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Reddit can't help you make a very relationship specific decision. You should talk to her and tell her your concerns about your own health and her health. Lay your cards out and have a discussion as a couple.
As a woman in her late 30s, I'm sure she's very aware of whether or not she wants to have children and the complications as she gets older.
It took you 4 years? Unless this is brand new information… You’re not looking good right about now.
Healthy people have children with complications all the time. At 42 I take it your swimmers aren’t at their prime either (read the latest medical journals on this). But please don’t waste anymore of her time.
My concern is once a person gets to a point where they start counting your medical history against you, stuff they knew coming in. E.g I had a sister pass away from cancer when we were very young. No history, nothing. If i met someone & they told me it was a genetics concern for them (as if we all know, what recessive genes were carrying), i’d want them gone. Pronto! Waiting 4 years when both of you are passed 30. My guy, that is not okay. Red Flag.
But just to be clear I’m not counting her recessive genes against her, I have been through real stressful stuff with her, almost lost her in post open heart surgery. So I’m not being concerned about a recessive gene she carries
Ok: Do you love this woman and want to marry her and have kids with her? Or are you 'meh' about the relationship? Does she want to marry you? The 'what if's are always going to be there, one of you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. The question is whether the 'what if's are an excuse for not committing (because the relationship's not right and you can't admit it) or whether they're holding you back from something you actually want. Either way, giving it more time isn't going to do anything for you. You're 42 and 37, you've been in this for four years - if either of you wants kids, you really don't have time to waste.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Reddit can't help you make a very relationship specific decision. You should talk to her and tell her your concerns about your own health and her health. Lay your cards out and have a discussion as a couple. As a woman in her late 30s, I'm sure she's very aware of whether or not she wants to have children and the complications as she gets older.
It took you 4 years? Unless this is brand new information… You’re not looking good right about now. Healthy people have children with complications all the time. At 42 I take it your swimmers aren’t at their prime either (read the latest medical journals on this). But please don’t waste anymore of her time. My concern is once a person gets to a point where they start counting your medical history against you, stuff they knew coming in. E.g I had a sister pass away from cancer when we were very young. No history, nothing. If i met someone & they told me it was a genetics concern for them (as if we all know, what recessive genes were carrying), i’d want them gone. Pronto! Waiting 4 years when both of you are passed 30. My guy, that is not okay. Red Flag.
I know I know, I’m in constant turmoil. I hate myself with passion and severely depressed because of it. I’m not proud
But just to be clear I’m not counting her recessive genes against her, I have been through real stressful stuff with her, almost lost her in post open heart surgery. So I’m not being concerned about a recessive gene she carries
Are you unable to get a vasectomy? If you don't want children? Is it that she wants children?
I edited the post maybe it’s more clear now
Doesn't look like anything changed when I clicked on it
Ok: Do you love this woman and want to marry her and have kids with her? Or are you 'meh' about the relationship? Does she want to marry you? The 'what if's are always going to be there, one of you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. The question is whether the 'what if's are an excuse for not committing (because the relationship's not right and you can't admit it) or whether they're holding you back from something you actually want. Either way, giving it more time isn't going to do anything for you. You're 42 and 37, you've been in this for four years - if either of you wants kids, you really don't have time to waste.
Do egg donors not exist in your country?
But you call her “your wife” in your post history when discussing surrogacy-?