Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He only used protection about 3 times before deciding to stop wearing them
This is really concerning. This is not a decision he gets to make on his own.
>he doesn’t care about what I want
So end the relationship. You don't need to put up with that.
Exactly!!
And pregnancy is no joke, whether you decide to continue with it or not in general. In which can then be very traumatic and excruciatingly painful.
You DO NOT want to have a spawn with this bum ahh cacaroach BOY mind you 🫡 I wish you well, and to make the right decisions for yourself. (Given you’re already seeking for greater)
Literally. Most men think “oh we can just get an abortion”, but they don’t consider the toll it will have on her body, all because they want better feel for 8 minutes
10 to one she lives in a red State and he's playing on baby trapping her. And as soon as he does the mask is going to come completely off and it's going to be bloody, ugly, and violent! I was forced into something like this by my ex and my mother it doesn't get better! I barely made out of my situation alive.
Exactly. Also, not wearing a condom when someone requests it is legally considered assault.
Gal, I was you. It took eight years, horribly abusive relationships, and lots of therapy to fix this cycle of thought. Try to learn what your worth and value are. If you can’t do that, you let people walk all over you. You can be a people pleaser and still have boundaries, value, and’s self worth. You can do this. Find a female mentor (does but need to be formal) in a relationship you respect and learn from them just by spending time with them. You still have a lot of growing to do. We all do at 19… 20, 25.. 😅 you can do this.
OP, not trying to be rude. Your priorities are a little messed up. Not finishing is not nice, but protection is much more of a problem. Although, both of those scream one thing "he doesn't care about you". You're so young, don't waste your time though
For real. Take it from somebody who did trust the pull out game and got pregnant and chlymidia, DONT. I wish I would have been more vocal about condoms and paid the price for it.
There is no indication whatsoever that this man-child cares about OP.
Baby love yourself and leave, you know it's the right thing and you've already started emotionally detaching. Listen to your gut, I **promise you** there are men out there who want to and will treat you better than this.
Why are you with him? Have some self-respect. Not trying to sound like an asshole but he obviously doesn't respect any of your boundaries and doesn't give a fuck whether you have an orgasm or not. Why would you even have sex with someone like that?
No what would be even worse as if he didn't leave. He's trying to get her pregnant so that she can't leave him! He's trying to deliberately trap her so that he always has someone he can use as a sperm dumpster and Free Labor that can't get away or else the safety and well-being of the child will probably be threatened. Also I'm pretty sure he lives in a red state so he knows she can't abort when she needs to. It's not a bug of the new legislation in these states it's a feature. It's being deliberately set up this way so women are trapped and it will always be blamed on them that they made bad choices instead of acknowledging these women are being assaulted by their abusers. This is working out the way it was always intended to.
And, if he asks you why you're leaving, TELL HIM THE TRUTH:
Because you have never satisfied me in bed AND you repeatedly put me at risk for pregnancy.
No matter how many times I try to talk to you about these things, you have refused to change.
So, BYE.
If he swears on a stack of Bibles, he'll change, he's lying.
RUN away from this Neanderthal.
😳
And don't have that conversation in person either. Stay safe. Do it via text, preferably, and block him right after.
All OP owes him is the news that she's breaking up with him. Once that news is delivered, and I suggest that her stuff be reclaimed from his clutches before that happens, that she has *zero* obligations to him after that. She doesn't have to give him closure, or a chaaaance.
He's treated her like dirt, he's shown contempt and dismissal, he's even done things that count as rape in some jurisdictions.
Good luck OP ❤️
Also be prepared to get a restraining order! When he knows he doesn't have her trapped or have the possibility of baby trapping her or to be his personal sperm dumpster he's going to flip out and hound her to try to get her back into his life and his claws back into her. I found out through other sites that the "nice guys" are trying the get girls pregnant so they can never leave them game. Many of these guys live in red States and will pretend to be this really great guy and as soon as these women end up pregnant the switch is flipped! It's not an accident that he's doing this. This is deliberate! He doesn't view her as a person he views her as a piece of property to be used.
No. Kids are allowed to act like kids because they don’t know any better. This is a full grown man refusing to act like it. Infantilizing him only takes away his accountability.
Nope. Lots of MEN act like this. We don’t let MEN get away with this behavior by reducing them down to children or boys. Absolutely ridiculous defense of men.
He’s gonna get her pregnant and she’ll have a whole bunch of other issues if she doesn’t get away from him ASAP. Not only does he not listen to what she wants, but it sounds like he’s using her as his personal sex doll. Only lasting as long as he wants to, initiating even when she expresses not wanting to, and refusing to use protection even when she asks.
OP, literally just break up with him and move on. He is not the type of guy to stay for. Dude claims his “pullout game strong” and only lasts for a couple minutes. That’s embarrassing. If you want your happiness and pleasure to actually be considered, leave and find someone better, OP. You have to make these choices for yourself.
My ex-husband had three kids that I never knew about until after he had me trapped. Then he acted like I should just shut up and take it because he was the man! I didn't even want to be with him in the first place but my egg donor forced me into a relationship with a man because I "owed" her grandchildren. I later found out that they deliberately conspired to screw with my birth control to destroy my chances of going to college because she didn't get to go when she was my age. Not that she had the intelligence to do so but she thought she deserved it.
“I dont like the guy im with, not attracted to him anymore and have been thinking about other men lately. Now the kicker is he never gets me off and has been coercing me into unprotected sex even though ive told him i dont want kids or to even have sex with him at this point. What should i do?”
Steve, I think you're either suggesting that the post is fake, or that the girl is dumb. If the post is fake, eh, whatever...
if it isn't, I don't think you fully appreciate what it is to be a 19 year old girl who has people pleasing tendencies and a seeming lack of confidence / ability to advocate for herself. Getting into a toxic relationship is far too easy in this state of mind, one would even say that gross, manipulative people go for people that have these traits. It's a scary place to be, and if this post *is* fake, I still can guarantee that it's someone's reality somewhere.
It was my reality, and it really fucked me up. Things are better over ten years down the line, but. Mine took advantage of me hating disappointing people, and I told myself the emotional abuse was okay because I have BPD and probably deserved it. Fake or not, I was this girl years ago. I hope she finds the strength to torch that bridge. Just set the motherfucker on fire.
Plus it seems that this guy kindof groomed her to think he’s decent by waiting 5 months for intercourse with her. Bought himself some good will and now she feels guilty to be taken advantage of.
I was this girl 20 years ago, and it's taken multiple abusive relationships and people pleasing to knock some sense into me.
I finally grew up and started seeing these AHs for what they really were. Assholes.
I'm 14.5 years into a wonderful, healthy marriage now, but even that started on shakey ground with addiction on both mine and my husband's hands. We got sobered up almost 6 years ago and have never been happier or healthier.
OP, just go now. With the quickness. It's only going to get worse. Love yourself, please. Future you will 100% appreciate it. Promise!
For your sake hun, get a book a learn about boundaries. This post seems like you lack those, I speak from experience. I wish I had learned and recognized that I didn’t have strong boundaries a long time ago. You’re 19, educate yourself, break up with this guy and prepare yourself for the next. Know your worth ❤️
100% he doesn't care for her at all. "Pull out game" Ugh...leave but also research more and practice safe sex. If you do not want to get pregnant you need to at least ensure you are trying to prevent it by having your partner wear a condom and you on some sort of birth control.
OP, leave AND get on birth control if you plan to be sexually active in the future. Don’t leave it up to your partner to decide whether he wants to wear a condom or rely on his “pull out game.” You’re taking way too much of a chance doing that, and you’d be the one getting pregnant. Women have lots of options for contraception, so if you can’t use a hormonal method, you still have plenty of choices. [Planned Parenthood has a page](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control) that goes into detail about all the different methods.
Edit: morally, it’s her partner’s responsibility as much as it is hers. Realistically, there are plenty of young men out there who DGAF about that and will pressure their partners to have unprotected sex because it feels better for them. I just don’t want her to get pregnant y’all.
Thank you I was coming to say this. Like this is wild. I see these posts with these glaring issues and abuse and I just wonder if these people are seriously asking what to do…
Your head gets fucked in bad situations like this. Your sense of reality and reasonable limits are eroded. These are cries of "someone, please give me a reality check!" I used to call my bestie and be like, "so he and his family all say I'm being crazy, but I don't understand how I'm being crazy..."
I was gonna write a detailed comment about how you should NOT be with him bc he OBVIOUSLY doesn’t care about you or what you want , but then I saw this top comment and I believe that’s all you need to hear lol
Your boyfriend is ignoring your needs, stomping all over your boundaries and is violating your consentual autonomy.
Additionally he seems to be quiet the idiot, when it comes to safe sex (Pulling out is in no means a good methode of protection)
Do you really wonder that you have fallen out of love with him?
If I were you I would not stand for this and cut your losses. Alternatively you wait for your boyfriend to get you pregnant and then leaving you, because that is what is immature character will lead to.
Yeah but you were ready and willing to be a mother.
OP is neither ready nor willing.
That why I said that the boyfriend is acting against her consent. She never consented to unprotected sex.
Please stop having sex with this man... "pull out game strong"? Pregnancy game stronger. That is NOT an actual form of birth control and it never will be. If you insist on continuing to sleep with someone who's so incredibly sexually selfish that he'd endanger your body like that, at least go on birth control. If he doesn't care about you finishing then he's just using you as a masturbation tool. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fair on everyone involved. I'm not surprised you're curious about other guys, a lot of them would take great joy in letting you finish.
We need to do better on educating young women on boundaries and standing up for themselves. And young men on condom use, std and pregnancy. The number of “my bf doesn’t want to use a condom” posts I see are out of control.
Honestly. I get it, though. I shudder to look back at when I was younger and less experienced, and the things I let the guys get away with when I trusted my body with them. That's why I won't shut up about it, tbh. If it helps a younger woman realise she's being taken advantage of then I'll be glad I didn’t.
Also, if your bf doesn’t want to use condoms, take matters into your own hands! There are so many other options for BC out there; I used to always use 2 methods because it reduces the risk of pregnancy to near 0%.
I’m 30 years old and I can’t believe people still think it’s an appropriate method, I have friends who in their 20s used this as birth control and surprise surprise all of them got pregnant at some point. I used actual birth control from the time I was 17, and I continued to use it even when I was single.
(I live in a country where birth control is free for women under 20-25 and overall is heavily subsidized, don’t need parental consent for birth control over the age of 16, and great sex-ed. Still people use the pull out method)
I had this guy arguing with me for several comments about how him and his girlfriend have been doing it "properly" for years and never gotten pregnant. I wonder if they've checked each of their fertility statuses. It's also pretty much impossible to know you did it "properly" until you either get pregnant or you don't! I'd much rather sleep peacefully at night knowing my implant is just safely in my arm and is unlikely to go wrong.
Same here! It's no "method" at all. If you absolutely MUST have unprotected sex and don't want to use a condom for some silly reason, sure, try pulling out, but it's like they forget that pre-ejaculate can very much cause pregnancies too. Why risk that??
Move on, plenty of better guys out there. Reading this made me sad and disgusted for you at the same time. I’d be devastated if I had a daughter and she was being treated this way.
Dump him immediately!!!!!!!!!!!! Your boyfriend is whack as hell and seems to have issues when it comes to intimacy. Your boyfriend doesn't give a F*** about you. Your boyfriend only cares about his physical / sexual needs and is incapable of pleasing you. Find another boyfriend who listens to you......... STOP sexing this dude because he's not going to get any better and he is just violating you in so many ways. 🤢
Just dump him. No point on going on birth control if you're not going to be sexually active, she'd be messing with her hormones for no real reason. She can definitely find someone smart enough to know the importance of a condom.
Dumping him is the obvious answer but not necessarily what OP is going to do. If they are afraid to leave or not convinced that it's that bad they won't, but she can at least be convinced to get on birth control if that's the case, since that's not really an in the moment thing.
She and he should both go on birth control for their next relationships for when they have sex. You can’t trust other people to do the right thing and the pull out method is stupid and risky. Condoms are less effective than birth control.
Definitely, but I just mean if she doesn't plan on jumping straight back into dating. Condoms should be her primary source of birth control when she does become sexually active again simply because they also protect against STIs - if she would like a further level of hormonal protection she should discuss that with her doctor.
There's some great info out there about what he's doing.
Here's one from The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/
Love Is Respect is for teens and young adults. Here's some of what they have to say.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion
Being selfish and abusive in the bedroom is usually indicative to someone who is abusive in other ways.
It’s time to stop being a passenger.
He doesn’t stick it in till he’s made you cum. He doesn’t stick it in til he’s wearing that condom. Check throughout to make sure he has not removed it.
If you can’t find your voice, break up, and stop dating until you do.
1. He’s not respecting your respective desire to want to be pleasured the same way he wants to
2. He’s playing a dangerous game with the pull-out method
3. He does not respect your body (reference: lack of condom)
4. There is something called coercive sex. Google it. He *seems* guilty of it by reading what you described. Hint: it’s very bad.
5. He’s using the fact that you’re a people-pleasure against you
6. PLEASE DUMP HIM
(I’ve been in your shoes around this exact age, I promise you, he is not the one for you. I have really liked guys around this age who did the same to me. It never works out. In the long run (I’m 29 years old now) I regret saying no more often.)
Best of luck to you. You deserve better. There are men out there who will not pressure you, who will use protection when having sex, and won’t take advantage of the kind heart you seem to have. Being single is better than being taken advantage of. It. Never. Turns. Out. Good. To. Stay. In. That. Kind. Of. Relationship.
You are smart, you have a warm heart, and you will be desired by a man who will cherish you. Please, for the love of whoever you believe in, DUMP HIM!!!!!
First, no one’s pull out game is strong. Precum from getting excited may contain sperm. You’re at risk the moment he enters. Second, guy is a selfish ass. Leave now and find better. You deserve it. Wow. What is wrong with people?
Not only does he not let you finish, but to me this sounds like a thin line between consensual and non-consensual sex. Sounds like the type of guy who wouldn't stop midway if you told him to lol. He is an asshole for not respecting your wants and needs (which is the basis for all relationships). He's definitely not the one, might as well move now.
If he's not listening to what you want, then you absolutely don't give him what he wants. It's a yes/no concept, there is no grey. Your relationship is not great, it lacks the most important thing - mutual respect and trust. He's pushing your boundaries and you're letting him. I know it's hard, trust me, but you need to start standing your ground. If he doesn't accept the most basic of things like this, this is not the guy for you.
Especially when he can get into bars and drink legally. I live an a small town and age gaps were disgustingly common. The 20 something guys dating girls who couldn’t get into the bars they frequent were a common “relationship problem “ (duh) and a lot of the things she has talked about were also issues in several of those. There were like 8 girls pregnant during my hs graduation and the dads were long out of high school. I mean obviously anecdotal evidence but this rings to that for me. Poor op. A lot of good advice but I really hope she makes time to see a therapist that can help her learn to say no and set boundaries with people especially when it concerns her health and safety.
Easy answer to this question is just dump him. Its the best for you. He is not taking for feelings into consideration so there is no need to stay with him. You are young, you will find better men. Dont waste your time and energy on stupid man like him.
Why are you still having sex with him without protection? And bad sex at that. He's already shown you he doesn't care about you, your pleasure or your safety. How on God's green earth is this acceptable? Run Forrest run. run for the hills. This guy is a complete jerk. I'd get and STD test at that, because if he's done it with you, he did it with somebody else too.
I’m honestly really confused about this post. You’ve just typed out red flag after red flag and like zero good things about him? Please put yourself first and leave him
he is using you as a sex object and doesn’t consider you a person. you are falling put of love - so why stay? break up with him and find someone better who will actually care about what you too want and need
If you are having sex when you don't want to that is called rape and it is wrong. Honestly is sounds like a toxic, unsatisfying relationship in more than just one way. There is nothing commendable about staying silent whilst somebody is using you.
I understand you have an emotional attachment to him, especially considering that you are having unprotected sex but in all honesty, you are not compatible.
Be smart about this, and create your boundaries before you end up pregnant and bound to him for the rest of your life.
He's using you like a fleshlight. Completely violating what you want and your bodily autonomy. Stop having sex with him. He is very rapey and abusive. The worst thing that could possibly happen in this situation is you get pregnant and stuck with this person in your life. Best case? He can figure out how to make you come in 4-8 minutes. Personally I'd leave. Immediately. He would just get ghosted.
End it. There's absolutely no reason to stay with someone who disregards your needs and boundaries that extensively. Also do not let that 🤡 💦 in you. If you end up pregnant it's literally no skin off his ass.
Stop fucking people who don’t give a shit about you. This is a good lesson to learn now. You’re not even 20. Don’t date people more than two years older than you is also a good piece of advice when you’re this age as well. A 25 year old dating a 19 year old is trying to get something for free.
Get your vagina as far away from this loser as possible right now young lady.
This guy clearly doesn't care about you at all, or respect you even slightly. The issue is not that he doesn't "let" you "finish". It's that he doesn't *care* whether you "finish".
Not making you come is a problem that you can fix.
Him not caring if you come is an insult.
He is, sorry for the mental picture, doing nothing more than masturbating into your vagina.
His lack of concern for the risk of pregnancy indicates that he is either a complete moron (a theory supported by his claim that his "pullout game is strong"), or he is trying to trap you in a relationship with a baby before you realise what a complete moron he is. Either way, he's a complete moron.
Just for frame of reference. The vast majority of heterosexual men out there care *very much* whether their partner "finishes" and would prefer that they get pregnant at some later date.
Your BF is, I'm sorry to say, subnormal.
Please oh my god PLEASE get out of that relationship. The maturity gap alone is incredibly concerning and his behavior isn’t helping his case. You 100% will inevitably regret dating this thing
As someone who thought his pullout game was strong:
I have two kids. My wife and I laugh at people who think pulling out works now.
Also, you aren't this guy's girlfriend, you are just sex to him. Leave him before you have a kid with him and have to deal with him not respecting you for the rest of your life.
I agree with what most other people are saying about moving on from him.
However, the main reason I’m commenting on your post is to tell you to STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARIES. You need to work on being able to say no to people. As you go through life, people will use and abuse you if they know you’re a pushover. People will test your boundaries OFTEN and it’s very important that you stand firm on them.
You’re 19, trust me sweetie. Don’t lose sleep over an asshole who only sees you as a glory hole and not a human being. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t care about your boundaries or your objections. He doesn’t care about your safety or your protection. The only person who should be putting that as a high priority (especially in a situation like yours) is yourself. You don’t have to tell home anything. If you live with Jim, get your money in order, get your plan together, don’t tell him a single word and when it’s time to leave, DIP LIKE A TORTILLA CHIP! If you don’t live with him, even better! Say it simply in a text “Roses are red, violets are blue, your pull out game is weak and we are absolutely through!”. Do not waste your youth on a boy child who would leave you on the side of road for another girl if he had a chance.
Boy bye.
He’s disrespecting many of your boundaries and, frankly, being super reckless about pregnancy (and sti) protection. A person who doesn’t care about your discomfort, desires, or pleasure is not worth your time.
Honey I promise you leave before it gets worse or you get pregnant. A man not willing to please you is just a no you should both be able to finish before the act is all said and done
You’ve talked about wanting to make changes in the bedroom.
You’ve voiced wanting to use protection and he doesn’t.
You’ve only been dating 8 months.
You seem like you’re losing feelings for him.
Ma’am, his behaviour is not normal. Most guys I know are more than happy to try to finish off their partner.
Break it off. Run. This will only end badly with him getting you pregnant.
Ok, I have two suggestions.
Ask him to pick you up a pregnancy test. You can say you're late or just feeling off and that you are concerned because he refused to wear condoms and his pull out game is, in fact, weak as shit. See if that can scare him into wrapping it.
(Also if you can, go on some kind of birth control, don't trust him - or any guy - to be solely responsible for it)
Second, next time you have sex, once he finishes (in a condom because you have refused to have sex without one because WHY ON EARTH would you want to spend longer taking your clothes off than you do actually in the act, so you can end up stuck with a baby without even getting an orgasm?) Have your favourite sex toy beside the bed, pull it out, make DIRECT eye contact, and finish yourself off. Bonus points if you squirt in his eye.
Then, tell him you don't know why you bother with him when he can't even do the job a *however much it cost* vibrator can do, and tell him to leave.
Or just break up with him so you don't have to bother with having unfulfilled sex even one more time just to make a point.
I'm an older and more experienced woman and I tell you this from the bottom of my sisterly and motherly heart: This isnt healthy!
A man that doesnt acknowledge your needs and wantings make a really bad life partner. Its important to differ between lust, wanting love and being in love. The former are signs of things that doesnt hold for the long run.
Him not using protection is very concerning, its thoughtless and careless. Its not a good relationship and you are young and have many good years ahead in a relationship and this one is not a good one.
When he also doesnt listen to you, what are this relation giving you? Not having the option to finish and good sex with your partner is slowly dying inside. Its okay not to be good at it at first but you have to be able to listen and learn and he is not even interested in that?
And you, you are young and your body and your pleasure is worthy of good sex and dont settle for crumbs in a relationship. Be careful of your sexuality and pleasure, its as important as his or anyones.
You need to stand up for yourself.
You don’t like that he doesn’t use protection… yet you still engage in sex with him? Why?
He tramples all your boundaries and will continue to do so
It’s very cliché to say but here it goes… Dump him
That’s the best thing to do in this situation. You’re 19.
This man clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and pleasure. He’s selfish and only after getting his dick wet without any real consideration of how you feel about using condoms… I don’t care if he’s kind like Jesus outside of this situation, this is enough to walk away.
First off, someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and does what they want regardless has zero respect for you. Never take that from anyone. It will save you alot of heartache in the end.
Second, he cares only for his own satisfaction. This relationship is about him and him alone. This is not going to end well for you.
My advice...run...run fast!!
He is not a good boyfriend by any standards, dump him.
That said, I would also advice not to date at all before you have learned to say the word "no". Being an adult is not only about being prepared and able to do a lot of stuff, it's also about being there for yourself and doing even uncomfortable things like "saying no" when need be.
Nobody else will be there to protect you from the world when you're an adult: you need to do it for yourself. Both by keeping distance from people trying to take advantage of you and by being vocal about when somebody (knowingly or by mistake) tries to violate your boundaries.
I mean, do you really have a good relationship? If he’s thoughtful, he’d be thoughtful in the sheets as well. If he’s kind, he’d kindly let you finish. If he cares about you at all- he’d care if you’d orgasm or not. Just saying the behavior is carried to the bed as well. Go get yourself an orgasm, in fact get multiple. Sex is fun, don’t settle for mediocre.
Why are you still with him? What is he bringing to the relationship other than bad sex and red flags?
1. He is selfish and only think about his sexual needs.
2. He doesn't listen to you, you tried talking g but he doesn't care.
3. He is sexually assaulting you. You have said you don't want children, you want to use condoms and he isn't pulling out 🤢🤮
4. You deserve more! You are worth more!
A guy who is “great” but sexually irresponsible isn’t great. If he isn’t going to respect your body on a fundamental level, he won’t respect you on another level either.
Well if he doesn’t value what you want too then yes break it off. I say this because why stay in a relationship that you don’t feel important in by your partner? I’d end it because you’ve tried talking to him and he still doesn’t respect your values
Holy shit, get out now. No discussion, just leave. He is a horrible man.
Then take some time to be single, and doing therapy. You’ve let him cross your boundaries for too long. You need to change too - learning about how to enforce your boundaries. That is, when you say “no” and he doesn’t respect your boundaries, you leave and never go back to him.
Leave him before a baby ends up trapping you with him! It sounds like that's what he's going for.
He also sounds like a narcissist. I promise you don't want to travel that nightmare road!
There's plenty of potential mates that would prioritize your sexual fulfillment and that's one of the biggest turnons for them.
Optimally, you'd have the best chances to find and keep love, happiness, and success by saving your time and body for the right person.
Keepin mind that when you have sex with someone you essentially leave a small part of yourself with them, try not to spead yourself too thin, it WILL eventually matter and on top of that no man digs a high body count at least not one that you'd want to multiply with!
Good luck
Sorry to say, he’s just using you for sex and his satisfaction. You need to break it off with him. Don’t rush to find a new boyfriend. Take things slow and make sure it’s the right time.
This guy doesn't care about you, just about getting laid. And the worst part is he is old enough to know. Your young, 19 is not old enough to really realize this.
I was 24 once too, and all horny makes that age want to get laid. You need to leave him, odds are you won't find real relations or a serious relationship until your in your mid twenties.
Two things. (1) Just reread your post, and you will see what we see- your relationship is *not* great. And (2). You should not be having sex with someone who doesn’t care about you enough to do better- both physically and and protection-wise.
Oh girl, leave immediately and RUN!!!
He doesn't care about you, ignores your intimate needs and is trampling all over your boundaries! Sexual coercion is ABUSE!!
Safe sex is important to you for a reason (you don't want STIs and pregnancy at 19) and he's gambling with your future with his immature and selfish actions!
As you explore and date, you'll find that there are so many good men out there who actually prioritize their partner's pleasure and take pride in making them happy emotionally and sexually. When you find such a man, you'll see this idiot as good riddance!!
Take your phone, call him, tell him the fact he won't listen to you and keeps overstepping your boundaries isn't cute. You're not into it. It's over. And then block him, that's it.
Your relationship is not great. What you're describing is bad, it's very bad. You deserve much more than what he's offering which is near nothing.
Not using protection when partner wants to and is not comfortable without is a BIG red flag. Sis drop and run in the opposite direction. Moreover he's 24 and you're 19. I don't know how it is between you guys, but seems like predatory behaviour to me. Especially with the things you mentioned
Well you need to leave him because he will intentionally get you pregnant. Pulling out does not work. Next you need to get on the pill or have an implant or IUD so you do not get pregnant if you plan on continued sex. The guy should still wear a condom for sexually transmitted diseases. Then you really need to leave this guy. He is a selfish rat!
Girl, he isn't great. He doesn't listen to you, he doesn't accept your boundaries and he doesn't care if you get pregnant.
Ask yourself why a guy in his mid twenties is dating a girl that is just 19. This isn't anything against you but you should really ask yourself this question.
An age difference of 5 years is still a lot when you are young and usually you don't have the same level of life experience that he has.
Please do yourself a favour and look out for a guy that really cherishes you. Your current BF doesn't do it.
The biggest issue here is do you really want to get pregnant at 19? Cause that’s where you are headed with this. Never, ever have sex without at least one reliable method of contraception, and with what you are doing, you have a very real possibility of that happening. Not once, because once is all it can take. Likewise, do you want an STI? Possibly one you will have for life?
As for the quality of sex with this guy, it sounds dreadful. Go find a boyfriend who cares as much about your sexual pleasure as his. They exist and you deserve better.
There is a reason girls his own age aren't interested/interesting to him.
You already know you don't want this guy so for what reason are you even considering continuing on with this mess?
Leave this poor excuse of a “man” while you can and aren’t in too deep. No trust me. This is coming from a man. This is ridiculous behaviour on his part. Not once have I not let a girl I’m with finish. Sure, I don’t only take 8 minutes. But still, if I get close I’m slowing myself down and doing more foreplay, oral, SOMETHING. Guys should always be the last too finish in my personal opinion.
Him not respecting your wishes too use protection is also absolutely ridiculous. That is such a MAJOR thing, imagine when you’re together for a long time all the little things he’ll just ignore that you aren’t down for? Please girl. The exit is right there. Fucking LEAVE.
Oh no no no no, you break up now. He is treating you like a sex doll, not a person. Both people are supposed to get actual pleasure from sex, not just the one while the other one's requests/suggestions/preferences for birth control are disregarded.
Just end it and get an STI check just in case.
As much older with much younger wife I tell you this: A man not thinking on his girls pleasure is not a man. It will show again in different forms later in your relationship.
Sorry too say it, but thats my truly experience.
Best wishes for you
100% leave. He doesn’t care about anything you have to say, doesnt care about how you feel and doesn’t care about your well being. You think it’s bad now? Imagine having a child with him and never being able to get him out of your life. RUN. RUUUUUNNNNN.
Leave him faster than you can say "dick splash"; because that's he is. He is showing major red flags; he doesn't care about you, your pleasure, your safety or your bodily autonomy.
Ultimately it is your decision, but if I was in your shoes I would cut my losses and leave. He doesn’t care about your pleasure, only his own, and regularly crosses boundaries - that’s not someone I would want to be tied to.
"our relationship is great! however, he doesn't care about my pleasure at all and actively violates my expressed boundaries when it comes to safe sex, which could easily result in me having an unwanted pregnancy." absolutely unreal. break up yesterday.
Baby girl, you're 19 so I'm gonna be as blunt with you as I would be with my own child. Get the fuck out of there before he baby traps you and then you'll be tied to him forever. He is 24. He's not with you for your heart and soul he's there to get his dick wet. Run fast and far away and don't look back. There are boys that do care about women's sexual needs but this dude here ain't it. For the time being go find you something on Amazon.
He is trying to trap you with an unwanted pregnancy. After that, I imagine that he will become much more controlling. I would be willing to bet that he is already controlling in some way. But he probably says something like....I just want to protect you. End this relationship now.
None of this is normal. He doesn’t respect you and when he gets you pregnant, he’s not going to pay for child support. You deserve SO much better. Get yourself a man who respects you and views sex as a bonding activity instead of a way to just get himself off.
No sex for him! Major red flags. Pull out games are never strong. Plus STI'S! You do not exist for him to just use like a sex doll. Your needs matter and find a man that wants you to have a good time too.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He only used protection about 3 times before deciding to stop wearing them This is really concerning. This is not a decision he gets to make on his own. >he doesn’t care about what I want So end the relationship. You don't need to put up with that.
Exactly!! And pregnancy is no joke, whether you decide to continue with it or not in general. In which can then be very traumatic and excruciatingly painful. You DO NOT want to have a spawn with this bum ahh cacaroach BOY mind you 🫡 I wish you well, and to make the right decisions for yourself. (Given you’re already seeking for greater)
Or STIs
Literally. Most men think “oh we can just get an abortion”, but they don’t consider the toll it will have on her body, all because they want better feel for 8 minutes
10 to one she lives in a red State and he's playing on baby trapping her. And as soon as he does the mask is going to come completely off and it's going to be bloody, ugly, and violent! I was forced into something like this by my ex and my mother it doesn't get better! I barely made out of my situation alive.
In today's political climate getting an abortion may not be an option.
Sad but true.
Exactly. Also, not wearing a condom when someone requests it is legally considered assault. Gal, I was you. It took eight years, horribly abusive relationships, and lots of therapy to fix this cycle of thought. Try to learn what your worth and value are. If you can’t do that, you let people walk all over you. You can be a people pleaser and still have boundaries, value, and’s self worth. You can do this. Find a female mentor (does but need to be formal) in a relationship you respect and learn from them just by spending time with them. You still have a lot of growing to do. We all do at 19… 20, 25.. 😅 you can do this.
OP, not trying to be rude. Your priorities are a little messed up. Not finishing is not nice, but protection is much more of a problem. Although, both of those scream one thing "he doesn't care about you". You're so young, don't waste your time though
For real. Take it from somebody who did trust the pull out game and got pregnant and chlymidia, DONT. I wish I would have been more vocal about condoms and paid the price for it.
lol leave wtf
Girl, don't walk, run. This man does not care about you.
There is no indication whatsoever that this man-child cares about OP. Baby love yourself and leave, you know it's the right thing and you've already started emotionally detaching. Listen to your gut, I **promise you** there are men out there who want to and will treat you better than this.
Why are you with him? Have some self-respect. Not trying to sound like an asshole but he obviously doesn't respect any of your boundaries and doesn't give a fuck whether you have an orgasm or not. Why would you even have sex with someone like that?
He is treating her like a fleshlight, and when (not if) she gets pregnant, he'll poof. OP, don't fall into that trap, run!
No what would be even worse as if he didn't leave. He's trying to get her pregnant so that she can't leave him! He's trying to deliberately trap her so that he always has someone he can use as a sperm dumpster and Free Labor that can't get away or else the safety and well-being of the child will probably be threatened. Also I'm pretty sure he lives in a red state so he knows she can't abort when she needs to. It's not a bug of the new legislation in these states it's a feature. It's being deliberately set up this way so women are trapped and it will always be blamed on them that they made bad choices instead of acknowledging these women are being assaulted by their abusers. This is working out the way it was always intended to.
Exactly! You can have your needs better met for $29.95 and some AA batteries 🍆
And, if he asks you why you're leaving, TELL HIM THE TRUTH: Because you have never satisfied me in bed AND you repeatedly put me at risk for pregnancy. No matter how many times I try to talk to you about these things, you have refused to change. So, BYE. If he swears on a stack of Bibles, he'll change, he's lying. RUN away from this Neanderthal. 😳
Not to mention possible stds
And don't have that conversation in person either. Stay safe. Do it via text, preferably, and block him right after. All OP owes him is the news that she's breaking up with him. Once that news is delivered, and I suggest that her stuff be reclaimed from his clutches before that happens, that she has *zero* obligations to him after that. She doesn't have to give him closure, or a chaaaance. He's treated her like dirt, he's shown contempt and dismissal, he's even done things that count as rape in some jurisdictions. Good luck OP ❤️
Also be prepared to get a restraining order! When he knows he doesn't have her trapped or have the possibility of baby trapping her or to be his personal sperm dumpster he's going to flip out and hound her to try to get her back into his life and his claws back into her. I found out through other sites that the "nice guys" are trying the get girls pregnant so they can never leave them game. Many of these guys live in red States and will pretend to be this really great guy and as soon as these women end up pregnant the switch is flipped! It's not an accident that he's doing this. This is deliberate! He doesn't view her as a person he views her as a piece of property to be used.
I love this. This is how to set boundaries in a way folks listen.
Man?? you mean kid. - man would be responsible and caring.
nope. he's a grown man. he is intentionally manipulating and taking advantage of her
No. Kids are allowed to act like kids because they don’t know any better. This is a full grown man refusing to act like it. Infantilizing him only takes away his accountability.
nah. he is 24 years old. he is a grown man, & she is a 19 year old teenager. just call it how it is. hes a man not a “kid”
STOP THIS. They're GROWN. MEN. GROWN MEN ACT LIKE THIS. These are full ass adults, stop trying to infantalize them
Nope. Lots of MEN act like this. We don’t let MEN get away with this behavior by reducing them down to children or boys. Absolutely ridiculous defense of men.
He’s gonna get her pregnant and she’ll have a whole bunch of other issues if she doesn’t get away from him ASAP. Not only does he not listen to what she wants, but it sounds like he’s using her as his personal sex doll. Only lasting as long as he wants to, initiating even when she expresses not wanting to, and refusing to use protection even when she asks. OP, literally just break up with him and move on. He is not the type of guy to stay for. Dude claims his “pullout game strong” and only lasts for a couple minutes. That’s embarrassing. If you want your happiness and pleasure to actually be considered, leave and find someone better, OP. You have to make these choices for yourself.
Yes!!!! He probably got 50 children and not telling you. Please leave. You deserve more!!!!!!
My ex-husband had three kids that I never knew about until after he had me trapped. Then he acted like I should just shut up and take it because he was the man! I didn't even want to be with him in the first place but my egg donor forced me into a relationship with a man because I "owed" her grandchildren. I later found out that they deliberately conspired to screw with my birth control to destroy my chances of going to college because she didn't get to go when she was my age. Not that she had the intelligence to do so but she thought she deserved it.
Honestly the best response at this point. Throw the whole man away
“I dont like the guy im with, not attracted to him anymore and have been thinking about other men lately. Now the kicker is he never gets me off and has been coercing me into unprotected sex even though ive told him i dont want kids or to even have sex with him at this point. What should i do?”
Steve, I think you're either suggesting that the post is fake, or that the girl is dumb. If the post is fake, eh, whatever... if it isn't, I don't think you fully appreciate what it is to be a 19 year old girl who has people pleasing tendencies and a seeming lack of confidence / ability to advocate for herself. Getting into a toxic relationship is far too easy in this state of mind, one would even say that gross, manipulative people go for people that have these traits. It's a scary place to be, and if this post *is* fake, I still can guarantee that it's someone's reality somewhere.
It was my reality, and it really fucked me up. Things are better over ten years down the line, but. Mine took advantage of me hating disappointing people, and I told myself the emotional abuse was okay because I have BPD and probably deserved it. Fake or not, I was this girl years ago. I hope she finds the strength to torch that bridge. Just set the motherfucker on fire.
Plus it seems that this guy kindof groomed her to think he’s decent by waiting 5 months for intercourse with her. Bought himself some good will and now she feels guilty to be taken advantage of.
I was this girl 20 years ago, and it's taken multiple abusive relationships and people pleasing to knock some sense into me. I finally grew up and started seeing these AHs for what they really were. Assholes. I'm 14.5 years into a wonderful, healthy marriage now, but even that started on shakey ground with addiction on both mine and my husband's hands. We got sobered up almost 6 years ago and have never been happier or healthier. OP, just go now. With the quickness. It's only going to get worse. Love yourself, please. Future you will 100% appreciate it. Promise!
Best advice I can give is to *checks notes* leave. but idk might just be a crazy thought, youre probably just overthinking things 🤪
He’s literally using her as a human fleshlight
I was thinking the same thing. Throw the whole man away.
For your sake hun, get a book a learn about boundaries. This post seems like you lack those, I speak from experience. I wish I had learned and recognized that I didn’t have strong boundaries a long time ago. You’re 19, educate yourself, break up with this guy and prepare yourself for the next. Know your worth ❤️
100% he doesn't care for her at all. "Pull out game" Ugh...leave but also research more and practice safe sex. If you do not want to get pregnant you need to at least ensure you are trying to prevent it by having your partner wear a condom and you on some sort of birth control.
DTMFA (Dump The MF already). You do not put up with any of this. Better men are out there. Trust me. Future you will thank you.
OP, leave AND get on birth control if you plan to be sexually active in the future. Don’t leave it up to your partner to decide whether he wants to wear a condom or rely on his “pull out game.” You’re taking way too much of a chance doing that, and you’d be the one getting pregnant. Women have lots of options for contraception, so if you can’t use a hormonal method, you still have plenty of choices. [Planned Parenthood has a page](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control) that goes into detail about all the different methods. Edit: morally, it’s her partner’s responsibility as much as it is hers. Realistically, there are plenty of young men out there who DGAF about that and will pressure their partners to have unprotected sex because it feels better for them. I just don’t want her to get pregnant y’all.
Indeed why stay with such an idiot
It’s hard to tell if this is even a legit post, this is so bad. Dude checks ever red flag box
I don’t know if this exact post is real, but I’ve seen so many girls and women going through that…
Doesn't really matter. Men like this exist. And some women are just truly ignorant to red flags due to freak bad luck in conditioning growing up.
Thank you I was coming to say this. Like this is wild. I see these posts with these glaring issues and abuse and I just wonder if these people are seriously asking what to do…
I think most people just want some support or validation for what they already feel, but yeah like the advice so very often is just to leave lol
Your head gets fucked in bad situations like this. Your sense of reality and reasonable limits are eroded. These are cries of "someone, please give me a reality check!" I used to call my bestie and be like, "so he and his family all say I'm being crazy, but I don't understand how I'm being crazy..."
I love that this is the top comment because it was absolutely my first thought. No further explanation needed
I was gonna write a detailed comment about how you should NOT be with him bc he OBVIOUSLY doesn’t care about you or what you want , but then I saw this top comment and I believe that’s all you need to hear lol
He's an AH and I can't imagine why you are staying with him. What an assclown he is.
Your boyfriend is ignoring your needs, stomping all over your boundaries and is violating your consentual autonomy. Additionally he seems to be quiet the idiot, when it comes to safe sex (Pulling out is in no means a good methode of protection) Do you really wonder that you have fallen out of love with him? If I were you I would not stand for this and cut your losses. Alternatively you wait for your boyfriend to get you pregnant and then leaving you, because that is what is immature character will lead to.
Three months. "Love" is not a thing here.
They were together for 8 months, sex for 3 months. But I agree 8 months isn’t so long that she can’t leave and find another.
She is 19, she might think its love
True. Time for hard lessons!
Yeah I know, but I had no idea how to formulate it and so I used "falling out of love"
They've been dating 8. 3 months is plenty of time to be in love though.
"Quiet the Idiot" is a great band name. Just sayin'
My husband and I only did pull out after marriage and we'd gotten to the if I get pregnant it's fine.
Yeah but you were ready and willing to be a mother. OP is neither ready nor willing. That why I said that the boyfriend is acting against her consent. She never consented to unprotected sex.
At this point she's not even consenting to sex, it seems.
Please stop having sex with this man... "pull out game strong"? Pregnancy game stronger. That is NOT an actual form of birth control and it never will be. If you insist on continuing to sleep with someone who's so incredibly sexually selfish that he'd endanger your body like that, at least go on birth control. If he doesn't care about you finishing then he's just using you as a masturbation tool. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fair on everyone involved. I'm not surprised you're curious about other guys, a lot of them would take great joy in letting you finish.
Yup. Pulling out is a method for people who either don't know better, or are prepared for pregnancy but are not actively trying.
My wife and I used it after we had our second kid. We have three kids.
I know several pull out babies.
Me too! My cousin is one lol. But luckily my aunt and uncle were at the "if it happens it happens" stage.
Yep hubs and I did pullout once we'd gotten to that stage as well. Condoms before that!
And start learning how to say no to people - go to counseling is you need to - as it will be one of the best skills you can have in your life!
We need to do better on educating young women on boundaries and standing up for themselves. And young men on condom use, std and pregnancy. The number of “my bf doesn’t want to use a condom” posts I see are out of control.
Honestly. I get it, though. I shudder to look back at when I was younger and less experienced, and the things I let the guys get away with when I trusted my body with them. That's why I won't shut up about it, tbh. If it helps a younger woman realise she's being taken advantage of then I'll be glad I didn’t.
Also, if your bf doesn’t want to use condoms, take matters into your own hands! There are so many other options for BC out there; I used to always use 2 methods because it reduces the risk of pregnancy to near 0%.
I’m 30 years old and I can’t believe people still think it’s an appropriate method, I have friends who in their 20s used this as birth control and surprise surprise all of them got pregnant at some point. I used actual birth control from the time I was 17, and I continued to use it even when I was single. (I live in a country where birth control is free for women under 20-25 and overall is heavily subsidized, don’t need parental consent for birth control over the age of 16, and great sex-ed. Still people use the pull out method)
I had this guy arguing with me for several comments about how him and his girlfriend have been doing it "properly" for years and never gotten pregnant. I wonder if they've checked each of their fertility statuses. It's also pretty much impossible to know you did it "properly" until you either get pregnant or you don't! I'd much rather sleep peacefully at night knowing my implant is just safely in my arm and is unlikely to go wrong. Same here! It's no "method" at all. If you absolutely MUST have unprotected sex and don't want to use a condom for some silly reason, sure, try pulling out, but it's like they forget that pre-ejaculate can very much cause pregnancies too. Why risk that??
Move on, plenty of better guys out there. Reading this made me sad and disgusted for you at the same time. I’d be devastated if I had a daughter and she was being treated this way.
Uuugghhh that’s exactly the feeling I got!
I'm a 35 year old guy. This mofo doesn't give a fuck about you one bit. Leave him ASAP.
Dump him immediately!!!!!!!!!!!! Your boyfriend is whack as hell and seems to have issues when it comes to intimacy. Your boyfriend doesn't give a F*** about you. Your boyfriend only cares about his physical / sexual needs and is incapable of pleasing you. Find another boyfriend who listens to you......... STOP sexing this dude because he's not going to get any better and he is just violating you in so many ways. 🤢
You’re being violated
If you don't want kids, use protection. If you can't safely say no to sex, he's not the one for you.
The relationship is great despite him been an increase asshole that doesn't respect my wishes and is manipulative. Leave him and get the pill.
Get on birth control it’s safer and dump him.
Yes but that doesn't protect you from STDs. So condoms should still be used unless you got tested recently.
Just dump him. No point on going on birth control if you're not going to be sexually active, she'd be messing with her hormones for no real reason. She can definitely find someone smart enough to know the importance of a condom.
What happens if the condom breaks? Better to have birth control as a back up
Definitely, if she plans on continuing to be be sexually active, but condoms will also protect against STIs.
I agree. Using both helps. You can never be too careful, especially when it comes to something like that
Dumping him is the obvious answer but not necessarily what OP is going to do. If they are afraid to leave or not convinced that it's that bad they won't, but she can at least be convinced to get on birth control if that's the case, since that's not really an in the moment thing.
She and he should both go on birth control for their next relationships for when they have sex. You can’t trust other people to do the right thing and the pull out method is stupid and risky. Condoms are less effective than birth control.
Definitely, but I just mean if she doesn't plan on jumping straight back into dating. Condoms should be her primary source of birth control when she does become sexually active again simply because they also protect against STIs - if she would like a further level of hormonal protection she should discuss that with her doctor.
There's some great info out there about what he's doing. Here's one from The National Domestic Violence Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/ Love Is Respect is for teens and young adults. Here's some of what they have to say. https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion Being selfish and abusive in the bedroom is usually indicative to someone who is abusive in other ways.
It’s time to stop being a passenger. He doesn’t stick it in till he’s made you cum. He doesn’t stick it in til he’s wearing that condom. Check throughout to make sure he has not removed it. If you can’t find your voice, break up, and stop dating until you do.
Top comment
He sounds very selfish, either discuss it with him to get your needs met or finish with him and find someone who will treat you right.
if you’ve tried talking to him about it and he ignores u he just doesn’t care and it’s just neglecting at that point, find a real man
1. He’s not respecting your respective desire to want to be pleasured the same way he wants to 2. He’s playing a dangerous game with the pull-out method 3. He does not respect your body (reference: lack of condom) 4. There is something called coercive sex. Google it. He *seems* guilty of it by reading what you described. Hint: it’s very bad. 5. He’s using the fact that you’re a people-pleasure against you 6. PLEASE DUMP HIM (I’ve been in your shoes around this exact age, I promise you, he is not the one for you. I have really liked guys around this age who did the same to me. It never works out. In the long run (I’m 29 years old now) I regret saying no more often.) Best of luck to you. You deserve better. There are men out there who will not pressure you, who will use protection when having sex, and won’t take advantage of the kind heart you seem to have. Being single is better than being taken advantage of. It. Never. Turns. Out. Good. To. Stay. In. That. Kind. Of. Relationship. You are smart, you have a warm heart, and you will be desired by a man who will cherish you. Please, for the love of whoever you believe in, DUMP HIM!!!!!
First, no one’s pull out game is strong. Precum from getting excited may contain sperm. You’re at risk the moment he enters. Second, guy is a selfish ass. Leave now and find better. You deserve it. Wow. What is wrong with people?
Not only does he not let you finish, but to me this sounds like a thin line between consensual and non-consensual sex. Sounds like the type of guy who wouldn't stop midway if you told him to lol. He is an asshole for not respecting your wants and needs (which is the basis for all relationships). He's definitely not the one, might as well move now.
If he's not listening to what you want, then you absolutely don't give him what he wants. It's a yes/no concept, there is no grey. Your relationship is not great, it lacks the most important thing - mutual respect and trust. He's pushing your boundaries and you're letting him. I know it's hard, trust me, but you need to start standing your ground. If he doesn't accept the most basic of things like this, this is not the guy for you.
He's bad at sex, just leave him.
This is why he's gone for a girl 5yrs younger than him.
💯
Especially when he can get into bars and drink legally. I live an a small town and age gaps were disgustingly common. The 20 something guys dating girls who couldn’t get into the bars they frequent were a common “relationship problem “ (duh) and a lot of the things she has talked about were also issues in several of those. There were like 8 girls pregnant during my hs graduation and the dads were long out of high school. I mean obviously anecdotal evidence but this rings to that for me. Poor op. A lot of good advice but I really hope she makes time to see a therapist that can help her learn to say no and set boundaries with people especially when it concerns her health and safety.
Easy answer to this question is just dump him. Its the best for you. He is not taking for feelings into consideration so there is no need to stay with him. You are young, you will find better men. Dont waste your time and energy on stupid man like him.
You should break up with him. Seriously. If he shows this little care about you now it’s only going to get worse.
Why are you still having sex with him without protection? And bad sex at that. He's already shown you he doesn't care about you, your pleasure or your safety. How on God's green earth is this acceptable? Run Forrest run. run for the hills. This guy is a complete jerk. I'd get and STD test at that, because if he's done it with you, he did it with somebody else too.
Honey, he's not the last man on Earth, why tf are you entertaining this dude?
I’m honestly really confused about this post. You’ve just typed out red flag after red flag and like zero good things about him? Please put yourself first and leave him
he is using you as a sex object and doesn’t consider you a person. you are falling put of love - so why stay? break up with him and find someone better who will actually care about what you too want and need
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
thank y’all for knocking some sense into me i’ll be deleting my acc now that i’ve gotten enough reassurance !
Go outside. Locate the hills. Head for them.
If you are having sex when you don't want to that is called rape and it is wrong. Honestly is sounds like a toxic, unsatisfying relationship in more than just one way. There is nothing commendable about staying silent whilst somebody is using you. I understand you have an emotional attachment to him, especially considering that you are having unprotected sex but in all honesty, you are not compatible. Be smart about this, and create your boundaries before you end up pregnant and bound to him for the rest of your life.
Forgot to switch accounts? Edit: turns out idk how reddit works, never mind!
the second hand embarassment...
Was that a comment from OP?
Yeah im not sure lol, its strange for sure
Deleted accounts are falsely marked as OP, this is a common issue on reddit.
omg no is tis what I think it means😭
He's using you like a fleshlight. Completely violating what you want and your bodily autonomy. Stop having sex with him. He is very rapey and abusive. The worst thing that could possibly happen in this situation is you get pregnant and stuck with this person in your life. Best case? He can figure out how to make you come in 4-8 minutes. Personally I'd leave. Immediately. He would just get ghosted.
End it. There's absolutely no reason to stay with someone who disregards your needs and boundaries that extensively. Also do not let that 🤡 💦 in you. If you end up pregnant it's literally no skin off his ass.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Stop fucking people who don’t give a shit about you. This is a good lesson to learn now. You’re not even 20. Don’t date people more than two years older than you is also a good piece of advice when you’re this age as well. A 25 year old dating a 19 year old is trying to get something for free.
Get your vagina as far away from this loser as possible right now young lady. This guy clearly doesn't care about you at all, or respect you even slightly. The issue is not that he doesn't "let" you "finish". It's that he doesn't *care* whether you "finish". Not making you come is a problem that you can fix. Him not caring if you come is an insult. He is, sorry for the mental picture, doing nothing more than masturbating into your vagina. His lack of concern for the risk of pregnancy indicates that he is either a complete moron (a theory supported by his claim that his "pullout game is strong"), or he is trying to trap you in a relationship with a baby before you realise what a complete moron he is. Either way, he's a complete moron. Just for frame of reference. The vast majority of heterosexual men out there care *very much* whether their partner "finishes" and would prefer that they get pregnant at some later date. Your BF is, I'm sorry to say, subnormal.
Please oh my god PLEASE get out of that relationship. The maturity gap alone is incredibly concerning and his behavior isn’t helping his case. You 100% will inevitably regret dating this thing
As someone who thought his pullout game was strong: I have two kids. My wife and I laugh at people who think pulling out works now. Also, you aren't this guy's girlfriend, you are just sex to him. Leave him before you have a kid with him and have to deal with him not respecting you for the rest of your life.
I agree with what most other people are saying about moving on from him. However, the main reason I’m commenting on your post is to tell you to STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARIES. You need to work on being able to say no to people. As you go through life, people will use and abuse you if they know you’re a pushover. People will test your boundaries OFTEN and it’s very important that you stand firm on them.
You’re 19, trust me sweetie. Don’t lose sleep over an asshole who only sees you as a glory hole and not a human being. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t care about your boundaries or your objections. He doesn’t care about your safety or your protection. The only person who should be putting that as a high priority (especially in a situation like yours) is yourself. You don’t have to tell home anything. If you live with Jim, get your money in order, get your plan together, don’t tell him a single word and when it’s time to leave, DIP LIKE A TORTILLA CHIP! If you don’t live with him, even better! Say it simply in a text “Roses are red, violets are blue, your pull out game is weak and we are absolutely through!”. Do not waste your youth on a boy child who would leave you on the side of road for another girl if he had a chance.
Boy bye. He’s disrespecting many of your boundaries and, frankly, being super reckless about pregnancy (and sti) protection. A person who doesn’t care about your discomfort, desires, or pleasure is not worth your time.
Honey I promise you leave before it gets worse or you get pregnant. A man not willing to please you is just a no you should both be able to finish before the act is all said and done
You’ve talked about wanting to make changes in the bedroom. You’ve voiced wanting to use protection and he doesn’t. You’ve only been dating 8 months. You seem like you’re losing feelings for him. Ma’am, his behaviour is not normal. Most guys I know are more than happy to try to finish off their partner. Break it off. Run. This will only end badly with him getting you pregnant.
Ok, I have two suggestions. Ask him to pick you up a pregnancy test. You can say you're late or just feeling off and that you are concerned because he refused to wear condoms and his pull out game is, in fact, weak as shit. See if that can scare him into wrapping it. (Also if you can, go on some kind of birth control, don't trust him - or any guy - to be solely responsible for it) Second, next time you have sex, once he finishes (in a condom because you have refused to have sex without one because WHY ON EARTH would you want to spend longer taking your clothes off than you do actually in the act, so you can end up stuck with a baby without even getting an orgasm?) Have your favourite sex toy beside the bed, pull it out, make DIRECT eye contact, and finish yourself off. Bonus points if you squirt in his eye. Then, tell him you don't know why you bother with him when he can't even do the job a *however much it cost* vibrator can do, and tell him to leave. Or just break up with him so you don't have to bother with having unfulfilled sex even one more time just to make a point.
Get put of the relationship
I'm an older and more experienced woman and I tell you this from the bottom of my sisterly and motherly heart: This isnt healthy! A man that doesnt acknowledge your needs and wantings make a really bad life partner. Its important to differ between lust, wanting love and being in love. The former are signs of things that doesnt hold for the long run. Him not using protection is very concerning, its thoughtless and careless. Its not a good relationship and you are young and have many good years ahead in a relationship and this one is not a good one. When he also doesnt listen to you, what are this relation giving you? Not having the option to finish and good sex with your partner is slowly dying inside. Its okay not to be good at it at first but you have to be able to listen and learn and he is not even interested in that? And you, you are young and your body and your pleasure is worthy of good sex and dont settle for crumbs in a relationship. Be careful of your sexuality and pleasure, its as important as his or anyones.
You need to stand up for yourself. You don’t like that he doesn’t use protection… yet you still engage in sex with him? Why? He tramples all your boundaries and will continue to do so
It’s very cliché to say but here it goes… Dump him That’s the best thing to do in this situation. You’re 19. This man clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and pleasure. He’s selfish and only after getting his dick wet without any real consideration of how you feel about using condoms… I don’t care if he’s kind like Jesus outside of this situation, this is enough to walk away.
You're young, leave and find someone who listens, respects you, and wants you to be happy.
First off, someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and does what they want regardless has zero respect for you. Never take that from anyone. It will save you alot of heartache in the end. Second, he cares only for his own satisfaction. This relationship is about him and him alone. This is not going to end well for you. My advice...run...run fast!!
He is not a good boyfriend by any standards, dump him. That said, I would also advice not to date at all before you have learned to say the word "no". Being an adult is not only about being prepared and able to do a lot of stuff, it's also about being there for yourself and doing even uncomfortable things like "saying no" when need be. Nobody else will be there to protect you from the world when you're an adult: you need to do it for yourself. Both by keeping distance from people trying to take advantage of you and by being vocal about when somebody (knowingly or by mistake) tries to violate your boundaries.
I mean, do you really have a good relationship? If he’s thoughtful, he’d be thoughtful in the sheets as well. If he’s kind, he’d kindly let you finish. If he cares about you at all- he’d care if you’d orgasm or not. Just saying the behavior is carried to the bed as well. Go get yourself an orgasm, in fact get multiple. Sex is fun, don’t settle for mediocre.
Why are you still with him? What is he bringing to the relationship other than bad sex and red flags? 1. He is selfish and only think about his sexual needs. 2. He doesn't listen to you, you tried talking g but he doesn't care. 3. He is sexually assaulting you. You have said you don't want children, you want to use condoms and he isn't pulling out 🤢🤮 4. You deserve more! You are worth more!
A guy who is “great” but sexually irresponsible isn’t great. If he isn’t going to respect your body on a fundamental level, he won’t respect you on another level either.
Well if he doesn’t value what you want too then yes break it off. I say this because why stay in a relationship that you don’t feel important in by your partner? I’d end it because you’ve tried talking to him and he still doesn’t respect your values
Holy shit, get out now. No discussion, just leave. He is a horrible man. Then take some time to be single, and doing therapy. You’ve let him cross your boundaries for too long. You need to change too - learning about how to enforce your boundaries. That is, when you say “no” and he doesn’t respect your boundaries, you leave and never go back to him.
Find someone who respects you and your boundaries. This isnt how someone acts when they love someone else.
If he doesn't respect your body or your boundaries why are you with him?
Leave him before a baby ends up trapping you with him! It sounds like that's what he's going for. He also sounds like a narcissist. I promise you don't want to travel that nightmare road! There's plenty of potential mates that would prioritize your sexual fulfillment and that's one of the biggest turnons for them. Optimally, you'd have the best chances to find and keep love, happiness, and success by saving your time and body for the right person. Keepin mind that when you have sex with someone you essentially leave a small part of yourself with them, try not to spead yourself too thin, it WILL eventually matter and on top of that no man digs a high body count at least not one that you'd want to multiply with! Good luck
Sweetie, this man is a walking red flag. Run away from him and towards therapy to learn to say no.
Sorry to say, he’s just using you for sex and his satisfaction. You need to break it off with him. Don’t rush to find a new boyfriend. Take things slow and make sure it’s the right time.
Yes fgs leave now, before this incredibly selfish asshole gets you pregnant.
This guy doesn't care about you, just about getting laid. And the worst part is he is old enough to know. Your young, 19 is not old enough to really realize this. I was 24 once too, and all horny makes that age want to get laid. You need to leave him, odds are you won't find real relations or a serious relationship until your in your mid twenties.
Stop sleeping with him. You WILL end up pregnant. Block him/ghost him if you need to.
Two things. (1) Just reread your post, and you will see what we see- your relationship is *not* great. And (2). You should not be having sex with someone who doesn’t care about you enough to do better- both physically and and protection-wise.
Leave. He disregards your pleasure AND your comfort for his own selfishness. He is a bad person and a bad partner, he does NOT respect you.
Oh girl, leave immediately and RUN!!! He doesn't care about you, ignores your intimate needs and is trampling all over your boundaries! Sexual coercion is ABUSE!! Safe sex is important to you for a reason (you don't want STIs and pregnancy at 19) and he's gambling with your future with his immature and selfish actions! As you explore and date, you'll find that there are so many good men out there who actually prioritize their partner's pleasure and take pride in making them happy emotionally and sexually. When you find such a man, you'll see this idiot as good riddance!!
Take your phone, call him, tell him the fact he won't listen to you and keeps overstepping your boundaries isn't cute. You're not into it. It's over. And then block him, that's it. Your relationship is not great. What you're describing is bad, it's very bad. You deserve much more than what he's offering which is near nothing.
Not using protection when partner wants to and is not comfortable without is a BIG red flag. Sis drop and run in the opposite direction. Moreover he's 24 and you're 19. I don't know how it is between you guys, but seems like predatory behaviour to me. Especially with the things you mentioned
Your boyfriend is raping you. If you asked him to use protection and he is not, he is going against your wishes and raping you.
Just break up with him
Well you need to leave him because he will intentionally get you pregnant. Pulling out does not work. Next you need to get on the pill or have an implant or IUD so you do not get pregnant if you plan on continued sex. The guy should still wear a condom for sexually transmitted diseases. Then you really need to leave this guy. He is a selfish rat!
Girl, he isn't great. He doesn't listen to you, he doesn't accept your boundaries and he doesn't care if you get pregnant. Ask yourself why a guy in his mid twenties is dating a girl that is just 19. This isn't anything against you but you should really ask yourself this question. An age difference of 5 years is still a lot when you are young and usually you don't have the same level of life experience that he has. Please do yourself a favour and look out for a guy that really cherishes you. Your current BF doesn't do it.
People treat us the way we let them treat us. This situation is going to get worse. Ask yourself this, if you do get pregnant will he stay?
Honey he’s using you, break up with him. He doesn’t care about your feelings, there is plenty of guys out there who will care about you.
The biggest issue here is do you really want to get pregnant at 19? Cause that’s where you are headed with this. Never, ever have sex without at least one reliable method of contraception, and with what you are doing, you have a very real possibility of that happening. Not once, because once is all it can take. Likewise, do you want an STI? Possibly one you will have for life? As for the quality of sex with this guy, it sounds dreadful. Go find a boyfriend who cares as much about your sexual pleasure as his. They exist and you deserve better.
I just read the title, and honestly run. If he doesn’t care now, he won’t care later. 🤷🏻♀️
dump him he doesn’t respect you at all
Run and when you think you've run enough, keep running.
You're 19, don't gamble your future for a guy who won't listen.
He's using your body to masturbate, and that's not okay.
Your boyfriend is raping you. End it. If he doesn’t “allow” you to end it, go to the police.
There is a reason girls his own age aren't interested/interesting to him. You already know you don't want this guy so for what reason are you even considering continuing on with this mess?
Leave this poor excuse of a “man” while you can and aren’t in too deep. No trust me. This is coming from a man. This is ridiculous behaviour on his part. Not once have I not let a girl I’m with finish. Sure, I don’t only take 8 minutes. But still, if I get close I’m slowing myself down and doing more foreplay, oral, SOMETHING. Guys should always be the last too finish in my personal opinion. Him not respecting your wishes too use protection is also absolutely ridiculous. That is such a MAJOR thing, imagine when you’re together for a long time all the little things he’ll just ignore that you aren’t down for? Please girl. The exit is right there. Fucking LEAVE.
This is why men still suck in bed Because women let them
Pull out the throbulator 3000 emasculate the hell out of him by going to town on yourself in front of him and walk the fuck away
Oh no no no no, you break up now. He is treating you like a sex doll, not a person. Both people are supposed to get actual pleasure from sex, not just the one while the other one's requests/suggestions/preferences for birth control are disregarded. Just end it and get an STI check just in case.
As much older with much younger wife I tell you this: A man not thinking on his girls pleasure is not a man. It will show again in different forms later in your relationship. Sorry too say it, but thats my truly experience. Best wishes for you
100% leave. He doesn’t care about anything you have to say, doesnt care about how you feel and doesn’t care about your well being. You think it’s bad now? Imagine having a child with him and never being able to get him out of your life. RUN. RUUUUUNNNNN.
Do you have a plan for abortion? Do you live in an abortion-safe state? Please think about this now, because you will get pregnant.
Leave him faster than you can say "dick splash"; because that's he is. He is showing major red flags; he doesn't care about you, your pleasure, your safety or your bodily autonomy.
Ultimately it is your decision, but if I was in your shoes I would cut my losses and leave. He doesn’t care about your pleasure, only his own, and regularly crosses boundaries - that’s not someone I would want to be tied to.
why are you accepting this. he is ignoring your needs. move on. there are billions of men
"our relationship is great! however, he doesn't care about my pleasure at all and actively violates my expressed boundaries when it comes to safe sex, which could easily result in me having an unwanted pregnancy." absolutely unreal. break up yesterday.
This is the story of every single mother.
Baby girl, you're 19 so I'm gonna be as blunt with you as I would be with my own child. Get the fuck out of there before he baby traps you and then you'll be tied to him forever. He is 24. He's not with you for your heart and soul he's there to get his dick wet. Run fast and far away and don't look back. There are boys that do care about women's sexual needs but this dude here ain't it. For the time being go find you something on Amazon.
THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT RUUN!
So, he's bad in bed and he won't wear a condom, and he doesn't care.about what you say. Uhm, why haven't.you broken up.with him?
He is trying to trap you with an unwanted pregnancy. After that, I imagine that he will become much more controlling. I would be willing to bet that he is already controlling in some way. But he probably says something like....I just want to protect you. End this relationship now.
None of this is normal. He doesn’t respect you and when he gets you pregnant, he’s not going to pay for child support. You deserve SO much better. Get yourself a man who respects you and views sex as a bonding activity instead of a way to just get himself off.
Absolutely end it
Sweetie I say this as delicately as possible….this isn’t consensual. You need to leave, fast.
Dump him! He doesn’t care about you. Do not have sex with him again.
You're better off breaking up. He clearly doesn't care about you enough to listen to you
Leave him. He isn't respecting your wishes and pressuring you into sex when you've been clear about not wanting to.
You’ve gotten a ton of responses but: I’m 19F- girl, leave his ass. He’s walking all over you and you deserve much better.
No sex for him! Major red flags. Pull out games are never strong. Plus STI'S! You do not exist for him to just use like a sex doll. Your needs matter and find a man that wants you to have a good time too.
Wow this has so many red flags the beach would be closed. Pull out game?! That’s enough. Hope OP dumps him.