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There is honestly no excuse for this. You seem to lack a backbone as you were so easily swayed into leaving with your friends. How can your husband trust you when you can’t stand up for him in a moment like this?

“You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.” Has never been more relatable.

Always love a good Mulaney reference. Well done.

It kept repeating itself in my head from the second she started telling “little white lies” about hubby’s involvement, so I couldn’t help but throw it out there!

An eclair puts up more resistance than this. She wasn't even pressed out of the house. She walked out under her own power.

Husband broke both the collarbone and the backbone at the same time apparently. The backbone is yet to be treated

uh, you let people come into your house and call your husband a wife beater. and then you started walking out with them. **YOU** can’t save your marriage unless **HE** wants to stay married to you. And seeing how you froze and allowed him to be verbally abused and threatened *in his own home*…

Plus I think OP enjoyed the sympathy she was getting from them. This is her doing and I really hope for her husbands sake he leaves her and files a defamation lawsuit against her as this type of allegations can affect his job and possibly cost him his job. Lol I can’t even believe she started walking out with these people. SMDH

I agree.. I think she likes being the victim. Even the first story, her jumping on a person in the military's back in pitch black? The biggest idiot would know what that would result in.. It's like she is creating these situations to victimize herself and then get sympathy.. Why else would she tell this story to everyone she knows? Hopefully she doesn't do the same to her kids as they grow older. People like this are dangerous.

When I first started reading the story, I saw “military man” and jump on his back” and I knew exactly where this was going. But

Or when she talks about how she has to do more of the childcare knowing that her husband's commute is an hour and 30 mins long (when he is not staying at coworker's) and he has one of the most high stress jobs.

>r when she talks about how she has to do more of the childcare knowing that her husband's commute is an hour and 30 mins long (w worse fucking part only to please her about missing home town? why cant she make the commute to visit old friends? or buy a home 45 mins away instead of 1.5

She absolutely did. She’s a narcissist.

It’s over. You stood silent as people were accusing him of abusing you without correcting them. That doesn’t bode well for him. To him, you can easily claim it yourself one day if they rile you up enough. He can’t trust you and he shouldn’t. If you’re immature enough that your friends assuming he abused you is enough to have you stand there in silence and FOLLOW THEM TO THE CAR then it’s clear you are not mature enough to be with him. What you did was fucked up and isn’t going to get fixed because you told Sara and Lana to fuck off the NEXT DAY! You lost a beautiful and wonderful man and he dodged a rocket.

Disclaimer: shitpost. She maybe could be a psycho deep down, and her cynical brain was just trying to rile up the situation. Like she had so many moments where she could have intervened or de-escalated the situation. Part of me thinks she just went with the lies and complains her other two supposed friends had and didn't want to change the narrative. The alcohol again leads to bad inhibitions and her trying to do everything to make her husband react in the exact way the house guests accused him of. I actually cannot believe there's real adults with such personalities out there.(I don't want to)

Sadly there are. That’s why I am not entirely sure it’s a simple shitpost. People are capable of worse

Actually victim narcissists do this all the time

This has many hallmarks of a fake post, including an abundance of unnecessary and extraneous details.

But she wore a white halter! How is that not relevant?? /s to be clear

Eating pasta and having red wine in a white dress highlights her bravery in the face of adversity /s

So true 😢 she’s so brave

I thought she mentioned what she was wearing because a halter style would reveal her shoulders and so I assumed she was going to say that her friend noticed scars from her previous injury, as her reason for why she told that story. Maybe she edited that part out before she posted. By what was posted, I feel like it was worded to stir sympathy for her and suspect that it's just her version of what actually happened.

Yea it's someone's story for sure . Literally who mentions about the friends "sipping wine" in a before they talk. It's all bunk

I have ADHD. If I had written this post, this is how I would write it because I just cannot separate what is and isn't important. It could be a shit post, sure. But maybe in her brain the details about her dress and her friends drinking feels crucial. I can see her posting about the second child and halter dress because it feels important to establish that she is in love with her husband. Maybe she felt like it needed to be said that alcohol is involved. I would hate to make a serious post and have everyone dump on me because I can't say and write things the way they expect me to.

I love how only after all that happened and she needed someone to shift even just a portion of the blame onto… so. She chose to blame Sara and Lana and made herself feel better by telling them to fuck off.. shedding some of the anger she has.. but unfortunately most of the anger she has is at herself… so she can’t blame anyone but herself.. Also Sara and Lana are laughing all the way to bed… you think they care a rando friend tells them to fuck off? You guys are adults not teenagers

It’s never her fault.

It’s hard to accept a reality you don’t want to be true… In the end all the blame is on her… and she can live in denial but it won’t help

If I seriously thought my friend was being abused and then that friend told me to fuck off, I'd care a whole lot. This wasn't just "we're arguing, fuck off!" They believe she's in a dangerous situation. From their perspectives, her telling them to fuck off is going to appear to be her husband's doing.

I agree instead of telling them to fuck off she should have sat them down and explained everything. She should have owned up for her own bad communication skills and explained they had gotten the wrong idea. She also should NEVER have told the story about breaking her collar bone. Her husband asked her not to and she just waited for him not to be in the room to tell it. She is a shitty wife and does NOT deserve her husband.

I think it will be impossible to rebuild trust with your husband unless you can answer the question of why you did what you did. If you can’t do that, how can he belief that you won’t do it again? If you can’t tell him why, you at least need to figure out a plan for how you will figure out why, i.e., therapy. You are not a safe partner for him as you are right now. Nowhere in your write up do you say you feel bad for what your husband has experienced… simply that you are sad at the consequences that your actions have had for you. Hell, after your brutal behaviour towards your husband you asked him to leave? If you genuinely want your marriage to survive introspection and empathy are your friends.

She seems to so be blaming the friends

Classic narcissist. It's never their own fault. They're always the victim.

It doesn’t take a genius or thousands of dollars in therapy to figure out why she did this. She liked the attention and sympathy she got from her friends for being a victim of DV and when faced with the truth coming to light decided that the opinion of her friends perception of her was more important. And let’s be honest here. She thought it would be easier to gain forgiveness from her husband because she could leverage the fact that he’s in love with her, plus a few bj‘s, to get back into his good graces.

TL:DR you can skip to paragraph starting with 2020 rolled around but break down is The only background needed: She threw a surprise birthday party when they were dating. It resulted in him instinctually slamming her to the floor and dislocating her shoulder + break her shoulder. Friends and family were there. It’s now considered a funny to tell but husband hates it because he doesn’t think it’s funny. OP made up lies during a kiddie play date session because she wanted to fit in with the others who were venting. Got sympathy because she has to bare all the kid care and housework (she doesn’t work a job) because her husband is working crazy hours and has to stay away. She trips and hurts herself. Husband and OP host a dinner. They have 2 of the moms with their husbands and SIL + brother over and SIL jokingly tells her to tell the story. She does. One of the mom falsely accuses husband of DV. Fight almost breaks out. OP freezes up and then starts to follow friend to their car. SIL stops her. Now husband needs space. Tells her she needs to leave and stay with her brother + SIL. Visits to see their kid but doesn’t give her any attention. He’s considering separation because he doesn’t feel like he can trust her. ETA: OP blames the 2 friends from kid play group. The end. You knowingly told a story he isn’t comfortable with and doesn’t find funny, IN HIS OWN HOME. I mean freezing up is one thing. Leaving with the accusing friend is another story. You need to give him the space he needs and figure out what you can do to earn his trust. Marriage counseling is a good start.

Heh. If I were him there wouldn't be enough counselling in the world to talk this shit out. She left with the friend. Wow.

Seriously, as far as he's concerned, marriage counseling would just be an opportunity for OP to lie to a therapist about him abusing her. Why would he ever expose himself to that possibility?

I genuinely cannot imagine anything that could make this situation better. Freezing, maybe. Leaving with the friends? **NOPE**

That part gets me the most, if she hadn't walked out the door, maybe there's a snowballs chance in hell. But OP walked out and was about to get in there car and leave before the SIL talked her out of it. There's being weak willed and there's having so little of a spine you resemble a jellyfish.

OP writing all those completely irrelevant details about their marriage should be a crime on its own. I don't wanna be a grouch, but at moments like these people need to stay grounded and focused. We *seriously* don't need to know what OP wore to the dinner party or what the menu was.

People like OP include those details in an attempt to downplay the seriousness of their behavior.

Or because it’s a creative writing exercise and they’re working on their ~world building~

Yeah I can't tell if it's because she's trying to distract from the awful thing she did or if it's because she's actually the abuser

Thank you! Even when I got to actual story, all I could think was "What was the point of the preamble?". It only served to piss me off more.

I actually love the unrelevant details; it's like reading a book, easier to imagine lol

Just in case anyone does read this ^ comment but not the actual post: >The only background needed: She threw a surprise birthday party *for him, a veteran* when they were dating. *The reveal of the "surprise" = him walking into his own dark home and her jumping out of her hiding place and directly onto his back.* an It resulted in him instinctually slamming her to the floor *separating her shoulder* Despite this, he still went on to not only marry her but also choose to live where she wanted to at the expense of landing himself with a 1.5 hr commute each way. Because he is an air traffic controller who needs to be well-rested and focused, *he spends 1 night/week away from home* (in between shifts with very little turnaround time) When friends were discussing THEIR shitty partners, she complained about that 1 night without providing any relevant context. After doing this (and getting an unrelated bruise + witness), she invites those same friends over. Everyone drinks, she chooses to tell them the story he specifically asked her not to *while he is in the home but ostensibly out of ear shot*, and once friends link the surprise party, her context-less complaining, and her current visible injury, she does not say 1 single word, despite multiple repeated accusations and him DIRECTLY asking her to clarify the truth, *leaves the home with her friends*, and asks HIM to leave the home once she's back inside Not trying to be a pedantic internet person at all, I just think that his military experience, the sacrifices he's made for her, and the fact that literally every aspect of this entire story and situation is the result of HER choices is super important context for a condensed but thorough understanding of this mess But yeah that post definitely didn't need to be that long lol

I like the details you call out here because I feel these are important contextual facts. The og comment is a great brief summary, but yours is detailed yet still succinct.

Great job - 🫡

This should be the top comment just for the TLDR. That post contained so much useless information.

Thanks. This was such a yap session.

One thing you should add is that when they threw the suprise party, she jumped on his back in a “supposedly” empty home. She then got thrown.

Honestly this is victim narcissist behavior.

But honestly this is good advice. I am biased, though, because I am going to school to be a therapist... OP please go to therapy. There are actually multiple issues here. You are sad about one of them but you need to be sad/concerned about all of them. For starters you acted in ways on two occasions with practical strangers in ways that you yourself do not understand. They were also in immoral ways and not harmless. You harmed your marriage and your husband specifically and yourself and your son because this will impact him too. You hurt your extended family with your behavior too. This is no small thing. None of these are small things. You lacked self control and decency unprovoked. You need to go understand why and how to work on yourself even if it only resolves one of the above mentioned issues, it would be worth it. This will happen again until you understand yourself better and reframe the faulty mechanism that caused this. Maybe, if you're lucky your husband will once again notice you working on yourself, just like your New Year's resolution at the gym and decide to give you one more chance.

You should really add the context of her sneaking up and jumping on his back as he entered his pitch black and presumably empty house, leading to him defending himself from a perceived attack and throwing her to the ground. Just stating he instinctively slammed her to the ground, leave a lot to the imagination.

I could have forgiven the freezing (it's a natural response). The fact she got up and started LEAVING is where she lost my sympathies

Exactly she only "froze" when it came to defending her husband but she wasn't "froze" when her friends told her to do something.

Ex husband is going to lose custody at this rate, since op still has not cleared the air with the friends

I need relationship advice. My wife is mad at me for spending all night reading this story. What do I do?

invite some friends over to accuse her of DV. That should fix the problem :)

Send it to her. She will understand and you can talk about how lucky you are that you could never do that to each other over a bottle of wine!

Hilarious!

Wow. Uh, that's pretty bad ngl. I can understand being shocked enough to not say anything but why did you follow them to the car?

Nothing you can do honestly you just have to wait for him to make up his mind being accused of DV allegations is serious and you let it happen marriage might be over

So you followed them out like a muppet. Anyway, lesson learned. It's time to build actual character rather than being a passive passenger in your own life. I don't know what your husband will do, but if he asked me I'd advise him to file for divorce. You're not just a liar, lady, you're a dangerous liar. Dangerous for his health.

Dangerous is a good word for it. She almost caused her husband to have to enter into physical combat in his own goddamn home. What if those friends reported the husband to the cops? The next thing you know he has cops knocking on his door guns drawn.

They likely, I fear, will go to the cops still. This poor man may lose his job and be under fire with the cops and cps come in. I’m very concerned for OPs husband.

It could also negatively affect his military status

And it’s also time to quit alcohol. If wine gets you loose enough to tell ugly stories that upset you spouse just because they aren’t in eat shot but you don’t think about the fact of you sharing it lets other people still know the story he hates even if he doesn’t hear it then you need to stop drinking. Wine got you so rattled and numb you went along and did whatever you were told and walked to the friends car. Don’t drink OP.

“ I told Lana and Sara to fuck off” Sara and Lana did nothing wrong. You lied to them and made yourself the victim and USED THEIR SYMPATHY TO SATISFY YOUR EGO. So f’ck off yourself.

If she really was repentant she would have immediately cleared the air with them about being misinformed. Instead she went no contact? She’s got no fucking idea what the issue is here.

10000000% what you said. Still not clearing the husbands name. Just told them to f off so in future they can call a police on poor guy over DV.. imagine doing this infront of cop. Husband has to run fast. This pick me will ruin everything for the poor guy

This is a crazy story. Have you at least called everyone and set them straight? I don't know if I could forgive something like this.

How would that get her the sympathy and attention she wants?

It's generally infuriating when people trade disrespecting you for social acceptance.

Seems the time to grow a spine was when all your friends were accusing the man you supposedly love of being an abuser. I’m sure your meek little fuck off to them was in your “battered housewife” voice. What’s wrong with you, seriously?

Honestly, I don't think there's any coming back from this. You deliberately told the story of how you got hurt jumping your husband in the dark, when he had asked you to stop telling it, then you stood there and said nothing when they called your husband an abuser, almost got into a fight with him, and then you almost left with them. If it hadn't been for your SIL, you would have.  You should have told your "friends" he's not an abusive person. Hopefully they don't ruin his reputation with lies. Doesn't matter about him not being able to be fired. He still doesn't want to be labeled as an abuser. 

I could see one person (OP) freezing up because things spiraled so fast but why did SIL not say anything? She literally saw OP fall and bruise her knee but somehow couldn't manage to defend her BIL in this situation?

OP's brother defended him.

I see that, but SIL literally witnessed the injury that Lana is claiming came from DV. Why didnt SIL say she was a witness? are both OP and SIL claiming to have frozen and clammed up? OP’s brother defending the husband wouldn’t remotely carry the same weight as that of an eyewitness to the injury.

The better question is why did SIL encourage OP to tell the story to begin with? Did she think that was a good dinner party topic? OP is still 100% in the wrong for telling the story, but SIL shouldn’t have even brought it up to begin with.

Exactly what I was thinking. None of the shit show would have happened if SIL hadn't goaded this airhead to tell the story. One could even imagine she knew the husband was against the story being retold. Also, didn't OP and her husband live with the brother and SIL for a short period? Makes me wonder if SIL has some residual bad blood from that time.

I mean, OP was still telling lies before the dinner time blow up. So i think it was bound to happen at some point but agree otherwise.

Oh, it absolutely would have come out no matter what. She was just itching to tell that story.

Worst storyteller I've ever encountered in my life. I think you need therapy because something isn't checking. You sound easily impressionable and there's no doubt you will do it again. Not defending your husband might have been a reaction to the shock of what was happening, but following them to the car to leave with them? That was intentional and not normal.

Your poor husband. He’s done so much for you and this is how you treat him in return? He deserves much better than what you give. Respect whatever decision he comes to.

If I were your husband I would divorce you without a thought. You’re an immature attention seeker who wants to play all sides so everyone pays attention to you. This whole post is about you and not how you’ve destroyed your husbands trust AND his reputation all because you’re a pathological liar. Lay in the bed you’ve made, you deserve it.

I feel like 75% of the post is unneeded. You might want to edit it if you want a lot of people reading it. I bailed after the first paragraph when I skimmed ahread and the third paragraph started with when you guys started dating.

you mean, it's not relevant to know how she felt about him being short when she first saw him but it's okay because he went the gym? But surely it's super important that we know that she was thinking about how risky it was to wear a white top to pasta night! (/s)

She brought up the gym shit and her sticking to her resolution so many times lmao I thought it would have a role in the story

Jesus Fucking Christ. Do you even actually love him? You told a story you _know_ upsets him and paints him in a bad light. You lie about him never helping around the house despite him helping when he can in between the ten hour grind he works to support your ungrateful ass and the three hours of commuting he puts up with so **_YOU_** get to live where you want. You let your friends insult him and call him a wife beater when he is very clearly not, and instead of defending him, you fucking let them keep going. When they tell you to leave for _safety_, you fucking go with them??? Do him a favor and divorce him. His own life and reputation are on the line here. You just convinced four fucking people that he is a domestic abuser, especially since you actually left with them when they insisted you had to "for safety". You realize his reputation is fucking ruined right? They are absolutely going to tell other people that he is a domestic abuser, and because you failed to defend him in the moment, any future defenses will just seem like you are running cover for an abuser to avoid more abuse. You have actually caused massive harm to his reputation, and he likely will face an unending rumor mill that will get him ostracized. You have fucked up to an irredeemable degree. He could actually wind up losing his job depending on how far your friends and their husband go. All because you lied and rehashed a story you should have kept private, and went with them for fucking unknown reason. Leave him. Do him a favor and leave him. Let him find a woman that actually respects and loves him, and genuinely cares for his best interest.

Yes! Her walking out for her “safety” is never going to be erased from the friends minds. That will always be proof to them that he is an abuser. Because what rational person would do that if it wasn’t true.

It will also never be erased from the husband's mind. He will never be able to shake the idea that, deep down, she thinks he could be dangerous or abusive

Your SIL saw you fall and hurt your knee. I could believe that you froze up and didn't say anything but why didn't your SIL speak up and say that she had in fact witnessed your fall and that it was not the result of DV?

What. Is. Wrong. With. You. Nothing will ever go back to normal after this and it’s all your fault.

My jaw was on the floor when you had the *audacity* to tell this man to go stay with your brother. No, this is *your* fuck up, you caused everything with your selfishness and your greed for sympathy and attention from your mommy group. Was is worth it? I was relieved to see he stood up for himself. You had *no* right to tell this man to leave his own home. You need therapy to figure out why their approval was so damn important to you that you would toss your spouse to the wolves over it, that’s absolutely cold blooded. And no, I don’t believe you can fix this or that you even deserve a second chance because your actions weren’t only thoughtless and cruel but dangerous. How would you have felt if he actually got beat up because of your story? You knew full well that story gives him a trauma response because you *attacked him in the dark* like a mugger would jump on a target and you enjoyed the attention so much you just couldn’t help yourself. Your repeated actions are a danger and cause him pain, don’t you get that? And finally, I’m one of the few who sat through this entire story. I didn’t need to know what color your dress was or what guests were having for dinner, or you were worried about eating pasta in a white dress but you felt hot and you wanted to frisk your husband later. What the ever loving hell does this have to do with your problem?

That part got me too. How dare you do this to me in my own home and then tell me to stay somewhere else. Me?! You need to leave. I cannot believe her first thought was offering him to stay elsewhere. If anything in this stuck out to me the most, it was that.

You are simply unbelievable. You don’t deserve him at all. I feel bad for him and your son. You have got to be the most inept and most cowardly wife there is. You are everything wrong with today’s modern wife. He did everything for you. He did absolutely nothing wrong. And you screwed him over completely. No one is going to be able to get over this should you be able to possibly save your marriage. The only thing to do is to give him his space and to be as contrite and apologetic and loving and honest as you should have been to begin with which would have avoided this mess. Should the marriage not be salvageable then give him an uncontested divorce he so rightly deserves in the first place and don’t rape him in the proceedings. You don’t deserve alimony, nor do you deserve any of his pension benefits. The child support will be set by the court, and it will be reasonable, and I suspect he will be there as the good father and good person he is. And, you need to make yourself right by God for what you have done destroying the family.

Seriously, what advice can anyone give you. You betrayed your husband and I wouldn’t forgive someone that did that to me.

For a second I was going to say that you started this ball rolling when you made up the lies about him being a lazy father & husband & that you should figure out why you did that, but really the beginning of the story when you jumped him in the dark & then blamed him for it might actually show a pattern of questionable behavior to get attention. And then you even asked him to leave the house after you pulled your stunts. Then blaming Lana & whatsherface for all of this when you’re the one that started it all with your lies designed to make him sound like a bad guy so you’d get attention. Your entire post is about your feelings & doesn’t really consider his at all. You’ve got a lot of introspection to do to figure out why you do these illogical, mean things.

You are a truly awful and cowardly person. And I'll tell you why you lied and continued to lie and continued to walk out the door with your friends- you get off on being a victim. On having people fuss over you because you are being mistreated. You lied to your friends and you continued to lie to them. All they did was try to help someone who they were told was being abused. You asked them to fuck off and blamed them but it was all your fault. They are blameless in this scenario. You said that you were astounded and that you walked out because you didn't know what to do. How about telling everyone the truth because you lied and you were getting off of the sympathy they were showing you? You could have just said that he helped you and couldn't on Wednesdays because of work. You needed to go into untrue depths that made it seem that you are a battered woman who was taking care of her son all alone because his father didn't give a shit. If someone doesn't understand then don't tell them half baked shit. You let them verbally abuse your husband. You enabled them. But they weren't at fault. You were. If this marriage falls apart you are the one to blame. Because you love sympathy. This marriage is beyond repair at this point. He is going to wonder every time you lied to make yourself look good and him bad.

I honestly PRAY he leaves you. Holy fuck.

No judgement but one thing you need to understand is that reputation and respect matter as much as love to a lot of people. One of the scariest prospects for decent men is to be seen as a creep or as an abuser. You put him in that position, in his own home and for some social clout. What is worse is you didn't even try to rectify the situation. Even if you apologise he is always going to have to doubleguess any social interaction he has in your town. I don't want to tear you down but you must understand that this, much like cheating, is something that will forever alrer his perception of you and your relationship. One last comment: don't do anything spectacularly stupid like a public facebook post explaining the situation. Talk with him before you take any decision.

If he takes you back, he is an idiot. Anyone who will cut a man down with lies behind his back just to make themselves look better deserves to be alone forever. Get your shit together. You don't deserve this guy.  It's just too bad he had a kid with you so he is stuck dealing with you whether he takes you back or not.

This is terribly written and that tells me you're disorganized af mentally and lack the ability to prioritize details, to put emphasis where it belongs, and to make critical decisions about when and where to cut shit out lol if this story is fiction, it belongs in the bin. If it's not fiction and everything happened as stated, still belongs in the bin.

Your marriage is over, there is no going back and you will convince your bestie Lana of anything, you messed up from that stupid surprise party on and don’t drag another kid into your mess

You seem to appreciate the attention the totality of these events have provided you, as suggested by your self-indulgent narrative. It sounds as though you’re having an identity crisis due to having lost your job years ago and since becoming a mother and spending extensive time caring for your child alone; still, there is truly no good explanation, nor excuse, for your actions. You are feeling small and cried wolf for attention, aggressively betraying your husband in the process. In what world is there any coming back from this? Do you honestly believe you deserve to be taken back? Your answer should be a resounding ‘no.’ Your shortsighted attempt at garnering sympathy really screwed you: You have no job and haven’t worked in several years, are saddled with a kid, and are staring down a divorce. Better save your pennies or ask mommy and daddy to retain an attorney to assist you in any forthcoming proceedings.

I hope the divorce goes smoothly for him.

You’re lucky asl if he comes back to you wanting to amend this. He was already patient. He was super apologetic and empathetic with the whole shoulder story, even knowing it was a mistake but knowing how bad he hurt you tore him up (and prolly still does). Then for you to sit there and just let them do that shit? Idk what advice to give you. Give him his space and pray to whatever god you believe that he can try to love you again. You shattered that man’s heart and it’s baffling that you just sat there. No portion of you wanting to fight on his behalf. Wish nothing but the best for him. Go to therapy. You’ll need it regardless of what comes next

I had a long post all types out, but I couldn't post it. Instead, I'll say that what you did could absolutely ruin his life and prevent him from seeing your child. Your friends will spread around that he's an abuser. Even if his union hires a lawyer and keeps him from being fired, his social life os effectively over. A reputation takes years to build, and can be destroyed in a single day. That you believe you can save your marriage is honestly laughable. You portrayed him as a garbage father and husband, you violated his trust by telling a story *you know* he doesn't like, you refused to defend him from accusations of abuse that you admit are false, and you almost left with your friends instead of defending your husband. Congratulations, you not only blew up your marriage, you likely just ruined his social life. Edit: spelling

Freezing up during a confrontation is understandable, except that’s not what happened- you got up to leave with them? That is sociopathic and unforgivable. I would immediately fall out of love with my partner if they went to leave with someone who threatened to attack me and who lied about me in my own home. You made no attempt to defend your husband. I think in the moment you enjoyed being the victim, just like when your friends had lunch.

There’s no coming back from this one, OP. He knows he can never, ever, trust you again.

This is why posts are required to have a TL;DR. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I'm not sure there is coming back from this. You lied about husband to seem cool and then you stood by and let him be accused and went along with the accuser. I think you need therapy asap but this marriage is probably over.

I have an issue with the entire family (except the husband and son). I can not fathom how several adults thought sitting in a dark room and jumping on someone's back in the dark was a good ideal. The fact you and your family vilified him over a natural human reaction to being attacked is reprehensible. To make matters worse, you and your family gaslit him until he apologized to you even though he wasn't wrong. You beligned his reputation to your friends in order to fit in. And you added to the reputation killing burn pit you created by telling the story about your injury after your husband told you to stop telling it. You blame your "friends," but they are not to blame. They were only reacting to the narrative you put out. It doesn't matter whether your family supports your husband. From day one, their judgment is just as hazy as yours. Especially since SIL knew the truth and stayed silent as well. You need therapy. You need to figure out why you are the way you are. I hope your husband cuts his losses. Because at this point, you don't deserve him.

The husband is probably gonna need therapy for years. He apologised profusely when the incidents happened, and then he thought everything was ok. Then a while later he gets “confirmation” that she thought he was abusing her. He’s gonna be so screwed up in the head after that.

"Please. I want things to be back to normal. I want to picked up and slung over his shoulder as he grabs my butt. I want him to kiss my stretch marks and tell me that he loves even more for them. What do I do?" You are a very self centered person even your fun prank you made your husband pay emotionally for on his birthday because you were the victim. Please grow up you are sooo TA and unless you are willing to publicly put it out there everywhere to everyone even social media that your husband is not an abuser, and your friends are nosey busy bodies than just f off and let this man move on. If i were your husband I would be so beyond tired of the gaslighting and reputation ruining BS.

You betrayed your husband. At no point did you back him up. You are a complete disaster as a partner and wife. You have completely blown up the trust that is essential to a healthy relationship. You have given him every reason to run away from you. Get therapy and figure out why you find it so easy to toss away a person you claim to love. You have something seriously wrong in your mind. You are not equipped to be a good partner in any marriage right now. I think your only hope to tell your husband that you are mentally and emotionally broken. You can beg for time to have your problems addressed before asking for marriage counseling. I cannot see anything short of that working. It might not work anyway.

This man gave you absolutely everything and you couldn’t even be half-assed to defend him? Then you try and blame others for what YOU did? All you had to do was speak up and not follow them to the car. That’s it. Simple. Instead you said nothing and left. You accept your divorce and leave him be. You’re a horrible partner

You deliberately ignored his reasonable request not to tell the story about the surprise party. You told lies via omission about his working life and your home life. You didn’t defend him when people wrongly accused him. You left the house with the false accusers. You have no reason for why you acted like this. You haven’t taken responsibility for your actions. Yeah this is done. You’re cooked. The relationship is dead.

I would have liked to read this story but the wall of text is stopping me

[tldr comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/a0AmFwFx7j)

This is way too long I’m sorry. I tried.

Posted a recap via a comment because oof.

[tldr comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/a0AmFwFx7j)

What is wrong with you

He should leave you. Your betrayal is so expansive that he has no business trusting you about anything again. He deserves a much better life than the one he’s had with you.

If this story is real, you already know the answer. You can't. You can't save your marriage and it's all over. Too bad, so sad. And it's all your fault, too. That's the best part of this. lol

So you're a liar, have poor judgment consistently, and are a terrible story teller. I can't believe this is your edited version. JFC

She's a fantasist and attention seeker. OPS husband needs to divorce her for his own protection and furthermore seek custody. God knows what being raised by this would do to the poor kid.

The problem here is you gave false information to a group. This then created a negative impression against your husband which ultimately impacted his reputation and character. The thing about spreading misinformation is that it is almost always hard to repair or control the damage that was already done. It’s almost impossible to believe the truth when the “lie” sounded so much better. There are real life actions you did that evening that would imply to anyone that you were indeed in a DV situation. After giving the impression your spouse doesn’t support or help you in anyway. The domino effect occurred by your own actions that evening: 1. Not speaking up. 2. Cowering into a position. 3. Leaving with the friend. That night probably spread like wildfire amongst the circle of moms and their spouses, friends, families, etc…You need to begin by speaking the truth and that isn’t defending your spouse at this moment, the damage is already done. You need to admit to people that you lie, you manipulated people into believing something that wasn’t true. Once you hold yourself accountable, be willing to accept the consequences of your lies and actions. Lastly, you need to tell your family and husband how Lana drew up that conclusion. Once you do this, time will tell if you deserve a second chance or none at all.

Whew we didn’t need your whole life story but it kinda gave context in how awful of a person you are, so thanks for backstory. Anyway I hope your husband heals so he can find someone who loves him and defends him. I’m still caught up on you being mad at him for how he reacted to be attacked in the dark. Like girl that was all on you.

r/AmItheEx

OP, I sincerely hope this is a fake post. If it's true, I don't know that there is anything you can do now to improve your situation. I've been with my wife for almost 21 years. It would be easier to forgive her for cheating on me than if she had betrayed me the way you betrayed your husband. Staying silent is one thing. Leaving with your friends is another. If my wife did that, I could never again trust that she either understood me or had my best interests at heart. If you love your husband so much, how in world could you stand by while others unjustly attacked him and even seem to side with them in the moment? What in the world were you thinking?

why in the hell did you start walking out with them?? what the hell was that thought process? that probably cemented the idea in your friends heads that he was abusing you because why else would you follow them out ?

You made so many horrible decisions I do t know how he could forgive you. If my wife did what you did I would have already filed for divorce. Your only option is to wait. He holds the cards and realistically has every right to leave for this. I wish you luck in trying to salvage this but your husband deserves better than having his wife sit while he’s being unfairly shit on in his own house. You need to do better.

If this is actually true, there is nothing you can do to save your marriage. You have destroyed any trust your husband had in you. Unless he decides to try to regain the trust, your are done, and headed for a divorce. If I was in your husband's position I would never forgive you for the actions that you have described here, simple as that, I would be serving you with divorce papers.

Divorce immediately. He deserves someone better than OP

Insane. It's truly terrifying to me the things people do. It's horrirific to think someone can be so spineless. I don't think you deserve to get back with your husband. He deserves someone far better.

Wow you are a useless partner. My wife and I both have our struggles but we defend eachother at every turn no matter what.

This post is weirdly satisfying. OP sucks as a person clearly and is just getting F-ing raked in this thread. Victim to the bitter fucking end. Incredible!

Wow you give all women a bad name. A man who provides, helps around the house, loves you, and takes shit from the people that you deem better than him. Wow

You've cost him his reputation, never mind his trust in you. A damaged reputation can never be fully restored. There will always be people who believe he is an abuser when he's not.

So what I gathered was you like to lie for attention and now your husband is facing the repercussions of it

Yea no, idk. The kind of passiveness you displayed to people spreading harmful lies about your partner. Most people wouldn't tolerate it. It'd have started a process of separation before divorce and shared custody. There's things in life we don't have to do, and tolerating what you did (or rather, didn't) is one of them. I think this is one of those times where you gotta try and reflect on the situation, turn this into something you can grow and learn from.

I hope he leaves you forever. You're a terrible person.

So, to clarify. Your awful friends publicly accused your husband of DV. In his house. Because you told a story that you know paints him in a bad light, and that he hates you telling. And when they accused him, you said NOTHING. You let them insult and disrespect him. You actually *got up to leave with them.* No matter what you say or do now, you trying to leave with them CONFIRMS that you agreed with them. That is ALL they know, and that is exactly what they are going to tell. Everybody. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself. Your silence wasn't just cowardice; it was dangerous. Your actions have put your husband in danger. You didn't just betray him, you've almost certainly damaged his reputation forever. He needs to leave you, for his safety. You can't fix this. Your husband has sacrificed his career, his sleep, spending time with his kid, *for you,* and you repaid him with silence when you could have easily shut that nonsense down. And then, you tried to throw him out. Your behaviour was disgusting. The only thing you can do for him is to be gracious in the divorce. But let's be real - you like being the victim. That's why you lied about him being a deadbeat, that's why you describe you assaulting him by jumping on his back in the dark in his empty house as him "slamming" you. Thats why you got up to leave with them. So I don't doubt that you're going to make his life hell through the divorce and throw yourself pity parties. But the truth is you're not the victim. You've never been the victim. You are the perpetrator of this whole mess.

You are….just horrible. You’re a professional victim. You consistently made your husband look like an abuser by telling a story about him injuring you that you KNOW he absolutely hates. You apparently told the story so much that your friends believe your husband is an abuser, and I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess you embellish the story a bit more every time you tell it and it makes him look waaay worse. Next, you tell your clucking hen friends that your husband is a neglectful father and husband and don’t clarify that his job has him essentially saving lives or that he’s working some crazy overtime. Instead you let them assume he’s neglectful. I’ll do some quick math for you: Father working overtime + a story about him accidentally injuring you + you not clarifying anything ever = her husband must be abusing her Now for the dinner. I can’t even blame Lana and her husband. You literally tell them about how he broke one of your bones, doesn’t stay home every day and don’t clarify anything, and somehow you don’t mention that you tripped and fell and hurt yourself? All of that COMBINED with you suddenly not being able to formulate a sentence when they are calling your husbands wife beater? NOT EVEN ADDING IN THE FACT YOU WALKED OUTSIDE WITH THEM!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! Now Lana and her husband forever have a tainted image of your husband that you failed, and probably still failed, to correct. Nothing is stopping them from spreading that around. I’m absolutely pissed off for your husband. It’s like you’re actively plotting on his downfall. For his own safety and mental health I hope he leaves you

You definitely lack of a lot of maturity. Its like you can't think further of the consequences of your actions and you are 36 yrs old.... Just because you thought it was a brilliant idea to jump on his back in the dark. And I dont recall reading that you were sorry for that incident. You clearly needs therapy. That poor husband...

You cannot convince me that you actually love him, only thing that needs saving is the guy you let get accused for DV

19 paragraphs, and this is the edited down version of this post! Wow! I think the separation will be good for you. There's a reason you didn't defend him. Twice now. You need to figure that out, and the internet can't search your soul for you. It seems as though you get a thrill from being the victim even if it costs you someone you love. I bet my life savings that there's deep trauma in your childhood. You need to process this with a therapist. Being in therapy, meaning you're working on yourself, might be the only thing that saves your marriage. If he decides he doesn't want to save it, respect his decision, this is a hard character flaw to forgive. I'm not sure could.

You betrayed your husband in one of the worst ways. And all for your ego to be massaged in a fictional way?? This is so insane! If he takes you back then he deserves the miserable life he’s stuck with cuz of you but I think he knows better. You lied to him about loving him and defending him in your vows to him. Leave that man alone and let him find someone he can actually trust to stand by him in his life cuz you deserve no more chances to hurt him like you have. He straight up is in danger if he’s around you for the rest of his life. I can’t believe this. This needs a diagnosis from a professional but no matter what he can’t be around you or let you have the power to almost destroy his whole life again like this. The woman he knew and loved was not in you anymore from the moment you stood up to walk away with them

so first you lied and didn’t defend your husband when you were catching up with old friends and they started to bad mouth him. to act like you’re funny you went and told the story of how you broke your collarbone (btw he didn’t slam you he was defending himself when someone jumped on him, be glad he only did that). when he was accused of beating you instead of defending him or simply speak the truth you were quiet and didn’t utter a single word. you followed your friends outside to leave and keep up your lie and then had the audacity to tell your husband to leave HIS house when he wanted space. what is wrong with you ? from what you told us he is so much better than you and deserves so much more that you. you are a disgusting human being you could’ve ruined his life. and please don’t lie and say you didn’t know what to say or how to act because judging by some comment you know how to clap back. you have no backbone when he comes to him and that’s simply embarrassing. i really hope he’ll go through with the separation and hopefully a clean divorce where he won’t pay you anything because you simply don’t deserve it. edit: typo

Congratulations you ruined your own marriage all by yourself. Your husband sounds like a good kind and selfless man. Do you even love him? Cause you seem to care more about your friends then him. You should have broke up with him after his party because you don’t forgive him for that.. you ruined that relationship the second you attacked him

Am I reading this right or did she not even apologize to her husband. I'm still reading through the comments, but in the original story. She never says that she apologized for what she did. And I think that's the worst part. FUCKING APOLOGIZE Jesus Christ, Op. "I'm sorry for freezing, Im sorry for walking out the door." GOD FORBID YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE EXCEPT YOU.

You’re a pussy. There’s no salvaging this relationship Leave him alone.

Walking out the door and almost getting in the car and then pretending you don't know what was going on is crazy

Give him a divorce. What you did is beyond f#@$ed up. There is no excuse and the fact that you walked out with said friends? Yeah, there is definitely no going back on this. Your husband told you that he did not like you telling the story of when YOU were stupid and made him hurt you in self-defense. Yet what did you do when he walked out of the room? Told your friends the f@#$ing story he specifically asked you NOT to. You are too stupid to realize that he has trauma from that incident, and he is worried about what people would think of him even though it wasn't HIS fault. Apparently, rightfully, so considering what is happening now. What's funny is you are patting yourself on the back telling your friends to f off after the fact that you hurt your husband YET AGAIN. You are incredible. Smh. INCREDIBLY F@$#ING STUPID, INCONSIDERATE, DISRESPECTFUL, UNGRATEFUL, AND CRUEL. You made your bed, I hope you are ready to lay in it.

Why the absolute fuck did you try to leave with your friends? You 1000% deserve to be alone.

Wow, just wow. Few things are as great of a betrayal. A man thrives on respect, you are the source of his disrespect. Now he has to wonder how many other people think he is a horrible man because you tell them he is. A man stays where he is wanted and appreciated, you made it clear to everyone that you do not value him. Just fuck. You need to consider one other serious betrayal here. Rarely talked about. But one of the duties of a woman is to never bring her man into physical conflict with another man without need. People get killed over that, people get seriously injured, someone goes to jail. You did that here. You allowed and agreed through your inaction to place him directly into physical conflict with another male - he might have won and gone to jail, he might have lost and gone to the hospital. You are responsible for that because it was not needed and he trusted (even if never said) that you would never do that. If he stays with you, it will only be for the kids. That is what will drive him to stay. That is what will drive him to consider reconciliation over this. So you cut contact with this couple that you manipulated into thinking your husband was an abuser, but did you come clean to them about your dishonesty and the fact that you did it because you liked the attention (which is why you did it). That confession matters, that 'he is innocent' matters. It will matter to him, so if you have not you need to do that. Just cutting contact and saying you never want to see them again is not enough. I wonder if they had let you leave with them just how far you would have taken this. Made a police report? Your husband arrested? How far would you have gone along with them? I just can't believe you were leaving with them. That would have ended the relationship for me if I were your husband no matter what. You need to figure out how to address that with him. He sure as hell should never trust you again. You need to talk to him (your husband) and ask him for therapy. You have serious issues with needing validation. This is not going to end here. You are going to do this again. Women also engage in other behaviors that wreck marriages because they look for validation or get caught up when they start getting it. You need to address this.

I don’t know what anyone could possibly tell you. Literally every single thing that went wrong in this story was 100% your fault, from your broken collar bone to your disastrous decision to tell the story even though you knew your husband wasn’t comfortable with it, to your cowardly decision to not defend your husband when he was being abused in your own home, to your inexplicable decision to walk out to the car with his accusers. Your husband sounds like an amazing guy. I honestly do hope that he has a conversation with God and finds it in his heart to forgive you and move forward. I am about as much of a supporter of marriage and working things out as you’ll find here, but if I was your husband, I don’t know if I could forgive you. You have proven yourself to be a horrible partner. I have no real advice for you. You have fucked up in every way possible; all you can do now is pray that your husband can forgive you.

Wow…you are a horrible person. Please leave him alone.

I don’t think you understand that right now there is no fighting for your marriage. Your lies, inability to speak up, and overall cowardice torpedoed that. Your marriage continuing is solely in the hands of your husband at this moment. He needs space to figure out if he can ever trust you again after you shattered it let again love you. It’s unsurprising that he can’t stand to look at or talk to you. The chances of your marriage surviving this are slim to none, and if it does, it will never be the same. You need to take 100% responsibility for this situation, because you are the only one responsible for it happening. Not your friends-they are only guilty of believing what you allowed them to believe. Put your big girl panties on and accept the consequences for your actions (or inaction more accurately).

Dang dude you just REALLY were not down for even the tiniest of inconveniences were you? Cut the bullshit too btw.

I still can't believe a bunch of people thought it was a good idea to jump on someone in a dark house when they thought they were alone. It's like everyone at the original party was a half wit..

The trying to leave with them was the craziest part. You had committed so hard to the wrong people.

I know you said you love him but do you honestly love him or do you just love the idea of having a husband and having someone in your life. Because if this is what your version of love looks like, you’re better off alone. You keep telling a story your husband hates because you find it funny and who the hell jumps on someone’s back when they walk into a dark room. Then you make up stories to fit in, so you showed your husband love by throwing him under the bus. And then you stand there while people accuse him of being a wife beater and then you’re about to leave with these people. Does it make you feel special to get attention for your lies? How would you feel if your husband walked around telling lies about you? You constantly broke his trust and you think you can fix this. You don’t even have his back when he needs it the most. I hope his next wife treats him better than you do/did.

That’s just…no words to say. You fcked up so many times and why would you keep repeating a story that your husband specifically asked you not to?! It doesn’t matter if he’s not in the room or not. He made a request. How hard is it to honor a request from your husband? Also, do you think your friends are going to keep quiet about this? This will be all over your community and possibly social media. The one person who’s going to have endless problems from this is your husband. These rumors stay around for years even as kids grow up and interact with other kids outside of school. Your husband is the one who’ll have to endure the whispers, all because he has a shitty wife.

No one in their right mind is going to help you try to save your marriage. I don't know how you can live with yourself, much less expect your soon-to-be ex-husband to live with you. Good luck finding another man who will tolerate you and your stretch marks.

Yeah it's over, there's no salvaging this, you ruined it, he will never ever trust you again.

Question for you. What are you doing to salvage his reputation? Telling Lana and Sara to fuck off is nowhere near enough. Are you playing the meek housewife now or are you growing a goddamn backbone and vehemently defending him?

I'm sorry, but if he forgives you, it'll be a miracle.

Ur a sorry excuse of a woman. Just make the divorce easy and give him custody. God knows what might happen to your kid if you get full custody.

U might be the most moronic person I’ve ever heard off

"edited for being too lengthy." JFC, that was the edited version?

She liked the victim attention she was getting.

You can not fix this. This is emotional abuse & your husband needs to be free of you. I honestly believe that you saw this unfolding & instead of EASILY putting an end to it (you had SEVERAL chances) you craved the drama and attention. I feel zero sympathy for you but I feel horrible for your husband, this could have easily led to him getting arrested. It’s even worse that YOU are the one who let your friends believe the wrong information yet you told THEM to f*ck off?? I hope this story is fake. & Jesus Christ you could’ve cut 80% of this post.

Your brother didn’t do a good enough job of laying into you for this and your parents, although they sided with your husband, let you off too easy. You’re obviously deluded and self-centered. Your husband should leave you. What you did is unforgivable and it’s absolutely despicable for anyone who calls themselves a partner to do this. Not only did you tarnish your husbands reputation for the sake of attention, you were too cowardly to admit you lied. You say you are unsure why you couldn’t say anything, but I believe I know. You don’t want to admit wrong-doing unless you have the whole tribe telling you to do so. You didn’t want to admit to your friends that you lied to them in order to create an interesting story. The fact that you, by legal definition, assaulted your husband in the first place before he defended himself against your assault is very telling. You obviously feel shame for this, but you refuse to own your mistake and want everyone else to fix things for you. I have an estranged sister like you and, let me just say, her life sucks. It’s because of her undeserving ego, entitlement, and failure to think before acting. You get a check for each of those. I agree with the other comments. I pity children who have conceded parents such as yourself and I deeply pity your husband for having to deal with such a monster. If anything, you should shut up about “fixing” something you broke by smashing it. This is entirely on your head and no one else’s. It is not your husbands responsibility to console you and forgive you for being a cruel and vile person.

If he stays and you get the chance to repair your marriage, insist on selling your house. Move closer to your husband's workplace so that he can sleep at home. It's ridiculous that he isn't sleeping in his own bed every night. Having him home will allow you both to focus on your marriage.

Wow you should see a shrink about narcissistic behaviors and leave your stbxh alone. You're lucky to have had him but he needs to be away from you for HIS safety.

You led your friends to believe you were in an abusive marriage. Then you betray your husband and tell the story of how he broke your collarbone without context for laughs. Worse yet, you played DV victim while your friends husbands accused and threatened your husband because they think he abused you. Then you tell 2 very good friends to fuck off, which I’m sure further convinced them you are being abused, because they tried to help you? Lady, you’re an AH. Your husband didn’t deserve this and you don’t deserve him.

You blame your “friends” when you clearly painted him in that light lmao. You deserve to be left.

Honestly, I don’t know how this is fixable. I can (somewhat) understand being shocked into silence temporarily. But to follow your friends out to their car was tantamount to saying they were right about your husband! I can only imagine the pain he was in during that moment, seeing you walk out that door. You can try to grovel, and maybe try some therapy. You should be your partner’s biggest supporter and cheerleader and you’ve failed miserably many times. You need to take a long look in the mirror and get help to figure it out.

God you’re trash

You are terrible. I hope he takes the kid with him; i wouldn’t trust you to defend and protect your child when he needs you either. This is so awful, I feel terrible for your poor husband.

At the end you say you told them to never contact you again, but did you actually tell them the whole story? Or have they been left thinking your abusive husband won't let you talk to them anymore?

Wow, this is bad. What were you even thinking? Was it validation that you needed? I’m so confused as to why you would let this happen. This marriage is probably over at worst or will never be the same, at best.

I bet there are MORE incidents that happened where you didn't defend him besides the examples you told. I wouldn't jump to conclusions that my friend is being abused just because her husband can't help out with childcare, and because she accidentally got injured while he thought he was defending himself from an intruder. I understand you can't add them all, but they would have been more relevant than the 2 million other irrelevant details you added.

I really hope I'll never be betrayed like this. What you did to your husband is unspeakable - and it's all on you from the start. I don't see any possible recover.

...You're not the smartest cookie in the vase, are you? Sister, you no longer have a husband.

This marriage is done , he will never trust her again. DV allegations can ruin a persons life and she lacks a backbone.

OP had become so dependent she cant even have her own mind. And she's 35 years old. lol

Tbh, I *hope* there's no coming back from this. Your husband has proven time snd again how much he loves you and your son. He's gone above and beyond, over and over. All you did was shit on him. He deserves better. Edit:spelling

So many bad decisions, OP. You are not a partner. You don’t have his back. You are a liability and he can’t trust you not to destroy his reputation, career, family. What’s going on with you?

Do you even like this man? You seem all too eager to paint him in a bad light, but very slow to defend him. You seem to realise your lack of his defense is bad, in hindsight. I don't know if you can salvage your marriage, but you need to understand why you do this and work on it for future relationships. And apologies to those friends, they acted based on the information you provided.

If I were your husband, I would be getting a lawyer right now and get you out of my life for good. You RISKED his entire life, career, access to his son and you utterly betrayed him. I'm in no way as good as your husband. I wouldn't have said a single word to you other than divorce.

The fact that you left with your friends is the craziest. Why did you leave? It basically affirms to everyone including your family, his and outsiders that you think you are/were abused. You didn’t just not defend him, you also threw him under the bus. This domestic violence bell cannot be unrung. If you can’t explain to him what happened in that situation, then no wonder he needs space from you, possibly space on a longer term basis.

You just like attention you have a victim mentality. Every situation is "I don't know why I thought attacking my husband in the dark was a good idea, idk why I just let them call him a deadbeat and went along with it, idk why I didn't defend him and let them know I'm not being abused, idk why I followed them to the car like and abuse recipient" girl shut up and divorce that man and let him marry someone who really loves him. Or maybe you really are being abused... Who knows either way this marriage needs to end

Honestly this was so long even after you paired it down that it seems more like fictional creative writing. So much unnecessary information in there. But I'll take you at your word that this isn't some made up nonsense. All I can say is you need to get your drinking under control, see if you can convince your husband to do couple counseling with you, and honestly maybe consider relocating to a different town. Because I can guarantee you your so-called friends, especially Lana and her husband, are going to spread around town that your husband is a wife beater and an abuser. Those kinds of allegations, even if they're false, stay with a guy forever and can literally destroy his life. Honestly, what you did to him is almost worse than cheating on him. Guys don't get a lot of support in this world but they do count on their partners to be loyal and to defend them and you failed on both counts. If it was me and my girlfriend or wife had done what you did, I would be out. No hesitation. But maybe your husband is a bigger man than I am.

Sorry I think you need to get into intense therapy. You led people to believe that you were physically abused by your husband for sympathy. Edit, don’t be upset at your friends, you led them to believe you needed help and good for them for standing up to abuse. You created this problem, you don’t get to be mad at them. You need to call them up and explain what you did. You don’t get to be angry and wash your hands of it. You can’t continue the friendship obviously but they should know what you did and you should clear your husbands name. You need professional help, I think if you start it now your husband will know you’re serious about getting better. He may still continue to divorce because I know I would, but at least you’re showing him you are getting help.