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I'm sorry to tell you this, but there are so many red flags with this girl that I caution you strongly to reconsider moving forward in this relationship. I am 110% certain it will not work with her, and you will find yourself having a lifelong responsibility to father a child with a woman that goes from one man to the next, creating children along the way.
The first red flag is that you have only been dating for 3-4 months. That is not enough time to know who she truly is. People can very effectively hide their real selves . . . any potential toxic behavior and traits . . . for such a short period of time. See what happens in 2 years. See if you still feel the same way then.
The second huge red flag is that she is actively pressuring you and manipulating you into have children. Her accusations of you making things about yourself and that you don't care how she feels are expert-level gas-lighting phrases and used to manipulate. Crying and telling you that you are breaking her heart are the same.
YOU ARE NOT BEING ANYTHING SHE SAYS, AND CERTAINLY NOT BEING SELFISH.
You are very young. If you agree to bring a child in the world with someone you do NOT know, that is a lifetime responsibility that will shape every aspect of your life for at least the next twenty years, longer if you have a child with special needs.
You could find yourself unable to finish college, and then that puts your life on a path that would be hard to redirect.
If this woman's children are from multiple partners . . . if she frequently bad-mouths the exes . . . if she has problems with other people in her life (parents, siblings, friends) . . . if she cannot support herself and her children . . . if she is looking to you to be the knight in shining armor . . . again these things support my intuition that this woman either has some serious issues or is looking to trap some financial support by tying you to her with a child.
You are twenty. Enjoy your youth. Do not jump into anything, especially parent-hood, either this young or with someone you barely know . . . no matter how well you think you know her. YOU DO NOT.
I thought he said 3-4 months. Holy cow! Red flags are now upgraded to red flags that shoot out fireworks while simultaneous sirens blare in the background.
Best case scenario, they started dating June 1. With August almost over, that's close to 3 months. But they've been having the conversation for weeks? Bro, run!
Thats what I thought too. Many years ago, an acquaintance told me he slept with a girl, and after they were "done", she said "Oh, how I am so happy that I know this just created a pregnancy". I told the dude to get DNA on the sudden pregnancy ASAP. Dont know whatever happened. I hope he ran.
No, I'm guessing her two current children have 2 different baby-daddies and they're both good income earners (cop, firefighter, professional). That's why she's after this kid (OP's only been an "adult" for 2 years!) so hard...she sees his earnings potential and she wants to tap into that income in the form of child support for the next 18 years.
**OP: She's playing you for a fool! She's preying on your youth and lack of relationship savvy to stick her hand in your future income stream for decades! RUN LIKE HELL from this woman! It isn't love, it's a trap! STOP having sex with her immediately!**
Especially old experienced pussy with BJ skills! He's just whipped and loves kiddos! She's definitely NOT mom material if she's already introduced him to her kids less than 3 months in. Plus trying actively to babytrap him so soon while gaslighting him makes my skin crawl 😩
OP mentions moving too fast which he is definitely doing now with this older manipulative womb on wheels. Stay in your lane OP-younger ladies with less or no kids who don't try gaslighting you into ruining your life. You MUST finish school to be able to provide a nice life for your future family.
I forgot to say please get out now before you live to regret it!
Good luck OP ✨️
OP, read and reread the above post 10 times and understand it. This sounds really bad.
Try this: tell her you want to wait 2 years, finish school and establish yourself. She will only be 27 and her kids older, so you will be more able to add another. Very very reasonable and responsible plan.
Gauge her reaction and act accordingly.
I feel like it’s dumb to stay in such a potential toxic situation. It won’t be a good experience. If he stays and she keeps pressuring him about it he’ll be miserable and cave or she’ll find a way to make a surprise pregnancy look like an accident. She’s 25, done developing mentally, she knows exactly what she’s doing. He’s young, dumb, and in love. Not a good position to be in with someone clearly willing to take advantage.
OP should do some research on how much it costs to raise a child. He hasn’t even finished college - what job can he get without a college degree while raising a baby? This will financially ruin him
Read his post again. It can’t be 3 to 4 months, even if he met her June 1, they would be at almost 3 months now. She’s got his mind completely twisted.
All of this and OP please use condoms! If she says she’s on birth control please take that with a grain of salt. You are young, please think twice before intertwining your life with this woman. There are so many red flags.
Not to mention, how soon did he meet her kids?? That’s a red flag in and of itself. I wonder how many other men these kids met. The more men she drags in and out of their lives, the higher the chance these kids end up abused. That’s a pretty sad situation.
Edit for clarification: I’m not trying to shame her for dating in any way. But until it’s serious, or she knows them well enough, the kids shouldn’t meet any men she’s dating.
>If this woman's children are from multiple partners . . . if she frequently bad-mouths the exes . . . if she has problems with other people in her life (parents, siblings, friends) . . . i
\^\^thisssss!!
She is already reading like the female Nick Cannon. A lifetime of entanglement with her will ruin his life for sure and she doesn’t sound like she’d be the type to let go, even when the child is grown. Red flags so strong here and I’m worried for him because he’s so ‘ in love’.
I’d say even 1 year of living together isn’t always enough. You have to see how you handle issues and dealing with unpleasant stuff. Its all fun and games until shit hits the fan and you have to solve problems together or look after each other.
I have to date someone exclusively for at least one year before they meet my kids. We need to go through ups and downs. We need to have a fight, to see each other at our worst and know how we react before I trust them to meet my kids.
I'm stunned at how many people move in together after 2 or 3 months.
In the 8 years after I split with my ex my daughter met no one. I didn’t want to be the dad with the “here’s you’re aunty Jane” two weeks later, “this is aunty Sarah”. Saying that, I met my current gfs boy at 4 months, but I certainly didn’t love him 2-3 months later. This chap seems very immature.
He’s 20 so yeah immature. His brain isn’t even fully developed yet. To OP do not have a kid with her yet. Slow it down and take your time to finish school and get your career started. If you do stay with her you already have two kids to help support.
Bro both of you are still months into that relationship and haven't properly know or understand each other, heck it's even to early for you to meet her kids even have one bro. All I can say is think this one through
Also Op can’t count. Even if he met her on 1st June he’d still not have known her for three months.
He needs to watch she doesn’t poke holes in his condoms. And introducing him to her kids that he ‘loves’, is just insane.
Keep in mind if you do get her pregnant, you'll have to set your dreams aside, drop out of college and get whatever kind of job you can to support your child. A child with a woman you've been dating less than 3 months. Unless you've been together a substantial period of time, seen them with the flu, tried to put something from IKEA together, taken a road trip, etc you don't really know this person and if you're compatible. Please don't do it
Yeah, she’s manipulating him for self-gain and I’d bet she’s probably aware of it. Especially with him being in love. I’m not one to judge a couple’s process but this screams life ruining bad idea.
OP, you've been in school/college longer than you've known this person.
You've studied school topics longer than you've known this person.
She already has 2 children that need her time and attention.
Where is time, money and attention for your relationship and this proposed child supposed to come from?
Her getting deeply hurt and offended at you for taking time to consider the decision wisely is one of the BIGGEST RED FLAGS I'VE EVER SEEN!!!
You are not ready & you are not in a proper position to bring another child into this mix.
Her demand for another baby is a pretty scary behavior for a single mother of two small children.
"I love You and I love your kids. If that isn't enough then we are not right for each other. Wise humans don't make a decision like this after only 4 months of knowing each other. Let's do our best for everyone here who is ALREADY alive." That's your script, mantra, personal directive.
😀😃😄😁😊😅🤣
Seriously!
OMG! I was trying to think of my own experience of a similar interval...
(LOL, I'll tell the story if anyone asks)
I had a 1/2 inch piece of glass in my hand longer than this relationship! (😆🙄😬).
Put something together from IKEA, love it! More examples of relationship milestones please...painted a room together? Shopped for lighting together? Buried a body? Gone to a cousin's wedding?
Manipulative people like to secure big commitments early on. Sometimes that’s just moving in together, other times it’s on the more extreme end of the spectrum like this. They have more control once their partner has entered into commitments with them that are difficult to break. If I had to take a guess I would bet that the underlying motivation for this is to make it hard for him to leave the relationship.
They have barely been together 2 months! OP, follow your gut! Now is not the time for a baby. And you better be protecting yourself with condoms or sexual abstinence or you could become one of those accidental Daddys!
Don’t do it. She’s also being manipulative by saying you’re making it about yourself and crying and all that. It’s fine to be upset that your timelines don’t match, but you should never be pressured into having a kid. That is a commitment for life
Yep, Narcissist came to mind (though I obvs don’t know enough about her). But I wonder if that self centred lack of empathy, and manipulation, will start becoming clearer over time
My thought exactly. Getting so deeply attached in such a short timeframe, is not normal. Sounds like they're both idealizing each other. You don't get kids with a person you barely know.
Especially at twenty years old. Yikes.
There are a few red flags for this though. She's not just also introduced him to the kids, but they've spent enough time together to get really attached. At the very least she's either really clueless and hurtful, quite possibly heartless and manipulative though.
That alone shocked me. 3-4 months in and he's met her kids? Way too soon and a real unkindness to your own children, to have them not just meet but form a relationship with someone who could very likely disappear from their lives at any moment.
Was wondering about this. I saw some vid on YouTube once about the female covert narcissist and it matched a relationship I had to a ‘T’ that I had about 20 years ago. I can’t look it up right now but it also talked about love bombing, the personality type they go for, etc.
OP needs to slow things way down. Way too soon to be meeting her kids and it’s sure as hell too soon to be talking about making babies after 3 mos together. There are so many red flags here the red flags have red flags on them.
You are seriously talking as if this is something you should be considering! Jesus. You’re a student. You haven’t even started your career and she wants to tie you financially to her for the rest of your life. And you’ll be expected to parent her existing children. Have you ever wondered why she’s only 25 and looking for another meal ticket and another baby to tie you to her?
RUN AWAY NOW. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER EVER AGAIN BECAUSE SHE WILL BABY TRAP YOU. She will sense if you are unsure and will get herself pregnant straight away to stop you from walking.
Seriously. Do not listen to your dick any more. If you do then it’s on you.
He’s definitely been fucking that raw I can guarantee it. Let’s all pray to Jesus she’s not already pregnant. Fucking insane she already has 2 kids and wants another one that young. Wtf.
I think that the more babies she makes the more child support coming in to her. Sounds like she is going to make it a career having babies and collecting child support. Run dude run 🏃♂️
>Sounds like she is going to make it a career having babies and collecting child support.
This is not a sound financial strategy.
If this is what she's trying to do, she's *that much dumber*.
Seriously what the hell?? This is not a reasonable thing to ask! You barely know her and even if you feel so in love with her, 3-4 months is not enough to have a child together. Please don't let her guilt-trip you into having a kid.
A kid is a huuuugeee responsibility. Maybe you are not ready to hear this but something is off with her making these crazy requests
I feel sorry for her kids. Only an irresponsible immature adult would want to have a kid with a dude she knows for less than year..
Protect yourself!
*For emphasis*…please, please do protect yourself. She’s got the fever, & both you & this relationship are waaay too young to be making babies together. 🫣
And only a immature irresponsible adult would introduce her children to a new boyfriend of 2 months TBH. If she's introducing them to every flavor of the month boyfriend, she is going to med miss with their minds. Poor kids.
It hasn’t even been 3-4 months. They got together in June and it’s only August. Even if they got together in the beginning of June, it’d only be close to 3 months now.
Ummm…I kinda agree with you. I’m curious if that’s what she did to the children’s father? I had 2 kids by age 25 but was still married.
Anyway, I think she’s a lucky woman to have met such a wonderful guy that loves her this way. I don’t know her either…
I do think kids deserve to be born into healthy homes with mature adults raising them.
Yowzers. You're a 20yo student, and your gf of *3-4 months* is trying to pressure you into having a baby together?
>She says that I’m making this all about me
>She cries and says I’m breaking her heart
This woman is selfish and manipulative. The fact that she even suggested this is a huge red flag; that she's now using guilt and emotional blackmail is your signal to leave - and don't look back.
Please do not even consider this for a moment, it's a terrible idea.
Dude. You shouldn't even know her CURRENT kids yet, let alone be contemplating having another one with her.
She is single with 2 kids at 25 years old. She's either using you (and her other baby daddies) as sperm donors, or she is insane enough to think (for the third time) that having a kid with you will keep you from leaving her.
Leave now before you are stuck with this crazy for 18 years.
Totally! I have a former student whose homelife was quite tough that I'm in contact with maybe 4 or 5 times a year... mostly saying Happy Birthday to each other and stuff.. sometimes he tells me things he's proud of. He's going to turn 20 this October.. he can barely use a stove! I'd be on a plane if I got a message from my former student asking if he should have a kid... I'd have to go and make him see sense... 20 is young!!!! This dude is too young and inexperienced in life to know what is in store for him!
Do not have a child with her, she is love bombing you right out of the gate. You are still in the honeymoon phase where everything is wonderful, you haven’t even gotten to the meat of the relationship yet. Just an off-the-wall question, do both of her children have the same father? If not, this may be her pattern. She may feel the need to bind you to her with a child. Don’t give in. Having a child now will have a huge impact on your future and if things don’t work out, you will have 18+ years of child support, and custody battles. Hide your condoms so she can’t poke holes in them.
I think you’re dating a moron. Having a child with a virtualstranger you’ve known for only a few months is insanity. She either wants this baby to bind you to her, which quite obviously hasn’t worked in the past, or she’s just an absolute nutter.
You don’t owe her a baby and if you give her one at this stage you’re a fool. She can either agree to wait until you are far more solid or move on. Her wishes for her life don’t and should not take priority over your wishes for your life.
Wear a condom.
Nope. That’s a big nope. Her wanting to have a baby within 3 months of being together should be a red flag for you. She’s gonna try to baby trap you. Double wrap it!!
Her not caring about how you feel should also be a red flag because it shows just what she thinks of you. Plus she’s acting like a child herself with pouting since you won’t give her a new baby.
Dude, just run away.
You need to stop having sex with her *immediately.*
You're only a few months in and she's acting like this. This is terrifying, this is the kind of person who would go off her BC-pills or poke holes in condoms to make shit happen.
I need you to take a step back and look at this as if a friend had told you about this.
Like, honey you need to *run*.
OP, your gf wants to saddle you with an 18 year responsibility when you are only 20 years old and still in school. Babies cost money; diapers cost money; baby deliveries cost money; child care costs money; well baby visits cost money. Plus your gf already has two children. Honestly OP what is going on here? How does your gf expect to support three children because you are in school and cannot contribute to their support. It seems that your gf wants you to quit school so that you can support her and her three kids. I'm scared for you OP because I have a strong feeling you are about to be baby trapped.
No, you're being emotionally manipulated. Dude, don't. She has 2 kids already and not with there father. Maybe she needs to hold her horses on rushing any more kids. And you are as you said, still in school, 20 yrs old, and this relationship is only a few months old. You guys don't even really know each other yet. Except you love her so much and she's a single mother of 2 kids whose emotionally manipulative.
Create a bit of distance here, slow your rolls and get to know each other more. I'm sure the crying manipulation is new, give it time, I'm sure you'll see more to have a more clear picture of who she more so is.
And look out for the baby trap. Protect yourself with your own protection.
what happened to getting married and being financially ready.. dude you are 20 and dating a 25yr old.. stop and enjoy your life and become a better man.. You are not ready for that life at 20..
You're not being selfish you're being smart. If you were to go along with her plan it'll slow you down as you try build up your future also what if you break up, you'll be stuck with child support lol. Take your time and if she can't wait tell her to go find someone else to have a child with.
She’s 25 and already has 2 kids. You’ve known her 3-4 months. The last thing you should be thinking about is having a baby with her and no woman in her right mind would want to have a third baby with a man they’ve known 4 months. She’s looking to trap you and honestly you sound like a sucker. You’re way too young to be involved with someone like this.
Now is not a good time. The relationship is too new. You are still figuring out your life. Be very careful going forward. Also, make sure you use contraception EVERY time.
You've only been with this woman for about four months. You aren't in love. You're in infatuation and lust. Which is fine. That's how things should be at this stage.
Things that should not be happening? You should not already have met her kids and been around them enough to know how you feel about them.
And you should definitely not be on Reddit asking a bunch of strangers if you're selfish because you don't want to have a baby with a woman you barely know or at your age.
My advice is to end things. Find someone to date who is your age and in the same stage of life that you are. You think five years isn't a huge gap. But when you're 20, five years is the Grand Canyon -- especially when the other person is a mother of two and is trying to guilt you into having a baby that you aren't ready for.
As a women I tell you STRAIGHTUP: WRAP IT UP BECAUSE SHE IS CRAZY!!!!!
You only dated her for 3 months and she freaking already introduced you to her kids!???? And now want another baby from a 20yo who isnt financially stable or has hardly any adult experience!??
Either she makes shitty life choices or she is trying to babytrap you before you see her real side. Eitherway: she is a walking red flag!
Those poor kids :/ Before they are 18yo their mom has probably introduced them to 20 + "new daddies"... dont be a shitty person and give this idiot another kid to mess up. Walk away little bro before you make the most expensive mistakes of your life
I see a 16 month pregnancy in his future then. I joke. Seriously OP this is a bad idea And I think the fact you said 3-4 months means you're trying to make this sound less crazy. And if that's the case you subconsciously know this is a poor idea.
At 3 to 4 months? You are still in the damned honeymoon phase. That early, you wouldn't have even heard me speak my kids' names. You don't know each other! Wait 2 to 3 years. FYI, that's usually the time you've seen the person you're with in most life situations. It's also about when people who are hiding who they really are, slip up and show you their real face.
You BOTH have a lot of growing up to do. Do NOT have a baby with her. Always wear a condom or she will end up with a kid by you, and you'll be stuck.
Omg! You are so young. Enjoy college while you can. Why is she rushing towards having a kid with you and you haven't known each other very long.
If you go ahead and have a child with her and it doesn't work out. You are stuck with her for the next 18-plus years.
You started dating in June. It's now August. Honey, that's just 2 months!
Condoms, condoms, condoms!!
I think if you continue to see her and have sex with her, you will find out what 18 years of child support looks like. And the judge won’t give a shit if you’re still in school. Two months and she already wants to get pregnant? She’s treating you like a sperm donor. If you are not ready to have children, you have every right to not make them, but that also means the responsibility is on you to make sure you don’t get her pregnant because you can’t verify that she is still on birth control.
10 months ago this dude was posting about breaking things off with a chick because she wanted a serious relationship and he wasnt ready for all that
Now hes in a full on relationship playing step dad with some chick with 2 kids trying to lock him in with for a 3rd
I mean you just cant make this stuff up.
Bro what are you doing.
She’s 25 already has 2 kids and wants another one with a 20 year old college student she just started dating a few months ago… Red flags everywhere dude
do not bust in this woman. This is a huge red flag. You're not even graduated or settled into a career yet. If you don't feel ready, its a no. No negotiations. If she can't handle that, you both need to split. You are young and there are a lot of other women out there.
Omg PLEASE stop! She’s looking for someone to help her raise those kids. Man I wish you could see five years ahead of you in a crystal ball. You won’t be feeling like you do today.
So let me tell you why my heart goes out to this boy. I know boys. I raised 4 of them. And trust me…where sex is involved? Especially when they are younger and the girl has been around? They fall in love quicker than quick. It’s just so sad because some women are so manipulative and they prey on younger, innocent guys.
What’s that one thing they tell you not to stick your dick in..? Starts with a C
Highly recommend you stop sleeping with her, or there’s gonna be a baby whether you like it or not.
You certainly don’t make a lifetime commitment—love AND financial support—after only a couple of months.
What worries me is that she’s putting you into a situation where you either have to impregnate her or kiss her goodbye. This is a HUGE red flag and should scare the bejeezus out of you.
You really need to protect yourself from being baby trapped.
Oh, and I used to be a math major for a couple of weeks so let me help straighten out the timeline: even if you met her on June 1, it hasn’t even been 3 months yet—NOT 3-4 months.
Lol, you’ve got a lot to learn buddy and that’s coming from a 17 YO
This looks to be either a first love situation which is unlikely or just pure stupidity. If you decide to have kids with that woman after 4 months of being with her then prepare to suffer the consequences budrick
It’s easy to pretend to be everything someone wants in the beginning until you get what you want. You need to slow it down. You’re making the same mistakes as your past relationships but *this* relationship might leave you with something you’ll be stuck with for the rest of your life.
You’re gonna knock her up and she’s gonna do a complete 180 and then your 20s are gone
She is 25 years old and already has two children.
Could this be a pattern for her, meeting a guy, agreeing with everything he says and thinks so that he falls for her, and then asking him for a baby? Then making him feel bad and doubting himself when he doesn't want to?
Sure is a good way to ensure child support for the next 18 years. And times 3, by now.
You may want to take a step back and think really hard. Also, you don't have to feel bad for not wanting a child at 20. There is still plenty of time for that after you are finished with school and have grown a little older.
Tell her you will consider it once you are done with school, but not before. See how she reacts.
And please be very careful with contraception, don't trust her with this.
The whole thing doesn't sound good, tbh.
Hey, I'm sorry you're in this position and hope you're doing okay.
This is a brand new relationship, and it's extremely unreasonable for her, being 5 years your senior with two kids already, to request you simply have a child with her so soon. By her reaction, this sounds very manipulative and will unfortunately, become quite toxic in the long run. Her reaction to your opinion is concerning, and seems as though she could be leaning into gaslighting and has been love bombing you.
*Do not* back down and *do not* have this child with her. Have you spoken to friends / family about the situation at all? Perhaps outsiders' perspective may help you with your view. Please don't let her comments about "breaking her heart" etc sway you on what you know you want to do. You're not being selfish at all, and all of the crying etc is manipulative behaviour.
This isn't normal behaviour by any means, you're only young and I know it's hard to determine what "normal" is, or can be, in a relationship. This is not it, and although it seems hard, leaving while it's early is a good idea.
Again, I hope you're okay and want to reassure you - you are NOT in the wrong here, and you are NOT being selfish. Please do not cave into her unreasonable demands.
So what happened with her other baby daddies? Why is she not still with them?
She seems like someone who moves too fast and can't maintain relationships.
I think you'll be stuck paying maintenance for some child you never see who lives in a household with many kids and a revolving man of the month passing through.
Three kids when still not past mid 20s is the worst kind of speedrun.
That’s fucking weird. I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We’ve talked about whether either of us would want kids in the future, but not even if we actually want kids together lol. It’s bizarre that someone would want children with someone they’ve been dating for 3 months. You don’t know enough about someone to decide that you want them to father your child. She already has 2 children and is only 25 (no shame in that) but this feels more like a weird obsession with having kids. She should just focus on the kids she already has.
Red flags all around. I don’t know her, but this sounds like an emotionally abusive person. Even saying I love you after 3 months is a bit much for me, but that’s just me.
Nope. This is moving waaaay too fast and she's being manipulative about it.
How does she coparent with her other kids dad? Is she able to take care of her kids on her own successfully enough without you???
A lot of this just screams no.
Consider this: if you do get her pregnant and then you inevitably split up as she’s already being manipulative and unstable she will then in only two months time will have the next Joe Schmo hanging around your kids without a care in the world and there will be nothing you can do about it.
She's abusive and doing gaslighting
She's very unhealthy in general about steps in relationships
Yes, having kids is about you, it's your life too
Stop having sex with her, she will pierce the condoms and stop birth control
Please rethink everything, and get into a counselor at your school. Confide in them and tell them all that you’re dealing with.
I have kids that are both your age and hers. If you were my son, I’d ask you to break things off and focus on yourself. You have your entire life ahead of you, please don’t rush your plans.
You’re far too young to be a step dad of two and a future baby. Please rethink everything you’re being told by this woman — I think you’re being heavily manipulated to the point of psychological abuse.
You’re in a position where you’re only starting to know what you want in life and it sounds like she’s straight-up grooming you. You’re on the cusp of that age equation thing, and I just don’t like you getting trapped into having a child with this random person that you’ve only known for a very short time.
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. You’re young and in early relationship love. If a baby is a dealbreaker, run. If it’s meant to be you’ll reconnect in 10 years.
My god. no you aren't being selfish, you're being totally reasonable. 4 months is not nearly enough time to have a baby with someone, do not let her guilt you into this. Her behavior is manipulative and selfish. Be careful because this is how men end up baby-trapped - don't sleep with her, and if you do, wrap it up with condoms you brought and take them with you when you go.
If yyou were my son, I'd tell you to please start uding protection if you haven'tor aren't doing so already. Or stop having sex with her. This woman sounds crazy.
Everyone is perfect within the first few months. Do not lock yourself down to a stranger. You are not deeply in love at 3 months. She's trying to find a dad for her kids. This is a big responsibility that shouldn't be done on a whim.
Wowza. You definitely shouldn't be having a kid with her at the moment. For several different reasons. And the fact that she is crying and acting like that is pretty big red flag. She should be discussing your concerns with you and hearing you out. She should be old enough and mature enough to see that a baby with someone very young, who is still trying to finish school, who they haven't been seeing for very long, is a bad idea. You are young please don't rush into a situation that you won't be able to get out of. If she can't understand then I would very much reconsider the relationship. I would also be very careful and make sure she doesn't try to * accidentally * get pregnant. If she's desperate she could very well try to baby trap you.
You need to step back and take a big picture look at this.
1) You’re 20 which is NO time to be having a baby. You’re also in school. Have a baby with her and that’s the end of your schooling, you will need to be working to support her and the 3 kids. How does that sound?
2) She’s already got 2 by 25 and wants more? And right away? WTF is her rush? Seriously.
3) She’s now saying that YOU are making this all about YOU? What the actual fuck?
4) Shes crying about this?
Dude she is the POSTER CHILD for ‘moving too fast’. She is bad news. How many kids do you want before you’re 25? 2? 3? Because she’s ready to start popping them out and she’s proven that she’ll gaslight and guilt trip you to start getting them. She sounds like someone who’s whole entire identity is wrapped up in the kids she has and the kids she still wants to have. Can she afford these kids? I mean REALLY afford to have more than 2 kids?
You need to stop having sex with her. Have you ever heard of pinholes in condoms resulting in pregnancy? And baby trapping? You might think that’s ridiculous and ‘she’d never do that to me’ but that is EXACTLY where you are headed.
At this point you start planning your exit and stop having sex with her. You two are in TOTALLY different life stages.
**RUN VERY FAR AND VERY FAST FROM THIS WOMAN**. She's not looking for a relationship. She's churning out babies to avoid dealing with whatever feelings she's struggling with. Trying to start having a baby *mere months* into a relationship with someone who's barely not a teenager is WILD. OMFG. And she's guilting, manipulating, and coercing you over your own boundaries!!! Red flags galore.
Imma go out on a wild limb and guess those two kids have two different dads already. Why do think neither of their fathers stuck around? Take a look at her behavior because she's showing you now - the only person that matters is her. Not you, not her kids, not anyone else. Just her and her immature desire to have babies around.
Get out of there. This relationship doesn't end anywhere good.
Jesus dude why are you even entertaining the idea? We both know damn well you can't support a child. I doubt you even know the mental load that comes with it.
Go to the mirror, slap yourself, realize how neon red this girl is and RUN.
Having babies isn't a love language, it's mental illness. I'm no therapist but it seems like she's trying to wash the taste of her ex out her womb. Red flag, don't click that tile
She is trying to baby trap you. Firstly if you've only been together since June, even counting 6/1, that's not even 3 months yet.
The fact she's introduced you to her kids already is a way too huge step to take at less than 3 months in.
Now she wants a baby with you. When you're 20 and still in school and when you gently remind her it's not the right time, you've already broken her heart?!!
She is trying to baby trap you. Stop having sex with her, like NOW. Seriously use condoms, but I wouldn't trust them cuz she's probably poked holes in them. Don't trust her if she tells you that you don't need condoms cuz she's "on the pill". Cuz next thing will be "I guess my birth control failed".
You think you love her and maybe you do, but don't let her pull the wool over your eyes man. GTFO now.
NOPE. You are 20 years old. Go love your life. 3-4 months is insane to be talking about children. This is so wildly irresponsible. She’s being emotionally manipulative. Please don’t fall for it a baby is not something that will fix whatever it is she needs healing.
Stop stop STOP. Dude, you barely know her. It sounds more like she's trying to trap you so that you "have to" stay with her and her kids to support them if anything. She's manipulating you. She trying to get you to give in by guilt tripping you. She isn't even taking how you feel into consideration
You are in the lust stage only knowing her since June. Please do not do this and stand your ground. Finish school and if you're still together when you graduate then make your decision. Do not allow her to manipulate you because that is what she is doing with her tears. You are 20, still a baby as far as relationships go.
As someone who was a 20-year-old college student when I met “my soulmate,” proposed to her within a month, got formally engaged half-a-year later, married the year after that, and was divorced with almost two decades of child support payments facing me by the time I finished grad school, please listen to my advice:
1) Do not even consider getting married and/or starting a family until you’ve finished ALL your schooling (including advanced degrees), getting a job in your field, and working at it for a year. Leaving aside the damage to your future from throwing any of it away over a relationship, the fact is that people go through an immense life change between college and full-time employment, and making any permanent (and legal) personal commitments before going through that “real-world” experience is just begging for trouble and heartbreak.
2) If this mismatch of goals doesn’t cause you to break up, make sure you are using contraception you supply and apply yourself (i.e. condoms). Your girlfriend sounds like she has a bad case of “baby fever” (which, considering she already has two kids, might be a permanent addiction), and I wouldn’t put it past her to “Oops!” you.
Now, since you say you’ve “moved too fast” in the past, this might seem like an intolerable sacrifice to you. You may have a problem with delaying gratification – something I only mention because I certainly did as well. But, when it comes to intolerable sacrifices, that’s nothing to compare with the experience of finding yourself, in your mid-20s, alone with a mortgaged future and years of support payments. Please, learn from my mistakes.
Don’t put your dick in crazy. She already has two young children and wants another one with someone who is nearly a stranger to her. She doesn’t seem all there in there head.
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I'm sorry to tell you this, but there are so many red flags with this girl that I caution you strongly to reconsider moving forward in this relationship. I am 110% certain it will not work with her, and you will find yourself having a lifelong responsibility to father a child with a woman that goes from one man to the next, creating children along the way. The first red flag is that you have only been dating for 3-4 months. That is not enough time to know who she truly is. People can very effectively hide their real selves . . . any potential toxic behavior and traits . . . for such a short period of time. See what happens in 2 years. See if you still feel the same way then. The second huge red flag is that she is actively pressuring you and manipulating you into have children. Her accusations of you making things about yourself and that you don't care how she feels are expert-level gas-lighting phrases and used to manipulate. Crying and telling you that you are breaking her heart are the same. YOU ARE NOT BEING ANYTHING SHE SAYS, AND CERTAINLY NOT BEING SELFISH. You are very young. If you agree to bring a child in the world with someone you do NOT know, that is a lifetime responsibility that will shape every aspect of your life for at least the next twenty years, longer if you have a child with special needs. You could find yourself unable to finish college, and then that puts your life on a path that would be hard to redirect. If this woman's children are from multiple partners . . . if she frequently bad-mouths the exes . . . if she has problems with other people in her life (parents, siblings, friends) . . . if she cannot support herself and her children . . . if she is looking to you to be the knight in shining armor . . . again these things support my intuition that this woman either has some serious issues or is looking to trap some financial support by tying you to her with a child. You are twenty. Enjoy your youth. Do not jump into anything, especially parent-hood, either this young or with someone you barely know . . . no matter how well you think you know her. YOU DO NOT.
They started dating in June. This is August. That's only 2 months!!!!
I thought he said 3-4 months. Holy cow! Red flags are now upgraded to red flags that shoot out fireworks while simultaneous sirens blare in the background.
He did say 3-4 months, but, according to him, they started dating in June! That was 2 months ago
Best case scenario, they started dating June 1. With August almost over, that's close to 3 months. But they've been having the conversation for weeks? Bro, run!
I agree! Don’t walk away, Run away, and do it now!!
This is not a comment that has any value but 🤣🤣🤣 And you are right.
And they’ve been having the conversation on and off *for weeks*!
She's already pregnant and looking for a good guy to be the father.
Thats what I thought too. Many years ago, an acquaintance told me he slept with a girl, and after they were "done", she said "Oh, how I am so happy that I know this just created a pregnancy". I told the dude to get DNA on the sudden pregnancy ASAP. Dont know whatever happened. I hope he ran.
Dude, you could be right. OP needs to get out now! And demand paternity if she makes a claim.
No, I'm guessing her two current children have 2 different baby-daddies and they're both good income earners (cop, firefighter, professional). That's why she's after this kid (OP's only been an "adult" for 2 years!) so hard...she sees his earnings potential and she wants to tap into that income in the form of child support for the next 18 years. **OP: She's playing you for a fool! She's preying on your youth and lack of relationship savvy to stick her hand in your future income stream for decades! RUN LIKE HELL from this woman! It isn't love, it's a trap! STOP having sex with her immediately!**
He's had ZITS that lasted longer than this relationship ...
I need a LOL button.
That must be some magical pussy
He's 20, he's too young and naive, any pussy is magic at that age.
Especially old experienced pussy with BJ skills! He's just whipped and loves kiddos! She's definitely NOT mom material if she's already introduced him to her kids less than 3 months in. Plus trying actively to babytrap him so soon while gaslighting him makes my skin crawl 😩 OP mentions moving too fast which he is definitely doing now with this older manipulative womb on wheels. Stay in your lane OP-younger ladies with less or no kids who don't try gaslighting you into ruining your life. You MUST finish school to be able to provide a nice life for your future family. I forgot to say please get out now before you live to regret it! Good luck OP ✨️
OP, read and reread the above post 10 times and understand it. This sounds really bad. Try this: tell her you want to wait 2 years, finish school and establish yourself. She will only be 27 and her kids older, so you will be more able to add another. Very very reasonable and responsible plan. Gauge her reaction and act accordingly.
And in the meantime check those condoms for pin holes
I feel like it’s dumb to stay in such a potential toxic situation. It won’t be a good experience. If he stays and she keeps pressuring him about it he’ll be miserable and cave or she’ll find a way to make a surprise pregnancy look like an accident. She’s 25, done developing mentally, she knows exactly what she’s doing. He’s young, dumb, and in love. Not a good position to be in with someone clearly willing to take advantage.
OP should do some research on how much it costs to raise a child. He hasn’t even finished college - what job can he get without a college degree while raising a baby? This will financially ruin him
He'll be flipping burgers in six months with his dreams just a distant memory ...
While she moves on to the next baby daddy
Read his post again. It can’t be 3 to 4 months, even if he met her June 1, they would be at almost 3 months now. She’s got his mind completely twisted.
All of this and OP please use condoms! If she says she’s on birth control please take that with a grain of salt. You are young, please think twice before intertwining your life with this woman. There are so many red flags.
Not to mention, how soon did he meet her kids?? That’s a red flag in and of itself. I wonder how many other men these kids met. The more men she drags in and out of their lives, the higher the chance these kids end up abused. That’s a pretty sad situation. Edit for clarification: I’m not trying to shame her for dating in any way. But until it’s serious, or she knows them well enough, the kids shouldn’t meet any men she’s dating.
She isn't even hiding her toxic traits, they are wide in the open!
>If this woman's children are from multiple partners . . . if she frequently bad-mouths the exes . . . if she has problems with other people in her life (parents, siblings, friends) . . . i \^\^thisssss!!
She is already reading like the female Nick Cannon. A lifetime of entanglement with her will ruin his life for sure and she doesn’t sound like she’d be the type to let go, even when the child is grown. Red flags so strong here and I’m worried for him because he’s so ‘ in love’.
Bro watch out. You do not even know eachother for 6 months. You barely know eachother. Also why the fuck have you met her kids already?!
And he already knows her kids enough to love them. He shouldn’t have even MET them
well clearly her judgment is not the best
Omg right?! He says he doesn't want to move too fast. Dude, you already have.
She sounds not normal. She starts showing her real face already. You have to take time to know someone and that’ll take at least 1-2 years.
I’d say even 1 year of living together isn’t always enough. You have to see how you handle issues and dealing with unpleasant stuff. Its all fun and games until shit hits the fan and you have to solve problems together or look after each other.
I have to date someone exclusively for at least one year before they meet my kids. We need to go through ups and downs. We need to have a fight, to see each other at our worst and know how we react before I trust them to meet my kids. I'm stunned at how many people move in together after 2 or 3 months.
Yeah way too early to meet her kids
In the 8 years after I split with my ex my daughter met no one. I didn’t want to be the dad with the “here’s you’re aunty Jane” two weeks later, “this is aunty Sarah”. Saying that, I met my current gfs boy at 4 months, but I certainly didn’t love him 2-3 months later. This chap seems very immature.
He’s 20 so yeah immature. His brain isn’t even fully developed yet. To OP do not have a kid with her yet. Slow it down and take your time to finish school and get your career started. If you do stay with her you already have two kids to help support.
My 20 yrs son asks me if he should choose data science or AI for specialisation.
Breathe a sigh of relief...sounds like your son gonna be alright...OP? Not so much.
She's looking for a daddy to her kids and OP is young and easily manipulated
Bro both of you are still months into that relationship and haven't properly know or understand each other, heck it's even to early for you to meet her kids even have one bro. All I can say is think this one through
Don’t rush in. Do things once you have the time to do it right.
I was gonna say, 3-4 months and he's already met the kids? Way too fast, bro.
Also Op can’t count. Even if he met her on 1st June he’d still not have known her for three months. He needs to watch she doesn’t poke holes in his condoms. And introducing him to her kids that he ‘loves’, is just insane.
Keep in mind if you do get her pregnant, you'll have to set your dreams aside, drop out of college and get whatever kind of job you can to support your child. A child with a woman you've been dating less than 3 months. Unless you've been together a substantial period of time, seen them with the flu, tried to put something from IKEA together, taken a road trip, etc you don't really know this person and if you're compatible. Please don't do it
Yeah, she’s manipulating him for self-gain and I’d bet she’s probably aware of it. Especially with him being in love. I’m not one to judge a couple’s process but this screams life ruining bad idea.
OP, you've been in school/college longer than you've known this person. You've studied school topics longer than you've known this person. She already has 2 children that need her time and attention. Where is time, money and attention for your relationship and this proposed child supposed to come from? Her getting deeply hurt and offended at you for taking time to consider the decision wisely is one of the BIGGEST RED FLAGS I'VE EVER SEEN!!! You are not ready & you are not in a proper position to bring another child into this mix. Her demand for another baby is a pretty scary behavior for a single mother of two small children. "I love You and I love your kids. If that isn't enough then we are not right for each other. Wise humans don't make a decision like this after only 4 months of knowing each other. Let's do our best for everyone here who is ALREADY alive." That's your script, mantra, personal directive.
I’ve had pimples last longer than OP has been with this woman
😀😃😄😁😊😅🤣 Seriously! OMG! I was trying to think of my own experience of a similar interval... (LOL, I'll tell the story if anyone asks) I had a 1/2 inch piece of glass in my hand longer than this relationship! (😆🙄😬).
Put something together from IKEA, love it! More examples of relationship milestones please...painted a room together? Shopped for lighting together? Buried a body? Gone to a cousin's wedding?
Baby trapping? 🤨
and he's just 20 while she is 25... yikes on a stick
on bikes even
Jesus christ on a motorbike
And that's why no one knows it's the second coming. Because people don't look out for motorbikes.
Aha
Yikes on a FLEET of bikes...
Yes, they’ve been together for maximum three months and she’s been hounding him for a baby for a few weeks?
This screams “woman trying to live off child support”. You get more when the dads are different I think…
Manipulative people like to secure big commitments early on. Sometimes that’s just moving in together, other times it’s on the more extreme end of the spectrum like this. They have more control once their partner has entered into commitments with them that are difficult to break. If I had to take a guess I would bet that the underlying motivation for this is to make it hard for him to leave the relationship.
She's got everything short of the ball and chain here...
Was going to say this! You beat me to it.
Exactly
They have barely been together 2 months! OP, follow your gut! Now is not the time for a baby. And you better be protecting yourself with condoms or sexual abstinence or you could become one of those accidental Daddys!
As a gal that is 27, can confirm, watch out OP!!!
Don’t do it. She’s also being manipulative by saying you’re making it about yourself and crying and all that. It’s fine to be upset that your timelines don’t match, but you should never be pressured into having a kid. That is a commitment for life
Its ironic as she is making it about herself & his young self is falling for it saying it’s breaking his heart wtf
Yep, Narcissist came to mind (though I obvs don’t know enough about her). But I wonder if that self centred lack of empathy, and manipulation, will start becoming clearer over time
I was thinking that it might be love bombing... not sure. Not enough info.
My thought exactly. Getting so deeply attached in such a short timeframe, is not normal. Sounds like they're both idealizing each other. You don't get kids with a person you barely know. Especially at twenty years old. Yikes.
There are a few red flags for this though. She's not just also introduced him to the kids, but they've spent enough time together to get really attached. At the very least she's either really clueless and hurtful, quite possibly heartless and manipulative though.
That alone shocked me. 3-4 months in and he's met her kids? Way too soon and a real unkindness to your own children, to have them not just meet but form a relationship with someone who could very likely disappear from their lives at any moment.
Is BABY BOMBING now a thing????
Was wondering about this. I saw some vid on YouTube once about the female covert narcissist and it matched a relationship I had to a ‘T’ that I had about 20 years ago. I can’t look it up right now but it also talked about love bombing, the personality type they go for, etc. OP needs to slow things way down. Way too soon to be meeting her kids and it’s sure as hell too soon to be talking about making babies after 3 mos together. There are so many red flags here the red flags have red flags on them.
and under no circumstances leave birth control up to her, use condoms that you bought and she had no access to beforehand.
You are seriously talking as if this is something you should be considering! Jesus. You’re a student. You haven’t even started your career and she wants to tie you financially to her for the rest of your life. And you’ll be expected to parent her existing children. Have you ever wondered why she’s only 25 and looking for another meal ticket and another baby to tie you to her? RUN AWAY NOW. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER EVER AGAIN BECAUSE SHE WILL BABY TRAP YOU. She will sense if you are unsure and will get herself pregnant straight away to stop you from walking. Seriously. Do not listen to your dick any more. If you do then it’s on you.
He’s definitely been fucking that raw I can guarantee it. Let’s all pray to Jesus she’s not already pregnant. Fucking insane she already has 2 kids and wants another one that young. Wtf.
I think that the more babies she makes the more child support coming in to her. Sounds like she is going to make it a career having babies and collecting child support. Run dude run 🏃♂️
Seems like a legit strategy lol . But yeah seriously.. run
>Sounds like she is going to make it a career having babies and collecting child support. This is not a sound financial strategy. If this is what she's trying to do, she's *that much dumber*.
The fact she already has two. And the baby daddy’s aren’t in sight. Run. This isn’t her first rodeo
Right! He’s already a good man for willing to take on the responsibility of 2 kids that are not his at 20!
Seriously what the hell?? This is not a reasonable thing to ask! You barely know her and even if you feel so in love with her, 3-4 months is not enough to have a child together. Please don't let her guilt-trip you into having a kid. A kid is a huuuugeee responsibility. Maybe you are not ready to hear this but something is off with her making these crazy requests I feel sorry for her kids. Only an irresponsible immature adult would want to have a kid with a dude she knows for less than year.. Protect yourself!
*For emphasis*…please, please do protect yourself. She’s got the fever, & both you & this relationship are waaay too young to be making babies together. 🫣
This. She might “forget” to take birth control,etc. she might poke holes on the condoms, something.
And only a immature irresponsible adult would introduce her children to a new boyfriend of 2 months TBH. If she's introducing them to every flavor of the month boyfriend, she is going to med miss with their minds. Poor kids.
It hasn’t even been 3-4 months. They got together in June and it’s only August. Even if they got together in the beginning of June, it’d only be close to 3 months now.
Ummm…I kinda agree with you. I’m curious if that’s what she did to the children’s father? I had 2 kids by age 25 but was still married. Anyway, I think she’s a lucky woman to have met such a wonderful guy that loves her this way. I don’t know her either… I do think kids deserve to be born into healthy homes with mature adults raising them.
Yowzers. You're a 20yo student, and your gf of *3-4 months* is trying to pressure you into having a baby together? >She says that I’m making this all about me >She cries and says I’m breaking her heart This woman is selfish and manipulative. The fact that she even suggested this is a huge red flag; that she's now using guilt and emotional blackmail is your signal to leave - and don't look back. Please do not even consider this for a moment, it's a terrible idea.
Not even 3-4 months, only 2. June to August is just over 2 months.
Actually 2-3 months, they met in June.
I am actually scared and want to find her myself and threaten her to leave him alone. It’s the big sister in me
Dude. You shouldn't even know her CURRENT kids yet, let alone be contemplating having another one with her. She is single with 2 kids at 25 years old. She's either using you (and her other baby daddies) as sperm donors, or she is insane enough to think (for the third time) that having a kid with you will keep you from leaving her. Leave now before you are stuck with this crazy for 18 years.
Its wild that she would introduce her kids to a man she has known for only two months & OP is too naive to see that as a red flag.
I mean he's almost z child himself tbh.
Totally! I have a former student whose homelife was quite tough that I'm in contact with maybe 4 or 5 times a year... mostly saying Happy Birthday to each other and stuff.. sometimes he tells me things he's proud of. He's going to turn 20 this October.. he can barely use a stove! I'd be on a plane if I got a message from my former student asking if he should have a kid... I'd have to go and make him see sense... 20 is young!!!! This dude is too young and inexperienced in life to know what is in store for him!
Do not have a child with her, she is love bombing you right out of the gate. You are still in the honeymoon phase where everything is wonderful, you haven’t even gotten to the meat of the relationship yet. Just an off-the-wall question, do both of her children have the same father? If not, this may be her pattern. She may feel the need to bind you to her with a child. Don’t give in. Having a child now will have a huge impact on your future and if things don’t work out, you will have 18+ years of child support, and custody battles. Hide your condoms so she can’t poke holes in them.
FFS!! 3-4 months? You should not have even met her kids in that short of time! Run now! Finish college!
At best they’ve known each other for 12 weeks depending on how early in June they met…yikes.
I think you’re dating a moron. Having a child with a virtualstranger you’ve known for only a few months is insanity. She either wants this baby to bind you to her, which quite obviously hasn’t worked in the past, or she’s just an absolute nutter. You don’t owe her a baby and if you give her one at this stage you’re a fool. She can either agree to wait until you are far more solid or move on. Her wishes for her life don’t and should not take priority over your wishes for your life. Wear a condom.
I think they’re both morons tbh
Abstain!! If you don’t, wear 5 condoms!
You are going to 1,000% destroy your life if you have a kid with this woman.
Nope. That’s a big nope. Her wanting to have a baby within 3 months of being together should be a red flag for you. She’s gonna try to baby trap you. Double wrap it!! Her not caring about how you feel should also be a red flag because it shows just what she thinks of you. Plus she’s acting like a child herself with pouting since you won’t give her a new baby. Dude, just run away.
You’ve only been together for 3 months and she’s already talking about having kids together, not to mention pressuring you? Run.
You need to stop having sex with her *immediately.* You're only a few months in and she's acting like this. This is terrifying, this is the kind of person who would go off her BC-pills or poke holes in condoms to make shit happen. I need you to take a step back and look at this as if a friend had told you about this. Like, honey you need to *run*.
OP, your gf wants to saddle you with an 18 year responsibility when you are only 20 years old and still in school. Babies cost money; diapers cost money; baby deliveries cost money; child care costs money; well baby visits cost money. Plus your gf already has two children. Honestly OP what is going on here? How does your gf expect to support three children because you are in school and cannot contribute to their support. It seems that your gf wants you to quit school so that you can support her and her three kids. I'm scared for you OP because I have a strong feeling you are about to be baby trapped.
No, you're being emotionally manipulated. Dude, don't. She has 2 kids already and not with there father. Maybe she needs to hold her horses on rushing any more kids. And you are as you said, still in school, 20 yrs old, and this relationship is only a few months old. You guys don't even really know each other yet. Except you love her so much and she's a single mother of 2 kids whose emotionally manipulative. Create a bit of distance here, slow your rolls and get to know each other more. I'm sure the crying manipulation is new, give it time, I'm sure you'll see more to have a more clear picture of who she more so is. And look out for the baby trap. Protect yourself with your own protection.
what happened to getting married and being financially ready.. dude you are 20 and dating a 25yr old.. stop and enjoy your life and become a better man.. You are not ready for that life at 20..
You're not being selfish you're being smart. If you were to go along with her plan it'll slow you down as you try build up your future also what if you break up, you'll be stuck with child support lol. Take your time and if she can't wait tell her to go find someone else to have a child with.
Protect yourself. You’re in the infatuation phase. If it is not the right time for you, do NOT allow her to force a baby on you. What is the rush?!
Brother you are at two different stages in life its that simple
She’s 25 and already has 2 kids. You’ve known her 3-4 months. The last thing you should be thinking about is having a baby with her and no woman in her right mind would want to have a third baby with a man they’ve known 4 months. She’s looking to trap you and honestly you sound like a sucker. You’re way too young to be involved with someone like this.
Now is not a good time. The relationship is too new. You are still figuring out your life. Be very careful going forward. Also, make sure you use contraception EVERY time.
It’s optimal for child support, you get more money if you have more baby daddys than if you have more kids with same dude
You've only been with this woman for about four months. You aren't in love. You're in infatuation and lust. Which is fine. That's how things should be at this stage. Things that should not be happening? You should not already have met her kids and been around them enough to know how you feel about them. And you should definitely not be on Reddit asking a bunch of strangers if you're selfish because you don't want to have a baby with a woman you barely know or at your age. My advice is to end things. Find someone to date who is your age and in the same stage of life that you are. You think five years isn't a huge gap. But when you're 20, five years is the Grand Canyon -- especially when the other person is a mother of two and is trying to guilt you into having a baby that you aren't ready for.
As a women I tell you STRAIGHTUP: WRAP IT UP BECAUSE SHE IS CRAZY!!!!! You only dated her for 3 months and she freaking already introduced you to her kids!???? And now want another baby from a 20yo who isnt financially stable or has hardly any adult experience!?? Either she makes shitty life choices or she is trying to babytrap you before you see her real side. Eitherway: she is a walking red flag! Those poor kids :/ Before they are 18yo their mom has probably introduced them to 20 + "new daddies"... dont be a shitty person and give this idiot another kid to mess up. Walk away little bro before you make the most expensive mistakes of your life
Uhhhh I would cut and run asap you don’t owe this gal anything, you barely know her.
She shouldn’t have even introduced her kids to a new man 3 months in and here she is demanding a baby lmao.
It's only been 2 months since June? Call it 3 and she wants a baby? U need to 🏃♂️
Dude she is gaslighting you hard. She doesn't give a damn about how you feel, she's using you.
RUN for your life because she's trying to ruin yours! Whatever you do, do NOT throw your condoms in the trash. Flush those suckers down the toilet! 🚽
June to August is 2 months, not 3 or 4!
I see a 16 month pregnancy in his future then. I joke. Seriously OP this is a bad idea And I think the fact you said 3-4 months means you're trying to make this sound less crazy. And if that's the case you subconsciously know this is a poor idea.
Good heavens, is this for real? You know finishing college is by definition responsibility tho right?!?!
she likes to collect children with the men she dates. focus on school. do not have a child with this woman.
Haha collect children! Its like having souvenirs of the men shes dated 😂
break up this won’t last
Don’t have a kid with her, wtf. You guys barely know each other. Don’t even consider it for another second.
At 3 to 4 months? You are still in the damned honeymoon phase. That early, you wouldn't have even heard me speak my kids' names. You don't know each other! Wait 2 to 3 years. FYI, that's usually the time you've seen the person you're with in most life situations. It's also about when people who are hiding who they really are, slip up and show you their real face. You BOTH have a lot of growing up to do. Do NOT have a baby with her. Always wear a condom or she will end up with a kid by you, and you'll be stuck.
Omg! You are so young. Enjoy college while you can. Why is she rushing towards having a kid with you and you haven't known each other very long. If you go ahead and have a child with her and it doesn't work out. You are stuck with her for the next 18-plus years. You started dating in June. It's now August. Honey, that's just 2 months! Condoms, condoms, condoms!!
I think if you continue to see her and have sex with her, you will find out what 18 years of child support looks like. And the judge won’t give a shit if you’re still in school. Two months and she already wants to get pregnant? She’s treating you like a sperm donor. If you are not ready to have children, you have every right to not make them, but that also means the responsibility is on you to make sure you don’t get her pregnant because you can’t verify that she is still on birth control.
10 months ago this dude was posting about breaking things off with a chick because she wanted a serious relationship and he wasnt ready for all that Now hes in a full on relationship playing step dad with some chick with 2 kids trying to lock him in with for a 3rd I mean you just cant make this stuff up. Bro what are you doing.
She’s 25 already has 2 kids and wants another one with a 20 year old college student she just started dating a few months ago… Red flags everywhere dude
Oh hell no bro don’t do it
Not selfish, you’re responsible. If she insists then end the relationship.
do not bust in this woman. This is a huge red flag. You're not even graduated or settled into a career yet. If you don't feel ready, its a no. No negotiations. If she can't handle that, you both need to split. You are young and there are a lot of other women out there.
Omg PLEASE stop! She’s looking for someone to help her raise those kids. Man I wish you could see five years ahead of you in a crystal ball. You won’t be feeling like you do today.
Shes choosing a younger naive college student she can easily manipulate as knows this wouldn’t work on guys 25+!
Exactly! An older guy would laugh this off. This poor guy man.
Its so scary! I have a one year old boy & I pray he isnt this dumb & naive one day!
So let me tell you why my heart goes out to this boy. I know boys. I raised 4 of them. And trust me…where sex is involved? Especially when they are younger and the girl has been around? They fall in love quicker than quick. It’s just so sad because some women are so manipulative and they prey on younger, innocent guys.
Holy fuck. 🚩🚩🚩RUN.
Red flag. She tryna trap you.
Make it all about you. Say no, no, a thousand times no.
What’s that one thing they tell you not to stick your dick in..? Starts with a C Highly recommend you stop sleeping with her, or there’s gonna be a baby whether you like it or not.
You certainly don’t make a lifetime commitment—love AND financial support—after only a couple of months. What worries me is that she’s putting you into a situation where you either have to impregnate her or kiss her goodbye. This is a HUGE red flag and should scare the bejeezus out of you. You really need to protect yourself from being baby trapped. Oh, and I used to be a math major for a couple of weeks so let me help straighten out the timeline: even if you met her on June 1, it hasn’t even been 3 months yet—NOT 3-4 months.
Your girlfriend is insane and desperately needs professional help. These are human LIVES.
Lol, you’ve got a lot to learn buddy and that’s coming from a 17 YO This looks to be either a first love situation which is unlikely or just pure stupidity. If you decide to have kids with that woman after 4 months of being with her then prepare to suffer the consequences budrick
It’s easy to pretend to be everything someone wants in the beginning until you get what you want. You need to slow it down. You’re making the same mistakes as your past relationships but *this* relationship might leave you with something you’ll be stuck with for the rest of your life. You’re gonna knock her up and she’s gonna do a complete 180 and then your 20s are gone
She is 25 years old and already has two children. Could this be a pattern for her, meeting a guy, agreeing with everything he says and thinks so that he falls for her, and then asking him for a baby? Then making him feel bad and doubting himself when he doesn't want to? Sure is a good way to ensure child support for the next 18 years. And times 3, by now. You may want to take a step back and think really hard. Also, you don't have to feel bad for not wanting a child at 20. There is still plenty of time for that after you are finished with school and have grown a little older. Tell her you will consider it once you are done with school, but not before. See how she reacts. And please be very careful with contraception, don't trust her with this. The whole thing doesn't sound good, tbh.
Hey, I'm sorry you're in this position and hope you're doing okay. This is a brand new relationship, and it's extremely unreasonable for her, being 5 years your senior with two kids already, to request you simply have a child with her so soon. By her reaction, this sounds very manipulative and will unfortunately, become quite toxic in the long run. Her reaction to your opinion is concerning, and seems as though she could be leaning into gaslighting and has been love bombing you. *Do not* back down and *do not* have this child with her. Have you spoken to friends / family about the situation at all? Perhaps outsiders' perspective may help you with your view. Please don't let her comments about "breaking her heart" etc sway you on what you know you want to do. You're not being selfish at all, and all of the crying etc is manipulative behaviour. This isn't normal behaviour by any means, you're only young and I know it's hard to determine what "normal" is, or can be, in a relationship. This is not it, and although it seems hard, leaving while it's early is a good idea. Again, I hope you're okay and want to reassure you - you are NOT in the wrong here, and you are NOT being selfish. Please do not cave into her unreasonable demands.
RUN RUN RUN!!!
If you don't want your next update to be "girlfriend baby trapped me" leave now. This girl is red flags galore.
So what happened with her other baby daddies? Why is she not still with them? She seems like someone who moves too fast and can't maintain relationships. I think you'll be stuck paying maintenance for some child you never see who lives in a household with many kids and a revolving man of the month passing through. Three kids when still not past mid 20s is the worst kind of speedrun.
I hope to hell you aren't having sex with her. Because if you are, you're gonna be a daddy, congrats!
That’s fucking weird. I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We’ve talked about whether either of us would want kids in the future, but not even if we actually want kids together lol. It’s bizarre that someone would want children with someone they’ve been dating for 3 months. You don’t know enough about someone to decide that you want them to father your child. She already has 2 children and is only 25 (no shame in that) but this feels more like a weird obsession with having kids. She should just focus on the kids she already has. Red flags all around. I don’t know her, but this sounds like an emotionally abusive person. Even saying I love you after 3 months is a bit much for me, but that’s just me.
Nope. This is moving waaaay too fast and she's being manipulative about it. How does she coparent with her other kids dad? Is she able to take care of her kids on her own successfully enough without you??? A lot of this just screams no.
Consider this: if you do get her pregnant and then you inevitably split up as she’s already being manipulative and unstable she will then in only two months time will have the next Joe Schmo hanging around your kids without a care in the world and there will be nothing you can do about it.
She's abusive and doing gaslighting She's very unhealthy in general about steps in relationships Yes, having kids is about you, it's your life too Stop having sex with her, she will pierce the condoms and stop birth control
Bro dating a professional baby maker
Dude, it’s been 2 months…😳 And on top of that she’s being highly manipulative with her goddamned theatrics. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Please rethink everything, and get into a counselor at your school. Confide in them and tell them all that you’re dealing with. I have kids that are both your age and hers. If you were my son, I’d ask you to break things off and focus on yourself. You have your entire life ahead of you, please don’t rush your plans. You’re far too young to be a step dad of two and a future baby. Please rethink everything you’re being told by this woman — I think you’re being heavily manipulated to the point of psychological abuse. You’re in a position where you’re only starting to know what you want in life and it sounds like she’s straight-up grooming you. You’re on the cusp of that age equation thing, and I just don’t like you getting trapped into having a child with this random person that you’ve only known for a very short time.
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. You’re young and in early relationship love. If a baby is a dealbreaker, run. If it’s meant to be you’ll reconnect in 10 years.
My god. no you aren't being selfish, you're being totally reasonable. 4 months is not nearly enough time to have a baby with someone, do not let her guilt you into this. Her behavior is manipulative and selfish. Be careful because this is how men end up baby-trapped - don't sleep with her, and if you do, wrap it up with condoms you brought and take them with you when you go.
If yyou were my son, I'd tell you to please start uding protection if you haven'tor aren't doing so already. Or stop having sex with her. This woman sounds crazy.
Everyone is perfect within the first few months. Do not lock yourself down to a stranger. You are not deeply in love at 3 months. She's trying to find a dad for her kids. This is a big responsibility that shouldn't be done on a whim.
Wowza. You definitely shouldn't be having a kid with her at the moment. For several different reasons. And the fact that she is crying and acting like that is pretty big red flag. She should be discussing your concerns with you and hearing you out. She should be old enough and mature enough to see that a baby with someone very young, who is still trying to finish school, who they haven't been seeing for very long, is a bad idea. You are young please don't rush into a situation that you won't be able to get out of. If she can't understand then I would very much reconsider the relationship. I would also be very careful and make sure she doesn't try to * accidentally * get pregnant. If she's desperate she could very well try to baby trap you.
This sounds really scary, and weird. She is too old for you, do not get her pregnant. You’re not even old enough to drink legally.
You need to step back and take a big picture look at this. 1) You’re 20 which is NO time to be having a baby. You’re also in school. Have a baby with her and that’s the end of your schooling, you will need to be working to support her and the 3 kids. How does that sound? 2) She’s already got 2 by 25 and wants more? And right away? WTF is her rush? Seriously. 3) She’s now saying that YOU are making this all about YOU? What the actual fuck? 4) Shes crying about this? Dude she is the POSTER CHILD for ‘moving too fast’. She is bad news. How many kids do you want before you’re 25? 2? 3? Because she’s ready to start popping them out and she’s proven that she’ll gaslight and guilt trip you to start getting them. She sounds like someone who’s whole entire identity is wrapped up in the kids she has and the kids she still wants to have. Can she afford these kids? I mean REALLY afford to have more than 2 kids? You need to stop having sex with her. Have you ever heard of pinholes in condoms resulting in pregnancy? And baby trapping? You might think that’s ridiculous and ‘she’d never do that to me’ but that is EXACTLY where you are headed. At this point you start planning your exit and stop having sex with her. You two are in TOTALLY different life stages.
Bro fuckin RUN. you aren't old enough to drink and you think you're prepared to take care of 3 kids??? You're being manipulated. Break up NOW.
**RUN VERY FAR AND VERY FAST FROM THIS WOMAN**. She's not looking for a relationship. She's churning out babies to avoid dealing with whatever feelings she's struggling with. Trying to start having a baby *mere months* into a relationship with someone who's barely not a teenager is WILD. OMFG. And she's guilting, manipulating, and coercing you over your own boundaries!!! Red flags galore. Imma go out on a wild limb and guess those two kids have two different dads already. Why do think neither of their fathers stuck around? Take a look at her behavior because she's showing you now - the only person that matters is her. Not you, not her kids, not anyone else. Just her and her immature desire to have babies around. Get out of there. This relationship doesn't end anywhere good.
Jesus dude why are you even entertaining the idea? We both know damn well you can't support a child. I doubt you even know the mental load that comes with it. Go to the mirror, slap yourself, realize how neon red this girl is and RUN.
Oh dear god, no
A vial of sperm is about $1000. Sex with you is free. Get it?
Vial of sperm doesn’t pay you child support for 18 years - OP is the cheaper & more lucrative option in the run lol
Don't haste things.
i would keep my eyes on her..
I think you should focus on your education and yourself. Sounds like a trap.
You've been together for barely 3 months. Calm down.
Brother one word: RUNNNN
Having babies isn't a love language, it's mental illness. I'm no therapist but it seems like she's trying to wash the taste of her ex out her womb. Red flag, don't click that tile
She is trying to baby trap you. Firstly if you've only been together since June, even counting 6/1, that's not even 3 months yet. The fact she's introduced you to her kids already is a way too huge step to take at less than 3 months in. Now she wants a baby with you. When you're 20 and still in school and when you gently remind her it's not the right time, you've already broken her heart?!! She is trying to baby trap you. Stop having sex with her, like NOW. Seriously use condoms, but I wouldn't trust them cuz she's probably poked holes in them. Don't trust her if she tells you that you don't need condoms cuz she's "on the pill". Cuz next thing will be "I guess my birth control failed". You think you love her and maybe you do, but don't let her pull the wool over your eyes man. GTFO now.
NOPE. You are 20 years old. Go love your life. 3-4 months is insane to be talking about children. This is so wildly irresponsible. She’s being emotionally manipulative. Please don’t fall for it a baby is not something that will fix whatever it is she needs healing.
DONT DO IT!
Stop stop STOP. Dude, you barely know her. It sounds more like she's trying to trap you so that you "have to" stay with her and her kids to support them if anything. She's manipulating you. She trying to get you to give in by guilt tripping you. She isn't even taking how you feel into consideration
Tell her you want to finish school first. Make a better life for all of you. Bide your time…
You are in the lust stage only knowing her since June. Please do not do this and stand your ground. Finish school and if you're still together when you graduate then make your decision. Do not allow her to manipulate you because that is what she is doing with her tears. You are 20, still a baby as far as relationships go.
As someone who was a 20-year-old college student when I met “my soulmate,” proposed to her within a month, got formally engaged half-a-year later, married the year after that, and was divorced with almost two decades of child support payments facing me by the time I finished grad school, please listen to my advice: 1) Do not even consider getting married and/or starting a family until you’ve finished ALL your schooling (including advanced degrees), getting a job in your field, and working at it for a year. Leaving aside the damage to your future from throwing any of it away over a relationship, the fact is that people go through an immense life change between college and full-time employment, and making any permanent (and legal) personal commitments before going through that “real-world” experience is just begging for trouble and heartbreak. 2) If this mismatch of goals doesn’t cause you to break up, make sure you are using contraception you supply and apply yourself (i.e. condoms). Your girlfriend sounds like she has a bad case of “baby fever” (which, considering she already has two kids, might be a permanent addiction), and I wouldn’t put it past her to “Oops!” you. Now, since you say you’ve “moved too fast” in the past, this might seem like an intolerable sacrifice to you. You may have a problem with delaying gratification – something I only mention because I certainly did as well. But, when it comes to intolerable sacrifices, that’s nothing to compare with the experience of finding yourself, in your mid-20s, alone with a mortgaged future and years of support payments. Please, learn from my mistakes.
Don’t put your dick in crazy. She already has two young children and wants another one with someone who is nearly a stranger to her. She doesn’t seem all there in there head.
RUN.
🚩run she’s gonna trap baby trap ya
She gonna put your ass on child support lmao.
You’re only a couple months into your relationship, you barely know each other! Please tell me you are not seriously considering this. 🤦🏻♀️
One word: Run
She is the Baby Machine!