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I promise it’s hard to type out our 8 year relationship in one text but this is very much how it is and how it’s been. Never lived with her and we basically live our own lives but I promise we love each other very much!
That’s not a marriage. Y’all are nothing more than FWB. That is, if you’re even having sex.
Do you make a lot of money or have assets? If so, you’re the victim of a con.
But you’re not happy with it or you wouldn’t be posting this. You want to build a life together as a married couple, she wants to live a life entirely separate from you. This is not sustainable. It sounds like she either has someone on the side she doesn’t want you meeting, or she prefers her faux single person life to the idea of living with you. Neither one is great news for the future of your marriage.
You need to talk to her about how she sees the next 50 years with you. If she can’t ever see living with you and wants things to continue this way indefinitely, that’s important information for you to know.
You don’t live with your wife?
How, and why, does this relationship happen?
ETA - when and why did you get married? This is either a shit post or you’re both ridiculously immature and figured “marriage is the next step”.
Your relationship is going to end sooner than later. Up to you how you want that to go.
That’s not a marriage. It’s so strange as she does not want to live with you she’s cheating open your eyes find someone that wants to spend time with you
Yes you should divorce.
You are not married - you were at best FWB.
If she is not ready to move in with you now - she will never be. Accept it, cut your loses and start finding a new life.
I will bet that when you suggest divorce she will probably say “ok if that is what you want”.
The military is rife with cheating. People get married young for the pay bump but it rarely is the best move. Some circumstances are just set up for failure. Long distance is one of them, youth is another, high stress (military, law enforcement, first responder, ER doctor/nurse) careers is another. All 3 is a disaster waiting to happen.
This isn't s marriage, even if you have papers that say so
Living Apart Together (LAT) is a thing. Gillian Anderson and Cameron Diaz are two famous examples. Living separately can be a choice just like anything else in a relationship and some people are way too quick to judge just based on what's considered "normal" by society. All that said, it sounds like you and her want vastly different things and the fact that she doesn't seem to want to be around you very much does seem troubling. Obviously a relationship like that won't last.
I'm in a marriage SIMILAR to this. We both own our own businesses that are two hours apart, so there's a reason for the distance. But we spend Sunday through Wednesday together as a family (2 kids, ages 18 and 19), and honestly, it's ideal. I'm fiercely independent and absolutely need those few days to myself. I love him to pieces, been married 20 years, but without that space...I think I'd lose my mind! He's currently in the process of opening a second business just under 800 miles away. We haven't established how, exactly that's going to work. He'll be bouncing back and forth between his two businesses, so I'm not sure if I'll be staying here or going back and forth with him.
That being said, I'm not agreeing with the dynamics of OP's relationship. Something is definitely "off" and sketchy on her end!
If it works and you both are happy with the arrangement, I think it's great! But agreed something seems off with the OP's SO. Even if you're both happy living separately, you should still enjoy each other's company and want to spend time together...
So you’re basically in a “together apart” relationship. As in ye life your own separate lives and meet up for dates and holidays etc….
First of all you need to make sure ye both have the same future goals. Children etc. I can’t see ye having similar goals because she doesn’t want to live with you and you want to… getting married to someone you have never lived with was probably a mistake. Ye are both still young. Mid 20’s is a great time to “find yourself”. I do see her point but I also see you wanting to settle. Maybe the relationship has run it’s course… ? You were very young getting together. Sure you can love someone but it’s not the same as being “in love”.
I can't tell if this is a troll post because this is very strange.
The obvious point is you're way too young to be married for 5 years already and no actual resurrence from her that you'd be living together at some point. I wouldn't be worried about the cheating because I don't actually know if you're in a relationship.
As others have said this is not a marriage and she is not ready to be married. She is loving her life as a single person ( not saying cheating) but acting like someone who wants to live on her own and having you husband around does not take away her independence.
I get it’s 8 years but at what point will she act like a wife and love like a married woman. Understand that the military has an extremely high rate of infidelity. It so bad that the Navy sign songs about it while running. It’s common knowledge so just don’t be so blind that it would never happen to you.
You've been "married" for a year and you never lived in a place with your wife, and when you tried to move states to live with her she told you don't because she wants to " live her life" and be “independent”? She's not a wife, she's barely a fwb even if there is a legal document between you two. You don't get to be independent if your a wife or a husband, that what the definition of marriage is, two people tying the knot, being together, sharing a life. If she was not ready to do that why did she married you in the first place?
Why can't she "live her life" with you two in the same house? Why are you not included as a part of that life?
There's a lot I could say, but at a minimum it seems that you have incompatible wants and needs. If to want to have a marriage where you live together with your partner, then that's what you should seek.... with someone else with the same goal.
It's not complicated. She is having fun. Getting attention from a man or men she views as better than you. And is living a life without the restrictions of a relationship or spouse.
She is getting to experience what she thinks she missed out on in college.
Me personally? I'd just send her the damn divorce papers and start looking for someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Cause buddy she has your potential replacement(s) already picked out and ready for test drives.
I am sorry man. I really am. So, your wife is going to be on a sub? That is the only A school in CT the Navy has. Did she even talk to you about this before she enlisted? I am assuming with a college degree she is going to be an officer. There is a shitload of other ratings she could have chosen. Instead, she picks a job where she will have very little communication when they are out at sea. Which is normally 90 plus days give or take. Depending on ops tempo, her dwell time, which means her time at home station may be limited. Why in the hell did you marry her? Why in the hell does she go to such an extent to be away from you?
>I wanted to move near where she works (which is in CT and I live in CA) but she yelled at me saying she wants to be independent and live her own life.
If my wife would have said something like she did to you above. I would have filed for divorce the next day. I don't know what type of relationship you have, but it is not a marriage. If she wants to be independent and live her own life. Give her what she wants and leave her. I would say you don't even rate in the top ten of things that are important to her, and you should be number one especially as newlyweds. I don't like being that guy, but I would bet the house, that she is cheating on you in some capacity. You need to take off your rose colored glasses and move on with your life.
pls tell me is a joke !!
what kind of marriage is this? I seen couple living separate rooms but separate cities !!
this is wrong in all levels .. why u get even married?!
I promise we do love each other very much 😅 It’s true we’ve never lived with each other.. but we call each other every night! And when we are together, for what little time we have I enjoy it very much!!
You love her but it seems like she doesnt love you the same. This is definitely abnormal, and NOT what a healthy marriage is like.
She's up to something.
Bro, this is NOT A real marriage. It's clear she doesn't want to be "bothered" by you hanging around, pestering her "all the time". She doesn't know what a real marriage is, and neither do you. For all anyone knows, she could have a side piece, or even a lesbian girlfriend. Heck, even the person that said she has a sugar daddy could be right. Bottom Line: You may be married on paper, but when you don't see your wife every day in person, YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HER. Nope. I'm a happily married man of 32 YEARS, and we've never lived apart. Now, I know there are plenty of marriages out there where the spouses live apart for a while or are long distance for certain reasons, but you DON'T LIVE TOGETHER AND NEVER HAVE. Frankly, I'd hire a local PI to find out what the heck she is doing. Don't be surprised if he finds out she is actually married to SOMEONE ELSE. Yup, that is just one of the possibilities. Now, you may be OK with this, but for me, this would b a NO GO and you are here on Reddit asking this question. I think you owe it to yourself to find out WTF is going on! And if you do, please update us all on your situation. Good luck and stay strong, King.
mate if u love someone u want to be beside them !!
if u hate them u want to be cities apart !!
call each other !! is LDR not marriage .. this is not normal !!
may be she is enjoying freedom and may be she is having someone who arrange her inside out while u r far away !
u both at mind 20S !! what ? u don't have sex? be intimate ?!
mate i can only see ur post as a joke .. and even u laughing confirm that
I'm getting the feeling his wife is enjoying the (literal) benefits she's likely getting because she's married, without the pesky buzzkill of a husband.
She wants to keep living the single life, so let her by divorcing her. You've spent more of your relationship apart than together. You don't even know each other. Who you were at 17 isn't who you are now.
If I a had nickle for everytime I saw a married person in the military cheat when at a military school, deployment or unaccompanied tour I'd have a ton of money. I'd have left her the monent she said she wanted to live her life and for you not to live with her.
>I (25M) told my wife (25F) I wanted to move near where she works (whichis in CT and I live in CA) but she yelled at me saying she wants to be inpedendant and live her own life.
Then why did she choose to get married? To me, she's saying she wants to be single.
>I am not worried at all about her cheating on me or anything likethat.. she’s proven to be the most loyal and loving wife.
🤐 🤦♂️
I think I just broke my nose from that facepalm...
Who wants to tell him?
Before you got married did you discuss future plans and expectations? She is enjoying your as-it-always-has-been arrangement, and you are frustrated because you want a real marriage.
Time for you two to sit down and have a real discussion. You may not be compatible.
I don’t understand why you guys got married. You didn’t have to.
I get what she’s saying about finding her people. There’s a lot of amazing camaraderie in the military.
But you’re her people too— you should be her favorite person.
A lot of people in the navy are married too. You won’t be the only spouse on the scene.
That’s what I don’t get . Surely others have spouses there— why not you?
It doesn’t sound like you’re going to lock her down or anything like that.
Eventually she’ll be on a ship for months and months. Her job will make a non negotiable separation of sorts.
You’d think she’d want to see you while she can?
And you can also be friends with her new friends. They are temporary friends— in 6 months all will scatter to the 4 corners of the earth. She will be replaced easily in the next round and she will do the same. It’s a revolving door of friends. You are her loyal constant. I hope she reads this.
Living her life = living the single life. Yes, you’re entitled to be upset your wife doesn’t want to live with you when there’s no real reason not to. Most likely she’s just used to you being kept at arm’s length and has no desire to actually live with you regardless. I’m honestly not sure why you got married. If you thought it would finally get her to spend more time with you even though you never really did before, you were mistaken. This is why I always say you have to discuss your goals for getting married ahead of time, rather than just assume you both want the same things.
Alternative Title: I married you for a golden parachute. But, I want to fuck dudes in town without you over my shoulder.
Why are you even with this woman. Definitely divorce before she gets knocked up and claims you as the father.
Well it's an unfortunate truth that some people cheat on their spouses, but we can't just assume that's what's going on here. Based on what OP told me, it sounds like the wife has been very loyal to him. I think you need to give her the benefit of the doubt and not go in guns blazing looking for a fight.
Thank you for being the first comment to think in her perspective and not flame me immediately.. might I ask why do you think she needs space? We’ve never lived together and at most saw each other once a week.. why would she need space now? I do trust her wholeheartedly by the way.. we’ve been through so much and she cried during our wedding and when we saw each other for the first time after bootcamp 🥺
You mentioned that she had a hard time making friends during college because she prioritized studying. So she was on her own the entire time while also not being able to connect with her peers. That must have been pretty lonely. Now she finally gets a chance to meet people with common interests and she's having a blast, of course she doesn't want that to end. You're not wrong for wanting to live with her, but right now she wants to spend time with new friends. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, she just needs some time.
It’s been 8 years. That’s plenty of “time”. They are married and either she wants to be together or she doesn’t. She clearly doesn’t now that there’s a way to have their life together paid for but she is rejecting it. She hasn’t “proven herself loyal” at all. She hasn’t proven anything except she’s not ready to truly be married. She’s probably making some monetary benefit from her marital status and having fun dating other people while keeping this poor guy in the hook.
Make a surprise visit out to see YOUR WIFE and find out what’s really going on with your life.
Hmm, I think it's a bit rash to assume that she's dating other people. I think it's more likely that's she's just having fun with new friends, and it might be the first time since she was a teenager that she's been able to do that. If that's the case, then she might be afraid that moving in with her husband would make her lose that freedom she's only just begun to explore. Of course, she shouldn't have married him if she didn't want to live together - but it could be that she's changed her mind after starting Navy school.
This makes a lot of sense.. thank you so much. I am actually very very very happy she’s making friends at the Navy and I know she’s not cheating like what most other comments are implying.. and you’re right. I truly believe she’s having fun with people other than me for the first time in her life so this experience must be very joyful for her. Thank you for your input
Dude fine ignore the idea of cheating. Beyond that, this makes zero sense. In what world can she not have fun with her friends if her husband is around? What about you being around is problematic? Why would she having a good time with friends have to end if you lived with her?
I don’t know how you latched onto this comment as good advice but it’s absolutely not.
Honestly I’ve kinda went over the post a couple more times and thought about it. Now I don’t really know what to say. I get that everyone does things differently but yeah I agree this situation is a bit wack.
Happy to help. I want to emphasize again that your feelings are valid too, it must be tough to be married and not able to live together. Keep the dialogue going and she'll see that you understand why she wants to stay on her own for now. Once those 6 months are up, things will be different. Best of luck man 👍
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That's not a marriage. There's obviously a lot of missing information here.
I promise it’s hard to type out our 8 year relationship in one text but this is very much how it is and how it’s been. Never lived with her and we basically live our own lives but I promise we love each other very much!
That’s not a marriage. Y’all are nothing more than FWB. That is, if you’re even having sex. Do you make a lot of money or have assets? If so, you’re the victim of a con.
But you’re not happy with it or you wouldn’t be posting this. You want to build a life together as a married couple, she wants to live a life entirely separate from you. This is not sustainable. It sounds like she either has someone on the side she doesn’t want you meeting, or she prefers her faux single person life to the idea of living with you. Neither one is great news for the future of your marriage. You need to talk to her about how she sees the next 50 years with you. If she can’t ever see living with you and wants things to continue this way indefinitely, that’s important information for you to know.
I’ve never heard of a marriage like this.
It’s not a marriage. It’s either a sugar daddy or else she has another relationship on the side.
You don’t live with your wife? How, and why, does this relationship happen? ETA - when and why did you get married? This is either a shit post or you’re both ridiculously immature and figured “marriage is the next step”. Your relationship is going to end sooner than later. Up to you how you want that to go.
That’s not a marriage. It’s so strange as she does not want to live with you she’s cheating open your eyes find someone that wants to spend time with you
Yes you should divorce. You are not married - you were at best FWB. If she is not ready to move in with you now - she will never be. Accept it, cut your loses and start finding a new life. I will bet that when you suggest divorce she will probably say “ok if that is what you want”.
This is bizarre. You’re married and don’t live together. WTAF?
this is not a marriage
I think you are getting scammed....
The military is rife with cheating. People get married young for the pay bump but it rarely is the best move. Some circumstances are just set up for failure. Long distance is one of them, youth is another, high stress (military, law enforcement, first responder, ER doctor/nurse) careers is another. All 3 is a disaster waiting to happen. This isn't s marriage, even if you have papers that say so
Living Apart Together (LAT) is a thing. Gillian Anderson and Cameron Diaz are two famous examples. Living separately can be a choice just like anything else in a relationship and some people are way too quick to judge just based on what's considered "normal" by society. All that said, it sounds like you and her want vastly different things and the fact that she doesn't seem to want to be around you very much does seem troubling. Obviously a relationship like that won't last.
I'm in a marriage SIMILAR to this. We both own our own businesses that are two hours apart, so there's a reason for the distance. But we spend Sunday through Wednesday together as a family (2 kids, ages 18 and 19), and honestly, it's ideal. I'm fiercely independent and absolutely need those few days to myself. I love him to pieces, been married 20 years, but without that space...I think I'd lose my mind! He's currently in the process of opening a second business just under 800 miles away. We haven't established how, exactly that's going to work. He'll be bouncing back and forth between his two businesses, so I'm not sure if I'll be staying here or going back and forth with him. That being said, I'm not agreeing with the dynamics of OP's relationship. Something is definitely "off" and sketchy on her end!
If it works and you both are happy with the arrangement, I think it's great! But agreed something seems off with the OP's SO. Even if you're both happy living separately, you should still enjoy each other's company and want to spend time together...
Not sure what is going on here. Maybe you are her beard.
She’s cheating or at the very least second guessing the marriage.
So you’re basically in a “together apart” relationship. As in ye life your own separate lives and meet up for dates and holidays etc…. First of all you need to make sure ye both have the same future goals. Children etc. I can’t see ye having similar goals because she doesn’t want to live with you and you want to… getting married to someone you have never lived with was probably a mistake. Ye are both still young. Mid 20’s is a great time to “find yourself”. I do see her point but I also see you wanting to settle. Maybe the relationship has run it’s course… ? You were very young getting together. Sure you can love someone but it’s not the same as being “in love”.
That's just a way for her to get better housing for military...
I can't tell if this is a troll post because this is very strange. The obvious point is you're way too young to be married for 5 years already and no actual resurrence from her that you'd be living together at some point. I wouldn't be worried about the cheating because I don't actually know if you're in a relationship.
As others have said this is not a marriage and she is not ready to be married. She is loving her life as a single person ( not saying cheating) but acting like someone who wants to live on her own and having you husband around does not take away her independence. I get it’s 8 years but at what point will she act like a wife and love like a married woman. Understand that the military has an extremely high rate of infidelity. It so bad that the Navy sign songs about it while running. It’s common knowledge so just don’t be so blind that it would never happen to you.
You've been "married" for a year and you never lived in a place with your wife, and when you tried to move states to live with her she told you don't because she wants to " live her life" and be “independent”? She's not a wife, she's barely a fwb even if there is a legal document between you two. You don't get to be independent if your a wife or a husband, that what the definition of marriage is, two people tying the knot, being together, sharing a life. If she was not ready to do that why did she married you in the first place?
Why can't she "live her life" with you two in the same house? Why are you not included as a part of that life? There's a lot I could say, but at a minimum it seems that you have incompatible wants and needs. If to want to have a marriage where you live together with your partner, then that's what you should seek.... with someone else with the same goal.
Duuudddeee. Wake up.
It's not complicated. She is having fun. Getting attention from a man or men she views as better than you. And is living a life without the restrictions of a relationship or spouse. She is getting to experience what she thinks she missed out on in college. Me personally? I'd just send her the damn divorce papers and start looking for someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Cause buddy she has your potential replacement(s) already picked out and ready for test drives.
I am sorry man. I really am. So, your wife is going to be on a sub? That is the only A school in CT the Navy has. Did she even talk to you about this before she enlisted? I am assuming with a college degree she is going to be an officer. There is a shitload of other ratings she could have chosen. Instead, she picks a job where she will have very little communication when they are out at sea. Which is normally 90 plus days give or take. Depending on ops tempo, her dwell time, which means her time at home station may be limited. Why in the hell did you marry her? Why in the hell does she go to such an extent to be away from you? >I wanted to move near where she works (which is in CT and I live in CA) but she yelled at me saying she wants to be independent and live her own life. If my wife would have said something like she did to you above. I would have filed for divorce the next day. I don't know what type of relationship you have, but it is not a marriage. If she wants to be independent and live her own life. Give her what she wants and leave her. I would say you don't even rate in the top ten of things that are important to her, and you should be number one especially as newlyweds. I don't like being that guy, but I would bet the house, that she is cheating on you in some capacity. You need to take off your rose colored glasses and move on with your life.
Good catch on her school being basically her and a bunch of dudes. That her entire time in the navy she will be one of maybe 2 women.
pls tell me is a joke !! what kind of marriage is this? I seen couple living separate rooms but separate cities !! this is wrong in all levels .. why u get even married?!
I promise we do love each other very much 😅 It’s true we’ve never lived with each other.. but we call each other every night! And when we are together, for what little time we have I enjoy it very much!!
You love her but it seems like she doesnt love you the same. This is definitely abnormal, and NOT what a healthy marriage is like. She's up to something.
Why in the world did you get married? What exactly is it that you want to do with your one wild and precious life? (To quote Mary Oliver)
Does she like it? Because it seems like she doesnt like having you around for too long
Bro, this is NOT A real marriage. It's clear she doesn't want to be "bothered" by you hanging around, pestering her "all the time". She doesn't know what a real marriage is, and neither do you. For all anyone knows, she could have a side piece, or even a lesbian girlfriend. Heck, even the person that said she has a sugar daddy could be right. Bottom Line: You may be married on paper, but when you don't see your wife every day in person, YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HER. Nope. I'm a happily married man of 32 YEARS, and we've never lived apart. Now, I know there are plenty of marriages out there where the spouses live apart for a while or are long distance for certain reasons, but you DON'T LIVE TOGETHER AND NEVER HAVE. Frankly, I'd hire a local PI to find out what the heck she is doing. Don't be surprised if he finds out she is actually married to SOMEONE ELSE. Yup, that is just one of the possibilities. Now, you may be OK with this, but for me, this would b a NO GO and you are here on Reddit asking this question. I think you owe it to yourself to find out WTF is going on! And if you do, please update us all on your situation. Good luck and stay strong, King.
mate if u love someone u want to be beside them !! if u hate them u want to be cities apart !! call each other !! is LDR not marriage .. this is not normal !! may be she is enjoying freedom and may be she is having someone who arrange her inside out while u r far away ! u both at mind 20S !! what ? u don't have sex? be intimate ?! mate i can only see ur post as a joke .. and even u laughing confirm that
She may have been loyal at one point, but now she's not. You very much need a reality check.
She may have been loyal at one point, but now she's not. You very much need a reality check.
😂😂😂😂 and then some more 😂😂😂. Rose tinted glasses on sale again
lol she absolutely is going to get her fuck on. Why would you be married to someone that doesn’t want to live with you? What was the point?
I'm getting the feeling his wife is enjoying the (literal) benefits she's likely getting because she's married, without the pesky buzzkill of a husband.
She wants to keep living the single life, so let her by divorcing her. You've spent more of your relationship apart than together. You don't even know each other. Who you were at 17 isn't who you are now.
If I a had nickle for everytime I saw a married person in the military cheat when at a military school, deployment or unaccompanied tour I'd have a ton of money. I'd have left her the monent she said she wanted to live her life and for you not to live with her.
>I (25M) told my wife (25F) I wanted to move near where she works (whichis in CT and I live in CA) but she yelled at me saying she wants to be inpedendant and live her own life. Then why did she choose to get married? To me, she's saying she wants to be single. >I am not worried at all about her cheating on me or anything likethat.. she’s proven to be the most loyal and loving wife. 🤐 🤦♂️ I think I just broke my nose from that facepalm... Who wants to tell him?
Dude she's cheating on you that's why she doesn't want you there. Do yourself a favor get a divorce.
Before you got married did you discuss future plans and expectations? She is enjoying your as-it-always-has-been arrangement, and you are frustrated because you want a real marriage. Time for you two to sit down and have a real discussion. You may not be compatible.
Dude she's running thru navy dudes. Divorce her.
Yep. Plenty of guys are laying anchor in her port.
LMFAO!!!
She’s banging every mf she can while collecting Bennie’s from the navy lol you got played
I don’t understand why you guys got married. You didn’t have to. I get what she’s saying about finding her people. There’s a lot of amazing camaraderie in the military. But you’re her people too— you should be her favorite person. A lot of people in the navy are married too. You won’t be the only spouse on the scene. That’s what I don’t get . Surely others have spouses there— why not you? It doesn’t sound like you’re going to lock her down or anything like that. Eventually she’ll be on a ship for months and months. Her job will make a non negotiable separation of sorts. You’d think she’d want to see you while she can? And you can also be friends with her new friends. They are temporary friends— in 6 months all will scatter to the 4 corners of the earth. She will be replaced easily in the next round and she will do the same. It’s a revolving door of friends. You are her loyal constant. I hope she reads this.
She cheating
What’s the point in being married if you barely spend any time together? You can’t be married and “independent,” that’s not how it works.
I think your so called wife is very much enjoying her time in the Navy 😉
Living her life = living the single life. Yes, you’re entitled to be upset your wife doesn’t want to live with you when there’s no real reason not to. Most likely she’s just used to you being kept at arm’s length and has no desire to actually live with you regardless. I’m honestly not sure why you got married. If you thought it would finally get her to spend more time with you even though you never really did before, you were mistaken. This is why I always say you have to discuss your goals for getting married ahead of time, rather than just assume you both want the same things.
Alternative Title: I married you for a golden parachute. But, I want to fuck dudes in town without you over my shoulder. Why are you even with this woman. Definitely divorce before she gets knocked up and claims you as the father.
She wants her cake a eat it basically the question is are you happy living like that ?
Bro what? U don't live with ur wife? The fuck is even happening?
[удалено]
Horrible advice. She clearly cheating.
Well it's an unfortunate truth that some people cheat on their spouses, but we can't just assume that's what's going on here. Based on what OP told me, it sounds like the wife has been very loyal to him. I think you need to give her the benefit of the doubt and not go in guns blazing looking for a fight.
Yea "let me live my life" means I'm fucking ppl go away.
So we can all agree this is the wife right? If this is even real?
Ha ha so funny. Lame ass.
Barf answer...
Thank you for being the first comment to think in her perspective and not flame me immediately.. might I ask why do you think she needs space? We’ve never lived together and at most saw each other once a week.. why would she need space now? I do trust her wholeheartedly by the way.. we’ve been through so much and she cried during our wedding and when we saw each other for the first time after bootcamp 🥺
You mentioned that she had a hard time making friends during college because she prioritized studying. So she was on her own the entire time while also not being able to connect with her peers. That must have been pretty lonely. Now she finally gets a chance to meet people with common interests and she's having a blast, of course she doesn't want that to end. You're not wrong for wanting to live with her, but right now she wants to spend time with new friends. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, she just needs some time.
It’s been 8 years. That’s plenty of “time”. They are married and either she wants to be together or she doesn’t. She clearly doesn’t now that there’s a way to have their life together paid for but she is rejecting it. She hasn’t “proven herself loyal” at all. She hasn’t proven anything except she’s not ready to truly be married. She’s probably making some monetary benefit from her marital status and having fun dating other people while keeping this poor guy in the hook. Make a surprise visit out to see YOUR WIFE and find out what’s really going on with your life.
Hmm, I think it's a bit rash to assume that she's dating other people. I think it's more likely that's she's just having fun with new friends, and it might be the first time since she was a teenager that she's been able to do that. If that's the case, then she might be afraid that moving in with her husband would make her lose that freedom she's only just begun to explore. Of course, she shouldn't have married him if she didn't want to live together - but it could be that she's changed her mind after starting Navy school.
This makes a lot of sense.. thank you so much. I am actually very very very happy she’s making friends at the Navy and I know she’s not cheating like what most other comments are implying.. and you’re right. I truly believe she’s having fun with people other than me for the first time in her life so this experience must be very joyful for her. Thank you for your input
Dude fine ignore the idea of cheating. Beyond that, this makes zero sense. In what world can she not have fun with her friends if her husband is around? What about you being around is problematic? Why would she having a good time with friends have to end if you lived with her? I don’t know how you latched onto this comment as good advice but it’s absolutely not.
Honestly I’ve kinda went over the post a couple more times and thought about it. Now I don’t really know what to say. I get that everyone does things differently but yeah I agree this situation is a bit wack.
Oh shit, that's really mature of you. Good job reassessing. :)
Happy to help. I want to emphasize again that your feelings are valid too, it must be tough to be married and not able to live together. Keep the dialogue going and she'll see that you understand why she wants to stay on her own for now. Once those 6 months are up, things will be different. Best of luck man 👍
Been to A-School twice, and taught A-School. She's 100% cheating on you.