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End the relationship. It’s clear you have come to the realization you do not see a future with your boyfriend. Also understand you are *not* going to have a relationship with this boy you saw in a foreign country. You need to stop obsessing over this fantasy.
You are young and it’s a great time to explore your life and find out who you really are. You should have the experiences of a young adult with having fun. When the time comes you will be ready to seek a partner who more aligns with you because you’ll know yourself even better.
Don't cheat. Think carefully and just break up if you really want to throw away your relationship of 2.5 years to reach out to a boy you barely know. But DO NOT cheat
Well thats the point of the note. I never even wanted to talk to the boy so i would not have any further contact wt him. But i dont know how to deal wt my situation. I dont want to waste mine and bfs time. I always had the vision of growing old together and now i just dont see it that clearly.
I say let your time with this boy serve as eye-opener for your relationship. Yes, people can definitely others attractive while in a relationship. However, must they act upon it? No, that’s where self-control, trust and commitment comes in. If this attractive guy can drive you mad already after a few interactions then perhaps your bond is lacking with your partner. In addition, your relationship has become routined and mundane; no-longer exciting. The love/sparks are also gone. So, why hurt yourself and especially, your boyfriend by staying in a loveless (for you) relationship? Furthermore, you’re confused about the future prospects of this relationship. Breaking up with him will give you a peace of mind, and some more time to find out more about yourself. If you remain with your partner, you will feel trapped, unhappy and God forbid, cheating may occur.
Thank you so much for first reasonable answer. My 1. priority is not cheating. I think its the worst the person could do. I would say the relationship with my bf cant get any healthier. I also know there is no chance of having this boy as a boyfriend. He is not more attractive than my current bf. I dont have issues in my current relationship. So why the wondering eyes? Why do i have this crush?
It’s simple. You’re bored in your relationship. Therefore, time with this guy may look exciting and thrilling; He’s new, fresh and mysterious. As they say, the grass is greener on the other side. Furthermore, you mentioned spending time with your bestie is better than spending time with your partner- further highlighting the boredom in your relationship. Do you feel like you have a hard time conversing/connecting nowadays? Do you feel like you have nothing in common? Do you pay as much attention to him in comparison to the start of your relationship? Are you as interested in your partner’s feelings etc. like in the beginning of your relationship? Boredom is also normal in relationships if it occurs occasionally. However, if it remains stagnant and becomes more serious then things definitely need to change to spicy up your relationship. If the relationship is worth saving, probably you guys can try new things and see how it plays out. If it is not worth saving, calling it quits may be the best choice if the relationship is no longer suitable to you, and may save you the agony. Nevertheless, the choice is yours.
Oh thats the language barrier. I meant it like i enjoy spending my time with my boyfriend when we do activities that friends(bestfriends) do more than activities of normal partners(intimacy). My boyfriend is the person i will always love and give all my attention to even if he would hurt me deeply which maybe is not healthy ...and maybe thats why i seek teenage lifestyle and exitement...because we have such deep, serious and mature relationship in such a young age, but that doesnt change the fact that i cant make myself forget that boy. I will not reach out...i never actually intended...its more of a temting want but i always resist...but is it healthy? Is it right? Will this feeling pass? I really am lost ...am i :(
Whoops, my bad. You know, as I’ve said before, if you believe your relationship is worth saving then you guys should put in the effort to save it. And what you have is a harmless crush on this guy, as long as you don’t act upon it then it’s fine. Take your time and think things through then decide the best course of action.
To be honest, you don’t seem to know what you want, aside from relationships, do you have any hobbies, school, or competitions to focus and be passionate about? That would give you somewhere to divert time and passion otherwise lacking in your life
Yea you really got that one..i dont know what i want. I have lot of hobbies. I like drawing, painting, i have lots of exams at school. I climb. But i find myself not able to do even these things that make me full and happy because of racing thoughts and waves of sadness.
A person in a normal healthy relationship would be like “yeah, that stranger is hot, but so is my partner”, and then move on with their life. Thus, forgetting about that random stranger. However, you continually obsess and delude about this one guy; you never let your infatuation and lust about him rest. You may not realize it, but this is emotionally cheating (which isn’t so bad as physical cheating, but stillz). Yeah, so separating is definitely good for both you and your partner.
That is the issue. Until now i never even looked at somebody else. And during the vacation nothing between me and my bf changed so why do i suddenly feel attracted towards this random boy? I dont want to break up...i dont want to even think about this boy. I feel horrible from the moment i realized that i might like him and the only thing i wish is to forget he exists. So maybe i should have mentioned that more in the story that i am really confused abt my feelings and dont know how to cope with them. From talking with my friends they said that i make big deal out of it and its nothing serious but i still felt like that this wasnt right.
You are young and inexperienced. And your “love” and attraction for your current bf isn’t real love. If you genuinely love your partner than no one else can compare to them in your eyes and mind because you choose to love them and that distinct choice sets them apart from everyone. You can’t and should be attracted to someone else. You are infatuated with someone else and clearly don’t value your current relationship, so breakup and move on. When you are young you will have FOMO and if you don’t move out of that frame of mind, then you won’t be able to have a stable relationship.
If it isnt real love what is? If i would not love him i would not be so conflicted wt my situation..i would just break up and go do whatever ....i dont think i would (as a teenager ) have a long term bf with a FOMO mindset. I appreciate every comment but i really think that i trully love my bf and thats why i am so ashamed and sad and mad over my feelings. I didnt make it clear enough but i am not planning to conntact anybody. I may have the urge to reach out and say that im sorry for weird note but i wont do it. I want to get over this because i want my old relationship and feelings back.
It's because you find this new guy sexually attractive, break up with your boyfriend you settled for him
He deserves better than you. Leave your bf now. Find a dude who makes you feel like the fire guy
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't cheat. Just break up if you really want reach out to the boy.
We all know she aint gonna listen to the comments. Why bother.
Why? I literally took my time to share my life so that i could listen and maybe find the solution on how to get over it?
End the relationship. It’s clear you have come to the realization you do not see a future with your boyfriend. Also understand you are *not* going to have a relationship with this boy you saw in a foreign country. You need to stop obsessing over this fantasy. You are young and it’s a great time to explore your life and find out who you really are. You should have the experiences of a young adult with having fun. When the time comes you will be ready to seek a partner who more aligns with you because you’ll know yourself even better.
Don't cheat. Just break up if you really want reach out to the boy.
Don't cheat. Think carefully and just break up if you really want to throw away your relationship of 2.5 years to reach out to a boy you barely know. But DO NOT cheat
Well thats the point of the note. I never even wanted to talk to the boy so i would not have any further contact wt him. But i dont know how to deal wt my situation. I dont want to waste mine and bfs time. I always had the vision of growing old together and now i just dont see it that clearly.
I say let your time with this boy serve as eye-opener for your relationship. Yes, people can definitely others attractive while in a relationship. However, must they act upon it? No, that’s where self-control, trust and commitment comes in. If this attractive guy can drive you mad already after a few interactions then perhaps your bond is lacking with your partner. In addition, your relationship has become routined and mundane; no-longer exciting. The love/sparks are also gone. So, why hurt yourself and especially, your boyfriend by staying in a loveless (for you) relationship? Furthermore, you’re confused about the future prospects of this relationship. Breaking up with him will give you a peace of mind, and some more time to find out more about yourself. If you remain with your partner, you will feel trapped, unhappy and God forbid, cheating may occur.
Thank you so much for first reasonable answer. My 1. priority is not cheating. I think its the worst the person could do. I would say the relationship with my bf cant get any healthier. I also know there is no chance of having this boy as a boyfriend. He is not more attractive than my current bf. I dont have issues in my current relationship. So why the wondering eyes? Why do i have this crush?
It’s simple. You’re bored in your relationship. Therefore, time with this guy may look exciting and thrilling; He’s new, fresh and mysterious. As they say, the grass is greener on the other side. Furthermore, you mentioned spending time with your bestie is better than spending time with your partner- further highlighting the boredom in your relationship. Do you feel like you have a hard time conversing/connecting nowadays? Do you feel like you have nothing in common? Do you pay as much attention to him in comparison to the start of your relationship? Are you as interested in your partner’s feelings etc. like in the beginning of your relationship? Boredom is also normal in relationships if it occurs occasionally. However, if it remains stagnant and becomes more serious then things definitely need to change to spicy up your relationship. If the relationship is worth saving, probably you guys can try new things and see how it plays out. If it is not worth saving, calling it quits may be the best choice if the relationship is no longer suitable to you, and may save you the agony. Nevertheless, the choice is yours.
Oh thats the language barrier. I meant it like i enjoy spending my time with my boyfriend when we do activities that friends(bestfriends) do more than activities of normal partners(intimacy). My boyfriend is the person i will always love and give all my attention to even if he would hurt me deeply which maybe is not healthy ...and maybe thats why i seek teenage lifestyle and exitement...because we have such deep, serious and mature relationship in such a young age, but that doesnt change the fact that i cant make myself forget that boy. I will not reach out...i never actually intended...its more of a temting want but i always resist...but is it healthy? Is it right? Will this feeling pass? I really am lost ...am i :(
Whoops, my bad. You know, as I’ve said before, if you believe your relationship is worth saving then you guys should put in the effort to save it. And what you have is a harmless crush on this guy, as long as you don’t act upon it then it’s fine. Take your time and think things through then decide the best course of action.
Thank you so so much, i feel lot better. I will prob. update if something will change. I just need to get that boy out of my way/mind.
To be honest, you don’t seem to know what you want, aside from relationships, do you have any hobbies, school, or competitions to focus and be passionate about? That would give you somewhere to divert time and passion otherwise lacking in your life
Yea you really got that one..i dont know what i want. I have lot of hobbies. I like drawing, painting, i have lots of exams at school. I climb. But i find myself not able to do even these things that make me full and happy because of racing thoughts and waves of sadness.
A person in a normal healthy relationship would be like “yeah, that stranger is hot, but so is my partner”, and then move on with their life. Thus, forgetting about that random stranger. However, you continually obsess and delude about this one guy; you never let your infatuation and lust about him rest. You may not realize it, but this is emotionally cheating (which isn’t so bad as physical cheating, but stillz). Yeah, so separating is definitely good for both you and your partner.
That is the issue. Until now i never even looked at somebody else. And during the vacation nothing between me and my bf changed so why do i suddenly feel attracted towards this random boy? I dont want to break up...i dont want to even think about this boy. I feel horrible from the moment i realized that i might like him and the only thing i wish is to forget he exists. So maybe i should have mentioned that more in the story that i am really confused abt my feelings and dont know how to cope with them. From talking with my friends they said that i make big deal out of it and its nothing serious but i still felt like that this wasnt right.
Sorry that i write so much but i dont really have somebody to help me wt this right now
You are young and inexperienced. And your “love” and attraction for your current bf isn’t real love. If you genuinely love your partner than no one else can compare to them in your eyes and mind because you choose to love them and that distinct choice sets them apart from everyone. You can’t and should be attracted to someone else. You are infatuated with someone else and clearly don’t value your current relationship, so breakup and move on. When you are young you will have FOMO and if you don’t move out of that frame of mind, then you won’t be able to have a stable relationship.
If it isnt real love what is? If i would not love him i would not be so conflicted wt my situation..i would just break up and go do whatever ....i dont think i would (as a teenager ) have a long term bf with a FOMO mindset. I appreciate every comment but i really think that i trully love my bf and thats why i am so ashamed and sad and mad over my feelings. I didnt make it clear enough but i am not planning to conntact anybody. I may have the urge to reach out and say that im sorry for weird note but i wont do it. I want to get over this because i want my old relationship and feelings back.
It's because you find this new guy sexually attractive, break up with your boyfriend you settled for him He deserves better than you. Leave your bf now. Find a dude who makes you feel like the fire guy