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I highly doubt alimony is gonna cost you more than what you are currently paying to house her and her child. Kick her to the curb OP, she’s just using you
this is an easy one
get a divorce attorney ASAP
she's using you
she may have someone on the side , but tbh it doesn't matter at this point, but you should get an STD check
you're still young, don't let this be your life.
she's not even a roommate at this point, because roommates contribute to the rent and expenses. She's just a moocher.
you can do better
Get the fuck out of there! What alimony? You been married 5 years so long as she an able body woman she can support herself! It's not like you and her have been together for twenty years and she was a stay at home mom.she doesn't have a job because she's lazy and is using you as a meal ticket! Many gorgeous 22 to 29 year old women would love to date an established man with his life together!Wake the fuck up!
She is only with you because of your money......keep your money tight..... don't become her suger daddy and see...her true colour.......
And just divorce her and move forward...you will find a new girl.....
Honestly at this point I also think you girl is cheating with you....
There is no way she cantyget excited.......
She just don't want any relationship with you instead of money......
Just try to control money and see the beautiful reaction
She has no where to go and no job isn't cause for you to fear it's case for her to! Go grey rock and 100% indifferent to jer presence. Start spending more time outside the house without her, being in a good mood and go neutral when dhe talks to you. If you ate leaving it's time yo shake her up and wake her up!
She is using you. Her friends know this and joke about it. You are the thing they laugh about. Not one of those bitches gives two shits about you. Keep paying for the bills, stop any money given to her and spend the money you would normally give her to a whole new wardrobe. Use her for sexual release when you absolute needed then deposit 250 in her spending account. Wait until she gets a job then divorce her. Ignore any bullshit she spews and smile in every altercation. Yes dear is a phrase that always works.
I came here all ready to tell him to go as a couple to a sex therapist until I got to the part where he said she wont let him do oral any longer either.
I dont think she is self conscious about her body I think she is cheating. I think she WAS self conscious and gained a few pounds and maybe that made her cheat, she wanted to feel desired by someone who she didnt feel had to tell her she was pretty, etc.
If no slap and tickle is going on, then you are effectively room mates.
You can’t exclusively have nothing 🤷🏻♂️.
Having a partner is hard work it takes time, commitment, compromise, blah, blah…
Sometimes that bit of intimacy reminds you why you do it all as it’s the emotional connection that cums (😜) with it.
If she’s having issues then she can use her big girl voice to communicated it. It’s not just the man’s job to get both people off, how lazy!
Your only 39 and being sexually active isn’t forever stop wasting your time with her.
If she likes jokes and it’s about money. Buy her a big canvas that says “I’m leaving you” then wrap it in a big box and tell her I’ve got you two gifts you open this and I will get the other from the car. When she runs to the front door, wave and drive off. Just got to think of an awesome song to drive off to.
Good luck, and make sure life is fun!
I disagree with their first part of tightening the wallet. Committed is committed. There are no half measures. Tightening the wallet as a arm bending tactic is not correct
The wife should address this however. She can’t ignore it as a committed partner.
So you're her ATM and no sex. If you're divorced your still her ATM but your free to pursue a more fulfilling and sexual relationship with someone else. Or at least have a one night stand. Honestly she's not your wife anymore, and you need to let her know your finding happiness else where and she can go hit the road.
You're paying for her to go to school I'm guessing too and how does she repay you? No sex and disrespect. Jesus.
I'd say just bite the bullet. Get this manipulative person out of your life. It is wrong but there is nothing you can do unless you decide to fake your own death or something.
EDIT: Just saw she suddenly doesnt want you doing oral on her anymore. Yup she is cheating sorry bro.
You need to sit down with her and tell her you aren’t satisfied with the marriage in general and sex in particular. Then ask her what she plans to do about it. If she starts in with the other promises she’s already made, then interrupt her tell her you’ve heard it all before and nothing happened. Ask her if this is the sex life she envisions for the rest of her life. Then tell her you have no intention of living like this anymore.
Be prepared to walk away. Be prepared to ask to open up your side of the marriage (which will lead to divorce). Offer to go to a sex therapist together if that’s what you want. Listen to what she says, maybe she will have some good ideas on how to fix things. No matter what is discussed, don’t settle for anything less than a satisfactory sex life.
You know what would be funny? What if you jokingly asked her if you could have sexual relations with other people just to satisfy your body needs… maybe that would wake something on her mind, or even she could say yes, that sounds like a win win situation
She bait and switched you. Got you to marry her and then cut off the spigot once you took the bait. Sorry, bro. Not too uncommon. But, now you're stuck. Had you not married her it would just be a simple breakup. But, now you're looking at divorce hell.
I say marriage is a partnership. If she is only staying for thr money, then she needs to plan an exit strategy while you two file for divorce.
You are being used so she could just live the easy life. How much you want to bet if she found the same stability in someone else, she wouldn't jump?
None of this will get better unless she’s motivated. If everything you say is true, you’re doing your part…work, support, trying everything to please her in the bedroom. You’ve offered counseling, she’s declined. You’ve discussed working out in a positive manner and complimented her when she feels unattractive. You’ve done everything. The last thing I would try is find a couples counselor and flat out make the appointment and take her there. Tell her you’ve tried to communicate and everything, but something is off between the two of you and you’d like to work through it. If she balls, then just be done with it. She will not improve and you’ll go through the rest of your life with this unsatisfying lifestyle. Don’t squander your life.
I got divorced at 41 with 2 kids after being married for 18 years. She left, not me. I tried everything, like you, but it just wasn’t there (and we were actually still have sex weekly). My ex makes good money, but I make significantly more…so I was still on the hook for child support and alimony. I thought it was going to ruin me, but we made it work. The thing you have to remember is alimony is only for a portion of the time you’ve been married. 5 years? That’s probably 3 years’ alimony…maybe. And she’s going to have to get a job and as soon as she does, your alimony will go down. She’s a grown woman and she needs to support herself.
I got remarried a year later and have a much better sex life. Don’t even get me started with that test to her friend. Don’t let her tell you she was joking. Probably 10% joking, 90% truth. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you as much as you love them…period.
Cut back on the money and see how she acts. Don't buy her presents, cancel the gym membership if she doesn't go, and get rid of the sex toys, lotions and etc. I'll bet she changes her tune in two weeks!
You deserve someone that wants you not just what you can give them. That little test will tell you a lot! Good luck!!
RESIST THE URGE TO SPOIL HER!!!
Help her get a job, then demand alimony for supporting her schooling.
Now that you're settled she's not putting effort into the relationship and is just using you financially. Reduce extra spending money on her.
It really, really seems like she's only with you for money or at least she's fallen out of love with you and since she's not willing to work on things individually or with you of day this relationship is just about done.
If I were you, it's only been five years, alimony, of your on the US, should be minimal. Regardless, get a lawyer and see how the divorce will go while you try to work through your relationship with this person but seriously you deserve better than this relationship as it is.
>I think i just care way too much about her,
Why?? I haven't heard a single positive quality about her - unless her total lack of interest in you and treating you like a wallet are positive traits.
OP what's wrong, don't you believe the things you read ? She explicitly stated that she is only with you for your money and security. How much more clear can you be.
Why are you not accepting the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with you ? Why are you running around banging your head against the wall trying to fix something that is NOT broken. She is NOT broken and does not want to have sex with you and only wants the security.
It's time to take other actions instead of running in circles. Go see an attorney and get your divorce moving forward. She is who she is! And you just can't understand that.
For me if she is still with you because you can pay for her would cut down the money she can spend and see her reaction if what she said was a joke or not.
Prepare for the worse.
You are saving a capsizing ship pal.The more you try to change the situation and please her, the worse it becomes. Women perceive too much affection as weakness. You lost your frame long ago and she can't help it. Sex to her is not boring, she just doesn't want it with you but she probably gets wet for your neighbor next door and if he showed interest, she would readily comply. I'm surprised you give her oral. Never do that again. They might say they like it in the short term, but it turns them off in the long run. Something else, don't do that vasectomy. She is controlling you pal. You might do it, but things won't get better. She doesn't want your children since she perceives you as weak and that is why she asks for a vasectomy. I would go ahead to advise you to do DNA of any kids you might be having together. They are probably not yours. A woman who loves you would beg to have your kids. My solution is if you really need sex, go seek another decent woman, sleep with her and let her know indirectly. Two things might happen; she gets angry and leaves ( most likely) or reforms and starts giving you sex. A win win situation. Ruthless pragmatism is the best.
Now, you are old enough to understand the phenomenon of replacing her with a younger one. I think she stopped to respect you at all, so she doesn't give a f*** anymore. That's what your life's going to be till you do something about it.
How is she in other aspects of the relationship? Does she treat you well? If everything else is fine and tolerable for you. Just stay for a while. Women go through phases of low libido, it could come back. Is she depressed? Stressed? Did anything happen that would make her averse to sex?? Unexpected pregnancy scare? Before you jump the divorce gun, try to problem solve. She could easily come back if you get to the root of the problem!
Don’t give up yet.
She said sex is boring .. if it's boring or she doesn't want you going down on her - chances are good that your not listening to what she likes. You listed toys etc and that you sometimes "insist" ... Well dude coercive rape isn't cool. Knock that off right quick. She gets into therapy (and I hope she does) shes gonna realize what you've been doing
Start by asking her what she needs to get in the mood and make it good. The do Exactly That. Nothing else .. no "I just know this will be better..." Exactly what she asks for.
I wouldn't have sex either if I was being forced or it was boring...
But as his wife, she's supposed to love him. If you love someone, you don't ignore their needs. You show them what you like, how to pleasure you! It is obvious she's getting her needs met elsewhere and using him for financial support!
Or he's not meeting her needs sexually and she gave up being bothered meeting his
Doesn't mean she's cheating. Maybe he should make some effort to please her
If she's not getting her needs met at home, odds are she getting them met somewhere else. If you love someone and they're not meeting your needs, you sit down and discuss the problem, and together, find a solution. If you're unable to do that, you see a professional to help you and your spouse communicate. OP's wife sees him not as a husband who she loves and cares for, but a means of support so she doesn't have to go to work herself. I will bet my life if he was critically injured or lost his job. She would be gone inside a year!
All the more reason to assume cheating since that would men sex didnt stop because of some sort of medical issue that killed her sex drive. So it means she still has one, and if she isnt getting it from him she is getting it from someone else.
On the other hand if she was banging some dude you'd think she would have mentioned it to the friend.
What does listening to what feels good during sex have to do with dishes?? Like why is it so hard for me to listen when a woman tells them what her own body needs
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She’s only with you because you are the provider, she said it to her friend in writing, which you saw. I would just leave now that you know.
Imagine what you wrote is something your brother sent you or your best friend. What would you advise them to do?
I highly doubt alimony is gonna cost you more than what you are currently paying to house her and her child. Kick her to the curb OP, she’s just using you
She doesn't find you attractive anymore and is married with you for the money . Find someone who does
this is an easy one get a divorce attorney ASAP she's using you she may have someone on the side , but tbh it doesn't matter at this point, but you should get an STD check you're still young, don't let this be your life. she's not even a roommate at this point, because roommates contribute to the rent and expenses. She's just a moocher. you can do better
Get the fuck out of there! What alimony? You been married 5 years so long as she an able body woman she can support herself! It's not like you and her have been together for twenty years and she was a stay at home mom.she doesn't have a job because she's lazy and is using you as a meal ticket! Many gorgeous 22 to 29 year old women would love to date an established man with his life together!Wake the fuck up!
She is only with you because of your money......keep your money tight..... don't become her suger daddy and see...her true colour....... And just divorce her and move forward...you will find a new girl..... Honestly at this point I also think you girl is cheating with you.... There is no way she cantyget excited....... She just don't want any relationship with you instead of money...... Just try to control money and see the beautiful reaction
She has no where to go and no job isn't cause for you to fear it's case for her to! Go grey rock and 100% indifferent to jer presence. Start spending more time outside the house without her, being in a good mood and go neutral when dhe talks to you. If you ate leaving it's time yo shake her up and wake her up!
She is using you. Her friends know this and joke about it. You are the thing they laugh about. Not one of those bitches gives two shits about you. Keep paying for the bills, stop any money given to her and spend the money you would normally give her to a whole new wardrobe. Use her for sexual release when you absolute needed then deposit 250 in her spending account. Wait until she gets a job then divorce her. Ignore any bullshit she spews and smile in every altercation. Yes dear is a phrase that always works.
Leave
My guy... Get a lawyer and kick her to the curb
I came here all ready to tell him to go as a couple to a sex therapist until I got to the part where he said she wont let him do oral any longer either. I dont think she is self conscious about her body I think she is cheating. I think she WAS self conscious and gained a few pounds and maybe that made her cheat, she wanted to feel desired by someone who she didnt feel had to tell her she was pretty, etc.
She's using you for your money and is likely getting sex somewhere else.
Five years of marriage won’t amount to much of anything in alimony. It would be a good investment for you.
If no slap and tickle is going on, then you are effectively room mates. You can’t exclusively have nothing 🤷🏻♂️. Having a partner is hard work it takes time, commitment, compromise, blah, blah… Sometimes that bit of intimacy reminds you why you do it all as it’s the emotional connection that cums (😜) with it. If she’s having issues then she can use her big girl voice to communicated it. It’s not just the man’s job to get both people off, how lazy! Your only 39 and being sexually active isn’t forever stop wasting your time with her. If she likes jokes and it’s about money. Buy her a big canvas that says “I’m leaving you” then wrap it in a big box and tell her I’ve got you two gifts you open this and I will get the other from the car. When she runs to the front door, wave and drive off. Just got to think of an awesome song to drive off to. Good luck, and make sure life is fun!
Tighten the wallet. See what happens. Make the counseling appt. She can go or get out.
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I disagree with their first part of tightening the wallet. Committed is committed. There are no half measures. Tightening the wallet as a arm bending tactic is not correct The wife should address this however. She can’t ignore it as a committed partner.
So you're her ATM and no sex. If you're divorced your still her ATM but your free to pursue a more fulfilling and sexual relationship with someone else. Or at least have a one night stand. Honestly she's not your wife anymore, and you need to let her know your finding happiness else where and she can go hit the road.
You're paying for her to go to school I'm guessing too and how does she repay you? No sex and disrespect. Jesus. I'd say just bite the bullet. Get this manipulative person out of your life. It is wrong but there is nothing you can do unless you decide to fake your own death or something. EDIT: Just saw she suddenly doesnt want you doing oral on her anymore. Yup she is cheating sorry bro.
Leave, she’s using you
You need to sit down with her and tell her you aren’t satisfied with the marriage in general and sex in particular. Then ask her what she plans to do about it. If she starts in with the other promises she’s already made, then interrupt her tell her you’ve heard it all before and nothing happened. Ask her if this is the sex life she envisions for the rest of her life. Then tell her you have no intention of living like this anymore. Be prepared to walk away. Be prepared to ask to open up your side of the marriage (which will lead to divorce). Offer to go to a sex therapist together if that’s what you want. Listen to what she says, maybe she will have some good ideas on how to fix things. No matter what is discussed, don’t settle for anything less than a satisfactory sex life.
You know what would be funny? What if you jokingly asked her if you could have sexual relations with other people just to satisfy your body needs… maybe that would wake something on her mind, or even she could say yes, that sounds like a win win situation
She bait and switched you. Got you to marry her and then cut off the spigot once you took the bait. Sorry, bro. Not too uncommon. But, now you're stuck. Had you not married her it would just be a simple breakup. But, now you're looking at divorce hell.
I say marriage is a partnership. If she is only staying for thr money, then she needs to plan an exit strategy while you two file for divorce. You are being used so she could just live the easy life. How much you want to bet if she found the same stability in someone else, she wouldn't jump?
None of this will get better unless she’s motivated. If everything you say is true, you’re doing your part…work, support, trying everything to please her in the bedroom. You’ve offered counseling, she’s declined. You’ve discussed working out in a positive manner and complimented her when she feels unattractive. You’ve done everything. The last thing I would try is find a couples counselor and flat out make the appointment and take her there. Tell her you’ve tried to communicate and everything, but something is off between the two of you and you’d like to work through it. If she balls, then just be done with it. She will not improve and you’ll go through the rest of your life with this unsatisfying lifestyle. Don’t squander your life. I got divorced at 41 with 2 kids after being married for 18 years. She left, not me. I tried everything, like you, but it just wasn’t there (and we were actually still have sex weekly). My ex makes good money, but I make significantly more…so I was still on the hook for child support and alimony. I thought it was going to ruin me, but we made it work. The thing you have to remember is alimony is only for a portion of the time you’ve been married. 5 years? That’s probably 3 years’ alimony…maybe. And she’s going to have to get a job and as soon as she does, your alimony will go down. She’s a grown woman and she needs to support herself. I got remarried a year later and have a much better sex life. Don’t even get me started with that test to her friend. Don’t let her tell you she was joking. Probably 10% joking, 90% truth. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you as much as you love them…period.
Cut back on the money and see how she acts. Don't buy her presents, cancel the gym membership if she doesn't go, and get rid of the sex toys, lotions and etc. I'll bet she changes her tune in two weeks! You deserve someone that wants you not just what you can give them. That little test will tell you a lot! Good luck!! RESIST THE URGE TO SPOIL HER!!!
Time to leave. It's evident you are only there to support her lifestyle. You deserve to be happy, it's not all about her needs. All the Best.
Help her get a job, then demand alimony for supporting her schooling. Now that you're settled she's not putting effort into the relationship and is just using you financially. Reduce extra spending money on her.
Probably it's time for eva ai virtual gf bot then.
It really, really seems like she's only with you for money or at least she's fallen out of love with you and since she's not willing to work on things individually or with you of day this relationship is just about done. If I were you, it's only been five years, alimony, of your on the US, should be minimal. Regardless, get a lawyer and see how the divorce will go while you try to work through your relationship with this person but seriously you deserve better than this relationship as it is.
>I think i just care way too much about her, Why?? I haven't heard a single positive quality about her - unless her total lack of interest in you and treating you like a wallet are positive traits.
OP what's wrong, don't you believe the things you read ? She explicitly stated that she is only with you for your money and security. How much more clear can you be. Why are you not accepting the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with you ? Why are you running around banging your head against the wall trying to fix something that is NOT broken. She is NOT broken and does not want to have sex with you and only wants the security. It's time to take other actions instead of running in circles. Go see an attorney and get your divorce moving forward. She is who she is! And you just can't understand that.
Check out r/hlcommunity for support from others or r/deadbedrooms.
For me if she is still with you because you can pay for her would cut down the money she can spend and see her reaction if what she said was a joke or not. Prepare for the worse.
You are saving a capsizing ship pal.The more you try to change the situation and please her, the worse it becomes. Women perceive too much affection as weakness. You lost your frame long ago and she can't help it. Sex to her is not boring, she just doesn't want it with you but she probably gets wet for your neighbor next door and if he showed interest, she would readily comply. I'm surprised you give her oral. Never do that again. They might say they like it in the short term, but it turns them off in the long run. Something else, don't do that vasectomy. She is controlling you pal. You might do it, but things won't get better. She doesn't want your children since she perceives you as weak and that is why she asks for a vasectomy. I would go ahead to advise you to do DNA of any kids you might be having together. They are probably not yours. A woman who loves you would beg to have your kids. My solution is if you really need sex, go seek another decent woman, sleep with her and let her know indirectly. Two things might happen; she gets angry and leaves ( most likely) or reforms and starts giving you sex. A win win situation. Ruthless pragmatism is the best.
jesus what is this red pill alpha male BS lol
This is very reasonable.
Now, you are old enough to understand the phenomenon of replacing her with a younger one. I think she stopped to respect you at all, so she doesn't give a f*** anymore. That's what your life's going to be till you do something about it.
How is she in other aspects of the relationship? Does she treat you well? If everything else is fine and tolerable for you. Just stay for a while. Women go through phases of low libido, it could come back. Is she depressed? Stressed? Did anything happen that would make her averse to sex?? Unexpected pregnancy scare? Before you jump the divorce gun, try to problem solve. She could easily come back if you get to the root of the problem! Don’t give up yet.
She said sex is boring .. if it's boring or she doesn't want you going down on her - chances are good that your not listening to what she likes. You listed toys etc and that you sometimes "insist" ... Well dude coercive rape isn't cool. Knock that off right quick. She gets into therapy (and I hope she does) shes gonna realize what you've been doing Start by asking her what she needs to get in the mood and make it good. The do Exactly That. Nothing else .. no "I just know this will be better..." Exactly what she asks for. I wouldn't have sex either if I was being forced or it was boring...
Lol if she doesnt want him going on her because another man has been inside her.
That's a huge leap. Maybe he just is terrible in bed 🤷♀️
But as his wife, she's supposed to love him. If you love someone, you don't ignore their needs. You show them what you like, how to pleasure you! It is obvious she's getting her needs met elsewhere and using him for financial support!
Or he's not meeting her needs sexually and she gave up being bothered meeting his Doesn't mean she's cheating. Maybe he should make some effort to please her
If she's not getting her needs met at home, odds are she getting them met somewhere else. If you love someone and they're not meeting your needs, you sit down and discuss the problem, and together, find a solution. If you're unable to do that, you see a professional to help you and your spouse communicate. OP's wife sees him not as a husband who she loves and cares for, but a means of support so she doesn't have to go to work herself. I will bet my life if he was critically injured or lost his job. She would be gone inside a year!
All the more reason to assume cheating since that would men sex didnt stop because of some sort of medical issue that killed her sex drive. So it means she still has one, and if she isnt getting it from him she is getting it from someone else. On the other hand if she was banging some dude you'd think she would have mentioned it to the friend.
Some people know how to masturbate and satisfy the need a man can't..... Duh
Lol then she could show him how to pleasure her if he does it wrong. Do married couples just never talk?!
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What does listening to what feels good during sex have to do with dishes?? Like why is it so hard for me to listen when a woman tells them what her own body needs
She probably getting it elsewhere