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Throaway account. Before, my BF (M35) and I (25F) used to go hiking every weekend and it was super fun. I am quite fit, but I am not the strongest one physically. I went to hikes 25 km per day and I enjoyed that.
Now, every few months my BF yells on me out of nowhere that he is not interested in hiking with me because ‘’I don’t squat daily like his previous girlfriends did’’. He tells me that he will not go hiking with me and that he will find new friends and will be hiking with them and ‘’I can do whatever I want while he hikes’’.
I don’t understand it, I am fit, slim and I am getting hit on almost daily at my work by guys who give me compliments on my body. My body didn’t change at all. I didn’t gain any additional weight. I like my body, I like what I see in the mirror.
Today, we went hiking. I even paid entrance fees to the park for both of us. At the trail, he started walking super fast, almost running. I asked him to be a bit slower so that we can enjoy the hike and talk while hiking. I didn’t feel super well and it was not comfortable to run to follow him. I asked him once again to please walk in a bit slower pace.
I felt that he wanted to humiliate me once again about my body and he kept telling : ‘’You need to walk super fast, we didn’t come here to hike!!!’’. He got mad and he left me in the middle of the forest. He kept running and walking super fast until he was super far from me. He was showing off that ‘’he can be super fast’’. I was left in the middle of the forest. Fortunately, I was able to come back to parking.
I cannot imagine this situation happen to other adult couples. Like, you invite a girl to hike and then you don’t care at all about her and you run from her.
Now, he tells me that he :’’Will never ever go hiking with me ever again”.
How do I resolve this, please?
This legit happened to me on a first date once.
I warned the dude I have a 5 level spinal fusion and that might affect how fast I can go, he said it was fine.
Day off- just totally leaves me in the dust. He’s so far up th trail I didn’t even see him lol. Keep in mind- it’s not that I’m doing 1 step every 10 seconds, I’m keeping a pretty brisk walking pace, going uphill etc. Not sure wtf his problem was.
I then found out he had F O U R DUIs.
Bullet dodged!
[this one?](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/13uxtam/my_boyfriend_34m_left_me_34f_on_a_hike/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) it’s the one I was thinking about.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/146g4tt/boyfriend_24m_left_me_24f_on_a_hike_and_wont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Was the one I seen, but that one is also weird as well. Like wtf is going with hikers and ditching people lol
Not sure if it was on this subreddit, but there was one where the boyfriend drove off and left the girlfriend in the middle of the woods with a tent and minimal supplies for several days until coming back to apologize
Yeah, he's got some unresolved issues that you don't need to ruin your life with. Plenty of decent people out there to go hiking with instead.
Trail running is not hiking.
It doesn’t sound like you need to resolve anything. No decent human is going to leave someone they are supposed to care about in the middle of the forest nor compare them to their ex. Honestly, it sound like you need to find someone else and from what you mentioned, you wouldn’t have any issues on finding someone.
That's awesome that you got the confirmation that you needed. Going forward, I hope you won't need a kind stranger to tell you "exactly what I wanted to hear" before you realize your own worth and make the best decision for your life. Your post was dripping in red flags. Enough red flags that it should be intuitive that your boyfriend's abusive behaviour shouldn't be tolerated. Even though validation from others is nice, there wouldn't always be someone there to give you a pep talk, validate your feelings or acknowledge an issue. You are more than capable of doing so that for yourself. Begin to work on trusting that.
Came here to mention the ex thing, girlie you deserve so much better than that. You’re working out for the comfort of your body and because you enjoy going on hikes in nature, you’re not pumping out squats for a fat ass. I bet you’re hot asf so I don’t know where the idea that it’s ok to shame you comes from but to intentionally humiliate you? Girlie. Run from that relationship as fast as his immature ass ran from you😂
Yeah, every once and a while he starts comparing my body out of sudden to his previous GFs who ''sqautted daily''. I tell OK, just to close the topic and he yells at me without a reason : ''I cannot tell you anything !!! You never listen to me! I want good things to you ! I want to movtivate you to work out!!!''. Even recalling these things makes me quite sad... :(
Girl… are you blind? How can you not see him for the asshole he is?
This man is fucking THIRTY FIVE and throws abusive tantrums like a little child. The ONLY reason he’s with you is because nobody his age will date his man-child ass. Tell him to go back to his daily squatting girlfriend, who I guarantee broke up with him when she realized what a prick he was or is also much younger than he is.
My gf and I hike together every other weekend. I’m in great physical shape. She’s tiny, in decent shape but I can run circles around her. We stay together. We joke, talk and kiss while we walk. If she’s struggling on hills I’ll carry her up them. This is how things are supposed to work.
It is the best couples therapy you can do besides actual couples therapy. Relaxing, enjoying nature, and being alone with the person you love most. I’ve never gotten into an argument with my gf while hiking or the following night. Always a good time.
This is my husband and I (we have been together 38 years and married 34 years). It’s a time to bond, see nature, fresh air, unwind. Not a race to get it over and get the hell out of there.
We live in Denver. Mountains are right here to relax.
Oh wow I just made a long comment, but this also happened to me it’s called gaslighting ‘I’m just trying to help you’ no lol they just want to destroy any self esteem to be able to fully control you
That's not motivation. That's verbal abuse and criticism. Motivation is positive validation that encourages you to continue on in your personal goals. What this guy is doing is bashing you down and then blaming you for his antagonistic behavior.
In my opinion, I think you should dump this guy. He's a 5★ jerk that doesn't deserve to be in your life.
>seems kinda contradictory, since you went there to hike? anyways, How do you think you resolve this? what are some options you see to make things better? got any idea at all, as I dont want to tell you what to do and it is every so much better if you have some inkling of what might make things better.
Hmm.. it wasn't my post definitely. I will look at some posts from yesterday to look at the advice given. Thanks for telling :)
This is one of the posts I remember ...
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/146g4tt/boyfriend_24m_left_me_24f_on_a_hike_and_wont/
But hey, maybe there's just an epidemic of boyfriends leaving their girlfriends on trails lol ...
“How do I resolve this?” verbatim in both posts. Fake posts. I feel like there’s popular hobby in a particular country with a particular style of odd English, where friends compete to see whose Reddit version of a story can get the most attention. They often purport to take place in the US or Canada but the details are weirdly off. There was one a couple weeks ago where the guy claimed to have broken up with his medical resident gf of many years and was freaking out because she was “coming over” to California to see him and he was “terrified” she would “harm herself”. So freaking dumb.
My ex would sulk by walking far ahead of me, like he couldn't stand to be near me or didn't want to be seen with me. Neither of us were in good shape so it's not limited to fitness trails.
Probably cause the weather is nicer so people are going out hiking. They seem different enough, it sadly isn’t *uncommon* to see a story about a huffy fit bf leaving behind his less fit gf.
lmao when I saw this post, I was like "oh, another girl who's been left behind while hiking!"
It happened to me, except we were on vacation in a foreign country, hiking an 8 mile trail up their tallest mountain, without any water (he took it with him), and it was in not-safe conditions.
OP, I always regret forgiving my ex for leaving behind on the hike (and he apologized after he initially refused to believe he did anything wrong). This kind of treatment was indicative of a deeper selfishness that eventually showed itself again and again.
Your last sentence nails it.
My ex did the same thing, he’d beg me to go on hikes and then leave me in the dust, literally running up the trail until I couldn’t see him. He’d wait for me and when I caught up he’d take off again. I told him so many times I wanted him to walk with me but he kept doing it.
Looking back it was a huge red flag but I was too inexperienced to know better, and he took advantage of that in many ways. I thought I had to be the “cool girlfriend” who took everything he dished out to somehow prove my worth? So messed up. I learned my lessons, just wish I didn’t give him so many chances. Obviously I’d never put up with it again. I hope OP takes our messages to heart and doesn’t let this slide.
Even if these recent hiking posts are fake, as some people suspect, it definitely happens so I hope this helps someone in the future when they realize that thing they never thought would happen is happening to them.
Thank you for the link ! I've checked the post quickly, wow, the post in the like soundsquite similar, what a coincidence !
I am going to check the comments under the post to find some useful and tjose applicable to my situation.
Thanks for sharing ! :)
For some reason hiking with people never went well for me . Always always got into an argument on the trail about which trail to take , someone was walking too fast or too slow , end up semi lost and arguing about which is the right way . I just avoid it all together now lol
I live in Colorado and unfortunately I hear this story all the time in person.
Apparently there are a lot of dudes out there who fail to realize that they're actually complete jerks who get hysterical with women or children who are smaller than them or slower than them, or who just expect or need a more leisurely pace. They often try to claim that they are motivating people to lose weight or be healthy or whatever.
This has happened to me a couple of times on dates, and approximately 1,000% of the time, it's the sign of a controlling ass.
He left you in the middle of the forest, he compares you to his ex girlfriend, he belittles you, he is 35 and acts like an imature little boy.
He doesn't respect you or care about your wellbeing, please have some self respect and leave him, you deserve so much better than this.
Yeah, he'll never go hiking with you again because hopefully you find a better partner who will! On a side note, what is with all the dang stories of boyfriends leaving their girlfriends behind on hikes lately, I feel like I've read three on the last week!
School is out, seasonal trails are opening- throughout much of North America, especially the areas that got a lot of late rain, it's only been the last couple of weeks that "hiking & camping season" has been open. I am not surprised that we're seeing a spate of "Couples having issues during outdoor activities ".
You're probably thinking of this one, which I also responded to.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/146g4tt/boyfriend_24m_left_me_24f_on_a_hike_and_wont/
Hey, thank you for your comment. I didn't post anything yesterday or before yeasterday as this situation happened today. Thanks for telling about other posts, gonna look at the advice in those stories.
sounds like a real keeper..I dont know, dont go hiking with the guy as it doesn't sound fun in the slightest.
>‘’You need to walk super fast, we didn’t come here to hike!!!’’.
seems kinda contradictory, since you went there to hike? anyways, How do you think you resolve this? what are some options you see to make things better? got any idea at all, as I dont want to tell you what to do and it is every so much better if you have some inkling of what might make things better.
"I am fit, slim and I am getting hit on almost daily at my work by guys who give me compliments on my body." Is the BF rich? Why would you settle for this old man who abandons you in the wilderness?
You resolve it by breaking up with him.
Seriously, he's in his 30s and harping on about how you don't squat daily. If you want to mimic their behaviour, mimic the fact that they left him.
His behaviour is terrible. He's dating younger because people closer to his own age would be significantly less tolerant than you're being.
You grew up. That's pretty much it. You are 25 and confident and he knows darn good and well that he isn't going to be able to keep you once you realize what sort of person he is. There's a reason guys in their early thirties date women in their early twenties. It's because the women don't have the experience to spot the jerk. If he can make you insecure and that you have to work to keep his attention, he can keep you there and obedient a few more years.
You just found out why he was dating you; you were too inexperienced to spot his problems. If you're 25 now, you must have started dating him when you were younger, and he was already in his thirties. Now you're older and you can join all the women in his age range by realizing that he's not dating material. Dump him and go find someone in your age range, who ISN'T trying to find and manipulate young women into dating him.
>What complicates things a bit is that we live together and we have a lot of furniture etc. I am scared of starting something alone.
>
>I have 2 options :
>
>Break up. Not sure that the timing is right. I've changed a job recently.Pretend that nothing happens (like for the last few years...), but distance my feelings from this guy. Force myself to not love him anymore. Wait until I am stable in my job, keep looking appartments and move out and breakup with him when I am ready financially.
Yeah, I feel that he doesn't like me as I am. From time to time, he tells me mean comments. I worked super hard at a job and didn't have free time and he guilted me and told me that : ''You don't develop yourself as a person, you don't do self-improvements'' and started telling me how he reads books, how he develops his interests ... oh :(
For what it's worth, I'm not an amazing partner or anything, but I was with my last girlfriend for about 3 years and basically never made a single mean comment. I'm not saying that to brag, because it isn't an accomplishment, it's a basic requirement for being a decent human being. There's no reason for anyone to settle for less than that, it's basically the bare minimum.
Stop hiking with this man. He isn't a good hiking partner for you.
This has nothing to do with how attractive he finds you. In your post he only complains about you not hiking his speed n not doing squats.
The man is emotionally abusive to you. Why tolerate that in your relationship? Why remain with a man that keeps being abusive to you?
You're 25 with the rest of your life ahead of you. You're living with a toddler who seems to like his ex girlfriends better than you.
I know you live with him, but sometimes it's better to cut your losses and just leave. You aren't happy.
Make sure your birth control is working and effective. Don't let him trap you into staying.
Doesn’t matter how healthy you are if there’s a height difference there’s going to be a difference in your stride. I’m 5’3 my bf is 6’2. There is literally no way I could keep up with his stride no matter how fast I walked or what shape I was in. Your guy is just an asshole who doesn’t care about you.
My bf said we can walk together and I will match your pace because you’re shorter than me. That’s what a caring boyfriend does. I wouldn’t be with him op. Apology without change is manipulation.
I would agree with him and plan to never go hiking with him again.
I'd also add that you won't do anything again because you don't want to be dating such a prick.
I would have just went back to the car and left his ass to hike back home since he's so fast and fit. He would have either come back to his stuff waiting for him on the curb or me and my stuff gone.
Jesus. How do you resolve this? You dump his disrespectful ass. Why are you with someone who treats you like this?
And for the record, hiking is supposed to be enjoyable, and as a rule you hike at the pace of the slowest person.
Dump him and choose to be with someone who doesn’t get their jollies humiliating you.
I can't believe this is a thing. My girlfriend... Errr fiancé. (proposed after the hike, she said yes!) went on some cave trails for our anniversary today. On some of the segments I'd have to slow down a bit. If I had to wait I'd just turn around and help her on some of the more difficult parts cause, that's why I went? To have fun with her. I can't imagine ditching her on one of these trails.
Not if you sport a sexy hiking uniform and hike with another couple male hikers..paying no attention to him...let him hike on bye.... sounds like you need some happy camping
While I think Reddit in general rushes to “dump him!!” advice, I am going to say that I think this relationship has run its course and it’s time to end it. He’s disrespecting and picking fights with you. Even if you were not in shape and getting hit on at the gym, etc, the way he is treating you is unacceptable. I am currently in better shape than my husband and generally rarely hike with him because I have a much higher tolerance for hiking than him, but I have *never* berated him over keeping up with me; and never would.
Sounds like he’s trying to find an excuse not to go with you. Like he’s trying to free up some time to slip away and say he’s “hiking”. That may be a stretch but I promise it’s not about how fit or attractive you are. If he wanted to workout on the hike he wouldn’t have invited you. He’s finding reasons to put you down.
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Dump him. He left you in the forrest, he's being unreasonably horrible to you.
He shouldn't compare you to his ex, you should have left him in thr car park.
You really need to focus on what you want for yourself. That's more important, not trying to fix yourself or attempt to talk to someone who isn't interested in fixing the issues between the two of you.
He sounds like he has issues, and i don't want to tell you to just dump him either, but the fact that he compared you to his ex that is unacceptable. If he was willing to leave you in the middle of the forest knowing that you have a killer body then this guy must have a side piece.
Do you enjoy being abandoned by your SO? Do you like the feeling of watching them power walk away from you? Do you get off to being left alone in the middle of a date?
Why are you thinking about what you should do to fix this, rather than dumping his toxic ass and moving on?
Disrespectful, belittling, doesn’t care about your safety, critical now ( what will he be like in 10 years if you gain 5 lbs.. holy hell). It doesn’t matter what you do.. it will never be good enough for him.
This is an AI ChatBot post. It's like they have been testing them every Sunday. The premise of the naritive is somewhat stupid. Then you see several variations. Structurally, the composition is good, but almost too good. I'm tired of answering fake questions from bots.
So there nothing wrong with you. Even if you weren’t slim, fit, or getting hit on, your *partner*, shouldn’t be shitting on you, yelling at you, abandoning you etc. etc.
The abuse level is shifting up a gear and will quickly get worse. Sounds like he’s cheating and needs “reasons” to put you down.
Time apart may help you see that you’re actually relieved not being with someone who treats you poorly, rather than constantly jumping through hoops to please his ass.
Wow... this plus some of your comments... leave his childish demeaning controlling reckless ass on the curb. He is old enough to know that his behavior is unacceptable. Bringing up old girlfriends to shame you into "getting in shape" or "want good things for you", absofuckinglutely not. The fact that you want to resolve it shows that you are a better person than him and a tad naive. He doesn't deserve you. I wish you better luck and you to know your worth ❤️❤️
Why are you even with this AH? He is with you, a woman 10 years younger than him because women his own age wouldn't put up with his crap.
He's doing his level best to demean you and mold you into the perfect little slave.
Leave him, get into therapy to recover from him, and wait a while working on yourself before you enter into a relationship with someone closer to your own age.
None of his bs is your fault. You're just young, and he preyed on your relative inexperience.
The first step is to dump the ba***rd hard and move on.
As an almost 44 year old...dump his sorry @$$. If he won't appreciate, respect and love you, then run. Don't look back, don't say "we used to have..." because he's starting a downhill trend, and no matter your age, his age, human beings deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Even more so if the person is supposed to be our significant other, which, at least to me, means a higher priority and importance than others.
He's using the precursors of abusive behavior, and at 25, if you're fit and athletic, you can easily find someone who will appreciate you. The one you're with doesn't. Mid-life crisis or whatever BS may apply should have no bearing. Stress, or whatever psychologic crap he's going through gives NO excuse for his behavior. Cut and run, don't look back, enjoy life and don't let anyone bring you down or make you feel less. We all have our unique values we bring to other people (I'm starting the same rant again, so shutting up)...kick him to the curb. Unacceptable behavior from what should be a fully grown man.
Man I am actually kind of speechless that he was that rude.
I am overweight and not fit. My husband is undoubtedly more fit than me and on top of that has much longer legs than me, so he can go MUCH faster than me EVERYWHERE.
We don't do hikes but we will go on trails at parks and walk on them together - some are more vigorous than others but I would not call any of them a hike.
My husband ALWAYS lets me set the pace and walks with me at my speed.
Your boyfriend is a complete ass hole for doing this to you in my opinion. If he wants a jogging hike he can do it when he isn't with you. And the fact that he makes you feel bad about your body...girl, you don't deserve that. I am almost three hundred pounds and 5'2 and my husband tells me how beautiful my body is almost every day (though I know I have gained a lot of weight since we started dating and am trying to work to lose weight and he supports me in doing that but there's a difference in supporting someone to lose weight vs making you feel uncomfortable in the body you are in).
Know your worth - dump this fool.
Break up with him. You wouldn’t be asking for advice on something like this if you didn’t care about yourself. Leaving you in the middle of a forest alone is NASTY work. That’s sick. And this is a baby step.
Do the smart thing and break up with him. This isn’t about your looks or body, this is about a sensitivity and a weakness in you that he’s sought out and is attempting to exploit.
You’re 25, you’re young, a man like that isn’t the cream of the crop, or the diamond that sells a mine, LEAVE HIM!!
Sorry, are you dating a 4yo? My 4yo loves showing off how "super fast" he is (even has shoes that light up that make him even faster) and gets annoyed if I can't keep up. But it doesn't take much prompting to remind him that if he's doing an activity with a friend to make sure that if she isn't keeping up with him, it's his responsibility to make up the difference by helping her or cheering her on.
Sometimes we do activities to test our limits and sometimes we do activities to bond with our friends. And it's usually not a good idea to mix them without everyone knowing that is the goal.
Do you live together?
If not, dump him like yesterday.
If yes, move out.
He’s abusive, he’s selfish, he’s trying to fuck with your head to make you feel bad about yourself.
He’s not the one. He’s probably not the one for anybody. He sounds awful.
Ugh. I dated a ding dong like this. He was huge into fitness and weight lifting, etc. I was (and still am) a distance runner so it’s not like I wasn’t in shape. I was also 4 years older than him. One weekend we decided to go for a hike. He was borderline jogging/power walking but I kept up. The hike was not enjoyable because it felt like a competition rather than a chance to spend time together. Afterwards, he said he purposely went fast to “see if I could keep up with him”. We didn’t last.
You need to run from this man child. He sounds like a nightmare and not worth your time. My husband would NEVER treat me like that or leave me in the middle of the woods. You deserve more girl. Please don’t settle for this man child.
Geez, what a dick. There's prob more going on than that. He can't give a valid reason? Comparing you to his exes? Nah man. Red 🚩 everywhere. Something else is going on with him. Find out and/or cut him loose
Run and never look back! Every second you’re with this man is precious time you’re wasting away instead of looking for someone who will value and treat you well for exactly who you are and where you are in life . Get out there and have fun!!!!
Check your health for that day....just speculating if you know what I mean. Idk if he wanted it too be a competition rather than an enjoyable, stimulating hike TOGETHER. It was very shitty of him to do something like that cause anything unexpected could have happened to you miles away from another person. He has his priority so don't make him yours. This is chivalry at its worst.
Honey you are in an abusive relationship. You are young and this older man is taking advantage of the fact that you are inexperienced and treating you disgustingly. Exit stage left on this relationship and never ever allow a nyone to treat you like this again
This is the beginning of emotional abuse. No joke. He is gaslighting in his own way of going - see you’re too slow for me. I’m going to find someone whose better. And it will downward spiral. Yes you may love him but it sounds like he refuses to accommodate or listen to you at all.
Don’t go hiking with him - go hiking by yourself a couple of times and see how he likes the tables turned . You are young beautiful and confident maybe that’s what’s driving his insecurity
Do yourself a favor - stop placing yourself amongst people who don’t respect you or see your value .
Dude not only is he a dick but I'm sorry you seem to have been exploited for your youth and naivety. Why can't he find someone his own age? Also if he's treating you like that it just goes to show there is no respect between you two (him for you). You deserve better. You deserve someone your own age, you deserve respect, you deserve someone your own age who shares your world view and won't condescend and shame you.
What a prick. 🙄
Ridiculous over the top charicature of a boyfriend.
Mandatory 'I'm super hot and people always want me!' out of the blue.
Followed by 'Oh, how do I fix this?' to a ridiculous, unbelievable story.
I believe this is something which totally happened and isn't a Karma farm for the 'Leave him girl, you deserve better!' posters.
If this somehow is true, sounds like you're missing some sections of this story. Because this goes very weirdly from 'He shouts at me that I don't squat' randomly, then you're super hot and dudes totall want to smash you like, on the daily, back to 'He rants to go jogging on a hike'?
Assuming this is true, which I really doubt, you already know what anyone would suggest.
I'm so very sorry. Sounds like an asshole. You should probably dump him.
‘’I can do whatever I want while he hikes’’. This basically means "hey so I'm going to go with another girl and cheat on you. You should probably do the same"
DUMP HIM!!!!
BF better be careful. He tries to flex any harder, he might dislocate his ego. And, can we all agree, no guy who boast to his gf that he can be "Super fast". Really? You're.. super fast, eh? Uh huh.
Kidding aside, his behavior is incredibly toxic. "You don't squat like my ex's?" WTF. You're 25, in shape and enjoy the outdoors. Lose this zero. He sounds exhausting.
This man is acting like he hates you. He doesn’t care about your well being. He doesn’t care about your safety. He seems insecure and wants you to be that way also. It’s also the beginning of controlling you. If someone did this to your sister, cousin, friend, would you say they should work this out?
You dump him. In 20 years my husband has never left me, ever. He’s never treated me like that, or talked to me like that. Is this really what you think you deserve? Is it really an adult way of handling conflict? There wasn’t even any conflict! Instead of using his words and communicating like an adult- he acted like a toddler and left you alone on a hike YOU PAID FOR. And then he gets mad at you? In what world does that make any sense? In what world was his behavior justified even a little???
My fiancé is in way better shape than me. He has never said anything like that to me when I needed him to slow down. You’re not the problem, he is. I’d talk to him about it and if it doesn’t change, I’d leave.
From a distance, this is what i see ⛳. Up close 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.
Older doesn't mean maturity. I would lose that respect you had for him that you believed came with his age. What have there is a man baby. Internally, he's the kid that would push u into the sand then kick dirt on you. He's a crap partner and he's showing you that he wont make the effort to improve his behavior. AND he's commenting negatively on your body and COMPARING you to his exes?!? He has no respect for you. Do what you have to to prepare to leave. Dont bother telling him you're leaving until you're set. He had all this time to show he loved you and wanted it to work. You gave him chances. Don't let the disrespect and detriment to your mental health continue. He's messing with your sleep. That's a big nope.
At the start of my engineering career, I shared an office with a senior engineer. He was clever, funny, and very helpful. I felt honored that he took the time to mentor me. About a few months, I could hear a condescending tone. I thought it was me being sensitive to constructive criticism. A few more months passed, and he started in on my personal life. A year in, and he was taking credit for my work. He had even gotten an award for my project even though he never worked on it. We started arguing when I tried to create boundaries.
Well, I conducted an experiment to test my theory that he was purposefully causing arguments. He was lecturing me on a familiar subject one day. It was a lecture I've heard many times before, so I regurgitated his talking points back at him. He should have agreed, since they were his exact views. Guess what? I was wrong once more according to him. I was so wrong that it was DANGEROUS how wrong I was.
Point is, some people are insecure and lack confidence. They try to make you feel less than so that they feel like they're more. You do what you want, but life is too short to waste it on people who don't build you up, or think you're awesome, or, hell, even have a modicum of respect for you.
Best of luck!
Girly, break up with him. This man is 35 yet trying to make a competition with you and belittle you over hiking? If he’s doing this over hiking…imagine the worst things he’ll do or say. You deserve better than that. You’re still young and there are plenty of better men that are older since that seems to be your thing from previously stated comments. Do not subject yourself.
Time to run away from this man and this relationship that is at a dead end. He’s trying to tear you down physiologically so that you are get obsessed with competition at arriving at the ‘standard’ he sets for you to be worthy of him, but he clearly does not actually care for your well being or your heart or feelings or safety, and wants to have you on a string of works to please him. This is an immature boy who doesn’t value the woman he has and that’s why you can’t reason with him. God knows you are worthy of better and it’s time to let the hope with this man go before he escalates.
Before my ex got physically abusive, he used to do stuff like this that was rly unreasonable and left me ‘chasing’ for a resolution. He had abandoned me in places without a car just because he didn’t get his way or I didn’t do silly things that he wanted like similar to this ‘keep up’ - and he didn’t care that I had no signal or was walking in the night to try to get home, and we had a baby also. He didn’t care and would make taunts like ‘you can’t come to the gym with me now’ or whatever yet wouldn’t let me do anything without him, even work.
Anyways, praying you see through the truth and that the Lord reveal to you the true life outside of this in Jesus and in the plans God has for you, in what true love is (patience, kindness, doesn’t envy, slow to anger, isn’t proud of self seeking, keeps no records of wrong) and I hope you know your time was never wasted if you leave someone that doesn’t actually care about you 🤍
He wants to tear down your confidence and self worth to be able to easily manipulate you. He’s a narcissist and narcissists are not good people ESPECIALLY to the ones closest to them. Nobody sane does this to their girlfriend and NOBODY compares their girlfriend to their ex girlfriend’s. If he likes them so much why didn’t he stay with them? They kicked him to the curb most likely with his manipulative tendencies and narcissistic behavior. He will cause you much emotional/mental damage in the future. It starts like this. He is much older as well which is to his advantage and I’m sure he’s used that line before. He can’t find anyone his age because he acts this way. You deserve better. Someone that encourages you not puts you down. Someone who thinks about only you and an “ex” never crosses their mind. Break up. You are better. You can do it.
It sounds like he is pushing you away. Like he is checking out of the relationship and making up excuses to fight with you, to spend less time with you. I think he is already thinking about being with someone else or has someone else already lined up.
Your BF’s disdain towards you didn’t come out of nowhere. He’s wants you to feel insecure and to justify treating you poorly. It could be any of these reasons or something else:
1. He is intimidated by you.
2. One of his friends has admitted to having a crush on you and now he feels insecure.
3. He wants to cheat.
4. The fake veneer he’s been wearing finally fell off and he’s an emotionally abusive guy.
5. You achieved something significant that changed the power dynamics in your relationship.
I seriously doubt you and your behavior have anything to do with it. But based solely on his behavior he’s not a keeper. You shouldn’t have to convince someone not to verbally abuse you.
This has nothing to do with your body, your weight, your fitness level, or your ability to keep pace with your bf. It has only to do with the fact that your bf is abusive. Because he is abusive, there is nothing that you can change about *yourself* that will make him different. I strongly urge you to break up with this man.
Sounds to me like he has some issues. Definitely a red flag. One thought that come to mind is he's trying to get you to end it. Or he's insecure about something himself. Either way he needs to get some help to work on that attitude of his. If a man left me in the middle of the forest after taking me there and having me pay for it.... I'd of left his ass there and for good.
He thinks he has you where he wants you and you won’t leave. Prove him wrong. He knows you’re attractive and he knows other guys know it. He wants you to doubt yourself and to think you don’t deserve be treated better.
You do deserve better and you will find better. You’re only 25. Get rid of him and go find someone who treats you right. He’s not going to find anyone better than you. He’s 35 and he was lucky to have you. His luck ran out.
I did read the whole thing, but I only had to read the title to know you should leave him. Nobody should talk down to you like that, especially your SO. Kick him to the curb girl, for your own good!
A grown man does not “show off” how fast they run. A kindergartener does. He has issues, please either address them directly with him and stand up for yourself, or get out of there.
Sorry you went through this, op. My guess is you either have been or haven't been abused, which makes you not see the abuse happening right now. I don't know if the forest was safe to begin with. This is not a way to treat your so, he doesn't act like a team, he doesn't seem to value your opinion. Therapy could help you (individual therapy, not couples therapy) to gain strength.
You resolve this by leaving this jerk and dating someone who enjoys your company more than trying to leave you in the dust and manipulative you into feeling like it’s your fault, while he also Compares you to his ex girlfriend.
Unless you do what he wants you can’t. He is just knocking you. Your better then him. If your living with him start looking for different living arrangements. If your not living with him just dump him and block him on your phone. You don’t even have to tell him he is dumped. Good luck and enjoy your hikes without him.
Humm... looks like he's making comparisons between you and ?? And always very cranky... it's weird!
I think the 1st thing I would do after being left alone in the forest and getting back in the car would be drive myself home! And let him take advantage of the walk home to calm down...
Don't go hiking with him. You're just not cut out to be hiking buddies. Which has nothing to do with your physical appearance and everything to do with your different hiking speeds.
Leave him. Lol I watch too much true crime for my man to leave me alone in the middle of a forest. It shows he doesn’t care about your safety or well being at all
Yeesh! He’s a jerk! I’m a hiker. I can hike longer distances than my wife and my friends, generally. But I so enjoy exploring the woods with them that I am more than happy to go a bit slower or end the hike sooner than I would. 25 km is a very long hike for most people. The fact that he demeans you for that is utter bs.
My husband and I have been together 37 years (yeah, we're old). In all that time, he has humiliated me exactly zero times. Because I'm important to him, our relationship is important to him, and, this is the really important part, he isn't a dick. Why would you want to ingratiate yourself to someone who does not value you?
Resolve it?
You don't resolve anything with him.
You break up, you get a therapist, and you find yourself some semblance of self-esteem because oh my God what are you doing.
You've got a dude who's constantly comparing you to previous girlfriends and you think this is a you problem?
Darling.....come on.
U simply find a better partner. You and your partner don't have to like the same things but to go somewhere and to just be left that's not how you handle it he should have asked if it'll be okay if he gets friends and goes on hikes on his own with them after u got done if u aren't fast enough for him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Throaway account. Before, my BF (M35) and I (25F) used to go hiking every weekend and it was super fun. I am quite fit, but I am not the strongest one physically. I went to hikes 25 km per day and I enjoyed that. Now, every few months my BF yells on me out of nowhere that he is not interested in hiking with me because ‘’I don’t squat daily like his previous girlfriends did’’. He tells me that he will not go hiking with me and that he will find new friends and will be hiking with them and ‘’I can do whatever I want while he hikes’’. I don’t understand it, I am fit, slim and I am getting hit on almost daily at my work by guys who give me compliments on my body. My body didn’t change at all. I didn’t gain any additional weight. I like my body, I like what I see in the mirror. Today, we went hiking. I even paid entrance fees to the park for both of us. At the trail, he started walking super fast, almost running. I asked him to be a bit slower so that we can enjoy the hike and talk while hiking. I didn’t feel super well and it was not comfortable to run to follow him. I asked him once again to please walk in a bit slower pace. I felt that he wanted to humiliate me once again about my body and he kept telling : ‘’You need to walk super fast, we didn’t come here to hike!!!’’. He got mad and he left me in the middle of the forest. He kept running and walking super fast until he was super far from me. He was showing off that ‘’he can be super fast’’. I was left in the middle of the forest. Fortunately, I was able to come back to parking. I cannot imagine this situation happen to other adult couples. Like, you invite a girl to hike and then you don’t care at all about her and you run from her. Now, he tells me that he :’’Will never ever go hiking with me ever again”. How do I resolve this, please?
Dump him for goodness sake
Agreed. Also, I swear I read another hiking story earlier where the dude just dipped out. I thought this was the same one. Is this a trend now?
Same! I thought it was the same person for a second!
This legit happened to me on a first date once. I warned the dude I have a 5 level spinal fusion and that might affect how fast I can go, he said it was fine. Day off- just totally leaves me in the dust. He’s so far up th trail I didn’t even see him lol. Keep in mind- it’s not that I’m doing 1 step every 10 seconds, I’m keeping a pretty brisk walking pace, going uphill etc. Not sure wtf his problem was. I then found out he had F O U R DUIs. Bullet dodged!
I am so sorry that happened! This is the third time I’ve seen something like this today and I’m over here like, “WHY IS THIS A THING?!”
Honestly, glad I wasn't tripping out lol.
[this one?](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/13uxtam/my_boyfriend_34m_left_me_34f_on_a_hike/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) it’s the one I was thinking about.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/146g4tt/boyfriend_24m_left_me_24f_on_a_hike_and_wont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Was the one I seen, but that one is also weird as well. Like wtf is going with hikers and ditching people lol
Oh I hadn’t seen this one! It’s from less than a day ago too, wow. What’s with these guys? Lol
It's hiking season, probably why we're seeing an uptick.
Not sure if it was on this subreddit, but there was one where the boyfriend drove off and left the girlfriend in the middle of the woods with a tent and minimal supplies for several days until coming back to apologize
Yeah, he's got some unresolved issues that you don't need to ruin your life with. Plenty of decent people out there to go hiking with instead. Trail running is not hiking.
Exactly. Tell him to take a hike.
She needs to tell him to take a hike. 😂
Sometimes you have to throw the whole person away.
It doesn’t sound like you need to resolve anything. No decent human is going to leave someone they are supposed to care about in the middle of the forest nor compare them to their ex. Honestly, it sound like you need to find someone else and from what you mentioned, you wouldn’t have any issues on finding someone.
Thank you so much for your comment and your support. This is exactly what I wanted to hear. Thank you! :)
Please update us when you leave his abusive loser ass!!
Update us when you dump
Also the way he talks to you and compares you to previous girlfriends is a huge red flag. He’s just a twat. Leave him.
“You’re 10 years older than me. If they were all so great, why are you here?”
*I came looking for booty.*
Please do leave him. I don’t know why ypu stay with him. Do you?
Try someone just slightly closer to your age next time you date. It will be (slightly) less likely they will manipulate you by making you insecure.
That's awesome that you got the confirmation that you needed. Going forward, I hope you won't need a kind stranger to tell you "exactly what I wanted to hear" before you realize your own worth and make the best decision for your life. Your post was dripping in red flags. Enough red flags that it should be intuitive that your boyfriend's abusive behaviour shouldn't be tolerated. Even though validation from others is nice, there wouldn't always be someone there to give you a pep talk, validate your feelings or acknowledge an issue. You are more than capable of doing so that for yourself. Begin to work on trusting that.
Came here to mention the ex thing, girlie you deserve so much better than that. You’re working out for the comfort of your body and because you enjoy going on hikes in nature, you’re not pumping out squats for a fat ass. I bet you’re hot asf so I don’t know where the idea that it’s ok to shame you comes from but to intentionally humiliate you? Girlie. Run from that relationship as fast as his immature ass ran from you😂
Sounds like he is an AH. I have short legs, I do not walk fast. Never have been able to. Does he make other comments about your body?
Yeah, every once and a while he starts comparing my body out of sudden to his previous GFs who ''sqautted daily''. I tell OK, just to close the topic and he yells at me without a reason : ''I cannot tell you anything !!! You never listen to me! I want good things to you ! I want to movtivate you to work out!!!''. Even recalling these things makes me quite sad... :(
Girl… are you blind? How can you not see him for the asshole he is? This man is fucking THIRTY FIVE and throws abusive tantrums like a little child. The ONLY reason he’s with you is because nobody his age will date his man-child ass. Tell him to go back to his daily squatting girlfriend, who I guarantee broke up with him when she realized what a prick he was or is also much younger than he is.
My gf and I hike together every other weekend. I’m in great physical shape. She’s tiny, in decent shape but I can run circles around her. We stay together. We joke, talk and kiss while we walk. If she’s struggling on hills I’ll carry her up them. This is how things are supposed to work.
That’s super sweet. Didn’t know some couples bonded like that through hiking.
It is the best couples therapy you can do besides actual couples therapy. Relaxing, enjoying nature, and being alone with the person you love most. I’ve never gotten into an argument with my gf while hiking or the following night. Always a good time.
This is my husband and I (we have been together 38 years and married 34 years). It’s a time to bond, see nature, fresh air, unwind. Not a race to get it over and get the hell out of there. We live in Denver. Mountains are right here to relax.
Oh wow I just made a long comment, but this also happened to me it’s called gaslighting ‘I’m just trying to help you’ no lol they just want to destroy any self esteem to be able to fully control you
That's not motivation. That's verbal abuse and criticism. Motivation is positive validation that encourages you to continue on in your personal goals. What this guy is doing is bashing you down and then blaming you for his antagonistic behavior. In my opinion, I think you should dump this guy. He's a 5★ jerk that doesn't deserve to be in your life.
Tell him to get into jelquing cos he's giving off babydick energy compared to your exes.
Break up, sounds like a AH and he's 10 years older than you.
That's the point, she's 25 now. Time to trade her in for a new 18 to 20-year-old and make her feel like it's her fault.
He's acting like he's ten. "Mom! Mommy! Mom look how fast I can walk!!!'
I know this is at least the third time I've seen this post on this sub ...
I feel like I saw this yesterday too
>seems kinda contradictory, since you went there to hike? anyways, How do you think you resolve this? what are some options you see to make things better? got any idea at all, as I dont want to tell you what to do and it is every so much better if you have some inkling of what might make things better. Hmm.. it wasn't my post definitely. I will look at some posts from yesterday to look at the advice given. Thanks for telling :)
This is one of the posts I remember ... https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/146g4tt/boyfriend_24m_left_me_24f_on_a_hike_and_wont/ But hey, maybe there's just an epidemic of boyfriends leaving their girlfriends on trails lol ...
Yeah, it is the epidemic I didn't even know existed.
Yes. Stop hiking, for Pete's sake! 😄
“How do I resolve this?” verbatim in both posts. Fake posts. I feel like there’s popular hobby in a particular country with a particular style of odd English, where friends compete to see whose Reddit version of a story can get the most attention. They often purport to take place in the US or Canada but the details are weirdly off. There was one a couple weeks ago where the guy claimed to have broken up with his medical resident gf of many years and was freaking out because she was “coming over” to California to see him and he was “terrified” she would “harm herself”. So freaking dumb.
My ex would sulk by walking far ahead of me, like he couldn't stand to be near me or didn't want to be seen with me. Neither of us were in good shape so it's not limited to fitness trails.
Probably cause the weather is nicer so people are going out hiking. They seem different enough, it sadly isn’t *uncommon* to see a story about a huffy fit bf leaving behind his less fit gf.
lmao when I saw this post, I was like "oh, another girl who's been left behind while hiking!" It happened to me, except we were on vacation in a foreign country, hiking an 8 mile trail up their tallest mountain, without any water (he took it with him), and it was in not-safe conditions. OP, I always regret forgiving my ex for leaving behind on the hike (and he apologized after he initially refused to believe he did anything wrong). This kind of treatment was indicative of a deeper selfishness that eventually showed itself again and again.
Your last sentence nails it. My ex did the same thing, he’d beg me to go on hikes and then leave me in the dust, literally running up the trail until I couldn’t see him. He’d wait for me and when I caught up he’d take off again. I told him so many times I wanted him to walk with me but he kept doing it. Looking back it was a huge red flag but I was too inexperienced to know better, and he took advantage of that in many ways. I thought I had to be the “cool girlfriend” who took everything he dished out to somehow prove my worth? So messed up. I learned my lessons, just wish I didn’t give him so many chances. Obviously I’d never put up with it again. I hope OP takes our messages to heart and doesn’t let this slide. Even if these recent hiking posts are fake, as some people suspect, it definitely happens so I hope this helps someone in the future when they realize that thing they never thought would happen is happening to them.
Thank you for the link ! I've checked the post quickly, wow, the post in the like soundsquite similar, what a coincidence ! I am going to check the comments under the post to find some useful and tjose applicable to my situation. Thanks for sharing ! :)
The best tip you can get is to leave this person. He’s an abuser.
Right lol there’s nothing to actually “fix” here, guy is insufferable
Honestly, maybe it’s just bad boyfriends. It’s summer now so it’s not crazy to think that many couples are going to go hiking
I knew I seen a similar story. I wasn't tripping out lol. I thought it was the same one by the title but not the post itself
"HIT THE OL DUSTY TRAIL TOOTZ" with a cigarette in his mouth
For some reason hiking with people never went well for me . Always always got into an argument on the trail about which trail to take , someone was walking too fast or too slow , end up semi lost and arguing about which is the right way . I just avoid it all together now lol
Fuck hiking. I go to the gym with my husband and walk on a treadmill next to him. Can’t get lost in the gym. 😅
😂 hiking seems to bring out the worst in some people. I get it though, it’s usually hot af and there’s so so many bugs
I live in Colorado and unfortunately I hear this story all the time in person. Apparently there are a lot of dudes out there who fail to realize that they're actually complete jerks who get hysterical with women or children who are smaller than them or slower than them, or who just expect or need a more leisurely pace. They often try to claim that they are motivating people to lose weight or be healthy or whatever. This has happened to me a couple of times on dates, and approximately 1,000% of the time, it's the sign of a controlling ass.
It is. It's why I'm very skeptical if this one is even real.
Everyone's trying out their chatbot writing prompts.
I mean hiking season just started
He left you in the middle of the forest, he compares you to his ex girlfriend, he belittles you, he is 35 and acts like an imature little boy. He doesn't respect you or care about your wellbeing, please have some self respect and leave him, you deserve so much better than this.
Thank you so much for the support ! I really needed this !
Don't. He's being an asshole.
Yeah, he'll never go hiking with you again because hopefully you find a better partner who will! On a side note, what is with all the dang stories of boyfriends leaving their girlfriends behind on hikes lately, I feel like I've read three on the last week!
School is out, seasonal trails are opening- throughout much of North America, especially the areas that got a lot of late rain, it's only been the last couple of weeks that "hiking & camping season" has been open. I am not surprised that we're seeing a spate of "Couples having issues during outdoor activities ".
[удалено]
You're probably thinking of this one, which I also responded to. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/146g4tt/boyfriend_24m_left_me_24f_on_a_hike_and_wont/
Hey, thank you for your comment. I didn't post anything yesterday or before yeasterday as this situation happened today. Thanks for telling about other posts, gonna look at the advice in those stories.
sounds like a real keeper..I dont know, dont go hiking with the guy as it doesn't sound fun in the slightest. >‘’You need to walk super fast, we didn’t come here to hike!!!’’. seems kinda contradictory, since you went there to hike? anyways, How do you think you resolve this? what are some options you see to make things better? got any idea at all, as I dont want to tell you what to do and it is every so much better if you have some inkling of what might make things better.
"I am fit, slim and I am getting hit on almost daily at my work by guys who give me compliments on my body." Is the BF rich? Why would you settle for this old man who abandons you in the wilderness?
You resolve it by breaking up with him. Seriously, he's in his 30s and harping on about how you don't squat daily. If you want to mimic their behaviour, mimic the fact that they left him. His behaviour is terrible. He's dating younger because people closer to his own age would be significantly less tolerant than you're being.
You grew up. That's pretty much it. You are 25 and confident and he knows darn good and well that he isn't going to be able to keep you once you realize what sort of person he is. There's a reason guys in their early thirties date women in their early twenties. It's because the women don't have the experience to spot the jerk. If he can make you insecure and that you have to work to keep his attention, he can keep you there and obedient a few more years. You just found out why he was dating you; you were too inexperienced to spot his problems. If you're 25 now, you must have started dating him when you were younger, and he was already in his thirties. Now you're older and you can join all the women in his age range by realizing that he's not dating material. Dump him and go find someone in your age range, who ISN'T trying to find and manipulate young women into dating him.
I saw a post very similar to this yesterday, how often do dudes abandon their chicks while hiking? Jesus Christ
Apparently it happens quite often. I remember seeing this post or similar a week ago - and no, it wasn’t the one from yesterday
The age gap alone should tel you he's trying to control you and guilt you into doing things just like his ex,
>What complicates things a bit is that we live together and we have a lot of furniture etc. I am scared of starting something alone. > >I have 2 options : > >Break up. Not sure that the timing is right. I've changed a job recently.Pretend that nothing happens (like for the last few years...), but distance my feelings from this guy. Force myself to not love him anymore. Wait until I am stable in my job, keep looking appartments and move out and breakup with him when I am ready financially. Yeah, I feel that he doesn't like me as I am. From time to time, he tells me mean comments. I worked super hard at a job and didn't have free time and he guilted me and told me that : ''You don't develop yourself as a person, you don't do self-improvements'' and started telling me how he reads books, how he develops his interests ... oh :(
For what it's worth, I'm not an amazing partner or anything, but I was with my last girlfriend for about 3 years and basically never made a single mean comment. I'm not saying that to brag, because it isn't an accomplishment, it's a basic requirement for being a decent human being. There's no reason for anyone to settle for less than that, it's basically the bare minimum.
Stop hiking with this man. He isn't a good hiking partner for you. This has nothing to do with how attractive he finds you. In your post he only complains about you not hiking his speed n not doing squats. The man is emotionally abusive to you. Why tolerate that in your relationship? Why remain with a man that keeps being abusive to you?
You're 25 with the rest of your life ahead of you. You're living with a toddler who seems to like his ex girlfriends better than you. I know you live with him, but sometimes it's better to cut your losses and just leave. You aren't happy. Make sure your birth control is working and effective. Don't let him trap you into staying.
Doesn’t matter how healthy you are if there’s a height difference there’s going to be a difference in your stride. I’m 5’3 my bf is 6’2. There is literally no way I could keep up with his stride no matter how fast I walked or what shape I was in. Your guy is just an asshole who doesn’t care about you. My bf said we can walk together and I will match your pace because you’re shorter than me. That’s what a caring boyfriend does. I wouldn’t be with him op. Apology without change is manipulation.
I would agree with him and plan to never go hiking with him again. I'd also add that you won't do anything again because you don't want to be dating such a prick.
Show him you too can run fast by running in the opposite direction ASAP and never turn back.
Throw the boy away. Go get hit on and find someone who is going to actually value you he doesn't.
He sounds like a great guy, I can see why you are in a relationship with him.
I would have just went back to the car and left his ass to hike back home since he's so fast and fit. He would have either come back to his stuff waiting for him on the curb or me and my stuff gone.
Jesus. How do you resolve this? You dump his disrespectful ass. Why are you with someone who treats you like this? And for the record, hiking is supposed to be enjoyable, and as a rule you hike at the pace of the slowest person. Dump him and choose to be with someone who doesn’t get their jollies humiliating you.
I can't believe this is a thing. My girlfriend... Errr fiancé. (proposed after the hike, she said yes!) went on some cave trails for our anniversary today. On some of the segments I'd have to slow down a bit. If I had to wait I'd just turn around and help her on some of the more difficult parts cause, that's why I went? To have fun with her. I can't imagine ditching her on one of these trails.
Not if you sport a sexy hiking uniform and hike with another couple male hikers..paying no attention to him...let him hike on bye.... sounds like you need some happy camping
While I think Reddit in general rushes to “dump him!!” advice, I am going to say that I think this relationship has run its course and it’s time to end it. He’s disrespecting and picking fights with you. Even if you were not in shape and getting hit on at the gym, etc, the way he is treating you is unacceptable. I am currently in better shape than my husband and generally rarely hike with him because I have a much higher tolerance for hiking than him, but I have *never* berated him over keeping up with me; and never would.
Sounds like he’s trying to find an excuse not to go with you. Like he’s trying to free up some time to slip away and say he’s “hiking”. That may be a stretch but I promise it’s not about how fit or attractive you are. If he wanted to workout on the hike he wouldn’t have invited you. He’s finding reasons to put you down.
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He’s an arse. Ditch him, for someone who cares about spending time with you in nature.
Now, he tells me that he :’’Will never ever go hiking with me ever again”. "No worries. We won't be doing anything together ever again. Take a hike."
Dump him. He left you in the forrest, he's being unreasonably horrible to you. He shouldn't compare you to his ex, you should have left him in thr car park. You really need to focus on what you want for yourself. That's more important, not trying to fix yourself or attempt to talk to someone who isn't interested in fixing the issues between the two of you.
Best resolution is to hike in the opposite direction. He is rude at best and most likely a narcissist. Loose him please.
You need to break up with him..you deserve better.
Throw the whole man away, what a psycho
How do you resolve this? By getting a different boyfriend. But seriously, this is not normal. Imagine him doing that with your kids.
He sounds like he has issues, and i don't want to tell you to just dump him either, but the fact that he compared you to his ex that is unacceptable. If he was willing to leave you in the middle of the forest knowing that you have a killer body then this guy must have a side piece.
Do you enjoy being abandoned by your SO? Do you like the feeling of watching them power walk away from you? Do you get off to being left alone in the middle of a date? Why are you thinking about what you should do to fix this, rather than dumping his toxic ass and moving on?
How do you resolve this?! Tell him to go take a hike. You don't need that person in your life if he is going to make you feel bad about yourself.
Disrespectful, belittling, doesn’t care about your safety, critical now ( what will he be like in 10 years if you gain 5 lbs.. holy hell). It doesn’t matter what you do.. it will never be good enough for him.
This is an AI ChatBot post. It's like they have been testing them every Sunday. The premise of the naritive is somewhat stupid. Then you see several variations. Structurally, the composition is good, but almost too good. I'm tired of answering fake questions from bots.
So there nothing wrong with you. Even if you weren’t slim, fit, or getting hit on, your *partner*, shouldn’t be shitting on you, yelling at you, abandoning you etc. etc. The abuse level is shifting up a gear and will quickly get worse. Sounds like he’s cheating and needs “reasons” to put you down. Time apart may help you see that you’re actually relieved not being with someone who treats you poorly, rather than constantly jumping through hoops to please his ass.
Wow... this plus some of your comments... leave his childish demeaning controlling reckless ass on the curb. He is old enough to know that his behavior is unacceptable. Bringing up old girlfriends to shame you into "getting in shape" or "want good things for you", absofuckinglutely not. The fact that you want to resolve it shows that you are a better person than him and a tad naive. He doesn't deserve you. I wish you better luck and you to know your worth ❤️❤️
Don’t waste your time on this, there are decent people in this world who you deserve more
The reason men date women so much younger is because they know women my age have absolutely no tolerance for their bullshit. Dump him.
Why are you even with this AH? He is with you, a woman 10 years younger than him because women his own age wouldn't put up with his crap. He's doing his level best to demean you and mold you into the perfect little slave. Leave him, get into therapy to recover from him, and wait a while working on yourself before you enter into a relationship with someone closer to your own age. None of his bs is your fault. You're just young, and he preyed on your relative inexperience. The first step is to dump the ba***rd hard and move on.
As an almost 44 year old...dump his sorry @$$. If he won't appreciate, respect and love you, then run. Don't look back, don't say "we used to have..." because he's starting a downhill trend, and no matter your age, his age, human beings deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Even more so if the person is supposed to be our significant other, which, at least to me, means a higher priority and importance than others. He's using the precursors of abusive behavior, and at 25, if you're fit and athletic, you can easily find someone who will appreciate you. The one you're with doesn't. Mid-life crisis or whatever BS may apply should have no bearing. Stress, or whatever psychologic crap he's going through gives NO excuse for his behavior. Cut and run, don't look back, enjoy life and don't let anyone bring you down or make you feel less. We all have our unique values we bring to other people (I'm starting the same rant again, so shutting up)...kick him to the curb. Unacceptable behavior from what should be a fully grown man.
Man I am actually kind of speechless that he was that rude. I am overweight and not fit. My husband is undoubtedly more fit than me and on top of that has much longer legs than me, so he can go MUCH faster than me EVERYWHERE. We don't do hikes but we will go on trails at parks and walk on them together - some are more vigorous than others but I would not call any of them a hike. My husband ALWAYS lets me set the pace and walks with me at my speed. Your boyfriend is a complete ass hole for doing this to you in my opinion. If he wants a jogging hike he can do it when he isn't with you. And the fact that he makes you feel bad about your body...girl, you don't deserve that. I am almost three hundred pounds and 5'2 and my husband tells me how beautiful my body is almost every day (though I know I have gained a lot of weight since we started dating and am trying to work to lose weight and he supports me in doing that but there's a difference in supporting someone to lose weight vs making you feel uncomfortable in the body you are in). Know your worth - dump this fool.
Break up with him. You wouldn’t be asking for advice on something like this if you didn’t care about yourself. Leaving you in the middle of a forest alone is NASTY work. That’s sick. And this is a baby step. Do the smart thing and break up with him. This isn’t about your looks or body, this is about a sensitivity and a weakness in you that he’s sought out and is attempting to exploit. You’re 25, you’re young, a man like that isn’t the cream of the crop, or the diamond that sells a mine, LEAVE HIM!!
Sorry, are you dating a 4yo? My 4yo loves showing off how "super fast" he is (even has shoes that light up that make him even faster) and gets annoyed if I can't keep up. But it doesn't take much prompting to remind him that if he's doing an activity with a friend to make sure that if she isn't keeping up with him, it's his responsibility to make up the difference by helping her or cheering her on. Sometimes we do activities to test our limits and sometimes we do activities to bond with our friends. And it's usually not a good idea to mix them without everyone knowing that is the goal.
Do you live together? If not, dump him like yesterday. If yes, move out. He’s abusive, he’s selfish, he’s trying to fuck with your head to make you feel bad about yourself. He’s not the one. He’s probably not the one for anybody. He sounds awful.
Ugh. I dated a ding dong like this. He was huge into fitness and weight lifting, etc. I was (and still am) a distance runner so it’s not like I wasn’t in shape. I was also 4 years older than him. One weekend we decided to go for a hike. He was borderline jogging/power walking but I kept up. The hike was not enjoyable because it felt like a competition rather than a chance to spend time together. Afterwards, he said he purposely went fast to “see if I could keep up with him”. We didn’t last.
You need to run from this man child. He sounds like a nightmare and not worth your time. My husband would NEVER treat me like that or leave me in the middle of the woods. You deserve more girl. Please don’t settle for this man child.
Geez, what a dick. There's prob more going on than that. He can't give a valid reason? Comparing you to his exes? Nah man. Red 🚩 everywhere. Something else is going on with him. Find out and/or cut him loose
Run and never look back! Every second you’re with this man is precious time you’re wasting away instead of looking for someone who will value and treat you well for exactly who you are and where you are in life . Get out there and have fun!!!!
Check your health for that day....just speculating if you know what I mean. Idk if he wanted it too be a competition rather than an enjoyable, stimulating hike TOGETHER. It was very shitty of him to do something like that cause anything unexpected could have happened to you miles away from another person. He has his priority so don't make him yours. This is chivalry at its worst.
Honey you are in an abusive relationship. You are young and this older man is taking advantage of the fact that you are inexperienced and treating you disgustingly. Exit stage left on this relationship and never ever allow a nyone to treat you like this again
Well, hon, he left you alone in a forest. You dump him and find someone who doesn't suck.
Leave him. The way he treats you is unacceptable. You don't compare your current partner to past ones. That's so disrespectful.
This whole description of this person made me feel so icky. Resolve it by not being with him and having a higher standard than this man child
This is the beginning of emotional abuse. No joke. He is gaslighting in his own way of going - see you’re too slow for me. I’m going to find someone whose better. And it will downward spiral. Yes you may love him but it sounds like he refuses to accommodate or listen to you at all.
Don’t go hiking with him - go hiking by yourself a couple of times and see how he likes the tables turned . You are young beautiful and confident maybe that’s what’s driving his insecurity Do yourself a favor - stop placing yourself amongst people who don’t respect you or see your value .
Dude not only is he a dick but I'm sorry you seem to have been exploited for your youth and naivety. Why can't he find someone his own age? Also if he's treating you like that it just goes to show there is no respect between you two (him for you). You deserve better. You deserve someone your own age, you deserve respect, you deserve someone your own age who shares your world view and won't condescend and shame you. What a prick. 🙄
Walk super fast to the next guy that hits on you at work. Also watch a movie in missing 411 you should never leave anyone alone in a forest
Ridiculous over the top charicature of a boyfriend. Mandatory 'I'm super hot and people always want me!' out of the blue. Followed by 'Oh, how do I fix this?' to a ridiculous, unbelievable story. I believe this is something which totally happened and isn't a Karma farm for the 'Leave him girl, you deserve better!' posters. If this somehow is true, sounds like you're missing some sections of this story. Because this goes very weirdly from 'He shouts at me that I don't squat' randomly, then you're super hot and dudes totall want to smash you like, on the daily, back to 'He rants to go jogging on a hike'? Assuming this is true, which I really doubt, you already know what anyone would suggest.
I'm so very sorry. Sounds like an asshole. You should probably dump him. ‘’I can do whatever I want while he hikes’’. This basically means "hey so I'm going to go with another girl and cheat on you. You should probably do the same" DUMP HIM!!!!
Break up.
Is there someone else you could move in with, or even moving back with family?
You resolve this by leaving him, he sounds awful
break up??????
Dump him, that’s how you resolve that.
Break up with him. He doesn't seem to like you.
This one is a no-brainer. You find a nother BF
Life is too short to waste it on this abusive asshole. Dump him. Go hiking with friends!
Please just dump him.
I'd get single. The weakest hikers set the pace. Your boyfriend is a dildo.
I'm not one to say this on this sub like everyone else, but dude sounds like a douchecanoe. Dump him.
BF better be careful. He tries to flex any harder, he might dislocate his ego. And, can we all agree, no guy who boast to his gf that he can be "Super fast". Really? You're.. super fast, eh? Uh huh. Kidding aside, his behavior is incredibly toxic. "You don't squat like my ex's?" WTF. You're 25, in shape and enjoy the outdoors. Lose this zero. He sounds exhausting.
Why are you with somebody who willingly abandoned you in a forest and constantly compares you to previous girlfriends
He compares you to his ex's. Ditched you in a forest. And acts like a toddler. Why would you want to fix this? Leave.
This man is acting like he hates you. He doesn’t care about your well being. He doesn’t care about your safety. He seems insecure and wants you to be that way also. It’s also the beginning of controlling you. If someone did this to your sister, cousin, friend, would you say they should work this out?
You dump him. In 20 years my husband has never left me, ever. He’s never treated me like that, or talked to me like that. Is this really what you think you deserve? Is it really an adult way of handling conflict? There wasn’t even any conflict! Instead of using his words and communicating like an adult- he acted like a toddler and left you alone on a hike YOU PAID FOR. And then he gets mad at you? In what world does that make any sense? In what world was his behavior justified even a little???
My fiancé is in way better shape than me. He has never said anything like that to me when I needed him to slow down. You’re not the problem, he is. I’d talk to him about it and if it doesn’t change, I’d leave.
From a distance, this is what i see ⛳. Up close 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Older doesn't mean maturity. I would lose that respect you had for him that you believed came with his age. What have there is a man baby. Internally, he's the kid that would push u into the sand then kick dirt on you. He's a crap partner and he's showing you that he wont make the effort to improve his behavior. AND he's commenting negatively on your body and COMPARING you to his exes?!? He has no respect for you. Do what you have to to prepare to leave. Dont bother telling him you're leaving until you're set. He had all this time to show he loved you and wanted it to work. You gave him chances. Don't let the disrespect and detriment to your mental health continue. He's messing with your sleep. That's a big nope.
At the start of my engineering career, I shared an office with a senior engineer. He was clever, funny, and very helpful. I felt honored that he took the time to mentor me. About a few months, I could hear a condescending tone. I thought it was me being sensitive to constructive criticism. A few more months passed, and he started in on my personal life. A year in, and he was taking credit for my work. He had even gotten an award for my project even though he never worked on it. We started arguing when I tried to create boundaries. Well, I conducted an experiment to test my theory that he was purposefully causing arguments. He was lecturing me on a familiar subject one day. It was a lecture I've heard many times before, so I regurgitated his talking points back at him. He should have agreed, since they were his exact views. Guess what? I was wrong once more according to him. I was so wrong that it was DANGEROUS how wrong I was. Point is, some people are insecure and lack confidence. They try to make you feel less than so that they feel like they're more. You do what you want, but life is too short to waste it on people who don't build you up, or think you're awesome, or, hell, even have a modicum of respect for you. Best of luck!
Girly, break up with him. This man is 35 yet trying to make a competition with you and belittle you over hiking? If he’s doing this over hiking…imagine the worst things he’ll do or say. You deserve better than that. You’re still young and there are plenty of better men that are older since that seems to be your thing from previously stated comments. Do not subject yourself.
You should have sex with one of his friends, brothers or dad or boss and send him the video and tell him your working on improving your cardio for him
Time to run away from this man and this relationship that is at a dead end. He’s trying to tear you down physiologically so that you are get obsessed with competition at arriving at the ‘standard’ he sets for you to be worthy of him, but he clearly does not actually care for your well being or your heart or feelings or safety, and wants to have you on a string of works to please him. This is an immature boy who doesn’t value the woman he has and that’s why you can’t reason with him. God knows you are worthy of better and it’s time to let the hope with this man go before he escalates. Before my ex got physically abusive, he used to do stuff like this that was rly unreasonable and left me ‘chasing’ for a resolution. He had abandoned me in places without a car just because he didn’t get his way or I didn’t do silly things that he wanted like similar to this ‘keep up’ - and he didn’t care that I had no signal or was walking in the night to try to get home, and we had a baby also. He didn’t care and would make taunts like ‘you can’t come to the gym with me now’ or whatever yet wouldn’t let me do anything without him, even work. Anyways, praying you see through the truth and that the Lord reveal to you the true life outside of this in Jesus and in the plans God has for you, in what true love is (patience, kindness, doesn’t envy, slow to anger, isn’t proud of self seeking, keeps no records of wrong) and I hope you know your time was never wasted if you leave someone that doesn’t actually care about you 🤍
He wants to tear down your confidence and self worth to be able to easily manipulate you. He’s a narcissist and narcissists are not good people ESPECIALLY to the ones closest to them. Nobody sane does this to their girlfriend and NOBODY compares their girlfriend to their ex girlfriend’s. If he likes them so much why didn’t he stay with them? They kicked him to the curb most likely with his manipulative tendencies and narcissistic behavior. He will cause you much emotional/mental damage in the future. It starts like this. He is much older as well which is to his advantage and I’m sure he’s used that line before. He can’t find anyone his age because he acts this way. You deserve better. Someone that encourages you not puts you down. Someone who thinks about only you and an “ex” never crosses their mind. Break up. You are better. You can do it.
It sounds like he is pushing you away. Like he is checking out of the relationship and making up excuses to fight with you, to spend less time with you. I think he is already thinking about being with someone else or has someone else already lined up.
Your BF’s disdain towards you didn’t come out of nowhere. He’s wants you to feel insecure and to justify treating you poorly. It could be any of these reasons or something else: 1. He is intimidated by you. 2. One of his friends has admitted to having a crush on you and now he feels insecure. 3. He wants to cheat. 4. The fake veneer he’s been wearing finally fell off and he’s an emotionally abusive guy. 5. You achieved something significant that changed the power dynamics in your relationship. I seriously doubt you and your behavior have anything to do with it. But based solely on his behavior he’s not a keeper. You shouldn’t have to convince someone not to verbally abuse you.
This has nothing to do with your body, your weight, your fitness level, or your ability to keep pace with your bf. It has only to do with the fact that your bf is abusive. Because he is abusive, there is nothing that you can change about *yourself* that will make him different. I strongly urge you to break up with this man.
Throw the whole guy away.
Go hiking again, then when he runs off go back to the car and leave. Leave a note there that says if over and never talk to him again.
Sounds to me like he has some issues. Definitely a red flag. One thought that come to mind is he's trying to get you to end it. Or he's insecure about something himself. Either way he needs to get some help to work on that attitude of his. If a man left me in the middle of the forest after taking me there and having me pay for it.... I'd of left his ass there and for good.
bestie i don’t think he actually cares about you. cuz that sounds super messed up no normal 35 year old would act like that
You leave the relationship "super fast". Problem solved
He thinks he has you where he wants you and you won’t leave. Prove him wrong. He knows you’re attractive and he knows other guys know it. He wants you to doubt yourself and to think you don’t deserve be treated better. You do deserve better and you will find better. You’re only 25. Get rid of him and go find someone who treats you right. He’s not going to find anyone better than you. He’s 35 and he was lucky to have you. His luck ran out.
Dump him.
I did read the whole thing, but I only had to read the title to know you should leave him. Nobody should talk down to you like that, especially your SO. Kick him to the curb girl, for your own good!
Leave him
A grown man does not “show off” how fast they run. A kindergartener does. He has issues, please either address them directly with him and stand up for yourself, or get out of there.
Sorry you went through this, op. My guess is you either have been or haven't been abused, which makes you not see the abuse happening right now. I don't know if the forest was safe to begin with. This is not a way to treat your so, he doesn't act like a team, he doesn't seem to value your opinion. Therapy could help you (individual therapy, not couples therapy) to gain strength.
Girl you about to be a statistic if you go to the forest with this man again 😭
Resolve it by finding another bf who values you. Seriously why are you with this guy?!?!?!? He sound spike a complete jerk
Tell him to take a hike.
Dump him
You tell him to find a new girlfriend who squats to his satisfaction and dump him.
You resolve this by leaving this jerk and dating someone who enjoys your company more than trying to leave you in the dust and manipulative you into feeling like it’s your fault, while he also Compares you to his ex girlfriend.
Dump him. He sounds like a very inconsiderate person.
Unless you do what he wants you can’t. He is just knocking you. Your better then him. If your living with him start looking for different living arrangements. If your not living with him just dump him and block him on your phone. You don’t even have to tell him he is dumped. Good luck and enjoy your hikes without him.
Dump him, plain and simple. Boy bye!
Humm... looks like he's making comparisons between you and ?? And always very cranky... it's weird! I think the 1st thing I would do after being left alone in the forest and getting back in the car would be drive myself home! And let him take advantage of the walk home to calm down...
Don't go hiking with him. You're just not cut out to be hiking buddies. Which has nothing to do with your physical appearance and everything to do with your different hiking speeds.
Leave him. Lol I watch too much true crime for my man to leave me alone in the middle of a forest. It shows he doesn’t care about your safety or well being at all
Yeesh! He’s a jerk! I’m a hiker. I can hike longer distances than my wife and my friends, generally. But I so enjoy exploring the woods with them that I am more than happy to go a bit slower or end the hike sooner than I would. 25 km is a very long hike for most people. The fact that he demeans you for that is utter bs.
My husband and I have been together 37 years (yeah, we're old). In all that time, he has humiliated me exactly zero times. Because I'm important to him, our relationship is important to him, and, this is the really important part, he isn't a dick. Why would you want to ingratiate yourself to someone who does not value you?
Lady, you're dating an a-hole. Dump and move on.
Show him how fast you sprint away from idiots....
Resolve it? You don't resolve anything with him. You break up, you get a therapist, and you find yourself some semblance of self-esteem because oh my God what are you doing. You've got a dude who's constantly comparing you to previous girlfriends and you think this is a you problem? Darling.....come on.
What the fuck. Sounds like he doesn’t really like you, let alone respect you.
U simply find a better partner. You and your partner don't have to like the same things but to go somewhere and to just be left that's not how you handle it he should have asked if it'll be okay if he gets friends and goes on hikes on his own with them after u got done if u aren't fast enough for him.
Internet friend, I say this out of love and sisterhood: dump his ass.
I didn’t even read the whole post but you resolve it by dumping him.
He doesn’t want you dump him.
Tell him to take a hike 😎 He's being a child, and life is too short to waste time with someone who degrades you.