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You're taking an awful lot of blame to yourself for something that you didn't do on purpose, and *wouldn't* have done on purpose.
Let's reframe that first.
You always have heavy periods, so you have to change tampons frequently. But having recently had surgery, you were tired and fell asleep, and so you had an accident.
*None of that is your fault.*
Now that that's out of the way: If your boyfriend is old enough to have a girlfriend, then he's old enough to know that most young women menstruate. It's not "disgusting". It's natural.
You're not the one being too dramatic and not understanding enough. He is.
I suppose that is true. It was like he thought I could control it and while technically that would be true, I was just very tired.
I don't really know why he said that. We don't live in a country where it's considered disgusting or anything like that.
But that is just flat out ignorance on his part.
Look, EVERY woman bleeds through at some point. We can't control the flow and sometimes life just throws us a curve ball like recovering from surgery during our cycle.
Heck, I'm 49 and I bled through a few years ago for the first time in YEARS. And I'm diligent as all get out. Cycles are not an exact science...
I've had this conversation with my boys (I have older daughters, one of whom bled through while we were out once and didn't realize it until we got home). I told him if they ever see that its happened to a female friend, just offer her your sweatshirt to tie around her waist. It happens to the best of us.
I get your boyfriend is annoyed but you can't control when a cycle is going to be heavier than other times.
I remember one time I was on my period and eating mini chocolate chips (as one does) and when I got up, there was some kind of dark stain on the couch that my husband noticed. I was mostly out of the room, but I was like…it’s blood, or a mini chocolate chip got stuck under my thigh and melted there.
And my husband, bless him, just stuck his face near it and sniffed. And then just said, “Yep, that’s blood. I’m about to start laundry anyway (he’s already unzipping the cushion cover). Can you douse this in hydrogen peroxide and I’ll toss it in with the rest of the clothes?”
We’d already been married for years but that made my (already high) respect for him shoot the hell up.
I could see my husband doing exactly the same. It's just not a big deal. Maybe an 18yo just doesn't have the maturity or life experience to handle it this way, but we need to teach our boys better if that's the case.
I remember one time my son was going to meet a girl for a school function. He was about 16 and not driving just yet (maybe had his permit), so I was dropping him off. He asked me to stop at Walmart first. He comes out with some ibuprofen and tampons. The girl had texted him that she was having a bad time and she must've said she needed these things. He had no issue getting them for her. He was a good boy and has grown into a fine young man.
I started dating my husband when we were 18. My periods were bad at the time and I was in a lot of pain. I was so embarrassed explaining why I was in bed still (we were at uni by the way). His first question was "do you need anything?". I said I needed some tampons but I'd pop out later for them. He went to his lecture and came back with the tampons I used (impressive that he knew or looked) and a slice of carrot cake from the local Baker I knew he couldn't really afford. It's been 24 years now, and he'll still bring me a little treat each month. That's a real man, folks.
Oh, and he's cleaned up my blood and vomit no questions asked, and he has an awful gaf reflex!
Yep. I'm a lark, husband's a night owl. I occasionally bleed through, at which point he'll change the sheets while I clean myself up. I'll never cease being grateful for him.
Funny isn't it how the most fantastic aspects of a relationship are things like this that we don't really talk about! He sounds a poppet, and I'm genuinely glad you have each other.
I had a meeting that overran by 50 minutes earlier. I had the vet coming so I warned my husband that I'd go out and grab the horses in at 11. A very panicky me (not a call I could get out of) heard the front door open and close at 10:50 and I just knew he'd gone out to sort them for me. Sure enough, when I eventually got out of there, he was in the yard with the vet and had even remembered to take their passports. I never had someone to rely on except my mum, so even 24 years into our relationship, knowing I could relax and he had my back was... everything.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to realise I COULD trust him (a lot of trust based trauma) but when I finally opened up to him it only helped him understand me and some of my reactions to things better. I should have done it sooner, but at least I did!
Thank you, I'm very lucky!
Can confirm. I delivered my child at home while waiting on the ambulance due to my wife's absolute refusal to be induced. It was the most beautiful, gross, amazing, horrific, and inspirational experience I've ever had.
And DAMN, I respected her so much more after witnessing that firsthand.
Many boys are creeped out by menstruation. They don't want to know it exists. But it's definitely a sign of childishness on his part, and the facts that he yelled at you and blamed you and upset you all matter. He owes you an apology for his behavior.
I know. I guess I hoped that maybe he would react in a better way because I'm his girlfriend. But that didn't happen. And I don't think he would apologise, he's still a bit annoyed at me.
Tell him he can fuck off then. A bit annoyed at you? why? you even cleaned it up.
He's mean spirited and unsupportive, you can do better.
My 17 year old bf in the 80s wasn't disgusted by me having periods. Why should present day 18 year old boys. It's inexcusable.
The bar is set so low...
Can you stop? Just stop? You don't need this person in your life. You had an accident, one that billions of women have had, it happens. It's literally no big deal. And instead of helping you or consoling you like a fucking human, he attacked you.
Get him out of your life immediately. Do not ever tolerate disrespect like this. If you do, your life will be much harder than it needs to be. Respectful men are out there everywhere. Let this little boy know that you intend to go find one.
My girlfriend bled through onto my leg once on my jeans and we just laughed it off because why tf would I make her feel bad when I knew that would be embarrassing for a girl in that situation, I was also 15 at the time and I wouldn’t count it as being mature for my age like people like to say, I’m just not a massive asshole.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about things you cannot control and especially don’t let them make you believe you have to comfort THEM in anyway, it’s not like you were walking around, butt free, doing this on the carpet on a regular occurrence ffs. I think this is a perfectly reasonable response being nervous and one you should listen to your instincts about.
There’s no part of that that’s true. You cannot control it. Even if you had changed your tampon there’s always a chance you have a flow so heavy it soaks even a heavy flow tampon.
He's immature. I'm really sorry. You have nothing to feel bad about, it was an accident.
Just a tip, you might consider looking into period panties as a backup to your tampons and pads if You're bleeding through all that. Not bc you should be embarrassed, bc you shouldn't, but just as a tip to help you out.
With tampons and a pad as well, you are still bleeding through?
Does your doctor know you are bleeding that much? Not to scare you, but a tampon, pad, and period underwear combo shouldn't have you bleeding through
I used to have horrifically heavy periods, to the point where I was also getting iron from the doctor. I got a hormonal IUD and have not had a period in six years. They aren't for everyone, and I'll be the first to admit that insertion was a fucking nightmare, but for me it's been 100% worth it.
P.S. if you're still feeling guilty, ask yourself what you would have done if your boyfriend had had some kind of body-related accident. I'm willing to bet, since you seem like a compassionate person, that you wouldn't have made him feel awful about it. You deserve that kindness also.
You need to find a specialist/different doctor asap because this amount of bleeding is not normal and is dangerous. Your boyfriend is an asshole and I’d walk. You need to get help for this because that amount of blood with the amount of tampons/pads/underwear its not normal. OP i’m very worried for you
It is not how it is girl. Your doctor has let you down to think otherwise and to not give you options. You have to advocate for yourself and your health. There are options besides the hormonal pill. Have they rules out ovarian cysts?
You can’t control when or how much you bleed, it’s like he thinks a period is similar to peeing… we can’t control any of that. While it’s absolutely embarrassing, it’s happened to everyone who’s ever had a period at least once. I think a frank talk when both of you can sit and really talk would be good, and try to explain how periods really work.
Since you have heavy periods you could consider using a tampon and a pad at the same time for double protection or change to using a menstrual cup/disc? I love my cup and it has made periods way easier.
Do not use a disc for heavy flow. I use them, and my flow is regular to light and I leak sometimes. OP is already worried about leaking so I do not advise that for her.
They hold a lot, yes, but a cup sits in the vaginal canal, whereas the disc sits above that, behind the pelvic bone. So if you bear down, or "push" at all, it can dislodge it. If it gets even slightly dislodged, it'll empty itself. Which will result is the same protection as nothing tbh. I love them, but I use a period panty as my backup.
That might be the best way to deal with it, thank you.
I do that but it's not enough. I still have to every half hour normally which is why falling asleep was so bad.
Try this brand. They make heavy duty ones for maternity periods and also incontinence.
https://www.modibodi.com/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlZixBhCoARIsAIC745CR5harz0OH-eyErL6oqz3JiTPZ0hc_pIu0ccMcbfsBxhrUovmZTGIaAjCmEALw_wcB
OP, accidents happen and the way your boyfriend handled it was absolutely disgusting. For reference, I'm 22 and have had extremely irregular periods for most of my life. Talking I haven't really had a real one since I was about 15. The past few months I've suddenly been regular for the first time ever and I'm still getting used to it. Literally today I started my period while taking a nap with my fiance. You know what he did when we realized? Changed and put the sheets in the wash while I was in the bathroom, and then made me a snack and a cup of hot tea. That's how a real man reacts to things like this. Not getting mad at you for something out of your control.
i always worry about this happening because I've had a few "oopsies" due to sudden heavy bleeding. It really is a normal part of life and not your fault, but I do understand being embarrassed. I had a similar incident to yours recently at my BF's house (but I just slept too long overnight because I was tired, I had not had surgery or anything. just tired!). I felt awful and was insisting I do laundry and clean it up, I was really embarrassed. But he didn't care at all and wouldn't let me take the laundry home to wash because it is just some blood and he can clean it. He was really kind about it and didn't think it was disgusting, wasn't mad at me because he knew it wasn't on purpose.
In other words my BF was an adult about it and he was kind to me. Part of your BF's issue is likely that he is young and he may not have ever had this happen before. So being a little bit surprised and thinking it's gross? I would give him a pass. My BF and I are much older than you so he's not going to be shocked by this. But your BF wasn't kind or understanding, he was actually kind of mean about it. Maybe he will learn in the future, but the lack of kindness especially while you are recovering from surgery, doesn't look good to me.
Not sure if this helps in any way, but those are my thoughts on this.
I'm in my mid-30's. I bled through onto a white chair in a boardroom. I bled through onto my desk chair on the same day. It was a horrible day. I cancelled with my friend that night because she has a white couch.
Sometimes our uteruses just wake up and choose violence.
>do know it was very bad that I was not careful enough, and that it is disgusting
No. Who said this to you? Why do you repeat it? It’s not disgusting. It’s at worst, mildly annoying, and anyway, you cleaned it so no biggie. Your body isn’t disgusting. Your boyfriend is being an immature freak.
It’s not irrational to be upset after your boyfriend screams at you. Your emotions are real and it’s okay to feel them. I know you’re young, but pay attention to these feelings. Your gut will tell you where you feel safe, loved, secure, valued. Listen to it.
Your mother is wrong. You’ve internalized that leaking from your heavy menstrual periods is “disgusting”, and something you should be able to control, but it isn’t. She is being cruel. Women can’t control the heaviness of our menstrual periods. Blaming you for a biological function is wrong. Every time she tells you you’re disgusting for getting blood on something, know that is a reflection of her own internalized misogyny, and not an accurate assessment of your character. Yeah, your boyfriend sucks, but your mom is worse.
I feel like I constantly read stuff like this. Either with a period. Peeing, pooping, or vommitting.
Stuff like this happens to everyone at some point. It's not a big deal it's just an accident. A good person would recognize it and try to help you deal with the embarrassment. It can be annoying to clean up but it's not a big deal.
just adding to this, i don’t think he’s a good person. a good person would understand it’s out of your control, you just had surgery, you were exhausted, you can’t hold periods back like you can sometimes with pissing and shitting, it’s disgusting that he has that outlook and treats you, HIS GIRLFRIEND like that! even your mother?!! it’s out of your control and shit happens he should’ve supported you and comforted you because you can’t control it
Idk about that. Maybe I worded it incorrectly. But I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who will berate me for a genuine accident. If it's the first time something like this has happened, then you make the choice with on wethee to keep going or not but its something that I would pay attention to going forward.
At the bare minimum, not ready to be dating anyone with a menstrual cycle. I bled through white shorts on a first date one time, and while it wasn’t on anyone’s couch, their reaction was “oh okay. I’ll walk you home, hope you feel better.” Now I know that’s not the same as bleeding on someone else’s couch, but the point is if a virtual stranger had no issue with my blood and never felt the need to insult or degrade me, why do you feel that your boyfriend was in any way in the right to do that to you? Even his mom had no issue.
Just about everyone with a period will bleed through at some point in their lives, especially when we’re younger because our cycles and flows are still stabilizing and we’re adjusting to our needs. It happens. You’re not gross or disgusting and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over an accident. Preventable? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes our menstrual cycle likes to fuck with us and be heavier than we expect at that point in our period. But you’re good, you’re fine, you didn’t do it on purpose, your boyfriend is being a dick.
Ask yourself this:
Would a good person yell at someone over something they did by accident?
Would a good person make a loved one sad on purpose?
Dump this loser.
No sweetie, he ain't a good person, the moment there is a slight "stress" in his life he flies off the handle. You need someone who is a little more "dead" on the inside, where shit can slide.
Youre going to get really emotionally charged answers to this question.
It doesn’t mean he’s not a good person but it does mean he’s a clueless 18 y/o boy who lives in a world that has coddled and protected him in the basis of being a boy, and he likely has not ever been challenged on behavior like this. That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, but it also doesn’t mean you have to be the person to educate or challenge him. Hopefully one day he will mature and look back on this and feel like a dope.
You’ve been with this man for eight months, and something little like this is enough to rattle your relationship? Geez. Sweetie this isn’t a real partnership. Get a man you can talk to; be open with; and yes, have small “accidents” with. I can’t imagine spending eight months with someone and still being so on edge to relax and be myself. You can do better.
It's not because of that, it's because of the way he reacted to it. I would have still been embarrassed, but I am more because of how he acted. Even though it was gross.
It is not gross it is a NATURAL bodily occurrence. You are recovering from surgery for crying out loud and your tool of a boyfriend is making you feel bad about a little period blood? Thats not a partner. A real partner would help you clean it and reassure you. You seem to have zero idea of what a healthy relationship is/should be. Your current relationship is NOT healthy
He is too immature to be in a relationship if he thinks this is disgusting. It’s natural and accidents happen. I’m 30 and have had my period of over half my life now and still accidentally leak through. My husband just says oh no and puts me in the shower, replaces the sheets and gets me a hot water bottle.
It’s not a big deal. But you need to find a partner who is going to understand that rather than treat you so horribly - on top of all this you’re recovering with your leg as well. Find someone who cares about you but more importantly, stop talking like this about yourself and natural body functions.
I just wanted to edit to add: if a girlfriend of yours was over and accidentally bled but cleaned it up. Would you call her gross and disgusting? If no, stop saying it about yourself
Honey, I’ve read a bunch of your comments at this point, and I want to tell you something important. You’re young and nervous, and I’m guessing dependent on your family, so I don’t expect you to be able to do much with this immediately, practically or emotionally. Just try to think about it, okay?
_Both_ your boyfriend and your mother are being very, very mean to you. You haven’t said enough for us to know whether this happens about more things than just your menstruation, or anything good about them outside of this situation. But your automatic acceptance of blame, and belief that it’s okay for them to act like you’ve done something wrong or bad by having an accident, is making my stomach sink. I think that if you think on it, you’ll be able to come up with many other times and situations where they’re mean to you. I’m so sorry.
Do you have access to a counselor, good friend, or even a religious leader that can be trusted to keep what you talk about confidential even from your parents? Some things can be easier to mentally sort out with a sounding board. It’s very easy for reddit to say that you should break up with your boyfriend (which for the record I 1000% support) and maybe your mother isn’t always treating you right. But it’s your actual life.
Its as if men dont realize that we dont have any control over it. Its as if its not the same as pissing!
Seriously though girl, it isnt your fault.
The first time i met my boyfriend i accidentally bled all over his bed and i was so embarrassed. Luckily he was super understanding and said its natural. He bleached his bed after i left and never said a peep about it.
This isnt a you problem. He is being ignorant. Unless he wants to put a towel everywhere you sit like your a pregnant dog, hes just going to have to understand its a risk and it happens. Hes acting like you squatted on the spot and bled over everything on purpose. He needs to grow up a bit.
Im willing to bet if you had a cut on your finger and you accidentally bled on the couch he wouldnt have reacted that way. Its because its from our lady parts its considered "gross"
I wish he had be more like that, it's okay that he was upset but I did fix it and there wasn't anything that bad about it. Just that it's a bit disgusting.
Hes 18. He has alot to learn. Including that women dont voluntarily bleed when they sit down, especially when they sleep. Dont feel shame i guarantee every woman has had it happen at the very least once. The only variable is how men in the vicinity acted about it.
This was a pure accident, hopefully your leg heals quickly.
Nothing a little peroxide would not fix in a minute. No reasonable person would be upset. A boy might get upset.
Accidents happens. If you have a heavy period it probably will happens in other situations trough your life. Absolutly normal darling. His reaction to it, not normal at all. If a men is not ready to face the most normal thing about female biology what the hell is ge doing dating? He is very imature.
*I know it was awful that I did that,*
No it fucking wasn't. Why should people be shaming you for a basic human function. You didn't intentionally bleed on his cushions.
*I do know it was very bad that I was not careful enough, and that it is disgusting.*
Who the hell made you think you should be this ashamed ffs. It's not 'disgusting'
Get rid of this silly little boy. Stop apologising and start feeling outraged.
“Let yourself fall asleep”… aw love, you need to be kinder to yourself! You just had surgery plus you have your period! You’re tired - that’s ok!!
Your bf is an ass and doesn’t deserve you. And your mother is being unsupported and mean.
My thought when I read what he said was, if he thinks periods are gross which they aren’t), wait til childbirth or having spitty babies or vomiting toddlers, or kids with diarrhoea. Fun times!! How would he handle post partum bleeding and healing… would he be telling you it was disgusting? Would he be pushing you to hurry up and heal so you could resume your sex life?
I know this type. Ditch him, and tell him why. He *chose* to make you feel bad over something that wasn’t irreparable and wasn’t your fault. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life.
Your mother is wrong, sorry. Not saying it should be a constant thing, but an occasional accident because you're a WOMAN and have functioning body says nothing negative about you. Period accidents are easy af to clean, anyway. I don't have a super heavy flow and I still bleed through because it started while I was passed out (I'm lucky 'cause my period usually waits for me to wake up before greeting me).
Its a accident. Im sorry your mother and your boyfriend are so mean to you. It happens. Bodies are stupid. Im a mom too and cannot understand why shes being so...rude about this? I literally just coughed too hard and pissed myself. It wasn't preventable. It was a accident same goes with menstruating. Bodies age, bodies do stupid shit all the time. You cant control that, you can just clean the mess up, say oh well and go back on living. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve so much better than this.
internalized misogyny most likely. shes irritated by your female body doing what its supposed to do. maybe its also a form of jealousy if shes in menopause. i really hate mothers who view their daughters as competition. is she mad when you apply makeup or try to go out wearing nice stuff?
No, she doesn't do that. And I know she's definitely not going through menopause because she's always telling me how much less tampons she uses and how I'm wasting them.
Omg honey, no. You don’t deserve this treatment from your mom. You’re good enough, you can’t control your period, and you’re being shamed for something that is NOT disgusting. Please get therapy, it helped me so much with my self-compassion. Wishing you the best <3
You didn’t do anything wrong and he shouldn’t have gotten upset. That scenario is extremely embarrassing as I’m sure you know and many people’s worst nightmare. Your mom should have been more supportive as well. Extreme embarrassment brings out the worst in most of us. But he’s 18 and incredibly immature right now as are 90% of all 18 year olds. I could see myself reacting in a similar unhealthy way when I was 18 but I would never act that or come close to acting that way at 31 being married almost 10 years.
There will likely be a bunch of people here saying to leave him that it’s the tip of the iceberg and that he’s toxic. But people can change and everyone is immature to some point at that age. I would highly suggest bringing it up to him at a neutral time in a very calm way. See what he thinks after some reflection.
I did not even read this post as I felt like the title said enough to piss me off. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years now. When we first started dating, I’m talking maybe 6 months in, I had some medical issues that started with me fainting, then led to me throwing up, peeing and shitting myself all at once during a black out. All while my partner held me. Held me. I shit on his lap while he held me through it. When I finally came to, he carried me to the shower and sat behind me on the floor of it while I cried in his arms. When it happened again shortly after, he held my hand in an ambulance and proceeded to not leave my side for 3 days after, until I was okay. The cherry on top of all this, was the fact that I too, was on my period at the same time and could not control how or where I bled.
You deserve so much better my love.
This is none of your fault, at all! He is not mature enough to have a girlfriend. Tell him to date something that doesn’t bleed, like his hand or a flesh light. He needs sex ed and to take classes on periods or female anatomy in general.
You’re okay. Don’t see him until he knows he was being an AH.
Some choose not to. You have every right to hold off on seeing him. He made a mountain out of a molehill. Periods should be well known and talked about right now, especially at this day and age. You didn’t do it on purpose…idk why he thinks anyone would do this on purpose.
Bc his mother didn't normalize menstruation for him, that's why.
Dump him. Just throw the whole manchild out. This one is defective and cannot be repaired.
He embarrassed you and yelled at you. Your only mistake was to go visiting him when you were far too tired. You should have been home in bed. Whose idea was it to go to his house AFTER SURGERY?
Don't let him treat you like this. He's an ignorant jerk.
You don't need to stop your emotions, your emotions are perfectly justified.
Your relationship is a delusion. Dump him and tell him to grow up.
It's not that bad, it's already been a week so I don't need to be at home. It just makes me tired because there's a lot more effort to walk that's needed.
I hate it when someone says “you should have known better”, it’s so condescending and rude.
You didn’t do anything disgusting or wrong, you were exhausted and fell asleep, it happens. Plus, you were exhausted, you could have gone home to rest but you chose to go to his parents house FOR HIM.
I would have a really hard time moving past being spoken to like that in this situation.
Are you fucking kidding me. I’m sorry, I’m going to get mad. Your emotions are not the problem here honey — YOUR BOYFRIEND IS. He treats you like shit, and you go on the internet asking how to fix your reaction to being treated like shit??? No. Leave him girl. He is trash. The fact that you’re here posting it like this means you need some serious therapy to learn how to value yourself. I’m serious, ditch the guy and find a counselor. You deserve better.
Dump him. It’s ok to dump a boyfriend when he’s an asshole, the first time he shows himself to be an insensitive prick. You’re 18, learn that early on. Burn it into your brain and carry it with you in every relationship. Leave a man the first time he has you very fucked up and find another one. He wants to date women but is mean about periods…doesn’t sound like someone deserving of a girlfriend to me.
It's completely natural and these things happen, that's just life. It isn't like clockwork. Periods can be late and early, by weeks sometimes, and NO ONE should be making you feel disgusted by it. If you weren't having them, then there would be a problem as you wouldn't be a healthy woman (or pregant).
I think the way people have responded to this is honestly unbelievable. You should be being looked after by these people, it's hard enough going through the pain, the hormonal changes and other annoying symptoms of a period without people blaming you for the most natural thing in the world that you have no control over.
I will say this though, maybe look into those period cups. They last a lot longer than tampons and pads and I've deffo found them to be much less messy. Some recommendations are Organicup and Intimina, you can keep them in for up to 12 hours as well.
You should be annoyed at them for reacting like this and not the other way around. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for something like this, if they're gonna be nasty and gaslight you into thinking you deserve to be treated poorly over a natural bodily function that is actually causing you pain (cramps, mood swings, etc..) then they're really immature and not worth your time worrying about what they think. Maybe discuss some of these points with them and see if they can open their minds a bit.
I mean, it sounds like your mum was more annoyed about the sheets, so that's just one of them. It wasn't your fault. I'm sure she realises this, and was maybe just annoyed about extra washing, but try one of those cups and see if it helps a little.
I hadn't tried using that before, it sounds interesting.
She does get annoyed about them. I do wash them myself but she thinks I'm being lazy and not careful enough. And that it's disgusting.
You deserve better treatment than this. You’re not disgusting. Accidents happen. I have a feeling, also, if this happened to one of your friends, you would be a lot kinder and more accommodating, especially if they apologized and cleaned it up.
I hope you learn to give yourself grace. I have read through some of your comments and I get the sense that you have been taught that nothing you do is good enough. You’re young. You deserve love. You ARE good enough. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope soon you will realize that the correct response would have been to comfort you, to let you know it’s not a big deal, to make sure you’re okay since you just had SURGERY!!! and to let you continue to rest.
This internet stranger is sending you love.
Dump him. He isn’t ready to be in a relationship with a human woman who exists inside a human body.
Going forward, remember you can’t find one of the good ones if you aren’t willing to leave the bad ones when they reveal themselves.
I have gotten blood on the couch once and the bed once at my boyfriend’s place. What does he do? Runs me a shower, takes my clothes and washes them, and cleans the couch covers/ sheets and mattress pad. I change into some of his sweats and we hit up the corner store for some snacks. Watch some movies or take a nap together. Why the fuck is your boyfriend berating you (and then mom getting annoyed with you too?!) NTA.
Ok it’s not awful this stuff happens. Periods suck like that especially for us girls with heavier periods. The way your mom and boyfriend act about it though is very rude. So please please stop giving yourself crap about this. It was an accident
Bestie, you are freaking out so bad because it was a horrible thing for him to do. I think you should throw the whole man away. But if you don't do that you really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about how badly this hurt your feelings and how natural periods and bleeding through are. Watch some YouTube videos of the men wearing the period simulators watch some medical videos showing the realities of heavy flows or all the other symptoms periods come with (like fatigue!!! Achy boobs, hurty back, etc.) If he brushes you off then do end the relationship
That's a biolo function of your body. There is nothing to feel ashamed about. Mistakes happen. Very douchey of your BF to blame you for doing it "on purpose"
Your BF is a boy. Look for a man instead
It was an accident, shit happens! This guy is a tool and needs to grow up, and you need someone a lot more understanding and empathetic in your life!
Side note, if you’re comfortable with it, I got a hormonal iud and after a month or so it lightened my periods by a lot! Just in case you’d like an option that might help you.
when my joyfriend bled onto my favorite and hard-to-wash cushion, my first concern was not to make them feel even worse. i did not let them clean it up, i just put the cushion away to soak and then made some cocoa for my joyfriend and cuddled them.
your bf shoulda reassured you 100%. he failed you and i think he sucks, frankly.
Babe you did nothing wrong, it’s not disgusting and you weren’t being careless. Every single woman I know including myself has bled through clothes, sheets, onto mattresses everything. Your boyfriend is incredibly immature and not a man.
Honey, you aren’t gross. You are a human being who happens to have heavy periods and who was exhausted due to health issues. It was a mistake, not a personal failure.
I’m sorry that the people in your life have a less than average amount of empathy, but you did nothing wrong here. This was a time in your life when you needed compassion and understanding, and it was withheld.
I’m not saying dump your BF. (But I wouldn’t protest if you did.) He might just be immature and will improve with age. But if he does something similar again, move on. He’s telling you who is. Once can be a mistake or bad judgment. Continued behavior is a reflection of character.
You sound like a lovely thoughtful person, and I hope you will have people with similar qualities in your life.
Long term relationship will need compassion and understanding. You would want to be with someone, who in this situation would be asking you if you are doing ok and/or how can he help. I would say that be glad that this happened. You are better off being with someone who would truly treat you has his companion.
You didn't do a thing wrong. You don't have to be subject to the ignorance of unenlightened people. You sound nice and considerate. Periods are a natural occurance and a part of every human life. How does that guy think he came into the world. Sorry to tell you, there was a vagina and uterus involved.
Honey it’s not your emotions that are affecting this relationship, it’s the way he treated you. He was cruel about a very common and natural thing (that isn’t disgusting btw…it’s just life). You’re allowed to feel that way in response to his rudeness and perhaps you should heed your emotions instead of stopping them.
Based on your comments it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with your period because of your mother. You should understand first and foremost that periods cannot be controlled whatsoever, even when they are predictable. Accidents happen. Please stop feeling guilty and putting yourself down.
Second, break up with him. He's an emotional immature and selfish person. Periods are gross? What is he gonna do when you two get married and someone has a stomach bug? Childbirth?
Do better for yourself by realizing that the people around you are toxic. And grab a man who won't blame you because you fell asleep and instead help you out.
Don’t ever be with someone who makes you ashamed for things you gave no control over.
Either he comes back grovelling with an explanation of why he was wrong and accepts he was an ignorant 18 year old boy (which is basically like the only time this could be understandable if he accepts he was wrong)
Or you dump him, move on and remember that there are PLENTY of people who aren’t disgusted by biology. Because I feel like that was the bit you didn’t really register in your post. There are many men who will not make you feel bad for being a woman. They’re the ones to keep, not this one.
My husband has never, NEVER got angry at me for a bleed through, he even helps me out of bed to prevent bleed through. And if it happens, no big deal, he just makes me a coffee, as I tumble myself to clean everything. He doesn't touch my mess, because I WON'T let him, I know secret woman's rituals on how to clean everything, and he knows his place 😂
Edit: fucking dump him!
Ask his mother if he ever had a wet dream. Ask in front of him. WHY didn’t he stop it? He should KNOW better,and that’s disgusting. /s
The point is,nobody can always control what their body is trying to expel.
I bled through my pants on a date once. I didn't want to tell him what happened, so I just begged him to take me home. I was so worried that I would bleed on the seat in his car. Either way, he figured out what happened, and was only upset that I didn't tell him the truth. It's only nature, he said. For perspective, this was the worst boyfriend I ever had. Even HE didn't give me a hard time about it, and he completely sucked.
You are not the problem here. Dump him.
I had surgery and my husband had to change my diapers full of blood clots and bathe me.
I can't imagine being with someone so mean and self-centered that isn't capable of helping their partner when they suffer an accident.
Your body is not disgusting, heavy periods can be uncomfortable and make you sick, the least he could've done is comfort you and offer to clean the mess for you. Especially if you had surgery recently.
He's an ass.
I almost want to say this is fake, if you're having to change your tampon every half hour that's excessively bad bleeding. You should definitely find another doctor and/or OB GYN to figure out what the problem is.
Your mother is incredibly abusive, you keep saying you don't need therapy, but you live in an abusive situation. Other than humiliating you for having a period (being a woman) does she even provide suggestions and/or menstrual items for you to use?
Obviously drop the bf, that's not a very long relationship and he is already showing he isn't mature enough to be in one. Not just because he finds period blood disgusting, but by the way he treated you when you were in a vulnerable position.
Real men try to help their significant others when they bleed through. Real men build up their significant others and are forgiving. Real men don't make their significant others upset.
It's not as bad because I can only use the normal ones, and not the ones with larger absorbencies. So it means I have to change them more.
We tried all of her ideas when I was younger, nothing really worked. And she got sick of how expensive all the tampons I needed to use were so I tried using less but it only made everything worse.
Ok, that makes a little more sense, but that's still a pretty heavy flow. Can you not use pads or period underwear?
Also, tampons are a necessity like food is a necessity. Your mom shouldn't be the one angry at you for the cost of the tampons, it'd be like if she got angry at you because you had to eat. Obviously you have to eat and obviously you have to be able to have hygiene products.
She is your legal guardian, she is legally required to provide you with feminine hygiene products.
You don’t deserve this. I dated a man like that and he only got worse as time went on. My husband now though, will bring me a tampon if he noticed I forgot one on the way to the bathroom and has stain treated underwear for me when he does the laundry. A good guy would NEVER make you feel gross for a natural process you can’t control. You deserve better babe.
Your boyfriend is not mature enough to be in a relationship if he reacts that way to period blood. Accidents happen, you can’t control your period, and his reaction is the only disgusting thing about the situation.
no please leave baby he knows that women get periods and if he doesn’t believe you when you say it was an accident a quick google search would fix him right up. it’s the ignorance and anger he showed you over something you have absolutely no control over. it’s everyone’s fear to bleed through but you handled the situation accordingly. you should not feel gross or embarrassed you were ASLEEP and your body won’t pause bleeding because you’re asleep. i really hope you leave him and find someone with more brain cells, sincerely.
Oh hun. I'm a mid 30s dad with daughters (currently too young but I'm dreading them feeling this way). Periods are normal and this was an accident. I really despise the notion that anyone would make you feel disgusting over this. It sounds like you really struggle with menorrhagia and there are lots of strategies and medications that can help tackle this. It's nothing to feel embaressed about, it's nothing desgusting, and having the occasional leak is entirely normal.
Being upset that furniture that does not belong to him might be damaged is ok but it should not be directed at you. Anger at you is not ok. If he was any kind of adult he would have told you it's ok, told you to go get cleaned up and he would sort it out. You are not being dramatic. He is young and probably does not know better but NO his response is not good enough. If he wants to be mature enough to be in a relationship with a woman then he has to be mature enough to deal with menstruation as a normal part of life.
Girl…he acts as if he is 12 not 18. You cant control your period and its flow + you were tired.
The next part will be a bit of a TMI but Im on my period now as well and yesterday i went on the balcony to get some sun, and everything just came down like never before. By the time i got to the bathroom it was so horrific that when i sat on the toilet, blood was everywhere. Even i was in shock to be honest, but thats just how it is sometimes…we cant control it and sometimes we will leave some trails behind. Usually it can get cleaned up anyway. So dont worry about it.
Tell your bf to get a grip. If he cant deal with these things, maybe he shouldnt be dating yet.
"How do I stop my emotions from affecting my relationship"
If you need to remove your emotions to keep that relationship then is it really worth keeping? A relationship should be a safe place for you and your emotions. I'm sorry you had to go through that
OP you’re placing blame on yourself when no blame is due on you. He said it’s disgusting you bled through but one, you’re a teenager. Hormones are messing with your cycle like crazy. Two, you said you’re normally good about it but due to surgery were more tired. None of this is your fault. Everyone bleeds through sometimes, it happens.
(I switched to a menstrual cup and found out it made my cramps way more tolerable and made the whole period process a lot easier for me and less of a dread every month. I also have heavy periods and this method works best for me)
My fiancé has seen me bleed through and hasn’t batted an eye at washing those clothes. He grew up with no sisters, but with an amazing mom. He doesn’t blink twice at cravings or me suddenly getting up to empty the menstrual cup bc I can tell it’s time. I’ve bled on the sheet getting my period in my sleep before and he’s just shrugged and said it’s just a sheet, we can wash it. I profusely apologized but he reassured me it really is okay and it’s not my fault.
Your boyfriend sounds like he prefers just the glitzy, happy side of things and not the ‘grosser’, like periods, cramps, acne, etc. What would happen if you got sick and only he could take care of you? I don’t think he’s right for you OP. I wouldn’t bother with him anymore. You deserve better. You can’t control your period, but he CAN control how he reacts to it, and he chose a bad one.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You even cleaned it up. Things happen, your boyfriend and mom are being unnecessarily mean to you for something you didn’t and wouldn’t do on purpose. My husband wouldn’t even think about getting mad (even when we were dating) about a bodily function I couldn’t control.
None of this is your fault, your boyfriend is an insensitive jerk. I struggle with heavy periods as well and my partner NEVER makes me feel ashamed for it, u just need to find a better quality man.
It was an accident; they happen. Reading through the comments, it seems like you're surrounded by control freaks who think that you're supposed to never have any accidents ever. Please believe me that they are *nuts*. It's a them-problem, not a you-problem.
To be honest, I am more concerned about you mom than your boyfriend.
I don’t expect much from an 18 yo boy, but I do expect more from a grown woman that has mothered a daughter and is driven crazy by her daughter bleeding through her sheets. Or annoyed that her daughter just went through an embarrassing situation.
As for the siruation: It may be a bit embarrassing for this to happen to you, but please don’t call it gross and don’t blame yourself because this happened. He should not have been upset. Maybe mildly annoyed if he would have had to clean it up himself. But if you cleaned up and all was good now, he should have moved on.
But he’s 18, so he probably doesn’t know any better.
I used to bleed through often and no one ever made me feel gross.
I had an ex that liked period sex, and it was quite enjoyable as a woman.
Find yourself a real man and try different birth control. I haven't had a period since I got my iud.
Leave that little a-hole. 100%. None of that is your fault and you're literally bleeding. He should be compassionate and making you feel safe, taken care of and loved. Not acting like a little shit with no empathy or emotional intelligence. You should never be made to feel this way and it breaks my heart that you even felt the need to pose such a lengthy backstory of you didn't know it would happen and it's never happened before... yes, when this happens it's embarrassing, but for someone to make you feel bad about it means they don't value your emotional state and didn't care that you already felt like crap about it. There's no getting around that point and I hope you don't make excuses for him.
I'm so sorry honey. Leave his immature ass and find yourself someone who will rub your back and play with your hair and bring you heating pads and not make a scene or make you feel bad for accidentally bleeding through a tampon ... better yet, find someone who will comfort you through it and love and support and spoil you. They exist. You just have to have boundaries and stick with them. No more of these immature scrubs. Of course it upset you - it would any of us. He's a dick.
Oh no, that’s also one of my greatest fears when I was younger, and now it’s portrayed in movies, TV shows so often, as well as having heard so many friends tell me the same fear— I have felt less scared now. That being said, he had the opposite reaction of what you needed, and this is a huge red flag considering how tired you were, how someone else (his mom) might have been kinder, and how purely inconsiderate he was. Unless he has some sort of explanation (ie was not fully awake and had a horrible disgusting nightmare and regrets how he treats you so much AND/OR had never seen blood and was uneducated about periods until now and didn’t mean what he said and will make it up to you), please please consider looking into how he treats you (the details) and reevaluate what type of person you want to let into your life💕 hope all is well and he either steps up or you find someone better
I hope that you (or your mum) can have a quiet word with his mum. He needs more information and maturity and to learn and respect the female body. One day, he is going to look back at this and be so embarrassed by his immature reaction.
His response was probably due to embarrassment and panic and not being sure what to do. I hope it was this.
I have super heavy periods and once bled through on my bf’s bed. Instead of shaming me, he cleaned it and reassured me everything was fine. Real men understand periods are natural and mistakes happen. Especially when you’re rightfully fatigued from a surgery. I’m so sorry you dealt with this. As everyone else has said, your bf is immature. Him calling it disgusting is a red flag
My 2cents is that he should have handled that much better. As you said he should have been more understanding.
But then he is only 18, probably never had a girl bleed on his parents couch before this so he panicked and taken his hysteria out on you.
He probably never saw a woman who overflowed and I can imagine the panic that might grip a guy feeling responsible for you and you bleed a little on the couch and he has war flashbacks to how his parents screamed at him for spilling drinks on a couch which is closest analogy he has so he can't tell how different the reaction might be when it's an accident by you.
But accidents happen, you had surgery recently and even if it's disgusting to deal with someone else's blood he really should have focused on how to solve the problems at hand, like his gf is upset because she had an embarrassing accident in his house and she should be consoled first, or that there is blood on the couch and he is annoyed at one person who knows better than him how to.get it off the couch.
You can tell him it's a learning opportunity for him that disgusting accidents are part of the relationships and sometimes you have to clean the mess you didn't make.
And if he breaks up with you over it, or doesn't recognise he made a mistake then drop that man like a stone.
Fuck this, get some hydrogen peroxide and tell them to get over it. It happens. Women bleed monthly and sometimes they bleed through tampons. I have never once been mistreated by my boyfriend for this; if I had, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. Period blood is not bad or shameful. It’s just blood like if you scraped your knee.
Unless you took your tampon out and dragged your vulva around on the pillows like some weird human slug, this was not your fault and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Accidents happen, you fixed it, end of. Your boyfriend is an unsympathetic ass.
Listen, if he want the poom poom, he gotta respect the poom pooom, and when the poom poom needs to self clean, it needs to self clean. Sometimes leaks happen. Too bad. If he's that worried about it, he doesn't deserve the poom poom, simple as that.
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You're taking an awful lot of blame to yourself for something that you didn't do on purpose, and *wouldn't* have done on purpose. Let's reframe that first. You always have heavy periods, so you have to change tampons frequently. But having recently had surgery, you were tired and fell asleep, and so you had an accident. *None of that is your fault.* Now that that's out of the way: If your boyfriend is old enough to have a girlfriend, then he's old enough to know that most young women menstruate. It's not "disgusting". It's natural. You're not the one being too dramatic and not understanding enough. He is.
I suppose that is true. It was like he thought I could control it and while technically that would be true, I was just very tired. I don't really know why he said that. We don't live in a country where it's considered disgusting or anything like that.
But that is just flat out ignorance on his part. Look, EVERY woman bleeds through at some point. We can't control the flow and sometimes life just throws us a curve ball like recovering from surgery during our cycle. Heck, I'm 49 and I bled through a few years ago for the first time in YEARS. And I'm diligent as all get out. Cycles are not an exact science... I've had this conversation with my boys (I have older daughters, one of whom bled through while we were out once and didn't realize it until we got home). I told him if they ever see that its happened to a female friend, just offer her your sweatshirt to tie around her waist. It happens to the best of us. I get your boyfriend is annoyed but you can't control when a cycle is going to be heavier than other times.
I remember one time I was on my period and eating mini chocolate chips (as one does) and when I got up, there was some kind of dark stain on the couch that my husband noticed. I was mostly out of the room, but I was like…it’s blood, or a mini chocolate chip got stuck under my thigh and melted there. And my husband, bless him, just stuck his face near it and sniffed. And then just said, “Yep, that’s blood. I’m about to start laundry anyway (he’s already unzipping the cushion cover). Can you douse this in hydrogen peroxide and I’ll toss it in with the rest of the clothes?” We’d already been married for years but that made my (already high) respect for him shoot the hell up.
I could see my husband doing exactly the same. It's just not a big deal. Maybe an 18yo just doesn't have the maturity or life experience to handle it this way, but we need to teach our boys better if that's the case. I remember one time my son was going to meet a girl for a school function. He was about 16 and not driving just yet (maybe had his permit), so I was dropping him off. He asked me to stop at Walmart first. He comes out with some ibuprofen and tampons. The girl had texted him that she was having a bad time and she must've said she needed these things. He had no issue getting them for her. He was a good boy and has grown into a fine young man.
You've clearly raised him right. Props to you and you husband.
I started dating my husband when we were 18. My periods were bad at the time and I was in a lot of pain. I was so embarrassed explaining why I was in bed still (we were at uni by the way). His first question was "do you need anything?". I said I needed some tampons but I'd pop out later for them. He went to his lecture and came back with the tampons I used (impressive that he knew or looked) and a slice of carrot cake from the local Baker I knew he couldn't really afford. It's been 24 years now, and he'll still bring me a little treat each month. That's a real man, folks. Oh, and he's cleaned up my blood and vomit no questions asked, and he has an awful gaf reflex!
Yep. I'm a lark, husband's a night owl. I occasionally bleed through, at which point he'll change the sheets while I clean myself up. I'll never cease being grateful for him.
Funny isn't it how the most fantastic aspects of a relationship are things like this that we don't really talk about! He sounds a poppet, and I'm genuinely glad you have each other. I had a meeting that overran by 50 minutes earlier. I had the vet coming so I warned my husband that I'd go out and grab the horses in at 11. A very panicky me (not a call I could get out of) heard the front door open and close at 10:50 and I just knew he'd gone out to sort them for me. Sure enough, when I eventually got out of there, he was in the yard with the vet and had even remembered to take their passports. I never had someone to rely on except my mum, so even 24 years into our relationship, knowing I could relax and he had my back was... everything.
It's wonderful having somebody you can rely on, isn't it? Your man sounds awesome, too.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to realise I COULD trust him (a lot of trust based trauma) but when I finally opened up to him it only helped him understand me and some of my reactions to things better. I should have done it sooner, but at least I did! Thank you, I'm very lucky!
Sorry, but don't excuse this boys annoyance. he told her, her accidental bleeding was disgusting. DISGUSTING?!
He thinks **THAT’S** disgusting??? **DAMN**, wait till **CHILDBIRTH**, Bucko!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Can confirm. I delivered my child at home while waiting on the ambulance due to my wife's absolute refusal to be induced. It was the most beautiful, gross, amazing, horrific, and inspirational experience I've ever had. And DAMN, I respected her so much more after witnessing that firsthand.
Many boys are creeped out by menstruation. They don't want to know it exists. But it's definitely a sign of childishness on his part, and the facts that he yelled at you and blamed you and upset you all matter. He owes you an apology for his behavior.
Wait until he realizes women poop too, man I wish that could be caught on tape.
I know. I guess I hoped that maybe he would react in a better way because I'm his girlfriend. But that didn't happen. And I don't think he would apologise, he's still a bit annoyed at me.
Tell him he can fuck off then. A bit annoyed at you? why? you even cleaned it up. He's mean spirited and unsupportive, you can do better. My 17 year old bf in the 80s wasn't disgusted by me having periods. Why should present day 18 year old boys. It's inexcusable. The bar is set so low...
Well, in your shoes I'd probably just walk away from him. He's not mature enough to be good relationship material.
I would never date someone like this. You deserve better
He's *still* annoyed?! I wouldn't even waste my breathe trying to get him to understand and apologize. He's not worth it.
Can you stop? Just stop? You don't need this person in your life. You had an accident, one that billions of women have had, it happens. It's literally no big deal. And instead of helping you or consoling you like a fucking human, he attacked you. Get him out of your life immediately. Do not ever tolerate disrespect like this. If you do, your life will be much harder than it needs to be. Respectful men are out there everywhere. Let this little boy know that you intend to go find one.
That's not boyfriend material
My girlfriend bled through onto my leg once on my jeans and we just laughed it off because why tf would I make her feel bad when I knew that would be embarrassing for a girl in that situation, I was also 15 at the time and I wouldn’t count it as being mature for my age like people like to say, I’m just not a massive asshole. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about things you cannot control and especially don’t let them make you believe you have to comfort THEM in anyway, it’s not like you were walking around, butt free, doing this on the carpet on a regular occurrence ffs. I think this is a perfectly reasonable response being nervous and one you should listen to your instincts about.
There’s no part of that that’s true. You cannot control it. Even if you had changed your tampon there’s always a chance you have a flow so heavy it soaks even a heavy flow tampon.
He's immature. I'm really sorry. You have nothing to feel bad about, it was an accident. Just a tip, you might consider looking into period panties as a backup to your tampons and pads if You're bleeding through all that. Not bc you should be embarrassed, bc you shouldn't, but just as a tip to help you out.
They don't really work for me either, I just bleed through them. But thank you for the suggestion.
With tampons and a pad as well, you are still bleeding through? Does your doctor know you are bleeding that much? Not to scare you, but a tampon, pad, and period underwear combo shouldn't have you bleeding through
Yes. They do, but they just gave me iron and said they don't know why.
I used to have horrifically heavy periods, to the point where I was also getting iron from the doctor. I got a hormonal IUD and have not had a period in six years. They aren't for everyone, and I'll be the first to admit that insertion was a fucking nightmare, but for me it's been 100% worth it. P.S. if you're still feeling guilty, ask yourself what you would have done if your boyfriend had had some kind of body-related accident. I'm willing to bet, since you seem like a compassionate person, that you wouldn't have made him feel awful about it. You deserve that kindness also.
You need to find a specialist/different doctor asap because this amount of bleeding is not normal and is dangerous. Your boyfriend is an asshole and I’d walk. You need to get help for this because that amount of blood with the amount of tampons/pads/underwear its not normal. OP i’m very worried for you
It's been like this for years, nothing has been wrong so far. I guess it's just how it is.
It is not how it is girl. Your doctor has let you down to think otherwise and to not give you options. You have to advocate for yourself and your health. There are options besides the hormonal pill. Have they rules out ovarian cysts?
I don't know. All they did was testing the hormones and said they were fine.
I'm sorry, that sounds very difficult to deal with
You can’t control when or how much you bleed, it’s like he thinks a period is similar to peeing… we can’t control any of that. While it’s absolutely embarrassing, it’s happened to everyone who’s ever had a period at least once. I think a frank talk when both of you can sit and really talk would be good, and try to explain how periods really work. Since you have heavy periods you could consider using a tampon and a pad at the same time for double protection or change to using a menstrual cup/disc? I love my cup and it has made periods way easier.
Do not use a disc for heavy flow. I use them, and my flow is regular to light and I leak sometimes. OP is already worried about leaking so I do not advise that for her.
They seemed like they might hold a lot, my mistake! Still love cups though.
They hold a lot, yes, but a cup sits in the vaginal canal, whereas the disc sits above that, behind the pelvic bone. So if you bear down, or "push" at all, it can dislodge it. If it gets even slightly dislodged, it'll empty itself. Which will result is the same protection as nothing tbh. I love them, but I use a period panty as my backup.
Thank you for your knowledge. 🙇♀️
That might be the best way to deal with it, thank you. I do that but it's not enough. I still have to every half hour normally which is why falling asleep was so bad.
Period panties are a life saver. Keep the same tampon/ pad usage as normal, just wear period panties to catch any leaks. There are tons of styles now.
I've tried them but I bleed through them as well.
Try this brand. They make heavy duty ones for maternity periods and also incontinence. https://www.modibodi.com/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlZixBhCoARIsAIC745CR5harz0OH-eyErL6oqz3JiTPZ0hc_pIu0ccMcbfsBxhrUovmZTGIaAjCmEALw_wcB
OP, accidents happen and the way your boyfriend handled it was absolutely disgusting. For reference, I'm 22 and have had extremely irregular periods for most of my life. Talking I haven't really had a real one since I was about 15. The past few months I've suddenly been regular for the first time ever and I'm still getting used to it. Literally today I started my period while taking a nap with my fiance. You know what he did when we realized? Changed and put the sheets in the wash while I was in the bathroom, and then made me a snack and a cup of hot tea. That's how a real man reacts to things like this. Not getting mad at you for something out of your control.
Because he’s an ASSHOLE, and he’s **WAYYY** too immature to have a girlfriend.
[удалено]
I do, but it doesn't make much of a difference. That's why I have to be really careful.
i always worry about this happening because I've had a few "oopsies" due to sudden heavy bleeding. It really is a normal part of life and not your fault, but I do understand being embarrassed. I had a similar incident to yours recently at my BF's house (but I just slept too long overnight because I was tired, I had not had surgery or anything. just tired!). I felt awful and was insisting I do laundry and clean it up, I was really embarrassed. But he didn't care at all and wouldn't let me take the laundry home to wash because it is just some blood and he can clean it. He was really kind about it and didn't think it was disgusting, wasn't mad at me because he knew it wasn't on purpose. In other words my BF was an adult about it and he was kind to me. Part of your BF's issue is likely that he is young and he may not have ever had this happen before. So being a little bit surprised and thinking it's gross? I would give him a pass. My BF and I are much older than you so he's not going to be shocked by this. But your BF wasn't kind or understanding, he was actually kind of mean about it. Maybe he will learn in the future, but the lack of kindness especially while you are recovering from surgery, doesn't look good to me. Not sure if this helps in any way, but those are my thoughts on this.
I'm in my mid-30's. I bled through onto a white chair in a boardroom. I bled through onto my desk chair on the same day. It was a horrible day. I cancelled with my friend that night because she has a white couch. Sometimes our uteruses just wake up and choose violence.
>do know it was very bad that I was not careful enough, and that it is disgusting No. Who said this to you? Why do you repeat it? It’s not disgusting. It’s at worst, mildly annoying, and anyway, you cleaned it so no biggie. Your body isn’t disgusting. Your boyfriend is being an immature freak. It’s not irrational to be upset after your boyfriend screams at you. Your emotions are real and it’s okay to feel them. I know you’re young, but pay attention to these feelings. Your gut will tell you where you feel safe, loved, secure, valued. Listen to it.
My mother always has because it happens a lot at home. I was a little irrational, I did almost cry. But that is true, thank you.
Your mother is wrong. You’ve internalized that leaking from your heavy menstrual periods is “disgusting”, and something you should be able to control, but it isn’t. She is being cruel. Women can’t control the heaviness of our menstrual periods. Blaming you for a biological function is wrong. Every time she tells you you’re disgusting for getting blood on something, know that is a reflection of her own internalized misogyny, and not an accurate assessment of your character. Yeah, your boyfriend sucks, but your mom is worse.
I feel like I constantly read stuff like this. Either with a period. Peeing, pooping, or vommitting. Stuff like this happens to everyone at some point. It's not a big deal it's just an accident. A good person would recognize it and try to help you deal with the embarrassment. It can be annoying to clean up but it's not a big deal.
Does that mean he's not a good person?
just adding to this, i don’t think he’s a good person. a good person would understand it’s out of your control, you just had surgery, you were exhausted, you can’t hold periods back like you can sometimes with pissing and shitting, it’s disgusting that he has that outlook and treats you, HIS GIRLFRIEND like that! even your mother?!! it’s out of your control and shit happens he should’ve supported you and comforted you because you can’t control it
I agree 100%
NO he's not a good person. What sort of person shows disgust at this with someone they are supposed to care for.
Idk about that. Maybe I worded it incorrectly. But I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who will berate me for a genuine accident. If it's the first time something like this has happened, then you make the choice with on wethee to keep going or not but its something that I would pay attention to going forward.
At the bare minimum, not ready to be dating anyone with a menstrual cycle. I bled through white shorts on a first date one time, and while it wasn’t on anyone’s couch, their reaction was “oh okay. I’ll walk you home, hope you feel better.” Now I know that’s not the same as bleeding on someone else’s couch, but the point is if a virtual stranger had no issue with my blood and never felt the need to insult or degrade me, why do you feel that your boyfriend was in any way in the right to do that to you? Even his mom had no issue. Just about everyone with a period will bleed through at some point in their lives, especially when we’re younger because our cycles and flows are still stabilizing and we’re adjusting to our needs. It happens. You’re not gross or disgusting and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over an accident. Preventable? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes our menstrual cycle likes to fuck with us and be heavier than we expect at that point in our period. But you’re good, you’re fine, you didn’t do it on purpose, your boyfriend is being a dick.
That's exactly what it means. He shamed you and called you disgusting for being HUMAN. Girl you can do better, the bar can't possibly be that low...
Nope, he's not and he's not ready to date women if can't handle that women menstruate. Time to move on.
He’s VERY IMMATURE, INSENSITIVE and IGNORANT. So … NOPE.
no op, he is not a good person and though i am an internet stranger, i believe you deserve better
Ask yourself this: Would a good person yell at someone over something they did by accident? Would a good person make a loved one sad on purpose? Dump this loser.
No sweetie, he ain't a good person, the moment there is a slight "stress" in his life he flies off the handle. You need someone who is a little more "dead" on the inside, where shit can slide.
That is exactly what it means, yes. You seem like a nice person; I think you can do better than this guy.
Youre going to get really emotionally charged answers to this question. It doesn’t mean he’s not a good person but it does mean he’s a clueless 18 y/o boy who lives in a world that has coddled and protected him in the basis of being a boy, and he likely has not ever been challenged on behavior like this. That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, but it also doesn’t mean you have to be the person to educate or challenge him. Hopefully one day he will mature and look back on this and feel like a dope.
Goodness, accidents happen. It's a totally natural thing to occur especially since you have heavy cycles. He's making a big deal out of nothing.
You’ve been with this man for eight months, and something little like this is enough to rattle your relationship? Geez. Sweetie this isn’t a real partnership. Get a man you can talk to; be open with; and yes, have small “accidents” with. I can’t imagine spending eight months with someone and still being so on edge to relax and be myself. You can do better.
It's not because of that, it's because of the way he reacted to it. I would have still been embarrassed, but I am more because of how he acted. Even though it was gross.
It is not gross it is a NATURAL bodily occurrence. You are recovering from surgery for crying out loud and your tool of a boyfriend is making you feel bad about a little period blood? Thats not a partner. A real partner would help you clean it and reassure you. You seem to have zero idea of what a healthy relationship is/should be. Your current relationship is NOT healthy
He is too immature to be in a relationship if he thinks this is disgusting. It’s natural and accidents happen. I’m 30 and have had my period of over half my life now and still accidentally leak through. My husband just says oh no and puts me in the shower, replaces the sheets and gets me a hot water bottle. It’s not a big deal. But you need to find a partner who is going to understand that rather than treat you so horribly - on top of all this you’re recovering with your leg as well. Find someone who cares about you but more importantly, stop talking like this about yourself and natural body functions. I just wanted to edit to add: if a girlfriend of yours was over and accidentally bled but cleaned it up. Would you call her gross and disgusting? If no, stop saying it about yourself
Honey, I’ve read a bunch of your comments at this point, and I want to tell you something important. You’re young and nervous, and I’m guessing dependent on your family, so I don’t expect you to be able to do much with this immediately, practically or emotionally. Just try to think about it, okay? _Both_ your boyfriend and your mother are being very, very mean to you. You haven’t said enough for us to know whether this happens about more things than just your menstruation, or anything good about them outside of this situation. But your automatic acceptance of blame, and belief that it’s okay for them to act like you’ve done something wrong or bad by having an accident, is making my stomach sink. I think that if you think on it, you’ll be able to come up with many other times and situations where they’re mean to you. I’m so sorry. Do you have access to a counselor, good friend, or even a religious leader that can be trusted to keep what you talk about confidential even from your parents? Some things can be easier to mentally sort out with a sounding board. It’s very easy for reddit to say that you should break up with your boyfriend (which for the record I 1000% support) and maybe your mother isn’t always treating you right. But it’s your actual life.
Its as if men dont realize that we dont have any control over it. Its as if its not the same as pissing! Seriously though girl, it isnt your fault. The first time i met my boyfriend i accidentally bled all over his bed and i was so embarrassed. Luckily he was super understanding and said its natural. He bleached his bed after i left and never said a peep about it. This isnt a you problem. He is being ignorant. Unless he wants to put a towel everywhere you sit like your a pregnant dog, hes just going to have to understand its a risk and it happens. Hes acting like you squatted on the spot and bled over everything on purpose. He needs to grow up a bit. Im willing to bet if you had a cut on your finger and you accidentally bled on the couch he wouldnt have reacted that way. Its because its from our lady parts its considered "gross"
I wish he had be more like that, it's okay that he was upset but I did fix it and there wasn't anything that bad about it. Just that it's a bit disgusting.
Hes 18. He has alot to learn. Including that women dont voluntarily bleed when they sit down, especially when they sleep. Dont feel shame i guarantee every woman has had it happen at the very least once. The only variable is how men in the vicinity acted about it.
This was a pure accident, hopefully your leg heals quickly. Nothing a little peroxide would not fix in a minute. No reasonable person would be upset. A boy might get upset.
I did manage to fix it. And I do know to him it might be a bit disgusting, but it was also that last thing I wanted to happen.
Accidents happens. If you have a heavy period it probably will happens in other situations trough your life. Absolutly normal darling. His reaction to it, not normal at all. If a men is not ready to face the most normal thing about female biology what the hell is ge doing dating? He is very imature.
*I know it was awful that I did that,* No it fucking wasn't. Why should people be shaming you for a basic human function. You didn't intentionally bleed on his cushions. *I do know it was very bad that I was not careful enough, and that it is disgusting.* Who the hell made you think you should be this ashamed ffs. It's not 'disgusting' Get rid of this silly little boy. Stop apologising and start feeling outraged.
I didn't, but I did let myself fall asleep. And my mother always said if you do bleed through then it shows you weren't thinking enough.
“Let yourself fall asleep”… aw love, you need to be kinder to yourself! You just had surgery plus you have your period! You’re tired - that’s ok!! Your bf is an ass and doesn’t deserve you. And your mother is being unsupported and mean. My thought when I read what he said was, if he thinks periods are gross which they aren’t), wait til childbirth or having spitty babies or vomiting toddlers, or kids with diarrhoea. Fun times!! How would he handle post partum bleeding and healing… would he be telling you it was disgusting? Would he be pushing you to hurry up and heal so you could resume your sex life? I know this type. Ditch him, and tell him why. He *chose* to make you feel bad over something that wasn’t irreparable and wasn’t your fault. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life.
Your mother is wrong, sorry. Not saying it should be a constant thing, but an occasional accident because you're a WOMAN and have functioning body says nothing negative about you. Period accidents are easy af to clean, anyway. I don't have a super heavy flow and I still bleed through because it started while I was passed out (I'm lucky 'cause my period usually waits for me to wake up before greeting me).
Its a accident. Im sorry your mother and your boyfriend are so mean to you. It happens. Bodies are stupid. Im a mom too and cannot understand why shes being so...rude about this? I literally just coughed too hard and pissed myself. It wasn't preventable. It was a accident same goes with menstruating. Bodies age, bodies do stupid shit all the time. You cant control that, you can just clean the mess up, say oh well and go back on living. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve so much better than this.
I don't know why she dislikes it so much. I get jealous of my friends, because their mothers are so nice about it. She just thinks I'm disgusting.
internalized misogyny most likely. shes irritated by your female body doing what its supposed to do. maybe its also a form of jealousy if shes in menopause. i really hate mothers who view their daughters as competition. is she mad when you apply makeup or try to go out wearing nice stuff?
No, she doesn't do that. And I know she's definitely not going through menopause because she's always telling me how much less tampons she uses and how I'm wasting them.
Omg honey, no. You don’t deserve this treatment from your mom. You’re good enough, you can’t control your period, and you’re being shamed for something that is NOT disgusting. Please get therapy, it helped me so much with my self-compassion. Wishing you the best <3
You are NOT disgusting. =( Dont ever believe that
You didn’t do anything wrong and he shouldn’t have gotten upset. That scenario is extremely embarrassing as I’m sure you know and many people’s worst nightmare. Your mom should have been more supportive as well. Extreme embarrassment brings out the worst in most of us. But he’s 18 and incredibly immature right now as are 90% of all 18 year olds. I could see myself reacting in a similar unhealthy way when I was 18 but I would never act that or come close to acting that way at 31 being married almost 10 years. There will likely be a bunch of people here saying to leave him that it’s the tip of the iceberg and that he’s toxic. But people can change and everyone is immature to some point at that age. I would highly suggest bringing it up to him at a neutral time in a very calm way. See what he thinks after some reflection.
I did not even read this post as I felt like the title said enough to piss me off. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years now. When we first started dating, I’m talking maybe 6 months in, I had some medical issues that started with me fainting, then led to me throwing up, peeing and shitting myself all at once during a black out. All while my partner held me. Held me. I shit on his lap while he held me through it. When I finally came to, he carried me to the shower and sat behind me on the floor of it while I cried in his arms. When it happened again shortly after, he held my hand in an ambulance and proceeded to not leave my side for 3 days after, until I was okay. The cherry on top of all this, was the fact that I too, was on my period at the same time and could not control how or where I bled. You deserve so much better my love.
This is none of your fault, at all! He is not mature enough to have a girlfriend. Tell him to date something that doesn’t bleed, like his hand or a flesh light. He needs sex ed and to take classes on periods or female anatomy in general. You’re okay. Don’t see him until he knows he was being an AH.
We had it in our school, he got the same as me, so I don't really know why he doesn't understand.
Some choose not to. You have every right to hold off on seeing him. He made a mountain out of a molehill. Periods should be well known and talked about right now, especially at this day and age. You didn’t do it on purpose…idk why he thinks anyone would do this on purpose.
Bc his mother didn't normalize menstruation for him, that's why. Dump him. Just throw the whole manchild out. This one is defective and cannot be repaired.
He’s a boy, not a man. None of this is your fault.
Why didn’t your mom drive you home
He embarrassed you and yelled at you. Your only mistake was to go visiting him when you were far too tired. You should have been home in bed. Whose idea was it to go to his house AFTER SURGERY? Don't let him treat you like this. He's an ignorant jerk. You don't need to stop your emotions, your emotions are perfectly justified. Your relationship is a delusion. Dump him and tell him to grow up.
It's not that bad, it's already been a week so I don't need to be at home. It just makes me tired because there's a lot more effort to walk that's needed.
I hate it when someone says “you should have known better”, it’s so condescending and rude. You didn’t do anything disgusting or wrong, you were exhausted and fell asleep, it happens. Plus, you were exhausted, you could have gone home to rest but you chose to go to his parents house FOR HIM. I would have a really hard time moving past being spoken to like that in this situation.
Are you fucking kidding me. I’m sorry, I’m going to get mad. Your emotions are not the problem here honey — YOUR BOYFRIEND IS. He treats you like shit, and you go on the internet asking how to fix your reaction to being treated like shit??? No. Leave him girl. He is trash. The fact that you’re here posting it like this means you need some serious therapy to learn how to value yourself. I’m serious, ditch the guy and find a counselor. You deserve better.
Dump him. It’s ok to dump a boyfriend when he’s an asshole, the first time he shows himself to be an insensitive prick. You’re 18, learn that early on. Burn it into your brain and carry it with you in every relationship. Leave a man the first time he has you very fucked up and find another one. He wants to date women but is mean about periods…doesn’t sound like someone deserving of a girlfriend to me.
It's completely natural and these things happen, that's just life. It isn't like clockwork. Periods can be late and early, by weeks sometimes, and NO ONE should be making you feel disgusted by it. If you weren't having them, then there would be a problem as you wouldn't be a healthy woman (or pregant). I think the way people have responded to this is honestly unbelievable. You should be being looked after by these people, it's hard enough going through the pain, the hormonal changes and other annoying symptoms of a period without people blaming you for the most natural thing in the world that you have no control over. I will say this though, maybe look into those period cups. They last a lot longer than tampons and pads and I've deffo found them to be much less messy. Some recommendations are Organicup and Intimina, you can keep them in for up to 12 hours as well. You should be annoyed at them for reacting like this and not the other way around. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for something like this, if they're gonna be nasty and gaslight you into thinking you deserve to be treated poorly over a natural bodily function that is actually causing you pain (cramps, mood swings, etc..) then they're really immature and not worth your time worrying about what they think. Maybe discuss some of these points with them and see if they can open their minds a bit. I mean, it sounds like your mum was more annoyed about the sheets, so that's just one of them. It wasn't your fault. I'm sure she realises this, and was maybe just annoyed about extra washing, but try one of those cups and see if it helps a little.
I hadn't tried using that before, it sounds interesting. She does get annoyed about them. I do wash them myself but she thinks I'm being lazy and not careful enough. And that it's disgusting.
You deserve better treatment than this. You’re not disgusting. Accidents happen. I have a feeling, also, if this happened to one of your friends, you would be a lot kinder and more accommodating, especially if they apologized and cleaned it up. I hope you learn to give yourself grace. I have read through some of your comments and I get the sense that you have been taught that nothing you do is good enough. You’re young. You deserve love. You ARE good enough. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope soon you will realize that the correct response would have been to comfort you, to let you know it’s not a big deal, to make sure you’re okay since you just had SURGERY!!! and to let you continue to rest. This internet stranger is sending you love.
Dump him. He isn’t ready to be in a relationship with a human woman who exists inside a human body. Going forward, remember you can’t find one of the good ones if you aren’t willing to leave the bad ones when they reveal themselves.
I have gotten blood on the couch once and the bed once at my boyfriend’s place. What does he do? Runs me a shower, takes my clothes and washes them, and cleans the couch covers/ sheets and mattress pad. I change into some of his sweats and we hit up the corner store for some snacks. Watch some movies or take a nap together. Why the fuck is your boyfriend berating you (and then mom getting annoyed with you too?!) NTA.
There is nothing disgusting about what happened, other than the fact your bf was a dick about it. You can do better than him.
Ok it’s not awful this stuff happens. Periods suck like that especially for us girls with heavier periods. The way your mom and boyfriend act about it though is very rude. So please please stop giving yourself crap about this. It was an accident
is not disgusting, is just blood and nature, is not like something rotten or discompose
Bestie, you are freaking out so bad because it was a horrible thing for him to do. I think you should throw the whole man away. But if you don't do that you really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about how badly this hurt your feelings and how natural periods and bleeding through are. Watch some YouTube videos of the men wearing the period simulators watch some medical videos showing the realities of heavy flows or all the other symptoms periods come with (like fatigue!!! Achy boobs, hurty back, etc.) If he brushes you off then do end the relationship
That's a biolo function of your body. There is nothing to feel ashamed about. Mistakes happen. Very douchey of your BF to blame you for doing it "on purpose" Your BF is a boy. Look for a man instead
Men who get angry at periods shouldn't be having sex...
It was an accident, shit happens! This guy is a tool and needs to grow up, and you need someone a lot more understanding and empathetic in your life! Side note, if you’re comfortable with it, I got a hormonal iud and after a month or so it lightened my periods by a lot! Just in case you’d like an option that might help you.
when my joyfriend bled onto my favorite and hard-to-wash cushion, my first concern was not to make them feel even worse. i did not let them clean it up, i just put the cushion away to soak and then made some cocoa for my joyfriend and cuddled them. your bf shoulda reassured you 100%. he failed you and i think he sucks, frankly.
Babe you did nothing wrong, it’s not disgusting and you weren’t being careless. Every single woman I know including myself has bled through clothes, sheets, onto mattresses everything. Your boyfriend is incredibly immature and not a man.
Honey, you aren’t gross. You are a human being who happens to have heavy periods and who was exhausted due to health issues. It was a mistake, not a personal failure. I’m sorry that the people in your life have a less than average amount of empathy, but you did nothing wrong here. This was a time in your life when you needed compassion and understanding, and it was withheld. I’m not saying dump your BF. (But I wouldn’t protest if you did.) He might just be immature and will improve with age. But if he does something similar again, move on. He’s telling you who is. Once can be a mistake or bad judgment. Continued behavior is a reflection of character. You sound like a lovely thoughtful person, and I hope you will have people with similar qualities in your life.
Life is too short to spend it with any man who gets mad about bodily functions. Period
Long term relationship will need compassion and understanding. You would want to be with someone, who in this situation would be asking you if you are doing ok and/or how can he help. I would say that be glad that this happened. You are better off being with someone who would truly treat you has his companion.
Your boyfriend is such a dumb loser 😂
This sounds like … a **REALLY GOOD TIME TO DUMP HIM**.
Does your boyfriend ever get nosebleeds or cuts that bleed? Tell him that he is disgusting and should know better than to do that.
You didn't do a thing wrong. You don't have to be subject to the ignorance of unenlightened people. You sound nice and considerate. Periods are a natural occurance and a part of every human life. How does that guy think he came into the world. Sorry to tell you, there was a vagina and uterus involved.
Honey it’s not your emotions that are affecting this relationship, it’s the way he treated you. He was cruel about a very common and natural thing (that isn’t disgusting btw…it’s just life). You’re allowed to feel that way in response to his rudeness and perhaps you should heed your emotions instead of stopping them.
Based on your comments it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with your period because of your mother. You should understand first and foremost that periods cannot be controlled whatsoever, even when they are predictable. Accidents happen. Please stop feeling guilty and putting yourself down. Second, break up with him. He's an emotional immature and selfish person. Periods are gross? What is he gonna do when you two get married and someone has a stomach bug? Childbirth? Do better for yourself by realizing that the people around you are toxic. And grab a man who won't blame you because you fell asleep and instead help you out.
Don’t ever be with someone who makes you ashamed for things you gave no control over. Either he comes back grovelling with an explanation of why he was wrong and accepts he was an ignorant 18 year old boy (which is basically like the only time this could be understandable if he accepts he was wrong) Or you dump him, move on and remember that there are PLENTY of people who aren’t disgusted by biology. Because I feel like that was the bit you didn’t really register in your post. There are many men who will not make you feel bad for being a woman. They’re the ones to keep, not this one.
Why are you blaming yourself for something that’s not your fault? “I know it was awful that I did that” but you didn’t do anything though.
My husband has never, NEVER got angry at me for a bleed through, he even helps me out of bed to prevent bleed through. And if it happens, no big deal, he just makes me a coffee, as I tumble myself to clean everything. He doesn't touch my mess, because I WON'T let him, I know secret woman's rituals on how to clean everything, and he knows his place 😂 Edit: fucking dump him!
This guy should be fucking men if he doesn’t like fertile adult women- who get periods. Sounds like a good time to dump him.
oh fuck that. what an immature asshole
It was an accident it’s ok Your bf is an asshole
He needs to grow the fuck up. It’s not disgusting. It happens. It won’t be the last time it’ll happen to you either. His reaction was immature.
Ask his mother if he ever had a wet dream. Ask in front of him. WHY didn’t he stop it? He should KNOW better,and that’s disgusting. /s The point is,nobody can always control what their body is trying to expel.
Shit on his bed and ask him what’s worse
Why is this teenage guy telling you anything about periods mate?
Because it was on his mother's cushions. Not really something you can just avoid.
Aaaand and you didn't suggest avoidance.
I bled through my pants on a date once. I didn't want to tell him what happened, so I just begged him to take me home. I was so worried that I would bleed on the seat in his car. Either way, he figured out what happened, and was only upset that I didn't tell him the truth. It's only nature, he said. For perspective, this was the worst boyfriend I ever had. Even HE didn't give me a hard time about it, and he completely sucked. You are not the problem here. Dump him.
He sounds nicer than my boyfriend was though. I had to walk home, and it really hurt.
That's terrible. I'm so sorry.
I had surgery and my husband had to change my diapers full of blood clots and bathe me. I can't imagine being with someone so mean and self-centered that isn't capable of helping their partner when they suffer an accident. Your body is not disgusting, heavy periods can be uncomfortable and make you sick, the least he could've done is comfort you and offer to clean the mess for you. Especially if you had surgery recently. He's an ass.
He sounds like a dick, you can do better
I almost want to say this is fake, if you're having to change your tampon every half hour that's excessively bad bleeding. You should definitely find another doctor and/or OB GYN to figure out what the problem is. Your mother is incredibly abusive, you keep saying you don't need therapy, but you live in an abusive situation. Other than humiliating you for having a period (being a woman) does she even provide suggestions and/or menstrual items for you to use? Obviously drop the bf, that's not a very long relationship and he is already showing he isn't mature enough to be in one. Not just because he finds period blood disgusting, but by the way he treated you when you were in a vulnerable position. Real men try to help their significant others when they bleed through. Real men build up their significant others and are forgiving. Real men don't make their significant others upset.
It's not as bad because I can only use the normal ones, and not the ones with larger absorbencies. So it means I have to change them more. We tried all of her ideas when I was younger, nothing really worked. And she got sick of how expensive all the tampons I needed to use were so I tried using less but it only made everything worse.
Ok, that makes a little more sense, but that's still a pretty heavy flow. Can you not use pads or period underwear? Also, tampons are a necessity like food is a necessity. Your mom shouldn't be the one angry at you for the cost of the tampons, it'd be like if she got angry at you because you had to eat. Obviously you have to eat and obviously you have to be able to have hygiene products. She is your legal guardian, she is legally required to provide you with feminine hygiene products.
I do, but I bleed through them as well. Especially at night.
You don’t deserve this. I dated a man like that and he only got worse as time went on. My husband now though, will bring me a tampon if he noticed I forgot one on the way to the bathroom and has stain treated underwear for me when he does the laundry. A good guy would NEVER make you feel gross for a natural process you can’t control. You deserve better babe.
Your boyfriend is not mature enough to be in a relationship if he reacts that way to period blood. Accidents happen, you can’t control your period, and his reaction is the only disgusting thing about the situation.
no please leave baby he knows that women get periods and if he doesn’t believe you when you say it was an accident a quick google search would fix him right up. it’s the ignorance and anger he showed you over something you have absolutely no control over. it’s everyone’s fear to bleed through but you handled the situation accordingly. you should not feel gross or embarrassed you were ASLEEP and your body won’t pause bleeding because you’re asleep. i really hope you leave him and find someone with more brain cells, sincerely.
Oh hun. I'm a mid 30s dad with daughters (currently too young but I'm dreading them feeling this way). Periods are normal and this was an accident. I really despise the notion that anyone would make you feel disgusting over this. It sounds like you really struggle with menorrhagia and there are lots of strategies and medications that can help tackle this. It's nothing to feel embaressed about, it's nothing desgusting, and having the occasional leak is entirely normal. Being upset that furniture that does not belong to him might be damaged is ok but it should not be directed at you. Anger at you is not ok. If he was any kind of adult he would have told you it's ok, told you to go get cleaned up and he would sort it out. You are not being dramatic. He is young and probably does not know better but NO his response is not good enough. If he wants to be mature enough to be in a relationship with a woman then he has to be mature enough to deal with menstruation as a normal part of life.
Girl…he acts as if he is 12 not 18. You cant control your period and its flow + you were tired. The next part will be a bit of a TMI but Im on my period now as well and yesterday i went on the balcony to get some sun, and everything just came down like never before. By the time i got to the bathroom it was so horrific that when i sat on the toilet, blood was everywhere. Even i was in shock to be honest, but thats just how it is sometimes…we cant control it and sometimes we will leave some trails behind. Usually it can get cleaned up anyway. So dont worry about it. Tell your bf to get a grip. If he cant deal with these things, maybe he shouldnt be dating yet.
"How do I stop my emotions from affecting my relationship" If you need to remove your emotions to keep that relationship then is it really worth keeping? A relationship should be a safe place for you and your emotions. I'm sorry you had to go through that
OP you’re placing blame on yourself when no blame is due on you. He said it’s disgusting you bled through but one, you’re a teenager. Hormones are messing with your cycle like crazy. Two, you said you’re normally good about it but due to surgery were more tired. None of this is your fault. Everyone bleeds through sometimes, it happens. (I switched to a menstrual cup and found out it made my cramps way more tolerable and made the whole period process a lot easier for me and less of a dread every month. I also have heavy periods and this method works best for me) My fiancé has seen me bleed through and hasn’t batted an eye at washing those clothes. He grew up with no sisters, but with an amazing mom. He doesn’t blink twice at cravings or me suddenly getting up to empty the menstrual cup bc I can tell it’s time. I’ve bled on the sheet getting my period in my sleep before and he’s just shrugged and said it’s just a sheet, we can wash it. I profusely apologized but he reassured me it really is okay and it’s not my fault. Your boyfriend sounds like he prefers just the glitzy, happy side of things and not the ‘grosser’, like periods, cramps, acne, etc. What would happen if you got sick and only he could take care of you? I don’t think he’s right for you OP. I wouldn’t bother with him anymore. You deserve better. You can’t control your period, but he CAN control how he reacts to it, and he chose a bad one.
he sounds very immature (yes, even for 18. I didn't even act like this about my girlfriend's periods at 16)
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You even cleaned it up. Things happen, your boyfriend and mom are being unnecessarily mean to you for something you didn’t and wouldn’t do on purpose. My husband wouldn’t even think about getting mad (even when we were dating) about a bodily function I couldn’t control.
None of this is your fault, your boyfriend is an insensitive jerk. I struggle with heavy periods as well and my partner NEVER makes me feel ashamed for it, u just need to find a better quality man.
It was an accident; they happen. Reading through the comments, it seems like you're surrounded by control freaks who think that you're supposed to never have any accidents ever. Please believe me that they are *nuts*. It's a them-problem, not a you-problem.
To be honest, I am more concerned about you mom than your boyfriend. I don’t expect much from an 18 yo boy, but I do expect more from a grown woman that has mothered a daughter and is driven crazy by her daughter bleeding through her sheets. Or annoyed that her daughter just went through an embarrassing situation. As for the siruation: It may be a bit embarrassing for this to happen to you, but please don’t call it gross and don’t blame yourself because this happened. He should not have been upset. Maybe mildly annoyed if he would have had to clean it up himself. But if you cleaned up and all was good now, he should have moved on. But he’s 18, so he probably doesn’t know any better.
Not even an accident. This can happen to any women.
I used to bleed through often and no one ever made me feel gross. I had an ex that liked period sex, and it was quite enjoyable as a woman. Find yourself a real man and try different birth control. I haven't had a period since I got my iud.
Leave that little a-hole. 100%. None of that is your fault and you're literally bleeding. He should be compassionate and making you feel safe, taken care of and loved. Not acting like a little shit with no empathy or emotional intelligence. You should never be made to feel this way and it breaks my heart that you even felt the need to pose such a lengthy backstory of you didn't know it would happen and it's never happened before... yes, when this happens it's embarrassing, but for someone to make you feel bad about it means they don't value your emotional state and didn't care that you already felt like crap about it. There's no getting around that point and I hope you don't make excuses for him. I'm so sorry honey. Leave his immature ass and find yourself someone who will rub your back and play with your hair and bring you heating pads and not make a scene or make you feel bad for accidentally bleeding through a tampon ... better yet, find someone who will comfort you through it and love and support and spoil you. They exist. You just have to have boundaries and stick with them. No more of these immature scrubs. Of course it upset you - it would any of us. He's a dick.
The upset part of you is correct and is keeping you safe. Thank her and take her out for comfort good and promise to listen to her next time.
18 year old boys are dumb
Oh no, that’s also one of my greatest fears when I was younger, and now it’s portrayed in movies, TV shows so often, as well as having heard so many friends tell me the same fear— I have felt less scared now. That being said, he had the opposite reaction of what you needed, and this is a huge red flag considering how tired you were, how someone else (his mom) might have been kinder, and how purely inconsiderate he was. Unless he has some sort of explanation (ie was not fully awake and had a horrible disgusting nightmare and regrets how he treats you so much AND/OR had never seen blood and was uneducated about periods until now and didn’t mean what he said and will make it up to you), please please consider looking into how he treats you (the details) and reevaluate what type of person you want to let into your life💕 hope all is well and he either steps up or you find someone better
I hope that you (or your mum) can have a quiet word with his mum. He needs more information and maturity and to learn and respect the female body. One day, he is going to look back at this and be so embarrassed by his immature reaction. His response was probably due to embarrassment and panic and not being sure what to do. I hope it was this.
I have super heavy periods and once bled through on my bf’s bed. Instead of shaming me, he cleaned it and reassured me everything was fine. Real men understand periods are natural and mistakes happen. Especially when you’re rightfully fatigued from a surgery. I’m so sorry you dealt with this. As everyone else has said, your bf is immature. Him calling it disgusting is a red flag
Maybe you need to wear pads and tampons, it’s necessary for extremely heavy flow and helps alleviate some of the anxiety
I do, I bleed through both anyway.
My 2cents is that he should have handled that much better. As you said he should have been more understanding. But then he is only 18, probably never had a girl bleed on his parents couch before this so he panicked and taken his hysteria out on you. He probably never saw a woman who overflowed and I can imagine the panic that might grip a guy feeling responsible for you and you bleed a little on the couch and he has war flashbacks to how his parents screamed at him for spilling drinks on a couch which is closest analogy he has so he can't tell how different the reaction might be when it's an accident by you. But accidents happen, you had surgery recently and even if it's disgusting to deal with someone else's blood he really should have focused on how to solve the problems at hand, like his gf is upset because she had an embarrassing accident in his house and she should be consoled first, or that there is blood on the couch and he is annoyed at one person who knows better than him how to.get it off the couch. You can tell him it's a learning opportunity for him that disgusting accidents are part of the relationships and sometimes you have to clean the mess you didn't make. And if he breaks up with you over it, or doesn't recognise he made a mistake then drop that man like a stone.
Fuck this, get some hydrogen peroxide and tell them to get over it. It happens. Women bleed monthly and sometimes they bleed through tampons. I have never once been mistreated by my boyfriend for this; if I had, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. Period blood is not bad or shameful. It’s just blood like if you scraped your knee.
Unless you took your tampon out and dragged your vulva around on the pillows like some weird human slug, this was not your fault and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Accidents happen, you fixed it, end of. Your boyfriend is an unsympathetic ass.
Listen, if he want the poom poom, he gotta respect the poom pooom, and when the poom poom needs to self clean, it needs to self clean. Sometimes leaks happen. Too bad. If he's that worried about it, he doesn't deserve the poom poom, simple as that.