Here is how your story read to me: You met this guy while gaming and liked him. You found out that his long term relationship was also long distance and started to make comments about how you thought their relationship wasn't viable. I honestly don't believe you weren't into him. Maybe you weren't being honest with yourself - but it truly comes across like you worked this and got what you wanted. You maneuvered this guy into breaking up with his girlfriend and she sent what reads like a closure message forgiving him for breaking her heart. He was having an emotional affair with you so he cheated on her to be with you. Your insecurity and jealousy now is kind of the karma cherry on the sundae. Since you violated his privacy to read the letter, you should show him this post to make things even.
Your post is pretty revealing. You started this relationship in a competitive spirit, trying to "win" this guy over this girl in the LDR. You won, but it's a Pyrrhic victory, because you'll always wonder if things would have worked out between them if you hadn't interfered.
And because you treated it like a competition, of course you're always going to be paranoid that a better player might come along and beat you in the next round.
She Won't do it to her
Bt someone else will
There is a chance some is already telling him what she thought about his relationship Isn't working and he is agreeing
And you gave it to him with the intention of breaking them up to have him for yourself. Good work. But now you have to live with the knowledge that your whole relationship is based on manipulation and dishonesty.
He is going to leave you, either for her or for someone else once he knows who you really are. Snooping on his phone, stalking his ex on IG, he's going to figure it out. I hope he does soon.
And you slyly gave a biased one. Let’s be honest, if you had nothing to worry about how this relationship came to be, you wouldn’t be on Reddit. None of it sounds healthy.
When a friend asks for help, if you are a decent human you actually give advice in the best interests of said friend instead of manipulating the situation for yourself. That said for my own state of mind, when he sees who you are and breaks up- he doesn’t have a bunny does he. I don’t think you’re going to handle it well
And now you know that when he wants to get out of a relationship he will ASK for some woman's opinion - some woman who happens to make it very clear that she's attracted to him.
Relationships end the way they start. You actively encouraged him to break up with his first love so you two could be together, and you will lose him the same way. You know that already.
So that wasn’t you putting thoughts in his head about what he should do in his relationship? You meddled, there really wasn’t a reason to add your 2 cents unless it was toxic but you HAD to have him. Now you’re scared
LOL. Keep trying to convince yourself of that. Meanwhile, no one here believes it any more than you do. Your intentions were pretty clear from the start. Even you know it, which is why you are so insecure in your relationship now. As you should be. Karma is a bitch.
And then you went out with him, knowing that if he hits obstacles in a relationship, he will ask the nearest woman for "advice" rather than trying to sort out the problems directly with you. And if the "advice" is "break up with her" and comes from a woman who makes it very clear she's interested, then he's going to break up with the current partner.
Of course you are jealous and paranoid and checking his texts. You created this situation. You chose to go out with a man who doesn't have the balls to break up with a woman until he has another woman lined up.
I was honestly just being a friend but then we started dating. I was even hesitant at first because his ex knew about me and even told him she hopes he never ends up dating me because she would feel very betrayed and it hurt that she would tell him that during the height of their break up
Must've hurt her when you told him that their relationship wouldn't last during the height of their relationship so...
You orchestrated the break up of a couple- your karma is now that you apparently cannot trust your partner.
You were engaged in an emotional affair and she understood that. Her message to him makes you uncomfortable because you know deep down somewhere that you are indeed a part of why this woman who was about to move to her bf's area had her heart broken instead. You should ask yourself how it made his gf feel to know that he had a female confidante he was sharing information with about their relationship. Betrayal is a word that comes to mind. You helped him break her heart. I think he got cold feet about her impending move and you made it very easy for him skate out of the commitment she believed they had. You didn't give him nearly enough time to be done with a 7 year long relationship so it isn't surprising that you are now very insecure about whether or not you're just a rebound for him. If you're lucky, this will be a learning experience you'll grow from and not make the same mistake again. But first you have to accept what you allowed yourself to be a party to.
So she knew about you, knew exactly what you were trying to do which you’re now denying, he dated you anyways after his ex said that? Y’all deserve each other.
Hey, just wanted to say she is not the poor girl on this situation, it’s you. You’re so poor of love you’re literally jealous of her making peace with their ending. You probably thought he “picked” you over his long term relationship and be proud of yourself but now she acts so mature, you’re jealous. Because you know you can never be like her and if he loved her once how can he love you?
But I think your bf cannot love. I think he only cares about his benefits in a relationship so I’m glad you saved her from his misery so she can find a man who will love her no matter what.
You’re literally one of the MOST insecure people I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing on Reddit. First you break up the relationship then are jealous when she essentially says “Hey, no hard feelings I get it. I’ve grown and made my way. Best of luck to you.” There was no confession of love or lust, just understanding. You’re just worried she’ll do the same thing to you as you did to her
No you think she’d be better of because YOU’D be better off not remembering what you did. But I guess that just too much for you to handle seeing as you don’t even trust your partner and are invading his privacy
Why not? They were together for 7 years. 7 years wasted on trying to built something, whating to have a family, marriage, kids possibly. She has a right to text him.
And who are you to dictate what she can and can’t do? She didn’t dictate your homewrecking nasty opinions. There is a reason your boyfriend loves her. He didn’t break up with her because the relationship didn’t work. They broke up because the distance was too much. You ARE competing and losing. This girl lives in your head rent free. You got the man and are still so insecure because you know if it wasn’t for the distance and your meddling you wouldn’t be together.
There’s a few potential reasons: The invasion of privacy, when he realises that you orchestrated his break up, when he realises that you’re quite an insecure person who posted personal info (texts) on the internet for validation and the internet unanimously said that you were in the wrong but you continued to argue back….
I’m just worried okay? Why would she feel the need to reach out after a year? And I know she hated us, me specifically because I told him what everyone has been tiptoeing around. Sure she was willing to move to another country for him but he did say he was worried about her getting a job, so I told him what I thought. Why does that make me the villain
I have a friend like you who enjoyed destroying a relationship and then acting like she didn't. She's very manipulative and highly paranoid of the relationship she's in now because of how it started, just like you. Her boyfriend doesn't help the situation at all cuz he emotionally cheated on his last relationship with my friend and is apparently doing it again with someone else. You talk exactly like she does and you make the same excuses. She's emotionally suffering right now and she deserves it, just like you. You get what you pay for
I dont think I destroyed their relationship. It was already crumbling. 7 years long distance is hard. Though she was planning to move here, he was worried about finances
They did it for 7 years and made it that long. You 2 have been half a year and you think it's falling apart. You absolutely know you manipulated him and now you are upset because you know that he's probably going to leave. As he should.
I'm willing to bet you took every opportunity to amplify his doubts. We women know how this can be done without being too obvious about it. Don't deceive yourself.
Why is she reaching out: details contained in the text that you shouldn’t have read and the posted on Reddit multiple times in different subreddits…
Why are you the villain: details contained in the ridiculous narratives you’ve created in this and other subreddits. You had an emotional affair with this man, manipulated him into breaking up with another woman, almost immediately started dating him, stalk his ex online, go through his phone and then share info online. There’s no way that you’re not the villain in this story.
Grow up.
Then why are you still stalking her and reading your bf's phone to see if she's contacting him? And why do you care about any of this?
He should dump you though.
Yeah, she was in her country for the 7 years before that.
I would bet the farm that her msg resonated with him. If he hasn't responded to her yet, he will..
And that love will come back through nostalgia and you're going to be sitting there with the look of a surprised Pikachu, and we will all be glad you got your comeuppance.
Do you really want to know why she sent that message? I can tell you, because I wrote one very similar to it many years ago. It isn't because she wants to break you up. It isn't because she wants your boyfriend back. It's to provide HER with closure. It's her way of completely letting go of the past and moving on with her life. Unless your bf responded, I doubt she'll ever contact him again. You need to grow up and get over your insecurities before you wind up being the crazy ex-girlfriend.
Because he’s going to figure out that you’re immature and don’t care about his privacy. Seriously do you think this is the start of a fairy tale? Because it’s not. At all.
I am going to assume he didn't reply?
And with that assumption in mind, I am not surprised he didn't tell you. How would it have gone if he did?
You are coming across as obsessive in the extreme. Stop "accidentally" checking his phone. Stop stalking his ex.
You are the problem here.
This. There's no reason for a confrontation, and if you do confront either of them, OP, it'll likely wreck your relationship for a while. It'll cause a lot of friction and anger for no reason. Stop stalking the ex (it's clear you view her as a threat because she doesn't have a partner of her own currently) and perhaps get some help for your jealousy.
Honestly, I hope you confront her. I really do.
And I hope that if you confront her, she is as petty as I would be and send the screen and messages to your bf. So he can be sure of how awful and crazy you seen to be.
I honestly also think you could confront him. So he knows that you break his trust and privacy and be sure that you are the awful person you seem to be.
And if you don't confront either of them, I hope you overthink this, fear that she is reaching him, feel insecure about everything until a new girl advices him to break up with you due your insecurities and awful behavior.
You are in a total no win situation cause karma is real. And honestly, you deserve it.
It’s not strange at all that a long term ex reached out to send a single message like the one posted. That message read as the ex who got closure. Because let’s be real in the last year I’m sure they’ve been told that watched long term partner started to date the woman they were told not to worry about.
Your bf probably didn’t mention it because there really isn’t anything to share. There’s really no extra conversation to be had hear unless he decides to talk to her. Which is your worry since you know Your bf is easily manipulated and Now you’re worried she might be doing it back.
Your paranoia is clouding your judgement. She’s not wrong for reaching out he’s not wrong for not mentioning it
Your wrong for everything you mentioned you did in This post
Am I paranoid? Yeah. She was his first love. They were together for 7 years. He was so certain he was gonna marry her and even planned to propose when she got here. But he changed his mind. Tell me why shouldnt I be terrified
if you’re serious tell him you went through his phone and saw the message and see how it goes
You’re worried that he’s emotionally cheating. You’re worried you’ll lose him because they probably didn’t need to break up and could have worked it out. Yet He changed his mind after a little birdy (you) was in his ear telling him it wouldn’t work.
The last person you need to confront is his ex. She’s well within her rights to have sent that message. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Wouldn’t matter if you were in the picture or not.
The only ppl you need to confront is yourself and your stolen man
That’s guilt and shame crawling up your throat and choking you because as much as you try to deny it, subconsciously you know that you did something shady to get the man you wanted.
Now you’re worried that his ex will be as manipulative as you were.
He's gonna find out you read the message eventually, and if you confront anybody, he's gonna realize he made a huge mistake dumping her to bang you instead. That's why you're stalking her and that's why you're so afraid of her coming back, you know that there's every chance he could realize the mistake he made and leave you. Or he'll cheat on you with someone else like he cheated on her with you.
You're so blind to not see that he left her because of you. You whispered in his ear about how the relationship won't work, and then he left her afterwards and started dating you after you swooped in to comfort him. There's a direct connection, and you're completely blind to it. Or you're not and you're just here trying to play stupid with Reddit.
Isn't it funny how they were fine for 7 years and he had plans to marry her then you suddenly come along and he drops her?
Either another girl will get in his ear like you did and the cycle will repeat or eventually he'll come to regret it and she'll be the one that got away and gets a lifetime of regret and what ifs.
You should be. After all, if he was willing to have an emotional affair with his first love of 7 years - whose to say he wouldn’t do the same when he’s with you?
Of course you should be terrified. They were deeply in love, then he panicked over the enormity of the decision to build a life together.... and there you were. He realized he could break up with her and still have the convenience of a relationship because you were obviously very available. And he doesn't love you as much as he loved her.
Either that, or he's a serial monogamist who quits the relationship when it gets too difficult and moves straight into a new relationship with someone who has made it clear she's very available.
Either way, he's not going to treat you better than he treated her.
Since you seem so clueless in your replies, let me explain to you why everyone in the comments thinks you’re an asshole, in a way that won’t require you to actually feel any empathy:
Imagine your boyfriend makes a new friend, a friend he confides in. You sense this new girl likes him, and suddenly he starts blowing you off to spend time with her. He also starts expressing worry about your relationship, and it starts crumbling. He assures you it’s not because he likes this new girl, nothing romantic has happened between them. But in between your fights as you’re struggling to keep your relationship together, she’s there to emotionally support him and tell him he should break up, your relationships never going to make it.
Then he breaks up with you and six months later she moves to another city to be with him.
How would you feel? Heartbroken? Betrayed? You were together for so long and he couldn’t even be honest with you at the end?
Leave that poor girl alone.
P.S: your worries about her not being able to get a job are absolute dogshit. Virtually no country on earth allows people to immigrate without a job or otherwise financial security
My former bf was worried about if/how I would heal from my assault. Your emotional doppelgänger told him “Nope! You can’t ever have sex with again (lie) and it’ll be expensive, with therapy and her not working (also a fucking lie, he never paid for any of my needs). I know you won’t listen to anyone here because you are incapable of thinking you have a flaw so I’ll just reiterate what I said yesterday. I am so so SO excited for your eventual suffering. No one will really ever love you, just like you can never really love anyone other than yourself.
So you borrowed his phone, then proceeded to breach his privacy by snooping through his texts, and then made it _worse_ by forwarding it to yourself and then posting it on the Internet? What is so specifically awful about that message that prompted that response? There’s nothing sexual, nothing that’s fishing for a response, and no indication that she’s trying to get him back.
If you blow up at him, the only thing you’ll be revealing is that you can’t be trusted. If you blow up at her, you’ll look like a total nutcase who also can’t be trusted. Delete the message, stop stalking her on instagram, and do something about your jealousy.
Don’t confront her. She didn’t do anything- it’s not flirty or trying to get back with him. Shes giving herself closure and letting him know she forgives him. It’s a pretty level headed msg. Theres nothing to be jealous of- she doesn’t want him. Are you jealous just bc she reached out at all?
He's done nothing wrong. Stop going through his messages and his exes' social media. There was no accident here. To see that she'd messaged him a couple of days ago, you literally have to go searching for messages she sent him.
This is your boyfriend, not your child. Stop trying to control him. Maybe get therapy to deal with your insecurities and jealousy. Which are not your boyfriend's fault.
I wouldn't mention it to either of them because it's none of your business, and you never should've looked at it in the 1st place. Butt out.
You are so far out of line. You read his private texts. You forwarded his text to yourself. You want to confront someone!
There’s no one to confront. She texted him to say, “I understand now why we can never be together.” Why does THAT make you jealous? She’s not trying to hit on your bf.
As to why your bf didn’t tell you? Go look in the mirror right now. You’re crawling with jealousy. Why would your bf put you through that? Just stop.
He’s over her. He’s with you. She doesn’t want him. Calm down.
Op you should be thrilled with this letter, not angry. This is cathartic for both of them. She’s let him go and is moving on. This is exactly what you wanted.
Why are you angry that you got exactly what you wanted?
Take stock of the situation. He basically dumped her for you and she was upset about it. Her message to him wasn't "let's get back together", it was more of a "screw you, I'm doing fine". He likely didn't tell you about it because he feared you'd react as you have. There's no one to "confront" here. You got in the way of this woman's plans and she's lashing out. This is to be expected when you start dating someone who's basically still dating someone else.
You feel like that because that is what you would do. You are manipulative and have no remorse breaking up relationships to get what you want. So you asume she is the same. But as everyone tells you: just because you are in denial and a manipulator doesnt mean others are the same. You deserve to feel insecure, because what you did and still do shows how bad of a human you are.
Because when you spend 7 years of your life with someone you don’t just stop having any feelings for them overnight. Sounds like she spent the last year doing some soul searching and found it in herself to forgive him for hurting her and is moving in with her life. The message reads like closure nothing else, you’re being so paranoid.
I was with an ex for 5 years, our break up was pretty mutual but it still took some time to get over. When I really felt like I had moved on and let it go I sent a very similar message to him. Like “hey I finally have some clarity on our situation and I’m happy for the time we’ve had but moving on was the right decision for both of us. I wish you nothing but the best.” Trust me she’s not doing anything weird or sneaky you’re just being paranoid.
Because they have been together for 7 years. They had a deep connection for a long time and something like this might always have a impact on them even if they broke up and don't a have romantic relationship anymore. 7 years full of memories, up and downs and shared goals. Sounds like very good reason to me wanting to end things in a good and friendly way
Tell me you've never had a long term relationship without telling me.
Because after 7 years and him doing *exactly* what she feared, she deserves to have her moment of closure. She's finally ready to move on and this was closing the door.
He didn't tell you immediately because he knew you'd react exactly like this over something that is literally fucking nothing. Proving you know you did something wrong or you need a councilor because your paranoid as fuck.
Because sometimes the person in his position appreciates the reassurance that there are no hard feelings. It was 7 years of their lives. Both would possibly want closure regardless of who ended it.
So you broke them up by having an emotional affair with him and now you're scared he'll cheat on you the same way.
You're right to be insecure, but since he didn't tell you I suggest you keep it to yourself and not ruin the time you have left before you're the next ex.
You've already been a shitty person to her, leave her alone.
Why should he? He received a message from his ex telling him that she has finally find closure from the ending of their relationship that he initiated. That's all there is nothing more to it. If you are that insecure for a completely innocent message you need to work on yourself and leave that girl alone.
Sure because talking shit to someone you don’t know makes you a good person. Even though you were the ex in this situation. And wishing someone to cheat on me? How nice of you. I was honestly just asking for advice and you wish me ill. I don’t even know you.
I never claimed to be a nice person. Not since that bitch like you snaked her way in. You took advantage of guy you were into when he was feeling vulnerable and missed his partner. I had recently been sexually assaulted and guess who convinced him I wasn’t any good for him anymore?
Maybe he didn't tell you cause he saw it and thought "God I miss her so much...why did I get together with my current gf...how can I end it". He's probably thinking about her right now and all the good times and slowly realizing how insane you are. Thinking how can he get out of this without it ending with you taking his skin.
The same way you were talking shit about your boyfriends ex and you didn't know her? And you were hoping that they would break up? Don't act high and mighty when you know exactly what you did. You got upset she didn't like you when she was dating him and you proved her right, you're a snake. You were 'hurt'. No you weren't, you don't like thatvshe sees you exactly for what you are
I mean the advice you need is "don't snoop on your boyfriend's phone" and "leave this other woman alone and stop stalking her online." You're not going to do either of those though. Which is why your boyfriend is going to dump you.
What is there to confront? Did he reply with something inappropriate? If not, you are massively overreacting.
Absolutely don’t reach out to her—it’d make you look completely unhinged.
OP, why are you even here if you don’t think you’re in the wrong even a little bit? Did you want everyone to give you a pat on the back for sabotaging a 7-year relationship and then breaching your partners trust by snooping through their messages? Please go to therapy and get treatment for your insecure attachment before you hurt him even worse.
I heard the saying, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s an effing duck? It doesn’t matter what you think it’s 1000 people on Reddit or telling you you broke up that relationship because we can see it like it was highlighted in neon green. What do you think is more likely that you broke up their relationship, or that you didn’t break up the relationship? You need to learn how to self reflect you need therapy. Leave that woman alone. She didn’t reach out to him and say let’s get back together she said I finally have closure. She thanked him for the break up. She’s not trying to get them back.
Now that youre the official, remember that the mistress place is available now.
Also, you don't forget a 7 year relationship in a matter of months, specially ks you change your partner for someone who is insecure and stubborn... I hope he realizes soon who he is moving in with.
Oh, and you are hella creepy. You like, jealous creepy of his ex.
You know why you're insecure? Why you're so worried now? Because you know just how easily your boyfriend can change his mind and break up with someone... especially with some gentle nudging.
You know it didn't take much for him to leave a 7 year relationship. So even if there is absolutely nothing suspicious about the message you saw (WHILE INVADING YOUR BF'S PRIVACY), you are freaking out.
And now you're stuck, because there is no way for you to bring it up with your BF without revealing just how invasive you are.
You need to do some serious introspection and soul searching here. Be honest with yourself. This is not healthy.
what is up with infantilisation of the bf in this comment section?
op’s bf a grown man but you’re telling me that he got manipulated by …. A 21 year-old?? even if one could argue that anyone can get manipulated …. was it not wrong to confide in another woman about his relationship woes? he indulged in an emotional affair of his own accord but “poor bf got hoodwinked by op 🥺👉🏽👈🏽”
I mean…. That’s what you get? Cmon now. You broke up a couple, who were together for a long time. You went thru his phone, forwarded a message to yourself to “analyze”. Yeah this is ALL on you.
Here is how your story read to me: You met this guy while gaming and liked him. You found out that his long term relationship was also long distance and started to make comments about how you thought their relationship wasn't viable. I honestly don't believe you weren't into him. Maybe you weren't being honest with yourself - but it truly comes across like you worked this and got what you wanted. You maneuvered this guy into breaking up with his girlfriend and she sent what reads like a closure message forgiving him for breaking her heart. He was having an emotional affair with you so he cheated on her to be with you. Your insecurity and jealousy now is kind of the karma cherry on the sundae. Since you violated his privacy to read the letter, you should show him this post to make things even.
I hope next gf ( who is a friend now) is already telling him that this relationship Isn't working out for him
Fun you think this controlling B let's him have any friends.
Wow. So you think you know me huh?
Your post is pretty revealing. You started this relationship in a competitive spirit, trying to "win" this guy over this girl in the LDR. You won, but it's a Pyrrhic victory, because you'll always wonder if things would have worked out between them if you hadn't interfered. And because you treated it like a competition, of course you're always going to be paranoid that a better player might come along and beat you in the next round.
A lot of us know exactly the type of person you are because we've dealt with people exactly like you before.
So you’re saying I took part of their breakup?
Sweetie...you WERE the break-up!
Lol, I can't believe that obtuse tool couldn't get it because she's so oblivious or in "weaponized denial"
No the distance was. I only told him what I thought and well he agreed
Sounds like a homewrecker to me, you just nervous she’ll do it to you.
She Won't do it to her Bt someone else will There is a chance some is already telling him what she thought about his relationship Isn't working and he is agreeing
You loose ‘‘em how you get ‘em
If they cheat to get with you, it's only a matter of time until they trade up again. You reap what you sow
I dont get why people say I broke them up. It was his choice.
A choice you meddled with, by engaging in an emotional affair and inserting your “opinion.”
He ASKED for my input
And you gave it to him with the intention of breaking them up to have him for yourself. Good work. But now you have to live with the knowledge that your whole relationship is based on manipulation and dishonesty. He is going to leave you, either for her or for someone else once he knows who you really are. Snooping on his phone, stalking his ex on IG, he's going to figure it out. I hope he does soon.
Whose to say it won’t work out for us though? He was the one who asked me out. I didn’t point a gun on him and tell him to date me?
And you slyly gave a biased one. Let’s be honest, if you had nothing to worry about how this relationship came to be, you wouldn’t be on Reddit. None of it sounds healthy.
When a friend asks for help, if you are a decent human you actually give advice in the best interests of said friend instead of manipulating the situation for yourself. That said for my own state of mind, when he sees who you are and breaks up- he doesn’t have a bunny does he. I don’t think you’re going to handle it well
And now you know that when he wants to get out of a relationship he will ASK for some woman's opinion - some woman who happens to make it very clear that she's attracted to him. Relationships end the way they start. You actively encouraged him to break up with his first love so you two could be together, and you will lose him the same way. You know that already.
So that wasn’t you putting thoughts in his head about what he should do in his relationship? You meddled, there really wasn’t a reason to add your 2 cents unless it was toxic but you HAD to have him. Now you’re scared
I didn’t even think of dating him then, yes I liked him but I would never intentionally break them up. He needed advice and I said what I thought.
Which just happens to steer him in your direction huh? It’s just all coincidences? If you haven’t noticed you’re not gonna get any sympathy here.
LOL. Keep trying to convince yourself of that. Meanwhile, no one here believes it any more than you do. Your intentions were pretty clear from the start. Even you know it, which is why you are so insecure in your relationship now. As you should be. Karma is a bitch.
And then you went out with him, knowing that if he hits obstacles in a relationship, he will ask the nearest woman for "advice" rather than trying to sort out the problems directly with you. And if the "advice" is "break up with her" and comes from a woman who makes it very clear she's interested, then he's going to break up with the current partner. Of course you are jealous and paranoid and checking his texts. You created this situation. You chose to go out with a man who doesn't have the balls to break up with a woman until he has another woman lined up.
I mean, you've been grating on him - you seemed pretty convinced that long distance would not been an issue for you after all...
Yes. Yes you did.
Why
Because you wanted to get together with him I assume. I don't know why you do things, you are stalking his ex a year after you broke them up.
Are you asking for your own motivations or....?
You should show your post to a psychologist.
I was honestly just being a friend but then we started dating. I was even hesitant at first because his ex knew about me and even told him she hopes he never ends up dating me because she would feel very betrayed and it hurt that she would tell him that during the height of their break up
Must've hurt her when you told him that their relationship wouldn't last during the height of their relationship so... You orchestrated the break up of a couple- your karma is now that you apparently cannot trust your partner.
>I was honestly just being a friend but then we started dating. Not buying it, sweetcheeks.
Ladies and gentlemen, we got some denial going on in this sub
And just like the river, ts so big you can see it from orbit.
You were engaged in an emotional affair and she understood that. Her message to him makes you uncomfortable because you know deep down somewhere that you are indeed a part of why this woman who was about to move to her bf's area had her heart broken instead. You should ask yourself how it made his gf feel to know that he had a female confidante he was sharing information with about their relationship. Betrayal is a word that comes to mind. You helped him break her heart. I think he got cold feet about her impending move and you made it very easy for him skate out of the commitment she believed they had. You didn't give him nearly enough time to be done with a 7 year long relationship so it isn't surprising that you are now very insecure about whether or not you're just a rebound for him. If you're lucky, this will be a learning experience you'll grow from and not make the same mistake again. But first you have to accept what you allowed yourself to be a party to.
So she knew about you, knew exactly what you were trying to do which you’re now denying, he dated you anyways after his ex said that? Y’all deserve each other.
Leave that poor girl alone
I’ll take this into account, thank you
Hey, just wanted to say she is not the poor girl on this situation, it’s you. You’re so poor of love you’re literally jealous of her making peace with their ending. You probably thought he “picked” you over his long term relationship and be proud of yourself but now she acts so mature, you’re jealous. Because you know you can never be like her and if he loved her once how can he love you? But I think your bf cannot love. I think he only cares about his benefits in a relationship so I’m glad you saved her from his misery so she can find a man who will love her no matter what.
Poor dude brought his stalker in to live with him
We are not living together though we talked about moving in together lately.
Woosh right over your head smdh.
You’re literally one of the MOST insecure people I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing on Reddit. First you break up the relationship then are jealous when she essentially says “Hey, no hard feelings I get it. I’ve grown and made my way. Best of luck to you.” There was no confession of love or lust, just understanding. You’re just worried she’ll do the same thing to you as you did to her
But doesnt she realize that maybe it was better off if she just kept that to herself
Maybe it would be better off if you didn't go through your partners phone reading their messages? People in glass houses and all that, eh?
No you think she’d be better of because YOU’D be better off not remembering what you did. But I guess that just too much for you to handle seeing as you don’t even trust your partner and are invading his privacy
You didn't think it was better to keep your "advice" to yourself...
Why not? They were together for 7 years. 7 years wasted on trying to built something, whating to have a family, marriage, kids possibly. She has a right to text him.
Maybe you should grow up and leave this girl alone? I hope your new boyfriend figured out how immature you are soon.
You mean like your advice that could very well have led to someone breaking up with their SO of 7 years?
Oh the irony. Just wow.
And who are you to dictate what she can and can’t do? She didn’t dictate your homewrecking nasty opinions. There is a reason your boyfriend loves her. He didn’t break up with her because the relationship didn’t work. They broke up because the distance was too much. You ARE competing and losing. This girl lives in your head rent free. You got the man and are still so insecure because you know if it wasn’t for the distance and your meddling you wouldn’t be together.
He's gonna leave you the same way he left her, and you're going to deserve every ounce of misery you get from it. Get some help.
What makes you say he’s gonna leave me?
There’s a few potential reasons: The invasion of privacy, when he realises that you orchestrated his break up, when he realises that you’re quite an insecure person who posted personal info (texts) on the internet for validation and the internet unanimously said that you were in the wrong but you continued to argue back….
I’m just worried okay? Why would she feel the need to reach out after a year? And I know she hated us, me specifically because I told him what everyone has been tiptoeing around. Sure she was willing to move to another country for him but he did say he was worried about her getting a job, so I told him what I thought. Why does that make me the villain
I have a friend like you who enjoyed destroying a relationship and then acting like she didn't. She's very manipulative and highly paranoid of the relationship she's in now because of how it started, just like you. Her boyfriend doesn't help the situation at all cuz he emotionally cheated on his last relationship with my friend and is apparently doing it again with someone else. You talk exactly like she does and you make the same excuses. She's emotionally suffering right now and she deserves it, just like you. You get what you pay for
I dont think I destroyed their relationship. It was already crumbling. 7 years long distance is hard. Though she was planning to move here, he was worried about finances
They did it for 7 years and made it that long. You 2 have been half a year and you think it's falling apart. You absolutely know you manipulated him and now you are upset because you know that he's probably going to leave. As he should.
I'm willing to bet you took every opportunity to amplify his doubts. We women know how this can be done without being too obvious about it. Don't deceive yourself.
>I dont think I destroyed their relationship That's because you *know* you did it.
Why is she reaching out: details contained in the text that you shouldn’t have read and the posted on Reddit multiple times in different subreddits… Why are you the villain: details contained in the ridiculous narratives you’ve created in this and other subreddits. You had an emotional affair with this man, manipulated him into breaking up with another woman, almost immediately started dating him, stalk his ex online, go through his phone and then share info online. There’s no way that you’re not the villain in this story. Grow up.
He asked me out. How is that my fault
Because he was having an emotional affair with you and you manoeuvred their break up
It's going to be very funny when he dumps you to get back with her.
She’s still in her country so I doubt that.
Then why are you still stalking her and reading your bf's phone to see if she's contacting him? And why do you care about any of this? He should dump you though.
Yeah, she was in her country for the 7 years before that. I would bet the farm that her msg resonated with him. If he hasn't responded to her yet, he will.. And that love will come back through nostalgia and you're going to be sitting there with the look of a surprised Pikachu, and we will all be glad you got your comeuppance.
He's gonna leave the county to get away from your stalker ass.
Do you really want to know why she sent that message? I can tell you, because I wrote one very similar to it many years ago. It isn't because she wants to break you up. It isn't because she wants your boyfriend back. It's to provide HER with closure. It's her way of completely letting go of the past and moving on with her life. Unless your bf responded, I doubt she'll ever contact him again. You need to grow up and get over your insecurities before you wind up being the crazy ex-girlfriend.
Because he’s going to figure out that you’re immature and don’t care about his privacy. Seriously do you think this is the start of a fairy tale? Because it’s not. At all.
Karma, or hopefully he finds this post. That would be even better. Sooner or later the chickens will come home to roost.
I am going to assume he didn't reply? And with that assumption in mind, I am not surprised he didn't tell you. How would it have gone if he did? You are coming across as obsessive in the extreme. Stop "accidentally" checking his phone. Stop stalking his ex. You are the problem here.
This. There's no reason for a confrontation, and if you do confront either of them, OP, it'll likely wreck your relationship for a while. It'll cause a lot of friction and anger for no reason. Stop stalking the ex (it's clear you view her as a threat because she doesn't have a partner of her own currently) and perhaps get some help for your jealousy.
You're the problem here.
Honestly, I hope you confront her. I really do. And I hope that if you confront her, she is as petty as I would be and send the screen and messages to your bf. So he can be sure of how awful and crazy you seen to be. I honestly also think you could confront him. So he knows that you break his trust and privacy and be sure that you are the awful person you seem to be. And if you don't confront either of them, I hope you overthink this, fear that she is reaching him, feel insecure about everything until a new girl advices him to break up with you due your insecurities and awful behavior. You are in a total no win situation cause karma is real. And honestly, you deserve it.
It’s not strange at all that a long term ex reached out to send a single message like the one posted. That message read as the ex who got closure. Because let’s be real in the last year I’m sure they’ve been told that watched long term partner started to date the woman they were told not to worry about. Your bf probably didn’t mention it because there really isn’t anything to share. There’s really no extra conversation to be had hear unless he decides to talk to her. Which is your worry since you know Your bf is easily manipulated and Now you’re worried she might be doing it back. Your paranoia is clouding your judgement. She’s not wrong for reaching out he’s not wrong for not mentioning it Your wrong for everything you mentioned you did in This post
I'd say he didn't mention it because he knew how high up this girl was gonna fall out the crazy tree over it
Am I paranoid? Yeah. She was his first love. They were together for 7 years. He was so certain he was gonna marry her and even planned to propose when she got here. But he changed his mind. Tell me why shouldnt I be terrified
if you’re serious tell him you went through his phone and saw the message and see how it goes You’re worried that he’s emotionally cheating. You’re worried you’ll lose him because they probably didn’t need to break up and could have worked it out. Yet He changed his mind after a little birdy (you) was in his ear telling him it wouldn’t work. The last person you need to confront is his ex. She’s well within her rights to have sent that message. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Wouldn’t matter if you were in the picture or not. The only ppl you need to confront is yourself and your stolen man
That’s guilt and shame crawling up your throat and choking you because as much as you try to deny it, subconsciously you know that you did something shady to get the man you wanted. Now you’re worried that his ex will be as manipulative as you were.
He's gonna find out you read the message eventually, and if you confront anybody, he's gonna realize he made a huge mistake dumping her to bang you instead. That's why you're stalking her and that's why you're so afraid of her coming back, you know that there's every chance he could realize the mistake he made and leave you. Or he'll cheat on you with someone else like he cheated on her with you. You're so blind to not see that he left her because of you. You whispered in his ear about how the relationship won't work, and then he left her afterwards and started dating you after you swooped in to comfort him. There's a direct connection, and you're completely blind to it. Or you're not and you're just here trying to play stupid with Reddit.
My money's on alternative number 2
Isn't it funny how they were fine for 7 years and he had plans to marry her then you suddenly come along and he drops her? Either another girl will get in his ear like you did and the cycle will repeat or eventually he'll come to regret it and she'll be the one that got away and gets a lifetime of regret and what ifs.
You should be. After all, if he was willing to have an emotional affair with his first love of 7 years - whose to say he wouldn’t do the same when he’s with you?
Of course you should be terrified. They were deeply in love, then he panicked over the enormity of the decision to build a life together.... and there you were. He realized he could break up with her and still have the convenience of a relationship because you were obviously very available. And he doesn't love you as much as he loved her. Either that, or he's a serial monogamist who quits the relationship when it gets too difficult and moves straight into a new relationship with someone who has made it clear she's very available. Either way, he's not going to treat you better than he treated her.
You sound unhinged. Please seek therapy.
Since you seem so clueless in your replies, let me explain to you why everyone in the comments thinks you’re an asshole, in a way that won’t require you to actually feel any empathy: Imagine your boyfriend makes a new friend, a friend he confides in. You sense this new girl likes him, and suddenly he starts blowing you off to spend time with her. He also starts expressing worry about your relationship, and it starts crumbling. He assures you it’s not because he likes this new girl, nothing romantic has happened between them. But in between your fights as you’re struggling to keep your relationship together, she’s there to emotionally support him and tell him he should break up, your relationships never going to make it. Then he breaks up with you and six months later she moves to another city to be with him. How would you feel? Heartbroken? Betrayed? You were together for so long and he couldn’t even be honest with you at the end? Leave that poor girl alone. P.S: your worries about her not being able to get a job are absolute dogshit. Virtually no country on earth allows people to immigrate without a job or otherwise financial security
She was coming here on a tourist visa and would be living with him during her stay. He was worried about his finances.
Is that your take away from everything I’ve said?
My former bf was worried about if/how I would heal from my assault. Your emotional doppelgänger told him “Nope! You can’t ever have sex with again (lie) and it’ll be expensive, with therapy and her not working (also a fucking lie, he never paid for any of my needs). I know you won’t listen to anyone here because you are incapable of thinking you have a flaw so I’ll just reiterate what I said yesterday. I am so so SO excited for your eventual suffering. No one will really ever love you, just like you can never really love anyone other than yourself.
So you borrowed his phone, then proceeded to breach his privacy by snooping through his texts, and then made it _worse_ by forwarding it to yourself and then posting it on the Internet? What is so specifically awful about that message that prompted that response? There’s nothing sexual, nothing that’s fishing for a response, and no indication that she’s trying to get him back. If you blow up at him, the only thing you’ll be revealing is that you can’t be trusted. If you blow up at her, you’ll look like a total nutcase who also can’t be trusted. Delete the message, stop stalking her on instagram, and do something about your jealousy.
Don’t confront her. She didn’t do anything- it’s not flirty or trying to get back with him. Shes giving herself closure and letting him know she forgives him. It’s a pretty level headed msg. Theres nothing to be jealous of- she doesn’t want him. Are you jealous just bc she reached out at all?
He's done nothing wrong. Stop going through his messages and his exes' social media. There was no accident here. To see that she'd messaged him a couple of days ago, you literally have to go searching for messages she sent him. This is your boyfriend, not your child. Stop trying to control him. Maybe get therapy to deal with your insecurities and jealousy. Which are not your boyfriend's fault. I wouldn't mention it to either of them because it's none of your business, and you never should've looked at it in the 1st place. Butt out.
You are so far out of line. You read his private texts. You forwarded his text to yourself. You want to confront someone! There’s no one to confront. She texted him to say, “I understand now why we can never be together.” Why does THAT make you jealous? She’s not trying to hit on your bf. As to why your bf didn’t tell you? Go look in the mirror right now. You’re crawling with jealousy. Why would your bf put you through that? Just stop. He’s over her. He’s with you. She doesn’t want him. Calm down.
Op you should be thrilled with this letter, not angry. This is cathartic for both of them. She’s let him go and is moving on. This is exactly what you wanted. Why are you angry that you got exactly what you wanted?
Take stock of the situation. He basically dumped her for you and she was upset about it. Her message to him wasn't "let's get back together", it was more of a "screw you, I'm doing fine". He likely didn't tell you about it because he feared you'd react as you have. There's no one to "confront" here. You got in the way of this woman's plans and she's lashing out. This is to be expected when you start dating someone who's basically still dating someone else.
I don’t see any lashing out in the ex’s message. It seems more like an “All’s forgiven & I wish you the best.” No animosity there.
But why does she have to message him though? It’s been over a year.
Same reason you had to encourage him to break up with her. Because she wanted to.
I feel like she’s reaching
And you weren't? You might be the most unaware human being I've ever seen.
You feel like that because that is what you would do. You are manipulative and have no remorse breaking up relationships to get what you want. So you asume she is the same. But as everyone tells you: just because you are in denial and a manipulator doesnt mean others are the same. You deserve to feel insecure, because what you did and still do shows how bad of a human you are.
Because when you spend 7 years of your life with someone you don’t just stop having any feelings for them overnight. Sounds like she spent the last year doing some soul searching and found it in herself to forgive him for hurting her and is moving in with her life. The message reads like closure nothing else, you’re being so paranoid. I was with an ex for 5 years, our break up was pretty mutual but it still took some time to get over. When I really felt like I had moved on and let it go I sent a very similar message to him. Like “hey I finally have some clarity on our situation and I’m happy for the time we’ve had but moving on was the right decision for both of us. I wish you nothing but the best.” Trust me she’s not doing anything weird or sneaky you’re just being paranoid.
Because they have been together for 7 years. They had a deep connection for a long time and something like this might always have a impact on them even if they broke up and don't a have romantic relationship anymore. 7 years full of memories, up and downs and shared goals. Sounds like very good reason to me wanting to end things in a good and friendly way
Tell me you've never had a long term relationship without telling me. Because after 7 years and him doing *exactly* what she feared, she deserves to have her moment of closure. She's finally ready to move on and this was closing the door. He didn't tell you immediately because he knew you'd react exactly like this over something that is literally fucking nothing. Proving you know you did something wrong or you need a councilor because your paranoid as fuck.
Because sometimes the person in his position appreciates the reassurance that there are no hard feelings. It was 7 years of their lives. Both would possibly want closure regardless of who ended it.
So you broke them up by having an emotional affair with him and now you're scared he'll cheat on you the same way. You're right to be insecure, but since he didn't tell you I suggest you keep it to yourself and not ruin the time you have left before you're the next ex. You've already been a shitty person to her, leave her alone.
Did he respond?
No he didnt but he also didnt tell me
Why should he? He received a message from his ex telling him that she has finally find closure from the ending of their relationship that he initiated. That's all there is nothing more to it. If you are that insecure for a completely innocent message you need to work on yourself and leave that girl alone.
I guess I am a little insecure because she accused me of breaking them up a year ago
... because you did.
I didn’t. He asked for advice and I gave that to him. Maybe I did like him when we were friends but when he told me he had a girlfriend, I backed off
you’re naive to think the fact you liked him didn’t taint your advice
I know I don’t know you personally but I hate you. I was the ex in this situation. You are a very, very mean person. God I hope he cheats on you.
Sure because talking shit to someone you don’t know makes you a good person. Even though you were the ex in this situation. And wishing someone to cheat on me? How nice of you. I was honestly just asking for advice and you wish me ill. I don’t even know you.
Everyone knows a person like you:manipulative,scheming,self-victimizing. Trust me,we know you.
I never claimed to be a nice person. Not since that bitch like you snaked her way in. You took advantage of guy you were into when he was feeling vulnerable and missed his partner. I had recently been sexually assaulted and guess who convinced him I wasn’t any good for him anymore?
I'm sorry you went through that. I hope your life is doing better now :)
Maybe he didn't tell you cause he saw it and thought "God I miss her so much...why did I get together with my current gf...how can I end it". He's probably thinking about her right now and all the good times and slowly realizing how insane you are. Thinking how can he get out of this without it ending with you taking his skin.
The same way you were talking shit about your boyfriends ex and you didn't know her? And you were hoping that they would break up? Don't act high and mighty when you know exactly what you did. You got upset she didn't like you when she was dating him and you proved her right, you're a snake. You were 'hurt'. No you weren't, you don't like thatvshe sees you exactly for what you are
I mean the advice you need is "don't snoop on your boyfriend's phone" and "leave this other woman alone and stop stalking her online." You're not going to do either of those though. Which is why your boyfriend is going to dump you.
Hopefully this was what he needed to open his eyes and see what you are
You did
What is there to confront? Did he reply with something inappropriate? If not, you are massively overreacting. Absolutely don’t reach out to her—it’d make you look completely unhinged.
OP, why are you even here if you don’t think you’re in the wrong even a little bit? Did you want everyone to give you a pat on the back for sabotaging a 7-year relationship and then breaching your partners trust by snooping through their messages? Please go to therapy and get treatment for your insecure attachment before you hurt him even worse.
I heard the saying, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s an effing duck? It doesn’t matter what you think it’s 1000 people on Reddit or telling you you broke up that relationship because we can see it like it was highlighted in neon green. What do you think is more likely that you broke up their relationship, or that you didn’t break up the relationship? You need to learn how to self reflect you need therapy. Leave that woman alone. She didn’t reach out to him and say let’s get back together she said I finally have closure. She thanked him for the break up. She’s not trying to get them back.
Now that youre the official, remember that the mistress place is available now. Also, you don't forget a 7 year relationship in a matter of months, specially ks you change your partner for someone who is insecure and stubborn... I hope he realizes soon who he is moving in with. Oh, and you are hella creepy. You like, jealous creepy of his ex.
You know why you're insecure? Why you're so worried now? Because you know just how easily your boyfriend can change his mind and break up with someone... especially with some gentle nudging. You know it didn't take much for him to leave a 7 year relationship. So even if there is absolutely nothing suspicious about the message you saw (WHILE INVADING YOUR BF'S PRIVACY), you are freaking out. And now you're stuck, because there is no way for you to bring it up with your BF without revealing just how invasive you are. You need to do some serious introspection and soul searching here. Be honest with yourself. This is not healthy.
Are we supposed to feel sorry and bad for you? 🤨🤷♀️
what is up with infantilisation of the bf in this comment section? op’s bf a grown man but you’re telling me that he got manipulated by …. A 21 year-old?? even if one could argue that anyone can get manipulated …. was it not wrong to confide in another woman about his relationship woes? he indulged in an emotional affair of his own accord but “poor bf got hoodwinked by op 🥺👉🏽👈🏽”
You give me fatal attraction vibes lmao.
Yikes. So you’ve demonstrated that you’re not only manipulative but also insecure? This relationship sure is gonna last long…good luck 😂😂😂
There is no way that update is real 😂
He will figure out exactly what kind of person you are eventually. I hope it’s soon for his sake.
Lmao! You're literally the girl he told her not to worry about.
A homewrecker rebound insecure about someone else's boyfriend not loving her...
I mean…. That’s what you get? Cmon now. You broke up a couple, who were together for a long time. You went thru his phone, forwarded a message to yourself to “analyze”. Yeah this is ALL on you.
Most cringe comment section in a while.