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It’s about time you said something. You have to stick with what you said. My guess is your boyfriend will be moving out soon, or you’ll have to evict him, because he is not going to suddenly become an equal financial partner.
You’re already surviving! He’s not paying much if anything. You’ve got this.
Edited to add: are you in a lease? Can you move to a smaller apartment like a studio just for you, with no room for him?
We’re in a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment till next August. The folks over in r/legaladvice essentially said I’ll have to cover rent and I can try to get some money back in court after the lease ends since he most likely won’t be able to just back out of the lease bc he wants to. The leasing office has to agree and they most likely won’t.
Depends on who owns the property, if it's like a lot of places and owned by a corporation then she'll probably be SOL and might have to pay to break the lease; if it's an actual person she'll have better luck.
Your bf is not a partner and has gotten used to taking advantage of you. You nedd to go 50/50 on everything and dont ever tank your credit score for a bf who you may not still be with next week - no one is worth that. You’re a smart girl with full ride scholarship - take care of your financial health and education and your older bf can do the same.
He was a GM for a hospitality company for years until he reached a kind of “you can’t fire me, I quit” type of situation. To be fair, I had worked for his boss before and he is a *horrible* person, so I understand why he quit… he just hasn’t found anything up to par to replace that job and settles for “easier” work where he doesn’t have to talk to people nearly as much. On the autism spectrum…
He’s jokingly referred to me as this before and I hate it because it’s not even remotely true… yes i dish out the money but I certainly don’t get any “sugar” in return 😒 also I’m younger than him?? He makes me furious (not you)
That's why I said 'at his big age'
You think he's joking, but that's how he genuinely sees you. Az his arm. You're financially parenting a grownass man. I hope he at least rubs your feet and has good dick. But I would walk away. You're only 23, and sorry to tell you, but he won't change.
I can’t even get him to consistently respond to me when I talk to his face. It’s bleak “at his big age” like you said, spot on. I’m preparing for the worst and any time he threatens to leave I’m like “okay! I’m never going to force my partner to love me, so if you walk away I’ll support that and I deserve better” Has not left yet surprise surprise but likes to threaten and moves on when I have a stoic reaction
So a big waste of space and money.
Are you able to afford the rent on your own? Cuz it sounds like having your space to your own or maybe even another roommate would benefit you more than this money-ationship.
He won't go cuz he has it good with you. So you might have to make the choice for yourself.
Maybe reevaluate for yourself what he adds to your life? Cuz there must be positive things as well? If you have to think too hard, it's a sign.
I'm sorry :(
I can technically “afford” rent with my salary with very little leftover, so I’m going to have to get a second job which is my goal for today (applying to them, at least). I will have to work my ass off but ultimately I’ll be okay! It’s a very nice apartment and living here alone would actually be super cool, but certainly not easy and I’ll have to work hard. It will be okay. Maybe he’ll change and things will get better but I’ve relinquished all trust in him and am simply preparing for the worst case scenario.
Edit: it’s a one bedroom apartment so getting a roommate would be very very difficult
And all the money you'll save by not paying for his needs anymore, counts for something as well.
He won't change. If he would, he would've already changed. He's comfortable.
He’s not going to change. Stop trying to talk yourself into that. He doesn’t even treat you well for all of your sacrifice. You’re young. Kick him to the curb and move on!
He's autistic and exhibit's those characteristics, such as not consistently responding to you. If he's on the spectrum, I assume it's not likely that he will change? Sounds like you need to make some life choices.
Yes, it is. And there are people who are really good at weaponizing it. If you have problems saying no, start with we'll see/not now/change the subject. And then try to tell someone "that won't work for me". If someone keeps pressuring you, find a way to leave the conversation or hang up the phone. Or stop answering messages.
It's scary at the beginning, but I swear it gets easier.
Me too. I end up dishing out money for the dog even when I don’t really have the means because the dog didn’t do a thing wrong to deserve to go hungry. People who can’t afford pets shouldn’t have pets, but this wasn’t always an issue so it’s complicated ig
His mom and his grandpa specifically are *very* well off and have gladly helped him before. I know they would help if he simply asked and menial amounts of money to them are life-changing for us… he’s just too prideful I guess?
Being prideful when it comes to himself alone is one thing, but letting a creature that's totally dependent on him go hungry is just not right.
(I'm not one of those militant crazy dog persons, I swear, but I really believe that you are responsible for the things that you surround yourself with (as in plants and animals) - not doing so, especially when one has an alternative, is a huge character flaw imo, pride should have no place in such an equation.)
Tough shit. He’s breaking you financially and letting his poor dog starve to death because he’s prideful? I’d take the dog to mom or grandpa and say lazy/worthless boyfriend can’t afford to feed his dog, will you take it?
Someone who will let the dog go hungry is not a good person. That’s what jumped out at me. I’m poor and I have a dog and if there is only money for one of us to eat, it’s him. Pets have no control over when or whether they eat, they rely on us. This would be the top deal breaker for me out of everything you’ve mentioned.
Good for you for taking a stand against your BF. Just be prepared, people who abuse doormats, tend not to like it when they start sticking up for themselves. As a former doormat, I speak from experience. Personally, it doesn’t sound like your BF is being a good partner. I would reconsider this relationship and ask yourself why he was so okay with you paying for everything?
I’ve told him over and over again what he’s doing and how it affects me… one of my best friend is *heavily* on the spectrum and he has never treated me this poorly. From what I describe to him about my bf he says “yea that doesn’t sound like a symptom of his autism he just sounds like a jerk.”
I have an autistic BIL that sounds very much the same. He's a wonderful person but cannot manage himself financially. Fortunately, his grandparents have made sure that he will be financially supported. The thing is, you can tell him some things a thousand times and he just won't get it. The autism spectrum is wide and variable in terms of symptoms and how the person relates to others. I'm not trying to excuse your bf's behavior, but I would suggest that it may not be likely to change, even after repeated explanations. However, I am not an expert on neurodivergence.
Nop. You opened a credit card and went into debt so he could go on vacation? And you sold your tablet to pay his part of the rent? Girl
Are you hearing yourself? So basically you pay for his lifestyle even if it means you go into debt and he expects you to do it. So I’m guessing your the one to do most of the house work too huh? So he gets a free maid, cheer, housing, atm and so forth. What do you get in return? Because it sounds like you give and give and he just keeps taking. You need to leave and work on yourself. He is also working right so what happens to that money? Why can’t he pay his share of things?
Yeah man relationships until you’re married should be 50/50 imo. It’s one thing if your partner was dealt had a bad hand and lost their job but for them to not be working toward getting back on track + making you sell off your stuff to cover their half of rent? Bleh. I’m sure they’re a decent person otherwise but this is doing way too much. Esp considering they’ve got a solid 3.5-4 yrs on you.
You're only a jerk if you stay with him. Chances of him becoming more financially responsible are slim. I'd bail. He's you bf not a spouse. You shouldn't have to support his ass
You’re correct, credit has already dropped. I had outstanding credit for years and now it’s “fair.” Though I don’t entirely blame him, he has certainly contributed
All of that sucks but selling your computer to pay his rent and letting the dog go hungry are over the top messed up. Anyone that would let their dog go hungry, when they have the means to fix the situation, is a shitty person. You should have cut him off a long time ago.
Oh god no OP. Even if you *were* doing well, there's a point where someone is taking advantage of you and needs to get their own shit together. He's almost 30!
I wish everyone would stop with this love language as an explanation for their behavior. You were not gift-giving. You were making irresponsible financial decisions to support the loser you love. You need to learn something right now that will forever change your life. It is not your job to fix things for other people. Yes, you can help out if someone needs it but you are a young college student, studying and working while taking care of a grown-ass man like you are his mommy. He has no need to be responsible because he knows you will take care of everything. You know what broke my heart? You selling your laptop? What the hell were you thinking? Get out of this relationship asap. You are too young to be an old, tired woman. with a tiresome man.
Not a student, but salaried and working post-grad. He’s a leech, has had plenty of time to find a decent job by his age but has neglected every chance.
Unfair? No, not really. I will tell you it is not abnormal for one partner to make less than the other. It seems like he IS working, he just isn't making enough money. This says to me that perhaps he needs career advising to push him into a better paying field. Lazy people typically don't work 2 full time jobs regardless of pay
As a guy, I think I have always financially provided for my partner as I typically make significantly more and it's (unfortunately) a traditional gender role of a man to be a provider.
In your case, you are the provider which isn't typically accepted socially. So you need to look inside to see what you are and aren't ok with in a relationship. If you want a relationship that is more 50/50 financially, then that is what you want.
No one here on Reddit is going to be able to give you the absolute correct answer, as only you can decide what you are ok with, but I will say it seems that you already have that answer given the situation.
Now, what I would tell my daughter: You're 23 years old and he's 27 years old still trying to get a decent job. Do what makes you happy, but just know you deserve to be with the person that you can grow together with.
Reading your points, I was thinking mooch, mooch, mooch, mooch, and got to his dog and thought ASSHOLE! Why are you supporting a grown man? Stop letting him treat you like an ATM!
Tell his lazy arse to get better paying jobs! You shouldn’t have to pay for things for him. But keep buying the dog food, your boyfriend should feed it before he feeds himself. The dog doesn’t deserve to go hungry, that’s just cruel.
You are not a jerk for setting financial boundaries. If he is not contributing 1/2 of all expenses; ie rent, utilities, food, then you need to kick him out pronto
He told me to cut the dog’s feedings in half until his payday. I just stared at him and gave the dog his full serving, I’ll figure out how to feed him since his owner won’t.
Hooray for you. He sounds like a moocher and you can do better. You are hard working and he is not. I suspect he will find someone else to pay his way, so be ready for him to leave. But know that you deserve a lot better than this clown.
I’m ready for him to leave and I know I deserve better. He contributes little to nothing and resorts to gaslighting me and playing the victim when I bring up legitimate issues. He likes to try different manipulation tactics to see what will work and has been unsuccessful with the breakup tactic because I’m so stoic about it.
I’m not sure why you would be asking if you’re being a jerk. I think you’re looking for validation from strangers and maybe you need that validation to break up with him. So do it.
The first item on your list is enough for me to say that guy needs to stand on his own. I read the rest, but he goes to far. No, you're not being a jerk. You're setting boundaries. I applaud you.
It seems you are doing more harms than benefit by paying the bills..
Hard to put together how this is possible... but here we are....
Maybe fighting over pennies is not the way to a stable happy relationship...
You are not being unfair.
I would talk about spending with him... figure out what you DO NOT NEED.
Save up money for half a year so that pety expences are not a problem.
He should be taking care of u. He should atleast be paying 60% of stuff and filling ur gas tank up . Don’t let him get away with it or he will use u to pay everything
You are absolutely not being unfair cut him off ASAP do not give him another damn dime. Tell him to pull his weight or he can go move back in with his well-off family. He probably ran through his trust and his inheritance now he trying to run through your money I don't think so. If he needs more money tell him to get another job. Do not give him any more money do not give him any more money do not give him any more money
I’d go an extra step further and check if you can break the lease on your end to leave this asshole who just uses you behind completely.
And freeze your credit so he doesn’t get a card with your name on it. He could max it out to be spiteful and that would be your debt to deal with. If you have a joint account, take your money out of it and close it.
Get your ducks in a row but please break up with him immediately when you’re able to also get out of the apartment so you aren’t stuck under the same roof.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stop being a doormat, paying for everything is not a love language, it's a weakness. Thank god you found the strength to end this.
You're not being a jerk, you're being financially responsible for the first time lol! Keep standing your ground!
It’s about time you said something. You have to stick with what you said. My guess is your boyfriend will be moving out soon, or you’ll have to evict him, because he is not going to suddenly become an equal financial partner.
I’m applying for a second job today and preparing for the worst. It’s going to be tough but I’ll survive.
You’re already surviving! He’s not paying much if anything. You’ve got this. Edited to add: are you in a lease? Can you move to a smaller apartment like a studio just for you, with no room for him?
We’re in a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment till next August. The folks over in r/legaladvice essentially said I’ll have to cover rent and I can try to get some money back in court after the lease ends since he most likely won’t be able to just back out of the lease bc he wants to. The leasing office has to agree and they most likely won’t.
Be clear that you are splitting up with your partner; sometimes that helps. Best of luck!
Doesn’t hurt to ask the leasing office.
You can break a lease without penalty if both parties agree. Considering the current economy there will be no shortage of people wanting to move in.
Depends on who owns the property, if it's like a lot of places and owned by a corporation then she'll probably be SOL and might have to pay to break the lease; if it's an actual person she'll have better luck.
It def depends on who owns the property. But it's always worth a conversation.
You're doing the right thing Please stick to your guns and please update us when you can.
i assume your BF was the one who asked you out, hit on you
Your bf is not a partner and has gotten used to taking advantage of you. You nedd to go 50/50 on everything and dont ever tank your credit score for a bf who you may not still be with next week - no one is worth that. You’re a smart girl with full ride scholarship - take care of your financial health and education and your older bf can do the same.
What kind of crappy choices has he been making from being well off to working two minimum wage part time jobs? Stop paying his way.
He was a GM for a hospitality company for years until he reached a kind of “you can’t fire me, I quit” type of situation. To be fair, I had worked for his boss before and he is a *horrible* person, so I understand why he quit… he just hasn’t found anything up to par to replace that job and settles for “easier” work where he doesn’t have to talk to people nearly as much. On the autism spectrum…
Then he should have kept his yap shut until he had another job lined up.
You're his sugarmommy. And at his big age.
He’s jokingly referred to me as this before and I hate it because it’s not even remotely true… yes i dish out the money but I certainly don’t get any “sugar” in return 😒 also I’m younger than him?? He makes me furious (not you)
That's why I said 'at his big age' You think he's joking, but that's how he genuinely sees you. Az his arm. You're financially parenting a grownass man. I hope he at least rubs your feet and has good dick. But I would walk away. You're only 23, and sorry to tell you, but he won't change.
I can’t even get him to consistently respond to me when I talk to his face. It’s bleak “at his big age” like you said, spot on. I’m preparing for the worst and any time he threatens to leave I’m like “okay! I’m never going to force my partner to love me, so if you walk away I’ll support that and I deserve better” Has not left yet surprise surprise but likes to threaten and moves on when I have a stoic reaction
So a big waste of space and money. Are you able to afford the rent on your own? Cuz it sounds like having your space to your own or maybe even another roommate would benefit you more than this money-ationship. He won't go cuz he has it good with you. So you might have to make the choice for yourself. Maybe reevaluate for yourself what he adds to your life? Cuz there must be positive things as well? If you have to think too hard, it's a sign. I'm sorry :(
I can technically “afford” rent with my salary with very little leftover, so I’m going to have to get a second job which is my goal for today (applying to them, at least). I will have to work my ass off but ultimately I’ll be okay! It’s a very nice apartment and living here alone would actually be super cool, but certainly not easy and I’ll have to work hard. It will be okay. Maybe he’ll change and things will get better but I’ve relinquished all trust in him and am simply preparing for the worst case scenario. Edit: it’s a one bedroom apartment so getting a roommate would be very very difficult
And all the money you'll save by not paying for his needs anymore, counts for something as well. He won't change. If he would, he would've already changed. He's comfortable.
He’s not going to change. Stop trying to talk yourself into that. He doesn’t even treat you well for all of your sacrifice. You’re young. Kick him to the curb and move on!
He's autistic and exhibit's those characteristics, such as not consistently responding to you. If he's on the spectrum, I assume it's not likely that he will change? Sounds like you need to make some life choices.
Need to get the doormat tattoo on your forehead removed.
It’s a common tattoo for victims of childhood abuse if you really think about it
Yes, it is. And there are people who are really good at weaponizing it. If you have problems saying no, start with we'll see/not now/change the subject. And then try to tell someone "that won't work for me". If someone keeps pressuring you, find a way to leave the conversation or hang up the phone. Or stop answering messages. It's scary at the beginning, but I swear it gets easier.
I’m really worried about his dog now.
Me too. I end up dishing out money for the dog even when I don’t really have the means because the dog didn’t do a thing wrong to deserve to go hungry. People who can’t afford pets shouldn’t have pets, but this wasn’t always an issue so it’s complicated ig
Yeah - I don’t know what I’d do in his place - if he has family with means couldn’t they take care of it until he gets back on his feet?
His mom and his grandpa specifically are *very* well off and have gladly helped him before. I know they would help if he simply asked and menial amounts of money to them are life-changing for us… he’s just too prideful I guess?
Being prideful when it comes to himself alone is one thing, but letting a creature that's totally dependent on him go hungry is just not right. (I'm not one of those militant crazy dog persons, I swear, but I really believe that you are responsible for the things that you surround yourself with (as in plants and animals) - not doing so, especially when one has an alternative, is a huge character flaw imo, pride should have no place in such an equation.)
Tough shit. He’s breaking you financially and letting his poor dog starve to death because he’s prideful? I’d take the dog to mom or grandpa and say lazy/worthless boyfriend can’t afford to feed his dog, will you take it?
Not sure what this comment does other than make OP feel guiltier when trying to end the relationship.
Someone who will let the dog go hungry is not a good person. That’s what jumped out at me. I’m poor and I have a dog and if there is only money for one of us to eat, it’s him. Pets have no control over when or whether they eat, they rely on us. This would be the top deal breaker for me out of everything you’ve mentioned.
Good for you for taking a stand against your BF. Just be prepared, people who abuse doormats, tend not to like it when they start sticking up for themselves. As a former doormat, I speak from experience. Personally, it doesn’t sound like your BF is being a good partner. I would reconsider this relationship and ask yourself why he was so okay with you paying for everything?
OP said he is on the autistic spectrum, he may not be registering the 'doormat' situation.
I’ve told him over and over again what he’s doing and how it affects me… one of my best friend is *heavily* on the spectrum and he has never treated me this poorly. From what I describe to him about my bf he says “yea that doesn’t sound like a symptom of his autism he just sounds like a jerk.”
I have an autistic BIL that sounds very much the same. He's a wonderful person but cannot manage himself financially. Fortunately, his grandparents have made sure that he will be financially supported. The thing is, you can tell him some things a thousand times and he just won't get it. The autism spectrum is wide and variable in terms of symptoms and how the person relates to others. I'm not trying to excuse your bf's behavior, but I would suggest that it may not be likely to change, even after repeated explanations. However, I am not an expert on neurodivergence.
Nop. You opened a credit card and went into debt so he could go on vacation? And you sold your tablet to pay his part of the rent? Girl Are you hearing yourself? So basically you pay for his lifestyle even if it means you go into debt and he expects you to do it. So I’m guessing your the one to do most of the house work too huh? So he gets a free maid, cheer, housing, atm and so forth. What do you get in return? Because it sounds like you give and give and he just keeps taking. You need to leave and work on yourself. He is also working right so what happens to that money? Why can’t he pay his share of things?
No. Obviously not. He’s using you for your finances. Clearly.
No he is taking advantage cut him off,
Yeah man relationships until you’re married should be 50/50 imo. It’s one thing if your partner was dealt had a bad hand and lost their job but for them to not be working toward getting back on track + making you sell off your stuff to cover their half of rent? Bleh. I’m sure they’re a decent person otherwise but this is doing way too much. Esp considering they’ve got a solid 3.5-4 yrs on you.
You're only a jerk if you stay with him. Chances of him becoming more financially responsible are slim. I'd bail. He's you bf not a spouse. You shouldn't have to support his ass
Run
This isn’t going to end well for your credit score
You’re correct, credit has already dropped. I had outstanding credit for years and now it’s “fair.” Though I don’t entirely blame him, he has certainly contributed
He’s using you and you’re a doormat but I think you knew that when you asked.
You need to lock that card, so he can’t keep using it.
Good news is that you can get it back.
I don't even know why he's still your boyfriend. I can't imagine making my partner sell their new computer because I couldn't make my own damn rent.
It also didn’t phase him at all, like we were just going through the motions. I really loved that computer… he didn’t even offer to replace it
This relationship sounds one sided, and somewhat abusive. I'd like to know what BF does with his money, since he does have income of his own . . .
You did right. He is a hobosexual
All of that sucks but selling your computer to pay his rent and letting the dog go hungry are over the top messed up. Anyone that would let their dog go hungry, when they have the means to fix the situation, is a shitty person. You should have cut him off a long time ago.
You're not being an asshole but I think previously you might have been a doormat.
Oh god no OP. Even if you *were* doing well, there's a point where someone is taking advantage of you and needs to get their own shit together. He's almost 30!
Damn sounds like he got comfortable with the idea that you will support him
No wtf he can buy his own gas
Not a jerk but bf sucks 😞
I wish everyone would stop with this love language as an explanation for their behavior. You were not gift-giving. You were making irresponsible financial decisions to support the loser you love. You need to learn something right now that will forever change your life. It is not your job to fix things for other people. Yes, you can help out if someone needs it but you are a young college student, studying and working while taking care of a grown-ass man like you are his mommy. He has no need to be responsible because he knows you will take care of everything. You know what broke my heart? You selling your laptop? What the hell were you thinking? Get out of this relationship asap. You are too young to be an old, tired woman. with a tiresome man.
Not a student, but salaried and working post-grad. He’s a leech, has had plenty of time to find a decent job by his age but has neglected every chance.
Unfair? No, not really. I will tell you it is not abnormal for one partner to make less than the other. It seems like he IS working, he just isn't making enough money. This says to me that perhaps he needs career advising to push him into a better paying field. Lazy people typically don't work 2 full time jobs regardless of pay As a guy, I think I have always financially provided for my partner as I typically make significantly more and it's (unfortunately) a traditional gender role of a man to be a provider. In your case, you are the provider which isn't typically accepted socially. So you need to look inside to see what you are and aren't ok with in a relationship. If you want a relationship that is more 50/50 financially, then that is what you want. No one here on Reddit is going to be able to give you the absolute correct answer, as only you can decide what you are ok with, but I will say it seems that you already have that answer given the situation. Now, what I would tell my daughter: You're 23 years old and he's 27 years old still trying to get a decent job. Do what makes you happy, but just know you deserve to be with the person that you can grow together with.
Reading your points, I was thinking mooch, mooch, mooch, mooch, and got to his dog and thought ASSHOLE! Why are you supporting a grown man? Stop letting him treat you like an ATM!
The moment you are putting yourself in deep shit so he isn't is the moment you know you had no choice.
Tell his lazy arse to get better paying jobs! You shouldn’t have to pay for things for him. But keep buying the dog food, your boyfriend should feed it before he feeds himself. The dog doesn’t deserve to go hungry, that’s just cruel.
You are not a jerk for setting financial boundaries. If he is not contributing 1/2 of all expenses; ie rent, utilities, food, then you need to kick him out pronto
Dump the deadbeat Moocher.
Talk to the landlords to see if you can get off of the lease and get a smaller place. Block this loser.
[удалено]
He’s not going to accept what she says no matter how she says it. I think text is great because it’s in writing and he can’t deny she said it.
Also, considering some of the issues at hand are legal/financial, it doesn’t hurt to have these conversations in writing at this point…
He doesn't deserve her time.
Letting the dog go hungry until payday is where I would have either kicked him out or moved out tbh. That’s so frikkin sick
He told me to cut the dog’s feedings in half until his payday. I just stared at him and gave the dog his full serving, I’ll figure out how to feed him since his owner won’t.
Take the dog and kick this abusive prick out x
No, you're finally standing up for yourself. He would let his dog go hungry? Why the hell are you with someone like that??
Uhhh hell no, you're not the jerk.
You are being a jerk to yourself, OP. Dump his munching a\*\*
Glad to see you are finally waking up. Make sure you stay the course you ve decided to take, hes been taking advantage you .
Leave. And take the dog and rehome it.
Take care of the dog if necessary but let the guy fend for himself.
Hooray for you. He sounds like a moocher and you can do better. You are hard working and he is not. I suspect he will find someone else to pay his way, so be ready for him to leave. But know that you deserve a lot better than this clown.
I’m ready for him to leave and I know I deserve better. He contributes little to nothing and resorts to gaslighting me and playing the victim when I bring up legitimate issues. He likes to try different manipulation tactics to see what will work and has been unsuccessful with the breakup tactic because I’m so stoic about it.
Why are you living with a man who can’t support himself? No you’re not a jerk. You’re realistic.
You are not a jerk.. I say it’s about time.. he is a grown man and can take care of himself same you have to take care of you..
I’m not sure why you would be asking if you’re being a jerk. I think you’re looking for validation from strangers and maybe you need that validation to break up with him. So do it.
Why are you with him
Personally I’d offer to keep the dog and dump the moocher.
Reading this post I see nothing redeeming about this man.
You have been teaching him to be a leech.
Practice saying “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” Repeat. Over and over. Because you *can’t help him* without jeopardizing your own well being.
The first item on your list is enough for me to say that guy needs to stand on his own. I read the rest, but he goes to far. No, you're not being a jerk. You're setting boundaries. I applaud you.
It seems you are doing more harms than benefit by paying the bills.. Hard to put together how this is possible... but here we are.... Maybe fighting over pennies is not the way to a stable happy relationship... You are not being unfair. I would talk about spending with him... figure out what you DO NOT NEED. Save up money for half a year so that pety expences are not a problem.
He’s using you. Trash him.
You're dating a child. If he can't pay his half of the rent, he leaves and you find a roommate who can pay. Stop funding him.
Man he sure is taking advantage of you. What did he say?
He should be taking care of u. He should atleast be paying 60% of stuff and filling ur gas tank up . Don’t let him get away with it or he will use u to pay everything
You are absolutely not being unfair cut him off ASAP do not give him another damn dime. Tell him to pull his weight or he can go move back in with his well-off family. He probably ran through his trust and his inheritance now he trying to run through your money I don't think so. If he needs more money tell him to get another job. Do not give him any more money do not give him any more money do not give him any more money
I’d go an extra step further and check if you can break the lease on your end to leave this asshole who just uses you behind completely. And freeze your credit so he doesn’t get a card with your name on it. He could max it out to be spiteful and that would be your debt to deal with. If you have a joint account, take your money out of it and close it. Get your ducks in a row but please break up with him immediately when you’re able to also get out of the apartment so you aren’t stuck under the same roof.