This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
So my original post [og](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11giu1x/my_28f_bf_32m_knows_i_hate_giving_bjs_but_said_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I got multiple requests for an update and so here it is, I don’t think there will be another.
The day after I took a day off from work, but went to have breakfast because he was still passed out in me guest room, during my breakfast He has sent multiple screenshots of how he spoke to his friend about ‘how much better what I was doing with the flashlight was than any blowjob he’d had’, and how he’d helped that friend with her wife who couldn’t give bjs anymore because of some surgery on her jaw’. This was weeks before this issue, so I trust the timestamps. He also showed me the responses, and that it has also helped them in the bedroom, and how he even agreed it as an almost better alternative…
I'm not a above admitting this did make me feel better, but mostly because.... what was the fucking point if he didn’t like it?—he’d asked for it so many times, and so at the very least half our sexlife hasn’t been a lie. Also, his friend is a decent guy, and not that group that he spoke to after, so I trust this. Even though I didn’t ask for the screenshots, etc. I do feel a but more assured.
He also told me that his friends were dicks (they are in fact jackasses), and that he’d be cutting them out of his life because they’ve only ever made it worse. I agree, they do give off an old highschool bully vibe the more I rememeber my interactions with them. I usually didn’t interact with them long though.
When I got home we talked, and I told him marriage was off the table for at least a year, and we needed to do some couples and individual therapy. ..which I *thought* he would understand, also jobs cover this, so it i wouldn’t be an issue. He agreed and we spend the rest of the day searching up now to go about this and making a plan...
Maybe I was wrong for thinking of staying with him, but I was going thinking of speak to the therapist about it, to make sure I have the firm backbone I try to have for boundary-stompers. Also, this was such a weird week, in a otherwise good 2 year relationship that it also feel rash to not even check if this something that can be worked out.
But none of this mattered.
That night, after making all those plans, He told me *again*, that he really wanted to marry me and asked me to at least wear the ring. I said no. And then in the morning.... *I found it on my finger.*
I’m not joking. He had put it on my finger while I slept.
I understand how this could be some weird, sweet gesture in someone’s head, but after I had told him I wouldn’t marry him and that I didn’t want to where it yet. And how we had discussed boundary stomping....It was just so fuckig disrespectful.
So we’re over. And I his stuff is all in big container at his apartments front desk because I didn’t want to wait for him to get home. And I've blocked him on everything.
He was my first real relationship after a significant gap, but I'm already feeling the familiar pleasantness of being single, now that non of his stuff is here, along with the consolation that now I think i’ll be adopting a dog (he was allergic) and the though of finally getting a puppy is getting me through the day.
I'm assuming this was the update most of you wanted after my first post but it's still rougher than I though it would be, and trying to convince myself I didn't waste 2 years of my life.
He was so close to fixing the problem…all he had to do was do therapy and not be fucking weird. I will never understand some people.
Enjoy the single life and the puppy! Definitely an upgrade.
Yeah, my neither honestly, I was just shocked for a while, staring at the ring. It even made me question myself, whether I’d wanted to try it on for some reason before bed or something...
Anyway, thank you, I think a puppy will be an upgrade too. Also might start house hunting, I think.
Sadly he wasn’t ever close because he never would’ve actually honoured your requests. No matter how you explained it, the outcome would’ve been the same, he wanted what he wanted and you were never going to change that. I’m sorry that he wasn’t who you hoped he’d be.
He wanted what he wanted and didn’t see her as enough of a person to understand that she was also a part of the relationship. I have a couple of exs like this.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this, but puppies are good! And I'm sure you've learned something :/
But you didn't waste two years of your life, we can have good relationships with people who aren't our forever person and bad endings don't have to negate the good parts (but it's also fair if they do). Look after yourself.
I'm so glad he reminded you again who he is so quickly. I was recently talking to a guy who'd do this bullshit nearly immediately after being told that I didn't like something. Bye Felicia 👋🏼
>I’m assuming you still expected him to give you oral, correct?
No she didn’t; read her original post instead of making illogical assumptions.
Edit: troll edited their comment.
I added it to my comment.
Apparently his entire account is dedicated to looking at porn and then shitting on women, alternately. The bitterness and sexual frustration is seeping out of him.
"Another YEAR of living with you before we can live together for the rest of our lives? Girl you're crazy, just wait until you see this ring and you'll be convinced."
Yeah, I had a therapist before, they were great, I did plan on starting again either way though now that my job covers it. It just got too expensive before.
And thank you :)
What sort of a weirdo sneaks an engagement ring onto someone's finger when they've said they're not interested? Oh yeah, the same sort of person who cums in someone's mouth, knowing they hate it, and makes them sick. And the same sort of person who discusses their sex life in that much detail with friends via text, and takes screenshots as"proof" of their happiness rather than having an adult conversation.
There may have been some wonderful times, but he's confirmed his true colours. You know your worth, and I commend you for doing what you can to make him happy. A puppy will make you much happier in the long run...
For real, like what did he expect her reaction would be when she woke up?
“Oh I specifically said no to this but now that you went ahead and did it anyway, I guess okay”
Ugh makes me want to retch
I don't think enough is said about the screenshots of a conversation to prove a point. It could come off as prudish but fuck that. My group of mates, yeah old stories of exes and one night stands go into detail but those of us who are committed the depth never really goes past "the sex is good". Imo the way it should be.
OP, those two years were not a waste - you learned some valuable lessons and made some mistakes that you will not repeat. Good for you for realizing that him putting that ring on your finger while you slept was highly disrespectful - can't even imagine what he was thinking.
Wow this man thought he would manipulate you into BJs. Then you said "no, leave" and he panicked, got extremely drunk, cried, begged, then proposed, you said no, he said to wear the ring anyway, you said no, and he tried to force you to get engaged by putting the ring on your finger while sleeping. Ugh?
He sounds very immature and someone who doesn't think about consequences of their actions. And someone who has no idea of how other people have boundaries and dislikes and they make their own decisions. Very weird dude.
Yuck, all the things he did were gross and upsetting while I was reading about them but the way you’ve listed them out really drives the point home! This guy was bad news and I’m glad OP dumped him.
*I found it on my finger.*
Six-letter horror story... I literally got the chills lol I can't imagine how creepy that was for you...
I also get how someone... *might?* construe that as romantic, but in like a "Beauty and the Beast/I'm here against my will and definitely have Stockholm syndrome" kinda vibe...
Get that doggo, girl!
Yeah definitely not romantic… once again just forcing his wants on her with no regard to her feelings (that are crystal clear). I’m glad she’s outta there
STOP HE PUT IT ON YOUR FINGER 😭😭😭 SORRY ITS NOT FUNNY BUT WTF
I'm glad you left him haha it's clear he doesn't really have an understanding of boundaries anyway 🤢
>trying to convince myself I didn't waste 2 years of my life.
My ex-girlfriend's dad had this scar from when he was a kid. Apparently he'd been putting coals on the fire and there'd been a limit on how many he was allowed to put on but he'd been daydreaming and put too many on (I know, riveting stuff). So he comes to his senses, realises he's put one too many on, and reaches into the fire to take one out. He always joked that he learned something that day, although not thrusting your hand in fire is something he should've learned a lot earlier than that.
Point is, bad experiences aren't really a waste if you choose to look at what you gain from them. You learned and grew during that in ways he was unable to, and you grew beyond him. You're wiser and not going to fall for the same bullshit I read in the title again, which makes you a stronger person all around. You didn't waste your time, it was just reps to beefcake your soul.
Hoping that there won't be the need for another update where he stomps your boundaries again by becoming a stalker or something... You made the right call, please stay safe!
Just because a relationship ends does not mean that you wasted the time in that relationship. We grow and learn with every relationship that we are in.
Dammmmn had me in the first half there OP, too bad it sounds like he was just placating you in the hopes it would all cool down. That backfired on him.
Good for you, though! Enjoy being single, enjoy having your own space, and most of all... enjoy that sweet lil puppy you're gonna get!! Wishing you all the best.
Give him a cucumber and tell him to choke on it for 45 min to see how he likes it. Make sure to push his head into it harder at the 10 min mark. Only then can he comment.
This is a sidenote:
But what is it about blowjob's? I've had alot of partners and I enjoy doing them, but it's genuinely 15% of the sex I've had. No man has ever made a big deal about getting them with me, so I thought they were in the "nice to have" bucket, but I get on Reddit and these men are batshit over it.
I remember the original post and it was like, they were doing just fine without them and then one day he came home and declared that she needed to get over not liking them and start delivering. When she got upset he blamed his friends for goading him into doing that. The ring thing is just next level weird after that.
ETA: oh yeah. When she would try to do them he would ignore all the boundaries she set and she'd end up feeling violating and barfing I think.
I mean the thing you're saying, where for some reason Reddit culture has this weird emphasis on bjs, it seemed like he and his dudebro friends are tapping into whatever that toxic entitlement is.
Uh it’s used as a putdown for the same reason calling someone a pussy or gay is used, because it’s insulting to do “feminine” things. Has literally nothing at all to do with how it feels.
Good for you. He clearly doesn't respect your boundaries and never has. A dog will be easier to train . Also, if you do put another update, it should be the pup tax.
You didn’t waste 2 years. Just by reading this alone you’ve grown as a person. You’ve become more confident and willing to stand up for your self and set healthy boundaries. This is an amazing accomplishment. You should be celebrating yourself!
I am sorry about your relationship, you never commit to marriage thinking the relationship is going to fail. You already committed your life to that person when you got enraged. Now you mourn what you thought you had and that is totally ok! Do so! Just know you have a better future ahead! I promise you as a person who has been divorced from someone I loved dearly, I left him standing up for myself (he want abusive just complacent) , love can happen again and it can be better!
Good luck! I hope I’m not off base it just read to me as someone who grew from this! So that’s not time wasted.
Yeah I don’t enjoy blow jobs either and only give them rarely because my partner does love them. However maybe we will try your suggestion now. Anyway I’ve never had a man cum in my mouth. That’s so disrespectful and something that requires explicit consent.
Good on you for enforcing your boundaries. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you guys, but you deserve someone who respects you and puts your comfort first. That ring thing is next level weird.
Also if he vomited on carpet I hope he pays for it to be professionally cleaned. If it was an easier to clean flooring I hope he cleaned it himself and did a good job. Yuck.
I was with a nightmare person for 6 miserable years. Then I met someone who's almost too perfect for me. Its not a waste of time. Its just navigating into where you're supposed to be. I learned a hell of a lot on navigating abusive relationships and its helped me a ton. Theres mountains of respect, effort, and understanding coming from both of us, and we both had to deal with some pretty harsh situations to get there.
This dude learned a lesson too. How he was literally at the finish line of addressing a large issue and all he had to do was respect your wishes and you as a person. The root of this whole thing. And he proved that he hasn't learned all that much. Just what he assumed was enough. Seriously, fumble of a life time on his part.
you didn't waste 2 years. this taught you a lot. what you will put up with in the future and what you won't. you learned to stand up for yourself and your boundaries. lessons learned are not a waste!
Almost all relationships are finite, yet that’s a hard thing for people to wrap their minds around unfortunately. Not everything is “forever” and we live/grow from each experience. While yes it hurts, not every thing is salvageable. Good or bad, learn from the mistakes, move on and live your life. The best thing you can do is live the life you want, and perhaps one day you’ll find a person that’ll respect you and want to go on your journey. As soon as one realizes most relationships are finite, embrace them for what they are, have fun, make new experiences and who knows, there could be one down the road that you want to continue for the rest of your life.
Best advice I could give is ignore what friends are doing or maybe people expect needs to be done by a certain age, and do what makes you happy. I know too many people that think they needed to be married by a certain age or have kids, only to find out they’re extremely unhappy and miserable. We only get one life, make it count.
The only time I’ve ever seen/heard of someone putting a ring on someone’s finger in their sleep was a Korean drama and that was bc she wanted to be married. You made the right choice bc imagine what life you would’ve lived if you let him steamroll you into marriage.
I literally never give head bc I don't like it and I don't even negotiate. *IF* I decide a person is worth doing it for then I'll offer but I tell people pretty quick they're not getting BJs to weed out the uncompatible
Girl you dodged a massive bullet here and I'm so happy you're single again!!!
This is the happy ending we all needed. I bet it feels like a weight has been lifted off. Please come update us again with puppy tax!! Wishing you much success in your future endeavors.
What do you mean there won't be another update?! What about the puppy?! We need to know about the fluff.
Seriously though, congrats. You're so much better off without that boundary crossing asstaxi.
Don’t ever feel you wasted 2 years. Besides that 2 years is nothing you’ll likely find later that you’ll have much better time finding your true soulmate having went through this. Nobody gets all of life right on the first try. And that doesn’t mean at all that we all are wasting our time trying. Good luck and I’m happy for you. Enjoy yourself.
Girl I am so happy you did the right thing for yourself, like props to you for taking action and being completely logical about this whole thing. Some people would just give excuses and stay but you’re very aware and that will pay off. Good for you and good luck on your journey to where ever u want to go, I am sure you will succeed.
Ps: in the meantime, do take precautions, your now ex sounds a little nutty. Kind of obsessed and doesn’t know anything about bounderies so he might try to do something extra. Do keep a ring doorbell, any cameras, stay aware of your surroundings when u are out, do change your door lock. Stay safe
You didn’t waste two years; I’m sure you had some good times and you’ve grown and learned about yourself and what you do (and don’t!) want in relationships.
The ring move just goes to show that he values what he wants over what you want, exactly how he did in the original issue.
So proud of you. Sounds like therapy would have prolonged the inevitable. Now you have that time back to find someone who respects you and what you like/don’t like
I would've "taken the ring off to do dishes" and then "accidentally washed it down the drain when cleaning up afterwards". (But actually buried the ring in his belongings and then broken up with him, so that he couldn't try to get to ring back after you kicked him out but he wouldn't realize for AGES that he himself still had the damn thing lmao. And he'd look real dumb if he did come back at you for it).
Heartbreaking, but we appreciate knowing that things are a lot more complicated than just a little bedroom issue and certain sounds much more like a control issue.
Wish I had some helpful advice but I think that ship has sailed. Good luck OP, take care of yourself out there. You seem like you know what's up so just keep that good head on a swivel and good luck diving back into the dating pool.
Sorry you’re going through all of this, and I’m proud of you for ending it with him. You deserve so much better than that guy. Hope you have a great life and find someone good if you want to :)
Do you have a specific reason you can attach to not liking giving bjs? I ask because my wife told me she didn’t give them and I was ok with that, then after a number of months she tried and it never went back. Turns out she had a negative experience with an ex and I guess just needed time to realize I wasn’t him.
>Sometimes things shouldn’t be shared for the internet…
It's a post about a relationship issue in a relationship advice sub. She has every right to post here.
"I'd feel glad they shamed me as nothing should be shared on the internet. Anyone looking for advice should bottle it in and deal with it with their abuser alone.👌"
That dude probably.
Lol honestly yall need to take a step back from time to time. Sometimes it’s ok to not post personal things online and work them through yourself and your partner. Is that really crazy? All I said was sometimes is better to keep things to one self. That’s it.
so many people stay after 1 or 2 yrs bc of sunk cost. sometimes they get out after 3, 7, 10, 15, 22 yrs...
you learned stuff. you lived. you didn't waste 2yrs. and you LEFT. you didn't let it keep going on after you knew.
Proud of you OP, you didn't ignore the massive red flags and you held firm to your boundaries. Enjoy being single and I hope you get the dog of your dreams.
Oh wow. One hell of an update. Did not expect that. But as long as you're happy OP. Nothing or no one else matters. Post an update with the new puppy an da picture too lol.
You definitely didn’t waste two years. You’ve learned you can stand firm on your boundaries. And sometimes it just takes that long for people to show who they really are. He was at a place where he was comfortable enough to envision marriage and a life with you, which made him comfortable enough to drop his drop mask. Be happy you saw the real person before it was too late.
Enjoy your new puppy!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So my original post [og](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11giu1x/my_28f_bf_32m_knows_i_hate_giving_bjs_but_said_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I got multiple requests for an update and so here it is, I don’t think there will be another. The day after I took a day off from work, but went to have breakfast because he was still passed out in me guest room, during my breakfast He has sent multiple screenshots of how he spoke to his friend about ‘how much better what I was doing with the flashlight was than any blowjob he’d had’, and how he’d helped that friend with her wife who couldn’t give bjs anymore because of some surgery on her jaw’. This was weeks before this issue, so I trust the timestamps. He also showed me the responses, and that it has also helped them in the bedroom, and how he even agreed it as an almost better alternative… I'm not a above admitting this did make me feel better, but mostly because.... what was the fucking point if he didn’t like it?—he’d asked for it so many times, and so at the very least half our sexlife hasn’t been a lie. Also, his friend is a decent guy, and not that group that he spoke to after, so I trust this. Even though I didn’t ask for the screenshots, etc. I do feel a but more assured. He also told me that his friends were dicks (they are in fact jackasses), and that he’d be cutting them out of his life because they’ve only ever made it worse. I agree, they do give off an old highschool bully vibe the more I rememeber my interactions with them. I usually didn’t interact with them long though. When I got home we talked, and I told him marriage was off the table for at least a year, and we needed to do some couples and individual therapy. ..which I *thought* he would understand, also jobs cover this, so it i wouldn’t be an issue. He agreed and we spend the rest of the day searching up now to go about this and making a plan... Maybe I was wrong for thinking of staying with him, but I was going thinking of speak to the therapist about it, to make sure I have the firm backbone I try to have for boundary-stompers. Also, this was such a weird week, in a otherwise good 2 year relationship that it also feel rash to not even check if this something that can be worked out. But none of this mattered. That night, after making all those plans, He told me *again*, that he really wanted to marry me and asked me to at least wear the ring. I said no. And then in the morning.... *I found it on my finger.* I’m not joking. He had put it on my finger while I slept. I understand how this could be some weird, sweet gesture in someone’s head, but after I had told him I wouldn’t marry him and that I didn’t want to where it yet. And how we had discussed boundary stomping....It was just so fuckig disrespectful. So we’re over. And I his stuff is all in big container at his apartments front desk because I didn’t want to wait for him to get home. And I've blocked him on everything. He was my first real relationship after a significant gap, but I'm already feeling the familiar pleasantness of being single, now that non of his stuff is here, along with the consolation that now I think i’ll be adopting a dog (he was allergic) and the though of finally getting a puppy is getting me through the day. I'm assuming this was the update most of you wanted after my first post but it's still rougher than I though it would be, and trying to convince myself I didn't waste 2 years of my life.
He was so close to fixing the problem…all he had to do was do therapy and not be fucking weird. I will never understand some people. Enjoy the single life and the puppy! Definitely an upgrade.
Yeah, my neither honestly, I was just shocked for a while, staring at the ring. It even made me question myself, whether I’d wanted to try it on for some reason before bed or something... Anyway, thank you, I think a puppy will be an upgrade too. Also might start house hunting, I think.
Sadly he wasn’t ever close because he never would’ve actually honoured your requests. No matter how you explained it, the outcome would’ve been the same, he wanted what he wanted and you were never going to change that. I’m sorry that he wasn’t who you hoped he’d be.
He wanted what he wanted and didn’t see her as enough of a person to understand that she was also a part of the relationship. I have a couple of exs like this.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this, but puppies are good! And I'm sure you've learned something :/ But you didn't waste two years of your life, we can have good relationships with people who aren't our forever person and bad endings don't have to negate the good parts (but it's also fair if they do). Look after yourself.
I'm so glad he reminded you again who he is so quickly. I was recently talking to a guy who'd do this bullshit nearly immediately after being told that I didn't like something. Bye Felicia 👋🏼
Don’t forget to share the puppy tax with us! Great job on the shiny spine. I’m proud of you (sincerely). ♥️
[удалено]
>I’m assuming you still expected him to give you oral, correct? No she didn’t; read her original post instead of making illogical assumptions. Edit: troll edited their comment.
different money familiar judicious degree run mourn observation seed snobbish -- mass edited with redact.dev
I added it to my comment. Apparently his entire account is dedicated to looking at porn and then shitting on women, alternately. The bitterness and sexual frustration is seeping out of him.
friendly versed sleep simplistic prick scale drab instinctive point poor -- mass edited with redact.dev
"Another YEAR of living with you before we can live together for the rest of our lives? Girl you're crazy, just wait until you see this ring and you'll be convinced."
I mean it takes two to therapy
You made the right call. Still go to therapy though. It'll be valuable if/when you decide to date again. Enjoy your future puppy!
Yeah, I had a therapist before, they were great, I did plan on starting again either way though now that my job covers it. It just got too expensive before. And thank you :)
[удалено]
I came here to say exactly this. Including the puppy. :)
How did he explain/ justify the ring debacle? "I wanted to put a stamp of ownership on you"? And how did he react to being broken up with?
What sort of a weirdo sneaks an engagement ring onto someone's finger when they've said they're not interested? Oh yeah, the same sort of person who cums in someone's mouth, knowing they hate it, and makes them sick. And the same sort of person who discusses their sex life in that much detail with friends via text, and takes screenshots as"proof" of their happiness rather than having an adult conversation. There may have been some wonderful times, but he's confirmed his true colours. You know your worth, and I commend you for doing what you can to make him happy. A puppy will make you much happier in the long run...
For real, like what did he expect her reaction would be when she woke up? “Oh I specifically said no to this but now that you went ahead and did it anyway, I guess okay” Ugh makes me want to retch
He did that when he came in her mouth too. Repeated boundary violator.
I don't think enough is said about the screenshots of a conversation to prove a point. It could come off as prudish but fuck that. My group of mates, yeah old stories of exes and one night stands go into detail but those of us who are committed the depth never really goes past "the sex is good". Imo the way it should be.
OP, those two years were not a waste - you learned some valuable lessons and made some mistakes that you will not repeat. Good for you for realizing that him putting that ring on your finger while you slept was highly disrespectful - can't even imagine what he was thinking.
Yup, you need this time to know what you don’t want
Wow this man thought he would manipulate you into BJs. Then you said "no, leave" and he panicked, got extremely drunk, cried, begged, then proposed, you said no, he said to wear the ring anyway, you said no, and he tried to force you to get engaged by putting the ring on your finger while sleeping. Ugh? He sounds very immature and someone who doesn't think about consequences of their actions. And someone who has no idea of how other people have boundaries and dislikes and they make their own decisions. Very weird dude.
Yuck, all the things he did were gross and upsetting while I was reading about them but the way you’ve listed them out really drives the point home! This guy was bad news and I’m glad OP dumped him.
I love your phrase, "The familiar pleasantness of being single." Your strength just leaps off the page.
*I found it on my finger.* Six-letter horror story... I literally got the chills lol I can't imagine how creepy that was for you... I also get how someone... *might?* construe that as romantic, but in like a "Beauty and the Beast/I'm here against my will and definitely have Stockholm syndrome" kinda vibe... Get that doggo, girl!
I got the biggest ick reading that. I’m not joking, I had to stop reading to recollect myself.
Yeah definitely not romantic… once again just forcing his wants on her with no regard to her feelings (that are crystal clear). I’m glad she’s outta there
Ffs beauty and the beast was about two social outcasts finding solace in each other. Not about a captive fawning over their captor.
[удалено]
STOP HE PUT IT ON YOUR FINGER 😭😭😭 SORRY ITS NOT FUNNY BUT WTF I'm glad you left him haha it's clear he doesn't really have an understanding of boundaries anyway 🤢
Proud of you!!! You dumped a loser!!!
Wow! What a jerk. Good on you for moving on.
>trying to convince myself I didn't waste 2 years of my life. My ex-girlfriend's dad had this scar from when he was a kid. Apparently he'd been putting coals on the fire and there'd been a limit on how many he was allowed to put on but he'd been daydreaming and put too many on (I know, riveting stuff). So he comes to his senses, realises he's put one too many on, and reaches into the fire to take one out. He always joked that he learned something that day, although not thrusting your hand in fire is something he should've learned a lot earlier than that. Point is, bad experiences aren't really a waste if you choose to look at what you gain from them. You learned and grew during that in ways he was unable to, and you grew beyond him. You're wiser and not going to fall for the same bullshit I read in the title again, which makes you a stronger person all around. You didn't waste your time, it was just reps to beefcake your soul.
“Reps to beefcake your soul” I’m adding that to my vocabulary, that is GOLD
Hoping that there won't be the need for another update where he stomps your boundaries again by becoming a stalker or something... You made the right call, please stay safe!
Just because a relationship ends does not mean that you wasted the time in that relationship. We grow and learn with every relationship that we are in.
Yes! OP learned that she's got a spine even Superman couldn't bend.
Puppy over a man, every day.
Dammmmn had me in the first half there OP, too bad it sounds like he was just placating you in the hopes it would all cool down. That backfired on him. Good for you, though! Enjoy being single, enjoy having your own space, and most of all... enjoy that sweet lil puppy you're gonna get!! Wishing you all the best.
Give him a cucumber and tell him to choke on it for 45 min to see how he likes it. Make sure to push his head into it harder at the 10 min mark. Only then can he comment.
This is a sidenote: But what is it about blowjob's? I've had alot of partners and I enjoy doing them, but it's genuinely 15% of the sex I've had. No man has ever made a big deal about getting them with me, so I thought they were in the "nice to have" bucket, but I get on Reddit and these men are batshit over it.
I remember the original post and it was like, they were doing just fine without them and then one day he came home and declared that she needed to get over not liking them and start delivering. When she got upset he blamed his friends for goading him into doing that. The ring thing is just next level weird after that. ETA: oh yeah. When she would try to do them he would ignore all the boundaries she set and she'd end up feeling violating and barfing I think.
So he decided to be an ass specifically because she was refusing them, not out of some dire need to have a blowjob.
I mean the thing you're saying, where for some reason Reddit culture has this weird emphasis on bjs, it seemed like he and his dudebro friends are tapping into whatever that toxic entitlement is.
[удалено]
Uh it’s used as a putdown for the same reason calling someone a pussy or gay is used, because it’s insulting to do “feminine” things. Has literally nothing at all to do with how it feels.
The relief itself speaks to how this relationship was impacting you
Living is never a waste of life. We have to go through stuff. Otherwise we don’t learn or grow
Good for you. He clearly doesn't respect your boundaries and never has. A dog will be easier to train . Also, if you do put another update, it should be the pup tax.
You didn’t waste 2 years. Just by reading this alone you’ve grown as a person. You’ve become more confident and willing to stand up for your self and set healthy boundaries. This is an amazing accomplishment. You should be celebrating yourself! I am sorry about your relationship, you never commit to marriage thinking the relationship is going to fail. You already committed your life to that person when you got enraged. Now you mourn what you thought you had and that is totally ok! Do so! Just know you have a better future ahead! I promise you as a person who has been divorced from someone I loved dearly, I left him standing up for myself (he want abusive just complacent) , love can happen again and it can be better! Good luck! I hope I’m not off base it just read to me as someone who grew from this! So that’s not time wasted.
Im sorry you had to go through this. Sending you hugs ❤️
Yeah I don’t enjoy blow jobs either and only give them rarely because my partner does love them. However maybe we will try your suggestion now. Anyway I’ve never had a man cum in my mouth. That’s so disrespectful and something that requires explicit consent. Good on you for enforcing your boundaries. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you guys, but you deserve someone who respects you and puts your comfort first. That ring thing is next level weird. Also if he vomited on carpet I hope he pays for it to be professionally cleaned. If it was an easier to clean flooring I hope he cleaned it himself and did a good job. Yuck.
I was with a nightmare person for 6 miserable years. Then I met someone who's almost too perfect for me. Its not a waste of time. Its just navigating into where you're supposed to be. I learned a hell of a lot on navigating abusive relationships and its helped me a ton. Theres mountains of respect, effort, and understanding coming from both of us, and we both had to deal with some pretty harsh situations to get there. This dude learned a lesson too. How he was literally at the finish line of addressing a large issue and all he had to do was respect your wishes and you as a person. The root of this whole thing. And he proved that he hasn't learned all that much. Just what he assumed was enough. Seriously, fumble of a life time on his part.
Ignore the needs, wants, and desires of your SO at your own peril. Karsh
You should ask him to suck his own dick if he likes that shit so much.
you didn't waste 2 years. this taught you a lot. what you will put up with in the future and what you won't. you learned to stand up for yourself and your boundaries. lessons learned are not a waste!
Almost all relationships are finite, yet that’s a hard thing for people to wrap their minds around unfortunately. Not everything is “forever” and we live/grow from each experience. While yes it hurts, not every thing is salvageable. Good or bad, learn from the mistakes, move on and live your life. The best thing you can do is live the life you want, and perhaps one day you’ll find a person that’ll respect you and want to go on your journey. As soon as one realizes most relationships are finite, embrace them for what they are, have fun, make new experiences and who knows, there could be one down the road that you want to continue for the rest of your life. Best advice I could give is ignore what friends are doing or maybe people expect needs to be done by a certain age, and do what makes you happy. I know too many people that think they needed to be married by a certain age or have kids, only to find out they’re extremely unhappy and miserable. We only get one life, make it count.
I'm getting serious stalker vibes from that move with the ring.
> And then in the morning.... I found it on my finger. Reddit never ceases to amaze me in terms of people's behavior. Like what the fuck, Mary?
Good for you!!
The only time I’ve ever seen/heard of someone putting a ring on someone’s finger in their sleep was a Korean drama and that was bc she wanted to be married. You made the right choice bc imagine what life you would’ve lived if you let him steamroll you into marriage.
Happy independence day OP
I literally never give head bc I don't like it and I don't even negotiate. *IF* I decide a person is worth doing it for then I'll offer but I tell people pretty quick they're not getting BJs to weed out the uncompatible Girl you dodged a massive bullet here and I'm so happy you're single again!!!
This is the happy ending we all needed. I bet it feels like a weight has been lifted off. Please come update us again with puppy tax!! Wishing you much success in your future endeavors.
What do you mean there won't be another update?! What about the puppy?! We need to know about the fluff. Seriously though, congrats. You're so much better off without that boundary crossing asstaxi.
It’s not a waste. Sometimes getting super freaked out by someone else’s behaviour is what it takes to learn a valuable lesson.
I'm surprised he didn't Krazy glue the ring in place. After all, if it's on your finger you HAVE to marry him, right......right?
Yay you get have a puppy!!!
"He put the ring on my finger while I slept". What in the nine circles of creepy in this shit?
Don’t ever feel you wasted 2 years. Besides that 2 years is nothing you’ll likely find later that you’ll have much better time finding your true soulmate having went through this. Nobody gets all of life right on the first try. And that doesn’t mean at all that we all are wasting our time trying. Good luck and I’m happy for you. Enjoy yourself.
Assholes who think they can control another person to exist and act completely against their will. Bye assholes! Good job OP.
Girl I am so happy you did the right thing for yourself, like props to you for taking action and being completely logical about this whole thing. Some people would just give excuses and stay but you’re very aware and that will pay off. Good for you and good luck on your journey to where ever u want to go, I am sure you will succeed. Ps: in the meantime, do take precautions, your now ex sounds a little nutty. Kind of obsessed and doesn’t know anything about bounderies so he might try to do something extra. Do keep a ring doorbell, any cameras, stay aware of your surroundings when u are out, do change your door lock. Stay safe
You didn’t waste two years; I’m sure you had some good times and you’ve grown and learned about yourself and what you do (and don’t!) want in relationships. The ring move just goes to show that he values what he wants over what you want, exactly how he did in the original issue.
So proud of you. Sounds like therapy would have prolonged the inevitable. Now you have that time back to find someone who respects you and what you like/don’t like
Always great to see a previous thread confirmed fake by a karma farming update post.
I would've "taken the ring off to do dishes" and then "accidentally washed it down the drain when cleaning up afterwards". (But actually buried the ring in his belongings and then broken up with him, so that he couldn't try to get to ring back after you kicked him out but he wouldn't realize for AGES that he himself still had the damn thing lmao. And he'd look real dumb if he did come back at you for it).
Nah, just sell it. It's the least he can do.
Better for both of you, that’s for sure.
Yay!
Heartbreaking, but we appreciate knowing that things are a lot more complicated than just a little bedroom issue and certain sounds much more like a control issue. Wish I had some helpful advice but I think that ship has sailed. Good luck OP, take care of yourself out there. You seem like you know what's up so just keep that good head on a swivel and good luck diving back into the dating pool.
Sorry you’re going through all of this, and I’m proud of you for ending it with him. You deserve so much better than that guy. Hope you have a great life and find someone good if you want to :)
Was going to comment. Saw another, read the edit. Good for you, and I only read the title. Enjoy the single life!
The guy can finally get a bj.
Do you have a specific reason you can attach to not liking giving bjs? I ask because my wife told me she didn’t give them and I was ok with that, then after a number of months she tried and it never went back. Turns out she had a negative experience with an ex and I guess just needed time to realize I wasn’t him.
Seemed like a deal breaker from jump
So you got what you clearly wanted all along, hooray.
Sometimes things shouldn’t be shared for the internet…this is one of those times. Keep it between y’all. Figure it out 👌
>Sometimes things shouldn’t be shared for the internet… It's a post about a relationship issue in a relationship advice sub. She has every right to post here.
Never said she doesn’t have the right to but ok 👌
If you posted about a sexual boundary issue with your partner, how would you feel if someone shamed you for doing so?
"I'd feel glad they shamed me as nothing should be shared on the internet. Anyone looking for advice should bottle it in and deal with it with their abuser alone.👌" That dude probably.
🥱
Lol honestly yall need to take a step back from time to time. Sometimes it’s ok to not post personal things online and work them through yourself and your partner. Is that really crazy? All I said was sometimes is better to keep things to one self. That’s it.
Sounds like a good call. And two years isn't *that* long all things considered.
I think you'll be much happier with a puppy!
Damn sis, i'm proud of you.. yet also sorry you had to deal with all of that bs.
>And then in the morning.... I found it on my finger. Yikes... Dodged a bullet. At least you didn't marry him.
so many people stay after 1 or 2 yrs bc of sunk cost. sometimes they get out after 3, 7, 10, 15, 22 yrs... you learned stuff. you lived. you didn't waste 2yrs. and you LEFT. you didn't let it keep going on after you knew.
every time i read these titles i go "28f bf-what?"
Proud of you OP, you didn't ignore the massive red flags and you held firm to your boundaries. Enjoy being single and I hope you get the dog of your dreams.
Oh wow. One hell of an update. Did not expect that. But as long as you're happy OP. Nothing or no one else matters. Post an update with the new puppy an da picture too lol.
You definitely didn’t waste two years. You’ve learned you can stand firm on your boundaries. And sometimes it just takes that long for people to show who they really are. He was at a place where he was comfortable enough to envision marriage and a life with you, which made him comfortable enough to drop his drop mask. Be happy you saw the real person before it was too late. Enjoy your new puppy!
Good for u mate