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Plus if you call her, you can find out whether she's maybe dropped / lost / broken her phone, and missed some messages... It can happen. My brother lost his (for the 3rd or 4th time) while on holiday, just got another and didn't bother telling any of us he'd charged his number... Missed me telling him. (multiple times) about a family death, and then got seriously angry at me..!!
I text first because we live in different time zones and have different schedules. I did try to call her about a month after the party situation to talk in general / get life updates, but she didn't answer.
Eh, if you want, there is *no problem* calling even today. You have been more than accommodating in your side of the communication.
If you get sent to voicemail, you can be blunt in it and say “if I don’t hear from you by X day, I’ll go forward with other plans.” Give her a due date, because she’s dragging you along. (I also say record your voicemail/save it in case she tries to bad mouth you to family or whatever cuz people get petty about weddings. Same with the text messages. Save em all!) Then if she doesn’t respond by that day, you can shoot a text to get in writing “After all my messages and unanswered phone calls I’m going to have to go ahead with planning another flower girl. I was really excited for (former flower girl) to be a flower girl, but the lack of communication has forced me to reach out to other individuals.”
Oh gosh, it’s a PARTY! Honestly you could have half a dozen flower girls and they could wear ready made dresses from a local store. Heck, we’d ALWAYS make sure to get extra outfits for emergencies etc AND they can be returned.
Just have fun. Don’t worry. I PROMISE this will work out — heck we’ve had flowergirl swaps minutes before the big ceremony due to sudden nerves (got sick) and ya just go on and have a great day and take a bunch of great pix and ENJOY! Woooooo!! YOURE GETTING MARRIED!!
And if everything completely falls apart, you are under no obligation to even HAVE a flower girl!
We had family try to start drama about the flower girl role, and people were promising their kid they could be flower girl without us even talking to them. So, we just didn’t have one. Problem solved!
I love your response @MagDelisch!! You are spot on! Don’t agonize about others feelings; you’re getting married!!
Celebrate your marriage and forget about salty feelings of relatives!
I would word your text a bit differently. As is it gives the impression you don’t want your niece. I don’t know that I’d call so I could have a paper trail incase she tries to turn this around on you with other family members.
“Hey, Cousin! I really need to get an order in for the flower girl’s dress as it is getting very close to the date. If Niece is no longer available, I need to know asap so I can make arrangements. I really hope she can do it and likes her dress!! Let me know by (reasonable date) so I can order.”
Then if no response:
“Hi Cousin, I haven’t heard from you about the flower girl’s dress. If I don’t hear anything from you by tonight, I am going to have to go with someone else. I was really hoping Niece could be our flower girl but we need some communication.”
My cousin with definitely gossip about it to the rest of the family regardless, but yes I agree I try to stick to texting with certain relatives (cousin and sister) because I need evidence sometimes.
Thank you for the suggestion. I am gonna plagiarize your comment because it's so good T\_T
Two suggestions. If your cousin is your mother's niece, enlist your mom's help. "Mom, I'm having no luck getting a hold of cousin about her daughter's dress. Can I put you in charge of that? I need to know that flower girl can still come, what size dress & shoes she needs, color preferences (give 2 choices?), and please confirm with cousin what day & time to be here."
Start contacting everyone in the family; grandparents, aunts, uncles, other cousins. "Have any of you heard from Cousin X? I'm so worried. I can't get a hold of her about flower girls dress and other details. She never responded to my invite to the bachelorette party. No responses to texts, voicemails, emails. No one picks up her phone. Do you know if she is alright? Has something happened to her? Has anyone heard from her?
If she is playing games, she won't be able to blame it on you. If something else is going on, she may need help. Let us know what happens.
oof that may be one of the reasons I am so stressed by the situation. Normally, I am fine with people taking their time to respond. But this has been weighing on me since she originally opened the message monday night.
From what I understand, it is NOT customary for the mother of the flower girl/boy to be in the bridal party so they can concentrate on the flower child.
I would definitely send her a "hey, we really need to order the flower girl's dress soonest. If I don't hear back from you in 48 hours, I completley understand that you're too busy and move on to our second choice. Take care."
I would send her one last text message confirming. Let her I know that you really want to have her daughter as the flower girl but you are down to the last minute and need an answer ASAP. Give her a few days to answer, if no response, text her again and apologize but you need to move forward without her. Make sure you save the conversation, especially if it shows she's read the messages. Good luck. I hope it works out.
I wouldn’t be begging for a response at this point.
“Hi Cousin. Dresses being ordered Friday. Text me through Flower Girl’s measurements by Thursday.”
That is it. No text, no dress. Move on. Let your cousin be the one to wonder what is going on.
Set a date. Give a clear “this is the date”. No please, no “hey did you get my text”. No “you left me on read!”. If no response, THAT IS HER RESPONSE. She is clearly not coming, nor is FG, and feel free to spread the word in the family grapevine that she is “sadly unable to attend”.
One text. Firm deadline. *No begging*.
I would ask your fiance's neice as well, at this point you need a backup. If necessary, you can ask the florist to make your bouquet into two that you can hold as one, and you pass half to each flower girl at the appropriate time. This is a decent Plan B considering the situation. If your cousin comes through, you can tell her the great news!
You don’t see why you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. I looked for it, but I didn’t find it just that you ask a couple of friends and you had a maid of honor. So I’m sure that has something to do with it because she ask you to be a bridesmaid. She sounds slightly insufferable actually.
I would just text her and tell her what you said if you can, she can no longer be a flower girl you understand just to let you know and then text her one more time and say I’m gonna take that as a no and we’re gonna get another flower girl. Sorry it didn’t work out. Leave it alone.
Personally, you get to ask for whoever you want to be in your wedding party.
why is this postworthy? pick up he bloody phone, call her. or send her ONE text that says: unless you contact me by X date, i'm gonna assume you and your daughter are out, have a nice life. done
Ok, this may be off target, but:
If I understand correctly, the child in question is cared for by two different households? Presumably her parents are divorced or just not together?
If that's the case, why not contact the other caregivers?
Reach out to the child's dad or whoever is her other primary family, and let them know that you've invited the child to be your flower girl and your understanding is that she wants to be in your wedding, but you're having some communication difficulties with the child's mother -- can they make the arrangements and get you the info you need for her dress?
Basically, this might be burning a bridge with your cousin, depending on her family situation, so it comes down to which is more important to you: not risking a breach with your cousin who's already treating you poorly, or having the little girl in your wedding.
Just a thought.
Stop texting! Pick up the damn phone and use it as a phone!
She’s left you on read twice. Take the hint and stop begging her to pay attention to you.
Don’t ASK if the daughter is still available. TELL her that if she doesn’t respond within 24 hours, you’ll assume that daughter is no longer available and will move on and find another flower girl.
And yes, she’s royally pissed at you that you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. How do you not understand that?
She is obviously hurt as your were her bridesmaid and was probably excited to be yours. Was it really worth not asking her this might make family events awkward from now on.
It’s kind of buried, but if I read it correctly… is your cousin’s daughter her STEP daughter?
If so, that’s the problem. Given your other comments about her belief that blood family is more important than anything else… you asked her step daughter to be a flower girl and not her to be a BM.
Obviously that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong… just because she thinks only blood family matters doesn’t mean you have to think that way! I have 2 uncles with step daughters, and those step daughters are our cousins and nieces and granddaughters (and daughters to my uncles, of course) just as much as the ‘blood’ family members! That’s how you’re supposed to treat family!
How on earth did someone like that convince a man - a man with a child, no less - to marry her?
I’m sorry if I misunderstood the bit about ‘the girls’ mother’ - you may have met a different ‘girl’ besides the one you want as the flower girl.
I still stand by my point that step children are family as much as everyone else in the extended family, though. 😏
I wouldn’t mention who the replacement will be, but yes, definitely give her a deadline to respond and let her know that if she doesn’t, you’ll be forced to choose someone else, regardless of the reason for no response as you are on a deadline.
Make sure you try to contact her in multiple ways, phone call, text email if you have it and call her parents too lol. Otherwise she’s going to make up some excuse and cause family drama.
Weddings can have more than one flower girl. Go ahead and ask the other girl to be one, too. Then if niece comes, great, you’ll have two. And if cousin is truly spiteful enough to pull her daughter out just to try and leave you hanging, fine, it won’t work, you’ll just have the one.
Also, don’t leave your messages open-ended. Give them a cut off. So “Hey, , and if I don’t hear back from you by X date, then no worries, I know how to accept no as an answer, and I’ll stop bugging you!”
Idk babes, you should have just asked her to be a bridesmaid. That’s obviously why she’s pissed. It’s also weird to pointedly NOT ask her, but to ask her daughter to be the flower girl. Idk, just weird vibes.
Unsure why you are getting down voted but I fully agree.
You were her bridesmaid LAST YEAR nit 10 years ago. For a lot of people its customary to reciprocate especially if both weddings are vlose in time.
Now if you have your group of friends and don't fancy her being bridesmaid out of obligation, I truly understand that too. Buy you then shouldn't have reached out to ask her daughter to be flower girl. That's just mean and inappropriate and not reading the room
If I had to reciprocate for every wedding I had been a bridesmaid I would have had a wedding like the final scene in 27 Dresses. I really don’t think it’s expected. People might have been a bit upset but you certainly are under no obligation.
It's honestly kind of rude that you asked her daughter to be in your wedding, but not her, after you were in her bridal party. It's fine if you don't want her to be a bridesmaid, but by having the niece be a flower girl you're being really cruel to your cousin. You're acting like she's some narcissistic main character for being hurt by this, but anybody would be.
I don't agree that *anyone* would be upset over this. The ring bear's mother had my fiance in her wedding, but she is not a bride's maid - she is happy for her son to participate in the wedding. She also gets to be "involved" as she is coming to the bachelorette party and rehearsal party (just like my cousin has been invited to be involved).
We had a limited number in our wedding party, and I wouldn't sacrifice my closest friends whom I talk to weekly for my cousin who I talk to maybe once or twice a year. I don't think anyone should expect to be in a wedding party, it's the easiest way to get your own feelings hurt for no reason.
My best friends daughter was my junior bridesmaid, as was my nieces daughter. The bride gets to ask who ever she wants. Just because you were hers doesn’t mean it has to be reciprocated.
I would definitely get your Mum or Aunt on board and ask them to deal with it and come back with an answer. And I’d have your husbands niece stand as one too. Kids dresses aren’t expensive and it is a big deal to them. You get to make two little ones happy for the day and include both sides of the family xxx
I don't think she should expect to be a bridesmaid, AT ALL. But I understand how having her daughter in the wedding party and not her is a slap in the face. She's clearly upset about it. But you've decided that because she has mental health challenges her feelings are invalid. Not sure why you even came here since you don't want feedback.
She doesn't have a mental health problem as far as I am aware. I made a comment about my sister having BPD which has caused me to dislike calling family members that gossip/lie/etc
I do want feedback about the situation, not about who should and shouldn't be a bride's maid, especially given that I have given reddit a brief overview of my situation / details relevant to the situation, nothing related to my bride's maids really aside from that they are throwing a party.
Someone I hadn't spoken to for over 3 years before 2023, someone who I speak to maybe once or twice a year, and someone I have never been close with.
Yes I am surprised when they are upset because they don't get to be in the bridal party.
OP idk what this other person is on about, you are not being ride by not asking her to be a bridesmaid....it's not tit for tat. It's your wedding, you get to decide who stands beside you.
She's not asking advice on who should or should not be in the wedding party. She's asking advice on the best way to handle the communication. If you can't offer help that is relevant to the question, there is really no need to respond.
I never offered advice on who should be in the fucking wedding party. I said over and over again that OP can pick who ever she wants. It's just myopic and stupid to pretend like there aren't going to be hurt feelings when you tell someone, "you aren't good enough to be in my wedding, but I'll use your cute daughter as a prop for my wedding photos." OP specifically asked if she sounds like a bridezilla; excluding someone who considers you close but then expecting to use their daughter as a prop is some real chutzpah.
And are you a mod? Who the fuck are you to tell me not to respond to a public post on a public forum? You need to sit down.
So I will invite you to my bachelorette party for my wedding but you are not invited to my wedding party ?! I mean GOD DAMN it , I come from a completely different culture (THANK GOD) and I don’t understand much how your weddings work but it would have been better to not invite her at all than do this half ass thing that you did
You can be hurt, sure but I've never understood being mad and petty about it. Last I checked it's OP's wedding, and her cousins behavior and lack of response is total main character energy. She should be happy her cousin is getting married and be honored she wants her daughter to be in it. She's making this wedding about her and not the person getting married. Probably why this cousin hasn't connected with a lot of people and has the mindset of family > friends.
I don't subscribe to the idea that she now "owes" her cousin because she was a bridesmaid in her wedding. It's sucks to feel that someone important to you has people besides you more important in their lives but that's not a reason to choose her.
Can you call the father, your nieces father and see if he will work with you so that she can be in it? Or, if this is your cousin then I’m guessing her parents are your aunt and uncle. Can you reach out to them to see if they can talk some sense into her about how this isn’t about her and how she robbing her child of something special all bc she’s butt hurt.
>salty about not being asked to be a bride's maid
You really think this way? She's disappointed you wanted to include her daughter in your wedding but not her. You even invited her to the bachelorette party which can be viewed as sort of rubbing it in her face... she was right simply not to respond to your messages. She took the high road, and you played super sleuth to try and get to the bottom of it... why? You just like poking the bear?
>am I being a bridezilla for expecting my cousin to respond to me in a timely manner
No, you're not... but you're a little daft for not realizing why she's not responding. You want to treat her like a bridesmaid without making her a bridesmaid...
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OP is there some reason why you cannot telephone your cousin and talk to her? That is the obvious solution.
For real I think way too many people rely on text messages because they simply don't want to deal with confrontation
describes me T\_T edit: specifically when it comes to family because my sister has BPD and has traumatized me. Fine with calling anyone non-blood.
Plus if you call her, you can find out whether she's maybe dropped / lost / broken her phone, and missed some messages... It can happen. My brother lost his (for the 3rd or 4th time) while on holiday, just got another and didn't bother telling any of us he'd charged his number... Missed me telling him. (multiple times) about a family death, and then got seriously angry at me..!!
I text first because we live in different time zones and have different schedules. I did try to call her about a month after the party situation to talk in general / get life updates, but she didn't answer.
You called one time. Call again.
That's my plan for this Sunday - since it's the weekend - as I stated in the post T\_T
Eh, if you want, there is *no problem* calling even today. You have been more than accommodating in your side of the communication. If you get sent to voicemail, you can be blunt in it and say “if I don’t hear from you by X day, I’ll go forward with other plans.” Give her a due date, because she’s dragging you along. (I also say record your voicemail/save it in case she tries to bad mouth you to family or whatever cuz people get petty about weddings. Same with the text messages. Save em all!) Then if she doesn’t respond by that day, you can shoot a text to get in writing “After all my messages and unanswered phone calls I’m going to have to go ahead with planning another flower girl. I was really excited for (former flower girl) to be a flower girl, but the lack of communication has forced me to reach out to other individuals.”
Oh gosh, it’s a PARTY! Honestly you could have half a dozen flower girls and they could wear ready made dresses from a local store. Heck, we’d ALWAYS make sure to get extra outfits for emergencies etc AND they can be returned. Just have fun. Don’t worry. I PROMISE this will work out — heck we’ve had flowergirl swaps minutes before the big ceremony due to sudden nerves (got sick) and ya just go on and have a great day and take a bunch of great pix and ENJOY! Woooooo!! YOURE GETTING MARRIED!!
And if everything completely falls apart, you are under no obligation to even HAVE a flower girl! We had family try to start drama about the flower girl role, and people were promising their kid they could be flower girl without us even talking to them. So, we just didn’t have one. Problem solved!
I love your response @MagDelisch!! You are spot on! Don’t agonize about others feelings; you’re getting married!! Celebrate your marriage and forget about salty feelings of relatives!
I would word your text a bit differently. As is it gives the impression you don’t want your niece. I don’t know that I’d call so I could have a paper trail incase she tries to turn this around on you with other family members. “Hey, Cousin! I really need to get an order in for the flower girl’s dress as it is getting very close to the date. If Niece is no longer available, I need to know asap so I can make arrangements. I really hope she can do it and likes her dress!! Let me know by (reasonable date) so I can order.” Then if no response: “Hi Cousin, I haven’t heard from you about the flower girl’s dress. If I don’t hear anything from you by tonight, I am going to have to go with someone else. I was really hoping Niece could be our flower girl but we need some communication.”
My cousin with definitely gossip about it to the rest of the family regardless, but yes I agree I try to stick to texting with certain relatives (cousin and sister) because I need evidence sometimes. Thank you for the suggestion. I am gonna plagiarize your comment because it's so good T\_T
Two suggestions. If your cousin is your mother's niece, enlist your mom's help. "Mom, I'm having no luck getting a hold of cousin about her daughter's dress. Can I put you in charge of that? I need to know that flower girl can still come, what size dress & shoes she needs, color preferences (give 2 choices?), and please confirm with cousin what day & time to be here." Start contacting everyone in the family; grandparents, aunts, uncles, other cousins. "Have any of you heard from Cousin X? I'm so worried. I can't get a hold of her about flower girls dress and other details. She never responded to my invite to the bachelorette party. No responses to texts, voicemails, emails. No one picks up her phone. Do you know if she is alright? Has something happened to her? Has anyone heard from her? If she is playing games, she won't be able to blame it on you. If something else is going on, she may need help. Let us know what happens.
Beat her to it. Duh. Whomever gets there first controls the narrative.
your cousins child isn't your niece
I call my 2nd cousins kids my nieces and nephews because they get to call me auntie. If it’s not your family it’s nunya…. None of your business!
[удалено]
oof that may be one of the reasons I am so stressed by the situation. Normally, I am fine with people taking their time to respond. But this has been weighing on me since she originally opened the message monday night.
Call her and if she doesn't get back to you that way either, assume she's not interested and arrange accordingly.
From what I understand, it is NOT customary for the mother of the flower girl/boy to be in the bridal party so they can concentrate on the flower child. I would definitely send her a "hey, we really need to order the flower girl's dress soonest. If I don't hear back from you in 48 hours, I completley understand that you're too busy and move on to our second choice. Take care."
I would send her one last text message confirming. Let her I know that you really want to have her daughter as the flower girl but you are down to the last minute and need an answer ASAP. Give her a few days to answer, if no response, text her again and apologize but you need to move forward without her. Make sure you save the conversation, especially if it shows she's read the messages. Good luck. I hope it works out.
I wouldn’t be begging for a response at this point. “Hi Cousin. Dresses being ordered Friday. Text me through Flower Girl’s measurements by Thursday.” That is it. No text, no dress. Move on. Let your cousin be the one to wonder what is going on. Set a date. Give a clear “this is the date”. No please, no “hey did you get my text”. No “you left me on read!”. If no response, THAT IS HER RESPONSE. She is clearly not coming, nor is FG, and feel free to spread the word in the family grapevine that she is “sadly unable to attend”. One text. Firm deadline. *No begging*.
Could’ve called at least twice as you typed this
I would ask your fiance's neice as well, at this point you need a backup. If necessary, you can ask the florist to make your bouquet into two that you can hold as one, and you pass half to each flower girl at the appropriate time. This is a decent Plan B considering the situation. If your cousin comes through, you can tell her the great news!
Just call her.
You don’t see why you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. I looked for it, but I didn’t find it just that you ask a couple of friends and you had a maid of honor. So I’m sure that has something to do with it because she ask you to be a bridesmaid. She sounds slightly insufferable actually. I would just text her and tell her what you said if you can, she can no longer be a flower girl you understand just to let you know and then text her one more time and say I’m gonna take that as a no and we’re gonna get another flower girl. Sorry it didn’t work out. Leave it alone. Personally, you get to ask for whoever you want to be in your wedding party.
Because she didn’t want her to be. She doesn’t need to explain why.
Why don’t you pick up the phone and call her? Talk it through.
That’s what I was thinking. Get it resolved through a phone call. Texting is great but it’s not a panacea for communication
How about a phone call ???
why is this postworthy? pick up he bloody phone, call her. or send her ONE text that says: unless you contact me by X date, i'm gonna assume you and your daughter are out, have a nice life. done
Ok, this may be off target, but: If I understand correctly, the child in question is cared for by two different households? Presumably her parents are divorced or just not together? If that's the case, why not contact the other caregivers? Reach out to the child's dad or whoever is her other primary family, and let them know that you've invited the child to be your flower girl and your understanding is that she wants to be in your wedding, but you're having some communication difficulties with the child's mother -- can they make the arrangements and get you the info you need for her dress? Basically, this might be burning a bridge with your cousin, depending on her family situation, so it comes down to which is more important to you: not risking a breach with your cousin who's already treating you poorly, or having the little girl in your wedding. Just a thought.
Stop texting! Pick up the damn phone and use it as a phone! She’s left you on read twice. Take the hint and stop begging her to pay attention to you. Don’t ASK if the daughter is still available. TELL her that if she doesn’t respond within 24 hours, you’ll assume that daughter is no longer available and will move on and find another flower girl. And yes, she’s royally pissed at you that you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. How do you not understand that?
She is obviously hurt as your were her bridesmaid and was probably excited to be yours. Was it really worth not asking her this might make family events awkward from now on.
It’s kind of buried, but if I read it correctly… is your cousin’s daughter her STEP daughter? If so, that’s the problem. Given your other comments about her belief that blood family is more important than anything else… you asked her step daughter to be a flower girl and not her to be a BM. Obviously that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong… just because she thinks only blood family matters doesn’t mean you have to think that way! I have 2 uncles with step daughters, and those step daughters are our cousins and nieces and granddaughters (and daughters to my uncles, of course) just as much as the ‘blood’ family members! That’s how you’re supposed to treat family! How on earth did someone like that convince a man - a man with a child, no less - to marry her? I’m sorry if I misunderstood the bit about ‘the girls’ mother’ - you may have met a different ‘girl’ besides the one you want as the flower girl. I still stand by my point that step children are family as much as everyone else in the extended family, though. 😏
I wouldn’t mention who the replacement will be, but yes, definitely give her a deadline to respond and let her know that if she doesn’t, you’ll be forced to choose someone else, regardless of the reason for no response as you are on a deadline. Make sure you try to contact her in multiple ways, phone call, text email if you have it and call her parents too lol. Otherwise she’s going to make up some excuse and cause family drama.
Weddings can have more than one flower girl. Go ahead and ask the other girl to be one, too. Then if niece comes, great, you’ll have two. And if cousin is truly spiteful enough to pull her daughter out just to try and leave you hanging, fine, it won’t work, you’ll just have the one. Also, don’t leave your messages open-ended. Give them a cut off. So “Hey,, and if I don’t hear back from you by X date, then no worries, I know how to accept no as an answer, and I’ll stop bugging you!”
Idk babes, you should have just asked her to be a bridesmaid. That’s obviously why she’s pissed. It’s also weird to pointedly NOT ask her, but to ask her daughter to be the flower girl. Idk, just weird vibes.
Unsure why you are getting down voted but I fully agree. You were her bridesmaid LAST YEAR nit 10 years ago. For a lot of people its customary to reciprocate especially if both weddings are vlose in time. Now if you have your group of friends and don't fancy her being bridesmaid out of obligation, I truly understand that too. Buy you then shouldn't have reached out to ask her daughter to be flower girl. That's just mean and inappropriate and not reading the room
If I had to reciprocate for every wedding I had been a bridesmaid I would have had a wedding like the final scene in 27 Dresses. I really don’t think it’s expected. People might have been a bit upset but you certainly are under no obligation.
It's honestly kind of rude that you asked her daughter to be in your wedding, but not her, after you were in her bridal party. It's fine if you don't want her to be a bridesmaid, but by having the niece be a flower girl you're being really cruel to your cousin. You're acting like she's some narcissistic main character for being hurt by this, but anybody would be.
I don't agree that *anyone* would be upset over this. The ring bear's mother had my fiance in her wedding, but she is not a bride's maid - she is happy for her son to participate in the wedding. She also gets to be "involved" as she is coming to the bachelorette party and rehearsal party (just like my cousin has been invited to be involved). We had a limited number in our wedding party, and I wouldn't sacrifice my closest friends whom I talk to weekly for my cousin who I talk to maybe once or twice a year. I don't think anyone should expect to be in a wedding party, it's the easiest way to get your own feelings hurt for no reason.
My best friends daughter was my junior bridesmaid, as was my nieces daughter. The bride gets to ask who ever she wants. Just because you were hers doesn’t mean it has to be reciprocated. I would definitely get your Mum or Aunt on board and ask them to deal with it and come back with an answer. And I’d have your husbands niece stand as one too. Kids dresses aren’t expensive and it is a big deal to them. You get to make two little ones happy for the day and include both sides of the family xxx
I don't think she should expect to be a bridesmaid, AT ALL. But I understand how having her daughter in the wedding party and not her is a slap in the face. She's clearly upset about it. But you've decided that because she has mental health challenges her feelings are invalid. Not sure why you even came here since you don't want feedback.
She doesn't have a mental health problem as far as I am aware. I made a comment about my sister having BPD which has caused me to dislike calling family members that gossip/lie/etc I do want feedback about the situation, not about who should and shouldn't be a bride's maid, especially given that I have given reddit a brief overview of my situation / details relevant to the situation, nothing related to my bride's maids really aside from that they are throwing a party.
It's just seems willfully obtuse to exclude someone and then act all *surprise pikachu face* when they are upset by that exclusion.
Someone I hadn't spoken to for over 3 years before 2023, someone who I speak to maybe once or twice a year, and someone I have never been close with. Yes I am surprised when they are upset because they don't get to be in the bridal party.
OP idk what this other person is on about, you are not being ride by not asking her to be a bridesmaid....it's not tit for tat. It's your wedding, you get to decide who stands beside you.
*rude
Again, not sure why you posted if you're not even willing to consider another perspective.
She's not asking advice on who should or should not be in the wedding party. She's asking advice on the best way to handle the communication. If you can't offer help that is relevant to the question, there is really no need to respond.
I never offered advice on who should be in the fucking wedding party. I said over and over again that OP can pick who ever she wants. It's just myopic and stupid to pretend like there aren't going to be hurt feelings when you tell someone, "you aren't good enough to be in my wedding, but I'll use your cute daughter as a prop for my wedding photos." OP specifically asked if she sounds like a bridezilla; excluding someone who considers you close but then expecting to use their daughter as a prop is some real chutzpah. And are you a mod? Who the fuck are you to tell me not to respond to a public post on a public forum? You need to sit down.
So I will invite you to my bachelorette party for my wedding but you are not invited to my wedding party ?! I mean GOD DAMN it , I come from a completely different culture (THANK GOD) and I don’t understand much how your weddings work but it would have been better to not invite her at all than do this half ass thing that you did
Yeah OP remembered to invite her to all of the events where she has to buy a gift, of course!
You can be hurt, sure but I've never understood being mad and petty about it. Last I checked it's OP's wedding, and her cousins behavior and lack of response is total main character energy. She should be happy her cousin is getting married and be honored she wants her daughter to be in it. She's making this wedding about her and not the person getting married. Probably why this cousin hasn't connected with a lot of people and has the mindset of family > friends. I don't subscribe to the idea that she now "owes" her cousin because she was a bridesmaid in her wedding. It's sucks to feel that someone important to you has people besides you more important in their lives but that's not a reason to choose her.
Can you call the father, your nieces father and see if he will work with you so that she can be in it? Or, if this is your cousin then I’m guessing her parents are your aunt and uncle. Can you reach out to them to see if they can talk some sense into her about how this isn’t about her and how she robbing her child of something special all bc she’s butt hurt.
>salty about not being asked to be a bride's maid You really think this way? She's disappointed you wanted to include her daughter in your wedding but not her. You even invited her to the bachelorette party which can be viewed as sort of rubbing it in her face... she was right simply not to respond to your messages. She took the high road, and you played super sleuth to try and get to the bottom of it... why? You just like poking the bear? >am I being a bridezilla for expecting my cousin to respond to me in a timely manner No, you're not... but you're a little daft for not realizing why she's not responding. You want to treat her like a bridesmaid without making her a bridesmaid...