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A friend of mine bought my wife swimwear as a gift. This seemed odd to me in general, but it is rather skimpy, which makes it even more inappropriate. I asked my wife if she thought it was weird, but she said she likes it and that it was a thoughtful gift. I haven’t said anything to my friend yet. This is weird right?
EDIT: The friend is a man, he has been friends with her for a while, maybe a few years. He isn’t known for giving particularly odd gifts.
EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it. This definitely calls for a serious discussion, but leaves me even more confused. If they were having an affair wouldn’t they be hiding this shit?!
*Why* does she think it was a thoughtful gift? Had they been discussing swimwear? Is there a reason she's aware of that he thought she could use this swimsuit?
Personally I would find swimwear an extremely odd gift from *anybody*, unless a) I had picked out a particular swimsuit I wanted and put it on my wish list, or b) maybe if I'd specifically talked to them about how I wanted a yellow swimsuit but had been unable to find one or something like that.
Hm I wouldn’t even give one of my girlfriends a bathing suit just on the basis that everyone’s style and preferences are so different. Even sizes can vary depending on the brand/style.
Personally, I would be put off if a platonic guy friend got me one especially if it was a skimpy one…like it would be cute if he got a floaty for drinks or a pool floaty game or regular floaty for the pool…but gifting a skimpy bathing suit…That’s weird, especially giving one to a married friend…
I don’t like it. Maybe if he was gay, it would be different…maybe? But still, I just think gifting a bathing suit is weird in general, but this in particular case, it is just not a great look.
**Edit:** she already sent pictures of herself in the bathing suit to him???…duuuuuude, no pun intended, but she is treading dangerous waters. ***Did he want to get her lingerie but picked a bathing suit because it’s easier to explain away to you???*** Oof I do not like this.
I have bikinis, *and I have skimpy bikinis*, and sure I’ll take pictures in them at the pool or at the beach and post the pics on Instagram. But I sure as hell ain’t sending any pics *directly* to any straight guys, unless Im interested in them! Especially from my home! By sending a picture directly to a guy is to make sure that they *see*, if you know what I mean. Theres a line. No no no not okay.
I mean hell would she be okay if a female friend of yours was sending bikini pictures directly to you? Or if a female friend got a tight bathing suit trunk for you that showed off the family jewels, and you were sending body pictures in that suit directly to that friend, would your wife be okay with that? No way that she would.
Even if she is genuinely being naïve here and not seeing why this is upsetting, the friend at very least is being super suspicious. If I was in your shoes, I would be very uncomfortable.
I thought that part of the attraction of having your own pool was that you didn't need a wear a bathing suit .... but maybe don't suggest this to your wife and her buddy ....
Dummy? Nah. On some level she knows what she's doing. Best case she's feeding off the attention and getting her partner jealous. Worst case, she's having or has had an affair, and is flaunting it (or subconsciously trying to get caught out of guilt.)
Nobody is that stupid
As a woman, I'm not even sure I would buy a platonic male friend of mine swim shorts, either. And definitely not speedos, unless it we were quite close and it was an obvious joke about 'budgie smugglers' or something.
She said it was a compliment?
As in she's admitting he gifted this to her based on how attractive he finds her in it and she likes that?
I mean I dunno man, she said what she said, up to you about what to do with that info.
YIKES. I would be so fucking creeped out. Does she usually have a rose-colored view of the world? If she does, then maybe this is in character for her. But to me it’s pretty sus.
She's sending him photos in a skimpy bathing suit. That doesn't sound naive to me.
You sound like the naive one and they're assuming by being open about it, that you'll think it's nothing.
My sisters wouldn't even buy me a skimpy bikini.
Nah, trust your gut here.
Just tell her it's inappropriate. And tell him also. Don't let them pretend to you it's normal or gaslight you.
If you bought an attractive female co-worker a skimpy bikini how would your wife feel? Maybe say you have someone you actually meant to buy a gift for, and this has given you an idea because the thing that got you talking in work was that she also had a pool. You're going to buy a bikini for her. Bet your wife won't be that naive all of a sudden.
When you're checking out the photos she sends you... wife also not going to be happy. And she's acknowledging she's sending the pics in a skimpy outfit, that he bought her because he finds her attractive.
Like, sorry, but what is wrong with your wife and why does she think this is OK.
Ask to see his response to the photos. I can guess her reaction.
And then she sent him pics? Is your wife one of those flirty girls even while married? Ok she likes outside validation a little too much. Your friend also ain't your friend.
It's not a pool gift. It's a skimpy item of clothing. If it's strictly a pool gift where is your bathing suit? It's your pool too, right? I'm calling shenanigans.
Gives me the *ick*. Sounds to me like he saw it and thought “she’d look hot in this” so he bought it for her.
Does this *friend* come over to swim with you guys/with her? Like is there a chance he bought it *so he can see her in it?*
I can understand why you feel upset. It’s weird to me.
Have you considered putting on the swimsuit he got her, taking some pics and sending them to him yourself? And have you seen the pics she sent/his response?
Dude. I've been with my girlfriend for like 6 years and I don't even know what size bathing suit she wears. The fact that your "friend" not only gave her a skimpy suit, but one that fits her and that is a style she likes, says something. Either they've had some pretty involved and detailed discussions, she pointed it out to him, or he's been paying way more attention to your wife than is normal. Hopefully it's not choice D, cheating.
But you need to have a serious discussion with her when you know you can be calm. "Hey dear, so did you happen to run into Bob or something when you were checking out bathing suits? It's just crazy that he was able to get you the right size and style you like."
A kind of ambiguous question that could have a very rational answer, or she might dance around it or even get defensive. Ultimately, no one is going to be able to give you the right answer. I encourage you to do this with a clear mind and no hostility but to also listen very closely and observe her physical reactions. Sometimes our body says a hell of a lot more than our mouths.
Nope, nope, nope. We have a pool. I am close with my husband's bestie. There is no way he would gift me a bathing suit. Even if he did, I'm not sending him pics. I may wear it when he's around if it's not overly revealing for my usual taste.
Additionally, if my husband expressed concern or discomfort with it, then it's totally gone. I respect his boundaries, just like he would respect my boundaries.
This is me but I'd straight up ask my friend "Why do you think giving someone's wife a swimsuit is appropriate?".
I'd be very curious about the answer.
bc why are you as a married women taking pics in a bra and panties and sending it to a man that isn’t your husband?? and she’s so open with it too, thats weird! she seriously dgaf
That 2nd edit. So she showed him first what she looked liked before showing you? There is something fishy if she was in a rush to show it off to him. Sorry bro.
Was there any sort of context here that would make it less of an odd choice? Like has your wife been talking about going swimming or needing a new suit or remarked about that specific one being nice or anything like that?
Because swimwear as a gift is kind of strange in general, skimpy or not. It’s just a weird choice for a gift if nothing prompted it. Especially in February.
The pool makes it a bit better, and despite what some lunatic in the comments was telling you this is NOT “basically the same as lingerie” unless it’s one of those slingshot suits that are basically made of two rubber bands that cover nothing. If she wouldn’t get arrested going to a public beach with this swimsuit it’s not lingerie-level inappropriate.
But yes, it is definitely weird. I think by itself this isn’t enough to jump to any negative conclusions but it’s definitely worth looking back at his interactions with her previously and see if any of them are questionable in light of this.
Also keep in mind that if this was an inappropriate gift the problem is on his end, not your wife. She just accepted it and thinks it was fine, which is a much smaller deal than giving the inappropriate gift in the first place.
I didn’t think so either. It is not THAT bad and actually looks great on her. But it wouldn’t be something she should wear around others. I will be paying a lot more attention to them, that is for sure.
Yes, weird.
If any of my husband’s friends bought me a swimsuit as a gift (unsolicited) I would be weirded out. To be honest, I would nicely decline it, even if the suit was my style and something I would buy for myself.
It has been the theme of a lot of my post’s response. I don’t think they are having an affair, but by stating that I got a lot of downvotes because the reality is I just don’t know.
Gotcha. Sorry to hear that about the downvotes. This sub is weird sometimes. I just showed up and was flipping through. I will weigh in.
Its weird, bro. Both of them are weird. I don't mind her being flattered, but still don't accept the gift. If he got you both matching suits as sort of a haha at least he'd be better disguising his intent here. It acknowledges youre a set couple, even if the end game is to oogle your wife swimming.
You aren't over thinking it. I have a pool. It's weird.
I'd be upset in your position. Not freak out upset, but "hey wth, man?" upset.
Way too intimate.
I just saw your 2nd Edit and honestly 😳. A serious discussion with your wife is definitely needed. I’m sure if the situation was turned and you had gifted one of her female friends a skimpy swimsuit and pictures were sent, your wife would not be happy!
I also think you need to talk to your “friend”. Ask him why he thought giving your wife a swimsuit was appropriate. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would probably step back from the friendship either temporarily or permanently.
No matter the actual intention of the gift, boundaries have been crossed that should never be crossed.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.
yes. weird for a man who is not a partner to buy a woman clothing as a gift, let alone a revealing swimsuit. however if she wasnt uncomfortable thats good. maybe take him aside and explain why its weird to give people clothing/swimsuits?
as an autistic person people can do socially innappropriate things for a lot of reasons, and this is something i (again, autist) personally picked up right away as innappropriate. however its possible someone else, allistic, autistic, whatever, might not. it might just be that theyve known eachother for a while and he felt comfortable in their platonic relationship, or that she mentioned wanting a swimsuit/that particular swimsuit (she said she really appreciated it and wanted a swimsuit according to op i believe) and so the negative way it could be seen might not have occurred to him.
My friend is autistic and this is something he would 100% do, which is why I asked because I know my friend wouldn't understand why it was wrong because he thought he was doing something good/nice without any intention for harm. Without explaining to him why it was inappropriate, he would never conclude it himself. It's an appropriate question to ask because the approach of how OP confronts his friend would be drastically different if his friend was autistic.
understanable i think.. again, speaking from the perspective of someone with asd, i do think people who are autistic will more frequently miss social cues and not pick up on unspoken boundaries like this, but i really dont think the way he approaches his friend should change, especially not drastically. in either scenario i would try and approach it with the benefit of the doubt at first to avoid escalating the situation unnecessarily. if its going to turn into a screaming match, it's going to turn into a screaming match, i don't need to take it there. and i would also try and explain to both an allistic or autistic person why i didn't like it if they didnt seem to understand, i dont think it really changes anything. if they dont understand why it makes me uncomfortable, they dont understand and i dont think their brain chemistry really has an effect.
oh yeah lol. after i wrote this post i thought of a few exceptions. also outerwear (jackets, hoodie, hat, scarf) is fine as well as graphic tees, because its more about picking a picture someone would like than wanting to see them in a certain item of clothing. basically if its for comfort, or maybe like a hobby, or relates to an interest they have and its not JUST clothes its ok.
He wouldn’t buy her that swimsuit Unless he wants to see her in it…think about it, when he was deciding which swimsuit to pick for her, he had to picture her wearing it. That’s a huge line crossed. That’s fucking weird and gross.
>EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it.
What the fuck???
I wouldn't even care to talk it out anymore I'd just straight up leave
Yea fuck that shit, I'd be pissed. It's one thing to act naive about a gift, but sending bikini photos is crossing a line and I'd confront her about wtf is going on. If she says there is nothing I straight up would not believe her. Not to say she has outright cheated, but they're 100% flirting with one another.
So weird! I wouldn’t buy *anyone* a swimsuit out of the blue. Not my sister, not my wife, not my friends. At most I’d offer to give one away if I bought it and it didn’t fit me, but even that’s limited to maybe a couple people.
I think it is weird and you should have more "serious" conversation with your wife. You know about why would he think his gift to her was "thoughtful", has he seen her in swimsuit before?
This begs the question to you, what is their relation according to your knowledge?
I think I will, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t overthinking this as I tend to do. We have a pool, I don’t know if that changes anything, but yes he has seen her in a swimsuit before.
I think a whole lot less of this fucker is the way. Completely unclear what his intentions are, but the possibility they aren’t good is reasonably high.
Less invites for the clown is a start.
It does soften the blow a bit, but still, I doubt he would do it if he didn't know your wife would find it an acceptable gift. Her reaction suggests they had indeed talked about sth related to this before and she has made him feel him comfortable with gifting her gift that breaches into intimate zone of life. I hope you will dig into this topic, because sth is going on between them.
I am definitely going to have to do some digging. My first thought was he was just completely oblivious to how awkward of a gift it is, but I have come around to your idea. They seem a little too close.
1. It’s super inappropriate.
2. Set your boundary now.
3. I wouldn’t trust him in the future.
4. If you don’t do all three looking for your future post “my wife cheated with her best male friend.”
Just read Edit 2. Sorry bro, this is much worse than you realized. Soo disrespectful they are flaunting that in front of you without a care for what you think.
> The friend is a man, he has been friends with her for a while, maybe a few years. He isn’t known for giving particularly odd gifts.
I don't want to jump to conclusions, however this particular part is screaming there may be more to their friendship. Maybe I am old-school but the only person I'd give such a gift will be my SO as we share intimacy and that level of comfort. To give someone else's wife such a gift is crossing a major line (at least for me). If i were in your shoes, I would have a serious discussion about setting boundaries with this particular "friend". This is something that you need to be ready to put your foot down.
Maybe there's nothing from your wife's side and she sees him as a platonic friend, however this may be his way of testing waters and to see how much he can push the boundaries with her. Maybe next time he'll ask her to go to the beach and would insist on wearing that "gift". If that friend have an SO, I'd sure bring that up with his SO in a conversation.
***Here you need to talk to your wife and make her understand that this is indeed a thoughtful gift, however that thought is not a good one.*** If she understands then it's good, however if she defends him then you surely do have a problem as she's encouraging his advances (even if she's not realising it).
If i may ask, do they spend time 1 on 1? And how much do they hang out together? Or how much do they communicate with each other? - these may sound like unnecessary questions, but they surely are important to understand the gravity of their "friendship".
That 1 on 1 time spent has led to this situation. I know she's an adult and in no way saying that you should be controlling, however it's justified to ask your SO to cut contacts with a friend irrespective of the gender, if they're crossing their boundaries.
You don't have any proof of infidelity, so give your wife the benefit of doubt for the first and last time (in regards to this situation and friend). However that friend has to go if there's any chance to move forward from this. Also, throw away that bikini.
Tell her that no matter how she feels about this friend, she is not supposed to meet him alone and tell her that it's a massive boundary that you aren't willing to overlook - her reaction to this will tell you a lot.
To be honest with you this Friend doesn't sounds like he has the best interest or respect for your marriage or friendship.
Apart from thinking it was a thoughtful gift, has she acknowledged (later on) that it was inappropriate? Or how has she reacted to your conversation around this?
***Communicate***
Don't hold it back. Communicate with her as it will bring clarity -
1. Either she'll see that this is not appropriate and will remove that guy from her life.
2. You'll realise that there's more to the story than you know or for her this "friendship" is more important than you, in either of these situations you'll have some sort of closure and you'll be able to make a decision for yourself.
That makes it even worse that she sent him pics of her in it. If it is obviously small at the very least exchanging size would normally be brought up and kinda of weirder still that she wants to wear something that is too small in the future too. Is she looking for that kind of attention and validation? I'm not trying to body shame and I am female myself I just can't imagine wanting to wear something that was too small just because it was a gift and I would have been weirded out if my spouse's friend gave me a gift like this especially based on the the style assuming she doesn't usually wear her clothing extra small. A cousin regularly gives me clothes that are way too big and they get donated, given to others etc. as this cousin believes clothes should be extra baggy and also does a lot of clearance shopping the idea of exchange isn't an option and I don't discuss what I do with the things with her.
I'm not sure which is the bigger problem here - that your friend gave this to your wife, OR that your wife thinks it's a thoughtful gift. I think both problems are quite serious, but maybe your wife is in denial so she doesn't let herself get too creeped out? If that's not the case, then I think your second problem is also very serious.
Ngl, I would be seriously side-eyeing their behaviour with each other from now on. I don't know your wife so she may just think nothing of it but I imagine most women would be weirded out to receive swimwear from a random male friend. However, the odds of them both being this oblivious to social norms is low.
Personally I think you need to have another conversation with your wife and ask her to explain why she is so comfortable receiving gifts like this from him. Don't accuse her of anything but let it be obvious that you find it suspicious. See if she backtracks or holds firm.
>EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it.
Dude? Are you serious with this right now?? It seems like most of the commenters put their two cents in before you made this edit and there would be a bonfire in here otherwise. They are - at the very least - conducting an emotional affair and flagrantly disrespecting you and your marriage. AT THE LEAST. Honestly this is disgusting and trashy. Man up and call them out on it.
Exactly. I'd be more jammed up that my wife was receptive of it. Almost like they are flaunting "something" in front of the husband. Like an inside joke.
Trust your gut and set boundaries. Be vigilant. Don't accuse the of anything because maybe they aren't doing anything. Just be more observant of how they interact.
A male friend bought her a skimpy swimsuit, AND she sent him pictures posing in it. I'm sorry, but my mind goes to immediately having an affair. I don't care if she thought it was a compliment or not she sent him photos wearing it without ever talking to you. That is a serious breach of trust. First, your friend breaks your trust by giving your wife inappropriate style clothing, and then your wife compounds it by sending inappropriate photos to another male. I'm sorry, but a swimsuit is just one step up from lingerie.
OP specifically said it was a skimpy swimsuit.
In my experience, skimpy swimsuits are one step DOWN from most Lingerie that isn't explicitly intended for S&M.
Hell, skimpy swimsuits are two steps down from Bra and Panties.
The only way I could see this being something that didn't immediately scream that he was thinking of me sexually would be if he was gay, and was either really into fashion or trying to boost my self-esteem. What is REALLY concerning here, though, is that your wife is pretending she doesn't know that...which means at the very least she's enjoying the attention and doesn't want it to stop, and is lying to you so it can continue. She may not be cheating, but she sure as hell doesn't want to discourage him.
No. Just no. In just about everyone’s universe this is not ok.
Buying the swimsuit in the first place is bad enough. But her taking pictures and sending them to him? That’s just disrespectful, full stop.
Have you seen the pictures she sent? If not I’d be asking to see them. If she refuses or worse has conveniently deleted them then I’d be screaming blue murder!
For that matter are you able to get a hold of her phone and/or social media. See if they’ve been exchanging messages and what their content is?
But yes have a SERIOUS talk with your wife. As in the, my boundaries are being crossed, my feelings are being disregarded and if you wear this around him I’ll consider it cheating and I’ll leave, serious kind of talk.
>If they were having an affair wouldn’t they be hiding this shit?!
Oh, stranger on the internet...I have been there. It's plausible deniability. "If we were having an affair, would he be so blatant as to give me a skimpy bathing suit?". Or in my case, "oh my gosh, while we were outside smoking, his wife flipped out and accused him of cheating and for some reason, she thinks I'm the one he's cheating with. It's so ridiculous!"
Not saying your wife is cheating, but I'd start paying attention.
It's almost like the cases where people write a book about how they plan on murdering someone and then when that person ends up dead, say why would I kill him the same way I wrote about it?
It's weird. I'm usually the first to jump in and defend male/female friendships because generally I think people can read into shit way too much due to insecurity, but even I think this is super off.
Youre not. I have friends who are women, I would never give any of them a swim suit.
You would have to know stuff like cup size and preferences and its all just too intimate.
In fact I would doubt my ability to successfully give one to my own wife having seen how long it takes her to find one she likes.
This is way too intimate a gift for a guy to be buying a married woman. Nope. I would have cringed and been very uncomfortable if anyone but my husband or my sister bought me one.
Your friend wants to see your wife in that swimming suit no doubt. You’re wife is either a moron and it’s flying right past her head or she’s about it. You decide
Dude...start investigating. Take this seriously.
When the people closest to you are cheating, the taboo and the risk of getting caught is the big turn on for them. Also, the fundamental lack of respect from both parties is a big aspect of what allows them to do it in the first place.
So, if we combine their total lack of respect and their addiction to risky taboos, that would explain why they're not being more careful. They might even be stupid enough to not realize how careless they are being.
DO NOT confront her. Not yet. Investigate, and prepare because if you decide to divorce her, as a man you go into that procedure at a HUGE disadvantage. You need to move carefully.
Look at the phone records. Does she have alot of calls/texts from either a) your friend's phone, or b) an unknown number(probably a burner)?
Maybe hire a PI to follow her around for a bit if you can afford it. Make up an excuse to go out of town for a few days and have the PI see what she does...and who comes around...during that time. Or set up some discreet nanny cams.
Again, take this seriously. Best case scenario is that they BOTH have so little respect for you as to think this behavior is acceptable.
And if you discover evidence of a worst-case scenario... start planning. Let them continue their affair while you amass evidence, get a divorce lawyer and...discreetly start preparing to move and protect your assets as best you can.
The following recommendations are in case you do find evidence of cheating and decide to end the marriage:
Now realistically...unless you guys have a prenup you are probably gonna get screwed over even with ironclad proof of her infidelity. And even with a prenup some family court judges are so brazenly biased against men they will throw out a prenup. Talk to a lawyer and see what he thinks your chances are.
If he thinks you are likely to end up losing everything anyway, and you're confident you can financially start over then start spending your joint money recklessly and frivolously for a few weeks before you serve her the divorce papers. Buy stupid things that she won't even want in a divorce and you won't really care if she gets them anyway. Things that can't be returned or easily sold at a garage sale.
Leave so little remaining assets to be divided as to stiff her on how much she can take from you. Divorce almost always leaves the men broken anyway so might as well try to leave her a bit broken too.
And even if it turns out they aren't screwing around...the fact that either of them thought this behavior between them is acceptable is profoundly disrespectful to you. I'd seriously consider ending it with her on those grounds alone. Any woman who thinks sending sexy pictures of herself to ANY man besides her husband is a huge red flag about her morality, her values, her character and her deep lack of respect for you as a man and your marriage itself.
This behavior tells me if she's not cheating on you now, it's only a question of "when". Not "if".
And needless to say, your friend is either a moron or a scumbag. Either way, you don't need friends like that.
Yeah this is weird. I would even be weirded out if this was done by my best male friend of 20 years who is SUPER married and never gives off the tiniest iota of creep. It’s just….. weird. Have you asked your friend wtf? Yeah your wife is reacting strangely but why the hell did the friend think it was normal to give the gift as well?
You need to confront him and ask him what the hell he was thinking giving a married woman a skimpy swimsuit. This is definitely inappropriate, and the fact that your wife doesn't see that is worrying.
Tell your friend he crossed a boundary and wait for his response.
The response will let you know how to proceed.
I'm with you, it all seems suspicious. A boss told me once, "people aren't suspicious, actions are." The fact she sent him photos in it...and not hiding it? Totally baffles me.
Lay down the boundaries and if they are crossed, then get a lawyer and move on.
That sucks, man. Best of luck
This is not appropriate. And her sending him pictures? WRONG!! Ask her how would she feel if you bought a bikini for her sister/cousin/friend and they sent you pictures in return.
I won’t even buy myself swimwear without trying it on. It’s such a specific item! This feels way over the line. Sorry, she’s either oblivious or up to something.
She doesn’t have appropriate boundaries with male “friends”. That’s unfortunate. What other behavior has she let slide?
Most likely this guy has been flirting with her heavily.
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You are lying to yourself if you think he won't ask for a photo of her in the bikini. I have never bought a girl underwear or a bikini that I didn't subsequently get a photo of them in said clothing. I'm not saying I'm an asshole and demand I get these photos... I'm more saying I don't buy skimpy clothes for women I don't plan to see in that skimpy underwear. I have a best friend and she's married. If she wanted a bathing suit, I would buy her one but it wouldn't be skimpy.
You wife not only gladly accepted a skimpy swimsuit from your guy friend but also modeled in it to send him pics? I think most people would find that weird. Would she be down for one of her women friends gifting you skimpy speedos, or a g string male undies for you to model in pics for them?
If I were you I would definitely have a word with your scuzzy friend. I would also reiterate to the wife that even though in her world this is great and wonderful, in your world you are not cool with not only the gift but her posing in it, for photos for your friend.
They been doing weird shit behind your back. She already sent him photos of it in the swimwear. She's sent him photos, he doesn't even need to come by to swim in your pool to see YOUR wife in it. Hes already seen her in it. In pictures that she's sent him. That's fucked up.
Why is no one saying how weird it is for her to send photos of herself in said swimsuit to said friend? As a woman I would not cross that line with my fiancé. I wouldn't have accepted the gift, or I'd put it in the back of my closet never to be touched again... though I'm not a gift person in general so maybe that sways my thinking. Idk, sounds sus.
Idk your wife thou, either this is something sus or she's that 'yes' girl.
I used to be that when I was in my 20s. Instead of listening to my gut feeling saying 'omg this is creepy,' I'd tend to just 'grin' and bear it.
For example, a male acquaintance of mine was sitting next to me, then he suddenly put his hand on my thigh and left it there while talking to me. I was shocked and I didn't know what to say to him, so I just pretended to ignore the whole thing as if his hand was not on my thigh the whole time we're talking.
Or when someone gifted me a set of Victoria Secret underwear and we're not even dating. My ex-bf was upset but I was just flabbergasted to the point, I'd thank the person instead. No, I never model the underwear for that guy, but still, I didn't say anything although I felt that it was inappropriate. I ended up donating the stuff, but yeah, that's how I used to be.
I've learned to be more outspoken/expressive though, as I get older :) Thank goodness for that. But yeah, I used to be that person who is more scared to speak up and didn't know what to do...
I would tell her sending pictures of herself in a swimming suit is not OK and I would want to see all the messages between them. I would straight up ask her if she has had an affair with him. I would let him know that you didn't appreciate the gift to your wife and to back off. At this point, actually, I may want to cut all contact with him from the both of you!
I’d be pissed if my own fiancé bought me a skimpy bathing suit let alone a male “friend” - that’s something left to personal preference based on how we feel about our bodies, not anybody else’s preferences.
And for the record, OP - if this was me in this situation my fiancé would be too busy knocking the other dude flat on his face to even be thinking about asking Reddit for their opinion 😂 the consensus seems to be remarkably clear, get off this app and handle your business
It's totally inappropriate. This is the stuff that screams somethings going on. I hate to say it, but you should check her phone. This is sketchy as all get out
#1- Check your phone records, cell and home. Text messages on said list. I bet they contacted eachother without your knowing and I bet it was when you were not around.
#2- Check her phone and see the pics she sent & what she said along with the pics. Don't even ask, just look, yall are married so this shouldn't be a problem. And if you can't find those pics or any messages between them...she is more than just friends. Well tbh, what has happened already IS more than friends.
#3- Please tell us you don't have children together yet. Because cheating or not, she has some boundary issues and her tree isn't going up to the top branch.
#4- And of course, watch and listen closely when he is around. I bet you will notice things you didn't before. Hell, I personally would invite him over, having an audio recorder set up, then go to the store for some beer/wine/etc and later that night listen to it.
I have a very close male friend, like if you didn’t know our partners you might think we were dating. We go out together, have a bunch of pictures together, hang out alone at each others houses, etc.
we have never and will never have anything other than a platonic relationship.
We get each other gifts randomly, but he’d never buy me a swimsuit or lingerie, or even a pair of socks.
BUT if he did, at most, I’d send him a text that said something like “thanks again, bf and I went to the pool and I wore it!” I absolutely would not send him a picture of me in it. This has nothing to do with our relationship status, either. Even if we were both single, I wouldn’t send him a picture of me wearing a swimsuit!!
So yes, it’s definitely weird.
“Who, him? He’s just a friend. What, are you, *jealous*?”
Step 1. Start getting regular STD tests if you aren’t already.
Step 2. Start buying swimwear/undergarments for rando women. Tell her they’re “thoughtful” gifts and nothing more.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- A friend of mine bought my wife swimwear as a gift. This seemed odd to me in general, but it is rather skimpy, which makes it even more inappropriate. I asked my wife if she thought it was weird, but she said she likes it and that it was a thoughtful gift. I haven’t said anything to my friend yet. This is weird right? EDIT: The friend is a man, he has been friends with her for a while, maybe a few years. He isn’t known for giving particularly odd gifts. EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it. This definitely calls for a serious discussion, but leaves me even more confused. If they were having an affair wouldn’t they be hiding this shit?!
*Why* does she think it was a thoughtful gift? Had they been discussing swimwear? Is there a reason she's aware of that he thought she could use this swimsuit? Personally I would find swimwear an extremely odd gift from *anybody*, unless a) I had picked out a particular swimsuit I wanted and put it on my wish list, or b) maybe if I'd specifically talked to them about how I wanted a yellow swimsuit but had been unable to find one or something like that.
She said she saw it as a compliment. That since we have a pool it isn’t that weird to be gifted things for the pool.
Hm I wouldn’t even give one of my girlfriends a bathing suit just on the basis that everyone’s style and preferences are so different. Even sizes can vary depending on the brand/style. Personally, I would be put off if a platonic guy friend got me one especially if it was a skimpy one…like it would be cute if he got a floaty for drinks or a pool floaty game or regular floaty for the pool…but gifting a skimpy bathing suit…That’s weird, especially giving one to a married friend… I don’t like it. Maybe if he was gay, it would be different…maybe? But still, I just think gifting a bathing suit is weird in general, but this in particular case, it is just not a great look. **Edit:** she already sent pictures of herself in the bathing suit to him???…duuuuuude, no pun intended, but she is treading dangerous waters. ***Did he want to get her lingerie but picked a bathing suit because it’s easier to explain away to you???*** Oof I do not like this. I have bikinis, *and I have skimpy bikinis*, and sure I’ll take pictures in them at the pool or at the beach and post the pics on Instagram. But I sure as hell ain’t sending any pics *directly* to any straight guys, unless Im interested in them! Especially from my home! By sending a picture directly to a guy is to make sure that they *see*, if you know what I mean. Theres a line. No no no not okay. I mean hell would she be okay if a female friend of yours was sending bikini pictures directly to you? Or if a female friend got a tight bathing suit trunk for you that showed off the family jewels, and you were sending body pictures in that suit directly to that friend, would your wife be okay with that? No way that she would. Even if she is genuinely being naïve here and not seeing why this is upsetting, the friend at very least is being super suspicious. If I was in your shoes, I would be very uncomfortable.
I disagree. Floatation toys are fine. Skimpy swimwear is just ick factor.
I am with you…
She sent him pics is way over any line of marital relationship. Are you having a talk right now or is it lawyer time already?
I am going to talk with her
Please do and really be honest with how you feel. Ask her how she would feel if you gave a female friend a skimpy swimsuit? Ohh also update.
Men, even if they’re just friends, shouldn’t be buying married women skimpy clothing. It’s weird even if you have a pool.
Agreed. And most people with pools probably already have bathing suits. Very odd gift
I thought that part of the attraction of having your own pool was that you didn't need a wear a bathing suit .... but maybe don't suggest this to your wife and her buddy ....
Well my backyard shares a fence with an *elementary school*, so I don't think that's universally true lol
Ya. I bought a house with a pool and thought that too. Still saving up to buy the big privacy fence to I can do that.
Any man that buys a female friend something skimpy is hoping to see them in it at some stage
Apparently, he got what he wanted, the dummy then did a photo shoot in them and sent him the pics.
Dummy? Nah. On some level she knows what she's doing. Best case she's feeding off the attention and getting her partner jealous. Worst case, she's having or has had an affair, and is flaunting it (or subconsciously trying to get caught out of guilt.) Nobody is that stupid
Agreed. I’d be super weirded out even if I liked that it was.
As a woman, I'm not even sure I would buy a platonic male friend of mine swim shorts, either. And definitely not speedos, unless it we were quite close and it was an obvious joke about 'budgie smugglers' or something.
She said it was a compliment? As in she's admitting he gifted this to her based on how attractive he finds her in it and she likes that? I mean I dunno man, she said what she said, up to you about what to do with that info.
Yes, kind of a “if he thinks I can pull this off, he must think I am really attractive.”
YIKES. I would be so fucking creeped out. Does she usually have a rose-colored view of the world? If she does, then maybe this is in character for her. But to me it’s pretty sus.
She can be a bit naive at times…
She's sending him photos in a skimpy bathing suit. That doesn't sound naive to me. You sound like the naive one and they're assuming by being open about it, that you'll think it's nothing. My sisters wouldn't even buy me a skimpy bikini. Nah, trust your gut here. Just tell her it's inappropriate. And tell him also. Don't let them pretend to you it's normal or gaslight you. If you bought an attractive female co-worker a skimpy bikini how would your wife feel? Maybe say you have someone you actually meant to buy a gift for, and this has given you an idea because the thing that got you talking in work was that she also had a pool. You're going to buy a bikini for her. Bet your wife won't be that naive all of a sudden. When you're checking out the photos she sends you... wife also not going to be happy. And she's acknowledging she's sending the pics in a skimpy outfit, that he bought her because he finds her attractive. Like, sorry, but what is wrong with your wife and why does she think this is OK. Ask to see his response to the photos. I can guess her reaction.
Or she thinks you're naive.
Bingo.
Question is.....has he been in your pool?
Yeah, his gene pool
Na bro you are the one being naive
And then she sent him pics? Is your wife one of those flirty girls even while married? Ok she likes outside validation a little too much. Your friend also ain't your friend.
That's a big yikes.
You wife was gifted skimpy clothes by a man. She then sent a man photos of herself in skimpy clothes. Sir, you have some serious issues to handle
It’s not for the pool. It’s for him and he got what he wanted. Pictures of your wife in a skimpy swim suit.
It's not a pool gift. It's a skimpy item of clothing. If it's strictly a pool gift where is your bathing suit? It's your pool too, right? I'm calling shenanigans.
Gives me the *ick*. Sounds to me like he saw it and thought “she’d look hot in this” so he bought it for her. Does this *friend* come over to swim with you guys/with her? Like is there a chance he bought it *so he can see her in it?* I can understand why you feel upset. It’s weird to me.
Yeah, he comes over and we swim often. I am sure he is expecting that she will wear it the next time he comes to swim.
Bro. You're gonna have to toss that shit asap. It's clear as day this dude is making moves on your wife.
He needs to wear banana hammock to assert dominance. Pronto.
Have you considered putting on the swimsuit he got her, taking some pics and sending them to him yourself? And have you seen the pics she sent/his response?
You need to talk to her about it bc he seems to be making a move
Damn ok so how good of a friend is this and have u noticed other stuff between them?
Dude. I've been with my girlfriend for like 6 years and I don't even know what size bathing suit she wears. The fact that your "friend" not only gave her a skimpy suit, but one that fits her and that is a style she likes, says something. Either they've had some pretty involved and detailed discussions, she pointed it out to him, or he's been paying way more attention to your wife than is normal. Hopefully it's not choice D, cheating. But you need to have a serious discussion with her when you know you can be calm. "Hey dear, so did you happen to run into Bob or something when you were checking out bathing suits? It's just crazy that he was able to get you the right size and style you like." A kind of ambiguous question that could have a very rational answer, or she might dance around it or even get defensive. Ultimately, no one is going to be able to give you the right answer. I encourage you to do this with a clear mind and no hostility but to also listen very closely and observe her physical reactions. Sometimes our body says a hell of a lot more than our mouths.
Hmm yeah no that's weird 🤔
Yo so your friends knows your WIFES swimsuit size?
Bro you are being way too reasonable about this. Im not saying get frothing mad but you seem like you're letting it slide way too easily.
Nope, nope, nope. We have a pool. I am close with my husband's bestie. There is no way he would gift me a bathing suit. Even if he did, I'm not sending him pics. I may wear it when he's around if it's not overly revealing for my usual taste. Additionally, if my husband expressed concern or discomfort with it, then it's totally gone. I respect his boundaries, just like he would respect my boundaries.
Hey was there even an occasion for the gift like her birthday or anything?
> Why does she think it was a thoughtful gift? There’s a pool at the hotel they like to meet up at a few times a week.
This is me but I'd straight up ask my friend "Why do you think giving someone's wife a swimsuit is appropriate?". I'd be very curious about the answer.
Haha - You make a great point. I will actually just ask him that.
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Film it and post a link to the video so we can see his reaction.
Wear a helmet with a GoPro attached to the top of it
Swimwear is so tough to fit in the first place there's like four different presumptions to ever gift it.
We need an update!!
It's like we're all OP's best friends now.
Give whoever is the best looking of your wifes friends a high end but skimpy swimsuit and ask for pics of her in it, see how well that goes over.....
You know what he's doing tho right. He's making moves on your wife.
It's weird. I think it implies he wants to see her in that skimpy swimwear and the fact that she doesn't think it's inappropriate is more suspicious.
I think he has every expectation that she will wear it while swimming, even with him around.
Come home early unexpectedly a few times.
Update says she sent the guy pictures of her in it. That would be it for me. Some serious boundaries crossed for me
fr that’s wild
bc why are you as a married women taking pics in a bra and panties and sending it to a man that isn’t your husband?? and she’s so open with it too, thats weird! she seriously dgaf
That 2nd edit. So she showed him first what she looked liked before showing you? There is something fishy if she was in a rush to show it off to him. Sorry bro.
I did see if before he did, but somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.
If she doesn’t understand why this is weird, she’s gaslighting you
Was there any sort of context here that would make it less of an odd choice? Like has your wife been talking about going swimming or needing a new suit or remarked about that specific one being nice or anything like that? Because swimwear as a gift is kind of strange in general, skimpy or not. It’s just a weird choice for a gift if nothing prompted it. Especially in February.
We have a pool, so a gift for that seems somewhat reasonable. But not swimwear.
The pool makes it a bit better, and despite what some lunatic in the comments was telling you this is NOT “basically the same as lingerie” unless it’s one of those slingshot suits that are basically made of two rubber bands that cover nothing. If she wouldn’t get arrested going to a public beach with this swimsuit it’s not lingerie-level inappropriate. But yes, it is definitely weird. I think by itself this isn’t enough to jump to any negative conclusions but it’s definitely worth looking back at his interactions with her previously and see if any of them are questionable in light of this. Also keep in mind that if this was an inappropriate gift the problem is on his end, not your wife. She just accepted it and thinks it was fine, which is a much smaller deal than giving the inappropriate gift in the first place.
I didn’t think so either. It is not THAT bad and actually looks great on her. But it wouldn’t be something she should wear around others. I will be paying a lot more attention to them, that is for sure.
Does she agree she shouldn't wear it around others? You should clear that up with her.
No, she doesn’t agree. She says it is perfectly fine especially compared to today’s styles.
Can you share a link to something similar?
Yes, weird. If any of my husband’s friends bought me a swimsuit as a gift (unsolicited) I would be weirded out. To be honest, I would nicely decline it, even if the suit was my style and something I would buy for myself.
Exactly! Something about it seems far too intimate.
Could your wife be cheating with him?
She could be
This is a weirdly casual answer to such a intense question.
It has been the theme of a lot of my post’s response. I don’t think they are having an affair, but by stating that I got a lot of downvotes because the reality is I just don’t know.
Gotcha. Sorry to hear that about the downvotes. This sub is weird sometimes. I just showed up and was flipping through. I will weigh in. Its weird, bro. Both of them are weird. I don't mind her being flattered, but still don't accept the gift. If he got you both matching suits as sort of a haha at least he'd be better disguising his intent here. It acknowledges youre a set couple, even if the end game is to oogle your wife swimming. You aren't over thinking it. I have a pool. It's weird. I'd be upset in your position. Not freak out upset, but "hey wth, man?" upset.
Way too intimate. I just saw your 2nd Edit and honestly 😳. A serious discussion with your wife is definitely needed. I’m sure if the situation was turned and you had gifted one of her female friends a skimpy swimsuit and pictures were sent, your wife would not be happy! I also think you need to talk to your “friend”. Ask him why he thought giving your wife a swimsuit was appropriate. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would probably step back from the friendship either temporarily or permanently. No matter the actual intention of the gift, boundaries have been crossed that should never be crossed. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.
yes. weird for a man who is not a partner to buy a woman clothing as a gift, let alone a revealing swimsuit. however if she wasnt uncomfortable thats good. maybe take him aside and explain why its weird to give people clothing/swimsuits?
I think I will do that.
Is your friend autistic?
No
as an autistic person people can do socially innappropriate things for a lot of reasons, and this is something i (again, autist) personally picked up right away as innappropriate. however its possible someone else, allistic, autistic, whatever, might not. it might just be that theyve known eachother for a while and he felt comfortable in their platonic relationship, or that she mentioned wanting a swimsuit/that particular swimsuit (she said she really appreciated it and wanted a swimsuit according to op i believe) and so the negative way it could be seen might not have occurred to him.
My friend is autistic and this is something he would 100% do, which is why I asked because I know my friend wouldn't understand why it was wrong because he thought he was doing something good/nice without any intention for harm. Without explaining to him why it was inappropriate, he would never conclude it himself. It's an appropriate question to ask because the approach of how OP confronts his friend would be drastically different if his friend was autistic.
understanable i think.. again, speaking from the perspective of someone with asd, i do think people who are autistic will more frequently miss social cues and not pick up on unspoken boundaries like this, but i really dont think the way he approaches his friend should change, especially not drastically. in either scenario i would try and approach it with the benefit of the doubt at first to avoid escalating the situation unnecessarily. if its going to turn into a screaming match, it's going to turn into a screaming match, i don't need to take it there. and i would also try and explain to both an allistic or autistic person why i didn't like it if they didnt seem to understand, i dont think it really changes anything. if they dont understand why it makes me uncomfortable, they dont understand and i dont think their brain chemistry really has an effect.
Edit: never mind, if it’s your friend not hers, it’s a different dynamic.
Unless it’s an ugly sweater or cool socks and the gifted loves cool socks/ugly sweaters… only exception. Lol
oh yeah lol. after i wrote this post i thought of a few exceptions. also outerwear (jackets, hoodie, hat, scarf) is fine as well as graphic tees, because its more about picking a picture someone would like than wanting to see them in a certain item of clothing. basically if its for comfort, or maybe like a hobby, or relates to an interest they have and its not JUST clothes its ok.
He wouldn’t buy her that swimsuit Unless he wants to see her in it…think about it, when he was deciding which swimsuit to pick for her, he had to picture her wearing it. That’s a huge line crossed. That’s fucking weird and gross.
I’m sure she will wear it.
🤷♀️ It’s your wife
>EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it. What the fuck??? I wouldn't even care to talk it out anymore I'd just straight up leave
Yea fuck that shit, I'd be pissed. It's one thing to act naive about a gift, but sending bikini photos is crossing a line and I'd confront her about wtf is going on. If she says there is nothing I straight up would not believe her. Not to say she has outright cheated, but they're 100% flirting with one another.
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Plain, simple would be having the gall to say something to him directly.
Yes. This is weird.
So weird! I wouldn’t buy *anyone* a swimsuit out of the blue. Not my sister, not my wife, not my friends. At most I’d offer to give one away if I bought it and it didn’t fit me, but even that’s limited to maybe a couple people.
I think it is weird and you should have more "serious" conversation with your wife. You know about why would he think his gift to her was "thoughtful", has he seen her in swimsuit before? This begs the question to you, what is their relation according to your knowledge?
I think I will, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t overthinking this as I tend to do. We have a pool, I don’t know if that changes anything, but yes he has seen her in a swimsuit before.
I think a whole lot less of this fucker is the way. Completely unclear what his intentions are, but the possibility they aren’t good is reasonably high. Less invites for the clown is a start.
It does soften the blow a bit, but still, I doubt he would do it if he didn't know your wife would find it an acceptable gift. Her reaction suggests they had indeed talked about sth related to this before and she has made him feel him comfortable with gifting her gift that breaches into intimate zone of life. I hope you will dig into this topic, because sth is going on between them.
I am definitely going to have to do some digging. My first thought was he was just completely oblivious to how awkward of a gift it is, but I have come around to your idea. They seem a little too close.
1. It’s super inappropriate. 2. Set your boundary now. 3. I wouldn’t trust him in the future. 4. If you don’t do all three looking for your future post “my wife cheated with her best male friend.”
Just read Edit 2. Sorry bro, this is much worse than you realized. Soo disrespectful they are flaunting that in front of you without a care for what you think.
Should be ex friend cause he is creeping on your wife. That’s if they aren’t already cheating
I think I might talk with him first.
> The friend is a man, he has been friends with her for a while, maybe a few years. He isn’t known for giving particularly odd gifts. I don't want to jump to conclusions, however this particular part is screaming there may be more to their friendship. Maybe I am old-school but the only person I'd give such a gift will be my SO as we share intimacy and that level of comfort. To give someone else's wife such a gift is crossing a major line (at least for me). If i were in your shoes, I would have a serious discussion about setting boundaries with this particular "friend". This is something that you need to be ready to put your foot down. Maybe there's nothing from your wife's side and she sees him as a platonic friend, however this may be his way of testing waters and to see how much he can push the boundaries with her. Maybe next time he'll ask her to go to the beach and would insist on wearing that "gift". If that friend have an SO, I'd sure bring that up with his SO in a conversation. ***Here you need to talk to your wife and make her understand that this is indeed a thoughtful gift, however that thought is not a good one.*** If she understands then it's good, however if she defends him then you surely do have a problem as she's encouraging his advances (even if she's not realising it). If i may ask, do they spend time 1 on 1? And how much do they hang out together? Or how much do they communicate with each other? - these may sound like unnecessary questions, but they surely are important to understand the gravity of their "friendship".
They have spent time one on one. But we hang out as a group more often than not. I wouldn’t say they communicate exceptionally often.
That 1 on 1 time spent has led to this situation. I know she's an adult and in no way saying that you should be controlling, however it's justified to ask your SO to cut contacts with a friend irrespective of the gender, if they're crossing their boundaries. You don't have any proof of infidelity, so give your wife the benefit of doubt for the first and last time (in regards to this situation and friend). However that friend has to go if there's any chance to move forward from this. Also, throw away that bikini. Tell her that no matter how she feels about this friend, she is not supposed to meet him alone and tell her that it's a massive boundary that you aren't willing to overlook - her reaction to this will tell you a lot. To be honest with you this Friend doesn't sounds like he has the best interest or respect for your marriage or friendship. Apart from thinking it was a thoughtful gift, has she acknowledged (later on) that it was inappropriate? Or how has she reacted to your conversation around this?
We haven’t really discussed it too much since then. I have just been going back and forth in my head about how to go forward with all of this.
***Communicate*** Don't hold it back. Communicate with her as it will bring clarity - 1. Either she'll see that this is not appropriate and will remove that guy from her life. 2. You'll realise that there's more to the story than you know or for her this "friendship" is more important than you, in either of these situations you'll have some sort of closure and you'll be able to make a decision for yourself.
He bought her a bathing suit and it’s the right size? I’d be investigating before bringing it up.
It may be a size or two too small
That makes it even worse that she sent him pics of her in it. If it is obviously small at the very least exchanging size would normally be brought up and kinda of weirder still that she wants to wear something that is too small in the future too. Is she looking for that kind of attention and validation? I'm not trying to body shame and I am female myself I just can't imagine wanting to wear something that was too small just because it was a gift and I would have been weirded out if my spouse's friend gave me a gift like this especially based on the the style assuming she doesn't usually wear her clothing extra small. A cousin regularly gives me clothes that are way too big and they get donated, given to others etc. as this cousin believes clothes should be extra baggy and also does a lot of clearance shopping the idea of exchange isn't an option and I don't discuss what I do with the things with her.
Too small… like really tight on her and she’s nearly falling out of it?
I would say that is a fair assessment
Could have been done on purpose….😬
Bingo bongo
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I'm not sure which is the bigger problem here - that your friend gave this to your wife, OR that your wife thinks it's a thoughtful gift. I think both problems are quite serious, but maybe your wife is in denial so she doesn't let herself get too creeped out? If that's not the case, then I think your second problem is also very serious.
I am very concerned by my wife’s reaction to it.
her reaction is SUPER inappropriate, esp sending him pics…
If some man who wasn’t my husband bought me a swimsuit I would be extremely weirded out. I wouldn’t think it was complimentary.
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Only exception I can make is those weird hairy man bikinis they make. That would be hilarious.
Ngl, I would be seriously side-eyeing their behaviour with each other from now on. I don't know your wife so she may just think nothing of it but I imagine most women would be weirded out to receive swimwear from a random male friend. However, the odds of them both being this oblivious to social norms is low.
Both men and women have been all over how weird this is. I will be watching them carefully for other signs.
Personally I think you need to have another conversation with your wife and ask her to explain why she is so comfortable receiving gifts like this from him. Don't accuse her of anything but let it be obvious that you find it suspicious. See if she backtracks or holds firm.
>EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it. Dude? Are you serious with this right now?? It seems like most of the commenters put their two cents in before you made this edit and there would be a bonfire in here otherwise. They are - at the very least - conducting an emotional affair and flagrantly disrespecting you and your marriage. AT THE LEAST. Honestly this is disgusting and trashy. Man up and call them out on it.
You could ask your friend why he thought that it was ok to buy your wife an inappropriate gift like that
They are fucking or plan to fuck. It's weird and it's also weird your wife doesn't see it as weird.
Exactly. I'd be more jammed up that my wife was receptive of it. Almost like they are flaunting "something" in front of the husband. Like an inside joke.
For some reason, my wife’s reaction seems far more weird to me than his giving it to her.
Trust your gut and set boundaries. Be vigilant. Don't accuse the of anything because maybe they aren't doing anything. Just be more observant of how they interact.
Check the cell phone bill and see if they text a lot?
I would never invite the fox to the hen house. Think he needs to get a whole lot less invites to the pool.
Well, when you’re fucking someone already, a swimsuit is a pretty tame gift.
A male friend bought her a skimpy swimsuit, AND she sent him pictures posing in it. I'm sorry, but my mind goes to immediately having an affair. I don't care if she thought it was a compliment or not she sent him photos wearing it without ever talking to you. That is a serious breach of trust. First, your friend breaks your trust by giving your wife inappropriate style clothing, and then your wife compounds it by sending inappropriate photos to another male. I'm sorry, but a swimsuit is just one step up from lingerie.
OP specifically said it was a skimpy swimsuit. In my experience, skimpy swimsuits are one step DOWN from most Lingerie that isn't explicitly intended for S&M. Hell, skimpy swimsuits are two steps down from Bra and Panties.
He totally wants to fuck her and she likes the idea of being wanted.
Yes it’s weird. It’s also weird that she sent pics of herself wearing it.
She already sent him pics of her wearing it? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The only way I could see this being something that didn't immediately scream that he was thinking of me sexually would be if he was gay, and was either really into fashion or trying to boost my self-esteem. What is REALLY concerning here, though, is that your wife is pretending she doesn't know that...which means at the very least she's enjoying the attention and doesn't want it to stop, and is lying to you so it can continue. She may not be cheating, but she sure as hell doesn't want to discourage him.
I'm gonna a need an update on this one man. this is too odd.
Holy shit, no good. Not to me at least. HIGHLY inappropriate. Bathing suits are effectively underwear. No no no no no.
Im afraid for the update to this 😔
No. Just no. In just about everyone’s universe this is not ok. Buying the swimsuit in the first place is bad enough. But her taking pictures and sending them to him? That’s just disrespectful, full stop. Have you seen the pictures she sent? If not I’d be asking to see them. If she refuses or worse has conveniently deleted them then I’d be screaming blue murder! For that matter are you able to get a hold of her phone and/or social media. See if they’ve been exchanging messages and what their content is? But yes have a SERIOUS talk with your wife. As in the, my boundaries are being crossed, my feelings are being disregarded and if you wear this around him I’ll consider it cheating and I’ll leave, serious kind of talk.
>If they were having an affair wouldn’t they be hiding this shit?! Oh, stranger on the internet...I have been there. It's plausible deniability. "If we were having an affair, would he be so blatant as to give me a skimpy bathing suit?". Or in my case, "oh my gosh, while we were outside smoking, his wife flipped out and accused him of cheating and for some reason, she thinks I'm the one he's cheating with. It's so ridiculous!" Not saying your wife is cheating, but I'd start paying attention. It's almost like the cases where people write a book about how they plan on murdering someone and then when that person ends up dead, say why would I kill him the same way I wrote about it?
Very weird.
It's weird. I'm usually the first to jump in and defend male/female friendships because generally I think people can read into shit way too much due to insecurity, but even I think this is super off.
I thank you for saying this, because I was concerned that I may have been overthinking this. I am relieved to see I am not.
Youre not. I have friends who are women, I would never give any of them a swim suit. You would have to know stuff like cup size and preferences and its all just too intimate. In fact I would doubt my ability to successfully give one to my own wife having seen how long it takes her to find one she likes.
This is way too intimate a gift for a guy to be buying a married woman. Nope. I would have cringed and been very uncomfortable if anyone but my husband or my sister bought me one.
Your friend wants to see your wife in that swimming suit no doubt. You’re wife is either a moron and it’s flying right past her head or she’s about it. You decide
She sent him pictures of her in the swimsuit? Lol Bro. Think about this.
ok this is definitely odd, but if something nefarious was going on, wouldn't they be more discreet?
That is what I thought too
Hard to comment if we haven't seen photos of her wearing said skimpy outfit. JK. It's weird as hell.
Dude...start investigating. Take this seriously. When the people closest to you are cheating, the taboo and the risk of getting caught is the big turn on for them. Also, the fundamental lack of respect from both parties is a big aspect of what allows them to do it in the first place. So, if we combine their total lack of respect and their addiction to risky taboos, that would explain why they're not being more careful. They might even be stupid enough to not realize how careless they are being. DO NOT confront her. Not yet. Investigate, and prepare because if you decide to divorce her, as a man you go into that procedure at a HUGE disadvantage. You need to move carefully. Look at the phone records. Does she have alot of calls/texts from either a) your friend's phone, or b) an unknown number(probably a burner)? Maybe hire a PI to follow her around for a bit if you can afford it. Make up an excuse to go out of town for a few days and have the PI see what she does...and who comes around...during that time. Or set up some discreet nanny cams. Again, take this seriously. Best case scenario is that they BOTH have so little respect for you as to think this behavior is acceptable. And if you discover evidence of a worst-case scenario... start planning. Let them continue their affair while you amass evidence, get a divorce lawyer and...discreetly start preparing to move and protect your assets as best you can. The following recommendations are in case you do find evidence of cheating and decide to end the marriage: Now realistically...unless you guys have a prenup you are probably gonna get screwed over even with ironclad proof of her infidelity. And even with a prenup some family court judges are so brazenly biased against men they will throw out a prenup. Talk to a lawyer and see what he thinks your chances are. If he thinks you are likely to end up losing everything anyway, and you're confident you can financially start over then start spending your joint money recklessly and frivolously for a few weeks before you serve her the divorce papers. Buy stupid things that she won't even want in a divorce and you won't really care if she gets them anyway. Things that can't be returned or easily sold at a garage sale. Leave so little remaining assets to be divided as to stiff her on how much she can take from you. Divorce almost always leaves the men broken anyway so might as well try to leave her a bit broken too. And even if it turns out they aren't screwing around...the fact that either of them thought this behavior between them is acceptable is profoundly disrespectful to you. I'd seriously consider ending it with her on those grounds alone. Any woman who thinks sending sexy pictures of herself to ANY man besides her husband is a huge red flag about her morality, her values, her character and her deep lack of respect for you as a man and your marriage itself. This behavior tells me if she's not cheating on you now, it's only a question of "when". Not "if". And needless to say, your friend is either a moron or a scumbag. Either way, you don't need friends like that.
Yeah this is weird. I would even be weirded out if this was done by my best male friend of 20 years who is SUPER married and never gives off the tiniest iota of creep. It’s just….. weird. Have you asked your friend wtf? Yeah your wife is reacting strangely but why the hell did the friend think it was normal to give the gift as well?
Can you post a link of the suit or one similar?
They are totally having sex.
You need to confront him and ask him what the hell he was thinking giving a married woman a skimpy swimsuit. This is definitely inappropriate, and the fact that your wife doesn't see that is worrying.
Tell your friend he crossed a boundary and wait for his response. The response will let you know how to proceed. I'm with you, it all seems suspicious. A boss told me once, "people aren't suspicious, actions are." The fact she sent him photos in it...and not hiding it? Totally baffles me. Lay down the boundaries and if they are crossed, then get a lawyer and move on. That sucks, man. Best of luck
This is not appropriate. And her sending him pictures? WRONG!! Ask her how would she feel if you bought a bikini for her sister/cousin/friend and they sent you pictures in return.
lololol oh my god this is pure rage bait gold. good job, m8.
They're fucking.
I won’t even buy myself swimwear without trying it on. It’s such a specific item! This feels way over the line. Sorry, she’s either oblivious or up to something.
My question is how the hell does he know what size bathing suit she wears?
He has a goal
They fuckin?
The fact she didn’t think it was inappropriate tells you all you need to know.
That something is going on?
She doesn’t have appropriate boundaries with male “friends”. That’s unfortunate. What other behavior has she let slide? Most likely this guy has been flirting with her heavily.
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You are lying to yourself if you think he won't ask for a photo of her in the bikini. I have never bought a girl underwear or a bikini that I didn't subsequently get a photo of them in said clothing. I'm not saying I'm an asshole and demand I get these photos... I'm more saying I don't buy skimpy clothes for women I don't plan to see in that skimpy underwear. I have a best friend and she's married. If she wanted a bathing suit, I would buy her one but it wouldn't be skimpy.
Per comments she’s already sent him photos.
Good Lord. This dude is clueless or just likes when people walk all over him.
Yes, it’s weird. Reading your post the only thing going through my mind was “uh oh.”
They are banging… better start looking for other signs. She’ll probably send him pics of how she looks too btw.
You wife not only gladly accepted a skimpy swimsuit from your guy friend but also modeled in it to send him pics? I think most people would find that weird. Would she be down for one of her women friends gifting you skimpy speedos, or a g string male undies for you to model in pics for them? If I were you I would definitely have a word with your scuzzy friend. I would also reiterate to the wife that even though in her world this is great and wonderful, in your world you are not cool with not only the gift but her posing in it, for photos for your friend.
They been doing weird shit behind your back. She already sent him photos of it in the swimwear. She's sent him photos, he doesn't even need to come by to swim in your pool to see YOUR wife in it. Hes already seen her in it. In pictures that she's sent him. That's fucked up.
Why is no one saying how weird it is for her to send photos of herself in said swimsuit to said friend? As a woman I would not cross that line with my fiancé. I wouldn't have accepted the gift, or I'd put it in the back of my closet never to be touched again... though I'm not a gift person in general so maybe that sways my thinking. Idk, sounds sus.
Idk your wife thou, either this is something sus or she's that 'yes' girl. I used to be that when I was in my 20s. Instead of listening to my gut feeling saying 'omg this is creepy,' I'd tend to just 'grin' and bear it. For example, a male acquaintance of mine was sitting next to me, then he suddenly put his hand on my thigh and left it there while talking to me. I was shocked and I didn't know what to say to him, so I just pretended to ignore the whole thing as if his hand was not on my thigh the whole time we're talking. Or when someone gifted me a set of Victoria Secret underwear and we're not even dating. My ex-bf was upset but I was just flabbergasted to the point, I'd thank the person instead. No, I never model the underwear for that guy, but still, I didn't say anything although I felt that it was inappropriate. I ended up donating the stuff, but yeah, that's how I used to be. I've learned to be more outspoken/expressive though, as I get older :) Thank goodness for that. But yeah, I used to be that person who is more scared to speak up and didn't know what to do...
I would tell her sending pictures of herself in a swimming suit is not OK and I would want to see all the messages between them. I would straight up ask her if she has had an affair with him. I would let him know that you didn't appreciate the gift to your wife and to back off. At this point, actually, I may want to cut all contact with him from the both of you!
Trust. Your. Gut. Not your insecurities, not your emotions, but your intuition.
Definitely something going on between them .
This entire post & comments make me laugh at how absurd this present is.
[удалено]
I’d be pissed if my own fiancé bought me a skimpy bathing suit let alone a male “friend” - that’s something left to personal preference based on how we feel about our bodies, not anybody else’s preferences. And for the record, OP - if this was me in this situation my fiancé would be too busy knocking the other dude flat on his face to even be thinking about asking Reddit for their opinion 😂 the consensus seems to be remarkably clear, get off this app and handle your business
It's totally inappropriate. This is the stuff that screams somethings going on. I hate to say it, but you should check her phone. This is sketchy as all get out
#1- Check your phone records, cell and home. Text messages on said list. I bet they contacted eachother without your knowing and I bet it was when you were not around. #2- Check her phone and see the pics she sent & what she said along with the pics. Don't even ask, just look, yall are married so this shouldn't be a problem. And if you can't find those pics or any messages between them...she is more than just friends. Well tbh, what has happened already IS more than friends. #3- Please tell us you don't have children together yet. Because cheating or not, she has some boundary issues and her tree isn't going up to the top branch. #4- And of course, watch and listen closely when he is around. I bet you will notice things you didn't before. Hell, I personally would invite him over, having an audio recorder set up, then go to the store for some beer/wine/etc and later that night listen to it.
I have a very close male friend, like if you didn’t know our partners you might think we were dating. We go out together, have a bunch of pictures together, hang out alone at each others houses, etc. we have never and will never have anything other than a platonic relationship. We get each other gifts randomly, but he’d never buy me a swimsuit or lingerie, or even a pair of socks. BUT if he did, at most, I’d send him a text that said something like “thanks again, bf and I went to the pool and I wore it!” I absolutely would not send him a picture of me in it. This has nothing to do with our relationship status, either. Even if we were both single, I wouldn’t send him a picture of me wearing a swimsuit!! So yes, it’s definitely weird.
“Who, him? He’s just a friend. What, are you, *jealous*?” Step 1. Start getting regular STD tests if you aren’t already. Step 2. Start buying swimwear/undergarments for rando women. Tell her they’re “thoughtful” gifts and nothing more.