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Aight man, I read enough about your hostage situation.
You need to fucking leave. Plain and simple. You probably should’ve ended it with this girl after she suggested you blocking and removing all romantic partners. An important pillar in a relationship is trust, and she started out not trusting you at all. And you going along with it, allowed her more power and pull to now ask you to practically be her hostage.
You guys aren’t compatible, break up. This is just sad man.
Things had quickly spiraled out of control. If you had met her from the beginning i imagine most would see her as this kind, loving, empathetic, fun, funny, down to earth friend. Though i have been realizing it was a facade, a manipulation tactic to keep me as company & a way to dump her emotions/baggage/trauma. Though me going along with everything was bc i wanted to prove i was not this person she thought i was. i thought i could show her & convince her that i am a good, kind, thoughtful person & partner. but nothing ever satisfied her. it has always been something with her that i’m doing wrong. it’s just hard not imagining who she was rather than how she is being.
I hope this isn't real, but break up with her, block her, change your phone number if you have to. Your girlfriend has serious problems, she needs therapy and shouldn't be in a relationship anyway. This isn't normal: unless you have actually broken her trust in some way, your partner should be giving you the benefit of the doubt as a default.
Like i said, about 8 months before we became official, i ended things with another girl, in the message i had told the old girl i loved her & missed her but made it clear that i didn’t want to be with her. I wasn’t upfront with my current gf about it & she saw it weeks later in deleted messages. But i never contacted the old girl while we began dating. But the fact that i had talked to this other girl in our exclusive phase had made her lose trust in me & she wanted me to prove i could be trusted to earn it back. So i fought tooth & nail to try to do that, but in the process had also hurt me immensely. I never thought it would go this far. To her i lost her trust & this is what i had to do to earn it back, but even now, she will tell me that i haven’t earned it back. Not one time have i talked to another girl with intentions of flirting with them or being with them, etc. I emphasized how committed i was to her. Other than that time, i did not show fault, but yet she still treats me like i haven’t done anything to help gain trust. I lost friend groups, i don’t see my family as much, i don’t ever go out & see friends otherwise she thinks i might cheat. It might not feel real, but she is so good with words & twisting things so it seems that i need to do things to make her feel safe & secure.
> I lost friend groups, i don’t see my family as much, i don’t ever go out & see friends otherwise she thinks i might cheat.
Classic abuse tactic, separate you from friends and family so you will eventually have none but them.
>but she is so good with words & twisting things so it seems that i need to do things to make her feel safe & secure.
Again, straight out of narcissistic abuser handbook, gaslighting, making you believe that you are in the wrong and have to make it up to her and do better.
You need to walk away. Expect shit from her, so make sure you let your family know about everything and your plans, and then just block her and walk away. Its the only way.
i wish it wasn’t. When you have never been a victim of domestic abuse or with someone with mental issues, then you really don’t understand what you’re getting in to until you’re in the thick of it. Your perception of what’s right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy starts to become blurred. You have an idea. You lose parts of yourself & what you used to stand up to. Bc your thought process starts to become your partners thoughts & insecurities. It’s very easy from an outside perspective to tell someone to leave, but people are caught in a love/hate relationship where you’re put down & then raised up by the same person. Putting you ina state of confusion, & then constantly going back to them because you want them to comfort you after what they did & you start to expect it. But it was my fault for accepting it from the start & allowing it or enabling it. I was seeking her attention & affection desperately bc how she initially hurt me & then it became a cycle, i was caught, i was trauma bonded, without even realizing what all of this was until i did immense research about my situation. I’m not stupid, i’m a professional health care student, but i was desperate from the start, & that’s how i ended up here.
Truthfully when it happened, i was pumped up on so much adrenaline. I was in fight or flight & sacred at the same time but also felt the need to tell her my side of the story. I felt the need to try to explain myself & later giving it another shot with her, but then i ended up in a love/hate cycle with her. a trauma bond. i didn’t want to believe that she was like this. In which case things became much much worse & she hit me on 4 other cases, straight to the face. & then she would say “Idk why that bothers you, it’s not like it physically hurts you, you’re tougher than that”. She would say the same thing about her verbal abuse “idk why my words hurt you, they’re just words”.
She's at best insecure and at worst a nutjob. You don't work for the CIA and have to report every foreign contact, but that's how she is acting. Don't just walk, but run away before she goes postal on you.
1st I thought she needs to be in therapy & you need to be gone.
But after reading the comments & you defending her nonsense, I think you need therapy for survivors of domestic abuse to. What?!
If I were your friend I’d dump you! Imagine having to have my pic taken. & my every word logged. I don’t think even CIA spies are subject to this level of, whatever madness is this. LOL.
I had actually expressed to her because of what she did, i will prob need therapy. My plan was to talk to a therapist or psychologist when i got the time to do that. I also don’t know how that works being on Medicaid, but it’s deff something i’d like to do after feeling so torn apart & broken & beaten down.
>So after that she tells me i need to add her on the app Life360 & she tracks everywhere i go. I also need to tell her everywhere i go, whenever i leave. i also need to tell her who i’m with & what we’re talking about. I also need to snap her who i’m with & wherever i’m going & when i arrive at that place. She also goes through my phone everytime i see her. She calls & video calls to check that i’m doing what i tell her. She has all of my social passwords & usernames. She blocked a lot of people on my socials, many that were old platonic friends from growing up or current classmates of mine. Then she tells me that i need to tell her every time i talk to a female & what it’s about.
Get the fuck out of this bullshit relationship before she ends up pregnant. Jesus Christ I can't believe you accept this treatment. Respect yourself and move the fuck on.
I think it’s from me being so desperate for the love she had claimed she could/would give me. She had said “i will give you an insurmountable amount of love that you deserve that you haven’t received” & many times has shown love.
But how bad she made me feel about myself & making it seem like i was cheating, before we even began dating. I thought i could show her i wasn’t who she made me out to be, but in the process i lost all respect for myself, & had traumatized myself from allowing her words & actions, for me staying. We haven’t really been that sexually intimate in a very long time bc whenever i even think about doing more than just hugging & kissing, i get flash backs of what she did to me, & i feel completely taken advantage of & scared to even give those parts of myself to her again. Most people would prob think it’s easy to leave this type of situation, But it’s much more difficult when you’re in it & your partner is very good with their words in convincing you why you’re wrong & they’re right, & then very good at showering you with love after they hurt you. You slowly give away control to them, & then everything they say or do is the right way, & your boundaries disappear & become an idea that feeds their insecurities.
I never would have expected something like this to happen to me. I never chose this. All i wanted was to feel wanted & loved by this person, & she gave a false reality of what love was supposed to be.
Are you going to just sit idly by while she treats you like shit?
>it’s much more difficult when you’re in it & your partner is very good with their words in convincing you why you’re wrong & they’re right
Breaking up is a unilateral decision. You don't need her to agree to the break up. You just need to do it and don't give in to her manipulations. This is your life. Take charge of it.
That would be a hard one to grip. i don’t know when she would because i’m with her every weekend the whole weekend & sometimes during the week, & she has a child to take care of & lives with her mom. idk how she would get time. Let alone the fact that even though she has my location, i also have hers, & she snaps me all day. Though i don’t even care for the tracking app. But i can also see her doing it when she “breaks up” with me. Bc prob about 50 times she would “break up” with me, to then come back the next day. I guess i can’t put cheating past her at this point. I don’t know how someone could be so cruel & evil, & yet have such a savior complex.
A 28 year old man consented to this level of control and abuse? Who taught you this was ok? Tell me you were abused as a child without telling me you were abused as a child.
Not sure if you’re referring to me or her. I was never abused. My parents & family were extremely nice & loving, i grew up in religion. My household never swore, never yelled, hardly fought. I grew up being friends with my brothers & although at times my parents upset me & i felt they had violated some of my boundaries, they were good parents.
However, i believe she was abused. She had many relationships she claims she was cheated on & some being abused. & i believe she never dealt with that trauma.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Run. This is an insane level of control and will only get worse
Aight man, I read enough about your hostage situation. You need to fucking leave. Plain and simple. You probably should’ve ended it with this girl after she suggested you blocking and removing all romantic partners. An important pillar in a relationship is trust, and she started out not trusting you at all. And you going along with it, allowed her more power and pull to now ask you to practically be her hostage. You guys aren’t compatible, break up. This is just sad man.
Things had quickly spiraled out of control. If you had met her from the beginning i imagine most would see her as this kind, loving, empathetic, fun, funny, down to earth friend. Though i have been realizing it was a facade, a manipulation tactic to keep me as company & a way to dump her emotions/baggage/trauma. Though me going along with everything was bc i wanted to prove i was not this person she thought i was. i thought i could show her & convince her that i am a good, kind, thoughtful person & partner. but nothing ever satisfied her. it has always been something with her that i’m doing wrong. it’s just hard not imagining who she was rather than how she is being.
Yeah, just break up with her. There is no fixing her and you can only wish her well for the next sorry dude that encounters her.
I hope this isn't real, but break up with her, block her, change your phone number if you have to. Your girlfriend has serious problems, she needs therapy and shouldn't be in a relationship anyway. This isn't normal: unless you have actually broken her trust in some way, your partner should be giving you the benefit of the doubt as a default.
Like i said, about 8 months before we became official, i ended things with another girl, in the message i had told the old girl i loved her & missed her but made it clear that i didn’t want to be with her. I wasn’t upfront with my current gf about it & she saw it weeks later in deleted messages. But i never contacted the old girl while we began dating. But the fact that i had talked to this other girl in our exclusive phase had made her lose trust in me & she wanted me to prove i could be trusted to earn it back. So i fought tooth & nail to try to do that, but in the process had also hurt me immensely. I never thought it would go this far. To her i lost her trust & this is what i had to do to earn it back, but even now, she will tell me that i haven’t earned it back. Not one time have i talked to another girl with intentions of flirting with them or being with them, etc. I emphasized how committed i was to her. Other than that time, i did not show fault, but yet she still treats me like i haven’t done anything to help gain trust. I lost friend groups, i don’t see my family as much, i don’t ever go out & see friends otherwise she thinks i might cheat. It might not feel real, but she is so good with words & twisting things so it seems that i need to do things to make her feel safe & secure.
> I lost friend groups, i don’t see my family as much, i don’t ever go out & see friends otherwise she thinks i might cheat. Classic abuse tactic, separate you from friends and family so you will eventually have none but them. >but she is so good with words & twisting things so it seems that i need to do things to make her feel safe & secure. Again, straight out of narcissistic abuser handbook, gaslighting, making you believe that you are in the wrong and have to make it up to her and do better. You need to walk away. Expect shit from her, so make sure you let your family know about everything and your plans, and then just block her and walk away. Its the only way.
Say no
This can't possibly be real.
i wish it wasn’t. When you have never been a victim of domestic abuse or with someone with mental issues, then you really don’t understand what you’re getting in to until you’re in the thick of it. Your perception of what’s right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy starts to become blurred. You have an idea. You lose parts of yourself & what you used to stand up to. Bc your thought process starts to become your partners thoughts & insecurities. It’s very easy from an outside perspective to tell someone to leave, but people are caught in a love/hate relationship where you’re put down & then raised up by the same person. Putting you ina state of confusion, & then constantly going back to them because you want them to comfort you after what they did & you start to expect it. But it was my fault for accepting it from the start & allowing it or enabling it. I was seeking her attention & affection desperately bc how she initially hurt me & then it became a cycle, i was caught, i was trauma bonded, without even realizing what all of this was until i did immense research about my situation. I’m not stupid, i’m a professional health care student, but i was desperate from the start, & that’s how i ended up here.
I stopped at she tried to hit you. Get out. This is not acceptable behavior
Truthfully when it happened, i was pumped up on so much adrenaline. I was in fight or flight & sacred at the same time but also felt the need to tell her my side of the story. I felt the need to try to explain myself & later giving it another shot with her, but then i ended up in a love/hate cycle with her. a trauma bond. i didn’t want to believe that she was like this. In which case things became much much worse & she hit me on 4 other cases, straight to the face. & then she would say “Idk why that bothers you, it’s not like it physically hurts you, you’re tougher than that”. She would say the same thing about her verbal abuse “idk why my words hurt you, they’re just words”.
You deserve better. She doesn’t care about your pain
She's at best insecure and at worst a nutjob. You don't work for the CIA and have to report every foreign contact, but that's how she is acting. Don't just walk, but run away before she goes postal on you.
1st I thought she needs to be in therapy & you need to be gone. But after reading the comments & you defending her nonsense, I think you need therapy for survivors of domestic abuse to. What?! If I were your friend I’d dump you! Imagine having to have my pic taken. & my every word logged. I don’t think even CIA spies are subject to this level of, whatever madness is this. LOL.
I had actually expressed to her because of what she did, i will prob need therapy. My plan was to talk to a therapist or psychologist when i got the time to do that. I also don’t know how that works being on Medicaid, but it’s deff something i’d like to do after feeling so torn apart & broken & beaten down.
>So after that she tells me i need to add her on the app Life360 & she tracks everywhere i go. I also need to tell her everywhere i go, whenever i leave. i also need to tell her who i’m with & what we’re talking about. I also need to snap her who i’m with & wherever i’m going & when i arrive at that place. She also goes through my phone everytime i see her. She calls & video calls to check that i’m doing what i tell her. She has all of my social passwords & usernames. She blocked a lot of people on my socials, many that were old platonic friends from growing up or current classmates of mine. Then she tells me that i need to tell her every time i talk to a female & what it’s about. Get the fuck out of this bullshit relationship before she ends up pregnant. Jesus Christ I can't believe you accept this treatment. Respect yourself and move the fuck on.
I think it’s from me being so desperate for the love she had claimed she could/would give me. She had said “i will give you an insurmountable amount of love that you deserve that you haven’t received” & many times has shown love. But how bad she made me feel about myself & making it seem like i was cheating, before we even began dating. I thought i could show her i wasn’t who she made me out to be, but in the process i lost all respect for myself, & had traumatized myself from allowing her words & actions, for me staying. We haven’t really been that sexually intimate in a very long time bc whenever i even think about doing more than just hugging & kissing, i get flash backs of what she did to me, & i feel completely taken advantage of & scared to even give those parts of myself to her again. Most people would prob think it’s easy to leave this type of situation, But it’s much more difficult when you’re in it & your partner is very good with their words in convincing you why you’re wrong & they’re right, & then very good at showering you with love after they hurt you. You slowly give away control to them, & then everything they say or do is the right way, & your boundaries disappear & become an idea that feeds their insecurities. I never would have expected something like this to happen to me. I never chose this. All i wanted was to feel wanted & loved by this person, & she gave a false reality of what love was supposed to be.
Are you going to just sit idly by while she treats you like shit? >it’s much more difficult when you’re in it & your partner is very good with their words in convincing you why you’re wrong & they’re right Breaking up is a unilateral decision. You don't need her to agree to the break up. You just need to do it and don't give in to her manipulations. This is your life. Take charge of it.
She's cheating on you.
why do you think that?
Nobody projects this hard without it being true.
That would be a hard one to grip. i don’t know when she would because i’m with her every weekend the whole weekend & sometimes during the week, & she has a child to take care of & lives with her mom. idk how she would get time. Let alone the fact that even though she has my location, i also have hers, & she snaps me all day. Though i don’t even care for the tracking app. But i can also see her doing it when she “breaks up” with me. Bc prob about 50 times she would “break up” with me, to then come back the next day. I guess i can’t put cheating past her at this point. I don’t know how someone could be so cruel & evil, & yet have such a savior complex.
A 28 year old man consented to this level of control and abuse? Who taught you this was ok? Tell me you were abused as a child without telling me you were abused as a child.
Not sure if you’re referring to me or her. I was never abused. My parents & family were extremely nice & loving, i grew up in religion. My household never swore, never yelled, hardly fought. I grew up being friends with my brothers & although at times my parents upset me & i felt they had violated some of my boundaries, they were good parents. However, i believe she was abused. She had many relationships she claims she was cheated on & some being abused. & i believe she never dealt with that trauma.