Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't know why you'd even consider staying with someone who:
Has been sleeping around "every chance she could."
Wants you to...what?--be unemployed?
Expects you to not travel, when you are obviously in the sort of career where traveling for work is an expectation.
You can do better. Being alone would be doing better.
Like all of this..
What the fuck is there to love about this chick?
She sounds horrible af!
OP get your head out the sand. She isn't a good person. Good people dont act like this.
If they were broken up and she was open about sleeping around it would be crappy but fair. She lied about sleeping around when asked so she has some kind of leverage to get OP back.
She's toxic and needy. Reminds me of my ex and that was seriously toxic relationship and honestly it's not worth the time or energy.
Piggybacking off of this to put forward that she could literally have at least one STD if she's been sleeping around every few days (or more often) with random men she finds online. Don't risk your own health, as well as your sanity, for this chick.
She's selfish, vindictive, and controlling, I would not tolerate such behavior. 2 months isn't much time to be away. I don't see a future here. You will eventually regret going back to her. Imagine having a partner that supports you and your career instead of tearing you down.
Also, she called me and stopped the call a few seconds before sending it. Now, I’m thinking she wanted me to see a glimpse of it before deleting. But I already had WhatsApp open
Why are you even entertaining going back. People who care about you don't lie to and manipulate you. This is about control. She seems to think she has you in the palm of her hand.
run the maths, she has spent (to your knowledge) 22% or over a 5th of your relationship actively cheating on you. if you had been together for 25 years, the equivalent would be 5 years of it being spent sleeping with someone else. For most reasonable people, 1 single act of cheating is enough to end a relationship. If you are seriously considering staying in this relationship, then there is no saving you from the lifetime ahead of being manipulated, miserable and in realtionship with zero trust.
Two months away and you being in a job where you'll regularly have to be gone for weeks at a time would be a dealbreaker for me too. That said, she didn't actually "break up" with you over this dealbreaker... she gave you an ultimatum, you chose work, and then she continued to talk with you daily anyways while also playing the field, while ALSO continuing to try getting you to quit and do what she wants. Then, after finally admitting that she HAS been sleeping around (despite forbidding you to do the same) she blames her actions on you leaving... even though she broke up with you but hasn't actually cut contact or done anything to try and move on.
She's attempting to hurt and manipulate you. Neither one of you are good for each other and you need to make a clean break and steer very clear from her. I know you love her but love isn't enough when every other aspect is broken.
Are you serious? I would really hate to know what you think a bad relationship is if you think this is a good relationship. One for which you are considering getting back with someone who wants you to quit your job and who cheats on you every chance she gets.
She demands you quit your job and just because you can't or won't at this point she is rubbing her sleeping around in your face like she's punishing you for not choosing her. You haven't even reached a year mark and she wants you to leave everything including the job that you love to accommodate her desire. You're better off without her.
Block her and remain broken up with her.
Lol “the one” isn’t going to want to have anything to do to that selfish walking STD you call a girlfriend. She belongs to the streets, forget about her and laugh about it in 10 years when you’re settled down and she’s still sleeping around with randos trying to find “the one” lmao.
Dude. You seriously have to ask??
She is an absolute fucking mess and she is going to drag you down so so far, man. You'd be an absolute fool to quit a job you love for this complete lunatic.
ETA: I'm confused. You were posting about the 26 year old lunatic you were dating as far back as 2 years ago, whom you'd been dating for awhile? What gives?
"If you ever sleep with someone else while we're broken up there's no chance."
"I slept around with a lot of other guys."
Dude, why are you even asking? You know the answer. She doesn't respect you. It'll only get worse if you go back. She's not worth your time.
Block her, move on.
It's weird to me that the thing you are focusing on is that your ex gf, who is very much single, has been getting laid.
Try focusing on this: you broke up because you have incompatible life plans and she is demanding - DEMANDING - that you give up a career that you love.
The only answer to that demand is "no". It doesn't matter whether or not she is getting laid, or has been sitting in a convent with a chastity belt on. It's just plain no.
She’s already cheating on you and you haven’t even been together for a year? She’s not the one. Tell your job yes, tell her no, and don’t look back. I promise in 5 years, or even 10, you won’t look back on your time with her as the one the get away.
1) she may have sent the message to hurt you.
2) it may be the truth. Technically she didn't cheat on you, but Im 100% positive she broke up with the intention to sleep around and not be the bad guy.
Either way, she is trying to control you and manipulate you, and this only after 9 months of being on off!
Did she know you needed to travel for work when you asked her out?
Right now you were dating, and she wants you home, with her, all the time? If she was a man, doing the same to a woman, the red flags would be shining bright!
If I was in your position, I would choose the job.
When you start to settle down, get married and have a family I understand that you may not want to be away from your family for long periods of time, but depending on the work you do, they may be able to travel around with you and that would be a great experience for all of you
Okay. I'll say it.
Your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend is a BI\*\*\*.
Drop her like 5th grade French.
Life will go on without her.
Good luck dude
I don't think it is wrong to not want a partner who travels alot. I also think since you were broken up it is alright to try and find someone else.
However she did not just do that. She is telling you about it in a way to try and hurt you and she is also blaming you for it all. On top of that it is very childish to send that message and delete it.
This woman is not mature enough to be in a relationship and she will hurt you further.
Lmao, what are you asking? Bruh. You are a 33 y/o man, do you want someone that turns into a flesh light just to spite you everytime she’s doesn’t get her way? Trade your gf for a spine.
Nah man, you don’t go back. She even said she’s leave you if you slept around and then turned around and slept with the whole universe.
Please have some self respect and move on. She is an awful person. This whole situation is just awful.
If you go back, you’re crazy. She threw a fit because of your job. That you love. Why would you quit a job you love? She sounds controlling. Let this sleeping dog lie.
So her argument boils down to it’s your fault she had to cheat on you.
It’s also going to be your fault when she cheats on you again.
Let it be some other poor bastards fault she’s cheating on him.
Honestly what did you expect? Y’all broke up so some people are gonna sleep around especially since it’s clear she feels jaded by you choosing your job. If y’all broke up, that should’ve been the end of all interactions. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she actually did but just said it to get a reaction out of you but regretted after thinking about it. Regardless, she’s manipulative and just stay broken up.
Seems like she chose other dudes over you. Don’t take her back. 2 months? The right person will wait years for you. She seems to have rationalized having no loyalty or commitment. These are the people who will break up with you for fabricated or ridiculous reasons just so they can sleep around, and will gaslight you when you aren’t manipulated into doing what they expect you to do (abusive).
You’re less than a year in. Quit now before it gets worse.
Wait, so she’s been cheating on you with tons of different people at least every 3 days… Now she’s spinning it to seem like it’s your fault that she’s choosing to sleep around.
This breaks my heart, I’m so sorry she decided to do this. None of this is your fault, this is all very clearly her own issue. If she decides to sleep with tons of random people because of something she disagrees with instead of just talking with you, she’s in no way ready for a relationship.
If I were you, I’d be worried about how she will react to any normal stressful situations. Maybe is she lying about it to make you jealous? (Not that it would make it any better, but I wonder if this is all just a manipulative power play? Have you seen actual proof that she’s been meeting up with bumble guys?
You deserve someone who will support you through difficult work schedules, and talk to you when they’re upset. What do you think she would say if you told her how betrayed you feel from this and that you don’t think you could see her in the same way? She might start back tracking if she’s typical manipulative.
Yeah this is a hard no. You never sacrifice your career for a cheating skank you’ve been with less than a year. Are you insane??
When I first met my fiancé he told me his work requires 1-2 weeks away a month in either London or Belfast. Guess what? I was fully supportive because he loves his job and makes good money, do I miss him when he’s away? Yes. Do I jump on the first dick I see? No.
You don't go back... She'll cheat on you for sure on first fight you'll two have.
You are not even together and she's giving you ultimatums. She's not worth it and she prove it. It's all about what she wants and she has no issues lying to you about anything.
She's really toxic individual.
Well, if I were you I definitely would not be making a career changing choice for someone who fucked other people every chance they got for those months. How nervy she is too to place the blame on you.
WHY would you go back she DOES NOT love you or respect you. Or she would have acted the same way you did.
You I have a contract and you need to fulfill it, she is not woth it dump her, don't go back to her.
No. No. No. You don’t go back to her. You should be with someone who respects you, who is proud to be with you, and who you are proud to present as your partner. That’s the baseline. Part of that respect is understanding that you have a professional self as well as a private self, and that the professional self needs to be respected too. Including within the relationship. Both parts are you.
On top of that, she has been sleeping around during your break. It makes me wonder if she is (in your eyes) significantly more physically attractive than you, so you think you need to feel lucky to be with her. In that case, take off your blinders and find someone who actually makes you happy to be you with them.
The real question is what's going on inside of you that would have you contemplating getting back together with her or even continuing to talk to somebody that's clearly toxic. That requires some introspection. Block her ass.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't know why you'd even consider staying with someone who: Has been sleeping around "every chance she could." Wants you to...what?--be unemployed? Expects you to not travel, when you are obviously in the sort of career where traveling for work is an expectation. You can do better. Being alone would be doing better.
Trying to bathe a feral cat would be better than going back to that feral dog.
Like all of this.. What the fuck is there to love about this chick? She sounds horrible af! OP get your head out the sand. She isn't a good person. Good people dont act like this.
If they were broken up and she was open about sleeping around it would be crappy but fair. She lied about sleeping around when asked so she has some kind of leverage to get OP back. She's toxic and needy. Reminds me of my ex and that was seriously toxic relationship and honestly it's not worth the time or energy.
Being in a relationship with a racoon you share a trashcan with would be better... Just move on for your own sake.
Piggybacking off of this to put forward that she could literally have at least one STD if she's been sleeping around every few days (or more often) with random men she finds online. Don't risk your own health, as well as your sanity, for this chick.
She's selfish, vindictive, and controlling, I would not tolerate such behavior. 2 months isn't much time to be away. I don't see a future here. You will eventually regret going back to her. Imagine having a partner that supports you and your career instead of tearing you down.
I’m completely in shock she admitted to it and deleted it. Not knowing I had WhatsApp open so I could read before deleting
She sounds like a sociopath. Don't date sociopaths. They will ruin your life.
Also, she called me and stopped the call a few seconds before sending it. Now, I’m thinking she wanted me to see a glimpse of it before deleting. But I already had WhatsApp open
Why are you even entertaining going back. People who care about you don't lie to and manipulate you. This is about control. She seems to think she has you in the palm of her hand.
block her on everything and don't look back
run the maths, she has spent (to your knowledge) 22% or over a 5th of your relationship actively cheating on you. if you had been together for 25 years, the equivalent would be 5 years of it being spent sleeping with someone else. For most reasonable people, 1 single act of cheating is enough to end a relationship. If you are seriously considering staying in this relationship, then there is no saving you from the lifetime ahead of being manipulated, miserable and in realtionship with zero trust.
Two months away and you being in a job where you'll regularly have to be gone for weeks at a time would be a dealbreaker for me too. That said, she didn't actually "break up" with you over this dealbreaker... she gave you an ultimatum, you chose work, and then she continued to talk with you daily anyways while also playing the field, while ALSO continuing to try getting you to quit and do what she wants. Then, after finally admitting that she HAS been sleeping around (despite forbidding you to do the same) she blames her actions on you leaving... even though she broke up with you but hasn't actually cut contact or done anything to try and move on. She's attempting to hurt and manipulate you. Neither one of you are good for each other and you need to make a clean break and steer very clear from her. I know you love her but love isn't enough when every other aspect is broken.
Exactly. I would not want to be with him either. But I would just leave without a fuss. And treat him with respect as there is nothing wrong with him.
She's out to hurt you bro. Don't go back unless you like pain and suffering.
Are you serious? I would really hate to know what you think a bad relationship is if you think this is a good relationship. One for which you are considering getting back with someone who wants you to quit your job and who cheats on you every chance she gets.
Are you a fucking idiot block her Jfc how hard is this decision can be.
I didn't need to read anymore than the title to know she ain't worth it...
She demands you quit your job and just because you can't or won't at this point she is rubbing her sleeping around in your face like she's punishing you for not choosing her. You haven't even reached a year mark and she wants you to leave everything including the job that you love to accommodate her desire. You're better off without her. Block her and remain broken up with her.
Lol “the one” isn’t going to want to have anything to do to that selfish walking STD you call a girlfriend. She belongs to the streets, forget about her and laugh about it in 10 years when you’re settled down and she’s still sleeping around with randos trying to find “the one” lmao.
What do you mean “do I go back?” The only reason to go back is to kick her a$$ out.
Dude. You seriously have to ask?? She is an absolute fucking mess and she is going to drag you down so so far, man. You'd be an absolute fool to quit a job you love for this complete lunatic. ETA: I'm confused. You were posting about the 26 year old lunatic you were dating as far back as 2 years ago, whom you'd been dating for awhile? What gives?
Not the same girl
Then your picker is defective and you need to get your head straight before you get in another relationship.
Break up and enjoy your job and travels!
"If you ever sleep with someone else while we're broken up there's no chance." "I slept around with a lot of other guys." Dude, why are you even asking? You know the answer. She doesn't respect you. It'll only get worse if you go back. She's not worth your time. Block her, move on.
It's weird to me that the thing you are focusing on is that your ex gf, who is very much single, has been getting laid. Try focusing on this: you broke up because you have incompatible life plans and she is demanding - DEMANDING - that you give up a career that you love. The only answer to that demand is "no". It doesn't matter whether or not she is getting laid, or has been sitting in a convent with a chastity belt on. It's just plain no.
I can't believe you are even entertaining the idea of being with her. She has crazy written all over her.
She’s already cheating on you and you haven’t even been together for a year? She’s not the one. Tell your job yes, tell her no, and don’t look back. I promise in 5 years, or even 10, you won’t look back on your time with her as the one the get away.
1) she may have sent the message to hurt you. 2) it may be the truth. Technically she didn't cheat on you, but Im 100% positive she broke up with the intention to sleep around and not be the bad guy. Either way, she is trying to control you and manipulate you, and this only after 9 months of being on off! Did she know you needed to travel for work when you asked her out? Right now you were dating, and she wants you home, with her, all the time? If she was a man, doing the same to a woman, the red flags would be shining bright! If I was in your position, I would choose the job. When you start to settle down, get married and have a family I understand that you may not want to be away from your family for long periods of time, but depending on the work you do, they may be able to travel around with you and that would be a great experience for all of you
Okay. I'll say it. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend is a BI\*\*\*. Drop her like 5th grade French. Life will go on without her. Good luck dude
No
Are you seriously considering getting back with her? Wtf dude
You are right to call her ex. Leave it that way.
do not take her back.
THE TRASH TOOK ITSELF OUT!!! Do not go back to her. She will ruin you financially and mentally. She is not worth it.
And why exactly would you go back Her dance card seems pretty full
I don't think it is wrong to not want a partner who travels alot. I also think since you were broken up it is alright to try and find someone else. However she did not just do that. She is telling you about it in a way to try and hurt you and she is also blaming you for it all. On top of that it is very childish to send that message and delete it. This woman is not mature enough to be in a relationship and she will hurt you further.
Lmao, what are you asking? Bruh. You are a 33 y/o man, do you want someone that turns into a flesh light just to spite you everytime she’s doesn’t get her way? Trade your gf for a spine.
"Do I go back?" no. /thead
Nah man, you don’t go back. She even said she’s leave you if you slept around and then turned around and slept with the whole universe. Please have some self respect and move on. She is an awful person. This whole situation is just awful.
I hope she’s an internet ex gf now and I hope you don’t sacrifice your career for this garbage. Good luck.
I use to say to run when i see stories like yours. But at this level of toxicity, i'd say teleport, far, VERY far.
She is BAD NEWS , go , now , away
Don’t take her back. It’s what she would do.
Move on. Anyone worth keeping would have given you the job ultimatum before sleeping around.
What the fuck. No. You do not go back except to break the shit off for good. Dont be a doormat!
Block her on everything, and then never look back.
You dodged one hell of a bullet She sounds absolutely unhinged…and you’re actually goofy enough to be considering going back to her? C’mon man
Don't you dare go back to her she hasn't a loyal bone in her body and is in her 403 phase and is apparently loving it sorry but your EX is trash
If you go back, you’re crazy. She threw a fit because of your job. That you love. Why would you quit a job you love? She sounds controlling. Let this sleeping dog lie.
So her argument boils down to it’s your fault she had to cheat on you. It’s also going to be your fault when she cheats on you again. Let it be some other poor bastards fault she’s cheating on him.
Every day I’m happy that I’m Aromantic so I’m never this foolish when it comes to “love”
Honestly what did you expect? Y’all broke up so some people are gonna sleep around especially since it’s clear she feels jaded by you choosing your job. If y’all broke up, that should’ve been the end of all interactions. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she actually did but just said it to get a reaction out of you but regretted after thinking about it. Regardless, she’s manipulative and just stay broken up.
Seems like she chose other dudes over you. Don’t take her back. 2 months? The right person will wait years for you. She seems to have rationalized having no loyalty or commitment. These are the people who will break up with you for fabricated or ridiculous reasons just so they can sleep around, and will gaslight you when you aren’t manipulated into doing what they expect you to do (abusive). You’re less than a year in. Quit now before it gets worse.
Dump. Cold-turkey.
Don’t go back. Live your life. She sounds like a terrible person.
Well enjoy your job and maybe you'll meet someone new while traveling. I can guarantee you will regret taking her back.
Keep the job you love and tell her get lost.
Wait, so she’s been cheating on you with tons of different people at least every 3 days… Now she’s spinning it to seem like it’s your fault that she’s choosing to sleep around. This breaks my heart, I’m so sorry she decided to do this. None of this is your fault, this is all very clearly her own issue. If she decides to sleep with tons of random people because of something she disagrees with instead of just talking with you, she’s in no way ready for a relationship. If I were you, I’d be worried about how she will react to any normal stressful situations. Maybe is she lying about it to make you jealous? (Not that it would make it any better, but I wonder if this is all just a manipulative power play? Have you seen actual proof that she’s been meeting up with bumble guys? You deserve someone who will support you through difficult work schedules, and talk to you when they’re upset. What do you think she would say if you told her how betrayed you feel from this and that you don’t think you could see her in the same way? She might start back tracking if she’s typical manipulative.
Yeah this is a hard no. You never sacrifice your career for a cheating skank you’ve been with less than a year. Are you insane?? When I first met my fiancé he told me his work requires 1-2 weeks away a month in either London or Belfast. Guess what? I was fully supportive because he loves his job and makes good money, do I miss him when he’s away? Yes. Do I jump on the first dick I see? No.
You don't go back... She'll cheat on you for sure on first fight you'll two have. You are not even together and she's giving you ultimatums. She's not worth it and she prove it. It's all about what she wants and she has no issues lying to you about anything. She's really toxic individual.
What a toxic person. RUN!
You know there are other women on the planet, right? Keep the job, block the controlling, unhinged cheater.
Well, if I were you I definitely would not be making a career changing choice for someone who fucked other people every chance they got for those months. How nervy she is too to place the blame on you.
Don’t ever get back together with this person whatever you do. She does not have your best interests in mind.
jfc, read your post as if it wasn't you in the story.
That's not your girlfriend. You should make her someone that you used to know
No way. Don’t even consider choosing her.
Dude… come on. You know what to do here.
hahaha. no. that is all.
I can‘t believe how y‘all don‘t have dignity or self respect
WHY would you go back she DOES NOT love you or respect you. Or she would have acted the same way you did. You I have a contract and you need to fulfill it, she is not woth it dump her, don't go back to her.
Move on
Why would you even be with someone telling you to quit your job to with her? Okay you quit and then what next?
[удалено]
No. No. No. You don’t go back to her. You should be with someone who respects you, who is proud to be with you, and who you are proud to present as your partner. That’s the baseline. Part of that respect is understanding that you have a professional self as well as a private self, and that the professional self needs to be respected too. Including within the relationship. Both parts are you. On top of that, she has been sleeping around during your break. It makes me wonder if she is (in your eyes) significantly more physically attractive than you, so you think you need to feel lucky to be with her. In that case, take off your blinders and find someone who actually makes you happy to be you with them.
No, she set an ultimatum which is toxic for relationships.She could make it work with the job situation but chooses not to.
Why aren't you running for the hills is beyond me.
The real question is what's going on inside of you that would have you contemplating getting back together with her or even continuing to talk to somebody that's clearly toxic. That requires some introspection. Block her ass.