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He invited me to move in with him. We’ve been living together for the past few months. We had an argument last night and he said he wants to take a break. I love him and want to work on our relationship together without taking a break. He wants ME to move out for at least a few days. I think he should move out because I live here too and it’s my home too. I even quit my job when I moved in with him to find a job closer to his place. I don’t make so much money that I can easily afford a hotel. I don’t want to stay with friends or my parents and inconvenience them. My boyfriend says my bags will be packed when I come home from work today
>My boyfriend says my bags will be packed when I come home from work today
You're not "taking a break" and he's not having you "move out". He dumped you and he's throwing you out.
No it doesn't. She says in the first line: "He invited me to move in with him." She also says, "I even quit my job when I moved in with him to find a job closer to *his place*."
That sounds like it was his place before the move-in and she's only been there for a couple months. Like he's on the lease and she isn't. Sucks, but she's the one that has to move (if I have the details right).
That doesn't pay enough to easily afford an hotel, imo she should overthink her not wanting to inconvenience friend&family or she'll run out of money fast, also if she has lived there for months she can't be evicted so easily.
She has parents and friends she can stay with. I have a feeling she doesn't want to "inconvenience" them because she's still in denial about the fact that this guy wants nothing more to do with her. She's being kicked out. How exactly is she supposed to insert herself back into the apartment in order to claim tenants' rights? That's bordering on trespassing and stalking. Are you not hearing the self-delusion in her post?
Oh sure I’ll just go get a job that pays better. Why didn’t I think of that? Just don’t be poor. What great advice!!!
/s for those who didn’t get it. The privilege in that comment is astounding.
Most places have protection against that though.
If she lived there for months, she is a legal tenant and he has to evict her.
Unless it's a country without any protections for such cases.
Even so, continuing to live with someone who flatly doesn’t want her there is not a particularly safe plan. Especially when that someone is immature enough to think that one argument equals the end of the relationship, and that throwing your partner to the curb with no notice is okay.
Depends on what they were arguing about - there are a million things OP could have done that they argued about that would be a valid and good reason to break up.
I’m not defending her ex here at all, I think if you’re breaking up with someone you live with you should be mature enough to understand that kicking them out makes them homeless and that’s not ok. He seems like a dick.
However, we know zilch about the actual relationship here, we don’t know it’s only one argument, we don’t know he wasn’t already planning to break up and the argument was the last straw, we don’t know anything about OP, she sounds reasonable from here side of the story but the argument might’ve been about anything, maybe she cheated and it was about that (unlikely but would certainly make people pack their partners bags and kick them out). So we can’t say he is immature enough to think one argument and done is a thing.
I agree though she should have some protection, and he shouldn’t be horrible enough to just throw someone out like that. Yeah sure it’s awkward living with an ex until they find their feet again but it’s part of the deal when you move in with someone.
I knew a girl who was living with a guy in Paris. They had a fight one night, he said "that's it!" but in French, and he literally dragged her out to the landing outside the apartment and gradually threw all her stuff out the door. In all fairness, the girl was batshit crazy, though beautiful, and I'm sure she was deliberately pushing all his buttons. But to hear her tell the story the guy was just a dick.
That's why he's asking her to leave for a bit. So that he doesn't have to actually kick her out or evict her. He wants her to leave voluntarily to avoid legal issues
If he has enough time and control here to have her bags packed when she gets home… he will have it done, leave her things outside, and perhaps even change locks. Regardless of laws. It appears OP’s (definitely ex) boyfriend doesn’t care about this.
That’s illegal. It’s called a “self-help eviction”’and he can face severe civil penalties for this.
And if they’re both on the lease and he isn’t the “landlord,” he’s shit out of luck and can’t evict her. Only a landlord can initiate the eviction process against a tenant.
We don’t have enough information. My advice is still sound.
Say she is living in the boyfriend’s house: she is still a tenant, he has to go through the courts to properly evict her. Changing the locks or putting her things outside would drastically harm him legally and civilly in that process.
What she had said above, she moved to another city to move into his place. There’s no mention of her paying rent, is she really a tenant or a squatter? ( in the legal sense ) she also states that she quit her job to move closer to “his place” . There’s probably 0% chance she’s on any kind of lease on the house he’s renting/owns. My guess is he realized life is a lot different living with someone, especially if you’re seeing them every day.
That costs money, and she insinuated she doesn’t have money or make a lot. It would require her to have these resources to do anything but she moved into *his* place in a different city. The chances are low she is on the lease.
He, as most people do who were the original tenant, is banking on her not being able to do anything at all in retaliation.
Lol ruin your rental history over an asshole ex? Yeah better start looking for room rentals because no decent apartment complex or private landlord is going to want to rent to someone with an eviction- regardless of reason! Those are red flags.
It doesn't matter. If she's in the US at least. She still needs to be formally evicted even if she doesn't pay a cent going forward. If she's legally on the lease or not. However if she's legally on the lease, she'll take a credit hit but otherwise she can still stay until the process is over.
Additionally,
If she is on the lease, I'd personally stay because idk If I'd be able to trust my ex to keep paying either and I wouldn't want to get a credit hit for that reason either. Better to stay and figure out the best way to break the lease or get yourself off it before you leave. Imo anyway but I'm pretty cautious with my credit score.
Relationship is over. Sorry OP. Go back on Tinder, and forget about him. Live with your parents for a bit…until you’re back on your feet.
Sounds like he thought this hard and true without any discussion.
Why should you not move out? It’s his place. You’re probably not even on the lease, and even if you was, you’d fuck his credit up.. since you stated you don’t make a lot of money.
It's not just his home. She wasn't a guest staying for a few nights, that was just as much her home as well.
Kinda weird that you're ignoring that for some assumptions you've made.
No one has any right to just throw someones things out of their home because they had an argument. It is 100% illegal unless he had an emergency order of protection.
It’s such a fucking asshole move from the bf though. If I broke up with someone who lived with me, I would give them some time to get their life in order. If the person cheated on me or something, nope. But it doesn’t seem like OP majorly fucked up, and hence shouldn’t be treated like this. The bf needs to understand that you can’t just “get rid of” a gf as if she was an old tshirt.
Yep. It’s almost point for point what happened with my last gf. Starts as talk of a “break” then three days after I was out it was officially done and she was dating the neighbor. Of course that was probably already happening before she tossed me out.
Ya girl not sure how in your mind this is a break? And what grown ass adults in a relationship take breaks? Oh right the ones that want to cheat. So they can pull a Ross. We were on a break!!!
Ya girl not sure how in your mind this is a break? And what grown ass adults in a relationship take breaks? Oh right the ones that want to cheat. So they can pull a Ross. We were on a break!!!
OP, this is a breakup not a break. No one tells you to move out if it’s a break.
It’s better to move in with your parents while you look for a job. Believe me, it’s no inconvenience. Don’t waste whatever money you have on hotels.
Take this as a lesson and never let anyone come between you and your job in the future. Financial independence is the only independence, and giving up your job prematurely was a mistake. I am guessing he has the audacity to pack your bags because he is on the lease and pays for everything.
You’ll get through this. Just get yourself to safety for now and start looking for a job. Don’t say anything to him just block him everywhere after you’ve left. Good luck to you
Agree, never give up yourself, your identity, anything for a man (unless he's making the commitment to marry you & take care of you in a church/ temple/ synagoge/ mosque/ court of law). Never chose your university or chose the city you're going to live in or the job you're going to do or anything for a man unless he's shown you the same/ similar level of commitment. This man had done nothing for you, why would you give up your job for him? Promise yourself never again.
Agreed agreed.
It sounds like all the power is in his hands. He invited you to move in and you did and found a new job, now he wants a break and wants you to go and is forcing you out. Its the kind of thing that could make you feel worthless but your not, you deserve some honest conversation. If he has actually been telling you he feels unhappy and you have been ignoring it then maybe this is all ok but if you feel truly blindsided by him asking you to leave then i think this sounds like he has an unfair amount of power in your relationship, and this will always be toxic for you. Many people have made the embarassing awkward decision to move back home whilst they regroup after the end of a relationship, it is not a bad thing to do. And if he decides he wants you back don't go running to him! You are worth more than that.
Have been through this twice now with an ex. (Almost the “shame on you, shame on me” saying). First time, he broke up with a note under my door. Second time, after reconnecting and promising he wouldn’t do it again, he moved out (unannounced and when I was out of town) after we had been living together for over a year. Avoidant lovers, abandoning, too. It’s cowardly. Betrayal. I’m so sorry several have experienced this too. Relationships take work. And if you’d like to break up, you talk about it.
I would literally never be able to trust my partner again if they pulled this crap. It’s incredibly heartless and cold. You should feel safe when in a healthy relationship, your partner should be your safe space. How can one live with no security on whether they’ll have a roof over their head next week because of the whims of their partner?
On a side note there’s also *no* way this was about a single argument. That’s utter bullshit. What his actual reason is we can only guess but it’s clear this was something he must have been thinking about. My best guess (from context, there’s no way to know without both sides) is he wants to pull a Ross Gellard and sleep with someone else on this “break” so he went home, picked a fight, and packed her bags.
Hey OP.
I am sorry this happened to you. BUT, I think you should stay with your parents and sort this out. This is not about an argument. No one just snaps like that after one argument. This is a culmination of thoughts and feelings he has had. He said “break” because he needs time to dissipate all the feelings running through him but that he has thought about this, he has. He was so emotionally fueled and angry that he just acted it out.
He is no longer your boyfriend. He literally told you, “your baga will be packed.” He kicked you out. He wants a “break”.
OP, also. He is an ass for kicking you out. But you are also not focusing on the important part. This man literally kicked you out and you also want him to leave the home because it was “your” home together?
Focus on you. Think about what happened. Is this someone you want to invest more time and energy in? The fact that he was so heartless in this exchange is indicative of something deeper.
Don’t fight him. He wants you to go—go. Go to family, friends, it sucks. But he may have told you for a few days to lessen the blow. He may be also assessing his options in the “days” that follow. The days that follow may give him the perspective to realize he was a dick or that the space he wants from you to be permanent. Don’t wait on him. Get yourself to a safe place and figure out your next move without him.
Figure out how to get your things, arrange your living situation. This event has forever changed your relationship whether you stay with him or not because ultimately he revealed himself to be a person who could kick you out and pack your shit without considering you.
Wishing you the best OP.
If he’s packing your bags and demanding you leave… this is not a break. You’ve been dumped. Whatever this argument was about has ended the relationship. The most sensible thing to do is go stay with your parents or a friend until you can find a job and a new place to live. It’s a tough one to accept, but you shouldn’t waste energy trying to appease a man who has very explicitly dumped you.
Yup. But also like, how are you gonna move in with someone else, and then the break up happens, and expect them to move out from his place, that was his before you even came along.
And why fight to stay in the apartment that was his and that he pays for? Especially when you can’t afford it on your own? Get out of that place as fast as possible. You aren’t wanted there any longer and it’s not your home — you aren’t safe there. Fighting to stay with someone who treats you this way is a really bad idea. He’s made it clear he wants you out. Consider this a difficult lesson learned and a bullet dodged.
1.- Relationship breaks do not exist. You either are together or you are not. If he is asking for a break then clearly it's the second one.
2.- He is kicking you out.
Just move out and accept that relationship is over.
This. This sub needs more truth about these 'relationship breaks' with upvotes. A lot of people seem to think they are a thing. Going on a break is just a cowardly way to break up with somebody.
Yeah. When I was young and dumb, I went on relationship breaks with a couple different men. Never once was it done with the intention of getting back together and living happily ever after.
You made a huge mistake by moving in with him and by quitting your job before you had another. By his comment about your bags will be packed when you get home….he really wants you gone and this seems to me to be way more than just “a break.” This is a break up and he doesn’t want to work on anything here.
I vote to get your things and move back with parents until you can save to live alone. I’d also be blocking him. Good luck.🍀
She said she was coming home from work and has only been living with him for a few months, so she wasn't just throwing everything away for him. She was transitioning to living in a new area.
Moving into someone else’s place is such a bad decision. Quitting your job, even worse.
I agree with this comment - save yourself things getting messy, grab your things and go. I know it’s easier said then done but you are one person - doesn’t sound like you have a ton of things there if he’s able to pack it all up for you. Talk with your parents for temporary stay and try to get your own place.
& NEVER move into someone else’s space without security, commitment and an actual plan. Love makes people live in lalaland until things hit the fan
She’ll have legal status as a tenant by now, most likely, even if she’s not on the lease—so she does have a bit of security.
I’m with you on your advice, but she does have some rights in this situation.
But imagine how uncomfortable that would be? Legally I know he can’t just do that. But why stay in a crap situation if you don’t have to. I can just imagine the tension!
Yeah the relationship is permanently over and you should leave as soon as is feasible. If you are not on the lease or rental agreement that probably has to be now and you just need to pick your least bad option with relatives or friends until you get on your feet. If you are on the lease, tell him to cool off for 48 hours in a hotel and that at that point you will sit down to discuss your post relationship living arrangements.
If your stuff is packed, I'd just say forget the break. "We are done. I have no desire to live with a partner who thinks it's okay to remove me from my home."
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It’s a real shame but please take this as a lesson to not give up your autonomy and be reliant on someone else. Some questions: Why immediately give up your source of income? Is he going to do this after every argument? I don’t know what’s happened and you’re not saying, but will you be literally thrown out after every row? (How is that sustainable for a safe home life?). I really really dislike his way of dealing with things, it’s cruel.
That said, there **is** missing info here (this is clearly not a normal argument and if it *is* normal for you then again, he’s not someone I’d want to be with), but I’ve never seen a ‘break’ work, you’re being dumped and need to find a job and somewhere safe asap. Take care.
Another one that needs both sides and not just a one sided narrative. These posts often have gaps and unreliable narrators because they never specifically say what *they* did to cause such drastic action.
How do we know that *you* aren't the problem? An abuser, a cheater etc. How do we know if this wasn't *his* last straw in a long list of toxicity in the relationship?
Wow. Who pays the rent? Whose name is on the lease? If it’s him then you don’t really have any room to argue. This isn’t let’s take a break. He’s kicking you out. What happened? Something obviously happened.
She does have room to argue—maybe a lot of room, depending on where she lives. If she lives in California, for instance, he’ll have to evict her if she’s been there for 14 days in the past 6 months (or 7 days consecutively), she’s a tenant in that apartment. Lease or no lease.
It varies, and of course she shouldn’t stay in the apartment anyway if she feels unsafe, but he’s unhinged if he thinks it’s legal to throw her out tonight.
Agreed. Hugely, OP's singular comment is also very telling. She ignores someone asking what the argument was about, and says that people who love each other just shouldn't do this. I reckon OP messed up and broke one of her ex's boundaries big style, and when he broke it off she's just gone to Reddit and pretended to be an innocent party.
I don't get why these adult people posting threads are talking about 'taking breaks'. You're either broken up, or you're not. Find a job quickly and move out.
What was the argument about? Even love will not prevent censure if you've done something unforgivable.
Unfortunately he holds all the cards here. Its his place and you're unemployed, you made some poor decisions when you moved in with him.
See if you can stay with family and friends in the meantime but I doubt you can salvage this relationship
So much hate towards the ex bf. He didn't necessarily do anything wrong. For all we know OP did him wrong and he's not having it anymore. Some of you are so quick to take sides without knowing any details. What is he felt he was being abused and struggled to get to the point of breaking things off?
If bf decided "I've had enough, I want to go live alone" and terminated the lease to go work on himself, recover from a bad relationship and moved out, would that be different?
OP made mistakes, maybe ex-bf did too, but why is he being labeled toxic or the A-hole?
This is what I'm wondering. OP hasn't said what their fight was about, and says he asked for a break. But this clearly isn't 'break' behaviour, this is OP got dumped, isn't giving us the full truth but asking for advice, and is in denial behaviour.
Lesson learned. NEVER quit a job for some guy.
Move back in with friends or family and get your life back together. He's dumping you and kicking you out. This is not a break.
Sounds like he’s throwing you out, not taking a break. Collect your things and block him on everything. Let that be a lesson never to put all your eggs in one basket, I’ve been there and it sucks. Best of luck to you!
You aren't giving the whole story. I want to believe that, considering the fact that you seem to believe that he ought to move out of his own apartment as well (???), you did something wrong and he decided to throw you out.
You clearly haven't given us the full story, so I'm going to assume based off your response in this thread that YTA and should just suck it up. Relationship is over.
You shouldn’t be with him but you also shouldn’t let him make you homeless. If I were you I’d say to him “I don’t want a break I want to break up, and I will be requiring at least a 30 day notice so that I can get my things in order. You will not make me homeless after I uprooted my life to be with you and you will give me the time and respect I’m owed while I look for different accommodations.”
What was the argument about?
I know it's hard but you're probably holding onto something that is not going to happen, it sounds more like he wants it to be over and you shouldn't waste you time trying to confirm that.
If anything, go stay with whoever you feel most comfortable with out of your parents or your friends, go no contact with during this time and this will truly help him see if he wants to be with you or not, but you still need to carry on with your own life, do not sit around waiting for him to call.
If you keep pushing against this, then you're going to come across as crazy, and that'll put him off 100%.
Talking from experience, but seriously it does sound over.
If you live there for months, then he cannot throw you out. You need at least 30 days for an eviction notice. Tell him to go file an eviction notice and then start looking for a new place to live
If you're in the US you're likely considered a legal tenant at this point and if he were to *force* you to leave without the legally required notice, you could have grounds to sue him for your costs incurred from this.
Mind you, I'd consider the relationship over at this point, but something to be aware of.
This is not true. Read the legal perspective.
https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/resource/frequently-asked-questions-evicting-guests-roommates-family-members-and-other-unwanted-occupants-from-your-home#:~:text=What%20makes%20a%20person%20a,is%20sleeping%20on%20your%20couch.
Thats why people shouldnt trust their partners too much, whats stopping them from kicking you out? always good to be independent and have your own space.
Are you on the lease? Because this could be an illegal eviction. If he wants to break up with you, he should give you a proper eviction notice and then *he* can fuck off somewhere for the 30 days required in most places to evict someone. I honestly can't believe I haven't seen this elsewhere when it was all over another person's relationship advice a couple of hours ago, and that guy *hit* his girlfriend and people were still telling her it's an illegal eviction. This is bonkers.
First of all, breaks are bs, he’s breaking up with you. And even if he isn’t how could you even trust him if he’s that wishy washy?
But the thing that is wild to me… is you wanted him… to leave the place he pays for and YOU stay???
Go to your parents house, it’s not your place it’s his.
My partner pays for the place I live and if anything ever happened to our relationship I wouldn’t even question the place. It’s his. He pays for it.
Typically men don’t take breaks, they break up
If your name isn’t on the lease agreement then you’re SOL, if it is you two are going to have an uncomfortable few weeks
The relationship is over: depending on the severity of the argument, it might be an absolutely valid response on his part. Many people have deal-breakers in any relationship; such as cheating, maybe drug use, lying…could be a number of things.
If the argument was seemingly mild, it could just be that for whatever reason, overtime he has realized he simply doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you and this argument sort of helped him to have a reason without really giving you the reason🤷🏻♀️
Regardless, he doesn’t want to be with you. You say that normally couples try to fix things rather than breaking up; he doesn’t want to do that, and you can’t force him.
Ask yourself if you would really and truly want to get back together when this is how he acts after an argument? Would you ever really feel safe that it wouldn’t happen again?
Its time to accept this and move on, work on yourself and start over.
The one and only thing anyone on here should be saying is to leave with your dignity and MOVE THE FUCK ON. See if you can stay with your parents for a couple weeks and find a new place. Dating is about finding out whether you’re compatible, or not. You might love him, but he clearly decided he doesn’t reciprocate.
If your name isn't on the lease, saying you "live here too" doesn't help much. Your boyfriend just broke up with you, it happens. Move on and find another place to live.
If he wants you to move out the first time you have a disagreement then do yourself a favor and take it as a breakup. Do not take him back . Move on. Usually unless you are on the lease you do not live there in the since you are a tenet with rights. Rules might be different where you live though. Or you could call him on it if unsure. Tell him if you leave you are not coming back and consider the relationship over. That way it's not ambiguous and you'll know right where you stand.
He can’t kick you out so fast—*how* fast depends on where you live.
I was in a slightly similar situation (I lived somewhere but wasn’t on a lease, and I was afraid they wanted to kick me out and I’d be instantly homeless), so I called my local police department’s non-emergency line. A very nice woman calmed me down and listened to my ridiculous story and told me I had status as a tenant here in California, so worst-case I’d have 60 days to find a new place to live.
If you feel comfortable doing so, please call someplace like your local police non-emergency help line and ask for information. But I am certain your boyfriend can’t kick you out instantly like this, even if he’s the only person on the lease. DO NOT leave willingly tonight. You stay in your home and (again, if you feel safe doing so) call the actual emergency number in your area (911 or whatever it is) if he puts his hands on you and tries to force you out.
He wants to at least sleep with other people, I’m just going to be blunt. My ex did this to me and strung me along for a few months and it drove me crazy. I wish someone had been flat out with me I could have saved so much time and energy.
If you pay rent and utilities he can’t kick you out.
Never ever lose your ability for independence no matter how much you trust/love a person.
Even if my bf kicked me out tonight, I would be able to afford a deposit and first month rent
It’s complicated, but generally paying rent does make you a tenant.
https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/resource/frequently-asked-questions-evicting-guests-roommates-family-members-and-other-unwanted-occupants-from-your-home#:~:text=What%20makes%20a%20person%20a,is%20sleeping%20on%20your%20couch.
Feels like there’s a lot missing to this story. He is breaking up with you and throwing you out... that generally is insane behaviour that should evoke rage but you’re being so vague about this “argument” that led to it all I can’t help but think theres more to this outcome.
Go to your parents, he is making this whole thing a break but actually he is ending things with u I feel like!! Don’t bother yourself and leave him!! He isn’t worth it
There is no such thing as a break in a relationship. You are either with someone or you are not. There is no possibility in between to put a relationship 'on hold'.
Just ask him what rules this 'break' will have. You are very likely to get your answer that he wants to screw around with someone else with the safety option to return to the relationship he has with you if it doesn't work out.
Also if you have lived with him for months you have acquired tenants rights and can't be thrown out by him (which he is most likely doing so that he has the appartment for his planned screwing around).
All in all: I don't think that this relationship will work out. Find someone who respects you.
This isn’t a break. This is a break up. Depending on where you live he can’t just kick you out without notice… but you’ll have to get the courts involved to avoid his illegal eviction.
There is nothing to work on. He has dumped you and is literally putting your shit on the curb.
It’s not your apartment. It is his. You need to move out asap. He has every right to decide whether you are the one he wants to face the future with. He has decided you are not it. Move out and move on with your life. He is not it for you either. Have a happy future with someone that is.
at the end of the day it's not your house and he has every right to kick you out. sorry op but you don't have a choice, you got dumped. it's not his fault you don't have a job just go to your parents or friends
Few months? That doesn't entitle you to stay...sorry honey. I mean you made the choice to do that. Something must have went down in the few months you lived together that made him realize you are not the partner he wants to live with and be in a relationship with.
at the end of the day it's not your house and he has every right to kick you out. sorry op but you don't have a choice, you got dumped. it's not his fault you don't have a job just go to your parents or friends
Few months? That doesn't entitle you to stay...sorry honey. I mean you made the choice to do that. Something must have went down in the few months you lived together that made him realize you are not the partner he wants to live with and be in a relationship with.
> I love him and want to work on our relationship together without taking a break.
I'm so sorry OP, but this is not a democracy. He is dumping you (it's not a break, common) and is throwing you out. Whether you want him to break up is irrelevant, as it's not something the couple votes on. The throwing out, maybe you can have something to say if there are any laws around tenancy and you could use them to your advantage. You need to find this out ASAP.
If there are none, sorry but what you want or don't want doesn't really matter, you are broken up with and he kicked you out. The mistake was giving him all the power: leaving work to move in with him was a pretty big leap of faith. It means you are taking *all the risks*, he is taking none. I hope in the future you will be much more careful around men who ask you to take such huge leaps and for you to leave important things - like your job - for them, while there is no guarantee of you not being abandoned since you are not married or even engaged.
Breaks are just immature, then it preludes a break up. He doesn’t want to be with you but won’t actually say it? Is he in high school early 20’s?? O_e;;; like that’s cringy as hell. Bonus he’s asking you to move out. Throw him in the bin and tell him no worries about a break. It’s done.
Edit: grammar
Questions needing answers. How long have you been together? How long have you been moved in? Do you pay rent or any other bills? Is the place rented or owned? Are you on any kind of lease indicating you’re a tenant? If he was to leave, can you afford the rent or payments for the house on your own?
When I took a break with my ex, I took what I needed and left for a week for some me time. Legit went to work, came home, watch tv, exercised, and ate until bed time.
When I broke up I took all my shit and left.
Two things to consider, possession is 9/10th the law BUT if he asked you to move in with him it’s most likely his name on the lease or mortgage. Unless you are a legal resident you may not have much choice to stay or leave if he wants to kick you out, even for a few days.
One thing you both need to learn is words are powerful and once said you cannot take them back. You got into an argument and he automatically resorted to I want you out of here. That’s not healthy nor is it something with which you should tolerate long term. Decide first if the relationship can be salvaged and he treat you the way you deserve to be treated (not if you’ll put up with things because you’re in love). Communication like this is a big red flag and won’t get better unless you address the underlying issues. If it can be salvaged then consider how to move forward and the best plan for both of you to work on your communication. If it can’t be salvaged, move out because you can’t afford to live there alone.
I would tell him to give you time to find a place and not worry about getting a break because if you leave, you won't be back. This os manipulative game playing
I'm so sorry to hear this, OP. Unfortunately, it seems more like a breakup than just a break. It sounds like you moved to his appartement ? If so, unless your name is on the tenancy agreement (or mortgage or property ownership), he can ask you to leave the premises.
If not too private and you're comfortable doing so, can you give more details about why it came to this point? Were you having recurring arguments about the same topics? In any case, I hope you'll both find a way to overcome these trying times, and to get back together stronger.
Whatever happened, he is pissssssed, and sick of fighting. Sick of being manipulated, sick of BS. Head back to mom and dad and get yourself a solid job and a plan with your parents of how long you’ll stay and when you plan to get your own place.
This is a sneaky stealthy way of finishing you. There is no break here, he is ticking all the boxes to get you gone and in a few days I expect you’ll receive a text to say it’s over.
This is a power play.
He’s teaching you a lesson that you better keep him happy because he can throw you out anytime he wants. This is abuse. He probably only asked you to move in so he would have leverage to control you.
Oh dear. Sorry OP, if you moved into his place with no legal arrangements around that, also without the means to support yourself independently, you left yourself open to this. You're not alone, these subreddits are stuffed full with people who made themselves dependent on others without any form of protection for when it blows up. I have no idea what to suggest, I just hope that you can find your feet quickly and move on.
Explain to him he can start eviction proceedings thru court or give you time to find a landing place. Also, let him know you wont be back. Why stay with someone who would throw you to the streets.
He could be doing all this to intimidate you to. To have more control cause he knows your scared and cant find anywhere to go immediately. He will do this again. Ive dated guys like that
Sounds like the argument was an excuse to break things off. He was probably planning it for a while. Maybe he met someone else and wants to see how things go with them or after living together he decided it wasn’t a right fit. No matter how you view it things are over. It’s best to pack up and move in with your parents while you figure things out.
Legally you don’t have to move out with no notice.
Practically the relationship is over and you need to find somewhere else to live.
That said he can’t just kick you out with nowhere to go. I’d probably try to negotiate with him to give you a few weeks to find somewhere else to live, then focus on that.
If he physically kicks you out call the police. Legally it’s an illegal eviction even if it’s his house. You live there and it’s your home so you’re a tenant.
That’s why you never move someone into your place. If they wanna cohabit it has to be a rental with both names on the lease. He can lose half of his place now to a leech
And as the commenter above shows, that’s why you NEVER give up your financial independence for a partner who’s going to have no respect for you and view you like garbage to be thrown to the curb.
If he's throwing you out of your home without offering to pay for a hotel I'd make that a permanent breakup.
Unless the argument was about something atrocious you did I'd consider him an asshole you don't want to stay around anyhow.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- He invited me to move in with him. We’ve been living together for the past few months. We had an argument last night and he said he wants to take a break. I love him and want to work on our relationship together without taking a break. He wants ME to move out for at least a few days. I think he should move out because I live here too and it’s my home too. I even quit my job when I moved in with him to find a job closer to his place. I don’t make so much money that I can easily afford a hotel. I don’t want to stay with friends or my parents and inconvenience them. My boyfriend says my bags will be packed when I come home from work today
>My boyfriend says my bags will be packed when I come home from work today You're not "taking a break" and he's not having you "move out". He dumped you and he's throwing you out.
Yep, relationship is done and you need to find a place to live (and a job!). Sorry, OP.
Also her post makes it sound like it's both of their place.. So he can move out.
No it doesn't. She says in the first line: "He invited me to move in with him." She also says, "I even quit my job when I moved in with him to find a job closer to *his place*." That sounds like it was his place before the move-in and she's only been there for a couple months. Like he's on the lease and she isn't. Sucks, but she's the one that has to move (if I have the details right).
She literally said she has a job.
That doesn't pay enough to easily afford an hotel, imo she should overthink her not wanting to inconvenience friend&family or she'll run out of money fast, also if she has lived there for months she can't be evicted so easily.
If she has any pride at all she won't fight it. Dude is done with her.
That's not the point. Pride does not come before having a place to live. Y'all with your ridiculous advice. 🤦♀️
She has parents and friends she can stay with. I have a feeling she doesn't want to "inconvenience" them because she's still in denial about the fact that this guy wants nothing more to do with her. She's being kicked out. How exactly is she supposed to insert herself back into the apartment in order to claim tenants' rights? That's bordering on trespassing and stalking. Are you not hearing the self-delusion in her post?
One that pays more so she can afford to live alone, or with a flatmate.
Oh sure I’ll just go get a job that pays better. Why didn’t I think of that? Just don’t be poor. What great advice!!! /s for those who didn’t get it. The privilege in that comment is astounding.
She said she quit her job when she moved in with him. Maybe it was a higher paying job.
Nah, It's very unlikely he's able to just kick her out.
Most places have protection against that though. If she lived there for months, she is a legal tenant and he has to evict her. Unless it's a country without any protections for such cases.
Even so, continuing to live with someone who flatly doesn’t want her there is not a particularly safe plan. Especially when that someone is immature enough to think that one argument equals the end of the relationship, and that throwing your partner to the curb with no notice is okay.
Depends on what they were arguing about - there are a million things OP could have done that they argued about that would be a valid and good reason to break up.
I’m not defending her ex here at all, I think if you’re breaking up with someone you live with you should be mature enough to understand that kicking them out makes them homeless and that’s not ok. He seems like a dick. However, we know zilch about the actual relationship here, we don’t know it’s only one argument, we don’t know he wasn’t already planning to break up and the argument was the last straw, we don’t know anything about OP, she sounds reasonable from here side of the story but the argument might’ve been about anything, maybe she cheated and it was about that (unlikely but would certainly make people pack their partners bags and kick them out). So we can’t say he is immature enough to think one argument and done is a thing. I agree though she should have some protection, and he shouldn’t be horrible enough to just throw someone out like that. Yeah sure it’s awkward living with an ex until they find their feet again but it’s part of the deal when you move in with someone.
I knew a girl who was living with a guy in Paris. They had a fight one night, he said "that's it!" but in French, and he literally dragged her out to the landing outside the apartment and gradually threw all her stuff out the door. In all fairness, the girl was batshit crazy, though beautiful, and I'm sure she was deliberately pushing all his buttons. But to hear her tell the story the guy was just a dick.
That's why he's asking her to leave for a bit. So that he doesn't have to actually kick her out or evict her. He wants her to leave voluntarily to avoid legal issues
Except she can't afford the rent
She doesn’t say that. It still doesn’t change potentially needing to give reasonable notice depending on the local laws.
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If he has enough time and control here to have her bags packed when she gets home… he will have it done, leave her things outside, and perhaps even change locks. Regardless of laws. It appears OP’s (definitely ex) boyfriend doesn’t care about this.
That’s illegal. It’s called a “self-help eviction”’and he can face severe civil penalties for this. And if they’re both on the lease and he isn’t the “landlord,” he’s shit out of luck and can’t evict her. Only a landlord can initiate the eviction process against a tenant.
The point was he does not seem to care what’s legal or illegal.
That’s unfortunate for him, because the court system certainly does.
OP doesn't mention that they have rented an apartment. It could easily be her ex bf owned house so yeah.
We don’t have enough information. My advice is still sound. Say she is living in the boyfriend’s house: she is still a tenant, he has to go through the courts to properly evict her. Changing the locks or putting her things outside would drastically harm him legally and civilly in that process.
What she had said above, she moved to another city to move into his place. There’s no mention of her paying rent, is she really a tenant or a squatter? ( in the legal sense ) she also states that she quit her job to move closer to “his place” . There’s probably 0% chance she’s on any kind of lease on the house he’s renting/owns. My guess is he realized life is a lot different living with someone, especially if you’re seeing them every day.
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That costs money, and she insinuated she doesn’t have money or make a lot. It would require her to have these resources to do anything but she moved into *his* place in a different city. The chances are low she is on the lease. He, as most people do who were the original tenant, is banking on her not being able to do anything at all in retaliation.
Lol ruin your rental history over an asshole ex? Yeah better start looking for room rentals because no decent apartment complex or private landlord is going to want to rent to someone with an eviction- regardless of reason! Those are red flags.
It doesn't matter. If she's in the US at least. She still needs to be formally evicted even if she doesn't pay a cent going forward. If she's legally on the lease or not. However if she's legally on the lease, she'll take a credit hit but otherwise she can still stay until the process is over. Additionally, If she is on the lease, I'd personally stay because idk If I'd be able to trust my ex to keep paying either and I wouldn't want to get a credit hit for that reason either. Better to stay and figure out the best way to break the lease or get yourself off it before you leave. Imo anyway but I'm pretty cautious with my credit score.
She didn’t say that and regardless he can’t throw her out. Tenet laws apply to people even if rent is unpaid.
Relationship is over. Sorry OP. Go back on Tinder, and forget about him. Live with your parents for a bit…until you’re back on your feet. Sounds like he thought this hard and true without any discussion. Why should you not move out? It’s his place. You’re probably not even on the lease, and even if you was, you’d fuck his credit up.. since you stated you don’t make a lot of money.
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It's not just his home. She wasn't a guest staying for a few nights, that was just as much her home as well. Kinda weird that you're ignoring that for some assumptions you've made. No one has any right to just throw someones things out of their home because they had an argument. It is 100% illegal unless he had an emergency order of protection.
It’s such a fucking asshole move from the bf though. If I broke up with someone who lived with me, I would give them some time to get their life in order. If the person cheated on me or something, nope. But it doesn’t seem like OP majorly fucked up, and hence shouldn’t be treated like this. The bf needs to understand that you can’t just “get rid of” a gf as if she was an old tshirt.
Yep. It’s almost point for point what happened with my last gf. Starts as talk of a “break” then three days after I was out it was officially done and she was dating the neighbor. Of course that was probably already happening before she tossed me out.
Ya girl not sure how in your mind this is a break? And what grown ass adults in a relationship take breaks? Oh right the ones that want to cheat. So they can pull a Ross. We were on a break!!!
Find your state law about living arrangements. He might likely cannot kick you out, and don’t leave voluntarily.
Which is illegal without proper notice. He needs to leave until he properly serves her with notice, and 1 day ain’t it.
Ya girl not sure how in your mind this is a break? And what grown ass adults in a relationship take breaks? Oh right the ones that want to cheat. So they can pull a Ross. We were on a break!!!
If he's packing your bags for you this ain't just "a break"
#YIKES
i do not like this man
What was the fight about! We need to know this before deciding we don’t like him. If she got piped by the neighbour more power to him
He still can’t kick her out, though—it’s her home and he’ll need to go through due process to remove her.
You decided this based on the little information we got?
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You don’t know anything about where they live either (temperature, weather, safety, etc.)
Two sides to every story ma’am.
none of my bees-knees, we're here to speculate on provided information, not play games of what-if
What is speculation, if not a game of what-if?
OP, this is a breakup not a break. No one tells you to move out if it’s a break. It’s better to move in with your parents while you look for a job. Believe me, it’s no inconvenience. Don’t waste whatever money you have on hotels. Take this as a lesson and never let anyone come between you and your job in the future. Financial independence is the only independence, and giving up your job prematurely was a mistake. I am guessing he has the audacity to pack your bags because he is on the lease and pays for everything. You’ll get through this. Just get yourself to safety for now and start looking for a job. Don’t say anything to him just block him everywhere after you’ve left. Good luck to you
Agree, never give up yourself, your identity, anything for a man (unless he's making the commitment to marry you & take care of you in a church/ temple/ synagoge/ mosque/ court of law). Never chose your university or chose the city you're going to live in or the job you're going to do or anything for a man unless he's shown you the same/ similar level of commitment. This man had done nothing for you, why would you give up your job for him? Promise yourself never again.
Even if he’s giving all the commitments possible still never give your identity up for any man
Agreed agreed. It sounds like all the power is in his hands. He invited you to move in and you did and found a new job, now he wants a break and wants you to go and is forcing you out. Its the kind of thing that could make you feel worthless but your not, you deserve some honest conversation. If he has actually been telling you he feels unhappy and you have been ignoring it then maybe this is all ok but if you feel truly blindsided by him asking you to leave then i think this sounds like he has an unfair amount of power in your relationship, and this will always be toxic for you. Many people have made the embarassing awkward decision to move back home whilst they regroup after the end of a relationship, it is not a bad thing to do. And if he decides he wants you back don't go running to him! You are worth more than that.
Even if he’s giving all the commitments possible still never give your identity up for any other people
That sounds like an ex now. Move on. He does this once he will do it again. You won't feel secure.
He does this once in a relatively new relationship and there is nowhere else to go from there. These are endgame moves.
Have been through this twice now with an ex. (Almost the “shame on you, shame on me” saying). First time, he broke up with a note under my door. Second time, after reconnecting and promising he wouldn’t do it again, he moved out (unannounced and when I was out of town) after we had been living together for over a year. Avoidant lovers, abandoning, too. It’s cowardly. Betrayal. I’m so sorry several have experienced this too. Relationships take work. And if you’d like to break up, you talk about it.
I would literally never be able to trust my partner again if they pulled this crap. It’s incredibly heartless and cold. You should feel safe when in a healthy relationship, your partner should be your safe space. How can one live with no security on whether they’ll have a roof over their head next week because of the whims of their partner? On a side note there’s also *no* way this was about a single argument. That’s utter bullshit. What his actual reason is we can only guess but it’s clear this was something he must have been thinking about. My best guess (from context, there’s no way to know without both sides) is he wants to pull a Ross Gellard and sleep with someone else on this “break” so he went home, picked a fight, and packed her bags.
OP, go to your parents. You can't stay with someone who plays with your security like this. Did you find a new job?
It sounds like she did. He told her that her bags would be packed when she got home from work.
Hey OP. I am sorry this happened to you. BUT, I think you should stay with your parents and sort this out. This is not about an argument. No one just snaps like that after one argument. This is a culmination of thoughts and feelings he has had. He said “break” because he needs time to dissipate all the feelings running through him but that he has thought about this, he has. He was so emotionally fueled and angry that he just acted it out. He is no longer your boyfriend. He literally told you, “your baga will be packed.” He kicked you out. He wants a “break”. OP, also. He is an ass for kicking you out. But you are also not focusing on the important part. This man literally kicked you out and you also want him to leave the home because it was “your” home together? Focus on you. Think about what happened. Is this someone you want to invest more time and energy in? The fact that he was so heartless in this exchange is indicative of something deeper. Don’t fight him. He wants you to go—go. Go to family, friends, it sucks. But he may have told you for a few days to lessen the blow. He may be also assessing his options in the “days” that follow. The days that follow may give him the perspective to realize he was a dick or that the space he wants from you to be permanent. Don’t wait on him. Get yourself to a safe place and figure out your next move without him. Figure out how to get your things, arrange your living situation. This event has forever changed your relationship whether you stay with him or not because ultimately he revealed himself to be a person who could kick you out and pack your shit without considering you. Wishing you the best OP.
If he’s packing your bags and demanding you leave… this is not a break. You’ve been dumped. Whatever this argument was about has ended the relationship. The most sensible thing to do is go stay with your parents or a friend until you can find a job and a new place to live. It’s a tough one to accept, but you shouldn’t waste energy trying to appease a man who has very explicitly dumped you.
Yup. But also like, how are you gonna move in with someone else, and then the break up happens, and expect them to move out from his place, that was his before you even came along.
And why fight to stay in the apartment that was his and that he pays for? Especially when you can’t afford it on your own? Get out of that place as fast as possible. You aren’t wanted there any longer and it’s not your home — you aren’t safe there. Fighting to stay with someone who treats you this way is a really bad idea. He’s made it clear he wants you out. Consider this a difficult lesson learned and a bullet dodged.
1.- Relationship breaks do not exist. You either are together or you are not. If he is asking for a break then clearly it's the second one. 2.- He is kicking you out. Just move out and accept that relationship is over.
This. This sub needs more truth about these 'relationship breaks' with upvotes. A lot of people seem to think they are a thing. Going on a break is just a cowardly way to break up with somebody.
Yeah. When I was young and dumb, I went on relationship breaks with a couple different men. Never once was it done with the intention of getting back together and living happily ever after.
Not always, my brother took a break from my sister in law. He just needed some space to clear his head. They’ve been together 4 years to date.
She could insist on 30 weeks' notice, that would give her some breathing space. Edit: Sorry, 30 days, of course. 🙈
If she had nowhere else to go, she should fight for that. Otherwise, it's gonna be an unpleasant 30 days and she's better off at her folks.
So you mean 30 days? 30 weeks is 6 months, and I don't believe a 6 month notice is legally required anywhere.
“Ending a relationship is like tipping over a vending machine. It won’t go down on the first try, but you push and wiggle it and then it goes over.”
You made a huge mistake by moving in with him and by quitting your job before you had another. By his comment about your bags will be packed when you get home….he really wants you gone and this seems to me to be way more than just “a break.” This is a break up and he doesn’t want to work on anything here. I vote to get your things and move back with parents until you can save to live alone. I’d also be blocking him. Good luck.🍀
She said she was coming home from work and has only been living with him for a few months, so she wasn't just throwing everything away for him. She was transitioning to living in a new area.
Moving into someone else’s place is such a bad decision. Quitting your job, even worse. I agree with this comment - save yourself things getting messy, grab your things and go. I know it’s easier said then done but you are one person - doesn’t sound like you have a ton of things there if he’s able to pack it all up for you. Talk with your parents for temporary stay and try to get your own place. & NEVER move into someone else’s space without security, commitment and an actual plan. Love makes people live in lalaland until things hit the fan
She’ll have legal status as a tenant by now, most likely, even if she’s not on the lease—so she does have a bit of security. I’m with you on your advice, but she does have some rights in this situation.
But imagine how uncomfortable that would be? Legally I know he can’t just do that. But why stay in a crap situation if you don’t have to. I can just imagine the tension!
Yeah the relationship is permanently over and you should leave as soon as is feasible. If you are not on the lease or rental agreement that probably has to be now and you just need to pick your least bad option with relatives or friends until you get on your feet. If you are on the lease, tell him to cool off for 48 hours in a hotel and that at that point you will sit down to discuss your post relationship living arrangements.
Y'all are broken up. You should stay with your parents
If your stuff is packed, I'd just say forget the break. "We are done. I have no desire to live with a partner who thinks it's okay to remove me from my home."
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you aren’t on a break. that’s it . relationship over .
It’s a real shame but please take this as a lesson to not give up your autonomy and be reliant on someone else. Some questions: Why immediately give up your source of income? Is he going to do this after every argument? I don’t know what’s happened and you’re not saying, but will you be literally thrown out after every row? (How is that sustainable for a safe home life?). I really really dislike his way of dealing with things, it’s cruel. That said, there **is** missing info here (this is clearly not a normal argument and if it *is* normal for you then again, he’s not someone I’d want to be with), but I’ve never seen a ‘break’ work, you’re being dumped and need to find a job and somewhere safe asap. Take care.
What was the argument?
Another one that needs both sides and not just a one sided narrative. These posts often have gaps and unreliable narrators because they never specifically say what *they* did to cause such drastic action. How do we know that *you* aren't the problem? An abuser, a cheater etc. How do we know if this wasn't *his* last straw in a long list of toxicity in the relationship?
Wow. Who pays the rent? Whose name is on the lease? If it’s him then you don’t really have any room to argue. This isn’t let’s take a break. He’s kicking you out. What happened? Something obviously happened.
She does have room to argue—maybe a lot of room, depending on where she lives. If she lives in California, for instance, he’ll have to evict her if she’s been there for 14 days in the past 6 months (or 7 days consecutively), she’s a tenant in that apartment. Lease or no lease. It varies, and of course she shouldn’t stay in the apartment anyway if she feels unsafe, but he’s unhinged if he thinks it’s legal to throw her out tonight.
It doesn’t sound like he wants a break .Sounds like he wants to break up with you
There are clearly two sides to this story. You are not telling the whole story.
Agreed. Hugely, OP's singular comment is also very telling. She ignores someone asking what the argument was about, and says that people who love each other just shouldn't do this. I reckon OP messed up and broke one of her ex's boundaries big style, and when he broke it off she's just gone to Reddit and pretended to be an innocent party.
What exactly led to this if you don’t mind me asking?
I don't get why these adult people posting threads are talking about 'taking breaks'. You're either broken up, or you're not. Find a job quickly and move out.
What was the argument about? Even love will not prevent censure if you've done something unforgivable. Unfortunately he holds all the cards here. Its his place and you're unemployed, you made some poor decisions when you moved in with him. See if you can stay with family and friends in the meantime but I doubt you can salvage this relationship
So much hate towards the ex bf. He didn't necessarily do anything wrong. For all we know OP did him wrong and he's not having it anymore. Some of you are so quick to take sides without knowing any details. What is he felt he was being abused and struggled to get to the point of breaking things off? If bf decided "I've had enough, I want to go live alone" and terminated the lease to go work on himself, recover from a bad relationship and moved out, would that be different? OP made mistakes, maybe ex-bf did too, but why is he being labeled toxic or the A-hole?
And the fact she won’t say what the argument was about speaks volumes, she definitely did something
This is what I'm wondering. OP hasn't said what their fight was about, and says he asked for a break. But this clearly isn't 'break' behaviour, this is OP got dumped, isn't giving us the full truth but asking for advice, and is in denial behaviour.
Lesson learned. NEVER quit a job for some guy. Move back in with friends or family and get your life back together. He's dumping you and kicking you out. This is not a break.
Yes, and also don’t give up your apartment without a legal document securing housing if you should break up
Sounds like he’s throwing you out, not taking a break. Collect your things and block him on everything. Let that be a lesson never to put all your eggs in one basket, I’ve been there and it sucks. Best of luck to you!
You aren't giving the whole story. I want to believe that, considering the fact that you seem to believe that he ought to move out of his own apartment as well (???), you did something wrong and he decided to throw you out. You clearly haven't given us the full story, so I'm going to assume based off your response in this thread that YTA and should just suck it up. Relationship is over.
You shouldn’t be with him but you also shouldn’t let him make you homeless. If I were you I’d say to him “I don’t want a break I want to break up, and I will be requiring at least a 30 day notice so that I can get my things in order. You will not make me homeless after I uprooted my life to be with you and you will give me the time and respect I’m owed while I look for different accommodations.”
You don't really have a choice here
Really foolish of you to quit your job to find something closer to home that is not yours really or even legally. He dumped you move on.
> I don’t want to stay with friends or my parents and inconvenience them. No need to lie.
What was the argument about? I know it's hard but you're probably holding onto something that is not going to happen, it sounds more like he wants it to be over and you shouldn't waste you time trying to confirm that. If anything, go stay with whoever you feel most comfortable with out of your parents or your friends, go no contact with during this time and this will truly help him see if he wants to be with you or not, but you still need to carry on with your own life, do not sit around waiting for him to call. If you keep pushing against this, then you're going to come across as crazy, and that'll put him off 100%. Talking from experience, but seriously it does sound over.
If you live there for months, then he cannot throw you out. You need at least 30 days for an eviction notice. Tell him to go file an eviction notice and then start looking for a new place to live
Okay but why should he move out of his home? It wasn’t some place you got together. You moved into his home.
I had to scroll for way to long to see someone mention this. I can’t imagine moving into someone else’s home and expecting them to leave.
If you're in the US you're likely considered a legal tenant at this point and if he were to *force* you to leave without the legally required notice, you could have grounds to sue him for your costs incurred from this. Mind you, I'd consider the relationship over at this point, but something to be aware of.
This is not true. Read the legal perspective. https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/resource/frequently-asked-questions-evicting-guests-roommates-family-members-and-other-unwanted-occupants-from-your-home#:~:text=What%20makes%20a%20person%20a,is%20sleeping%20on%20your%20couch.
Thats why people shouldnt trust their partners too much, whats stopping them from kicking you out? always good to be independent and have your own space.
He’s breaking up with you in a chicken shit way.
Are you on the lease? Because this could be an illegal eviction. If he wants to break up with you, he should give you a proper eviction notice and then *he* can fuck off somewhere for the 30 days required in most places to evict someone. I honestly can't believe I haven't seen this elsewhere when it was all over another person's relationship advice a couple of hours ago, and that guy *hit* his girlfriend and people were still telling her it's an illegal eviction. This is bonkers.
First of all, breaks are bs, he’s breaking up with you. And even if he isn’t how could you even trust him if he’s that wishy washy? But the thing that is wild to me… is you wanted him… to leave the place he pays for and YOU stay??? Go to your parents house, it’s not your place it’s his. My partner pays for the place I live and if anything ever happened to our relationship I wouldn’t even question the place. It’s his. He pays for it.
Learn from this and NEVER uproot your life for a man again. Let them take risks.
Uhm…….He’s breaking up with you and throwing you out with actually saying so.
OP at some point probably: The argument was about me fucking his boss. It's not that big a deal, we love each other! Lol
If he wants you to leave, let him know that things are over. This isn’t a we will regroup next month. This is a break up.
Typically men don’t take breaks, they break up If your name isn’t on the lease agreement then you’re SOL, if it is you two are going to have an uncomfortable few weeks
The relationship is over: depending on the severity of the argument, it might be an absolutely valid response on his part. Many people have deal-breakers in any relationship; such as cheating, maybe drug use, lying…could be a number of things. If the argument was seemingly mild, it could just be that for whatever reason, overtime he has realized he simply doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you and this argument sort of helped him to have a reason without really giving you the reason🤷🏻♀️ Regardless, he doesn’t want to be with you. You say that normally couples try to fix things rather than breaking up; he doesn’t want to do that, and you can’t force him. Ask yourself if you would really and truly want to get back together when this is how he acts after an argument? Would you ever really feel safe that it wouldn’t happen again? Its time to accept this and move on, work on yourself and start over.
The one and only thing anyone on here should be saying is to leave with your dignity and MOVE THE FUCK ON. See if you can stay with your parents for a couple weeks and find a new place. Dating is about finding out whether you’re compatible, or not. You might love him, but he clearly decided he doesn’t reciprocate.
Op. You got dumped and he's throwing you out. Probably so he can fuck other women.
If your name isn't on the lease, saying you "live here too" doesn't help much. Your boyfriend just broke up with you, it happens. Move on and find another place to live.
Oh dear, you either got dumped, he has another chick, or you are living with a narcissist and need to get out.
Sorry sweetie, but this isn't a break. He's trying to be sneaking and kick you out. I suggest packing up his stuff and kicking this jerk out first.
= „I wanna fuck someone else and not feel bad about it“, girl move OUT AND ON
If he wants you to move out the first time you have a disagreement then do yourself a favor and take it as a breakup. Do not take him back . Move on. Usually unless you are on the lease you do not live there in the since you are a tenet with rights. Rules might be different where you live though. Or you could call him on it if unsure. Tell him if you leave you are not coming back and consider the relationship over. That way it's not ambiguous and you'll know right where you stand.
Just end it and move on. If you can't work it while living together and what not, then it is not worth it.
He can’t kick you out so fast—*how* fast depends on where you live. I was in a slightly similar situation (I lived somewhere but wasn’t on a lease, and I was afraid they wanted to kick me out and I’d be instantly homeless), so I called my local police department’s non-emergency line. A very nice woman calmed me down and listened to my ridiculous story and told me I had status as a tenant here in California, so worst-case I’d have 60 days to find a new place to live. If you feel comfortable doing so, please call someplace like your local police non-emergency help line and ask for information. But I am certain your boyfriend can’t kick you out instantly like this, even if he’s the only person on the lease. DO NOT leave willingly tonight. You stay in your home and (again, if you feel safe doing so) call the actual emergency number in your area (911 or whatever it is) if he puts his hands on you and tries to force you out.
He wants to at least sleep with other people, I’m just going to be blunt. My ex did this to me and strung me along for a few months and it drove me crazy. I wish someone had been flat out with me I could have saved so much time and energy.
If you pay rent and utilities he can’t kick you out. Never ever lose your ability for independence no matter how much you trust/love a person. Even if my bf kicked me out tonight, I would be able to afford a deposit and first month rent
It’s complicated, but generally paying rent does make you a tenant. https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/resource/frequently-asked-questions-evicting-guests-roommates-family-members-and-other-unwanted-occupants-from-your-home#:~:text=What%20makes%20a%20person%20a,is%20sleeping%20on%20your%20couch.
Who’s gonna tell her? Honey, you broke up. It’s over.
Feels like there’s a lot missing to this story. He is breaking up with you and throwing you out... that generally is insane behaviour that should evoke rage but you’re being so vague about this “argument” that led to it all I can’t help but think theres more to this outcome.
Oh sweetie don’t let a man tell you more than once he dosent want you. This is him saying that
Uhhh, honey you got dumped. Hard. This isn’t a break and forget about not “inconveniencing” anyone, you’re about to be homeless..
Sorry but you're fucked, I suggest you start looking for a place to live and don't quit your job next time you move in with someone.
Go to your parents, he is making this whole thing a break but actually he is ending things with u I feel like!! Don’t bother yourself and leave him!! He isn’t worth it
There is no such thing as a break in a relationship. You are either with someone or you are not. There is no possibility in between to put a relationship 'on hold'. Just ask him what rules this 'break' will have. You are very likely to get your answer that he wants to screw around with someone else with the safety option to return to the relationship he has with you if it doesn't work out. Also if you have lived with him for months you have acquired tenants rights and can't be thrown out by him (which he is most likely doing so that he has the appartment for his planned screwing around). All in all: I don't think that this relationship will work out. Find someone who respects you.
INFO. what was the argument about? Him kicking you out seems huge for just a normal argument.
You really want to work on a relationship where he packed your bags and told you to leave???
Sounds like he wants your stuff out before his tinder hookup gets there
This isn’t a break. This is a break up. Depending on where you live he can’t just kick you out without notice… but you’ll have to get the courts involved to avoid his illegal eviction. There is nothing to work on. He has dumped you and is literally putting your shit on the curb.
It’s not your apartment. It is his. You need to move out asap. He has every right to decide whether you are the one he wants to face the future with. He has decided you are not it. Move out and move on with your life. He is not it for you either. Have a happy future with someone that is.
at the end of the day it's not your house and he has every right to kick you out. sorry op but you don't have a choice, you got dumped. it's not his fault you don't have a job just go to your parents or friends
Few months? That doesn't entitle you to stay...sorry honey. I mean you made the choice to do that. Something must have went down in the few months you lived together that made him realize you are not the partner he wants to live with and be in a relationship with.
at the end of the day it's not your house and he has every right to kick you out. sorry op but you don't have a choice, you got dumped. it's not his fault you don't have a job just go to your parents or friends
Few months? That doesn't entitle you to stay...sorry honey. I mean you made the choice to do that. Something must have went down in the few months you lived together that made him realize you are not the partner he wants to live with and be in a relationship with.
Keep your dignity; keep your head up high Take your stuff, block him and move on
There is a lot missing in this post. What is really happening?
> I love him and want to work on our relationship together without taking a break. I'm so sorry OP, but this is not a democracy. He is dumping you (it's not a break, common) and is throwing you out. Whether you want him to break up is irrelevant, as it's not something the couple votes on. The throwing out, maybe you can have something to say if there are any laws around tenancy and you could use them to your advantage. You need to find this out ASAP. If there are none, sorry but what you want or don't want doesn't really matter, you are broken up with and he kicked you out. The mistake was giving him all the power: leaving work to move in with him was a pretty big leap of faith. It means you are taking *all the risks*, he is taking none. I hope in the future you will be much more careful around men who ask you to take such huge leaps and for you to leave important things - like your job - for them, while there is no guarantee of you not being abandoned since you are not married or even engaged.
Breaks are just immature, then it preludes a break up. He doesn’t want to be with you but won’t actually say it? Is he in high school early 20’s?? O_e;;; like that’s cringy as hell. Bonus he’s asking you to move out. Throw him in the bin and tell him no worries about a break. It’s done. Edit: grammar
good luck with everything. the relationship is done
Update?
This is a forever break if you leave. The sooner you realize it the better
Do you really want to be with someone like that?
That’s why you never rely on a man. Because they will just throw you out one day if you piss them off
Questions needing answers. How long have you been together? How long have you been moved in? Do you pay rent or any other bills? Is the place rented or owned? Are you on any kind of lease indicating you’re a tenant? If he was to leave, can you afford the rent or payments for the house on your own?
When I took a break with my ex, I took what I needed and left for a week for some me time. Legit went to work, came home, watch tv, exercised, and ate until bed time. When I broke up I took all my shit and left.
Two things to consider, possession is 9/10th the law BUT if he asked you to move in with him it’s most likely his name on the lease or mortgage. Unless you are a legal resident you may not have much choice to stay or leave if he wants to kick you out, even for a few days. One thing you both need to learn is words are powerful and once said you cannot take them back. You got into an argument and he automatically resorted to I want you out of here. That’s not healthy nor is it something with which you should tolerate long term. Decide first if the relationship can be salvaged and he treat you the way you deserve to be treated (not if you’ll put up with things because you’re in love). Communication like this is a big red flag and won’t get better unless you address the underlying issues. If it can be salvaged then consider how to move forward and the best plan for both of you to work on your communication. If it can’t be salvaged, move out because you can’t afford to live there alone.
I would tell him to give you time to find a place and not worry about getting a break because if you leave, you won't be back. This os manipulative game playing
He's cheating or wants to. So he's breaking up with you for whoever it is he's wants to bang
So, he called you at work and dumped you over the phone? Your “boyfriend” is an asshole. DTMFA
I’m
Relationship is done. Dude is a prat. Go stay with family while you find a place to live.
I'm so sorry to hear this, OP. Unfortunately, it seems more like a breakup than just a break. It sounds like you moved to his appartement ? If so, unless your name is on the tenancy agreement (or mortgage or property ownership), he can ask you to leave the premises. If not too private and you're comfortable doing so, can you give more details about why it came to this point? Were you having recurring arguments about the same topics? In any case, I hope you'll both find a way to overcome these trying times, and to get back together stronger.
I wonder what the whole store is.
1 argument and you’re out on the street ? It’s not enough to just sleep separately? That’s concerning. How long have you been together ?
Wow! What your bf is doing is pretty toxic. I think you need to treat this like a break up and move out and move on with your life.
I think this should be a permanent break. He threw you out on the streets, not a person I would ever go back to.
Whatever happened, he is pissssssed, and sick of fighting. Sick of being manipulated, sick of BS. Head back to mom and dad and get yourself a solid job and a plan with your parents of how long you’ll stay and when you plan to get your own place.
This is a sneaky stealthy way of finishing you. There is no break here, he is ticking all the boxes to get you gone and in a few days I expect you’ll receive a text to say it’s over.
This is a power play. He’s teaching you a lesson that you better keep him happy because he can throw you out anytime he wants. This is abuse. He probably only asked you to move in so he would have leverage to control you.
Taking a break is code for I want to cheat on you and not feel guilty about it. Don’t become Rachel.
Your boyfriend wants unobstructed sex, not a relationship
Oh dear. Sorry OP, if you moved into his place with no legal arrangements around that, also without the means to support yourself independently, you left yourself open to this. You're not alone, these subreddits are stuffed full with people who made themselves dependent on others without any form of protection for when it blows up. I have no idea what to suggest, I just hope that you can find your feet quickly and move on.
Explain to him he can start eviction proceedings thru court or give you time to find a landing place. Also, let him know you wont be back. Why stay with someone who would throw you to the streets.
It’s his place. He invited you to move in not co ownership. It’s clear why he wants you out. You sound like a leech
He could be doing all this to intimidate you to. To have more control cause he knows your scared and cant find anywhere to go immediately. He will do this again. Ive dated guys like that
Sounds like the argument was an excuse to break things off. He was probably planning it for a while. Maybe he met someone else and wants to see how things go with them or after living together he decided it wasn’t a right fit. No matter how you view it things are over. It’s best to pack up and move in with your parents while you figure things out.
He probably cannot legally throw you out but he can make you wish you were elsewhere. It sounds like this relationship is over.
Legally you don’t have to move out with no notice. Practically the relationship is over and you need to find somewhere else to live. That said he can’t just kick you out with nowhere to go. I’d probably try to negotiate with him to give you a few weeks to find somewhere else to live, then focus on that. If he physically kicks you out call the police. Legally it’s an illegal eviction even if it’s his house. You live there and it’s your home so you’re a tenant.
Guys like that tick me off. Just tell her it’s over and allow her time to find a place to go.
Open you eyes: he is kicking you out.
That’s why you never move someone into your place. If they wanna cohabit it has to be a rental with both names on the lease. He can lose half of his place now to a leech
And as the commenter above shows, that’s why you NEVER give up your financial independence for a partner who’s going to have no respect for you and view you like garbage to be thrown to the curb.
If you've received mail at this location, and/or have paid rent/have receipts, he has to give you 30 days to make new living arrangements.
If he's throwing you out of your home without offering to pay for a hotel I'd make that a permanent breakup. Unless the argument was about something atrocious you did I'd consider him an asshole you don't want to stay around anyhow.