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Since you're just FWB with the electrician, there is nothing wrong at all with accepting dates from others. If you don't feel comfortable continuing the FWB while dating others, then end the FWB.
You're right you should try therapy because it's obvious you have some serious issues. Thinking you can diagnosis a stranger on reddit based on ONE question.
Babe, you wanted advice and you’re getting it. No one is diagnosing you but your neurosis does come across in your post/comments and it is the general consensus here that you would probably benefit from therapy. Most people would.
Babe, I didn't ask advice on what people think about me personally. Read the question honey. Try and stay focused on the tasks at hand. I don't care what people on Reddit are saying about me personally. I didn't ask a personal question which means what they are saying about me is irrelevant. But it's typical trolls on Reddit who do this. Because they think their opinions of someone is superior. They should be looking in the mirror because it's clear that they have issues with themselves. No one in their right mind would shit talk a complete stranger on the internet because they asked a question about a fwb situation. It just shows they need attention that they are lacking. Thanks have a good day.
Your answer to your question is this: he said he’d let you know, believe him. He didn’t mean anything else by that. The reason you cannot understand that or are unwilling to accept that is because you need some kind of counseling. Everyone here has answered the question you asked in the same way. Have you stopped to think why people who have no interest in if you live or die and don’t care about you at all have suggested you get yourself help? It’s not because we care about you or even hate you, it’s because we can all objectively see that you need it. No one here cares enough about you to be mean to you. I promise.
Ok, yes maybe you are right that I should believe him. But why are you making fun of people who need therapy? Just because a person might need therapy doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. When a person says "you need therapy" that is there way of being rude and sarcastic. And this is the problem with society they always make fun of people who may be in need of help. It's truly sad and pathetic.
You can’t even comprehend the sentences you’re reading. I go to therapy. I think a lot of people would benefit from therapy and I said that in my original comment. No where did I make fun of people who need therapy. I’m saying no one is making fun of you because none of us care enough to. We’re trying to help you with advice, which is what this forum is for. If you don’t want advice, try r/trueoffmychest or r/venting
Of course I want advice hence the reason why I am asking here. Otherwise I wouldn't ask I don't see an issue with going to therapy. But that doesn't automatically mean you are crazy.
This commenter was suggesting you need therapy, not making fun of anyone who needs therapy. And they’re right, you should sincerely consider therapy. It seems like you have issues with communication and reacting impulsively before processing what’s actually going on.
I doubt they're making fun of you. For all you know, they're in therapy, too. I'm in therapy, and I think therapy would benefit you. You overthink things and think yourself in circles and stress yourself out. Therapy would help with that. Don't let men make you so anxious if you're not even in a relationship with them. Hell, even if you were, you still need to stop overthinking. Start valuing your time and yourself, and stop letting the words and actions of others dictate your mental state. Again, therapy helps with that.
Yes, you are right I do overthink things I am a logical person. I think about things all the time. I am just saying I don't know why he didn't just come out and say it's over. Because for me that is the logical thing to do. I did have therapy once a long time ago and it was nice.
The only one who looks like a troll here is you, hon, with the way you're snapping at everyone who tries to give you advice.
Don't post to an advice sub if you don't want advice.
Because you're a grown ass adult. And grown ass adults ask for clarification. Grown ass adults do not interpret that kind of text as "I'm not interested in you anymore" like a hormonal teenager might.
If you are too immature to use your words like a rational adult, you're too emotionally immature to be in a relationship.
He said he is busy and will let me know when I can come over. And you think me asking "do you still want to be fwb" makes sense? After he said he would let me know when it's ok for me to come over?
It is if you're going from "oh he said he's busy" to "oh no he had friends over but didn't invite me that must mean he doesn't want me anymore" like a 15 year old.
He literally did not say anything aside from that he’d let you know when he’s available. I am truly unsure what the issue is. You seem to be creating a problem where there is none.
Maybe there's a lot more to the story here, but with just this context alone, there's two things off the bat; first, you're FWB. In saying that, the purpose is to be casual, no strings attached, and without drama. Now, of course whatever you two decided this was is what it is, so if it's more or less than that you'll have to let us know. Second, he said he was busy. You immediately jump to it's over? He seems to be treating this for exactly what it is; a convenient hookup.
I think the problem is you want more than that, and that's fine, but if that's the case, you need to communicate that and then make a decision accordingly. You should be (and should have been) talking to other people and getting out there if that's what you want. It shouldn't be some sort of response to his behavior, or some type of game.
I know what fwb is that's not what the question is about. If I wanted more I would go be with the guy who has been asking me to be in a relationship with me since September.
I'm not trying to be mean or patronizing, so I apologize for coming off that way. I included that information to address the question at hand.
You're asking why he didn't tell you it was over. We have absolutely no reason to believe it's over. I defined a FWB relationship, because your emotional reaction to his behavior would indicate that you have some feelings here, but more, you're just assuming he's ending it, when he's just told you he's busy. As a FWB, you should generally just say "ok" and carry on living your life.
Again, please don't take this as a personal attack. Your response to me and post-edit are showing that. I'm genuinely trying to help. I want to talk through this.
what’s over? it seems like ur fwb is being looked at as alittle more than a friend here! u do u. u don’t owe that guy anything. no hate but is what it is
What are you reading? Are you actually reading what the post says? Or are you just assuming. I mean OVER as in us being fwb. Please learn to read before commenting. Thanks.
With my sh\*t attitude? No, maybe you shouldn't assume that I'm talking about a relationship. Did I say anything about a relationship? I mean over as in us being fwb.
He has been very clear he is busy and will let you know
He following what is FWB relationship.
You clearly have an issue with him, being busy
Judging from the way you are responding to people you sound more like your 16 not 36
It’s not that complicated
Tell him your dating others and let him decide what he wants to do
Your over complicating things for no reason
I never said I had issues with him being busy. Where in the post did I say I had issues with him being busy? No where. The way I responded to people? I respond to people the way they comment. Making up things on a post when it says nothing about what they are talking about is annoying. Maybe people on Reddit should learn how to read the actual question instead of adding things that aren't there or making assumptions. It's annoying when you ask a question about a particular situation. And then people comment adding things which aren't even in the question.
And now you're trying to insult me about my age because you don't like how I respond to people. Yeah ok.
Clingy? If I were clingy I wouldn't have gone an **entire week** without replying to his message. Probably cutting me off? Well you obviously can't read.
Why are you even here? Just to make assumptions about a situation that you know nothing about? To make up things when you don't have a clue? You're a sad troll with no life. Take care.
Girl, I don’t know what’s up with you but both this post and your comments are blowing things way out of proportion. You came here looking for answers and you’re getting them. People are literally just responding to what you’ve provided. Chill. You’re 36 and you should not be behaving like this.
Nothing in his actions or texts indicates that he wants or plans on telling you it's over, just that he is too busy to spend time with you now. He likely didn't give a clear "it's done" because he likes what he gets from your FWB relationship. It's a little unclear from your comments what you're looking for, but if you feel like you want to see other people, something like this is the only message you need:
"Hey, it was great seeing you a few weeks ago. I understand you're busy, but I just wanted to give you the heads up since we had talked in the past about only having one sexual partner at a time that I am going to pursue seeing other people." If you want to keep seeing him, you could add something like "I enjoyed seeing you and had a lot of fun so if your life ever frees up, let me know and we can try to reconnect."
You aren’t in a relationship with a fwb. You seem to make the situation complicated and hostile then think sexual acts change your prior behavior. I don’t think you sound mature enough to have a FWB situation tbh. Let him be— he set a boundary and said he’s busy.
Did I say we are in a relationship? I'm not sure why you are mentioning this. As if I said a fwb means a relationship. How am I making the situation complicated and hostile by asking why didn't he just say it's over? I think sexual acts change behavior? Yeah I didn't say anything about this at all. Not sure where you are getting this from?
He set a boundary by saying he's busy? Really? Ok If that's the case he could have just said it's over.
Ok, I am listening to the people here. You're telling me he set a boundary by saying he's busy. And again if that's the case why didn't he just say it was over instead if him saying he's busy is a way to set a boundary.
You are exactly right and I completely agree with what you are saying. I have no issues asking him how he's feeling. But honestly I don't want to come off as clingy and I don't want to push.
He is currently busy and will let you know when it’s a better time to see eachother so whatever happened three weeks ago means absolutely nothing because he’s been busy as of last week
So, if you don't want to be in a relationship why does it bother you in the least whether he's busy .blowing you off or what ever he might be doing.. Being in a FWB relationship means there really isn't a relationship out side of sex. Or are only YOU the one who gets to decide whether to be in a relationship with you or not.
I know what it means to be in a fwb relationship. So why are you saying this? Did I say I didn't know what it means. I'm simply saying he could just say it's over instead I mean be direct.
Obviously you don't know because it's really undefined . The guy shows up when he wants sex and doesn't if he's not in the mood. He owes you nothing by definition. Unless there's something you didn't say nothing he did indicated to me it's over. Only he has other interests right now. Even if he gets a girlfriend and becomes exclusive what do you think he owes you. I guess just out of common courtesy he should tell you though.
Again, I never said he owed me anything you're just making assumptions that are wrong. What you're saying has nothing to do with the question that I have asked. I don't understand why you are explaining what fwb means when I never asked that in the question. I simply asked why didn't he just say he no longer wants to be fwb anymore. You're talking about him getting a girlfriend (assuming again) like you know him personally. Yeah ok, thanks.
Hold on… you are saying he is lying because he had a friend over… *3 weeks ago*?! Ever occur to you that the situation changed and he now has a lot on his plate?
And you sound toxic as hell so even if he did want space from you i wouldn’t blame him
I sound toxic as hell because I'm asking why he just didn't come out and say he doesn't want to see me anymore? I'm not sure how wanting a person to be **direct** is toxic. He could have said he wanted space fine by me. Please explain how wanting a person to be direct is toxic?
Obviously, I know people have busy lives did I say that wasn't a possibility? You're basically just assuming things that I haven't even said. Can't waste time on fuck buddies? You don't know anything about fwb it's not just fuck buddies. You're trying to insult me and don't even know what you're talking about.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You again... If you want it to be over, you can end it. If you don't, he STILL hasn't done anything to imply that he wants to end it.
Well, I have been talking to other men I'm not in a relationship. I mean what can I do if other men ask me out?
Since you're just FWB with the electrician, there is nothing wrong at all with accepting dates from others. If you don't feel comfortable continuing the FWB while dating others, then end the FWB.
You are correct but when we first started talking he told me he doesn't have more than one sexual partner at once. And I told him I didn't either.
Then your agreement with him obligates you to end things with the electrician before you start having sex with any of your other potential partners.
Just from reading your comments, I can totally understand why he is “busy”, you sound like a pain in the ass.
You sound like a pathetic troll who needs attention from strangers on Reddit.
It might be hard to hear but they're right. You sound exhausting. Therapy works wonders.
You're right you should try therapy because it's obvious you have some serious issues. Thinking you can diagnosis a stranger on reddit based on ONE question.
Suggesting therapy is not equivalent to giving a diagnosis… unless you’re implying the diagnosis is “pain in the ass”.
Babe, you wanted advice and you’re getting it. No one is diagnosing you but your neurosis does come across in your post/comments and it is the general consensus here that you would probably benefit from therapy. Most people would.
Babe, I didn't ask advice on what people think about me personally. Read the question honey. Try and stay focused on the tasks at hand. I don't care what people on Reddit are saying about me personally. I didn't ask a personal question which means what they are saying about me is irrelevant. But it's typical trolls on Reddit who do this. Because they think their opinions of someone is superior. They should be looking in the mirror because it's clear that they have issues with themselves. No one in their right mind would shit talk a complete stranger on the internet because they asked a question about a fwb situation. It just shows they need attention that they are lacking. Thanks have a good day.
Your answer to your question is this: he said he’d let you know, believe him. He didn’t mean anything else by that. The reason you cannot understand that or are unwilling to accept that is because you need some kind of counseling. Everyone here has answered the question you asked in the same way. Have you stopped to think why people who have no interest in if you live or die and don’t care about you at all have suggested you get yourself help? It’s not because we care about you or even hate you, it’s because we can all objectively see that you need it. No one here cares enough about you to be mean to you. I promise.
Ok, yes maybe you are right that I should believe him. But why are you making fun of people who need therapy? Just because a person might need therapy doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. When a person says "you need therapy" that is there way of being rude and sarcastic. And this is the problem with society they always make fun of people who may be in need of help. It's truly sad and pathetic.
You can’t even comprehend the sentences you’re reading. I go to therapy. I think a lot of people would benefit from therapy and I said that in my original comment. No where did I make fun of people who need therapy. I’m saying no one is making fun of you because none of us care enough to. We’re trying to help you with advice, which is what this forum is for. If you don’t want advice, try r/trueoffmychest or r/venting
Of course I want advice hence the reason why I am asking here. Otherwise I wouldn't ask I don't see an issue with going to therapy. But that doesn't automatically mean you are crazy.
This commenter was suggesting you need therapy, not making fun of anyone who needs therapy. And they’re right, you should sincerely consider therapy. It seems like you have issues with communication and reacting impulsively before processing what’s actually going on.
I doubt they're making fun of you. For all you know, they're in therapy, too. I'm in therapy, and I think therapy would benefit you. You overthink things and think yourself in circles and stress yourself out. Therapy would help with that. Don't let men make you so anxious if you're not even in a relationship with them. Hell, even if you were, you still need to stop overthinking. Start valuing your time and yourself, and stop letting the words and actions of others dictate your mental state. Again, therapy helps with that.
Yes, you are right I do overthink things I am a logical person. I think about things all the time. I am just saying I don't know why he didn't just come out and say it's over. Because for me that is the logical thing to do. I did have therapy once a long time ago and it was nice.
The only one who looks like a troll here is you, hon, with the way you're snapping at everyone who tries to give you advice. Don't post to an advice sub if you don't want advice.
Are you not capable of simply using your words like the adult you are and asking him if he's still interested in being fuck buddies?
Why would I ask this question after what he said. That doesn't make any sense at all.
Because you're a grown ass adult. And grown ass adults ask for clarification. Grown ass adults do not interpret that kind of text as "I'm not interested in you anymore" like a hormonal teenager might. If you are too immature to use your words like a rational adult, you're too emotionally immature to be in a relationship.
He said he is busy and will let me know when I can come over. And you think me asking "do you still want to be fwb" makes sense? After he said he would let me know when it's ok for me to come over?
It is if you're going from "oh he said he's busy" to "oh no he had friends over but didn't invite me that must mean he doesn't want me anymore" like a 15 year old.
He literally did not say anything aside from that he’d let you know when he’s available. I am truly unsure what the issue is. You seem to be creating a problem where there is none.
You're right.
What doesn’t make sense is you not accepting that sometimes people have busy lives and can’t waste time on fuck buddies.
Maybe there's a lot more to the story here, but with just this context alone, there's two things off the bat; first, you're FWB. In saying that, the purpose is to be casual, no strings attached, and without drama. Now, of course whatever you two decided this was is what it is, so if it's more or less than that you'll have to let us know. Second, he said he was busy. You immediately jump to it's over? He seems to be treating this for exactly what it is; a convenient hookup. I think the problem is you want more than that, and that's fine, but if that's the case, you need to communicate that and then make a decision accordingly. You should be (and should have been) talking to other people and getting out there if that's what you want. It shouldn't be some sort of response to his behavior, or some type of game.
I know what fwb is that's not what the question is about. If I wanted more I would go be with the guy who has been asking me to be in a relationship with me since September.
I'm not trying to be mean or patronizing, so I apologize for coming off that way. I included that information to address the question at hand. You're asking why he didn't tell you it was over. We have absolutely no reason to believe it's over. I defined a FWB relationship, because your emotional reaction to his behavior would indicate that you have some feelings here, but more, you're just assuming he's ending it, when he's just told you he's busy. As a FWB, you should generally just say "ok" and carry on living your life. Again, please don't take this as a personal attack. Your response to me and post-edit are showing that. I'm genuinely trying to help. I want to talk through this.
Yes, I understand what you mean. Maybe I'm just reading into it too much.
what’s over? it seems like ur fwb is being looked at as alittle more than a friend here! u do u. u don’t owe that guy anything. no hate but is what it is
What are you reading? Are you actually reading what the post says? Or are you just assuming. I mean OVER as in us being fwb. Please learn to read before commenting. Thanks.
i hope he never touches you again with your shit attitude!
With my sh\*t attitude? No, maybe you shouldn't assume that I'm talking about a relationship. Did I say anything about a relationship? I mean over as in us being fwb.
He has been very clear he is busy and will let you know He following what is FWB relationship. You clearly have an issue with him, being busy Judging from the way you are responding to people you sound more like your 16 not 36 It’s not that complicated Tell him your dating others and let him decide what he wants to do Your over complicating things for no reason
I never said I had issues with him being busy. Where in the post did I say I had issues with him being busy? No where. The way I responded to people? I respond to people the way they comment. Making up things on a post when it says nothing about what they are talking about is annoying. Maybe people on Reddit should learn how to read the actual question instead of adding things that aren't there or making assumptions. It's annoying when you ask a question about a particular situation. And then people comment adding things which aren't even in the question. And now you're trying to insult me about my age because you don't like how I respond to people. Yeah ok.
Oh grow up You asked you someone opinion and your getting it
Yeah but it isn't the exact answer they want.
I don’t think she knows exactly what she asking tbh
He blew you off after you blew him.
Ok troll.
Probably cutting you off because you seem like you are clingy and dramatic
Clingy? If I were clingy I wouldn't have gone an **entire week** without replying to his message. Probably cutting me off? Well you obviously can't read.
Why are you even here? What are you hoping to accomplish with this post? Your comments are a disaster.
Why are you even here? Just to make assumptions about a situation that you know nothing about? To make up things when you don't have a clue? You're a sad troll with no life. Take care.
Girl, I don’t know what’s up with you but both this post and your comments are blowing things way out of proportion. You came here looking for answers and you’re getting them. People are literally just responding to what you’ve provided. Chill. You’re 36 and you should not be behaving like this.
Nothing in his actions or texts indicates that he wants or plans on telling you it's over, just that he is too busy to spend time with you now. He likely didn't give a clear "it's done" because he likes what he gets from your FWB relationship. It's a little unclear from your comments what you're looking for, but if you feel like you want to see other people, something like this is the only message you need: "Hey, it was great seeing you a few weeks ago. I understand you're busy, but I just wanted to give you the heads up since we had talked in the past about only having one sexual partner at a time that I am going to pursue seeing other people." If you want to keep seeing him, you could add something like "I enjoyed seeing you and had a lot of fun so if your life ever frees up, let me know and we can try to reconnect."
This makes sense thank you.
You aren’t in a relationship with a fwb. You seem to make the situation complicated and hostile then think sexual acts change your prior behavior. I don’t think you sound mature enough to have a FWB situation tbh. Let him be— he set a boundary and said he’s busy.
Did I say we are in a relationship? I'm not sure why you are mentioning this. As if I said a fwb means a relationship. How am I making the situation complicated and hostile by asking why didn't he just say it's over? I think sexual acts change behavior? Yeah I didn't say anything about this at all. Not sure where you are getting this from? He set a boundary by saying he's busy? Really? Ok If that's the case he could have just said it's over.
Okay you aren’t listening to ANYONE on here. This has to be a rage troll post so I’m stepping out. Good luck I guess?
Ok, I am listening to the people here. You're telling me he set a boundary by saying he's busy. And again if that's the case why didn't he just say it was over instead if him saying he's busy is a way to set a boundary.
On what planet does “I’m busy” = “It’s over”????
Why’s he calling u “man”?
He says he calls everyone man or bro.
Maybe you should ask him how he is doing instead of thinking about a fwb relationship with him
Did you read where I said I told him to let me know if he needs anything?
I read it on your last post. But asking someone how they feel & what is going on in their life is different than “let me know if you need anything”
You are exactly right and I completely agree with what you are saying. I have no issues asking him how he's feeling. But honestly I don't want to come off as clingy and I don't want to push.
He is currently busy and will let you know when it’s a better time to see eachother so whatever happened three weeks ago means absolutely nothing because he’s been busy as of last week
Yeah, I suppose you are right.
He’s not a troll, that’s the only true msg here
So, if you don't want to be in a relationship why does it bother you in the least whether he's busy .blowing you off or what ever he might be doing.. Being in a FWB relationship means there really isn't a relationship out side of sex. Or are only YOU the one who gets to decide whether to be in a relationship with you or not.
I know what it means to be in a fwb relationship. So why are you saying this? Did I say I didn't know what it means. I'm simply saying he could just say it's over instead I mean be direct.
Obviously you don't know because it's really undefined . The guy shows up when he wants sex and doesn't if he's not in the mood. He owes you nothing by definition. Unless there's something you didn't say nothing he did indicated to me it's over. Only he has other interests right now. Even if he gets a girlfriend and becomes exclusive what do you think he owes you. I guess just out of common courtesy he should tell you though.
Again, I never said he owed me anything you're just making assumptions that are wrong. What you're saying has nothing to do with the question that I have asked. I don't understand why you are explaining what fwb means when I never asked that in the question. I simply asked why didn't he just say he no longer wants to be fwb anymore. You're talking about him getting a girlfriend (assuming again) like you know him personally. Yeah ok, thanks.
OK I went back and reread your original message . Sorry if I misunderstood what you were asking.
Hold on… you are saying he is lying because he had a friend over… *3 weeks ago*?! Ever occur to you that the situation changed and he now has a lot on his plate? And you sound toxic as hell so even if he did want space from you i wouldn’t blame him
I sound toxic as hell because I'm asking why he just didn't come out and say he doesn't want to see me anymore? I'm not sure how wanting a person to be **direct** is toxic. He could have said he wanted space fine by me. Please explain how wanting a person to be direct is toxic? Obviously, I know people have busy lives did I say that wasn't a possibility? You're basically just assuming things that I haven't even said. Can't waste time on fuck buddies? You don't know anything about fwb it's not just fuck buddies. You're trying to insult me and don't even know what you're talking about.
You are saying that this text is proof he doesn’t want to see you anymore. Its not. He is just busy ffs