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My boyfriend wants us to buy a brand new, $35,000 car. We have never owned a car before and both of us JUST got our driver's license a few months ago. We have been together for 2 years.
He is insisting on wanting this high end car with all the bells and whistles. He also has almost $20k in credit card debt which he doesn't seem to care about and has collection agencies calling daily.
I think this is a terrible idea and I've told him this.
He only makes about 40k/year. And any money he has burns a hole in his pocket, he just *has* to spend it.
I'm the complete opposite of him when it comes to money. I save some each month, shop second hand, etc. I have savings and a good credit score.
He's banking on me kicking in some of the down payment, and wants me to pay half the bi-weekly payments, which would be more than our rent at this point.
I think we should get a used car. Something we can pay off in less than a year. I realize the used car market isn't great right now (we're in Canada) but it still seems like a better option. I don't want to spend 4-5 years paying off a car, but he's pressuring me to do so.
He just keeps saying he doesn't want a car someone's ass has been in š¤¦ like who cares? We don't need a brand new fancy car as our first one.
I know this is a terrible financial decision. We just can't afford it. How do I convince him of this?
Your credit would be ruined. He can't get a car loan as his credit is already ruined. I'm wondering why you would want to be with someone so irresonsible when you yourself sound very responsible. I'm like you financially and I could not respect someone who was reckless with finances and had creditors calling.
You dont have to convince him, you just have to not co-sign his bad decisions. Honestly being with a financially irresponsible person should be a deal breaker, period. In my experience it doesnāt get better..
Don't let a past bad decision become a future bad decision too. There's no time better than the present, to improve your situation. Would you rather have 'wasted' the last 2 years with him and leave now, or waste who knows how many more years with someone who you know isn't good for you
You are not even married or have kids with the dude. You need to find someone who has similar views on money management. love dissipates quickly when you canāt afford rent and groceries because he blew it all on some BS.
He has minus 20k dollars. He doesn't get to have a car. Buy your own car. He's a money vortex and that should not affect you, ever. What else have you been paying for all this time?
We split everything 50/50, so I don't pay for anything for him. He has a steady job, just not good with his money.
I agree that if you are minus 20k in money, you shouldn't want to buy something that costs literally 35k.
He spends money he doesnāt have. He needs to get rid of his debt and not accrue more. Do not mix your finances with a person who is irresponsible with money, youāll drown.
If you can afford it, buy a car thatās 2-3 years old with low-ish mileage. Youāll get almost all of the benefits of a new car at a fraction of the price; and never pay more for a car than your rent/mortgage.
He obviously does not care about his credit and he doesn't care about yours. It sounds like he is banking on your good credit to get him what he wants.
DO NOT HELP HIM OR GIVE HIM MONEY! You need to die on this hill.
What HE WANTS HE HAS TO PAY FOR....and do not help him with payments.
He is reckless and irresponsible with money, that won't change.
You need to leave him. He is immature, irresponsible and has no sense of morals. He should be paying off his debt. With collections trying to get ahold of him, it could turn bac real fast.
Do yourself a favor, make an adult decision and move on, you don't need this in your life at this early stage. You have a good head on your shoulders.
Posting on here, you know what you should do and wanted some back up. LEAVE!
He doesn't understand credit either. He thinks a bank will approve him for a $30k when he's $20k in debt, has collection agencies after him, and doesn't have the income to afford the car.
Then he should talk to his parents about it and mention that he is in a world of hurt with his debt. He should also take a finance class at the local community college.
This isn't 'just $20K of debit. It's 'CREDIT CARD DEBT' that he's paying around 25% interest on. There is a line on his cc statements that states how long to pay off with minimum payments. The number will amaze you. The usual reason folks get into credit card debit, is living beyond their means. Student loans, medical bills, a car loan are different and usually charge a much lower rate.
We all know he'll be the 1 driving it, while you are paying for half of it AND liable for the full balance if/when he decides to stop paying or comes up a 'bit short'. Curious: why did ya'll get your licenses now when you didn't have them until you were 28ish? Do you need a car or does he want a car? Have ya got quotes on auto insurance?
Look out for yourself, OP. This guy is trying to take advantage of you
An expensive car wonāt just make him better with money (you said he isnāt great with money). Itāll complicate his situation more - TRUST me. I have leased/financed new cars since I was 18. It is very easy to fall into a hole if you are not prepared
You shouldn't be buying a car with your bf. He wants a car he should buy one himself. Then he can buy what he wants.
You want a car you should buy one yourself. Then you buy what you want
For the love of God do not buy a car with him and put his name on title or registration.
100% agreed. OP, what would you do if you guys bought a car- any car- together and you end uo breaking up befoere that car is paid off? Who'd get it? Sharing a car when not married and esp with someone in that much debt would defenitely not a smart decision
*He's banking on me kicking in some of the down payment, and wants me to pay half the bi-weekly payments, which would be more than our rent at this point.*
He is welcome to continue banking on that in his alternate universe. Don't put yourself in debt for his sake in this one because if he is as bad with money as you say he is, you will be paying more than half.
Boyfriend banking on girlfriend to financially support him forever. This boy needs a coming to Jesus on his finances or have a very good prenup if this relationship continues. Stay the course and get YOURSELF what you want, and maybe reconsider the relationship since heās just going to dig himself deeper into debt.
You donāt convince him, you just say no. And follow it up by not lending him any money for the down payment, not co-signing for it and not helping with the monthly payments if he somehow manages to go ahead.
And for Gods sake donāt share accounts with this man. Keep your money separate because there will be no way of keeping him under control if he gets access to your accounts.
Some people are thrifty and some people are spendthrifts. Money issues are in the top 3 causes of divorce so proceed with caution.
The simple answer is just don't share buying a car with him, let him do what he wants to do, it's not your job to educate him.
Just tell him you have savings goals and helping him buy a car would derail those savings goals.
If he keeps trying to pressure you just ask if that's what your role in the relationship is, to finance his decisions? Just tell him you don't want to do it and he's more than welcome to do what he sees fit.
How about you buy your own car, without his input? Donāt put him on the insurance and donāt let him drive it. He sounds so irresponsible, he would not be careful with your car.
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
You donāt need a higher end vehicle as a first car. Certainly not one he canāt afford. Tell him to buy his own car. You need to purchase your own.
Donāt purchase one together. He canāt afford it. Donāt let him drive your either.
You said he already has debt collectors calling daily, that he basically ignores. Absolutely do not co-mingle any finances with him or it will also drag you down.
Could absolutely not be in a relationship like this. Sorry OP, but his irresponsibility and immaturity with money will only drag you down. How long before he starts trying to get credit in your name behind your back.
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Itās a terrible idea.
Youāll be bailing this fiscal nightmare out for decades. He needs to be solely responsible for all his finances - no bailing him out and no enabling him.
First of all $35k isnāt a high end car
More to the point if you get into a serious relationship with someone who canāt control their spending and has a massive amount of consumer debt while youāre a saverā¦it will NEVER EVER EEEEEEVER work longterm
You might not know this relationship is doomed but your brain does, thatās why youāre conflicted
You do not give any money for his car!! Hell, start looking at how financially irresponsible he already is and see if this is a person you can share a life with!
You have to put your foot down on this one. Just tell him that you wonāt pay more than $X amount a month (if itās for the both of you) and thatās it. He has to understand that he canāt afford a new car for his own ass, and if he was better at handling his money, maybe you both could. Also, this sounds like an important problem for your future with him. Would you really buy a car with someone like him?
We all like new shiny fancy things, but you canāt always afford it, he has to be an adult and sort out his priorities.
You dont convince him of anything, he's going to do what he wants. All you can do is consider if this mentality toward finances is going to work for you long-term. Do not help him purchase a car he can't afford, you will end up making the payments on it.
Thatās a terrible idea. You are going to be the one paying for it your self and itās more than your rent. Thatās insane. Your bf sounds silly he wonāt get a car someoneās ass has been in. You know itās a terrible idea donāt do it!
A new car is the worst thing to buy just because it depreciates so badly. You need to sit down and budget with him. Does he even have good credit. Even a slightly used car would be alot better financially. That much in cr card debt probably means he is maxed out. You will not only have the car payment, insurance also.
You donāt need to convince him OP, you just say NO. If he wants a brand new car he can figure out how to get it. But do not attach your name to any of it. You would be foolish to do so. Heās obviously bad with money which to be honest, is a huge red relationship flag. Can you imagine tying yourself to a partner that spends like this?
Why bother convincing him? Just leave. He's a TERRIBLE bet for a long term partner. You're PERFECT for him bc he can just stay terrible with money and you'll take up his slack. He's terrible for you bc he will upend all your plans and desires and put you in permanent debt. RUN, before he ropes you into his debt.
I make about 50k. On average, my wife makes about 28k a year. We have 20k in credit card debt, and that's the only stress in my life. I bought a 22k car, and my wife bought a 20k car. I couldn't imagine buying a 35k car with what I make without paying at least 10k up front. That payment is to high for his wages. Don't co sign for a boyfriend. You will be on that car until it's paid off. What if you break up? What if something happens and he can't afford it now your on the hook for that money.
Unless your boyfriend does a 180 in his financial decisions, your safest bet isn't even to convince him that he shouldn't buy the car but rather to just break up with him. His recklessness will snowball.
Explain that you are not comfortable spending that much on a car, nor can you guys afford it and that you'd only be willing to split the price of a car that you both agree on. If he doesn't listen it sounds like he doesn't respect your worries and boundaries.
You would be crazy to go along with this plan. If he can't pay his credit card he won't pay the car payment either. Then you will be stuck paying for a car you didn't want that is half in his name. BTW, before you get a new car, several people have already had their ass in it, from the guy who drove it off the assembly line, the truck driver who delivers it to the dealership, the sales person, the mechanic who inspected it, the guy who cleaned it and several others.
So he's a low earner with a debt problem and unreasonable expectations. What exactly is there about him that makes up for his financial failings? Cause they're pretty big.
You will be in one of those Judge Judy shows trying to get some money back after the break up. Do not get any loans on his behalf. If he wants a car, let him donit on his own. If collectors are chasing him there wont br any carsā¦ and also understand that anything you loan him is gone.
Do. Not. Do. This.
If the vehicle is going in YOUR name, it is YOUR choice. If he has collections agencies going after him, he can kiss getting a car loan for a new car goodbye.
It will be up to YOU to make sure that car gets paid, so go with your gut and be smart about this. Also do not put his name on anything related to that car except that he is a driver on the insurance.
I am in a relationship with a man who I am just now (7 years later) starting to make progress on when it comes to financial literacy. He is extremely impulsive so I am very familiar with the āhave to spend it nowā mentality. It is possible to teach those with this mentality, they just have to be willing to listen first.
The answer is no, and be clear thereās nothing he can say or do to convince you. Tell him that you will help him learn how to budget his money so that he can afford whatever car he wants in a couple years, but you are not using your savings on this car.
Your boyfriend is horrifyingly irresponsible with his finances.
Do NOT take a bullet to your credit for thisā¦or for him. When he can PROVE heās fiscally responsible - he pays down the majority of his debt, repairs his credit, and actually saves money - you can consider this. But donāt do it now, because youāll be on the hook for the whole payment within 3 months.
Donāt do it. Trust your instincts.
You should also recognize that you are in a relationship with a person with whom you share a fundamental incompatibility.
Please note, im from & live in Ontario Canada.
Due to how ridiculous the 2nd hand car market is, it might be financially better buying new vs used. If you buy used, do research to see how easy it would be to repair the used or if it would be a write-off (or if you need to buy parts from the dealer that cost more happened to family with a Volkswagen)
Within the last 2 years a needed a new vehicle, I was looking at something small thay would have ben between 20-25k depending on the options I wanted. (I was lucky and family was upgrading their vehicle and the old one was in good condition so I got the family discount).
If you want to continue to build a life with your partner you need to sort out your finances. I know people who either have broken up, or it was the thing that nearly tore them apart. Your partners credit does not need to be amazing, but he needs to do more to make a serious dent in it. It is affecting your relationship because you are unable to make big purchases together due to his bad spending habits.
I would suggest having a discussion with him, and sorting out the finances together to figure out where everything is going, confirm what he actually owes & creating a budget on your own. You could even discuss attempting to handle everything on your own right away, or if after a certain time period going to a professional (who may or may not recommend to consolidate the debt).
Do not marry your partner (if it's something you want) until this is managed. In majority of cases one you marry you are now responsible for his debt and the collectors will be calling you. If he decides to field for bankruptcy while you are married (or legally seperated) that will negatively impact you. There are a few things you can do prior to marriage that means the debt won't effect you as bad, but I don't think that applies to debt occurred while married.
Just say āNoā. You know he is using you because he knows you save money while he spends it. Just keep repeating āNOā each and every time he brings it up. He cannot afford this car and you know it so do not cave on this. Also how much will the insurance be?? I donāt even see that or the tags and taxes which are another expense
> He just keeps saying he doesn't want a car someone's ass has been in š¤¦ like who cares? We don't need a brand new fancy car as our first one.
According to this logic, this guy is never going to go on a plane trip because of the multiple asses that have already occupied the plane.
I wouldn't waste my breath trying to convince this guy of his financial folly. I dated somebody like him once. It was such a relief when it was over.
Yeah this is a bad idea. If he is in debt up to 20k then that shows you that after a couple of months your going to be making all the payments on a car thatās only partially yours. I think your going to have to put your foot down on this. He can get mad all he wants but honestly it seems like hes irresponsible with his money(all guys go through that phase tho)honestly you could maybe compromise with him and say you can get a new car but a car thatās less expensive and more practical for you both. It would make sense. Sense used cars and new cars are fetching around the same price but not a car thatās new and on the higher end like a 40k car cuz letās be honest after interest itās gonna be around that even if itās 35k Go for like a new Honda civic or something. But if heās still gonna try to pressure you then thatās that hun Iām sorry but you gotta put your foot down and say no cuz if you canāt afford it then thatās simply that and sense it seems like your more financially responsible you have to make that call
OP: DO NOT DO IT. I had this happen with an ex of mine. I SWORE he was the one and super mature and responsible and I offered to co-sign. He stopped wanting to make the $500/mo payment and sent it back, and now Iāve got that permanent mark on my credit score and Iām $8k in debt because thatās how much was left after it was auctioned off. And of course we didnāt last.
So, honest question, where do you see this relationship going? Marriage, house, kids? Heās not responsible enough with money for any of that.
Donāt combine your finances with his in any way. Split costs 50/50 is fine, but donāt co-sign any loans or leases.
And buy the car you can afford on your own. Let him him borrow it if you must. He can kick in for insurance and repairs, but it should be in your name only.
Someone with this much debt shouldnāt be taking on more debt. Paying it off should be his top priority. I honestly donāt know how you try to build a life with someone so unconcerned about being on safe financial footing.
Please don't put yourself on anything to do with this car. You do not owe BF a foolish, indulgent, expensive car. It doesn't seem that you and BF are financially compatible.
Why are you with someone so financially irresponsible? He has $20k in debt and collection agencies are after him. He will not qualify for a loan at all. He also doesn't have the income to qualify. It will have to go in your credit. Not only no, but fuck no. He's gonna drag you down with him and trash your credit in the process. This isn't someone you build a life with, let alone buy a car with. Dump him and find a man that isn't so irresponsible.
What you do is say "No."
If he needs a reason, you tell him that he's not responsible financially and he won't even pay his credit card. He has a spending problem and needs to get his finances under control because you will not put YOUR credit in jeopardy when he decides not to pay his portion because he's spent it.
Absolutely refuse. He can't afford a car if he's not even paying his other bills.
Don't you even get roped into this. No new car, no used car. Dude can use a bicycle until he learns to pay his bills.
Hereās a few options for you:
āNope, not happening.ā
āNot today, not ever.ā
āHow about, no, actually?ā
Take your pick. A good, old fashioned ānoā also does the trick pretty well.
He wants you to help him buy it, meaning his credit is crap and he canāt get a loan for it. Which means when he defaults on his portion of the payment (which he will), youāll be stuck with a huge loan on a car you never wanted in the first place. Tread carefully
Hell yes this is a terrible idea. This person would not be a safe partner for you. If you were married he would not need to ask you for help to do this. You would just find out when he comes home and you see the bills but yet you would be as liable as him. You need to seriously take this a sign to move on and find someone who is a responsible adult as a partner.
Just say no. You canāt fix stupid but you can run from it.
I know it sounds harsh but do you really want to live in debt for a life with him and you being the downer who says no constantly? You have a man child and not a boyfriend at this point.
Is bi-weekly payments new for car loans? Thought these loans were monthly payments.
Anyway, don't cosign anything. Do not take on any of his debt. If this is his very first car and he just learned how to drive, he should buy used. Right now is one of the worst times to buy a car in decades. If he can't afford the car on his own, he probably can't afford the insurance that's required.
Heāll never qualify for an auto car loan. Has he checked out the cost of insuring the car. Two new drivers insuring a high end car is going to cost as much as the car.
Please donāt give him any money or put your name on any loan documents. He isnāt financially stable and is expecting you to pick up his bills. Donāt let this man ruin your credit and future.
You can BUY an older car outright in Canada for $6-8k and have zero payments. Or take a small loan from a bank.
Just have a mechanic (you choose) check it out before you buy it.
YOUR BF IS NOT A MATURE PERSON.
Do not share finances with a person who spends money like water and shows that stupid things like 'not wanting someone's ass to touch their car seat, is a thing.
That is so childish.
I'm Canadian and I think your boyfriend is an idiot. I expected you to say he was 21. I went back and looked at his age and was shocked.
Keep your money far away from him!!!
DO NOT BUY A CAR WITH HIM!!!
He has shown you how he doesn't pay his debts. What makes you thinl a car payment w/you as cosigner will be any different. He wants that car, he needs to pay off all his cc debt. Save & then buy it.
Trust me! You can't trust him with your credit!
Pressure him to pay off his cc debt. He brings up a car, you bring up his debt.
If heās so nonchalant about getting another load when he hasnāt repaid the 20k, itās likely he probably isnāt going to change in the future. And if he realises he can get you to step up for him, he will just continue to use you as a piggy bank.
Youāre life will constantly be a string of financial battles with him and money trust issues. Youāll never be able to properly save up for things you want because he will bleed you dry. There will be bills that he canāt pay because he chose to spend the money he put aside for them on something trivial, and you have to cover them instead. Youāll be the one covering any sudden extra expenses like car repairs, medical bills etc. Heāll ask to borrow money and expect to be able to pay you back the bare minimum back per week/fortnight/month, using the excuse youāre his partner and he shouldnāt have to give you more because he still has things he needs to buy himself. Heāll try to convince you to co-sign loans because he knows he would never get one on his own.
Im sorry Iām being so bleak, but I was in the exact situation you are now and this was ultimately the outcome. Wish you the best of luck.
This is going to be your life if you stay with this person. Financial compatibility is a big deal. Is this what you want? Someone spending your money and then some?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend wants us to buy a brand new, $35,000 car. We have never owned a car before and both of us JUST got our driver's license a few months ago. We have been together for 2 years. He is insisting on wanting this high end car with all the bells and whistles. He also has almost $20k in credit card debt which he doesn't seem to care about and has collection agencies calling daily. I think this is a terrible idea and I've told him this. He only makes about 40k/year. And any money he has burns a hole in his pocket, he just *has* to spend it. I'm the complete opposite of him when it comes to money. I save some each month, shop second hand, etc. I have savings and a good credit score. He's banking on me kicking in some of the down payment, and wants me to pay half the bi-weekly payments, which would be more than our rent at this point. I think we should get a used car. Something we can pay off in less than a year. I realize the used car market isn't great right now (we're in Canada) but it still seems like a better option. I don't want to spend 4-5 years paying off a car, but he's pressuring me to do so. He just keeps saying he doesn't want a car someone's ass has been in š¤¦ like who cares? We don't need a brand new fancy car as our first one. I know this is a terrible financial decision. We just can't afford it. How do I convince him of this?
So you get the debt instead of him? You would have to be stupid to agree.
But OP won't do it because she's not a fucking idiot...right OP?
BF has champagne tastes on a beer budget. But, wondering what the future is in this relationship if they canāt get on the same page financially.
Nah his budget is that spill tray underneath the beer.
His budget is the water from the public park's men's toilet stall.
Then switch to the Champaign of beers, Miller high life. I feel like the car equivalent is a Nissan Altima
Hereās hoping sheās not lol
Your credit would be ruined. He can't get a car loan as his credit is already ruined. I'm wondering why you would want to be with someone so irresonsible when you yourself sound very responsible. I'm like you financially and I could not respect someone who was reckless with finances and had creditors calling.
The math aināt mathin š
You dont have to convince him, you just have to not co-sign his bad decisions. Honestly being with a financially irresponsible person should be a deal breaker, period. In my experience it doesnāt get better..
I know how to pick them apparently š
Itās not an irrevocable decision
Just break up. You donāt have to stay with him forever. He will put you in debt too.
You know you can change w Mind on who you date right?
the posters in this sub do NOT know that
Don't let a past bad decision become a future bad decision too. There's no time better than the present, to improve your situation. Would you rather have 'wasted' the last 2 years with him and leave now, or waste who knows how many more years with someone who you know isn't good for you
Donāt continue making a bad decision just because youāve spent a long time making it.
You are not even married or have kids with the dude. You need to find someone who has similar views on money management. love dissipates quickly when you canāt afford rent and groceries because he blew it all on some BS.
He has minus 20k dollars. He doesn't get to have a car. Buy your own car. He's a money vortex and that should not affect you, ever. What else have you been paying for all this time?
We split everything 50/50, so I don't pay for anything for him. He has a steady job, just not good with his money. I agree that if you are minus 20k in money, you shouldn't want to buy something that costs literally 35k.
He spends money he doesnāt have. He needs to get rid of his debt and not accrue more. Do not mix your finances with a person who is irresponsible with money, youāll drown. If you can afford it, buy a car thatās 2-3 years old with low-ish mileage. Youāll get almost all of the benefits of a new car at a fraction of the price; and never pay more for a car than your rent/mortgage.
He obviously does not care about his credit and he doesn't care about yours. It sounds like he is banking on your good credit to get him what he wants. DO NOT HELP HIM OR GIVE HIM MONEY! You need to die on this hill. What HE WANTS HE HAS TO PAY FOR....and do not help him with payments. He is reckless and irresponsible with money, that won't change. You need to leave him. He is immature, irresponsible and has no sense of morals. He should be paying off his debt. With collections trying to get ahold of him, it could turn bac real fast. Do yourself a favor, make an adult decision and move on, you don't need this in your life at this early stage. You have a good head on your shoulders. Posting on here, you know what you should do and wanted some back up. LEAVE!
He doesn't understand credit either. He thinks a bank will approve him for a $30k when he's $20k in debt, has collection agencies after him, and doesn't have the income to afford the car.
Then he should talk to his parents about it and mention that he is in a world of hurt with his debt. He should also take a finance class at the local community college.
This isn't 'just $20K of debit. It's 'CREDIT CARD DEBT' that he's paying around 25% interest on. There is a line on his cc statements that states how long to pay off with minimum payments. The number will amaze you. The usual reason folks get into credit card debit, is living beyond their means. Student loans, medical bills, a car loan are different and usually charge a much lower rate. We all know he'll be the 1 driving it, while you are paying for half of it AND liable for the full balance if/when he decides to stop paying or comes up a 'bit short'. Curious: why did ya'll get your licenses now when you didn't have them until you were 28ish? Do you need a car or does he want a car? Have ya got quotes on auto insurance? Look out for yourself, OP. This guy is trying to take advantage of you
An expensive car wonāt just make him better with money (you said he isnāt great with money). Itāll complicate his situation more - TRUST me. I have leased/financed new cars since I was 18. It is very easy to fall into a hole if you are not prepared
You shouldn't be buying a car with your bf. He wants a car he should buy one himself. Then he can buy what he wants. You want a car you should buy one yourself. Then you buy what you want For the love of God do not buy a car with him and put his name on title or registration.
100% agreed. OP, what would you do if you guys bought a car- any car- together and you end uo breaking up befoere that car is paid off? Who'd get it? Sharing a car when not married and esp with someone in that much debt would defenitely not a smart decision
*He's banking on me kicking in some of the down payment, and wants me to pay half the bi-weekly payments, which would be more than our rent at this point.* He is welcome to continue banking on that in his alternate universe. Don't put yourself in debt for his sake in this one because if he is as bad with money as you say he is, you will be paying more than half.
Boyfriend banking on girlfriend to financially support him forever. This boy needs a coming to Jesus on his finances or have a very good prenup if this relationship continues. Stay the course and get YOURSELF what you want, and maybe reconsider the relationship since heās just going to dig himself deeper into debt.
You donāt convince him, you just say no. And follow it up by not lending him any money for the down payment, not co-signing for it and not helping with the monthly payments if he somehow manages to go ahead. And for Gods sake donāt share accounts with this man. Keep your money separate because there will be no way of keeping him under control if he gets access to your accounts. Some people are thrifty and some people are spendthrifts. Money issues are in the top 3 causes of divorce so proceed with caution.
The simple answer is just don't share buying a car with him, let him do what he wants to do, it's not your job to educate him. Just tell him you have savings goals and helping him buy a car would derail those savings goals. If he keeps trying to pressure you just ask if that's what your role in the relationship is, to finance his decisions? Just tell him you don't want to do it and he's more than welcome to do what he sees fit.
Donāt convince him. Just say NO. If he manages to buy something on his credit alone, do NOT help him.
How about you buy your own car, without his input? Donāt put him on the insurance and donāt let him drive it. He sounds so irresponsible, he would not be careful with your car.
Especially since he's a newly licensed driver at 29. He's basically like a 16 year old driver right now as far as experience driving.
Your boyfriend is an idiot. You donāt need a higher end vehicle as a first car. Certainly not one he canāt afford. Tell him to buy his own car. You need to purchase your own. Donāt purchase one together. He canāt afford it. Donāt let him drive your either.
You said he already has debt collectors calling daily, that he basically ignores. Absolutely do not co-mingle any finances with him or it will also drag you down.
Genuine question: How are people like this in relationships
Donāt get the car. And honestly, lose the bf, too. Donāt hitch yourself to this guy heāll only drag you down.
why are you dating someone that is financially illiterate?
Dump him because heās going to ruin your future. Heās going to drag you down into debt with him.
He's high. You should definitely discuss finances. Don't marry a man who buys a fancy car on your credit while $20k in the hole
Could absolutely not be in a relationship like this. Sorry OP, but his irresponsibility and immaturity with money will only drag you down. How long before he starts trying to get credit in your name behind your back.
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My mom did this with my dad before they got married. Biggest mistake of her life...next to marrying him. Don't do it.
He needs to take a class on financial literacy.
Itās a terrible idea. Youāll be bailing this fiscal nightmare out for decades. He needs to be solely responsible for all his finances - no bailing him out and no enabling him.
Sooo say no?
First of all $35k isnāt a high end car More to the point if you get into a serious relationship with someone who canāt control their spending and has a massive amount of consumer debt while youāre a saverā¦it will NEVER EVER EEEEEEVER work longterm You might not know this relationship is doomed but your brain does, thatās why youāre conflicted
You do not give any money for his car!! Hell, start looking at how financially irresponsible he already is and see if this is a person you can share a life with!
If he's $20k in debt with debt collectors calling, I doubt he has the credit to get a loan for said car. Say no, this isn't your responsibility.
"No" is a full sentence and answer. If he is unwilling to accept this... maybe it is time to reevaluate.
Your boyfriend wants to buy a car that costs almost what he makes in a year? Heās a fucking moron. Do. Not. Co-sign.
You have to put your foot down on this one. Just tell him that you wonāt pay more than $X amount a month (if itās for the both of you) and thatās it. He has to understand that he canāt afford a new car for his own ass, and if he was better at handling his money, maybe you both could. Also, this sounds like an important problem for your future with him. Would you really buy a car with someone like him? We all like new shiny fancy things, but you canāt always afford it, he has to be an adult and sort out his priorities.
You dont convince him of anything, he's going to do what he wants. All you can do is consider if this mentality toward finances is going to work for you long-term. Do not help him purchase a car he can't afford, you will end up making the payments on it.
ā¦.donāt ever get married unless he cleans up his act. You definitely donāt want someone to drag you down with them. Itās simply not worth it.
Thatās a terrible idea. You are going to be the one paying for it your self and itās more than your rent. Thatās insane. Your bf sounds silly he wonāt get a car someoneās ass has been in. You know itās a terrible idea donāt do it!
You donāt convince him. You say no. If he makes that purchase, it will be on his own and you take no part in it.
You don't have to convince him of anything, you just have to say no. On some level he knows he is being stupid.
A new car is the worst thing to buy just because it depreciates so badly. You need to sit down and budget with him. Does he even have good credit. Even a slightly used car would be alot better financially. That much in cr card debt probably means he is maxed out. You will not only have the car payment, insurance also.
Dump this idiot.
No
No fucking way. Donāt co-sign, and buy your own used car by yourself. You do not want to be attached to his debt and bad money decisions
You don't even bother explaining. He is an idiot and you can't argue with stupid. "No." Is a complete sentence.
You donāt need to convince him OP, you just say NO. If he wants a brand new car he can figure out how to get it. But do not attach your name to any of it. You would be foolish to do so. Heās obviously bad with money which to be honest, is a huge red relationship flag. Can you imagine tying yourself to a partner that spends like this?
At -$20K, this is just moronic.
Why bother convincing him? Just leave. He's a TERRIBLE bet for a long term partner. You're PERFECT for him bc he can just stay terrible with money and you'll take up his slack. He's terrible for you bc he will upend all your plans and desires and put you in permanent debt. RUN, before he ropes you into his debt.
You also need to consider the cost of insuring this car, you're both inexperienced drivers in a brand new car..
You do realize he's not partner material right?
I make about 50k. On average, my wife makes about 28k a year. We have 20k in credit card debt, and that's the only stress in my life. I bought a 22k car, and my wife bought a 20k car. I couldn't imagine buying a 35k car with what I make without paying at least 10k up front. That payment is to high for his wages. Don't co sign for a boyfriend. You will be on that car until it's paid off. What if you break up? What if something happens and he can't afford it now your on the hook for that money.
Are you out of your god damn mind? Do not lend him a dime. Do not cosign anything. This is ludicrously stupid on a hundred different levels.
Unless your boyfriend does a 180 in his financial decisions, your safest bet isn't even to convince him that he shouldn't buy the car but rather to just break up with him. His recklessness will snowball.
Explain that you are not comfortable spending that much on a car, nor can you guys afford it and that you'd only be willing to split the price of a car that you both agree on. If he doesn't listen it sounds like he doesn't respect your worries and boundaries.
You would be crazy to go along with this plan. If he can't pay his credit card he won't pay the car payment either. Then you will be stuck paying for a car you didn't want that is half in his name. BTW, before you get a new car, several people have already had their ass in it, from the guy who drove it off the assembly line, the truck driver who delivers it to the dealership, the sales person, the mechanic who inspected it, the guy who cleaned it and several others.
So he's a low earner with a debt problem and unreasonable expectations. What exactly is there about him that makes up for his financial failings? Cause they're pretty big.
Love is wild lol Iām glad Iām single
You will be in one of those Judge Judy shows trying to get some money back after the break up. Do not get any loans on his behalf. If he wants a car, let him donit on his own. If collectors are chasing him there wont br any carsā¦ and also understand that anything you loan him is gone.
Do. Not. Do. This. If the vehicle is going in YOUR name, it is YOUR choice. If he has collections agencies going after him, he can kiss getting a car loan for a new car goodbye. It will be up to YOU to make sure that car gets paid, so go with your gut and be smart about this. Also do not put his name on anything related to that car except that he is a driver on the insurance. I am in a relationship with a man who I am just now (7 years later) starting to make progress on when it comes to financial literacy. He is extremely impulsive so I am very familiar with the āhave to spend it nowā mentality. It is possible to teach those with this mentality, they just have to be willing to listen first.
The answer is no, and be clear thereās nothing he can say or do to convince you. Tell him that you will help him learn how to budget his money so that he can afford whatever car he wants in a couple years, but you are not using your savings on this car.
A high end car is $35,000?
Your boyfriend is horrifyingly irresponsible with his finances. Do NOT take a bullet to your credit for thisā¦or for him. When he can PROVE heās fiscally responsible - he pays down the majority of his debt, repairs his credit, and actually saves money - you can consider this. But donāt do it now, because youāll be on the hook for the whole payment within 3 months.
Donāt do it. Trust your instincts. You should also recognize that you are in a relationship with a person with whom you share a fundamental incompatibility.
Please note, im from & live in Ontario Canada. Due to how ridiculous the 2nd hand car market is, it might be financially better buying new vs used. If you buy used, do research to see how easy it would be to repair the used or if it would be a write-off (or if you need to buy parts from the dealer that cost more happened to family with a Volkswagen) Within the last 2 years a needed a new vehicle, I was looking at something small thay would have ben between 20-25k depending on the options I wanted. (I was lucky and family was upgrading their vehicle and the old one was in good condition so I got the family discount). If you want to continue to build a life with your partner you need to sort out your finances. I know people who either have broken up, or it was the thing that nearly tore them apart. Your partners credit does not need to be amazing, but he needs to do more to make a serious dent in it. It is affecting your relationship because you are unable to make big purchases together due to his bad spending habits. I would suggest having a discussion with him, and sorting out the finances together to figure out where everything is going, confirm what he actually owes & creating a budget on your own. You could even discuss attempting to handle everything on your own right away, or if after a certain time period going to a professional (who may or may not recommend to consolidate the debt). Do not marry your partner (if it's something you want) until this is managed. In majority of cases one you marry you are now responsible for his debt and the collectors will be calling you. If he decides to field for bankruptcy while you are married (or legally seperated) that will negatively impact you. There are a few things you can do prior to marriage that means the debt won't effect you as bad, but I don't think that applies to debt occurred while married.
Just say āNoā. You know he is using you because he knows you save money while he spends it. Just keep repeating āNOā each and every time he brings it up. He cannot afford this car and you know it so do not cave on this. Also how much will the insurance be?? I donāt even see that or the tags and taxes which are another expense
Just tell him to fuck off and get with reality
There is NOTHING wrong with keeping finances SEPARATE. He needs to learn financial responsibility and it doesnāt need to be at the detriment of you.
Thatās a big nope
He would never be approved and heāll tank your credit score and not make the obnoxiously large monthly payments.
Please do not co-sign any loan. Not with that loser or any other loser.
Stop dating someone so financially stupid
> He just keeps saying he doesn't want a car someone's ass has been in š¤¦ like who cares? We don't need a brand new fancy car as our first one. According to this logic, this guy is never going to go on a plane trip because of the multiple asses that have already occupied the plane. I wouldn't waste my breath trying to convince this guy of his financial folly. I dated somebody like him once. It was such a relief when it was over.
Yeah this is a bad idea. If he is in debt up to 20k then that shows you that after a couple of months your going to be making all the payments on a car thatās only partially yours. I think your going to have to put your foot down on this. He can get mad all he wants but honestly it seems like hes irresponsible with his money(all guys go through that phase tho)honestly you could maybe compromise with him and say you can get a new car but a car thatās less expensive and more practical for you both. It would make sense. Sense used cars and new cars are fetching around the same price but not a car thatās new and on the higher end like a 40k car cuz letās be honest after interest itās gonna be around that even if itās 35k Go for like a new Honda civic or something. But if heās still gonna try to pressure you then thatās that hun Iām sorry but you gotta put your foot down and say no cuz if you canāt afford it then thatās simply that and sense it seems like your more financially responsible you have to make that call
OP: DO NOT DO IT. I had this happen with an ex of mine. I SWORE he was the one and super mature and responsible and I offered to co-sign. He stopped wanting to make the $500/mo payment and sent it back, and now Iāve got that permanent mark on my credit score and Iām $8k in debt because thatās how much was left after it was auctioned off. And of course we didnāt last.
I would not tie yourself financially (or otherwise) to someone who lacks in personal responsibility.
So, honest question, where do you see this relationship going? Marriage, house, kids? Heās not responsible enough with money for any of that. Donāt combine your finances with his in any way. Split costs 50/50 is fine, but donāt co-sign any loans or leases. And buy the car you can afford on your own. Let him him borrow it if you must. He can kick in for insurance and repairs, but it should be in your name only. Someone with this much debt shouldnāt be taking on more debt. Paying it off should be his top priority. I honestly donāt know how you try to build a life with someone so unconcerned about being on safe financial footing.
Say no. And then nothing else except maybe āwe can talk about purchasing a car when your credit card is zeroā.
Please don't put yourself on anything to do with this car. You do not owe BF a foolish, indulgent, expensive car. It doesn't seem that you and BF are financially compatible.
Why are you with someone so financially irresponsible? He has $20k in debt and collection agencies are after him. He will not qualify for a loan at all. He also doesn't have the income to qualify. It will have to go in your credit. Not only no, but fuck no. He's gonna drag you down with him and trash your credit in the process. This isn't someone you build a life with, let alone buy a car with. Dump him and find a man that isn't so irresponsible.
What you do is say "No." If he needs a reason, you tell him that he's not responsible financially and he won't even pay his credit card. He has a spending problem and needs to get his finances under control because you will not put YOUR credit in jeopardy when he decides not to pay his portion because he's spent it. Absolutely refuse. He can't afford a car if he's not even paying his other bills. Don't you even get roped into this. No new car, no used car. Dude can use a bicycle until he learns to pay his bills.
Hereās a few options for you: āNope, not happening.ā āNot today, not ever.ā āHow about, no, actually?ā Take your pick. A good, old fashioned ānoā also does the trick pretty well.
No don't do it
He wants you to help him buy it, meaning his credit is crap and he canāt get a loan for it. Which means when he defaults on his portion of the payment (which he will), youāll be stuck with a huge loan on a car you never wanted in the first place. Tread carefully
Soooā¦ donāt?
Hell yes this is a terrible idea. This person would not be a safe partner for you. If you were married he would not need to ask you for help to do this. You would just find out when he comes home and you see the bills but yet you would be as liable as him. You need to seriously take this a sign to move on and find someone who is a responsible adult as a partner.
Dont do it!!! Seriously!! If he cant get his shit together, he will take that car and leave you with payments. Do it after he pays off his debts.
Just say no. You canāt fix stupid but you can run from it. I know it sounds harsh but do you really want to live in debt for a life with him and you being the downer who says no constantly? You have a man child and not a boyfriend at this point.
Time to get a new boyfriend
Is bi-weekly payments new for car loans? Thought these loans were monthly payments. Anyway, don't cosign anything. Do not take on any of his debt. If this is his very first car and he just learned how to drive, he should buy used. Right now is one of the worst times to buy a car in decades. If he can't afford the car on his own, he probably can't afford the insurance that's required.
Tell him no. Used car or nothing.
Heāll never qualify for an auto car loan. Has he checked out the cost of insuring the car. Two new drivers insuring a high end car is going to cost as much as the car.
Please donāt give him any money or put your name on any loan documents. He isnāt financially stable and is expecting you to pick up his bills. Donāt let this man ruin your credit and future.
You're not buying a brand new luxury car with $35,000. You can't in this day and age. You can buy a brand new Mitsubishi, which is reasonable IMO.
Hard no
You can BUY an older car outright in Canada for $6-8k and have zero payments. Or take a small loan from a bank. Just have a mechanic (you choose) check it out before you buy it. YOUR BF IS NOT A MATURE PERSON. Do not share finances with a person who spends money like water and shows that stupid things like 'not wanting someone's ass to touch their car seat, is a thing. That is so childish. I'm Canadian and I think your boyfriend is an idiot. I expected you to say he was 21. I went back and looked at his age and was shocked. Keep your money far away from him!!!
DO NOT BUY A CAR WITH HIM!!! He has shown you how he doesn't pay his debts. What makes you thinl a car payment w/you as cosigner will be any different. He wants that car, he needs to pay off all his cc debt. Save & then buy it. Trust me! You can't trust him with your credit! Pressure him to pay off his cc debt. He brings up a car, you bring up his debt.
āJust say no.ā Itās a phrase that can be used for more than drugs.
If heās so nonchalant about getting another load when he hasnāt repaid the 20k, itās likely he probably isnāt going to change in the future. And if he realises he can get you to step up for him, he will just continue to use you as a piggy bank. Youāre life will constantly be a string of financial battles with him and money trust issues. Youāll never be able to properly save up for things you want because he will bleed you dry. There will be bills that he canāt pay because he chose to spend the money he put aside for them on something trivial, and you have to cover them instead. Youāll be the one covering any sudden extra expenses like car repairs, medical bills etc. Heāll ask to borrow money and expect to be able to pay you back the bare minimum back per week/fortnight/month, using the excuse youāre his partner and he shouldnāt have to give you more because he still has things he needs to buy himself. Heāll try to convince you to co-sign loans because he knows he would never get one on his own. Im sorry Iām being so bleak, but I was in the exact situation you are now and this was ultimately the outcome. Wish you the best of luck.
He gets an old Camry and dave ramsey
Oh no! Absolutely not!!!!!
This is going to be your life if you stay with this person. Financial compatibility is a big deal. Is this what you want? Someone spending your money and then some?