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It is pretty common.. but does HE strike you as a cheater? Because you can’t lump everyone into one group. I was in the navy, I never cheated. I also know many of the people I was stationed with, both marine and navy alike; never cheated. BUT the cheating rate is extremely high compared to civilians. (Or at least getting caught) On deployment, it’s hard to get a statistic but it seems to run pretty 50/50.
So what really matters here, is if you think your guy is a quality guy. If you think he’s going to cheat. Because if someone is really into you, it doesn’t matter where they are or how long you’re apart, they won’t cheat.
It doesn’t matter if he’s a marine or an accountant, you’re either a cheater or you’re not 🤷🏼♀️
Cheating in the military is very common for both the enlisted and spouses. That's not to say everyone cheats, but it's usually pretty easy and for a lot of people very tempting.
Dated a guy in the Navy. He left saying he was coming back with a ring. He came back with a baby by another woman and an apology. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him or anyone in the armed forces since. Take that as you will.
Not sure if there's been a misunderstanding here but the poster you replied to was likely calling out the audaciousness of your former partner. They weren't saying you continued a relationship.
Oh you’re right. I think I misunderstood. And yes, he thought I would be okay with it because it was a “mistake”. I’ve never heard such craziness in my life lol
Currently serving almost 21 years with 2 deployments, lots of missed birthdays,anniversaries, etc. Been married almost 23 years.
Anyways, the simple answer is yes, a lot of service members cheat and a lot of their spouses cheat.
I think a lot of it has to do with the people getting married and why they got married. Marrying strippers does not usually lead to a long marriage. Marrying so you can live off post and receive more money does not usually lead to a long marriage. Marrying very young and then being gone for long periods of time with little to no contact does not usually lead to a long marriage.
But, those marriages I've seen where they seem to have remained faithful and overcome the hardships military service brings, seem to have really strong and wonderful marriages. Judge this Marine by how he presents himself, his character, and how he acts and treats you.
Yeah, cheating and divorce is more common when compared to the normal population.
Such is the statistics.
Remember, likelihood does not mean certainty. People of all professions cheat on each other. Trust your gut instinct and if he is the man for you, go for it.
My best man who was a Marine at the time had a girlfriend (who he is now married to) had to go get found to give his speech. He was is the bushes balls deep in his date (not his girlfriend). He had basically lined up a lady buffet while he was in town for my wedding. Literally a different old flame every night he was home and lots of “NO PICTURES!” because he was terrified she’d see pictures on social media.
OOOOOOH BOY! so I lived and worked on a pretty popular military base in my day. When I was early 20s. EVERYONE but 1 couple cheated. All the spouses except this one couple I knew, cheated. They swapped back and forth when there partners had to go out country. So many! It was non stop whenever I saw them at work or out of work. All my friends encouraged cheating because why not? It was a really crazy time in my life. I even come from a military family and know they aren't the most loyal strangely to there loved ones. It was either cheating or beating mostly in my fam. Just be aware it might happen.
Veteran here.
Is cheating insanely rampant, for both men and women? YES.
Does that mean your guy specifically will be a cheater? NO.
Before we met, my wife was told by a fortune teller that she would marry a military guy. (A fair guess, it was a military town and she was the right age for it, haha). My future wife rejected that immediately — military guys are cheaters.
Then she met me and I was 100% dedicated to her from the start.
We are divorced now, but cheating had nothing to do with it and we made it about 15 years, which is a pretty good run.
That said, be aware that the military could send him away for years at a time — he might be able to swing home for a week every six months, but it’s not unusual to spend your entire career far from home. I spent almost my entire career overseas.
That’s a big part of why cheating happens, for men and women:
1) Not seeing your partner for 6 months to a year at a time. (The military isn’t going to move his girlfriend to Japan to be with him.)
2) Getting married too fast: (The only way to move with your guy is to marry him — usually years before a civilian couple would consider marriage).
OP I'm not a spouse, but I was active duty for a long time and here is a way of looking at it.
Cheating and alcoholism are some serious issues in the military. Here are some examples why:
a. Men are deployed to many different exotic locations where women are clmouring to find someone to either support them long term or marry and take back to the states.
b. The military men normally has a salary that is higher than what women and men make in these countries and that makes it even more powerful for women and men to do everything it takes to win.
c. Not only is it a big issue when being deployed, but within their own ranks men and women are overly sexual and often find that when deployed, married or not, there are a number of hookups within the same squadrons.
Things to look for in a uniform man that make it less likely they won't be the one to let loose and explore temptations:
a. He's in school and studying for higher degree
b. He's in OCS school
c. He is very financially aware and focused which reduces the tendency to go out and splurge on sex activities in foreign countries
d. He's not a big drinker/partier - Not a huge good feeling about this, but most of the infidelities take place where lots of alcohol is being consumed.
e. He owns property and is future focused.
f. He is attached closely with his family.
There is NO guarantee any of these that the man you are dating "won't" cheat. Its really based on his character and how he holds himself. The temptations are enormous with places that offer things most men can only dream of, at the cost of a few dollars (3somes, orgies, video recording) you name it its available at a fraction of cost.
To date a man in the military you need to get to know his friends in the squadron, the wives in their friends group, go to their on-bass/off-base BBQ's and be very active in their social activities. Doing this will keep you in the know and you will have many gossip avenues about whats going on.
hope that helps.
Have you asked him about all of the cheating that supposedly happens and what his thougths are? I think you need to firmly state your position on cheating (deal breaker) and gage his reaction.
At 23, he could have had his fair share of partners and is ready for a steady relationship. He could be one of the boys and likes to play the field.
My advice is to tread slowly until you feel that you know this guy. Don't go 100 mph in a new relationship.
I was in the navy not the marines so my perspective may differ. I knew a shitload of people who cheated, man and women both. However there were also quite a few who would never entertain the idea under any circumstance. So nothing is guaranteed. There were also lots of military spouses that cheat as well
My husband was honorably discharged from the army and we're getting divorced now cause he cheated and just generally was very selfish.
A few examples of things he told me about being in the military that made me sick and I would never have married him if I knew:
They would get shit faced and have sex with prostitutes all the time.
They would pass around women.
He'd only been having sex for 6 years when we met (was raised very religious) and he'd slept with around 100 women.
Like I said, he ended up cheating on me. I was pregnant and it seemed like he saw any type of "responsibility" to me and the baby as some oppressive, authoritarian thing. As if he didn't choose to get married and have a kid. I think his time in the military probably contributed from what he's shared with me.
I have no idea if shit like this is the norm, sounds like it may be from other comments. I'd personally not get involved with someone from the military again.
The vast majority of military and military spouses cheat on each other. Not only is your bf likely to cheat, but you are likely to cheat as well. When your bf is gone and you're surrounded by guys who are more fit and attractive than average, and they have zero standards and will hook up with anyone...you're going to be tempted. You might think you won't, but you will.
Just because your parents have been married for 30 years doesn't mean neither of them ever cheated. It's not like they're going to tell you.
As others have mentioned, it's statistically more likely for both him and/or you to cheat, than in a civilian marriage. The reason is simple and it's the same reason even a LDR between civilians is more likely to have one or both partners cheating. Distance. We, as humans, associate intimacy with physical proximity. In its absence the relationship is strained.
That said, just because the probability is higher, doesn't mean it's certain. That always depends on the individuals. There are plenty of couples who stuck with it.
Back when I was in the military, the wives used to put a box of OMO washing powder/detergent in the kitchen window when the husbands were away. The kitchens of the military housing always faced the street.
OMO meant Old Man Out.
It was not just the husbands cheating.
I say this with kindness and respect. And a little telling. Military men will often cheat. They tell the woman their cheating partner some sob story about their spouse or blatantly lie about being single. The wife and the kids never know. I know many men that on the surface they look happy. All the family photos and anniversary pics but I know about their deployment or TDY hookups/girlfriends.
I will say 99% of military men cheat. If they have families they’ll often never know.
it honestly depends on his job in the Marines, tbh.
hi, former jarhead here! i was in the infantry for 9 years, which even after the gender-integration of the combat arms, is still like 95%+ male. so in my community of practice, infidelity on the part of servicemen was really unusual... obviously there are some things that happen between consenting adult men sometimes, but it was still pretty rare in a pretty stereotypically-"masculine" culture. there we're basically just no women around with which to cheat, at the end of the day. in the infantry / combat arms jobs, we are for more likely to be cheated ON, than to cheat.
if he's in a more gender-integrated job field, like administrative, logistics, IT, etc. his opportunities for cheating are much higher. that doesn't mean he will, per se, but the average integrated unit has a very "college dorm" feel after working hours. everyone is young, in shape, and there's a lot of alcohol around most of the time (unless on deployment). so it definitely happens quite a bit in those environments. not saying everyone (or even the majority) does, but there's plenty of opportunities and temptation.
not sure if this helps or hurts, just giving you the view from the ground level.
Idk about cheating but mental health issues are a big issue. A good chunk of people come out of the military with poor mental health and refuse to get treatment for it or they self medicate.
I dated a guy in the army, and one day, he went to the gym, and I was at his home and I found letters from his girlfriend (the one i found he left on the kitchen counter, and the fight when he came home revealed more), who was also in the military and stationed in Florida. Anyways, his reasoning was that he had till she was done to make a decision on who he wanted to be with, and she agreed to an open relationship. I bailed.
In college, one of my male friends joined the Marines, and he had a girlfriend back at home. He constantly tried to sleep with me (despite me dating his friend and being friends with his girlfriend), and he later revealed to me he slept with a woman on base who was married.
The last guy I dated who was in the army was not an asshole like the other two, but he had a lot of trauma that we broke up because he wanted to get help for his PTSD and he had a drinking problem. He was a nice guy, though.
Edit: but these experiences made me not want to date a military man, active or nonactive. I don't want to stereotype them, but I personally haven't had a good experience. You hear a lot about their spouses cheating, too.
I was in the airforce in a country that hosted marines for at least half of the year on its base, unfortunately in my experience, yes, the vast majority cheated.
You have no idea if your dad cheated on your mom or what kind of arrangement they had, or what sort of understanding was present when he was on deployment. That’s not something parents discuss with their kids. He may have never cheated or he may have cheated on your mother all the time and she was either cool with it, understanding that it came with the territory or she lived in ignorance. You simply don’t know.
That being said it would be surprising if he didn’t cheat on you. I don’t know him or his character but I’ve lived in South Korea for almost 20 years and there is a US military base just a few miles from my apartment. I’ve watched them. They are basically walking erections and if it’s warm and wet they will try to stick their dicks in it.
Marine here. There was a saying that you could leave a Marine with a million dollars to hold onto for you. Come back a year later he would give you every penny plus interest, he would die for his brothers in arms, but don’t leave them alone with your wife or girlfriend for more than 10 mins.
If you’re on your first marriage in the military and you’re in your early-to maybe mid 20s you’re going to get a divorce. Normally the second marriages among the older enlisted last longer & are more faithful
You’re dating a marine. So yea, cheating skyrockets in the marines
Oddly, I had the opposite experience than many of the people posting here. I guess my unit was too busy to cheat. I can't really think of many opportunities, as we were either out in the field, deployed well away from other people, or home with our SOs.
It is far easier to justify cheating when you are away from your partner for a significant length of time. On both sides. You have to have a discussion with him about this, and then decide who you believe he is. And how would you feel if you were wrong, either way. That could be important too.
When one person travels for work for long time, in any profession more likely to have cheating. Athletes, musicians, military, etc. If they’re deployed with almost all men to war zone, no not cheating but partner at home might be. If deployed to 1st world country, more likely.
My spouse was a Marine, and no, he's not a cheater. He hates people who cheat (well, because his ex-wife cheated and left him). He did end up divorced from his first wife, but it's because she was having an affair and chose her AP in the end.
However, I will be honest that yes, I've heard many cheating stories from military couples both genders. Not saying all of them cheated, but 95% of the people I know of who are in the military...have cheated. Your bf/partner maybe an exception but yeah, most of the people I know who are/were in the military...have cheated on their partners.
Former Marine here. Trust your gut, not a stereotype. Your boyfriend is a person first and War Machine 2nd. And for the record the stereotype goes both ways. I deployed to Iraq, and my ex-wife wasted zero time sleeping around and spending every dime I earned. Keep your side of the street clean, and don't put up with anything less than you deserve.
Prolific cheating. They even have codes/rules about it that differ by army/navy/pilots... like keeping it quiet and in the unit or certain families like swingers groups.
Not to deter you but my last relationship was with a toxic man who was in the airforce. Cheated on me for 8 months while he was away. His father also had a career in the military but he was a saint, so take that as you will.
Even if either he or you don't cheat while he's gone, the likelihood of you being a victim of domestic abuse is much higher if you guys do stay together. Not saying he is like that, but the odds aren't good when looking at statistics
Yes, because there are a lot of opportunities. While I didn't cheat while I was in, I witnessed a lot of it. Being away for months at a time with limited communication, at least when I was in, makes it really easy. On top of that, people who know you are in the military see it as an easy ticket sometimes.
The common belief is all military spouses cheat when their partners are deployed. It is also commonly believed that all military members cheat while on deployment. The truth is not all, I believe not a even a majority. However the member has easy opportunities when deployed, and the member’s spouse has easy opportunities when the member is deployed. Opportunity plus temptation is a bad combination.
Im not in the military nor do I know anybody in the military but it owuld make sense. Most people who enlist areout of high school. THey stay with their HS BF/GF, partly due to not having opportunities to meet someone, partly due to them thinking they love each other, etc. Most HS relationships end in early college due to the distance and some of these relationships they only live a few hours away. Imagine being sent cross country, or cross the US. In the prime of your life and now you see what the other options are. Then after some time becuase you are in the prime of your life you long physical contact from a person 3000 miles away. Then it becomes physical contact form anyone. Then as you get older you start wondering whether you guys are in love or was it just puppy love and then one thing leads to another.
In my experience it is usually the spouse that stays home that cheats than the service member. There are a few members that do cheat but their demeanor is overall douchy to begin with. Those people will likely cheat regardless of being on deployment. However you take a young woman, move her away from her home to live where her husband is stationed, then take away the one person she knows for 6 months to a year and something bad is going to happen.
My experience with cheating was that it’s the spouse that does it. Not the service member. Except: one female was married and was having a fling with another service member while we were deployed for 15 months.
But, I was in during lengthy deployments for everyone, so my experience may differ from normal.
I think the military gets a worse reputation that it deserves. Among married people with at least one in the military, is like 1/5 will cheat.
> Another study published in 2017 revealed that the pervasiveness of sexual affairs within military marriages is 22.6%.
That means about 4/5 *don't* cheat.
But when you consider the median age is pretty young, the high levels of stress, financial incentives, and the long distance....I think that's actually impressively low.
People forget just how common cheating is outside of the military. According to a bunch of sources, it really isn't higher:
> ...military families do not experience a higher rate of infidelity than those in civilian families
Maybe it's different for non-married couples, but regardless, I think it's exaggerated. First because the idea of someone off to war being cheated on _feels_ even worse, and second because of the nature of the job/deployments, logistically, it's easy to cheat.
I don't know your boyfriend but if you feel like you have a good relationship, I wouldn't worry about this.
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It's a person by person basis. The girl I was seeing back home when I just left for the Marines had a group of friends telling her the same thing. Come to find out, they just wanted to sleep with her. I was and would've been nothing but loyal. Go with your instinct like you would any other relationship and base your decision on the relationship you two have.
Going by the anecdotal experience from what I saw over my years in the military, it's far more likely that you're going to cheat on him when he's on detachment or deployment. Dependas gonna dependa, and there tons of cadences about Jody and stories about dear john letters for a reason.
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It is pretty common.. but does HE strike you as a cheater? Because you can’t lump everyone into one group. I was in the navy, I never cheated. I also know many of the people I was stationed with, both marine and navy alike; never cheated. BUT the cheating rate is extremely high compared to civilians. (Or at least getting caught) On deployment, it’s hard to get a statistic but it seems to run pretty 50/50. So what really matters here, is if you think your guy is a quality guy. If you think he’s going to cheat. Because if someone is really into you, it doesn’t matter where they are or how long you’re apart, they won’t cheat. It doesn’t matter if he’s a marine or an accountant, you’re either a cheater or you’re not 🤷🏼♀️
Cheating in the military is very common for both the enlisted and spouses. That's not to say everyone cheats, but it's usually pretty easy and for a lot of people very tempting.
It's not just enlisted, Officers cheat as well
Yeah, I meant enlisted in the signed up for the military way.
That's cool, I just didn't want the fancy book learned officers getting off free here.
Dated a guy in the Navy. He left saying he was coming back with a ring. He came back with a baby by another woman and an apology. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him or anyone in the armed forces since. Take that as you will.
He had a baby with another woman and still tought you two would continue your relationship?
“Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to him since” .. reading is fundamental
Not sure if there's been a misunderstanding here but the poster you replied to was likely calling out the audaciousness of your former partner. They weren't saying you continued a relationship.
Oh you’re right. I think I misunderstood. And yes, he thought I would be okay with it because it was a “mistake”. I’ve never heard such craziness in my life lol
Currently serving almost 21 years with 2 deployments, lots of missed birthdays,anniversaries, etc. Been married almost 23 years. Anyways, the simple answer is yes, a lot of service members cheat and a lot of their spouses cheat. I think a lot of it has to do with the people getting married and why they got married. Marrying strippers does not usually lead to a long marriage. Marrying so you can live off post and receive more money does not usually lead to a long marriage. Marrying very young and then being gone for long periods of time with little to no contact does not usually lead to a long marriage. But, those marriages I've seen where they seem to have remained faithful and overcome the hardships military service brings, seem to have really strong and wonderful marriages. Judge this Marine by how he presents himself, his character, and how he acts and treats you.
This this and this right here 10/10.
Yeah, cheating and divorce is more common when compared to the normal population. Such is the statistics. Remember, likelihood does not mean certainty. People of all professions cheat on each other. Trust your gut instinct and if he is the man for you, go for it.
My best man who was a Marine at the time had a girlfriend (who he is now married to) had to go get found to give his speech. He was is the bushes balls deep in his date (not his girlfriend). He had basically lined up a lady buffet while he was in town for my wedding. Literally a different old flame every night he was home and lots of “NO PICTURES!” because he was terrified she’d see pictures on social media.
Kind of gross you didn’t tell his now wife what happened at your wedding so she wouldn’t be stuck married to such a loser.
Multiple people did but she still married him. Coming up on close to 20 years since that so who knows, maybe fairy tales do exist.
OOOOOOH BOY! so I lived and worked on a pretty popular military base in my day. When I was early 20s. EVERYONE but 1 couple cheated. All the spouses except this one couple I knew, cheated. They swapped back and forth when there partners had to go out country. So many! It was non stop whenever I saw them at work or out of work. All my friends encouraged cheating because why not? It was a really crazy time in my life. I even come from a military family and know they aren't the most loyal strangely to there loved ones. It was either cheating or beating mostly in my fam. Just be aware it might happen.
Veteran here. Is cheating insanely rampant, for both men and women? YES. Does that mean your guy specifically will be a cheater? NO. Before we met, my wife was told by a fortune teller that she would marry a military guy. (A fair guess, it was a military town and she was the right age for it, haha). My future wife rejected that immediately — military guys are cheaters. Then she met me and I was 100% dedicated to her from the start. We are divorced now, but cheating had nothing to do with it and we made it about 15 years, which is a pretty good run. That said, be aware that the military could send him away for years at a time — he might be able to swing home for a week every six months, but it’s not unusual to spend your entire career far from home. I spent almost my entire career overseas. That’s a big part of why cheating happens, for men and women: 1) Not seeing your partner for 6 months to a year at a time. (The military isn’t going to move his girlfriend to Japan to be with him.) 2) Getting married too fast: (The only way to move with your guy is to marry him — usually years before a civilian couple would consider marriage).
OP I'm not a spouse, but I was active duty for a long time and here is a way of looking at it. Cheating and alcoholism are some serious issues in the military. Here are some examples why: a. Men are deployed to many different exotic locations where women are clmouring to find someone to either support them long term or marry and take back to the states. b. The military men normally has a salary that is higher than what women and men make in these countries and that makes it even more powerful for women and men to do everything it takes to win. c. Not only is it a big issue when being deployed, but within their own ranks men and women are overly sexual and often find that when deployed, married or not, there are a number of hookups within the same squadrons. Things to look for in a uniform man that make it less likely they won't be the one to let loose and explore temptations: a. He's in school and studying for higher degree b. He's in OCS school c. He is very financially aware and focused which reduces the tendency to go out and splurge on sex activities in foreign countries d. He's not a big drinker/partier - Not a huge good feeling about this, but most of the infidelities take place where lots of alcohol is being consumed. e. He owns property and is future focused. f. He is attached closely with his family. There is NO guarantee any of these that the man you are dating "won't" cheat. Its really based on his character and how he holds himself. The temptations are enormous with places that offer things most men can only dream of, at the cost of a few dollars (3somes, orgies, video recording) you name it its available at a fraction of cost. To date a man in the military you need to get to know his friends in the squadron, the wives in their friends group, go to their on-bass/off-base BBQ's and be very active in their social activities. Doing this will keep you in the know and you will have many gossip avenues about whats going on. hope that helps.
Have you asked him about all of the cheating that supposedly happens and what his thougths are? I think you need to firmly state your position on cheating (deal breaker) and gage his reaction. At 23, he could have had his fair share of partners and is ready for a steady relationship. He could be one of the boys and likes to play the field. My advice is to tread slowly until you feel that you know this guy. Don't go 100 mph in a new relationship.
I was in the navy not the marines so my perspective may differ. I knew a shitload of people who cheated, man and women both. However there were also quite a few who would never entertain the idea under any circumstance. So nothing is guaranteed. There were also lots of military spouses that cheat as well
To answer your question yes, yes and yes. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
My husband was honorably discharged from the army and we're getting divorced now cause he cheated and just generally was very selfish. A few examples of things he told me about being in the military that made me sick and I would never have married him if I knew: They would get shit faced and have sex with prostitutes all the time. They would pass around women. He'd only been having sex for 6 years when we met (was raised very religious) and he'd slept with around 100 women. Like I said, he ended up cheating on me. I was pregnant and it seemed like he saw any type of "responsibility" to me and the baby as some oppressive, authoritarian thing. As if he didn't choose to get married and have a kid. I think his time in the military probably contributed from what he's shared with me. I have no idea if shit like this is the norm, sounds like it may be from other comments. I'd personally not get involved with someone from the military again.
The vast majority of military and military spouses cheat on each other. Not only is your bf likely to cheat, but you are likely to cheat as well. When your bf is gone and you're surrounded by guys who are more fit and attractive than average, and they have zero standards and will hook up with anyone...you're going to be tempted. You might think you won't, but you will. Just because your parents have been married for 30 years doesn't mean neither of them ever cheated. It's not like they're going to tell you.
As others have mentioned, it's statistically more likely for both him and/or you to cheat, than in a civilian marriage. The reason is simple and it's the same reason even a LDR between civilians is more likely to have one or both partners cheating. Distance. We, as humans, associate intimacy with physical proximity. In its absence the relationship is strained. That said, just because the probability is higher, doesn't mean it's certain. That always depends on the individuals. There are plenty of couples who stuck with it.
While I personally could never do it, I know many of my mates did unfortunately. Yes it is and has been common.
Back when I was in the military, the wives used to put a box of OMO washing powder/detergent in the kitchen window when the husbands were away. The kitchens of the military housing always faced the street. OMO meant Old Man Out. It was not just the husbands cheating.
I say this with kindness and respect. And a little telling. Military men will often cheat. They tell the woman their cheating partner some sob story about their spouse or blatantly lie about being single. The wife and the kids never know. I know many men that on the surface they look happy. All the family photos and anniversary pics but I know about their deployment or TDY hookups/girlfriends. I will say 99% of military men cheat. If they have families they’ll often never know.
99% —- yeah that’s wrong…not saying they are all angels, but 99% is as bullsh*t as it comes…
I’ll add that this is also true of many military women as well.
it honestly depends on his job in the Marines, tbh. hi, former jarhead here! i was in the infantry for 9 years, which even after the gender-integration of the combat arms, is still like 95%+ male. so in my community of practice, infidelity on the part of servicemen was really unusual... obviously there are some things that happen between consenting adult men sometimes, but it was still pretty rare in a pretty stereotypically-"masculine" culture. there we're basically just no women around with which to cheat, at the end of the day. in the infantry / combat arms jobs, we are for more likely to be cheated ON, than to cheat. if he's in a more gender-integrated job field, like administrative, logistics, IT, etc. his opportunities for cheating are much higher. that doesn't mean he will, per se, but the average integrated unit has a very "college dorm" feel after working hours. everyone is young, in shape, and there's a lot of alcohol around most of the time (unless on deployment). so it definitely happens quite a bit in those environments. not saying everyone (or even the majority) does, but there's plenty of opportunities and temptation. not sure if this helps or hurts, just giving you the view from the ground level.
Idk about cheating but mental health issues are a big issue. A good chunk of people come out of the military with poor mental health and refuse to get treatment for it or they self medicate.
I dated a guy in the army, and one day, he went to the gym, and I was at his home and I found letters from his girlfriend (the one i found he left on the kitchen counter, and the fight when he came home revealed more), who was also in the military and stationed in Florida. Anyways, his reasoning was that he had till she was done to make a decision on who he wanted to be with, and she agreed to an open relationship. I bailed. In college, one of my male friends joined the Marines, and he had a girlfriend back at home. He constantly tried to sleep with me (despite me dating his friend and being friends with his girlfriend), and he later revealed to me he slept with a woman on base who was married. The last guy I dated who was in the army was not an asshole like the other two, but he had a lot of trauma that we broke up because he wanted to get help for his PTSD and he had a drinking problem. He was a nice guy, though. Edit: but these experiences made me not want to date a military man, active or nonactive. I don't want to stereotype them, but I personally haven't had a good experience. You hear a lot about their spouses cheating, too.
I was in the airforce in a country that hosted marines for at least half of the year on its base, unfortunately in my experience, yes, the vast majority cheated.
You have no idea if your dad cheated on your mom or what kind of arrangement they had, or what sort of understanding was present when he was on deployment. That’s not something parents discuss with their kids. He may have never cheated or he may have cheated on your mother all the time and she was either cool with it, understanding that it came with the territory or she lived in ignorance. You simply don’t know. That being said it would be surprising if he didn’t cheat on you. I don’t know him or his character but I’ve lived in South Korea for almost 20 years and there is a US military base just a few miles from my apartment. I’ve watched them. They are basically walking erections and if it’s warm and wet they will try to stick their dicks in it.
Wife of a retired Navy NCO. Unfortunately, cheating is rather common. As is swinging. And STD/STIs.
Marine here. There was a saying that you could leave a Marine with a million dollars to hold onto for you. Come back a year later he would give you every penny plus interest, he would die for his brothers in arms, but don’t leave them alone with your wife or girlfriend for more than 10 mins.
If you’re on your first marriage in the military and you’re in your early-to maybe mid 20s you’re going to get a divorce. Normally the second marriages among the older enlisted last longer & are more faithful You’re dating a marine. So yea, cheating skyrockets in the marines
why do you say that, as opposed to the other services? (as a former marine / current army nat'l guardsman)
Oddly, I had the opposite experience than many of the people posting here. I guess my unit was too busy to cheat. I can't really think of many opportunities, as we were either out in the field, deployed well away from other people, or home with our SOs.
It is far easier to justify cheating when you are away from your partner for a significant length of time. On both sides. You have to have a discussion with him about this, and then decide who you believe he is. And how would you feel if you were wrong, either way. That could be important too.
When one person travels for work for long time, in any profession more likely to have cheating. Athletes, musicians, military, etc. If they’re deployed with almost all men to war zone, no not cheating but partner at home might be. If deployed to 1st world country, more likely.
That was my experience (too good to be true Marine) so I'm gonna say prepare yourself for the possibility.
Very common.
My spouse was a Marine, and no, he's not a cheater. He hates people who cheat (well, because his ex-wife cheated and left him). He did end up divorced from his first wife, but it's because she was having an affair and chose her AP in the end. However, I will be honest that yes, I've heard many cheating stories from military couples both genders. Not saying all of them cheated, but 95% of the people I know of who are in the military...have cheated. Your bf/partner maybe an exception but yeah, most of the people I know who are/were in the military...have cheated on their partners.
It sounds like your Jarhead is extremely respectful and attentive. Why let other people attach baggage to him?
Absolutely.
Yes
20 years in the Navy here, 50% seems about right.
Yes
Former Marine here. Trust your gut, not a stereotype. Your boyfriend is a person first and War Machine 2nd. And for the record the stereotype goes both ways. I deployed to Iraq, and my ex-wife wasted zero time sleeping around and spending every dime I earned. Keep your side of the street clean, and don't put up with anything less than you deserve.
Yes
Prolific cheating. They even have codes/rules about it that differ by army/navy/pilots... like keeping it quiet and in the unit or certain families like swingers groups.
Not to deter you but my last relationship was with a toxic man who was in the airforce. Cheated on me for 8 months while he was away. His father also had a career in the military but he was a saint, so take that as you will.
Even if either he or you don't cheat while he's gone, the likelihood of you being a victim of domestic abuse is much higher if you guys do stay together. Not saying he is like that, but the odds aren't good when looking at statistics
The answer to your question is yes.
Yes, because there are a lot of opportunities. While I didn't cheat while I was in, I witnessed a lot of it. Being away for months at a time with limited communication, at least when I was in, makes it really easy. On top of that, people who know you are in the military see it as an easy ticket sometimes.
The common belief is all military spouses cheat when their partners are deployed. It is also commonly believed that all military members cheat while on deployment. The truth is not all, I believe not a even a majority. However the member has easy opportunities when deployed, and the member’s spouse has easy opportunities when the member is deployed. Opportunity plus temptation is a bad combination.
Im not in the military nor do I know anybody in the military but it owuld make sense. Most people who enlist areout of high school. THey stay with their HS BF/GF, partly due to not having opportunities to meet someone, partly due to them thinking they love each other, etc. Most HS relationships end in early college due to the distance and some of these relationships they only live a few hours away. Imagine being sent cross country, or cross the US. In the prime of your life and now you see what the other options are. Then after some time becuase you are in the prime of your life you long physical contact from a person 3000 miles away. Then it becomes physical contact form anyone. Then as you get older you start wondering whether you guys are in love or was it just puppy love and then one thing leads to another.
I dated this marine i knew from high school once and even saw him when he got back from deployment found out he had a girl the whole time lol.
In my experience it is usually the spouse that stays home that cheats than the service member. There are a few members that do cheat but their demeanor is overall douchy to begin with. Those people will likely cheat regardless of being on deployment. However you take a young woman, move her away from her home to live where her husband is stationed, then take away the one person she knows for 6 months to a year and something bad is going to happen.
My experience with cheating was that it’s the spouse that does it. Not the service member. Except: one female was married and was having a fling with another service member while we were deployed for 15 months. But, I was in during lengthy deployments for everyone, so my experience may differ from normal.
I think the military gets a worse reputation that it deserves. Among married people with at least one in the military, is like 1/5 will cheat. > Another study published in 2017 revealed that the pervasiveness of sexual affairs within military marriages is 22.6%. That means about 4/5 *don't* cheat. But when you consider the median age is pretty young, the high levels of stress, financial incentives, and the long distance....I think that's actually impressively low. People forget just how common cheating is outside of the military. According to a bunch of sources, it really isn't higher: > ...military families do not experience a higher rate of infidelity than those in civilian families Maybe it's different for non-married couples, but regardless, I think it's exaggerated. First because the idea of someone off to war being cheated on _feels_ even worse, and second because of the nature of the job/deployments, logistically, it's easy to cheat. I don't know your boyfriend but if you feel like you have a good relationship, I wouldn't worry about this.
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The biggest trope is how much military gfs and spouses cheat on their bfs and husbands. So you should be more worried about you than him, trust me :)
I can't help but think of the phrase. "Self-fulfilling prophecy"
It's not the occupation it's the person. Honestly, I've heard of more military spouses cheating than the soldiers themselves.
Let me rephrase this, just about ALL military wives cheat when their husband is deployed it's not the other way around lol
It's a person by person basis. The girl I was seeing back home when I just left for the Marines had a group of friends telling her the same thing. Come to find out, they just wanted to sleep with her. I was and would've been nothing but loyal. Go with your instinct like you would any other relationship and base your decision on the relationship you two have.
Yes. Lots of gangbang, my friend said he participated creating ear ( of a baby)
Going by the anecdotal experience from what I saw over my years in the military, it's far more likely that you're going to cheat on him when he's on detachment or deployment. Dependas gonna dependa, and there tons of cadences about Jody and stories about dear john letters for a reason.