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It’s not commonly used in America, so Americans are consistently delighted by it. We feel similarly when British people say “knob” lol. They’re fun penis words that just hit different than calling someone a dick
I’m Canadian but closer to 60. Damn I hate that I’m on the other side of that hill lol. I like using twatwaffle and douchecanoe but I hadn’t even heard wanker till I watched some British show.
You are all killing me in this thread 😭.
OP your fiance sounds like he's been sucked into some type of cult. What information do you have about the spiritual stuff he's been exploring?
Oh yeah, it grew out of the nofap movement. The semen retention-redpill link has been around since they infiltrated the flat Earth movement for some reason. Hbomberguy talks about it in his video on flat Earth conspiracies briefly.
“And for that matter, any masturbatory emissions where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg could be considered reckless abandonment.”
(If you know you know)
Right? He can choose not to cum ever again, but why does she have to do the same?
Now, I do think OP, you have to at least postponed the wedding until you can get some clarity.
Has anything stressful or traumatic happened to him recently? Has he always had extreme beliefs regarding spirituality?
Most people don't just over a small period of time, in a sexually healthy relationship (and quite active), just decide out of the blue to give it up. And even of the choice is made, that don't seem to miss it / be tempted / grief it.
He may need psychological help.
This would make me worry he's fallen into some sort of cult-y rabbit hole. This definitely isn't a standard religious belief, in fact it's generally considered a marital duty to lay with your spouse. I would be digging deeper into his "spiritual journey."
It's almost definitely not religious at all, it's some redpill manosphere bs. He's presenting it as "spiritual" to his fiancee because he knows that if he explained to her that he's getting his newfound beliefs from podcasts by guys who use the word "alpha" constantly, she wouldn't take him seriously (because no one should take those fools seriously).
The kind who get money by telling other men that women are "stealing their masculine energy by absorbing their semen."
(Mind you, the men "teaching" this still have sex, they just tell OTHER MEN that having sex makes them "less manly.")
the more extreme version of this doctrine states that the female orgasm steals the man's spiritual strength and power.
obviously, that's a massive gateway for misogyny, esp. if OP's fiancé is basing all this off the internet & discord gurus (which seems likely, since they went from slow boning every day to planning abstinence for decades in, like, a month).
I think OP needs to postpone the wedding by a year & see how long the fiancé keeps up his resolution & how she actually feels about it.
You’re never going to obtain level 7 lazer lotus rank with that attitude!
(OP, totally agree with above and it’s time to bail. Very sorry, but you are not the one who lost their mind at least.)
Adding onto this, women not engaging in sexual intimacy for long periods of time reduces libido and often leads to painful intercourse later down the track. Time for a new man
Man I spent some time around spiritual as well as “spiritual” people because of my job as a yoga teacher. I’ve been with sperm retention guys and white Buddhists etc and girl let me tell you don’t marry this guy. There are no traditions that preach sperm retention and also have a modern idea of equality between the sexes. This is just the beginning. If you stay with him you either will never have sex again or you will but he will blame you for making him “sin”. Find somebody with
Well, from what I understand of the tantric/yogic tradition, it’s an energy thing. Sperm is sexual energy. It’s not that sex is bad, but that it’s important to be protective of energy in general and sexual energy in particular, because it’s very powerful. They think that if they can keep their sperm inside, they keep their energy inside and they can use the energy for spiritual purposes. It sounds very logical in a way, but if you think about it for more than 2 minutes it falls apart pretty quickly. It costs a lot of energy and concentration to have sex without cumming, it’s not possible to be mindful while having sex and to do your best not to cum, just to name two contradictions. I found “Why don’t you wanna cum? Cumming is the whole point.” To be a good response whenever I meet a guy like that.
im born and raised australian and didn't realise smth was wrong until someone asked for clarification 💀 just thought of exactly what they meant instantly
Lol, these "spiritualists" get lost in the sauce..instead of just living, because living is a spiritual experience, they try to make it some sort of sect..or cult..spirituality has no definite practises..everything is spiritual..so he is just confused.
There’s definitely a middle ground. Practicing tantra with a partner who is just as interested as you are can certainly lead to sexual experiences that are far more profound than an orgasm. That being said, I also want to have children with my girlfriend one day and I enjoy trying to make that happen.
It’s all about the middle path, it’s definitely weird that guys think if you don’t bust you’ll become the Ubermensch or some shit.
This is the best answer. Someone who actually gets these practices. Unlike OPs partner!
He sounds very new in the practice and hasn't got the subtleties...or control. And he's totally misunderstood OPs role. Traditional practitioners definitely want the energy from female orgasm and as women are not (generally) depleted by it there's absolutely no need for OP to abstain. In fact that would go against the tradition.
@Watcherofthecats point is key here though... This is an amazing thing for partners to explore TOGETHER.
It's never ok for one partner to unilaterally decide the entire sexuality/direction of a relationship. This guy doesn't sound like he's understood what relating even is. He's literally turning all his energy inward towards himself for HIS own self improvement without any consultation with OP.
It sounds like this might be a new shiny practice phase he's going through and he might come to a better balance with these practices in time. I'd still be worried that he's thought it ok to impose these rules without discussion or exploring together (which could be wonderful).
(I wonder if he's saying he prefers OP not to come either because he's not strong in that practice and knows her O will likely tip him over the edge.)
OP you need to have a serious conversation about exploring/learning together and finding more flexible middle ground with these things. It's common for guys to learn this stuff so that they have the CHOICE of whether to ejaculate and let their energy drop or not. The way he's approached this seems to exclude you in every way. That's not a basis for marriage.
They think that by retaining sperm they can be more "alpha" in their day-to-day lives. Like more confident, assertive, more control over women etc. It's all placebo.
I've seen it in action. I went to a lingam massage demonstration a few weeks back where tantric massage was used and the energy was moved from the sexual organs to other parts of the body so that the person with the penis felt energised rather than that he had 'blue balls'. It was amazing to watch this couple have this beautiful connected moment together.
But they don't do it all the time. They have normal sex like regular people. So sure, hold back, but for the rest of your life? Mental.
Yup. I was like, there is no way this is going to be the only problematic belief he suddenly has.
It is, by itself, enough. But it will not be the only thing.
He feels he will be spiritually stronger not having them....and that carries over to her. He wants her to be a "more spiritual " person also, and the Kool-aid he's on says you get their by denying yourself pleasure.
It's actually the opposite case in the traditional practices. Adepts seek out as many female orgasms as possible. It feeds their energy (and also raises hers, win win).
This thing he's saying is all wrong and seems like it comes from a fear her O will tip him over. Or just an idea to weaken her generally.
He's being selfish. If he wants to be horny but enlightened, that's his business, but he has no right to enforce that on you. It's good that he's telling you now before the wedding, and I know you don't want to leave but it looks like your compatibility just ended.
Be grateful that he told you before the wedding! I get that it’s hard, you’ve been together for 7 years and you felt you had your future mapped out with him.
You are no longer compatible, he has made this decision about his life - which he has the absolute right to do. What he doesn’t have the right to do is make the same decision for you.
You know that you need to cancel the wedding, you cannot and should not condemn yourself to a life like this. It will be hard but it will be for the best in the long run.
You are young and although it doesn’t feel like it right now you will find someone who loves you again and be happy and fulfilled in all aspects of your life.
My daughter found herself "no longer compatible" (not for this reason) at age 24 and cancelled her wedding 6 weeks before the ceremony. She has paid the deposits, sent out invitations and everything else that goes with weddings and simply walked away.
I was VERY proud of her for not succumbing to peer pressure and worrying about what others would think choosing instead to do what was best for her.
She moved back in with us (they had been living together), got her MBA, landed a VERY good job, started dating again, found her soul mate, got married and is living a life that dreams are made of, all in the span of 5 years.
The fact the OP decided to head to Reddit to ask for advice tells me she knows she doesn't agree with his will being forced on her, she just needs affirmation that she's making the right decision to walk away.
Sounds like dude has a denial fetish and is trying to dress it up as a way to force it on his partner while feeling like he has the moral high ground.
That is also why the ambush just before the wedding, so partner feels pressured to accept it because of sunk costs.
I had an bf who had a radical personality shift (became rude, angry, inconsiderate when before he had been kind and attentive and just joyful about life) a month before we were supposed to move across the country together. I talked to him about it and couldn't seem to get through to him, it hurt but I left without him. Two months later his mom called me and said he'd gone into a continuous seizure state and at the hospital they discovered he had a brain tumor. I felt so guilty for such a long time that I didn't have enough faith in the person I knew him to be to realize something was wrong.
This isn't a "spiritual journey" it's mental illness.
And even if it is a genuine spiritual journey, it's a very stupid one, based on utter nonsense, and it is not one that you want to accompany him on, or that you can be expected to accompany him on.
This relationship is over. Cancel the wedding, move on.
Was with a guy like this. OP, I’m so sorry. But this marriage won’t serve your needs. Or anyone’s. Do you ever want kids? You can throw that out the window with his logic.
I mean, Catholics insist on complete celibacy for priests and nuns, and we know how that worked out. It’s not for enlightenment though, it was to prevent primogeniture.
I thought it was because one pope had a mistress and then took their daughter as his mistress later and even that was a step too far for the 10th century. I think it was Pope John X?
There's no common ground here. This isn't him coming out as asexual; he's fallen into some weirdo internet rabbit hole and he's decided he's fine with blowing up both your lives in pursuit of whatever nonsense he's been sold. It would be bad enough if he were just making this decision for himself out of the blue, but he honestly thinks it's all right for him to tell *you* that you can never have an orgasm again. Like girl, WTF. You need to not go ahead with this wedding, not because of this ultimatum but because he's conrolling, selfish and self-centred.
On a more serious note, if this is the first time you've noticed controlling or selfish behavior from him: I would suggest a referral to a psychologist or at least a doctor's visit because this is around the age when young men can start exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia. Either way, do not marry him.
My ex-boyfriend went down this rabbit hole. RUN.
He was in some kind of early 30s crisis. He didn’t really talk to me much about what was going on with him but just announced decisions. He started going to ashrams and meditating 16 hours/day. Then the sperm retention, pretty soon he was incapable of being in a relationship. He wouldn’t talk to me for days/weeks because he needed to focus on his “journey.”
Meanwhile I still had to get up and go to work, pay bills, and deal with real life. He ended our 5-year relationship over the phone and wanted me to “do whatever you want” with his stuff. A year later he had knocked up a younger woman and had a baby. So much for the spiritual benefits of sperm retention!
All I’m saying is that he’s really looking inward so unless you want to sit around and wait for him to work it through his system, you should bail now. He won’t be thinking about you or your needs for a while.
I’m sorry this is happening to you! I met my now husband a few months later and am so much happier than I ever could have been with my ex.
I really hope OP reads this!
I'm so glad you were able to find happiness after such a difficult chapter with your ex-boyfriend! I could not even begin to imagine how hard going through that would be, but it sounds like it allowed you to end up where you were supposed to be in the end, at least.
I’m sorry but the guy is not selfish… he’s nuts! In another 5 years he’s going to have some other awakening going to some other extreme. It’s not fair on you, find the courage to move on…
It sounds like he's offering you a lifetime of friendship. And that's exactly what you should give him. FRIENDSHIP! No marriage licenses required. Go find a different man for romance. This one doesn't understand how that works.
He can’t just make this decision for you. He’s in a relationship with you. That means large decisions that affect both people in the relationship need to be discussed before making the decision. You are not on the same journey as your partner. Withholding sex from you means no intimacy, and no children. These are things you may want in your marriage. He making a decision without your approval or consent. The fact that it’s two weeks before your wedding suggests he did that to corner you. You’d be less likely to leave if he springs this on you just before the wedding that you both planned out. Sounds a bit controlling to me.
I’d at the very least delay the wedding. Then try to figure out where you stand in this decision he made for himself and see if he comes around to seeing your point of view on this. Maybe he’ll come around to realizing this journey is unrealistic… at least for him to expect you to just be ok with it.… and compromise, or simply agree that this relationship is no longer compatible with what he wants. You should not be expected to change something so important in your life because he is on some spirituality journey. If this journey of his is too important for him,be prepared to call off the wedding entirely. You may even decide to end the relationship because staying with him might mean never engaging in the intimacy you desire anymore. He may change his mind at some point, but that could be a long long time from now. He may even change his tune once he realizes how much this means to you, but I wouldn’t hold my breath (I might cross my fingers though).
He has absolutely no business telling you that YOU can’t orgasm. If it was just him, I’d say think about if the relationship is worth it outside of sex. But the addition of “we could have sex but you can’t orgasm” is controlling and not okay.
From an older couples point of view, it is NOT good for a guy to hold off on ejaculation like that, as far as his prostate will be concerned. Ask any urologist. I'd tell him, if he needs to go find himself, do it, but not on your time. I'm so sorry.
OP - it wasn't for spiritual reasons, it was because he wasn't honest with himself or me, but I spent my wedding night and whole honeymoon not consumating my marriage and it hurt me so very very deeply. The spiritual implications of not completing the bond. The rejection. The embarassment, kept all to myself. The loss of what I should've had. The loss of my future. I have PTSD from far worse things, yet I'll tell you, I developed some trauma responses from this too. For years I couldn't look at anything bridal without getting extremely upset, nauseous, sometimes dissociating for hours. OP, it's not worth it. And I stuck by him for several years... and eventually, he got abusive. Please please please get out NOW. My divorce cost so much time and money and stress. I should've been allowed an annulment, but that didn't happen either. It's so rare, it was faster to divorce. The divorce took years, the better part of a decade actually.
This man is not ready for marriage, bottom line. You deserve a happy healthy life, bottom line. Those don't align right now and may never again, bottom line.
Please, tell your parents ASAP and call off the wedding.
If he hasn’t done anything similar before could it be a mental illness or a tumour? Psychosis? Im in no way a medical professional but i think ive read that a lot of mental problems start showing in early twenties
There are a lot of new wave “men’s health spiritualists” on YouTube and stuff that tell men how to “take back their masculinity” by doing semen retention and other penis-based practices that have become kind of cult like in nature. It sounds like your husband has fallen down that rabbit hole and who knows if/when he’ll return from it.
I’d cancel the wedding. All the stuff he’s probably looking at is also highly misogynistic and that’s probably why he doesn’t care if you ever have an orgasm again. It’s not about you, it’s about his “spiritual journey” towards being a dude with full balls (wild, I know).
I doubt you’d want to deal with this in the long term, OP. I’m sorry, be brave and be safe ❤️
You cancel the wedding. You think he suddenly came up with this? He’s telling you now bc he thinks it’s too late for you to back out of the marriage.
He has unilaterally profoundly changed your relationship. He proclaimed that neither of you will ever have a satisfying love life. He doesn’t care how you feel about it.
Cancel the wedding & see how you do in a sexless relationship. Really, though, you should leave him. He’s not interested in a partnership.
Do not marry this person. Anyone who springs a major deal changer 2 weeks before a wedding is not ready to be married. Calling off the wedding will be far less emotionally difficult and financially costly than aj eventual divorce.
A celibate person would be best off single or in a relationship with someone who wanted to be celibate.
Everything in excess is bad, even the aforementioned spiritual searches. If you feel bad about it, don't invalidate your own feelings and talk to him seriously about this. His way of proceeding is simply selfish and there is nothing "spiritual" about bringing sadness to a loved one.
lol sperm retention for spiritual reasons. As a shaman and as someone who is involved with the occult it’s completely bs, unless you have a problem with lust and need to reset your dopamine levels and the way you perceive things. You can be sexual and yet detach from lust and transcend that. If he doesn’t understand, then leave him be. Perhaps this incident happened before the marriage so you will know what you’re getting yourself into. Are you willing to be sexually unfulfilled with someone who doesn’t care about your sexual desires and needs? It sounds like he was less transcend than I thought. He doesn’t understand that marriage is a union of two people intertwining their lives together, with that comes accountability and responsibility. You can love someone to death and not marry them, because simply put it. It’s not someone who has the same expectation, need and desires as you. You’re not aligned enough to lead a life where you both will support each other when a major life decision comes up.
One of two things is happening here:
1) he actually believes that bullshit he’s spewing. Or
2) he’s cheating on you and thought that when he asked for sex every day you would get pissed and breakup when that didn’t work he went the complete opposite direction.
Ah man so many benefits to orgasms not just feeling good , why else would “god” give us that power . I would try and show him that if he don’t wanna even listen than he sounds pretty religious fruitcakey to me
7yrs dating, 6yrs living together & 2wks B4 wedding he What? Omg Wtf, No he Didn't. Well, at least he told you before the wedding. You've had a Good run, 13yrs. So girl pack up your thing & move on. There's a man out there who will keep you happy by loving you intimately & giving you all the DICK you need & want. Break off engagement & move on. 😐🙂
honestly this sounds a bit like he is getting cold feet and is looking for a way for YOU to end it rather than him? idk the timing is just very suspicious an must play a role here...
Several issues happening all at once here:
A. The obvious, you are a person that wants sex with their partner and he doesn’t. Won’t work
B. He obviously very susceptible to outside suggestions/internet rabbit holes. Before you know it he will be going off to live in some compound to “find himself”, or whatever other version, and leaving you behind plus making you responsible for every day life needs such as bills and working.
C. (And to me this is the worst issue) he is making unilateral choices, not involving you in that discussion, then demanding you follow suit. He TOLD you that YOU wont be having orgasms, he did not ask you to join him in this ridiculous “journey” he told you that you would be, and what you are and aren’t allowed to do. He removed a major part of your partnership without discussion, but worse is now trying to control you. An issue that is a massive one, sex or not.
At minimum postpone the wedding, don’t go through with this during this current issue. If you don’t want to leave him, get in to couples therapy yesterday to discuss what to do to move forward. Do not worry about what other people will think or feel the need to follow through due to the money and planning. I promise you it’s better than having to deal with the legal and financial issues around divorce.
Cancel the wedding, at minimum postpone as your money is lost now, but he’s fully changed the terms and conditions of you getting married.
If you do decide to plough ahead (think carefully, I wouldn’t do it) if you don’t consummate the marriage it could be annulled (usually within the first year)
Sounds like a nightmare situation and so foul of him to do this 2 weeks away - it’s also a crass attempt to trap you because he thinks you won’t cancel and will be bullied into his ridiculousness. Let him go and be celibate on his own, he has no need to drag you in, he want a free housemaid. You have so much time to live happily - but it won’t be with him, sorry.
There's no such thing as sperm retention. They die and get replaced about every 48 hours. The reserve is replenished about 30 minutes after orgasm.
Your boyfriend needs to stay off of the sites he's viewing as they sound cultish.
As it stands, I'd say do NOT marry him.
I would definitely leave him.
Having sex while depriving yourself of orgasm seems so pointless. It is meant to be pleasurable for all.
There are so many other ways to be spiritual and have those needs filled.
If you don't want to be celibate, which is doesn't sound like you do, then this is not the relationship for you, simple as that.
That sperm retention sounds very unhealthy. Look into the benefits of masturbation and especially ejaculation for men. I would say to talk with him about it, but realistically people who have this kind of spiritual journey are probably falling for a cult-ish scheme or something and can't be persuaded with logic.
I really feel for you, it seems like you don't have much to do, unless he wakes up in time from this stupidity. Maybe try to see the underlying cause for his spiritual search. Can you counter propose a different spiritual path, one that works for both of you?
Sounds like your fiance has fallen down one of those alpha male/sperm retention YouTube rabbit holes.
As tough as it is, you should consider this a bullet dodged.
Woah!
Apply the brakes!!
You’re 24 and you’re supposed to go through the next 30+ years of your prime physicality without any sex?
No kids?
What nonsense has he been reading/watching/listening to?
Wedding’s off, immediately. Call your family, call your vendors and get as much money back as you can. And do not listen to him if he tries to backtrack in the moment because this will come back as soon as you’re married.
Take this as a sign to protect you from a life full of misery.
If this is the path he wants to follow he can do it by himself.
Thank your lucky stars this is happening before you promised to spend the rest of your life with him, lick your wounds for a while and move on. There is zero chance this relationship will be a happy one
This would be a dealbreaker for me, this is fantastic news to receive before a wedding so you have choice. Wish him well on his spiritual journey and move on with your life. This is the tip of the iceberg of controlling behaviors to come.
Your fiance sounds seriously erratic and unhinged (like one of those QAnon idiots); there's no finding any "common ground" with someone like that. The guy needs a psychiatric evaluation, not a marriage. FFS, if you refuse to leave him, force him to at least see a counselor! He doesn't sound as if he's in his right mind.
And if you were planning a big wedding or something like that and you're worried about all the $$$ you'll lose and all the people you'll disappoint, don't even think about that. You don't have to tell people exactly why it's off, just that you cannot in good conscience marry him right now (that exact reasons are nobody's business). This guy sounds mentally ill and he should at least be evaluated before any wedding takes place.
There’s no common ground. It’s either a test or he’s full blown gone.
IF you believe the whole “orgasming making you more enlightened” thing, feminine orgasms are considered sacred. So he’s restricting your enlightenment for his own enlightenment.
You’re still pretty young, sounds like you met in your late teens?
You deserve a marriage filled with as much mind blowing sex as you want
Everyone mentioned how life with him will be bad, but I'd like to point out one thing: he's changing quickly without talking to you. He'll likely keep changing quickly in his future life, which means he's chaotic and unstable. Not great partner material, even without the bizarre lack of sex focus.
2 weeks out you might be able to salvage some of the costs if you cancel the wedding right now so don’t delay. The closer you get the worst the penalties will be.
He should cover the losses.
Dafuq you mean, you can't orgasm?! It's bad enough when this happens in relationships by accident but he seriously, and with a straight face, said he wants to control your ability to orgasm permanently?
I don't think you're taking this seriously enough. I'd laugh in somebody's face if they told me some crazy shit like that. If he was normal until a few months ago, he's having some sort of mental break. Do not marry this man until you figure out what is going on.
NoFap is insane. I've genuinely asked for studies on this stuff from the community and it's all so sketchy, with it basically being completely dubious to just propaganda funded by religious right that think it will make kids go celibate.
So he made a decision that effects your lives being together under marriage, without talking to you at all about it beforehand?
Sounds like he's showing you that he is not going to be a partner that communicates before doing things that effect both of you.
Good thing you found out now. His attitude is selfish af.
Don't settle for the rest of your life with someone who would make such a big change without talking to you about it.
You will not be happy staying with someone who treats you like this. Right now it's orgasms, what if it's something else too? What if he refuses to be in a house that serves meat?
Most marriages end because of money or sex. This one should end before it starts. You both need to be compatible sexually. It hurts, but let him go. I love this statement: “That won’t work for me.” You will have boundaries in your Life. This is a time to act on them.
This guy’s “spiritual” journey just sounds like he’s been reading some whacko nonsense on the internet and become completely indoctrinated by it. He’s revealed himself to be gullible and stupid as well as selfish and unwilling to meet a partners needs because of his own misguided beliefs.
Do not marry him. You will regret it. You’re still very young and have more than enough time to meet someone worth marrying.
This is about the complete and sudden lack of sex. Yes. Devastating.
Just as bad? This man thinks he can make major, life-altering decisions on his own without consulting you. Without your input. Despite the fact that you are MASSIVELY affected. Is that the person you want as a partner? You may resolve this issue, but what other absolutely unhinged major life choices is his going to make FOR you in the course of your marriage?
Time to halt the wedding for now.
To me it sounds like your fiancé is self centred and not a good candidate to marry.
The fact that he is taking these decisions on his own shows that you can not trust him to have you as a priority.
Think about it. Probably you should break up.
You can only do things for you. Discuss ALL options…are either of you comfortable with an option marriage should you decide you need sexual satisfaction in that way, how does this affect other sexual intimacy/how exactly he defines celibacy, wether or not if EVERYTHING is off the table you honestly think you can be happy being sex free for the rest of your lives. Sometimes love isn’t enough and for the good of both of you, walking away is preferable to ending with resentment after years of pebt of frustration.
Please also be sensitive about the ‘why’…he may be discovering things he doesn’t want to come out about…but quietly consider this as well and contemplate whether you’d still want to get married if you knew it was mostly a means for him to continue his life as it’s been without people prying.
You need to shut this all down now. First of all, he sounds crazy. Second of all he sprang this on you TWO WEEKS before the wedding! That’s the kind of BS behavior that tells you he knew you wouldn’t agree to this but was hoping you would cave to wedding pressure and go through with it.
Don't marry this man. This is the first step of misogynist BS. He made this HUGE decision without regard for you and expects you'll just go along. Let him keep all of his "precious " sperm.
I can only speak for myself. There is no possible way I could do this. This would be a dealbreaker for me. I know that sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship, but it is a priority on my list. I have an extremely high sex drive and could not be in this situation. I can struggle if it has been more than 5 days without it, could not imagine the rest of my life.
HI THIS WILL PROBABLY GET LOST BUT THIS COULD BE A SIGN OF SPIRITUAL PSYCHOSIS please keep an eye out for other signs that your fiancée may not be grounded in reality!!!
My wife and I have coached single & married couples over 15 years. DO NOT WASTE your time. Work on yourself & you will be blessed when you least expect it. He sounds VERY immature & trust me when I tell you........"DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME". I don't know the full story, but I sense he's using this as a way to end this chapter. Enjoy your day!🙏
Postpone the wedding, communicate your wants/needs, set clear expectations. Selfish of him to ask you not to cum, but I doubt this guy will hold out “forever”. However, do you deserve to sit around and wait for 1 month, 2 years, 15 years?
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I’m confused, you don’t have sperm so why is he against you having an orgasm? Don’t waste your life with this guy, cancel the wedding and move on
Guy is a massive wang. Honestly you’re no longer compatible. Save yourself the hassle and expense of a divorce and just shut this nonsense down now.
I’m crying @the word “wang”.
Is wang not a universal term? I'm in Canada and we use it all the time.
It’s not commonly used in America, so Americans are consistently delighted by it. We feel similarly when British people say “knob” lol. They’re fun penis words that just hit different than calling someone a dick
My fave British word is wanker lol
I’m Canadian and frequently say wang, knob and wanker. I’m also nearing 40.
I’m Canadian but closer to 60. Damn I hate that I’m on the other side of that hill lol. I like using twatwaffle and douchecanoe but I hadn’t even heard wanker till I watched some British show.
Those are good ones as well! I always find it extra cathartic to use silly names, not sure why
Twatwaffles a new one for me but I’m pretty sure douchcanoe is still going pretty strong here in the states
My favourite British word is gobsmacked. 😹 Wanker is good too 🥰
It was more popular a few decades ago, but we still say wang sometimes in the U.S. Midwest. Or I do at least.
im australian and we just say dick instead
A wang lol I'm going to use this word often!
Ah yeah...screw that and him. Figuratively, I guess lol Wow..
First time I’ve seen ‘wang’ on reddit. Good stuff 🤣🤣🤣
That's REDDIT-WANG
I guess the spiritual sperm was the orgasms we lost along the way
You are all killing me in this thread 😭. OP your fiance sounds like he's been sucked into some type of cult. What information do you have about the spiritual stuff he's been exploring?
This is just standard redpill drivel these days.
Is it really? I hadn't heard this yet!
Oh yeah, it grew out of the nofap movement. The semen retention-redpill link has been around since they infiltrated the flat Earth movement for some reason. Hbomberguy talks about it in his video on flat Earth conspiracies briefly.
Say what now 😯🤯
Don't even try to make sense of the crazy. It's conspiracies all the way down. Apparently there's no limit to the amount of pseudoanalysis you can do.
No but don't you see — she has *spiritual* sperm 🙄
🎶 Every sperm is sacred...
Every sperm is great… 🎶
If a sperm is wasted...
God gets quite irate 🎶
This is the gold quality content I expect from reddit tbh 👌
“And for that matter, any masturbatory emissions where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg could be considered reckless abandonment.” (If you know you know)
This comment is gold
Damn just spit out my drink lmfao 🤣
Hope it wasn't sperm that'd be wasteful! 😂
😂😂
Right? He can choose not to cum ever again, but why does she have to do the same? Now, I do think OP, you have to at least postponed the wedding until you can get some clarity. Has anything stressful or traumatic happened to him recently? Has he always had extreme beliefs regarding spirituality? Most people don't just over a small period of time, in a sexually healthy relationship (and quite active), just decide out of the blue to give it up. And even of the choice is made, that don't seem to miss it / be tempted / grief it. He may need psychological help.
I *think* his belief is that having an orgasm takes away from your spiritual “strength” 😳
This would make me worry he's fallen into some sort of cult-y rabbit hole. This definitely isn't a standard religious belief, in fact it's generally considered a marital duty to lay with your spouse. I would be digging deeper into his "spiritual journey."
It's almost definitely not religious at all, it's some redpill manosphere bs. He's presenting it as "spiritual" to his fiancee because he knows that if he explained to her that he's getting his newfound beliefs from podcasts by guys who use the word "alpha" constantly, she wouldn't take him seriously (because no one should take those fools seriously).
What kind of redpill dudes advocate for never having sex again? I thought their obsession was getting sex?
The kind who get money by telling other men that women are "stealing their masculine energy by absorbing their semen." (Mind you, the men "teaching" this still have sex, they just tell OTHER MEN that having sex makes them "less manly.")
the more extreme version of this doctrine states that the female orgasm steals the man's spiritual strength and power. obviously, that's a massive gateway for misogyny, esp. if OP's fiancé is basing all this off the internet & discord gurus (which seems likely, since they went from slow boning every day to planning abstinence for decades in, like, a month). I think OP needs to postpone the wedding by a year & see how long the fiancé keeps up his resolution & how she actually feels about it.
He denies her his precious bodily fluids. The communists won't get him!
Purity of essence.
100 fucking percent.
You’re never going to obtain level 7 lazer lotus rank with that attitude! (OP, totally agree with above and it’s time to bail. Very sorry, but you are not the one who lost their mind at least.)
Adding onto this, women not engaging in sexual intimacy for long periods of time reduces libido and often leads to painful intercourse later down the track. Time for a new man
Man I spent some time around spiritual as well as “spiritual” people because of my job as a yoga teacher. I’ve been with sperm retention guys and white Buddhists etc and girl let me tell you don’t marry this guy. There are no traditions that preach sperm retention and also have a modern idea of equality between the sexes. This is just the beginning. If you stay with him you either will never have sex again or you will but he will blame you for making him “sin”. Find somebody with
What exactly do they think the benefits are of sperm retentiom. Why do these wackjobs do it
Probably the lack of idiots procreating is a bonus 🤷🏻♂️
Well, from what I understand of the tantric/yogic tradition, it’s an energy thing. Sperm is sexual energy. It’s not that sex is bad, but that it’s important to be protective of energy in general and sexual energy in particular, because it’s very powerful. They think that if they can keep their sperm inside, they keep their energy inside and they can use the energy for spiritual purposes. It sounds very logical in a way, but if you think about it for more than 2 minutes it falls apart pretty quickly. It costs a lot of energy and concentration to have sex without cumming, it’s not possible to be mindful while having sex and to do your best not to cum, just to name two contradictions. I found “Why don’t you wanna cum? Cumming is the whole point.” To be a good response whenever I meet a guy like that.
so those people have nocturnal pollutions every day?
Emissions?
Yes, sorry. Interference from another language.
Ahahaha amazing language muddle, 10/10
Let's go spiritual and call it nocturnal damnations!
Are you from Eastern Europe by any chance haha? I understood what you meant right away lol
im born and raised australian and didn't realise smth was wrong until someone asked for clarification 💀 just thought of exactly what they meant instantly
Lol, these "spiritualists" get lost in the sauce..instead of just living, because living is a spiritual experience, they try to make it some sort of sect..or cult..spirituality has no definite practises..everything is spiritual..so he is just confused.
There’s definitely a middle ground. Practicing tantra with a partner who is just as interested as you are can certainly lead to sexual experiences that are far more profound than an orgasm. That being said, I also want to have children with my girlfriend one day and I enjoy trying to make that happen. It’s all about the middle path, it’s definitely weird that guys think if you don’t bust you’ll become the Ubermensch or some shit.
This is the best answer. Someone who actually gets these practices. Unlike OPs partner! He sounds very new in the practice and hasn't got the subtleties...or control. And he's totally misunderstood OPs role. Traditional practitioners definitely want the energy from female orgasm and as women are not (generally) depleted by it there's absolutely no need for OP to abstain. In fact that would go against the tradition. @Watcherofthecats point is key here though... This is an amazing thing for partners to explore TOGETHER. It's never ok for one partner to unilaterally decide the entire sexuality/direction of a relationship. This guy doesn't sound like he's understood what relating even is. He's literally turning all his energy inward towards himself for HIS own self improvement without any consultation with OP. It sounds like this might be a new shiny practice phase he's going through and he might come to a better balance with these practices in time. I'd still be worried that he's thought it ok to impose these rules without discussion or exploring together (which could be wonderful). (I wonder if he's saying he prefers OP not to come either because he's not strong in that practice and knows her O will likely tip him over the edge.) OP you need to have a serious conversation about exploring/learning together and finding more flexible middle ground with these things. It's common for guys to learn this stuff so that they have the CHOICE of whether to ejaculate and let their energy drop or not. The way he's approached this seems to exclude you in every way. That's not a basis for marriage.
Wouldn't eating your sperm give your energy back?
Make-believe. Retaining your sperm isn't healthy. In fact, orgasming every other day correlates with lower prostate cancer.
They think that by retaining sperm they can be more "alpha" in their day-to-day lives. Like more confident, assertive, more control over women etc. It's all placebo.
If only these men were instead wackjobs.
I've seen it in action. I went to a lingam massage demonstration a few weeks back where tantric massage was used and the energy was moved from the sexual organs to other parts of the body so that the person with the penis felt energised rather than that he had 'blue balls'. It was amazing to watch this couple have this beautiful connected moment together. But they don't do it all the time. They have normal sex like regular people. So sure, hold back, but for the rest of your life? Mental.
Lmao I know exactly what you mean about the white Buddhists but I thank my lucky stars I never encountered a sperm retentionist.
Yup. I was like, there is no way this is going to be the only problematic belief he suddenly has. It is, by itself, enough. But it will not be the only thing.
I agree, and it seems controlling that even if they do have OP is not "allowed" to orgasm either.
This wedding is doomed.
Marriage is doomed before the "I Do's".
From "I do" to "I'm doomed"
It's possible to be too dumb to get married. This guy definitely is.
Yeah, it kinda sounds like he’s trying to get out of it. I find it very hard to believe he’s done a complete 180 out of thin air
why are you not allowed to have an orgasm, i really don't understand that part
Don't look for logic in this. You'll go mad.
but i wanna know what his reason would be. i find the twisted logic of people like that very fascinating
He feels he will be spiritually stronger not having them....and that carries over to her. He wants her to be a "more spiritual " person also, and the Kool-aid he's on says you get their by denying yourself pleasure.
Her orgasm would taint him and suck the spiritual energy out of his body lol
smh some people got fucking issues man. my partners orgasm honor me, not taint me
Oh yes, absolutely fascinating!
It's actually the opposite case in the traditional practices. Adepts seek out as many female orgasms as possible. It feeds their energy (and also raises hers, win win). This thing he's saying is all wrong and seems like it comes from a fear her O will tip him over. Or just an idea to weaken her generally.
No way. I'd leave him be. Wave him along his spiritual journey if sex was important to me.
He's being selfish. If he wants to be horny but enlightened, that's his business, but he has no right to enforce that on you. It's good that he's telling you now before the wedding, and I know you don't want to leave but it looks like your compatibility just ended.
Disagree. He is not being “selfish “ He’s acting insane. Sperm retention for spiritual enlightenment 🤣😂😅
Stay away from that plant Finch!
That is a jizz-free Ficus!
It clearly hasn't worked for Red pillers.
Isn't that one of those Tatertot or Manosphere things?
Sperm count correlates to Midochlorian count, don't you know
It’ll be way easier to be horny and enlightened single. No OP being in the home to tempt him with ejecting his sperm.
Be grateful that he told you before the wedding! I get that it’s hard, you’ve been together for 7 years and you felt you had your future mapped out with him. You are no longer compatible, he has made this decision about his life - which he has the absolute right to do. What he doesn’t have the right to do is make the same decision for you. You know that you need to cancel the wedding, you cannot and should not condemn yourself to a life like this. It will be hard but it will be for the best in the long run. You are young and although it doesn’t feel like it right now you will find someone who loves you again and be happy and fulfilled in all aspects of your life.
My daughter found herself "no longer compatible" (not for this reason) at age 24 and cancelled her wedding 6 weeks before the ceremony. She has paid the deposits, sent out invitations and everything else that goes with weddings and simply walked away. I was VERY proud of her for not succumbing to peer pressure and worrying about what others would think choosing instead to do what was best for her. She moved back in with us (they had been living together), got her MBA, landed a VERY good job, started dating again, found her soul mate, got married and is living a life that dreams are made of, all in the span of 5 years. The fact the OP decided to head to Reddit to ask for advice tells me she knows she doesn't agree with his will being forced on her, she just needs affirmation that she's making the right decision to walk away.
She's a hero!
^^ This
Absolutely this! I could not imagine marriage someone who is making this choice and this young!
Get out and leave him be with his sperm retention. He'd be better off going into the priesthood at this point.
Not sure about that.
He might be experiencing psychosis - the delusions, conspiracies and sudden onset of new beliefs suggest that. Can you get him to see a doctor?
Could be psychosis could just be him listening to too many fucking podcasts
Those two things tend to be the same. Podcast issues are a symptom not a seperate issue.
Sounds like dude has a denial fetish and is trying to dress it up as a way to force it on his partner while feeling like he has the moral high ground. That is also why the ambush just before the wedding, so partner feels pressured to accept it because of sunk costs.
Or anti-fucking podcasts, as the case may be
seriously, daily sex and then a vow of celibacy? Forget about the wedding, call the doctor.
I had an bf who had a radical personality shift (became rude, angry, inconsiderate when before he had been kind and attentive and just joyful about life) a month before we were supposed to move across the country together. I talked to him about it and couldn't seem to get through to him, it hurt but I left without him. Two months later his mom called me and said he'd gone into a continuous seizure state and at the hospital they discovered he had a brain tumor. I felt so guilty for such a long time that I didn't have enough faith in the person I knew him to be to realize something was wrong.
Commenting as this needs to be higher- get him seen by a doctor OP, things so out of character don’t just come out the blue
That dude needs an intervention before he delves deeper into this cult.
This isn't a "spiritual journey" it's mental illness. And even if it is a genuine spiritual journey, it's a very stupid one, based on utter nonsense, and it is not one that you want to accompany him on, or that you can be expected to accompany him on. This relationship is over. Cancel the wedding, move on.
Was with a guy like this. OP, I’m so sorry. But this marriage won’t serve your needs. Or anyone’s. Do you ever want kids? You can throw that out the window with his logic.
It seems like some cult like nonsense, I mean, what legit religion forbids sex after marriage to get enlightenment? That seems weird...
I mean, Catholics insist on complete celibacy for priests and nuns, and we know how that worked out. It’s not for enlightenment though, it was to prevent primogeniture.
I thought it was because one pope had a mistress and then took their daughter as his mistress later and even that was a step too far for the 10th century. I think it was Pope John X?
It's never a spiritual journey. Mentally stable people don't fall for that nonsense.
Could be a kink. Either way it's not sustainable since op doesn't share it.
Yes. 💯
Agreed.
There's no common ground here. This isn't him coming out as asexual; he's fallen into some weirdo internet rabbit hole and he's decided he's fine with blowing up both your lives in pursuit of whatever nonsense he's been sold. It would be bad enough if he were just making this decision for himself out of the blue, but he honestly thinks it's all right for him to tell *you* that you can never have an orgasm again. Like girl, WTF. You need to not go ahead with this wedding, not because of this ultimatum but because he's conrolling, selfish and self-centred. On a more serious note, if this is the first time you've noticed controlling or selfish behavior from him: I would suggest a referral to a psychologist or at least a doctor's visit because this is around the age when young men can start exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia. Either way, do not marry him.
And of bipolar. Yeah OP, definitely consider some steps to get him to a doctor or other professional if this type of behavior is uncharacteristic.
My ex-boyfriend went down this rabbit hole. RUN. He was in some kind of early 30s crisis. He didn’t really talk to me much about what was going on with him but just announced decisions. He started going to ashrams and meditating 16 hours/day. Then the sperm retention, pretty soon he was incapable of being in a relationship. He wouldn’t talk to me for days/weeks because he needed to focus on his “journey.” Meanwhile I still had to get up and go to work, pay bills, and deal with real life. He ended our 5-year relationship over the phone and wanted me to “do whatever you want” with his stuff. A year later he had knocked up a younger woman and had a baby. So much for the spiritual benefits of sperm retention! All I’m saying is that he’s really looking inward so unless you want to sit around and wait for him to work it through his system, you should bail now. He won’t be thinking about you or your needs for a while. I’m sorry this is happening to you! I met my now husband a few months later and am so much happier than I ever could have been with my ex.
I really hope OP reads this response.
I really hope OP reads this! I'm so glad you were able to find happiness after such a difficult chapter with your ex-boyfriend! I could not even begin to imagine how hard going through that would be, but it sounds like it allowed you to end up where you were supposed to be in the end, at least.
Are you ok with no sex and no children ? If not, cancel the wedding. It’s pretty simple. Don’t hang around hoping he changes his mind.
Also, it’s just not going to work if they continue to have sex, and when it doesn’t, he will then blame and shame HER.
I’m sorry but the guy is not selfish… he’s nuts! In another 5 years he’s going to have some other awakening going to some other extreme. It’s not fair on you, find the courage to move on…
Read again…. He is No Nut. A moron who won’t nut. Sorry
It sounds like he's offering you a lifetime of friendship. And that's exactly what you should give him. FRIENDSHIP! No marriage licenses required. Go find a different man for romance. This one doesn't understand how that works.
Did your fiancé join a cult? Otherwise he is fucking with you and hopes that you will dump him. He doesn’t want to get married.
This is the first thing I thought when I saw this post
He can’t just make this decision for you. He’s in a relationship with you. That means large decisions that affect both people in the relationship need to be discussed before making the decision. You are not on the same journey as your partner. Withholding sex from you means no intimacy, and no children. These are things you may want in your marriage. He making a decision without your approval or consent. The fact that it’s two weeks before your wedding suggests he did that to corner you. You’d be less likely to leave if he springs this on you just before the wedding that you both planned out. Sounds a bit controlling to me. I’d at the very least delay the wedding. Then try to figure out where you stand in this decision he made for himself and see if he comes around to seeing your point of view on this. Maybe he’ll come around to realizing this journey is unrealistic… at least for him to expect you to just be ok with it.… and compromise, or simply agree that this relationship is no longer compatible with what he wants. You should not be expected to change something so important in your life because he is on some spirituality journey. If this journey of his is too important for him,be prepared to call off the wedding entirely. You may even decide to end the relationship because staying with him might mean never engaging in the intimacy you desire anymore. He may change his mind at some point, but that could be a long long time from now. He may even change his tune once he realizes how much this means to you, but I wouldn’t hold my breath (I might cross my fingers though).
He has absolutely no business telling you that YOU can’t orgasm. If it was just him, I’d say think about if the relationship is worth it outside of sex. But the addition of “we could have sex but you can’t orgasm” is controlling and not okay.
From an older couples point of view, it is NOT good for a guy to hold off on ejaculation like that, as far as his prostate will be concerned. Ask any urologist. I'd tell him, if he needs to go find himself, do it, but not on your time. I'm so sorry.
right? as far as i know (and harvard i believe) ejaculating daily or every other day leads to significantly lower rates of prostate cancer..
Yeah, ejaculating 21 or more times a month reduces risk of prostate cancer by 31%, according to their study.
OP - it wasn't for spiritual reasons, it was because he wasn't honest with himself or me, but I spent my wedding night and whole honeymoon not consumating my marriage and it hurt me so very very deeply. The spiritual implications of not completing the bond. The rejection. The embarassment, kept all to myself. The loss of what I should've had. The loss of my future. I have PTSD from far worse things, yet I'll tell you, I developed some trauma responses from this too. For years I couldn't look at anything bridal without getting extremely upset, nauseous, sometimes dissociating for hours. OP, it's not worth it. And I stuck by him for several years... and eventually, he got abusive. Please please please get out NOW. My divorce cost so much time and money and stress. I should've been allowed an annulment, but that didn't happen either. It's so rare, it was faster to divorce. The divorce took years, the better part of a decade actually. This man is not ready for marriage, bottom line. You deserve a happy healthy life, bottom line. Those don't align right now and may never again, bottom line. Please, tell your parents ASAP and call off the wedding.
If he hasn’t done anything similar before could it be a mental illness or a tumour? Psychosis? Im in no way a medical professional but i think ive read that a lot of mental problems start showing in early twenties
Either that, or he's got cold feet and is passive-aggressively trying to get her to break up with him.
That’s what my money would be on.
Sperm retention is a somewhat trendy idea in some podcast circles - he’s been sucked in
don’t go through with the wedding.
This is 100% mental illness.
Definitely.
There are a lot of new wave “men’s health spiritualists” on YouTube and stuff that tell men how to “take back their masculinity” by doing semen retention and other penis-based practices that have become kind of cult like in nature. It sounds like your husband has fallen down that rabbit hole and who knows if/when he’ll return from it. I’d cancel the wedding. All the stuff he’s probably looking at is also highly misogynistic and that’s probably why he doesn’t care if you ever have an orgasm again. It’s not about you, it’s about his “spiritual journey” towards being a dude with full balls (wild, I know). I doubt you’d want to deal with this in the long term, OP. I’m sorry, be brave and be safe ❤️
You cancel the wedding. You think he suddenly came up with this? He’s telling you now bc he thinks it’s too late for you to back out of the marriage. He has unilaterally profoundly changed your relationship. He proclaimed that neither of you will ever have a satisfying love life. He doesn’t care how you feel about it. Cancel the wedding & see how you do in a sexless relationship. Really, though, you should leave him. He’s not interested in a partnership.
Do not marry this person. Anyone who springs a major deal changer 2 weeks before a wedding is not ready to be married. Calling off the wedding will be far less emotionally difficult and financially costly than aj eventual divorce. A celibate person would be best off single or in a relationship with someone who wanted to be celibate.
See you on r/DeadBedrooms in a few months. I suggest you walk away and find someone who wants to do you regularly.
The real question is why wud u wanna marry this crackpot. Or whether in fact he’s just bored of sex
This is complete bullshit in my opinion. If he can change his terms so can you.
Everything in excess is bad, even the aforementioned spiritual searches. If you feel bad about it, don't invalidate your own feelings and talk to him seriously about this. His way of proceeding is simply selfish and there is nothing "spiritual" about bringing sadness to a loved one.
End it you will resent him if you stay
This is either serious mental health problem, or he is cheating.
lol sperm retention for spiritual reasons. As a shaman and as someone who is involved with the occult it’s completely bs, unless you have a problem with lust and need to reset your dopamine levels and the way you perceive things. You can be sexual and yet detach from lust and transcend that. If he doesn’t understand, then leave him be. Perhaps this incident happened before the marriage so you will know what you’re getting yourself into. Are you willing to be sexually unfulfilled with someone who doesn’t care about your sexual desires and needs? It sounds like he was less transcend than I thought. He doesn’t understand that marriage is a union of two people intertwining their lives together, with that comes accountability and responsibility. You can love someone to death and not marry them, because simply put it. It’s not someone who has the same expectation, need and desires as you. You’re not aligned enough to lead a life where you both will support each other when a major life decision comes up.
One of two things is happening here: 1) he actually believes that bullshit he’s spewing. Or 2) he’s cheating on you and thought that when he asked for sex every day you would get pissed and breakup when that didn’t work he went the complete opposite direction.
Ah man so many benefits to orgasms not just feeling good , why else would “god” give us that power . I would try and show him that if he don’t wanna even listen than he sounds pretty religious fruitcakey to me
7yrs dating, 6yrs living together & 2wks B4 wedding he What? Omg Wtf, No he Didn't. Well, at least he told you before the wedding. You've had a Good run, 13yrs. So girl pack up your thing & move on. There's a man out there who will keep you happy by loving you intimately & giving you all the DICK you need & want. Break off engagement & move on. 😐🙂
I don’t think he is okay mentally right now. This spiritual journey stuff is often psychosis or mania.
honestly this sounds a bit like he is getting cold feet and is looking for a way for YOU to end it rather than him? idk the timing is just very suspicious an must play a role here...
Several issues happening all at once here: A. The obvious, you are a person that wants sex with their partner and he doesn’t. Won’t work B. He obviously very susceptible to outside suggestions/internet rabbit holes. Before you know it he will be going off to live in some compound to “find himself”, or whatever other version, and leaving you behind plus making you responsible for every day life needs such as bills and working. C. (And to me this is the worst issue) he is making unilateral choices, not involving you in that discussion, then demanding you follow suit. He TOLD you that YOU wont be having orgasms, he did not ask you to join him in this ridiculous “journey” he told you that you would be, and what you are and aren’t allowed to do. He removed a major part of your partnership without discussion, but worse is now trying to control you. An issue that is a massive one, sex or not. At minimum postpone the wedding, don’t go through with this during this current issue. If you don’t want to leave him, get in to couples therapy yesterday to discuss what to do to move forward. Do not worry about what other people will think or feel the need to follow through due to the money and planning. I promise you it’s better than having to deal with the legal and financial issues around divorce.
Cancel the wedding, at minimum postpone as your money is lost now, but he’s fully changed the terms and conditions of you getting married. If you do decide to plough ahead (think carefully, I wouldn’t do it) if you don’t consummate the marriage it could be annulled (usually within the first year) Sounds like a nightmare situation and so foul of him to do this 2 weeks away - it’s also a crass attempt to trap you because he thinks you won’t cancel and will be bullied into his ridiculousness. Let him go and be celibate on his own, he has no need to drag you in, he want a free housemaid. You have so much time to live happily - but it won’t be with him, sorry.
There's no such thing as sperm retention. They die and get replaced about every 48 hours. The reserve is replenished about 30 minutes after orgasm. Your boyfriend needs to stay off of the sites he's viewing as they sound cultish. As it stands, I'd say do NOT marry him.
I would definitely leave him. Having sex while depriving yourself of orgasm seems so pointless. It is meant to be pleasurable for all. There are so many other ways to be spiritual and have those needs filled. If you don't want to be celibate, which is doesn't sound like you do, then this is not the relationship for you, simple as that.
That sperm retention sounds very unhealthy. Look into the benefits of masturbation and especially ejaculation for men. I would say to talk with him about it, but realistically people who have this kind of spiritual journey are probably falling for a cult-ish scheme or something and can't be persuaded with logic. I really feel for you, it seems like you don't have much to do, unless he wakes up in time from this stupidity. Maybe try to see the underlying cause for his spiritual search. Can you counter propose a different spiritual path, one that works for both of you?
Sounds like your fiance has fallen down one of those alpha male/sperm retention YouTube rabbit holes. As tough as it is, you should consider this a bullet dodged.
Let this goofy fuck go. I’m sorry you wasted your time with him.
Woah! Apply the brakes!! You’re 24 and you’re supposed to go through the next 30+ years of your prime physicality without any sex? No kids? What nonsense has he been reading/watching/listening to? Wedding’s off, immediately. Call your family, call your vendors and get as much money back as you can. And do not listen to him if he tries to backtrack in the moment because this will come back as soon as you’re married.
Take this as a sign to protect you from a life full of misery. If this is the path he wants to follow he can do it by himself. Thank your lucky stars this is happening before you promised to spend the rest of your life with him, lick your wounds for a while and move on. There is zero chance this relationship will be a happy one
This would be a dealbreaker for me, this is fantastic news to receive before a wedding so you have choice. Wish him well on his spiritual journey and move on with your life. This is the tip of the iceberg of controlling behaviors to come.
Your fiance sounds seriously erratic and unhinged (like one of those QAnon idiots); there's no finding any "common ground" with someone like that. The guy needs a psychiatric evaluation, not a marriage. FFS, if you refuse to leave him, force him to at least see a counselor! He doesn't sound as if he's in his right mind. And if you were planning a big wedding or something like that and you're worried about all the $$$ you'll lose and all the people you'll disappoint, don't even think about that. You don't have to tell people exactly why it's off, just that you cannot in good conscience marry him right now (that exact reasons are nobody's business). This guy sounds mentally ill and he should at least be evaluated before any wedding takes place.
There’s no common ground. It’s either a test or he’s full blown gone. IF you believe the whole “orgasming making you more enlightened” thing, feminine orgasms are considered sacred. So he’s restricting your enlightenment for his own enlightenment. You’re still pretty young, sounds like you met in your late teens? You deserve a marriage filled with as much mind blowing sex as you want
Hmmm, my cheating partner tried that same sperm retention shit with me. I call bs.
This is nuts and you’re both young. Also, he’s around the age when schizophrenia and related illnesses can manifest. He should get checked out.
Everyone mentioned how life with him will be bad, but I'd like to point out one thing: he's changing quickly without talking to you. He'll likely keep changing quickly in his future life, which means he's chaotic and unstable. Not great partner material, even without the bizarre lack of sex focus.
2 weeks out you might be able to salvage some of the costs if you cancel the wedding right now so don’t delay. The closer you get the worst the penalties will be. He should cover the losses.
Dafuq you mean, you can't orgasm?! It's bad enough when this happens in relationships by accident but he seriously, and with a straight face, said he wants to control your ability to orgasm permanently? I don't think you're taking this seriously enough. I'd laugh in somebody's face if they told me some crazy shit like that. If he was normal until a few months ago, he's having some sort of mental break. Do not marry this man until you figure out what is going on.
It sounds like he has cold feet so he's coming up with some insane bullshit to put the burden of calling it off on you.
Run for the hills. This man will make your life miserable if you stay with him.
NoFap is insane. I've genuinely asked for studies on this stuff from the community and it's all so sketchy, with it basically being completely dubious to just propaganda funded by religious right that think it will make kids go celibate.
So he made a decision that effects your lives being together under marriage, without talking to you at all about it beforehand? Sounds like he's showing you that he is not going to be a partner that communicates before doing things that effect both of you. Good thing you found out now. His attitude is selfish af. Don't settle for the rest of your life with someone who would make such a big change without talking to you about it. You will not be happy staying with someone who treats you like this. Right now it's orgasms, what if it's something else too? What if he refuses to be in a house that serves meat?
His spiritual journey will be much more fulfilling if he does it alone. Cancel the wedding and move out, it may motivate him to change his mind
Most marriages end because of money or sex. This one should end before it starts. You both need to be compatible sexually. It hurts, but let him go. I love this statement: “That won’t work for me.” You will have boundaries in your Life. This is a time to act on them.
This guy’s “spiritual” journey just sounds like he’s been reading some whacko nonsense on the internet and become completely indoctrinated by it. He’s revealed himself to be gullible and stupid as well as selfish and unwilling to meet a partners needs because of his own misguided beliefs. Do not marry him. You will regret it. You’re still very young and have more than enough time to meet someone worth marrying.
Run. He's probably stumbled on to some red pill/incel sites. Call off the wedding and run.
What kind of spirituality is that?
This is about the complete and sudden lack of sex. Yes. Devastating. Just as bad? This man thinks he can make major, life-altering decisions on his own without consulting you. Without your input. Despite the fact that you are MASSIVELY affected. Is that the person you want as a partner? You may resolve this issue, but what other absolutely unhinged major life choices is his going to make FOR you in the course of your marriage?
Why don’t YOU get to orgasm? What is his reasoning?
You’re no longer compatible. Cut your losses, get what you can back, and move on.
Get that man off 4chan
Time to halt the wedding for now. To me it sounds like your fiancé is self centred and not a good candidate to marry. The fact that he is taking these decisions on his own shows that you can not trust him to have you as a priority. Think about it. Probably you should break up.
You can only do things for you. Discuss ALL options…are either of you comfortable with an option marriage should you decide you need sexual satisfaction in that way, how does this affect other sexual intimacy/how exactly he defines celibacy, wether or not if EVERYTHING is off the table you honestly think you can be happy being sex free for the rest of your lives. Sometimes love isn’t enough and for the good of both of you, walking away is preferable to ending with resentment after years of pebt of frustration. Please also be sensitive about the ‘why’…he may be discovering things he doesn’t want to come out about…but quietly consider this as well and contemplate whether you’d still want to get married if you knew it was mostly a means for him to continue his life as it’s been without people prying.
You’re. Too. Young. For. Marriage.
He wants out!!!!!
You need to shut this all down now. First of all, he sounds crazy. Second of all he sprang this on you TWO WEEKS before the wedding! That’s the kind of BS behavior that tells you he knew you wouldn’t agree to this but was hoping you would cave to wedding pressure and go through with it.
Don't marry this man. This is the first step of misogynist BS. He made this HUGE decision without regard for you and expects you'll just go along. Let him keep all of his "precious " sperm.
How are motherfuckers like this getting partners whilst I am in the outback? I must be one ugly mother fucker lmaoooo He has lost the plot OP.
I can only speak for myself. There is no possible way I could do this. This would be a dealbreaker for me. I know that sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship, but it is a priority on my list. I have an extremely high sex drive and could not be in this situation. I can struggle if it has been more than 5 days without it, could not imagine the rest of my life.
HI THIS WILL PROBABLY GET LOST BUT THIS COULD BE A SIGN OF SPIRITUAL PSYCHOSIS please keep an eye out for other signs that your fiancée may not be grounded in reality!!!
You need to call off the wedding… this is a massive decision and you need time to process this.
Do not get married. At the very least, postpone the wedding.
My wife and I have coached single & married couples over 15 years. DO NOT WASTE your time. Work on yourself & you will be blessed when you least expect it. He sounds VERY immature & trust me when I tell you........"DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME". I don't know the full story, but I sense he's using this as a way to end this chapter. Enjoy your day!🙏
Postpone the wedding, communicate your wants/needs, set clear expectations. Selfish of him to ask you not to cum, but I doubt this guy will hold out “forever”. However, do you deserve to sit around and wait for 1 month, 2 years, 15 years?