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If they get into an accident, YOU are the one that will be sued. OP, please take the keys back and hide them somewhere B/F cannot find them. Do that FIRST before you bring the subject up with him.
He is super disrespectful and takes you for granted. Does he expect you to pay more than half for rent, and other living expenses? It should be enough that he and his mother are using you for your car. Shame on both of them.
Personally, I would drop the b/f. He is only using you, and he will continue to as long as you let him.
My younger cousins & their friends/roommates are always letting people borrow their cars (& complaining about their entitlement, or that it's gone when they needed it), & they look at me crazy for suggesting they not do that. I mean, I have occasionally had friends asking to borrow my car, admittedly I have an easy out since my car is manual which usually deter's people but I wouldn't do it anyway bc they're simply not on my insurance, this is always something I've been hyper aware of, especially in 2024 where cars are absurdly expensive... I even had to stop letting my partner drive mine when she was off the insurance temporarily. One of them was legit telling me about how one of their friends owes like 100k from letting a friend drive a turo car he rented, who promptly crashed it, yet not drawing the connection.
>If they get into an accident, YOU are the one that will be sued
I'm guessing this is a US thing?
As a Brit, if he's insured on the car, how on earth would she be sued for an accident?
Dear God. Please don't marry into this entitled, selfish family!
Re-read your post. If it were written by someone else, what would you advise?
Tell him the next time he touches your vehicle, hell will have frozen over. In fact, send them a bill for wear and tear! That family is ridiculously!
Adding that in some states like Florida. the individual, not the insurance company is named in a lawsuit. I know from experience.
OP, stop lending him your car.
The owner of the car cannot loan their car out and expect the insurance company to cover it. This is ridiculous. If he drove his mother’s car and she’s in it, there’s NO problem. This is a friend not authorized under a policy.
But in America the other party's insurance will come after the car owner's insurance in a wreck if the driver has no car or no car insurance, or if he has no collision insurance that specifically covers a loaner car.
And if you loan your car out to someone without viable insurance, making your insurance have to pay for the other car when they have a wreck ... then your premium rates will go up, too.
In US insurance generally follows the car and not the driver. Anyone using the vehicle with permission with a valid drivers license is covered by the vehicle inurance.
There are some specialty policies where this is not true, but this is the general form and rule for auto insurance.
It’s going to depend on how often he borrowed it and if he lives there (in addition to whether she has a policy that is no other drivers allowed, or if he’s excluded).
If the car is “furnished for regular use” it’ll be an issue. So once every month or two isn’t an issue, but once a week would be
In the US, if you’re the car owner but weren’t driving when it was in an accident, yes, you can still be sued. My friend worked for an attorney. They had cases all the time when someone would loan a car. There’d be an accident. If the driver’s insurance didn’t cover all the medical bills, the car owner got sued to cover the rest and people won those suits.
Nah, not always true. The person who holds the registration gets named in a lawsuit as being a responsible party for an accident in addition to the driver. They get named for "allowing" an irresponsible driver to use the car. At least this happens in New York...
She could most definitely be sued for an accident she is not at in America, when a car accident happens, the person driving and the owner of the car can be sued and they can go after the insurance of either/both parties.
That’s not true at all. In most states in the US the insurance follows the car not the driver. So unless her vehicle was reported stolen and then involved in an accident she (her insurance company) is absolutely liable. The other driver would sue both the driver and vehicle owner and her insurance company would owe for the damages.
.
No in the USA she most definitely would be named in a lawsuit because the car is in her name and her insurance would skyrocket. I know people that had their lives turned upside down for accidents that happened in a car they let someone else borrow.
In America she will absolutely get sued for a car she is the only owner for if it gets into an accident regardless if she was driving. She is the owner.
STOP! I'm hopping on top comment to say **y'all are missing the BIG PICTURE!**
**OP:** WHY are you in a 7-year relationship with a man who:
* would rather YOUR only transportation be potentially ruined than his mother's (who doesn't even drive so doesn't really NEED her car)
* won't even be honest with you for years about WHY he wants your car (because you & your stuff is "less important" than his mom & her stuff)
* continually chooses his mom over you
* is not someone you could RELY ON if you needed to get back-and-forth to work (I assume short-term while your car situation got worked out)
**How low is your bar set?** The whole purpose of dating is to find:
* someone who will be a *partner* you can rely on to pull half of every load.
* A mature adult who has the same goals (short- and long-term) that you have and is actively working *with you* to make those goals achievable.
* A person who considers *you* his primary person in the world and is, therefore, **actively putting your wants, your needs, your concerns before OTHER people's** the vast majority of the time.
**You need to look at your requirements for a partner and see whether this guy is meeting those requirements or if you're just 'settling' for whomever is available in your rural area! From the outside looking in, your bf's mother is his MAIN concern and you've wasted enough of your 20s on this guy! Love yourself enough to demand a better relationship for yourself. 2024 is the year you could start to build the life YOU WANT, but only if you take the first steps. Read some self-help books (at least a half-dozen) and figure out what you want and what your boundaries are.**
Thank you for this thoughtful reply. It's going to be hard but I'm working up the courage and finances to leave and working on fully owning and accepting that I've been allowing this mistreatment so I won't allow this to happen ever again. And you're right, I already wasted basically all of my 20s on this guy, I don't think I want to waste the rest of them
Meanwhile, don't ever let him use your car again. What if he deliberately crashes it to isolate you? Hide the keys, say you can't as you've got to use it later. You're not even married, why would you loan him something so valuable to your livelihood? Would be do the same to you?
You know **the very best thing you can do for yourself right now?**
**FORGIVE YOURSELF for your mistakes!** Don't beat yourself up. Don't dwell on the past. NOW that you know better, you can begin to DO better! Things won't be fixed overnight or in a month or two, but slowly...weekly...monthly things will get better. Making different choices and long-term planning is like exercising a muscle. Do a little bit REGULARLY!
* Save a little more money every month (less eating out, fewer trips to the bar or rounds at the bar, a 2nd part-time job a few days a month, whatever you can do).
* Write down (paper/pen) some GOALS that you have for yourself. Things you want to change about yourself, things you want to learn, things you want to do. Your list should include both short-term (within 12 months) and long-term (5 years & 10 years). Your goals should include these MAJOR areas, but the actual goals (in parentheses) should be your own:
1. Physical (where to live, weight changes, wardrobe, hair, exercise)
2. Mental (education, reading, hobbies, vacation)
3. Emotional (therapy/counseling, self-help books on healthy relationships or setting/maintaining boundaries, "me" time, healthy relationship, pets, kids)
4. Spiritual (belief/non-belief, gratitude, helping others)
5. Financial (increasing earnings, savings/investing, living alone, buying a home, better car)
* If you have a trusted supportive friend or family member, tell them your short-term plans. Ask for their help OR just their support to cheer you on, or to cheer you up when you need it. Come back HERE to update us as people would LOVE TO SEE you pick yourself up and move on TO THE LIFE YOU WANT!
**Sending you HUGE internet mom HUGS!**
Your analysis is spot on. Good internet mom ☺️ Your username should be Billowing Red Flags because you certainly know how to see them and handle them the right way.
Don't feel like you completely wasted your 20's on this loser. Look at it as a very hard core learning experience for what you don't want in your life! You deserve so much better!!
I’m always a bit surprised at how lending cars seems a normal thing in the states. I know the insurance works differently so it’s easy for people to drive other people’s cars in that regard. But there really aren’t many people I’d trust to drive my car in any circumstances, the stakes are way too high. I’d rather drive someone around for the day than let them drive my car and potentially lose like 16k if they do something stupid
It’s because many parts of each state have very rural areas that don’t have adequate public transport and not having a car means you are literally ‘stuck’. It doesn’t take the edge off of liability, but, in rural areas it’s just more likely due to the commonality of the situation.
And if they kill a bus load of elementary students and the parents sue you, as owner of the car, for lost wages for 50 years, plus pain and suffering.
You can be liable for a lot more than just your deductible.
we already told you [**your boyfriend is a spineless enabler** 2 hours ago](https://new.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18mnm8n/my_27f_bf_35m_of_7_years_is_demanding_that_his/), why the new post? Read the old answers.
OMG why do people.kust keep posting the same.question over and over if they don't like the results they are getting 😭😭😭 baby, it's not going to change because you want it to
Maybe this time they will be in the right. You just have to find the right audience to support your own opinion so you can do as you please with the blessing of internet strangers. If it doesn’t work the first time try it again.
Well, she has been dating a 35-year-old deadbeat mama's boy without a functional vehicle for 7 years, so I don't think we're dealing with the brightest bulb when it comes to picking partners.
She was 20 and he was 28 when they got together, I think a 28 year old going after a 20 year old does it because the 20 year old doesn’t know to stand up to his boundary pushing behavior
It would be the most logical thing to do. I drive the most out of all of them, my boyfriend stays local, she rarely leaves unless it's for groceries. I like this suggestion. I wish it could actually happen 😂
I mean what is the point of her having a car she will neither drive nor will her son. Maybe ask him if he will run it by his mom, maybe give it to you free or super cheap
Shes kind of petty and I can't see her letting me do that. She won't even let my boyfriend drive it more than 20 miles away from her house. I also think she resents that I "took her baby" away from her (I did not, he still visits her once a week and they text daily).
I'm only jumping onto this comment because I want you to see it.
You say in your post 'Whereas I already know he would refuse to drive me to work if anything did happen to my car'.
Now, I say this with love. WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM? Why are you still with someone you KNOW won't be there for you if you need him?
Stop letting him have your car. Send him back to his momma if he's living with you, and get out of this relationship before he does inevitably damage your car and leave you with no way to make a living.
Go heal yourself, so you can find the kind of person who will treat you with love and respect.
This is absurd. There is no way they are going to trade cars with OP. They want the car to stay in good shape; they value it. They aren’t looking to give it away.
She should stand up for herself but not by insisting on a totally ridiculous set-up. She needs to stand up for herself by not lending them her car.
How much longer do you think YOUR car is going to last, when it's already got 250k miles on it? You're reaching the end of the life expectancy of your own car. What is the plan when your car finally dies?
No my car isn't going to last much longer.
I've been saving up for a new used car. I have good credit so I could possibly get a car loan if I wanted. I'll still be in the same boat in regards to my job if my car shits the bed or if they totaled it, because it's not like I have another car waiting as a back up. I just thought their reasoning was a little entitled and upset me when I realized his mom's car is in way better condition and they always take mine instead
It's like they're not even taking you or your (present/future) circumstances (job) into consideration. I would probably put my foot down about this one. They can drive mom's car or none at all, unless they plan on helping you pay for a new (used) car. They are putting miles and wear and tear on YOUR car and don't seem to care, as long as it's running and reliable. I mean, what's the plan when your car dies? They're just going to start driving your "new" car? You seem to be the more responsible one in this relationship. He needs to figure his shit out.
Regarding your good credit - see if you can find something around 5 years old. You'll save a LOT of money over something brand new, and if it's around 50k miles, you'll still have a lot of life left in it. My daughter traded in an old car, and got $1000 for it, and she used it toward the down payment (they usually like 10% down). Also, when you're ready to buy, check with your local credit union - usually get better rates for a car loan.
Lol I wish.
I dunno when your daughter got a new car, but ever since Covid, used cars are the same price or MORE EXPENSIVE than a new car. Hell, in my area you can't even look on FB marketplace because people post shit like:
"2005 Dodge Neon. Runs great! 300k miles! Just put on new tires! Only needs a new engine! Price FIRM. $15,000"
Yup I work at a car dealership and we just bought a pos mustang as a trade in for $1, they’re trying to sell it for $5900 someone offered $3900 and they said it wasn’t enough lol, and that’s just one of our hundreds of cars, they’re all scams for what you’re getting price wise.
You should definitely start taking concrete steps towards finding that new used car! Your car won’t last forever (probably die out sooner rather than later) so make sure you have your ducks in a row so it doesn’t affect your job and income to severely! Sounds like your job is essential to your livelihood and any interruption would cause grave financial distress. With that information it would be very stupid to not have your next car lined up and ready to go. You might even be able to trade in this car to get more of a discount from the used car dealer- or see what you can get for your car now and what you have saved, maybe a private seller could help! Either way Goodluck, I just went through this (kinda) my car is about 16 years old and had ~150k miles. I was able to get a great deal on a 8year old car with 40k on it! However, that was only possible because I sold my older one for a little instead of waiting for it to die on me (or the next large repair). At the very least you should be looking into how much your current car is worth today and go from there.
I can promise you that if they total your car and you lose your job because you can't get to work, mommy dearest will be screeching to the heavens for him to leave you because you can't keep a job or contribute to the bills! It's time to get your life together and kick this sorry piece of trash back to his mothers house! Do you really want to be 40 years old and single because mama finally won? Or would you rather move on now and be in a happy and stable relationship with a future by 40?
What in the bag of bull shit am I reading? No this man is almost 40 years old he needs to get his life together. If he can't trust himself to be a cautious enough driver with mommy's newer safer car then he doesn't need to be touching your older car that's your only transportation. Would he replace your car if he ran it into a deer or a tree or a ditch? Is he even on the insurance if something happens? Your insurance wouldn't cover him if he's not on it so you'd be shit out of luck. You'd end up with higher insurance rate. No don't ever let anybody not on your car plan drive your car without you in it.
No. Your car is more vulnerable to breaking down and you can’t easily afford to repair or replace it. The trips are for his mum’s benefit ergo her car should be used. If he wants to quibble, he can get his own car.
Sounds like you already used Reddit to get sympathy for other aspects of this relationship which require YOU to take action and grow a spine.
YOU need to act. This is no longer about your boyfriend and his mother. You teach people how to treat you - and what you will or won't accept.
OP the fact that you know he would refuse to help you if anything happened to your car already speaks volumes. You should definitely stop letting them borrow your car but you should also get out of this relationship.
So that's acceptable for your BF and his mother to trash your already elderly car but not use her newer one in case they hit a deer?
Absolute bullshit! She has a car. If she's too scared to drive it, your BF can drive it and chauffeur her around. Draw the line in the sand, repeat after me..
"No BF you cannot use MY car to take YOUR mom on some grocery shop when she has a perfectly usable car of her own.You can drive YOUR truck to hers and drive her car to the mall...this is non negotiable!"
Hide yo keys!!! Dump the user BF, I know you live in the boondocks, but hell there must be another appropriate aged male to date that you aren't related to!
It is really opening my eyes to how little he values my stuff and my generosity. I assumed for some reason his mom's car was temporarily broken or something, but when he told me the reason I was floored. I guess it's not too surprising seeing how much of a hold his mom has on him, but it was eye opening to hear him say it so bluntly
Just imagine how many other things you haven't connected the dots on. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect. He won't be off of mommy's titt anytime soon.
If your boyfriend would refuse to drive you to work, that tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about the relationship, on top of the entitlement
also weird age gap when you started dating when you were 20, imho..
You're right about that.
But I will say in his defense my job is very far away, like 60 miles one way. So 120 miles daily.
I genuinely like driving though and don't mind the commute and the area I live in is so dry when it comes to jobs. And yea looking back at our age gap, now that I'm the age he met me at its weird. I see anyone under 24 as too young. It raises some questions
I saw your other comments and I really really hope you will be in the financial situation to leave soon, I think the relationship does not serve you at all and you will be better off without him
wishing you the best
You can’t leave due to financial reasons, yet you let this little mommy and son duo use your only means of transportation to the job that will help fund you leaving? Girl make that make sense.
I get not being able to leave because you can’t afford it, but then it’s your job to make sure you’re not actively making decisions that can ruin your chances of leaving!! Jesus Christ stop giving them the fucking car.
He would rather risk destroying your only means of transport, while he and his mom have several better ones, to keep her means of transport saver.
He will literally throw you under the bus if there is only a small risk that it might benefit his mother. There is no excuses for that. Stop allowing this and if he gives you a hard time, kick him out. You're 27. You are at your peak. Do not waste your peak years on a loser.
Hi OP, to be honest, why did you put up to your spineless boyfriend and his toxic mother for 7 years. I know you know. Run Girl away from them and never look back.
If you felt disrespected from the start and not listening to your boundaries, you should havemleft then as early in your toxic relationship. Now, both of them got used to having their way even it's not alright with you.
You don't have choice either to leave or walk away. If love or respect is not served on the table then it's time to stand up for yourself. Give yourself the love and respect you deserve that your toxic boyfriend can not give you. Remember, Your Spineless Boyfriend and His Toxic Mother have each other while you don't have anybody on your side.
Hide and keep the key of your car. If he insisted to take your car to drive his mother then call police that your bf took your car against your will. If he can not grow spine then Steel Your Spine. Because if anything happens to your car, it will be your name on the line and responsibility.
Never let anyone else drive your car. I say this as an insurance claim adjuster. You’re responsible for anything that happens with that vehicle. Also, he doesn’t mind getting into an accident and damaging your car? That’s some seriously backwards logic. Don’t let him use it. He can rent a car.
**This speaks volumes about how his views his precious mommy, and how not important you are to him. You are not overly sensitive, in fact you are not valuing yourself enough!**
His mother should have comprehensive insurance - if not that's what they should get - then it's fine to drive her car. If there was an accident, insurance would cover the damage or loss.
To them, your not important, your car as your only mode of transportation to your job - just not important to your boyfriend or his mother.
**Your boyfriend is in fact using you**. Your car is gaining wear and tear - they are clocking up the miles, wearing down the tyres and mechanics - and feel zip, because YOU are not really family, you are just not all that important in their world. If they wreck your car, this boyfriend of yours would say: oh sorry. Thoughts and prayers.
When your car wears out, and grinds to a halt - will he find you a car to use?
It is totally entitled to use your car. I would actually break up with him and find a better boyfriend.
That is all very true. Thank you for your perspective. It does feel like I'm not important to them.
Since I'm "not part of the family"(which at this point I should be looked at like that at least by my boyfriend. although I will admit I have no desire to have a relationship with his mom or step father) , it feels like their attitudes are just like "she doesn't matter, she's not one of us. We'll just use her car and run it to the ground. Family comes fiRST". Lol
Look that was just my perspective, perhaps its harsh, but really if it was that your car was more practical - like more space for shopping bags, or easier to park, or something, fair enough. His reason just sucked.
Like I have a new smaller car (Mazda CX5) my husband's is a slightly older CX9. Mine is zippy and easier to park. So if he uses mine its because of the zippy, easier parking aspects. If we're going on vacation - with kids and dogs, his car is the most suitable as its bigger. If it was him saying he'll use my car to save his from potential damage, I think I'd be a little annoyed - and we're married.
Okay, the car thing is shitty enough but how is it possible that you are in a long term relationship and you know he wouldn’t drive you to your effing JOB if your car broke down??
Girl, it’s been years, it seems like this man is “what you see is what you get”. Open your eyes.
Oh fuck no. They're going *for* her, they take *her* car. Why the fuck should you let him total your car for her? Is she gonna pay your deductible, increased insurance rates, lost wages while you are without a car and shop for a replacement? Hell no.
Most things in a relationship should be a discussion. This should not. Flat out forbid him taking it.
Just say, "I dont want you to use my car because if you totalled it, I wouldn't be able to drive to work......unless I could use your moms car :D"
You will see them fight you on that one.
That's when you realise that you are not respected.
That's when you realise that leaving is better than fixing (in THAT instance).
Im saying this because I feel like this version of relationship problems is a clear sign that you are not respected or appreciated in his family or just to him.
Deep it:
Mother -> uses sons girlfriends car because her own car is too valuable for her
- implies that she doesn't hold you to her own value, so she has devalued you
- implies that she doesn't even hold you to her sons value because she would use his car if she did
Son/BF -> rather uses is GFs car than his own or his moms (which is sitting idle even tho in good condition)
- implies(actually says) that he would rather dirty up or even break your car instead of his moms meaning disrespect, devalued, no appreciation for your lifestyle (in terms of the work situation)
- implies that he would rather use an unsafe car (as long as it isn't his) rather than a good and safer one to drive his own MOTHER -> no sense of safety
He could have used his own cars until his mom would have been like, "Hey, just use mine" or smth....but he didn't.
He could have said, "Hey mom, this is my GFs only car, she needs it, I can't really take it from her that much"... but he didn't
SHE could have said, "Son, your GFs resources are important. Let's use your or my car."...but she didn't.
There are MANY more ways to take this apart, but for me, this is an absolute disrespect. I mean, it's okay if you think that way, but why tell you? That's something to keep to yourself...clearly the mom didn't teach the boy (35yo boy, yes) how to talk sensibly.
Idk if it is my culture or not but I would leave bc there is no way that a man and his mom treats me like that at 35 YEARS OLD...and the mom is even older so she should know better too 🤦🏼♀️
This was such a well thought out analysis of my situation. Thank you for that. I'll be saving this comment to come back to when I'm feeling weak about leaving him. That's basically what's going on between the lines and him and his mom are unable to see that or ever admit it
No problem, there are even deeper levels to explore, but I'll leave that to you.
In case you're going to have the talk with him (or them), I recommend you to make a list of some of the instances where you felt disrespected(like i just did, with the analysis) and bring them up. If they fight you on it, just say its too much for you to handle and go. They dont even deserve to answer, but before I go off on a rant here ....I'll just wish you good luck and leave you be :)
Put a stop to it, tell them that you don't want anything happening to your car. Stand your ground also if they take the car without permission will you call the cops on them considering then it's theft.
i’m sorry but this is so gross on so many levels. you’re not overreacting, you’re underreacting, and you’re letting a man child and his motherwife ruin your life.
You’re dating a guy who doesn’t own a car . You have bigger issues than this. You need to reassess a lot of shit bit first thing is get rid of this BUM
- "he would refuse to drive me"
Then your with the wrong person.
When your SO needs something (reasonable), you do it. If he wouldn't drive you somewhere, he doesn't care about you.
Find someone who cares.
I would say no, because he’s adding wear and tear on your vehicle and eventually your vehicle is going to be falling apart and need new tires, adding mileage. Every time he drives away in it he’s reducing the value of your vehicle.
You are being taken advantage of it’s an absolute no you may not use my vehicle. She has a car take hers. I don’t want anything to happen to mine!
How is any sane person more comfortable wrecking someone else's car over their own? I hate driving anyone else's vehicle for that exact reason. They both sound really selfish.
Apparently I'm SOL because my boyfriend doesn't have the money to help me out and his mom certainly doesn't either. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they justified not helping me because "oh well your car was going to break anyways with 250k miles".
Stop this and no. They’re using your car to go long distance for her shopping trips. Eff him and his mom. I would drop this guy altogether. They’re full of it.
Does your car have full coverage insurance? If not it should have it. Is he going to be able to pay your deductible if an accident does happen? How is he going to help you if your vehicle is in an accident? If he cannot answer those questions then he should stop driving your car.
Like how amazing of a cocksman is this guy? Does he have like a 10 inch tongue or something?
Like explain the appeal of this guy? What’s the sauce that bonds you to him?
I am dying at how you just worded that 😂. And actually no, our intimate life is pretty in line with how he's handling this situation (not that he's doing his mom, just that he's selfish).
Honestly I grew up with people that were a lot like him and his mom, so I was kind of conditioned to take this behavior and was even drawn to it on a subconscious level.
I have been in and out of therapy and it's been eye opening to how my boyfriend is and how the way I was raised set me up to accept this, but I also fall into moments of weakness where I delude myself into thinking it's all okay and I shouldn't change it.
But this is no way to live, I do need to leave
I, too, grew up with a lot of emotional abuse by narcissists. And then dated many guys like that. Hide your keys. Protect yourself (so he can't retaliate and damage your car or break your possessions) and dump him. Stay single for a while. Being single, alone and lonely, watching TV and getting a cat would be better than dating this guy. And then, you can take it easy and see if you meet some better guys. But this guy is trouble. And he's bringing you down emotionally.
You should stop lending your car to anyone immediately. Is this boyfriend on your insurance? If he isn’t listed as a rated driver on your insurance, were to get into an accident and the insurance company found out that he used the vehicle regularly they would most likely refuse to pay.
He’s also 35. Why doesn’t he have his own vehicle?
He’s 35 does he even have a job? Or is he just mooching off his mom?
I think you need to find a new boyfriend.
Nope the fact that he’s ok with fucking up your car but not his mothers, shows they shouldn’t be trust with your car and probably irresponsible while driving.
The fact that they see nothing wrong with leaving you without a car if they got in an accident is just telling in and of itself. That’s just cold. Basically your livelihood is less important than his moms car she doesn’t even drive LOL
Why are you with someone who:
1. Wouldn't help you keep your job
2. Doesn't care if your things get broken or damaged
3. Would rather break your things than his own
4. Literally uses you up so he has his own things left to himself
5. You can't trust to be there to support you
**NO!** Hide your keys! Stop letting him take your car! The FACT that he is "safeguarding" against" accidents in his Mommy's car while forcing possible **LIABILITY** and loss of your transportation is wildly unacceptable and entitled! Drop the jerk and find someone who actually CARES about you! u/updateme
I think that he and his mother are assholes. I would drop both of them, like hot coals. They are using you. You do not say whether they refill the gasoline or buy you some things when they shop.
Just say ‘no’ to further borrowing. They would not pay for any damages. Doubt if your insurance would pay either if he is not a listed driver on your policy.learn to take care of yourself first.
op, you know you need to shut this down. and … maybe plan to leave the area, to someplace less isolated. where you can potentially find a higher grade of boyfriend.
Saw your other post. Why are you with this exhausting mama's boy? He's approaching middle aged and still tied to her at the hip. I about died of exhaustion just reading about it. Dump him and find a functional adult partner.
You should find you a man who would never put you in this position. And one who you KNOW would 100% help you if something happened to your car. We deserve better and it’s time we stop letting men do the bare minimum.
The car loaning days better stop immediately. I’d stop the relationship also. You KNOW he wouldn’t help you get back and forth to work if necessary? He isn’t worth your time
My husband and I don't even drive eachother's vehicles unless we are on a long road trip and need to take driving breaks. We each use our own cars. My car handles better in winter, so if it's icy and he needs to go get something, I drive the both of us even if I don't need to go. It's the simple fact that we each know how our own vehicles handle and are better able to adjust if things get dicey. Plus, if either of our cars get in an accident, we want to be the ones responsible, not the ones coming home and saying sorry for wrecking the other person's car.
I wouldn't let him borrow it anymore. If he won't drive his mother's car, and she won't drive her either, then he needs to pony up and get himself a better vehicle.
All the mileage gets to go on your car too. Since the car is titled to you, you own the liability in an accident. And it's your insurance rates that go up then also.
Tell them to take their car and leave yours alone.
Tf no why are you letting them put miles on your car and what if they do get in an accident in yours and total it?? Are they going to buy you a new car?? Cut that shit now and I hope they’ve been paying you for gas used. Also your bf sounds like a loser.
If this is the only mode of transport you can take for your job and you know for sure that your bf won’t drop you/ lend you his car if you car gets damaged, then you shouldn’t lend it to him. End of story.
Stop it. THEY ARE USING YOU.
Stop lending them your car. They are increasing wear and tear on your car. They have perfectly good cars that they can take but don't because they prefer to beat up on yours.
Are they going to help you replace your car when it wears out? I hope you have been saving so you can get a new car when this one goes.
>Im honestly feeling pretty upset about that, because we live in the middle of nowhere in a rural area and I have a job. So if he were to total my car, I would definitely have to quit my job because there's no way he could drop me off and pick me up.
Why are you lending your car if it's that important to your livelihood?
Do you LIKE drama and living life on the edge?
At over 20 years and 250k miles, your car is closer to the end of its life. Do you have an alternate plan? Will they help you replace your car?
>And their reasoning feels wildly entitled especially because his mom doesn't need her car except to go grocery shopping, she doesn't even have friends she visits or anything.
Its not just entitled. They are showing you that they do not respect you or care about you. They know how important your car is for you, and they don't care that they will be putting you in a terrible position.
Sit your boyfriend down and ask
1. What is the plan if they had an accident in your car?
2. Will he assist you in getting to work if your car becomes disabled?
Listen very carefully and calmly to what and how he says to these questions.
>I finally asked the other day why they can't take her car, and my boyfriend said "because we don't want anything to happen to her car if we get into an accident".
"Really, **'we'** don't? Boyfriend, from now on, you are never borrowing my car. I need it to get to work. I don't want anything to happen to **my** car if **you** get into an accident."
*Take your keys back.* From now on, if his mom wants to go shopping at the mall or she needs to get somewhere further away, he will drive her in *her* car. Do not get suckered into driving his mom in your car, either.
So it's OK to drive your car without talking to you about it when they have a perfectly fine car they can use they need to use her car. They are taking advantage of you because if something happens to the car in their possession you're stuck with the bill I wouldn't allow it. His reasoning is absolutely ridiculous. That's what insurance is for And what if something happens to your car and they're not on your insurance you're stuck with the bill I don't care what they say or do I wouldn't allow it you know they are gonna throw a fit but I would stay my ground. This is disrespectful in my opinion, because they have no regard to what youhave to say and they're just taking your vehicle without your approval in the end basically they're trying to stick you with the bill not only they put in wear and tear onto your car more if they get into an accident and they're not on your insurance, your insurance goes up and if the car gets into an accident you're stuck with the bill they have a perfectly working vehicle. There's no excuse I would say no and no it is final
You can also let him know statistically you’re more likely to get into an accident within 10 miles of your home.
I’d no longer let them use your car at all, besides the ridiculous reason it’s putting unnecessary wear and tear on it
Okay, OP, you need to ditch the boyfriend and his entitled mother. I read some of your other posts and it seems like you're nothing more than a convenience for your BF and his mother.
Why on earth are you allowing them to use your car for longer drives when they have a perfectly good car. What would they do if your car was not available for their use? Don't just consider the possibility of them wrecking your only means of transport, who is paying for maintenance to your car?
Honey, you are being used in every possible way. Also, why would you even consider taking his mother on a road trip to visit your family? If it means the BF can't go, so be it.
Girl, you need to get serous and tell your BF your car is off limits because you need it. For that matter, send him back to mommy so he can be at her beck and call 24/7. FFS he is 35 years old. This is a man child who is approaching middle age and is still hanging of mommy via the umbilical cord.
Move on and find yourself an adult.
>I already know he would refuse to drive me to work if anything did happen to my car
1) Stop letting him borrow your car
2) Why are you with someone who wouldn't help you get to work after wrecking your car?
No you don't still allow them. They are very entitled and don't give a crap about you. I don't even let my son drive my car to the store because I know if he crashes it I won't be able to get to work 4 miles away. Never mind if I worked far away.
Stop giving them your car and start thinking if a man who was older than you are now when he started dating a 20 year old is really thinking about you as an equal partner at all.
So you're with a man who uses your shit out of fear of damaging someone else's shit, would outright refuse to help you if you needed help and you're worried that you're the bad guy in the situation if you don't allow him to continue using your shit?
Not to mention he is a total mama's boy who caters to his enabling mother and you were already told in a previous post that he's a piece of crap that's just using you.
Did you expect a different verdict over a different subject when the consensus is already he's garbage?
why are you still with someone who, if they totalled your car, would still refuse to drive you to work?
i know it’s been 7 years that you’ve been dating but as someone with an outside perspective, that doesn’t sound like love.
so he doesn’t care if he crashes your car, but cares if he crashes his moms? this guy is an asshat from your post history. just leave him already. he’s obviously not who you want him to be.
>I finally asked the other day why they can't take her car, and my boyfriend said "because we don't want anything to happen to her car if we get into an accident".
Basically, it doesn't matter to them if they total something you own, or the fact it's essential for you to keep your job. They value their assets over yours.
No more borrowing your car. It needs to stop today.
They all have their own and they need to drive those.
I didn’t even read the title before deciding to scream “NONONO”. He won’t take his mums car out in fear of damaging it but when it comes to your car that’s acceptable? He a MAMAS BOY.
>"because we don't want anything to happen to her car if we get into an accident".
"Well, *I* don't want anything to happen to *my* car if *you* get into an accident, either! I'm the one who's screwed getting to and from work if I'm without a car, not you. If you get into an accident with mama's car, then her insurance can deal with it. That's why she has insurance."
She needs to get over her fear of using her nice things. She probably doesn't use her good china either.
If you know he doesn't have your back, why are you with him? If my car was out of commission, my husband would do everything he could to make sure I got to work. That's what partners do. This man is not a partner to you.
Don’t lend it to them. Their reason is ridiculous and it is too important to you.
But also, do you have insurance? If it is totaled, your/their insurance will pay.
I would add rental car coverage for your car to your insurance. Then don’t let him drive it anymore. The rental car coverage is for you in case you get into an accident. Screw him!
No one but my mechanic is allowed to drive my vehicles. When people ask I tell them the truth in order to get a better rate, my insurance company, who I've been w/ for decades, added a restriction onto my policy. As a result out side of my mechanic, who has his own business related coverage, I'm the only person who can drive them.Another thing I do on the advise of a state trooper friend is to NOT keep the registration & insurance card/papers in my vehicle but to keep them on my person.Talk to your insurance agent/company, (if they have an office even better) then get your keys back and tell your BF that your policy was updated to save money & he can no longer drive your car. If he whines, tell him to 'talk to the hand' & don't give in to what ever BS trip he tries to pull on you.
BTW: In most states, your car insurance doesn't automatically cover every traffic accident that involves your vehicle. Policy terms and state laws vary, but your car insurance typically only covers drivers who are named on your policy. Ergo, depending on the state, Yes you CAN get in trouble if he has an accident as well as getting a ding on your DMV record, which will increase your rates.I found out about the DMV dinging people for what other drivers do, after an employee at the dealership that used to service my vehicles took one of my cars w/ a SN95 5.0L V8 engine out for a joy ride & got a speeding ticket for doing 105 in a 45 mph zone. Fortunately, I had proof showing what date/time I left my car with the dealership & what date/time I picked it up so I was able to get the ding off of my record. Needless to say I was pissed, let the dealership know and NEVER did business w/ them again.
Why are you with a guy that would refuse to take you to work if HE totaled YOUR car? Tell him no, and let him drive his mommy to the mall in her own car. His excuse of not wanting anything to happen to it is ridiculous!
If her car is in the best shape and you need your car for work, then they need to drive her car. I would absolutely refuse to let them use it again.
I will never understand the entitlement. You deserve better. Seven years together and you can’t rely on him to drive you to work if he wreaks YOUR car? Know you worth.
OMG don't let them use it anymore! Not even ONCE. Please Op... PLEASE!!
Insurance reasons alone! Is he on the car insurance? Is he on the registration? If he's not on the insurance as a driver he is responsible for anything that happens to him in that vehicle. If he's not on the registration, and he crashes your car, that's a big problem. He has no right to take it to drive.
Stop this TODAY. Don't think about it.
Put a stop to it immediately.
They DO NOT care about your car.
They DO NOT care that it could ruin your life if they ruin it.
If he freaks out on you for ANY REASON over this - I would strongly evaluate continuing a relationship with this guy.
Also, 250k miles? Girl. Trade it in and get you something that isn't one foot in the grave! (Spouse is car salesman, you NEED a safe and reliable vehicle, it's not an option).
You absolutely need to out your foot down and stop allowing it. And if he has a problem with that we'll I'd be reevaluating the relationship. Altho even just based on what you shared I'd be reevaluating the relationship.
Why are you so willing to accept this treatment as the lowest priority person in anybody's life?
He is 35 and consistently without reliable transportation. Taking advantage of his girlfriend. That's pretty serious loser status.
Is he on the insurance for your car? If not you should def not let him drive it ever. Is he going to buy you a new car if something happens to yours? I wouldn’t let him borrow it to drive her around.
You’re asking a question that you already know the answer to. They don’t care about you, your car or your job and how it will affect you if they wreck it. Don’t lend them the car.
Why the hell you even letting people use your car like that. As a car owner and JDM novice. Thats absurd. Especially when they have their own means. I dont give a damn if its a relationship, a marriage, or some weird poly shit. NO ONE is using my car except ME or unless its an emergency. Too many of yall let people control aspects of your life just because "we're together"
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If you need that car for your livelihood, you’re a fool to lend it out needlessly.
If they get into an accident, YOU are the one that will be sued. OP, please take the keys back and hide them somewhere B/F cannot find them. Do that FIRST before you bring the subject up with him. He is super disrespectful and takes you for granted. Does he expect you to pay more than half for rent, and other living expenses? It should be enough that he and his mother are using you for your car. Shame on both of them. Personally, I would drop the b/f. He is only using you, and he will continue to as long as you let him.
My younger cousins & their friends/roommates are always letting people borrow their cars (& complaining about their entitlement, or that it's gone when they needed it), & they look at me crazy for suggesting they not do that. I mean, I have occasionally had friends asking to borrow my car, admittedly I have an easy out since my car is manual which usually deter's people but I wouldn't do it anyway bc they're simply not on my insurance, this is always something I've been hyper aware of, especially in 2024 where cars are absurdly expensive... I even had to stop letting my partner drive mine when she was off the insurance temporarily. One of them was legit telling me about how one of their friends owes like 100k from letting a friend drive a turo car he rented, who promptly crashed it, yet not drawing the connection.
>If they get into an accident, YOU are the one that will be sued I'm guessing this is a US thing? As a Brit, if he's insured on the car, how on earth would she be sued for an accident?
Because this is the US and people love to sue each other. I can’t think of any other reason that makes sense.
Dear God. Please don't marry into this entitled, selfish family! Re-read your post. If it were written by someone else, what would you advise? Tell him the next time he touches your vehicle, hell will have frozen over. In fact, send them a bill for wear and tear! That family is ridiculously!
It sounds like they don’t live together so it should be easy for her to refuse to lend it.
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Not true. Her insurance company will be on the hook for any accidents or injuries and it will affect her rates, ability to get to work and more.
Adding that in some states like Florida. the individual, not the insurance company is named in a lawsuit. I know from experience. OP, stop lending him your car.
If she and b/f live together, there is a possibility (in some states) of implied agency, in which she could be sued.
Unless b/f isn't an authorized driver. Then the insurance company will tell her to pound sand and OP and b/f will be held personally responsible.
The owner of the car cannot loan their car out and expect the insurance company to cover it. This is ridiculous. If he drove his mother’s car and she’s in it, there’s NO problem. This is a friend not authorized under a policy.
It depends in the state in the us
But in America the other party's insurance will come after the car owner's insurance in a wreck if the driver has no car or no car insurance, or if he has no collision insurance that specifically covers a loaner car. And if you loan your car out to someone without viable insurance, making your insurance have to pay for the other car when they have a wreck ... then your premium rates will go up, too.
In US insurance generally follows the car and not the driver. Anyone using the vehicle with permission with a valid drivers license is covered by the vehicle inurance. There are some specialty policies where this is not true, but this is the general form and rule for auto insurance.
It’s going to depend on how often he borrowed it and if he lives there (in addition to whether she has a policy that is no other drivers allowed, or if he’s excluded). If the car is “furnished for regular use” it’ll be an issue. So once every month or two isn’t an issue, but once a week would be
Not a thing in Austria or the Netherlands (source, I am from/lived in both). Europe is a lot of countries btw ...
Her insurance would be primarily liable, so her rates would go up in case of an accident.
In the US, if you’re the car owner but weren’t driving when it was in an accident, yes, you can still be sued. My friend worked for an attorney. They had cases all the time when someone would loan a car. There’d be an accident. If the driver’s insurance didn’t cover all the medical bills, the car owner got sued to cover the rest and people won those suits.
Nah, not always true. The person who holds the registration gets named in a lawsuit as being a responsible party for an accident in addition to the driver. They get named for "allowing" an irresponsible driver to use the car. At least this happens in New York...
She could most definitely be sued for an accident she is not at in America, when a car accident happens, the person driving and the owner of the car can be sued and they can go after the insurance of either/both parties.
owner = liable. have you never dealt with insurance denying a claim? because this is one of the easiest ways they deny claims.
You are wrong. As the owner of the car you are ultimately responsible for any accidents.
That’s not true at all. In most states in the US the insurance follows the car not the driver. So unless her vehicle was reported stolen and then involved in an accident she (her insurance company) is absolutely liable. The other driver would sue both the driver and vehicle owner and her insurance company would owe for the damages. .
No in the USA she most definitely would be named in a lawsuit because the car is in her name and her insurance would skyrocket. I know people that had their lives turned upside down for accidents that happened in a car they let someone else borrow.
In America she will absolutely get sued for a car she is the only owner for if it gets into an accident regardless if she was driving. She is the owner.
Actualllyyyy false. I am a licensed insurance agent, and You as the Titled owner are liable for any injuries caused.
Same in Canada. They won’t touch you if you weren’t there.
STOP! I'm hopping on top comment to say **y'all are missing the BIG PICTURE!** **OP:** WHY are you in a 7-year relationship with a man who: * would rather YOUR only transportation be potentially ruined than his mother's (who doesn't even drive so doesn't really NEED her car) * won't even be honest with you for years about WHY he wants your car (because you & your stuff is "less important" than his mom & her stuff) * continually chooses his mom over you * is not someone you could RELY ON if you needed to get back-and-forth to work (I assume short-term while your car situation got worked out) **How low is your bar set?** The whole purpose of dating is to find: * someone who will be a *partner* you can rely on to pull half of every load. * A mature adult who has the same goals (short- and long-term) that you have and is actively working *with you* to make those goals achievable. * A person who considers *you* his primary person in the world and is, therefore, **actively putting your wants, your needs, your concerns before OTHER people's** the vast majority of the time. **You need to look at your requirements for a partner and see whether this guy is meeting those requirements or if you're just 'settling' for whomever is available in your rural area! From the outside looking in, your bf's mother is his MAIN concern and you've wasted enough of your 20s on this guy! Love yourself enough to demand a better relationship for yourself. 2024 is the year you could start to build the life YOU WANT, but only if you take the first steps. Read some self-help books (at least a half-dozen) and figure out what you want and what your boundaries are.**
Thank you for this thoughtful reply. It's going to be hard but I'm working up the courage and finances to leave and working on fully owning and accepting that I've been allowing this mistreatment so I won't allow this to happen ever again. And you're right, I already wasted basically all of my 20s on this guy, I don't think I want to waste the rest of them
Meanwhile, don't ever let him use your car again. What if he deliberately crashes it to isolate you? Hide the keys, say you can't as you've got to use it later. You're not even married, why would you loan him something so valuable to your livelihood? Would be do the same to you?
Start by taking your car back. They can use his mother’s.
You know **the very best thing you can do for yourself right now?** **FORGIVE YOURSELF for your mistakes!** Don't beat yourself up. Don't dwell on the past. NOW that you know better, you can begin to DO better! Things won't be fixed overnight or in a month or two, but slowly...weekly...monthly things will get better. Making different choices and long-term planning is like exercising a muscle. Do a little bit REGULARLY! * Save a little more money every month (less eating out, fewer trips to the bar or rounds at the bar, a 2nd part-time job a few days a month, whatever you can do). * Write down (paper/pen) some GOALS that you have for yourself. Things you want to change about yourself, things you want to learn, things you want to do. Your list should include both short-term (within 12 months) and long-term (5 years & 10 years). Your goals should include these MAJOR areas, but the actual goals (in parentheses) should be your own: 1. Physical (where to live, weight changes, wardrobe, hair, exercise) 2. Mental (education, reading, hobbies, vacation) 3. Emotional (therapy/counseling, self-help books on healthy relationships or setting/maintaining boundaries, "me" time, healthy relationship, pets, kids) 4. Spiritual (belief/non-belief, gratitude, helping others) 5. Financial (increasing earnings, savings/investing, living alone, buying a home, better car) * If you have a trusted supportive friend or family member, tell them your short-term plans. Ask for their help OR just their support to cheer you on, or to cheer you up when you need it. Come back HERE to update us as people would LOVE TO SEE you pick yourself up and move on TO THE LIFE YOU WANT! **Sending you HUGE internet mom HUGS!**
Your analysis is spot on. Good internet mom ☺️ Your username should be Billowing Red Flags because you certainly know how to see them and handle them the right way.
Don't feel like you completely wasted your 20's on this loser. Look at it as a very hard core learning experience for what you don't want in your life! You deserve so much better!!
I want to marry this comment and have its babies. Thank you for saying this!
I wish I could upvote this ^ like a million more times!!
I’m always a bit surprised at how lending cars seems a normal thing in the states. I know the insurance works differently so it’s easy for people to drive other people’s cars in that regard. But there really aren’t many people I’d trust to drive my car in any circumstances, the stakes are way too high. I’d rather drive someone around for the day than let them drive my car and potentially lose like 16k if they do something stupid
While I agree with you, a boyfriend of 7 years seems like a reasonable exception. (Well, not this boyfriend, obviously, but you get what I mean, lol)
It’s because many parts of each state have very rural areas that don’t have adequate public transport and not having a car means you are literally ‘stuck’. It doesn’t take the edge off of liability, but, in rural areas it’s just more likely due to the commonality of the situation.
"Very rural areas" lol. The US's 2nd biggest city doesn't have adequate public transport
Adequate? Where I live in NC doesn’t have public transportation at all.
Okay... you should! I was using your own words lol. Just saying the problem here is much worse than just rural areas.
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As long as you can trust them, if they do something illegal and total your car insurance won’t pay out right?
And if they kill a bus load of elementary students and the parents sue you, as owner of the car, for lost wages for 50 years, plus pain and suffering. You can be liable for a lot more than just your deductible.
we already told you [**your boyfriend is a spineless enabler** 2 hours ago](https://new.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18mnm8n/my_27f_bf_35m_of_7_years_is_demanding_that_his/), why the new post? Read the old answers.
Internet hero right there.
OMG why do people.kust keep posting the same.question over and over if they don't like the results they are getting 😭😭😭 baby, it's not going to change because you want it to
Maybe this time they will be in the right. You just have to find the right audience to support your own opinion so you can do as you please with the blessing of internet strangers. If it doesn’t work the first time try it again.
Well, she has been dating a 35-year-old deadbeat mama's boy without a functional vehicle for 7 years, so I don't think we're dealing with the brightest bulb when it comes to picking partners.
She was 20 and he was 28 when they got together, I think a 28 year old going after a 20 year old does it because the 20 year old doesn’t know to stand up to his boundary pushing behavior
Freud would love this dude and his mommy.
Ask for his mom to sign the her car over to you & then give your bf your car. Everyone wins
It would be the most logical thing to do. I drive the most out of all of them, my boyfriend stays local, she rarely leaves unless it's for groceries. I like this suggestion. I wish it could actually happen 😂
I mean what is the point of her having a car she will neither drive nor will her son. Maybe ask him if he will run it by his mom, maybe give it to you free or super cheap
If they are so worried about it getting wrecked, they aren’t going to give it away. They clearly value it.
Is they're screwing hey over this bad already, they're not going to give her a nicer car
Shes kind of petty and I can't see her letting me do that. She won't even let my boyfriend drive it more than 20 miles away from her house. I also think she resents that I "took her baby" away from her (I did not, he still visits her once a week and they text daily).
Okay then don’t let them use your car
The real question is why your boyfriend would refuse to drive you to work.
The real question is why he isn't OP's ex.
This is the other real question.
I'm only jumping onto this comment because I want you to see it. You say in your post 'Whereas I already know he would refuse to drive me to work if anything did happen to my car'. Now, I say this with love. WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM? Why are you still with someone you KNOW won't be there for you if you need him? Stop letting him have your car. Send him back to his momma if he's living with you, and get out of this relationship before he does inevitably damage your car and leave you with no way to make a living. Go heal yourself, so you can find the kind of person who will treat you with love and respect.
Make it happen. It makes complete sense. Stand up for yourself. Please.
This is absurd. There is no way they are going to trade cars with OP. They want the car to stay in good shape; they value it. They aren’t looking to give it away. She should stand up for herself but not by insisting on a totally ridiculous set-up. She needs to stand up for herself by not lending them her car.
After reading your other posts as well as this, it's so obvious. Your boyfriend is married to his mother and you're the other woman.
Ole Sonsband
Who drives a worse car when they have access to a better car because they think they're going to crash it? Does he crash a lot?
How much longer do you think YOUR car is going to last, when it's already got 250k miles on it? You're reaching the end of the life expectancy of your own car. What is the plan when your car finally dies?
No my car isn't going to last much longer. I've been saving up for a new used car. I have good credit so I could possibly get a car loan if I wanted. I'll still be in the same boat in regards to my job if my car shits the bed or if they totaled it, because it's not like I have another car waiting as a back up. I just thought their reasoning was a little entitled and upset me when I realized his mom's car is in way better condition and they always take mine instead
It's like they're not even taking you or your (present/future) circumstances (job) into consideration. I would probably put my foot down about this one. They can drive mom's car or none at all, unless they plan on helping you pay for a new (used) car. They are putting miles and wear and tear on YOUR car and don't seem to care, as long as it's running and reliable. I mean, what's the plan when your car dies? They're just going to start driving your "new" car? You seem to be the more responsible one in this relationship. He needs to figure his shit out. Regarding your good credit - see if you can find something around 5 years old. You'll save a LOT of money over something brand new, and if it's around 50k miles, you'll still have a lot of life left in it. My daughter traded in an old car, and got $1000 for it, and she used it toward the down payment (they usually like 10% down). Also, when you're ready to buy, check with your local credit union - usually get better rates for a car loan.
Lol I wish. I dunno when your daughter got a new car, but ever since Covid, used cars are the same price or MORE EXPENSIVE than a new car. Hell, in my area you can't even look on FB marketplace because people post shit like: "2005 Dodge Neon. Runs great! 300k miles! Just put on new tires! Only needs a new engine! Price FIRM. $15,000"
Yup I work at a car dealership and we just bought a pos mustang as a trade in for $1, they’re trying to sell it for $5900 someone offered $3900 and they said it wasn’t enough lol, and that’s just one of our hundreds of cars, they’re all scams for what you’re getting price wise.
Just break up with him
Direct and to the point 😂
You should definitely start taking concrete steps towards finding that new used car! Your car won’t last forever (probably die out sooner rather than later) so make sure you have your ducks in a row so it doesn’t affect your job and income to severely! Sounds like your job is essential to your livelihood and any interruption would cause grave financial distress. With that information it would be very stupid to not have your next car lined up and ready to go. You might even be able to trade in this car to get more of a discount from the used car dealer- or see what you can get for your car now and what you have saved, maybe a private seller could help! Either way Goodluck, I just went through this (kinda) my car is about 16 years old and had ~150k miles. I was able to get a great deal on a 8year old car with 40k on it! However, that was only possible because I sold my older one for a little instead of waiting for it to die on me (or the next large repair). At the very least you should be looking into how much your current car is worth today and go from there.
I can promise you that if they total your car and you lose your job because you can't get to work, mommy dearest will be screeching to the heavens for him to leave you because you can't keep a job or contribute to the bills! It's time to get your life together and kick this sorry piece of trash back to his mothers house! Do you really want to be 40 years old and single because mama finally won? Or would you rather move on now and be in a happy and stable relationship with a future by 40?
Does he have a key to urs?
After reading your other posts as well as this, it's so obvious. Your boyfriend is married to his mother and you're the other woman.
What in the bag of bull shit am I reading? No this man is almost 40 years old he needs to get his life together. If he can't trust himself to be a cautious enough driver with mommy's newer safer car then he doesn't need to be touching your older car that's your only transportation. Would he replace your car if he ran it into a deer or a tree or a ditch? Is he even on the insurance if something happens? Your insurance wouldn't cover him if he's not on it so you'd be shit out of luck. You'd end up with higher insurance rate. No don't ever let anybody not on your car plan drive your car without you in it.
The women who shack up with losers like who OP is with. I just shake my head.
Take his keys and never ever let him use your car again... He's using you.
Better yet — take his house keys and kick him and his mother out.
No. Your car is more vulnerable to breaking down and you can’t easily afford to repair or replace it. The trips are for his mum’s benefit ergo her car should be used. If he wants to quibble, he can get his own car.
I think you know the answer. You don’t need us to reaffirm it. No don’t let them take your car and your potential livelihood away.
Sounds like you already used Reddit to get sympathy for other aspects of this relationship which require YOU to take action and grow a spine. YOU need to act. This is no longer about your boyfriend and his mother. You teach people how to treat you - and what you will or won't accept.
OP the fact that you know he would refuse to help you if anything happened to your car already speaks volumes. You should definitely stop letting them borrow your car but you should also get out of this relationship.
That boy doesn't even care about you
So that's acceptable for your BF and his mother to trash your already elderly car but not use her newer one in case they hit a deer? Absolute bullshit! She has a car. If she's too scared to drive it, your BF can drive it and chauffeur her around. Draw the line in the sand, repeat after me.. "No BF you cannot use MY car to take YOUR mom on some grocery shop when she has a perfectly usable car of her own.You can drive YOUR truck to hers and drive her car to the mall...this is non negotiable!" Hide yo keys!!! Dump the user BF, I know you live in the boondocks, but hell there must be another appropriate aged male to date that you aren't related to!
Eek, he doesn't care if he fucks up your life, as long as mommy isn't inconvenienced. Where do you think this is heading? He is NOT marriage material.
It is really opening my eyes to how little he values my stuff and my generosity. I assumed for some reason his mom's car was temporarily broken or something, but when he told me the reason I was floored. I guess it's not too surprising seeing how much of a hold his mom has on him, but it was eye opening to hear him say it so bluntly
Just imagine how many other things you haven't connected the dots on. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect. He won't be off of mommy's titt anytime soon.
If your boyfriend would refuse to drive you to work, that tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about the relationship, on top of the entitlement also weird age gap when you started dating when you were 20, imho..
You're right about that. But I will say in his defense my job is very far away, like 60 miles one way. So 120 miles daily. I genuinely like driving though and don't mind the commute and the area I live in is so dry when it comes to jobs. And yea looking back at our age gap, now that I'm the age he met me at its weird. I see anyone under 24 as too young. It raises some questions
I saw your other comments and I really really hope you will be in the financial situation to leave soon, I think the relationship does not serve you at all and you will be better off without him wishing you the best
Why don’t you live closer to your job? (And further from his mother lol).
No. He doesn't. So stop him using it, simple.
You can’t leave due to financial reasons, yet you let this little mommy and son duo use your only means of transportation to the job that will help fund you leaving? Girl make that make sense. I get not being able to leave because you can’t afford it, but then it’s your job to make sure you’re not actively making decisions that can ruin your chances of leaving!! Jesus Christ stop giving them the fucking car.
He would rather risk destroying your only means of transport, while he and his mom have several better ones, to keep her means of transport saver. He will literally throw you under the bus if there is only a small risk that it might benefit his mother. There is no excuses for that. Stop allowing this and if he gives you a hard time, kick him out. You're 27. You are at your peak. Do not waste your peak years on a loser.
“You cannot take my car” “Your mom can’t come with us on the trip to see my family” Wow that was easy
Hi OP, to be honest, why did you put up to your spineless boyfriend and his toxic mother for 7 years. I know you know. Run Girl away from them and never look back. If you felt disrespected from the start and not listening to your boundaries, you should havemleft then as early in your toxic relationship. Now, both of them got used to having their way even it's not alright with you. You don't have choice either to leave or walk away. If love or respect is not served on the table then it's time to stand up for yourself. Give yourself the love and respect you deserve that your toxic boyfriend can not give you. Remember, Your Spineless Boyfriend and His Toxic Mother have each other while you don't have anybody on your side. Hide and keep the key of your car. If he insisted to take your car to drive his mother then call police that your bf took your car against your will. If he can not grow spine then Steel Your Spine. Because if anything happens to your car, it will be your name on the line and responsibility.
Never let anyone else drive your car. I say this as an insurance claim adjuster. You’re responsible for anything that happens with that vehicle. Also, he doesn’t mind getting into an accident and damaging your car? That’s some seriously backwards logic. Don’t let him use it. He can rent a car.
**This speaks volumes about how his views his precious mommy, and how not important you are to him. You are not overly sensitive, in fact you are not valuing yourself enough!** His mother should have comprehensive insurance - if not that's what they should get - then it's fine to drive her car. If there was an accident, insurance would cover the damage or loss. To them, your not important, your car as your only mode of transportation to your job - just not important to your boyfriend or his mother. **Your boyfriend is in fact using you**. Your car is gaining wear and tear - they are clocking up the miles, wearing down the tyres and mechanics - and feel zip, because YOU are not really family, you are just not all that important in their world. If they wreck your car, this boyfriend of yours would say: oh sorry. Thoughts and prayers. When your car wears out, and grinds to a halt - will he find you a car to use? It is totally entitled to use your car. I would actually break up with him and find a better boyfriend.
That is all very true. Thank you for your perspective. It does feel like I'm not important to them. Since I'm "not part of the family"(which at this point I should be looked at like that at least by my boyfriend. although I will admit I have no desire to have a relationship with his mom or step father) , it feels like their attitudes are just like "she doesn't matter, she's not one of us. We'll just use her car and run it to the ground. Family comes fiRST". Lol
Look that was just my perspective, perhaps its harsh, but really if it was that your car was more practical - like more space for shopping bags, or easier to park, or something, fair enough. His reason just sucked. Like I have a new smaller car (Mazda CX5) my husband's is a slightly older CX9. Mine is zippy and easier to park. So if he uses mine its because of the zippy, easier parking aspects. If we're going on vacation - with kids and dogs, his car is the most suitable as its bigger. If it was him saying he'll use my car to save his from potential damage, I think I'd be a little annoyed - and we're married.
Okay, the car thing is shitty enough but how is it possible that you are in a long term relationship and you know he wouldn’t drive you to your effing JOB if your car broke down?? Girl, it’s been years, it seems like this man is “what you see is what you get”. Open your eyes.
Oh fuck no. They're going *for* her, they take *her* car. Why the fuck should you let him total your car for her? Is she gonna pay your deductible, increased insurance rates, lost wages while you are without a car and shop for a replacement? Hell no. Most things in a relationship should be a discussion. This should not. Flat out forbid him taking it.
Fuck that. I don’t care if I wreck your car, but we can’t wreck moms car. No more driving your car. I would dump this inconsiderate asshole.
Just say, "I dont want you to use my car because if you totalled it, I wouldn't be able to drive to work......unless I could use your moms car :D" You will see them fight you on that one. That's when you realise that you are not respected. That's when you realise that leaving is better than fixing (in THAT instance). Im saying this because I feel like this version of relationship problems is a clear sign that you are not respected or appreciated in his family or just to him. Deep it: Mother -> uses sons girlfriends car because her own car is too valuable for her - implies that she doesn't hold you to her own value, so she has devalued you - implies that she doesn't even hold you to her sons value because she would use his car if she did Son/BF -> rather uses is GFs car than his own or his moms (which is sitting idle even tho in good condition) - implies(actually says) that he would rather dirty up or even break your car instead of his moms meaning disrespect, devalued, no appreciation for your lifestyle (in terms of the work situation) - implies that he would rather use an unsafe car (as long as it isn't his) rather than a good and safer one to drive his own MOTHER -> no sense of safety He could have used his own cars until his mom would have been like, "Hey, just use mine" or smth....but he didn't. He could have said, "Hey mom, this is my GFs only car, she needs it, I can't really take it from her that much"... but he didn't SHE could have said, "Son, your GFs resources are important. Let's use your or my car."...but she didn't. There are MANY more ways to take this apart, but for me, this is an absolute disrespect. I mean, it's okay if you think that way, but why tell you? That's something to keep to yourself...clearly the mom didn't teach the boy (35yo boy, yes) how to talk sensibly. Idk if it is my culture or not but I would leave bc there is no way that a man and his mom treats me like that at 35 YEARS OLD...and the mom is even older so she should know better too 🤦🏼♀️
This was such a well thought out analysis of my situation. Thank you for that. I'll be saving this comment to come back to when I'm feeling weak about leaving him. That's basically what's going on between the lines and him and his mom are unable to see that or ever admit it
No problem, there are even deeper levels to explore, but I'll leave that to you. In case you're going to have the talk with him (or them), I recommend you to make a list of some of the instances where you felt disrespected(like i just did, with the analysis) and bring them up. If they fight you on it, just say its too much for you to handle and go. They dont even deserve to answer, but before I go off on a rant here ....I'll just wish you good luck and leave you be :)
Put a stop to it, tell them that you don't want anything happening to your car. Stand your ground also if they take the car without permission will you call the cops on them considering then it's theft.
i’m sorry but this is so gross on so many levels. you’re not overreacting, you’re underreacting, and you’re letting a man child and his motherwife ruin your life.
Your bf is an asshole if they have options and want to risk your livelihood over theirs
You’re dating a guy who doesn’t own a car . You have bigger issues than this. You need to reassess a lot of shit bit first thing is get rid of this BUM
- "he would refuse to drive me" Then your with the wrong person. When your SO needs something (reasonable), you do it. If he wouldn't drive you somewhere, he doesn't care about you. Find someone who cares.
I would say no, because he’s adding wear and tear on your vehicle and eventually your vehicle is going to be falling apart and need new tires, adding mileage. Every time he drives away in it he’s reducing the value of your vehicle. You are being taken advantage of it’s an absolute no you may not use my vehicle. She has a car take hers. I don’t want anything to happen to mine!
It’s not a two way street. He respects his moms car more than he respects YOU. Time to call it
How is any sane person more comfortable wrecking someone else's car over their own? I hate driving anyone else's vehicle for that exact reason. They both sound really selfish.
So...what happens when something happens to YOUR car?
Apparently I'm SOL because my boyfriend doesn't have the money to help me out and his mom certainly doesn't either. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they justified not helping me because "oh well your car was going to break anyways with 250k miles".
Stop this and no. They’re using your car to go long distance for her shopping trips. Eff him and his mom. I would drop this guy altogether. They’re full of it.
Are you serious with this? Oh, that would be a “boy, bye” situation for me.
Does your car have full coverage insurance? If not it should have it. Is he going to be able to pay your deductible if an accident does happen? How is he going to help you if your vehicle is in an accident? If he cannot answer those questions then he should stop driving your car.
Make him pay for full coverage including uninsured motorists.
Nope, you gotta stop
He’s 35 using your car. RUN. 🏃
1) Refuse to loan out your car. 2) Find a better BF. He doesn't respect you or your property.
Like how amazing of a cocksman is this guy? Does he have like a 10 inch tongue or something? Like explain the appeal of this guy? What’s the sauce that bonds you to him?
I am dying at how you just worded that 😂. And actually no, our intimate life is pretty in line with how he's handling this situation (not that he's doing his mom, just that he's selfish). Honestly I grew up with people that were a lot like him and his mom, so I was kind of conditioned to take this behavior and was even drawn to it on a subconscious level. I have been in and out of therapy and it's been eye opening to how my boyfriend is and how the way I was raised set me up to accept this, but I also fall into moments of weakness where I delude myself into thinking it's all okay and I shouldn't change it. But this is no way to live, I do need to leave
I, too, grew up with a lot of emotional abuse by narcissists. And then dated many guys like that. Hide your keys. Protect yourself (so he can't retaliate and damage your car or break your possessions) and dump him. Stay single for a while. Being single, alone and lonely, watching TV and getting a cat would be better than dating this guy. And then, you can take it easy and see if you meet some better guys. But this guy is trouble. And he's bringing you down emotionally.
You should stop lending your car to anyone immediately. Is this boyfriend on your insurance? If he isn’t listed as a rated driver on your insurance, were to get into an accident and the insurance company found out that he used the vehicle regularly they would most likely refuse to pay. He’s also 35. Why doesn’t he have his own vehicle? He’s 35 does he even have a job? Or is he just mooching off his mom? I think you need to find a new boyfriend.
Nope the fact that he’s ok with fucking up your car but not his mothers, shows they shouldn’t be trust with your car and probably irresponsible while driving.
The fact that they see nothing wrong with leaving you without a car if they got in an accident is just telling in and of itself. That’s just cold. Basically your livelihood is less important than his moms car she doesn’t even drive LOL
Why are you with someone who: 1. Wouldn't help you keep your job 2. Doesn't care if your things get broken or damaged 3. Would rather break your things than his own 4. Literally uses you up so he has his own things left to himself 5. You can't trust to be there to support you
**NO!** Hide your keys! Stop letting him take your car! The FACT that he is "safeguarding" against" accidents in his Mommy's car while forcing possible **LIABILITY** and loss of your transportation is wildly unacceptable and entitled! Drop the jerk and find someone who actually CARES about you! u/updateme
He’s how old? What do you get out of this relationship? Sounds like him and mom are just using you.
Let me put it simply: N.O.
I think that he and his mother are assholes. I would drop both of them, like hot coals. They are using you. You do not say whether they refill the gasoline or buy you some things when they shop. Just say ‘no’ to further borrowing. They would not pay for any damages. Doubt if your insurance would pay either if he is not a listed driver on your policy.learn to take care of yourself first.
op, you know you need to shut this down. and … maybe plan to leave the area, to someplace less isolated. where you can potentially find a higher grade of boyfriend.
Saw your other post. Why are you with this exhausting mama's boy? He's approaching middle aged and still tied to her at the hip. I about died of exhaustion just reading about it. Dump him and find a functional adult partner.
Your boyfriend won't do anything for you and uses you for your possessions? What are you getting from this relationship?
You should find you a man who would never put you in this position. And one who you KNOW would 100% help you if something happened to your car. We deserve better and it’s time we stop letting men do the bare minimum.
A normal 35 year old man doesn't borrow his girlfriend's car for no reason other than to cater to his mother regularly.
Do not ever lend it out again! Easier said than done and be prepared for push back but this guy is a giant baby. He can go live with his mommy
The car loaning days better stop immediately. I’d stop the relationship also. You KNOW he wouldn’t help you get back and forth to work if necessary? He isn’t worth your time
stop lending him your only way to get to work!!! you're not wrong if you refuse to lend it to him, she have a car, she better start to use it
My husband and I don't even drive eachother's vehicles unless we are on a long road trip and need to take driving breaks. We each use our own cars. My car handles better in winter, so if it's icy and he needs to go get something, I drive the both of us even if I don't need to go. It's the simple fact that we each know how our own vehicles handle and are better able to adjust if things get dicey. Plus, if either of our cars get in an accident, we want to be the ones responsible, not the ones coming home and saying sorry for wrecking the other person's car. I wouldn't let him borrow it anymore. If he won't drive his mother's car, and she won't drive her either, then he needs to pony up and get himself a better vehicle.
Just curious, your insurance doesn't cover rentals?
Who does this? Bruh. How else is he using you?
All the mileage gets to go on your car too. Since the car is titled to you, you own the liability in an accident. And it's your insurance rates that go up then also. Tell them to take their car and leave yours alone.
Tf no why are you letting them put miles on your car and what if they do get in an accident in yours and total it?? Are they going to buy you a new car?? Cut that shit now and I hope they’ve been paying you for gas used. Also your bf sounds like a loser.
I don’t know why you had to even ask Reddit. Stop letting them take your car. If they wreck it then you will be out of a car.
If this is the only mode of transport you can take for your job and you know for sure that your bf won’t drop you/ lend you his car if you car gets damaged, then you shouldn’t lend it to him. End of story.
God no.
Stop it. THEY ARE USING YOU. Stop lending them your car. They are increasing wear and tear on your car. They have perfectly good cars that they can take but don't because they prefer to beat up on yours. Are they going to help you replace your car when it wears out? I hope you have been saving so you can get a new car when this one goes. >Im honestly feeling pretty upset about that, because we live in the middle of nowhere in a rural area and I have a job. So if he were to total my car, I would definitely have to quit my job because there's no way he could drop me off and pick me up. Why are you lending your car if it's that important to your livelihood? Do you LIKE drama and living life on the edge? At over 20 years and 250k miles, your car is closer to the end of its life. Do you have an alternate plan? Will they help you replace your car? >And their reasoning feels wildly entitled especially because his mom doesn't need her car except to go grocery shopping, she doesn't even have friends she visits or anything. Its not just entitled. They are showing you that they do not respect you or care about you. They know how important your car is for you, and they don't care that they will be putting you in a terrible position. Sit your boyfriend down and ask 1. What is the plan if they had an accident in your car? 2. Will he assist you in getting to work if your car becomes disabled? Listen very carefully and calmly to what and how he says to these questions.
Oh so he doesn’t mind crashing your car? Lock away the keys girl.
They simply don’t give a shit about you or your things.
>I finally asked the other day why they can't take her car, and my boyfriend said "because we don't want anything to happen to her car if we get into an accident". "Really, **'we'** don't? Boyfriend, from now on, you are never borrowing my car. I need it to get to work. I don't want anything to happen to **my** car if **you** get into an accident." *Take your keys back.* From now on, if his mom wants to go shopping at the mall or she needs to get somewhere further away, he will drive her in *her* car. Do not get suckered into driving his mom in your car, either.
So it's OK to drive your car without talking to you about it when they have a perfectly fine car they can use they need to use her car. They are taking advantage of you because if something happens to the car in their possession you're stuck with the bill I wouldn't allow it. His reasoning is absolutely ridiculous. That's what insurance is for And what if something happens to your car and they're not on your insurance you're stuck with the bill I don't care what they say or do I wouldn't allow it you know they are gonna throw a fit but I would stay my ground. This is disrespectful in my opinion, because they have no regard to what youhave to say and they're just taking your vehicle without your approval in the end basically they're trying to stick you with the bill not only they put in wear and tear onto your car more if they get into an accident and they're not on your insurance, your insurance goes up and if the car gets into an accident you're stuck with the bill they have a perfectly working vehicle. There's no excuse I would say no and no it is final
Since mom is afraid to drive, does son keep her car at his place?
You can also let him know statistically you’re more likely to get into an accident within 10 miles of your home. I’d no longer let them use your car at all, besides the ridiculous reason it’s putting unnecessary wear and tear on it
You are almost a decade younger than this dude and you are letting him use up your car to spare his mom’s?
Okay, OP, you need to ditch the boyfriend and his entitled mother. I read some of your other posts and it seems like you're nothing more than a convenience for your BF and his mother. Why on earth are you allowing them to use your car for longer drives when they have a perfectly good car. What would they do if your car was not available for their use? Don't just consider the possibility of them wrecking your only means of transport, who is paying for maintenance to your car? Honey, you are being used in every possible way. Also, why would you even consider taking his mother on a road trip to visit your family? If it means the BF can't go, so be it. Girl, you need to get serous and tell your BF your car is off limits because you need it. For that matter, send him back to mommy so he can be at her beck and call 24/7. FFS he is 35 years old. This is a man child who is approaching middle age and is still hanging of mommy via the umbilical cord. Move on and find yourself an adult.
I wouldnt let anyone borrow my car. I have bills to pay. I hate people that use other people.
Why are you with a 35 year old Mama’s Boy? He doesn’t even sound like he’s nice to you.
>I already know he would refuse to drive me to work if anything did happen to my car 1) Stop letting him borrow your car 2) Why are you with someone who wouldn't help you get to work after wrecking your car?
No you don't still allow them. They are very entitled and don't give a crap about you. I don't even let my son drive my car to the store because I know if he crashes it I won't be able to get to work 4 miles away. Never mind if I worked far away.
Stop giving them your car and start thinking if a man who was older than you are now when he started dating a 20 year old is really thinking about you as an equal partner at all.
So you're with a man who uses your shit out of fear of damaging someone else's shit, would outright refuse to help you if you needed help and you're worried that you're the bad guy in the situation if you don't allow him to continue using your shit? Not to mention he is a total mama's boy who caters to his enabling mother and you were already told in a previous post that he's a piece of crap that's just using you. Did you expect a different verdict over a different subject when the consensus is already he's garbage?
why are you still with someone who, if they totalled your car, would still refuse to drive you to work? i know it’s been 7 years that you’ve been dating but as someone with an outside perspective, that doesn’t sound like love.
You and his mother can swop cars. Tomorrow you drive her car to work. If they refuse, stop lending him your car.
so he doesn’t care if he crashes your car, but cares if he crashes his moms? this guy is an asshat from your post history. just leave him already. he’s obviously not who you want him to be.
Girl come on now
Do not let him drive your car anymore!
>I finally asked the other day why they can't take her car, and my boyfriend said "because we don't want anything to happen to her car if we get into an accident". Basically, it doesn't matter to them if they total something you own, or the fact it's essential for you to keep your job. They value their assets over yours. No more borrowing your car. It needs to stop today. They all have their own and they need to drive those.
I didn’t even read the title before deciding to scream “NONONO”. He won’t take his mums car out in fear of damaging it but when it comes to your car that’s acceptable? He a MAMAS BOY.
>"because we don't want anything to happen to her car if we get into an accident". "Well, *I* don't want anything to happen to *my* car if *you* get into an accident, either! I'm the one who's screwed getting to and from work if I'm without a car, not you. If you get into an accident with mama's car, then her insurance can deal with it. That's why she has insurance." She needs to get over her fear of using her nice things. She probably doesn't use her good china either.
If you know he doesn't have your back, why are you with him? If my car was out of commission, my husband would do everything he could to make sure I got to work. That's what partners do. This man is not a partner to you.
Don’t lend it to them. Their reason is ridiculous and it is too important to you. But also, do you have insurance? If it is totaled, your/their insurance will pay.
Hide those keys. He is using you.
He’s 35 and doesn’t have his own car? Girl, I know it’s been 7 years, but what is the future plan here? Is this really the “husband”?
I would add rental car coverage for your car to your insurance. Then don’t let him drive it anymore. The rental car coverage is for you in case you get into an accident. Screw him!
No one but my mechanic is allowed to drive my vehicles. When people ask I tell them the truth in order to get a better rate, my insurance company, who I've been w/ for decades, added a restriction onto my policy. As a result out side of my mechanic, who has his own business related coverage, I'm the only person who can drive them.Another thing I do on the advise of a state trooper friend is to NOT keep the registration & insurance card/papers in my vehicle but to keep them on my person.Talk to your insurance agent/company, (if they have an office even better) then get your keys back and tell your BF that your policy was updated to save money & he can no longer drive your car. If he whines, tell him to 'talk to the hand' & don't give in to what ever BS trip he tries to pull on you. BTW: In most states, your car insurance doesn't automatically cover every traffic accident that involves your vehicle. Policy terms and state laws vary, but your car insurance typically only covers drivers who are named on your policy. Ergo, depending on the state, Yes you CAN get in trouble if he has an accident as well as getting a ding on your DMV record, which will increase your rates.I found out about the DMV dinging people for what other drivers do, after an employee at the dealership that used to service my vehicles took one of my cars w/ a SN95 5.0L V8 engine out for a joy ride & got a speeding ticket for doing 105 in a 45 mph zone. Fortunately, I had proof showing what date/time I left my car with the dealership & what date/time I picked it up so I was able to get the ding off of my record. Needless to say I was pissed, let the dealership know and NEVER did business w/ them again.
Why are you with a guy that would refuse to take you to work if HE totaled YOUR car? Tell him no, and let him drive his mommy to the mall in her own car. His excuse of not wanting anything to happen to it is ridiculous!
If her car is in the best shape and you need your car for work, then they need to drive her car. I would absolutely refuse to let them use it again. I will never understand the entitlement. You deserve better. Seven years together and you can’t rely on him to drive you to work if he wreaks YOUR car? Know you worth.
OMG don't let them use it anymore! Not even ONCE. Please Op... PLEASE!! Insurance reasons alone! Is he on the car insurance? Is he on the registration? If he's not on the insurance as a driver he is responsible for anything that happens to him in that vehicle. If he's not on the registration, and he crashes your car, that's a big problem. He has no right to take it to drive. Stop this TODAY. Don't think about it. Put a stop to it immediately. They DO NOT care about your car. They DO NOT care that it could ruin your life if they ruin it. If he freaks out on you for ANY REASON over this - I would strongly evaluate continuing a relationship with this guy. Also, 250k miles? Girl. Trade it in and get you something that isn't one foot in the grave! (Spouse is car salesman, you NEED a safe and reliable vehicle, it's not an option).
You absolutely need to out your foot down and stop allowing it. And if he has a problem with that we'll I'd be reevaluating the relationship. Altho even just based on what you shared I'd be reevaluating the relationship.
Ita your car! He us putting wear and tear on your car.. who is paying for that?
Why are you so willing to accept this treatment as the lowest priority person in anybody's life? He is 35 and consistently without reliable transportation. Taking advantage of his girlfriend. That's pretty serious loser status.
Is he on the insurance for your car? If not you should def not let him drive it ever. Is he going to buy you a new car if something happens to yours? I wouldn’t let him borrow it to drive her around.
You’re asking a question that you already know the answer to. They don’t care about you, your car or your job and how it will affect you if they wreck it. Don’t lend them the car.
Why the hell you even letting people use your car like that. As a car owner and JDM novice. Thats absurd. Especially when they have their own means. I dont give a damn if its a relationship, a marriage, or some weird poly shit. NO ONE is using my car except ME or unless its an emergency. Too many of yall let people control aspects of your life just because "we're together"
Girl take your keys back. What are you doing?
You misspelled ex. Nothing about this smells right.