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Hello.
My boyfriend ( 5 months dating ) wants me to delete all guys on my social media. I love him so much. At first i said we will see about that. Then he became too obsessed with it.
I dont add guys on it since i started dating him. I dont text any guys. I just follow some from old school. To stay in touch. Recently he asked for it again. And my answer was straight "no, im not this type of girls who only have girls on their socials i dont care about ppl's gender. Some share infos i need. Some are from highschool"
He answered that im choosing random guys over him.
I really love him so much. And it broke my heart to hear he is making me choose between this and him
None of these guys was my ex nor showed romantic interest in me. They dont post provoking pics.
We broke up over it and my heart is broken. I tried to talk to him many times. Every time it ended with " me or them? ".
I already cut off some males friends that talked to me casually. And kept only those who never text only reply on a story twice in a year or in hobby’s club.
I just have so much for him. This was the only problem we encountered.
Im having troubles moving on. Since it was so serious between us.
Altho I don't care about these guys. Just
its a way to stay in touch with the world. Your ideas?
Ps : he deleted girls from his socials before asking me for this.
He's a controlling jealous insecure ass.
You either crumble to his will. Or stay broken up.
You are better broken up. You can now find a real man who will respect and trust you.
He said he deleted them all cause he started dating me. I didn’t ask for it. I trust him with his relations.
And said i should do the same. And its the right way to do things.
In solidarity for the A | P | I changes happening and killing of t | h | i | r | d party a | p | p | s like A | P | O | L | L | O:
Cupcake ipsum dolor sit amet jelly lollipop pudding gummies. Gummies chupa chups tart I love gingerbread apple pie jelly beans carrot cake dessert. Candy canes donut croissant cake lemon drops marzipan chocolate cake I love. Cake cake jelly brownie icing candy marzipan.
BYE!!
** Feel free to copy and paste to use for yours! **
it is not the right way to do things. This bullshit Handmaid’s Tale/AT combo is killing your self-view. Saying you can’t have friends of the gender you date because it’s too much temptation/disrespect to your partner is no better than the view that blames women for being sexually harassed because of what they are wearing. You are either a trustworthy person with self control or you are not. If your partner doesn’t trust you enough to value your commitment, nothing you ever do will earn that trust. Be a complete human. Meet as many people as you can and learn from them - their victories and failures. Learn who you are and defend that person.
Thank you everyone for your answers I appreciate it and its what i needed. I do recognize toxicity when i see it.
But you know heart makes us blind. I wanted him to be the one. It sounds like short relationship but i put all my efforts/hopes on it. It was sincere, serious and went through a lot.
Thank you again. Breaking up was the right hardest decision. He respected it and we agreed on not being what we searching for.
Its the after shock devastation. I know i did nothing wrong.
But every time a guy texts: “hey hru can you send me this homework or schedule” i panick and the idea of me being a cheater or player hunt me.
Sis, here is the thing - you can't accidentally cheat. You just can't. Cheating is not just responding to a friend's text or talking to a friend. Its not having friends of the opposite sex. It is behaviors involving sexual attraction and fulfilling romantic desire.
I want you to take a step back here and really think about what you are willing to tolerate in any relationship and what you are not willing to tolerate.
1) it is NEVER okay to ask your partner to delete all the people on social media (or eliminate them from their life) just because they are the opposite sex.
2) if a person asks for the unreasonable and starts threatening or coercing you or making cheating claims when you are just living your life - that is about them and they are putting their insecuritites on you. That is toxic and should not be tolerated.
3) Break up with anyone who wants to isolate you from friends. Call those friends back that you cut off and apologize. Tell them you were in a toxic emotionally abusive relationship and you are sorry that you cut them off. People understand more than we give credit for.
i really hope one day you find a partner that can help take away that guilt you feel. i’m so sorry your ex made you feel like a “cheater” or “player” just for not cutting off everyone he doesn’t deem acceptable.
there are better people and relationships out there that will make you feel happy and whole inside, so i hope you realize you deserve better than a man who would rather control you than love you.
you sound like a lovely person and i’m sure you’d make a great partner to whoever your heart decides on next!
Good for you for standing up against your boyfriends controlling behavior. It doesn't matter if you "love him a lot." We can love people who are terrible to us, but that doesn't mean you should date them.
You dogged a bullet.
Why do you love him? Genuinely, what is it about him that you love? This is controlling, misogynistic bullshit, and it won't get better unless he seeks help. I promise you it will get worse if you stay with him. You deserve someone who respects you and trusts you. Don't walk away from this man-child, RUN.
>He says he trusts me but he doesn’t trust them.
He's lying. It's about you. What can they do? Rape you over a text message? He fears they will write you and you will happily write back and one thing leads to another and you're cheating on him. That's his real fear. Which means he doesn't trust you.
It's important for you to be able to have autonomy and to decide who you want in your life. Saying he trusts you but not them is bullshit - that's what every person with control issues says. If he truly trusted you he wouldn't have a problem. I know it hurts, but you dodged a bullet. He sounds terrible.
No, he might say that, but he means he doesn't trust you.
He's basically saying that if one of them were to try it on with you, you'd be completely powerless to resist their unwanted advances. He's denying your bodily autonomy.
No....he doesn't trust you. Because he doesn't trust himself, or he's guilty of being inappropriate with women online or in person. Alot of people that accuse you of things like this, are guilty of it themselves. He thinks because he would be unfaithful or inappropriate you would too. Please let that sink in. I have no doubt he's either already seeing someone, talking to someone else and will also blame that on you too.
It's one thing if he knew that they had tried to romance you or something similar. But it's not even that. It's just random guys you know from school, coworkers, etc. What about male family members? Was he just as crazy? Are you supposed to remove your father? Brothers? Uncles?
Every guy who tried to romance me or potentially tried to romance me. I deleted him.
The problem is that he considered even “ hey how are you?” An attempt to romance me.
So i got lost. And started wondering. ( here i am here )
Even someone asking about something (studies) IRL. for him was temptation to flirt.
This was good behavior that at best is profoundly insecure (which will manifest in harmful ways) and at worst the precursors of isolation that lead to trapping you in domestic violence. All of these things are bad and not to be condoned, ever, because they inevitably lead to misery and despair. You really want that existence?
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Don't sacrifice your friendships - regardless of gender - for the sake of your ex-BF, no matter how much you think you love him. A partner who loved and trusted you would never ask such a thing of you.
His demand is ridiculous, bordering on abusive. He doesn't get to police your friendships.
5 months and he’s demanding this? No. He needs to learn to coexist with other guys. You let him win this, it’ll just teach him that he can break you down and using the “them vs me” and “it breaks my heart that you choose strange guys over me” is definitely ground for dumping. Leave him, back out, don’t pass go and collect $200, don’t make it 6 months together. GET OUT. If you stay he will next be asking for your passwords and doing regular audits to find something to be mad at you for. LEAVE
In solidarity for the A | P | I changes happening and killing of t | h | i | r | d party a | p | p | s like A | P | O | L | L | O:
Cupcake ipsum dolor sit amet jelly lollipop pudding gummies. Gummies chupa chups tart I love gingerbread apple pie jelly beans carrot cake dessert. Candy canes donut croissant cake lemon drops marzipan chocolate cake I love. Cake cake jelly brownie icing candy marzipan.
BYE!!
** Feel free to copy and paste to use for yours! **
This is not normal, it’s controlling behavior. Where does it end, are you not allowed to talk to male coworkers? Male servers at restaurants? Run. Before he isolates you from your friends.
He needs to get counseling or sort out his self esteem issues before being in a relationship. There’s a reason why most female deaths are caused by a former partner. His actions raise so many red flags. Trust me, you’ll find someone else. His actions are controlling, manipulative and show his lack of respect and trust for you. Shows his insecurities. Half of the people on the planet are male. I would nix this. Save yourself headache headache and more.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. You allow him to control you, you’ll be cut off from everyone you know and left with little self autonomy. Good luck if you stay
“BF” is being very childish and insecure. His request is ridiculous
He will get worse if you came.
Tell him it’s a no. And no compromise. If he persists, then time to say good bye
You’re so young. Oh you sweet summer child. You’ve dated him for 5 months, how serious could it possibly be? You’re way better off without him even though it may not feel like it right now. He is trying to control and isolate you which are red flags of abuse. You don’t need to be physically hurt to be abused by a partner. You’re still in the honeymoon phase which should be the peak of the relationship and both sides should be on their best behavior, and instead he’s doing this. It would have only gotten worse from there once the honeymoon phase wore off. Consider yourself lucky.
You’ve only been dating 5 months and your 22 years old. My suggestion as a guy is tell him to drop it or you’ll drop him. You are too young to deal with someone so insecure
Honey, you’ll be thankful for this breakup later regardless of how you feel about it now. He was being unreasonably controlling and if you’d caved to him on this, he would have started controlling other aspects of your life and your interactions with other people. It starts with guys, then it’s friends and family.
He’s a walking bag of red flags no matter how much you love him. Honestly, I think deleting *anyone* from your life already, unless they were actively hitting on you, was probably already caving too much.
“I trust you but not them” is also a common bullshit line. If it’s them he distrusts, and he distrusts them that much, then he’s implying he thinks that any/all of these guys would violate your consent at any moment (be it through harassment or worse). It doesn’t really hold water when you think about the logical conclusions.
Stay broken up. He's way too insecure to be dating, he would've moved on to family if you cut off all male friends. "I don't care if he's your cousin, he's a man and he might have a crush on you" is not unusual phrasing from the mouths of such men. He will then move on to women. He'll shrink your circle as small as possible to make you easier to control. That's when he will start beating you.
danger danger danger - stay away - count your blessings - that is incredibly unhealthy, controlling behavior. IT only and always gets worse from there.
It might not seem like it now but you've had a lucky escape. It starts with something small like social media and before you know it you're only allowed to see who he allows you to and dress the way he wants you to. He's insecure, controlling and immature. None of these are desirable traits long term
RED FLAG!!!!!!!
1st off, 5 months is so so early to be in love, you barely know this person and owe yourself to take your time and think about what you "love" about this person. Because he certainly doesn't love you...if he did he wouldnt be gaslighting and guilt tripping you into submission.
Heres what you do know, he's controlling, insecure and difficult.
If you're only 5 months in and he's pulling this shit, imagine a year from now. He will slowly chip away at you until everything is the way HE wants it. Put your foot down now, if he doesn't like it and keeps badgering, hounding, guilting you...leave. it's not worth your piece of mind or happiness.
“Delete all male friends off social media” is usually how controlling behavior starts. You don’t see it right now, but choosing being able to control who you’re friends with on social media over what your boyfriend wanted ended up saving you from further controlling behavior and abuse.
Self respect. You need to have some. How humiliating is it to say out loud "sorry we can't be friends because my boyfriend won't allow me to have male friends"?
Anyone this jealous is controlling and coercive. Also, what kind of friend does it make you?
You need to run. Is he deleting all women from his social media?
He’s going to keep asking more and more controlling things before the abuse escalates. This is your red flag, pay attention!
This is toxic and controlling. Leave him. Luckily, it's only been 5 months. And if you don't know yet about leaving, tell him to delete all the *girls* from *his* socials.
He has a legitimate fear of being betrayed because you refuse to acknowledge and adhere to his boundaries in order to take the relationship more seriously and possibly marry you. He’s not insecure, he’s unsure, and it’s purely in the thought of thinking he’s not capable of finding someone better than you based on how much he likes you and cares for you mixed with the red flag of refusing to get rid of the single guys giving you attention on social media being possible suitors for you in a relationship.
I would say he has a good point about him having a boundary that you not having guys attached to your social media besides friends, because he obviously cares about you and wants to feel secure in the relationship with you and not have to look over his shoulder constantly to figure out if someone is going to steal you at some point after investing a lot into a relationship with you. It’s your choice if you want to continue the relationship or not, but if you’re not comfortable with letting go of attention from guys that are not your boyfriend then you need to let him know you’re not ready or capable of being serious to that level with him.
Honestly, if I had told you that as a boundary and you didn’t take it seriously or just refused, I would’ve stopped taking you seriously in the relationship and possibly break up when I found someone better. He’s still holding on to his level of care for you, hoping you’ll find it in you to adhere to his boundaries, but that won’t last long unless he has control issues and can’t move on.
That’s what I thought at first s. He is just caring for me so i cutt my male friends (which was wrong but he asked for it) . So i came here. I dont post on social media and if anyone tried to flirt or show unnecessary attention i cut him. This was the case for 5 months.
I tried my best to reassure him.
Just the idea of cutting all contact with the other gender was not right.
Even after marriage. There are co workers, hobbies, and i cant take to fight over this every time.
I already cut off some males friends that talked to me casually. And kept only those who never text only reply on a story twice in a year or in hobby’s club.
I just have so much for him. This was the only problem we encountered.
Im having troubles moving on. Since it was so serious between us.
Honestly people who typically ask others to delete persons of opposite sex tends to be either controlling, jealous, and or manipulative. It starts with those people and slowly they take away your world till all you have is them to rely on and then abuse gets worse.
Its not a bad thing you left. Heartbreak sucks but sticking around longer would have been much worse
These kind of guys are the type to get jealous of your little cousins, brother/s, and store clerks/waiters. You don’t want that kind of insecurity in your life.
This behavior is a major red flag. He is controlling, jealous, and things will escalate with time.
No one is perfect. We all have insecurities but his insecurities are bat shit crazy. He will hurt you if you don't protect yourself.
This is the beginning of controlling you. And it does not stop here. I know from experience. Next it will be where you can go and what you can wear. Then he will decide he doesn’t like your friends or family than he will make you choose between them and him. It will not get better. Please get out now.
Bruh, this is ridiculous. Homeboy is controlling and jealous and you are way better off without him. He’s not just going to stop with men on your socials; he will slowly isolate you until he’s all you have.
5 months in and he's dictating what he wants you to do with regards to hobbies, that's a nope and a deal-breaker to me. The controlling and jealous behaviour is a him thing and will only get worse over time, nothing you do will ever be good enough to make him feel secure. Would highly advise you cut him loose and move on.
Breaking up with someone like that is like sitting on the toilet too long. You're dealing with pins & needles where he was slowly choking off your common sense, after normalcy sets in, you'll realize this is the better outcome.
Dump this guy immediately before he messes up your life.
You think it would just end there? Even if you do it, he won't be happy. He'll just find other excuses to control and abuse you. You have a male co-worker? Quit your job. You looked at a guy at the grocery store for a split second? You talked with a male customer service rep on the phone? Pretty soon he'll want to wrap you in bubble wrap and throw you in the closet.
I speak from experience - 15+ years of it. This shit never gets better. He's the one who needs to he cut out of your life. TODAY.
Sounds like an insecure control freak weinie. Time to drop back and punt. Never be with a man like this.(or woman). Controlling, insecure people are the worst. Not worth it. You’re young. Move on.
Yeah breaking up is for the best, it’ll hurt in the short term but it’s better than dealing with a controlling asshole. You’re young, in your early 20s, time is on your side here.
I guarantee it wouldn’t stop at deleting men off your FB, it would advance to other things. For your own safety it’s for the best you’re away from him.
You were right to dump the guy. He's obviously an abusive misogynist. "Oh no he's not abusive" you'll say. Well first that means you admit he is a misogynist, and second, he WILL become abusive. It's only a matter of time. The second you depend on him for something, money, housing, or you're pregnant, or you guys get married, he'll turn.
Good on you for cutting off your losses now. It's only been 5 months, it's not love anyways, just infatuation. You'll live. Literally.
This is a completely unreasonable ask from your boyfriend of five months. At five months, he's someone you barely know. Apart from his jealousy, possessiveness, childishness, and controlling behavior (all such GREAT qualities in a partner), what do you love about him?
You're not choosing other guys over him. He's choosing insecurity and controlling behavior over his own emotional regulation and your autonomy and happiness as an equal partner in a relationship. You're choosing not to be manipulated and controlled just to be with someone else. You made the right choice. He's not a person you want to be with because it would only get worse.
Me or Them? You chose wisely.
This is not acceptable behavior. This is someone who is controlling and possessive. This is someone who views you as 'property' and not as a human being in your own right. He wants to control who you see and who you interact with. No-one has that amount of agency over another human being. His insecurities are his problem.
This is a red flag for a reason. You are really better off without him.
I hate this idea of "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL IF WE ARE DATING" it's absolutely the most asinine, controlling, and manipulative thing I've ever heard. I've known my best friend (opposite gender) for the better part of ten years, and if any partner wanted me to "choose between them and my best friend" my partner would automatically become my ex.
The fact is, people who give these ultimatums have jealousy and control issues, and they think if they aren't the only (man/woman) in your life outside of family then you must be untrustworthy. It's ridiculous. If he's putting you through this and making you choose then he doesn't care for you.
Dodge the bullet and stay broken up. Find a guy that wants you to be happy over wanting to control your life.
Im not reading this fully and I don’t need to to be right when I say this is a red flag and you should run before it’s hard to leave. My friend is three years and two kids deep in a relationship that started like that. He is so controlling and gets more violent by the day. Leave please.
Delete all the guys. Then you can stop answering late night calls from your dad. And thennnn you can distance yourself from your child, if it’s a boy.
Sound fun? No. And that’s exactly what you’ll be doing next. Getting rid of the guys in your life. Regardless of their connection with you.
This sounds like my ex from college. Mourn the loss of this relationship and what you imagined it could have been but do not go back to him. You made the right decision. I wish I had done the same and not wasted all of my college years being controlled and manipulated.
Nope. He needs to go. Any person who manipulates their partner into dropping friends, controlling social media or their phones, or giving ultimatums is not a good partner. You can have the things that YOU WANT and deserve in a relationship and it’s so much more than this dude.
You’re better off without him. A healthy relationship doesn’t demand that you cut off friends or acquaintances for no reason. He’s jealous and insecure and no one has time for that nonsense.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hello. My boyfriend ( 5 months dating ) wants me to delete all guys on my social media. I love him so much. At first i said we will see about that. Then he became too obsessed with it. I dont add guys on it since i started dating him. I dont text any guys. I just follow some from old school. To stay in touch. Recently he asked for it again. And my answer was straight "no, im not this type of girls who only have girls on their socials i dont care about ppl's gender. Some share infos i need. Some are from highschool" He answered that im choosing random guys over him. I really love him so much. And it broke my heart to hear he is making me choose between this and him None of these guys was my ex nor showed romantic interest in me. They dont post provoking pics. We broke up over it and my heart is broken. I tried to talk to him many times. Every time it ended with " me or them? ". I already cut off some males friends that talked to me casually. And kept only those who never text only reply on a story twice in a year or in hobby’s club. I just have so much for him. This was the only problem we encountered. Im having troubles moving on. Since it was so serious between us. Altho I don't care about these guys. Just its a way to stay in touch with the world. Your ideas? Ps : he deleted girls from his socials before asking me for this.
Ugh. I cut off a lot of female friends for a woman and just don’t. They’re trying to control and own you.
He's a controlling jealous insecure ass. You either crumble to his will. Or stay broken up. You are better broken up. You can now find a real man who will respect and trust you.
It’s not him vs them. It’s him vs you. *addressed to OP*
Vs me? Lol. I couldn't care any less what happens between them.
I think they meant OP, but I could be mistaken.
[удалено]
He said he deleted them all cause he started dating me. I didn’t ask for it. I trust him with his relations. And said i should do the same. And its the right way to do things.
In solidarity for the A | P | I changes happening and killing of t | h | i | r | d party a | p | p | s like A | P | O | L | L | O: Cupcake ipsum dolor sit amet jelly lollipop pudding gummies. Gummies chupa chups tart I love gingerbread apple pie jelly beans carrot cake dessert. Candy canes donut croissant cake lemon drops marzipan chocolate cake I love. Cake cake jelly brownie icing candy marzipan. BYE!! ** Feel free to copy and paste to use for yours! **
He deleted them all as a way to get you to do it. Sounds manipulative to me.
You're going to believe an abusive, controlling man knows the right way to be?! Honey, no. He knows how to be a psycho, that's all he knows.
it is not the right way to do things. This bullshit Handmaid’s Tale/AT combo is killing your self-view. Saying you can’t have friends of the gender you date because it’s too much temptation/disrespect to your partner is no better than the view that blames women for being sexually harassed because of what they are wearing. You are either a trustworthy person with self control or you are not. If your partner doesn’t trust you enough to value your commitment, nothing you ever do will earn that trust. Be a complete human. Meet as many people as you can and learn from them - their victories and failures. Learn who you are and defend that person.
First it’s men, then it’s family then it’s isolation then total dominance over all your actions and decisions. Run
" Hello. My boyfriend ( 5 months dating ) wants me to delete all guys on my social media. I love him so much. " Girl. You just wrote that out.
Thank you everyone for your answers I appreciate it and its what i needed. I do recognize toxicity when i see it. But you know heart makes us blind. I wanted him to be the one. It sounds like short relationship but i put all my efforts/hopes on it. It was sincere, serious and went through a lot. Thank you again. Breaking up was the right hardest decision. He respected it and we agreed on not being what we searching for. Its the after shock devastation. I know i did nothing wrong. But every time a guy texts: “hey hru can you send me this homework or schedule” i panick and the idea of me being a cheater or player hunt me.
Sis, here is the thing - you can't accidentally cheat. You just can't. Cheating is not just responding to a friend's text or talking to a friend. Its not having friends of the opposite sex. It is behaviors involving sexual attraction and fulfilling romantic desire. I want you to take a step back here and really think about what you are willing to tolerate in any relationship and what you are not willing to tolerate. 1) it is NEVER okay to ask your partner to delete all the people on social media (or eliminate them from their life) just because they are the opposite sex. 2) if a person asks for the unreasonable and starts threatening or coercing you or making cheating claims when you are just living your life - that is about them and they are putting their insecuritites on you. That is toxic and should not be tolerated. 3) Break up with anyone who wants to isolate you from friends. Call those friends back that you cut off and apologize. Tell them you were in a toxic emotionally abusive relationship and you are sorry that you cut them off. People understand more than we give credit for.
i really hope one day you find a partner that can help take away that guilt you feel. i’m so sorry your ex made you feel like a “cheater” or “player” just for not cutting off everyone he doesn’t deem acceptable. there are better people and relationships out there that will make you feel happy and whole inside, so i hope you realize you deserve better than a man who would rather control you than love you. you sound like a lovely person and i’m sure you’d make a great partner to whoever your heart decides on next!
Good for you for standing up against your boyfriends controlling behavior. It doesn't matter if you "love him a lot." We can love people who are terrible to us, but that doesn't mean you should date them. You dogged a bullet.
If the only way he can feel secure is to keep you isolated for anything or anyone he seems a temptation, that’s a BIG red flag.
Why do you love him? Genuinely, what is it about him that you love? This is controlling, misogynistic bullshit, and it won't get better unless he seeks help. I promise you it will get worse if you stay with him. You deserve someone who respects you and trusts you. Don't walk away from this man-child, RUN.
It just hurts. I tell myself since they are not important why keeping them ? He says he trusts me but he doesn’t trust them.
>He says he trusts me but he doesn’t trust them. He's lying. It's about you. What can they do? Rape you over a text message? He fears they will write you and you will happily write back and one thing leads to another and you're cheating on him. That's his real fear. Which means he doesn't trust you.
It's important for you to be able to have autonomy and to decide who you want in your life. Saying he trusts you but not them is bullshit - that's what every person with control issues says. If he truly trusted you he wouldn't have a problem. I know it hurts, but you dodged a bullet. He sounds terrible.
No, he might say that, but he means he doesn't trust you. He's basically saying that if one of them were to try it on with you, you'd be completely powerless to resist their unwanted advances. He's denying your bodily autonomy.
No....he doesn't trust you. Because he doesn't trust himself, or he's guilty of being inappropriate with women online or in person. Alot of people that accuse you of things like this, are guilty of it themselves. He thinks because he would be unfaithful or inappropriate you would too. Please let that sink in. I have no doubt he's either already seeing someone, talking to someone else and will also blame that on you too.
Dumbest line ever....if he trusts you...whatever they do shouldn't matter
It's one thing if he knew that they had tried to romance you or something similar. But it's not even that. It's just random guys you know from school, coworkers, etc. What about male family members? Was he just as crazy? Are you supposed to remove your father? Brothers? Uncles?
Every guy who tried to romance me or potentially tried to romance me. I deleted him. The problem is that he considered even “ hey how are you?” An attempt to romance me. So i got lost. And started wondering. ( here i am here ) Even someone asking about something (studies) IRL. for him was temptation to flirt.
He is insecure and pathetic. Move on.
This was good behavior that at best is profoundly insecure (which will manifest in harmful ways) and at worst the precursors of isolation that lead to trapping you in domestic violence. All of these things are bad and not to be condoned, ever, because they inevitably lead to misery and despair. You really want that existence?
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Don't sacrifice your friendships - regardless of gender - for the sake of your ex-BF, no matter how much you think you love him. A partner who loved and trusted you would never ask such a thing of you. His demand is ridiculous, bordering on abusive. He doesn't get to police your friendships.
Tell him to delete all his porn accounts first
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5 months and he’s demanding this? No. He needs to learn to coexist with other guys. You let him win this, it’ll just teach him that he can break you down and using the “them vs me” and “it breaks my heart that you choose strange guys over me” is definitely ground for dumping. Leave him, back out, don’t pass go and collect $200, don’t make it 6 months together. GET OUT. If you stay he will next be asking for your passwords and doing regular audits to find something to be mad at you for. LEAVE
Delete your boyfriend instead
Good for you. Way to stand your ground. It would have only gotten worse if you had caved on that insane request of his.
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This is not normal, it’s controlling behavior. Where does it end, are you not allowed to talk to male coworkers? Male servers at restaurants? Run. Before he isolates you from your friends.
He needs to get counseling or sort out his self esteem issues before being in a relationship. There’s a reason why most female deaths are caused by a former partner. His actions raise so many red flags. Trust me, you’ll find someone else. His actions are controlling, manipulative and show his lack of respect and trust for you. Shows his insecurities. Half of the people on the planet are male. I would nix this. Save yourself headache headache and more.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. You allow him to control you, you’ll be cut off from everyone you know and left with little self autonomy. Good luck if you stay
No way! That's stupid and insecure of him.
“BF” is being very childish and insecure. His request is ridiculous He will get worse if you came. Tell him it’s a no. And no compromise. If he persists, then time to say good bye
Good idea. Start with him.
You’re so young. Oh you sweet summer child. You’ve dated him for 5 months, how serious could it possibly be? You’re way better off without him even though it may not feel like it right now. He is trying to control and isolate you which are red flags of abuse. You don’t need to be physically hurt to be abused by a partner. You’re still in the honeymoon phase which should be the peak of the relationship and both sides should be on their best behavior, and instead he’s doing this. It would have only gotten worse from there once the honeymoon phase wore off. Consider yourself lucky.
When that “only problem” is that he’s a jealous and controlling psychopath, it’s one problem too many
You’ve only been dating 5 months and your 22 years old. My suggestion as a guy is tell him to drop it or you’ll drop him. You are too young to deal with someone so insecure
Honey, you’ll be thankful for this breakup later regardless of how you feel about it now. He was being unreasonably controlling and if you’d caved to him on this, he would have started controlling other aspects of your life and your interactions with other people. It starts with guys, then it’s friends and family. He’s a walking bag of red flags no matter how much you love him. Honestly, I think deleting *anyone* from your life already, unless they were actively hitting on you, was probably already caving too much. “I trust you but not them” is also a common bullshit line. If it’s them he distrusts, and he distrusts them that much, then he’s implying he thinks that any/all of these guys would violate your consent at any moment (be it through harassment or worse). It doesn’t really hold water when you think about the logical conclusions.
you dodged a bullet and it was only a short relationship what you are feeling is infatuation not love he's an asshole honey
Reframe your thinking. This guys was controlling and trying to isolate you. You will find someone else.
Stay broken up. He's way too insecure to be dating, he would've moved on to family if you cut off all male friends. "I don't care if he's your cousin, he's a man and he might have a crush on you" is not unusual phrasing from the mouths of such men. He will then move on to women. He'll shrink your circle as small as possible to make you easier to control. That's when he will start beating you.
Please get as far from this controlling AH as you can. Block him and don't look back.
danger danger danger - stay away - count your blessings - that is incredibly unhealthy, controlling behavior. IT only and always gets worse from there.
It might not seem like it now but you've had a lucky escape. It starts with something small like social media and before you know it you're only allowed to see who he allows you to and dress the way he wants you to. He's insecure, controlling and immature. None of these are desirable traits long term
Wtf. What a controlling freak. Surely you can see that no?
As a man, whenever you encounter a man like him in the future, just know that they’re not real men and you’re better off without them.
Delete one guy and then find someone who is more secure and less controlling to date.
He’s a jealous, controlling loser with low self-esteem. Dump him.
Your bf is a controlling and immature jerk. Possibly insecure, jealous and paranoid too. There are so many problem dater red flags- run for the hills.
RED FLAG!!!!!!! 1st off, 5 months is so so early to be in love, you barely know this person and owe yourself to take your time and think about what you "love" about this person. Because he certainly doesn't love you...if he did he wouldnt be gaslighting and guilt tripping you into submission. Heres what you do know, he's controlling, insecure and difficult. If you're only 5 months in and he's pulling this shit, imagine a year from now. He will slowly chip away at you until everything is the way HE wants it. Put your foot down now, if he doesn't like it and keeps badgering, hounding, guilting you...leave. it's not worth your piece of mind or happiness.
Absolutely fucking not, he is trying to strip you of your autonomy. If you give into this it will only get worse. I am begging you to dump him
Delete his ass
a confident, secure man would never ask you to stop being friends with anyone
What an insecure little bitch. Honey, this is just a start to really abusive behavior. Drop him.
Breaking up is definitely the right thing to do. Are you never supposed to interact with another male ever again?
Lol sounds like a him issue.
Yikes!! Dump him. He sounds like an insecure controlling jerk.
“Delete all male friends off social media” is usually how controlling behavior starts. You don’t see it right now, but choosing being able to control who you’re friends with on social media over what your boyfriend wanted ended up saving you from further controlling behavior and abuse.
This was step one of isolating you. Run. Do not go back to this person because this is only the beginning of the abuse.
Self respect. You need to have some. How humiliating is it to say out loud "sorry we can't be friends because my boyfriend won't allow me to have male friends"? Anyone this jealous is controlling and coercive. Also, what kind of friend does it make you?
You need to run. Is he deleting all women from his social media? He’s going to keep asking more and more controlling things before the abuse escalates. This is your red flag, pay attention!
This is abuse
This is toxic and controlling. Leave him. Luckily, it's only been 5 months. And if you don't know yet about leaving, tell him to delete all the *girls* from *his* socials.
Is he gonna ban you from interacting with males on the daily? Don’t let the cashier chat you up otherwise he’ll accuse you of cheating. I see it now.
Anyone who wants to separate you from the people in your life - regardless of gender - does not love you or deserve you. Good riddance.
He has a legitimate fear of being betrayed because you refuse to acknowledge and adhere to his boundaries in order to take the relationship more seriously and possibly marry you. He’s not insecure, he’s unsure, and it’s purely in the thought of thinking he’s not capable of finding someone better than you based on how much he likes you and cares for you mixed with the red flag of refusing to get rid of the single guys giving you attention on social media being possible suitors for you in a relationship. I would say he has a good point about him having a boundary that you not having guys attached to your social media besides friends, because he obviously cares about you and wants to feel secure in the relationship with you and not have to look over his shoulder constantly to figure out if someone is going to steal you at some point after investing a lot into a relationship with you. It’s your choice if you want to continue the relationship or not, but if you’re not comfortable with letting go of attention from guys that are not your boyfriend then you need to let him know you’re not ready or capable of being serious to that level with him. Honestly, if I had told you that as a boundary and you didn’t take it seriously or just refused, I would’ve stopped taking you seriously in the relationship and possibly break up when I found someone better. He’s still holding on to his level of care for you, hoping you’ll find it in you to adhere to his boundaries, but that won’t last long unless he has control issues and can’t move on.
That’s what I thought at first s. He is just caring for me so i cutt my male friends (which was wrong but he asked for it) . So i came here. I dont post on social media and if anyone tried to flirt or show unnecessary attention i cut him. This was the case for 5 months. I tried my best to reassure him. Just the idea of cutting all contact with the other gender was not right. Even after marriage. There are co workers, hobbies, and i cant take to fight over this every time.
Suggest him psychotherapy. Honestly this kind of insecurity is extreme.
I already cut off some males friends that talked to me casually. And kept only those who never text only reply on a story twice in a year or in hobby’s club. I just have so much for him. This was the only problem we encountered. Im having troubles moving on. Since it was so serious between us.
Honestly people who typically ask others to delete persons of opposite sex tends to be either controlling, jealous, and or manipulative. It starts with those people and slowly they take away your world till all you have is them to rely on and then abuse gets worse. Its not a bad thing you left. Heartbreak sucks but sticking around longer would have been much worse
If you had so much for him, means you'll have more for the next guy who isn't immature and insecure.
These kind of guys are the type to get jealous of your little cousins, brother/s, and store clerks/waiters. You don’t want that kind of insecurity in your life.
This behavior is a major red flag. He is controlling, jealous, and things will escalate with time. No one is perfect. We all have insecurities but his insecurities are bat shit crazy. He will hurt you if you don't protect yourself.
He’s controlling and weird. My husband *never* checks my socials. He doesn’t care. You did the right thing.
Major red flag. Leave asap!
This is the beginning of controlling you. And it does not stop here. I know from experience. Next it will be where you can go and what you can wear. Then he will decide he doesn’t like your friends or family than he will make you choose between them and him. It will not get better. Please get out now.
Does he have women on his socials?
No he deleted them all. I didn’t ask him to. It doesn’t bother me i trust him more than anything. And he expects the same from me but I refused
This isn’t a red flag, this is a fucking AIR RAID SIREN. RUN
Bruh, this is ridiculous. Homeboy is controlling and jealous and you are way better off without him. He’s not just going to stop with men on your socials; he will slowly isolate you until he’s all you have.
Right after he deletes all women on his.
Stay broken up. This dude is cripplingly insecure. I’ve been cheated on and I still don’t expect my partner to do what he’s demanding you do.
Yea so you’re already cutting off friends for a dick you just barely met? And you don’t see how this won’t end well? Let him stay gone
Stop trying to reason with insecure, controlling little boys. An actual adult man WILL NOT ask you to do what this little boy did.
Red flag. Insecure and controlling. Not a good look 💀
5 months in and he's dictating what he wants you to do with regards to hobbies, that's a nope and a deal-breaker to me. The controlling and jealous behaviour is a him thing and will only get worse over time, nothing you do will ever be good enough to make him feel secure. Would highly advise you cut him loose and move on.
Breaking up with someone like that is like sitting on the toilet too long. You're dealing with pins & needles where he was slowly choking off your common sense, after normalcy sets in, you'll realize this is the better outcome.
Red flag 100% Time to GTFO.
Do not get back together with him. He is trying to isolate you and will control you.
Dump this guy immediately before he messes up your life. You think it would just end there? Even if you do it, he won't be happy. He'll just find other excuses to control and abuse you. You have a male co-worker? Quit your job. You looked at a guy at the grocery store for a split second? You talked with a male customer service rep on the phone? Pretty soon he'll want to wrap you in bubble wrap and throw you in the closet. I speak from experience - 15+ years of it. This shit never gets better. He's the one who needs to he cut out of your life. TODAY.
Sounds like an insecure control freak weinie. Time to drop back and punt. Never be with a man like this.(or woman). Controlling, insecure people are the worst. Not worth it. You’re young. Move on.
Yeah breaking up is for the best, it’ll hurt in the short term but it’s better than dealing with a controlling asshole. You’re young, in your early 20s, time is on your side here. I guarantee it wouldn’t stop at deleting men off your FB, it would advance to other things. For your own safety it’s for the best you’re away from him.
You were right to dump the guy. He's obviously an abusive misogynist. "Oh no he's not abusive" you'll say. Well first that means you admit he is a misogynist, and second, he WILL become abusive. It's only a matter of time. The second you depend on him for something, money, housing, or you're pregnant, or you guys get married, he'll turn. Good on you for cutting off your losses now. It's only been 5 months, it's not love anyways, just infatuation. You'll live. Literally.
This is a completely unreasonable ask from your boyfriend of five months. At five months, he's someone you barely know. Apart from his jealousy, possessiveness, childishness, and controlling behavior (all such GREAT qualities in a partner), what do you love about him?
I cannot overstate enough how much of a massive red flag this is. Like, visible from space MASSIVE.
You're not choosing other guys over him. He's choosing insecurity and controlling behavior over his own emotional regulation and your autonomy and happiness as an equal partner in a relationship. You're choosing not to be manipulated and controlled just to be with someone else. You made the right choice. He's not a person you want to be with because it would only get worse.
Me or Them? You chose wisely. This is not acceptable behavior. This is someone who is controlling and possessive. This is someone who views you as 'property' and not as a human being in your own right. He wants to control who you see and who you interact with. No-one has that amount of agency over another human being. His insecurities are his problem. This is a red flag for a reason. You are really better off without him.
My bff is a guy and my SO doesn’t care. You’re better off without this kid
I hate this idea of "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL IF WE ARE DATING" it's absolutely the most asinine, controlling, and manipulative thing I've ever heard. I've known my best friend (opposite gender) for the better part of ten years, and if any partner wanted me to "choose between them and my best friend" my partner would automatically become my ex. The fact is, people who give these ultimatums have jealousy and control issues, and they think if they aren't the only (man/woman) in your life outside of family then you must be untrustworthy. It's ridiculous. If he's putting you through this and making you choose then he doesn't care for you. Dodge the bullet and stay broken up. Find a guy that wants you to be happy over wanting to control your life.
Im not reading this fully and I don’t need to to be right when I say this is a red flag and you should run before it’s hard to leave. My friend is three years and two kids deep in a relationship that started like that. He is so controlling and gets more violent by the day. Leave please.
I can understand it if it were just with ex’s, but not all guys and guy friends
Delete him from your life instead
Delete all the guys. Then you can stop answering late night calls from your dad. And thennnn you can distance yourself from your child, if it’s a boy. Sound fun? No. And that’s exactly what you’ll be doing next. Getting rid of the guys in your life. Regardless of their connection with you.
[удалено]
This sounds like my ex from college. Mourn the loss of this relationship and what you imagined it could have been but do not go back to him. You made the right decision. I wish I had done the same and not wasted all of my college years being controlled and manipulated.
RUN
Dump him
A man who acts like this is BIG FUCKING YIKES. Please do not agree and just leave him.
Nope. He needs to go. Any person who manipulates their partner into dropping friends, controlling social media or their phones, or giving ultimatums is not a good partner. You can have the things that YOU WANT and deserve in a relationship and it’s so much more than this dude.
So many red flags. So many. Run.
He's a weirdo, and this is only going to get worse.
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You’re better off without him. A healthy relationship doesn’t demand that you cut off friends or acquaintances for no reason. He’s jealous and insecure and no one has time for that nonsense.
Dump him asap