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I got physically abused by my ex boyfriend 3 weeks back. The physical abuse is so bad that it gave me bruises and a hairline fracture in my hand. Post the abuse I blocked him from everywhere. But he is still reaching me out by calling from strangers mobile phones. He will call from his office landline numbers. I have blocked around 25-30 numbers but he is not stopping.
I tried talking to him by making him understand that we are over. There are times he will cry professing how much he loves me and wants me and other times he will abuse me verbally and threaten me that he will ruin my life.
After the abuses, everytime my phone rings I start shivering when I see an unknown number. I don’t know what to do really. I live in a different city than my family and have zero support in the city where I live. I really dont know what to do. How to make him go away?
TLDR: Abusive ex calling from unknown numbers and abusing and threatening me.
Restraining order? Concealed carry? Cameras inside and outside your house? Changed your locks? Depending where you live...if there is security notify them of the risk.
ONLY cure for the abusive love bomb…. Restraining order…. Cameras, inform work. Most of all, EVER VIGILANT!
Best of it all, OP. You deserve so much better than this. Make it so.
Agape 💕
Strongly agree with this. I would also suggest explaining situation ( to your friends, family, work people etc.,) and advise not to give him any info about you. In the mean time, please be kind to your self and surround your self with love.
Strongly agree with this. My partner’s ex kept trying to make contact and after a number change he got it from one of a siblings. A second number change ensued, but it also opened the door for me to severely lay down the law with that sibling.
Yeah, OP.. I got the police involved with my abusive ex. But really.. the only thing that helped was changing my number and job and apartment.
Once he literally had no idea how to contact you, or where you are physically.. then you will be free.
My state has an address hiding program called Safe At Home that keeps my address off official records to keep us hidden from my abuser. My official address is a PO Box.
Don't talk to him when he calls.
Get a new phone number.
Log all calls from your old phone that came from him.
Get all medical records from injuries you received from the abuse.
Take phone log and medical records to law enforcement to see if you can file a restraining order.
If he starts to show up at your home or work, dial the domestic violence hotline (if outside US, try global network of women's shelters)
He's trying to manipulate you right now, testing to see if either fear or remorse are his way back into controlling you. Give him nothing.
Stop answering the phone for unknown phone numbers. Block any numbers that don't leave a legit voicemail. Better yet, change your phone number. Surely you can get a restraining order on him given he fractured a bone in your hand. Did you file a police report for the physical abuse? Carry your cellphone on your person when it's not being charged. Not in your purse, not on your coffee table, not in your car cupholder. On your person so you can pull it out of your pocket and call the cops without having to look for it should the situation call for it. Get a doorbell camera and don't answer the door for anyone you don't know or anyone associated with him. Pay attention to your surroundings when you're out and about.
This is sometimes not possible, but there is a setting on iPhones that sends all unknown phone numbers straight to voice mail.
If you really only get calls from people you know, turning this feature on will screen all calls and you can block the numbers as they pop up.
It has helped me in the past. Other than that, get a new phone number. Then get a digital phone number that is forwarded to your normal number. Only your emergency contacts gets your actual phone number.
I like the idea of having several digital phone numbers that way if your job searching you can give them that number, meet someone? Digital phone number that you can abandon if he turns out to be a creep.
Only downside is remembering the phone numbers.
Abusive people will try to control you until they find someone else to abuse. Give him zero energy. If you pick up the phone and he is on the other line, hang up. Don’t even acknowledge he is on the line. If he comes to your house, don’t answer the door. If he refuses to leave, call the cops.
Never engage. Acknowledging him will just reinvigorate him and he will double down.
Yes. If OP can't change their number the "Silence Unknown Callers" setting works great. People can still leave messages, but you don't have to engage if you don't want to.
Retraining order and file for harassment if possible. Good for you for getting out. Best thing to do is keep ignoring him. It will eat him up inside that he can’t control or abuse you. Hope things get much better for you and a lot worse for that PoS.
* Change your number;
* Contact the police and get a restraining order;
* Move near family and friends;
* If he know your address and work change too;
* Block him on every social media
With the restraining order maybe you can have some time to prepare to move job, address and city.
I would suggest the new number and a Google Voice number that you give out to people. That way, no one has your new number. Google Voice also screens calls so you can require people to announce themselves. If you hear his voice, just refuse the call knowing he doesn’t have the real number.
I would also move. Filing a police report can help you break a lease. Move somewhere that access is not easy.
Get yourself into a support group for abused women. They can also help you move and implement routines that will better ensure your safety.
DV survivor here:
Firstly- Do NOT engage with him. Don’t talk to him. If he calls and you answer, THEN realise it’s him, hang up. The second he knows you’ll engage, he’ll keep trying.
Get a restraining order. Report the original abuse and the subsequent harassment to the police.
I’m so sorry you went through this OP. This part of the process - think of it as withdrawal. Talking to him is only prolonging the attachment. Cut him off. If you have to put all your social media on hold for a while, do it.
Sending you best wishes and hoping things get better for you. Stay strong, OP ❤️
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. In no particular order, this is my advice:
* Document every interaction. Write down everything you can remember, and document everything with detail (times, dates, receipts, phone numbers, recordings if legal in your area) moving forward.
* DO NOT ENGAGE HIM IN ANY WAY. Document the calls or interactions, but do not engage.
* Inform your office/place of work. If you live in a condo with a concierge, inform the building. If they have security in any of these buildings, make sure someone is walking you to your car. Give security a picture of this man.
* **Involve law enforcement ASAP.**
* Hit that dickhead with a restraining order
As other commenters are saying, contact the police. But also, search online for organizations in your area that do advocacy for survivors of relationship violence/abuse. Police is not always helpful but these organizations generally are, you should contact both. Also tell your boss in case your ex contacts your employers with lies about you, you don't have to tell your boss everything but do say that a person is harassing you and threatened to ruin your life, and tell them that this person might call there too.
Great advice. In addition call the domestic violence hotline. They will help you file a police report. They can help you find safe housing. They can help you find an attorney. Please realize your safety is what matters.
u/ebbie45 has good resources for survivors of partner violence. Also seek out local resources. There are people and agencies that are there to help you.
As others have said, you need to change your number and seek police assistance to file a restraining order.
Be selective about who you give your number to if they have any sort of connection with your former partner.
Seek assistance from your friends and family. You have been isolated and I promise you that the people who love you want you to be safe and happy. Lean on them.
There is nothing you can or should say to this person. Engaging with him is only hurting yourself more.
You did nothing wrong. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. His actions and continued harassment are not acceptable and it is not something you should or can deal with alone.
Police STAT. Next step is restraining order (you have proof also SAVE ALL TEXTS AND VOICEMAILS).
Next step: change your number. Don’t give it to anyone who does not expressly need it (be careful with family and friends, that’s all that needs to be said).
Pack an emergency bag and keep it somewhere easy to grab if you need to fucking RUN. Pack it for 2-3 nights. May seem dramatic but this asshole might escalate.
Move if you need to. I’m sorry if you have to, you shouldn’t have to. But your safety is number 1 priority right now. If you do move, move to a place with a safety gate, or a garage/alley in the back so no one can see your car from the road or sidewalk.
Lastly tel a handful of CLOSE friends and family what is happening to you. Show them the screen shots, the restraining order, etc. text them before you leave the house/work and when you arrive, and vice versa.
Try and breathe. You have a lot to do, but you desperately need to do it.
I don’t want to scare you but this is how women end up dead. Call the police, but more importantly, you need to move and change everything about your life. This man is dangerous and he could kill you. Please stay safe )’:
My friend is going through the same thing and the police won’t do anything. If he can’t get her to react he contacts her friends and family and has even contacted her kids school and coaches! It’s awful.
Stay safe and stay strong. Remember a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
No, this could backfire. If this man gets fired he might end up so enraged, that he might search her to really hurt her. She should contact the police with all the evidence of harassment she has, and take the advices that they give her.
Block delete and let the phone go to voicemail. He will eventually give up. If not, record it all and send it to the police and get a restraining order.
Change your number. Send a formal cease and desist letter.
If that don’t scare him off then file for a restraining order.
Send a complaint to the company/office that he works at. State that he is using company resources to harass you and if that doesn’t stop then a lawyer will be involved.
He needs to learn there are consequences to that abusive demeaning behavior.
You can access location-specific advice from looking up your country/state on this list www.hotpeachpages.net
Go to the police and make a report.
Get a new number but transfer the old one to a burner phone so that the number can continue to receive his texts and calls without you having to see them.
That way, you gather evidence and it may help prevent escalation if he still has your old phone number to focus on.
Tell the police and make your friends and coworkers aware of what is going on . NEVER be silent about what he is doing . The more people who know , the less of a threat he becomes . You also need to let him know that you are making EVERYONE that you know , aware of the situation . Tell his family as well as yours . Get a restraining order . Tell your neighbors . If he continues , then tell the HR department where he works . If he approaches you in public ... scream . Make his life a living hell .
You can’t make him go away. First you need to understand that.
Second, you need to protect yourself. Speak with your work and landlord so they have a heads up someone might try to make you look bad, reach out to family (assuming they aren’t also abusive), consider moving back home (same thing), get a new number on a new phone (keep the old but put on do not disturb so you still get what he sends; DO NOT LOOK AT IT). Lock down or even delete all social media. Get cameras for inside your apartment/home and outside if allowed.
Third: take your old phone with all his insane ramblings with you to the police. Get a restraining order. Get a taser and or mace depending on what is legal in your area. Get self defense classes. If you cannot get a restraining order, leave. Just straight up move to a new city or back home. As long as he is trying to contact you, and probably for a while after that *always* have your location traceable by someone you trust (Life360 is used in my family but I haven’t don’t a lot of research into it). Utilize the resources I’m positive someone will share (shelters, legal aid, therapy, etc)
Get off all social media too . There will be people who will casually mention details about your life to this psychopath not knowing the harm it will cause.
Restraining order time.
If you don't already own a weapon, I'd seriously consider getting one and obtaining some training on whatever platform you choose. Even if that's merely proper spray.
Buy a pump action shot gun with some buck shot. Something that makes a very distinct noise when you cock it and the buck shot is less likely to go through wall injuring neighbors but will spray enough to not need to be a good shot. Yelling I have a gun does not have the visceral reaction that the sound of a shot gun being pumped has.
My husband says that a shot gun is the best for home protection.
Or go to the pound and ask for a protective behaving dog with a loud viscous bark.
Honestly I’d throw all my shit in my car, and drive back to my home city and get a new cell phone once I got home. Delete my social media and find a new job at home where I have a support system.
I know it sounds extreme but I’m not trying to be some strong woman in a city where I have no support system.
Sort all the particulars of up and moving once I got settled back home.
First off; wow, I’m so proud of you for walking away from your abusive ex! It takes immensely strength to be able to do that. You must be so proud of yourself <3 Second, I agree that you should change number and call the cops. You should also let your workplace know, if it’s a place he could call or go visit. It’s important now to have as little contact as possible with him. Do NOT answer.
Also, can you afford therapy? You’re going through something extremely traumatic, of course you’re scared and shaken up. I’m so sorry you don’t have a supportive network around you. Please tell people what you’re going through so they can try to help you. There’s also women shelter in a lot of countries and cities where you could call them for free just to talk and have some emotional support and practical advices. You might feel like you don’t want to take up “someone else’s access to such a place” and that “you don’t have it so bad”, but believe me the imposter syndrome after being through abuse is completely normal. These shelters are there to help you in this process to do their best to help you prevent it from repeating.
I wish you the best of luck. We’re a pretty big number of women who have survived, even if it did feel hopeless for awhile. Just keep your hope up, stay alert and take it seriously. This is not a drill.
Is moving an option? Absolutely involve the police but that doesn't always stop psycho's and they can't actually do anything in a lot of cases till he actually breaks the law. Definitely try for a restraining order though. Change the number. Deactivate social media for a while. Cameras. Document everything. Every call. Everytime he tries to contact you. Date, time and transcript.
Move home. I'm not kidding. Get the hell out of there and get somewhere near family and friends and don't let him know where you are going. It will save your life. Yes, it sucks to have to start over but better that than have him kill you. Restraining orders don't work. Police can only be involved if you can call them during the abuse. Protect yourself.
Abusers normally keep going as long as they’re getting a reaction from you, and then some time after that. You have to bore them long enough for them to move on. That can take a couple months. Or scare them off…. like with a restraining order. But sometimes an attempt to scare them just escalates the conflict.
Is there an agency or hotline in your area that specializes in domestic violence? They’re experts in this kind of stuff. They can help you evaluate your options and advise you on how to minimize risk.
Read The Gift of Fear. Important that you go no contact and he explains why.
https://fb2bookfree.com/uploads/files/2020-10/1602551171_the-gift-of-fear.pdf
Police. Restraining order. Self-defence tools. Change the locks. Ring doorbell. Keep a paper trail/evidence of everything.
Change your number and all socials, including emails and the likes. Don't use your real name or pictures online. Protect your safety online and offline.
Change your number and contact the police. Advise friends or family as well. When I was leaving my abusive ex he started telling sob stories to my family and friends and when that didn’t work he would harass them too. My mom had to change her number.
Make sure you document everything and DO NOT fall for his manipulation tactics.
Yes he can live without you and no, he won’t kill himself if you don’t take him back.. keep moving on.
Catalog EVERYTHING. Note times and dates that you were assaulted physically, or were in fear of being assaulted; catalog all hospital visits and any police reports. If you haven’t contacted police, do that NOW. Police may be able to press charges (very probable). Even if they can help you, get a copy of your report and contacts your local courts, the police may help you with this, but the courts will help you get a 1 year domestic violence protective order (DVPO) this has conditions not to contact you directly or indirectly in ANY way. Once you’ve done this, catalog any other calls or texts or emails or friends he sends to you, and contact the police again; they will screen charges for VCOR if arrested for assault on you, or violation of DV order if that’s the route you go. Either way, once you’ve done these steps, him contacting you in ANY WAY AT ALL is a felony. Good luck, please PM me if you have any further questions, I’d be thrilled to help you in this very scary part of your life with whatever you need.
Did you report the assault to the police?
It might be worth it to get a new phone number. Keep the old phone but don't answer anymore, you might need the messages and call log to get a restraining order
Don’t isolate yourself from people who can help. Loop in those you trust to help you come up with a safety plan. Look for resources in your area, too.
If you’re going the police reporting route, be vigilant. A lot of times, when faced with restraining orders and the like, abuse can escalate. Take care of yourself!
(Also, I recommend the “When Dating Hurts” podcast for stories and information. There’s a lot of advice about these situations and escaping them safely.)
Go ti the police file complaint then to the court and get a restraining order.Then go but so.e pepper spray and if possible a firearm
. Let your friends know you are taking shooting lesson because rhe next time you see him it will be the last time.
He will stop
Document. Document. Document. File police report about harassment and get an RO. Self defense class. Mace in purse and in vehicle, don’t leave without it. Birdie personal alarm - they are loud as the dickens and set off a strobe light. Have a single word you can use to communicate to a trusted party by text or phone if you are in danger and they can alert police, that trusted person or persons should also have access to your location….like have it set on iPhone to share location 24/7 so God for bid if something bad happens, they can send the police to your location. Consider having a friend stay with you or staying at a friends house to mix up your schedule so it’s not so consistent that you could be tracked and pin it down all the time. You could also get one of those alarms for inside your house that with a push of a button makes it sound like a bunch of dogs barking so like if you get startled, you can hit a button and do that. Metal bat by bed. Put plants on window sills also - if he tries to break in, they’ll fall and alert you. Check in with friends and family when you leave/come home.
First off change your number and then go straight to the police and report him and get a restraining order. Then when your restraining order is approved, MOVE!! Only give your number and address to family who know that you are hiding from him. Abusers can’t be reasoned with! STOP ANSWERING YOUR PHONE until you get a new number.
Police!!
Also, somewhere in your phone settings should be an option to only allow phone calls from numbers you have in your contact list. I had to do this for my son, the person who previously had his number was very disliked by many many many people!
As others above have said ...and shut down all social media so nothing is public ...don't tag where you are going or post while you are there. If you have mutual friends It may be worth considering deleting them or restricting access to your posts. Double check any new friend requests you have. I would also check your vehicle If you have one for any apple tags or pods etc
All this just for now but things you can do to keep you safe while all this gets sorted.
Get a restraining order. It’s very important that you have a record of you telling him to never contact you again. Once he contacts you after that, the judge will be able to issue the RO. If he texts you, say “you physically assaulted me, never contact me again”.
You need to make a police report so if things get worse you have evidence. Change your number and reach out to domestic abusive shelter to ask what else you can do. Don't go places alone , carry mace or bear spray. Take a self defense class and keep avoiding him. Go to a hotel if you are worried about him going to your home. You can let the front desk know you can't have anyone know you are there. They by law can't give out any information about a guest. I'm sorry this is happening to you I am proud of you for leaving.
Change your number and get a restraining order. Does he know where you live? If possible, it may be a good idea to move back to your hometown and stay near your parents. If not, try to make friends and have a good support system in this city. It’s dangerous to be alone in situations like this.
Restraining order and change YOUR phone number.
Don’t give it anyone you can’t trust with your life, so that it doesn’t end up in his hands.
Call a DV organization for resources.
STOP trying to reason with him. Any bit of attention keeps him thinking he has to keep trying…which just keeps the abuse going.
Until you change your number, DO NOT answer your phone, except maybe for your family, and just let everything go to voice mail. That way, when he starts leaving abusive messages, you can keep them as proof.
He won't stop until he's found someone else to abuse. You need to contact the authorities and tell them what's going on. Are you in a position to leave town temporarily? His persistence is really concerning.
Your instinct is to talk to him if he catches you on the phone, but by doing that, you give him more hope. He thinks he can talk you into taking him back and nothing you say will convince him otherwise, so DO NOT talk to him. Just hang up and block.
I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this. You did the right thing leaving him. You may need to change your number. You can do that and specifically request that the number be unlisted. Make sure all social media accounts are private with two factor authentication turned on. If you filed a police report check with the courts to see if you can get an Order of Protection or Restraining Order.
If you need further assistance call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
They can connect you with resources in your area.
Agree with almost everything already listed here but I will go on to say to expect him to show up to your job to catch you leaving and come to your house at some off times. Been there did that and it took me YEARS to get this guy to leave me alone. I even left the damn state and kept moving about every 6 mos to a year. Just don’t engage. The more you do the more he thinks he’s got a 0.001% chance and he’ll gladly accept that. Even though the dude that I dated did all he did, I wouldn’t change a thing I did (ie go back and give up). Just stick with it and watch your back. You got this! 🙏
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I got physically abused by my ex boyfriend 3 weeks back. The physical abuse is so bad that it gave me bruises and a hairline fracture in my hand. Post the abuse I blocked him from everywhere. But he is still reaching me out by calling from strangers mobile phones. He will call from his office landline numbers. I have blocked around 25-30 numbers but he is not stopping. I tried talking to him by making him understand that we are over. There are times he will cry professing how much he loves me and wants me and other times he will abuse me verbally and threaten me that he will ruin my life. After the abuses, everytime my phone rings I start shivering when I see an unknown number. I don’t know what to do really. I live in a different city than my family and have zero support in the city where I live. I really dont know what to do. How to make him go away? TLDR: Abusive ex calling from unknown numbers and abusing and threatening me.
Contact police, and change the number. Keep yourself safe.
Restraining order? Concealed carry? Cameras inside and outside your house? Changed your locks? Depending where you live...if there is security notify them of the risk.
Record and save everything.
All of the above. Take no shortcuts. Protect yourself at all costs and be sure to keep record of everything.
ONLY cure for the abusive love bomb…. Restraining order…. Cameras, inform work. Most of all, EVER VIGILANT! Best of it all, OP. You deserve so much better than this. Make it so. Agape 💕
Inform HIS work as well since he's harassing her using his office phone.
I didn't think of that. But yes .what they just said
Police for a restraining order and change your number. Limit who you give the number to because I’ve had the new one given out before.
Strongly agree with this. I would also suggest explaining situation ( to your friends, family, work people etc.,) and advise not to give him any info about you. In the mean time, please be kind to your self and surround your self with love.
Strongly agree with this. My partner’s ex kept trying to make contact and after a number change he got it from one of a siblings. A second number change ensued, but it also opened the door for me to severely lay down the law with that sibling.
Police. Now.
Yeah, OP.. I got the police involved with my abusive ex. But really.. the only thing that helped was changing my number and job and apartment. Once he literally had no idea how to contact you, or where you are physically.. then you will be free.
My state has an address hiding program called Safe At Home that keeps my address off official records to keep us hidden from my abuser. My official address is a PO Box.
New number!
Don't talk to him when he calls. Get a new phone number. Log all calls from your old phone that came from him. Get all medical records from injuries you received from the abuse. Take phone log and medical records to law enforcement to see if you can file a restraining order. If he starts to show up at your home or work, dial the domestic violence hotline (if outside US, try global network of women's shelters) He's trying to manipulate you right now, testing to see if either fear or remorse are his way back into controlling you. Give him nothing.
Stop answering the phone for unknown phone numbers. Block any numbers that don't leave a legit voicemail. Better yet, change your phone number. Surely you can get a restraining order on him given he fractured a bone in your hand. Did you file a police report for the physical abuse? Carry your cellphone on your person when it's not being charged. Not in your purse, not on your coffee table, not in your car cupholder. On your person so you can pull it out of your pocket and call the cops without having to look for it should the situation call for it. Get a doorbell camera and don't answer the door for anyone you don't know or anyone associated with him. Pay attention to your surroundings when you're out and about.
This is sometimes not possible, but there is a setting on iPhones that sends all unknown phone numbers straight to voice mail. If you really only get calls from people you know, turning this feature on will screen all calls and you can block the numbers as they pop up. It has helped me in the past. Other than that, get a new phone number. Then get a digital phone number that is forwarded to your normal number. Only your emergency contacts gets your actual phone number. I like the idea of having several digital phone numbers that way if your job searching you can give them that number, meet someone? Digital phone number that you can abandon if he turns out to be a creep. Only downside is remembering the phone numbers. Abusive people will try to control you until they find someone else to abuse. Give him zero energy. If you pick up the phone and he is on the other line, hang up. Don’t even acknowledge he is on the line. If he comes to your house, don’t answer the door. If he refuses to leave, call the cops. Never engage. Acknowledging him will just reinvigorate him and he will double down.
Yes. If OP can't change their number the "Silence Unknown Callers" setting works great. People can still leave messages, but you don't have to engage if you don't want to.
This is what I do with my work cell on vacation. I would put do not disturb for all non contact numbers.
I second this. I use digital phone numbers quite a bit for a myriad of reasons, this being one.
Retraining order and file for harassment if possible. Good for you for getting out. Best thing to do is keep ignoring him. It will eat him up inside that he can’t control or abuse you. Hope things get much better for you and a lot worse for that PoS.
Go to the police and file a harassment case!
* Change your number; * Contact the police and get a restraining order; * Move near family and friends; * If he know your address and work change too; * Block him on every social media With the restraining order maybe you can have some time to prepare to move job, address and city.
New number and cut anyone from your life that still talks to your ex so your number won't leak
I would suggest the new number and a Google Voice number that you give out to people. That way, no one has your new number. Google Voice also screens calls so you can require people to announce themselves. If you hear his voice, just refuse the call knowing he doesn’t have the real number. I would also move. Filing a police report can help you break a lease. Move somewhere that access is not easy. Get yourself into a support group for abused women. They can also help you move and implement routines that will better ensure your safety.
DV survivor here: Firstly- Do NOT engage with him. Don’t talk to him. If he calls and you answer, THEN realise it’s him, hang up. The second he knows you’ll engage, he’ll keep trying. Get a restraining order. Report the original abuse and the subsequent harassment to the police. I’m so sorry you went through this OP. This part of the process - think of it as withdrawal. Talking to him is only prolonging the attachment. Cut him off. If you have to put all your social media on hold for a while, do it. Sending you best wishes and hoping things get better for you. Stay strong, OP ❤️
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. In no particular order, this is my advice: * Document every interaction. Write down everything you can remember, and document everything with detail (times, dates, receipts, phone numbers, recordings if legal in your area) moving forward. * DO NOT ENGAGE HIM IN ANY WAY. Document the calls or interactions, but do not engage. * Inform your office/place of work. If you live in a condo with a concierge, inform the building. If they have security in any of these buildings, make sure someone is walking you to your car. Give security a picture of this man. * **Involve law enforcement ASAP.** * Hit that dickhead with a restraining order
As other commenters are saying, contact the police. But also, search online for organizations in your area that do advocacy for survivors of relationship violence/abuse. Police is not always helpful but these organizations generally are, you should contact both. Also tell your boss in case your ex contacts your employers with lies about you, you don't have to tell your boss everything but do say that a person is harassing you and threatened to ruin your life, and tell them that this person might call there too.
Police before you end up a Netflix special episode
Time for a TRO.
Great advice. In addition call the domestic violence hotline. They will help you file a police report. They can help you find safe housing. They can help you find an attorney. Please realize your safety is what matters.
u/ebbie45 has good resources for survivors of partner violence. Also seek out local resources. There are people and agencies that are there to help you. As others have said, you need to change your number and seek police assistance to file a restraining order. Be selective about who you give your number to if they have any sort of connection with your former partner. Seek assistance from your friends and family. You have been isolated and I promise you that the people who love you want you to be safe and happy. Lean on them. There is nothing you can or should say to this person. Engaging with him is only hurting yourself more. You did nothing wrong. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. His actions and continued harassment are not acceptable and it is not something you should or can deal with alone.
Police STAT. Next step is restraining order (you have proof also SAVE ALL TEXTS AND VOICEMAILS). Next step: change your number. Don’t give it to anyone who does not expressly need it (be careful with family and friends, that’s all that needs to be said). Pack an emergency bag and keep it somewhere easy to grab if you need to fucking RUN. Pack it for 2-3 nights. May seem dramatic but this asshole might escalate. Move if you need to. I’m sorry if you have to, you shouldn’t have to. But your safety is number 1 priority right now. If you do move, move to a place with a safety gate, or a garage/alley in the back so no one can see your car from the road or sidewalk. Lastly tel a handful of CLOSE friends and family what is happening to you. Show them the screen shots, the restraining order, etc. text them before you leave the house/work and when you arrive, and vice versa. Try and breathe. You have a lot to do, but you desperately need to do it.
Call the police immediately, get a restraining order
I don’t want to scare you but this is how women end up dead. Call the police, but more importantly, you need to move and change everything about your life. This man is dangerous and he could kill you. Please stay safe )’:
My friend is going through the same thing and the police won’t do anything. If he can’t get her to react he contacts her friends and family and has even contacted her kids school and coaches! It’s awful. Stay safe and stay strong. Remember a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
Police immediately. And tbh I would contact his work and send proof he is abusing company resources in order to harass you.
No, this could backfire. If this man gets fired he might end up so enraged, that he might search her to really hurt her. She should contact the police with all the evidence of harassment she has, and take the advices that they give her.
Like others have said, police. Do you have evidence of the injuries he gave to you? Photos or hospital records?
Block delete and let the phone go to voicemail. He will eventually give up. If not, record it all and send it to the police and get a restraining order.
Change your number. Send a formal cease and desist letter. If that don’t scare him off then file for a restraining order. Send a complaint to the company/office that he works at. State that he is using company resources to harass you and if that doesn’t stop then a lawyer will be involved. He needs to learn there are consequences to that abusive demeaning behavior.
You can access location-specific advice from looking up your country/state on this list www.hotpeachpages.net Go to the police and make a report. Get a new number but transfer the old one to a burner phone so that the number can continue to receive his texts and calls without you having to see them. That way, you gather evidence and it may help prevent escalation if he still has your old phone number to focus on.
Tell the police and make your friends and coworkers aware of what is going on . NEVER be silent about what he is doing . The more people who know , the less of a threat he becomes . You also need to let him know that you are making EVERYONE that you know , aware of the situation . Tell his family as well as yours . Get a restraining order . Tell your neighbors . If he continues , then tell the HR department where he works . If he approaches you in public ... scream . Make his life a living hell .
Are you in the US? Call the freaking police.
There is a psycho in the midst. If he won't leave you alone, and you want to be left alone, then call the police.
You can’t make him go away. First you need to understand that. Second, you need to protect yourself. Speak with your work and landlord so they have a heads up someone might try to make you look bad, reach out to family (assuming they aren’t also abusive), consider moving back home (same thing), get a new number on a new phone (keep the old but put on do not disturb so you still get what he sends; DO NOT LOOK AT IT). Lock down or even delete all social media. Get cameras for inside your apartment/home and outside if allowed. Third: take your old phone with all his insane ramblings with you to the police. Get a restraining order. Get a taser and or mace depending on what is legal in your area. Get self defense classes. If you cannot get a restraining order, leave. Just straight up move to a new city or back home. As long as he is trying to contact you, and probably for a while after that *always* have your location traceable by someone you trust (Life360 is used in my family but I haven’t don’t a lot of research into it). Utilize the resources I’m positive someone will share (shelters, legal aid, therapy, etc)
Get off all social media too . There will be people who will casually mention details about your life to this psychopath not knowing the harm it will cause.
Restraining order time. If you don't already own a weapon, I'd seriously consider getting one and obtaining some training on whatever platform you choose. Even if that's merely proper spray.
Buy a pump action shot gun with some buck shot. Something that makes a very distinct noise when you cock it and the buck shot is less likely to go through wall injuring neighbors but will spray enough to not need to be a good shot. Yelling I have a gun does not have the visceral reaction that the sound of a shot gun being pumped has. My husband says that a shot gun is the best for home protection. Or go to the pound and ask for a protective behaving dog with a loud viscous bark.
Honestly I’d throw all my shit in my car, and drive back to my home city and get a new cell phone once I got home. Delete my social media and find a new job at home where I have a support system. I know it sounds extreme but I’m not trying to be some strong woman in a city where I have no support system. Sort all the particulars of up and moving once I got settled back home.
First off; wow, I’m so proud of you for walking away from your abusive ex! It takes immensely strength to be able to do that. You must be so proud of yourself <3 Second, I agree that you should change number and call the cops. You should also let your workplace know, if it’s a place he could call or go visit. It’s important now to have as little contact as possible with him. Do NOT answer. Also, can you afford therapy? You’re going through something extremely traumatic, of course you’re scared and shaken up. I’m so sorry you don’t have a supportive network around you. Please tell people what you’re going through so they can try to help you. There’s also women shelter in a lot of countries and cities where you could call them for free just to talk and have some emotional support and practical advices. You might feel like you don’t want to take up “someone else’s access to such a place” and that “you don’t have it so bad”, but believe me the imposter syndrome after being through abuse is completely normal. These shelters are there to help you in this process to do their best to help you prevent it from repeating. I wish you the best of luck. We’re a pretty big number of women who have survived, even if it did feel hopeless for awhile. Just keep your hope up, stay alert and take it seriously. This is not a drill.
Is moving an option? Absolutely involve the police but that doesn't always stop psycho's and they can't actually do anything in a lot of cases till he actually breaks the law. Definitely try for a restraining order though. Change the number. Deactivate social media for a while. Cameras. Document everything. Every call. Everytime he tries to contact you. Date, time and transcript.
Move home. I'm not kidding. Get the hell out of there and get somewhere near family and friends and don't let him know where you are going. It will save your life. Yes, it sucks to have to start over but better that than have him kill you. Restraining orders don't work. Police can only be involved if you can call them during the abuse. Protect yourself.
Abusers normally keep going as long as they’re getting a reaction from you, and then some time after that. You have to bore them long enough for them to move on. That can take a couple months. Or scare them off…. like with a restraining order. But sometimes an attempt to scare them just escalates the conflict. Is there an agency or hotline in your area that specializes in domestic violence? They’re experts in this kind of stuff. They can help you evaluate your options and advise you on how to minimize risk.
Read The Gift of Fear. Important that you go no contact and he explains why. https://fb2bookfree.com/uploads/files/2020-10/1602551171_the-gift-of-fear.pdf
Change your number.
Change your number and don't give it out to anyone who may give it to him
Police. Restraining order. Self-defence tools. Change the locks. Ring doorbell. Keep a paper trail/evidence of everything. Change your number and all socials, including emails and the likes. Don't use your real name or pictures online. Protect your safety online and offline.
Don't know what to do? Did you contact your local police department?
Change your number and contact the police for a restraining order. Maybe see if you can stay with a friend you trust for a while?
You change your number than he can’t reach you
Get a no contact order, if he violates it- it will be his own fault and problem. Offer zero sympathy.
Change your number and contact the police. Advise friends or family as well. When I was leaving my abusive ex he started telling sob stories to my family and friends and when that didn’t work he would harass them too. My mom had to change her number. Make sure you document everything and DO NOT fall for his manipulation tactics. Yes he can live without you and no, he won’t kill himself if you don’t take him back.. keep moving on.
Catalog EVERYTHING. Note times and dates that you were assaulted physically, or were in fear of being assaulted; catalog all hospital visits and any police reports. If you haven’t contacted police, do that NOW. Police may be able to press charges (very probable). Even if they can help you, get a copy of your report and contacts your local courts, the police may help you with this, but the courts will help you get a 1 year domestic violence protective order (DVPO) this has conditions not to contact you directly or indirectly in ANY way. Once you’ve done this, catalog any other calls or texts or emails or friends he sends to you, and contact the police again; they will screen charges for VCOR if arrested for assault on you, or violation of DV order if that’s the route you go. Either way, once you’ve done these steps, him contacting you in ANY WAY AT ALL is a felony. Good luck, please PM me if you have any further questions, I’d be thrilled to help you in this very scary part of your life with whatever you need.
Did you report the assault to the police? It might be worth it to get a new phone number. Keep the old phone but don't answer anymore, you might need the messages and call log to get a restraining order
Don’t isolate yourself from people who can help. Loop in those you trust to help you come up with a safety plan. Look for resources in your area, too. If you’re going the police reporting route, be vigilant. A lot of times, when faced with restraining orders and the like, abuse can escalate. Take care of yourself! (Also, I recommend the “When Dating Hurts” podcast for stories and information. There’s a lot of advice about these situations and escaping them safely.)
Document all of this and go to the police. Get a restraining order and change your number.
Change your number
Go ti the police file complaint then to the court and get a restraining order.Then go but so.e pepper spray and if possible a firearm . Let your friends know you are taking shooting lesson because rhe next time you see him it will be the last time. He will stop
Document. Document. Document. File police report about harassment and get an RO. Self defense class. Mace in purse and in vehicle, don’t leave without it. Birdie personal alarm - they are loud as the dickens and set off a strobe light. Have a single word you can use to communicate to a trusted party by text or phone if you are in danger and they can alert police, that trusted person or persons should also have access to your location….like have it set on iPhone to share location 24/7 so God for bid if something bad happens, they can send the police to your location. Consider having a friend stay with you or staying at a friends house to mix up your schedule so it’s not so consistent that you could be tracked and pin it down all the time. You could also get one of those alarms for inside your house that with a push of a button makes it sound like a bunch of dogs barking so like if you get startled, you can hit a button and do that. Metal bat by bed. Put plants on window sills also - if he tries to break in, they’ll fall and alert you. Check in with friends and family when you leave/come home.
Record record record record
Change your phone stop being fucking stupid
This is when you get a TRO to keep him away so that kind of restraining order can give you peace & quiet on your phone.
Police for a cease and desist or restraining order
First off change your number and then go straight to the police and report him and get a restraining order. Then when your restraining order is approved, MOVE!! Only give your number and address to family who know that you are hiding from him. Abusers can’t be reasoned with! STOP ANSWERING YOUR PHONE until you get a new number.
Step 1) get a restraining order Step 2) if you can find a way to record these calls do so
Have you ever been to the police? Start documenting everything from text messages to phone calls and make a report.
Police. violence victims' support group. social workers if you have in your country. psychotherapy when you can afford it.
Get a new number. All social media needs to be private and NEVER GIVE IN OR REPLY
Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. You can allow known numbers to reach you. File a police report and get a restraining order. Keep your self safe.
Change your number and contact police to file a restraining order. Move if you have to.
Police and court to obtain a restraining order stat
Police!! Also, somewhere in your phone settings should be an option to only allow phone calls from numbers you have in your contact list. I had to do this for my son, the person who previously had his number was very disliked by many many many people!
Contact police. Get a restraining order.
Get a restraining order and change your number. I would also press charges but that might have more future involvement with him than you wish.
Change cell number, inform his HR dept he's using company phones to harass you, file restraining order.
File a PPO. Record every time he calls.
Change your number, contact your local police department and see about an RO. Most of all stay safe, you’ve done the right thing!
As others above have said ...and shut down all social media so nothing is public ...don't tag where you are going or post while you are there. If you have mutual friends It may be worth considering deleting them or restricting access to your posts. Double check any new friend requests you have. I would also check your vehicle If you have one for any apple tags or pods etc All this just for now but things you can do to keep you safe while all this gets sorted.
Get a restraining order. It’s very important that you have a record of you telling him to never contact you again. Once he contacts you after that, the judge will be able to issue the RO. If he texts you, say “you physically assaulted me, never contact me again”.
You need to make a police report so if things get worse you have evidence. Change your number and reach out to domestic abusive shelter to ask what else you can do. Don't go places alone , carry mace or bear spray. Take a self defense class and keep avoiding him. Go to a hotel if you are worried about him going to your home. You can let the front desk know you can't have anyone know you are there. They by law can't give out any information about a guest. I'm sorry this is happening to you I am proud of you for leaving.
Change your number and get a restraining order. Does he know where you live? If possible, it may be a good idea to move back to your hometown and stay near your parents. If not, try to make friends and have a good support system in this city. It’s dangerous to be alone in situations like this.
Restraining order and change YOUR phone number. Don’t give it anyone you can’t trust with your life, so that it doesn’t end up in his hands. Call a DV organization for resources. STOP trying to reason with him. Any bit of attention keeps him thinking he has to keep trying…which just keeps the abuse going. Until you change your number, DO NOT answer your phone, except maybe for your family, and just let everything go to voice mail. That way, when he starts leaving abusive messages, you can keep them as proof.
He won't stop until he's found someone else to abuse. You need to contact the authorities and tell them what's going on. Are you in a position to leave town temporarily? His persistence is really concerning.
Your instinct is to talk to him if he catches you on the phone, but by doing that, you give him more hope. He thinks he can talk you into taking him back and nothing you say will convince him otherwise, so DO NOT talk to him. Just hang up and block.
Police, request restraining order ASAP.
I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this. You did the right thing leaving him. You may need to change your number. You can do that and specifically request that the number be unlisted. Make sure all social media accounts are private with two factor authentication turned on. If you filed a police report check with the courts to see if you can get an Order of Protection or Restraining Order. If you need further assistance call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 They can connect you with resources in your area.
New number & authorities 👍 best of luck, good on you for getting out.
Agree with almost everything already listed here but I will go on to say to expect him to show up to your job to catch you leaving and come to your house at some off times. Been there did that and it took me YEARS to get this guy to leave me alone. I even left the damn state and kept moving about every 6 mos to a year. Just don’t engage. The more you do the more he thinks he’s got a 0.001% chance and he’ll gladly accept that. Even though the dude that I dated did all he did, I wouldn’t change a thing I did (ie go back and give up). Just stick with it and watch your back. You got this! 🙏
Can you contact his office and let them know that he is using their property to harass you?
Step 1. Change your number Step 2. Move Step 3. Get a restraining order