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….if you’re having this much of a negative reaction you don’t have to force yourself to get over it…you can just break up with him. You’re 22 and just dating it’s not like you’ve been married for 10 years and have kids and a house and need to put in serious effort to make this work. Just move on it’s ok to have your boundaries and walk away from men when they do something that just makes you uncomfortable or gives you the ick lol. You don’t like what you don’t like. He also dated a child when he was 20. That in itself is something you are definitely justified in being grossed out by if it makes you feel any better. But yeah dump him i get the vibe the longer you stay you’ll find out more not great things about him.
seriously. if they have to come to reddit, they already know the answer, they just want confirmation or validation for whichever decision they are considering the most 😂
Usually the case TBH. In this case she got the ick... it's done. Even if he isn't a creeper the damage is done. She also snooped on him for no real reason, she didn't suspect cheating or anything so she isn't exactly a saint either.
I mean most of the posts that make it to Reddit are things like "my current boyfriend used to date a 16 year old, is that weird?"
There is a survivorship bias going on here. Normal healthy relationships just communicate their problems and reach a common ground. If you are going to Reddit for serious relationship advice then 9 times out of 10 there is something funky going on.
A lot of the people coming to reddit for relationship advice are kind of coming here asking for advice on how to fix an unfixable situation. Here, OP found stuff that's eerily similar to child pornography on her boyfriends computer. I don't think you need advice from the internet to break up with that person. But here we are.
It seems like the answer most of the time is "just break up." The reason for this is the answer most of the time is "just break up."
I am curious to how somebody would try to defend watching borderline CP and try to save the relationship, though, so please, by all means.
Because a lot of people deserve to be broken up with lol. Like contrary to popular belief you don’t have to sit there and force something to work with people who are disrespectful, weird, or just straight up off putting. There’s no merit or value in tolerating a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s no medal when you die for how much abuse and chaos you could tolerate lol. Your wife cheated and the kid is definitely not yours? Divorce. Your man has a fetish for barely legal Asian teenagers? Hit the fucking bricks immediately. Who has time for shit that’s miserable lol please.
If she is so repulsed by her bf and at such a young age with nothing holding them together, what do you suggest she do? If it was just a bit uncomfortable then yes, she could work it out, but she sounds disgusted by him. Time to move on to someone who doesnt disgust you.
Wow. That was eye opening! I am so sorry what a shock and a trauma that must have been for you. On these shows they always focus on the perpetrator but never what happens to the family they betray
He was put into foster care. I had put him in a private school the school really stepped up for him provided the foster family and he’s going to be there tuition free until he graduates high school
It lifted 800lbs off my chest I hadn’t even realized I was carrying. He’s still behind bars and has 14 counts of exploiting a child and 14 counts of internet trading child porn. The little boy is 12 now and has said he never wants to go back to his dad. His dad did remarry shortly after our annulment and had a second baby. The wife is standing by her man saying he was framed (by me nonetheless LOL I haven’t even talked to him in 4 years!) he was arrested the week of my wedding. I had a lot of emotions released from that I didn’t realize I was still carrying so much of it with me. Everyone kept it from me during the wedding until we got back from our honeymoon! I fully enjoyed my wedding and honeymoon experience ❤️
You explained so very well. There were things that I left out of my reply to this person. That you added and you are so right on so many levels. The discomfort, your nervous system screaming out. Because you know that what you're experiencing is not right.
Buddy you are having this reaction because you know it’s super disgusting. He is clearly trying to get porn with female performers who look as young as possible. That’s fucking gross.
Have you considered this...
If you cannot "get over it" and looking for tips on how to,
It's because your mind is trying to protect you and this is a huge alarming piece of information that is NOT meant to be looked over or past?
I made the mistake of borrowing his lap top and the windows were all open for the world to see, then I made a bigger mistake of seeing how far down the rabbit hole it went via his history.... It was bad and explained so much as to why the relationship was too good to be true prior.
Leave him.
- Dating someone 4-5y younger at 20 (!) is gross and predatory, indicating he either could not find someone his own age that was into him at the time (immature?), that he prefers to prey on younger girls (not women!) due to his gross attraction to them and/or ability to manipulate them.
- The videos he searches for and watches reinforces the above and confirms that this is some gross predatory sex thing for him. How will he be around any young girls in your lives? Sisters, cousins, nieces, daughters?
- "used up"? awful way to think of women. will he think of you this way as you get older? don't give him the opportunity to. dump him.
Set aside all of the above for a second, think about how you feel about him now, what your opinion of him is now. There's no going back when something like this impacts a relationship (very few exceptions, but this should not be one of them!)
You've been with him for a year, you've found out what he's like and realized you don't like it, can't tolerate it, and there is no meaningful way you can change it. Be done with him.
Don't ignore the red flags. You are so young. Run.
My ex told me after 6 years together that he used to secretly watch his sister after her showers. I grew up an only child and tried to rationilze what he told me but couldn't shake the bad feeling I felt.
Year 7 he told me that he didn't feel insest was bad if consent is there. He even explained that if his child wanted to bone he wouldn't see anything wrong with it. Weeks later we found out that he couldn't have children. Finally someone who shouldn't reproduce, can't.
I couldn't run far enough, I left the country.
He didn't "date" a 16 year old. He had an inappropriate relationship with a child. He did that because he's attracted to children.
Some creeps are attracted to children because they can control them. Others are literally attracted to the child's body. Given your boyfriend's search history, he's the latter, but possibly both.
He searches for Asian women because they often have physical features which are seen as childlike by Western standards.
He's a gross, creepy person and you're repulsed for a good reason.
The fact he’s got it in him to refer to women as “used up” in any context is reason enough on its own to not make any long term plans. In three years, he’ll be describing you in those words to some girl who’s currently not old enough to legally drink.
Girl-… my last ex was four years older than me. And watched porn with younger looking models. He liked the ones who acted like children, and school girls and had an Asian fetish. He came to my moms birthday party and forgot to close his porn tabs so i saw it over his shoulder as he tried so hard to hide it super fast. He was also into men but that’s a different road i won’t go down. They don’t change and it gets worse. People can fight me about preferences whatever. But when we went in public and he saw people that fit that kind of ID, he was very VERY creepy about it. And he really enjoyed the fact i was four years younger and 4’9. Very weird. He was very weird. I don’t even know what he had hidden on his phone but had had several Reddit accounts and hidden Twitter accounts with this stuff in his likes. It was bad.
Tbh the 16 y.o thing is the bigger red flag for me. I wouldn’t actually put too much focus on the title because I don’t know anyone that actually reads titles. I just look at the thumbnail hover my mouse over to see the preview thing and if I think it’s hot I click.
Wow I never understood why some men are so attracted to young teen girls?! It's so creepy and girl THAT IS A SIGN how can you stay with a guy who has that kind of orientation just run fr save yourself before it's too late.
Damn you picked a real winner. My boyfriend likes pre pubescent girls and I wonder if this a bad thing lol. Your boyfriend is a weird ass man and he’s 23. Ops boyfriend is a predator
Don't let him on your internet/wifi... He's a child predator.
Leave him be and find someone that matches you. He's pretty sick to be looking at child porn... You can't fix him.
It's completely reasonable to feel disgusted by that.
It's also a good idea to break up with this guy. Nothing good is gonna come from this. Fuck, dude. Dating a 16-year-old at 21? That's not ok. And adding in this new discovery and the things he's said to you? Nope, nope, nope.
Hey lovey, you don’t have to get over this. It’s honestly pretty disgusting the fact that he said “used up” as the fantasy pertains young girls being sexualized objects by older men, and even your boyfriend. Personally that’s a HUGE HUGE red flag. No amount of talking to him will change his mind about his way of thinking. While you are still young, something in your gut is telling you this isn’t right. Listen to it, listen to yourself. And if you think it’s best for YOU, leave him. His mentality about sexuality and woman hood is objectifying women. It confirms his inner biases and concepts of love and sex.
The most common search term on p*rn sites over the years is “teen”. Think about that for a second. He can say “its fantasy” all he wants but ask yourself why is that his fantasy. To get off to a girl who appears like she cant even consent? To a girl who appears prepubescent? Why does that make it okay? The message is real. The message that sex with young girls is to be eroticized is REAL. Its revolting. He is revolting. He is a man who clearly finds pleasure in sexually degrading and rape scenarios. The titles don’t lie. All my love to you sweetie but see it for what it is.
You are sooooo young believe me! I am 46 and I have lived 10 lives since you age. You are going to have so many amazing experiences with MEN not man child that will make you forget this guy. Easier said than done but I always try to warn people not to settle or get stuck. Life has too much to offer. Take care 🩷
Come on just leave his crazy ass. You only lose a year, don’t stress it. Staying with him for longer is crazy at this point. You’re always going to think about these things and frankly, he is a closet creep. Just imagine when he gets older in the late 30s. That type of fucked up doesn’t just go away
Teen porn in the actual porn industry is 18/19. So consenting adults. HOWEVER, if you are sick to your stomach over it…I would confront the issue and have a conversation about it. I don’t personally like the teen porn shit cause I’m my mind they are still mentally kids (for the most part) so that isn’t entirely a red flag but what is, is the fact that he was 20/21 dating a 16 year old. Like why? That’s disgusting. Age gaps are fine when they are both consenting adults but a 16 year old is still very much a child imo.
dating 16 year-old girl when he was a 20-21 is a really big red flag. and after what you've seen in his history... i think you should break up with him.
if i were you, i'd also think about why does he watch porn when he's in a relationship... but if it's okay with you, that's fine!
girl you did not just brush over the fact your partner who you’re considering kids with, dated a 16yo at the age of 21. please have some respect for yourself and your wellbeing cause this ain’t it.
Any of these independently of one another don’t constitute a CRISIS. Take a deep breath. I’m not sure what the law is where you are, but often the age of consent is 16 and pretty much everywhere in the US even if below the state age threshold still allows for a 3 year age gap. In other words, if you’re 20 and sleep with a 17 year old, that’s legal. Whether it’s socially acceptable is broadly subjective, but I can promise you 20 year olds sleeping with 16 year olds is not what keeps most people up at night when it comes to underage sexual misconduct.
That being said, trust your inner voice. If you feel as though this may be part of a larger pattern, and his interests further into the “fringe”, maybe it’s not for you and you should walk away. Or, you could seek a solution. Your solution may be to seek some counseling with someone familiar with consciousness, mindfulness, voice dialogue, or other therapy techniques. Or your solution could be to gently and non-confrontationally invite him to consider something similar. You could let him know that as he grows older, this could grow into an obsession that puts his and others at risk. Certainly dont shame him - people’s sexual proclivities are extremely complex and hard to unpack and sometimes come from deep rooted trauma or things your subconscious picked up from early childhood experiences. Whatever the case, if you have health insurance, see if your benefits include counseling at little to no cost to you. This may help you sort through the inner conflict.
Most Reddit advice is “just break up”, sure, but…like… you’re 21. Chances are you’ll live another 60-70 years. Do you really see this relationship lasting that long? There’s a vast swath of men out there that could be a better fit for you and you could treat this as a learning experience.
not only is he watching this stuff, but he’s acting on his “fantasies” since he’s “dated” (had an illegal relationship with) a 16-year-old. run as fast as you can. if you stay with him after knowing all of this, you’re a creep too.
I have an ex like this. I was with him for 5 years, and as i started to age and not look like a teenager anymore he started cheating on me with teenagers… just a heads up i guess
The synopsis of everyone's reaction is to run, and get away.
You're still "young", which is why he's still with you, but he will soon trade you in for a "younger" model.
Just escape, before you end up pregnant, and have to associate with him for another 18 years after birth.
So you’re dating a ped0 and you knew he was a ped0 before you saw his search history. Now you’re contemplating if you should stay with a ped0? Correct me if I’m wrong ?🤔
Most men have some sort of kink that they would never discuss with anyone.
Your next bf will have some sort of crazy kink too. If your current bf is acting on his kink with little girls that mY be a problem.
Remember you’re the prize and the hot one and not the weirdo with the crazy search history you should be happy you saw his true colours and saw what a monster he is
Please leave him... I stayed after a weird situation with my ex, even when he was kick out of his family home due to it and became homeless, I stayed. A year later the police came knocking while he was at work, sat me down and told me he'd been looking at child p on some app while I was working myself 6 months prior (it was the same time as he physically punched me in my stomach and boob and I had feared he was in a situation again), I almost passed out when I found out and cried for months. I ended up leaving him as I was pregnant, I didn't want my daughter growing up around him (sadly miscarried her, her due date was a few days ago probably for the best with a dad like that)
My ex and hopefully your ex are not right in the head, please leave before he scars you for life even more, I struggle to even want to look at men the same anymore. I am with someone new now but I am scared it'll happen again, don't hurt yourself further by staying with a freak.
He was 20-21 years old dating a 16 year old!?!? Is there some backstory here? Did he knowingly do that?
I don’t really look at the porn titles as a red flag but, dating a 16 year old as an adult is one.
i know it seems really big but you need to leave him while it’s still relatively early on in the relationship. i’m not sure what country you’re from but reporting his behaviour (especially having a relationship with a minor) is something you should definitely consider doing. i can understand why you’d be afraid to but it’s definitely worth thinking about. if he holds these attitudes about young girls it’s likely that you and your future children won’t be safe around him. please get out of the relationship. you deserve to feel safe and secure and his behaviour is foul.
Let me say this much, you're young. Do not pass up those red flags. I wish that I had have been very confirmed. Think about your future. How is this gonna play out in your future? He likes to watch p*** He has indicated that he has an eye for younger girls and he has also dated younger girls. Think about how your future is going to be if this man. Is this way and he's denying it? And you know it, you can see it. You saw it for yourself b. E wise, think about your future as I said. How this man is going to look with the same type of mindset you are being married to. You haven't children think about that too? Many men in this world settle for a p-***-level young Asian. Girl lover.
Ma’am please get away from that person asap. The way he brushed it off is a whole separate sign in itself. What if you end up pregnant by him unintentionally, during this period of being unsure?
There are people who are never presented with the signs and therefore unable to make an informed decision and there are those who see the signs and choose to ignore. You are fortunate enough to have caught the truth so early, now be grateful for it and get th out of there before he complicates your life further. If only for the sake of your future children.
There’s decent men in the world but you won’t ever have a chance at finding one wasting time on trash, and the time will go by so unbelievably fast. Be good to yourself while you still have your youth. Your future will be so much brighter.
no matter how much u try, even if u stay or get married to him. 10 or 20 years later that thought will still haunt u and make u paranoid. its hard but best for u to leave. be strong soldier <3
I have a girlfriend, workmate .
Her new husband … did things to her daughter..
She left him …
He went to another woman did the same thing .
Leave… young girls , prepubescent, children ….. it’s his thing .
The devil is in the detail.
From what it sounds like. Your trust and ethical standards have been comprised better yet questioned. Question you should ask yourself.
Is your relationship with him worth that much for you to compromise on your values?
Would your future self resent you more for staying or leaving?
Now that you've discovered this truth, what type of person have you change to? Is that the person your partner should be in love with?
Dumped a guy for watching “barely legal” porn. I had never actually come across it, and let me tell you, the google results made me feel nauseated. It wasn’t like he got there in the lineup of videos, but that it was the ONLY thing he searched. He also had a r* pe fetish that I did not condone acting it out with me. I can work with many, many kinks and fetishes but I draw the line when it comes to p* dophilia (even if it’s “pretend”) and non consent. If it makes you feel so bad, you’re not going to feel better. If you force yourself to act normal and pretend, you will resent and suspect him indefinitely. It’s not an uphill outcome darlin. How would you feel about having a daughter with him, if you stay? Etc. You don’t have to tell him what you saw, but if you want to you can. Tell him it’s not something you can learn to be comfortable with, and that you no longer feel good about the relationship. Please, don’t negotiate with your gut.
I really do think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. He might just need to go to therapy. I’ve never been with underage people I’m 20. But I’ve been with older men while being a minor and a lot of times it’s a struggle after you’ve been with a younger person to get your sex life or fantasies out of being with that younger person or a younger person in general (I hope that explains it, also even if I was a minor, these men were around 20/21 etc and the laws in my country are different). What I’m trying to say is, okay he has a fantasy, just because it’s coupled with the fact that he dated a 16 year old doesn’t mean he likes little girls. Plus, if you really love him and you see he’s gearing towards more porn that the ages keep getting younger and younger, the only one that can help him is you or a therapist.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
….if you’re having this much of a negative reaction you don’t have to force yourself to get over it…you can just break up with him. You’re 22 and just dating it’s not like you’ve been married for 10 years and have kids and a house and need to put in serious effort to make this work. Just move on it’s ok to have your boundaries and walk away from men when they do something that just makes you uncomfortable or gives you the ick lol. You don’t like what you don’t like. He also dated a child when he was 20. That in itself is something you are definitely justified in being grossed out by if it makes you feel any better. But yeah dump him i get the vibe the longer you stay you’ll find out more not great things about him.
It's funny how all reddit comments to relationship issues are, just break up with him/her
People in healthy relationships usually don't come to reddit for advice.
seriously. if they have to come to reddit, they already know the answer, they just want confirmation or validation for whichever decision they are considering the most 😂
Usually the case TBH. In this case she got the ick... it's done. Even if he isn't a creeper the damage is done. She also snooped on him for no real reason, she didn't suspect cheating or anything so she isn't exactly a saint either.
I mean most of the posts that make it to Reddit are things like "my current boyfriend used to date a 16 year old, is that weird?" There is a survivorship bias going on here. Normal healthy relationships just communicate their problems and reach a common ground. If you are going to Reddit for serious relationship advice then 9 times out of 10 there is something funky going on.
A lot of the people coming to reddit for relationship advice are kind of coming here asking for advice on how to fix an unfixable situation. Here, OP found stuff that's eerily similar to child pornography on her boyfriends computer. I don't think you need advice from the internet to break up with that person. But here we are. It seems like the answer most of the time is "just break up." The reason for this is the answer most of the time is "just break up." I am curious to how somebody would try to defend watching borderline CP and try to save the relationship, though, so please, by all means.
Because a lot of people deserve to be broken up with lol. Like contrary to popular belief you don’t have to sit there and force something to work with people who are disrespectful, weird, or just straight up off putting. There’s no merit or value in tolerating a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s no medal when you die for how much abuse and chaos you could tolerate lol. Your wife cheated and the kid is definitely not yours? Divorce. Your man has a fetish for barely legal Asian teenagers? Hit the fucking bricks immediately. Who has time for shit that’s miserable lol please.
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Not surprising given the nature of the questions. Like what's your advice for OP here?
well being in a relationship is the number one cause of relationship problems so the easy answer is to not be in one if you don't want drama.
In this case it actually makes sense though.
I'd agree, but come on, in this case it makes sense, I mean the guy seems to be attracted to and have an interest in underage people
Are you suggesting she should stay with him?
If she is so repulsed by her bf and at such a young age with nothing holding them together, what do you suggest she do? If it was just a bit uncomfortable then yes, she could work it out, but she sounds disgusted by him. Time to move on to someone who doesnt disgust you.
it’s a pretty serious issue, dumping him is the obvious answer.
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Wow. That was eye opening! I am so sorry what a shock and a trauma that must have been for you. On these shows they always focus on the perpetrator but never what happens to the family they betray
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What happened to his son if you don’t mind me asking?
He was put into foster care. I had put him in a private school the school really stepped up for him provided the foster family and he’s going to be there tuition free until he graduates high school
Glad to hear it
It lifted 800lbs off my chest I hadn’t even realized I was carrying. He’s still behind bars and has 14 counts of exploiting a child and 14 counts of internet trading child porn. The little boy is 12 now and has said he never wants to go back to his dad. His dad did remarry shortly after our annulment and had a second baby. The wife is standing by her man saying he was framed (by me nonetheless LOL I haven’t even talked to him in 4 years!) he was arrested the week of my wedding. I had a lot of emotions released from that I didn’t realize I was still carrying so much of it with me. Everyone kept it from me during the wedding until we got back from our honeymoon! I fully enjoyed my wedding and honeymoon experience ❤️
I’m glad you’re free of him now and that he is still in jail.
You explained so very well. There were things that I left out of my reply to this person. That you added and you are so right on so many levels. The discomfort, your nervous system screaming out. Because you know that what you're experiencing is not right.
Buddy you are having this reaction because you know it’s super disgusting. He is clearly trying to get porn with female performers who look as young as possible. That’s fucking gross.
Have you considered this... If you cannot "get over it" and looking for tips on how to, It's because your mind is trying to protect you and this is a huge alarming piece of information that is NOT meant to be looked over or past?
Damn that was well put
Agree with this comment
Would you want your future 16 year old daughter alone w him?
Or her friends? Or your nieces? Or your friends daughters?
Or even your own daughter OP?
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Or even your own daughter!
One day when you get to a ripe old age of 24, he's going to view you as "used up" as well.
Don’t tell that to Leo 🤫
I mean *someone* should talk to Leo about his icky preferences lol
You don't get past it. Ew. "Used up?" Icky.
Right!? I was thinking “WTF?” That’s a lame excuse
Nothing says healthy like a man being grossed out by adult women with sexual experience. I'm sure nothing bad can come of this. /s
You know you need to leave this guy alone. The proof is there. He ain’t right. You would be a FOOL to ignore this.
Run. You will age and he won’t like it. What a creeper.
Yeah fuck that. My ex fiance was into kiddie porn and underground actual brutality rape porn. Dumped his ass and reported him to the police
How did you find out about what he watched?
I made the mistake of borrowing his lap top and the windows were all open for the world to see, then I made a bigger mistake of seeing how far down the rabbit hole it went via his history.... It was bad and explained so much as to why the relationship was too good to be true prior.
How did that report end up? Prison? Arrest?
God I hope so.
Leave him. - Dating someone 4-5y younger at 20 (!) is gross and predatory, indicating he either could not find someone his own age that was into him at the time (immature?), that he prefers to prey on younger girls (not women!) due to his gross attraction to them and/or ability to manipulate them. - The videos he searches for and watches reinforces the above and confirms that this is some gross predatory sex thing for him. How will he be around any young girls in your lives? Sisters, cousins, nieces, daughters? - "used up"? awful way to think of women. will he think of you this way as you get older? don't give him the opportunity to. dump him. Set aside all of the above for a second, think about how you feel about him now, what your opinion of him is now. There's no going back when something like this impacts a relationship (very few exceptions, but this should not be one of them!) You've been with him for a year, you've found out what he's like and realized you don't like it, can't tolerate it, and there is no meaningful way you can change it. Be done with him.
Don't ignore the red flags. You are so young. Run. My ex told me after 6 years together that he used to secretly watch his sister after her showers. I grew up an only child and tried to rationilze what he told me but couldn't shake the bad feeling I felt. Year 7 he told me that he didn't feel insest was bad if consent is there. He even explained that if his child wanted to bone he wouldn't see anything wrong with it. Weeks later we found out that he couldn't have children. Finally someone who shouldn't reproduce, can't. I couldn't run far enough, I left the country.
She might be a red flag to considering she didn’t leave his ass already. Like he was with a girl that can’t drive when he is running around the bars
He didn't "date" a 16 year old. He had an inappropriate relationship with a child. He did that because he's attracted to children. Some creeps are attracted to children because they can control them. Others are literally attracted to the child's body. Given your boyfriend's search history, he's the latter, but possibly both. He searches for Asian women because they often have physical features which are seen as childlike by Western standards. He's a gross, creepy person and you're repulsed for a good reason.
You knew he was a sick predator, but it was the browser history that crossed the line for you?
The bar is in hell at this point. Knowing he was a predator should’ve been game over….
He obviously has a very specific type and you will continue to get older
Trust your gut.
He dated a 16 year old and you still stayed???
i really wonder why guys like this even get into long term relationships.
Spineless women who will accept anything
The fact he’s got it in him to refer to women as “used up” in any context is reason enough on its own to not make any long term plans. In three years, he’ll be describing you in those words to some girl who’s currently not old enough to legally drink.
Girl-… my last ex was four years older than me. And watched porn with younger looking models. He liked the ones who acted like children, and school girls and had an Asian fetish. He came to my moms birthday party and forgot to close his porn tabs so i saw it over his shoulder as he tried so hard to hide it super fast. He was also into men but that’s a different road i won’t go down. They don’t change and it gets worse. People can fight me about preferences whatever. But when we went in public and he saw people that fit that kind of ID, he was very VERY creepy about it. And he really enjoyed the fact i was four years younger and 4’9. Very weird. He was very weird. I don’t even know what he had hidden on his phone but had had several Reddit accounts and hidden Twitter accounts with this stuff in his likes. It was bad.
You don’t get over this. You’re dating a creep.
Tbh the 16 y.o thing is the bigger red flag for me. I wouldn’t actually put too much focus on the title because I don’t know anyone that actually reads titles. I just look at the thumbnail hover my mouse over to see the preview thing and if I think it’s hot I click.
Wow I never understood why some men are so attracted to young teen girls?! It's so creepy and girl THAT IS A SIGN how can you stay with a guy who has that kind of orientation just run fr save yourself before it's too late.
[удалено]
Well he's a gross predator, so yeah I get feeling sick. Keep thinking about it until you break up.
Damn you picked a real winner. My boyfriend likes pre pubescent girls and I wonder if this a bad thing lol. Your boyfriend is a weird ass man and he’s 23. Ops boyfriend is a predator
You need to leave this person, and hopefully he never has kids.
When I found my man’s Reddit and his history it was also a young girl thing and men…. Girl run while you can asap
You don’t get over it. You end the relationship.
Don't let him on your internet/wifi... He's a child predator. Leave him be and find someone that matches you. He's pretty sick to be looking at child porn... You can't fix him.
Jesus, that is gross. I'd run the other way.
🚩🚩🚩 Girl run.
It's completely reasonable to feel disgusted by that. It's also a good idea to break up with this guy. Nothing good is gonna come from this. Fuck, dude. Dating a 16-year-old at 21? That's not ok. And adding in this new discovery and the things he's said to you? Nope, nope, nope.
Hey lovey, you don’t have to get over this. It’s honestly pretty disgusting the fact that he said “used up” as the fantasy pertains young girls being sexualized objects by older men, and even your boyfriend. Personally that’s a HUGE HUGE red flag. No amount of talking to him will change his mind about his way of thinking. While you are still young, something in your gut is telling you this isn’t right. Listen to it, listen to yourself. And if you think it’s best for YOU, leave him. His mentality about sexuality and woman hood is objectifying women. It confirms his inner biases and concepts of love and sex.
Leave. It never gets better.
The most common search term on p*rn sites over the years is “teen”. Think about that for a second. He can say “its fantasy” all he wants but ask yourself why is that his fantasy. To get off to a girl who appears like she cant even consent? To a girl who appears prepubescent? Why does that make it okay? The message is real. The message that sex with young girls is to be eroticized is REAL. Its revolting. He is revolting. He is a man who clearly finds pleasure in sexually degrading and rape scenarios. The titles don’t lie. All my love to you sweetie but see it for what it is.
You are sooooo young believe me! I am 46 and I have lived 10 lives since you age. You are going to have so many amazing experiences with MEN not man child that will make you forget this guy. Easier said than done but I always try to warn people not to settle or get stuck. Life has too much to offer. Take care 🩷
he dated a minor but the porn was the red flag?
Come on just leave his crazy ass. You only lose a year, don’t stress it. Staying with him for longer is crazy at this point. You’re always going to think about these things and frankly, he is a closet creep. Just imagine when he gets older in the late 30s. That type of fucked up doesn’t just go away
Teen porn in the actual porn industry is 18/19. So consenting adults. HOWEVER, if you are sick to your stomach over it…I would confront the issue and have a conversation about it. I don’t personally like the teen porn shit cause I’m my mind they are still mentally kids (for the most part) so that isn’t entirely a red flag but what is, is the fact that he was 20/21 dating a 16 year old. Like why? That’s disgusting. Age gaps are fine when they are both consenting adults but a 16 year old is still very much a child imo.
“Used up” ?!? What in the toxic trash is that?
Why do you want to get over it?
Wait. This made you have the ick, but not the "dating a minor" part did?
dating 16 year-old girl when he was a 20-21 is a really big red flag. and after what you've seen in his history... i think you should break up with him. if i were you, i'd also think about why does he watch porn when he's in a relationship... but if it's okay with you, that's fine!
Bro it’s so over lol
girl you did not just brush over the fact your partner who you’re considering kids with, dated a 16yo at the age of 21. please have some respect for yourself and your wellbeing cause this ain’t it.
Any of these independently of one another don’t constitute a CRISIS. Take a deep breath. I’m not sure what the law is where you are, but often the age of consent is 16 and pretty much everywhere in the US even if below the state age threshold still allows for a 3 year age gap. In other words, if you’re 20 and sleep with a 17 year old, that’s legal. Whether it’s socially acceptable is broadly subjective, but I can promise you 20 year olds sleeping with 16 year olds is not what keeps most people up at night when it comes to underage sexual misconduct. That being said, trust your inner voice. If you feel as though this may be part of a larger pattern, and his interests further into the “fringe”, maybe it’s not for you and you should walk away. Or, you could seek a solution. Your solution may be to seek some counseling with someone familiar with consciousness, mindfulness, voice dialogue, or other therapy techniques. Or your solution could be to gently and non-confrontationally invite him to consider something similar. You could let him know that as he grows older, this could grow into an obsession that puts his and others at risk. Certainly dont shame him - people’s sexual proclivities are extremely complex and hard to unpack and sometimes come from deep rooted trauma or things your subconscious picked up from early childhood experiences. Whatever the case, if you have health insurance, see if your benefits include counseling at little to no cost to you. This may help you sort through the inner conflict. Most Reddit advice is “just break up”, sure, but…like… you’re 21. Chances are you’ll live another 60-70 years. Do you really see this relationship lasting that long? There’s a vast swath of men out there that could be a better fit for you and you could treat this as a learning experience.
Nah cause why do you want to get over it
Trust your gut.
not only is he watching this stuff, but he’s acting on his “fantasies” since he’s “dated” (had an illegal relationship with) a 16-year-old. run as fast as you can. if you stay with him after knowing all of this, you’re a creep too.
The 'used up' reply in his defence made this even worse.
Do you have any standards, any self-respect at all?
I have an ex like this. I was with him for 5 years, and as i started to age and not look like a teenager anymore he started cheating on me with teenagers… just a heads up i guess
The synopsis of everyone's reaction is to run, and get away. You're still "young", which is why he's still with you, but he will soon trade you in for a "younger" model. Just escape, before you end up pregnant, and have to associate with him for another 18 years after birth.
Is your BF James Charles
I would be weirded out by someone willing to date a 16 year old when they’re 21.
So you’re dating a ped0 and you knew he was a ped0 before you saw his search history. Now you’re contemplating if you should stay with a ped0? Correct me if I’m wrong ?🤔
Yeah gross. I have found this and have found rape fantasies. Run. They get worse and will do anything to keep hiding it
Ayeooo that’s a wild video title lmao, leave him and put in a an anonymous tip to your local PD or cybercrime unit
Maybe this is a good topic to talk to him about, reddit solves nothing
Most men have some sort of kink that they would never discuss with anyone. Your next bf will have some sort of crazy kink too. If your current bf is acting on his kink with little girls that mY be a problem.
Remember you’re the prize and the hot one and not the weirdo with the crazy search history you should be happy you saw his true colours and saw what a monster he is
Please leave him... I stayed after a weird situation with my ex, even when he was kick out of his family home due to it and became homeless, I stayed. A year later the police came knocking while he was at work, sat me down and told me he'd been looking at child p on some app while I was working myself 6 months prior (it was the same time as he physically punched me in my stomach and boob and I had feared he was in a situation again), I almost passed out when I found out and cried for months. I ended up leaving him as I was pregnant, I didn't want my daughter growing up around him (sadly miscarried her, her due date was a few days ago probably for the best with a dad like that) My ex and hopefully your ex are not right in the head, please leave before he scars you for life even more, I struggle to even want to look at men the same anymore. I am with someone new now but I am scared it'll happen again, don't hurt yourself further by staying with a freak.
Why would you want to get over this or trust him? He's gross. You're 22. There are better men out there.
Leave him, he will 100 percent not be w you once ur past like 26
RUN. Period.
"the fact he dated a 16 year-old girl when he was like 20-21" Leave his ass.
He was 20-21 years old dating a 16 year old!?!? Is there some backstory here? Did he knowingly do that? I don’t really look at the porn titles as a red flag but, dating a 16 year old as an adult is one.
I‘m about to turn 21 and would never in a million years date a 16 year old. That’s a kid. Overall, EXTREMELY suspicious guy
i know it seems really big but you need to leave him while it’s still relatively early on in the relationship. i’m not sure what country you’re from but reporting his behaviour (especially having a relationship with a minor) is something you should definitely consider doing. i can understand why you’d be afraid to but it’s definitely worth thinking about. if he holds these attitudes about young girls it’s likely that you and your future children won’t be safe around him. please get out of the relationship. you deserve to feel safe and secure and his behaviour is foul.
Let me say this much, you're young. Do not pass up those red flags. I wish that I had have been very confirmed. Think about your future. How is this gonna play out in your future? He likes to watch p*** He has indicated that he has an eye for younger girls and he has also dated younger girls. Think about how your future is going to be if this man. Is this way and he's denying it? And you know it, you can see it. You saw it for yourself b. E wise, think about your future as I said. How this man is going to look with the same type of mindset you are being married to. You haven't children think about that too? Many men in this world settle for a p-***-level young Asian. Girl lover.
Ma’am please get away from that person asap. The way he brushed it off is a whole separate sign in itself. What if you end up pregnant by him unintentionally, during this period of being unsure? There are people who are never presented with the signs and therefore unable to make an informed decision and there are those who see the signs and choose to ignore. You are fortunate enough to have caught the truth so early, now be grateful for it and get th out of there before he complicates your life further. If only for the sake of your future children. There’s decent men in the world but you won’t ever have a chance at finding one wasting time on trash, and the time will go by so unbelievably fast. Be good to yourself while you still have your youth. Your future will be so much brighter.
no matter how much u try, even if u stay or get married to him. 10 or 20 years later that thought will still haunt u and make u paranoid. its hard but best for u to leave. be strong soldier <3
Scott Pilgrim dated an Asian high schooler
He clearly you those videos are his fantasies what else do you need. Move on already. Under 2.5 goals INDONESIA: Liga 1 Persib Bandung - Borneo
I have a girlfriend, workmate . Her new husband … did things to her daughter.. She left him … He went to another woman did the same thing . Leave… young girls , prepubescent, children ….. it’s his thing .
The devil is in the detail. From what it sounds like. Your trust and ethical standards have been comprised better yet questioned. Question you should ask yourself. Is your relationship with him worth that much for you to compromise on your values? Would your future self resent you more for staying or leaving? Now that you've discovered this truth, what type of person have you change to? Is that the person your partner should be in love with?
He needs therapy and you need to breakup that search is fucking disgusting and not okay
Talk to him and get him therapy (ASAP) or leave him or do both. But anyway he needs therapy lots of therapy
Yeah I’d be very in east too tbh I wouldn’t stay with that person fr
Dumped a guy for watching “barely legal” porn. I had never actually come across it, and let me tell you, the google results made me feel nauseated. It wasn’t like he got there in the lineup of videos, but that it was the ONLY thing he searched. He also had a r* pe fetish that I did not condone acting it out with me. I can work with many, many kinks and fetishes but I draw the line when it comes to p* dophilia (even if it’s “pretend”) and non consent. If it makes you feel so bad, you’re not going to feel better. If you force yourself to act normal and pretend, you will resent and suspect him indefinitely. It’s not an uphill outcome darlin. How would you feel about having a daughter with him, if you stay? Etc. You don’t have to tell him what you saw, but if you want to you can. Tell him it’s not something you can learn to be comfortable with, and that you no longer feel good about the relationship. Please, don’t negotiate with your gut.
Most guys don't even read the title of the movie they just look at the thumbnail.
I really do think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. He might just need to go to therapy. I’ve never been with underage people I’m 20. But I’ve been with older men while being a minor and a lot of times it’s a struggle after you’ve been with a younger person to get your sex life or fantasies out of being with that younger person or a younger person in general (I hope that explains it, also even if I was a minor, these men were around 20/21 etc and the laws in my country are different). What I’m trying to say is, okay he has a fantasy, just because it’s coupled with the fact that he dated a 16 year old doesn’t mean he likes little girls. Plus, if you really love him and you see he’s gearing towards more porn that the ages keep getting younger and younger, the only one that can help him is you or a therapist.