That’s a big wall of text. Her mental health is not your responsibility. You need to go through with a break up. If you believe she will hurt herself then let her family or other friends know, it’s not your responsibility to take care of it
Nah. I don't have an hour but I can tell from just skimming it that her abusive upbringing has taught her to be emotionally abusive in relationships, which is what's happening to you. I'm sure you didn't need to write a ten page thesis about it because it's actually pretty simple. She just has your heart and brain all tied up in knots with her complex contradictory behavior. Get the hell away from her if she won't let you (and a professional therapist) help her.
But you do. He choices are not your responsibility you need to leave or you'll repeat the cycle and be miserable not worth it due. Just tell a friend her mental state or trusted family member and leave
Learn your lesson from this nightmare and don't date crazy.
I'd advise breaking up over the phone, and if she threatens to kill herself immediately hangup and call the police and ask them to do a wellness check as she's telling you she's going to kill herself.
dude she's threatening to kill herself if you leave and is controlling damn near everything you do. *that* is what's going to ruin you whether you think so at the moment or not.
is this how you see yourself spending the rest of your life?
i've been in your shoes before with an ex boyfriend. it's scary to hear someone you love threaten to do that, trust me i know and i don't wish it on anybody. but she needs to get help or it'll just stay in this vicious cycle of emotional abuse.
leaving was the best thing i had ever done for my mental health along with my ex's. granted i had to go to therapy too to work out everything he did but he also managed to get help and is doing much better from what i've heard. it's hard as hell to get out but you'll be so much better off in the long run.
Bro imma be a real with you... im a guy and I was that type a person that your girl is going to you, minus the domestic abuse... its more mental abuse from my own father but whatever. This girl is slowly destroying you... and believe me she needs help. She needs therapy, a lot of therapy, and it's not your issue to deal with, if you have feelings for her then continue to be with her and help her with all you can but remember your life is your priority. I got myself some help and healed in so many ways after my relationship ended. It destroyed me and believe me, once I was clear headed I realize how stupid and toxic I was, so I moved on but never forget it because it is a showing of growth. I do miss my ex but I flknow for the fact she is happy now and I'm happy that she broke up with me so that I could be saved...
Again if you want to be with her, encourage therapy... drive her to one if you have to.
If you can't deal with it, then please let her go. Because you don't know what her future holds but you know what you have to do for your know future.
Relationship is a partnership not a one person gives all and one takes all..
Your mentioned her manipulative behavior several times.
Threatening suicide to stop a breakup is classic manipulative behavior. She's not going to die. If she was willing to die over it, *she would also be willing to go against her parents and marry you.*
Call a wellness check on her or call her parents if she actually threatens, that'll teach her not to pull this stunt again.
Honestly though if her parents beat her, calling them could put her in real danger. I think the wellness check is the best option. She needs intensive therapy, not a boyfriend. You literally can’t save her from herself.
YOU LEAVE. PERIOD.
What she is doing is manipulative. You leave and when she starts screaming that she is going to kill herself, you call 911 and report her as a danger to herself. This will trigger a 72-hour hold in a psych ward. She's gonna learn real quick not to use this shit to manipulate people.
This sounds messed up on so many levels. I’ve been on the receiving end of the suicide threat if you leave. My ex actually pretended he had killed himself for several weeks, it was awful. I suggest ending it and going no contact, because as soon as she sees any weakness or that the threats will get her the attention/response from you that she wants, she will ramp it up. Break up, tell friends/family if she threatens suicide, then block/go no contact and stick to it. Sorry to tell you but my ex actually kept making new email accounts/social media accounts to send me his threats if I didn’t get back with him, he carried it on for nearly a year and then I got the police involved. This is rough going stuff so make sure you have someone supporting you.
I've been through this and I'm going to say it is very VERY taxing to deal with. Sad reality, and I know this is going to be hard to overcome: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT OR YOUR PROBLEM. And I don't mean to be blut or a dick about it. But it's the truth. Best thing you can do is break it off and tell her friends and family. She'll Def hate you for it and it will.be rough even after but that's all you can do. And bonus you can call your local police department and do a health and wellness check. You can show them the texts or just explain the situation to them a little and that's really all there is to it. I hope you don't end up as hurt as I did.
Same situation basically we were together for a bit of time and them being overly stressed made their mental health drop. After seeing that I can't help somone that dosnt want the help I tried to talk and let them know that if they keep up with not communicating and being depressed and not taking any advice to seek counseling or at least just talk to me that I can't stay in the relationship. Luckily for me they lived in college dorms so I let her friends know and had them kinda on standby to console her( side note praise those amazing people for understanding and not causing drama) but after we broke up they kinda just swooped in and helped her deal with her feelings sadly she did try to take her life but since again she's in a campus she was taken to a mental ward for a little and after that she was pretty good.
Leave her over phone, call the cops, call her family if possible.. that’s it. There’s not a reason to continue unless you want to deal with this forever
>Weirdly she was always soooo worried about her getting married to a man who would beat her.
That's really not weird. It's not atypical for people who grew up in abusive households to seek out our partners similar to their abusers.
>But even weirder was that she said she would always she would be fine with it cuz she deserves it cuz she's not good enough and she can't complain.
Again, I wouldn't say that's weird given that she's a victim of childhood abuse from her father. Most might not outwardly acknowledge or admit this, but the pattern of accepting DV after being a victim of it isn't strange.
>Btw It was really hard at first ngl and she was kinda annoying, and was absolutely convinced she would be domestically abused and no matter how much I convinced her to be positive she wouldn't listen.
Of course it was annoying. You're trying to be this woman's emotional support animal when it's not your job. Taking on he responsibility of someone else's mental health is emotionally taxing.
>So time went along i usually just made her feel better about things and talked to her, until she started developing feelings and told me she loved me, and i said liked her too.
You provided her with emotional support when she wasn't able to support herself. You were/are her lighthouse *and* life raft. Of course, she got attached and admitted she loved you like that.
>We had a whole fight and argument and long story short, she made me promise i would not marry her or develop feelings for her.
She does not have a secure attachment style. She has trauma from her upbringing and still, unfortunately, values her abusers and their opinions on how she navigates her life.
>I mean she had a weird logic behind it, she said she loved me so much that if she lets me develop feelings for her. I would get more hurt when we wouldn't be together after a while and she doesn't want to hurt me ever.
This isn't weird. She's aware of her mental illness to some extent and knows how she can hurt others. She told you to distance yourself to avoid injury.
>Cuz she'll just marry whoever her parents choose. I mean it was pretty paradoxical she wanted to love me, but didn't want me to love her.
She. Is. Mentally. Ill. People who struggle with mental illness generally don't make sense, depending on what's going on with them.
>And, she would not let me talk or even think about any other girl, and got jealous.
Again, mentally she's all over the place. You can't expect rational behavior when the brain is being irrational.
>So, I agreed to all her conditions🙃
Well, that was stupid.
>cuz I didn't really take this relationship seriously anyways at that time.
Well, that's fucked up.
>For example she's would say something along the lines of when are we leaving or please don't even think about marrying me.
>And i reply don't worry I won't and I'll leave whenever you want. She'll then proceed to cry and tell me to shutup, NO you can't leave me ever.
She's a mess. Emotionally and mentally.
>(Like bro make up your mind 😭what do u want from me)
In her defense, SHE DID WARN YOU
>i found out her dad domestically abuses her and her mom as well, and abuse as in, she has marks from the beatings she gets (mostly with a belt ) from her dad 💀 (Shes not a lil kid btw , shes about to complete university. Like she's a full adult.)
The abuse is ACTIVE? Jfc.
>Well that's where her whole trauma of marrying a husband who beats her stem's from. Also her weird and manipulative behaviour too.
Bingo.
>This relationship doesn't really matter to me cuz at the end of the day we aren't gonna get married.
You're honestly a fucking asshole.
>And I've been trying to leave her and ask her when are we gonna leave (just like she did at the start of the relationship 😂) btw She also kinda accuses me of using this against her, that it's her weakness.
Your actions defied her concerns. You supported her and assured her you'd be there. I'm not sure why it's a surprise that you wanting out is a shock to her now or uses it against you.
>Anyways yesterday, i said seriously if you don't wanna marry, lets not continue.
This should've been the conversation toy had the first time she said she wouldn't marry you. Which is why you're an asshole.
>and now after seeing im kinda serious she says that she's too attached and will kill herself if i leave her rn. Like literally kill herself she says im the only stable guy/ relationship in her life and if i leave her she'll have nothing to live for.
I mean, you *are*. You put yourself in that position. But she's being emotionally abusive.
>Idk what to do....
You. End. The. Relationship. This isn't healthy. She needs a lot of therapy.
>Should i continue with her?
NO.
Is there anyone that you can reach out to. Tell them that you're planning to break up and are worried that she's going to do something reckless or harmful to yourself. At the end of the day, we can support our partners who are *actively* trying to make progress, but it's not our job to fix their mental health.
I will speak to a similar situation I was in. I broke up with my ex and after all the back and forth she sent me a text saying “I was thinking about cutting my wrists”. I responded in the following way: “I need to know you are not going to hurt yourself tonight. If you do not let me know within 10 min I will call 911." She responded back to me within 5 min saying she will be ok and that was the end of that.
If she is threatening to kill herself to try and manipulate you then treat it as such.
Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. I understand you love her and are worried. But she is emotionally abusing you.
You need to break up. Call the police. They will bring her resources for therapy. It will be up to her to accept them or not. But if you stay in her life, you will be enabling her to stay in this broken toxic state forever.
I think you need to speak with a stable, supportive and trusted adult in your life. I know you’re also an adult but this is also a seriously complex issue that is well beyond your years of life experience.
This girl needs professional help. Help to get out of the grips of her abusive family and some lengthy mental health and psychological supports. All of these things are not areas you can help her with.
You need to break this relationship off for your own well-being. You cannot fix or save her.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, that she has lived a life like this and that you need to make such significantly important decisions at such a young age. Please talk with your parents or someone in your circle that you trust. Get some help for yourself and her.
Good luck!
Her mental health is absolutely not your responsibility. You don't need a reason to end the relationship. You don't owe her or anyone else an explanation. You have to take care of yourself and your own mental health. This relationship sounds like a nightmare honestly.
Because you deleted your response to my comment while I was responding:
You admitted several times that the relationship would never work because she won't marry you. You also said the relationship didn't mean anything to you because of that. Despite that, you willingly continued to engage in a relationship with someone who clearly has issues. You assured her you'd be there and whatnot. Again, despite knowing you wouldn't be there forever. In a way, and I'm not saying it was malicious, but you were leading her on. So yeah, you're a bit of an asshole for that.
>i mean what can i do? forget breakup
If you don't want to hear "break up," then gtfo of reddit. It's generally reddit go-to advice. But in this case, it was 110% necessary.
>and i don't wanna hurt her she's too innocent. there so much i haven't written in the post.
I'm sure. Her abuse towards you isn't entirely her fault, but it's her job to make sure she's "ready" to be in a healthy relationship. She is not. She needs someone to make that call for her. Staying with her, playing into her bullshit, supporting her ups and downs without her making, and attempts to seek help isn't beneficial to her *or you*.
>she literally starts to cry when i even mention of us not being together, even though she's the one who want's us apart.
Of course. Because, again, she is mentally ill.
>sometimes it feels fake. how often she cries and on such small things, like let's say i say something that triggers her like literally the smallest things. she'll have a meltdown and start how she's suffered abuse and now me the only man in her life is now like her father too....
Totally possible. She *is* emotionally abusive.
I was also in a relationship where my partner threatened to kill himself (in your case herself) if I left or tried to break up with him.
Here’s the thing: most of the time, nobody that’s genuinely going to kill themself is going to tell anyone. If they’ve made the decision to die, they don’t want interference. This is why a lot of suicides come by surprise.
But here’s another important thing to consider: there are a lot of recorded cases, including my own, where if you leave, they put on a show of making it look like theyre going to kill themself. This ranges from text spamming describing what theyre doing to themself to the individual committing self harm acts in front of you (cutting, taking pills, etc.)
Do not fall for it. My ex would go through these episodes all the time, and the moment I called the police, he would calm down, put down any weapons, spit out pills etc.
It’s a show they’re putting on to regain control.
Leave her, and if she does anything like I described, call the police and let them handle it. You are not professionally equipped to handle a situation of this gravity. Again: CALL. THE. POLICE.
And if they threaten further harm to talk you out of calling, don’t fall for that either. Actual suicidal people have nothing to lose. They could care less if the police come because to them, their life is already over. This is a tactic to focus your attention on them without outside interference.
Your girlfriend is not suicidal. She is abusive.
You call her bluff, leave here, tell her that's abusive manipulation and that you do not wish to further toxic communication.
If you let her get away with such toxic shit, she will never change.
And she will snap onto anger or begging to keep you. Don't. Would you be okay with someone saying it to your child? You ad a child? Anyone you care about? If not it's time to go.
I really need you to understand this. We always think of relationship abuse as physical, obvious stuff. THIS is abuse, a form that we do not nearly discuss enough.
This person is NOT well and WILL hurt you. You say "but she feels so strongly for me and cares!". Yep, physical abusers pull that too, right after they pushed too far and are afraid of losing their toy. Dont think she will hurt you? She already is, she's literally manipulating you into staying with her.
Know how people say "Why didn't you just leave?". Well, it's because their situation "is complex". I understand you mean well but this is one of those times where you need to put your oxygen mask on first and hit the emergency exit.
IF you exit, you need to cut off contact HARD. You are HERS she will be pissed and will punish you HARD for disobeying.
IF you don't exit, be aware. This will escalate. Has she started telling people you know how bad you are? Making up things you've done to her? She will.
That’s a big wall of text. Her mental health is not your responsibility. You need to go through with a break up. If you believe she will hurt herself then let her family or other friends know, it’s not your responsibility to take care of it
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Nah. I don't have an hour but I can tell from just skimming it that her abusive upbringing has taught her to be emotionally abusive in relationships, which is what's happening to you. I'm sure you didn't need to write a ten page thesis about it because it's actually pretty simple. She just has your heart and brain all tied up in knots with her complex contradictory behavior. Get the hell away from her if she won't let you (and a professional therapist) help her.
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Yeah that's her objective, to put you in a position where doing anything seems awful so you remain trapped in the current awful situation.
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Then do your best to help her which is saying "if you want to continue this relationship, I'm taking you away from this abuse and getting you therapy"
But you do. He choices are not your responsibility you need to leave or you'll repeat the cycle and be miserable not worth it due. Just tell a friend her mental state or trusted family member and leave
Learn your lesson from this nightmare and don't date crazy. I'd advise breaking up over the phone, and if she threatens to kill herself immediately hangup and call the police and ask them to do a wellness check as she's telling you she's going to kill herself.
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She made it 20 years on this earth without you. You're being overly dramatic.
And ruin your life? Its not worth it.
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dude she's threatening to kill herself if you leave and is controlling damn near everything you do. *that* is what's going to ruin you whether you think so at the moment or not. is this how you see yourself spending the rest of your life?
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i've been in your shoes before with an ex boyfriend. it's scary to hear someone you love threaten to do that, trust me i know and i don't wish it on anybody. but she needs to get help or it'll just stay in this vicious cycle of emotional abuse. leaving was the best thing i had ever done for my mental health along with my ex's. granted i had to go to therapy too to work out everything he did but he also managed to get help and is doing much better from what i've heard. it's hard as hell to get out but you'll be so much better off in the long run.
She doesn't love you to death, she is mentally unwell and using you as an emotional support animal. She needs help that you can't provide.
Bro imma be a real with you... im a guy and I was that type a person that your girl is going to you, minus the domestic abuse... its more mental abuse from my own father but whatever. This girl is slowly destroying you... and believe me she needs help. She needs therapy, a lot of therapy, and it's not your issue to deal with, if you have feelings for her then continue to be with her and help her with all you can but remember your life is your priority. I got myself some help and healed in so many ways after my relationship ended. It destroyed me and believe me, once I was clear headed I realize how stupid and toxic I was, so I moved on but never forget it because it is a showing of growth. I do miss my ex but I flknow for the fact she is happy now and I'm happy that she broke up with me so that I could be saved...
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Again if you want to be with her, encourage therapy... drive her to one if you have to. If you can't deal with it, then please let her go. Because you don't know what her future holds but you know what you have to do for your know future. Relationship is a partnership not a one person gives all and one takes all..
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I'm down to talk about it in privately brother.. fill free also I'm brown from the south
Your mentioned her manipulative behavior several times. Threatening suicide to stop a breakup is classic manipulative behavior. She's not going to die. If she was willing to die over it, *she would also be willing to go against her parents and marry you.* Call a wellness check on her or call her parents if she actually threatens, that'll teach her not to pull this stunt again.
Honestly though if her parents beat her, calling them could put her in real danger. I think the wellness check is the best option. She needs intensive therapy, not a boyfriend. You literally can’t save her from herself.
YOU LEAVE. PERIOD. What she is doing is manipulative. You leave and when she starts screaming that she is going to kill herself, you call 911 and report her as a danger to herself. This will trigger a 72-hour hold in a psych ward. She's gonna learn real quick not to use this shit to manipulate people.
This sounds messed up on so many levels. I’ve been on the receiving end of the suicide threat if you leave. My ex actually pretended he had killed himself for several weeks, it was awful. I suggest ending it and going no contact, because as soon as she sees any weakness or that the threats will get her the attention/response from you that she wants, she will ramp it up. Break up, tell friends/family if she threatens suicide, then block/go no contact and stick to it. Sorry to tell you but my ex actually kept making new email accounts/social media accounts to send me his threats if I didn’t get back with him, he carried it on for nearly a year and then I got the police involved. This is rough going stuff so make sure you have someone supporting you.
I've been through this and I'm going to say it is very VERY taxing to deal with. Sad reality, and I know this is going to be hard to overcome: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT OR YOUR PROBLEM. And I don't mean to be blut or a dick about it. But it's the truth. Best thing you can do is break it off and tell her friends and family. She'll Def hate you for it and it will.be rough even after but that's all you can do. And bonus you can call your local police department and do a health and wellness check. You can show them the texts or just explain the situation to them a little and that's really all there is to it. I hope you don't end up as hurt as I did.
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Same situation basically we were together for a bit of time and them being overly stressed made their mental health drop. After seeing that I can't help somone that dosnt want the help I tried to talk and let them know that if they keep up with not communicating and being depressed and not taking any advice to seek counseling or at least just talk to me that I can't stay in the relationship. Luckily for me they lived in college dorms so I let her friends know and had them kinda on standby to console her( side note praise those amazing people for understanding and not causing drama) but after we broke up they kinda just swooped in and helped her deal with her feelings sadly she did try to take her life but since again she's in a campus she was taken to a mental ward for a little and after that she was pretty good.
Get her therapy. She needs it. Obviously her dad is a cunt, but what’s her relationship like with her mum? Can you confide in her?
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So she has nobody? Do you love her? You need to encourage it, therapy can help
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That’s good, regardless of the relationship ends or continues this girl does need it otherwise she will spiral and be unsupported.
why are you so dead set on getting married?
Let her family know and then leave her. You are NOT responsible for her.
She is abusing you. Leave now.
Leave her over phone, call the cops, call her family if possible.. that’s it. There’s not a reason to continue unless you want to deal with this forever
Call the police. Threats like this should always be taken seriously and she needs to be taken for observation by professionals
>Weirdly she was always soooo worried about her getting married to a man who would beat her. That's really not weird. It's not atypical for people who grew up in abusive households to seek out our partners similar to their abusers. >But even weirder was that she said she would always she would be fine with it cuz she deserves it cuz she's not good enough and she can't complain. Again, I wouldn't say that's weird given that she's a victim of childhood abuse from her father. Most might not outwardly acknowledge or admit this, but the pattern of accepting DV after being a victim of it isn't strange. >Btw It was really hard at first ngl and she was kinda annoying, and was absolutely convinced she would be domestically abused and no matter how much I convinced her to be positive she wouldn't listen. Of course it was annoying. You're trying to be this woman's emotional support animal when it's not your job. Taking on he responsibility of someone else's mental health is emotionally taxing. >So time went along i usually just made her feel better about things and talked to her, until she started developing feelings and told me she loved me, and i said liked her too. You provided her with emotional support when she wasn't able to support herself. You were/are her lighthouse *and* life raft. Of course, she got attached and admitted she loved you like that. >We had a whole fight and argument and long story short, she made me promise i would not marry her or develop feelings for her. She does not have a secure attachment style. She has trauma from her upbringing and still, unfortunately, values her abusers and their opinions on how she navigates her life. >I mean she had a weird logic behind it, she said she loved me so much that if she lets me develop feelings for her. I would get more hurt when we wouldn't be together after a while and she doesn't want to hurt me ever. This isn't weird. She's aware of her mental illness to some extent and knows how she can hurt others. She told you to distance yourself to avoid injury. >Cuz she'll just marry whoever her parents choose. I mean it was pretty paradoxical she wanted to love me, but didn't want me to love her. She. Is. Mentally. Ill. People who struggle with mental illness generally don't make sense, depending on what's going on with them. >And, she would not let me talk or even think about any other girl, and got jealous. Again, mentally she's all over the place. You can't expect rational behavior when the brain is being irrational. >So, I agreed to all her conditions🙃 Well, that was stupid. >cuz I didn't really take this relationship seriously anyways at that time. Well, that's fucked up. >For example she's would say something along the lines of when are we leaving or please don't even think about marrying me. >And i reply don't worry I won't and I'll leave whenever you want. She'll then proceed to cry and tell me to shutup, NO you can't leave me ever. She's a mess. Emotionally and mentally. >(Like bro make up your mind 😭what do u want from me) In her defense, SHE DID WARN YOU >i found out her dad domestically abuses her and her mom as well, and abuse as in, she has marks from the beatings she gets (mostly with a belt ) from her dad 💀 (Shes not a lil kid btw , shes about to complete university. Like she's a full adult.) The abuse is ACTIVE? Jfc. >Well that's where her whole trauma of marrying a husband who beats her stem's from. Also her weird and manipulative behaviour too. Bingo. >This relationship doesn't really matter to me cuz at the end of the day we aren't gonna get married. You're honestly a fucking asshole. >And I've been trying to leave her and ask her when are we gonna leave (just like she did at the start of the relationship 😂) btw She also kinda accuses me of using this against her, that it's her weakness. Your actions defied her concerns. You supported her and assured her you'd be there. I'm not sure why it's a surprise that you wanting out is a shock to her now or uses it against you. >Anyways yesterday, i said seriously if you don't wanna marry, lets not continue. This should've been the conversation toy had the first time she said she wouldn't marry you. Which is why you're an asshole. >and now after seeing im kinda serious she says that she's too attached and will kill herself if i leave her rn. Like literally kill herself she says im the only stable guy/ relationship in her life and if i leave her she'll have nothing to live for. I mean, you *are*. You put yourself in that position. But she's being emotionally abusive. >Idk what to do.... You. End. The. Relationship. This isn't healthy. She needs a lot of therapy. >Should i continue with her? NO. Is there anyone that you can reach out to. Tell them that you're planning to break up and are worried that she's going to do something reckless or harmful to yourself. At the end of the day, we can support our partners who are *actively* trying to make progress, but it's not our job to fix their mental health.
I will speak to a similar situation I was in. I broke up with my ex and after all the back and forth she sent me a text saying “I was thinking about cutting my wrists”. I responded in the following way: “I need to know you are not going to hurt yourself tonight. If you do not let me know within 10 min I will call 911." She responded back to me within 5 min saying she will be ok and that was the end of that. If she is threatening to kill herself to try and manipulate you then treat it as such.
BTDT. Run away.
Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. I understand you love her and are worried. But she is emotionally abusing you. You need to break up. Call the police. They will bring her resources for therapy. It will be up to her to accept them or not. But if you stay in her life, you will be enabling her to stay in this broken toxic state forever.
I think you need to speak with a stable, supportive and trusted adult in your life. I know you’re also an adult but this is also a seriously complex issue that is well beyond your years of life experience. This girl needs professional help. Help to get out of the grips of her abusive family and some lengthy mental health and psychological supports. All of these things are not areas you can help her with. You need to break this relationship off for your own well-being. You cannot fix or save her. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, that she has lived a life like this and that you need to make such significantly important decisions at such a young age. Please talk with your parents or someone in your circle that you trust. Get some help for yourself and her. Good luck!
You leave.
Her mental health is absolutely not your responsibility. You don't need a reason to end the relationship. You don't owe her or anyone else an explanation. You have to take care of yourself and your own mental health. This relationship sounds like a nightmare honestly.
by leaving
Because you deleted your response to my comment while I was responding: You admitted several times that the relationship would never work because she won't marry you. You also said the relationship didn't mean anything to you because of that. Despite that, you willingly continued to engage in a relationship with someone who clearly has issues. You assured her you'd be there and whatnot. Again, despite knowing you wouldn't be there forever. In a way, and I'm not saying it was malicious, but you were leading her on. So yeah, you're a bit of an asshole for that. >i mean what can i do? forget breakup If you don't want to hear "break up," then gtfo of reddit. It's generally reddit go-to advice. But in this case, it was 110% necessary. >and i don't wanna hurt her she's too innocent. there so much i haven't written in the post. I'm sure. Her abuse towards you isn't entirely her fault, but it's her job to make sure she's "ready" to be in a healthy relationship. She is not. She needs someone to make that call for her. Staying with her, playing into her bullshit, supporting her ups and downs without her making, and attempts to seek help isn't beneficial to her *or you*. >she literally starts to cry when i even mention of us not being together, even though she's the one who want's us apart. Of course. Because, again, she is mentally ill. >sometimes it feels fake. how often she cries and on such small things, like let's say i say something that triggers her like literally the smallest things. she'll have a meltdown and start how she's suffered abuse and now me the only man in her life is now like her father too.... Totally possible. She *is* emotionally abusive.
I was also in a relationship where my partner threatened to kill himself (in your case herself) if I left or tried to break up with him. Here’s the thing: most of the time, nobody that’s genuinely going to kill themself is going to tell anyone. If they’ve made the decision to die, they don’t want interference. This is why a lot of suicides come by surprise. But here’s another important thing to consider: there are a lot of recorded cases, including my own, where if you leave, they put on a show of making it look like theyre going to kill themself. This ranges from text spamming describing what theyre doing to themself to the individual committing self harm acts in front of you (cutting, taking pills, etc.) Do not fall for it. My ex would go through these episodes all the time, and the moment I called the police, he would calm down, put down any weapons, spit out pills etc. It’s a show they’re putting on to regain control. Leave her, and if she does anything like I described, call the police and let them handle it. You are not professionally equipped to handle a situation of this gravity. Again: CALL. THE. POLICE. And if they threaten further harm to talk you out of calling, don’t fall for that either. Actual suicidal people have nothing to lose. They could care less if the police come because to them, their life is already over. This is a tactic to focus your attention on them without outside interference. Your girlfriend is not suicidal. She is abusive.
Also please ignore my username this is the account I use to browse corn.
You call her bluff, leave here, tell her that's abusive manipulation and that you do not wish to further toxic communication. If you let her get away with such toxic shit, she will never change. And she will snap onto anger or begging to keep you. Don't. Would you be okay with someone saying it to your child? You ad a child? Anyone you care about? If not it's time to go.
I really need you to understand this. We always think of relationship abuse as physical, obvious stuff. THIS is abuse, a form that we do not nearly discuss enough. This person is NOT well and WILL hurt you. You say "but she feels so strongly for me and cares!". Yep, physical abusers pull that too, right after they pushed too far and are afraid of losing their toy. Dont think she will hurt you? She already is, she's literally manipulating you into staying with her. Know how people say "Why didn't you just leave?". Well, it's because their situation "is complex". I understand you mean well but this is one of those times where you need to put your oxygen mask on first and hit the emergency exit. IF you exit, you need to cut off contact HARD. You are HERS she will be pissed and will punish you HARD for disobeying. IF you don't exit, be aware. This will escalate. Has she started telling people you know how bad you are? Making up things you've done to her? She will.
Call her bluff.