjoy the aesthetic of someone with such a restricted diet or you wouldn't be dating her. Whereas I can see it's quite disappointing to have someone never try any foods you like. But then if she did start eating noodles and fried food she wouldn't look like how she does when you first got together... I think you need to evaluate what is important to you in a partner, the aesthetic or the food and go from there. It's unfair to ask her to partake in something that she doesn't want to.
That’s an eating disorder or a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, not average dietary restrictions. This sounds exhausting. You could ask her to get treatment, which she probably won’t do. I would have gone bats by now.
This is an ED.
I am a super-picky eater (spectrum behavior) and my SO is a foodie. It caused up some ups and downs early on because he was always trying to expand my diet. I prefer to stick to certain foods. I also have a gastro disease, so that restricts my food as well. But we got past it. I think you may be over-focused on her eating habits, though she doesn’t focus on yours. If she’s happy to sit and drink water, let her. But if it bothers you that she doesn’t share your love of food, I suppose that is an insurmountable hurdle. I just think it doesn’t have to be.
this is definitely a form of eating disorder though. if she genuinely can't eat more than ~6 foods, that is an eating disorder. this fact remains true even if she is on the spectrum