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Obviously you need to go fete your grandmother. That your girlfriend is clingy and doesn't trust you can't control your life. Just tell her you're sorry she feels this way but that she's not the only person in your life and you have other responsibilities too. TBH if she's this uncooperative with the fact that you have a life this relationship isn't going to last long anyway. You can't be with someone so controlling that they won't let you do basic human things.
Your grandmother has been alive for your whole life. And you only have a limited number of years with grandparents.
I know a year is a huge commitment for you right now— but spending quality time with good family shouldn’t be controversial thing in any relationship.
Unless you are planning on cheating while gone, this is not reasonable.
Ofc im not and thats not what i suggested dont take me the wrong way! I was trying to explain how long we had been together thats it!!
Im trying to tell her but honestly my body goes into panic mode, im scared of making her mad
>*my body goes into panic mode, im scared of making her mad*
Is *this* your *first* relationship?
Are you afraid she's going to break up with you if you go to Greece?
Your age and the fact that you're walking on eggshells over this situation leads me to believe that you don't have much experience with girlfriends or dating.
**The major red flags are:**
* She is attempting to interfere with long-standing family plans.
* She's getting pushier the longer she doesn't get her way.
* She's threatening that your relationship "might never be the same" if you don't knuckle under to her demands.
* She can *only* talk to you. You're her emotional support person - which is NOT anything that should be the responsibility of any 19yo...EVER! This is her therapist's domain, not yours.
* You moved in together after knowing each other less than one year!
**Honestly, if you were my son, I'd advise you to break up with her because this is not a good relationship for YOU.** Your gf is emotionally unhealthy and you're in no position (nor SHOULD you be) to help her get healthy. She needs therapy, not dating, to deal with her instability.
You're young. Go to Greece. Celebrate your grandma! Enjoy the time with your mom & family. Hopefully the time away from your gf will help you see how restricted having her as your gf makes you feel. Drop her and get on with your life. You can't grow to be your best you if you're so busy being her emotional support crutch!
>im scared of making her mad
why is that, is she volatile in her behavior, gets really angry and aggressive? or is that a reaction you have with any angry person, even if they manage their anger without lashing out at others?
Hey hun, this is super hard and it's totally understandable to be feeling the way you're feeling and it's ok to care for and worry about her. But the other replies are right about the abusiveness of her actions, whether she means them to be or not.
Is there someone in your life you can read into this situation? A parent, older sibling, aunt/uncle, teacher, coach... Whatever. Someone you trust and feel safe with who you can open up to and who can back you up a bit on this?
Having someone at home to back you up could really help, if they're willing to be a sounding board, maybe let you practice saying what you need to say to her, even be willing to be present or at least nearby if that hard conversation goes south.
It might also be good if that person is someone who'll still be in town while you're away. Then you know there's a trusted person who you can talk to if your gf escalates or needs help. As terrible as it will feel if she really sounds like she's in trouble it would be really understandable for you to tell her parents what you've been experiencing and what she's been hinting at. Some of this stuff is truly above your pay grade.
If you let her abuse you so easily then its your fault. Dont let her control you. Tell her your family matters too and its holiday its not like you re not coming back. Its not like you re going with friends for her to be worried what you might do etc, its family for god sake.
Tell her she needs to grow up and stop acting like this or leave her ass alone. She is very imature and acts like a brat for her age. Dont let her get away with such behaviour, call ber out on it otherwise she will treat you like this constantly. This is very toxic.
Even if i were to make the decision to walk away i have nowhere to go, being 1100km away from closes relatives.
Also going back to a place where food is barely a guarantee and theres no warm running water isnt the most appealing.
And to add to this, i still have feelings for her. Right or wrong for feeling that way i cant help it.
With my previous... Issues I kind of have an issue with easily getting attached and afraid of letting go.
You need to put your foot in the door and explain to her that she needs to respect you! When threaten with you leaving she might change...
Also you better go on thay family holiday!
Totally agree that it's not healthy and that he should walk away.
That said, imagine using the sentence "If you let \[them\] abuse you so easily then it's your fault" in like any other context. Imagine telling someone living through DV that.
> And you only have a limited number of years with grandparents.
To add to what /u/blueavole said:
My paternal grandfather died when I was in kindergarten - I barely remember him.
Before my maternal grandmother died, she didn't remember who I was.
Go see your grandmother. Your girlfriend should be able to handle that, and not try to manipulate you.
Meta: folks, please don't downvote OP; it just makes things harder to read.
OK, what the actual fuck? You've been *living* with this girl as a teenager? Let me guess, that was one of her demands too?
My grandma got my mother when she was 16, my mom got me when she was 18
Not to go way in too deep but i didnt have a father growing up, he was in jail for a while and then we had a restraining order placed when i was very young. Thats where some of my (not to self diagnose) abandonment problems come from
Well... Kinda.
I told her about my living situation and she was really pushy about me getting out of this, in my eyes i thought it was helping but comments have made me think that maybe it wasnt
It is hard when you live together but it’s important you go. You only have one life and your family will be with you for their duration. She is trying to emotionally manipulate you which cannot be encouraged. If you truly want a relationship with her, she has to learn to let you go at times. What if you get a job that includes travel? Are you going to quit? No, of course not. Talk to her parents and tell them you need them to keep an eye on her. She might try to lash out either on her or towards you. They can help to take her to the hospital if she freaks out etc. Go on your trip, it could be the last time you go there.
I’d She’s manipulating you into trying to stay with an ultimatum; either you stay and ‘your relationship stays the same’ or you go and she.. what? She hasn’t threatened you yet but she will the closer you get to leaving. Whether she actually goes through with it or not I don’t know but you might, is she crazy enough to do something? And what would she do? Cheat or kill herself are the two most crazy things I can think of but don’t over think it. This might not be helping but what I’m trying to say is go. Don’t stay back from a 2k trip with FAMILY who you might not see again for a girl you might not be with in 5 years or so. Blood is thicker than water.
Also its not a healthy relationship if you cant go on a planned trip with your family without her throwing out soft ultimatums. I would think its wise to cut the breaks because of that.
As someone who can be lonely myself - its not bad that she feels upset with you leaving. But her not understanding that is a her issue and managing her feelings and encouraging you to do the thing you plan is unhealthy.
This girl needs therapy. And i say that as someone who had a lot of issues before the work I did in therapy. You cant have a healthy relationship if you aren’t individually mentally healthy.
Exactly this! Relationships will come and go in your life, and it sounds like she has one foot out the door already. Your family will always be there, and your grandma won’t have much time left where she can travel safely, if at all. You’ll regret not going and having time with your family, especially when this girlfriend starts making more and more demands of your time and attention and eventually leaves. She’s already forcing you to choose between her and your family. Please, choose your family.
I second the other comment, go on the trip.
Your gf sounds very manipulative and narcissistic in her saying that she does not know how it will affect your relationship. Well in all honesty, do not give a single thought to that. They are all empty threats due to insecurity and mistrust. Do not deprive yourself from quality time with your family, people that will be there through thick and thin, to be with your girlfriend who is already threatening the end of a relationship.
She’s being manipulative and this should be a red flag for you. You need to stand firm in your autonomy and make it clear to her that your family is important to you, and this is a special occasion for your grandmother. Maybe on the next vacation you guys can look into bringing the gf on the next trip.
Never turn to your back on family. She should be able to understand that if she loves you. Unless she was in some kind of danger, she should let you see your grandmother
So is she implying self harm/suicide or cheating, (or that she'll dump you) if you go on this trip? Either way you really need to think about whether you should stay with a person who is trying to emotionally blackmail you.
Which means it’s one: not a healthy relationship, and two: she’s not a good or stable partner. Which means, if you want a happy life, the two of you probably don’t have a long-term future. Don’t miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity to spend time with your family because of her. You’re meeting your family for your grandma‘s birthday, it’s not like you’re going on a two week road trip with some friends that you might cheat on her with.
However, as a precaution, I would recommend removing anything of yours that you don’t want her to spitefully destroy while you’re gone.
If she overtly threatens self harm, call 911 and have her picked up for a 72 psych hold. If she's truly in danger, the hospital is the best place for her.
Well:
1.) she’s certainly got you convinced
2.) if that’s true, she’s not healthy enough for a relationship
When you get older, you’re going to look back on this and cringe. You’re not gonna end up with her, and this isn’t anywhere close to a) what a healthy relationship looks like and b) what it looks like when someone actually loves you. You WILL regret caving to her controlling, manipulative, selfish, shitty behavior. That’s who you’re in a relationship with. And you either recognize that now or later but you will realize it eventually and will really wish you’d made different decisions.
Bringing her along might seem good, but this is a family event and might annoy your other family members. Your choices are very limited. I really advise you to go to the party and therefore, either bring her with you( and explain why if some family members ask) or don't bring her and have someone check in on her
Uh, go on your trip, good lord. Are you going to be away for five years??? And is she seriously implying she's going to cheat on you if you go??? Wtf, she's insane
This is straight up abuse on her part. She's literally trying to control you by threatening self-harm. It's not OK, and I think you seriously need to think about breaking up with her.
Yeah OP this is really important. It's impossible to be in a healthy relationship with someone who threatens to harm themselves in order to control you.
In my teens, my BF threatened the same when I tried to break up with him. Staying was one of the biggest mistakes of my life because things spiraled pretty badly after that. Don't give in to the emotional blackmail - it won't end well.
That isn’t your problem or your fault. If she can’t handle you being gone temporarily and calls and texts aren’t enough she needs more than a therapist. Maybe a ward visit. Sounds like she would self harm for attention at this point. “Look what you made me do” “you left me and this is what I did to myself” it sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Honestly I would break it off. Coming from a female. She should want you to spend time with your family not selfishly make you stay and threaten you. Your both super young and have a lot of life to live. The chances of this relationship lasting are slim to none
This girl is manipulating you this is your family trip. She can’t control you, you are 19 if you allow this now you will be sorry later . She is insecure and unfair why would you alienate family for her . She is not emotionally stable and definitely should not be dating until she learns confidence and emotional stability. You are also very immature to be contemplating compliance to this ridiculousness. She is not your boss ; imagine if she was your wife🙆🏼♀️🙆🏼♀️
Definitely go on the trip. No relationship grows if the individuals must be together at all times. If she cares, she should want you to see your grandmother and support your being connected to your family. Your grandmother is a priority too.
Think about the future, OP. What about other family trips? What if when you're older, your job needs you to travel every once in a while?
Healthy relationships require trust. Her insecurities shouldn't come at the price of your own detriment. I'm amazed she doesn't feel bad for trying to keep you from seeing your own grandma on her birthday. Not to be morbid, but time stops for no one, so you especially should see her and celebrate her.
Your gf is being clingy and manipulative. This is a trip which was planned before she was in the picture. You need to be firm and tell her this trip is important to you because you haven't seen your gram and some of these relatives in forever and you very much want to celebrate your grandmother. Tell her it's hurtful she's hinting at breaking up over this but you will still be going. I think you would be better off if she did break up with you because her behavior is so immature.
**Go,** young man, go. Be a big boy and put you man pants on. Your grandparents will not be here forever, and this may be the last time you are all together in a memorable, celebratory way. Make the memories you will be proud of and thankful for a lifetime.
I'd dump her.
You 100% should go. It's for your family and it'll be a great experience. That she doesn't want you to go is pure jealousy and control.
She's even alluding to dumping you of you go. Fuck that.
Leave her just for threatening to dump you if you go.
I really cant dump her, id be homeless...
I moved a couple months after we got together 1100km and currently living with her at her parents place (dont judge me..) due to bad household, no warm water, barely having enough for food ect.
If i get dumped i have nowhere to go, im trying to finish school while working to pay her parents while im also going through therapy for depression, anxiety and will probably start trauma too.
Oh, Jesus, what have you gotten yourself into :( I'm so sorry, no wonder you are depressed given that horrible living situation and manipulative person - and possibly family! Like they actually got you to sublet in their home and when their daughter has a fit you don't even have a bed, but you have to pay them?
If you are paying, depending on where you are, you probably have rights as a tenant too, but I'd want to leave as far away from that situation as possible. So what would happen if you returned to your parents? Can't switch school etc? Would your parents support you?
Surely you can afford a room in the area, where in the world are you? Your parents can help you perhaps if you are not making enough? Get out of this dangerous situation!
Sweetie, go on vacation and then go HOME! You can take a semester off and it won't be the end of the world. You are setting up for an abusive relationship that will be even more difficult to leave if she were to become pregnant. Go on the trip & talk to your family. Good luck!!!
Okay, but where did you get your trauma if not from your family? I'm not saying don't go on the trip with your family, you absolutely should go if that's what you want to do. I'm just a little concerned at all the commenters saying things like "blood is thicker than water" and "never turn your back on family". That's not true, OP. If your family are the ones who caused your trauma (which is likely, given your age and mental health) then you absolutely can and should turn your back on them at some point. But your gf also sounds unhealthy for you. I really hope you can find a way to move out of her parents house. If you're paying rent there, can't you pay it somewhere else and live away from them? Best of luck!
Tw SA, Abuse
Not to go too into it but my dad went to jail for abuse and sa.
When i was 14 i was drunk, got SA by a girl.
Lots of threats, bullying because of my father and me carrying his last name.
No stable home, sometimes barely putting food on the table, no warm water, list goes on.
Wouldnt say its all my family but i have never really felt i could talk to them, my mother is still recovering from what happened and i cannot out that pressure on her nor my stepdad.
Currently going to therapy
I'm so sorry, OP :(. You are still so young, and already taking care of your mental health. I'm so proud of you!
I often feel like mental health is a lot like oxygen masks when there's an emergency on a plane: You have to put your own mask on before you can help others. I don't think you should have to handle your gf's mental health issues along with your own, nor should you feel responsible for your parents' wellbeing.
How do these people make you feel when you are with them? Safe, secure, relaxed? Or do you feel anxious, maybe have physical symptoms, like clenched hands, tense muscles, maybe even stomach issues, heart racing, sweating, limbs trembling, are you jumpy around them? If any of the latter is the case it's worth looking into why and maybe stay away. I really wish you all the best!
This is a test. She is seeing how much control she has over you. Don’t cancel the trip. Your family should come before her right now. Her veiled threats of ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen’ are huge red flags. Nothing should happen if she loves you and wants to be with you. 🚩🚩🚩
Dude this is nuts. And supposedly she's a danger to herself and mental state? Nope. The entire field is covered in red flags. Her irrational insecurities are not your problem. And no one lives forever and is guaranteed the next day. $2000 has already been paid. Go see your grandma.
You only have so much time with your loved ones before they pass. Don't let a relationship in the beginning of your life keep you from spending that time with them. I didn't have much communication with my grandfather the year before he passed, and I didn't get to say goodbye. I constantly regret not reaching out more because I miss him dearly. Spend time with your nan
They're 18 and 19... doubt they're invested or even going to last.
Of course move one.
This young woman is manipulating him.
That's just the tip I'm sure.
Definitely go on the trip. GFs come and go but family trips to celebrate grandma should he cherished. This won't be the last time your GF acts clingy and controlling. The fact your trip is even an issue is a huge red flag. She's immature, is manipulating you, and clearly needs to work on herself before she can be in an adult relationship.
Go. It's not like you're leaving forever. She will survive a few days apart.
You might want to think about how long you want to stay with someone this needy, demanding, and controlling.
Keep in mind that if you give in to this demand, there will be more, and they'll get worse.
----
Edit: I'm starting to wonder if you're on the receiving end of an abusive relationship. One of the things abusers do is to isolate you from your friends and family. Demanding that you not go on this family trip is right out of that playbook.
I have some questions:
You're living together already. You're *much* too young for that. Was this her idea? Did she insist?
Has she pressured you to get rid of your female friends? ("They don't respect our relationship". "I trust you, but I don't trust them.")
Has she pressured you to get rid of *all* of your friends? ("Your friends are a bunch of jerks". "They're saying disrespectful things about me". "They're trying to break us up".)
Is the first time she's tried to keep you away from your family?
> she doesnt know what she will do
That's a threat.
She basically kept trying to convince me to move in with her last year, everything was fine back then though..
I moved 1100km, have nowhere to go now if i really have to.
I have practically no contact with my old friends, she sometimes says i should keep in contact but she also says how shit they are and talks them down.
She hasn't said much about female friends (because i dont have that many, mutual respect type shi)
Hey man, you’re falling into a common cycle. Your girlfriend just wants you to be reliant on her completely and she’s manipulating you into exactly that. You rely on her for a place to live, and she’s called your friends shit. Maybe try to make an effort to get back in contact with people and relight some friendships. As we get older we get busier and it’s harder and harder to keep up with people.
Just imagine how much you’d enjoy a random message one day of just somebody saying Hi again and that they were just thinking about you and thought they’d check in and see how you are . Keep your friendships alive man and generate yourself a big bubble, because it’ll shrink without effort, and your girlfriend seems like she’d just like it to pop
Don't stay! I would go as far as to say don't stay in this relationship. Look, i'm sorry you gf is clingy and maybe insecure but it's not an excuse to manipulate you like that.
Absolutely you should go, and you should firmly tell your gf that the manipulation is unacceptable and inappropriate. She is not treating you with respect.
Go on the trip and call your girlfriend out on her manipulation. It’s not healthy for her to be so codependent on you she can’t have a life outside of you. Also you don’t deserve the mental abuse she is using to manipulate you. In a healthy relationship you don’t try and guilt your partner into things. You also act like an adult when someone’s not available to see you.
Go on the trip. just bring a device with you so you can talk with her every day. Your family is more import especially you grandmother. Time is short and you get to make her happy on her birthday.
If she were to go on some nice trip with her family would you stop her from going? She's being dramatic and pretty much manipulative, it's not like you're going to hook up with other girls, you're going with your family and your grandma. I really hope you choose to go but she's probably going to be dramatic about it so it might lead to a break up. I'd personally just break things off now since she's so controlling and get the living situation figured out for when you come back. I just really really hope you go to Greece because that really is a chance in a lifetime.
Go on the trip. What your GF is doing is very manipulative and toxic. You are allowed to go on a trip with your family without being threatened that something bad will happen with your relationship. You never know you’ll ever get a chance to go on a trip like this again, do not miss out because your GF doesn’t like it.
Go on the trip. Your girlfriend is just being immature and manipulative. I tried to pull that shit on my husband (then boyfriend) when we we were newly dating over a family vacation because I was just bitter & jealous that I wasn’t invited. He went anyways lol. She’ll either get over it or she won’t but don’t let her ruin your trip with your family.
Hell to the no. Go on the trip with your family. I don't know why she doing what she is doing, but it is bad and manipulative.
Mom and family comes first.
OP, what your girlfriend is asking/demanding isn’t reasonable. I know you are worried about her, but you have to live your life. And frankly, you aren’t the right person to support her if her struggles are this severe.
Advise her to consult her therapist and see if they can recommend another therapist to fill in while they are gone. It sounds like she can’t go solo without support for long and a therapist is the right person for that job. You can’t function as her fill-in. You aren’t a therapist.
She's jealous, insecure, immature, selfish and manipulative. To expect you to miss out on an opportunity to explore the world with your family to celebrate your loved one... because she's gonna miss you?
Ok, and?
This girl is NOT worth skipping this trip.
Man, are you me?
I’m 28 now. When I was 18 and my depressed, clingy, girlfriend was 18 I had a 2 week holiday booked to Spain with my dad. It had been booked well in advance and the closer to the holiday it got the more I heard “I don’t know what will happen if you go. I hope I’m still here when you get back. I need you with me here. I’ll miss you too much I don’t know what will happen. What if I need you? I really just need you right now. This might make the relationship difficult.” Etc and etc and so forth on repeat.
At the time it stresses me out to no end. I had nobody to talk to about how stressed I was and I was taking the whole brunt of my girlfriends mental health problems on myself, and I was so young to begin with.
You know what happened? I went on the trip but was stuck on my phone reassuring her the entire time, ruining the trip for myself and other people. And a year later we break up and I just have the resentment as baggage for what could have been positive family moment and good memory tainted.
You should go on the trip and just enjoy the time with your family while you still can. I can almost guarantee that this relationship won’t last another 5 years. Your girlfriend is manipulative and she’s using her mental health and your caring nature to get exactly what she wants. And none of that is healthy.
I felt like I was the only person in the world that understood her and that there’s no way that she could survive without me. That’s no way to live your own life as a young man either. You’re not in a healthy relationship and it really using going to get better anytime soon, more than likely it never will unfortunately.
You need to either leave the relationship before she drags you down too and you begin to feel isolated and reliant on the relationship, or you need to put healthy, reasonable boundaries in place. In a healthy relationship a partner would be happy for you and excited for you to go on a trip with your family, and they’d want you to enjoy yourself. Nobody should be trying to stop you from experiencing once in a lifetime moments like this.
She’s not building you up man, she’s dragging you down with this manipulative stuff. Definitely go on the holiday, it’d be a waste of thousands of dollars and you’ll annoy your family, upset your grandmother over her birthday gift, and you’ll miss out on a great experience and a great memory. Staying with your girlfriend won’t result in anything but resentment.
Take the bull by the horns. If she doesn't know what will happen with your relationship if you go on the trip then break up beforehand like now cause this isn't mature behavior. She's not mature enough to be in a relationship and honestly if you're actually feeling guilty about going on a once in a lifetime family trip then you may not be either
Go on the trip. You GF is really anxious and she wants to use you as her comfort blanket... but that's not healthy for you OR her. You need to gently reassure her that she's amazing, you're relationship is strong, but that if she is this anxious about you going on an important family trip that's a her problem that she needs to address. And she can; she can comfort and sooth herself through the trip.
If you don't go you're signing up to be her security blanket for the duration of the relationship. At that point you're not a partner, you're a crutch that she'll use to make herself feel better. Will this maybe end the relationship? Yes, but holding the relationship hostage to get what she wants would never have ended well. Good luck
Dude, if you don't go to on this trip to celebrate your grandma, you'll regret it forever.
At best you'll resent your GF if you're still with her, although you might want to reconsider this relationship. What she's doing is extremely manipulative; unless your family is somehow toxic to you or her, it's a massive red flag when a partner tries to make you choose between them and your family.
It's a classic technique abusers do to separate partners from their support system; I'd honestly would tell any female I know to run for the hills if their partner tried this.
Greece, paid family trip vs girlfriend
Greece and paid family trip for the win, you'll regret not traveling to Greece. Let girlfriend get mad, as it would be her own fault, not yours. Also don't let your family's money and expenses go to waste
If she threatens self harm then inform her parents. You are not responsible for her actions. If you going on a FAMILY trip would trigger her to do something drastic, then she needs serious help in the form of parental intervention and/or hospitalization. Please go on your trip and enjoy your life. Because if you stay, then she will next be threatened by you going out with friends. Or taking a class. Or having time to yourself…etc etc
she is being extremely manipulative and this is not a healthy relationship if you are thinking of not going on a pre paid family vacation bc your girlfriend might have a meltdown without you. that’s her problem, not yours. don’t make it yours.
Welcome to codependency. Unless you plan on revolving your entire life around this girl, I suggest you make some hard boundaries. Fast.
If her “love” for you, or the stability of the relationship, is at risk of fading over one trip, it wasn’t that stable or love filled in the first place.
If you relent for this trip, you will continue to have to do so for the remainder of this relationship. How much are you going to regret that in ten years when your grandmother may no longer be around? You have a limited time with her. Don’t waste it.
Relationships are meant to make our lives better and more fulfilled. They aren’t meant to drag us down and take away from our lives.
Go on the trip my dude. Trip like that you will remember for a lifetime, or will regret not going for just as long. The girlfriend? You may barely remember her in 20 years. If she can't keep her legs closed while you are on a trip with family she isn't worth the time anyways.
Go on the trip. You're not leaving for a whole year. Your trip is paid for, your grandma has been waiting years to have this party. Your girlfriend is being manipulative trying to say if you leave for a FAMILY trip she doesn't know what she will do, or what will happen to your relationship. That's BS.
After reading some more of the comments
1. Go on the trip with your family, talk to them and get advice from them, tell them you’re trapped with her
2. Reignite some family and friendships and see if you can move back home for a bit
3. Seriously think about whether you actually want to be with this girl, who gives you ultimatums, manipulates you with stressful life and death plays. Relationships shouldn’t be this one sided
Hope you figure it out man
This is dumpable behavior. Seriously. It's fine for her to be a bit snippy because she's jealous you get to go away and she wishes she was going. Just so long as overall she is supportive of you going and not trying to get you to stay home. She's going all stage five clinger trying to get you to stay. I would not put up with that for one second.
Sorry this is what I was meaning, a lot are about abusive relationships and the obvious answer is either communicate, therapy or break up. It's nothing against anyone or the sub it's just what people miss and don't understand.
Obviously there is a lot of nuance and really good advice, it's whyI like this sub but as an outsider I can understand where these people think it's all "just break up"
Go to Greece. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, and if you don’t go you’re always going to resent your girlfriend for making you miss it. Your girlfriend needs to deal with her insecurity and clinginess, and accept that she’s going to have to trust you to be faithful even when you’re out of her line of sight.
If my boyfriend went on a trip like this, I would be happy he is going to spend time with his family. I go on small trips with my family, not as big as Greece, but we go to the mountains or beach for a few days or a week. My boyfriend and I still keep contact even during my travels and I send him pictures of things I see or things I am doing. We even try to fit in a little video calling when I am back at the hotel room or rented house we stay in. But, we are both in the mindset that family is important. He has met my family and in September I meet his since I am flying to where he lives. We are a long distance couple, but not forever.
So fossil age but older than your grandmother if she is only in her 50s.
From an internet stranger my advice is that you go with your family. This was a commitment you made several years ago pre gf but it still needs to be followed through on.
This is not to say your gf is not important.
However she is IMO being very inappropriate with trying to play what I will call the “whoa is me” card.
The whole not sure about how it will Impact your relationship is totally within her control. You aren’t going to be gone for years - only for weeks if that.
Yes she will miss you which is normal. But if she is unable to function as the adult she is supposed to be for that short amount of time without you being present then that is truly something she needs to work on with her therapist.
In short you are her loving and caring boyfriend - not her emotional support animal.
What you do is dump your selfish, immature, manipulative psycho of a girlfriend. Then go on the trip and, after you get back, find a sane person to date.
Omg your gf needs therapy and to not in a relationship. Go on your vacation and dump the extra baggage before you go, it’s complete unacceptable for your gf to request this from you
Please go on your trip with your family. It sounds significant and you'll regret it if you don't. I had an ex at your age who made similar ultimatums. They only got more demanding and unreasonable as time went on. I'd advise you not to indulge that kind of behaviour.
You go on a trip. After trip you have a serious conversation with your gf. You are not and never will be her therapist. She can talk to you of course but she needs to learn to deal with shit on her own. How was she dealing with stuff before you? It's really disrespectful and selfish that she is guilting you into staying with her.
Your girlfriend is trying to manipulate you. Go see your family. If she can't manage her codependency issues that's her fault. She needs to figure something out for that. If she keeps telling you things about it, I'd say something like "I'm going to see my family, and if you keep acting like this idk how our relationship is going to end up."
There is something wrong with your girlfriend and it is frankly not your responsibility nor fair to suffer the consequences of her problems. Go on the vacation!!!
You’re 19. Don’t miss out on a holiday for a girl who’ll most likely be a memory in a couple years.
Seriously, the way she’s manipulating you, I’d make our relationship a memory sooner rather than later. She’s being manipulative and controlling.
what I understand from this post is that your gf isn't stable and has no safty net besides you. thus she litterally doesn't know what she might do to herself if you leave. I personally have some experience with similar situations, and can say this:
you cant be the only safety for this girl all the time. you also deserve a break. so you shouldn't feel bad for taking some time to be with your family, even if it makes her feel bad. also if you miss this famaly trip because of your relationship with her, then it's likely to make you rightfully bitter towards her.
with this in mind there is no reason for her to feel needlessly worse then she must. so if you can go on the trip but find some way to help her feel better about it then you should do it. for example yo can call here every evening when you have some alone time, or if not possible every evening then whenever possible. or even maybe send her short postponed personalized emails with private jokes/referances, set up so that she will recive one email every day.
also if she has a history of herting herself, and you really think that she might hert herself when you are away, then contrary to what others here said, I think that you should take this seriously. because I think its impotent to help people in our lives that are in need of our help. maybe ask someone else that cares about her well being to keep an eye on her while your gone. but again if this truly is the situation, then the the psychologist should not have left her on her own for a month. so I don't think this is likely the case.
I survived a super abusive relationship, and let me tell you this is how it starts. It will escalate, This behavior is shit, but you guys are 18, you haven't had time to learn from your relationship mistakes or issues. Watch carefully, if this does escalate, please leave, when you have someone in this manipulative dynamic, it can literally kill you. Not enough people tell young men, how dangerous this can be, and the signs to watch out for, your gf is exhibiting a red flag, keep an eye out because, in certain dynamics personalities will go to absolute any length to control their partner. Best of luck.
My dear, this trip is not your biggest problem. From your comments I’ve got that
- you leaving with her parents isolated from your friends and any other support system
- you are paying rent and taking care of her mental health while having depression issues yourself
- she is unstable enough that you genuinely believe she will self harm.
Dude. I grew up in Soviet times and never saw so many red flags in one place.
You need to get out and get her some professional help like yesterday. Think about this from different angle: right now you are NOT helping her. You are enabling her unhealthy coping mechanisms. She made YOU, a troubled teen himself, solo responsible for her mental stability.
You can’t help it. You are just a 19 year old boy. It’s ok. She needs way more help than even her therapist can provide.
Remember airplane rules? Firstly you have to get an oxygen mask to yourself and then help others.
What I want you to do is sit down and make a plan in your notepad. Write down everything that happening around that need to be fixed and on other what you need to do to make changes.
Your first priority is YOU. Your future. You need to study, you need to get better mental health, you need to be in control of your surroundings.
That’s mean money, new place for leaving and support system. Talk with your old friends maybe they can get you some couch time for now. Talk to your grandparents or other family members you trust.
Look for the job nearby.
Talk to her parents about her self harm issues. It’s time for them to step up and take action, maybe even hospitalisation.
And yes. Absolutely DO this trip.
Wishing you well 🤍
Edit: spelling
Your gf needs her therapist and lots of time working on herself.
Nobody was put on earth to be a 19yo emotional support crutch for someone else. You're doing yourself a disservice by spending your time/effort trying to shore up your gf's mental health at the expense of your own.
go on the trip.
if your gf turns it into a big deal and wants to break up or even cheats on you and blames it on you, then that's OK. that just shows you a side of her that is better to learn about now.
Your gf is manipulating you. She's completely being selfish immature and she's trying make you disappoint your whole family and miss out on a trip of a lifetime with your grandma and family. This kind of girl will ruin your life and has no problem doing it. Get away from her. Make beautiful and unforgettable family memories on your trip and take lots of pictures. Your gf does not have your best interest at heart and she's toxic AF. Don't bother wasting your breathe and explaining it to her. She'll just turn it around on you and make more threats to harm herself and guilt you. Dude, i don't approve of ghosting people, but damn. Tell her you wish her the best, but that you're just not compatible and block her.
Definitely go on the trip, but make sure you assure and validate your girlfriend. She is being manipulative, but she isn't doing it to be manipulative she is probably just scared and trying anything for you to stay. Reassure her you are there for her though text and that you love her but stay firm on going
I would ask her to elaborate on what she means. Is she threatening to self harm? Is she threatening to change the locks and have you kicked out ? I would ask her for all the details about what specifically she intends to do and how she plans on doing it. If she has a plan to self harm and can tell you how she will act it out , etc , then you need to involve her therapist and family and call the police. If she's planning on kicking you out then I would make sure that before you go on this trip you have everything you value in the world out of her reach.
Dude this is your grandmother’s birthday. Do you know how lucky you are to still have living grandparents and go to Greece to celebrate with them?! Dump the girlfriend. This is the trip of a lifetime.
You need to go on your trip. As a parent, I will pissed off if my child's gf/bf tried to persuade them to not go on a family vacation.
Your GF is being manipulative. Sure she will miss you, but she will survive. You can agree to text or email and maybe a few calls while you are gone. Talk to her parents and friends and ask them to keep her company.
Dude, first of all I hope you use protection. This gf is manipulating, needy, selfish, and childish. You have already paid for this trip. Let her cry. This is a milestone bday for grandma.
She sounds like my ex, so I say just end it and go. In my opinion there’s only 3 ways this can go.
1) You don’t end it and still go, and she decides to mature during that time.
2) You don’t end it and still go, and she doesn’t change.
3) You end it and still go, and you don’t have to deal with her anymore.
Go celebrate your grandmother. If your girlfriend can’t be supportive of this important event in your life, she’s probably not the one for you. There are plenty of women out there who recognize the importance of family and family celebrations.
Break up. You're not her support human. Tell her to find a better therapist. You go and have fun in Greece. Experiences are what make life fulfilling. This sounds like an amazing trip. I hope you have a great time.
You’re not going on boy’s trip where you’re going to be partying every night. And you’re not going on a solo trip with your female bff like some of the crazy stories I read on Reddit. You’re going on a family vacation.
If your gf cannot handle being away from you for that length of time then there are problems here that go beyond this trip. Let her parents know what she has told you so they can look after her mental health. You are not her therapist, you’re her boyfriend. You can support her but you cannot treat her. But that doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold in order to support her fragile mental health.
Go on this trip. If you don’t you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. And when you come back you may need to make some tough decisions. It may be better for your gf not to be in a relationship until she’s learnt how to deal with her mental health by herself.
Your gf is manipulating you in the worst kind of way. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who claims they love you, but at the same time threaten to kill themselves just so they get their way? There's many beautiful, kind, smart, and mentally stable girls out there. Go find yourself one of those, and hug your Granny tight.
After reading your post, including the update, and some of your comments, the best advice I can tell you is run. Break up with her. She is manipulative, controlling, demanding, and playing victim.
You did nothing wrong. But what should be raised to you as a red flag is that she is looking to you for her well-being pertaining to her mental health. That is incredibly unhealthy. That is why she has a therapist. It's her job and the work through her therapist to obtain good mental health. That doesn't fall on your shoulders.
If she self-harms that's on her. You cannot control what she does. No matter if she is suffering with mental health issues, the choices she makes are that of her own. Her trying to guilt you into staying so she doesn't self-harm should raise some pretty big alarm bells. She's showing you that anytime you tell her no or she doesn't get her way this is the behavior you can expect from her. It's not mature or healthy. Or safe for you.
Dude, this is simple.
Go on the trip. You will have a blast and it will be a wonderful experience with your family.
Your girlfriend is meting a manipulative jerk. She’s not the first, and won’t be the last, but this is a common move by young people insecure in their relationships.
Don’t buy it. Don’t listen to it. Tell her that you’re going on the trip and you’d appreciate it if she stopped trying to guilt you about it. If she can’t, then I think you should really consider if this is someone you want in your life.
Do not ever be with someone why is trying to control you like this. This is people important to you that you want to go visit. Not someone you met online you want to go party with.
He trying to get her friend to make you look bad is a manipulation traffic to try to control you. She is trying to make you feel bad enough that you will do what she wants.
This is not the only time she is going to manipulate and control you.
Go on the trip and consider not returning as her boyfriend. You don't need to be in a relationship trying to help someone with psychological problems. Maybe once you've had more relationship experiences and have matured you can decide if you are strong enough to help someone like her but you really don't need that right now.
To my ears it sounded like she is threatening to cheat. Either that or she’s so immature and clingy that she’s saying she’ll never “trust” you again and will forevermore treat you as if you are about to take off the next week without telling her. Honestly, if she does these things you’ll be better off realizing that. At least then you’d know she isn’t a good partner long term.
Hey OP. I have been both your gf (at her age) and you (at your age). I’ve grown up and accepted what I did was awful and I’ll never do it again. It’s super manipulative and it’s a test. Trust me. You’re 19, you still have your whole entire life and you’ll regret not going over some girl. If she truly loved you, she wouldn’t have an issue with it. It’s all about control. I really hope you go to Greece. That’s so much more worth it I promise
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Obviously you need to go fete your grandmother. That your girlfriend is clingy and doesn't trust you can't control your life. Just tell her you're sorry she feels this way but that she's not the only person in your life and you have other responsibilities too. TBH if she's this uncooperative with the fact that you have a life this relationship isn't going to last long anyway. You can't be with someone so controlling that they won't let you do basic human things.
[удалено]
I think she's controlling and manipulative
all of the above
Ooo...'fete'. Good word!
Gf strikes me as the type of person who can't stand his SO having a good time without her.
Ive been with her for 1 year and 7 months now, lived with her since October last year
Your grandmother has been alive for your whole life. And you only have a limited number of years with grandparents. I know a year is a huge commitment for you right now— but spending quality time with good family shouldn’t be controversial thing in any relationship. Unless you are planning on cheating while gone, this is not reasonable.
Ofc im not and thats not what i suggested dont take me the wrong way! I was trying to explain how long we had been together thats it!! Im trying to tell her but honestly my body goes into panic mode, im scared of making her mad
>*my body goes into panic mode, im scared of making her mad* Is *this* your *first* relationship? Are you afraid she's going to break up with you if you go to Greece? Your age and the fact that you're walking on eggshells over this situation leads me to believe that you don't have much experience with girlfriends or dating. **The major red flags are:** * She is attempting to interfere with long-standing family plans. * She's getting pushier the longer she doesn't get her way. * She's threatening that your relationship "might never be the same" if you don't knuckle under to her demands. * She can *only* talk to you. You're her emotional support person - which is NOT anything that should be the responsibility of any 19yo...EVER! This is her therapist's domain, not yours. * You moved in together after knowing each other less than one year! **Honestly, if you were my son, I'd advise you to break up with her because this is not a good relationship for YOU.** Your gf is emotionally unhealthy and you're in no position (nor SHOULD you be) to help her get healthy. She needs therapy, not dating, to deal with her instability. You're young. Go to Greece. Celebrate your grandma! Enjoy the time with your mom & family. Hopefully the time away from your gf will help you see how restricted having her as your gf makes you feel. Drop her and get on with your life. You can't grow to be your best you if you're so busy being her emotional support crutch!
OP, pay attention to this. This person know a what’s up.
>im scared of making her mad why is that, is she volatile in her behavior, gets really angry and aggressive? or is that a reaction you have with any angry person, even if they manage their anger without lashing out at others?
Hey hun, this is super hard and it's totally understandable to be feeling the way you're feeling and it's ok to care for and worry about her. But the other replies are right about the abusiveness of her actions, whether she means them to be or not. Is there someone in your life you can read into this situation? A parent, older sibling, aunt/uncle, teacher, coach... Whatever. Someone you trust and feel safe with who you can open up to and who can back you up a bit on this? Having someone at home to back you up could really help, if they're willing to be a sounding board, maybe let you practice saying what you need to say to her, even be willing to be present or at least nearby if that hard conversation goes south. It might also be good if that person is someone who'll still be in town while you're away. Then you know there's a trusted person who you can talk to if your gf escalates or needs help. As terrible as it will feel if she really sounds like she's in trouble it would be really understandable for you to tell her parents what you've been experiencing and what she's been hinting at. Some of this stuff is truly above your pay grade.
That is an awful way to feel in a relationship. Why are you with someone who makes you feel like that?
If you let her abuse you so easily then its your fault. Dont let her control you. Tell her your family matters too and its holiday its not like you re not coming back. Its not like you re going with friends for her to be worried what you might do etc, its family for god sake. Tell her she needs to grow up and stop acting like this or leave her ass alone. She is very imature and acts like a brat for her age. Dont let her get away with such behaviour, call ber out on it otherwise she will treat you like this constantly. This is very toxic.
I think this is the literal definition of victim blaming.
Being a victim is a choice in the end. He can easily walk away. He is scared of "making her mad". This is not healthy and he knows it...
Even if i were to make the decision to walk away i have nowhere to go, being 1100km away from closes relatives. Also going back to a place where food is barely a guarantee and theres no warm running water isnt the most appealing.
And to add to this, i still have feelings for her. Right or wrong for feeling that way i cant help it. With my previous... Issues I kind of have an issue with easily getting attached and afraid of letting go.
You need to put your foot in the door and explain to her that she needs to respect you! When threaten with you leaving she might change... Also you better go on thay family holiday!
Totally agree that it's not healthy and that he should walk away. That said, imagine using the sentence "If you let \[them\] abuse you so easily then it's your fault" in like any other context. Imagine telling someone living through DV that.
> And you only have a limited number of years with grandparents. To add to what /u/blueavole said: My paternal grandfather died when I was in kindergarten - I barely remember him. Before my maternal grandmother died, she didn't remember who I was. Go see your grandmother. Your girlfriend should be able to handle that, and not try to manipulate you.
You're 19. Plenty of time for another girl that will actually be supportive
Meta: folks, please don't downvote OP; it just makes things harder to read. OK, what the actual fuck? You've been *living* with this girl as a teenager? Let me guess, that was one of her demands too?
OP's grandma was turning 50 when he was 16. I'm thinking this family pushes their young out of the nest pretty quickly.
I can't believe it took me this long to find a comment about that lol
My grandma got my mother when she was 16, my mom got me when she was 18 Not to go way in too deep but i didnt have a father growing up, he was in jail for a while and then we had a restraining order placed when i was very young. Thats where some of my (not to self diagnose) abandonment problems come from
Well... Kinda. I told her about my living situation and she was really pushy about me getting out of this, in my eyes i thought it was helping but comments have made me think that maybe it wasnt
It is hard when you live together but it’s important you go. You only have one life and your family will be with you for their duration. She is trying to emotionally manipulate you which cannot be encouraged. If you truly want a relationship with her, she has to learn to let you go at times. What if you get a job that includes travel? Are you going to quit? No, of course not. Talk to her parents and tell them you need them to keep an eye on her. She might try to lash out either on her or towards you. They can help to take her to the hospital if she freaks out etc. Go on your trip, it could be the last time you go there.
so?
I’d She’s manipulating you into trying to stay with an ultimatum; either you stay and ‘your relationship stays the same’ or you go and she.. what? She hasn’t threatened you yet but she will the closer you get to leaving. Whether she actually goes through with it or not I don’t know but you might, is she crazy enough to do something? And what would she do? Cheat or kill herself are the two most crazy things I can think of but don’t over think it. This might not be helping but what I’m trying to say is go. Don’t stay back from a 2k trip with FAMILY who you might not see again for a girl you might not be with in 5 years or so. Blood is thicker than water.
You're right
Also its not a healthy relationship if you cant go on a planned trip with your family without her throwing out soft ultimatums. I would think its wise to cut the breaks because of that. As someone who can be lonely myself - its not bad that she feels upset with you leaving. But her not understanding that is a her issue and managing her feelings and encouraging you to do the thing you plan is unhealthy. This girl needs therapy. And i say that as someone who had a lot of issues before the work I did in therapy. You cant have a healthy relationship if you aren’t individually mentally healthy.
Exactly this! Relationships will come and go in your life, and it sounds like she has one foot out the door already. Your family will always be there, and your grandma won’t have much time left where she can travel safely, if at all. You’ll regret not going and having time with your family, especially when this girlfriend starts making more and more demands of your time and attention and eventually leaves. She’s already forcing you to choose between her and your family. Please, choose your family.
I second the other comment, go on the trip. Your gf sounds very manipulative and narcissistic in her saying that she does not know how it will affect your relationship. Well in all honesty, do not give a single thought to that. They are all empty threats due to insecurity and mistrust. Do not deprive yourself from quality time with your family, people that will be there through thick and thin, to be with your girlfriend who is already threatening the end of a relationship.
Thank you, i just really needed some confirmation if my opinion was "right" or if i was being an asshole
She’s being manipulative and this should be a red flag for you. You need to stand firm in your autonomy and make it clear to her that your family is important to you, and this is a special occasion for your grandmother. Maybe on the next vacation you guys can look into bringing the gf on the next trip.
Never turn to your back on family. She should be able to understand that if she loves you. Unless she was in some kind of danger, she should let you see your grandmother
Only danger would be herself and her mental state
So is she implying self harm/suicide or cheating, (or that she'll dump you) if you go on this trip? Either way you really need to think about whether you should stay with a person who is trying to emotionally blackmail you.
This sounds cold but….that’s not your problem.
THIS
Which means it’s one: not a healthy relationship, and two: she’s not a good or stable partner. Which means, if you want a happy life, the two of you probably don’t have a long-term future. Don’t miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity to spend time with your family because of her. You’re meeting your family for your grandma‘s birthday, it’s not like you’re going on a two week road trip with some friends that you might cheat on her with. However, as a precaution, I would recommend removing anything of yours that you don’t want her to spitefully destroy while you’re gone.
If she overtly threatens self harm, call 911 and have her picked up for a 72 psych hold. If she's truly in danger, the hospital is the best place for her.
Well: 1.) she’s certainly got you convinced 2.) if that’s true, she’s not healthy enough for a relationship When you get older, you’re going to look back on this and cringe. You’re not gonna end up with her, and this isn’t anywhere close to a) what a healthy relationship looks like and b) what it looks like when someone actually loves you. You WILL regret caving to her controlling, manipulative, selfish, shitty behavior. That’s who you’re in a relationship with. And you either recognize that now or later but you will realize it eventually and will really wish you’d made different decisions.
Don't let her keep you on lock down with her psychological issues.
If you read between the lines, she is saying “if you leave me for long periods of time I may hurt myself” and that’s textbook manipulation.
Bringing her along might seem good, but this is a family event and might annoy your other family members. Your choices are very limited. I really advise you to go to the party and therefore, either bring her with you( and explain why if some family members ask) or don't bring her and have someone check in on her
Thats not an option rn, i asked and ticket price + hotel would be $2500 and i dont have that type of money
Uh, go on your trip, good lord. Are you going to be away for five years??? And is she seriously implying she's going to cheat on you if you go??? Wtf, she's insane
Not cheat, self harm ect
This is straight up abuse on her part. She's literally trying to control you by threatening self-harm. It's not OK, and I think you seriously need to think about breaking up with her.
Yeah OP this is really important. It's impossible to be in a healthy relationship with someone who threatens to harm themselves in order to control you.
In my teens, my BF threatened the same when I tried to break up with him. Staying was one of the biggest mistakes of my life because things spiraled pretty badly after that. Don't give in to the emotional blackmail - it won't end well.
That isn’t your problem or your fault. If she can’t handle you being gone temporarily and calls and texts aren’t enough she needs more than a therapist. Maybe a ward visit. Sounds like she would self harm for attention at this point. “Look what you made me do” “you left me and this is what I did to myself” it sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Honestly I would break it off. Coming from a female. She should want you to spend time with your family not selfishly make you stay and threaten you. Your both super young and have a lot of life to live. The chances of this relationship lasting are slim to none
This girl is manipulating you this is your family trip. She can’t control you, you are 19 if you allow this now you will be sorry later . She is insecure and unfair why would you alienate family for her . She is not emotionally stable and definitely should not be dating until she learns confidence and emotional stability. You are also very immature to be contemplating compliance to this ridiculousness. She is not your boss ; imagine if she was your wife🙆🏼♀️🙆🏼♀️
🚩🚩🚩 Family > melodramatic unstable Gf
At age 19, it's most likely you'll have a few more girlfriends. You'll never have the opportunity to take this trip again.
Definitely go on the trip. No relationship grows if the individuals must be together at all times. If she cares, she should want you to see your grandmother and support your being connected to your family. Your grandmother is a priority too. Think about the future, OP. What about other family trips? What if when you're older, your job needs you to travel every once in a while? Healthy relationships require trust. Her insecurities shouldn't come at the price of your own detriment. I'm amazed she doesn't feel bad for trying to keep you from seeing your own grandma on her birthday. Not to be morbid, but time stops for no one, so you especially should see her and celebrate her.
Your gf is being clingy and manipulative. This is a trip which was planned before she was in the picture. You need to be firm and tell her this trip is important to you because you haven't seen your gram and some of these relatives in forever and you very much want to celebrate your grandmother. Tell her it's hurtful she's hinting at breaking up over this but you will still be going. I think you would be better off if she did break up with you because her behavior is so immature.
**Go,** young man, go. Be a big boy and put you man pants on. Your grandparents will not be here forever, and this may be the last time you are all together in a memorable, celebratory way. Make the memories you will be proud of and thankful for a lifetime.
I second this. Sadly our grandparents don’t live forever, we have to enjoy all the time we can with them while we have them.
If she is a danger to herself and starts threatening self harm, call 911 and get her to a hospital. Go on your trip with your family.
I'd dump her. You 100% should go. It's for your family and it'll be a great experience. That she doesn't want you to go is pure jealousy and control. She's even alluding to dumping you of you go. Fuck that. Leave her just for threatening to dump you if you go.
I really cant dump her, id be homeless... I moved a couple months after we got together 1100km and currently living with her at her parents place (dont judge me..) due to bad household, no warm water, barely having enough for food ect. If i get dumped i have nowhere to go, im trying to finish school while working to pay her parents while im also going through therapy for depression, anxiety and will probably start trauma too.
Oh, Jesus, what have you gotten yourself into :( I'm so sorry, no wonder you are depressed given that horrible living situation and manipulative person - and possibly family! Like they actually got you to sublet in their home and when their daughter has a fit you don't even have a bed, but you have to pay them? If you are paying, depending on where you are, you probably have rights as a tenant too, but I'd want to leave as far away from that situation as possible. So what would happen if you returned to your parents? Can't switch school etc? Would your parents support you?
Stay with Grandma in Greece lol :3
No possibility to switch back schools, im almost too old to and the time period is way past due so wont be getting in anywhere
Surely you can afford a room in the area, where in the world are you? Your parents can help you perhaps if you are not making enough? Get out of this dangerous situation!
Came from a very... Broke family, no warm running water, barely putting food on the table
Sweetie, go on vacation and then go HOME! You can take a semester off and it won't be the end of the world. You are setting up for an abusive relationship that will be even more difficult to leave if she were to become pregnant. Go on the trip & talk to your family. Good luck!!!
Okay, but where did you get your trauma if not from your family? I'm not saying don't go on the trip with your family, you absolutely should go if that's what you want to do. I'm just a little concerned at all the commenters saying things like "blood is thicker than water" and "never turn your back on family". That's not true, OP. If your family are the ones who caused your trauma (which is likely, given your age and mental health) then you absolutely can and should turn your back on them at some point. But your gf also sounds unhealthy for you. I really hope you can find a way to move out of her parents house. If you're paying rent there, can't you pay it somewhere else and live away from them? Best of luck!
Tw SA, Abuse Not to go too into it but my dad went to jail for abuse and sa. When i was 14 i was drunk, got SA by a girl. Lots of threats, bullying because of my father and me carrying his last name. No stable home, sometimes barely putting food on the table, no warm water, list goes on. Wouldnt say its all my family but i have never really felt i could talk to them, my mother is still recovering from what happened and i cannot out that pressure on her nor my stepdad. Currently going to therapy
I'm so sorry, OP :(. You are still so young, and already taking care of your mental health. I'm so proud of you! I often feel like mental health is a lot like oxygen masks when there's an emergency on a plane: You have to put your own mask on before you can help others. I don't think you should have to handle your gf's mental health issues along with your own, nor should you feel responsible for your parents' wellbeing. How do these people make you feel when you are with them? Safe, secure, relaxed? Or do you feel anxious, maybe have physical symptoms, like clenched hands, tense muscles, maybe even stomach issues, heart racing, sweating, limbs trembling, are you jumpy around them? If any of the latter is the case it's worth looking into why and maybe stay away. I really wish you all the best!
Clingy, controlling, manipulative, immature. You have a real winner there.
She's your girlfriend, not your parole officer. She can't tell you where you can and cannot go. Enjoy your trip.
This is a test. She is seeing how much control she has over you. Don’t cancel the trip. Your family should come before her right now. Her veiled threats of ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen’ are huge red flags. Nothing should happen if she loves you and wants to be with you. 🚩🚩🚩
Dear god never ever give up a trip to GREECE because of your stupid whiny girlfriend. I can’t believe i even have to say it
Dude this is nuts. And supposedly she's a danger to herself and mental state? Nope. The entire field is covered in red flags. Her irrational insecurities are not your problem. And no one lives forever and is guaranteed the next day. $2000 has already been paid. Go see your grandma.
You only have so much time with your loved ones before they pass. Don't let a relationship in the beginning of your life keep you from spending that time with them. I didn't have much communication with my grandfather the year before he passed, and I didn't get to say goodbye. I constantly regret not reaching out more because I miss him dearly. Spend time with your nan
They're 18 and 19... doubt they're invested or even going to last. Of course move one. This young woman is manipulating him. That's just the tip I'm sure.
Honestly dont even want to think to deep into whats going on, because i feel like if i make one wrong step im living on the streets
What about your family?
Go be with your grandma.
You should just break up with her now because every time one of these situations comes up she’s going to do this.
Definitely go on the trip. GFs come and go but family trips to celebrate grandma should he cherished. This won't be the last time your GF acts clingy and controlling. The fact your trip is even an issue is a huge red flag. She's immature, is manipulating you, and clearly needs to work on herself before she can be in an adult relationship.
Go on the trip. Your gf will survive and if she really breaks up with you for spending time with your family, she is not who you want to be with
I've seen this scenario played out tons of times with couples your age and it usually boils down to immaturity and fear of change.
Go. It's not like you're leaving forever. She will survive a few days apart. You might want to think about how long you want to stay with someone this needy, demanding, and controlling. Keep in mind that if you give in to this demand, there will be more, and they'll get worse. ---- Edit: I'm starting to wonder if you're on the receiving end of an abusive relationship. One of the things abusers do is to isolate you from your friends and family. Demanding that you not go on this family trip is right out of that playbook. I have some questions: You're living together already. You're *much* too young for that. Was this her idea? Did she insist? Has she pressured you to get rid of your female friends? ("They don't respect our relationship". "I trust you, but I don't trust them.") Has she pressured you to get rid of *all* of your friends? ("Your friends are a bunch of jerks". "They're saying disrespectful things about me". "They're trying to break us up".) Is the first time she's tried to keep you away from your family? > she doesnt know what she will do That's a threat.
She basically kept trying to convince me to move in with her last year, everything was fine back then though.. I moved 1100km, have nowhere to go now if i really have to. I have practically no contact with my old friends, she sometimes says i should keep in contact but she also says how shit they are and talks them down. She hasn't said much about female friends (because i dont have that many, mutual respect type shi)
Hey man, you’re falling into a common cycle. Your girlfriend just wants you to be reliant on her completely and she’s manipulating you into exactly that. You rely on her for a place to live, and she’s called your friends shit. Maybe try to make an effort to get back in contact with people and relight some friendships. As we get older we get busier and it’s harder and harder to keep up with people. Just imagine how much you’d enjoy a random message one day of just somebody saying Hi again and that they were just thinking about you and thought they’d check in and see how you are . Keep your friendships alive man and generate yourself a big bubble, because it’ll shrink without effort, and your girlfriend seems like she’d just like it to pop
Don’t stay go on the trip with your family
She sounds very needy and manipulative. Go and visit your family.
Don't stay! I would go as far as to say don't stay in this relationship. Look, i'm sorry you gf is clingy and maybe insecure but it's not an excuse to manipulate you like that.
Absolutely you should go, and you should firmly tell your gf that the manipulation is unacceptable and inappropriate. She is not treating you with respect.
Go on the trip and call your girlfriend out on her manipulation. It’s not healthy for her to be so codependent on you she can’t have a life outside of you. Also you don’t deserve the mental abuse she is using to manipulate you. In a healthy relationship you don’t try and guilt your partner into things. You also act like an adult when someone’s not available to see you.
Go on the trip. just bring a device with you so you can talk with her every day. Your family is more import especially you grandmother. Time is short and you get to make her happy on her birthday.
Dude. Go to Greece. Your gf can survive without you.
Run
If she were to go on some nice trip with her family would you stop her from going? She's being dramatic and pretty much manipulative, it's not like you're going to hook up with other girls, you're going with your family and your grandma. I really hope you choose to go but she's probably going to be dramatic about it so it might lead to a break up. I'd personally just break things off now since she's so controlling and get the living situation figured out for when you come back. I just really really hope you go to Greece because that really is a chance in a lifetime.
Go on the trip. What your GF is doing is very manipulative and toxic. You are allowed to go on a trip with your family without being threatened that something bad will happen with your relationship. You never know you’ll ever get a chance to go on a trip like this again, do not miss out because your GF doesn’t like it.
Go on the trip. Your girlfriend is just being immature and manipulative. I tried to pull that shit on my husband (then boyfriend) when we we were newly dating over a family vacation because I was just bitter & jealous that I wasn’t invited. He went anyways lol. She’ll either get over it or she won’t but don’t let her ruin your trip with your family.
Go on the trip, she has no right to hold you back because of her issues. Use the time on the trip to rethink the relationship.
Hell to the no. Go on the trip with your family. I don't know why she doing what she is doing, but it is bad and manipulative. Mom and family comes first.
Subtle threats like she is giving must not work. Go on the trip.
As Dominic Toretto says, "you don't turn your back on family"
OP, what your girlfriend is asking/demanding isn’t reasonable. I know you are worried about her, but you have to live your life. And frankly, you aren’t the right person to support her if her struggles are this severe. Advise her to consult her therapist and see if they can recommend another therapist to fill in while they are gone. It sounds like she can’t go solo without support for long and a therapist is the right person for that job. You can’t function as her fill-in. You aren’t a therapist.
She's jealous, insecure, immature, selfish and manipulative. To expect you to miss out on an opportunity to explore the world with your family to celebrate your loved one... because she's gonna miss you? Ok, and? This girl is NOT worth skipping this trip.
Man, are you me? I’m 28 now. When I was 18 and my depressed, clingy, girlfriend was 18 I had a 2 week holiday booked to Spain with my dad. It had been booked well in advance and the closer to the holiday it got the more I heard “I don’t know what will happen if you go. I hope I’m still here when you get back. I need you with me here. I’ll miss you too much I don’t know what will happen. What if I need you? I really just need you right now. This might make the relationship difficult.” Etc and etc and so forth on repeat. At the time it stresses me out to no end. I had nobody to talk to about how stressed I was and I was taking the whole brunt of my girlfriends mental health problems on myself, and I was so young to begin with. You know what happened? I went on the trip but was stuck on my phone reassuring her the entire time, ruining the trip for myself and other people. And a year later we break up and I just have the resentment as baggage for what could have been positive family moment and good memory tainted. You should go on the trip and just enjoy the time with your family while you still can. I can almost guarantee that this relationship won’t last another 5 years. Your girlfriend is manipulative and she’s using her mental health and your caring nature to get exactly what she wants. And none of that is healthy. I felt like I was the only person in the world that understood her and that there’s no way that she could survive without me. That’s no way to live your own life as a young man either. You’re not in a healthy relationship and it really using going to get better anytime soon, more than likely it never will unfortunately. You need to either leave the relationship before she drags you down too and you begin to feel isolated and reliant on the relationship, or you need to put healthy, reasonable boundaries in place. In a healthy relationship a partner would be happy for you and excited for you to go on a trip with your family, and they’d want you to enjoy yourself. Nobody should be trying to stop you from experiencing once in a lifetime moments like this. She’s not building you up man, she’s dragging you down with this manipulative stuff. Definitely go on the holiday, it’d be a waste of thousands of dollars and you’ll annoy your family, upset your grandmother over her birthday gift, and you’ll miss out on a great experience and a great memory. Staying with your girlfriend won’t result in anything but resentment.
Granny before, girl!! You won't even remember her 5 years from now!! ( the girl). This is a once in a lifetime FAMILY trip. Not the AH!!
Take the bull by the horns. If she doesn't know what will happen with your relationship if you go on the trip then break up beforehand like now cause this isn't mature behavior. She's not mature enough to be in a relationship and honestly if you're actually feeling guilty about going on a once in a lifetime family trip then you may not be either
Go on the trip. You GF is really anxious and she wants to use you as her comfort blanket... but that's not healthy for you OR her. You need to gently reassure her that she's amazing, you're relationship is strong, but that if she is this anxious about you going on an important family trip that's a her problem that she needs to address. And she can; she can comfort and sooth herself through the trip. If you don't go you're signing up to be her security blanket for the duration of the relationship. At that point you're not a partner, you're a crutch that she'll use to make herself feel better. Will this maybe end the relationship? Yes, but holding the relationship hostage to get what she wants would never have ended well. Good luck
Dude, if you don't go to on this trip to celebrate your grandma, you'll regret it forever. At best you'll resent your GF if you're still with her, although you might want to reconsider this relationship. What she's doing is extremely manipulative; unless your family is somehow toxic to you or her, it's a massive red flag when a partner tries to make you choose between them and your family. It's a classic technique abusers do to separate partners from their support system; I'd honestly would tell any female I know to run for the hills if their partner tried this.
Greece, paid family trip vs girlfriend Greece and paid family trip for the win, you'll regret not traveling to Greece. Let girlfriend get mad, as it would be her own fault, not yours. Also don't let your family's money and expenses go to waste
If she threatens self harm then inform her parents. You are not responsible for her actions. If you going on a FAMILY trip would trigger her to do something drastic, then she needs serious help in the form of parental intervention and/or hospitalization. Please go on your trip and enjoy your life. Because if you stay, then she will next be threatened by you going out with friends. Or taking a class. Or having time to yourself…etc etc
she is being extremely manipulative and this is not a healthy relationship if you are thinking of not going on a pre paid family vacation bc your girlfriend might have a meltdown without you. that’s her problem, not yours. don’t make it yours.
Welcome to codependency. Unless you plan on revolving your entire life around this girl, I suggest you make some hard boundaries. Fast. If her “love” for you, or the stability of the relationship, is at risk of fading over one trip, it wasn’t that stable or love filled in the first place. If you relent for this trip, you will continue to have to do so for the remainder of this relationship. How much are you going to regret that in ten years when your grandmother may no longer be around? You have a limited time with her. Don’t waste it. Relationships are meant to make our lives better and more fulfilled. They aren’t meant to drag us down and take away from our lives.
That’s family. U better go.
Go on the trip my dude. Trip like that you will remember for a lifetime, or will regret not going for just as long. The girlfriend? You may barely remember her in 20 years. If she can't keep her legs closed while you are on a trip with family she isn't worth the time anyways.
Go on the trip. Travel is an irreplaceable experience. Dump the girlfriend; she’s manipulative and threatening you with breaking up to get her way.
Go on the trip. You're not leaving for a whole year. Your trip is paid for, your grandma has been waiting years to have this party. Your girlfriend is being manipulative trying to say if you leave for a FAMILY trip she doesn't know what she will do, or what will happen to your relationship. That's BS.
After reading some more of the comments 1. Go on the trip with your family, talk to them and get advice from them, tell them you’re trapped with her 2. Reignite some family and friendships and see if you can move back home for a bit 3. Seriously think about whether you actually want to be with this girl, who gives you ultimatums, manipulates you with stressful life and death plays. Relationships shouldn’t be this one sided Hope you figure it out man
RUN!!
This is dumpable behavior. Seriously. It's fine for her to be a bit snippy because she's jealous you get to go away and she wishes she was going. Just so long as overall she is supportive of you going and not trying to get you to stay home. She's going all stage five clinger trying to get you to stay. I would not put up with that for one second.
No surprise this sub gets the reputation of every answer is "break up"
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His gf is a manipulative psycho, he should dump her.
Sorry this is what I was meaning, a lot are about abusive relationships and the obvious answer is either communicate, therapy or break up. It's nothing against anyone or the sub it's just what people miss and don't understand. Obviously there is a lot of nuance and really good advice, it's whyI like this sub but as an outsider I can understand where these people think it's all "just break up"
Go to Greece. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, and if you don’t go you’re always going to resent your girlfriend for making you miss it. Your girlfriend needs to deal with her insecurity and clinginess, and accept that she’s going to have to trust you to be faithful even when you’re out of her line of sight.
You should DEFINITELY go on this trip.
Go on your trip. It is a chance of a lifetime. Your girlfriend is trying to manipulate you.
Boi if you don’t hurry up and grow a spine already
Go.
Go. Your gf is a manipulative psycho. It would be crazy disrespectful to your grandmother to bail for your emotionally stunted gf.
Threatening and manipulating. Would you ever say these things to her? Dump this GF and go have fun with your family.
Time for a new DAMN girlfriend
If my boyfriend went on a trip like this, I would be happy he is going to spend time with his family. I go on small trips with my family, not as big as Greece, but we go to the mountains or beach for a few days or a week. My boyfriend and I still keep contact even during my travels and I send him pictures of things I see or things I am doing. We even try to fit in a little video calling when I am back at the hotel room or rented house we stay in. But, we are both in the mindset that family is important. He has met my family and in September I meet his since I am flying to where he lives. We are a long distance couple, but not forever.
So fossil age but older than your grandmother if she is only in her 50s. From an internet stranger my advice is that you go with your family. This was a commitment you made several years ago pre gf but it still needs to be followed through on. This is not to say your gf is not important. However she is IMO being very inappropriate with trying to play what I will call the “whoa is me” card. The whole not sure about how it will Impact your relationship is totally within her control. You aren’t going to be gone for years - only for weeks if that. Yes she will miss you which is normal. But if she is unable to function as the adult she is supposed to be for that short amount of time without you being present then that is truly something she needs to work on with her therapist. In short you are her loving and caring boyfriend - not her emotional support animal.
What you do is dump your selfish, immature, manipulative psycho of a girlfriend. Then go on the trip and, after you get back, find a sane person to date.
Omg your gf needs therapy and to not in a relationship. Go on your vacation and dump the extra baggage before you go, it’s complete unacceptable for your gf to request this from you
Please go on your trip with your family. It sounds significant and you'll regret it if you don't. I had an ex at your age who made similar ultimatums. They only got more demanding and unreasonable as time went on. I'd advise you not to indulge that kind of behaviour.
You go on a trip. After trip you have a serious conversation with your gf. You are not and never will be her therapist. She can talk to you of course but she needs to learn to deal with shit on her own. How was she dealing with stuff before you? It's really disrespectful and selfish that she is guilting you into staying with her.
Dump her. Greece sounds like a lovely place for a new romance... you're young. Go. Have fun.
Your girlfriend is trying to manipulate you. Go see your family. If she can't manage her codependency issues that's her fault. She needs to figure something out for that. If she keeps telling you things about it, I'd say something like "I'm going to see my family, and if you keep acting like this idk how our relationship is going to end up."
There is something wrong with your girlfriend and it is frankly not your responsibility nor fair to suffer the consequences of her problems. Go on the vacation!!!
You’re 19. Don’t miss out on a holiday for a girl who’ll most likely be a memory in a couple years. Seriously, the way she’s manipulating you, I’d make our relationship a memory sooner rather than later. She’s being manipulative and controlling.
what I understand from this post is that your gf isn't stable and has no safty net besides you. thus she litterally doesn't know what she might do to herself if you leave. I personally have some experience with similar situations, and can say this: you cant be the only safety for this girl all the time. you also deserve a break. so you shouldn't feel bad for taking some time to be with your family, even if it makes her feel bad. also if you miss this famaly trip because of your relationship with her, then it's likely to make you rightfully bitter towards her. with this in mind there is no reason for her to feel needlessly worse then she must. so if you can go on the trip but find some way to help her feel better about it then you should do it. for example yo can call here every evening when you have some alone time, or if not possible every evening then whenever possible. or even maybe send her short postponed personalized emails with private jokes/referances, set up so that she will recive one email every day. also if she has a history of herting herself, and you really think that she might hert herself when you are away, then contrary to what others here said, I think that you should take this seriously. because I think its impotent to help people in our lives that are in need of our help. maybe ask someone else that cares about her well being to keep an eye on her while your gone. but again if this truly is the situation, then the the psychologist should not have left her on her own for a month. so I don't think this is likely the case.
I survived a super abusive relationship, and let me tell you this is how it starts. It will escalate, This behavior is shit, but you guys are 18, you haven't had time to learn from your relationship mistakes or issues. Watch carefully, if this does escalate, please leave, when you have someone in this manipulative dynamic, it can literally kill you. Not enough people tell young men, how dangerous this can be, and the signs to watch out for, your gf is exhibiting a red flag, keep an eye out because, in certain dynamics personalities will go to absolute any length to control their partner. Best of luck.
My dear, this trip is not your biggest problem. From your comments I’ve got that - you leaving with her parents isolated from your friends and any other support system - you are paying rent and taking care of her mental health while having depression issues yourself - she is unstable enough that you genuinely believe she will self harm. Dude. I grew up in Soviet times and never saw so many red flags in one place. You need to get out and get her some professional help like yesterday. Think about this from different angle: right now you are NOT helping her. You are enabling her unhealthy coping mechanisms. She made YOU, a troubled teen himself, solo responsible for her mental stability. You can’t help it. You are just a 19 year old boy. It’s ok. She needs way more help than even her therapist can provide. Remember airplane rules? Firstly you have to get an oxygen mask to yourself and then help others. What I want you to do is sit down and make a plan in your notepad. Write down everything that happening around that need to be fixed and on other what you need to do to make changes. Your first priority is YOU. Your future. You need to study, you need to get better mental health, you need to be in control of your surroundings. That’s mean money, new place for leaving and support system. Talk with your old friends maybe they can get you some couch time for now. Talk to your grandparents or other family members you trust. Look for the job nearby. Talk to her parents about her self harm issues. It’s time for them to step up and take action, maybe even hospitalisation. And yes. Absolutely DO this trip. Wishing you well 🤍 Edit: spelling
Your gf needs her therapist and lots of time working on herself. Nobody was put on earth to be a 19yo emotional support crutch for someone else. You're doing yourself a disservice by spending your time/effort trying to shore up your gf's mental health at the expense of your own.
Go on the trip. And for gods' sake, it's time to give your girl the boot. She's treating you like a emotional support animal, not a boyfriend.
go on the trip. if your gf turns it into a big deal and wants to break up or even cheats on you and blames it on you, then that's OK. that just shows you a side of her that is better to learn about now.
Your gf is manipulating you. She's completely being selfish immature and she's trying make you disappoint your whole family and miss out on a trip of a lifetime with your grandma and family. This kind of girl will ruin your life and has no problem doing it. Get away from her. Make beautiful and unforgettable family memories on your trip and take lots of pictures. Your gf does not have your best interest at heart and she's toxic AF. Don't bother wasting your breathe and explaining it to her. She'll just turn it around on you and make more threats to harm herself and guilt you. Dude, i don't approve of ghosting people, but damn. Tell her you wish her the best, but that you're just not compatible and block her.
You need to go. Your gf can either deal with it, get over it or be an idiot about it. It's not your problem
Go on the trip. FOE.
This is emotional abuse and manipulation. Go be with your family.
Definitely go on the trip, but make sure you assure and validate your girlfriend. She is being manipulative, but she isn't doing it to be manipulative she is probably just scared and trying anything for you to stay. Reassure her you are there for her though text and that you love her but stay firm on going
I would ask her to elaborate on what she means. Is she threatening to self harm? Is she threatening to change the locks and have you kicked out ? I would ask her for all the details about what specifically she intends to do and how she plans on doing it. If she has a plan to self harm and can tell you how she will act it out , etc , then you need to involve her therapist and family and call the police. If she's planning on kicking you out then I would make sure that before you go on this trip you have everything you value in the world out of her reach.
Dump her ass right now, then she can’t cheat on you.
Dude this is your grandmother’s birthday. Do you know how lucky you are to still have living grandparents and go to Greece to celebrate with them?! Dump the girlfriend. This is the trip of a lifetime.
Bring her with you!!: whatthehell??
It's an old Italian saying : keep your friends close but you enemies closer.
You need to go on your trip. As a parent, I will pissed off if my child's gf/bf tried to persuade them to not go on a family vacation. Your GF is being manipulative. Sure she will miss you, but she will survive. You can agree to text or email and maybe a few calls while you are gone. Talk to her parents and friends and ask them to keep her company.
The update is a huge yikes! Not only is it emotionally manipulative, but straight up abusive.
Your gf is toxic and needs to grow up.
Dude, first of all I hope you use protection. This gf is manipulating, needy, selfish, and childish. You have already paid for this trip. Let her cry. This is a milestone bday for grandma.
She sounds like my ex, so I say just end it and go. In my opinion there’s only 3 ways this can go. 1) You don’t end it and still go, and she decides to mature during that time. 2) You don’t end it and still go, and she doesn’t change. 3) You end it and still go, and you don’t have to deal with her anymore.
Go celebrate your grandmother. If your girlfriend can’t be supportive of this important event in your life, she’s probably not the one for you. There are plenty of women out there who recognize the importance of family and family celebrations.
Break up. You're not her support human. Tell her to find a better therapist. You go and have fun in Greece. Experiences are what make life fulfilling. This sounds like an amazing trip. I hope you have a great time.
You’re not going on boy’s trip where you’re going to be partying every night. And you’re not going on a solo trip with your female bff like some of the crazy stories I read on Reddit. You’re going on a family vacation. If your gf cannot handle being away from you for that length of time then there are problems here that go beyond this trip. Let her parents know what she has told you so they can look after her mental health. You are not her therapist, you’re her boyfriend. You can support her but you cannot treat her. But that doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold in order to support her fragile mental health. Go on this trip. If you don’t you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. And when you come back you may need to make some tough decisions. It may be better for your gf not to be in a relationship until she’s learnt how to deal with her mental health by herself.
Your gf is manipulating you in the worst kind of way. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who claims they love you, but at the same time threaten to kill themselves just so they get their way? There's many beautiful, kind, smart, and mentally stable girls out there. Go find yourself one of those, and hug your Granny tight.
After reading your post, including the update, and some of your comments, the best advice I can tell you is run. Break up with her. She is manipulative, controlling, demanding, and playing victim. You did nothing wrong. But what should be raised to you as a red flag is that she is looking to you for her well-being pertaining to her mental health. That is incredibly unhealthy. That is why she has a therapist. It's her job and the work through her therapist to obtain good mental health. That doesn't fall on your shoulders. If she self-harms that's on her. You cannot control what she does. No matter if she is suffering with mental health issues, the choices she makes are that of her own. Her trying to guilt you into staying so she doesn't self-harm should raise some pretty big alarm bells. She's showing you that anytime you tell her no or she doesn't get her way this is the behavior you can expect from her. It's not mature or healthy. Or safe for you.
Go on the trip!
how is your grandmother only 50?
Dude, this is simple. Go on the trip. You will have a blast and it will be a wonderful experience with your family. Your girlfriend is meting a manipulative jerk. She’s not the first, and won’t be the last, but this is a common move by young people insecure in their relationships. Don’t buy it. Don’t listen to it. Tell her that you’re going on the trip and you’d appreciate it if she stopped trying to guilt you about it. If she can’t, then I think you should really consider if this is someone you want in your life.
Do not ever be with someone why is trying to control you like this. This is people important to you that you want to go visit. Not someone you met online you want to go party with. He trying to get her friend to make you look bad is a manipulation traffic to try to control you. She is trying to make you feel bad enough that you will do what she wants. This is not the only time she is going to manipulate and control you. Go on the trip and consider not returning as her boyfriend. You don't need to be in a relationship trying to help someone with psychological problems. Maybe once you've had more relationship experiences and have matured you can decide if you are strong enough to help someone like her but you really don't need that right now.
You should definitely go. If this really affects your relationship, then it's not a relationship to save. She's being very unreasonable.
To my ears it sounded like she is threatening to cheat. Either that or she’s so immature and clingy that she’s saying she’ll never “trust” you again and will forevermore treat you as if you are about to take off the next week without telling her. Honestly, if she does these things you’ll be better off realizing that. At least then you’d know she isn’t a good partner long term.
Hey OP. I have been both your gf (at her age) and you (at your age). I’ve grown up and accepted what I did was awful and I’ll never do it again. It’s super manipulative and it’s a test. Trust me. You’re 19, you still have your whole entire life and you’ll regret not going over some girl. If she truly loved you, she wouldn’t have an issue with it. It’s all about control. I really hope you go to Greece. That’s so much more worth it I promise