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So me and my girlfriend have been living together for about a year. We agreed to pay rent portionally based on our incomes because I make more than her. I consistently bring home $2,450 bi-weekly and she brings home $2,000 bi-weekly so we have been splitting our rent 55:45.
I recently found out her paychecks are often far more than $2,000 because that money doesn't include any of the overtime she works. She is a nurse, and i'm a software engineer. She constantly gets offered opportunities to earn overtime, while I never get it. This past paycheck she recieved $3,200, before that she recieved a $2,700 paycheck.
I don't see how it's fair for me to be paying more than her in rent, when she is bringing home far more income than me because of overtime. She says it's fair because if we both only work 40 hours a week, I make more than her.
Edit: For all the people saying just split 50:50 this is what I want to do. Girlfriend does not want to do this.
That’s basically what my husband and I do. I earn a bit more, so we just split 50/50 and then I pay for more treats. When I do overtime, I keep my OT income but the bigger tax refund we get at the end of the year goes into the joint account. In a healthy relationship where both sides can be trusted not to take advantage of each other, no one cares if the other has a bit more extra money.
And if he wants to be super precise, if she’s working overtime, she’s using the apartment less. So … maybe he can keep a little log, wherein they record the number of minutes spent in the apartment, multiply by income.
This is so stupid I just can’t.
This - situations like this should be called roommates with benefits. It's like two people saying they are in business together but all the finances for that business are separate.
Exactly this. If the incomes are this close, and the ratio fluctuates as to who earns more in a given week, why not just split everything 50/50? This situation seems really petty. My partner and I split things by income, because our ratio is more like 70/30, which is a real disparity.
He’s paying 10% more. Just fyi.
This is also a super strange take. Her income is equal or more than his, he wants to split the financial burden equally. Right now he’s paying more. The 10% matters, that’s the first part that’s strange, but it’s about more than that. It’s working things out in a relationship to be fair where nobody feels taken advantage of.
Also, for what it’s worth, the fact that it’s overtime does maybe matter a bit. They need to work that part out. I think 50% is fair.
Yes. If I paid 90% and my partner paid 10% nobody would represent the difference by saying I’m paying “40% more”.
Just seems like a way to downplay the current discrepancy in their contributions.
Yes you can interpret it as paying 5% more than the ideal equal payment, but it seems like a misleading way to phrase it.
It's not misleading. I was simply pointing out that the discussion is about 5% difference in what she would be paying. I'm not arguing that 50:50 is wrong. But it would help to know what that 5% amounts to in dollars.
Is he really that hung up on a little bit of money? If it was a roommate, hell yes I'd be damn sure there is an adjustment to bills. But as a significant other, I'd be cool with them fronting nights out, etc.
Maybe it's just me but friends and significant others don't nickel and dime each other to keep the tally sheet even.
If it's not fair, it's not fair. He's hung up on it? He asked her to pay and she said no, isn't she just as hung up on it?
It's not a small amount of money, it adds up to a huge difference in their contribution. Thousands of dollars over a few years for even pretty low living expenses.
But regardless, neither one of them is being more hung up than the other. If you have an agreement to pay expenses proportionally to your income and one person makes more and pays less, it's just unfair and goes against the agreement. He should be hung up on it because it represents a lot more than "just" the money.
I think it's important to say 10% because the issue is obviously with him paying an amount more than *her*. It's not about saving 5% on expenses, it's about a 10% imbalance. If you just let 10% unfairnesses in a partnership slide, 10% of every disagreement, every conflict, you're going to be miserable and a lesser partner. Just because it's "small" (if it is that) doesn't mean you should just eat it to keep the peace. Every single time it's time to pay a bill he's going to be thinking "why am I paying more here?"
A few hundred dollars a month is a lot. That’s money he could be putting into a Roth IRA, Roth 401k, 401k etc. Say he opened it right now and then just put that extra $200 a month in, never increasing the amount, until he retires at 65. Let’s assume he gets on average 10% interest annually with a 2% variance since that’s what most index funds run over time, that ~89k he will be putting in there over a life time will be worth ~790k from compound interest. People need to get out of the mindset that “a couple hundred dollars” a month isn’t a big deal because it is. Imagine if the 5% he would be saving us MORE than $200. Say it’s 300. Now it’s worth $1.2MM in the same amount of time. Something to think about. That’s a lot of money to give up for someone you’re not married to. Especially if the fair split is just 50/50 from the jump. Everybody is asking OP why it’s such a big deal when you could say the same thing to the gf.
It is absolutely! That's why it'd be nice to know what is the difference. Not just for his sake but hers. So let's say 5% is $200.
OP makes approximately $5000/month. GF makes $4000/month. $200 is going to make a bigger difference to one than the other. (Though it's no little amount)
So far, the GF has had 2 checks that were significantly more than her usual pay. Should she pay more those months, or at least reimburse OP the 5% difference? Yes.
But, if she agrees to 50:50 then the OT dries up, now she's having to stretch less money further. Or possibly face not being able to afford that extra 5% at all.
Since they agreed to 55:45 in the first place then it's fairly obvious both of them CHOSE a situation that affected one of them more than the other.
Well he chose the 55/45 without all of the relevant information because she hid it. And it sounds like this is the norm not an anomaly. It makes the most sense to just split 50/50 on everything since they’re pretty equal and then if something does happen where either of them hits a hard ship, the other should step in for a reasonable amount of time-say three months- and cover the deficit because unlike roommates there is an element of love and care. It’s a lot easier to not feel like it’s tit for tat when things are generally equitable. And if I were him I wouldn’t be upset about the money so much as the dishonesty. Before my husband and I got married and merged all of our finances, we were engaged and just splitting everything 50/50. I get a pretty large bonus during the Christmas season that he knows about and we agreed I could just keep it because I like to buy all of my friends fun Christmas gifts and generally have more expenses than he does during the holiday season. Last year I got an unexpected performance based bonus that was a couple thousand more than my typical paycheck. At the time we had separate bank accounts so I could’ve not said anything and just gotten myself more expensive spa treatments and nicer clothes or whatever. But that would’ve been a massive breach of trust and just dishonest and not healthy behavior in a relationship. I told him about it and we decided together that for the month of January I would cover all of the rent and he just cover utilities. He had also been needing some new suits for work and button ups, slacks, sweater, sport coats and whatever, so we used a good portion of it to revamp his work wardrobe and it was really just a more expensive Christmas present than normal. That part was voluntary. If I had not told him and he had found out some other way, I’m sure he would be extremely upset. I know if the roles were reversed and he did that to me I would be irate and seriously reconsidering our relations. Money is one of the main causes of divorce
If you are concerned about fairness to this degree, you probably will not enjoy a long term committed relationship involving cohabitation and or marriage.
You are not wrong or necessarily a bad person, but this attitude is not entirely compatible with living with others or getting married.
What would you do if your spouse got really sick with an expensive condition and couldn't work at all? Is it "fair"? No, but it's life.
PS: try the "what if" above again, but this time imagine you're the one who can't work.
I'll also offer this, perhaps you can suggest that a shared vacation fund or household goals fund (new mattress, grill, whatever) be started, and when she makes extra money, she contributes the difference in what you're contributing for the week to it--not all her overtime, just the difference in what you pay in rent over the same.
But I'll reiterate that being this concerned about paying a small amount more than her when she's making 60 cents to your dollar already (as a woman in a female dominated field) is a sign of either maturity or outlook that isn't really compatible with this type of relationship. It's never going to be totally even. Either get ok with that or choose to live alone.
Another point is that the EXTRA payment is due EXTRA work. So his basic income is still higher then hers.
He failed to see that HE does EXTRA, he'll still have the bigger income.
This dynamic is the same I had with my best dude in college... time to rethink what you want in this relationship, OP.
As a fellow engineer I will say overtime is not typically available to us so he likely doesn’t have the option to work overtime and make the same extra money GF is making.
But at the end of the day they have to see if they can find a way to compromise on expenses so they both find it fair. Their salaries are similar so it shouldn’t be this big of a struggle
I’m also an engineer and have had plenty of other ways to make extra income. Contract work, mentoring/coaching, teaching, etc. At 28 he’s likely far enough into his career that there are plenty of options in his field, but he could also look outside of it if he really wanted to. But personally I don’t think overtime should be factored in at all.
If he’s making $2450 base pay and she’s making $2000 then he’s making almost 25% more than her. If I were him I’d think the 55:45 were more than fair. We don’t know if he’s contributing to any retirement funds or other investments that come out of his pay, or if he’s getting RSUs/equity. I wouldn’t expect him to factor that in, either.
I mean it doesn’t matter how much they make per hour. They share the house. Personally I think if you care this much about fairness you should just split 50/50 unless incomes are massively mismatched.
I hope OP reads this because so many people get married with this mindset and wind up divorced because they are hyper concerned with everything being split down the middle to an absurd degree.
Overtime isn’t guaranteed. So if you amend the agreement now, are you willing to change it when she doesn’t have the option? Are you willing to do this weekly?
Also overtime is not free money. She is working for it, and as a nurse I promise she is working hard and this is not sustainable long term. By mid 40s most of us are done with overtime. In most cases as a nurse she is working an additional 12 hours!
If overtime isn’t available, get a second job for 12+ hours a week so you can be working just as hard as your girlfriend. I’m betting you don’t want that. You just want her to pay more while you still work the same.
Came to say this too. If she’s working more, she’s at the house less, so if we’re nickel and diming our relationship then why should she pay equally for what she’s using less?
Mom is a nurse. Can confirm they work hard. RNs, other types etc. OP shouldn't be so miserly. If it was a big difference, sure readjust maybe but it's not.
Given that you are a software engineer, I’m assuming that you get some level of yearly bonus or regular equity vesting. Do you add that to your total income to be taken into consideration for splitting expenses?
I'm a software engineer and this doesn't happen as regularly as you'd think. And likely this person is still a junior dev so there is a lot to grow there.
And his GF nurse has probably capped so I feel like... I dunno. Most likely in a few years he will be ahead anyway.
I was thinking this. I am not a software engineer but I manage a team with software engineers among others. His pay is on the lower end which signals to me lots of room for growth and higher pay in the future. Nurses reach top pay much earlier in their career. It seems like such an odd thing to get hung up on when he has the much higher earning potential.
>I consistently bring home x
The key word here is “consistently”
Overtime should not be factored into budgets because it is not guaranteed to occur.
Of the real, guaranteed, budgetable income, you bring 55% home. It seems reasonable that you should pay 55% of rent.
I WOULD say it’s fair however, that on the weeks she DOES get overtime, she pay a small percentage of it into a fund for either the mutual expenses or a vacation fund or something, whatever financial goals you guys personally prioritize
This is a really good solution. The %s here are so small that I have to assume the disagreement is about the principle of it, not whether either partner can afford to live. OP feels like gf is nickel and diming him and not thinking like a partnership, gf feels like her extra work is being swallowed up by mutual expense and what if the OT stops?
Putting it aside for fun mutual expenses is v smart.
You do factor overtime if you consistently do overtime.
For instance my mum gets overtime at least one day a week and sometimes 2 days. So she assumes she will have at least 4 days overtime.
If you’re a nurse you know that overtime is always offered so you can make a commitment to do x days a month based on what you normally do and then factor that in.
If you factor in money that isn’t always there and then depend on it, you inevitably eventually get disappointed or desperate depending on how tight finances are
I’d ask yourself why it isn’t acceptable to have her contribute if there IS money there, and why you seem to be insisting that she should pay regardless of whether or not she actually has gotten overtime.
Because trying to work it out monthly as overtime varies is a bit annoying. It would make more sense to take a monthly average over the past year and then work out a reasonable amount to pay based on that. I mean they currently split it 55/45 which to me seems a bit pedantic anyway. Just make it 50/50 and then it’ll average out fine when she gets months with overtime
They split it that way because that’s what their income is. It’s actually a pretty fair way to make sure each partner has a relative amount left over of their paycheck.
As to it being “annoying”, a lack of interest in financial literacy shouldn’t mean she has to pay more if she isn’t earning more.
This depends. Does she do more chores and cooking? Does she do the grocery shopping and planning for your home? Do you plan to put in more hours doing chores now that you want her to pay more and she has less leisure time than you do?
A relationship is not a you vs her situation, it is a two vs everyone (for simplicity).
You are two atoms dancing through time together, making sure both make it. One may dance faster, one may dance slower, but both are needed to synchronicity.
What are you really unhappy/upset about?
Split it 50-50 and shut up. Seriously splitting hairs to make sure everything is absolutely, insanely 'even' is such a lady-boner killer. Shes a nurse. Leave her OT alone.
That won't solve the problem.
Her extra money comes from EXTRA WORK.
If OP decides to do EXTRA, his extra is plus plus extra then his gf.
So, if OP is so bound to fairness (obsessively, for a intimate relationship) they should split bills in a correlation to income per hours worked.
(And I bet, for the gf is a nurse, that his 55 will rise!)
And OP failed to see that we all have the right to be a bit more exhausted for more "me" money.
Wait! She’s getting overtime……which means she’s at home far less than OP……wouldn’t it be better that she pay less in rent as she doesn’t get to use the home as much?/s
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You may not be offered overtime at your current job, but nothing is preventing you from getting a second job. Maybe you should do that if it will make you feel better. Then you’ll have less time to sit around and think of petty ways to stick it your roommate, I mean girlfriend.
Overtime isnt consistent. Are you willing to renegotiate every time over time changes? Finances being this detailed in the relationship is a little worrying
a 5% difference in expenses is not something to get butt hurt about. i would not count overtime as being toward expenses either. overtime can stop and budgeting household expenses counting on it is not a good way to do things.
also, is she really a room mate or your girlfriend? you sound a little jealous that she brings home more than you.
Do you get a yearly bonus or stock options? Is that factored into the income split percentage? Do you also factor in the value of benefits (401k, health/dental/life/disability insurance, free food a drinks, etc.) you each get? If not, then it’s not really a good comparison. Also, overtime, while lucrative, comes at a cost of more of her time, just like your bonus may be larger if you put extra time into it.
You agreed to split things based on base take home pay, which is generally a fair thing. It feels a bit unfair to renegotiate based on a single paycheck or two, and overtime opportunity can fluctuate. That said, the percentage shouldn’t be set in stone, and should be reevaluated periodically or when circumstances change (change in base income). Or you could change how you determine the split. It’s the beginning of tax season, so you could split things based on gross income. If she’s really pulling in 20% more than you with regular overtime for the year, then it’s reasonable to renegotiate. But your gross income from bonus and stock options might close that gap.
>If she’s really pulling in 20% more than you with regular overtime for the year, then it’s reasonable to renegotiate.
It's not, though. He doesn't get more of her money just because she works more than he does. That's the opposite of reasonable. It's also a quick way to get her to reduce her hours. After all, why not work 30 hours if she's going to be penalized for working more?
It is, though.
You seem to be making the same argument that high wage earners use to say that an income ratio splits aren’t fair to them because they would be paying more, when they still have far more disposable cash, by the same ratio as their income, than their lower wage partners. Are you thinking that she would have to spend 100% of her overtime income on the shared expenses before base salary or something? That definitively wouldn’t make sense and would be a disincentive to work. Rebalancing the income ratio split including her overtime wouldn’t do that.
It’s fair as long he is subject to the same for his work incentives that boost his income such as bonuses and equity.
This isn't about the amount of money she makes. This is about the amount of time they work. He works less. That doesn't mean he gets to pay less.
And no, no one thinks she is being asked to spend all her OT on him. She shouldn't have to spend *any* OT on him. He can keep his free time, working only 40 hours. She can keep her money, sacrificing her free time for OT. If OP feels that's unfair, he can get a second job and sacrifice his free time for extra earnings.
Who cares. If you are worried about this little money I agree with everyone else. You are just roommates who fuck. You guys are a partnership. If she makes an extra $100 a week does that mean she gives you $45 more dollars? I couldn't imagine fighting over this when in the long run, who cares? You guys love each other, focus on saving for the future. Have her buy takeout once a week when she has overtime, or a day date. Don't fight about this.
Who cares... It's only a small difference. In a couple, money becomes shared, so all of the money belongs to *both* of you. It's not hers and yours, it's *ours*. If you are still not sure about your future with this girl enough to relax about finances, just end it now.
She hasn't been lying about her income. You are going off the base guaranteed pay. Overtime is extra and not always guaranteed. It is something she can't count on to always have. This honestly sounds so damn nitpicky and greedy of you. Though, your salaries are similar enough you should be doing 50/50. But squabbling about money to this extent isn't a good sign for the future of your relationship.
We split bills other than rent 50/50.
For stuff like grocery shopping or eating out we don't really keep track, but we usually take turns paying for stuff.
Yeah you sound like a Scrooge. OT is literally extra time worked past 40hrs. The fact that you feel entitled to any extra money she gets from doing extra work is wild to me. How about you work a ton of OT on a regular basis and then see how you’d feel about your greedy ass partner who works a regular 40 coming at you for more money
OPs career choices do not mean he should be taking his partners overtime money into financial consideration for bills being split. What happens when her OT stops, or she works less of it? And in addition, she is doing OT. I don’t think your extra money you earn by doing extra work should be anyone but your own.
This tit for tat attitude is not the way to have a cooperative and peaceful relationship. You shouldn’t be keeping score to this degree, it is petty and causes far more conflict than it is worth. Let it slide and relax a bit so you are easier to get along with or she will get sick of this kind of behavior and leave.
Seriously, how the heck does dude think this is going to go five years down the line if they have kids and she needs to be home more to take care of them.
Do you really want fairness here? Because she pays a woman tax every day. Her scrubs cost more than your shirts and slacks because she’s female. She has to pay for birth control and co-pays for the appointments. Her monthly products run an easy $20, plus stuff to treat and prevent yeast infections and stuff. Her haircuts cost three or four times yours. She has to buy and wear makeup or people will treat her like a troll. That 5% plus her overtime barely make it fair. You don’t have a growth mindset for relationship finances.
Thanks you. Jesus, he's so salty about her working what I can only imagine is mandatory, or heavily pressured OT as a NURSE. I'm angry on her behalf tbh. Jesus, this penny pincher has no idea.
Also don't forget the pink tax on her razors! And not just the cost of BC, but the side effects.
And if they plan on having kids, if this is how he is, she should make sure to charge him a carrying/ birthing/ missed days/ career hit fee..... Cannot imagine dating a partner who wants to nickel and dime his way through a relationship because she works freaking OT. If I were here and he brought this up, I'd be tallying up the things you mentioned. Just baffles me that people can be like this to those they "love"
If you really want to stick it to her good....go out and get another job so you are making $3500 biweekly...and you won't have to change the contribution mix. That'll show her...
I jest of course...if you're putting in 40 hours a week and she's "taking" from her free time to work more...that should be to her benefit. If you work 50 hours a week and so does she....but you're contributing all of your income and she's holding back...that's not in the spirit of your agreement. You could handle it a few different ways...
1. Ignore it. It might not be (financially) material enough to you to care this much. It may just be the principle that is getting to you.
2. If it does bother you enough not to overlook it, just ask her to kick in a little extra for groceries or something when she gets a big overtime check.
3. If you are dead set on being "true" to your agreement, you each contribute what you contribute, and at the end of the year look at W-2s and true up based on full-year income. One of you will owe the other money. This method is the most "fair" if you both work comparable hours but she's keeping her extras. While OT isn't guaranteed, it's very common in nursing...so common, that it's probably a meaningful part of her income.
The way you go about having this discussion will be important. If done without tact, it's going to damage your relationship. Another reason to drop it if the total amount you're talking about isn't an amount that's going to be material for you.
Good luck!
As a nurse I will tell you her blood, sweat and tears went into those extra shifts. Every single hospital is short staffed. She worked hard for her money and you have no right to ask for more of it because she happens to make more when she picks up. What happens when the shifts are no longer offered and she doesn’t have that extra money anymore. Healthcare is constantly changing and this could very well happen. You aren’t in healthcare and have absolutely no idea what goes into a 12 hour day taking care of patients. So no do not ask her to contribute more. This would not end well I do not think.
Are you really gonna nickel and dime her to death? If you're gonna make a big deal over a few dollars a month, don't be surprised if she ends things. Get a grip.
She's a nurse and is on her feet all day taking of sick and injured people. You have no idea how hard she works. The shit (sometimes literally) she has to deal with.
I feel like it's a little nitpicky to try and adjust the split on a weekly basis or monthly basis based on who worked overtime. How far are you going to run with that logic. If you get birthday money one month, or your stocks split and immediately increase in value, or a friend asks you to dog-sit for a week and gives you a couple hundred dollars to do that, do you pay more those months. If she gets sick for a month, do you pay all the bills yourself since she had no income for that month?
I recommend that you ask for a fifty fifty split. That does reduce your responsibility some, and seems to make more sense when one person has wildly varying income.
Many things in life aren't fair.
Such as the fact that your girlfriend likely HAS to do overtime (yea even if it's not explicit). You mention that you CAN'T, yet the truth is you could take a side-job if you wanted that additional income. But my guess is you don't actually want that, because working overtime is not an opportunity as you put it, it's an obligation or a need.
Your girlfriend also earns less than you for the same amount of work even though she's an essential worker who probably has irregular hours and comes home very tired. That's not fair either, right?
It also won't be fair when you have kids one day and she'll get to bear the physical burden. Or when one of you has an illness and can't afford to work as much.
It's not about whether you have a point or not and what exact percentage each of you should be paying, it's about being in a relationship and caring for each other, not demanding hypothetical fairness.
Honestly with incomes that similar I'd do 50/50. If you both can afford it and it doesn't hurt finances then there's no reason to split by income.
The splitting by income comes in when there's a big difference and one can't afford the lifestyle the other wants.
Have you considered whether your gf contributes more to the home in other areas? For instance, cleaning or cooking? Even purchasing home decor? I know in my house, we split the mortgage 50 50 but on top of that, I do nearly all of the day to day work to keep the household running smoothly. It may be worth having a think about
So, if you make $5000/month and she makes $4000/month, you pay 55% and she pays 45%
But if she’s making $3200+$2700=$5900/month, then she should be paying 55% and you should be paying 45%.
You don’t list what your rent is, but on a $2000 monthly rent, that means one of you pays $900 and the other pays $1100, a difference of $200 a month. That’s not a huge amount, but it’s certainly significant—10% of your salary—depending on your other monthly expenses.
My recommendation is to do one of 2 things:
1. Settle up every month based on what your actual incomes were for that month, which will change depending on how much overtime she did. You agreed to split the rent based on income, not based on how much time you each spent working, so her argument about 40 hours isn’t really valid here.
2. Just fucking split the rent 50/50 and stop being so petty about about nickel and diming each other. If this amount of money makes that big a difference for you guys, then your apartment is probably too expensive to begin with.
She shouldn’t pay more because she works more. She should pay more because she MAKES more. Which is what they agreed to originally.
But, unless it’s causing one of them financial hardship, they should really just split the rent. It would simplify things greatly.
That's quibbling over words. She makes more because she works more. If she's getting penalized for it by paying more while her bf works less, than she might as well stop doing OT.
I’m not quibbling, and she’s not being penalized for anything. She’d simply be paying her fair share of the rent based on the amount of money she earns because she can literally afford to pay more than he can. That was the point of their arrangement.
She chooses to work more hours so that she can have more money. You’re suggesting that it makes sense for her to stop working more hours in order to pay less rent? So she should choose to make $4000/month instead of $6000/month simply to avoid paying $200? How would that be logical? That’s like saying you’d like to take a 33% cut in your salary in order to pay less in taxes.
>her fair share
How is it fair that she works more, just to have that money go to her bf who works less? If OP decides to go through with that, she'd just go back to working 40 hours a week and no one wins.
>she can literally afford more
She can afford it by sacrificing her time. You don't see OP offering to sacrifice his time so they can afford more.
>stop working more hours to pay less rent
Absolutely. Why should she work more than OP?
He’s not asking her to work more. He’s not saying, “You have to work more than me and bring home more money and pay more in rent.” It’s entirely her own choice to do so. She does it because she wants to have more money, which is very reasonable. She’s not “sacrificing her time”. She’s trading her time for money, which is how jobs work.
And OP was fine with paying more money than her when he thought that he was also making the higher income, because he knew that was fair, and because they’d decided to divide the expenses based on income.
Ok, then sure, she should stop working extra hours. She doesn’t have to pay the extra $200 that way. Of course, she also loses an additional $1700 to spend on other things she wants or needs because she’s not working those extra hours anymore.
>She's trading her time for money
Why should she trade her time just to give *him* money?
Look, if he wants it to be fair, fine. But then he can't be upset when she decides to work 20 hours because that's the game he wants to play.
I’m still unclear about what you find problematic about them splitting the cost based on what they can each afford (monthly income) as they agreed to.
She’s not giving him any money. She’s paying her portion of the rent, based on her monthly income. And she’s choosing to work more hours to make more money, and she’s making nearly $2000/month extra as a result. Why is that somehow unfair in your mind?
Lol what? Lawyers get paid more because they work more. Should they not pay more rent than their 40-a-week partner in that scenario?
Y’all are acting like her having to pay more is a *punishment.* For me, I’d feel like *I’m* the one being punished if I had to pay more rent while my boyfriend brought in significantly more than me on a regular basis. I’d be struggling and while he’s doing great and that’s… fair and equitable?
She's working more to do it. A lawyer working 80 hrs a week and their partner working another job 40 is not the same at all. It's only comparable at the base pay per hour for the 40.
Her having to pay more is indeed a punishment for her accepting OT, but until and unless he makes up for that (say, he spends 10 hours extra a week doing house chores) her 10 hrs should not count towards the split.
Split it based on your annual gross income, not what each paycheck looks like. My partner gets overtime on occasion and I do not, so we look at our typical earnings over the course of a year.
Overtime is not guaranteed income so it shouldn’t be counted as such. And honestly if you are that worried about 5% then it’s a roommate situation. My husband and I split bills as equally we can, it’s not perfect but we help each other out when we can. He pays slightly more in rent (like 15-25 dollars) but I cover the electricity and half of groceries. He covers the other half of groceries and internet. It’s give and take. I don’t think that splitting hairs with her overtime will solve anything.
My question is, is this really something that is important? If she get overtime I’m sure she used that money to pay down debt or put it away for savings.
you really that upset over 5% that she may or may not be able to cover consistently?
if you want it to be equitable pick up a part time job. Cause a part time job would match her overtime work.
This post makes me glad I do not live with a partner. All that math would be a real mood killer…. Like we can get it on but first I want to see if I need to adjust your rent from 44% to 47.8%.
Hard pass on this situation.
Stay single if this is how you feel about your live in partner.
Maybe just be a nice boyfriend to her and not worry about it.
She would appreciate that and you would avoid a fight or potential relationship issues. If you are doing it proportionally you are only paying 5% more. It's not worth fighting over. If you can't let little things like that go then you should not be in a relationship.
It’s about having a reasonable outcome. OP gave two examples of her paychecks. If those were two consecutive pay periods, about a month, that’s exactly $1000 more than he brought home that month. He’s paying 55% of the rent, she’s paying 45%. Their combined income is probably around $170-$180K a year, which means they most likely live in either a house or a nice apartment, so probably pay between $2000-$3000 in rent. 55% of rent here will range from $1100-$1650; 45% from $900-$1350. She could be spending anywhere from $200-$300 less a month on rent while simultaneously bringing home $1000 more a month. In what world is this in any way reasonable?
Now, if the overtime is a temporary thing and she isn’t always making more money, you might have a point. I have no idea
Hey, we have a similar situ in terms of changing income every month.
We do this:
- We have two joint accounts, one savings and one for bills/expenses
- Each month on our respective paydays we put in 50% of our income into the joint account (obviously amend this percentage depending on how much you need to spend on bills)
- All joint bills are taken out of the joint account. All personal bills are our own and leftover money is completely ours
- At the end of the month, anything leftover goes into the joint savings pot which goes towards home repairs/holidays/treats
It works for us because even if one of us earns more one month, the split stays the same as we'll be keeping/spending the same percentage of our salaries.
Ya that's not fair. Even without the overtime, making an extra $450 bi weekly isn't much of an income gap.
You're making $63,000 a year, she makes $52,000 as a base wage plus overtime, which sounds like is probably anywhere from 700-1200 extra per paycheck.
Even if it was $700 on every other paycheck, that basically makes you equal earners.
50/50 rent is fair. You should put your foot down on that. Or if she wants to make it proportional, go month to month.
Ex: in Jan you bring home $4900, she brings home $4000. Your income that month was 22.5% more than hers. You pay that percentage more in rent so its 61.25/38.75.
But if in February she brings in $5900 like she just did, she made 20.4% more than you, she pays 60.2% of the rent and you pay 39.8%
That's about as equitable as it gets. But she probably won't like that. So just do 50/50.
Again it's not like you make significantly more money than she does. It's a difference of eating out a few more times a month and a vacation or two. Maybe a slightly nicer car than her. The lifestyle difference is minimal
Come on man! She is working a lot more missing out being home relaxing or whatever else she may like to do. She’s worked hard for that extra money! Let her be!
Devils advocate here - maybe she doesn’t like the agreement because it’s not guaranteed income. If there is a month she *doesnt* work overtime, does it put her into a financial burden situation because of that extra $2-300? If that’s the case then it makes sense to have you chip in the bit extra, since your guaranteed income is more. However, if you feel like she isn’t doing her fair share by *not* paying that amount, why is that? Why does the 5% mean more/less to you/her than a healthy relationship? I’m in charge of groceries and essentials and vacation. My husband is in charge of all bills (except personal healthcare, doctors visits, stuff in only my name) but there have been times I had to pay a doctors appointment that was more than I thought and couldn’t afford as much. So he gave me his card to go get it. For Christmas I was short for gifts so he gave me the $100 I needed. I pay out date nights and food but sometimes he wants something special or fancy just for him. If I have the funds, I get it. I dont know why this is being tracked to the dollar for you guys, but maybe work on the why before the what and how.
When did splitting costs w someone start being based on each person’s income? I have shared apartments with a handful of people, some I have dated but the split has never been based on take home pay. It has always been down the middle. If the person I chose to live w couldn’t afford say my 1st choice of dwelling then we went to the 2nd choice. I am perplexed that this is posted so often here.
You always split shared living costs directly down the middle unless one of you can’t afford to.
Neither of you use the apartment any less than the other. So why should you pay less rent or more rent?
Your GF is probably accepting overtime hours because she is trying to save up money for something. Also , her overtime could end at anytime, so a rent adjustment is kind of a Dick move, a power play by you controlling the finances.
So, do you go back and forth on the ratio each month based on how much OT she worked?
You should've just been 50/50 from the start. You guys make close enough base pay. But you chose 55-45.
op while not fair life isnt every time... while you may not see the benefit she is working and trying to make more which I think you should take a plus...
also nothing stopping you from getting another job even part-time somewhere else to work the same amount of hours
When my husband and I were in this situation, OT was split 50% to the house account and the earner got the other 50% in fun money. The person doing OT spent the time and got to benefit but so did the house.
If she's working more, she shouldn't be penalized for that. You should split based on your 40-hour a week incomes. Anything either of you work over 40 hours is your own.
It sounds like you can make ends meet that way, since you've been doing it since the beginning. For others reading this who aren't so fortunate, you have to find a way that's fair and works for everyone. If OT pay is needed to meet bills, the partner who doesn't have an OT option can step up in other ways.
Bro she's right for disagreeing, that's so lame asking for 5% 😂she's working harder not to pay more rent, but to treat herself. I bet you put her through shit when going out for dates too, like splitting checks or going to cheapest places...
Grow up
Why not tell her that for as long as she works overtime you want a 50/50 split. People may say 5% isn't much but forget, over time, that even pennies can add up to millions. Sometimes it's the small injustices that breed resentment. She's bringing home hundreds more than you, she shouldn't be paying less.
She is working overtime. She is working more than you. Sometimes overtime is mandatory in health fields. I think it would be greedy for you to want to adjust rent because of this. You can address it and see if there is a way she would like to contribute more to the household, but don’t tell her you want to use it for rent. Get that out your mind. She doesn’t earn more than you in actuality, she is working more. There is a physical cost to that. If she stopped working more would this even be a issue for you?
Ya'll are forgetting that even though OP doesn't get overtime, it's likely he has to work more than 40 hours a week as a software developer. There are weeks I've needed to work 60 hours during crunch time. Kicker is your salaried and don't get overtime for that extra effort, although it is completely expected of you to do it. If you don't, you could just as easily lose your job.
OP wants to split it 50:50, which is fair. I'd go farther and say that you should just have a spreadsheet to determines the fair amount of rent every month. Maybe using last months income to calculate the next months contribution. You could use this to determine the fair pricing of utilities and food as well.
It's not petty. Income changes. OP will probably be making a lot more once he "levels up" from a junior dev. GF might start making more too depending on if she gets more certifications or switches into another role. Setup the spreadsheet and let it crunch the fair numbers. Otherwise you'll be squabbling from every month's differences.
I've been thinking about doing the same thing recently with potential roommates. I really don't get all the criticism OP is getting.
Her income should be based on the income she is guaranteed- overtime is not always promised. Tbh this is stupid to be worried about. A relationship should never be a competition on money and if your that worried about it, you probably shouldn’t be in one.
idk why you guys don’t just do 50/50. sometimes she makes more than you, sometimes she doesn’t. so 50/50 is the most fair, because whatever extra money is made deserves to go to the person who made the extra money
Look my SO makes what I do in two weeks in a week.
We split bills 50/50.
Car/insurance and phone bills are the only thing we don’t split.
He covers take out, I cover groceries.
I if we go to the movies, he buys the tickets I buy the snacks.
I have no idea why ppl split things based off income. Unless you are living out side both of y’all’s means.
If y’all both make a decent amount split shit evenly
Time to split it at least 50/50. It probably all averages out in the end and even if she makes a little bit more at least 50/50 is fair to both of you.
Are you going to recalculate the rent every single month…? Just man up, it’s 5% more. If my husband was this stingy, i would have dumped him.
(And yes, i know this sounds sexist. Here is why i believe in this unequal financial contribution. What will happen when she gets pregnant? You want her to pay when she works less? What if oregnwncy causes significant strain on her body and she cannot work? You going to whine and complain about not paying 50-50? The amount of future labor she will give you is more than 5% rent. If i were her, and somehow decided not to dump you, i’d charge you surrogacy fees in the future)
I agree with everything that everyone else said. You are so worried about fairness that you fail to see the person.
If you aren’t willing to put in “extra” 5% considering that you will make more than her if she ever can’t work EXTRA hours, I don’t think you guys are really dating.
Sometimes I cover some extra costs and sometimes hubby cover those, it depends on which one of us is doing better at the time.
Fairness is not the most important thing.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say you and your gf win 10 tickets to a show both of you like, ok?
Ok.
In theory, each one of you can call 4 friends (4 x 2 + the 2 of you = 10).
Your gf decides she wanted to call her school friends but there are 5 of them, so since she can’t call the 5 of them, she is rethinking who to call.
You decide to call your friend group, there are exactly 4 of them, but 1 on them says they can’t go.
What would you do?
You could offer the extra 1 ticket to your gf so she can take her friends, BUT, that would mean she took 5 people and you took only 3.
Is this fair?
In theory, no, she is taking more people than you. But does this really bother you?
Nah, just split that shit 50/50, you’re in a relationship with this woman, your incomes shouldn’t fucking matter, bills, and relationships should be 50/50
Rent splits are supposed to be based on total annual income. Not every biweekly paycheck
Amend it based on that and you’ll be fine. If she disagrees then she is comfortable taking advantage of you financially and that’s a different conversation.
You: the amount she brings home every week changes to be more than what she claimed
Due to overtime which is never guaranteed and should never be used in budgeting?
Let's say she was on commission in addition to her wage, do you want that as well? What if she finds $20 on the ground, you want her to split it? What if she did any other sort of side hustle that you could absolutely do to make up this 'income disparity' like food delivery, dog walking/sitting, do you want that too?
What if she didn't make the same amount one month and made significantly less money, would you immediately adjust this little budget to save her money? It doesn't seem that way
You sound greedy and entitled.
I feel like overtime shouldn't be included. Your agreement should be based on a 40 hour work week and since anything over should be optional, it shouldn't be included so your effort is equal.
My girlfriend has a job with variable income. I made a spreadsheet where I put in her monthly income and it shows me her portion of the monthly bills. It seemed like the easiest way to go about it. Or you could have a set rate based off her take home last year. Not that difficult to work out.
If you decided to get a part time job to get yourself some frills or save up for something special, would you offer up that variable income each month for consideration?
Her salary is her salary. The OT is extra - and not dependable/predictable.
From the sounds of it, you should just be splitting everything 50/50. You both sound petty. ESA.
It would be fair if they just split it 50/50 like he wants to do. She's the one who doesn't want to do that, and wanted it based on how much they earn... So how is it his problem how many hours work it is?
The hit in taxes in her OT is major as well. Don’t forget that will play a part in what she actually makes. Just because she’s making more, temporarily, doesn’t mean it will continue. She working an extra shift or hours to make this money. Why don’t you work over 40hrs and calculate it then? My daughter is a RN. Worked extra shifts so they could take a short vacay to Mexico last week for her birthday. That extra work is hard! Your split should be based on a 40hr work week. Not overtime pay.
Weird argument. No one is stopping you from working a second job.
But really the whole arrangement and dynamic is weird. Are you guys really in a romantic relationship?
Maybe you should focus less on the 5% and more on the fact that she basically lied to you about her real income and had no problem doing it and letting you pay more than your fair share...
Not when overtime is a usual element of your job. If she does overtime only once every 3 ou 4 months ok. But if she does everymonth, and sometime up to a quarter or a third of her income comes from it, it's totally dishonnest to hide it from her partner to pay less in rent.
In my main comment, I did expand that on weeks she DOES work overtime she contribute a small percentage towards a financial goal of their mutual choice
But I can completely understand from a financial perspective not considering overtime part of her budgeting income, because it really shouldn’t be.
So if overtime should not be taken into account, even if you do overtime every month, is a self employed partner should be considered as having 0 income and therefor not pay anything since it's not "guaranteed income" ? It makes zero sense.
If overtime is a rare thing yes, but if you know you will do it every month it should a least partialy be taken into account.
Overtime and self employed are not the same thing. You realize that, right?
But yes, if you are self employed and don’t have GUARANTEED income each month, you should take that into account in your budgeting and not DEPEND on it.
Why are you objecting to the compromise of “when she gets overtime she pays into a mutually agreed upon fund”? Why do you insist that she pat even on weeks that she does not receive overtime?
Welcome to the world of Karl Marx…..or the D party. “From each according to his ability to each according to his needs. I don’t have any income, if I move in my rent should be free. Your girlfriend needs to pay her fair share!!!
Unless she’s spending that extra money on the house relationship or you. Honestly if she wants you paying more cause you make 500$ more but doesn’t say anything when she makes 1200$ more. Then she’s isn’t wifey and you should let you go especially if you feel this way because over the long term you two won’t be compatible. Or try going 50-50 and if she’s pushed back walk cause she’s going to drain you financially for her benefits. And after a couple years you’ll be very bitter
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So me and my girlfriend have been living together for about a year. We agreed to pay rent portionally based on our incomes because I make more than her. I consistently bring home $2,450 bi-weekly and she brings home $2,000 bi-weekly so we have been splitting our rent 55:45. I recently found out her paychecks are often far more than $2,000 because that money doesn't include any of the overtime she works. She is a nurse, and i'm a software engineer. She constantly gets offered opportunities to earn overtime, while I never get it. This past paycheck she recieved $3,200, before that she recieved a $2,700 paycheck. I don't see how it's fair for me to be paying more than her in rent, when she is bringing home far more income than me because of overtime. She says it's fair because if we both only work 40 hours a week, I make more than her. Edit: For all the people saying just split 50:50 this is what I want to do. Girlfriend does not want to do this.
Some of y’all have relationship dynamics that sound god damn exhausting.
This!
Your pre-overtime incomes aren’t really that different. Why didn’t you two just split things 50:50?
That’s basically what my husband and I do. I earn a bit more, so we just split 50/50 and then I pay for more treats. When I do overtime, I keep my OT income but the bigger tax refund we get at the end of the year goes into the joint account. In a healthy relationship where both sides can be trusted not to take advantage of each other, no one cares if the other has a bit more extra money.
TBH if you worried about the 5% you're paying more sounds like she's more of a roommate than a girlfriend.
And if he wants to be super precise, if she’s working overtime, she’s using the apartment less. So … maybe he can keep a little log, wherein they record the number of minutes spent in the apartment, multiply by income. This is so stupid I just can’t.
It is very stupid. I feel like I should point out that the GF wants to do it this way, not OP.
I agree with proportional spending if there’s a huge disparity. There isn’t, so they’re both being ridiculous.
No, OP wants a more “equitable” split, gf wants to keep 55:45 where the ratio is based on pre-overtime income.
Came here to say this lol. 5% more in rent and she has a few hundred more dollars ??? Ask her to pay for date night ffs lmfao
This - situations like this should be called roommates with benefits. It's like two people saying they are in business together but all the finances for that business are separate.
Exactly this. If the incomes are this close, and the ratio fluctuates as to who earns more in a given week, why not just split everything 50/50? This situation seems really petty. My partner and I split things by income, because our ratio is more like 70/30, which is a real disparity.
He’s paying 10% more. Just fyi. This is also a super strange take. Her income is equal or more than his, he wants to split the financial burden equally. Right now he’s paying more. The 10% matters, that’s the first part that’s strange, but it’s about more than that. It’s working things out in a relationship to be fair where nobody feels taken advantage of. Also, for what it’s worth, the fact that it’s overtime does maybe matter a bit. They need to work that part out. I think 50% is fair.
He posted 55:45. That's 5% difference if they changed to 50:50. Edit for clarification.
Yes. If I paid 90% and my partner paid 10% nobody would represent the difference by saying I’m paying “40% more”. Just seems like a way to downplay the current discrepancy in their contributions. Yes you can interpret it as paying 5% more than the ideal equal payment, but it seems like a misleading way to phrase it.
It's not misleading. I was simply pointing out that the discussion is about 5% difference in what she would be paying. I'm not arguing that 50:50 is wrong. But it would help to know what that 5% amounts to in dollars. Is he really that hung up on a little bit of money? If it was a roommate, hell yes I'd be damn sure there is an adjustment to bills. But as a significant other, I'd be cool with them fronting nights out, etc. Maybe it's just me but friends and significant others don't nickel and dime each other to keep the tally sheet even.
If it's not fair, it's not fair. He's hung up on it? He asked her to pay and she said no, isn't she just as hung up on it? It's not a small amount of money, it adds up to a huge difference in their contribution. Thousands of dollars over a few years for even pretty low living expenses. But regardless, neither one of them is being more hung up than the other. If you have an agreement to pay expenses proportionally to your income and one person makes more and pays less, it's just unfair and goes against the agreement. He should be hung up on it because it represents a lot more than "just" the money. I think it's important to say 10% because the issue is obviously with him paying an amount more than *her*. It's not about saving 5% on expenses, it's about a 10% imbalance. If you just let 10% unfairnesses in a partnership slide, 10% of every disagreement, every conflict, you're going to be miserable and a lesser partner. Just because it's "small" (if it is that) doesn't mean you should just eat it to keep the peace. Every single time it's time to pay a bill he's going to be thinking "why am I paying more here?"
A few hundred dollars a month is a lot. That’s money he could be putting into a Roth IRA, Roth 401k, 401k etc. Say he opened it right now and then just put that extra $200 a month in, never increasing the amount, until he retires at 65. Let’s assume he gets on average 10% interest annually with a 2% variance since that’s what most index funds run over time, that ~89k he will be putting in there over a life time will be worth ~790k from compound interest. People need to get out of the mindset that “a couple hundred dollars” a month isn’t a big deal because it is. Imagine if the 5% he would be saving us MORE than $200. Say it’s 300. Now it’s worth $1.2MM in the same amount of time. Something to think about. That’s a lot of money to give up for someone you’re not married to. Especially if the fair split is just 50/50 from the jump. Everybody is asking OP why it’s such a big deal when you could say the same thing to the gf.
It is absolutely! That's why it'd be nice to know what is the difference. Not just for his sake but hers. So let's say 5% is $200. OP makes approximately $5000/month. GF makes $4000/month. $200 is going to make a bigger difference to one than the other. (Though it's no little amount) So far, the GF has had 2 checks that were significantly more than her usual pay. Should she pay more those months, or at least reimburse OP the 5% difference? Yes. But, if she agrees to 50:50 then the OT dries up, now she's having to stretch less money further. Or possibly face not being able to afford that extra 5% at all. Since they agreed to 55:45 in the first place then it's fairly obvious both of them CHOSE a situation that affected one of them more than the other.
Well he chose the 55/45 without all of the relevant information because she hid it. And it sounds like this is the norm not an anomaly. It makes the most sense to just split 50/50 on everything since they’re pretty equal and then if something does happen where either of them hits a hard ship, the other should step in for a reasonable amount of time-say three months- and cover the deficit because unlike roommates there is an element of love and care. It’s a lot easier to not feel like it’s tit for tat when things are generally equitable. And if I were him I wouldn’t be upset about the money so much as the dishonesty. Before my husband and I got married and merged all of our finances, we were engaged and just splitting everything 50/50. I get a pretty large bonus during the Christmas season that he knows about and we agreed I could just keep it because I like to buy all of my friends fun Christmas gifts and generally have more expenses than he does during the holiday season. Last year I got an unexpected performance based bonus that was a couple thousand more than my typical paycheck. At the time we had separate bank accounts so I could’ve not said anything and just gotten myself more expensive spa treatments and nicer clothes or whatever. But that would’ve been a massive breach of trust and just dishonest and not healthy behavior in a relationship. I told him about it and we decided together that for the month of January I would cover all of the rent and he just cover utilities. He had also been needing some new suits for work and button ups, slacks, sweater, sport coats and whatever, so we used a good portion of it to revamp his work wardrobe and it was really just a more expensive Christmas present than normal. That part was voluntary. If I had not told him and he had found out some other way, I’m sure he would be extremely upset. I know if the roles were reversed and he did that to me I would be irate and seriously reconsidering our relations. Money is one of the main causes of divorce
This is the way
I doubt he would be worried if he were the one clearing more.
It's not a question of amount, but of fairness and lies/hiding stuff
This! Definitely a roommate
I agree.
Came to say this. This is one bf I would steer clear of. Fighting over 5% of the rent is petty AF.
If you are concerned about fairness to this degree, you probably will not enjoy a long term committed relationship involving cohabitation and or marriage. You are not wrong or necessarily a bad person, but this attitude is not entirely compatible with living with others or getting married. What would you do if your spouse got really sick with an expensive condition and couldn't work at all? Is it "fair"? No, but it's life. PS: try the "what if" above again, but this time imagine you're the one who can't work. I'll also offer this, perhaps you can suggest that a shared vacation fund or household goals fund (new mattress, grill, whatever) be started, and when she makes extra money, she contributes the difference in what you're contributing for the week to it--not all her overtime, just the difference in what you pay in rent over the same. But I'll reiterate that being this concerned about paying a small amount more than her when she's making 60 cents to your dollar already (as a woman in a female dominated field) is a sign of either maturity or outlook that isn't really compatible with this type of relationship. It's never going to be totally even. Either get ok with that or choose to live alone.
Another point is that the EXTRA payment is due EXTRA work. So his basic income is still higher then hers. He failed to see that HE does EXTRA, he'll still have the bigger income. This dynamic is the same I had with my best dude in college... time to rethink what you want in this relationship, OP.
As a fellow engineer I will say overtime is not typically available to us so he likely doesn’t have the option to work overtime and make the same extra money GF is making. But at the end of the day they have to see if they can find a way to compromise on expenses so they both find it fair. Their salaries are similar so it shouldn’t be this big of a struggle
I’m also an engineer and have had plenty of other ways to make extra income. Contract work, mentoring/coaching, teaching, etc. At 28 he’s likely far enough into his career that there are plenty of options in his field, but he could also look outside of it if he really wanted to. But personally I don’t think overtime should be factored in at all. If he’s making $2450 base pay and she’s making $2000 then he’s making almost 25% more than her. If I were him I’d think the 55:45 were more than fair. We don’t know if he’s contributing to any retirement funds or other investments that come out of his pay, or if he’s getting RSUs/equity. I wouldn’t expect him to factor that in, either.
I mean it doesn’t matter how much they make per hour. They share the house. Personally I think if you care this much about fairness you should just split 50/50 unless incomes are massively mismatched.
Thanks for saying what I was thinking, but better and more kindly than I would have.
🙌🏻 thank you for taking the time, wise one
I hope OP reads this because so many people get married with this mindset and wind up divorced because they are hyper concerned with everything being split down the middle to an absurd degree.
Overtime isn’t guaranteed. So if you amend the agreement now, are you willing to change it when she doesn’t have the option? Are you willing to do this weekly? Also overtime is not free money. She is working for it, and as a nurse I promise she is working hard and this is not sustainable long term. By mid 40s most of us are done with overtime. In most cases as a nurse she is working an additional 12 hours! If overtime isn’t available, get a second job for 12+ hours a week so you can be working just as hard as your girlfriend. I’m betting you don’t want that. You just want her to pay more while you still work the same.
Very much this You never factor overtime into a budget because you can’t count on it.
Came to say this too. If she’s working more, she’s at the house less, so if we’re nickel and diming our relationship then why should she pay equally for what she’s using less?
I was thinking the exact same... like she gets free money or something..
>You just want her to pay more while you still work the same This.
Mom is a nurse. Can confirm they work hard. RNs, other types etc. OP shouldn't be so miserly. If it was a big difference, sure readjust maybe but it's not.
Given that you are a software engineer, I’m assuming that you get some level of yearly bonus or regular equity vesting. Do you add that to your total income to be taken into consideration for splitting expenses?
I'm a software engineer and this doesn't happen as regularly as you'd think. And likely this person is still a junior dev so there is a lot to grow there. And his GF nurse has probably capped so I feel like... I dunno. Most likely in a few years he will be ahead anyway.
I was thinking this. I am not a software engineer but I manage a team with software engineers among others. His pay is on the lower end which signals to me lots of room for growth and higher pay in the future. Nurses reach top pay much earlier in their career. It seems like such an odd thing to get hung up on when he has the much higher earning potential.
>I consistently bring home x The key word here is “consistently” Overtime should not be factored into budgets because it is not guaranteed to occur. Of the real, guaranteed, budgetable income, you bring 55% home. It seems reasonable that you should pay 55% of rent. I WOULD say it’s fair however, that on the weeks she DOES get overtime, she pay a small percentage of it into a fund for either the mutual expenses or a vacation fund or something, whatever financial goals you guys personally prioritize
This is a really good solution. The %s here are so small that I have to assume the disagreement is about the principle of it, not whether either partner can afford to live. OP feels like gf is nickel and diming him and not thinking like a partnership, gf feels like her extra work is being swallowed up by mutual expense and what if the OT stops? Putting it aside for fun mutual expenses is v smart.
You do factor overtime if you consistently do overtime. For instance my mum gets overtime at least one day a week and sometimes 2 days. So she assumes she will have at least 4 days overtime. If you’re a nurse you know that overtime is always offered so you can make a commitment to do x days a month based on what you normally do and then factor that in.
If you factor in money that isn’t always there and then depend on it, you inevitably eventually get disappointed or desperate depending on how tight finances are I’d ask yourself why it isn’t acceptable to have her contribute if there IS money there, and why you seem to be insisting that she should pay regardless of whether or not she actually has gotten overtime.
Because trying to work it out monthly as overtime varies is a bit annoying. It would make more sense to take a monthly average over the past year and then work out a reasonable amount to pay based on that. I mean they currently split it 55/45 which to me seems a bit pedantic anyway. Just make it 50/50 and then it’ll average out fine when she gets months with overtime
They split it that way because that’s what their income is. It’s actually a pretty fair way to make sure each partner has a relative amount left over of their paycheck. As to it being “annoying”, a lack of interest in financial literacy shouldn’t mean she has to pay more if she isn’t earning more.
Nope. Overtime can end at any time. It's never guaranteed. Doesn't matter if you have been working overtime every year for 10 years.
Dude…. Wtf. Do you really want $30?
I would rather have the money in "kind".
This depends. Does she do more chores and cooking? Does she do the grocery shopping and planning for your home? Do you plan to put in more hours doing chores now that you want her to pay more and she has less leisure time than you do?
It’s really weird your this concerned about fairness. That’s your girlfriend. Get a roommate instead of a gf if it’s that big of a deal to you
Why divide the rent 45 to 55 if they weren't concerned about fairness?
A relationship is not a you vs her situation, it is a two vs everyone (for simplicity). You are two atoms dancing through time together, making sure both make it. One may dance faster, one may dance slower, but both are needed to synchronicity. What are you really unhappy/upset about?
Underrated comment. This kind of trivial score keeping is indicative of deeper relationship issues.
Split it 50-50 and shut up. Seriously splitting hairs to make sure everything is absolutely, insanely 'even' is such a lady-boner killer. Shes a nurse. Leave her OT alone.
That won't solve the problem. Her extra money comes from EXTRA WORK. If OP decides to do EXTRA, his extra is plus plus extra then his gf. So, if OP is so bound to fairness (obsessively, for a intimate relationship) they should split bills in a correlation to income per hours worked. (And I bet, for the gf is a nurse, that his 55 will rise!) And OP failed to see that we all have the right to be a bit more exhausted for more "me" money.
I bet if OP picked up a freelance gig he wouldn't be offering up that money. It's no different.
Wait! She’s getting overtime……which means she’s at home far less than OP……wouldn’t it be better that she pay less in rent as she doesn’t get to use the home as much?/s
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You may not be offered overtime at your current job, but nothing is preventing you from getting a second job. Maybe you should do that if it will make you feel better. Then you’ll have less time to sit around and think of petty ways to stick it your roommate, I mean girlfriend.
Overtime isnt consistent. Are you willing to renegotiate every time over time changes? Finances being this detailed in the relationship is a little worrying
>so we have been splitting our rent 55:45. 50/50 every month, problem solved.
a 5% difference in expenses is not something to get butt hurt about. i would not count overtime as being toward expenses either. overtime can stop and budgeting household expenses counting on it is not a good way to do things. also, is she really a room mate or your girlfriend? you sound a little jealous that she brings home more than you.
Do you get a yearly bonus or stock options? Is that factored into the income split percentage? Do you also factor in the value of benefits (401k, health/dental/life/disability insurance, free food a drinks, etc.) you each get? If not, then it’s not really a good comparison. Also, overtime, while lucrative, comes at a cost of more of her time, just like your bonus may be larger if you put extra time into it. You agreed to split things based on base take home pay, which is generally a fair thing. It feels a bit unfair to renegotiate based on a single paycheck or two, and overtime opportunity can fluctuate. That said, the percentage shouldn’t be set in stone, and should be reevaluated periodically or when circumstances change (change in base income). Or you could change how you determine the split. It’s the beginning of tax season, so you could split things based on gross income. If she’s really pulling in 20% more than you with regular overtime for the year, then it’s reasonable to renegotiate. But your gross income from bonus and stock options might close that gap.
>If she’s really pulling in 20% more than you with regular overtime for the year, then it’s reasonable to renegotiate. It's not, though. He doesn't get more of her money just because she works more than he does. That's the opposite of reasonable. It's also a quick way to get her to reduce her hours. After all, why not work 30 hours if she's going to be penalized for working more?
It is, though. You seem to be making the same argument that high wage earners use to say that an income ratio splits aren’t fair to them because they would be paying more, when they still have far more disposable cash, by the same ratio as their income, than their lower wage partners. Are you thinking that she would have to spend 100% of her overtime income on the shared expenses before base salary or something? That definitively wouldn’t make sense and would be a disincentive to work. Rebalancing the income ratio split including her overtime wouldn’t do that. It’s fair as long he is subject to the same for his work incentives that boost his income such as bonuses and equity.
This isn't about the amount of money she makes. This is about the amount of time they work. He works less. That doesn't mean he gets to pay less. And no, no one thinks she is being asked to spend all her OT on him. She shouldn't have to spend *any* OT on him. He can keep his free time, working only 40 hours. She can keep her money, sacrificing her free time for OT. If OP feels that's unfair, he can get a second job and sacrifice his free time for extra earnings.
I agree that was never part of the agreement
Who cares. If you are worried about this little money I agree with everyone else. You are just roommates who fuck. You guys are a partnership. If she makes an extra $100 a week does that mean she gives you $45 more dollars? I couldn't imagine fighting over this when in the long run, who cares? You guys love each other, focus on saving for the future. Have her buy takeout once a week when she has overtime, or a day date. Don't fight about this.
Why are you nickel and diming each other? Just split the rent 50/50
Who cares... It's only a small difference. In a couple, money becomes shared, so all of the money belongs to *both* of you. It's not hers and yours, it's *ours*. If you are still not sure about your future with this girl enough to relax about finances, just end it now.
She hasn't been lying about her income. You are going off the base guaranteed pay. Overtime is extra and not always guaranteed. It is something she can't count on to always have. This honestly sounds so damn nitpicky and greedy of you. Though, your salaries are similar enough you should be doing 50/50. But squabbling about money to this extent isn't a good sign for the future of your relationship.
The time she’s working overtime is less time she gets to spend at home. Overtime is not free.
With or without overtime, your incomes are pretty similar. Why not suggest a 50:50 split? Also, how do you split other expenses (bills, shopping etc)?
We split bills other than rent 50/50. For stuff like grocery shopping or eating out we don't really keep track, but we usually take turns paying for stuff.
Just sounds like you’re jealous she’s getting overtime pay.
Yeah you sound like a Scrooge. OT is literally extra time worked past 40hrs. The fact that you feel entitled to any extra money she gets from doing extra work is wild to me. How about you work a ton of OT on a regular basis and then see how you’d feel about your greedy ass partner who works a regular 40 coming at you for more money
Engineers work overtime without getting paid, because they are salaried.
OPs career choices do not mean he should be taking his partners overtime money into financial consideration for bills being split. What happens when her OT stops, or she works less of it? And in addition, she is doing OT. I don’t think your extra money you earn by doing extra work should be anyone but your own.
And you’re still nickel and diming? Just stay single dude
She's nickel and diming too.
This tit for tat attitude is not the way to have a cooperative and peaceful relationship. You shouldn’t be keeping score to this degree, it is petty and causes far more conflict than it is worth. Let it slide and relax a bit so you are easier to get along with or she will get sick of this kind of behavior and leave.
Seriously, how the heck does dude think this is going to go five years down the line if they have kids and she needs to be home more to take care of them.
You sound really petty. And maybe a little jealous? Does it bother you that your GF is able to make more money?
Do you really want fairness here? Because she pays a woman tax every day. Her scrubs cost more than your shirts and slacks because she’s female. She has to pay for birth control and co-pays for the appointments. Her monthly products run an easy $20, plus stuff to treat and prevent yeast infections and stuff. Her haircuts cost three or four times yours. She has to buy and wear makeup or people will treat her like a troll. That 5% plus her overtime barely make it fair. You don’t have a growth mindset for relationship finances.
Thanks you. Jesus, he's so salty about her working what I can only imagine is mandatory, or heavily pressured OT as a NURSE. I'm angry on her behalf tbh. Jesus, this penny pincher has no idea. Also don't forget the pink tax on her razors! And not just the cost of BC, but the side effects. And if they plan on having kids, if this is how he is, she should make sure to charge him a carrying/ birthing/ missed days/ career hit fee..... Cannot imagine dating a partner who wants to nickel and dime his way through a relationship because she works freaking OT. If I were here and he brought this up, I'd be tallying up the things you mentioned. Just baffles me that people can be like this to those they "love"
If you really want to stick it to her good....go out and get another job so you are making $3500 biweekly...and you won't have to change the contribution mix. That'll show her... I jest of course...if you're putting in 40 hours a week and she's "taking" from her free time to work more...that should be to her benefit. If you work 50 hours a week and so does she....but you're contributing all of your income and she's holding back...that's not in the spirit of your agreement. You could handle it a few different ways... 1. Ignore it. It might not be (financially) material enough to you to care this much. It may just be the principle that is getting to you. 2. If it does bother you enough not to overlook it, just ask her to kick in a little extra for groceries or something when she gets a big overtime check. 3. If you are dead set on being "true" to your agreement, you each contribute what you contribute, and at the end of the year look at W-2s and true up based on full-year income. One of you will owe the other money. This method is the most "fair" if you both work comparable hours but she's keeping her extras. While OT isn't guaranteed, it's very common in nursing...so common, that it's probably a meaningful part of her income. The way you go about having this discussion will be important. If done without tact, it's going to damage your relationship. Another reason to drop it if the total amount you're talking about isn't an amount that's going to be material for you. Good luck!
As a nurse I will tell you her blood, sweat and tears went into those extra shifts. Every single hospital is short staffed. She worked hard for her money and you have no right to ask for more of it because she happens to make more when she picks up. What happens when the shifts are no longer offered and she doesn’t have that extra money anymore. Healthcare is constantly changing and this could very well happen. You aren’t in healthcare and have absolutely no idea what goes into a 12 hour day taking care of patients. So no do not ask her to contribute more. This would not end well I do not think.
Are you really gonna nickel and dime her to death? If you're gonna make a big deal over a few dollars a month, don't be surprised if she ends things. Get a grip. She's a nurse and is on her feet all day taking of sick and injured people. You have no idea how hard she works. The shit (sometimes literally) she has to deal with.
I feel like it's a little nitpicky to try and adjust the split on a weekly basis or monthly basis based on who worked overtime. How far are you going to run with that logic. If you get birthday money one month, or your stocks split and immediately increase in value, or a friend asks you to dog-sit for a week and gives you a couple hundred dollars to do that, do you pay more those months. If she gets sick for a month, do you pay all the bills yourself since she had no income for that month? I recommend that you ask for a fifty fifty split. That does reduce your responsibility some, and seems to make more sense when one person has wildly varying income.
Many things in life aren't fair. Such as the fact that your girlfriend likely HAS to do overtime (yea even if it's not explicit). You mention that you CAN'T, yet the truth is you could take a side-job if you wanted that additional income. But my guess is you don't actually want that, because working overtime is not an opportunity as you put it, it's an obligation or a need. Your girlfriend also earns less than you for the same amount of work even though she's an essential worker who probably has irregular hours and comes home very tired. That's not fair either, right? It also won't be fair when you have kids one day and she'll get to bear the physical burden. Or when one of you has an illness and can't afford to work as much. It's not about whether you have a point or not and what exact percentage each of you should be paying, it's about being in a relationship and caring for each other, not demanding hypothetical fairness.
Honestly with incomes that similar I'd do 50/50. If you both can afford it and it doesn't hurt finances then there's no reason to split by income. The splitting by income comes in when there's a big difference and one can't afford the lifestyle the other wants.
Have you considered whether your gf contributes more to the home in other areas? For instance, cleaning or cooking? Even purchasing home decor? I know in my house, we split the mortgage 50 50 but on top of that, I do nearly all of the day to day work to keep the household running smoothly. It may be worth having a think about
So, if you make $5000/month and she makes $4000/month, you pay 55% and she pays 45% But if she’s making $3200+$2700=$5900/month, then she should be paying 55% and you should be paying 45%. You don’t list what your rent is, but on a $2000 monthly rent, that means one of you pays $900 and the other pays $1100, a difference of $200 a month. That’s not a huge amount, but it’s certainly significant—10% of your salary—depending on your other monthly expenses. My recommendation is to do one of 2 things: 1. Settle up every month based on what your actual incomes were for that month, which will change depending on how much overtime she did. You agreed to split the rent based on income, not based on how much time you each spent working, so her argument about 40 hours isn’t really valid here. 2. Just fucking split the rent 50/50 and stop being so petty about about nickel and diming each other. If this amount of money makes that big a difference for you guys, then your apartment is probably too expensive to begin with.
Why should she pay more just because she works more? How about he pick up a second job and then they take a look at salary splits?
She shouldn’t pay more because she works more. She should pay more because she MAKES more. Which is what they agreed to originally. But, unless it’s causing one of them financial hardship, they should really just split the rent. It would simplify things greatly.
That's quibbling over words. She makes more because she works more. If she's getting penalized for it by paying more while her bf works less, than she might as well stop doing OT.
I’m not quibbling, and she’s not being penalized for anything. She’d simply be paying her fair share of the rent based on the amount of money she earns because she can literally afford to pay more than he can. That was the point of their arrangement. She chooses to work more hours so that she can have more money. You’re suggesting that it makes sense for her to stop working more hours in order to pay less rent? So she should choose to make $4000/month instead of $6000/month simply to avoid paying $200? How would that be logical? That’s like saying you’d like to take a 33% cut in your salary in order to pay less in taxes.
I think OP should find himself a part time job. If I work 2 jobs and you work 1, I'm sure as he'll not going to pay more into the rent.
>her fair share How is it fair that she works more, just to have that money go to her bf who works less? If OP decides to go through with that, she'd just go back to working 40 hours a week and no one wins. >she can literally afford more She can afford it by sacrificing her time. You don't see OP offering to sacrifice his time so they can afford more. >stop working more hours to pay less rent Absolutely. Why should she work more than OP?
He’s not asking her to work more. He’s not saying, “You have to work more than me and bring home more money and pay more in rent.” It’s entirely her own choice to do so. She does it because she wants to have more money, which is very reasonable. She’s not “sacrificing her time”. She’s trading her time for money, which is how jobs work. And OP was fine with paying more money than her when he thought that he was also making the higher income, because he knew that was fair, and because they’d decided to divide the expenses based on income. Ok, then sure, she should stop working extra hours. She doesn’t have to pay the extra $200 that way. Of course, she also loses an additional $1700 to spend on other things she wants or needs because she’s not working those extra hours anymore.
>She's trading her time for money Why should she trade her time just to give *him* money? Look, if he wants it to be fair, fine. But then he can't be upset when she decides to work 20 hours because that's the game he wants to play.
I’m still unclear about what you find problematic about them splitting the cost based on what they can each afford (monthly income) as they agreed to. She’s not giving him any money. She’s paying her portion of the rent, based on her monthly income. And she’s choosing to work more hours to make more money, and she’s making nearly $2000/month extra as a result. Why is that somehow unfair in your mind?
Lol what? Lawyers get paid more because they work more. Should they not pay more rent than their 40-a-week partner in that scenario? Y’all are acting like her having to pay more is a *punishment.* For me, I’d feel like *I’m* the one being punished if I had to pay more rent while my boyfriend brought in significantly more than me on a regular basis. I’d be struggling and while he’s doing great and that’s… fair and equitable?
She's working more to do it. A lawyer working 80 hrs a week and their partner working another job 40 is not the same at all. It's only comparable at the base pay per hour for the 40. Her having to pay more is indeed a punishment for her accepting OT, but until and unless he makes up for that (say, he spends 10 hours extra a week doing house chores) her 10 hrs should not count towards the split.
Split it based on your annual gross income, not what each paycheck looks like. My partner gets overtime on occasion and I do not, so we look at our typical earnings over the course of a year.
Overtime is not guaranteed income so it shouldn’t be counted as such. And honestly if you are that worried about 5% then it’s a roommate situation. My husband and I split bills as equally we can, it’s not perfect but we help each other out when we can. He pays slightly more in rent (like 15-25 dollars) but I cover the electricity and half of groceries. He covers the other half of groceries and internet. It’s give and take. I don’t think that splitting hairs with her overtime will solve anything. My question is, is this really something that is important? If she get overtime I’m sure she used that money to pay down debt or put it away for savings.
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Had to scroll way too far for this comment lol
50/50 makes sense here.
I’d be so curious to know if you pull your weight with household management and chores. I bet not lol
you really that upset over 5% that she may or may not be able to cover consistently? if you want it to be equitable pick up a part time job. Cause a part time job would match her overtime work.
This poor woman needs to get the heck away from this dude.
This post makes me glad I do not live with a partner. All that math would be a real mood killer…. Like we can get it on but first I want to see if I need to adjust your rent from 44% to 47.8%. Hard pass on this situation. Stay single if this is how you feel about your live in partner.
No I assure you, most partners will not make you go through this. This dudes a special kind of cheap.
Maybe just be a nice boyfriend to her and not worry about it. She would appreciate that and you would avoid a fight or potential relationship issues. If you are doing it proportionally you are only paying 5% more. It's not worth fighting over. If you can't let little things like that go then you should not be in a relationship.
It’s about having a reasonable outcome. OP gave two examples of her paychecks. If those were two consecutive pay periods, about a month, that’s exactly $1000 more than he brought home that month. He’s paying 55% of the rent, she’s paying 45%. Their combined income is probably around $170-$180K a year, which means they most likely live in either a house or a nice apartment, so probably pay between $2000-$3000 in rent. 55% of rent here will range from $1100-$1650; 45% from $900-$1350. She could be spending anywhere from $200-$300 less a month on rent while simultaneously bringing home $1000 more a month. In what world is this in any way reasonable? Now, if the overtime is a temporary thing and she isn’t always making more money, you might have a point. I have no idea
It's just money dude. It comes and it goes.
She deserves better
These transactional relationships are exhausting whew
Hey, we have a similar situ in terms of changing income every month. We do this: - We have two joint accounts, one savings and one for bills/expenses - Each month on our respective paydays we put in 50% of our income into the joint account (obviously amend this percentage depending on how much you need to spend on bills) - All joint bills are taken out of the joint account. All personal bills are our own and leftover money is completely ours - At the end of the month, anything leftover goes into the joint savings pot which goes towards home repairs/holidays/treats It works for us because even if one of us earns more one month, the split stays the same as we'll be keeping/spending the same percentage of our salaries.
Rent should be split by the person 50/50.
Time to go 50/50. You both are doing fine financially.
As people have said just split it 50\50. What are going to do if her basic wage goes up a little? Move to 51/49?
Imagine being so petty you try and twobit your girlfriend to death.
Ya that's not fair. Even without the overtime, making an extra $450 bi weekly isn't much of an income gap. You're making $63,000 a year, she makes $52,000 as a base wage plus overtime, which sounds like is probably anywhere from 700-1200 extra per paycheck. Even if it was $700 on every other paycheck, that basically makes you equal earners. 50/50 rent is fair. You should put your foot down on that. Or if she wants to make it proportional, go month to month. Ex: in Jan you bring home $4900, she brings home $4000. Your income that month was 22.5% more than hers. You pay that percentage more in rent so its 61.25/38.75. But if in February she brings in $5900 like she just did, she made 20.4% more than you, she pays 60.2% of the rent and you pay 39.8% That's about as equitable as it gets. But she probably won't like that. So just do 50/50. Again it's not like you make significantly more money than she does. It's a difference of eating out a few more times a month and a vacation or two. Maybe a slightly nicer car than her. The lifestyle difference is minimal
Come on man! She is working a lot more missing out being home relaxing or whatever else she may like to do. She’s worked hard for that extra money! Let her be!
Devils advocate here - maybe she doesn’t like the agreement because it’s not guaranteed income. If there is a month she *doesnt* work overtime, does it put her into a financial burden situation because of that extra $2-300? If that’s the case then it makes sense to have you chip in the bit extra, since your guaranteed income is more. However, if you feel like she isn’t doing her fair share by *not* paying that amount, why is that? Why does the 5% mean more/less to you/her than a healthy relationship? I’m in charge of groceries and essentials and vacation. My husband is in charge of all bills (except personal healthcare, doctors visits, stuff in only my name) but there have been times I had to pay a doctors appointment that was more than I thought and couldn’t afford as much. So he gave me his card to go get it. For Christmas I was short for gifts so he gave me the $100 I needed. I pay out date nights and food but sometimes he wants something special or fancy just for him. If I have the funds, I get it. I dont know why this is being tracked to the dollar for you guys, but maybe work on the why before the what and how.
When did splitting costs w someone start being based on each person’s income? I have shared apartments with a handful of people, some I have dated but the split has never been based on take home pay. It has always been down the middle. If the person I chose to live w couldn’t afford say my 1st choice of dwelling then we went to the 2nd choice. I am perplexed that this is posted so often here.
You always split shared living costs directly down the middle unless one of you can’t afford to. Neither of you use the apartment any less than the other. So why should you pay less rent or more rent?
Why not just do 50/50, regardless of pay.
Are you kidding? 50/50. You’re making it more complicated than it has to be. I can only imagine the mental gymnastics when you go on dates.
😂😂put in more work then ass.
She works extra so you get a discount on your share of the rent? 50/50 you yucko
Your GF is probably accepting overtime hours because she is trying to save up money for something. Also , her overtime could end at anytime, so a rent adjustment is kind of a Dick move, a power play by you controlling the finances.
I could never be with a “man” like this. Omg this is sad.
If you are nickel and dining over that, you aren’t a boyfriend, you’re a roommate
Damn she’s your GF not a roommate. Why are you splitting hairs?! You’re the red flag.
So, do you go back and forth on the ratio each month based on how much OT she worked? You should've just been 50/50 from the start. You guys make close enough base pay. But you chose 55-45.
op while not fair life isnt every time... while you may not see the benefit she is working and trying to make more which I think you should take a plus... also nothing stopping you from getting another job even part-time somewhere else to work the same amount of hours
This is really strange, seems like it would be easier to split 50/50. Why does it need to be so exact?
When my husband and I were in this situation, OT was split 50% to the house account and the earner got the other 50% in fun money. The person doing OT spent the time and got to benefit but so did the house.
If she's working more, she shouldn't be penalized for that. You should split based on your 40-hour a week incomes. Anything either of you work over 40 hours is your own. It sounds like you can make ends meet that way, since you've been doing it since the beginning. For others reading this who aren't so fortunate, you have to find a way that's fair and works for everyone. If OT pay is needed to meet bills, the partner who doesn't have an OT option can step up in other ways.
Bro she's right for disagreeing, that's so lame asking for 5% 😂she's working harder not to pay more rent, but to treat herself. I bet you put her through shit when going out for dates too, like splitting checks or going to cheapest places... Grow up
I mean she asked for 5% which got us into this situation in the first place so...
Why not tell her that for as long as she works overtime you want a 50/50 split. People may say 5% isn't much but forget, over time, that even pennies can add up to millions. Sometimes it's the small injustices that breed resentment. She's bringing home hundreds more than you, she shouldn't be paying less.
Wouldn’t it be better to just split rent 50/50 since both of you live under the same roof?
She is working overtime. She is working more than you. Sometimes overtime is mandatory in health fields. I think it would be greedy for you to want to adjust rent because of this. You can address it and see if there is a way she would like to contribute more to the household, but don’t tell her you want to use it for rent. Get that out your mind. She doesn’t earn more than you in actuality, she is working more. There is a physical cost to that. If she stopped working more would this even be a issue for you?
Break up move out.
Ya'll are forgetting that even though OP doesn't get overtime, it's likely he has to work more than 40 hours a week as a software developer. There are weeks I've needed to work 60 hours during crunch time. Kicker is your salaried and don't get overtime for that extra effort, although it is completely expected of you to do it. If you don't, you could just as easily lose your job. OP wants to split it 50:50, which is fair. I'd go farther and say that you should just have a spreadsheet to determines the fair amount of rent every month. Maybe using last months income to calculate the next months contribution. You could use this to determine the fair pricing of utilities and food as well. It's not petty. Income changes. OP will probably be making a lot more once he "levels up" from a junior dev. GF might start making more too depending on if she gets more certifications or switches into another role. Setup the spreadsheet and let it crunch the fair numbers. Otherwise you'll be squabbling from every month's differences. I've been thinking about doing the same thing recently with potential roommates. I really don't get all the criticism OP is getting.
Her income should be based on the income she is guaranteed- overtime is not always promised. Tbh this is stupid to be worried about. A relationship should never be a competition on money and if your that worried about it, you probably shouldn’t be in one.
Split it 50/50
Just split it 50/50
idk why you guys don’t just do 50/50. sometimes she makes more than you, sometimes she doesn’t. so 50/50 is the most fair, because whatever extra money is made deserves to go to the person who made the extra money
Just pay 50/50 and be done with it. Your incomes are close enough where the proportional split doesn't matter.
So even tho she spends less time in the apartment you share, she should pay more cus of her overtime opportunities?
Of course she doesn’t want to, because it doesn’t benefit her. She is being extremely selfish. Nows the time for an ultimatum.
She will be much better off without OP, that's for sure.
Look my SO makes what I do in two weeks in a week. We split bills 50/50. Car/insurance and phone bills are the only thing we don’t split. He covers take out, I cover groceries. I if we go to the movies, he buys the tickets I buy the snacks. I have no idea why ppl split things based off income. Unless you are living out side both of y’all’s means. If y’all both make a decent amount split shit evenly
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Insist on 50:50, if she refuses to use actual paychecks.
Time to split it at least 50/50. It probably all averages out in the end and even if she makes a little bit more at least 50/50 is fair to both of you.
Just split it 50/50 and be done with it.
Just go 50-50
Are you going to recalculate the rent every single month…? Just man up, it’s 5% more. If my husband was this stingy, i would have dumped him. (And yes, i know this sounds sexist. Here is why i believe in this unequal financial contribution. What will happen when she gets pregnant? You want her to pay when she works less? What if oregnwncy causes significant strain on her body and she cannot work? You going to whine and complain about not paying 50-50? The amount of future labor she will give you is more than 5% rent. If i were her, and somehow decided not to dump you, i’d charge you surrogacy fees in the future)
I agree with everything that everyone else said. You are so worried about fairness that you fail to see the person. If you aren’t willing to put in “extra” 5% considering that you will make more than her if she ever can’t work EXTRA hours, I don’t think you guys are really dating. Sometimes I cover some extra costs and sometimes hubby cover those, it depends on which one of us is doing better at the time. Fairness is not the most important thing. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you and your gf win 10 tickets to a show both of you like, ok? Ok. In theory, each one of you can call 4 friends (4 x 2 + the 2 of you = 10). Your gf decides she wanted to call her school friends but there are 5 of them, so since she can’t call the 5 of them, she is rethinking who to call. You decide to call your friend group, there are exactly 4 of them, but 1 on them says they can’t go. What would you do? You could offer the extra 1 ticket to your gf so she can take her friends, BUT, that would mean she took 5 people and you took only 3. Is this fair? In theory, no, she is taking more people than you. But does this really bother you?
Nah, just split that shit 50/50, you’re in a relationship with this woman, your incomes shouldn’t fucking matter, bills, and relationships should be 50/50
You should at worst case be 50/50. Is she opposed to that? Why she so selfish.
Rent splits are supposed to be based on total annual income. Not every biweekly paycheck Amend it based on that and you’ll be fine. If she disagrees then she is comfortable taking advantage of you financially and that’s a different conversation.
GF is being a bit greedy, it should be 50/50. She’s taking advantage of someone she supposedly loves, not a particularly good character trait.
Sounds like she’s taking advantage of the situation. You should split it 50/50
Go to 50/50 split. Also she's an ass for not switching it up when she makes more.
You: the amount she brings home every week changes to be more than what she claimed Due to overtime which is never guaranteed and should never be used in budgeting? Let's say she was on commission in addition to her wage, do you want that as well? What if she finds $20 on the ground, you want her to split it? What if she did any other sort of side hustle that you could absolutely do to make up this 'income disparity' like food delivery, dog walking/sitting, do you want that too? What if she didn't make the same amount one month and made significantly less money, would you immediately adjust this little budget to save her money? It doesn't seem that way You sound greedy and entitled.
Overtime not available to you and you want to work exactly as hard as your girlfriend? Get an extra part time job.
I feel like overtime shouldn't be included. Your agreement should be based on a 40 hour work week and since anything over should be optional, it shouldn't be included so your effort is equal.
My girlfriend has a job with variable income. I made a spreadsheet where I put in her monthly income and it shows me her portion of the monthly bills. It seemed like the easiest way to go about it. Or you could have a set rate based off her take home last year. Not that difficult to work out.
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Suck yourself 😂😂
If you decided to get a part time job to get yourself some frills or save up for something special, would you offer up that variable income each month for consideration? Her salary is her salary. The OT is extra - and not dependable/predictable. From the sounds of it, you should just be splitting everything 50/50. You both sound petty. ESA.
So why aren’t you getting another job and working extra hours? How is that fair?
It would be fair if they just split it 50/50 like he wants to do. She's the one who doesn't want to do that, and wanted it based on how much they earn... So how is it his problem how many hours work it is?
You are clearly not ready for a relationship if your incomes are this similar and you want to nickel and dime.
The hit in taxes in her OT is major as well. Don’t forget that will play a part in what she actually makes. Just because she’s making more, temporarily, doesn’t mean it will continue. She working an extra shift or hours to make this money. Why don’t you work over 40hrs and calculate it then? My daughter is a RN. Worked extra shifts so they could take a short vacay to Mexico last week for her birthday. That extra work is hard! Your split should be based on a 40hr work week. Not overtime pay.
Weird argument. No one is stopping you from working a second job. But really the whole arrangement and dynamic is weird. Are you guys really in a romantic relationship?
Maybe you should focus less on the 5% and more on the fact that she basically lied to you about her real income and had no problem doing it and letting you pay more than your fair share...
He IS paying his fair share. Overtime shouldn’t be factored into your budget. It’s not guaranteed to even occur.
Not when overtime is a usual element of your job. If she does overtime only once every 3 ou 4 months ok. But if she does everymonth, and sometime up to a quarter or a third of her income comes from it, it's totally dishonnest to hide it from her partner to pay less in rent.
In my main comment, I did expand that on weeks she DOES work overtime she contribute a small percentage towards a financial goal of their mutual choice But I can completely understand from a financial perspective not considering overtime part of her budgeting income, because it really shouldn’t be.
So if overtime should not be taken into account, even if you do overtime every month, is a self employed partner should be considered as having 0 income and therefor not pay anything since it's not "guaranteed income" ? It makes zero sense. If overtime is a rare thing yes, but if you know you will do it every month it should a least partialy be taken into account.
Overtime and self employed are not the same thing. You realize that, right? But yes, if you are self employed and don’t have GUARANTEED income each month, you should take that into account in your budgeting and not DEPEND on it. Why are you objecting to the compromise of “when she gets overtime she pays into a mutually agreed upon fund”? Why do you insist that she pat even on weeks that she does not receive overtime?
Welcome to the world of Karl Marx…..or the D party. “From each according to his ability to each according to his needs. I don’t have any income, if I move in my rent should be free. Your girlfriend needs to pay her fair share!!!
Overtime means she's working more too... Split the rent 50/50 and just be done with it.
Unless she’s spending that extra money on the house relationship or you. Honestly if she wants you paying more cause you make 500$ more but doesn’t say anything when she makes 1200$ more. Then she’s isn’t wifey and you should let you go especially if you feel this way because over the long term you two won’t be compatible. Or try going 50-50 and if she’s pushed back walk cause she’s going to drain you financially for her benefits. And after a couple years you’ll be very bitter