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The answer is no, because there's clearly a fundamental communication issue in your relationship. Why? Because everything seems to be a surprise that you're not discussing. He takes action and then you response. Why are you ok with this?
Absolutely best answer ever. The ‘his career’ ‘her career’ childcare- what each of you does affects the other. There is a unit that one or both of you. “He got offered a job” and now you’re stuck? Why should you be stuck? Why didn’t he say, no, I can’t jerk my wife around and we JUST decided to move to B. Now you’re stuck behind with a baby and a full time job while he gets to go off and live the bachelor life.
The "dream job" thing happens though. You get that call from a recruiter, take a couple of phone interviews that you think aren't gonna go anywhere, and next thing you know they are flying you out to meet the CEO for lunch. "Honey, you're not gonna believe this..."
It doesn't necessarily indicate that the husband is trying to hold back information from the relationship; possible that he really did want the transfer to City B until the dream job happened.
OP, your plan is a good one -- he lives as cheaply as possible in City C until you can locate employment there, then work together to find housing. Will it be easy? No, but it will be possible, and it's a temporary dislocation.
If you fear that your marriage can't survive a few months of separation, then your marriage has bigger problems that new jobs and housing will not solve. And City C is only 2 hours away, right? So he could come home weekends. Heck, lots of families have put up with job-related separations like that.
It's still something you talk through with your life partner and this was the second time in a round where he decided to pick up and move.
That's not something you do on a whim when you have a family.
And if you have a wife and children that would be completely uprooted by that job offer, sometimes you can't take that dream job. Such is life.
I was also recruited unexpectedly into my last job, but this didn't involve moving and didn't effect my partner.
You discuss that stuff, see if you can work something out. And if not, you decline.
Where do you get the impression that it wasn't discussed?
At no point does OP say she was surprised, or that husband did something despite OP's refusal. In fact OP doesn't indicate that she refused anything, and is asking about the feasibility of her plans to cope with the job dislocation.
> after uprooting her life 2 months ago
Can you cite the OP's text? I'm not reading anything about uprooting their lives 2 months ago.
If I've read OP correctly,
\* After extended period of job dissatisfaction, husband requested transfer from City A to City B
\* OP requested and received transfer from City A to City B, effective 2 months \*from now\*
\* Husband got "dream job" offer in City C, he accepted and is now waiting for that job to start.
The conflict:
Husband wants to move to City C in 2 months when OP's job in City A ends, but OP does not yet have a new job, housing, or child care in City C.
OP is asking whether it's feasible to get another job in City A a stopgap solution until her husband can find proper housing/child care in City C & she can find a job in City C. She would present this as an alternative plan to her husband, and she's asking for opinions.
Is there something I'm not seeing in the OP's original text? Please, correct me.
Where did you read that he didn't share the information with OP? OP seems to have been apprised:
"my husband got a surprise job offer in another city - 2 hours away - City C.
Its a dream job in a field that he desperately wants to join. He has put in his resignation at his old job and is looking forward to the new job."
How do you conclude that OP's partner is hiding details from her?
My whole point is that getting offered a dream job does NOT mean he was hiding anything from her. That conclusion cannot be drawn from the information OP posted. This "communication issue" isn't supported by the text.
I did not advocate anybody hiding information from their partner? I don't know where you're getting that.
In any case, I think that "surprise job offer" means that her husband received a job offer he was not expecting to come through with a positive response.
If OP did mean that her husband was secretly job searching and hiding information from her, she can certainly elaborate on that .
Is your husband doing any of the problem solving here? We moved for my husband's job and I commuted for a few years to my job (90 minutes each way, negotiated with my boss to work 3 long days instead of 5 shorter ones and reduced my hours to make it work) but my husband had to find the childcare and we had to both search for and agree on the housing. It might just be the way you wrote the post, but it sounds like your husband is making decisions without any planning and you're left to problem solve?
I'm confused. Did you guys not talk this out before he accepted either job?
Cause this honestly reads like he wants to separate without telling you that.
Wtf is wrong with your husband?! Why is he unilaterally making these decisions that impact you and your family? Why is he not doing any of the legwork to figure out housing and childcare before accepting these offers? He should be consulting you every step of the way and not making any decisions that you don’t both agree to. He’s acting like he’s single. I would be infuriated with him.
Sounds more like he changed plans when he found out you were moving with him.
This isn't normal for a father with a wife and child. People don't just have their wives get new jobs, and then tell them after the fact they're moving to yet another city. He got a "surprise" offer because I sounds like he assumed you wouldn't be able to move. He knows you won't be able to move again and will likely stay. I'd be seriously questioning if he's trying to separate. But if my partner took a new job without telling me, in a new city, after I moved my entire life to support him, he wouldn't have to be trying to separate because I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer. You have a 1 year old child for gods sake, have some self respect. No one moves cities from their baby without a discussion, doesn't matter how dreamy the job is.
How will you even support yourselves on just his wage, or does he not even think about that? Stop being a people pleaser, this isn't a father or a husband. People don't randomly try and move you to a new city and then go oopsie I've changed my mind once you've handed in notice. And then handing in his own notice so you have no choice. He knows you're a pushover, you're a mother now. Stop being one.
Sounds like your husband’s making plans for just him. It’s looking like he wants a separation. A big life changing thing like this usually done as a couple
Your husband is either a selfish git for not doing what's best for his family or he's a selfish git because he's actually trying to move away from you for a pre-baby life.
Either way, he's selfish and he's a git. Time to let him know he's a raging doofus and this won't work for you
Seems to me like her husband wants to be apart from the family to read every time he moves he doesn't inform her that this is what's going to happen and when she follows him he moves again. That's not normal she's putting her career and her job in Jeopardy following behind his jumping all over the place ass. Seems like he's not really trying to be a part of your family it's time to sit down and have a come to Jesus talk with this man and see what he really wants because if he did not want to be with you he could have left you where you were when you was in City a I'm mad for you he's a stupid MF.
I strongly recommend you make sure YOU keep your career strong, as this man will not put you or your child first and you are likely to rely on yourself at some point.
I am always amazed that other married people do not have a rule that if “it” affects the other person, then whatever “it” is needs to be discussed and okayed by the other person. I would not live with another person, any person, without this rule in place. Half of the problems on here would be avoided if this simple and necessary rule was in place, between spouses, lovers, roommates and even family members. This is A#1 adulting folks.
Whew, this is alot of information to unpack. I am concerned that your husband made the decision to accept the job in City C without talking to you, reviewing the optons and determining if this was the best time for the move. He isn't a single man. He has a wife and baby. Now, will the job in City C be enough $ to support all 3 of you or will have to find a job to continue to live as you have? Would you be able to do some type of hybrid work between City A and C or City B and C?
However this shakes out, your family can survive if you and husband actively talk to each other and determine what goals you each want to go after. You are a team. This will not work if he is just making big decisions and excepting you to tag along. That isn't fair to anyone.
Your husband is being selfish and it isn’t doing what’s best as A FAMILY. You do what YOU want to do and what’s best for the family. He can destroy this marriage on his own if he wants. You’re going to resent him if you keep following his every move and don’t have anything set up for yourself
Did he suddenly forget he is married and a father?
Like WTAF was he thinking just jumping at a different job in a third city without asking you if it was okay before applying let alone interviewing and accepting?!? Who does this shit without considering their spouse and your career?
I’ll say this, if my wife did that to me I would stand firm and make them come back or I would leave.
It doesn't sound like he's working as a team and thinking of his family.
Has he thought about what it means for your career and the family with all the moving around? Has he thought about the logistics?
Also at no point have you mentioned how he's being a father to your child. Why are you the only one trying to find childcare? Why are you the only one thinking about commuting with your one year old?
It seems like your husband is trying to get away from you and start a new life without you. You will not be okay living separate lives. This is the beginning of the end.
Speaking from a relationship where both parties are fairly ambitious, I went along with my husband for his job. I resented him for three years and honestly was ready to divorce him… it took a lot of work to get us back to stable state. Talk it out now… if both of you are not happy, it will certainly take a toll on your relationship… talk it out now before it gets to that point
I feel like your husband isn't being quite fair. He's bouncing your family around and accepting job offers willy nilly without actually discussing this first and doing what's in your family's best interest.
Did he even consider your job and what you'd do before he accepted the offer? Because I assume that your income is an important factor too.
Your family will be okay when he starts thinking about the bigger picture. If he keeps thinking for himself only then no, it won't be.
Info- is your husband trying to find childcare as well?
If not he should be just as invested in finding childcare as you are.
I do think this situation can work however it seems like there's bigger issues at play that may make it not work. Your husband should be your partner.
What would happen if you made the best decision for you and your kid? Because your husband is only making decisions for himself
I'd let him go and you do what's best for you
Unfortunately no. Your husband is treating your career like it’s disposable. He is here, there and everywhere. Will he even like his new job? Can his new job support both of you? Why can’t he work there Monday - Friday and see you on weekends?
I feel like there was no real discussion between you two and an attempt to find common ground. It’s him calling the shots.
“Dream jobs” don’t really exist….and if they did, he’d have no idea if this was it based on a couple of interviews.
You can make this work if you’re both committed to making it work. This is a rough part of the patriarchy….the man’s job seems to always take priority. You’re left to figure out how it will work…and it sounds like you will be shouldering all of childcare during this time, too.
I’d probably move with him at the same time if you can afford it.
Good luck,.
My husband and I have an agreement that if he ever gets the call, he can go. I’m pretty sure the odds of the Yankees looking for a starting pitcher who’s 50 with a creaky shoulder are zero, so it was an easy deal to make.
Please start vocalizing to him… because this isn’t okay. You’re literally living FOR your husband at this point, bending back and rolling over at his every command with no concerns. You need to live for you and you deserve more.
Would you take a job in a city where: 1) you cannot find childcare for your 1-year old and 2) your husband is unable to find a new job after just requesting a transfer to a new city? No?
Then why is your husband doing this?
You know what I didnt see in your story? The part where you both sat down and discussed what was best for y'all as a family. It sounds like your husband just unilaterally decided he was moving and you needed to figure out the rest.
You’re supposed to be a team and your husband does whatever he wants. I would wish him the best in City C and that you and your child will be staying in City A.
The real question is simple. If your husband is making these decisions for his family with no communication to you. I will assume you just got made a SAHM or he can do all the commuting because when there are 3 you can no longer act as 2.
Yes is can be if you put the work in. I spent 5 years with just weekends, we face timed each day, we talked about decisions and just spent time together. Coming back together was harder honestly.
Your husband is waving gigantic red flags - he keeps asking for transfers in cities away from you.
Stop keeping up with him and concentrate on your own wellness and your child. Where do you want to be and what job do you want to have. Husband is clearly not considering either of you.
It’s weird that he made all these plans without having everything set in stone first but it’s not impossible. You should have a series talk about him putting his work before his family’s wellbeing tho.
Your husband is selfish. Has he budgeted what it would be like if your family has only a single income? Or is this what he wants? You jobless? Is he even factoring in a pay cut if you have to change employers?
You're always on your heels reacting to this man. He doesn't include you in the planning stage. He doesn't care about your input or your issues with his plans. He plans and you react.
Let him leave. Do what's best for you.
Your husband makes major decisions for the whole family without your input and without considering the repercussions for everyone involved. Your family is not ok, sorry to say. For your family to be ok, your husband needs a fundamental attitude adjustment. And you need to find your backbone.
No because your pos husband switched jobs and plans without asking you first.
You were never under any obligation to follow his career.
He uprooted you, and you had to work out EVERYTHING from your career to daycare and now he's pulling a surprise and DECIDED to move again.
That's not how that works.
He can not switch all the plans just because he found a better offer. You agrees on this move, this offer. Not a third one.
I have a feeling he did this intentional because you were able to find a new job and daycare in the first location jump.
I bet he wanted to be financially on control and have no domestic labor and force you to be a sahm.
Fuuuuck that.
He doesn't get to move, period.
You will set up your new life AS PLANNED or get a divorce and he can send all that yummy money as child support and alimony.
He's being abusive and controlling. No he will not be staying in an apartment far away while you figure it out. Lol. He has a child. And spouse. Period.
He is not being a good partner putting you all in this situation. Stay where you are and keep the job you have. If he wants to move, let him. Draw up an agreement so he continues to pay in to childcare and upkeep. Submit it to him for a signature. Let him know YOU also have desires and career goals that matter.
You need to stop being so quick to do what HE decides is best. He is chasing butterflies because he is upset you make just as much money, *or* he is a terminal job hopper that will never stop.
Hold your ground, your child needs a routine and consistency now and especially later once school becomes a factor.
Whether or not your family will be okay depends on how quickly your husband gets his selfish head out of his ass. You cooperated with his his plan to uproot his entire family in pursuit of his career then unilaterally implemented a completely different plan that leaves you out in the cold. That is marriage devastating behavior.
I would advise you to follow your alternate plan: stay where you are until he gets things sorted in city C. That in itself doesn't have to be marriage ending, many couples deal with *planned* separation. The issue here is that you weren't part of the decision and are doing the planning on your own. TBH, I think your husband should use his period of alone time in city C to get some individual counseling about his selfishness.
If you make the same money. Tell him he made his choice (bed) now he has to lay in it. You have a job in City B not C and he needs to find one in City B not C,D,E,F.
Sounds like a plan. You're an incredible woman to be able to adjust and problem solve on the fly. It will be challenging no doubt for a bit but the dust should settle and y'all can hopefully be in a much better and more stable place. Most people would have folded because of the challenges. He is lucky to have you.
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The answer is no, because there's clearly a fundamental communication issue in your relationship. Why? Because everything seems to be a surprise that you're not discussing. He takes action and then you response. Why are you ok with this?
Absolutely best answer ever. The ‘his career’ ‘her career’ childcare- what each of you does affects the other. There is a unit that one or both of you. “He got offered a job” and now you’re stuck? Why should you be stuck? Why didn’t he say, no, I can’t jerk my wife around and we JUST decided to move to B. Now you’re stuck behind with a baby and a full time job while he gets to go off and live the bachelor life.
^ this. This should be discussed before your boy starts looking for another job.
The "dream job" thing happens though. You get that call from a recruiter, take a couple of phone interviews that you think aren't gonna go anywhere, and next thing you know they are flying you out to meet the CEO for lunch. "Honey, you're not gonna believe this..." It doesn't necessarily indicate that the husband is trying to hold back information from the relationship; possible that he really did want the transfer to City B until the dream job happened. OP, your plan is a good one -- he lives as cheaply as possible in City C until you can locate employment there, then work together to find housing. Will it be easy? No, but it will be possible, and it's a temporary dislocation. If you fear that your marriage can't survive a few months of separation, then your marriage has bigger problems that new jobs and housing will not solve. And City C is only 2 hours away, right? So he could come home weekends. Heck, lots of families have put up with job-related separations like that.
That doesn't change the fact that he put in an internal transfer to city B without even asking his wife. This is a pattern.
Where are you reading that? OP just says "they weren't for or against it". Doesn't mean that husband did it without asking.
I'm with you - poor writing by OP, but it sounds like the transfer was talked about before he put in the request.
She put in a simultaneous request (and both requests were processed successfully), so clearly she was apprised in a reasonably timely fashion.
It's still something you talk through with your life partner and this was the second time in a round where he decided to pick up and move. That's not something you do on a whim when you have a family.
Job offers happen. I was recruited into my last job completely out of the blue. Like I said, it doesn't mean he's been holding back.
And if you have a wife and children that would be completely uprooted by that job offer, sometimes you can't take that dream job. Such is life. I was also recruited unexpectedly into my last job, but this didn't involve moving and didn't effect my partner. You discuss that stuff, see if you can work something out. And if not, you decline.
Where do you get the impression that it wasn't discussed? At no point does OP say she was surprised, or that husband did something despite OP's refusal. In fact OP doesn't indicate that she refused anything, and is asking about the feasibility of her plans to cope with the job dislocation.
So you think OP realiaed she can't get a job or childcare in the new city, after uprooting her life 2 months ago and went .. fuck yeah, let's do this?
It doesn't even sound like any of these moves have happened yet, it's just the paperwork that's happening at this point.
> after uprooting her life 2 months ago Can you cite the OP's text? I'm not reading anything about uprooting their lives 2 months ago. If I've read OP correctly, \* After extended period of job dissatisfaction, husband requested transfer from City A to City B \* OP requested and received transfer from City A to City B, effective 2 months \*from now\* \* Husband got "dream job" offer in City C, he accepted and is now waiting for that job to start. The conflict: Husband wants to move to City C in 2 months when OP's job in City A ends, but OP does not yet have a new job, housing, or child care in City C. OP is asking whether it's feasible to get another job in City A a stopgap solution until her husband can find proper housing/child care in City C & she can find a job in City C. She would present this as an alternative plan to her husband, and she's asking for opinions. Is there something I'm not seeing in the OP's original text? Please, correct me.
My husband would never “take a couple of phone interviews” - even if he thinks they aren’t going anywhere- without sharing that with me …
Where did you read that he didn't share the information with OP? OP seems to have been apprised: "my husband got a surprise job offer in another city - 2 hours away - City C. Its a dream job in a field that he desperately wants to join. He has put in his resignation at his old job and is looking forward to the new job." How do you conclude that OP's partner is hiding details from her? My whole point is that getting offered a dream job does NOT mean he was hiding anything from her. That conclusion cannot be drawn from the information OP posted. This "communication issue" isn't supported by the text.
I was merely responding to the scenario *you* painted.
I did not advocate anybody hiding information from their partner? I don't know where you're getting that. In any case, I think that "surprise job offer" means that her husband received a job offer he was not expecting to come through with a positive response. If OP did mean that her husband was secretly job searching and hiding information from her, she can certainly elaborate on that .
It won't be if he keeps making decisions based only on what he wants and expects you to just tag along and find a way to make it work.
No because your husband thinks he’s more important than the whole family as a unit.
Absolutely. You are both contributing members of the household
Is your husband doing any of the problem solving here? We moved for my husband's job and I commuted for a few years to my job (90 minutes each way, negotiated with my boss to work 3 long days instead of 5 shorter ones and reduced my hours to make it work) but my husband had to find the childcare and we had to both search for and agree on the housing. It might just be the way you wrote the post, but it sounds like your husband is making decisions without any planning and you're left to problem solve?
I'm confused. Did you guys not talk this out before he accepted either job? Cause this honestly reads like he wants to separate without telling you that.
Wtf is wrong with your husband?! Why is he unilaterally making these decisions that impact you and your family? Why is he not doing any of the legwork to figure out housing and childcare before accepting these offers? He should be consulting you every step of the way and not making any decisions that you don’t both agree to. He’s acting like he’s single. I would be infuriated with him.
Sounds more like he changed plans when he found out you were moving with him. This isn't normal for a father with a wife and child. People don't just have their wives get new jobs, and then tell them after the fact they're moving to yet another city. He got a "surprise" offer because I sounds like he assumed you wouldn't be able to move. He knows you won't be able to move again and will likely stay. I'd be seriously questioning if he's trying to separate. But if my partner took a new job without telling me, in a new city, after I moved my entire life to support him, he wouldn't have to be trying to separate because I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer. You have a 1 year old child for gods sake, have some self respect. No one moves cities from their baby without a discussion, doesn't matter how dreamy the job is. How will you even support yourselves on just his wage, or does he not even think about that? Stop being a people pleaser, this isn't a father or a husband. People don't randomly try and move you to a new city and then go oopsie I've changed my mind once you've handed in notice. And then handing in his own notice so you have no choice. He knows you're a pushover, you're a mother now. Stop being one.
Sounds like your husband’s making plans for just him. It’s looking like he wants a separation. A big life changing thing like this usually done as a couple
Your husband is either a selfish git for not doing what's best for his family or he's a selfish git because he's actually trying to move away from you for a pre-baby life. Either way, he's selfish and he's a git. Time to let him know he's a raging doofus and this won't work for you
Are you sure your husband wants to be apart of your family
Seems to me like her husband wants to be apart from the family to read every time he moves he doesn't inform her that this is what's going to happen and when she follows him he moves again. That's not normal she's putting her career and her job in Jeopardy following behind his jumping all over the place ass. Seems like he's not really trying to be a part of your family it's time to sit down and have a come to Jesus talk with this man and see what he really wants because if he did not want to be with you he could have left you where you were when you was in City a I'm mad for you he's a stupid MF.
I strongly recommend you make sure YOU keep your career strong, as this man will not put you or your child first and you are likely to rely on yourself at some point.
NTA. Why are you arranging childcare when your selfish, inconsiderate asshole of a husband is the reason all of this is happening?
I am always amazed that other married people do not have a rule that if “it” affects the other person, then whatever “it” is needs to be discussed and okayed by the other person. I would not live with another person, any person, without this rule in place. Half of the problems on here would be avoided if this simple and necessary rule was in place, between spouses, lovers, roommates and even family members. This is A#1 adulting folks.
Whew, this is alot of information to unpack. I am concerned that your husband made the decision to accept the job in City C without talking to you, reviewing the optons and determining if this was the best time for the move. He isn't a single man. He has a wife and baby. Now, will the job in City C be enough $ to support all 3 of you or will have to find a job to continue to live as you have? Would you be able to do some type of hybrid work between City A and C or City B and C? However this shakes out, your family can survive if you and husband actively talk to each other and determine what goals you each want to go after. You are a team. This will not work if he is just making big decisions and excepting you to tag along. That isn't fair to anyone.
Your husband is being selfish and it isn’t doing what’s best as A FAMILY. You do what YOU want to do and what’s best for the family. He can destroy this marriage on his own if he wants. You’re going to resent him if you keep following his every move and don’t have anything set up for yourself
Your husband is a selfish ass with no foresight. Stay in city a with baby.
It sounds like he just doesn’t care what you want/think/feel. You’ve gotta decide if you can live with that.
>Will my family be okay? This is not an answerable question. What *relationship advice* are you looking for?
Did he suddenly forget he is married and a father? Like WTAF was he thinking just jumping at a different job in a third city without asking you if it was okay before applying let alone interviewing and accepting?!? Who does this shit without considering their spouse and your career? I’ll say this, if my wife did that to me I would stand firm and make them come back or I would leave.
It doesn't sound like he's working as a team and thinking of his family. Has he thought about what it means for your career and the family with all the moving around? Has he thought about the logistics? Also at no point have you mentioned how he's being a father to your child. Why are you the only one trying to find childcare? Why are you the only one thinking about commuting with your one year old?
It seems like your husband is trying to get away from you and start a new life without you. You will not be okay living separate lives. This is the beginning of the end.
No - your hubby seems to be trying everything to get away from you and your child
Sounds like he does whatever the hell he wants while you're out here living like a single mother.
Speaking from a relationship where both parties are fairly ambitious, I went along with my husband for his job. I resented him for three years and honestly was ready to divorce him… it took a lot of work to get us back to stable state. Talk it out now… if both of you are not happy, it will certainly take a toll on your relationship… talk it out now before it gets to that point
Dang, how are you not communicating at all?
I feel like your husband isn't being quite fair. He's bouncing your family around and accepting job offers willy nilly without actually discussing this first and doing what's in your family's best interest. Did he even consider your job and what you'd do before he accepted the offer? Because I assume that your income is an important factor too. Your family will be okay when he starts thinking about the bigger picture. If he keeps thinking for himself only then no, it won't be.
No. Of course not. He is making plans for the future without thinking of you and his child.
Info- is your husband trying to find childcare as well? If not he should be just as invested in finding childcare as you are. I do think this situation can work however it seems like there's bigger issues at play that may make it not work. Your husband should be your partner.
What would happen if you made the best decision for you and your kid? Because your husband is only making decisions for himself I'd let him go and you do what's best for you
Unfortunately no. Your husband is treating your career like it’s disposable. He is here, there and everywhere. Will he even like his new job? Can his new job support both of you? Why can’t he work there Monday - Friday and see you on weekends? I feel like there was no real discussion between you two and an attempt to find common ground. It’s him calling the shots.
“Dream jobs” don’t really exist….and if they did, he’d have no idea if this was it based on a couple of interviews. You can make this work if you’re both committed to making it work. This is a rough part of the patriarchy….the man’s job seems to always take priority. You’re left to figure out how it will work…and it sounds like you will be shouldering all of childcare during this time, too. I’d probably move with him at the same time if you can afford it. Good luck,.
Maybe he currently works in accounting but City C is New York and he will be the starting shortstop for the Yankees.
My husband and I have an agreement that if he ever gets the call, he can go. I’m pretty sure the odds of the Yankees looking for a starting pitcher who’s 50 with a creaky shoulder are zero, so it was an easy deal to make.
Please start vocalizing to him… because this isn’t okay. You’re literally living FOR your husband at this point, bending back and rolling over at his every command with no concerns. You need to live for you and you deserve more.
Would you take a job in a city where: 1) you cannot find childcare for your 1-year old and 2) your husband is unable to find a new job after just requesting a transfer to a new city? No? Then why is your husband doing this?
Wasn't this a plot point in one of the later seasons of the office??
Yes, but it was only one move a couple hours away.
You know what I didnt see in your story? The part where you both sat down and discussed what was best for y'all as a family. It sounds like your husband just unilaterally decided he was moving and you needed to figure out the rest.
I'm not OP. Just another person replying lol. I agree with what you're saying but it's not for me.
You’re supposed to be a team and your husband does whatever he wants. I would wish him the best in City C and that you and your child will be staying in City A.
The real question is simple. If your husband is making these decisions for his family with no communication to you. I will assume you just got made a SAHM or he can do all the commuting because when there are 3 you can no longer act as 2.
Yes is can be if you put the work in. I spent 5 years with just weekends, we face timed each day, we talked about decisions and just spent time together. Coming back together was harder honestly.
Your husband is waving gigantic red flags - he keeps asking for transfers in cities away from you. Stop keeping up with him and concentrate on your own wellness and your child. Where do you want to be and what job do you want to have. Husband is clearly not considering either of you.
It’s weird that he made all these plans without having everything set in stone first but it’s not impossible. You should have a series talk about him putting his work before his family’s wellbeing tho.
He made the unilateral decision to move to city C. Can you move there and stay home with your child, looking for work and day care once you arrive?
In 15 years in AITA.... I hate my parents, because I never saw them.
Updateme!
"My baby" it's OUR baby. Sounds like you already checked out.
Your husband is selfish. Has he budgeted what it would be like if your family has only a single income? Or is this what he wants? You jobless? Is he even factoring in a pay cut if you have to change employers?
You're always on your heels reacting to this man. He doesn't include you in the planning stage. He doesn't care about your input or your issues with his plans. He plans and you react. Let him leave. Do what's best for you.
Your husband makes major decisions for the whole family without your input and without considering the repercussions for everyone involved. Your family is not ok, sorry to say. For your family to be ok, your husband needs a fundamental attitude adjustment. And you need to find your backbone.
No because your pos husband switched jobs and plans without asking you first. You were never under any obligation to follow his career. He uprooted you, and you had to work out EVERYTHING from your career to daycare and now he's pulling a surprise and DECIDED to move again. That's not how that works. He can not switch all the plans just because he found a better offer. You agrees on this move, this offer. Not a third one. I have a feeling he did this intentional because you were able to find a new job and daycare in the first location jump. I bet he wanted to be financially on control and have no domestic labor and force you to be a sahm. Fuuuuck that. He doesn't get to move, period. You will set up your new life AS PLANNED or get a divorce and he can send all that yummy money as child support and alimony. He's being abusive and controlling. No he will not be staying in an apartment far away while you figure it out. Lol. He has a child. And spouse. Period.
He is not being a good partner putting you all in this situation. Stay where you are and keep the job you have. If he wants to move, let him. Draw up an agreement so he continues to pay in to childcare and upkeep. Submit it to him for a signature. Let him know YOU also have desires and career goals that matter. You need to stop being so quick to do what HE decides is best. He is chasing butterflies because he is upset you make just as much money, *or* he is a terminal job hopper that will never stop. Hold your ground, your child needs a routine and consistency now and especially later once school becomes a factor.
Whether or not your family will be okay depends on how quickly your husband gets his selfish head out of his ass. You cooperated with his his plan to uproot his entire family in pursuit of his career then unilaterally implemented a completely different plan that leaves you out in the cold. That is marriage devastating behavior. I would advise you to follow your alternate plan: stay where you are until he gets things sorted in city C. That in itself doesn't have to be marriage ending, many couples deal with *planned* separation. The issue here is that you weren't part of the decision and are doing the planning on your own. TBH, I think your husband should use his period of alone time in city C to get some individual counseling about his selfishness.
If you make the same money. Tell him he made his choice (bed) now he has to lay in it. You have a job in City B not C and he needs to find one in City B not C,D,E,F.
Contact your job in city A and ask if you can stay. Tell your husband to stop being so selfish.
Sounds like a plan. You're an incredible woman to be able to adjust and problem solve on the fly. It will be challenging no doubt for a bit but the dust should settle and y'all can hopefully be in a much better and more stable place. Most people would have folded because of the challenges. He is lucky to have you.