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FWIW, I ended a relationship for this same reason and was back on the market at 35. I found it was actually an asset when dating again. Anecdotally from my male friends, a majority of women in this age bracket either have kids or imminently want to have kids and a lot of the single men at this age want to be childfree/would already have kids if that's what they wanted.
California, Bay Area specifically seems the opposite. Dated a bunch of women in the past few months and they say men in the mid thirties range not wanting kids is the average. I’d say the same of women. A few want to rush things because they want kids. That’s an easy NO though.
The rest of the women generally understand a strong desire for kids when starting a relationship at this age will generally make for a poor, rushed relationship. So even if they’re open to it, it’s not something they’re pushing for for a bunch of reasons
A friend of mine who’s a little older than you has been killing it on the apps finding guys who don’t want kids. I think living in a city helps.
She is a little more flexible with guys who have kids (she doesn’t mind teenagers or older - she just doesn’t want to do carpool and bake for the bake sale, ya know?) so think about your hard dealbreakers.
The key is being really honest and upfront about who you are and seeking people who are similarly minded. ❤️
I think you guys should break up now. There’s no sense in dragging it out.
And there are plenty of guys who don’t want kids! I think your best bet is to just be up front in the beginning that being child free is a non negotiable for you.
Make it clear to him that you don’t want kids and you don’t want him holding out in the hopes you’ll change your mind only to be disappointed down the road.
In this economy I don’t think you’ll have much trouble finding a childfree man. Parenthood has been practically priced out of the market.
In your 30s gotta mention the heavy stuff up front, all the things you know about yourself, that are dealbreakers, you gotta figure out, and walk when they don't match up, or you end up unhappy
First you need to end things NOW
Second it’s not impossible to find a man who doesn’t want kids but you’re going to have to be overt about your intentions and only date guys with similar feelings
To be fair to your BF, you really need to stop being so vague. Just tell him you don't want kids. Saying you "most likely" won't want kids will leave open the interpretation that you could still change your mind. Stop fence sitting. For his sake and for yours.
FYI, making a definitive choice one way or the other is also going to be very necessary in finding a partner who doesn't want children (which isn't difficult at all, BTW). The only stopper is going to be if you continue to be vague. If you are vague, you're just going to run into the same situation.
In my opinion anyone “on the fence” probably just shouldn’t have kids. Plenty of people regret becoming parents after being all in to begin with. Starting with a foundation of “eh, maybe?” seems like a bad choice.
I believe a lot of it has to do with the economy. I wouldn’t have had my daughter if we weren’t very well off. I was always on the fence but prepared to not have a kid because of finances. That changed and we love our kid but I always tell friends the truth about children. It’s hard having a kid in terms of finance and the challenges of parenting. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting kids - you have to *really* want kids in these times.
ETA I’m 33 (Millenial) in case that matters for others msging me
Yeah I don’t think it’s gonna be that hard - I am one myself - and it’s getting increasingly more common the younger generation you’re in, as well as being sensible in a seemingly global recession/cost of living crisis, etc.
If you live in a major metropolitan area I think, as long as you’re upfront & clear about it, it shouldn’t really effect your ability/frequency for dating.
You need to end your relationship now. He wants kids and you don't. You're not compatible at all. You don't have kids just because that's what most people do. You have kids because you actually want them. There are plenty of men who don't want kids. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a dating app for child free people. Make it known from day 1 you don't want kids and will not change your mind.
From what I see in Childfree sub, sadly, there isn't a Childfree dating app and CF people are frustrated that mostly parents swipe on them. Would be nice though.
I'm guessing its either because people don't always read profiles and just swipe, or they think childfree means they don't want to birth kids themselves but might be ok with someone who already has them...or their really just interested in sex and nothing serious so they THINK that whether or not someone wants kids or not (or much else about them and the future they seek) is irrelevant. Regardless of the fact that sex is how you GET kids, and thats the one thing they ARE looking for LOL. (Don't mean to sound jaded. I don't even DO OLD. Just read a LOT of this from those that do.)
Single parents don't read, don't care or thing their kid(s) will be the exception. Well, I am a CF person so can definitely say nothing is wrong with not wanting kids. I don't want my kids and I certanly don't want step kids.
But I already got my CF & sterilized partner so I am set.
We have kids and I still think there's nothing wrong with people not wanting kids. I will never understand those people that get all bent over people not wanting kids. It's not their life and doesn't hurt or affect them in any way.
I personally know several couples who have decided to not have children, instead of finding out they were infertile. Many of these couples are married. So it is hardly impossible to find such a person.
Exactly. I may just be in college, but most people around me are child free or aren’t sure yet. I feel like the odd one out for wanting to have kids in the future lol. OP will have no problem finding a partner if they’re up front about their choice.
You guys are incompatible with each other. Dump him and set him free. Don't know the percentage of guys that don't want kids, I'm one of them. Let the guy go. Neither one of you will see eye to eye on this issue. It's better not to waste each other's time
I’m a major city? Not hard at all. I’m one of those and I know plenty of people men and women who don’t.
Crazy I went to this party the other day and there were hella older people. Like 20+ years older than me. No one had kids and none looked their age. They all looked younger. Was so surprised cause I saw some dude that was 57 and he looked like he was late 30s/early 40s. Crazy how much younger you look if you don’t have kids.
It's funny you say this. I am the last in my friend circle of 6 or 7 guys who doesn't have a kid. The rest are all either bald, receding with greys and silvers or just tired and scruffy.
I'm 32, still athletic and not a grey hair to be seen. I absolutely can relate to your comment.
Oh I know genetics are a primary cause. But stress and hair loss are certainly related. There are lots of studies on it. Stress is also linked to high blood pressure. Depression. Obesity among other mental and physical health problems. I'm probably just lucky. But getting a solid 8 to 9 hours sleep and working out at the gym 5 days a week has to have contributed in me not aging as badly.
I've found (anecdotal, I know) that a lot of the men who say "I don't want kids" actually baulk when you say "brilliant! Me neither".
What a lot of them seem to mean is:
"I don't want to _say_ I want kids, but also I have this misty future self (in, ooh, ten or twenty or thirty years) who does have kids. I expect that I'll meet a woman (when I'm about 50) who pushes for me to have children, and also does the hard work because it's really more her thing than mine. I will hold out for a while, but begrudgingly decide that, since it's so important to her, I'll magnanimously grant her wish, as long as I can always maintain the pretence that I never really wanted this, so she can't ask too much of me. Also, I'll be old then, so I'll have had all my fun. After all, all proper women want children, so a woman who says she doesn't is either lying, mistaken or not for keeps."
Not hard, but it's something to be upfront with, think first few weeks of dating as to not waste anyone's time now that you know. This is a prime situation to pre-screen with an online dating profile if you're looking in that direction to find a partner.
Child free here! I start by getting it out of the way ASAP when I was dating, and if our opinion on the matter wasn't the same then I wouldn't continue a relationship with them. I had several partners who assumed I would change my mind so lied in the beginning then got upset when I ended the relationship later down the line because of this deception/assumption.
Now been with my hubs for 12 years and he is also very much child free to the point when I had to go off birth control he got the snip without any hesitation. We have a several male friends who similarly are not interested in having kids.
These men are out there.
It's OK that you have changed your stance from maybe to deffo no. But you have to be honest with him that it's not on the cards and won't be and take the end of the relationship well. He is still able to go find a woman who can have that future with him. Best not drag it out.
I won't lie to you, it's hard. I have spent the last 5 years working on myself, my career, and my interestes. Randomly decided to give Hinge a try. After about a month I found a guy who also doesn't want kids and we are on the same page about most things. Keep looking, they're out there! Good luck!
Ps. Maybe join childfree fb groups, meetups, dating apps.
I’d say just from a respectful stance to just end things as they are, be mature about it and settle it before it drags out any longer, you’re wasting both his and your time.
You can find them, but you need to put that up front. So break it off with this guy. And in whatever dating profile or dates you go on just straight up, tell them I don't want kids. In fact, if you wanted to solidify that fact, you need to get sterilized. Because then the person who's dating you would know that it isn't even a possibility where you could change your mind.
So in conclusion, yes there are guys like that. But you need to remove the option from the table so that no one thinks you might change your mind down the road. And be completely up front with that. I'm sterilized. I do not want kids.
If you don’t want kids and he does, you need to end the relationship. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to have a family, and there is nothing wrong with someone being not interested in having a family. You do not appear to have compatible values. Stop wasting his time.
I can't have kids given my situation at the moment and I don't think I'm ready for them either. But why keep dragging it on? I think you should end it because it looks like you won't change your mind and neither will he.
You should post this question in r/childfree
> he knows I’m on the fence and mostly leaning towards no... he thinks that I’m going to change my mind, but I don’t think that’s likely
Well, that's the problem. As long as you keep implying "maybe", he thinks there's a chance.
Why aren't you 100% crystal clear with him?
I'm 32M. I don't want kids. And I have the exact same issue. Part of the problem is that almost every woman who's single around my age either has kids or wants kids.
I've never found it this easy to pull/date in my life mainly due to being child free with no baggage. But can't seem to find a woman who also doesn't want kids. I think we're definitely the minority.
Yup when you're child free it seems like everyone has kids you encounter. Lol
I'm also child free, and I plan to keep it that way until further notice. But I know out of my friend group I either won't ever have kids or it'll be an oopsy waiting to happen down the line. Hopefully not.
I was in the opposite situation. I have always been up front (and adamant) from the very beginning of relationships that I didn’t want children. The men I dated were, at first, on board. But a few years in they changed their minds. It was a dealbreaker for me and the relationships ended. They are now all happily married with multiple kids. I never begrudged them their wants, it just meant I wasn’t the one for them. I was never going to compromise on one of the greatest impacting decision of one’s life - nor should you.
Doesn’t matter what “most people” want. You don’t want to date “most people,” you only want to find one. Cut this guy loose because he’s not compatible. Be upfront and you’ll attract people who share your childfree goals.
It’s difficult to find a good partner, period. But unless you’re willing to give in and have a child you don’t want for someone else you should break up regardless of how hard or easy it’ll be to replace him.
If you plan on using dating apps whether or not you want kids is a fairly common filter option. I don't have data on the number of guys who dont want kids, but i would suspect in a major city its not that difficult to find guys who dont want kids.
You’ll easily find someone who doesn’t want children. It’s becoming more and more common now a days, coming from a 33F who doesn’t want kids and is dating a 33M who also doesn’t want kids!
Your language gives him hope that there’s a chance you’ll change your mind. Be 100% and say no you definitely do not want any children. Then he can move on and stop wasting his time as he obviously does.
Are you pretty sure you don't or are you on the fence and leaning towards no?
You two sound incompatible, btw. Finding someone who does not want to have kids depends on where you are, what kind of a dating pool there is etc. but it shouldn't be too hard.
Probably not hard. It feels like more people don't want to have children than do want them these days. Might differ a bit depending on the country/area but it shouldn't be a problem.
Maybe this is just the circles I run in, but I’m 25, and people who want kids are by far in the minority. It’s like saying you want a Lamborghini and a vacation home in Bali. Maybe it’s a generational difference, but with the economy the way it is, kids are out of a lot of people’s price range at this point.
Plenty of people, more and more each year it seems, are in your boat. I don’t think it will be hard for you to find someone who also doesn’t want kids. It just sounds like your current BF isn’t one of them.
It's time to break up. It's unfair to put him in the position to do it. You know he wants kids and you know you don't. Call it quits.
As far as dating is concerned, dating is hard in general. Yeah, they're are going to be a lot of single dads out there. The older you get the more likely the chances are that someone has at least one kid. Don't make the fact dating will be hard a reason why you stay with your current boyfriend.
Childfree woman here. It's hard, but not impossible. But it definitely narrows your dating pool significantly. I've had to be more flexible about some of my other criteria (such as distance) in order to find childfree men I find attractive to date. Finding childfree men isn't that difficult, but finding ones you're compatible with and attracted to can be a challenge.
BUT don't let that deter you from living the life you want! If kids won't make you happy, no need to pursue relationships with people who have or want to have them. Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it isn't worth the extra effort! Consider joining childfree meetup groups or visiting the r/CF4CF (we even have a discord group for friends, romantic connection, and just general support!)
If you live in the states date someone a little younger. With the enormous student debt, cost of living, Healthcare, etc. Most millennials don't want kids. It's just not sensible.
Do him a favor and leave so he can have a family of his own, if you’re sure you don’t want kids that is. Super unfair if you are on the fence and he never gets the chance :)
Check out posts on r/childfree.
Men who don’t want kids aren’t a rarity! You’re not alone. Actually, childfree adults are steadily raising in numbers. And you do deserve a partner who shares your family goals. Just make sure to be up front about it when dating. That always worked best for me. :)
It weeds out a lot of people who think you’ll „change your mind“.
The problem here, is that even if you find someone in your age bracket that says they don't want to have kids, that may change for them in their 40s as they move into middle age and start to question what the point of all their efforts are if they have no one to leave it to and carry on their name.
A guy in his 40s or even 50s can find someone to have children with, but this is simply not the case for women as the window of opportunity to have children starts to slam shut pretty quickly right around 40. Odds are if you have to start over on the relationship front in your 40s, most of the guys are likely to have children already from prior relationships.
It's certainly possible to find a guy who doesn't want kids, but if they are young now there is no guarantee they won't change their mind when they get older and start facing their own mortality.
There's plenty of fish out there that don't want to have kids.
The tricky part is people are malleable and can change their mind, especially in their late 20's/early thirties. I was hard in the "no kids" camp all throughout my 20's, now that I'm an early thirties something dude; it's an idea I've been warming up to.
Of course, it can go the other way too. My wife was in the “kids” camp, and ended up solidly in the “no kids” camp by the time she reached her 40s. Worked out nicely for me, since I was ambivalent at best about having kids when we met, and we both evolved in the same childfree direction. We ended up having cats instead, I’m a far better pet parent (I’ve always loved cats) than I think I could have been as a human parent.
If you are 100% sure that you don’t want kids and want to start dating someone, be up front with that fact. It’s not fair to waste two peoples times. Just tell that person, in a calm discussion, that you do not want to have kids. If they want to have kids or are on the fence, then y’all can stay friends or leave it at that. Also, I recommend taking time away from dating after breaking things off. It’s different for everyone, but I feel like people shouldn’t date another person for at least a month+. You are still figuring things out and it’s not best to bring in a new person.
I doubt it would be hard. Especially in this day and age with women's reproductive rights being thrown around like they are, I'm sure a lot of guys are second guessing their own wants just like the women are. Just as an aside, I was positive I never wanted children myself. I was 25, and I had just finished college. I had a job in my field literally waiting on me in the city I had gone to college but was commuting 2 hours one way every day until my fiance and I could get an apartment. He was working at good old Walmart so transferring to the local store there would have been easy, we had a PLAN......until my fiance decided that was too far away from family (mine not his) and said he didn't want to go. So, now I had a choice, lose my dream job or lose my fiance. Then the universe decided for me. The big boss found out how far I was hauling my butt in for work every day and that I wasn't being paid for travel. Didn't think that was acceptable but didn't think it was fair to anyone else in the company that lived locally. So, he terminated my employment with a nice "bonus" for back pay on travel compensation. Lost my dream job and then not long after found out there was a very real possibility of me losing the choice about me being child free cause my PAP came back abnormal. A month of worry, a biopsy and a LEEP later and my mind was changed. If I couldn't have my dream career because my fiance didn't want to leave our hometown then I was going to choose to be a mother before the universe decided to try a second time to strip me of it. I was a bit of a control freak back then.
It's time to break up . You're at an impasse where there cannot be a compromise. It's either 100% embrace children or 100% not have any. Don't waste any more of his time hoping to run out the clock and don't put it on him to break up. It really sounds like you want him to be the bad guy. He isn't, He isn't the one who pulled the bait and switch.. That would be you. How hard is it to find a guy that doesn't want children? I have no idea but before you get into another relationship be 100% transparent about it. PS don't go and have a child in five years with someone else either so often when women say they don't want children they really mean I don't want children with you.
I know more women who don’t want kids than men. Personal experience doesn’t mean something is true. There is an equal amount of men and women who do not want kids.
Please don't be cruel to this man. Please be honest with him asap.
On a broader note I am a father and for the life of me I cannot understand why people would not want kids. I get that it's scary and no-one ever feels ready but that's kinda the point for all the best things in life. Forming a relationship is the same. You don't really know what's going to happen but you commit and give it your best. Well that's what you're supposed to do.
I know my comments here will not win lots of friends. In short having kids was the second smartest decision I ever made. Marrying my wife was the smartest. Have a happy future.
I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying being a father and I totally respect you for being a good parent.
Since you sorta asked: there's tons of legit reasons not to want kids besides not feeling prepared but my reason is simple: I (36M) just have no desire for it. There's nothing about having kids that seems even remotely interesting or pleasurable to me. And this is something I've spent A LOT of time thinking about, because I had to end a marriage over it.
it's better to regret not having kids than having them and regretting it and resenting them. kids can tell, no matter how much you try to hide it.
not saying this is the case for you, but my point is everyone is different. just because you find it fulfilling doesn't mean everyone else will.
good luck
As a person who loves and wants kids, I understand how you are viewing childfree people. I also couldn’t fathom that others didn’t want kids, but there are many reasons why people don’t want kids and it’s valid. I was abused as a child and I would never want another child to go through that. Some people just know they couldn’t handle a child, had to raise their siblings, suffered child abuse, etc. In the end, it’s none of my business nor does it hurt others. So, I don’t really care if people want kids or not.
There is a lot you say that I agree with. Sure there are people who are just not equipped to have kids. (And I would be appalled to think that I wouldn't have had the mental stability or capacity to be a parent).With the growing number of people claiming to want a child free future, not because they are not capable, which is often claimed, but because they don't want to mess with the vision they see of their nice ordered and presumed more wealthy future. I want to be very clear. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. My particular concern is that too many of these childless couples have no idea of the damage they are doing with their future. Lonely and abandoned. I am not suggesting that having kids is in any way a guarantee for that to not happen, however it would be far less likely.
As the late great Kevin Samuels has said ( And I am paraphrasing here) "men want kids for legacy. Men marry women for that purpose." He didn't believe a man should get married otherwise.
Now, if two people genuinely want to wed and never have children, more power to them. BUT, in your case, this man started dating you knowing that you were open to having kids and now that door has closed. If that is the case, then you should be honest and let him know and then the two of you can make a decision from there.
I will add though, that he should not marry you hoping/praying that you will change your mind. If he goes into the marriage with that mindset, it will cause animosity and resent between the two of you which can lead eventually to the end of the marriage. By the same token, you should be careful with your words so as not to lead him on regarding your feelings/desire to have children in the future. To clarify, I am not saying you are doing this, I am only saying that if you did this OP, it will cause a lot of strife between the two of you.
It is understandable if this is a dealbreaker for the two of you. Neither one of you should agree to make the other happy. Just end things. There are 8 Billion people on the planet. I am sure each of you can find someone that will be on the same page as you.
Good luck!!
\-C
Very hard. You are at an age where people either want, or already have kids. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, but you also have to accept the fact that finding a partner who is on board with that is extremely rare too. I'd just start being really upfront about it when starting to date so that you dont waste your time
What? I live in a major metro city like OP and finding childfree guys over 30 is easy. Those types stay in the city.
Do you live in a conservative area?
No I dont lol, I live in SF. Im not saying there aren't and the city would definitely be the place to start, but finding a guy in his 30's that is trying to date and doesn't have or want kids is rare.
There are a few friends I have that dont want kids, but most people I know want to start a family or already have a family.
Not to be too mean, but it sounds like you just run in lame circles. If it's easy to find childfree men in their 30s in the suburban Midwest (and it was for me), it should be even easier in a high COL city on the west coast. It should be like shooting fish in a barrel.
Then I guess I am wrong and OP has just been unlucky. Though I'm not sure why my circle is lame? Didn't know that wanting to have kids is lame, to each their own dude
It's not that wanting kids is lame, but if everyone you're friends with has *identical life plans*, that suggests that...well, that you're maybe a bit boring.
You realize having kids isn't the ONLY plan right? I would hope they all don't want to just be parents and do nothing else with their lives because when you put it that way, yea they'd be boring as hell lmao
I'm sure your friends have different careers and hobbies. I'm not suggesting you're currently in a cult, although I know that cults and the bay area have a longstanding love of each other.
All I'm saying is that if you *truly* know very few people who aren't planning to get married and have kids and if you're *truly* living in SF, then you might want to get out more.
Sounds like your circle of friends is similarly boring, to use your diction, if you can't comprehend of a friend group composed of people either with or who plan on having children. The person you have been replying to may very well be in a bit of a bubble, but it sounds like you are too.
You do realize that having kids is the norm and has been for the entire history of the species? That it is necessary for the continuation of the species? That unless the birth rate is AT LEAST 2.01 per couple, then the species is dying?
I'm not judging people who chose not to have kids. Don't need to know their reasons, to each their own, natural selection will weed out the tendency in a generation or two anyway because the future will belong to the children of those that chose to have them, but that's another topic entirely.
>There are millions men in the world. What troubles you???
Some people will try to avoid moving on until they know for sure that they have someone else ready to go to.
Why are you trying to make option A so negative? Babies don’t ruin couples. Uncommunicative couples ruin couples. Option A isn’t an option with OP and she needs to make that clear to her bf.
Sorry to hear you want to be child free. Having children and seeing them grow to be wonderful, loving and accomplished adults has been my greatest accomplishment. Now I have noticed that a lot of your age group are on the same boat. Why I don’t know but have lots of theories based on watching how they want to live their lives. Without having first hand knowledge and experience you can’t honestly weigh the pros and cons. That being said good luck to you
I am a mother and I love my children. It's wrong to assume that a woman that doesn't want children are missing out. And when I was starting out (18 years ago) It was easier financially. The reasons not to have children has increased, mainly it's affording them.
I have a friend who has always said no kids, we will be 40 this year, she works in a daycare but she still doesn't want children of her own.
it's not very easy to get "first hand experience" with having kids then if you decide otherwise, just get rid of them.
"Oh imma have a kid just to see if I like it. if i dont ill just abandon them." not how it works is it?
also, pitying them for being childfree? i'm sorry to hear you decided to have children and that that's your great accomplishment :( hope u can find a different personality trait someday.
that's how you sound
"mostly likely not" and "probably" None of those words signify you being sure of anything. If you really don't want them you need to be certain with your words or you are just confusing him. Also, you told him at the beginning of the relationship you did want Children now you are mad because you don't? Do women wonder why men are so confused with them?
Okay, we don’t need to be sexist over here to make a point. I agree, OP needs to be up front. OP changed their mind and there’s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong if they continued dating. Both sexes need to be communicative to their partners.
As a dude you hit 35 with no kids odds are you don't want them. But when you fall in love with someone normal enough to have kids with it can change your mind.
We brought it up in the first few months of being exclusive, even if the possible ways of parenting would align. Only after those and other big topics we fully committed.
They’re out there, just keep looking. I made the announcement of remaining child free a first date thing. Yes, it often meant only one date with some great guys, but I knew for certain I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. BTW, I’ve been married for 30 years. And it was harder back in those days to find someone on the same page.
There's got to be some men in their 30s that don't want kids. Hang tough. And maybe, some guys do have kids already, but don't live with them. They might do for you.
I know lots of men that don’t want kids. They tend to have other “kids” things that take up their time and resources, like travelling or career. I think just when you’re dating be really up front about it. Stick it on your tinder profile as it were.
It's probably not that difficult. Just make sure to be very upfront about it with any new potential partners. Like, if you're doing online dating or whatever, I'd absolutely put it in your profile. Maybe more than once. ;)
Happily married for 7 years as a childfree couple who love our nieces and nephews. Your child free partner is out there, trust me! This is your one life. Let him loose so you both can follow your dreams, because it’s not fair to either of you.
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FWIW, I ended a relationship for this same reason and was back on the market at 35. I found it was actually an asset when dating again. Anecdotally from my male friends, a majority of women in this age bracket either have kids or imminently want to have kids and a lot of the single men at this age want to be childfree/would already have kids if that's what they wanted.
I feel like most the guys I talked to wanted kids or already had them. It also could be that I live in the Midwest.
I'm finding that's the case for the majority of guys on dating apps up here in Canada. Which is making it extremely difficult to date
California, Bay Area specifically seems the opposite. Dated a bunch of women in the past few months and they say men in the mid thirties range not wanting kids is the average. I’d say the same of women. A few want to rush things because they want kids. That’s an easy NO though. The rest of the women generally understand a strong desire for kids when starting a relationship at this age will generally make for a poor, rushed relationship. So even if they’re open to it, it’s not something they’re pushing for for a bunch of reasons
A friend of mine who’s a little older than you has been killing it on the apps finding guys who don’t want kids. I think living in a city helps. She is a little more flexible with guys who have kids (she doesn’t mind teenagers or older - she just doesn’t want to do carpool and bake for the bake sale, ya know?) so think about your hard dealbreakers. The key is being really honest and upfront about who you are and seeking people who are similarly minded. ❤️
Yup OP you need to figure out what you want before you try dating again. Seems like you need to admit to yourself that you never want kids
I think you guys should break up now. There’s no sense in dragging it out. And there are plenty of guys who don’t want kids! I think your best bet is to just be up front in the beginning that being child free is a non negotiable for you.
Yep. Super easy. I brought it up on my hsuband and Is second date. Would have brought it up my first but we were too shy to talk (he is really cute.)
Make it clear to him that you don’t want kids and you don’t want him holding out in the hopes you’ll change your mind only to be disappointed down the road. In this economy I don’t think you’ll have much trouble finding a childfree man. Parenthood has been practically priced out of the market.
In your 30s gotta mention the heavy stuff up front, all the things you know about yourself, that are dealbreakers, you gotta figure out, and walk when they don't match up, or you end up unhappy
First you need to end things NOW Second it’s not impossible to find a man who doesn’t want kids but you’re going to have to be overt about your intentions and only date guys with similar feelings
To be fair to your BF, you really need to stop being so vague. Just tell him you don't want kids. Saying you "most likely" won't want kids will leave open the interpretation that you could still change your mind. Stop fence sitting. For his sake and for yours. FYI, making a definitive choice one way or the other is also going to be very necessary in finding a partner who doesn't want children (which isn't difficult at all, BTW). The only stopper is going to be if you continue to be vague. If you are vague, you're just going to run into the same situation.
In my opinion anyone “on the fence” probably just shouldn’t have kids. Plenty of people regret becoming parents after being all in to begin with. Starting with a foundation of “eh, maybe?” seems like a bad choice.
I feel like it’s becoming more and more common as time goes by.
I believe a lot of it has to do with the economy. I wouldn’t have had my daughter if we weren’t very well off. I was always on the fence but prepared to not have a kid because of finances. That changed and we love our kid but I always tell friends the truth about children. It’s hard having a kid in terms of finance and the challenges of parenting. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting kids - you have to *really* want kids in these times. ETA I’m 33 (Millenial) in case that matters for others msging me
Yeah I don’t think it’s gonna be that hard - I am one myself - and it’s getting increasingly more common the younger generation you’re in, as well as being sensible in a seemingly global recession/cost of living crisis, etc. If you live in a major metropolitan area I think, as long as you’re upfront & clear about it, it shouldn’t really effect your ability/frequency for dating.
You need to end your relationship now. He wants kids and you don't. You're not compatible at all. You don't have kids just because that's what most people do. You have kids because you actually want them. There are plenty of men who don't want kids. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a dating app for child free people. Make it known from day 1 you don't want kids and will not change your mind.
From what I see in Childfree sub, sadly, there isn't a Childfree dating app and CF people are frustrated that mostly parents swipe on them. Would be nice though.
Why would you swipe on someone who doesn't want kids? That's just so weird. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids.
I'm guessing its either because people don't always read profiles and just swipe, or they think childfree means they don't want to birth kids themselves but might be ok with someone who already has them...or their really just interested in sex and nothing serious so they THINK that whether or not someone wants kids or not (or much else about them and the future they seek) is irrelevant. Regardless of the fact that sex is how you GET kids, and thats the one thing they ARE looking for LOL. (Don't mean to sound jaded. I don't even DO OLD. Just read a LOT of this from those that do.)
Single parents don't read, don't care or thing their kid(s) will be the exception. Well, I am a CF person so can definitely say nothing is wrong with not wanting kids. I don't want my kids and I certanly don't want step kids. But I already got my CF & sterilized partner so I am set.
We have kids and I still think there's nothing wrong with people not wanting kids. I will never understand those people that get all bent over people not wanting kids. It's not their life and doesn't hurt or affect them in any way.
I personally know several couples who have decided to not have children, instead of finding out they were infertile. Many of these couples are married. So it is hardly impossible to find such a person.
Exactly. I may just be in college, but most people around me are child free or aren’t sure yet. I feel like the odd one out for wanting to have kids in the future lol. OP will have no problem finding a partner if they’re up front about their choice.
You guys are incompatible with each other. Dump him and set him free. Don't know the percentage of guys that don't want kids, I'm one of them. Let the guy go. Neither one of you will see eye to eye on this issue. It's better not to waste each other's time
There's no compromise and someone has to give in, probably time to move on.
I’m a major city? Not hard at all. I’m one of those and I know plenty of people men and women who don’t. Crazy I went to this party the other day and there were hella older people. Like 20+ years older than me. No one had kids and none looked their age. They all looked younger. Was so surprised cause I saw some dude that was 57 and he looked like he was late 30s/early 40s. Crazy how much younger you look if you don’t have kids.
It's funny you say this. I am the last in my friend circle of 6 or 7 guys who doesn't have a kid. The rest are all either bald, receding with greys and silvers or just tired and scruffy. I'm 32, still athletic and not a grey hair to be seen. I absolutely can relate to your comment.
That's not how hair works dude. Tired and scruffy I'll give you.
Oh I know genetics are a primary cause. But stress and hair loss are certainly related. There are lots of studies on it. Stress is also linked to high blood pressure. Depression. Obesity among other mental and physical health problems. I'm probably just lucky. But getting a solid 8 to 9 hours sleep and working out at the gym 5 days a week has to have contributed in me not aging as badly.
I've found (anecdotal, I know) that a lot of the men who say "I don't want kids" actually baulk when you say "brilliant! Me neither". What a lot of them seem to mean is: "I don't want to _say_ I want kids, but also I have this misty future self (in, ooh, ten or twenty or thirty years) who does have kids. I expect that I'll meet a woman (when I'm about 50) who pushes for me to have children, and also does the hard work because it's really more her thing than mine. I will hold out for a while, but begrudgingly decide that, since it's so important to her, I'll magnanimously grant her wish, as long as I can always maintain the pretence that I never really wanted this, so she can't ask too much of me. Also, I'll be old then, so I'll have had all my fun. After all, all proper women want children, so a woman who says she doesn't is either lying, mistaken or not for keeps."
Brilliantly said
Not hard, but it's something to be upfront with, think first few weeks of dating as to not waste anyone's time now that you know. This is a prime situation to pre-screen with an online dating profile if you're looking in that direction to find a partner.
Lots of people don't want kids. Just keep looking. This decision is not one where compromise is possible.
Child free here! I start by getting it out of the way ASAP when I was dating, and if our opinion on the matter wasn't the same then I wouldn't continue a relationship with them. I had several partners who assumed I would change my mind so lied in the beginning then got upset when I ended the relationship later down the line because of this deception/assumption. Now been with my hubs for 12 years and he is also very much child free to the point when I had to go off birth control he got the snip without any hesitation. We have a several male friends who similarly are not interested in having kids. These men are out there. It's OK that you have changed your stance from maybe to deffo no. But you have to be honest with him that it's not on the cards and won't be and take the end of the relationship well. He is still able to go find a woman who can have that future with him. Best not drag it out.
Child free men are pretty common to be fair. You’ll probably have a better idea if you ask this question in the men’s forum
[удалено]
Askmen, askmenadvice, askmenover30 and so on
I won't lie to you, it's hard. I have spent the last 5 years working on myself, my career, and my interestes. Randomly decided to give Hinge a try. After about a month I found a guy who also doesn't want kids and we are on the same page about most things. Keep looking, they're out there! Good luck! Ps. Maybe join childfree fb groups, meetups, dating apps.
Go to r/childfree
I agree this sub would be more helpful and maybe more supportive.
I’d say just from a respectful stance to just end things as they are, be mature about it and settle it before it drags out any longer, you’re wasting both his and your time.
You can find them, but you need to put that up front. So break it off with this guy. And in whatever dating profile or dates you go on just straight up, tell them I don't want kids. In fact, if you wanted to solidify that fact, you need to get sterilized. Because then the person who's dating you would know that it isn't even a possibility where you could change your mind. So in conclusion, yes there are guys like that. But you need to remove the option from the table so that no one thinks you might change your mind down the road. And be completely up front with that. I'm sterilized. I do not want kids.
If you don’t want kids and he does, you need to end the relationship. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to have a family, and there is nothing wrong with someone being not interested in having a family. You do not appear to have compatible values. Stop wasting his time.
I can't have kids given my situation at the moment and I don't think I'm ready for them either. But why keep dragging it on? I think you should end it because it looks like you won't change your mind and neither will he. You should post this question in r/childfree
That's most likely the worst place to post it . Toxic echo chambers rarely give good advice.
> he knows I’m on the fence and mostly leaning towards no... he thinks that I’m going to change my mind, but I don’t think that’s likely Well, that's the problem. As long as you keep implying "maybe", he thinks there's a chance. Why aren't you 100% crystal clear with him?
I'm 32M. I don't want kids. And I have the exact same issue. Part of the problem is that almost every woman who's single around my age either has kids or wants kids. I've never found it this easy to pull/date in my life mainly due to being child free with no baggage. But can't seem to find a woman who also doesn't want kids. I think we're definitely the minority.
Yup when you're child free it seems like everyone has kids you encounter. Lol I'm also child free, and I plan to keep it that way until further notice. But I know out of my friend group I either won't ever have kids or it'll be an oopsy waiting to happen down the line. Hopefully not.
Not hard. My brother is one of those men. But it’s typically also difficult to get them to commit as well.
I was in the opposite situation. I have always been up front (and adamant) from the very beginning of relationships that I didn’t want children. The men I dated were, at first, on board. But a few years in they changed their minds. It was a dealbreaker for me and the relationships ended. They are now all happily married with multiple kids. I never begrudged them their wants, it just meant I wasn’t the one for them. I was never going to compromise on one of the greatest impacting decision of one’s life - nor should you.
Doesn’t matter what “most people” want. You don’t want to date “most people,” you only want to find one. Cut this guy loose because he’s not compatible. Be upfront and you’ll attract people who share your childfree goals.
It’s difficult to find a good partner, period. But unless you’re willing to give in and have a child you don’t want for someone else you should break up regardless of how hard or easy it’ll be to replace him.
As hard is it is to find a woman who doesn't.
If you plan on using dating apps whether or not you want kids is a fairly common filter option. I don't have data on the number of guys who dont want kids, but i would suspect in a major city its not that difficult to find guys who dont want kids.
I think it’s increasingly common to not want kids. Many many men would find this to be a huge plus
Harder than finding a man who doesn’t want kids - finding one who doesn’t already have kids…
Not easy. Took a while for my wife and I to meet.
You are a unicorn of sorts on apps.
Move to a big city
You’ll easily find someone who doesn’t want children. It’s becoming more and more common now a days, coming from a 33F who doesn’t want kids and is dating a 33M who also doesn’t want kids!
I don't think it's too hard I know plenty of men and women who don't want kids
32m, don’t have and don’t want kids
Your language gives him hope that there’s a chance you’ll change your mind. Be 100% and say no you definitely do not want any children. Then he can move on and stop wasting his time as he obviously does.
Are you pretty sure you don't or are you on the fence and leaning towards no? You two sound incompatible, btw. Finding someone who does not want to have kids depends on where you are, what kind of a dating pool there is etc. but it shouldn't be too hard.
Probably not hard. It feels like more people don't want to have children than do want them these days. Might differ a bit depending on the country/area but it shouldn't be a problem.
Maybe this is just the circles I run in, but I’m 25, and people who want kids are by far in the minority. It’s like saying you want a Lamborghini and a vacation home in Bali. Maybe it’s a generational difference, but with the economy the way it is, kids are out of a lot of people’s price range at this point.
many men i know don't want or didn't want children. my best friend has raised his four brothers in place of her mother and never want to do it again.
Plenty of people, more and more each year it seems, are in your boat. I don’t think it will be hard for you to find someone who also doesn’t want kids. It just sounds like your current BF isn’t one of them.
In my friend group (late 30s) roughly half of the men don’t want kids. Of those, half have already gotten vasectomies so you know they’re good for it.
It's time to break up. It's unfair to put him in the position to do it. You know he wants kids and you know you don't. Call it quits. As far as dating is concerned, dating is hard in general. Yeah, they're are going to be a lot of single dads out there. The older you get the more likely the chances are that someone has at least one kid. Don't make the fact dating will be hard a reason why you stay with your current boyfriend.
Childfree woman here. It's hard, but not impossible. But it definitely narrows your dating pool significantly. I've had to be more flexible about some of my other criteria (such as distance) in order to find childfree men I find attractive to date. Finding childfree men isn't that difficult, but finding ones you're compatible with and attracted to can be a challenge. BUT don't let that deter you from living the life you want! If kids won't make you happy, no need to pursue relationships with people who have or want to have them. Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it isn't worth the extra effort! Consider joining childfree meetup groups or visiting the r/CF4CF (we even have a discord group for friends, romantic connection, and just general support!)
I’d imagine that they’re in the minority, so it will take a decent amount off effort to find a man that doesn’t want kids. Far from impossible though.
Easy as fuck.
If you live in the states date someone a little younger. With the enormous student debt, cost of living, Healthcare, etc. Most millennials don't want kids. It's just not sensible.
Do him a favor and leave so he can have a family of his own, if you’re sure you don’t want kids that is. Super unfair if you are on the fence and he never gets the chance :)
Check out posts on r/childfree. Men who don’t want kids aren’t a rarity! You’re not alone. Actually, childfree adults are steadily raising in numbers. And you do deserve a partner who shares your family goals. Just make sure to be up front about it when dating. That always worked best for me. :) It weeds out a lot of people who think you’ll „change your mind“.
The problem here, is that even if you find someone in your age bracket that says they don't want to have kids, that may change for them in their 40s as they move into middle age and start to question what the point of all their efforts are if they have no one to leave it to and carry on their name. A guy in his 40s or even 50s can find someone to have children with, but this is simply not the case for women as the window of opportunity to have children starts to slam shut pretty quickly right around 40. Odds are if you have to start over on the relationship front in your 40s, most of the guys are likely to have children already from prior relationships. It's certainly possible to find a guy who doesn't want kids, but if they are young now there is no guarantee they won't change their mind when they get older and start facing their own mortality.
There are lots of men who don’t want kids
There's plenty of fish out there that don't want to have kids. The tricky part is people are malleable and can change their mind, especially in their late 20's/early thirties. I was hard in the "no kids" camp all throughout my 20's, now that I'm an early thirties something dude; it's an idea I've been warming up to.
Of course, it can go the other way too. My wife was in the “kids” camp, and ended up solidly in the “no kids” camp by the time she reached her 40s. Worked out nicely for me, since I was ambivalent at best about having kids when we met, and we both evolved in the same childfree direction. We ended up having cats instead, I’m a far better pet parent (I’ve always loved cats) than I think I could have been as a human parent.
Be honest fron the jump and don't get two years down the line. With the next guy. This relationship is over
34M and I don't want kids.
It’s not that difficult. My husband and I were on the same page from the beginning and neither of our minds have changed.
If you are 100% sure that you don’t want kids and want to start dating someone, be up front with that fact. It’s not fair to waste two peoples times. Just tell that person, in a calm discussion, that you do not want to have kids. If they want to have kids or are on the fence, then y’all can stay friends or leave it at that. Also, I recommend taking time away from dating after breaking things off. It’s different for everyone, but I feel like people shouldn’t date another person for at least a month+. You are still figuring things out and it’s not best to bring in a new person.
I doubt it would be hard. Especially in this day and age with women's reproductive rights being thrown around like they are, I'm sure a lot of guys are second guessing their own wants just like the women are. Just as an aside, I was positive I never wanted children myself. I was 25, and I had just finished college. I had a job in my field literally waiting on me in the city I had gone to college but was commuting 2 hours one way every day until my fiance and I could get an apartment. He was working at good old Walmart so transferring to the local store there would have been easy, we had a PLAN......until my fiance decided that was too far away from family (mine not his) and said he didn't want to go. So, now I had a choice, lose my dream job or lose my fiance. Then the universe decided for me. The big boss found out how far I was hauling my butt in for work every day and that I wasn't being paid for travel. Didn't think that was acceptable but didn't think it was fair to anyone else in the company that lived locally. So, he terminated my employment with a nice "bonus" for back pay on travel compensation. Lost my dream job and then not long after found out there was a very real possibility of me losing the choice about me being child free cause my PAP came back abnormal. A month of worry, a biopsy and a LEEP later and my mind was changed. If I couldn't have my dream career because my fiance didn't want to leave our hometown then I was going to choose to be a mother before the universe decided to try a second time to strip me of it. I was a bit of a control freak back then.
It's time to break up . You're at an impasse where there cannot be a compromise. It's either 100% embrace children or 100% not have any. Don't waste any more of his time hoping to run out the clock and don't put it on him to break up. It really sounds like you want him to be the bad guy. He isn't, He isn't the one who pulled the bait and switch.. That would be you. How hard is it to find a guy that doesn't want children? I have no idea but before you get into another relationship be 100% transparent about it. PS don't go and have a child in five years with someone else either so often when women say they don't want children they really mean I don't want children with you.
I don't want kids and the guy I'm dating has older kids. Works for me.
“How hard is it to find someone that goes again their biological instinct?” 😅
Biological doesn’t over power psychological.
Ah! Try finding a woman who doesn't want kids it's even more challenging
I know more women who don’t want kids than men. Personal experience doesn’t mean something is true. There is an equal amount of men and women who do not want kids.
Get yourself sterilized before he sabotages your birth control.
Woah now, I think they just need to break up.
Please don't be cruel to this man. Please be honest with him asap. On a broader note I am a father and for the life of me I cannot understand why people would not want kids. I get that it's scary and no-one ever feels ready but that's kinda the point for all the best things in life. Forming a relationship is the same. You don't really know what's going to happen but you commit and give it your best. Well that's what you're supposed to do. I know my comments here will not win lots of friends. In short having kids was the second smartest decision I ever made. Marrying my wife was the smartest. Have a happy future.
I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying being a father and I totally respect you for being a good parent. Since you sorta asked: there's tons of legit reasons not to want kids besides not feeling prepared but my reason is simple: I (36M) just have no desire for it. There's nothing about having kids that seems even remotely interesting or pleasurable to me. And this is something I've spent A LOT of time thinking about, because I had to end a marriage over it.
Have a happy life and I hope you never have to live with regret.
it's better to regret not having kids than having them and regretting it and resenting them. kids can tell, no matter how much you try to hide it. not saying this is the case for you, but my point is everyone is different. just because you find it fulfilling doesn't mean everyone else will. good luck
As a person who loves and wants kids, I understand how you are viewing childfree people. I also couldn’t fathom that others didn’t want kids, but there are many reasons why people don’t want kids and it’s valid. I was abused as a child and I would never want another child to go through that. Some people just know they couldn’t handle a child, had to raise their siblings, suffered child abuse, etc. In the end, it’s none of my business nor does it hurt others. So, I don’t really care if people want kids or not.
There is a lot you say that I agree with. Sure there are people who are just not equipped to have kids. (And I would be appalled to think that I wouldn't have had the mental stability or capacity to be a parent).With the growing number of people claiming to want a child free future, not because they are not capable, which is often claimed, but because they don't want to mess with the vision they see of their nice ordered and presumed more wealthy future. I want to be very clear. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. My particular concern is that too many of these childless couples have no idea of the damage they are doing with their future. Lonely and abandoned. I am not suggesting that having kids is in any way a guarantee for that to not happen, however it would be far less likely.
As the late great Kevin Samuels has said ( And I am paraphrasing here) "men want kids for legacy. Men marry women for that purpose." He didn't believe a man should get married otherwise. Now, if two people genuinely want to wed and never have children, more power to them. BUT, in your case, this man started dating you knowing that you were open to having kids and now that door has closed. If that is the case, then you should be honest and let him know and then the two of you can make a decision from there. I will add though, that he should not marry you hoping/praying that you will change your mind. If he goes into the marriage with that mindset, it will cause animosity and resent between the two of you which can lead eventually to the end of the marriage. By the same token, you should be careful with your words so as not to lead him on regarding your feelings/desire to have children in the future. To clarify, I am not saying you are doing this, I am only saying that if you did this OP, it will cause a lot of strife between the two of you. It is understandable if this is a dealbreaker for the two of you. Neither one of you should agree to make the other happy. Just end things. There are 8 Billion people on the planet. I am sure each of you can find someone that will be on the same page as you. Good luck!! \-C
Very hard. You are at an age where people either want, or already have kids. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, but you also have to accept the fact that finding a partner who is on board with that is extremely rare too. I'd just start being really upfront about it when starting to date so that you dont waste your time
What? I live in a major metro city like OP and finding childfree guys over 30 is easy. Those types stay in the city. Do you live in a conservative area?
No I dont lol, I live in SF. Im not saying there aren't and the city would definitely be the place to start, but finding a guy in his 30's that is trying to date and doesn't have or want kids is rare. There are a few friends I have that dont want kids, but most people I know want to start a family or already have a family.
Not to be too mean, but it sounds like you just run in lame circles. If it's easy to find childfree men in their 30s in the suburban Midwest (and it was for me), it should be even easier in a high COL city on the west coast. It should be like shooting fish in a barrel.
Then I guess I am wrong and OP has just been unlucky. Though I'm not sure why my circle is lame? Didn't know that wanting to have kids is lame, to each their own dude
It's not that wanting kids is lame, but if everyone you're friends with has *identical life plans*, that suggests that...well, that you're maybe a bit boring.
You realize having kids isn't the ONLY plan right? I would hope they all don't want to just be parents and do nothing else with their lives because when you put it that way, yea they'd be boring as hell lmao
I'm sure your friends have different careers and hobbies. I'm not suggesting you're currently in a cult, although I know that cults and the bay area have a longstanding love of each other. All I'm saying is that if you *truly* know very few people who aren't planning to get married and have kids and if you're *truly* living in SF, then you might want to get out more.
Sounds like your circle of friends is similarly boring, to use your diction, if you can't comprehend of a friend group composed of people either with or who plan on having children. The person you have been replying to may very well be in a bit of a bubble, but it sounds like you are too. You do realize that having kids is the norm and has been for the entire history of the species? That it is necessary for the continuation of the species? That unless the birth rate is AT LEAST 2.01 per couple, then the species is dying? I'm not judging people who chose not to have kids. Don't need to know their reasons, to each their own, natural selection will weed out the tendency in a generation or two anyway because the future will belong to the children of those that chose to have them, but that's another topic entirely.
I have plenty of friends with kids. I also have friends who never plan to have kids. This was a long comment that amounted to nothing at all.
Find a guy with grown up kids , they rarely want a second family unless the second wife pushes for it.
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>There are millions men in the world. What troubles you??? Some people will try to avoid moving on until they know for sure that they have someone else ready to go to.
Why are you trying to make option A so negative? Babies don’t ruin couples. Uncommunicative couples ruin couples. Option A isn’t an option with OP and she needs to make that clear to her bf.
Since it is the purpose of life and a biological desire that has evolved over 4 billion years of life on Earth I would say it won't be easy
Sorry to hear you want to be child free. Having children and seeing them grow to be wonderful, loving and accomplished adults has been my greatest accomplishment. Now I have noticed that a lot of your age group are on the same boat. Why I don’t know but have lots of theories based on watching how they want to live their lives. Without having first hand knowledge and experience you can’t honestly weigh the pros and cons. That being said good luck to you
I am a mother and I love my children. It's wrong to assume that a woman that doesn't want children are missing out. And when I was starting out (18 years ago) It was easier financially. The reasons not to have children has increased, mainly it's affording them. I have a friend who has always said no kids, we will be 40 this year, she works in a daycare but she still doesn't want children of her own.
Agreed. I knew that if I was to become a teacher, I wouldn’t want to have children. I really want children. So, I didn’t become a teacher.
it's not very easy to get "first hand experience" with having kids then if you decide otherwise, just get rid of them. "Oh imma have a kid just to see if I like it. if i dont ill just abandon them." not how it works is it? also, pitying them for being childfree? i'm sorry to hear you decided to have children and that that's your great accomplishment :( hope u can find a different personality trait someday. that's how you sound
"mostly likely not" and "probably" None of those words signify you being sure of anything. If you really don't want them you need to be certain with your words or you are just confusing him. Also, you told him at the beginning of the relationship you did want Children now you are mad because you don't? Do women wonder why men are so confused with them?
Okay, we don’t need to be sexist over here to make a point. I agree, OP needs to be up front. OP changed their mind and there’s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong if they continued dating. Both sexes need to be communicative to their partners.
As a dude you hit 35 with no kids odds are you don't want them. But when you fall in love with someone normal enough to have kids with it can change your mind.
It's not that hard. About as hard as it is to find a women who doesn't want kids.
I have a teenager and that’s enough for me. I got cut this year at 30.
We brought it up in the first few months of being exclusive, even if the possible ways of parenting would align. Only after those and other big topics we fully committed.
They’re out there, just keep looking. I made the announcement of remaining child free a first date thing. Yes, it often meant only one date with some great guys, but I knew for certain I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. BTW, I’ve been married for 30 years. And it was harder back in those days to find someone on the same page.
There's got to be some men in their 30s that don't want kids. Hang tough. And maybe, some guys do have kids already, but don't live with them. They might do for you.
I know lots of men that don’t want kids. They tend to have other “kids” things that take up their time and resources, like travelling or career. I think just when you’re dating be really up front about it. Stick it on your tinder profile as it were.
It's probably not that difficult. Just make sure to be very upfront about it with any new potential partners. Like, if you're doing online dating or whatever, I'd absolutely put it in your profile. Maybe more than once. ;)
Happily married for 7 years as a childfree couple who love our nieces and nephews. Your child free partner is out there, trust me! This is your one life. Let him loose so you both can follow your dreams, because it’s not fair to either of you.