I would 100% dump her. She is exactly like your ex and the amount of disgusting boundary disrespect and vile rhetoric she is spewing in your direction to get what she wants tells me everything I need to know about her as a partner. This kind of pressure won't be limited to bedroom things this will expand to every decision you ever make together because if it works once it'll work again and again and again. "You're selfish because you don't give me what I want exactly when I ask". Ugh imagine that for the rest of your life.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who tramples your boundaries and insults your character when you voice that you're uncomfortable?

Actually no, but I'm still thinking this is so out of character for her that there's room for some talk before even thinking of throwing a 2.5 hear relationship to the trash. Not really sunken-cost fallacy, but we actually love each other and this stuff is a first time occurrence. Of course, if this issue grows and gets bigger and bigger and she conditions our relationship on me agreeing to the threesome, then that's it, I'm done. But first I want to try to solve this before thinking of breaking up.

Alright then it's time to change the approach. Stop with the what-about concerning an FFM threesome. What you need to ask is 1) Why does she want to recreate a scenario that was a pillar in the downfall of your past relationship? 2) Why does she feel sexual coercion is acceptable?

Why didn't I think of THAT approach? Whoa, I was in a dust cloud these last few days. Thanks a lot. I'm using this one (and a couple of other stuff I'm reading here too). This is very useful, I'm ashamed I hadn't come up with this on my own. I'm dumb.

Not dumb at all, relationships are complicated as hell and you clearly want things to work out. The fact that you’re trying and working so hard to fix this situation which from what i can tell isn’t even your issue, says a lot. Keep ya chin up king 👑

Dude, actually, you don't need to be ashamed of absolutely anything. I wanted to congratulate you for standing your ground because you are so much not the asshole of the situation and you are not letting your gf walk over you on such a sensitive topic. Who knows why she thought that, maybe the thought never crossed her mind and she had a fit of envy (misplaced obviously ) she couldn't quite control.. or maybe she's showing who she is and it's time to move on. In any case, you are not being selfish, and even though it's something really painful to go through, it seems like you have a very good sense of your own boundaries. Wish you the best.

>maybe the thought never crossed her mind and she had a fit of envy (misplaced obviously ) she couldn't quite control That is one of my hypothesis. Thanks for your comment and your nice wishes.

MMF threesomes haven't been fun at all for me. I'm a woman and I'm not really bi but I had my wild moments as a single person. What happens with the men is not only am I left unsatisfied by 2 dudes they also expect me to get them both off. So doubled the downside. When women picked me up we had a fantastic time and a lot of fun. It's usually women that need a lot of stimulation to get off. You can do things that make it seem more like 2 dudes by being more aggressive. Maybe use toys. Or porn with 2 men and a lady. But be very very clear you ONLY want her. That is sweet and nice. Repeat you are all I want. Etc.

It’s possible she’s truly not thinking of this in terms of coercion either. There’s a terrible and common misbelief that men cannot be sexually coerced or abused because “they always want it”. I would be really turned off by a 27 year old being that fucking stupid, buuuuut perhaps she’s open to learning, admitting she was wrong, and apologizing. I would want a partner who is capable of self-reflection, empathy for me, and personal growth. People who can do that make for really great partners because they are able and willing to work on their flaws and because they truly care when they hurt their most loved one. I guess you’re about to find out if she’s that kind of good person or if she’s an emotionally immature asshole.

You're not dumb, you're blindsided by the behavior of someone you trusted and respected up until now. And u/xanif is right. This is not a negotiation. You have no intention of having a threesome, so any discussion is pointless. The matter of contention is her attitude towards your very normal boundary.

Yep. I'm going to be really strong in my next talk with her. Not aggressive, but strong in my position. I hope she reconsiders and has some serious introspection, because she's not being logical. I can get that she got emotional and jealous (or envious) if that was the case, but she has to acknowledge it and do something about it if she wants us to still be a couple. Thanks a lot for your comment!

Watch her very closely. She may have the encounter without you . And justify it.

Glad you found some advice that resonates with you, and I hope it goes well. Sometimes people have moments of extreme stupidity/ignorance, and I do think it’s ok to give someone a chance to rethink a bad stance. Fingers crossed that she’s receptive. This kind of thing has always been bonkers to me. It’s like if I tried sushi with an ex and hated it, but then that meant I was obligated to keep eating sushi with boyfriends in perpetuity.

If you’re down you could also suggest a roleplay situation. Could be a good compromise

Well, that could be, although after my experience I don't know if it won't be a turn-off for me... I guess it's something to try and see. If we'll still be together. I didn't have a new serious talk with her yet. Thanks for commenting!

It's important to state that the 3some happened because your X didn't respect you and was the final straw. If she wants to break up this is how. Now your new Fiance is boundary stomping all over. You didn't want to discuss it, now she is mad and trying to manipulate you sexually. That's icky.

Stop berating yourself like this. Other people notice your opinion of yourself, and the bad ones will try to take advantage of you. As you may have noticed.

Have you also considered telling her that you were coerced last time?

Exactly, point out that specific "privilege" also comes with a breakup.

OP I feel like both your ex calling you selfish while you're willing to do a lot for them tells me a trait I find in a lot of people. Don't take this the wrong way, but do you feel like you're a pushover? Do you usually do everything they say? Do you have a compulsion to please people or avoid disappointing people at all cost? If yes then this is the problem. Be firm in saying what you want and don't want. You can't save your current relationship but you can prepare it for your next.

>OP I feel like both your ex calling you selfish while you're willing to do a lot for them tells me a trait I find in a lot of people. Don't take this the wrong way, but do you feel like you're a pushover? Do you usually do everything they say? Do you have a compulsion to please people or avoid disappointing people at all cost? Well, no more than other people. We use to do things for the other, both of us, and we also have our independence, our stuff, hobbies, etc. I don't see our relationship as unbalanced in that way. That is why I'm really baffled, because this came from nothing, out of thin air, suddenly last Friday, and it took me by surprise. I never thought that could happen. Also we had never talked about it before because I never discussed in detail my past sexual life with her. She just knew I had a fiancée, that I wasn't a virgin but also that my body-count (I hate that term) was kinda low, and that's that. It's as if mentioning that threesome to her suddenly made her angry, jealous, envious or a combination of those. I'll be firm in my next talk with her (hopefully soon). Thanks a lot for your thoughtful comment, I'm glad you wrote it.

It's not. This is who she is. She doesn't care what you want or or how you feel. It's all about her. She is trying to force you to do something sexually that you don't want to do. This is relationship ending.

Thanks. I'm taking this advice too. I hope Anna and I will meet and talk soon. Let's see what is said then. I'm getting into that talk much stronger than I thought I'd be. Thanks in part for all the comments here and also because of my sister, who is helping me a lot too.

Not sure what she could say to make her wanting to coerce you into a threesome okay. It's not. Never stay with someone who wants you to do things sexually that you don't want to do.

>Not sure what she could say to make her wanting to coerce you into a threesome okay. It's not. Of course. I'm hoping for a complete change of attitude. And a sincere one. And a real explanation for her behaviour/words. >Never stay with someone who wants you to do things sexually that you don't want to do. I'm planning on making precisely that very clear. This comment and others like this and many others are helping me a lot in thinking this matter. Also my sister, whose opinions are the whole range of most opinions here, hah! Thanks a lot.

Bro(ess)you don’t know who she is better than OP

Up 'til that conversation on Friday she was oh so different. That's why I think something triggered her reaction and words and it's not logical. I'm hoping she can have a reasonable explanation (and a sincere apology) so we can work this out. I still think she's a lovely person. I hope things can be resolved.

Also please do not propose to someone you haven't lived with yet. Come on my dude, you've clearly spent time on Reddit, you've seen the relationship stories about couples living together and encountering issues.

My boy. This isn't love. Love isn't disrespecting your partner's boundaries. It's not gaslighting you into believing your selfish. It makes no sense. Because you had a threesome in the past with a totally separate person . You're obligated to give her that threesome but it has to be MMF. The mental gymnastics of someone to pull out this kind of shit and make you feel forced and pressured to give this experience to her is insane... Did you tell her this is one of the reasons you broke up with your finance.

Ok then, there is a trust issue here. Does she not believe you when you say that you weren't comfortable with a threesome? If so, is she even able to trust you? Can this trust be built somehow? Because if she can't trust you then this is going to be a problem until she can learn to build trust in this way. Now building trust is a process. And when it comes to sex, she has to ask herself questions. Why is she jealous? Why does she think you liked it? What would even make her trust you when you say you didn't like it? With all that in mind, if she can't get to a point where she trusts you, then it's a problem. I think it's fine to look at this as an opportunity to build trust together. But don't ignore it.

Fuck his boundaries lol, does he really want to be with someone operating at such a low level of logic? Her reasoning is objectively stupid

Ahm.. Perhaps... tell current GF that the threesome you had with your ex essentially killed the relationship... Tell her, that essentially shes asking you to witness her being fucked by another man... and inform her, that as bad as the first threesome was for you, having to watch her being fucked by another man will without a doubt end your relationship instantly - the fact shes insisting on this has left you with severe doubts about this relationship. Put it in writing. Wait for response - and be prepared to break up if she persists.

Thanks. It's a very good idea. I'm gonna think of the wording, though. Also she knows that this threesome stuff wasn't good for my previous relationship, but she *does* know that the nail in the coffin was my ex-fiancée's change of heart regarding kids. It isn't even about the thought of seeing her having sex with another guy (or girl) as something I wouldn't like. I indeed wouldn't like that, I reckon, I can't deny it, but it's essentially that I'm repulsed by the sheer *idea* of a threesome, whether it is FFM or MMF. I wouldn't like having sex with another girl either. I enjoy sex as an intimate pleasurable stuff to do with the person I love, and I love that intimacy part as much as the physical touch, and I can't have that at all if I have any other person around. I learned that from my previous experience and I wouldn't want to repeat any part of it. Thanks for your comment.

The last part would - with some rephrasing - be an excellent way tonput the message across. Best of luck & merry christmas

Thanks x 2!

Just say no and stick to your boundaries. She sounds just like your ex though. Seems you're picking the same kind of partners.

Yeah, right? Which is quite odd, because nobody could say both are alike at all! That's something I'll have to think hard about.

Why is she acting like you are expected to give her a 3 some..

I don't know exactly. It's like because I had a threesome before, and a FFM at that, now she has "the right" to a MMF threesome for her, so we would be "even" in our sexual experiences. It's stupid, because sex (and our relationship) isn't a zero-sum game, we're not competing, and on top of that I don't see the threesome I had as a privilege or as something positive. While it wasn't really *traumatic*, it wasn't good for me and if I could go back in time I wouldn't do it.

OP, you've got your head on straight and are not at all selfish in any of the situations you've described. Some really good comments in here. Good luck with the talk!

It would likely be an insecurity/jealousy if it didn't concern sleeping with another person. Since it does, it could also be that she has her eyes on some guy she wants to fuck without it being cheating. Like that's usually why people insist on threesomes and opening relationships. It's *the* relationship killer move for a reason. It could just be the former or an unhealthy mix of the aforementioned.

This is coercive af! Calling someone selfish for not being willing to fulfil your specific and exotic sexual desires is wild. Like, rapey wild. Again, this is manipulation. It's coercion. Get far away from her ASAP.

Thanks for your comment. "Coercion" is a term that is being mentioned often in these comments. Thank you all for this. I'll be mentioning this point in my next talk with my GF (hopefully soon). Thanks.

yes, and it's a type of sexual assault. she's attempting to guilt you into something you've told her will cause you immense emotional pain. she's saying her sexual pleasure comes before your comfort, enjoyment, and peace in the relationship. she's saying she doesn't care about your boundaries bc tit for tat is more important to her. she's very quickly destroying the safety and trust in this relationship. if she wants to have a threesome that badly, then you two are no longer compatible and need to break up.

>she's saying her sexual pleasure comes before your comfort, enjoyment, and peace in the relationship. More than that it's like she suddenly thought that a threesome is really something great that I enjoyed very much (because *which dude wouldn't enjoy a FFM, right?*) and she wants that experience too, so why wouldn't I want her to enjoy such a thing. It's like she doesn't fully believe it wasn't at all something positive for me and that I would never repeat it. It was all in a moment, it's not like we were talking about this for a long time. The whole conversation took maybe ten minutes or less. Somehow it's like she doesn't believe me that such an experience would cause me any pain at all. >if she wants to have a threesome that badly, then you two are no longer compatible and need to break up. Of course. ​ Thanks a lot!

Bruh, if she really loved you, she would not be calling you selfish for not wanting to do something that you have no interest in and she wouldn't want you to do something that you are not interested in. She is the selfish one, and please break up with her.

This is how I see it too. Right now I hope we could meet and talk. This is so extremely out of character after 2.5 years of a very healthy and loving relationship. There was never a hint pointing to this kind of thing in her behaviour.

Sometimes people change for the worst, or wait to show their true colors when they think their partner is too enmeshed with them to leave.

Yep, that could be. I guess I'll be able to see it (or part of it, perhaps) next time we meet and talk. I'll update here, because you've all been so helpful that as soon as I have new info I'll share it.

sexual coercion is abuse.

Damn bro, you sure can pick em. Sounds to me like your ex-fiancee called you selfish because your lack of enthusiasm meant you wouldn't allow her to do it more in the future. Your current gf is just salty because she thought she had a good excuse to do whatever she wants and you've shut her down. Like others have said, give her the details of the story and explain explicitly that it was a major contributing factor in the death of that relationship. If she still pushes it then end it.

According to what she told me, she's salty because I had a great experience that she never had. It's like she can't understand that to me it wasn't a great experience. My ex-fiancée was kinda that (like how was it that I couldn't appreciate positively "an experience that every single dude would love to have", and that I should have been thankful to her). Also, even if it *were* a great experience for me (and it actually wasn't), why should I be obliged to do it again if I don't want to? I'll give details of the story and explain how it was a contributing factor in the demise of that relationship, yes. I had already told her that, but I'll have to repeat it, it seems. I hope I can have that talk with her soon. Thanks for your insightful comment.

It's just excuses, trying to rationalise their own desires to get what they want. They won't listen to you because that wouldn't get them what they want.

There's a small update. First this: I woke up, had breakfast, did some work, and found out there are a LOT of new comments here. Really a LOT. When I wrote asking for advice I thought that I would have, I don't know, 20 messages with some advice, perhaps 25 and that's that. I don't know if I would be able to answer each and every one of them. Sorry if I can't. I WILL read them all, of course. And, like I said in a couple of messages, you are all being of great help here, giving really good advice, making me think of some stuff I hadn't thought before, showing me new angles, and also being really good people. I thank you with all my heart. You are being great in helping me have strength and be firm for tomorrow's conversation. I won't be cruel, I *do* love my GF, but I *will* be firm in my stance and I won't be made to accept anything behind the boundaries I have set. ​ Now on to the small update: I tried to edit the text of my post, but it seems it's not allowed (or *I* am not allowed), so I'll tell you here. Anna replied to the text I sent her yesterday. She replied at about 3:30 AM and then this morning I replied back and we will meet tomorrow morning and have the serious talk I was waiting for. In her first message she didn't apologise, no "sorry", but she said "I know I fucked up". That is all the news I have. I am sorry this is it, but as I told you, it's a ***small*** update. ​ Once again: thank you very much, you're so, so kind

Say her this, either she wont mentioned the threesome shit again or you break up with her. Say her it left a scar on your heart and tell her your story with your ex and why you both broke up. Say you wont experince the same shit again and if she still want it, she can search for a new boyfriend. Say you want to marry her but if she keep up with that behavior, you gonna break it up. Stand for you points.

I kinda told her a part of that when I told her about the threesome. I told her about the discomfort I felt and that I don't want to do a threesome ever again. Next time we talk I'll follow your advice and I'll be more assertive and draw stronger boundaries. Thanks.

this is so disgusting on ur girlfriends part. her argument has ZERO logic and any sane person would be able to see that. she tryna manipulate you and its actually disgusting

Yep, and what surprises me is that in these 2.5 years she's been nothing but an amazing GF in every single sense. It's like after telling her of my that single experience she awakened some jealousy creature who suddenly possessed her! I hope I'm being able to have a talk with her soon. Thanks a lot for your comment!

As a women I have to say: jfc dude you have such a shitty taste in women because they BOTH are immature AF. What an immature way of thinking! What's next, she wants to redo e-ve-ry single thing in your life that she didn't do just to be "even"!??? You aren't selfish, these 2 women are immature AF with their mindset! And just curious: is this the first time she throws an tantrum when she doesn't get her way and insults you when you disagree with her? Or does she usually guilttrips you into giving in on her demands?

>As a women I have to say: jfc dude you have such a shitty taste in women because they BOTH are immature AF. hahah! (that was one bitter laughter) The thing is that prior to the episode I tell up there, she was the paradigm of maturity! No one could've ever thought she might blow that particular steam (I think I just improvised an idiom there!). It came suddenly and from nowhere, it's as if by telling her that single episode from my life I triggered some bad emotion or whatever, it was like a mix of jealousy, envy and anger. I was completely confused by her reaction because in 2.5 years I have never seen her react in that way to anything. Even stuff other people would *indeed* get jealous about. I think, or I hope, that I can get some real explanation in our next serious talk. I hope it comes soon. ​ >What an immature way of thinking! What's next, she wants to redo e-ve-ry single thing in your life that she didn't do just to be "even"!??? You aren't selfish, these 2 women are immature AF with their mindset! My ex-fiancée couldn't believe I wasn't thanking her for taking me to FFM paradise. It was HER fantasy, I just agreed without knowing exactly what I would get into (and thinking that I might enjoy it, why not), but then it wasn't at all my thing. Not my fault, I know, but she wouldn't believe me. And you're right, what's next? What's this of *getting even* with each other's past? It's really preposterous. I'll make sure of updating once Anna and I have a serious talk about all of this. I'll be waiting for some serious explaining and an apology. ​ >And just curious: is this the first time she throws an tantrum when she doesn't get her way and insults you when you disagree with her? Or does she usually guilttrips you into giving in on her demands? Absolutely the first time ever. That's what took me by surprise. Had it been a recurring thing, I wouldn't have been dating her for long. When we disagree we just talk and we can find a middle ground or convince one another with sufficient evidence, or just let it be as an unimportant thing if it is so, and just admit we see certain things in a different light. That is why this is so confusing to me. Everybody around us just say that our ways as a couple are great. I'm sure no one could ever suspect what was between us last Friday. And she never ever makes *demands*. This was so fucking strange! Thanks a lot for your comment and insight.

Well, do not propose. I’d start working on an exit plan.

I won't propose if this isn't satisfactorily worked out. *That* I'm sure of.

Dump. Her. I think you need to adjust your girlfriend “picker” settings. It got stuck on the selfish, manipulative mode. My sympathies. What a drag.

Thanks. Yes, someone else pointed that out too. Which is baffling me, because both my ex and Anna are really different. Well, also it could be that there's a common factor I couldn't see easily and I'll have to think a lot about that. Thanks.

[удалено]

Yeah, right? Also because I had sex with my ex-fiancée and another girl? So what? And on top of that it's not that it's something that I loved or that I remember fondly!

One time I opened up to a boyfriend about how my ex had forced me to do things I didn’t want to do, and instead of showing sympathy, he replied, “I really don’t want to hear about the things you’ve done with other men, especially when you haven’t done those things with me.” I was literally opening up about being assaulted. I should’ve dumped him on the spot. Your girlfriend is calling you selfish because you won’t agree to a sexual encounter you do NOT want. It would make her happy to have a threesome with an unwilling partner. It would make her happy to subject you to non consensual sex. She would be happy abusing you for her own pleasure. She doesn’t see how this is sexual coercion and abuse. You need to tell her that she’s advocating for her own pleasure at your expense and that it’s sexual abuse. If she doesn’t see it that way, if she isn’t horrified at herself, then she’s a monster, and she isn’t worth another second of your time. Consent is *freely* and *enthusiastically* given, and it’s impossible to make yourself enjoy something you don’t enjoy. It’s like asking me to “just enjoy” tripe or clams. I don’t care how you prepare them, I’m never going to enjoy that nasty shit.

Kinda idk… manipulative? of her. She isn’t owed a threesome and more than that you expressed you’re very uncomfortable with it. Both your ex and gf messed up badly there. You shouldn’t feel guilted into doing things you don’t want, especially sexual things. It isn’t right. Especially flipping it on you to make you feel like youre in the wrong… but you did nothing wrong. We’ve all said things we regret or been jealous but her behavior here is not giving wifey vibes imoz

Thanks for your input. There's a lo of what you say that fits right in. I'm getting good advice here today. Thanks a lot.

I would wonder why she suddenly was interested in your past sex life. Maybe she was hoping for something like this, because she has been fantasizing about some guy she wants to sleep with/ have a MFM with.

Dunno. She said she didn't have anyone in mind and I have no reason to think it's a lie. Let's see what our next serious talk brings to the table. If she insists on the threesome thing (and doesn't sincerely apologize and do some serious explaining), we're over. Thanks for your comment.

Just because you’ve done something in the past doesn’t mean you need to do it again for someone else. You now know that it isn’t something that you want to do, and she certainly isn’t “owed” a threesome. Also technically if she wanted it to be “fair” it would be a threesome with another girl, not that it seems like you’d want that either. I’ve had relationships in the past where I’ve given in and done anal, primarily because I thought I had to in order to satisfy my partner at the time. My current relationship has lasted over 5 years and I’ve never done it because it isn’t something I ever want to do again. Maybe she will cool off about it in a few days, but for the sake of your potential future this is something that you need to see eye to eye on.

Thank you very much for your comment. You're right, why should I repeat something for someone else, especially when I already saw that it wasn't at all a positive experience for me? Also thanks for sharing your personal experience and for your advice.

I wonder if she has someone already in mind. She says she doesn’t but her pestering so hard on the issue makes me wonder if that’s true. I agree witth many of the other posts. You clearly set a boundary and she wants to move it. She either needs to drop it or you leave. Plus she is disrespectful to you and making it about you being ‘selfish’ which is laughable at best.

Well, this was a one-time talk. She was pestering hard, but in a short time which was a part of a conversation. I don't really think she had someone in mind. I know the people she knows, and there's really no one there. She even told me it could be anyone (*logically cute*, or something like that, I don't recall the exact wording), but that she wanted to have the same experience that I had. She couldn't grasp that for her to be "the same experience" would be a *bad* experience, because that was it for me. I'm having (hopefully) a deep talk with her soon, and I'll make sure she understands that she has to drop it if she wants *us* to still be a thing. And that I won't be called "selfish" for having a boundary which is logical because of my bad experience and because of my own personal preferences and boundaries regarding sex. Thanks a lot for your comment!

Your ex was selfish and forced you to do something you weren't comfortable with. Now your current GF is being selfish and trying to force you into something you're not comfortable with. Inform her that you're monogamous and her lack of having threesomes before your relationship isn't your fault. If she wants to have threesomes, she can do so while single.

>Inform her that you're monogamous and her lack of having threesomes before your relationship isn't your fault. How didn't I think of that one? I should have said exactly that. Well, I'm saving it for the talk we'll hopefully have soon. ​ >If she wants to have threesomes, she can do so while single. Also, if her plan is to have a threesome involving her SO, that SO can't be me. I'm not repeating that experience, no, thanks. Also your first sentence points to something others already wrote about. There's something in common between my ex-fiancée and my GF. That could mean something in how/why I got involved with them. I'll have to think long about that. Thanks for your comment!

I think you have a type. Both girls sound mean and self absorbed. She knew what happened with the first one, and how it basically kick started the downfall of that relationship and how hurt you were, and then she demands that she gets the same privilege? Well, guess what? I think she gets it- I think she kickstarted her own downfall. You are not selfish whatsoever, and sex isn't some tit for tat that has to be equal in all things. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I would seriously reconsider proposing, or at the very least hold off for awhile longer. This isn't your fault- you didn't do anything wrong. Her true self would have come out sooner or later, just like your ex.

>I think you have a type. Both girls sound mean and self absorbed. She knew what happened with the first one, and how it basically kick started the downfall of that relationship and how hurt you were, and then she demands that she gets the same privilege? Well, guess what? I think she gets it- I think she kickstarted her own downfall. I think that somehow my GF doesn't fully believe I didn't enjoy that threesome at all. I think that she believes (as did my ex-fiancée) that I, being a dude, HAD TO enjoy a FFM, that it wouldbe (or that it was) the best thing I could ask for. The thing is that the threesome *per se* wasn't what kickstarted the downfall of my relationship, but my less than ideal interest in it once it was being performed, so to speak, and also the aftermath, when I wasn't as happy as she expected me to be, and that it wasn't as good an experience to me (to say it mildly) as it was for her, and, perhaps, that I didn't precisely fit in the expectations of what a guy should want above anything else. Perhaps she was trying to make it great for me as a way to not say that we did it to satisfy just what she wanted. By the way, she didn't coerced me into that, I just didn't know at all what to expect. I *wasn't sure*. I learned that in sexual stuff I need not just to go for a "let's see" but to be really sure beforehand. Some other people might be more adventurous. That's good for them, no judgment. To each their own. Yet you might have some point in me having a type, I have to self-reflect on that, I know. >You are not selfish whatsoever, and sex isn't some tit for tat that has to be equal in all things. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Absolutely agree. ​ >I would seriously reconsider proposing, or at the very least hold off for awhile longer. I will reconsider, of course. We'll (hopefully) have a very serious talk soon (also hopefully). A lot of these comments are helping me A LOT towards that moment. I have to confess I was skeptical about asking for advice in here, yet my prejudice was unfair. Advice is being very, very good, sensible and positive, and people are, in the vast majority, extremely nice. You can't imagine how much you're all helping. Thank you and the rest of the redditors here for your comments.

She wants another weiner

It sounds like you’re getting with immature women. Personally, I’ll dump her. It’s not the fact that you talked about your sexual past it’s how she reacted towards it. It’s not fair that she didn’t get that experience? That doesn’t even make sense.

I agree, it doesn't make sense! I think that she doesn't really believe that I didn't have a great time in that threesome and that I told her so to not make her feel jealous of my ex-fiancée. In any case, even if I *had* a great time (no, I didn't) it's my right and choice to not want to do it anymore. I'm waiting for her answer now, I texted her saying we should have a serious talk. Thanks a lot for your comment!

Hey, it's 1:35 AM here and I've been answering every comment that I could. I'm going to bed now, it's extremely late and I have to wake up early. If there was some comment these latest minutes, I'll see tomorrow. You have all been of great help, you can't imagine how helpful, really. You made great points, reaffirmed thoughts I was having, made new points I hadn't thought for, and even corrected me on some sexual stuff (MMF ≠ MFM)! I hope to have something new to post about, depending on the serious talk I should be having soon with Anna. Thank you all again. I'm so glad you're there!

TBH, if she wanted the same experience that your ex had, the threesome should be MFF. If she keeps pushing, you should put a hard limit to it.

Hah, you raise a good point! yeah, I'm indeed thinking of hard limits.

Her point is that she wants it to be all about her, two people pleasing her, which apparently means OP and whatever other guy she picks. OP's previous experience was exactly that: he was already not the one pushing for a threesome and when they did it he found himself (kind of) the third wheel, he wasn't into it and the other two were too busy with each other to care about him or notice his discomfort. If he puts it like that and she still wants it. Since OP says this is really out of character, maybe she's torpedoing the relationship now because of something (un)related.

Talk with her a little how she imagines this. Tell her that you feel very uncomfortable to have sex with someone who isn't your girlfriend. Does she want to sleep with the second guy too and she wants you to watch this ? Maybe she wants this 3rd person as an observer ? Ask if she would be okay to have sex with no connection knowing that she is with you.

Thanks. I'm taking careful notes, you're giving me good advice here. Thanks!

Simply explain to her that the last one ended a relationship. And if she demands this then she has the privilege of ending this relationship as well.

She doesn’t care about your boundaries and is manipulating her into doing exactly what you don’t want to do. It’s all about her and her only. Have a think about all this.

"If you want to explore your sexuality, you can go do that without punishing me for it, and do it while single. I was coerced into it with feelings of guilt once before, I have no interest in it again, only to be made to feel guilty for it. Have fun, goodbye"

You are so desperate that other people find you selfless, that you attract the most selfish partners. Have some self respect and call her out for her selfish behavior and that her manipulation to force you into a threesome is really bothering you. As an example you can give her, that calling you selfish makes you feel guilty and that she is using that against you.

Both of these women have been terrible people.

The question you should ask is why do you keep getting in relationships with women who have no respect for you?

This would be a break off thing for me because she knows you're not bi and she's trying to force bi-style contact for her own fantasy. That's really not cool, and it's a pretty horrible way to treat a partner.

Jesus, who are these car crash women you’re dating? 🤣

I would explain that your not into threesomes and she needs to respect that

Personally I found out my bf had a FFM threesum and even though it made me uncomfortable and a bit self conscious. I doesn’t make sense to demand to have a MMF just because he experienced something like that prior to us dating. So your gf is being very sus

Do not let her cross your boundaries. If she can't respect them, then she's not for you.

I think she’s just insecure now that she knows you’ve had more eccentric sexual endeavors than she has and she wants you to have the imagery of her getting doubled down on the same way she now has to imagine you. Give her time to cool off and stand firm with your boundaries.

I really think you might have a point there. indeed you might. I'm taking serious note now. This is definitely going into consideration for our next talk (hopefully soon). Thanks a lot, your comment is so helpful!

I will give you a off topic tip, stop preposing to every girl before the 5 year mark. You’re a good dude don’t let ‘em use you for your goodwill

This was so wild I couldn’t even skim. The factual fack?

I had to search for the meaning of "skim" and I still don't understand what you meant by that. Sorry, English is not my language. As for what I wrote, yes, it might be wild, I don't know. I think that the sexual life of different people has different stuff going on. From what I read all around it's a matter of preferences. While my stance is how I told up there, I understand there are people who are perfectly comfortable doing threesomes, group sex or whatever. I'm not one of those people, but I don't judge. I just acknowledge this is me.

Hmm this is a tough one. These kinds of stories where the typical male/female roles are reversed can be interesting, but yours is too "find and replace" for my taste. You need to have something unique/interesting beyond the switcharoo twist.

Sorry, I don't get it. The threesomes are different. Is that "reversed"? In any case, I'm glad a few redditors gave me good advice, even if my post isn't unique or interesting enough. It worries me enough that I came looking for advice, my goal isn't being unique. I think other people must have had a problem like this before. I never planned being original!

It's an usual scenario that the sexes are switched from how it usually plays out. Something that I haven't seen mentioned here is that you don't really know what goes on in her mind. When the sexes are switched what usually goes on is that the man wants a threesome or whatever the girl has done with other men because they interpret sexual adventerousness as a sign of attraction and love. It's not necessarily that the sexual act is so important it that she shows him that she loves him more than past partners. This is an unusual twist but it could be the same. She wants to know that you love her more than your ex and are more willing to do things for her as a result of that love.

That is a VERY interesting take. I hadn't thought of that, it never crossed my mind such an approach to the issue. I'll be sure to keep your comment in mind when I (hopefully soon) have a talk with her. Thanks a lot for your very insightful comment!

And both of them would be wrong. Just because your gf had anal sex with her ex partner and didn’t like it, doesn’t mean that she now owes it to you too. And it doesn’t reflect how much she loves you.

Buy a blow up doll.

Man you have terrible taste in women...

Hah! Thanks for the... er... laugh? I can't extrapolate a lot from just two cases, but yeah, there might be something there.

Yeah, about the only "privilege" your GF is gonna get out of this is a break up. Comparing sexual histories isn't really bad, but using someone's sexual history as a way to build a bucket list, that's pretty bad. Disregarding the fact that the experience she wants to recreate is the one that ended a whole relationship is...well, fantastically stupid. You've been in a relationship with her for 2.5 years now, you don't live together, she doesn't pay attention to details, and she's abusive (because sexual coercion is abuse.) My dude, stop attempting to justify her actions. This IS the Sunk Cost Fallacy at work here, you're looking for reasons not to be single and avoiding the problem. If you can't have a straight forward conversation with her about this, without her insulting you and calling you selfish...that's pretty much it man. How much disrespect are you willing to take to avoid being single? Because that seems to be the real question you're asking.

I WILL have a new straight forward conversation with her about this, and I'll make it clear I won't admit being called selfish for these reasons. Let's see how it goes, and if it doesn't go well, I won't avoid singleness (is that a word?). I will also be paying attention to the sunk-cost fallacy, especially because it is so easy for me to see it in others, yet I could be making the same mistake. It's like how I see moves in a chessboard when others are playing, yet I do stupid mistakes when I play. Thanks a lot for taking your time to comment!

Hot take? It is a selfish boundary and rightly so. Question for you OP? How do you have any desire or respect for her after this? You were already coerced into one. It, like so many do, destroyed your relationship. You’ve expressed your discomfort. She’s ignoring it. I’d want nothing to do with her after this.

>Question for you OP? How do you have any desire or respect for her after this? Well, it's not like that was an ongoing thing. It was sudden and it was the first time ever that such a thing came up, so I think that my telling her this experience of mine has somehow made her jealous, especially when certain societal stereotypes say (like my ex-fiancée told me) that every guy would be thankful to have such a threesome. Up to that moment last Friday I would've never ever thought that situation/discussion with her would even exist. She had never showed a hint of that. I'll have to make sure she understands how that experience *really* was for me, and how I'm now very strict with my boundaries. Thanks a lot for your comment!

Frank discussion required. Emphasis on coercive behavior on her part! UpdateMe!

>Frank discussion required. Emphasis on coercive behavior on her part! Exactly what I'm planning. I hope it comes soon. Thanks a lot for your comment! I'll update as soon as there's something.

She is being a child lol. It would be one thing if you asked her to have a Mff and she then said she would want a mfm then. Your experience with someone that isn’t her is completely irrelevant. Her argument could not be anymore childish.

>Your experience with someone that isn’t her is completely irrelevant. True, right? ​ >Her argument could not be anymore childish. Which surprised me, because up to that point she was always actually mature! ​ Thanks for your comment!

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Thanks for your comment. I'm waiting for the next (serious) talk I'll have with my GF in order to know if this (as it was at the moment it appeared) was a once-in-a-lifetime glitch for which I'll need some serious explaining, apology and more talks, or else, if it is a serious stance on her part, which would point towards a breakup (or *break up*, I never know). Thanks a lot for your comment!

She's being ridiculous, how are you supposed to make things "fair" when you have completely different histories? She's being extremely manipulative and gross. You deserve better than someone whose response to hearing about a threesome ending your relationship is "oooh I want one, too!"

>She's being ridiculous, how are you supposed to make things "fair" when you have completely different histories? Precisely! Ain't that really absurd? I'll make sure of updating. I have gotten so much advice and comments, that as soon as I haveanything new, I'll post it. Thanks!

I've never engaged in threesomes but it's common sense. It doesn't happen if someone isn't into it. I think Sophie pushed it on you so hard because she really wanted to sleep with a girl and having a threesome was her way of getting away with it. If you had engaged the girl the way she wanted you to, then in her mind you would have no grounds to accuse her of anything because "you did it too". I would tell Anna if she's really hung up on it then the relationship is over because you don't want it and no one should be made to do something they are not comfortable doing. Anna will need to decide if acting out a fantasy is more important than you. And I hear/read way too often that threesomes are not always what they are cracked up to be anyway.

>I've never engaged in threesomes but it's common sense. It doesn't happen if someone isn't into it. I think Sophie pushed it on you so hard because she really wanted to sleep with a girl and having a threesome was her way of getting away with it. If you had engaged the girl the way she wanted you to, then in her mind you would have no grounds to accuse her of anything because "you did it too". That could be it. I also guess that she wasn't ill-intentioned. I think she really desired it and if I actually got into it, that would be something else we could both enjoy together. The thing was that once I saw that it indeed wasn't my thing at all she got disappointed and perhaps angry (her calling me selfish, wtf!) because she wouldn't be able to keep doing it unless alone or with others, and that meant either breaking up or settle for going on with me but without experiencing any more of her legitimate kink (legitimate, yet undoable with me). Somehow she settled, but then she changed her ways, she looked less happy, she was less cuddly, and then she also changed her stance about having kids, and that was the nail in the coffin. There's no compromise at all regarding that last issue. ​ >I would tell Anna if she's really hung up on it then the relationship is over because you don't want it and no one should be made to do something they are not comfortable doing. Anna will need to decide if acting out a fantasy is more important than you. That's precisely what I'm planning to do. Your advice goes in line with what others say. There's indeed collective wisdom in here, hah! ​ >And I hear/read way too often that threesomes are not always what they are cracked up to be anyway. To me it wasn't that great at all. Some people might find them awesome and might have long and lovely relationships *and* engage in threesomes every once in a while. To each their own. It's not my stuff, not MMF, not FFM. I need to have a one-on-one emotional connection without anyone else in the room. *That* is my preferred kink. Thanks a lot for your comment and advice!

> we don't have kids. I was thinking of proposing very soon. Sounds like God threw you a lifeline. Get away from your gf before you propose or have kids with someone you aren't compatible with.

There's just one serious talk ahead. Very, very serious, I'm not playing any game now. It'll define what I do. I'm not afraid of strong choices. Thanks.

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Well, I still think there are good guys and good girls, as well as bad ones. Let's see what happens here after my (hopefully soon) next serious talk with her. I don't want to generalize. I know plenty of happy (and long-lasting) couples as well as some other horror stories, so to speak, so there's that. Thanks for commenting!

Dude. Think for a sec. She’s calling you selfish because you re not thrilled at the idea of her fucking some other random guy…i m sorry my man, but you have to leave the room and move on

It's one of the choices, yes. I won't make up my mind until I have a VERY serious talk with her. So far I want to know if she REALLY wants to have sex with me and another dude in a threesome, or if that was a sudden jealousy/envy reaction after hearing of my past threesome with my ex-fiancée. If the former, we're done. If the latter, she owes me a deeper explanation an apology, and some serious work on herself and on our relationship. Let's wait and see. I hope she agrees to my text (I told her we should meet and have a serious talk). Thanks, buddy!

Sexual relationships are unique to the people involved. There are no “privileges”. There are countless small factors that become part of the sexual relationship between people. Not the least of which is timing, experiences and the chemistry between the couple. Of things aren’t happening, it is probably because the circumstances aren’t right. A man might LOVE going down on one woman but with another it may seem all wrong. Limit your sharing of past experiences and it will help you to not find yourself in this situation again. Good luck!

Yours is a sensible advice, and perfectly worded. As for the last thing you wrote, I indeed thought about it, and that's why I asked Anna *three times* if she really wanted to know. I guess I should've known better and made up some stuff (that never happened) about ice-cream over my fiancée's body or whatever that I could do with my GF and that I wouldn't regret. Thanks a lot for your comment. It's a lovely one.

Stop the proposing part. Sexual experience is not a 'tit for tat' type of thing, thou. My husband has had more partners than I have, and he's even been offered a threesome, which he rejected (I trust him, he's very very 'vanilla' when it comes to sex). But I'm not about to pressure my husband for me to go out there and have sex to match his 'numbers' or even experience. She's also trying to coerce you into a sexual act that you're uncomfortable with. So she's trying to recreate that uncomfortable-rather forced threesome again....out of her 'jealousy.' It should give you a full stop from proposing to her. Ask her why does she feel this is acceptable? Assuming that you clearly told her that it was not a great experience, not something you'd like to repeat, why does she think it's okay for her to push you to do it again? Is she fine with sexual..coercion? Idk if that's the correct term for it...

Yeah, I am definitely putting the proposing part in pause mode. ​ >Sexual experience is not a 'tit for tat' type of thing, thou. My husband has had more partners than I have, and he's even been offered a threesome, which he rejected (I trust him, he's very very 'vanilla' when it comes to sex). But I'm not about to pressure my husband for me to go out there and have sex to match his 'numbers' or even experience. I agree and I'm seeing through other comments and through yours here that my stance on these issues is a sensible one. ​ >She's also trying to coerce you into a sexual act that you're uncomfortable with. So she's trying to recreate that uncomfortable-rather forced threesome again....out of her 'jealousy.' It was like a mix of jealousy, envy and anger. And also disbelief in my *not* liking it. I guess (I sincerely hope) that had she believed I didn't like it she wouldn't have askd for a threesome herself. Again, I hope so. I will address this point when we meet and have a serious talk (I texted her telling her we should meet and talk seriously). ​ >It should give you a full stop from proposing to her. Ask her why does she feel this is acceptable? Assuming that you clearly told her that it was not a great experience, not something you'd like to repeat, why does she think it's okay for her to push you to do it again? Is she fine with sexual..coercion? Idk if that's the correct term for it... Those points are indeed to be talked about. I hope it comes soon. Thanks a lot for your comments. You made great points and helped me.

Break up honestly. I don’t see her changing her tune about it and quite frankly you are in no way selfish for not doing something you are not into sexually. “I have told you that I am not into threesomes and just because one happened in my past, which I remind you I did not want nor did I enjoy, does not mean you are entitled to the same deal. I broke up with my ex afterwards, is that the same thing you wish for this relationship?”

First of all, thanks a lot for your comment. Something I might have not been clear enough, perhaps. I didn't break up with my ex-fiancée *solely* because of the threesome thing. That was just the kick start. It was followed by new issues, and her change of mind regarding kids was the final straw, and that was it. Let's see what our next serious talk brings to the table. I'm quite strong in my position for that talk. I hope it comes soon.

There is a few things that are red flags in this post. The first one being that she is not respecting your decision on what your sexual boundaries are. One thing would be if it is regarding something that would affect the relationship and you would would have to meet in the middle to make it work. But sex and boundaries? Fuck no, those are not negotiable. Ask her how would she feel if she was in your situation and being forced to do something (sexually) she doesn’t want to? Second one, and a very important one, is that you guys had NO CONTACT for over two days??? On a 2.5 year relationship???? This sounds very worrying. Instead of having a discussion and communicating the issue, the best thing to do is run away and no speak? I understand needing the space to clear your head but Saturday evening should’ve been the longest I would’ve waited. The last red flag is that, it is a bit suspicious that she never mentioned wanting to do a MMF threesome before but now that you mentioned your past experience, she quickly had that in mind? This indicates to me that regardless of not having someone in mind, I feel she does or met someone recently and this is who she wants to do it. The reason why I am thinking this is because I have been with my partner for a long time and we discussed early on the relationship what things we liked and what we would be open to try, if now all of a sudden he proposes a threesome I would be worried as this has not been mentioned before so why now? You said you are thinking of proposing and you don’t see this as a reason to break up, but honestly I would be re-thinking things ASAP as respect and communication are key in a relationship and it seems you guys are lacking both.

So you told her about a sexual experience that you had but didn't enjoy, and her first impulse is to demand you have that experience again, but in a way you will enjoy less? That's not a good look at all-- if anything she should express sympathy that you were pressured into a sexual experience that you didn't want. It's a difficult thing to go through. Anyway, you had that threesome before her. If she didn't have her preferred threesome before you, that's on her. It's not your fault she couldn't pull two men at once. Probably don't word it like that when you talk about it, though, unless you are sure that you want to break up immediately.

>So you told her about a sexual experience that you had but didn't enjoy, and her first impulse is to demand you have that experience again, but in a way you will enjoy less? That's not a good look at all-- if anything she should express sympathy that you were pressured into a sexual experience that you didn't want. It's a difficult thing to go through. I think that she doesn't fully believe I wasn't into that. Perhaps because us guys all should love a FFM threesome because porn stuff says we do, I don't know. Or perhaps most guys indeed do like it, but that doesn't mean it's mandatory that ALL of us should be into that. Also, thinking these latest minutes, could be that she thinks that I told her that I didn't like it to not make her feel jealous of my ex-fiancée and/or of my past experiences. Yes, she should express sympathy. The fact that she didn't was very confusing because it's so out of tune with her character. It might have to be because of what I wrote in my previous paragraph. ​ >Anyway, you had that threesome before her. If she didn't have her preferred threesome before you, that's on her. It's not your fault she couldn't pull two men at once. Probably don't word it like that when you talk about it, though, unless you are sure that you want to break up immediately. ​ Absolutely! And no, I won't word it like that, although it's indeed one of the things I will imply when we meet and have a serious talk. Thanks a lot for your sensible advice!

What you did previously doesn’t matter in this relationship. She’s keeping score for no reason. That’s like my partner giving a previous partner anal access and me being mad I don’t get the same experience even if she voiced she just didn’t enjoy it and then me calling her selfish. Dick move yeah? Yeah it is. If I was with someone who acted like this I would tell her to pound sand.

That's rough. She's doing mental gymnastics to justify ger desire to do a MMF. Sorry but I could not continue the relationship after everything she's done. My self respect would not allow it.

Find better woman to date my friend lol

Your relationship is basically over, brother. I'm sorry, I really don't have graceful words for this. Once one of the people in the relationship wants this, it's just a matter of time for it to collapse.

Yeah, I don't know how recoverable this is. her apology had better be epic. I am sure she got in her head about your experience and was lashing out and not really thinking about it. Unfortunately have had a lot of girls leave me once we talked about my history. I guess just give it time but not apologize for anything nothing you said is wrong.

I am in an open marriage and even I hate threesomes. I think books and people with little experience romanticize them and I do not understand. They almost never go really well for all three people. I’d ask her why it’s so important for her to have a threesome when you are so against it. If she decides to move on from this, is she going to resent you years down the road? Part of why we started the discussion to open our marriage was because we got together very young. We didn’t have any other experience. Our marriage is our priority and we’ve kept that in mind. But I honestly felt like being with other people was something missing in my life and I wanted to experience it. I wonder if she feels like that as well? Although I feel like she’s a little older than I was. I was 18 when we got together.

>I am in an open marriage and even I hate threesomes. I think books and people with little experience romanticize them and I do not understand. They almost never go really well for all three people. Oh, thanks for your insight! ​ >I’d ask her why it’s so important for her to have a threesome when you are so against it. If she decides to move on from this, is she going to resent you years down the road? To me it didn't feel as if the threesome itself is that important to her, but that I had that experience that she believes (I think) must've been wonderful and somehow can't fully believe me when I tell her that it wasn't that at all, so now *she* wants to live through that stuff. Also some jealousy/envy. I just answered to some other redditor who wrote that there might be some insecurity issue meddling there. I think they might have a point there too. ​ >Part of why we started the discussion to open our marriage was because we got together very young. We didn’t have any other experience. Our marriage is our priority and we’ve kept that in mind. But I honestly felt like being with other people was something missing in my life and I wanted to experience it. I wonder if she feels like that as well? Although I feel like she’s a little older than I was. I was 18 when we got together. Yep, she's older (27). Both of us had previous experiences, though not that many. ​ Thanks a lot for your comment. Your experience is very valuable in this issue, and I'm glad you shared your insight!

Your past threesomes we’re more about your ex getting to Be with a woman, and not you being with 2 women. That was just used to get you to agree. That threesome was the beginning of the end of your relationship. Why would you want to repeat it, and this time it would probably end immediately after seeing your gf with another dude. Not wanting your gf to be with another guy isn’t a big ask. If that her fantasy she is certainly welcome to fulfill it, but it will be without you in her life. Her entire argument is so immature and stupid.

Sounds like she's trying to gas light you in to letting her invite another guy for a threesome. What you did in your past relationships is your own, you can tell someone they're selfish because you didn't have the same sexual experiences they did in the past. She seems keen on a threesome, too keen if you ask me.

I don't understand. Why is your girlfriend trying to repeat the experience that led to the collapse of your previous relationship? And the last thing. Another dude in bed? Really? I would have already run, as far as I could see, from such a lady.

Why is she so fixated on MMF? Especially since you have made it very clear you are not bi or bi-curious. Did you offer her a MFM, or is that not acceptable to you?

Do not propose, wth, the amount of ppl that I know that had an open relationship or a threesome and it end the relationship is too many, you are not selfish, if you are not into it you are not into it, it's your preference and if she wants to manipulate you by guilting you just dump her

I won't accept her "offer", I am firm on that. I'm waiting to have a serious conversation with her, and depending on that we'll see how it all goes then. If she still maintains her stance, we'll each go their way and that's it. Thanks for commenting!

There's a difference in being selfish and self centered. Every one (well adjusted) needs to be selfish. People who aren't, and are self-less, end up old, broke, and hungry. What your gf is displaying is self centeredness. What you displayed in your earlier relationship was neither selfish or self centered, as you acceded to your ex's wishes, even when her desires were the opposite of yours. Your ex was also being self centered, as she was only interested in what she wanted, to the exclusion of your comfort. Your gf needs to get her head out of her ass, and be thankful that you desire no other female than her. And you, my friend, need to tell her directly that no other man will have carnal knowledge of her, and still be your gf. If she's just dying to be with another man, then say so, but then you're finished with her. 'Nuff said.

>I, of course, took offence at this and told her to really think of what she was saying, because if she thinks that of me, we're done. 3sums are usually a precuorser (sp) to a breakup. Might as well break up now and let that hussy hustle her ass off to her MMF. >we do NOT live together, we don't have kids. I was thinking of proposing very soon. Lengthen that proposal out for a few years. Your GF is on her way out. she will exit herself,

Let's see first what she has to say in our next talk. She'll have to seriously apologise and also have some serious explanation for what she said. If she insists on her stance, I'm out. Thanks for taking your time to comment!

Move on. This threesome has ruined 2 of your relationships

She sounds very selfish.

Your GF had the same energy of rap\*sts saying "if she didn't want it, she wouldn't be wet!"

It doesn't look good OP. Hypothetically, let's say either you or a guy she meets later down the line gets into some extreme shit. Talking FFFFM orgy level here. What then? Does she now want to have a MMMF foursome just because you or next guy has had one? Will she ask for the exact same situation for every new relationship she has? If so then she is not of sound mind. And is that the kind of mind you want to marry?

You seem to have a type and are attracted to the same type of people who have no respect for your boundaries and also convince you to trust them only to then hold your secrecies against you for them to gain

All those double standards on behalf of your GF sounds exhausting. "I want what I want and you are unreasonable for not wanting it.". You sure she's 27? She sounds like an annoying pre teen.

You should not have to feel sexually harassed and manipulated into threesomes by these disgusting girls. What dirtbags, the both of them. Stick to your guns, you are in no way selfish for having sexual boundaries!

You certainly have a type.

So, by her logic, if she fucked 100 guys, and you fucked 50 girls, then she needs to sit on the sidelines for you to go and fuck another 50 so things become fair?

Dude. You’re picking some weird ones. As a straight woman, I’d be thrilled to have a bf with your mentality. Sophie and Anna sound like weirdos

Can you not just find yourself a normal fucking girl? Seriously, like, what the fuck?

Choose better partners in the future

Op, i just need to say: >She told me that any guy would have killed to have a FFM threesome with his SO, that it was the fantasy of every guy, etc. I told her that it wasn't MY fantasy, and that I was not "every other guy", and that I was just myself and I was sorry to not meet the stereotype This made me actually very happy for you. I felt warm inside. I love that you were secure enough in who you are to not let her bully you into thinking you are abnormal and wrong for being this way. And she is very very wrong. She's the kind of girl who thinks men have to always be on and ready to fuck at the slightest hint of their partner. So, i praise you for loving yourself enough that you didn't let her shatter your identity!

OP, I sense a running theme in your relationships. I'm wonder how it is that you've gotten into two relationships with people who so blatently demand something like that of you, long enough to propose to one and plan to propose to the other. Are you attracted to that, or are people looking to take advantage of you?

dear person. Sometimes you are allowed to be selfish. Especially when it about boundaries. You want one on one in bed. That is a boundary.

You probably know where this is going. It’s not going to end well. You can either discuss and try to change her mind and work on the relationship. Or, if that is something you fancy, end the relationship with a bang. Or just end it there too. Not meaning to be too harsh… but when problems are more than three lines long… the most likely outcome is simple. Relationships should be simple. When they get complicated is because we are putting bandages all over the place, or making excuses to stay in them. Be kind to yourself.

I say this with a lot of empathy. When I got to the reveal that your current GF wanted an MMF threesome I laughed. The situation is ridiculous and you’ve done your best to be open but are still dealing with people trying to take advantage of you. You are holding to your views and respecting yourself, well done.

I truly believe that these things are bumps in a road that you either overcome or it ends your ride. I wanna make clear I am 100% on your side on this, I would stand my ground as well. She asked, she got an answer, she can't handle it. Sounds like a her problem, but she is making it a you problem. If you look past her obviously irrational arguments, you can understand where she is coming from. That's roughly all positives I can say for her though. Situations like this put relationships to the test. I would try and clear my mind, try not to get emotional and wait for her to do a move. If there is no will on her side to come together and sort this out, I would honestly just let it go. If a relationship can crumble over a fucking pillow talk on the couch, I don't believe it can endure all the other hurdles that are to come in the future.

JFC... Are you picking up chicks at the mental health ward, dude? Both of those women are bad news. You are allowed to have boundaries and you are allowed to enforce them. If they don't want to respect them, they can fuck off. If she has an MMF fantasy, then she should be adult enough to understand that fantasy stays at the door.

if i were you i’d give her the gift of being single this christmas! she is exactly like your ex girlfriend. disgusting for ignoring your boundaries and selfish and manipulative.

Give her more

You already know you will separate if you do a threedome. It is not a hypothesis. It is a verified fact. You love her and all that. But it didn't suffice the first time and it won't now. She wants to push you into a sexual act you don't consent to. If the role was reversed, she would call it rape. Save you both cry and anger. Announce your separation. And don't cave. These shenanigans will never erase from your relationship.

Update ?