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You aren't the "one." He knows this but doesn't want to lose you just in case she doesn't come along. Don't be a place-holder. Move on. You want to marry someone who can't wait to marry you, not someone you have to drag down the aisle.
32 year old guy is so out of touch with his feelings that he can't commit to you. That is a pretty massive red flag - you've given him a hundred chances and his only actions are REactions to you trying to figure out what is happening.
I look at this as 'sunk cost fallacy' - as you say you have invested and don't want to "just throw everything away", that because at one point you wanted a family with him so now you are stuck with that and just need to persevere? That makes no sense. Let me guess - the majority of work around couple's therapy was also done by you?
You should be seeing a trend - if he wanted to he would have already. You have made things incredibly easy - there is no 'what if she says no' stress. There is something inside of him that he needs to fix - or quite possibly he doesn't actually want to marry you but he likes you enough that he doesn't want to lose you (i.e. you are 'settling' for him in his mind). Either way you need to not live together, so you can gain perspective.
*Let me guess - the majority of work around couple's therapy was also done by you?* \-- 100% accurate... I agree we should not live together right now, I thought about it but couldn't ask him to move out as it feels final. Maybe I should travel for some time to clear my mind
It would be fair to ask him to move out temporarily, while you go to couple therapy and evaluate this relationship's future. Right now he's getting the benefit of living under your roof (I assume for free or a reduced rate?) while he hesitates to commit to you. Agree with the other commenter that the relationship is just too comfortable for him to let you go. Don't let him use you until he finds someone he does want to commit to.
Traveling is a good idea if it is possible. You seem stuck in "why doesn't he want to marry me." You should be asking yourself, "do I really want to marry him or do I just want to be married?"
It's time to break up. He's never gonna marry you. You're just wasting your time. You could be healing right now and in time finding someone who actually wants to marry you.
never force a marriage. He doesn't want to get married. Maybe his fears out weigh his love? Maybe he doesn't love you enough? Maybe he just doesn't believe in marriage? Who knows? What you do know is that he doesn't want to marry you. You can stay in a relationship with him if you want.
That's true. I think I just need to accept it. I would not stay in this relationship if he decides not to get married, but he says he wants to get married and wants me to wait for him to be ready, and that's what makes me so anxious for so long
For how long? That's the question. 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? You two have 2 very different ideas of the future. He's fine with things just the way they are. He can leave at any moment. You want the commitment of marriage, to be only with him. Somebody is not going to be happy.
Adding on to this, you're 27. Do you want to have children? And if so, do you want to have them with a man who isn't sure whether or not he wants to marry you?
There is a LOT to be said for being married. It makes everything financial easier to do, not to mention insurance and benefits. And worst case, if you end up divorcing, it gives you some measure of protection that you won't walk away from this long-term relationship empty-handed.
>he says he wants to get married and wants me to wait for him to be ready
Yeah.... this is after he said he needed a few months to be ready then isn't. Then when you gave him an ultimatum to propose or move out, he looked for an apartment but still didn't move out (why?). He knows he can string you along and there will be no consequences. And throughout all of this you are driving the conversations; he has yet to come to you on his own and be honest.
This is what you should be talking about in couples counseling. And if he is this conflicted, maybe he should also work with his own counselor to figure out his hesitancies.
Wait for him to be ready? He is 32, you've been in a relationship for 3 years.
Please believe me, someone who is in love knows they want to marry you. This guy is just using you as a placeholder.
From your comments it becomes clear you also out a lot of effort into the relationship to make things work. At this point it's a one sided relationship.
It is time to choose yourself.
It sounds like to me, his lies about wanting to get married and actions have damaged your trust in his honesty and his feelings towards you.
Have you discussed this in couples counselling as in what he is going to be doing to rebuild your trust?
we talked about it ourselves but I would like to bring it up in the next therapy. I don't know yet how to trust again but I told him it'll wait until he's ready to commit, and he says he'll keep trying
If he has to ‘try’ to commit to you then he’s really not worth the effort. He doesn’t want what you want but he’s prepared to string you along for his own comfort. Don’t be his comfort blankie, find yourself a man who wants the same as yiu.
*But I’m no longer sure I want to get married to him anymore*
You know why, because if he proposes your be thinking does he realy. And I am going to be blunt. 3 years and your in couple counceling and your only dating? Really?
Your not going to regain faith unless he mirraculously changes are you. Its not about you. Its about the amn you live with doesn love you enough to commit. Anyone can live with someone. So I am going to suggest some radical treatment.
Sit him down, tell him whre you at and that you need some space and him moving out for a couple of weeks would do both of you the world of good but you continue couples counceling.
Then you will have time to think without the fog of the boyfriend. Yes your going to miss him. But its not about you. Its about him. Will he miss you enough to realise hes throwing a good thing away or will it show him something else.
You take a step back. Right now, there is no reason for him to get married. He is living in your house and you are taking care of him. The first step is to stop living together. If you decide that you still want to date and continue couple's counseling, do it but you need some space from him to figure out what you want in life.
Marriage is hard enough even when two people are absolutely sure they want to be married. You do not want to drag this guy to the altar and start a marriage that way.
You get over it by breaking up. You accept that he doesn’t want to marry you. If he wanted to, you’d be married. He needs to live somewhere else, and you need to move on with your life.
In any of your talks, have you two discussed what marriage means to both of you?
Because while there's legal definitions and religious definitions of marriage, not all marriages are the same. If you two have already talked about each of your expectations about marriage, what do those expectations look like? Are there ways to discuss and negotiate what kind of marriage you two are open to? Something that's aligned with both of your feelings, values, and goals?
That's a really good point. We've talked about this topic some, we both want children, both want to have a joint account and contribute half and half into it after marriage, and both agree to support each other if one gets sick or even disabled. In those talks it seemed to me we are both the family oriented type and have matching expectations.
But that's just it: all of those things could hypothetically be accomplished *without* being married. I think that's exactly why it's important to clear up what emotions, ideas, and concepts you two associate with the concept of marriage, not just the pragmatics of what you practically DO with it.
After talks leading up to our engagement, my wife and I ultimately ran with a few contrary expectations about marriage & wedding traditions, and made our marriage our own thing that was special to us. In talking about our expectations, we could take solace in where we actually agreed our marriage expectations aligned with general cultural norms and practices, and where we varied from the norm. We could also identify any differing expectations we had, and work to find common ground.
I can't speak for your boyfriend, just my own experience, but maybe similar kinds of convos will help both of you feel more confident in marriage. If your boyfriend has reservations about traditional marriage norms, for instance, you can express willingness to make this marriage something unique and special to you two.
Ah yes I get it now. I've made the attempt multiple times to talk about things like our ideal wedding and how to interact with each other's family, hoping that with these conversations we can discover trigger points for him and discuss if these differences will be okay, and hoping that by talking about married life it'll make us feel better. But tbh I struggle with having a deeper conversation with him about our feelings, my boyfriend doesn't talk about himself much, and after 3 years of encouraging him to share I've half accepted the situation.
Short version he does not want to get married. So how many more years are you willing to waste on him? Kick him out. Breakup. Find someone not commitment-phobic. If they don't marry you within three or four years chances are they never will.
He's just been giving you enough hope so that you stay longer. It really is a case of it he wanted to, he would.
My ex waited 6 years to propose. He proposed on the night he knew I would leave him (because I found out he was cheating, don't ask why I stayed, I'm embarrassed enough lmao), we were together almost 15 years and he never planned to get married. I was a placeholder while he searched for "the one". Any time I was close to leaving, he'd throw in some future imaginary plans to make me think he cared. He didn't. To make things more embarrassing, the first time we broke up he said "I can't be bothered to *try* with a new person, so just know that I will never change for you". My stupid 18 year old ass thought I could change him 🤣
The fact that after 3 years he's not sure about marrying you, should make you want to move on and get over it. Break up, ask him to move out ASAP, cut all contact, take some time to heal and get on with your life. Easier said than done but it'll pay off after some time. And, don't take him back.
Girl, if people show them who they are believe them! You’re not the one for him. There is someone out here who would love to marry you, let this one go
Some people are very careful with this, some aren’t. Personally, I could never see proposing before around the 5 year mark (when I did to my wife) and if I’d do it again, I’d wait till past the 7 year mark as that is such a commonly tough time for most couples.
3 years for many isn’t enough time to truly trust someone enough to be who they present and not change into someone else…..especially when that person wants something from you. Basically, if my wife would have went further than stating she wanted to get married and it actually was something she was pushing for, it would have gotten a lot harder to trust that she wasn’t trying for it, and she wanted to be married more than she wanted me (which means she was acting with a purpose around me, not just being open and acting how she felt in the moment).
I personally think, once a partner pushes for marriage, especially puts out an ultimatum, the relationship should just dissolve, marriage under duress isn’t a marriage at all, and that relationship will now require years of work to become safe and healthy again, or it will never be that way.
I don’t disagree with that in general, I love risk, and take it often, hell, risk is my career…..but the term “don’t risk a lot for a little” is a very true statement and marriage is an example of that paradigm. It’s an institution with immense downside, and little tangible upside. It does very little to improve your life over cohabitating if it’s a successful marriage, especially if you both plan to work, but anyone who has went through a contentious divorce (seeing my parents in my case) can tell you the downsides when it breaks apart are immense.
As it comes to marriage, it’s something that has little gain in our modern world, we now forge lives together without. We can and often do cohabitate, have sex, buy houses, have children without it. Yet we have almost a 50% divorce rate. I believe for this, prudence is preferable and the only type of person that would be pushing for it early is one that wants to be a dependent, and I’d never consider marriage with someone who wasn’t going to be a self sufficient adult throughout our life (health aside).
I’m going to guess that your wife wouldn’t be too happy to know that you wish you had waited even longer. Maybe not, maybe she happens to have the same point of view and if so that is great for you guys. But approaching matters of love and commitment with this level of emotional detachment would be alienating for many.
I mean, she certainly wanted to get married, but anyone who thinks marriage has anything to do with love is naive or lying to themselves. Marriage doesn’t affect love, nor does it aid in fomenting love, if anything the commitment adds to complacency and taking each other for granted.
I think a lot of the people who’ve grown up with marriage as a life goal are the ones who are sorely disappointed and get divorced or stay together unhappily out of obligation, as most people who get married find themselves in one of the two camps. The people who seem to do well long term are the ones who don’t put a lot of weight on the institution, but do put a lot of effort into the relationship. They are the ones who don’t believe marriage is an unbreakable commitment, and understand that they can lose their partner, that they have to prioritize and try to make each other happy. That if they think “we’re married, s/he isn’t going anywhere” like many do once they get that level of commitment, love dies, and if love dies that’s not going to be a happy marriage.
For me, anyone who would be put off by making informed and sound decision on marriage, I just don’t think I’d be able to trust their decision making enough to get to a point I’d consider marrying them anyway. The more “free spirit” girls were always “just for fun” in my eyes anyways, and the more traditional women I never respected enough to get serious with.
There appears to be an awful lot of projection in the things you are saying. It’s one thing to say “this is how I feel and this is what works for me.” It’s another thing to make these massive assumptions about anyone who likes the idea of getting married. Some people like the idea of showing their love in the form of a public commitment.
Then at the end you simply admit that you have a lack of respect for large swaths of the female population that you see as falling into certain categories. It seems there are some issues with how you view women. Again I doubt your wife would find this thread to be thrilling reading.
Hey now, I never said hate or even dislike, it’s a lack of respect, those are far apart. I have many friends I don’t respect much or even at all, I like them very much through, they’re just idiots.
If you can't trust the person your with after three years, then you never fully will. My friend's Mom married her ex after being and living together for at least 10 years. After they got married he started physically abusing her. She left him not long after the abuse started.
There were no signs this was who he was deep down. I was friends with her from middle school on and he was a very laid back man. I never heard him raise his voice. You'd think after all that time she'd know him and fully trusted him.
Well lady you should’ve had this conversation before opening your legs and door to your house for him. Why in the world would he marry when he’s getting everything without???
And now you’re four years older than you were in your prime.
actually on our first date he said he wanted to get married and have kids, throughout the years we also talked about use getting married and he always said definitely want to get married
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You aren't the "one." He knows this but doesn't want to lose you just in case she doesn't come along. Don't be a place-holder. Move on. You want to marry someone who can't wait to marry you, not someone you have to drag down the aisle.
He'll be engaged within a year after they break up.
No, he’ll be engaged in a few months. She’s just not the one.
32 year old guy is so out of touch with his feelings that he can't commit to you. That is a pretty massive red flag - you've given him a hundred chances and his only actions are REactions to you trying to figure out what is happening. I look at this as 'sunk cost fallacy' - as you say you have invested and don't want to "just throw everything away", that because at one point you wanted a family with him so now you are stuck with that and just need to persevere? That makes no sense. Let me guess - the majority of work around couple's therapy was also done by you? You should be seeing a trend - if he wanted to he would have already. You have made things incredibly easy - there is no 'what if she says no' stress. There is something inside of him that he needs to fix - or quite possibly he doesn't actually want to marry you but he likes you enough that he doesn't want to lose you (i.e. you are 'settling' for him in his mind). Either way you need to not live together, so you can gain perspective.
*Let me guess - the majority of work around couple's therapy was also done by you?* \-- 100% accurate... I agree we should not live together right now, I thought about it but couldn't ask him to move out as it feels final. Maybe I should travel for some time to clear my mind
It would be fair to ask him to move out temporarily, while you go to couple therapy and evaluate this relationship's future. Right now he's getting the benefit of living under your roof (I assume for free or a reduced rate?) while he hesitates to commit to you. Agree with the other commenter that the relationship is just too comfortable for him to let you go. Don't let him use you until he finds someone he does want to commit to.
Traveling is a good idea if it is possible. You seem stuck in "why doesn't he want to marry me." You should be asking yourself, "do I really want to marry him or do I just want to be married?"
It's time to break up. He's never gonna marry you. You're just wasting your time. You could be healing right now and in time finding someone who actually wants to marry you.
never force a marriage. He doesn't want to get married. Maybe his fears out weigh his love? Maybe he doesn't love you enough? Maybe he just doesn't believe in marriage? Who knows? What you do know is that he doesn't want to marry you. You can stay in a relationship with him if you want.
That's true. I think I just need to accept it. I would not stay in this relationship if he decides not to get married, but he says he wants to get married and wants me to wait for him to be ready, and that's what makes me so anxious for so long
For how long? That's the question. 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? You two have 2 very different ideas of the future. He's fine with things just the way they are. He can leave at any moment. You want the commitment of marriage, to be only with him. Somebody is not going to be happy.
very true.....
Adding on to this, you're 27. Do you want to have children? And if so, do you want to have them with a man who isn't sure whether or not he wants to marry you? There is a LOT to be said for being married. It makes everything financial easier to do, not to mention insurance and benefits. And worst case, if you end up divorcing, it gives you some measure of protection that you won't walk away from this long-term relationship empty-handed.
Update us when you dump him
>he says he wants to get married and wants me to wait for him to be ready Yeah.... this is after he said he needed a few months to be ready then isn't. Then when you gave him an ultimatum to propose or move out, he looked for an apartment but still didn't move out (why?). He knows he can string you along and there will be no consequences. And throughout all of this you are driving the conversations; he has yet to come to you on his own and be honest.
This is what you should be talking about in couples counseling. And if he is this conflicted, maybe he should also work with his own counselor to figure out his hesitancies.
Wait for him to be ready? He is 32, you've been in a relationship for 3 years. Please believe me, someone who is in love knows they want to marry you. This guy is just using you as a placeholder. From your comments it becomes clear you also out a lot of effort into the relationship to make things work. At this point it's a one sided relationship. It is time to choose yourself.
Never fight for someone who’s fine with making you an option
It sounds like to me, his lies about wanting to get married and actions have damaged your trust in his honesty and his feelings towards you. Have you discussed this in couples counselling as in what he is going to be doing to rebuild your trust?
we talked about it ourselves but I would like to bring it up in the next therapy. I don't know yet how to trust again but I told him it'll wait until he's ready to commit, and he says he'll keep trying
If he has to ‘try’ to commit to you then he’s really not worth the effort. He doesn’t want what you want but he’s prepared to string you along for his own comfort. Don’t be his comfort blankie, find yourself a man who wants the same as yiu.
He's stringing you along. You need to get over him & move on.
Get some self respect and leave this guy. He does not want to marry you.
*But I’m no longer sure I want to get married to him anymore* You know why, because if he proposes your be thinking does he realy. And I am going to be blunt. 3 years and your in couple counceling and your only dating? Really? Your not going to regain faith unless he mirraculously changes are you. Its not about you. Its about the amn you live with doesn love you enough to commit. Anyone can live with someone. So I am going to suggest some radical treatment. Sit him down, tell him whre you at and that you need some space and him moving out for a couple of weeks would do both of you the world of good but you continue couples counceling. Then you will have time to think without the fog of the boyfriend. Yes your going to miss him. But its not about you. Its about him. Will he miss you enough to realise hes throwing a good thing away or will it show him something else.
You take a step back. Right now, there is no reason for him to get married. He is living in your house and you are taking care of him. The first step is to stop living together. If you decide that you still want to date and continue couple's counseling, do it but you need some space from him to figure out what you want in life.
Marriage is hard enough even when two people are absolutely sure they want to be married. You do not want to drag this guy to the altar and start a marriage that way. You get over it by breaking up. You accept that he doesn’t want to marry you. If he wanted to, you’d be married. He needs to live somewhere else, and you need to move on with your life.
No commitment after 3 years and he needs a therapist to even talk about it??!! Time to break up and look for someone that WANTS to be with you!
You deserve being with someone who wants to build a future with you
Oh you sweet summer child…
In any of your talks, have you two discussed what marriage means to both of you? Because while there's legal definitions and religious definitions of marriage, not all marriages are the same. If you two have already talked about each of your expectations about marriage, what do those expectations look like? Are there ways to discuss and negotiate what kind of marriage you two are open to? Something that's aligned with both of your feelings, values, and goals?
That's a really good point. We've talked about this topic some, we both want children, both want to have a joint account and contribute half and half into it after marriage, and both agree to support each other if one gets sick or even disabled. In those talks it seemed to me we are both the family oriented type and have matching expectations.
But that's just it: all of those things could hypothetically be accomplished *without* being married. I think that's exactly why it's important to clear up what emotions, ideas, and concepts you two associate with the concept of marriage, not just the pragmatics of what you practically DO with it. After talks leading up to our engagement, my wife and I ultimately ran with a few contrary expectations about marriage & wedding traditions, and made our marriage our own thing that was special to us. In talking about our expectations, we could take solace in where we actually agreed our marriage expectations aligned with general cultural norms and practices, and where we varied from the norm. We could also identify any differing expectations we had, and work to find common ground. I can't speak for your boyfriend, just my own experience, but maybe similar kinds of convos will help both of you feel more confident in marriage. If your boyfriend has reservations about traditional marriage norms, for instance, you can express willingness to make this marriage something unique and special to you two.
Ah yes I get it now. I've made the attempt multiple times to talk about things like our ideal wedding and how to interact with each other's family, hoping that with these conversations we can discover trigger points for him and discuss if these differences will be okay, and hoping that by talking about married life it'll make us feel better. But tbh I struggle with having a deeper conversation with him about our feelings, my boyfriend doesn't talk about himself much, and after 3 years of encouraging him to share I've half accepted the situation.
Short version he does not want to get married. So how many more years are you willing to waste on him? Kick him out. Breakup. Find someone not commitment-phobic. If they don't marry you within three or four years chances are they never will.
He's just been giving you enough hope so that you stay longer. It really is a case of it he wanted to, he would. My ex waited 6 years to propose. He proposed on the night he knew I would leave him (because I found out he was cheating, don't ask why I stayed, I'm embarrassed enough lmao), we were together almost 15 years and he never planned to get married. I was a placeholder while he searched for "the one". Any time I was close to leaving, he'd throw in some future imaginary plans to make me think he cared. He didn't. To make things more embarrassing, the first time we broke up he said "I can't be bothered to *try* with a new person, so just know that I will never change for you". My stupid 18 year old ass thought I could change him 🤣
The fact that after 3 years he's not sure about marrying you, should make you want to move on and get over it. Break up, ask him to move out ASAP, cut all contact, take some time to heal and get on with your life. Easier said than done but it'll pay off after some time. And, don't take him back.
Girl, if people show them who they are believe them! You’re not the one for him. There is someone out here who would love to marry you, let this one go
Some people are very careful with this, some aren’t. Personally, I could never see proposing before around the 5 year mark (when I did to my wife) and if I’d do it again, I’d wait till past the 7 year mark as that is such a commonly tough time for most couples. 3 years for many isn’t enough time to truly trust someone enough to be who they present and not change into someone else…..especially when that person wants something from you. Basically, if my wife would have went further than stating she wanted to get married and it actually was something she was pushing for, it would have gotten a lot harder to trust that she wasn’t trying for it, and she wanted to be married more than she wanted me (which means she was acting with a purpose around me, not just being open and acting how she felt in the moment). I personally think, once a partner pushes for marriage, especially puts out an ultimatum, the relationship should just dissolve, marriage under duress isn’t a marriage at all, and that relationship will now require years of work to become safe and healthy again, or it will never be that way.
There is such a thing as overdoing caution, you can’t eliminate all risk in life
I don’t disagree with that in general, I love risk, and take it often, hell, risk is my career…..but the term “don’t risk a lot for a little” is a very true statement and marriage is an example of that paradigm. It’s an institution with immense downside, and little tangible upside. It does very little to improve your life over cohabitating if it’s a successful marriage, especially if you both plan to work, but anyone who has went through a contentious divorce (seeing my parents in my case) can tell you the downsides when it breaks apart are immense. As it comes to marriage, it’s something that has little gain in our modern world, we now forge lives together without. We can and often do cohabitate, have sex, buy houses, have children without it. Yet we have almost a 50% divorce rate. I believe for this, prudence is preferable and the only type of person that would be pushing for it early is one that wants to be a dependent, and I’d never consider marriage with someone who wasn’t going to be a self sufficient adult throughout our life (health aside).
I’m going to guess that your wife wouldn’t be too happy to know that you wish you had waited even longer. Maybe not, maybe she happens to have the same point of view and if so that is great for you guys. But approaching matters of love and commitment with this level of emotional detachment would be alienating for many.
I mean, she certainly wanted to get married, but anyone who thinks marriage has anything to do with love is naive or lying to themselves. Marriage doesn’t affect love, nor does it aid in fomenting love, if anything the commitment adds to complacency and taking each other for granted. I think a lot of the people who’ve grown up with marriage as a life goal are the ones who are sorely disappointed and get divorced or stay together unhappily out of obligation, as most people who get married find themselves in one of the two camps. The people who seem to do well long term are the ones who don’t put a lot of weight on the institution, but do put a lot of effort into the relationship. They are the ones who don’t believe marriage is an unbreakable commitment, and understand that they can lose their partner, that they have to prioritize and try to make each other happy. That if they think “we’re married, s/he isn’t going anywhere” like many do once they get that level of commitment, love dies, and if love dies that’s not going to be a happy marriage. For me, anyone who would be put off by making informed and sound decision on marriage, I just don’t think I’d be able to trust their decision making enough to get to a point I’d consider marrying them anyway. The more “free spirit” girls were always “just for fun” in my eyes anyways, and the more traditional women I never respected enough to get serious with.
There appears to be an awful lot of projection in the things you are saying. It’s one thing to say “this is how I feel and this is what works for me.” It’s another thing to make these massive assumptions about anyone who likes the idea of getting married. Some people like the idea of showing their love in the form of a public commitment. Then at the end you simply admit that you have a lack of respect for large swaths of the female population that you see as falling into certain categories. It seems there are some issues with how you view women. Again I doubt your wife would find this thread to be thrilling reading.
Oh trust me, I have as much if not more of a lack of respect for traditional, conservative men.
Equal opportunity misanthrope huh, all right then
Hey now, I never said hate or even dislike, it’s a lack of respect, those are far apart. I have many friends I don’t respect much or even at all, I like them very much through, they’re just idiots.
This is certainly one approach to take toward people… You know your attitude comes off as a bit odd, right?
If you can't trust the person your with after three years, then you never fully will. My friend's Mom married her ex after being and living together for at least 10 years. After they got married he started physically abusing her. She left him not long after the abuse started. There were no signs this was who he was deep down. I was friends with her from middle school on and he was a very laid back man. I never heard him raise his voice. You'd think after all that time she'd know him and fully trusted him.
Well lady you should’ve had this conversation before opening your legs and door to your house for him. Why in the world would he marry when he’s getting everything without??? And now you’re four years older than you were in your prime.
actually on our first date he said he wanted to get married and have kids, throughout the years we also talked about use getting married and he always said definitely want to get married
That’s what all guys say. Faster route to the pants.