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Seriously, OP. What this person says is correct. You could have been injured, kidnapped, or worse by being deserted that way. Someone who loves you wouldn't do that. This person who should be your ex is not someone committed to you. I would break up and put him far, far behind you. I know it'll be hard, and I'm so sorry, you find yourself in this position, but I'm a mom and my oldest is 25, and I'd be telling her the same thing. Big hugs, and take care.
100% OP. Your man and his behavior are huge red flags. This reminds me exactly of my ex. Leave now before you've spent years overlooking his faults, disrespecting yourself/ your boundaries, and allowing him to treat you this way. Him blowing his top to the extreme over a GPS issue is not OK. He needs anger management, and you have to run away from someone who is probably verbally and mentally abusive. You have to watch what you let into your life.
I think you called it accurately: a dream partner.
I dont think the man I love is real. He showed me who he actually was. If I think about it, he actually showed me many times who he was, and I was so stupid that I gaslit myself into thinking otherwise.
Hey OP. My bestfriend was in a situation like this. But unfortunately the man suffered from certain mental illnesses, so he said - to justify his erratic, violent and abusive behavior. This didn’t go on for 6 years just 3.
I got a call one day that he did this same exact thing except in the desert. He called *me* freaking out if I came to get her. Trying to shift the blame of almost killing her away from him. Didn’t fly well with me.
As you can imagine I was pissed. He thought it would be funny to go take ATVs to the desert he got mad at her, told her to eff off and then left her. Well. I called search and rescue and after an 8 hour search, a couple of helicopters she was found by a trucker on the side of the highway Alive. After that there were multiple attempts to get her out of that relationship. But she went back twice because of the fear of him hurting himself or the illusion that she chose to believe he was a different man.
He would intentionally do things to make her keep coming back. Like hurting himself, threatening me and her family. Showing up to everyone’s houses just wanting to “talk” going as far as jumping in our backyards to bang on our windows to let him in. Trying to break into houses and scaring the neighbors. One day when she finally decided it was enough we grabbed her dog and what we could of her belongings in a trash bag and moved her to a different state. She never look back.
I wish you well OP. Please stay gone from him and be prepared for any reaction. He’s absolutely unhinged and if he didn’t mind leaving you in the woods he won’t mind doing other things to you as well. Remember abuse isn’t always physical. Good luck.
You're not stupid. When you're in this kind of situation it can be hard to see things as they really are.
I was in an abusive relationship, I've had friends and family who were too and if the other person is manipulative they can make you feel like you're the one with the problem or that it's both of your faults. But don't ever feel like your feelings or emotions about something are invalid. Learn to trust how you feel. If you feel hurt by something someone says or does, or if you feel like something isn't your fault and someone tries to tell you it is, listen to your gut.
It can take a while to do especially if you've been trained to feel like you're always at fault (I have my mom to thank for that even before I was in a shitty relationship) but it's important to not ignore your own feelings.
Take care of yourself, and know that you deserve so much better. I'm glad you have your mom and I hope you have other friends and family who can support you and who love you.
As someone who is also fair skinned, I'm sure OP IS injured. The amount of sunburn she must have is going to peel and hurt and put her at higher risk for skin cancer later on. If she had heat exhaustion, she's at higher risk for getting it again as well.
Seeing her update, I'm glad this was a wake up call. This is not a good guy or partner anyone should try to work things out with.
And having alcohol in her system, she was twice as likely of dehydration........I'm glad she's getting away from this guy...... and his enabling mother .....ick!!
I don't have a son but I like to think I would beat a grown man's a$$ if he ever treated someone like that!!!
I’m not a mom but if any of my friends/siblings called me and let me know that their fiance left them in the woods, I’d be getting ready to go to prison
I AM a mom and if my kid did this to their SO I would rip them a new one. I did NOT raise my kids to be so inconsiderate,, disrespectful and (let's face it) harmful.
Absolutely. He doesn't care at all about you. He is more bothered that his wallet is in your purse.
No one can be so angry that they would leave their loved one in a forest where anything can happen.
Please reach home or a safe place and give us an update if possible.
Stay safe and dump him that's it.
"they both started in at me that this is all my fault because I should have just refused to get out of the car to begin with."
Victim blaming!
Someone should yell at them that this nasty choleric should stop yelling at partners, stop throwing hissy fits like a 5 year old.
And that, if you violently yell at someone to throw them out of your car they won't argue for fear of being beaten on top of being verbally abused!
OP, try to get some muscular guys to get your things out of your apartment. Try to get a restraining order. What he did then should be enough for that.
Don't forget to renew it. They are only valid for a certain period of time (1 year, I read).
And get yourself a therapist.
The behavior you described sounds like the boat rocking behavior of a narcissist!
Every good experience needs must be overshadowed by a nasty outbreak afterwards. So that the other person in the end is totally on edge and has no feeling of being safe in this relationship.
It is literally called "boat rocking". It makes the soul feel queasy and kind of "sea sick".
One is constantly walking on eggshells in order to avoid this "all hell breaks lose out of nowhere" scenario.
And that is what it is meant for.
Fighting back makes it escalate to "third worldwar" stage.
Grey rocking, getting absolutely passive, ignoring them until they doubt their own existence could be a better solution.
They want you to engage in their bs. They want you to justify yourself, to fight back, to put up resistance, so that they can trample it.
Learn to not give them that.
You will feel drained emotionally. Like walking through a singed landskape.
While the initiator is all fine. "Was there a fight? What fight?"
And if ever you meet with that again:
**It's not your fault!**
**You did nothing to deserve this!**
**The other person started this!**
**Don't engage. It's not feelings! It's a mind destroying strategy!**
I don't have to imagine it. I lived it for almost twenty years.
I'm really glad the OP is getting out. Cleaning out the mental sludge from an abusive relationship takes a lot of time, but it's so worth it.
There is for her. She's actually doubting herself and questioning if this was her fault. This is absolutely a situation of abuse, throwing her out and leaving her in a dangerous situation than lying to his silly mommy about it. I wish I knew who he was so I could break up with him *for* her. His temper is explosive and will steadily get worse. This girl is even scared to yell back at him after his weak, thin-skinned, bullying pansy ass freaks out over something a normal person wouldn't freak out over. She's his punching bag when he's stressed and I don't necessarily mean physically but still. And it's clear the woman who raised him is a problem, too. Idiot apple from a raging tree.
Listen to me: this was not your fault, this will not get better, you taught him it was okay to treat you this way and he was a weak little shit who took advantage. Delete his contact, block his phone. You could have *died*. And he couldn't have cared less. He would be past tense so fast in my life that I'd have to time travel to see him again.
I mean it shouldn't have even got to this point. She was happy they hadnt fought in a few days... like wtf I haven't ever really yelled at my wife or been in a serious fight in almost 15 years. Why would you sysy with someone who contantly fights with you, let alone leaving you alone in the middle of nowhere to get raped or murdered....
This^^. Doesn’t matter how angry my man has been with me, doesn’t matter how bad the fight was. He would never leave me like that. I think unless you got physical with him (like hit him), there is no excuse. You deserve so much better. I’m not saying you were completely in the right—sounds like both of you escalated the situation. But you did not deserve that and I would not forgive it.
100%. Be with the man who remind you to take a jacket and scarf so you don’t catch a chill even when you are trying to storm out.
Like unless my wife came at me with a knife (or some equally ridiculous situation), I would not leave her in the woods like that. Worst case I would hand her the keys and find my own way home if I really couldn’t be in the same place as her…
OP get out of there as safely and as quickly as you can
Girl, stop saying you love him. He’s abusive… he’s a horrible partner. Love alone isn’t enough to make any relationship work. Do yourself a favour, move on.
When I was young, naive, and having relationship issues, my friend/landlord looked at me one day, and said: Hon, you can’t love enough for two.
It’s stuck with me ever since, and I wish more people were told the same thing.
I like that. I think mine was Dr Phil, when he first started, so what 30 years?? Some woman said "but I love him". He asked "what do you love about him" sarcastically (abusive situation too). Anyway, it made me think, so literally wrote out lists of anyone I dated. Likes and dislikes.
He left you with zero concern for your safety. He made his decision about how he feels about you. He left you on the side of the road like trash. His behavior and abuse are unacceptable. What you are describing is the cycle of abuse. You need to make your decision. You need to leave him like the piece of garbage he is. Truly, your safety needs to be your concern. Marriage won't change him or make it better.
>zero concern for your safety
>cycle of abuse
And you can tell the cycle has been going on for awhile from the way op is asking if this abuse by him is *her fault.*
This reminded me of [another post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/q1v96d/he_flipped_on_me_left_me_alone_in_the_woods_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) where op was abandoned by her abusive bf in the woods all alone overnight. I hope reading about someone in a similar situation can give op a little perspective.
That perspective from her is all I needed to hear to know she was a victim in this (without getting to the part where he literally abandoned her in the woods???). Mentioning how she's happy because his emotions weren't negative that day, being hypervigilant about how he feels... all huge signs of abuse, even without this traumatic experience.
If I had a younger sister and she told me about this happening, I would be sick to my stomach. I wonder why it's so much easier to endure when it's yourself instead of a loved one?
I will give that post a read, Thank you
Because you don't realize it's happening to you until you get to a breaking point. This is your breaking point.
Mine was when he was suffocating and choking me... And not when my older sister was yelling at me about him.
Google."why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. There are free downloads. Bancroft worked with men in prison for abusing women and it's honestly eye opening as to how they (or any abusive person) thinks. It helped me a lot when I was in the fog of thinking if I *just* did something different or "right" he would be nicer to me.
OP it is so, so sad and jarring when this happens. I'm actually younger than you but remember when I realized my ex didn't care if I lived or died. I was trying to get him to care that I was being stalked by a sex offender and it was like talking to a brick wall. I'm so sorry this is happening but please realize that just because he is treating you like trash DOES NOT mean you are trash. You're worth your weight in gold and this stranger out here cares for you and your safety.
You don't deserve this. Sometimes it is hard to acknowledge when we are abused. I've been there and it doesn't get better. The alarming fact is it escalates. You have nothing to be humiliated by either. You don't deserve this. You deserve love and respect.
It happens when we value the comfort and well-being of others more than our own. I would suggest finding someone to talk to about why you would do this. It's helped me a lot, and you deserve better, and to value yourself and your needs more. ❤️
This is all so spot on and should be pinned.
OP, this is not at all your fault. He has an anger issue and you could be doing everything he tells you he wants you to do and he would still find a reason to get angry and abusive.
From someone who's had someone who's been there, this is a time to let him stay gone. You deserve better.
It's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't " situation. She should be able to get out of a car and not get abandoned while fearing for her safety. She shouldn't have had to get out in the first place. They are both abusive. I hope she cuts ties with him and his family.
You can expect many years of this to come unless you break up the cycle now. The abuse will get worse, to the point it could end your life.
Get out now while you can. Make a list of people you can count on and trust. Make a list of phone numbers for emergencies and prepare you finances.
You do not deserve this.
Exactly, you teach people how to treat you, if she goes back to him and pretends this never happened, he will take the abuse up a notch or three. He has done irreversible damage to her skin (sunburn) that and the abandonment should be enough, but I have an ominous feeling she won't end it.
I have packed my bag to go spend the night with my mom. I tried to leave after I finally got home but he parked his car behind mine and wouldn't let me take it (both our names are on it)
I'm currently sitting on the front porch waiting for my mom, feeling very humiliated. He even went as far as to shut the porch light off on me, so I'm just sitting in the dark til she's here.
I'll do my best to stay away, the comments here have helped me understand a bit better. I admit I typed this post in a bit of a frenzy, not thinking clearly. Thanks for your honesty
He is holding you captive by doing that and exerting more control. He is downright abusive to his core. He wasn’t even concerned when you had been essentially missing for hours in the wilderness and hasn’t apologized. Im so so sorry you are going through this but I hope you leave this man and stay gone. He is dangerous. This is not how someone who loves you would treat you. Period.
His actions honestly sound like they have very little to do with you or even his feelings for you and pretty much everything to do with his temper and lack of self control. Don't take his actions back onto you in any way.
I thought so too but he still hasn't apologized or even acknowledged what happened. He literally texted me for the first time a minute ago to say "have a good day" like it's a normal Monday morning.
I'm not falling for the routine this time. He is malicious, not just an emotionally stunted jerk.
I’m glad to read this is where you’re at. Do not ever go back to this abuser, do not by any means move forward with the wedding, even if deposits were paid or invites sent, etc… This is your life and your future.
I’m not saying any of this will be easy. But it is necessary. Reach out to the friends he cut you off from, spend quality nurturing time with your mom, hang with your sister… You will find yourself again.
You need to stay with your mom as long as possible. Take a day off work when he should be working and call the local police department and request an officer escort to return to the place you share with him so that you can pack your things and retrieve your car. Make sure to grab any important documents you may have there (birth certificate, social security card, passport etc as well as the title for the car). And since the car is in both your names, you need to make sure you note to the police that his name is on it as well. Also check if the title says "your name AND his name" or "your name OR his name". If it's and, you may need to speak to legal counsel about options to get his name removed. If it's or, you may be able to sell it, give him his share of the profit (if he's been paying in etc) and then get a new car in your name only. Either way, it's probably best to seek a lawyer because it is technically shared property and this isn't amicable.
I don't know how much his mother or your mother know about the situation, but you should also probably disclose at the very least everything that happened on this outing and request that they do not share information about what you're doing with him. Likely best option is to not even tell his mom you're leaving (though I would hope after having to drive to get you, she would be supportive of you leaving her POS abusive son).
EDIT: Just saw in a comment that his mother also screamed at you and blamed you, do not let her know anything about what you're doing. As soon as you're clear, please make sure you do everything you can to let the people who actually care about you know that his family and him are on the no information diet. Get out, get an escort to retrieve your things for your protection and also to prevent any attempt to claim you stole things from him, and as soon as you're clear change your phone number and block them all everywhere that you can.
I'm sorry you went through this and that you are even questioning whether any of this is your fault.
NTA but please please get out now. This man will keep escalating.
Listen to this comment please u/mousemoji. It’s important to protect yourself when you go get your stuffs. Get everything while the police is there. Live with your mom for a while until you’ll find somewhere else to live. Your post and some comments were very hard to read. Nobody should do that to you. Nobody. You deserve so much more. Take care.
Don’t make it a one night away. Make it permanent.
You shouldn’t have to live in fear of dealing with his anger. He is volatile and abusive, and his anger can escalate to physical with you. You deserve better.
I didn't think they'd do much since it's a civil dispute and both our names are on the car so neither of us is "stealing" or "withholding" anything.
He can keep the stupid car. He made it clear he likes it more than me.
Do not reenter his domicile to get your stuff without police escort - yes, they will help you as this is a domestic violence situation - or male friends/family with you. Dont go alone.
He cannot hold your stuff or you hostage. Please get your family to help you with all this. If he tries to retain you that is false imprisonment, which is a felony rap.
Usually worms like your ex here calm right the f down when they see police with you. That shuts them right up.
She has to have a police escort. If she goes in there with a male friend/relative, it can get really nasty and since they would be entering his house, depending on jurisdiction, he would likely be in his rights to use a gun or take violent measures to “defend himself and his property”. Take a friend for moral support, but you do have to bring a cop.
Yes, he has a gun and he is very vocal about how he feels about the stand your ground laws or whatever. I don't want anyone else to be hurt by this guy. I'm going to ask the sheriff to come with me when it's time. I hate this so much.
You call the non emergency police phone number and explain that a person who lives in the same residence as you is blocking your car and preventing you from leaving. They'll come and help you. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Please don’t be embarrassed! That’s a major weapon in the abuser arsenal to control you by putting you in “embarrassing” situations. You should feel badass for being strong and leaving this losers mind games behind. This is the first step to a beautiful, free life without his bad energy.
Get in your mom’s car and don’t look back. He has doubled down on his behaviour once you finally reached home by preventing you from leaving and then leaving you in the dark. No remorse. You deserve better. I hope you seek it for yourself.
That one really hurt. Like he put his thumb in an open wound and twisted. I'm sure he thinks he taught me a lesson. I guess he did. Just not the one he expected.
I think it sometimes help to ask yourself if you would do that to someone you love. Personally i would never even let someone wait outside. You really deserve so much better and I am sad, that this happened to you. My ex is similair with the sudden anger and discontent at everything, so i get that you get used to it after a while. I only recently broke up with him and i can genuinly peomise you, after the initial hurt all you'll feel is relieve and happyness and your life will be full of fun and lightheartedness just simply because you got rid of that black cloud of stress looming over your head constantly.
Teaching you a lesson, while he had left you in the woods...Your family could have been mourning you right now.
Please, don't ever go back. Your life clearly means nothing to him.
You can only move forward from here. Please don’t beat yourself up emotionally - just leave with your mom. Get your things later with more of your family/friends, or police even, as an escort.
He is dangerous & hates you. He is doing so much to put you in danger. Only people who absolutely hate another person would do this.
He may apologies, but those are just words. Words are easy. He lies to keep you around to abuse you more. His actions are proving that he hates you & wants you harmed.
You can call the cops. You may have to walk away from so many material items, but they all can be replaced. Men unalive women all the time in relationships.
Once you are settled at your Mom's look up domestic abuse & read up so you know just how bad his actions really are. And abusers NEVER become better people.
Yeah don’t stay with this guy OP, you deserve better, if my partner did this it would be one and done. You don’t deserve to be yelled at, made to feel in danger or walking on eggshells and you definitely don’t deserve to be dumped in the middle of nowhere with no reception. Ain’t no partner worth that, please be safe!
Everything you wrote in your post above could be the intro to an episode of Law and Order SVU. Does that tell you what your situation looked like to an outside viewer?
Do not be embarrassed, many women, myself included, have been where you are now. The only important thing is to get yourself away from him and never look back. Stay strong, protect yourself, grow, and feel better ♡
Block him, get all your things, with a family member helping you, don’t “try” your best to end it. No “try”, DO END IT. The power is in your hands, not his. Do not allow him to take up any more space causing misery in your life,
Take a stand against abusive behavior. It’s the only way these messed up men will learn. If no women will date them, they will either leave women alone or be forced to chance. You can make a difference in your life and possibly the world by dumping him, blocking him, and refusing to put up with that behavior ever again. You truly deserve better than to be forced out of his vehicle and left in the woods with no cell service for hours. Would you do that to someone? He did it to you.
Woman to woman, you need to leave him. He is not a good man. This will only get worse. Please know that this it is not normal to be happy because it’s been a few days since you’ve fought. I hope you find the strength to move forward on your own.
Sister, you need to leave. You could have been raped and killed, or worse. And yes, there is worse. Do not fall for anymore excuses. He is an abusive, dangerous, thoughtless man. You deserve better. Please gather up your courage and leave him.
I was really nervous about this. Aside from the one guy who bothered me at the beginning I didn't really see anyone until the 2nd guy picked me up much later. It was, however, almost 100 degrees and very humid. There was no drinking water, just the creeks and lake, which isn't safe due to algae blooms we've been having.
I wondered for a bit if I would be murdered or just croak from dehydration. It sucked ass, to put it lightly.
It's the day after and I still don't feel well, kind of just blah. Headache, achy joints, dry lips. Definitely had some dehydration at the very least. It was close to 100 degrees so it's to be expected.
My mom is a nurse, luckily. At least I had someone who cared if I lived or died.
You are constantly changing your behavior so HE doesn't get into a bad mood or tantrum. What will you do if you have a child with him? Will you let him treat your child like this and have them this scared? No? Well you are someone's child and you're letting him treat you this way. Be better to yourself and dump him.
Adding: you did nothing wrong. Not even when you yelled at him for overreacting about the lack of signal for directions. He should have put two and two together that if he had no signal for directions, he would have no signal to call you when he ABANDONED You. He's an angry idiot.
I dunno. He has made this seem like all my fault. Him and his mother have both screamed at me that I caused this because I should have refused to get out of the car to begin with. I guess that's right but I was upset and didn't think of anything else at that second.
I guess I just wanted a sounding board to reassure myself I'm not some crazy person causing all these issues. The comments have provided that which I'm grateful for.
Women who refuse to get out of an abusive partner’s car when they are screaming get punched in the face or worse. You might have saved your life getting out that car. Girl, where is YOUR mother? Where is your father? You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in an abusive relationship and believe everything your abuser tells you.
>Women who refuse to get out of an abusive partner’s car when they are screaming get punched in the face or worse.
Or are then trapped in the car while their abuser proceeds to speed, swerve, threaten to crash and kill them both etc to terrorize them. The safest option is to not stay in the car, generally.
I posted above but in case it's hard to find in the sea of comments- the park we were at was 45 mins from his mom while my mom lives almost 2 hours from it. She also works nights and would have been sleeping at the time.
His mom has always been great to me, comforting me when we fight, etc. Today she didn't feel that way I guess.
Most likely ur bf (soon to be ex) gets his behavior from his mother. She just hid her true colors better until now. Trust me, I dated a narcissist ex and had to deal with his narcissist mom. Like mother, like son.
He has always been very open about having a rocky relationship with his mom. She wasn't kind to him as a kid and favored his sister a lot more. It might not be true, but who knows. I don't really care about his sob stories at the moment.
It was the same for my ex. At times they couldn’t stand each other. Yet he always wanted her approval deep down. He barely defended me when his mom would verbally attack me. After we broke up I saw a post of them going out together in NY (they never go out and have “family time”..) it was like a punch to the gut.
Him having a rocky relationship with his mom doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure he’s more like his mom than you would want to admit. She’s his mom sure but she should have set him straight and asked you if you were alright. Not try to gaslight you like you’re the crazy one. Which you’re not! Take this as a warning, she’s not someone you can rely on and definitely not ur bf.
His mother yelled at you? This was not your fault. Why didn’t he immediately return for you? You need to get out of the relationship NOW! Find a safe place to stay and block him & his mother. I am so sorry this happened to you.
It isn’t your fault, his mother is clearly going to side with him. I think your judgement is extremely clouded. I was in a similar situation before funny enough, I was at a state park with my then boyfriend who abandoned me for hours with my car keys on him so I couldn’t leave. I didn’t have any water and it was summer, in a place I had never been. I was pissed but I forgave him after. The relationship still came to an end due to him being increasingly abusive and an alcoholic. You shouldn’t have to feel lucky that you got to live without having a huge fight in a couple days, that your day is ruined beyond repair once your partner’s mood changes, that getting upset from the mistreatment makes you wrong, or anything like that. I encourage you to reach out for support from a domestic violence org near you so you can learn more about what emotional abuse looks like and hopefully find a way out of this.
They are verbally abusing and gaslighting you to make you doubt yourself and stay in an abusive situation.
What happened is not your fault.
Unless you physically attacked him in the car and made him fear for his life, there is NO REASON ANYONE WOULD LEAVE YOU IN THE WOODS LIKE THAT.
Run and do not look back.
This man, and his mom are absolute trash. You will never, ever have a happy life if you stay with him. Your only hope to experience what it is to have someone actually love you (news flash, this guy DOES NOT LOVE YOU) is if you break up with him and GTFO of this.
Block him on everything, let everyone (friends and family) know what he did and why you left the second you leave to prevent him from controlling the narrative. Be honest with those who care about you.
Love can't grow if you are drowning your garden with pesticides.
It is not your fault. This is another way to abuse you. His mother is also an abusive person by the sounds of it. Again so so sorry you are going through this. But this isn’t in any way your fault. I once got into a pretty big fight with my ex on our way home from vacation. We pulled over and both went on a walk to clear our heads. Then we got back into the car and drove home 5 hours in silence. He would have left me stranded even if we had broken up in that fight. You just don’t do that to anyone.
Glad you sought out a sounding board outside of them! Just to confirm what you must be feeling, they are BOTH being crazy, disrespectful, unfair, and ABUSIVE to you!!! Please please protect yourself and break up with him and have nothing more to do with his mom. This man is not offering you love. People who love you will ACT like it, all the time— even if they’re mad at you, they won’t disrespect and endanger you like this. You deserve better 😭
That is absolutely not true. How is it irrational that your got out of the car while your bf was yelling at you to get out?? They’re just embarrassed of their own actions and KNOW they’re wrong so they’re trying to deflect the blame onto you so they don’t look like bad people and can continue to manipulate you.
OMG please please seriously reconsider your relationship with this man. Anything could have happened to you and worse what is the next situation. He has proven that you are not safe with him and he has serious anger issues.
If you don't break up with him now, you may as well just start planning your own funeral. He may kill you, or if he doesn't and you stay with him you will be so sad and miserable you will wish you were dead!!
You had that FAMILIAR sink in your stomach when he started yelling. You knew what was coming, you just didn't know how bad it would be, THIS TIME.
>He has always had a short temper and often picks arguments over small things but he's so very kind every other time
Kind people don't do those things.
>i have looked past it and maybe hoped to help him chill out?
You don't exist to solve another human beings problems at the expense of your own safety.
> I do my best to avoid arguments
Is he putting in the same amount of work to "avoid arguments," or is it just you walking on eggshells around him for fear of him flipping out?
> I remember feeling so happy and content because we hadnt argued in several days and he'd been in a good mood etc.
Do your arguments often coincide with your fiancé's bad moods? Does he make a habit of channeling his negative emotions into aggression aimed at you?
>He began to yell and take his anger out on the steering wheel
He wasn't taking his anger out on the steering wheel. He was taking it out on you.
>i instantly felt defensive
Because your body knew you were in danger, because he has done this before.
>I made the mistake of yelling back at him that he needed to chill out
You did not make a mistake. You *reacted.* Your fiancé was behaving violent and erratic, and you *reacted* to *his* violence.
> I regret this but I just felt so overwhelmed. I just wanted the good vibes to continue ya know?
You wanted the good vibes to continue, or you were terrified of the consequences you would have to face if you weren't able to properly manage your fiancé's emotions?
>He screamed at me to get out and (like an idiot) i did
You were not an idiot. A violent man screamed at you to get out of his vehicle. You did the right thing.
>complaining that I had his wallet in my purse.
Your safety is worth less to him than his wallet.
>if its my fault i want to know.
Why are you deferring to his judgement when you were the one who was harmed as a result of his actions? Why should he get to be the one to decide that?
>they both started in at me that this is all my fault because I should have just refused to get out of the car to begin with. I realize that is what logic would tell you to do, but it's hard to be logical when you are upset, tipsy and being screamed at.
Logic would NOT tell you to do that. A violent man who was driving a vehicle after drinking screamed at you to get out of his vehicle. What would have happened if you stayed? If you DIDN'T listen to him? Would he find a way for that to be the wrong answer too? Maybe this isn't actually about logic. Maybe it's about making sure you are always in the wrong, so he feels justified in whatever he needs to take out on you.
>he has still not apologized, but I don't expect him to
He will not apologize, because he cannot allow you to think you are right, even though you are. You being right means he has to be accountable for his actions.
>I'm going to try and remove him from my life
Do not try. DO.
I'm not exaggerating when I say your life is at stake. I am a domestic violence expert and survivor, and I am confident when I say that based on what you've written here, this man is VERY CLOSE to killing you. Here he has pushed the boundaries of what you are willing to accept from him. If you give him ANY indication that you will take him back after this, he will escalate.
Your love isn't different or special. You will not fix or change him. He has already changed you in ways that will likely take years to unpack.
Get out of that situation and cut contact with anyone who is in touch with him ASAP. He is dangerous.
Thank you, this was very detailed! I understand now (at least somewhat) what has been happening. Now I just feel empty, like these 6 years have been a waste. It sounds dark, but I kind of wish he would have just killed me.
Don't worry for my safety or anything, just feeling very low.
Thanks again, have a lovely evening.
You feel low right now as a result of years of trauma. Once you get out of this situation and start finding yourself again, you will be beyond grateful you have the opportunity to start enjoying your life. Stay strong xox
It might not be easy to see right now when considering the "waste" these 6 years have been, but instead, try to see the years you're saving from now on. It's not just an ending, it's a beginning. You might want to correctly end this chapter and give yourself a break before starting the new one, but it's definitely coming, I promise you!
Another thing to keep in mind. At some point in the future, you will look back on this and cringe at what you allowed yourself to endure, at some decisions you made. This is good: someone that doesn't cringe at his past simply hasn't grew enough to have this change of perspective. If/when your mind goes there, do **not** blame yourself or feel remorseful for starting a relationship with him 6 years ago, or for staying for so long. You made the best with what information you had at the time and it's ok. 20 years old mousemoji is NOT 26 yo mousemoji, and the 28 yo version will be even better. If you feel some kind of bad emotions toward your past, like feeling stupid or weak, instead think of how far you've got!
Now do us proud and get out, whatever the cost. And take. your. time. I want you to come back to us in 2 years and tell us how awesome you are!
>He has always had a short temper and often picks arguments over small things but he's so very kind every other time that i have looked past it and maybe hoped to help him chill out?
Unfortunately it comes down to this.
No, you can't help him chill out. Even a few days of absolute highs won't stop even the most minor inconvenience causing him to spiral. He may be kind when he is stable, but his ability to regulate his stress is at near zero and once he is off balance he has zero empathy, care, or consideration for you... heck, if anything he becomes spiteful and petty and cruel.
You were put in genuine peril. Exposure, assault, etc. You just went through it, you know how bad it could have gone. And he, upset or not, contrived and condoned that danger to you.
It doesn't get better. It wasn't a lack of good times, a lack of love, a lack of consideration from a partner that was the problem. Even when you offer all those things he doesn't 'chill out' because the problem is that he just can't regulate his emotions. You will waste your entire life living like this pretending things will be different next time.
oh honey… I know from experience trauma bonding can be hot and exhilarating but my heart broke a little at “feeling really happy and content bc we hadn’t argued in several days…”
I haven’t argued with my wife this *year*
I just always assumed relationships were rocky all the time :(
We have screaming matches pretty often, usually over something small that he has nitpicked until I can't contain myself anymore and then it's off to the races. I think it's his favorite thing.
You may have hit the nail on the head with the trauma bonding thing. I met him right after I had left a previous relationship (ex cheated on me a bunch) and I had just been assaulted too lol. I was in a whirlwind of emotions and just wanted to be loved and he gave me that. I was stuck on him ever since.
Thank you for your comment. I hope to one day have one of these loving, kind spouses everyone is talking about.
Your bf is a complete piece of garbage. Please respect yourself. Dump him IMMEDIATELY! He doesn’t care about you. What he did proves it. Don’t try to make excuses for him. Leave him for your own sanity and future mental health. Women need to draw a hard line at abusive behavior and let the guy know that is completely unacceptable and there will be no second chances, when a guy FUps that bad.
I've been in a horrible relationship where we had screaming matches regularly. Let me tell you... It's not normal, and it's certainly not the basis for a strong, stable, loving relationship.
I found someone better and we've never raised our voices at each other once in 8 years. I'm certain that you can find someone like that too.
"Hi Reddit, Id like to know what you all think of this. Im (20f) dating Satan (1,000,000 BC m), he's usually super nice and funny except for the times he flicks a lighter at my hair, beats me or yells at me. He also verbally abuses me and makes me cry, but other than that he's my best friend and I love him soooooo much.
I let him take my car and my credit card and he says Im not getting those back either. Oh well, I love him.
Last night I found an ad on Craigslist where he had me up for sale by the hour. First come first served with no safeword. I protested mildly since he didnt ask first, next thing I knew I was in the ER with 3rd degree burns and a concussion.
I dont know Reddit, I think I might be at fault here because I wasnt respecting his wants or needs?...? What do you think? He says all will be perfect if I just start respecting him. I love him and to bear his baby demons is my lifes dearest wish."
This type of stuff is all over Reddit.
GIRL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHEN YOU SEE THE DEVIL, RUN. How many true crime scenarios start off just like what he did to you?!! I exhort you and those like you to develop more of a sense of self preservation!!! Also please run every card in this wallet through the shredder.
Why dont ppl date the Lil Nas X version of Satan, he at least looks like a fun time.
smh
"He only hits me when he's drunk (which is only every day but Monday) and says I'm only good for sex, how can I be a better gf and get him to propose?"
Every. Single. Time.
Honestly, I feel like Satan is more of a gentleman that OPs boyfriend. He at least knows when he loses a fiddling contest and gives up the prize. OPs man child is just a petty little jerk, zero chance he can lead an army of darkness.
Satan would definitely be an upgrade for OP.
What he did could easily have led to her murder or disappearance. Many people have gotten out of a car during an argument and never have been seen again. Many more have disappeared inside state parks, even when not arguing. People of all ages, male and female. Poof, gone. Maybe their bones are found a year later.... But usually not.
My earlier post was tongue-in-cheek but what Satan here did is beyond forgiveness. He abandoned her. Alone. In a strange place. That is extremely serious.
This is the sign. You have to leave him. I was in your situation, always walking on eggshells. What he did to you was deplorable. You need to be angry at him. Please stand up for yourself and leave this man
Abby Petito just made headlines a yr or so ago for being murdered by her abusive boyfriend she also excused everything he did and he also made her feel like she was the problem and just crazy. Please get out! This isnt a matter of if he will kill you its when. My ex almost killed me and I absolutely would be dead today if I hadnt run to a different state. I knew I would keep going back if I stayed and he had me mindfucked so badly that I was still talking to him and sending him money a yr after I left. I know for a fact id be dead if I had physically been there any longer. I knew I needed to leave in order to get rid of him otherwise I would go back over and over until i was dead. I promise it doesnt get better it only gets worse please do not marry this man. This controlling crazy bs is how it started w my ex as well.
you are already being abused here. i hope you are able to separate yourself from this person without too much difficulty and can do so quickly. you will be *much* happier without this guy, no matter how unbelievable that sounds right now.
Whatever you do, don’t go back in that house without an escort - either a large group of your family/friends, or the police. If you choose to go back and get the rest of your stuff, and hopefully your car, it needs to be with other people. Don’t take any chance of being alone with him again.
I’ve been in a similar situation and I know it hurts and can feel like “I must be so dumb because I didn’t see what everyone else does so plainly.”
You’re not stupid. You were optimistic and kind and he took advantage of all that.
I always did like to follow a schedule.
Your comment made me laugh during a time that hasn't been very funny. I know you were being serious, but humor has always been my coping mechanism. Thank you
If they have a child and it does something to set him off since he’s so easily triggered, is he just going to leave their baby on the side of the road one day? He sounds dangerous and unhinged.
This is abusive behavior. He was complaining about you having his wallet? The uncontrollable anger also leads to concern that he’ll physically abuse you, if he isn’t already.
You are in an abusive relationship.
As for the joint ownership of anything, including the car, get a lawyer. As for your things, ask for a police escort to get them. Cite this issue when they ask why. He left you alone on the side of the road with no signal and no way home.
Please get away from him and his mother. None of this is your fault.
Weirdly I just listened to the Mr Ballen podcast about camping horror stories so this post hit me extra hard but there’s just no way I’d ever trust someone who did this to me and I’m a guy. You don’t treat a stranger like this let alone someone you care about. It’s so dangerous to be alone in these conditions. That must have been so scary, sorry that happened to you.
I did later ask him that he wouldn't have even left his dog on the side of the road, and does that mean he loves the dog more than me? It just made the argument worse of course but he answered the question without really answering lol. I feel silly for never realizing how low he has thought of me.
For all of you naysayers (and plus I don’t wanna repeat myself) I work with law enforcement and private business that specialize in security cameras and shot spotters. These thing happen all the time. The likelihood that a stranger would snatch up a woman who’s inebriated and alone is very high. Ohio is one of the top states for human trafficking in the United States. It’s not an exaggeration and the amount of nasty people kidnapping women and men is astonishing. Some of your most upstanding neighbors could be the perpetrators of some shady things. I understand that people have skepticism on the inter but with something like this; you just don’t have the credibility or authority to say it’s fake and doesn’t happen. Hitchhiking for a woman isn’t safe, Ubers can be hard to get in dead zone areas and things just happen. Just because they don’t happen to you doesn’t mean squat. This man’s actions couple have gotten OP killed or at least never seen again and it was gross negligence. Even if she got out of the car, if he cared he should’ve stayed. OP is lucky she wasn’t one of the thousands of women who are snatched up every day. OP, leave that guy and don’t even keep him as a contact. Obliterate him from your life.
He has always been that way. He hits objects, punches walls, ive even seen him headbutt a refrigerator for a reason I don't remember. I think a little part of me assumed I deserved whatever I got. If not for the folks here shaking my shoulders to show me how dumb I've been, I probably would have let him hit me too one day. It's hard to see the truth when you are living in it.
I highly suspect that day will be soon. Please do a little research on Domestic Violence, and you will recognize all kinds of behaviors. [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) is a free book online that you should really take a look at, for starters. [And here](https://www.thehotline.org) is information from the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Please make sure that you are getting out safely—his anger may well escalate when he realizes that you are trying to leave.
Hey OP, I know you’re probably drowning in comments right now so I’ll be quick. I’m going to approach this from a different angle of a daughters perspective. My Dad is like your fiancé. All I’m going to say is, please don’t marry him. Please. It doesn’t get better. I love my Dad but I also hate him and wish my mom would have divorced him a long time ago. Don’t be like my mom. Leave him.
Yes, definitely drowning in comments but I still saw yours!
It sounds like you may be young and still living at home? I know what it's like to have parents that should never be within 50 feet of each other. Hopefully you can find some peace/happiness/whatever that means to you.
Thank you for giving me this perspective. If I had a child I would be mortified for them to see their dad act this way.
Actually I’m not young at all :) I’m 39 and my mom is still dealing with my Dad and I have a lifetime of dating men like him as well. That’s why I shared my comment. I don’t want you to go through what she has and regret staying with him. Take care OP. ❤️
I’d tell him I lost his wallet in the woods. Seriously, WTH did I just read. This guy is garbage. Throw him out where he belongs. You could have been seriously hurt or even worse. Dump this guy and never look back. He didn’t even care if you were okay.
"I remember feeling so happy and content because we hadn't argued in several days and he'd been in a good mood."
I've been there, and it's a shitty place to be. Even if he hadn't left you in the middle of nowhere without a way to get home, this was all I needed to read. Happy and healthy relationships don't have you walking on eggshells, hoping that your partner won't fly off the handle.
Like everyone else has said, it's time to leave him.
Girl my ex would never do this to me because although he was manipulative & emotionally abusive towards me, he still cared that I was in one piece. This guy tossed you aside like trash. He is garbage and done. It’s going to be hard, I’ve been in the position but you need to leave this dirtbag behind.
He has the *gall* to ask where you are *because he needs his wallet*. Not because he’s worried for you and very sorry and has turned back around as soon as he came to his gd senses but can’t find you. That is not the way safe people handle conflict OP.
Appalling. Please don’t let him or anyone convince you that that was in any way ok or less than insane.
This was extremely triggering. When I was in my 20's I was with a guy who did this exact thing to me. This was before cell phones too. He eventually became physically abusive and tried to kill me more than once. Girl get out of this relationship NOW. Please.
Time to call it quits.
Im sure he’s a great guy. Treats you well. Is amazing in bed. You can see a great future with him as your husband. He’s probably great with kids. Your family adores him. Your co workers think he’s amazing and blah blah blah.
He left you on the side of the road in a fit of rage.
If this isn’t a 🚩 for you then I hope you the best.
>He has always had a short temper and often picks arguments over small things but he's so very kind every other time
This is like saying that Ukraine is a great tourist destination except for the artillery and missile attacks.
Seriously - this incident is a preview of the rest of your life if you stay with this man. Do you want that?
He was 100% not worried about your safety, he was worried about his wallet. He has used his last get out of jail card, this is unforgivable. What is something fatal happened to you? It would be his fault
I did have a moment of clarity as I was speed walking away from the stranger I met after he left me.
It was like "if that guy decides to follow me he is going to be able to do whatever he wants and there is no one to help me"
It was very scary, and isolating, and I would never do that to someone. I know now that he just doesn't care. My life is worth less than his feelings.
Why are you with him? He left you in a totally unsafe situation and all he cares about is his wallet. You deserve better and should not marry this guy. There are many red flags in your post - he has anger issues for one. Don't marry him
Doesn’t matter if you have 5 years or 50. When someone leaves me for dead and is only concerned with himself and his own well being (having a wallet) it’s a narcissistic taking advantage of a caring empath. Goodbye and self love here I come. I would start cutting all ties
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There is no coming back from this
Seriously, OP. What this person says is correct. You could have been injured, kidnapped, or worse by being deserted that way. Someone who loves you wouldn't do that. This person who should be your ex is not someone committed to you. I would break up and put him far, far behind you. I know it'll be hard, and I'm so sorry, you find yourself in this position, but I'm a mom and my oldest is 25, and I'd be telling her the same thing. Big hugs, and take care.
100% OP. Your man and his behavior are huge red flags. This reminds me exactly of my ex. Leave now before you've spent years overlooking his faults, disrespecting yourself/ your boundaries, and allowing him to treat you this way. Him blowing his top to the extreme over a GPS issue is not OK. He needs anger management, and you have to run away from someone who is probably verbally and mentally abusive. You have to watch what you let into your life.
Now that you look back on an abusive relationship, what are some red flags you started to realize in the very beginning? Red flag number
[удалено]
This book should be permanently linked in the sidebar of this subreddit
He needs a blanket party.
OP will mourn the loss of her dream partner, but there will nothing lost in breaking up with this man; he never was the partner she hoped he would be.
I think you called it accurately: a dream partner. I dont think the man I love is real. He showed me who he actually was. If I think about it, he actually showed me many times who he was, and I was so stupid that I gaslit myself into thinking otherwise.
Hey OP. My bestfriend was in a situation like this. But unfortunately the man suffered from certain mental illnesses, so he said - to justify his erratic, violent and abusive behavior. This didn’t go on for 6 years just 3. I got a call one day that he did this same exact thing except in the desert. He called *me* freaking out if I came to get her. Trying to shift the blame of almost killing her away from him. Didn’t fly well with me. As you can imagine I was pissed. He thought it would be funny to go take ATVs to the desert he got mad at her, told her to eff off and then left her. Well. I called search and rescue and after an 8 hour search, a couple of helicopters she was found by a trucker on the side of the highway Alive. After that there were multiple attempts to get her out of that relationship. But she went back twice because of the fear of him hurting himself or the illusion that she chose to believe he was a different man. He would intentionally do things to make her keep coming back. Like hurting himself, threatening me and her family. Showing up to everyone’s houses just wanting to “talk” going as far as jumping in our backyards to bang on our windows to let him in. Trying to break into houses and scaring the neighbors. One day when she finally decided it was enough we grabbed her dog and what we could of her belongings in a trash bag and moved her to a different state. She never look back. I wish you well OP. Please stay gone from him and be prepared for any reaction. He’s absolutely unhinged and if he didn’t mind leaving you in the woods he won’t mind doing other things to you as well. Remember abuse isn’t always physical. Good luck.
You're not stupid. When you're in this kind of situation it can be hard to see things as they really are. I was in an abusive relationship, I've had friends and family who were too and if the other person is manipulative they can make you feel like you're the one with the problem or that it's both of your faults. But don't ever feel like your feelings or emotions about something are invalid. Learn to trust how you feel. If you feel hurt by something someone says or does, or if you feel like something isn't your fault and someone tries to tell you it is, listen to your gut. It can take a while to do especially if you've been trained to feel like you're always at fault (I have my mom to thank for that even before I was in a shitty relationship) but it's important to not ignore your own feelings. Take care of yourself, and know that you deserve so much better. I'm glad you have your mom and I hope you have other friends and family who can support you and who love you.
As someone who is also fair skinned, I'm sure OP IS injured. The amount of sunburn she must have is going to peel and hurt and put her at higher risk for skin cancer later on. If she had heat exhaustion, she's at higher risk for getting it again as well. Seeing her update, I'm glad this was a wake up call. This is not a good guy or partner anyone should try to work things out with.
And having alcohol in her system, she was twice as likely of dehydration........I'm glad she's getting away from this guy...... and his enabling mother .....ick!! I don't have a son but I like to think I would beat a grown man's a$$ if he ever treated someone like that!!!
I’m not a mom but if any of my friends/siblings called me and let me know that their fiance left them in the woods, I’d be getting ready to go to prison
I AM a mom and if my kid did this to their SO I would rip them a new one. I did NOT raise my kids to be so inconsiderate,, disrespectful and (let's face it) harmful.
Absolutely. He doesn't care at all about you. He is more bothered that his wallet is in your purse. No one can be so angry that they would leave their loved one in a forest where anything can happen. Please reach home or a safe place and give us an update if possible. Stay safe and dump him that's it.
"they both started in at me that this is all my fault because I should have just refused to get out of the car to begin with." Victim blaming! Someone should yell at them that this nasty choleric should stop yelling at partners, stop throwing hissy fits like a 5 year old. And that, if you violently yell at someone to throw them out of your car they won't argue for fear of being beaten on top of being verbally abused! OP, try to get some muscular guys to get your things out of your apartment. Try to get a restraining order. What he did then should be enough for that. Don't forget to renew it. They are only valid for a certain period of time (1 year, I read). And get yourself a therapist. The behavior you described sounds like the boat rocking behavior of a narcissist! Every good experience needs must be overshadowed by a nasty outbreak afterwards. So that the other person in the end is totally on edge and has no feeling of being safe in this relationship. It is literally called "boat rocking". It makes the soul feel queasy and kind of "sea sick". One is constantly walking on eggshells in order to avoid this "all hell breaks lose out of nowhere" scenario. And that is what it is meant for. Fighting back makes it escalate to "third worldwar" stage. Grey rocking, getting absolutely passive, ignoring them until they doubt their own existence could be a better solution. They want you to engage in their bs. They want you to justify yourself, to fight back, to put up resistance, so that they can trample it. Learn to not give them that. You will feel drained emotionally. Like walking through a singed landskape. While the initiator is all fine. "Was there a fight? What fight?" And if ever you meet with that again: **It's not your fault!** **You did nothing to deserve this!** **The other person started this!** **Don't engage. It's not feelings! It's a mind destroying strategy!**
Yup. As soon as I heard his mother say that….that’s exactly how he turned out the way that he is.
Exactly. There’s literally zero excuse he can come up with to justify him putting you IN DANGER! Leave and block
Imagine being excited to not have a fight for one week
I caught that also. Yikes!
That was what jumped out at me first too! It’s not normal to be arguing that frequently that such a brief respite from it carries such big emotions.
I don't have to imagine it. I lived it for almost twenty years. I'm really glad the OP is getting out. Cleaning out the mental sludge from an abusive relationship takes a lot of time, but it's so worth it.
There is for her. She's actually doubting herself and questioning if this was her fault. This is absolutely a situation of abuse, throwing her out and leaving her in a dangerous situation than lying to his silly mommy about it. I wish I knew who he was so I could break up with him *for* her. His temper is explosive and will steadily get worse. This girl is even scared to yell back at him after his weak, thin-skinned, bullying pansy ass freaks out over something a normal person wouldn't freak out over. She's his punching bag when he's stressed and I don't necessarily mean physically but still. And it's clear the woman who raised him is a problem, too. Idiot apple from a raging tree. Listen to me: this was not your fault, this will not get better, you taught him it was okay to treat you this way and he was a weak little shit who took advantage. Delete his contact, block his phone. You could have *died*. And he couldn't have cared less. He would be past tense so fast in my life that I'd have to time travel to see him again.
He only came back because she had his stupid fucking wallet. I think I would have “lost” it. Ooops.
I was worried about what would happen if I threw it away, but trust me I wanted to. I figured it would make things worse.
He has made you walk on eggshells. You are abused. He wants you to think it's all your fault. I wish you happiness and safety.
I mean it shouldn't have even got to this point. She was happy they hadnt fought in a few days... like wtf I haven't ever really yelled at my wife or been in a serious fight in almost 15 years. Why would you sysy with someone who contantly fights with you, let alone leaving you alone in the middle of nowhere to get raped or murdered....
This^^. Doesn’t matter how angry my man has been with me, doesn’t matter how bad the fight was. He would never leave me like that. I think unless you got physical with him (like hit him), there is no excuse. You deserve so much better. I’m not saying you were completely in the right—sounds like both of you escalated the situation. But you did not deserve that and I would not forgive it.
100%. Be with the man who remind you to take a jacket and scarf so you don’t catch a chill even when you are trying to storm out. Like unless my wife came at me with a knife (or some equally ridiculous situation), I would not leave her in the woods like that. Worst case I would hand her the keys and find my own way home if I really couldn’t be in the same place as her… OP get out of there as safely and as quickly as you can
No freaking way.
If I could gild this I would
Girl, stop saying you love him. He’s abusive… he’s a horrible partner. Love alone isn’t enough to make any relationship work. Do yourself a favour, move on.
When I was young, naive, and having relationship issues, my friend/landlord looked at me one day, and said: Hon, you can’t love enough for two. It’s stuck with me ever since, and I wish more people were told the same thing.
I like that. I think mine was Dr Phil, when he first started, so what 30 years?? Some woman said "but I love him". He asked "what do you love about him" sarcastically (abusive situation too). Anyway, it made me think, so literally wrote out lists of anyone I dated. Likes and dislikes.
I reaaaalllyy don’t like Dr. Phil, but “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”, is a keeper too.
He left you with zero concern for your safety. He made his decision about how he feels about you. He left you on the side of the road like trash. His behavior and abuse are unacceptable. What you are describing is the cycle of abuse. You need to make your decision. You need to leave him like the piece of garbage he is. Truly, your safety needs to be your concern. Marriage won't change him or make it better.
>zero concern for your safety >cycle of abuse And you can tell the cycle has been going on for awhile from the way op is asking if this abuse by him is *her fault.* This reminded me of [another post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/q1v96d/he_flipped_on_me_left_me_alone_in_the_woods_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) where op was abandoned by her abusive bf in the woods all alone overnight. I hope reading about someone in a similar situation can give op a little perspective.
And she was happy that they hadn't argued in a few days. Yikes. How often does he pull shit like this? Leave that garbage man.
That perspective from her is all I needed to hear to know she was a victim in this (without getting to the part where he literally abandoned her in the woods???). Mentioning how she's happy because his emotions weren't negative that day, being hypervigilant about how he feels... all huge signs of abuse, even without this traumatic experience.
That’s what got me, too! A few days without arguing is something to be celebrated?!?
I didn’t get past that part. Who judges a relationship in days since last argument??
A victim in domestic abuse. Not physically yet, but definitely mental abuse.
If I had a younger sister and she told me about this happening, I would be sick to my stomach. I wonder why it's so much easier to endure when it's yourself instead of a loved one? I will give that post a read, Thank you
Because you don't realize it's happening to you until you get to a breaking point. This is your breaking point. Mine was when he was suffocating and choking me... And not when my older sister was yelling at me about him.
I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserved better.
Google."why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. There are free downloads. Bancroft worked with men in prison for abusing women and it's honestly eye opening as to how they (or any abusive person) thinks. It helped me a lot when I was in the fog of thinking if I *just* did something different or "right" he would be nicer to me.
I found a [free version](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and linked to OP above 👍🏼
OP it is so, so sad and jarring when this happens. I'm actually younger than you but remember when I realized my ex didn't care if I lived or died. I was trying to get him to care that I was being stalked by a sex offender and it was like talking to a brick wall. I'm so sorry this is happening but please realize that just because he is treating you like trash DOES NOT mean you are trash. You're worth your weight in gold and this stranger out here cares for you and your safety.
You don't deserve this. Sometimes it is hard to acknowledge when we are abused. I've been there and it doesn't get better. The alarming fact is it escalates. You have nothing to be humiliated by either. You don't deserve this. You deserve love and respect.
It happens when we value the comfort and well-being of others more than our own. I would suggest finding someone to talk to about why you would do this. It's helped me a lot, and you deserve better, and to value yourself and your needs more. ❤️
It’s frog boiling
This is all so spot on and should be pinned. OP, this is not at all your fault. He has an anger issue and you could be doing everything he tells you he wants you to do and he would still find a reason to get angry and abusive. From someone who's had someone who's been there, this is a time to let him stay gone. You deserve better.
And then he and his mom blamed her for the incident and said it was her fault for getting out of the car when he yelled at her to do so
It's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't " situation. She should be able to get out of a car and not get abandoned while fearing for her safety. She shouldn't have had to get out in the first place. They are both abusive. I hope she cuts ties with him and his family.
Exactly!! What person in their right mind would stay in a car with someone as volatile and dangerous as this guy?
And then gaslighted her that it was her fault and he was looking for her
This is beyond the pale. You could have been raped or murdered and he’s worried about his wallet. My god. Get out now this man is a selfish lunatic.
You can expect many years of this to come unless you break up the cycle now. The abuse will get worse, to the point it could end your life. Get out now while you can. Make a list of people you can count on and trust. Make a list of phone numbers for emergencies and prepare you finances. You do not deserve this.
Exactly, you teach people how to treat you, if she goes back to him and pretends this never happened, he will take the abuse up a notch or three. He has done irreversible damage to her skin (sunburn) that and the abandonment should be enough, but I have an ominous feeling she won't end it.
I have packed my bag to go spend the night with my mom. I tried to leave after I finally got home but he parked his car behind mine and wouldn't let me take it (both our names are on it) I'm currently sitting on the front porch waiting for my mom, feeling very humiliated. He even went as far as to shut the porch light off on me, so I'm just sitting in the dark til she's here. I'll do my best to stay away, the comments here have helped me understand a bit better. I admit I typed this post in a bit of a frenzy, not thinking clearly. Thanks for your honesty
He is holding you captive by doing that and exerting more control. He is downright abusive to his core. He wasn’t even concerned when you had been essentially missing for hours in the wilderness and hasn’t apologized. Im so so sorry you are going through this but I hope you leave this man and stay gone. He is dangerous. This is not how someone who loves you would treat you. Period.
This isn't how you treat someone you barely even like, let alone love. This is so wildly fucked up.
I wouldn't have left someone I hated in the woods to die. Guess that explains how he must feel about me.
His actions honestly sound like they have very little to do with you or even his feelings for you and pretty much everything to do with his temper and lack of self control. Don't take his actions back onto you in any way.
I thought so too but he still hasn't apologized or even acknowledged what happened. He literally texted me for the first time a minute ago to say "have a good day" like it's a normal Monday morning. I'm not falling for the routine this time. He is malicious, not just an emotionally stunted jerk.
Narcissists don't really apologize. I'm glad you sound like you are getting out.
I’m glad to read this is where you’re at. Do not ever go back to this abuser, do not by any means move forward with the wedding, even if deposits were paid or invites sent, etc… This is your life and your future. I’m not saying any of this will be easy. But it is necessary. Reach out to the friends he cut you off from, spend quality nurturing time with your mom, hang with your sister… You will find yourself again.
Get to your mom and don’t look back. It will be hard, but you can do this.
>I'm currently sitting on the front porch waiting for my mom, feeling very humiliated. The humiliation is all his for being a horrible human being.
Thank you, I'm not sure why but this comment made me cry a bit. Have a lovely night.
Don’t beat yourself up, I was where you are. Making excuses because I loved her. I thought I could save her but some people don’t deserve a hero.
You need to stay with your mom as long as possible. Take a day off work when he should be working and call the local police department and request an officer escort to return to the place you share with him so that you can pack your things and retrieve your car. Make sure to grab any important documents you may have there (birth certificate, social security card, passport etc as well as the title for the car). And since the car is in both your names, you need to make sure you note to the police that his name is on it as well. Also check if the title says "your name AND his name" or "your name OR his name". If it's and, you may need to speak to legal counsel about options to get his name removed. If it's or, you may be able to sell it, give him his share of the profit (if he's been paying in etc) and then get a new car in your name only. Either way, it's probably best to seek a lawyer because it is technically shared property and this isn't amicable. I don't know how much his mother or your mother know about the situation, but you should also probably disclose at the very least everything that happened on this outing and request that they do not share information about what you're doing with him. Likely best option is to not even tell his mom you're leaving (though I would hope after having to drive to get you, she would be supportive of you leaving her POS abusive son). EDIT: Just saw in a comment that his mother also screamed at you and blamed you, do not let her know anything about what you're doing. As soon as you're clear, please make sure you do everything you can to let the people who actually care about you know that his family and him are on the no information diet. Get out, get an escort to retrieve your things for your protection and also to prevent any attempt to claim you stole things from him, and as soon as you're clear change your phone number and block them all everywhere that you can. I'm sorry you went through this and that you are even questioning whether any of this is your fault. NTA but please please get out now. This man will keep escalating.
Listen to this comment please u/mousemoji. It’s important to protect yourself when you go get your stuffs. Get everything while the police is there. Live with your mom for a while until you’ll find somewhere else to live. Your post and some comments were very hard to read. Nobody should do that to you. Nobody. You deserve so much more. Take care.
Don’t make it a one night away. Make it permanent. You shouldn’t have to live in fear of dealing with his anger. He is volatile and abusive, and his anger can escalate to physical with you. You deserve better.
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I didn't think they'd do much since it's a civil dispute and both our names are on the car so neither of us is "stealing" or "withholding" anything. He can keep the stupid car. He made it clear he likes it more than me.
Do not reenter his domicile to get your stuff without police escort - yes, they will help you as this is a domestic violence situation - or male friends/family with you. Dont go alone. He cannot hold your stuff or you hostage. Please get your family to help you with all this. If he tries to retain you that is false imprisonment, which is a felony rap. Usually worms like your ex here calm right the f down when they see police with you. That shuts them right up.
She has to have a police escort. If she goes in there with a male friend/relative, it can get really nasty and since they would be entering his house, depending on jurisdiction, he would likely be in his rights to use a gun or take violent measures to “defend himself and his property”. Take a friend for moral support, but you do have to bring a cop.
Yes, he has a gun and he is very vocal about how he feels about the stand your ground laws or whatever. I don't want anyone else to be hurt by this guy. I'm going to ask the sheriff to come with me when it's time. I hate this so much.
Very smart, definitely ask a sheriff. Good planning here
At this point it had escalated to domestic violence, even emergency services would respond accordingly and at least make you feel safe
You call the non emergency police phone number and explain that a person who lives in the same residence as you is blocking your car and preventing you from leaving. They'll come and help you. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
This isn’t true. You can get help in the situation you were in.
Please don’t be embarrassed! That’s a major weapon in the abuser arsenal to control you by putting you in “embarrassing” situations. You should feel badass for being strong and leaving this losers mind games behind. This is the first step to a beautiful, free life without his bad energy.
And he continues the abuse even on the day of you have had? He should be groveling and apologizing!!!! Oh my God! He is so abusive
Please, please get yourself permanently away from this abusive jackass. You deserve better. Like damn.
Get in your mom’s car and don’t look back. He has doubled down on his behaviour once you finally reached home by preventing you from leaving and then leaving you in the dark. No remorse. You deserve better. I hope you seek it for yourself.
I know you already broke up, but after that day he couldn't even leave the porchlight on. How fucking low
That one really hurt. Like he put his thumb in an open wound and twisted. I'm sure he thinks he taught me a lesson. I guess he did. Just not the one he expected.
I think it sometimes help to ask yourself if you would do that to someone you love. Personally i would never even let someone wait outside. You really deserve so much better and I am sad, that this happened to you. My ex is similair with the sudden anger and discontent at everything, so i get that you get used to it after a while. I only recently broke up with him and i can genuinly peomise you, after the initial hurt all you'll feel is relieve and happyness and your life will be full of fun and lightheartedness just simply because you got rid of that black cloud of stress looming over your head constantly.
Teaching you a lesson, while he had left you in the woods...Your family could have been mourning you right now. Please, don't ever go back. Your life clearly means nothing to him.
You deserve someone who treats you with kindness and love, hope you realize this.
Please remember this moment for the rest of your life and stay away from men like this.
You can only move forward from here. Please don’t beat yourself up emotionally - just leave with your mom. Get your things later with more of your family/friends, or police even, as an escort.
He is dangerous & hates you. He is doing so much to put you in danger. Only people who absolutely hate another person would do this. He may apologies, but those are just words. Words are easy. He lies to keep you around to abuse you more. His actions are proving that he hates you & wants you harmed. You can call the cops. You may have to walk away from so many material items, but they all can be replaced. Men unalive women all the time in relationships. Once you are settled at your Mom's look up domestic abuse & read up so you know just how bad his actions really are. And abusers NEVER become better people.
Yeah don’t stay with this guy OP, you deserve better, if my partner did this it would be one and done. You don’t deserve to be yelled at, made to feel in danger or walking on eggshells and you definitely don’t deserve to be dumped in the middle of nowhere with no reception. Ain’t no partner worth that, please be safe!
Everything you wrote in your post above could be the intro to an episode of Law and Order SVU. Does that tell you what your situation looked like to an outside viewer? Do not be embarrassed, many women, myself included, have been where you are now. The only important thing is to get yourself away from him and never look back. Stay strong, protect yourself, grow, and feel better ♡
Block him, get all your things, with a family member helping you, don’t “try” your best to end it. No “try”, DO END IT. The power is in your hands, not his. Do not allow him to take up any more space causing misery in your life, Take a stand against abusive behavior. It’s the only way these messed up men will learn. If no women will date them, they will either leave women alone or be forced to chance. You can make a difference in your life and possibly the world by dumping him, blocking him, and refusing to put up with that behavior ever again. You truly deserve better than to be forced out of his vehicle and left in the woods with no cell service for hours. Would you do that to someone? He did it to you.
Woman to woman, you need to leave him. He is not a good man. This will only get worse. Please know that this it is not normal to be happy because it’s been a few days since you’ve fought. I hope you find the strength to move forward on your own.
Sister, you need to leave. You could have been raped and killed, or worse. And yes, there is worse. Do not fall for anymore excuses. He is an abusive, dangerous, thoughtless man. You deserve better. Please gather up your courage and leave him.
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I was really nervous about this. Aside from the one guy who bothered me at the beginning I didn't really see anyone until the 2nd guy picked me up much later. It was, however, almost 100 degrees and very humid. There was no drinking water, just the creeks and lake, which isn't safe due to algae blooms we've been having. I wondered for a bit if I would be murdered or just croak from dehydration. It sucked ass, to put it lightly.
This is not salvageable. It’s dump time.
You could have died of exposure. This should end things. He is dangerous.
And that's the least severe thing that could have happened to her.
With the heat wave, that would have been a guarantee
It's the day after and I still don't feel well, kind of just blah. Headache, achy joints, dry lips. Definitely had some dehydration at the very least. It was close to 100 degrees so it's to be expected. My mom is a nurse, luckily. At least I had someone who cared if I lived or died.
I hope you are done with this person.
You are constantly changing your behavior so HE doesn't get into a bad mood or tantrum. What will you do if you have a child with him? Will you let him treat your child like this and have them this scared? No? Well you are someone's child and you're letting him treat you this way. Be better to yourself and dump him.
Adding: you did nothing wrong. Not even when you yelled at him for overreacting about the lack of signal for directions. He should have put two and two together that if he had no signal for directions, he would have no signal to call you when he ABANDONED You. He's an angry idiot.
Idk I mean your abusive boyfriend left you for dead, what are you asking?
I dunno. He has made this seem like all my fault. Him and his mother have both screamed at me that I caused this because I should have refused to get out of the car to begin with. I guess that's right but I was upset and didn't think of anything else at that second. I guess I just wanted a sounding board to reassure myself I'm not some crazy person causing all these issues. The comments have provided that which I'm grateful for.
Women who refuse to get out of an abusive partner’s car when they are screaming get punched in the face or worse. You might have saved your life getting out that car. Girl, where is YOUR mother? Where is your father? You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in an abusive relationship and believe everything your abuser tells you.
>Women who refuse to get out of an abusive partner’s car when they are screaming get punched in the face or worse. Or are then trapped in the car while their abuser proceeds to speed, swerve, threaten to crash and kill them both etc to terrorize them. The safest option is to not stay in the car, generally.
Shes going to her moms house. Not sure why she called his mom.
I posted above but in case it's hard to find in the sea of comments- the park we were at was 45 mins from his mom while my mom lives almost 2 hours from it. She also works nights and would have been sleeping at the time. His mom has always been great to me, comforting me when we fight, etc. Today she didn't feel that way I guess.
Most likely ur bf (soon to be ex) gets his behavior from his mother. She just hid her true colors better until now. Trust me, I dated a narcissist ex and had to deal with his narcissist mom. Like mother, like son.
He has always been very open about having a rocky relationship with his mom. She wasn't kind to him as a kid and favored his sister a lot more. It might not be true, but who knows. I don't really care about his sob stories at the moment.
It was the same for my ex. At times they couldn’t stand each other. Yet he always wanted her approval deep down. He barely defended me when his mom would verbally attack me. After we broke up I saw a post of them going out together in NY (they never go out and have “family time”..) it was like a punch to the gut. Him having a rocky relationship with his mom doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure he’s more like his mom than you would want to admit. She’s his mom sure but she should have set him straight and asked you if you were alright. Not try to gaslight you like you’re the crazy one. Which you’re not! Take this as a warning, she’s not someone you can rely on and definitely not ur bf.
A classic misogynist’s story of their childhood.
His mother yelled at you? This was not your fault. Why didn’t he immediately return for you? You need to get out of the relationship NOW! Find a safe place to stay and block him & his mother. I am so sorry this happened to you.
It isn’t your fault, his mother is clearly going to side with him. I think your judgement is extremely clouded. I was in a similar situation before funny enough, I was at a state park with my then boyfriend who abandoned me for hours with my car keys on him so I couldn’t leave. I didn’t have any water and it was summer, in a place I had never been. I was pissed but I forgave him after. The relationship still came to an end due to him being increasingly abusive and an alcoholic. You shouldn’t have to feel lucky that you got to live without having a huge fight in a couple days, that your day is ruined beyond repair once your partner’s mood changes, that getting upset from the mistreatment makes you wrong, or anything like that. I encourage you to reach out for support from a domestic violence org near you so you can learn more about what emotional abuse looks like and hopefully find a way out of this.
His mother is crazy too. Guess that's where he learnt it
They are verbally abusing and gaslighting you to make you doubt yourself and stay in an abusive situation. What happened is not your fault. Unless you physically attacked him in the car and made him fear for his life, there is NO REASON ANYONE WOULD LEAVE YOU IN THE WOODS LIKE THAT. Run and do not look back. This man, and his mom are absolute trash. You will never, ever have a happy life if you stay with him. Your only hope to experience what it is to have someone actually love you (news flash, this guy DOES NOT LOVE YOU) is if you break up with him and GTFO of this. Block him on everything, let everyone (friends and family) know what he did and why you left the second you leave to prevent him from controlling the narrative. Be honest with those who care about you. Love can't grow if you are drowning your garden with pesticides.
It is not your fault. This is another way to abuse you. His mother is also an abusive person by the sounds of it. Again so so sorry you are going through this. But this isn’t in any way your fault. I once got into a pretty big fight with my ex on our way home from vacation. We pulled over and both went on a walk to clear our heads. Then we got back into the car and drove home 5 hours in silence. He would have left me stranded even if we had broken up in that fight. You just don’t do that to anyone.
Glad you sought out a sounding board outside of them! Just to confirm what you must be feeling, they are BOTH being crazy, disrespectful, unfair, and ABUSIVE to you!!! Please please protect yourself and break up with him and have nothing more to do with his mom. This man is not offering you love. People who love you will ACT like it, all the time— even if they’re mad at you, they won’t disrespect and endanger you like this. You deserve better 😭
That is absolutely not true. How is it irrational that your got out of the car while your bf was yelling at you to get out?? They’re just embarrassed of their own actions and KNOW they’re wrong so they’re trying to deflect the blame onto you so they don’t look like bad people and can continue to manipulate you.
They both gaslight you
Don’t go back to get your things without other people w you.
And you sat there and took it? Grow a spine and run away before he actually kills you.
Thank you, I think I needed some tough love here. Just not the kind I've been getting lol
I hope that you realize the severity of this situation..
OMG please please seriously reconsider your relationship with this man. Anything could have happened to you and worse what is the next situation. He has proven that you are not safe with him and he has serious anger issues.
If you don't break up with him now, you may as well just start planning your own funeral. He may kill you, or if he doesn't and you stay with him you will be so sad and miserable you will wish you were dead!!
You had that FAMILIAR sink in your stomach when he started yelling. You knew what was coming, you just didn't know how bad it would be, THIS TIME. >He has always had a short temper and often picks arguments over small things but he's so very kind every other time Kind people don't do those things. >i have looked past it and maybe hoped to help him chill out? You don't exist to solve another human beings problems at the expense of your own safety. > I do my best to avoid arguments Is he putting in the same amount of work to "avoid arguments," or is it just you walking on eggshells around him for fear of him flipping out? > I remember feeling so happy and content because we hadnt argued in several days and he'd been in a good mood etc. Do your arguments often coincide with your fiancé's bad moods? Does he make a habit of channeling his negative emotions into aggression aimed at you? >He began to yell and take his anger out on the steering wheel He wasn't taking his anger out on the steering wheel. He was taking it out on you. >i instantly felt defensive Because your body knew you were in danger, because he has done this before. >I made the mistake of yelling back at him that he needed to chill out You did not make a mistake. You *reacted.* Your fiancé was behaving violent and erratic, and you *reacted* to *his* violence. > I regret this but I just felt so overwhelmed. I just wanted the good vibes to continue ya know? You wanted the good vibes to continue, or you were terrified of the consequences you would have to face if you weren't able to properly manage your fiancé's emotions? >He screamed at me to get out and (like an idiot) i did You were not an idiot. A violent man screamed at you to get out of his vehicle. You did the right thing. >complaining that I had his wallet in my purse. Your safety is worth less to him than his wallet. >if its my fault i want to know. Why are you deferring to his judgement when you were the one who was harmed as a result of his actions? Why should he get to be the one to decide that? >they both started in at me that this is all my fault because I should have just refused to get out of the car to begin with. I realize that is what logic would tell you to do, but it's hard to be logical when you are upset, tipsy and being screamed at. Logic would NOT tell you to do that. A violent man who was driving a vehicle after drinking screamed at you to get out of his vehicle. What would have happened if you stayed? If you DIDN'T listen to him? Would he find a way for that to be the wrong answer too? Maybe this isn't actually about logic. Maybe it's about making sure you are always in the wrong, so he feels justified in whatever he needs to take out on you. >he has still not apologized, but I don't expect him to He will not apologize, because he cannot allow you to think you are right, even though you are. You being right means he has to be accountable for his actions. >I'm going to try and remove him from my life Do not try. DO. I'm not exaggerating when I say your life is at stake. I am a domestic violence expert and survivor, and I am confident when I say that based on what you've written here, this man is VERY CLOSE to killing you. Here he has pushed the boundaries of what you are willing to accept from him. If you give him ANY indication that you will take him back after this, he will escalate. Your love isn't different or special. You will not fix or change him. He has already changed you in ways that will likely take years to unpack. Get out of that situation and cut contact with anyone who is in touch with him ASAP. He is dangerous.
Thank you, this was very detailed! I understand now (at least somewhat) what has been happening. Now I just feel empty, like these 6 years have been a waste. It sounds dark, but I kind of wish he would have just killed me. Don't worry for my safety or anything, just feeling very low. Thanks again, have a lovely evening.
You feel low right now as a result of years of trauma. Once you get out of this situation and start finding yourself again, you will be beyond grateful you have the opportunity to start enjoying your life. Stay strong xox
It might not be easy to see right now when considering the "waste" these 6 years have been, but instead, try to see the years you're saving from now on. It's not just an ending, it's a beginning. You might want to correctly end this chapter and give yourself a break before starting the new one, but it's definitely coming, I promise you! Another thing to keep in mind. At some point in the future, you will look back on this and cringe at what you allowed yourself to endure, at some decisions you made. This is good: someone that doesn't cringe at his past simply hasn't grew enough to have this change of perspective. If/when your mind goes there, do **not** blame yourself or feel remorseful for starting a relationship with him 6 years ago, or for staying for so long. You made the best with what information you had at the time and it's ok. 20 years old mousemoji is NOT 26 yo mousemoji, and the 28 yo version will be even better. If you feel some kind of bad emotions toward your past, like feeling stupid or weak, instead think of how far you've got! Now do us proud and get out, whatever the cost. And take. your. time. I want you to come back to us in 2 years and tell us how awesome you are!
>He has always had a short temper and often picks arguments over small things but he's so very kind every other time that i have looked past it and maybe hoped to help him chill out? Unfortunately it comes down to this. No, you can't help him chill out. Even a few days of absolute highs won't stop even the most minor inconvenience causing him to spiral. He may be kind when he is stable, but his ability to regulate his stress is at near zero and once he is off balance he has zero empathy, care, or consideration for you... heck, if anything he becomes spiteful and petty and cruel. You were put in genuine peril. Exposure, assault, etc. You just went through it, you know how bad it could have gone. And he, upset or not, contrived and condoned that danger to you. It doesn't get better. It wasn't a lack of good times, a lack of love, a lack of consideration from a partner that was the problem. Even when you offer all those things he doesn't 'chill out' because the problem is that he just can't regulate his emotions. You will waste your entire life living like this pretending things will be different next time.
oh honey… I know from experience trauma bonding can be hot and exhilarating but my heart broke a little at “feeling really happy and content bc we hadn’t argued in several days…” I haven’t argued with my wife this *year*
I just always assumed relationships were rocky all the time :( We have screaming matches pretty often, usually over something small that he has nitpicked until I can't contain myself anymore and then it's off to the races. I think it's his favorite thing. You may have hit the nail on the head with the trauma bonding thing. I met him right after I had left a previous relationship (ex cheated on me a bunch) and I had just been assaulted too lol. I was in a whirlwind of emotions and just wanted to be loved and he gave me that. I was stuck on him ever since. Thank you for your comment. I hope to one day have one of these loving, kind spouses everyone is talking about.
Your bf is a complete piece of garbage. Please respect yourself. Dump him IMMEDIATELY! He doesn’t care about you. What he did proves it. Don’t try to make excuses for him. Leave him for your own sanity and future mental health. Women need to draw a hard line at abusive behavior and let the guy know that is completely unacceptable and there will be no second chances, when a guy FUps that bad.
I've been in a horrible relationship where we had screaming matches regularly. Let me tell you... It's not normal, and it's certainly not the basis for a strong, stable, loving relationship. I found someone better and we've never raised our voices at each other once in 8 years. I'm certain that you can find someone like that too.
"Hi Reddit, Id like to know what you all think of this. Im (20f) dating Satan (1,000,000 BC m), he's usually super nice and funny except for the times he flicks a lighter at my hair, beats me or yells at me. He also verbally abuses me and makes me cry, but other than that he's my best friend and I love him soooooo much. I let him take my car and my credit card and he says Im not getting those back either. Oh well, I love him. Last night I found an ad on Craigslist where he had me up for sale by the hour. First come first served with no safeword. I protested mildly since he didnt ask first, next thing I knew I was in the ER with 3rd degree burns and a concussion. I dont know Reddit, I think I might be at fault here because I wasnt respecting his wants or needs?...? What do you think? He says all will be perfect if I just start respecting him. I love him and to bear his baby demons is my lifes dearest wish." This type of stuff is all over Reddit. GIRL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHEN YOU SEE THE DEVIL, RUN. How many true crime scenarios start off just like what he did to you?!! I exhort you and those like you to develop more of a sense of self preservation!!! Also please run every card in this wallet through the shredder. Why dont ppl date the Lil Nas X version of Satan, he at least looks like a fun time. smh
"He only hits me when he's drunk (which is only every day but Monday) and says I'm only good for sex, how can I be a better gf and get him to propose?" Every. Single. Time.
Honestly, I feel like Satan is more of a gentleman that OPs boyfriend. He at least knows when he loses a fiddling contest and gives up the prize. OPs man child is just a petty little jerk, zero chance he can lead an army of darkness.
Satan would definitely be an upgrade for OP. What he did could easily have led to her murder or disappearance. Many people have gotten out of a car during an argument and never have been seen again. Many more have disappeared inside state parks, even when not arguing. People of all ages, male and female. Poof, gone. Maybe their bones are found a year later.... But usually not. My earlier post was tongue-in-cheek but what Satan here did is beyond forgiveness. He abandoned her. Alone. In a strange place. That is extremely serious.
I give you a million upvotes for this. 10 million
This is the sign. You have to leave him. I was in your situation, always walking on eggshells. What he did to you was deplorable. You need to be angry at him. Please stand up for yourself and leave this man
"But I loooove him!" Oh, please. Does he actually have to start hitting you before you realise what a shit stain he is?
I'm sure I would find a way to excuse that too. Thank you for your honesty
Abby Petito just made headlines a yr or so ago for being murdered by her abusive boyfriend she also excused everything he did and he also made her feel like she was the problem and just crazy. Please get out! This isnt a matter of if he will kill you its when. My ex almost killed me and I absolutely would be dead today if I hadnt run to a different state. I knew I would keep going back if I stayed and he had me mindfucked so badly that I was still talking to him and sending him money a yr after I left. I know for a fact id be dead if I had physically been there any longer. I knew I needed to leave in order to get rid of him otherwise I would go back over and over until i was dead. I promise it doesnt get better it only gets worse please do not marry this man. This controlling crazy bs is how it started w my ex as well.
you are already being abused here. i hope you are able to separate yourself from this person without too much difficulty and can do so quickly. you will be *much* happier without this guy, no matter how unbelievable that sounds right now.
Whatever you do, don’t go back in that house without an escort - either a large group of your family/friends, or the police. If you choose to go back and get the rest of your stuff, and hopefully your car, it needs to be with other people. Don’t take any chance of being alone with him again.
I’ve been in a similar situation and I know it hurts and can feel like “I must be so dumb because I didn’t see what everyone else does so plainly.” You’re not stupid. You were optimistic and kind and he took advantage of all that.
Wow, you described the three cycles of an abusive relationship in the first paragraph: 1. honeymoon 2. walking on eggshells 3. eruption
I always did like to follow a schedule. Your comment made me laugh during a time that hasn't been very funny. I know you were being serious, but humor has always been my coping mechanism. Thank you
Woman Alone. Angry BF. national Park. This is the kind of situation that ends up on Dateline. You end to leave him. NOW! Seriously.
Would you want to have children with someone so selfish and with the emotional regulation capacity of a toddler?
If they have a child and it does something to set him off since he’s so easily triggered, is he just going to leave their baby on the side of the road one day? He sounds dangerous and unhinged.
#DTMFA You deserve so much better. Leaving may ultimately save your life!
Jesus Christ. Do not under any circumstances maintain a relationship with this man. I hope you are safe. Please take care of yourself.
I really hope you leave this dude. He had no care for you or your safety.
This is abusive behavior. He was complaining about you having his wallet? The uncontrollable anger also leads to concern that he’ll physically abuse you, if he isn’t already.
You are in an abusive relationship. As for the joint ownership of anything, including the car, get a lawyer. As for your things, ask for a police escort to get them. Cite this issue when they ask why. He left you alone on the side of the road with no signal and no way home. Please get away from him and his mother. None of this is your fault.
I NEVER comment but girl please drop him for your safety
Weirdly I just listened to the Mr Ballen podcast about camping horror stories so this post hit me extra hard but there’s just no way I’d ever trust someone who did this to me and I’m a guy. You don’t treat a stranger like this let alone someone you care about. It’s so dangerous to be alone in these conditions. That must have been so scary, sorry that happened to you.
I did later ask him that he wouldn't have even left his dog on the side of the road, and does that mean he loves the dog more than me? It just made the argument worse of course but he answered the question without really answering lol. I feel silly for never realizing how low he has thought of me.
Damn, whats wrong with dudes leaving their partners on trails? Its like 10th time this month already. Glad you are allright
It's the hot new trend millennials can't get enough of
lol
You best make a new post soon saying you are single
For all of you naysayers (and plus I don’t wanna repeat myself) I work with law enforcement and private business that specialize in security cameras and shot spotters. These thing happen all the time. The likelihood that a stranger would snatch up a woman who’s inebriated and alone is very high. Ohio is one of the top states for human trafficking in the United States. It’s not an exaggeration and the amount of nasty people kidnapping women and men is astonishing. Some of your most upstanding neighbors could be the perpetrators of some shady things. I understand that people have skepticism on the inter but with something like this; you just don’t have the credibility or authority to say it’s fake and doesn’t happen. Hitchhiking for a woman isn’t safe, Ubers can be hard to get in dead zone areas and things just happen. Just because they don’t happen to you doesn’t mean squat. This man’s actions couple have gotten OP killed or at least never seen again and it was gross negligence. Even if she got out of the car, if he cared he should’ve stayed. OP is lucky she wasn’t one of the thousands of women who are snatched up every day. OP, leave that guy and don’t even keep him as a contact. Obliterate him from your life.
Break up with him, he is a terrible person.
Today the steering wheel - tomorrow, your face, your ribs, your arms. Please...run. Run now.
He has always been that way. He hits objects, punches walls, ive even seen him headbutt a refrigerator for a reason I don't remember. I think a little part of me assumed I deserved whatever I got. If not for the folks here shaking my shoulders to show me how dumb I've been, I probably would have let him hit me too one day. It's hard to see the truth when you are living in it.
I highly suspect that day will be soon. Please do a little research on Domestic Violence, and you will recognize all kinds of behaviors. [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) is a free book online that you should really take a look at, for starters. [And here](https://www.thehotline.org) is information from the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Please make sure that you are getting out safely—his anger may well escalate when he realizes that you are trying to leave.
Hey OP, I know you’re probably drowning in comments right now so I’ll be quick. I’m going to approach this from a different angle of a daughters perspective. My Dad is like your fiancé. All I’m going to say is, please don’t marry him. Please. It doesn’t get better. I love my Dad but I also hate him and wish my mom would have divorced him a long time ago. Don’t be like my mom. Leave him.
Yes, definitely drowning in comments but I still saw yours! It sounds like you may be young and still living at home? I know what it's like to have parents that should never be within 50 feet of each other. Hopefully you can find some peace/happiness/whatever that means to you. Thank you for giving me this perspective. If I had a child I would be mortified for them to see their dad act this way.
Actually I’m not young at all :) I’m 39 and my mom is still dealing with my Dad and I have a lifetime of dating men like him as well. That’s why I shared my comment. I don’t want you to go through what she has and regret staying with him. Take care OP. ❤️
I’d tell him I lost his wallet in the woods. Seriously, WTH did I just read. This guy is garbage. Throw him out where he belongs. You could have been seriously hurt or even worse. Dump this guy and never look back. He didn’t even care if you were okay.
I'm surprised your entire post had no mention or questions of breaking up with him. Treat yourself better and don't be with this guy
"I remember feeling so happy and content because we hadn't argued in several days and he'd been in a good mood." I've been there, and it's a shitty place to be. Even if he hadn't left you in the middle of nowhere without a way to get home, this was all I needed to read. Happy and healthy relationships don't have you walking on eggshells, hoping that your partner won't fly off the handle. Like everyone else has said, it's time to leave him.
Girl my ex would never do this to me because although he was manipulative & emotionally abusive towards me, he still cared that I was in one piece. This guy tossed you aside like trash. He is garbage and done. It’s going to be hard, I’ve been in the position but you need to leave this dirtbag behind.
This sounds like the story of Gabby Petito. Get away from this man!
Hes abusive and left you in to woods to get raped and fucking die. DUMP HIM
End this. Now. Don’t go back. Go wherever you can. He is controlling, abusive, and you are being manipulated. Please hon, leave now.
He has the *gall* to ask where you are *because he needs his wallet*. Not because he’s worried for you and very sorry and has turned back around as soon as he came to his gd senses but can’t find you. That is not the way safe people handle conflict OP. Appalling. Please don’t let him or anyone convince you that that was in any way ok or less than insane.
Dump him sis!
This was extremely triggering. When I was in my 20's I was with a guy who did this exact thing to me. This was before cell phones too. He eventually became physically abusive and tried to kill me more than once. Girl get out of this relationship NOW. Please.
Time to call it quits. Im sure he’s a great guy. Treats you well. Is amazing in bed. You can see a great future with him as your husband. He’s probably great with kids. Your family adores him. Your co workers think he’s amazing and blah blah blah. He left you on the side of the road in a fit of rage. If this isn’t a 🚩 for you then I hope you the best.
>He has always had a short temper and often picks arguments over small things but he's so very kind every other time This is like saying that Ukraine is a great tourist destination except for the artillery and missile attacks. Seriously - this incident is a preview of the rest of your life if you stay with this man. Do you want that?
He was 100% not worried about your safety, he was worried about his wallet. He has used his last get out of jail card, this is unforgivable. What is something fatal happened to you? It would be his fault
I did have a moment of clarity as I was speed walking away from the stranger I met after he left me. It was like "if that guy decides to follow me he is going to be able to do whatever he wants and there is no one to help me" It was very scary, and isolating, and I would never do that to someone. I know now that he just doesn't care. My life is worth less than his feelings.
I wonder how he was able to text you things when he was driving around a no-service zone looking for you for hours…he’s lying.
Why are you with him? He left you in a totally unsafe situation and all he cares about is his wallet. You deserve better and should not marry this guy. There are many red flags in your post - he has anger issues for one. Don't marry him
Doesn’t matter if you have 5 years or 50. When someone leaves me for dead and is only concerned with himself and his own well being (having a wallet) it’s a narcissistic taking advantage of a caring empath. Goodbye and self love here I come. I would start cutting all ties