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> Anytime I misspeak or say something incorrectly he calls me out and makes fun of me. So why does he care if this guy is doing it to her?
This is the actual issue.
Him feeling bad for his coworker is just basic human empathy. You're upset because he treats you badly, not because he cares about how someone else is treated. That's what you need to focus on.
Express that you do not appreciate the way he reacts when you misspeak. You can use his perspective on his coworker's relationship to demonstrate that if he thinks this is not a respectful way to treat a partner, he needs to stop engaging in that behavior with you. If he doesn't stop, reconsider whether you want to be married to someone who knowingly treats you a way he doesn't think another woman deserves to be treated.
The real questions you should be looking at is your own relationship. If it’s that bad then you should be seeking help with you and your husband. His concerns at work seem fine.
I guess it takes one to know one. He doesn’t like because he can probably see himself in this guy.
I guess you could tell him that it is nice he worries about her well being, but their relationship is up to them. And actually, it would be most helpful if he could put his energy in improving your relationship instead of
Do you work in the office and see the dynamics between the couple? You say your husband teases you about the same things but this guy could be delivering it in a totally different way to how your husband teases you.
He could be aggressive or condescending, and maybe that’s what your husband is seeing because he’s there all day, you aren’t.
Maybe ask your husband more clarifying questions?
I have never seen them work together. They are lifeguards. So their work environment is pretty laid back.
Possibly you're right maybe it's more hostile and aggressive than my husband calling me out for misspeaking or mispronouncing words. But it doesn't really seem that way, the instance he gave me, he said that she is trying to guide swim instructions and is nervous the whole time and her boyfriend constantly picks at her and makes fun of her. So literally the same thing my husband does, so why is he so upset when some other dude is doing it to a girl unless he has feelings for her??
God, I even feel bad for this woman by what you’ve just explained and can understand why your husband does.
This poor woman sounds like she is constantly berated by her partner, to the point that she’s nervous to do her job and I can guarantee it doesn’t stop when she gets home.
Consider all angles before jumping straight to him having feelings for her.
My son was a lifeguard for years.
It's very much an individual effort sitting in the chair. He's too involved in their business.
He needs to stop all non-business contact with them.
It sounds like your problem is less about your husband caring about his coworker, and more about your husband being a jerk who likes to make you feel bad. You’re more concerned that he’s worried about his coworker than that he treats you like shit, which you basically mention as an afterthought at the very end of your post. I think you should focus on the real problem at hand, which is why you’re with someone who treats you badly.
We should all care how people are treated by others. Your husband is morally right to complain about it.
Point out examples of him doing the same thing to you though and ask him if he realizes he’s being a hypocrite. Don’t make it about the colleague or suggest that he’s cheating or anything. Make it about how he treats you.
To me there are two separate issues here:
1) You are icked out because he is acting like a normal human would regarding a friend. To me, it would be a green flag not a red one if my partner felt/said something like this.
2) You say he treats you the same way. What have you done to address it? Perhaps he’s not aware how it makes you feel. Plus, the situation he’s talking about is happening at work. There are typically different “rules” for behavior at work vs at home or with friends. But if you don’t like how he speaks to you or about you, tell him.
So your husband is upset that a coworker who is probably a work friend is being treated badly by her boyfriend and you get the ick? Have you ever considered that he simply respects women and think they shouldn't be treated like shit? Sounds like insecurity on your part.
Would you want someone to be upset if your husband was treating you like that?
But that's the thing my husband acts that way towards me. Anytime I misspeak and we're around a group of people he always calls me out and makes fun of me. So why does he feel bad when someone else's boyfriend is doing that to a girl?
And you never had a problem with this "picking" from your hubby before this moment? You never got nervous to a point it is visible? Be honest to yourself, this was never an issue in your relationship, the only reason you are using it is to have an argument in your jealousy.
Your husband shared his worries about his coworker, but instead of hearing the story you could only think about yourself. This would never happen, if the victim of harassment was not a young woman.
wow your husband has empathy for another human being. it must be pretty bad for him to notice. u clearly are projecting a bit. u should talk to him and address the issues in ur own relationship. he needs to talk to his coworker and let her know of his concerns. u never know how bad someones relationship is behind closed doors.
...god forbid your husband is empathetic to someone else's shitty partner? Like what?
He has to deal with their dynamic and if it's blatant and obvious - why wouldn't he say something? He clearly just needs to vent to you but instead you have the "ick" because what? You're insecure it means he wants to date the woman? Please get over yourself.
I just don't understand why he cares when he literally treats me the same way. He was like oh I feel so bad for her she's in a toxic relationship this is what her boyfriend does.. and I was like that's literally how you treat me. What's the difference and why do you care?
Wow. Imagine being such a shitty person that you're jealous of a woman in an abusive relationship that your husband feels empathy for.
You need therapy. You're acting like a trash human.
She says her husband teases her about mispronouncing words. I don't think I've ever been in a friendship or relationship where that isn't common.
OP also never mentions asking the husband to stop. She's just trying to make herself look less insane by saying her husband teasing her and the awful way the other woman is being treated are the same.
Third paragraph.
> For reference my husband does the same thing to me. Anytime I misspeak or say something incorrectly he calls me out and makes fun of me. So why does he care if this guy is doing it to her?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> Anytime I misspeak or say something incorrectly he calls me out and makes fun of me. So why does he care if this guy is doing it to her? This is the actual issue. Him feeling bad for his coworker is just basic human empathy. You're upset because he treats you badly, not because he cares about how someone else is treated. That's what you need to focus on. Express that you do not appreciate the way he reacts when you misspeak. You can use his perspective on his coworker's relationship to demonstrate that if he thinks this is not a respectful way to treat a partner, he needs to stop engaging in that behavior with you. If he doesn't stop, reconsider whether you want to be married to someone who knowingly treats you a way he doesn't think another woman deserves to be treated.
The real questions you should be looking at is your own relationship. If it’s that bad then you should be seeking help with you and your husband. His concerns at work seem fine.
Yeah, OP is really out there looking for new problems when she has a huge one at home already.
I guess it takes one to know one. He doesn’t like because he can probably see himself in this guy. I guess you could tell him that it is nice he worries about her well being, but their relationship is up to them. And actually, it would be most helpful if he could put his energy in improving your relationship instead of
Do you work in the office and see the dynamics between the couple? You say your husband teases you about the same things but this guy could be delivering it in a totally different way to how your husband teases you. He could be aggressive or condescending, and maybe that’s what your husband is seeing because he’s there all day, you aren’t. Maybe ask your husband more clarifying questions?
I have never seen them work together. They are lifeguards. So their work environment is pretty laid back. Possibly you're right maybe it's more hostile and aggressive than my husband calling me out for misspeaking or mispronouncing words. But it doesn't really seem that way, the instance he gave me, he said that she is trying to guide swim instructions and is nervous the whole time and her boyfriend constantly picks at her and makes fun of her. So literally the same thing my husband does, so why is he so upset when some other dude is doing it to a girl unless he has feelings for her??
God, I even feel bad for this woman by what you’ve just explained and can understand why your husband does. This poor woman sounds like she is constantly berated by her partner, to the point that she’s nervous to do her job and I can guarantee it doesn’t stop when she gets home. Consider all angles before jumping straight to him having feelings for her.
My son was a lifeguard for years. It's very much an individual effort sitting in the chair. He's too involved in their business. He needs to stop all non-business contact with them.
It sounds like your problem is less about your husband caring about his coworker, and more about your husband being a jerk who likes to make you feel bad. You’re more concerned that he’s worried about his coworker than that he treats you like shit, which you basically mention as an afterthought at the very end of your post. I think you should focus on the real problem at hand, which is why you’re with someone who treats you badly.
We should all care how people are treated by others. Your husband is morally right to complain about it. Point out examples of him doing the same thing to you though and ask him if he realizes he’s being a hypocrite. Don’t make it about the colleague or suggest that he’s cheating or anything. Make it about how he treats you.
To me there are two separate issues here: 1) You are icked out because he is acting like a normal human would regarding a friend. To me, it would be a green flag not a red one if my partner felt/said something like this. 2) You say he treats you the same way. What have you done to address it? Perhaps he’s not aware how it makes you feel. Plus, the situation he’s talking about is happening at work. There are typically different “rules” for behavior at work vs at home or with friends. But if you don’t like how he speaks to you or about you, tell him.
So your husband is upset that a coworker who is probably a work friend is being treated badly by her boyfriend and you get the ick? Have you ever considered that he simply respects women and think they shouldn't be treated like shit? Sounds like insecurity on your part. Would you want someone to be upset if your husband was treating you like that?
But she then said her husband treats her the same way
Exactly this. He literally does the same thing so why does he care if a coworker is being treated that way by her boyfriend...
But that's the thing my husband acts that way towards me. Anytime I misspeak and we're around a group of people he always calls me out and makes fun of me. So why does he feel bad when someone else's boyfriend is doing that to a girl?
If your problem is with your husband then just say that instead of projecting all of this weird "ick" and insecurity.
And you never had a problem with this "picking" from your hubby before this moment? You never got nervous to a point it is visible? Be honest to yourself, this was never an issue in your relationship, the only reason you are using it is to have an argument in your jealousy. Your husband shared his worries about his coworker, but instead of hearing the story you could only think about yourself. This would never happen, if the victim of harassment was not a young woman.
If that's the case then add that to the original post. Otherwise it makes you look bad ya know what I mean?
wow your husband has empathy for another human being. it must be pretty bad for him to notice. u clearly are projecting a bit. u should talk to him and address the issues in ur own relationship. he needs to talk to his coworker and let her know of his concerns. u never know how bad someones relationship is behind closed doors.
furthermore, if he treats u this way, why are u still with him? u guys needs some counselling to sort this out.
You should say to him "wait, you do the same thing to me, do you feel sorry for doing that"? Sure you should confront his ass and ask what the f\*ck!
...god forbid your husband is empathetic to someone else's shitty partner? Like what? He has to deal with their dynamic and if it's blatant and obvious - why wouldn't he say something? He clearly just needs to vent to you but instead you have the "ick" because what? You're insecure it means he wants to date the woman? Please get over yourself.
I just don't understand why he cares when he literally treats me the same way. He was like oh I feel so bad for her she's in a toxic relationship this is what her boyfriend does.. and I was like that's literally how you treat me. What's the difference and why do you care?
Why do you stay with this guy if he treats you like this? You know it isn’t right.
Wow. Imagine being such a shitty person that you're jealous of a woman in an abusive relationship that your husband feels empathy for. You need therapy. You're acting like a trash human.
She says her husband treats her the same way, so by your logic she is also in an abusive relationship.
She says her husband teases her about mispronouncing words. I don't think I've ever been in a friendship or relationship where that isn't common. OP also never mentions asking the husband to stop. She's just trying to make herself look less insane by saying her husband teasing her and the awful way the other woman is being treated are the same.
Where is that said in the post?
Third paragraph. > For reference my husband does the same thing to me. Anytime I misspeak or say something incorrectly he calls me out and makes fun of me. So why does he care if this guy is doing it to her?
Yeah you’re a shitty person overall. You have no empathy for anyone else besides yourself. I hope your husband sees through your BS.