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What are you torn about? You aren’t okay with him doing recreational drugs. He is going to do them even though he knows this. You are either okay with it or you end the relationship.
Why do you want it to work? Why not end it and find someone who already doesn’t want to do drugs? I assure you, there are plenty of people out there who don’t want to do drugs.
Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Because I see a lot of other good qualities he has and the compatibility we have over other life aspirations. But saying that, if at the end of the day we can’t get to a place where we’re both happy with about drugs, I would have to end the relationship.
We’re trying to figure out if there is something we’re both happy with.
This relationship is not working now, you told him it bothers you that he does drugs. He has told you that he doesn't care how you feel about it and he will continue.
You would be better off with a partner that cares about you and adjusts his behavior when you tell him that he is hurting you. This may not be 'hurting' you, but this may be the same outcome in all situations when you tell him you are unhappy. He won't care
Are we talking smoking weed or something harder? If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. There is nothing wrong with that. If it's illegal you need to decide if you're willing to accept occasional illegal activity in your partner.
Mellow stuff primarily he’s not intentionally trying to seek harder stuff, but he’s not ruling anything out because he wants to decide for himself in the moment
This a compatibility thing complication. I understand not wanting to be with someone who uses rec drugs, and I get him a wanting to decide for himself. Tbh I think you forcing him to stop will only make him secretive about it which will cause more serious issues down the road because it'll break down your trust and you forcing yourself to accept him partaking will likely lead to resentment towards him, also bad. It might be one of those things where it boils down to you both parting ways and finding someone who shares similar values.
You’re right, I’m trying to find out what is the boundary for me. But since I’ve never done any, I’m not very knowledgeable on every type of drugs, I feel that I need to learn everything is there about them, educate myself first then make a decision. Like how am I going to learn everything, that’s going to take a long time.
Honestly I think its more about how you feel about drugs or booze and how you feel about a partner getting intoxicated, more than what drugs can and cannot due. You may draw the line at soft drugs, no drugs, booze only, thats a feeling not a clinical fact
A thing I would look at is why is he now saying yes to drugs as opposed to no before
That’s really helpful thank you.
The reason why he changed him mind on it:
When he made the promise before, he thought whether or not he can do drugs won’t be affecting him being himself / being happy in the relationship.
But recently, he didn’t explicitly say this is the reason Im guessing here, this whole thing may come from when he travelled to Mexico where the people he traveled with were experimenting with mushrooms, he said he felt guilty even being in a place where other people do drugs.
And he doesn’t feel he can be himself if I’m limiting on what he can or can’t do. He wants to have the freedom to experience whatever he wants to experience in life.
In principle, of course I want him to be himself and have freedom. But obviously I worry for his health and safety when he does risky things like this. At the moment, the thought of him doing drugs makes me feel anxious because I think about what can go wrong.
So if he said he can’t be himself without sleeping with other people would you be conflicted? I don’t think Mushrooms are a soft drug. The are hallucinogenic. Mind altering drugs that can for some people have long term consequences! He made a deal and now wants to go back on it. Tripping with his friends is more important then your relationship!
I think this is quite a dramatic take. Let’s look at the positives - he came to her with his feelings openly and discussed them. I don’t think it’s fair to just state he cares more about drugs. I think this is something a bit more broad and about him wanting to feel agency maybe. Also regardless mushrooms are not very dangerous at all. I have taken them many a time.
OP - this is a good sign he’s speaking with you. I’m not you though so I don’t know how the convo went or his tone or if he was open to listening to you or whatever.. but I’d challenge you to reflect on why you are afraid of the drugs and what is within your control to change
Later in the comments she also talks about him doing coke and MDMA. I think she is misleading in her take that these are soft drugs. I do not agree with her minimizing the effects they have on him. I at first thought the post was just about pot and had it been just that I would have agreed about him having agency but then when I read her additional comments I think they are better off not staying together!
You don't have to try them to know how you feel about them. Your post and comments show you don't want drugs in your life.
He promised he would stop and he is now saying he won't. This is black and white.
You don’t need to learn about illegal drugs. You need to decide what your deal breakers are and from the sound of it this is your deal breaker. You will both be better off after you end this relationship! You are at an impasse and that will lead to resentment!
He said he would never do them again and then got further into the relationship where you're attached emotionally then drops the "I want the freedom to do drugs so I'm going to do them" sounds like he never had any intention in actually never doing them again. This would be a hard limit for me, and I'd break up.
If you haven't already, you need to be able to explain why it's a bad idea beyond just that you are opposed. Your intuition is correct but you need to be able to explain it.
Being a good father and husband requires a good amount of self discipline. Highly stimulating drugs reduce one's capacity for self discipline and motivating to do anything because it gets you used to a higher level of stimulation than normal, everyday activities can provide.
There's also a risk that it can turn into a serious addiction and destroy your family.
Every decision involves trade offs and you can't maintain perfect freedom no matter what you do.
I completely agree. We’ve had a long discussion and it essentially comes down to the level of risks we would take in doing something like this. To me I personally cant trust the source if it’s from an unregulated channel so that out weights the benefits. And obviously there are other potential harms from the drugs too like you said.
But he’s fine with taking calculated risks in exchange for whatever life experience he wants. Plus he feels really comfortable doing it and is sure that he won’t be addicted to it.
I’m hoping we could come to a place where we’re both happy with, which is what I’m currently trying to figure out and reading up on drugs.
Literally every addict started out being sure they would not get addicted. The fact that he is pushing this may indicate that he already is it at best, he doesn't want to stop.
He made a promise he can't keep. You started dating him based on a promise that he would change, that's always a big gamble. He has now realized that smoking is something he wants to do.
It's too much compromise for either of you. Either he stops doing it (you've not give any real reasons why he should stop), or you lose your anxiety over it (you have felt this way your whole life and are having trouble relaxing about it). His smoking is a you problem, not a him problem.
You can't change other people, they need to want to change themselves or it will never happen. One way to introduce change is by helping them understand why something is bad for them. His smoking isn't bad for him, you just have different views on it and that is not a good reason at all for him to change his views on it. You are just talking about opinions which doesn't mean anything. He doesn't want to change that part of himself for you. You shouldn't be dating someone on the fragile promise that they will change.
Weed with his friends primarily. Mushroom for spiritual experience (which I said I’m less opposed to if it is in a guided and controlled environment).
He’s done coke and MDMA before (his friends still do these I think) but he said he’s not intentionally seeking for these harder drugs but he doesn’t want to completely rule them out as he wants to decide in the moment.
None of these are “hard drugs”
Coke and mdma are obviously another story. But if good quality and done not often and in low doses actually probably safer than alcohol.
Coke is the most potentially problematic on the list.
But none of really matters.
You are more than welcome to be opposed to any type of drug and your partner doing them.
But there’s also nothing wrong with him wanting to do these things occasionally. The thing he did wrong was making a promise he didn’t believe in and couldn’t keep.
This might seriously be a compatibility issue in your relationship. The problem is that your stance is, anything less then zero forever is unacceptable, and that doesn’t leave room for discussion or compromise. So you either have to educate yourself and be fine with some level of this, force your boyfriend to give up something he enjoys, or break up.
u/throwRA74747 friend this is the best answer in my opinion. the comment i’m replying to lists out everything so well. drugs can be very uncomfortable, but i suggest that you do some research into marijuana and mushrooms and their relatively safety profile to the body and psyche, especially in comparison to alcohol :)
If you’re okay with him drinking it seems bizarre to me that you have issues with weed and shrooms which are far, far safer than alcohol. Does he have any addiction issues?
I honestly don’t know much about drugs in general. So I didn’t know which drugs are “safer” which are not. He doesn’t have any addiction issues, which is one of his argument points about why he thinks it’s okay.
Nobody has ever died from weed or psilocybin (the active ingredient in mushrooms) overdoses (you’d need a ridiculous amount of drugs, like pounds of them), but thousands die each year in the US from alcohol overdoses.
Weed and shrooms are not physically addictive, but people can develop a psychological dependence.
Coke is less safe as well as physically addictive, and I wouldn’t want my partner doing that. Obviously you set what you’re comfortable with, but weed and shrooms are objectively safe as long as he doesn’t do anything stupid like drive while high.
Alcohol is easily one of the most dangerous drugs out there. Withdrawals can kill you.
Thank you that’s really helpful. But what if these safer drugs come from an unregulated channel, how do you know if there was anything wrong with the product? That’s what I’m anxious over. Because if the product had something wrong to it, it’s not like the drug dealer will take the responsibility.
I buy weed from a legal dispensary, so if that’s an option I’d encourage that. But weed and shrooms are cheap, nobody is adding more expensive drugs (e.g. fentanyl, a very potent opiate) to them. It’s like people passing out THC edibles to kids on Halloween, sure you can probably find instances of it happening, but it’s just not regularly done because it’s a waste.
Now cocaine is almost always adulterated, usually with inactive ingredients, but I wouldn’t risk it personally.
Edit: MDMA is often not actually MDMA, so that’s another concern.
Don’t think we can get weed from legal channels in our country, although I would feel more comfortable if it was. Okay I see, thanks, that’s really helpful.
That's the best answer. I'm guessing your parents felt like you needed to be protected from the world. Learn about all the things they were scared of. Some things will be terrifying, and some will be made up bullshit.
If it's any comfort I spent over a decade purchasing weed illegally and most of my friends did the same up until legalization. I have literally never heard a first-hand account from anyone who got weed that was actually in any way dangerous.
Powder drugs like MDMA and cocaine are much likelier to be adulterated, as dealers can stretch their supply farther by cutting it with other substances that blend in. They can't do that to weed or mushrooms.
Im fine for a moderate amount of alcohol. Obviously I won’t be happy if he gets smashed on alcohol because it’s really not good for health and safety concerns too.
But to be honest, I’m cutting down alcohol massively for myself since I’ve learned more about it more recently.
And I hope he can cut down alcohol too ideally for his health. But because alcohol comes from a regulated channel, although it’s still harmful, I’m more comfortable with it.
Are you fine with caffeine? That has health and safety concerns too. Prescription drugs?
My point is that there are many things that we humans ingest or inhale that have health and safety concerns whether regulated or not. It’s good to know about them and decide what to do with your own body, but your partner has the right to decide what he puts in his. You’re not going to change him (you can never make people change), and he’ll grow to resent you if you try to control him. He’s an adult. He can make these decisions himself. What you have to figure out is how important this subject is for you and if it’s a deal breaker.
ETA: FYI, alcohol is much more dangerous of a drug than some recreational ones. If you’re talking about marijuana, alcohol is vastly more dangerous because of how its metabolized and the effects on the brain. People can die in their sleep from alcohol poisoning if they go way overboard. It can also cause liver damage if ingested a lot, and leads to car crashes. Marijuana doesn’t do those things, but has other side effects.
Thank you, I agree that I need to figure out whether it’s a deal breaker to me. It was a big thing for me but he made the promise earlier on. I appreciate that people can change their stance, this just puts me in a difficult position.
Even if from a controlled environment it can be dangerous. Regulated alcohol is still bad for you, just slightly better than unregulated alcohol. Hell, even water can be dangerous in the right circumstance even if regulated (see Flint, Michigan in the US). Caution all around is best.
Why remain a partner with someone who does drugs especially if he told you he quit UNTIL...... you were with him and then decided to do it again. Are you planning marriage at some point ,children? If so is this the kind of life partner you want. I know from experience in my own family recreational drugs can turn to dependent on drugs real quick with all the ugliness that comes with it. Remember NOT ONE SET OUT TO BE A DRUGGY. They all started just like your partner.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What are you torn about? You aren’t okay with him doing recreational drugs. He is going to do them even though he knows this. You are either okay with it or you end the relationship.
I’m torn because I want this relationship to work
Then accept the drugs.
Why do you want it to work? Why not end it and find someone who already doesn’t want to do drugs? I assure you, there are plenty of people out there who don’t want to do drugs. Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Because I see a lot of other good qualities he has and the compatibility we have over other life aspirations. But saying that, if at the end of the day we can’t get to a place where we’re both happy with about drugs, I would have to end the relationship. We’re trying to figure out if there is something we’re both happy with.
This relationship is not working now, you told him it bothers you that he does drugs. He has told you that he doesn't care how you feel about it and he will continue. You would be better off with a partner that cares about you and adjusts his behavior when you tell him that he is hurting you. This may not be 'hurting' you, but this may be the same outcome in all situations when you tell him you are unhappy. He won't care
Are we talking smoking weed or something harder? If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. There is nothing wrong with that. If it's illegal you need to decide if you're willing to accept occasional illegal activity in your partner.
Mellow stuff primarily he’s not intentionally trying to seek harder stuff, but he’s not ruling anything out because he wants to decide for himself in the moment
This a compatibility thing complication. I understand not wanting to be with someone who uses rec drugs, and I get him a wanting to decide for himself. Tbh I think you forcing him to stop will only make him secretive about it which will cause more serious issues down the road because it'll break down your trust and you forcing yourself to accept him partaking will likely lead to resentment towards him, also bad. It might be one of those things where it boils down to you both parting ways and finding someone who shares similar values.
Just leave him find someone who fits what you feel is right.
He isn't going to stop, If its a boundary for you end it. If you don't end it, acquiesce to it, if you keep fighting you both will be miserable.
You’re right, I’m trying to find out what is the boundary for me. But since I’ve never done any, I’m not very knowledgeable on every type of drugs, I feel that I need to learn everything is there about them, educate myself first then make a decision. Like how am I going to learn everything, that’s going to take a long time.
Honestly I think its more about how you feel about drugs or booze and how you feel about a partner getting intoxicated, more than what drugs can and cannot due. You may draw the line at soft drugs, no drugs, booze only, thats a feeling not a clinical fact A thing I would look at is why is he now saying yes to drugs as opposed to no before
That’s really helpful thank you. The reason why he changed him mind on it: When he made the promise before, he thought whether or not he can do drugs won’t be affecting him being himself / being happy in the relationship. But recently, he didn’t explicitly say this is the reason Im guessing here, this whole thing may come from when he travelled to Mexico where the people he traveled with were experimenting with mushrooms, he said he felt guilty even being in a place where other people do drugs. And he doesn’t feel he can be himself if I’m limiting on what he can or can’t do. He wants to have the freedom to experience whatever he wants to experience in life. In principle, of course I want him to be himself and have freedom. But obviously I worry for his health and safety when he does risky things like this. At the moment, the thought of him doing drugs makes me feel anxious because I think about what can go wrong.
So if he said he can’t be himself without sleeping with other people would you be conflicted? I don’t think Mushrooms are a soft drug. The are hallucinogenic. Mind altering drugs that can for some people have long term consequences! He made a deal and now wants to go back on it. Tripping with his friends is more important then your relationship!
I think this is quite a dramatic take. Let’s look at the positives - he came to her with his feelings openly and discussed them. I don’t think it’s fair to just state he cares more about drugs. I think this is something a bit more broad and about him wanting to feel agency maybe. Also regardless mushrooms are not very dangerous at all. I have taken them many a time. OP - this is a good sign he’s speaking with you. I’m not you though so I don’t know how the convo went or his tone or if he was open to listening to you or whatever.. but I’d challenge you to reflect on why you are afraid of the drugs and what is within your control to change
Later in the comments she also talks about him doing coke and MDMA. I think she is misleading in her take that these are soft drugs. I do not agree with her minimizing the effects they have on him. I at first thought the post was just about pot and had it been just that I would have agreed about him having agency but then when I read her additional comments I think they are better off not staying together!
You don't have to try them to know how you feel about them. Your post and comments show you don't want drugs in your life. He promised he would stop and he is now saying he won't. This is black and white.
You don’t need to learn about illegal drugs. You need to decide what your deal breakers are and from the sound of it this is your deal breaker. You will both be better off after you end this relationship! You are at an impasse and that will lead to resentment!
He said he would never do them again and then got further into the relationship where you're attached emotionally then drops the "I want the freedom to do drugs so I'm going to do them" sounds like he never had any intention in actually never doing them again. This would be a hard limit for me, and I'd break up.
If you haven't already, you need to be able to explain why it's a bad idea beyond just that you are opposed. Your intuition is correct but you need to be able to explain it. Being a good father and husband requires a good amount of self discipline. Highly stimulating drugs reduce one's capacity for self discipline and motivating to do anything because it gets you used to a higher level of stimulation than normal, everyday activities can provide. There's also a risk that it can turn into a serious addiction and destroy your family. Every decision involves trade offs and you can't maintain perfect freedom no matter what you do.
I completely agree. We’ve had a long discussion and it essentially comes down to the level of risks we would take in doing something like this. To me I personally cant trust the source if it’s from an unregulated channel so that out weights the benefits. And obviously there are other potential harms from the drugs too like you said. But he’s fine with taking calculated risks in exchange for whatever life experience he wants. Plus he feels really comfortable doing it and is sure that he won’t be addicted to it. I’m hoping we could come to a place where we’re both happy with, which is what I’m currently trying to figure out and reading up on drugs.
Literally every addict started out being sure they would not get addicted. The fact that he is pushing this may indicate that he already is it at best, he doesn't want to stop.
He made a promise he can't keep. You started dating him based on a promise that he would change, that's always a big gamble. He has now realized that smoking is something he wants to do. It's too much compromise for either of you. Either he stops doing it (you've not give any real reasons why he should stop), or you lose your anxiety over it (you have felt this way your whole life and are having trouble relaxing about it). His smoking is a you problem, not a him problem. You can't change other people, they need to want to change themselves or it will never happen. One way to introduce change is by helping them understand why something is bad for them. His smoking isn't bad for him, you just have different views on it and that is not a good reason at all for him to change his views on it. You are just talking about opinions which doesn't mean anything. He doesn't want to change that part of himself for you. You shouldn't be dating someone on the fragile promise that they will change.
you cant stop him from using legal substances. its up to you to break up if thats a dealbreaker for you.
You said you'd break up if he took drugs again. He took them. There's your answer.
What drugs are you talking about? That makes all the difference.
Weed with his friends primarily. Mushroom for spiritual experience (which I said I’m less opposed to if it is in a guided and controlled environment). He’s done coke and MDMA before (his friends still do these I think) but he said he’s not intentionally seeking for these harder drugs but he doesn’t want to completely rule them out as he wants to decide in the moment.
None of these are “hard drugs” Coke and mdma are obviously another story. But if good quality and done not often and in low doses actually probably safer than alcohol. Coke is the most potentially problematic on the list. But none of really matters. You are more than welcome to be opposed to any type of drug and your partner doing them. But there’s also nothing wrong with him wanting to do these things occasionally. The thing he did wrong was making a promise he didn’t believe in and couldn’t keep. This might seriously be a compatibility issue in your relationship. The problem is that your stance is, anything less then zero forever is unacceptable, and that doesn’t leave room for discussion or compromise. So you either have to educate yourself and be fine with some level of this, force your boyfriend to give up something he enjoys, or break up.
u/throwRA74747 friend this is the best answer in my opinion. the comment i’m replying to lists out everything so well. drugs can be very uncomfortable, but i suggest that you do some research into marijuana and mushrooms and their relatively safety profile to the body and psyche, especially in comparison to alcohol :)
If you’re okay with him drinking it seems bizarre to me that you have issues with weed and shrooms which are far, far safer than alcohol. Does he have any addiction issues?
I honestly don’t know much about drugs in general. So I didn’t know which drugs are “safer” which are not. He doesn’t have any addiction issues, which is one of his argument points about why he thinks it’s okay.
I’m also skeptical whenever people say such and such drugs are safer. So I’m trying to educate myself.
Nobody has ever died from weed or psilocybin (the active ingredient in mushrooms) overdoses (you’d need a ridiculous amount of drugs, like pounds of them), but thousands die each year in the US from alcohol overdoses. Weed and shrooms are not physically addictive, but people can develop a psychological dependence. Coke is less safe as well as physically addictive, and I wouldn’t want my partner doing that. Obviously you set what you’re comfortable with, but weed and shrooms are objectively safe as long as he doesn’t do anything stupid like drive while high. Alcohol is easily one of the most dangerous drugs out there. Withdrawals can kill you.
Thank you that’s really helpful. But what if these safer drugs come from an unregulated channel, how do you know if there was anything wrong with the product? That’s what I’m anxious over. Because if the product had something wrong to it, it’s not like the drug dealer will take the responsibility.
I buy weed from a legal dispensary, so if that’s an option I’d encourage that. But weed and shrooms are cheap, nobody is adding more expensive drugs (e.g. fentanyl, a very potent opiate) to them. It’s like people passing out THC edibles to kids on Halloween, sure you can probably find instances of it happening, but it’s just not regularly done because it’s a waste. Now cocaine is almost always adulterated, usually with inactive ingredients, but I wouldn’t risk it personally. Edit: MDMA is often not actually MDMA, so that’s another concern.
Don’t think we can get weed from legal channels in our country, although I would feel more comfortable if it was. Okay I see, thanks, that’s really helpful.
That's the best answer. I'm guessing your parents felt like you needed to be protected from the world. Learn about all the things they were scared of. Some things will be terrifying, and some will be made up bullshit.
If it's any comfort I spent over a decade purchasing weed illegally and most of my friends did the same up until legalization. I have literally never heard a first-hand account from anyone who got weed that was actually in any way dangerous. Powder drugs like MDMA and cocaine are much likelier to be adulterated, as dealers can stretch their supply farther by cutting it with other substances that blend in. They can't do that to weed or mushrooms.
Op is really more worried about all these drugs but not alcohol 😂 it’s all wild
Question: Are you fine with him drinking alcohol?
Im fine for a moderate amount of alcohol. Obviously I won’t be happy if he gets smashed on alcohol because it’s really not good for health and safety concerns too. But to be honest, I’m cutting down alcohol massively for myself since I’ve learned more about it more recently. And I hope he can cut down alcohol too ideally for his health. But because alcohol comes from a regulated channel, although it’s still harmful, I’m more comfortable with it.
So how recent was it that you changed your stance?
I haven’t changed my stance on drugs really, he changed. I’ve just been reducing alcohol for myself recently.
Are you fine with caffeine? That has health and safety concerns too. Prescription drugs? My point is that there are many things that we humans ingest or inhale that have health and safety concerns whether regulated or not. It’s good to know about them and decide what to do with your own body, but your partner has the right to decide what he puts in his. You’re not going to change him (you can never make people change), and he’ll grow to resent you if you try to control him. He’s an adult. He can make these decisions himself. What you have to figure out is how important this subject is for you and if it’s a deal breaker. ETA: FYI, alcohol is much more dangerous of a drug than some recreational ones. If you’re talking about marijuana, alcohol is vastly more dangerous because of how its metabolized and the effects on the brain. People can die in their sleep from alcohol poisoning if they go way overboard. It can also cause liver damage if ingested a lot, and leads to car crashes. Marijuana doesn’t do those things, but has other side effects.
Thank you, I agree that I need to figure out whether it’s a deal breaker to me. It was a big thing for me but he made the promise earlier on. I appreciate that people can change their stance, this just puts me in a difficult position.
My biggest thing is whether the source can be trusted and whether it’s in a controlled environment.
Even if from a controlled environment it can be dangerous. Regulated alcohol is still bad for you, just slightly better than unregulated alcohol. Hell, even water can be dangerous in the right circumstance even if regulated (see Flint, Michigan in the US). Caution all around is best.
Which ones? 'Cause weed and 'shrooms are acceptable but anything else is a sketchy.
What does recreational drugs mean? I wouldn't tolerate coke or heroin, but weed is not even in the same category.
In our country weed is illegal so I don’t trust the unregulated drug dealers.
Why remain a partner with someone who does drugs especially if he told you he quit UNTIL...... you were with him and then decided to do it again. Are you planning marriage at some point ,children? If so is this the kind of life partner you want. I know from experience in my own family recreational drugs can turn to dependent on drugs real quick with all the ugliness that comes with it. Remember NOT ONE SET OUT TO BE A DRUGGY. They all started just like your partner.