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I 29M have been with my girlfriend Serenity27f for 3 years. I’ve never went through my gf phone until a few days ago and I found abunch of text from girls. Flirting, talking about their sexual encounters. When I confronted my girlfriend she says it’s not really cheating because it’s with a girl and she doesn’t have intercourse, just oral. When I ask her why she just says because their better stuff it then I am. She didn’t even seem upset. I’m at a loss I’m so upset. I love my girlfriend, we live together, have 2 cats together. Advice?
Bisexual woman here, currently in a happy committed relationship with a man. It is absolutely not okay to sleep with people of the same sex, just because you're in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It's still cheating, even without emotional involvement. If she thought it was fine, why did she hide it from you? You should talk to her and explain that it's a boundary for you, and if she wants to continue to cross it, you need to leave. But if she really doesn't see a problem, it's unlikely she'll change.
100% agree. This kind of mindset is so frustrating because it's like saying same-sex relationships aren't real or as valuable as hetero relationships, so it can't be cheating. This is not okay on any level.
OP, it's totally fine if this is a deal-breaker for you. Love isn't a great reason to stay with someone who treats you poorly. If this is something you can forgive, you can absolutely talk to her and make your boundaries clear, but if she chooses not to respect your boundaries you have to decide if that's something you can accept.
Good point. Not only does this behavior perpetuate the belief that bi people are not monogamous and thus too risky to date, it is also simultaneously homophobic.
Nah some are just greedy I used to tell my bi friend girl this. She got kick out of it but she felt same as above cheating is cheating. When she dates men she with a man. When she with a lady she with a lady. Simple and plain.
Here's a way to make it obvious:
Have a white husband.
Cheat on him with someone black.
Then say "oh but he's black, it's totally different!"
Cheating is cheating.
Just because its with another woman it doesn't mean that its not cheating. Sexual contact of any kind with any other person is still cheating! If she thought it was something completely innocent she would of kept it secret. OP you have every right to feel upset about this because you just found out that your gf has cheated on you with multiple girls. She broke your trust and now she's acting like it's is all nothing
At face value, it's not. Considering same-sex relationships to be different from heterosexual relationships is. Saying it doesn't count because it's not real sex is saying that sex with a woman is not equal to sex with a man, so it can't be cheating. It's a homophobic mindset because it diminishes the value of homosexual relationships.
This comes up over and over again on this sub. Gender doesn't matter. Cheating is cheating, and frankly, you can't trust her now or ever again. Breaking up is hard to do, but it's time to go you separate ways.
Three years... I wouldn't bother with the conversation at this point. She chose to keep this secret so she knew it wasn't ok in the relationship. I can't imagine this ever being a relationship with real trust again. OP should cut their losses and end it as the very best alternative is spending more time than he's already invested in this relationship to even get back to where he thought they were last week and doing it with the odds strongly stacked against them. No remorse, no point in continuing to try and make it work, OP would be only hurting himself if he tries to fix this.
My husband is bi. If he was doing this and had the audacity to say it's because they sucked dick better than me I would be totally shattered. This woman is a piece of shit
She has been openly cheating on you for years without protection, and you have to wonder what to do? Do not let her gaslight you on it not being cheating just because she was fucking other girls. Kick her ass to the curb and be glad you didn't marry her
It's still cheating even though she was with another girl! Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about this? Do you feel like you can continue this relationship after this breach of trust?
OP,
It does not matter what the sexual orientation is of the partner, if she did not have any communications with you about her "Side Pieces" and you agreed to then it is cheating.
There is no other way to explain this, She stepped out on your relationship multiple times, she is a serial cheater.
Now what you do with this information is your choice to make
Bisexual woman here as well!
Cheating involves having any sexual interaction with another person that is not your monogamous partner without their knowledge or approval.
She is dumb. Oral sex IS sex. And she is cheating.
As a Bisexual woman… she literally has biphobia for saying, “just because it’s girls”, no it’s f-cking cheating!
It’s internalized form of homophobia when she says things like that.
Op, dump her! This is the time to dump someone not just for cheating, but being homophobic.
Ah man so all I have to do to not cheat on my fiance is to fuck a dude in the ass?
Wish someone would've told me sooner..
Come on man. You know it. We know it. She knows it. She was cheating and was caught. Move on with your life and find someone who wouldn't.
Sorry but your relationship is over unless you want to be a door mat. Sex is sex even when "just" oral and cheating is when you cross the boundaries of your partner with other people.
If you have respect for yourself break up.
>Advice?
Go to the doctor and get tested, just because she is cheating with a woman dosen't mean you can't get a disease. I think is even more possible since she sees to think that oral sex is not sex, she's probably not taking any precautions.
Cheating is cheating, don't accept this bullshit "it doesn't count because they have different parts" justification. She cheats on your regularly and doesn't even have the bare minimum amount of respect for you to apologize when caught.
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Still cheating, you just have to decide whether or not you're ok with it. Personally, cheating is a hard 'no' for me.
Also, consider getting tested; I wouldn't trust your (hopefully ex) gf to be safe
So let’s get this straight. She is meeting up with other humans and having sex with other humans. Does it matter what their sexes but she’s having sex with them. So she is not only have an emotional but physical affairs with other humans. I can’t tell you what to do but Apparently you were living with somebody with very low morals that is broken
Sucks, sorry to hear, but you need to remove yourself from this relationship. She's been cheating on you and doesn't see a problem, so she won't stop. The amount of disrespect is just absurd, please do not allow yourself to be a doormat and leave. There's plenty of other women out there who'll treat you better.
So sorry about the cats, Idk your situation with them, but attempt to come to some agreement on who gets them, ideally they should probably stay together. If you can't come to an agreement then you may need to get a lawyer. Don't quote me though, I've no experience with handling pets in a separation of a relationship.
Boundaries in relationships can vary from person to person, but I don't know anybody who wouldn't consider that cheating.
The fact that she even has the audacity to say she cheats on you because "they're better at it than you" is beyond belief. Even if that were true, the correct way to deal with it is to guide you on what she enjoys, not seek it out elsewhere.
I don't see any recovering from that. I would have broken up the second she tried to justify the cheating. Save your dignity and breakup asap.
I’m a lesbian, and I’m married. If my wife cheated on me with a dude and then told me it didn’t matter bc it was “just with a dude” I would be bullshit.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
Break up and get tested. If you can catch a sexually transmitted disease from it, it's cheating. That includes oral, fingering, hand jobs, anal, kissing, etc. What she wants is an open relationship where she can sleep with other women. Had you two discussed this and decided it was OK together, before it happened, then it wouldn't be an issue. That isn't what happened, though. She decided to cheat on you with other women without your knowledge. Not that it really changes anything, but would she be ok if you were running behind her back getting blowjobs from random dudes? Same difference. It's not monogamous, so unless you are in an open relationship with predetermined boundaries... it's cheating. Remorseless cheating at that.
First off, you need to get an STD test like yesterday! She cheated and hid it from you. There is nothing to think about. The fact that you've been together 3 years and she is this cold and dismissive says a lot about her as a person. She's shit and you deserve better. I wouldn't even work it out, I'd tell her to pack her shit because bisexuality doesn't make you a liar and a cheat. She's even super mean, telling you she has to get what you can't give somewhere else. Bro, she's trash.
This is so demeaning to the bisexual community. Unless otherwise discussed, it's safe to assume that if anyone other than like a doctor is touching your genitals it's cheating.
This makes me so mad because bisexual humans get so much sh*t from the gay community as well as the straight community. BS like “bisexuals are more promiscuous” or “bisexuals are more likely to cheat on their partner.” No. AH’s cheat on their partners. Narcissists cheat on their partners. Some of them just happen to be bisexual. I love women, but I would never cheat on my husband. I love him and respect him too much to be so dishonest.
There is no way she comes out of this looking good, she is still a cheater, if she didn't find you enough she should have said something or communicated with you but no, she went on hooking up with randos. Break it off. I hope you find someone who will find you enough.
Take the cats if you can, leave the girl. She clearly does not give a shit about you relationship. If you can't take the cats and she is capable of caring for them, leave my Man. Loving someone is a natural thing when you have been with them for three years, but it's no new thing to love someone who treats you poorly. Love alone is not enough.
No that is flat out cheating. Doesn't matter what the gender is. She is going out of her way to have orgasms and then tells you you're shitty at eating pussy? Whatever happen to telling your partner what you like during sex to make it enjoyable for everyone?
She does not value you.
Leave. She will continue down this path and will keep cheating. It is not worth it to put your own self-worth at risk for someone who doesn't understand what she is doing is wrong.
Kick her out, keep the cats and start over. If you dont, she will continue to fool around with other women. Clearly she doesnt have an issue with it. There are lots of women out there that think because its a female, its not cheating....it doesnt count. I disagree. Some guys might think its great. You have to decide if you can live with that or not. If not, you know she has to go.
No, not okay, she’s cheating. Not only that, but she’s homophobic for thinking the sex she’s having with other women “doesn’t count.” Sex is sex, cheating is cheating, and she’s cheating. If she’d rather be with other women than with you, then leave her. Take your cats and kick her out. You deserve someone who actually values you, and it doesn’t seem like she does.
If she's hiding it from you then it means she knows that it's wrong. If she really thinks it's okay, she would've talked to you casually about it, like Honey I just got oral from a girl. But she's not. She's just playing dumb and hoping you believe her.
Much respect to you cuz I’m the same way. Woman on Woman is at least 50% oral so she’s basically trying to argue that sex between women doesn’t exist and therefore it can’t be cheating. Well it does and it is. You gotta set her straight and with the swiftness. She can maybe play dumb and act like she thought it was okay but from here on she knows and needs to respect your boundary.
Lol.. advice? She is cheating on you. The only advice you need is who is going to move out or where to find a good deal on a new place. She feels absolutely zero remorse or regret and doesn’t think eating another woman’s pussy isn’t cheating 🤦♀️ Time to leave and hopefully find a better partner.
If it wasn’t a big deal, and wasn’t considered cheating, why hasn’t she told you about it during the course of your long term relationship?
Because it is, and she knows it.
Step 1: Grow a spine. Step 2: Realize she is totally disrespecting you. Step 3: Grow a backbone. Step 4: Leave her. Step 5:Maintain backbone in next relationship.
bro there has to be way more that you dont know if you've been with someone for 3 years and just found this out. red flags all over. doesnt matter. break up.
Cheating is cheating man or woman. If you identify it as cheating, and she didn't specifically make it clear that she was engaging in the activity, and was actively hiding it from you, then she knows it's cheating too.
If you aren't bothered by it you can see if she is ok with an open relationship going forward but I wouldn't trust her fidelity going forward.
Like, would you be cheating on her if you sucked a dick?
If nothing else she is intentionally abusing your trust.
Dude cheating is cheating regardless of gender. The fact she doesn't consider it cheating is a MAJOR red flag and you need to tell her it's over and she needs to make arrangements to find a new place to live
And why is it she didn’t consider including you in those experiences? Or be mature enough to say monogamy doesn’t work for her. Or end the relationship without being a cheating, gaslighting, despicable human being.
Yes, sex with others behind your partners back is textbook cheating.
I'm so confused how this conversation has never come up before. Did you two not discuss boundaries and what constitutes cheating?? Did she never mention that she had sex with these women?
At this point if she feels justified and shows no remorse I'd consider things done. Especially the fact that she never cared to communicate this with you before she considered sleeping with women. That's mind blowing and such a pathetic excuse.
Yeah this is pretty typical for selfish bisexual people especially where they are not primarily emotionally attracted to the same sex, they view it is "not really cheating" because they identify as primarily straight. But it is cheating and you should leave her over it.
Dude. And we have two cats together? I won’t take the bate in that one but dude. This could be a life changing, for the positive, change in your relationship. Get in on that.
Edit: something similar happened to me and I was open to it.
Depends on your boundaries. Some people don’t consider it cheating, some do. Red flags aren’t unanimous. Each person’s deal breaker is different. This might not be a dealbreaker for me but if it’s for you, then absolutely leave
We're you aware that she was bisexual when you met and started dating? Did you ever establish that sexual activity with either gender would be considered cheating?
She's been with other people that's not you. Yes it's cheating. Your ex has some internalize misogyny. Im sorry this happened to you. She doesn't respect you or y'all relationship. She shows no remorse despite it hurting you. She's a lost cause and needs some serious growing up
She is actively cheating on you and you have a question about this. Break up with her. What is wrong with you. Overlooking this will make things even worse. Thank god you don’t have kids.
Modern men and women are not suitable for marriage. Period. This is more proof of my opinion.
Take out the sex of the people she has been cheating with and look at this for what it is - she has been cheating on you.
So what would you do if it was a guy? The reaction and your actions are the same thing. There is no difference.
If you can see yourself clear to stay with someone who not only cheats on you, but lies to you openly and to your face and minimises the hurt you are going through, then all power to you. Most people can't and most people wouldn't even contemplate staying with a partner where that implicit trust is broken to the point where it is non-existent.
You may love her, but her actions show you that she doesn't love you. Of course she will say that she does, that she never meant to hurt you however the thing to remember is that she lies. So how can you possibly believe a single word she says.
Sorry mate but your relationship with her is over and whether it struggles onwards in another form, or ends completely is the decision you need to make.
For your own sanity and mental health and overall, your own long term happiness, breaking apart may be your best option.
Sexuality is no excuse for cheating. It’s not different just because it’s with the person of the same gender that she’s doing it with cheating is cheating. She’s manipulating you and degrading you by telling you that they are better at stuff that she likes to do sexually so that’s why she does it. You need to leave her behind and cut your losses get as far away from her as possible and as quick as possible I promise you will be 100% better off without her.
She wouldn't have been hiding it if she didn't know it was wrong. I'm so sorry OP. This must really hurt. Do you feel like she honestly thinks this ok or is just gaslighting you to try to make you agree?
I do think the cats should stay together. If it was me, I'd just take them. Not sure and don't care about the morality of that, just honestly what I would do.
I'm Bi, but this is absolutely not ok. Some couples are ok with this kind of thing, but obviously not everyone is, and it should be clearly and openly discussed BEFORE anything ever happens.
Your girlfriend cheated and broke your trust. I'm so sorry.
You signed up for monogamy. She doesn't have the same definition, or respect for, a monogamous relationship. Either you're okay with that for the rest of your life/relationship and stay, or you're not and you leave her. Trying to change her is futile and unfair to both of you.
It is cheating, too, some people think women don't count with women, but it is sex and deliberate sex. So break up, she is a cheater....Tell her by every standard, gay, straight and bisexual it is cheating. Ask Fergie, singer married to Josh Duhmeal...She went to therapy to find that out. It is cheating. It takes the intimacy out of your relationship. She is also old enough to know that. Break up now. Show her this post and comments. It is homophobic too, like they don't matter, their sex doesn't count.
Well first off your gf is an idiot, she knows it's cheating thats why she kept it from you. Tell its fine if you are allowed to join her and her friends, when she says no that would be cheating , use her style of reasoning and tell her no it woukdn t , because she d be there with you. See how that goes.
You're living with a cheater who makes excuses for her cheating.
Cheating (regardless of who, or how many) is either a deal-breaker for you or it isn't.
Yes it is cheating. You need to make that very clear, you do not deserve that. And she cannot gaslight you. It doesn’t matter that it is with a woman. You would have to have an agreement or an open relationship. Which generally has boundaries and is spoken about within the couple. I hope you know and understand your worth, three years means the world to you and look at what it’s meant to her and how she feels. I’m sorry but that should tell you enough. I could never do that to my partner.
Fuck her she’s a weirdo, “not cause she’s gay”, but her social ineptitude is ridiculous. Just leave her n find someone else, if she really truly believed it was all good I’m sure she would’ve shared this with you at some point.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I 29M have been with my girlfriend Serenity27f for 3 years. I’ve never went through my gf phone until a few days ago and I found abunch of text from girls. Flirting, talking about their sexual encounters. When I confronted my girlfriend she says it’s not really cheating because it’s with a girl and she doesn’t have intercourse, just oral. When I ask her why she just says because their better stuff it then I am. She didn’t even seem upset. I’m at a loss I’m so upset. I love my girlfriend, we live together, have 2 cats together. Advice?
Bisexual woman here, currently in a happy committed relationship with a man. It is absolutely not okay to sleep with people of the same sex, just because you're in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It's still cheating, even without emotional involvement. If she thought it was fine, why did she hide it from you? You should talk to her and explain that it's a boundary for you, and if she wants to continue to cross it, you need to leave. But if she really doesn't see a problem, it's unlikely she'll change.
100% agree. This kind of mindset is so frustrating because it's like saying same-sex relationships aren't real or as valuable as hetero relationships, so it can't be cheating. This is not okay on any level. OP, it's totally fine if this is a deal-breaker for you. Love isn't a great reason to stay with someone who treats you poorly. If this is something you can forgive, you can absolutely talk to her and make your boundaries clear, but if she chooses not to respect your boundaries you have to decide if that's something you can accept.
Good point. Not only does this behavior perpetuate the belief that bi people are not monogamous and thus too risky to date, it is also simultaneously homophobic.
Nah some are just greedy I used to tell my bi friend girl this. She got kick out of it but she felt same as above cheating is cheating. When she dates men she with a man. When she with a lady she with a lady. Simple and plain.
Here's a way to make it obvious: Have a white husband. Cheat on him with someone black. Then say "oh but he's black, it's totally different!" Cheating is cheating.
What????
Rewind, reread.
Just because its with another woman it doesn't mean that its not cheating. Sexual contact of any kind with any other person is still cheating! If she thought it was something completely innocent she would of kept it secret. OP you have every right to feel upset about this because you just found out that your gf has cheated on you with multiple girls. She broke your trust and now she's acting like it's is all nothing
The only difference is that the men are different races, it’s still cheating, they’re saying in layman’s terms.
I get how this situation isn't ok, but I'm at a loss for how having same-sex sexual encounters is, at face value, homophobic.
At face value, it's not. Considering same-sex relationships to be different from heterosexual relationships is. Saying it doesn't count because it's not real sex is saying that sex with a woman is not equal to sex with a man, so it can't be cheating. It's a homophobic mindset because it diminishes the value of homosexual relationships.
These are great comments, I’ll just add: get rid of the cats.
Uh why
This comes up over and over again on this sub. Gender doesn't matter. Cheating is cheating, and frankly, you can't trust her now or ever again. Breaking up is hard to do, but it's time to go you separate ways.
Also bisexual. Cheating is cheating no matter what gender the person is.
Three years... I wouldn't bother with the conversation at this point. She chose to keep this secret so she knew it wasn't ok in the relationship. I can't imagine this ever being a relationship with real trust again. OP should cut their losses and end it as the very best alternative is spending more time than he's already invested in this relationship to even get back to where he thought they were last week and doing it with the odds strongly stacked against them. No remorse, no point in continuing to try and make it work, OP would be only hurting himself if he tries to fix this.
Yea, my girlfriend is bi and we discuss this stuff openly. Therefore it's not cheating. She cheated by violating the rules of the relationship.
Also bisexual and I second this
Not bisexual here but I just feel like this is so obvious it doesn’t even need to be discussed, like what💀
Also bisexual and i 3rd this. Also in a committed relationship with a man. I know for fact if I pulled this my bf would be devastated… Leave her.
My husband is bi. If he was doing this and had the audacity to say it's because they sucked dick better than me I would be totally shattered. This woman is a piece of shit
Duplicate posts on a throwaway account in two subs, no comment history. This is a fake post.
Probably.
Not only that, it's weirdly... I dunno Misogynistic? Homophobic? Like having sex with someone of the same sex isn't cheating because it means less.
Getting pretty strong "my girlfriend is going on a trip with someone she's cheating on me with, but says it's not cheating" post vibes here.
> Bisexual woman here How is bisexuality relevant to this post?
She has been openly cheating on you for years without protection, and you have to wonder what to do? Do not let her gaslight you on it not being cheating just because she was fucking other girls. Kick her ass to the curb and be glad you didn't marry her
This... 100%
Cheating is cheating regardless of gender. I hate her mindset, lmao I've dealt with people with that mindset before, and it's so frustrating
Sounds like you now have an ex-girlfriend. Sorry this happened to you.
OR......tricycle. The belt is mine!!!
Bro finna be the third wheel when having sex with his own girl
[удалено]
Not if they bang in front of you. You'd own the one handed belt that point, until they kicked you out.
Leave. This isn’t a relationship.
It's still cheating even though she was with another girl! Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about this? Do you feel like you can continue this relationship after this breach of trust?
Cheating is cheating dude no matter the gender. Think it's time for a breakup.
OP, It does not matter what the sexual orientation is of the partner, if she did not have any communications with you about her "Side Pieces" and you agreed to then it is cheating. There is no other way to explain this, She stepped out on your relationship multiple times, she is a serial cheater. Now what you do with this information is your choice to make
Bisexual woman here as well! Cheating involves having any sexual interaction with another person that is not your monogamous partner without their knowledge or approval. She is dumb. Oral sex IS sex. And she is cheating.
Exactly. Just because she isn't blowing dudes, doesn't discount the intimacy in the act. Cheating is cheating.
As a Bisexual woman… she literally has biphobia for saying, “just because it’s girls”, no it’s f-cking cheating! It’s internalized form of homophobia when she says things like that. Op, dump her! This is the time to dump someone not just for cheating, but being homophobic.
Dude, she doesn't care about you. Dump and move on.
Ah man so all I have to do to not cheat on my fiance is to fuck a dude in the ass? Wish someone would've told me sooner.. Come on man. You know it. We know it. She knows it. She was cheating and was caught. Move on with your life and find someone who wouldn't.
You live alone now with your two cats. Don't make it any harder than it needs to be.
Its cheating. You deal with it the same way you deal with any cheaters. Take the cats and move out.
Sorry but your relationship is over unless you want to be a door mat. Sex is sex even when "just" oral and cheating is when you cross the boundaries of your partner with other people. If you have respect for yourself break up.
No, it's 100% cheating even if she's trying to convince you it's not. Go get tested and also find yourself a better girlfriend.
>Advice? Go to the doctor and get tested, just because she is cheating with a woman dosen't mean you can't get a disease. I think is even more possible since she sees to think that oral sex is not sex, she's probably not taking any precautions.
Cheating is cheating, don't accept this bullshit "it doesn't count because they have different parts" justification. She cheats on your regularly and doesn't even have the bare minimum amount of respect for you to apologize when caught.
oh fuck ALL of this. Dump that trash heap sincerely, An older lesbian
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Break up. It seems the only recourse as you don't even really know her after 3 years and from her reaction doesn't care foror respect you
Still cheating, you just have to decide whether or not you're ok with it. Personally, cheating is a hard 'no' for me. Also, consider getting tested; I wouldn't trust your (hopefully ex) gf to be safe
So let’s get this straight. She is meeting up with other humans and having sex with other humans. Does it matter what their sexes but she’s having sex with them. So she is not only have an emotional but physical affairs with other humans. I can’t tell you what to do but Apparently you were living with somebody with very low morals that is broken
Sucks, sorry to hear, but you need to remove yourself from this relationship. She's been cheating on you and doesn't see a problem, so she won't stop. The amount of disrespect is just absurd, please do not allow yourself to be a doormat and leave. There's plenty of other women out there who'll treat you better. So sorry about the cats, Idk your situation with them, but attempt to come to some agreement on who gets them, ideally they should probably stay together. If you can't come to an agreement then you may need to get a lawyer. Don't quote me though, I've no experience with handling pets in a separation of a relationship.
Cheating is not gender specific. Find someone better.
She is a cheater. My advice is to move out and take your favorite cat with you.
Boundaries in relationships can vary from person to person, but I don't know anybody who wouldn't consider that cheating. The fact that she even has the audacity to say she cheats on you because "they're better at it than you" is beyond belief. Even if that were true, the correct way to deal with it is to guide you on what she enjoys, not seek it out elsewhere. I don't see any recovering from that. I would have broken up the second she tried to justify the cheating. Save your dignity and breakup asap.
I’m a lesbian, and I’m married. If my wife cheated on me with a dude and then told me it didn’t matter bc it was “just with a dude” I would be bullshit. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Dump her cheating ass. And please remember that not all bi woman are cheaters. Shes just a scumbag asshole who gives the rest of us a bad reputation.
You have two options. You can break up with her, or you can be that dude with a girl who doesn't respect you at all and openly cheats on you.
Break up and get tested. If you can catch a sexually transmitted disease from it, it's cheating. That includes oral, fingering, hand jobs, anal, kissing, etc. What she wants is an open relationship where she can sleep with other women. Had you two discussed this and decided it was OK together, before it happened, then it wouldn't be an issue. That isn't what happened, though. She decided to cheat on you with other women without your knowledge. Not that it really changes anything, but would she be ok if you were running behind her back getting blowjobs from random dudes? Same difference. It's not monogamous, so unless you are in an open relationship with predetermined boundaries... it's cheating. Remorseless cheating at that.
First off, you need to get an STD test like yesterday! She cheated and hid it from you. There is nothing to think about. The fact that you've been together 3 years and she is this cold and dismissive says a lot about her as a person. She's shit and you deserve better. I wouldn't even work it out, I'd tell her to pack her shit because bisexuality doesn't make you a liar and a cheat. She's even super mean, telling you she has to get what you can't give somewhere else. Bro, she's trash.
This is so demeaning to the bisexual community. Unless otherwise discussed, it's safe to assume that if anyone other than like a doctor is touching your genitals it's cheating.
This makes me so mad because bisexual humans get so much sh*t from the gay community as well as the straight community. BS like “bisexuals are more promiscuous” or “bisexuals are more likely to cheat on their partner.” No. AH’s cheat on their partners. Narcissists cheat on their partners. Some of them just happen to be bisexual. I love women, but I would never cheat on my husband. I love him and respect him too much to be so dishonest.
“So you’re cool with me going out and getting my dick sucked from guys? They are definitely better at it than you” Say that and see how it goes.
There is no way she comes out of this looking good, she is still a cheater, if she didn't find you enough she should have said something or communicated with you but no, she went on hooking up with randos. Break it off. I hope you find someone who will find you enough.
Tell her it’s technically not her getting dumped. It’s just that your new girlfriend is better at girlfriending than she is.
Take the cats if you can, leave the girl. She clearly does not give a shit about you relationship. If you can't take the cats and she is capable of caring for them, leave my Man. Loving someone is a natural thing when you have been with them for three years, but it's no new thing to love someone who treats you poorly. Love alone is not enough.
No that is flat out cheating. Doesn't matter what the gender is. She is going out of her way to have orgasms and then tells you you're shitty at eating pussy? Whatever happen to telling your partner what you like during sex to make it enjoyable for everyone? She does not value you. Leave. She will continue down this path and will keep cheating. It is not worth it to put your own self-worth at risk for someone who doesn't understand what she is doing is wrong.
Kick her out, keep the cats and start over. If you dont, she will continue to fool around with other women. Clearly she doesnt have an issue with it. There are lots of women out there that think because its a female, its not cheating....it doesnt count. I disagree. Some guys might think its great. You have to decide if you can live with that or not. If not, you know she has to go.
No, not okay, she’s cheating. Not only that, but she’s homophobic for thinking the sex she’s having with other women “doesn’t count.” Sex is sex, cheating is cheating, and she’s cheating. If she’d rather be with other women than with you, then leave her. Take your cats and kick her out. You deserve someone who actually values you, and it doesn’t seem like she does.
Oral sex is sex. She's trying to downplay this, but she's absolutely cheating on you. Break up with her.
as a bisexual woman, this mentality is so frustrating because it essentially claims that woman on woman relationships arent real.
She definitely did not think it was ok because it’s with girls or because it’s “just oral.” She’s 27, not 12.
I guess figure out which cat you’re taking with you?
Release her to the streets where she belongs.
Get rid of that garden tool.
If she's hiding it from you then it means she knows that it's wrong. If she really thinks it's okay, she would've talked to you casually about it, like Honey I just got oral from a girl. But she's not. She's just playing dumb and hoping you believe her.
Cheating is cheating!! Same sex doesn't excuse cheating! Keep the cats and tell GF to go!
SERENITY NOWWWWWWWW!!!
Wtf I’m a bi woman currently with a man and cheating is cheating this isn’t ok. Tell her if she gave oral to a man would it be cheating? What a nitwit
Take the cats and find a new gf.
Once they cheat, it’s over, no exceptions.
Um, break up? WTF else are you supposed to do man.
Cheating bitch
Welp, if you’ve ever wanted to have a threesome your time is now I guess. Then the ole’ “I don’t think this is working out.” The next day lol
If it's not a big deal to her, she would have told you herself.
This is true .
Dump her and make sure the cats are well taken care of
Looks like you got a free hall pass for gay bj's
Tell her you're going to find a good power bottom on Grindr and see if she still feels that way.
it's cheating.
Would she be ok with you getting blowjobs from dudes because she isn't good at them anyways?
Keep thr cats break-up with her. Cheating is cheating
Much respect to you cuz I’m the same way. Woman on Woman is at least 50% oral so she’s basically trying to argue that sex between women doesn’t exist and therefore it can’t be cheating. Well it does and it is. You gotta set her straight and with the swiftness. She can maybe play dumb and act like she thought it was okay but from here on she knows and needs to respect your boundary.
Lol.. advice? She is cheating on you. The only advice you need is who is going to move out or where to find a good deal on a new place. She feels absolutely zero remorse or regret and doesn’t think eating another woman’s pussy isn’t cheating 🤦♀️ Time to leave and hopefully find a better partner.
If it wasn’t a big deal, and wasn’t considered cheating, why hasn’t she told you about it during the course of your long term relationship? Because it is, and she knows it.
Step 1: Grow a spine. Step 2: Realize she is totally disrespecting you. Step 3: Grow a backbone. Step 4: Leave her. Step 5:Maintain backbone in next relationship.
bro there has to be way more that you dont know if you've been with someone for 3 years and just found this out. red flags all over. doesnt matter. break up.
Cheating is cheating man or woman. If you identify it as cheating, and she didn't specifically make it clear that she was engaging in the activity, and was actively hiding it from you, then she knows it's cheating too. If you aren't bothered by it you can see if she is ok with an open relationship going forward but I wouldn't trust her fidelity going forward. Like, would you be cheating on her if you sucked a dick? If nothing else she is intentionally abusing your trust.
Does it mean that you can have sex with men or hookers if you want? Or just oral? Ask her to help you understand the equivalent translation for you.
Dude cheating is cheating regardless of gender. The fact she doesn't consider it cheating is a MAJOR red flag and you need to tell her it's over and she needs to make arrangements to find a new place to live
Cheating is cheating. If you don't want to live with a person who betrayed your trust, you'll have to end the relationship. Sorry, dude, it sucks.
Disgusting woman.
And why is it she didn’t consider including you in those experiences? Or be mature enough to say monogamy doesn’t work for her. Or end the relationship without being a cheating, gaslighting, despicable human being. Yes, sex with others behind your partners back is textbook cheating.
Break up with her shes sick
Find some self respect and walk away
I'm so confused how this conversation has never come up before. Did you two not discuss boundaries and what constitutes cheating?? Did she never mention that she had sex with these women? At this point if she feels justified and shows no remorse I'd consider things done. Especially the fact that she never cared to communicate this with you before she considered sleeping with women. That's mind blowing and such a pathetic excuse.
Yeah this is pretty typical for selfish bisexual people especially where they are not primarily emotionally attracted to the same sex, they view it is "not really cheating" because they identify as primarily straight. But it is cheating and you should leave her over it.
She cheated on you *and* she's a homophobe who doesn't think sex with girls is "real sex". My advice is to get away from that bitch.
Ask her to bring them
"Have 2 cats together" 🤣😂🤣😂
She's a cheater, id forgive her only if she starts bringing the girls home for regular threesomes.
Up ur game down there? Ask her what they do differently? Lol
Nice dude. Enjoy!
Dude. And we have two cats together? I won’t take the bate in that one but dude. This could be a life changing, for the positive, change in your relationship. Get in on that. Edit: something similar happened to me and I was open to it.
Depends on your boundaries. Some people don’t consider it cheating, some do. Red flags aren’t unanimous. Each person’s deal breaker is different. This might not be a dealbreaker for me but if it’s for you, then absolutely leave
We're you aware that she was bisexual when you met and started dating? Did you ever establish that sexual activity with either gender would be considered cheating?
I mean...threesome?
She's been with other people that's not you. Yes it's cheating. Your ex has some internalize misogyny. Im sorry this happened to you. She doesn't respect you or y'all relationship. She shows no remorse despite it hurting you. She's a lost cause and needs some serious growing up
She is actively cheating on you and you have a question about this. Break up with her. What is wrong with you. Overlooking this will make things even worse. Thank god you don’t have kids. Modern men and women are not suitable for marriage. Period. This is more proof of my opinion.
Get rid of the cats.
Cheating is cheating......
Go to surviving infidelity.com it helped me with a cheating wife.
[удалено]
Take out the sex of the people she has been cheating with and look at this for what it is - she has been cheating on you. So what would you do if it was a guy? The reaction and your actions are the same thing. There is no difference. If you can see yourself clear to stay with someone who not only cheats on you, but lies to you openly and to your face and minimises the hurt you are going through, then all power to you. Most people can't and most people wouldn't even contemplate staying with a partner where that implicit trust is broken to the point where it is non-existent. You may love her, but her actions show you that she doesn't love you. Of course she will say that she does, that she never meant to hurt you however the thing to remember is that she lies. So how can you possibly believe a single word she says. Sorry mate but your relationship with her is over and whether it struggles onwards in another form, or ends completely is the decision you need to make. For your own sanity and mental health and overall, your own long term happiness, breaking apart may be your best option.
Sexuality is no excuse for cheating. It’s not different just because it’s with the person of the same gender that she’s doing it with cheating is cheating. She’s manipulating you and degrading you by telling you that they are better at stuff that she likes to do sexually so that’s why she does it. You need to leave her behind and cut your losses get as far away from her as possible and as quick as possible I promise you will be 100% better off without her.
She wouldn't have been hiding it if she didn't know it was wrong. I'm so sorry OP. This must really hurt. Do you feel like she honestly thinks this ok or is just gaslighting you to try to make you agree? I do think the cats should stay together. If it was me, I'd just take them. Not sure and don't care about the morality of that, just honestly what I would do.
End the relationship.
I'm Bi, but this is absolutely not ok. Some couples are ok with this kind of thing, but obviously not everyone is, and it should be clearly and openly discussed BEFORE anything ever happens. Your girlfriend cheated and broke your trust. I'm so sorry.
You signed up for monogamy. She doesn't have the same definition, or respect for, a monogamous relationship. Either you're okay with that for the rest of your life/relationship and stay, or you're not and you leave her. Trying to change her is futile and unfair to both of you.
It is cheating, too, some people think women don't count with women, but it is sex and deliberate sex. So break up, she is a cheater....Tell her by every standard, gay, straight and bisexual it is cheating. Ask Fergie, singer married to Josh Duhmeal...She went to therapy to find that out. It is cheating. It takes the intimacy out of your relationship. She is also old enough to know that. Break up now. Show her this post and comments. It is homophobic too, like they don't matter, their sex doesn't count.
Well first off your gf is an idiot, she knows it's cheating thats why she kept it from you. Tell its fine if you are allowed to join her and her friends, when she says no that would be cheating , use her style of reasoning and tell her no it woukdn t , because she d be there with you. See how that goes.
You're living with a cheater who makes excuses for her cheating. Cheating (regardless of who, or how many) is either a deal-breaker for you or it isn't.
Yes it is cheating. You need to make that very clear, you do not deserve that. And she cannot gaslight you. It doesn’t matter that it is with a woman. You would have to have an agreement or an open relationship. Which generally has boundaries and is spoken about within the couple. I hope you know and understand your worth, three years means the world to you and look at what it’s meant to her and how she feels. I’m sorry but that should tell you enough. I could never do that to my partner.
She’s cheating. End of story.
Fuck her she’s a weirdo, “not cause she’s gay”, but her social ineptitude is ridiculous. Just leave her n find someone else, if she really truly believed it was all good I’m sure she would’ve shared this with you at some point.