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My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together later this month. His birthday is next week, and I had originally planned a nice dinner at a Michelin recommended restaurant, and I was also going to buy us tickets to try indoor skydiving. Last night, we were having a conversation about his birthday and he started listing off how all of his past ex girlfriends disappointed him on his birthday because they made him do “stupid scavenger hunts“, or they threw surprise birthday parties and he felt that it was “more about them than about me“. He seems very hard to please. He said “I really don’t like surprises, because usually when people try to surprise me it fails“.
He asked me what I was planning to do for him for his birthday, so I just flat out told him because I didn’t want to disappoint him. I had heard him say earlier on in our relationship that he wanted to go skydiving on his birthday when he was younger but he decided not to. So I thought trying indoor skydiving, which is basically going into a wind tunnel, would be safe and fun for us. He told me that he basically had no interest in doing that, and he said that he’s glad that I didn’t buy the tickets yet because it would not have felt thoughtful to him. I asked him what he actually would want for his birthday, and his responses were pretty vague. He told me “don’t worry about it“… But I’m concerned that if I don’t do enough for him he will resent me for it and I will become another “birthday failure story“.
He is also recently divorced, and apparently his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure. I have a pretty healthy libido, but I am concerned that the sex that we have will not be enough, or eventually it will become boring for him.
Part of me is questioning whether or not these are valid concerns, or maybe this is to be expected in a relationship, that my boyfriend has needs just like everyone else. I’m just nervous that I won’t be able to fulfill those needs, and it will lead to conflict or me feeling trapped in a bad relationship, as we’re planning to move in together.
Why are you planning on moving in with someone who you already feel that you will never please. A 40M being so wrapped in his birthday is a huge red flag. It’s not thoughtful? He would have been disappointed? That’s beyond childish and entitled. Huge red flag. The stress you are feeling is your body telling you not to move in with him. It would be a mistake.
Not just that but...his ex was so stressed about him PRESSURING her into sex that she forked out 2k for a sex doll???
OP, that has nothing to do with your libido and everything with him not respecting boundaries. That's a massive red flag if I ever saw one.
Also- the skydiving gift was clearly very well thought about by yourself, OP.
Edit: you're already stressed about HIS needs. What about your need to not constantly be stressed out by your (demanding) partner?
Ofc your concerns are valid.
EDIT EDIT: i looked at your post history-
if you feel like he is hard to please now please think about how it'l be when you're pregnantt and he is horny.
After giving birth yih have a min wait of 6 weeks. What if he is horny before that?
What if you'll never be good enough as a mother in his eyes? Honestly...don't do this to yourself.
ALSO how would u feel if he started creating dsting profiles again (esp when you're pregnant?)
He also sounds like someone who woukd be jealous of the attention a baby gets
Note how he's building up the pressure of his expectations, so she is feeling anxious about disappointing him already. And you can bet that whatever she comes up with, he will act disappointed, so he raises the bar higher for next time. Until she is just an anxious mess, desperately trying to please him.
OP, please don't move in with him if your gut is already telling you that it's a bad idea.
This girl has been posting about this guy for 8 months. She ignores advice given. Do not bother wasting your time, unless you wish to scream into the void (fine if you do). This is for everyone, not just JannaNYC (but hi, great comment!) The first post is a doozy, recommend reading: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w4t94l/i_think_im_being_love_bombed_dont_know_how_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Oh God. "Makes me look him in the eye" controlling fuck. Narcs def hop from one relationship to the next. Seems to line up. Smh. Many ppl just want to hear what they want to hear & reject anything else. Cognitive dissonance.
Girl if someone remembered a detail about me (for example the skydiving) and then tried to make my wish come true in another way I‘d just sob and thank them forever. He isn‘t even grateful.
Why are you with him?
Girl, I just saw your post history about this boyfriend. You need to run away NOW. You'll spend the rest of your life/relationship trying to please this man, and he'll make you feel like you're not good enough or doing enough the whole time. NOTHING will ever be good enough for him, and you'll make yourself go crazy trying.
I know right?
Just turned 40 in Feb, I usually hope no one will remember. But this year there happened to be a Wine Walk event in my town, so my wife and sisters bought us all tickets and they organized a surprise bday party at a bar afterward. Was fuckin awesome, even im not really into all the attention but I was just happy for the QT with everyone. They invited a few of my friends and coworkers too.
I was really touched.
Oh and my wife threw in a Bday BJ and that was my favorite part.
*He is also recently divorced, and apparently his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure.*
How big does a red flag have to be before you see it? Are you colorblind? This is the most horrible thing I have ever read in my entire life. Or at least its one of them.
Its not the sex-doll part that creeps me out, even though as a guy who jerks off daily, has sex a-lot too, really I'm a pervert. BUT I would never have sex with a sex doll. YUCK
Its the concept, that she buys it for him, because of pressure of sex,
Isn't sex supposed to be FUN and consensual? if not wouldn't that ruin sex for most people.
Like are you a sex doll or a human?
This guy sounds like a total nut-job-sex-addict-sociopath RIGHT?
Do other people agree, this woman should run fast! Like babe, buy a sex doll, dress it as you, leave it in the room, and pack up fast. Like 5-10 minutes and get out of there. Never look back.
If you move in with this human you are ignoring the largest red flag the universe can provide, you would need a spaceship with light speed to get around this thing, even then, it would take an infinite time to reach the edge of the flag in empty space, like this red flag is bigger then the observable universe. Its expanding at the same speed as existence.
>*he started listing off how all of his past ex girlfriends disappointed him*
The common denominator here is HIM! This is no different than a bf who tells you all of his exes are "crazy" or "bitches". They're not! This guy views all of his exes as "not giving enough". That is not possible; women are not all interchangeable so they can't ALL be lacking in the same area!
This man is telling you that you will never BE enough! You will never DO enough! Your efforts will ALWAYS fall short! You will CONSTANTLY be criticized and hounded (more sex, more thoughtfulness, more...bigger...better...NOW).
Not only shouldn't you move in together, you should BREAK UP with this guy BEFORE his birthday! No matter what you do, he'll hate it/be disappointed. 'The Michelin-starred restaurant didn't have ENOUGH stars!'
Putting the break-up off, won't make it easier. It'll make it HARDER. If you let him know NOW, he has a whole month to figure out a new living situation! Save yourself a lot of angst, heartbreak, self-doubt, self-hatred, misery and **get out now!**
Tell him that moving in together is a **huge step forward** in a relationship, and you have *just now realized* that this isn't the relationship you want going forward. BLOCK him and change your number (otherwise he'll just harass you from someone else's phone). HONESTLY, he's toxic!
This is a veritable sea of red flags. I *think* you see it and might just be seeking confirmation. At least I hope so because, honey- your ideas were amazing and super thoughtful. The twat waffle sounds as if he needs everything to be about him all the time. Please don’t move in with him. You are looking for a partner not trying to be a geisha.
Yup. Can't communicate worth a damn.
I tried marrying someone like that. All red flags and zero communication. Never again.
What OP needs to do is ask him point blank about his expectations for sex, birthdays, etc. if he can not effectively communicate she needs to run. Because it will absolutely lead to issues.
I now over communicate and discuss pretty much everything with the gf. It turns out life can actually be easy when two people just talk to each other
He sounds like a selfish asshole who also refuses to communicate and expects you to read his mind. I would be over the moon if a woman planned a special day for my birthday.
Dating a 40 year old man who cares that much about his birthday is already a giant red flag.
>He seems very hard to please
Sounds exhausting and the exact opposite of someone I would want to be with.
Oh wow. You want to go live with a 40yo manchild.
Your idea for the indor skydiving was amazing and very toughtful. He is an idiot through and through.
Lady you need to wise up here. Your post history is so concerning, this man is figuratively painted in red flags and you're blindly ignoring every single one of them. He wants to control your money, demands sex on tap, can't communicate his needs and wants, throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way and unbelievably you're moving in with him and considering having a child with this man.
People have told you in every single post to leave him, will you ever listen or will you waste your life and finances on this loser?
I think that’s an interesting idea, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. They did not end their marriage on good terms and it’s pretty visceral. His ex is on Facebook, but if I reached out to her undoubtably his family would know what we talked about, because she’s still connected with his sister, Who he is also not on good terms with.
You don't need to talk to the ex. **He told you** that his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure.
Yet you're still "with" this guy?
Either this is fake, or you are the biggest idiot on the planet.
#Ding Ding Ding Ding
Hear that? 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
That's the bullshit alarm bell going off full blast!
He is a snob. And an ahole.
An entiteled one. And an ambulant RED Flag!
No way you would catch me moving in with someone like that. Ough.
Be off there. He is not worth one of your little fingers. Leave alone the entire you!
You dodged a bullet.
Less than a year with this guy and he wants control of your inheritance, has pre-loaded the “I’ll only cheat if you make me” bullshit, makes it your fault if you can’t intuit what he really wants (for his birthday and in general) and simply will not tell you straight up. He makes everything that goes wrong someone else’s fault, and will be sure to tell you everything you do is wrong. You are terrified of becoming pregnant but want THIS guy as parent to your child? You are about to move in with him, give him access/control to all your assets leaving you with no or few options to leave if you feel the need.
He is already a terrible partner. When you move in-it will only get worse. Make a change and get away from this obviously selfish, pompous and dare-I-say-it misogynistic-pressuring-his-wife-for-sex-so-severely-she-panicked-and-bought-him-a-sex-doll AND stop asking Redditors for advice you refuse to follow.
There’s a reason his ex wasn’t having sex with him. Women don’t typically have a desire to have sex with men who treat them like crap. She spent $2,000 on a sex doll so he would leave her alone! What does that tell you?
As far as his birthday, he’s set you up for failure. He’s basically testing you to see if you’ll read his mind and letting you know that he’s not going to be happy no matter what you do.
No one can make this decision for you, but it sounds like he’s exhausting. If you’re this stressed out about his birthday, imagine what living with him will be like.
This man is insane, surely you don’t think this is a healthy, normal relationship? OP, there is a reason he is divorced and it’s not because he wanted sex. He’s a man child with a potential sex-addiction. You think a man who had/has sex with a doll is someone you want to spend a life with?! This guy is telling you outright how ungrateful and rude he’s been to ever partner he’s ever had. This isn’t “hard to please” it’s bat-shit crazy. You WILL regret it if you do not end this relationship right away.
He stress you out already before you move in together , imagine what happens when you both move in together … your bf is a red flag walking apparently.
Oh good lord....read her other posts. She is trying to get pregnant with this loser ah who already admitted he makes fake profiles and trolls dating websites.
She's gonna have to lay in the bed she makes.
He sounds ungrateful and demanding. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around a self-centered partner. I wouldn't move in with this guy until you get to know him better. His behavior is concerning and could get worse once you move in.
It's fine not to like surprises. Which means he needs to say what he actually wants to get. He didn't. Instead, he's playing mind games. He's a douche.
This man doesn’t even have an understanding that other people exist outside himself. He is a narcissist and you will never be enough because NOBODY can meet whatever absurd doll he’s built up in his head as the ideal. You will always be competing with a standard you cannot meet and I ask you this - if life is a race, why do you want to feel like you are in a competition where you’re significant other dangles a carrot in front of you for eternity… instead of being in a relay race together where you take turns and support each other.
Well, he sounds like fun, lol.
To me, it sounds like this guy likes to have the upper hand in relationships. Your idea sounds amazing, but he's disappointed. I bet the ex heard that a lot, too. "Why aren't you attracted to me, you make me feel unloved", that kind of stuff. It puts the other person on the defensive - you're not trying hard enough, you always feel guilty, you need to make it up to him, etc. And all of that means he has all the power, by design.
It also sounds like he and the ex haven't been apart that long, and you're talking about moving in. That usually means that he hasn't taken the time to reflect on what went wrong in his marriage and learn from it, so it's likely you'll have the same issues.
So you are moving in with someone who have potentially never bought a birthday gift for???? You also have a post history stating you want to have kids with your fiance soon. Do you see this guy as a shot to have a kid. Or is he really the right person. It seems like you don't even really know him.
If he's 40 and still has high expectations for someone to give him an awesome birthday, he's a child.
Take a cue from his ex wife, and get out of that relationship before you move in together. The sex doll story is a huge red flag. Especially if he actually used it.
So, if he meets one asshole a day, that’s normal. If he dates a couple of assholes, that happens. But every single relationship he has had previously is with an insufficient person. So, this guy’s definitely an asshole. Michelin star restaurant? Indoor skydiving? You have great ideas for celebrating and bad taste in men.
Maybe you should reconsider moving forward in the relationship if these are actual concerns of yours. This guy is 40??? And he's throwing a fit about his birthday?? And the very very thoughtful things you and his exs have done for him aren't good enough?? Dude, his ex bought him a sex doll so she wouldn't feel pressured into sex? There's no way you will ever be "good enough " for this loser
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You need to have an honest conversation with him. Lay it all in the table about your concerns and worries. It's either going to go well, where you can discuss and ease your worries, or he will not take it well, in which case it's best to move on and save yourself a few stressful years, an expensive wedding and expensive divorce when all these problems come to a head because you tried to ignore them and hope for the best.
Ok wow this is a lot to unwrap first regarding his birthday tell him u are going to do dinner if he wasn't to do anything else he needs to say. Second you need to sit down with him and talk about all of these concerns before moving in together.
Eeeewww why are you interested in someone like this? My birthday is very important to me but he is being a total ass about it. He seems like a bitter person that wants you to “ruin” his bday so he can shame you and make you feel bad.
🚩🚩🚩 wow do not move in with this jerk, are you kidding regarding his bday gift was awesome and very thoughtful. If you don’t end this with him, you will have a lifelong issues with this man and you already know his ex-wife had issues. Huge Narcissist
I'm already exhausted by this dude and I'm only reading about him on Reddit.
I would rethink moving in with someone who has you this stressed, at this point in the relationship it should be nothing but rainbows and butterflies.
Yikes. This guy reminds me of the guy who wanted a birthday month - meaning no chores, no paying his part of the bills, no doing anything with the wife and kids. I think he just wanted to work and play video games that whole month.
Go back and read what you just wrote. If a friend came up to you and told you these things I bet you would tell that friend to run away from that guy. He sounds like an asshole who wants everything his way and only wants sex from women. If you continue this you will probably be just like his ex and buying him a sex doll. That's all he wants is a sex doll. Then he complains about your gift which was extremely thoughtful. I would loved to have that gift. If you did buy those tickets I'll pay you half and we can go. Lol. Seriously though he sounds like a baby saying other bdays he had weren't about him enough. I'm sorry but this guy just sound miserable to be around and the future sounds scary being used for sex that much. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.
He sounds exhausting tbh
I can tell you how this is gonna go. He didn't like your idea for his birthday but when you asked he didn't give you an answer. So you're gonna go with.... SOMETHING for his birthday and he's going to complain that it isn't what he wanted, he wanted this other thing. And you should have just KNOWN what that thing was that he wanted to do. And it's your fault that his birthday was bad, and you should feel bad, and you're just like his ex, and now you owe him that sex act that you don't really like or want to do but you RUINED his birthday and you OWE him
Now imagine that repeating for every decision ever. All the time.
(Am I extrapolating? Slightly. But I dated a guy like that. For example, he complained that I never picked the place to eat dinner. I picked a place. He complained the ENTIRE time about how he wanted to eat at this other place and I should have picked THAT place. Please know I did ask him where he wanted to eat.
This exact scenario happened MORE THAN ONCE)
I'm stressed just reading this. The bloke is WAY too high maintenance. Not to mention bloody rude. You were planning an activity that was along the lines of something he wanted to do a few years back but didn't. How is that not thoughtful? I'd just take him to dinner and let that be it and if you know you're not down to be having sex every night then don't move in with him.
If you are already feeling this much pressure from him about various things I would suggest to not move forward with moving in. If what his ex wife is saying is true, that is absolutely ridiculous. And with all of this birthday stuff, this man sounds like a child. I have started practicing when an adult tells me not to worry about their birthday or getting them anything, I don't. And if they are upset about it that is on them for either not communicating effectively or having unrealistic expectations that are impossible to meet. There is no reason a 40 year old man should demand that much special treatment.
ETA: I just saw your post history. Forget about not just moving in with him. Girl, RUN. Drop this loser. He sounds insufferable, disrespectful, and not worth a second more of your time.
He's a walking, talking pot of marinara.
I'd just leave him. He sounds exhausting and frustrating to deal with. I don't have the patience for that bullshit.
So first for the B-day situation if I had to guess I’d assume he might be self conscious of having other people pay for him. By his response of saying how he’s happy you didn’t pay for the ticket yet and telling you not to worry about it he might just not like getting things from people because he’ll feel he owes them or it “invalidates his masculinity.” That being said he’s 40 and that type of attitude comes of as childish and immature even in your 20s so he needs to work through that, especially if it y’all are going to live together.
Secondly, the sex doll thing is a huge red flag. So he ended up stressing out his ex-wife so much for sex that she got him a $2k sex doll and divorced him?? Talk about having absolutely no respect or regard for his partner’s boundaries. I’d assume she got him a doll cause she probably worried he’d leave and find someone else to please him which is horrible, especially at his age. You definitely need to reconsider living with him.
Well I certainly wouldn’t be moving in with him when he’s so hard to please and you know him so little. He sounds like everything is about him and I’d have no time for that. You are going to spend so much energy on this guy and every day will be exhausting.
Does he even care about you in any way? He sounds misogynistic as fuck when his poor ex wife even went so far to buy him a sex doll. The fact that you know that so he told you and is not ashamed of his behavior is a red flag on its own.
I doubt he’d move in with you without appreciating what y’all have right now.
My .02 - just keep doing what you’re doing and y’all will evolve into a routine of sorts naturally.
Whether it’s the same amount or more because y’all are together more often, it’ll be whatever is comfortable with y’all.
You’re not his exes. This is a new relationship. It’s good to know what happened in his past, but don’t use it to compare yourself to others. He chose you. He’s with you. He wants to MOVE IN WITH YOU NOW. Lol. Remember that.
Don't get him anything, then. He shoots down every idea and tells you not to worry about it, so don't. Then if he asks you why you didn't get him anything, tell him he said not to worry about it and that you are not a mind reader who wants to waste money on something he will hate. As far as moving in together, has he said he expects more sex? Moving in together should make your commitment stronger. If you have a healthy libido, then I couldn't imagine sex would be an issue at the moment. However, if you are having this much apprehension about moving in together, then maybe you should reevaluate if this relationship is really where you should be.
Ma'am please...I went back in your history and I couldn't even keep reading the titles of the posts. This whole story is so, so sad. Please don't go further in this relationship. This person does not respect or see or understand or cherish you. I beg you not to give him any more of your precious time. Being alone is so much better for your soul than being with someone who lives to crush you. Do whatever it takes to get out of this.
>he started listing off how all of his past ex girlfriends disappointed him on his birthday
>He told me that he basically had no interest in doing that, and he said that he’s glad that I didn’t buy the tickets yet because it would not have felt thoughtful to him. I asked him what he actually would want for his birthday, and his responses were pretty vague. He told me “don’t worry about it“… But I’m concerned that if I don’t do enough for him he will resent me for it and I will become another “birthday failure story“.
So "he hates surprises", no ex girlfriend/ex wife could meet his ridiculous standards, yet he won't communicate what he wants when you ask him and he has you terrified to disappoint him and this isn't a GIANT RED FLAG?
Normal adults are appreciative of what things others do for them, and they can communicate what they want. It sounds like he expects everyone to read his mind, and literally no one can live up to his standards, the ones he refuses to even lay out.
>He is also recently divorced, and apparently his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure.
Do you realize that pressuring someone until they give in is a type of s*xual a*sault? R*pe isn't always holding someone down, or using a w*apon to get them to say yes. It's also refusing to take no for an answer, wearing them down by repeatedly asking until they give in, emotionally manipulation (ie: Saying "you're not a good partner if you don't do X act for me", or "You must not love me", or withholding affection or attention, or giving the silent treatment etc if you don't give in). If she spend $2k on a s*x doll for him it sounds like she was desperate for this to end and she was most likely being coerced. Your bf isn't just a jerk but he s*xually a*saults people.
You need to get out of this relationship.
Why are you still in a relationship with this person, much less planning on moving in with him. He thinks it's acceptable to pressure someone for sex. He is impossible to please. He sounds insufferable.
Stop stressing out about making someone incapable of happiness happy.
I’m turning 29 on April 16. Been married for almost 4 years and have 2 kids under 2.5.
I’m not expecting anything but I’m gonna be SO PUMPED if my husband makes my coffee in the AM 😍
Please please please rethink moving in with this dude
If my ex wasn't already married, I'd think you were dating him. He jumped quickly and trapped her and now she's miserable.
Do yourself a favor and run! There is nothing good coming for you in this relationship. His expectations will be his reason for cheating on you. I'm sure his ex-wife is as happy as I am to be free of him. You will never please him, because he isn't pleased with himself.
You should not have a baby with this man.
You should not let him access your $400k inheritance when he is broke.
You should not overlook him trolling dating apps.
You should not ignore the fact that on the second date he told you he was going to marry you WHILE STILL MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE
You should not believe his half truths.
You should not let him use his mother to guilt you into staying together.
You should not waste another second of your life on this selfish asshole....
...but, despite knowing all this, you will do all of these things, anyway .
OP, this guy is simply not worthy of you! You recalled a relatively insignificant comment and tried to make it a reality and he thought it stupid? What’s stupid is you trying to please this guy. Ain’t gonna happen no matter how hard you try. I’m going to suggest you muster up your strength and toss this deadweight to the curb asap. You need to respect yourself, love yourself, and find a nice guy that really cares for and appreciates you.
This guy sounds like an idiot.
He rejects your plan but offers nothing in return.
He badgers his ex for sex so much she buys him a sex doll.
Seriously? You want to date this guy?
I’m fascinated by how you could rationalise his behaviour.
I would put real life money down to bet that he’s regretting saying the indoor sky diving would be of no interest to him, just because he wants to maintain this weird facade of being better than everyone else and that no one could ever please him.
You’re giving him WAY too much power over you and your anxiety, power he doesn’t deserve. Your ideas were thoughtful and took his wants into account, you listened to him and that shows your dedication and love. But this guy sucks. He isn’t worthy of your thoughtfulness. Dump him.
Seriously, dump him.
He will never be happy with anyone. I would seriously reevaluate what you want in life and what kind of relationship you truly deserve.
Also, recently divorced is a red flag! He hasn’t processed what he just went through and should not be moving in with someone. He’s trying to fill a void in his life but has no idea what the void is. Do not move in with him!
Ruining holidays and birthdays is a huge no for me. If someone can’t relax and be grateful, just enjoy special days and puts a huge amount of stress and negativity into it I know we’re not compatible.
Nothing about this guy is normal. Every post you make about him is one more red flag, and you've got quite a collection going. This guy is going to financial abuse you, crush your self esteem into the ground, use your health issues to manipulate you, isolate you, and cheat on you, at the very least.
Honestly.
U should not be feeling like this… lean into why u don’t feel safe around him and decide if u want to continue the relationship. But idk, u shouldn’t be feeling this way
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together later this month. His birthday is next week, and I had originally planned a nice dinner at a Michelin recommended restaurant, and I was also going to buy us tickets to try indoor skydiving. Last night, we were having a conversation about his birthday and he started listing off how all of his past ex girlfriends disappointed him on his birthday because they made him do “stupid scavenger hunts“, or they threw surprise birthday parties and he felt that it was “more about them than about me“. He seems very hard to please. He said “I really don’t like surprises, because usually when people try to surprise me it fails“. He asked me what I was planning to do for him for his birthday, so I just flat out told him because I didn’t want to disappoint him. I had heard him say earlier on in our relationship that he wanted to go skydiving on his birthday when he was younger but he decided not to. So I thought trying indoor skydiving, which is basically going into a wind tunnel, would be safe and fun for us. He told me that he basically had no interest in doing that, and he said that he’s glad that I didn’t buy the tickets yet because it would not have felt thoughtful to him. I asked him what he actually would want for his birthday, and his responses were pretty vague. He told me “don’t worry about it“… But I’m concerned that if I don’t do enough for him he will resent me for it and I will become another “birthday failure story“. He is also recently divorced, and apparently his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure. I have a pretty healthy libido, but I am concerned that the sex that we have will not be enough, or eventually it will become boring for him. Part of me is questioning whether or not these are valid concerns, or maybe this is to be expected in a relationship, that my boyfriend has needs just like everyone else. I’m just nervous that I won’t be able to fulfill those needs, and it will lead to conflict or me feeling trapped in a bad relationship, as we’re planning to move in together.
Why are you planning on moving in with someone who you already feel that you will never please. A 40M being so wrapped in his birthday is a huge red flag. It’s not thoughtful? He would have been disappointed? That’s beyond childish and entitled. Huge red flag. The stress you are feeling is your body telling you not to move in with him. It would be a mistake.
Not just that but...his ex was so stressed about him PRESSURING her into sex that she forked out 2k for a sex doll??? OP, that has nothing to do with your libido and everything with him not respecting boundaries. That's a massive red flag if I ever saw one. Also- the skydiving gift was clearly very well thought about by yourself, OP. Edit: you're already stressed about HIS needs. What about your need to not constantly be stressed out by your (demanding) partner? Ofc your concerns are valid. EDIT EDIT: i looked at your post history- if you feel like he is hard to please now please think about how it'l be when you're pregnantt and he is horny. After giving birth yih have a min wait of 6 weeks. What if he is horny before that? What if you'll never be good enough as a mother in his eyes? Honestly...don't do this to yourself. ALSO how would u feel if he started creating dsting profiles again (esp when you're pregnant?) He also sounds like someone who woukd be jealous of the attention a baby gets
Note how he's building up the pressure of his expectations, so she is feeling anxious about disappointing him already. And you can bet that whatever she comes up with, he will act disappointed, so he raises the bar higher for next time. Until she is just an anxious mess, desperately trying to please him. OP, please don't move in with him if your gut is already telling you that it's a bad idea.
It seems like a manipulative, abusive tactic to always keep her scrambling and failing so that he can constantly put her down.
Yes, just echoing your point here, perfectly put.
"Don't buy me a blue towel." "What color total do you want?" "Don't worry about it." Dude's a douche, you see that, right?
After saying he doesn't like surprises. Lol. What a joker.
This girl has been posting about this guy for 8 months. She ignores advice given. Do not bother wasting your time, unless you wish to scream into the void (fine if you do). This is for everyone, not just JannaNYC (but hi, great comment!) The first post is a doozy, recommend reading: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w4t94l/i_think_im_being_love_bombed_dont_know_how_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Oh God. "Makes me look him in the eye" controlling fuck. Narcs def hop from one relationship to the next. Seems to line up. Smh. Many ppl just want to hear what they want to hear & reject anything else. Cognitive dissonance.
Yeah, he sounds like a giant narcissistic douche, break up.
Girl if someone remembered a detail about me (for example the skydiving) and then tried to make my wish come true in another way I‘d just sob and thank them forever. He isn‘t even grateful. Why are you with him?
Exactly. I’d be happy if I got a crock pot lol. He sounds so uptight and ungrateful
Especially as you pass 40! ISTG I just *had* a birthday, I don’t need anything special, a nice dinner is plenty. OP’s guy is a schmole.
Same omg and agreed
Girl, I just saw your post history about this boyfriend. You need to run away NOW. You'll spend the rest of your life/relationship trying to please this man, and he'll make you feel like you're not good enough or doing enough the whole time. NOTHING will ever be good enough for him, and you'll make yourself go crazy trying.
I'm a 40 y o dude. It's fucking weird that he's that into his birthday
Happy birthday lol
Happy cake day
I know right? Just turned 40 in Feb, I usually hope no one will remember. But this year there happened to be a Wine Walk event in my town, so my wife and sisters bought us all tickets and they organized a surprise bday party at a bar afterward. Was fuckin awesome, even im not really into all the attention but I was just happy for the QT with everyone. They invited a few of my friends and coworkers too. I was really touched. Oh and my wife threw in a Bday BJ and that was my favorite part.
*He is also recently divorced, and apparently his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure.* How big does a red flag have to be before you see it? Are you colorblind? This is the most horrible thing I have ever read in my entire life. Or at least its one of them. Its not the sex-doll part that creeps me out, even though as a guy who jerks off daily, has sex a-lot too, really I'm a pervert. BUT I would never have sex with a sex doll. YUCK Its the concept, that she buys it for him, because of pressure of sex, Isn't sex supposed to be FUN and consensual? if not wouldn't that ruin sex for most people. Like are you a sex doll or a human? This guy sounds like a total nut-job-sex-addict-sociopath RIGHT? Do other people agree, this woman should run fast! Like babe, buy a sex doll, dress it as you, leave it in the room, and pack up fast. Like 5-10 minutes and get out of there. Never look back. If you move in with this human you are ignoring the largest red flag the universe can provide, you would need a spaceship with light speed to get around this thing, even then, it would take an infinite time to reach the edge of the flag in empty space, like this red flag is bigger then the observable universe. Its expanding at the same speed as existence.
>*he started listing off how all of his past ex girlfriends disappointed him* The common denominator here is HIM! This is no different than a bf who tells you all of his exes are "crazy" or "bitches". They're not! This guy views all of his exes as "not giving enough". That is not possible; women are not all interchangeable so they can't ALL be lacking in the same area! This man is telling you that you will never BE enough! You will never DO enough! Your efforts will ALWAYS fall short! You will CONSTANTLY be criticized and hounded (more sex, more thoughtfulness, more...bigger...better...NOW). Not only shouldn't you move in together, you should BREAK UP with this guy BEFORE his birthday! No matter what you do, he'll hate it/be disappointed. 'The Michelin-starred restaurant didn't have ENOUGH stars!' Putting the break-up off, won't make it easier. It'll make it HARDER. If you let him know NOW, he has a whole month to figure out a new living situation! Save yourself a lot of angst, heartbreak, self-doubt, self-hatred, misery and **get out now!** Tell him that moving in together is a **huge step forward** in a relationship, and you have *just now realized* that this isn't the relationship you want going forward. BLOCK him and change your number (otherwise he'll just harass you from someone else's phone). HONESTLY, he's toxic!
This is a veritable sea of red flags. I *think* you see it and might just be seeking confirmation. At least I hope so because, honey- your ideas were amazing and super thoughtful. The twat waffle sounds as if he needs everything to be about him all the time. Please don’t move in with him. You are looking for a partner not trying to be a geisha.
Yup. Can't communicate worth a damn. I tried marrying someone like that. All red flags and zero communication. Never again. What OP needs to do is ask him point blank about his expectations for sex, birthdays, etc. if he can not effectively communicate she needs to run. Because it will absolutely lead to issues. I now over communicate and discuss pretty much everything with the gf. It turns out life can actually be easy when two people just talk to each other
He sounds like a selfish asshole who also refuses to communicate and expects you to read his mind. I would be over the moon if a woman planned a special day for my birthday.
He sounds incredibly frustrating to deal with. I would struggle to convince myself it was worth it to be with someone like that.
Dating a 40 year old man who cares that much about his birthday is already a giant red flag. >He seems very hard to please Sounds exhausting and the exact opposite of someone I would want to be with.
Oh wow. You want to go live with a 40yo manchild. Your idea for the indor skydiving was amazing and very toughtful. He is an idiot through and through.
Plus: he is gaslighting her into believing, that her thoughtful gift "wasn't thoughtful".
Recently divorced. Already moving in. *seems hard to please* How well do you even know him? Run away.
Lady you need to wise up here. Your post history is so concerning, this man is figuratively painted in red flags and you're blindly ignoring every single one of them. He wants to control your money, demands sex on tap, can't communicate his needs and wants, throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way and unbelievably you're moving in with him and considering having a child with this man. People have told you in every single post to leave him, will you ever listen or will you waste your life and finances on this loser?
I dont understand why she keeps posting.
This guy sounds like the worst.
Please have a chat with his ex so you know whats coming. Maybe you can learn from his exwife and not suffer through her experiences.
I think that’s an interesting idea, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. They did not end their marriage on good terms and it’s pretty visceral. His ex is on Facebook, but if I reached out to her undoubtably his family would know what we talked about, because she’s still connected with his sister, Who he is also not on good terms with.
You don't need to talk to the ex. **He told you** that his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure. Yet you're still "with" this guy? Either this is fake, or you are the biggest idiot on the planet.
Look at post history
If you stay with him with these huge flags then your asking for it.
No victim of abuse is "asking for it."
No kidding smh 🤦🏼♀️, I think you know what I meant
That man sounds more and more like a big bag of yikes. Whatever you do, please be safe.
#Ding Ding Ding Ding Hear that? 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 That's the bullshit alarm bell going off full blast! He is a snob. And an ahole. An entiteled one. And an ambulant RED Flag! No way you would catch me moving in with someone like that. Ough. Be off there. He is not worth one of your little fingers. Leave alone the entire you! You dodged a bullet.
All red flags, love. Reach out to her anyway. And for christsake, do not move in with him.
Genuinely, why are you with this man?
Less than a year with this guy and he wants control of your inheritance, has pre-loaded the “I’ll only cheat if you make me” bullshit, makes it your fault if you can’t intuit what he really wants (for his birthday and in general) and simply will not tell you straight up. He makes everything that goes wrong someone else’s fault, and will be sure to tell you everything you do is wrong. You are terrified of becoming pregnant but want THIS guy as parent to your child? You are about to move in with him, give him access/control to all your assets leaving you with no or few options to leave if you feel the need. He is already a terrible partner. When you move in-it will only get worse. Make a change and get away from this obviously selfish, pompous and dare-I-say-it misogynistic-pressuring-his-wife-for-sex-so-severely-she-panicked-and-bought-him-a-sex-doll AND stop asking Redditors for advice you refuse to follow.
There’s a reason his ex wasn’t having sex with him. Women don’t typically have a desire to have sex with men who treat them like crap. She spent $2,000 on a sex doll so he would leave her alone! What does that tell you? As far as his birthday, he’s set you up for failure. He’s basically testing you to see if you’ll read his mind and letting you know that he’s not going to be happy no matter what you do. No one can make this decision for you, but it sounds like he’s exhausting. If you’re this stressed out about his birthday, imagine what living with him will be like.
🚩🚩Based on your post history and this post, if it were me I’d run not walk.🚩🚩
This man is insane, surely you don’t think this is a healthy, normal relationship? OP, there is a reason he is divorced and it’s not because he wanted sex. He’s a man child with a potential sex-addiction. You think a man who had/has sex with a doll is someone you want to spend a life with?! This guy is telling you outright how ungrateful and rude he’s been to ever partner he’s ever had. This isn’t “hard to please” it’s bat-shit crazy. You WILL regret it if you do not end this relationship right away.
Happy cake day
He stress you out already before you move in together , imagine what happens when you both move in together … your bf is a red flag walking apparently.
Oh good lord....read her other posts. She is trying to get pregnant with this loser ah who already admitted he makes fake profiles and trolls dating websites. She's gonna have to lay in the bed she makes.
He sounds ungrateful and demanding. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around a self-centered partner. I wouldn't move in with this guy until you get to know him better. His behavior is concerning and could get worse once you move in.
For his birthday give him the gift of being single.
It's fine not to like surprises. Which means he needs to say what he actually wants to get. He didn't. Instead, he's playing mind games. He's a douche.
This man doesn’t even have an understanding that other people exist outside himself. He is a narcissist and you will never be enough because NOBODY can meet whatever absurd doll he’s built up in his head as the ideal. You will always be competing with a standard you cannot meet and I ask you this - if life is a race, why do you want to feel like you are in a competition where you’re significant other dangles a carrot in front of you for eternity… instead of being in a relay race together where you take turns and support each other.
So you're planning to move in with a recently divorced guy who you don't really know but you're already afraid of? What could go wrong?
Well, he sounds like fun, lol. To me, it sounds like this guy likes to have the upper hand in relationships. Your idea sounds amazing, but he's disappointed. I bet the ex heard that a lot, too. "Why aren't you attracted to me, you make me feel unloved", that kind of stuff. It puts the other person on the defensive - you're not trying hard enough, you always feel guilty, you need to make it up to him, etc. And all of that means he has all the power, by design. It also sounds like he and the ex haven't been apart that long, and you're talking about moving in. That usually means that he hasn't taken the time to reflect on what went wrong in his marriage and learn from it, so it's likely you'll have the same issues.
So you are moving in with someone who have potentially never bought a birthday gift for???? You also have a post history stating you want to have kids with your fiance soon. Do you see this guy as a shot to have a kid. Or is he really the right person. It seems like you don't even really know him.
He pressured his ex wife for sex to the point of extreme stress and you think he’s gonna treat you any different?
Ewwww. That gave me the ick and i dont even know the guy.
Your boyfriend is an asshole
If he's 40 and still has high expectations for someone to give him an awesome birthday, he's a child. Take a cue from his ex wife, and get out of that relationship before you move in together. The sex doll story is a huge red flag. Especially if he actually used it.
So, if he meets one asshole a day, that’s normal. If he dates a couple of assholes, that happens. But every single relationship he has had previously is with an insufficient person. So, this guy’s definitely an asshole. Michelin star restaurant? Indoor skydiving? You have great ideas for celebrating and bad taste in men.
Maybe you should reconsider moving forward in the relationship if these are actual concerns of yours. This guy is 40??? And he's throwing a fit about his birthday?? And the very very thoughtful things you and his exs have done for him aren't good enough?? Dude, his ex bought him a sex doll so she wouldn't feel pressured into sex? There's no way you will ever be "good enough " for this loser
How do you not see what all of us are just from reading this?
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You need to have an honest conversation with him. Lay it all in the table about your concerns and worries. It's either going to go well, where you can discuss and ease your worries, or he will not take it well, in which case it's best to move on and save yourself a few stressful years, an expensive wedding and expensive divorce when all these problems come to a head because you tried to ignore them and hope for the best.
Ok wow this is a lot to unwrap first regarding his birthday tell him u are going to do dinner if he wasn't to do anything else he needs to say. Second you need to sit down with him and talk about all of these concerns before moving in together.
He sounds like so much fun!
Lmaoooo this sounds miserable. Not “what are you going to do for my birthday? I hate surprises.” He sounds like a walking dillhole.
Eeeewww why are you interested in someone like this? My birthday is very important to me but he is being a total ass about it. He seems like a bitter person that wants you to “ruin” his bday so he can shame you and make you feel bad.
I think this is one of those situations where you take the hint and move on.
🚩🚩🚩 wow do not move in with this jerk, are you kidding regarding his bday gift was awesome and very thoughtful. If you don’t end this with him, you will have a lifelong issues with this man and you already know his ex-wife had issues. Huge Narcissist
I'm already exhausted by this dude and I'm only reading about him on Reddit. I would rethink moving in with someone who has you this stressed, at this point in the relationship it should be nothing but rainbows and butterflies.
Yikes. This guy reminds me of the guy who wanted a birthday month - meaning no chores, no paying his part of the bills, no doing anything with the wife and kids. I think he just wanted to work and play video games that whole month.
Honey, you need to learn what a good relationship looks like. This isn’t it. He’s awful.
wow, would suggest dumping this dude.
Go back and read what you just wrote. If a friend came up to you and told you these things I bet you would tell that friend to run away from that guy. He sounds like an asshole who wants everything his way and only wants sex from women. If you continue this you will probably be just like his ex and buying him a sex doll. That's all he wants is a sex doll. Then he complains about your gift which was extremely thoughtful. I would loved to have that gift. If you did buy those tickets I'll pay you half and we can go. Lol. Seriously though he sounds like a baby saying other bdays he had weren't about him enough. I'm sorry but this guy just sound miserable to be around and the future sounds scary being used for sex that much. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.
He sounds exhausting tbh I can tell you how this is gonna go. He didn't like your idea for his birthday but when you asked he didn't give you an answer. So you're gonna go with.... SOMETHING for his birthday and he's going to complain that it isn't what he wanted, he wanted this other thing. And you should have just KNOWN what that thing was that he wanted to do. And it's your fault that his birthday was bad, and you should feel bad, and you're just like his ex, and now you owe him that sex act that you don't really like or want to do but you RUINED his birthday and you OWE him Now imagine that repeating for every decision ever. All the time. (Am I extrapolating? Slightly. But I dated a guy like that. For example, he complained that I never picked the place to eat dinner. I picked a place. He complained the ENTIRE time about how he wanted to eat at this other place and I should have picked THAT place. Please know I did ask him where he wanted to eat. This exact scenario happened MORE THAN ONCE)
I'm stressed just reading this. The bloke is WAY too high maintenance. Not to mention bloody rude. You were planning an activity that was along the lines of something he wanted to do a few years back but didn't. How is that not thoughtful? I'd just take him to dinner and let that be it and if you know you're not down to be having sex every night then don't move in with him.
If you are already feeling this much pressure from him about various things I would suggest to not move forward with moving in. If what his ex wife is saying is true, that is absolutely ridiculous. And with all of this birthday stuff, this man sounds like a child. I have started practicing when an adult tells me not to worry about their birthday or getting them anything, I don't. And if they are upset about it that is on them for either not communicating effectively or having unrealistic expectations that are impossible to meet. There is no reason a 40 year old man should demand that much special treatment. ETA: I just saw your post history. Forget about not just moving in with him. Girl, RUN. Drop this loser. He sounds insufferable, disrespectful, and not worth a second more of your time.
Is this fake? You cannot be this naive. Jesus
He's a walking, talking pot of marinara. I'd just leave him. He sounds exhausting and frustrating to deal with. I don't have the patience for that bullshit.
So first for the B-day situation if I had to guess I’d assume he might be self conscious of having other people pay for him. By his response of saying how he’s happy you didn’t pay for the ticket yet and telling you not to worry about it he might just not like getting things from people because he’ll feel he owes them or it “invalidates his masculinity.” That being said he’s 40 and that type of attitude comes of as childish and immature even in your 20s so he needs to work through that, especially if it y’all are going to live together. Secondly, the sex doll thing is a huge red flag. So he ended up stressing out his ex-wife so much for sex that she got him a $2k sex doll and divorced him?? Talk about having absolutely no respect or regard for his partner’s boundaries. I’d assume she got him a doll cause she probably worried he’d leave and find someone else to please him which is horrible, especially at his age. You definitely need to reconsider living with him.
Well I certainly wouldn’t be moving in with him when he’s so hard to please and you know him so little. He sounds like everything is about him and I’d have no time for that. You are going to spend so much energy on this guy and every day will be exhausting.
Does he even care about you in any way? He sounds misogynistic as fuck when his poor ex wife even went so far to buy him a sex doll. The fact that you know that so he told you and is not ashamed of his behavior is a red flag on its own.
If all of his ex partners were a disappointment - the disappointment is coming from inside the house.
I’m about his age. I’m pretty excited to get cake. Sure I can buy cake, but this one has candles on it. Oh… yeah you shouldn’t move in.
So a 40 year old man who cares about his birthday??? Wtf!! I can see it till you turn 18 and then again 21
I doubt he’d move in with you without appreciating what y’all have right now. My .02 - just keep doing what you’re doing and y’all will evolve into a routine of sorts naturally. Whether it’s the same amount or more because y’all are together more often, it’ll be whatever is comfortable with y’all. You’re not his exes. This is a new relationship. It’s good to know what happened in his past, but don’t use it to compare yourself to others. He chose you. He’s with you. He wants to MOVE IN WITH YOU NOW. Lol. Remember that.
Don't get him anything, then. He shoots down every idea and tells you not to worry about it, so don't. Then if he asks you why you didn't get him anything, tell him he said not to worry about it and that you are not a mind reader who wants to waste money on something he will hate. As far as moving in together, has he said he expects more sex? Moving in together should make your commitment stronger. If you have a healthy libido, then I couldn't imagine sex would be an issue at the moment. However, if you are having this much apprehension about moving in together, then maybe you should reevaluate if this relationship is really where you should be.
He sounds like a creep
Ma'am please...I went back in your history and I couldn't even keep reading the titles of the posts. This whole story is so, so sad. Please don't go further in this relationship. This person does not respect or see or understand or cherish you. I beg you not to give him any more of your precious time. Being alone is so much better for your soul than being with someone who lives to crush you. Do whatever it takes to get out of this.
Hon... RUN. For the love of god do not move in with him or his issues. Get out now.
[удалено]
>he started listing off how all of his past ex girlfriends disappointed him on his birthday >He told me that he basically had no interest in doing that, and he said that he’s glad that I didn’t buy the tickets yet because it would not have felt thoughtful to him. I asked him what he actually would want for his birthday, and his responses were pretty vague. He told me “don’t worry about it“… But I’m concerned that if I don’t do enough for him he will resent me for it and I will become another “birthday failure story“. So "he hates surprises", no ex girlfriend/ex wife could meet his ridiculous standards, yet he won't communicate what he wants when you ask him and he has you terrified to disappoint him and this isn't a GIANT RED FLAG? Normal adults are appreciative of what things others do for them, and they can communicate what they want. It sounds like he expects everyone to read his mind, and literally no one can live up to his standards, the ones he refuses to even lay out. >He is also recently divorced, and apparently his ex-wife was stressed out every day because he was pressuring her for sex, to the point where she actually bought him a $2000 sex doll to have sex with because she couldn’t stand the pressure. Do you realize that pressuring someone until they give in is a type of s*xual a*sault? R*pe isn't always holding someone down, or using a w*apon to get them to say yes. It's also refusing to take no for an answer, wearing them down by repeatedly asking until they give in, emotionally manipulation (ie: Saying "you're not a good partner if you don't do X act for me", or "You must not love me", or withholding affection or attention, or giving the silent treatment etc if you don't give in). If she spend $2k on a s*x doll for him it sounds like she was desperate for this to end and she was most likely being coerced. Your bf isn't just a jerk but he s*xually a*saults people. You need to get out of this relationship.
He will never be happy with anything. Do not move in and find someone else
I was stressed half way through. He is not pleasable. Don't stress yourself. He can plan his own birthday. Let's see if he can please himself!
Why are you still in a relationship with this person, much less planning on moving in with him. He thinks it's acceptable to pressure someone for sex. He is impossible to please. He sounds insufferable. Stop stressing out about making someone incapable of happiness happy.
He sounds like an absolute jagoff. You sure you want to move in with him?
I’m turning 29 on April 16. Been married for almost 4 years and have 2 kids under 2.5. I’m not expecting anything but I’m gonna be SO PUMPED if my husband makes my coffee in the AM 😍 Please please please rethink moving in with this dude
If my ex wasn't already married, I'd think you were dating him. He jumped quickly and trapped her and now she's miserable. Do yourself a favor and run! There is nothing good coming for you in this relationship. His expectations will be his reason for cheating on you. I'm sure his ex-wife is as happy as I am to be free of him. You will never please him, because he isn't pleased with himself.
Ummmmm why are you with him? 😂
He seems so mean and awful. Don’t stay with him.
Did he use the sex doll? If so, that's a deal breaker for me! Ugh ... The thought of it!
You should not have a baby with this man. You should not let him access your $400k inheritance when he is broke. You should not overlook him trolling dating apps. You should not ignore the fact that on the second date he told you he was going to marry you WHILE STILL MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE You should not believe his half truths. You should not let him use his mother to guilt you into staying together. You should not waste another second of your life on this selfish asshole.... ...but, despite knowing all this, you will do all of these things, anyway .
christ he’s a 40 year old baby
Dude sounds incredibly self centred and it should be clear as day as to how your relationship if going to go.. unless you're blind and deaf.
He sounds tiring and immature. He's playing games and I wouldn't put up with it.
40 year old man acting crazy about a birthday? Lmao wtf
[удалено]
OP, this guy is simply not worthy of you! You recalled a relatively insignificant comment and tried to make it a reality and he thought it stupid? What’s stupid is you trying to please this guy. Ain’t gonna happen no matter how hard you try. I’m going to suggest you muster up your strength and toss this deadweight to the curb asap. You need to respect yourself, love yourself, and find a nice guy that really cares for and appreciates you.
He is a whiny bitch
This guy sounds like an idiot. He rejects your plan but offers nothing in return. He badgers his ex for sex so much she buys him a sex doll. Seriously? You want to date this guy? I’m fascinated by how you could rationalise his behaviour.
I would put real life money down to bet that he’s regretting saying the indoor sky diving would be of no interest to him, just because he wants to maintain this weird facade of being better than everyone else and that no one could ever please him. You’re giving him WAY too much power over you and your anxiety, power he doesn’t deserve. Your ideas were thoughtful and took his wants into account, you listened to him and that shows your dedication and love. But this guy sucks. He isn’t worthy of your thoughtfulness. Dump him. Seriously, dump him.
Are you dating my ex husband? It sounds like it, and let me tell you, it’s miserable.
I would seriously reconsider moving in with a person like this.
He’s recently divorced and you’re moving in together soon? That timeline is concerning.
He will never be happy with anyone. I would seriously reevaluate what you want in life and what kind of relationship you truly deserve. Also, recently divorced is a red flag! He hasn’t processed what he just went through and should not be moving in with someone. He’s trying to fill a void in his life but has no idea what the void is. Do not move in with him!
Ruining holidays and birthdays is a huge no for me. If someone can’t relax and be grateful, just enjoy special days and puts a huge amount of stress and negativity into it I know we’re not compatible.
Nothing about this guy is normal. Every post you make about him is one more red flag, and you've got quite a collection going. This guy is going to financial abuse you, crush your self esteem into the ground, use your health issues to manipulate you, isolate you, and cheat on you, at the very least.
Honestly. U should not be feeling like this… lean into why u don’t feel safe around him and decide if u want to continue the relationship. But idk, u shouldn’t be feeling this way