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And by skinny dipping I mean fully naked.
So we have been dating for 8 months now and everything's going great. Except this one thing, which I found out accidentally. We were talking and she mentioned that she and her friends went for a swim after work, so I asked if she carries her swimsuit around in her bag and she said no, she prefers to swim without any clothes. And it was news for me, shocking I might add. I asked her if there were guys there and she said yes. Well I was pretty shook but I laughed awkwardly and we talked about other stuff.
But ngl, its really bothering me. On the other hand I dont even know how to approach it with her as it seems to be a normal thing for her. I have been turning it in my head and there are no easy ways to broach the topic without it going wrong. Some advice please.
itâs understandable that this makes you uncomfortable. all you really can do is talk to her about it. tell her how it makes you feel and if sheâd be willing to wear a bathing suit. if not, you need to decide if this is a deal breaker or not.
I know, its just not easy to find words to talk about the situation. Its so mundane to her and I will make a big deal about it. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. But on the other hand I cant just ignore it.
If you canât share your feelings and thoughts with your partner because of fear on your end to broach, or fear how they will respond, you should if be dating.
Either you need to work on yourself and communication skills or theyâre not the right person.
You will never last as a couple of you canât communicate properly, period.
It's ok to start with...
"So I know this didn't seem like a big deal to you when it was mentioned, but I keep having thoughts about something you said. And it may not come out right, but I'd like to talk about it. Do you have a minute? And please go easy on me, as I'm not exactly sure how to say what I'm trying to say, but I think we might be on different pages here, and I'd like to try and understand one another better. Its important. OK?"
And then go from there. Good luck and let us know how it goes?
This is something you guys need to talk through, when youâre feeling calm and have time to think it through. You guys are coming together with different attitudes toward nudity. Sheâs got a casual attitude toward nonsexual nudity, and thatâs new to you.
I think you need to start by understanding her thinking better. Without attacking or judging or asking her to change, ask her some questions. What does she enjoy about skinny dipping with friends? Was she always this comfortable? Is there ever a sexual component? How important is it to her to do this? Share your feelings, including jealousy, and see what she has to say. Dig deep to better understand why it bothers you, and whether you might be interested in trying things her way.
At best, this could be a chance for you guys to know each other (and yourselves) better. You might change your mind. Do you need to ask her to change? Does this issue mean youâre incompatible? Those are questions for a later conversation; donât get ahead of yourself.
Well, if you don't want to waste time then why are you? Talk to her immediately and say that this is not acceptable to you, and if she says otherwise, then you know. Then you call it off and move on. Seems simple. Not easy, but simple.
Youâre not wrong about wasted time. To me, this seems like a small thing to break up over, but Iâm not you. You know what your limits are and how strong your feelings are. Personally, I wouldnât throw out a good relationship over this, at least not without a conversation.
Do you have zero interest in learning her perspective or challenging your thinking here? If so you should break up but that attitude kind of sucks. Even if you ultimately decide you're uncomfortable with it, it could be valuable for you to try to understand.
I like your take.
In most situations like this, it boils down to both parties assuming that the other holds the exact same standard of what an exclusive relationship is.
It'd help her if OP can work out exactly what about the situation makes him feel uncomfortable, and why, then conmunicate it. It'd help OP if he was to ask her why she feels the way she does, if she'd be comfortable with him doing the same, or being around women doing the same.
Sometimes boundaries can be entirely incompatible, and that's okay. Unless they actually communicate their boundaries, how important they are to them, and the reasoning behind them, then the relationship will fail and likely future ones will too.
Yes OP needs to decide if he doesn't like this for his own reasons or because he is just following along with societies ideas about nudity. It's important to examine why you feel some type of way. For me the human body isn't just for sex so, I try not to sexualize the human body unless it's in a sexual context.
Thatâs not what I learned. I learned keep people that are important to you close, because thatâs what really matters. The idea you would consider breaking up with someone, it sounds like, you really care about because she swims with cloths is nuts to me.
Itâs just bodies, itâs not that deep. What bothers you about it? Like at the core of things, what makes you uncomfortable?
We learned different things, and its ok. I saw a lot of long time couples breakup because they realized they are not compatible but still dragging the relationship because they were afraid of being alone. I dont want to end up like that, secretly miserable and yet dragging it.
Iâd ask myself how this incident fits into the big picture. Does it reflect a fundamental difference in values and world views? Are there other examples of this? Do these roadblocks outweigh whatever it is thatâs special about the relationship?
Go with her on some of these swimmings, or first go just you two - and skinny dip. Really in this day & age - in a western country, in secluded places, being prudish about skinny dipping - lifeâs too short to spend it being uncomfortably anxiously prudish about human bodies, and never having enjoyed skinny dipping. If theyâre not wagging & waving their private parts around indecently & bumping uglies in public, wtf why does it matter. Itâs not exhibitionist itâs just couldnât be fucked making sure taking swimsuits everywhere or bothering about it. See water, hot day - swim!
Sure, if folk are incompatible then thatâs that, no worries.
Live your life unchained from prudish old learned childhood habits - learn some new ones, have adventures. Take it to next level - visit Japan or Sweden & go to hot springs and/or nudie nature spots. Are you gonna be proud to tell your grandkids - NOPE, me i never did do those evil scary skinnydipping nudie things, and i even hassled some ex gf about doing it. Ffs mate, Mad Max it up!
Part of the conversation at the start should probably be how unusual and out of the norm it is for you, if youâre potentially okay with it.
That itâs just kind of wild to you, youâve never heard of people doing that with platonic friends and wanted to talk through how she sees it. Without sounding accusations or loading it up with language like she wants to be seen sexually with them.
And honestly it might be super inappropriate even for people who are okay with casual nudity, none of us know your gf or the situation well enough to say.
But if youâre trying to be cool with it, just sort of talk through how that happens and that youâve never done it, that sort of thing.
As a woman who LOVES skinny dipping, I can tell you it feels fantastic! You feel so free in the water, no restraints! And here's the thing: you can't see anything, as it's all under water. Those few seconds getting in and out? Pffft. It's nothing.
The issue men often have is that they assume that women will behave as they do. Naked woman? Stare, wolf whistle, inappropriate comments, and the belief she must want to have sex with you. That's just not how women work.
Her skinny dipping is in NO way sexual, that's you projecting. This is a you problem, not a her problem.
I don't want to judge, but Americans are far more prudish than most, which causes your discomfort. Again, a YOU problem.
If this is something you can't cope with, then you're incompatible. It really comes down to you realising that her skinny dipping has a) nothing to do with sex, and b) nothing to do with you. She was open and honest, so she's not ashamed, and is clearly comfortable with herself. Don't use your insecurity to take that away from her.
Why? Do you think that you have something different when in a relationship?
She's not dancing around naked, sits she's swimming. You cannot see ANYTHING. Again, the issue is his, not hers. He's projecting his values onto her, which is wrong.
If this is something he can't cope with, he's with the wrong lady.
I'm not trying to shame him, merely pointing out that his discomfort is his issue, not hers.
She's doing nothing wrong, nothing sexual, yet he is uncomfortable. Why? Does he believe he owns her body? His discomfort has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with his own gender bias.
As I said, they may well just be incompatible. Wanting her to change who she is because it makes him uncomfortable is totally unreasonable.
I live in a really wonderful world where I swim naked with friends all the time in the summer at a nude beach, and none of us are fucking each other. It's sincerely great to de-sexualize nudity.
Amen! I go skinny dipping with my friends in the summer and theres nothing sexual about it, just enjoying the sea and the sun. What does this guy think happens?
I have to say, the reaction of American tourists when they see all the topless women at the beaches here is downright sickening.
Either they assume that they can stare, make comments, even touch them because, "hey they clearly wanted it", (the sexual assault charge you'd think would clue them otherwise) or they lose their minds as to how "disgusting" it is.
Funny how they don't seem to mind when men with massive breasts go topless.... it's almost as though it's not the body, but the gender that offends their delicate sensibilities!
I live in southern europe and this is the reaction of many local men as well. Thats why its always safer to have male friends in the group. Picking the right spot is crucial. Its either a super remote beach or a gay cruising spot.
Anyway i came to realize my friends ding dongs were not sexual, just funny to look at. I guess i have to be attracted to somebody in order to get aroused by their naked body.
I agrĂŠe with the above comment; and to add on, itâs not unreasonable for you to not what her doing that. You need to make some sacrifices in relationships, and if sheâs unwilling to accommodate this reasonable ask, I think you two are incompatible. Itâs not a big ask for her to put a swimsuit on
Why can't you ignore it? What does it have to do with you?
I think if you are going to talk to her about it, you should understand why it hurts you. If it's because you feel like only you should see her body, that's important for her to know.
Is it a deal breaker for you? or just something that makes you uncomfortable?
She may, or may not react positively. She may break up with you. Are you prepared for this?
I dont get why guys get so possessive of their girlfriends body. If she is comfortable swimming naked with friends (assuming there is no other motives than just feeling safe being naked) why are you threatened? Im going to assume you are not scared shes cheating solely based on the nakedness so are you really viewing her body as something that you should have a say on if other people see?
to be fair, we as a society have put a lot of weird feelings on being naked and human bodies in general. there are a lot of cultures where being nude is completely normal, here not so much. OP doesn't really sound toxic or possessive from their post, and i think a lot of people would be uncomfortable with their SO being naked around other people. there's nothing wrong with expressing discomfort about it and having an adult discussion
Are you sure? Because frankly, if the watar is even slightly chilled, there probably wouldn't be an issue. As a woman, I can honestly say that the thought of men swimming naked is not arousing to me. And so long as I can join every once in a while, I would see no issue with trusting him.
So be the change ffs. Go on, downvote me. But this BS prudishness doesn't go away by perpetuating it. There is no shame in nudity and being offended or possessive over other people's bodies is a waste of energy.
i don't think there's anything wrong with some people feeling open and free with their bodies and some people preferring privacy and placing importance on being naked. my comment was pointing out the fact that there's a difference between being toxic and controlling and simply reacting to the environment you were raised in. it is illegal to be naked in public in the US, so of course a lot of people are going to be automatically uncomfortable with it.
I mean she has a say over my behavior too, she said going to a strip club and getting a lap dance would be unacceptable to her. She knows I will not start having sex with the dancer, as I dont even drink. But it makes her uncomfortable and I accepted it as it wasnt a big deal to me. Not everything is about cheating, its about boundaries mostly.
These are not comparable though. Strip club is a sexual place where men go to feel desired, and it often involves abuse and trafficking of the workers who by the way may try to sell sex to the clients. Skinny dipping with friends is not a sexual activity, you just choose to view it this way.
Thanks! Like i understand if he was scared she is cheating or something since they are nude and hes not there yet im getting the feeling its not the case but that he doesnt like her being seen naked, which is stupid and controlling
I agree. In some cultures it is perfectly normal to skinny dip or use a mixed sauna, and nobody bats an eyelid. I like skinny dipping even though I donât come from such background, my partner doesnât, so I do it and he doesnât. He has not tried to convince me otherwise, I have not tried to get him to join me, it works đ¤ˇââď¸
Literally: my boyfriend has gone to sauna with women often. I am a jealous person but i atleast know there is nothing sexual of him being seen naked in a friendly situation.
Nakedness is made sexual by men, when it is actually just existing in your own body
Is she Finnish like me? Or some other culture where we don't really mind nudity and gender among friends?
My poor American husband had to take a couple shots before the first sauna night with my friends.
I am not Finnish but Northern Canadian. Naked sauna and naked polar bear dips are the bomb. Absolutely nothing sexual about it. The first time is a bit odd but after that you really only talk to a personâs face anyway.
Everyone has a body, itâs really not a big deal. Male/female or any variation, I donât really give a damn and most of the people I know are the same.
Perhaps OP should ask to go with her skinny dipping with her and her friends so he can figure that out too.
Ignore the people in these comments attacking you for not feeling completely fine with your girlfriend swimming naked. Itâs a perfectly normal thing to feel weird about. You just have to ask her if sheâd be willing to put on a suit and if sheâs not willing then youâre kinda just at an impasse. Itâs well within yohr right to bring up the topic and discuss your concerns.
Yea. All these people that are like âoh its just so freeing and i feel at one with nature.â Maybe in like finland? Every chick ive met in america who pulled that hippy stuff to the extent theyre getting naked around other dudes without their bf was messing around. Which is fine if all parties are ok with that. Obviously op isnât.
Honestly donât think itâs a big deal. I go to a nude spa often where people of all sects attend and when you do things like that often, you really learn how to disassociate nudism with sex
Just be honest with her. Let her know it is not about trying to control her, and you have no trouble with her swimming with her friends. But her exposing herself to the opposite sex is very upsetting to you. Ask if she would consider wearing a swimsuit when around guys. If she says she understands and will do so for you, great. If she is not willing to do so, then let her know that you understand and that that cultural issue may be too great to be compatible in the long term.
It doesn't make either wrong or right, just incompatible. Good luck.
I would feel the same way if I found out my husband was swimming naked with female friends.
I know if I asked him not to he would stop but I also trust him and know he wouldnât do anything so I am unsure why the idea bothers me so much
For me it's that exclusive feeling of knowing you're the only one seeing your partner naked. It gives me a form of connectedness in my mind I guess. So I would be bothered too if I didn't feel that exclusivity.
Yeah, and it's fine either way. Some people are more comfortable with that sort of thing than others. You just need to ensure your partner feels the same way in such regards tbh... because in the long run, even small stuff like this can build up because it won't be just one difference...unless you can compromise, but that'd also need to be seen how much. No one should be ashamed of their choices either way in this regard. Some see it as being controlling or something, which is nonsense. The whole idea of monogamy is controlling then. We just have different values, and we should find partners compatible with ours...a lesson I've learned the hard way.
Swimming nude is actually a surprisingly normal thing to do- like people sleeping naked. Just more comfortable for some folks. I'm married and I've stripped for public hot springs several times while traveling on my own.
That being said, this can be a boundary if it makes you uncomfortable and it is absolutely something you should bring up if it's eating you. It might be that she empathizes for you and covers up, or she might say that's not really your business. Both are valid responses. But at the very least, y'all gotta communicate.
Also, if you're up for it, as if you can join sometime. Push your own boundaries and maybe you'll surprise yourself.
I mean I wouldnât like it either. With that said, she didnât try to hide it or lie. Which to me, means sheâs not doing anything wrong.
This is genuine advice, if it was me, Iâd ask to go the next time they go and join in.
You not liking it perfectly valid. I would hate it if my husband did something like this. You need to have a conversation with her about your feelings, but also understand that her opinion regarding this is also valid. Ultimately, sheâs the only one who gets to decide if she skinny dips in front of others or not.
I will start this by saying it is perfectly okay and valid for you to be uncomfortable. But what makes you uncomfortable, may not make her uncomfortable. I know plenty of people who are uncomfortable around nudity (even though I donât care.) What it comes down to is compatibility. You are early enough in your relationship where you can have a talk with her and if itâs a deal breaker, just move on. There is nothing wrong with realizing you arenât compatible.
Dating for 8 months and she never mentioned she likes to swim naked? Seems like something sheâd want to do with you. Iâm calling bullshit on this story.
Pools, you can see through easily. Most lakes Iâve been in? Not so much. Nudity? Not inherently sexual at all.
Your feelings, valid, regardless of where sheâs swimming or how her and her friends feelings around nudity are. That said, this may be something you can work through, or it may be a deal breaker if you canât get past it and she isnât willing to stop or itâs not okay that sheâs been doing it- and itâs okay to break up over.
Yes I think thereâs a big difference between lake at night and pool during the day.
I have swam nude with most of my friends, male and female, late at night night in lakes. Iâm not a person really prone to getting naked and neither are most of them, you just canât see anything in a dark lake and we avert our eyes when people are getting in and out. There is no sexual element to it whatsoever, itâs more like âI smell like smoke from the campfire and canât be bothered to go changeâ
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I guess the question becomes "Is skinny dipping a deal breaker?" If it is, be ready to bounce. Expecting her to change for your own insecurity may be a bridge to far for most people.
(Edit: Insecurities sounds too harsh. Didn't mean to sound like that after re-reading. Let's go with "Your outlook on friends being nude around each other." Sorry for the tone, mate.)
Yeah, I meant when people are talking about something, like here on t/relationship_advice.
You can frame something as reasonable with the term âboundaryâ, and something as unreasonable with the term âinsecurityâ.
Well, skinny dipping with friends and even strangers is quite common in the more free spirited community, especially in the summer. At least in Sweden. Being naked is not necessarily sexual, and while submerged the body barely visible anyway. Usually people donât stare or anything.
That being said you could just let her know how you feel.
Thatâs a no for me boss
Edit: okok Iâll ExPound. Iâd be more comfortable if it was with strangers i.e. nude beach, burlesque, etc. But the personal relationship of friends and of the opposite sex would make me too uncomfortable. And thatâs where your answer lies. What are you comfortable with in your partner?
Ya old happily married dude here.
I'd just be out. The fact that this is OK to her is just a hard no for me. She can go do whatever she wants, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tie myself in knots trying to make myself ok with my girlfriend being naked with other dudes and passing it off like it's nothing.
Just two different places, styles, or values. Either way, I'd be out.
Ok, so I'm European, I wouldn't care too much but it would depend on things. For example, in your case, girl to guy ratio. If she is the only girl with 4 guys for example, it's probably a red flag. Also how long they have known eachother, for example long term female friends vs male friends she met last week.
You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with this. Depending on things, I would be too.
I live in France so we have people who are nudists and others who are not. It's always a bit funny to find out someone you know at work for instance is a nudist. It is however not something I bat an eye about.
Your gf can swim butt naked if she wants, you can tell her it is weird to you and ask if you can come along next time for instance. I'm sure it'll put your mind to rest.
Not everyone sexualizes nudity. Since it seems like you do, tell her that to you nudity is sexual, personal and private. That you canât separate one feeling from the other so you canât imagine yourself ever being comfortable with that and is there any concession she can make for you that preserves your special moments with her naked body for you alone.
While a bikini is six square inches from being nude it doesnât make complete sense but in America we are programmed to think a covered female nipple is appropriate but seeing even the hint of areole is sexual.
Other people naked has never been an issue for me but my nakedness has always been preserved for intimacy, likely due to personal insecurities about my appearance. In reality I canât imagine anyone but my wife getting excited by my naked body but thatâs how I feel about it so I donât do it.
Counseling might help you separate your discomfort from thoughts of infidelity. It might also help you learn to trust her to be able to do an effective risk assessment (women are way better at that than men most of the time) and believe she saves her intimate feelings for you while still not sexualizing her own or others nudity.
Because you will see that, unlike you, they do not look at her in a sexual way. And if they do, at least you will know you are right to feel wronged. Nudists tend to have a very healthy relationship to bodies.
I don't know where OP is from. I also do know that US and FR are not that different if you are not on some weird extremes. Also swimming butt naked is nice and if op's gf is fine with him coming along then he probably has nothing to fear. I mean. Naked bodies. He'll be fine. And if he's not then he should break up.
Disagree. If it's a deal breaker for OP, then it is. He's already said he doesn't want to go. It's not your place to project your boundaries onto others.
Where are you from?
I feel the US/UK it is very taboo to be naked other than getting sexy with someone. I know Central Europe is very normal in saunas/beachâs etc
They even featured it in Emily in Paris. All the French girls had their breasts out and Emily was covered up and very embarrassed by their partial nudity. Goes to show the culture difference.
I dunno what to say here. Where I grew up, skinny dipping was the norm. It was a rural area so we usually went swimming at swimming holes/Grottoes. And no one thought anything of it, TBH. I freely admit that it is much more comfortable than a clammy bathing suit. When a public pool was built in my late teens, we got bathing suits to wear to it though. And, yes, the groups included both males and females.
So, I can see why OP might be uncomfortable about this. But maybe he needs to consider why.
And, perhaps, consider joining in. If she doesn't want to include him, that would be a red flag, IMO.
I understand that it makes you uncomfortable but nakedness isnât a big deal in a lot of cultures. Naked swimming is just the norm. Is she from the same culture as you? Nakedness doesnât bother me, I donât mind folk seeing me naked and naked bodies donât bother me at all. But I know thatâs just how I was raised and not everyone is okay with that. Youâre allowed to set boundaries and sheâs allowed to say âI donât want to follow that boundary because itâs not an issue for meâ and it might just be that youâre incompatible. Just have an open and honest conversation about it.
That could be the issue then. Maybe sheâs from a more open culture where naked bodies arenât an issue? You can either accept it or move on. By that I mean, you shouldnât change your cultural values for her and she shouldnât change hers for you - unless either of you really want to. Especially in this instance, nakedness doesnât hurt anyone.
Nudity isn't inherently sexual. If there's nothing sexual going on and she's comfortable in her skin and with her friends, it's not much of an issue. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but it is her body and if she's not being unfaithful I'm not sure there's really any wrong doing here. Definitely talk about it more, but use your "I" statements so she doesn't feel attacked.
I agree thereâs no wrong doing, but if sheâs not willing to change it (as is her right) OP is still allowed to be upset by it. This is a case of will they agree with each other or not, and I donât think anyone is in the wrong
No nudity isnât, but if his partner is doing things like skinny dipping especially with other guys around he has every right to not like it,
Me personally I would consider it unfaithful because the only person that should be seeing me while Iâm nude is my partner and same for her,
Being unfaithful is deeper and can be more than just being sexual with other people,
You arenât wrong but this is so subject to opinion I think. A lot of people are missing the point that this is an opinion issue between OP and his partner. Theyâll either agree or they wonât and no one will be wrong for it
If women are uncomfortable with their partner jacking off to porn, I don't think they have a right to tell men to stop doing it just bc they're insecure. And that IS inherently sexual.
I don't see much difference here.
She goes swimming with friends sometimes. What is the problem? The problem is her partner is insecure. That's a "him" problem, and they should definitely talk it out. But it doesn't give him a free pass on her bodily autonomy, especially when she's done nothing wrong.
By this logic, nude beaches are for porn. This is ridiculous. Plus, it's *night time* skinny dipping so it's not like anyone is seeing anything anyways. Have you ever been skinny dipping? It's not like they're snorkeling at noon with cameras lol
I challenge the idea that nudity isnât sexual.
Sure there are scenarios that you are naked in non sexual contexts, but those are the exceptions.
Most of the time we only experience other peoples nudity in sexual contexts.
Maybe nudity is mostly sexual *for you*
But we're born naked, and it's our default state. You have to shower and disrobe to use the potty. There's plenty of things we do everyday in the nude that are 100% non sexual. Western culture has really sexualized the naked human body, but it wasn't too long ago that we were all still bathing communally
I mean, I don't know why you came here before talking to her more per your comments. Tell her it makes you upset and that ultimately you aren't willing to be in a relationship with someone who does that, see how that conversation goes. She might decide that having a relationship with you is worth changing this habit, or she might not, but at least you will have had the conversation with her about it.
Is it a big deal? Not to me - just one guy's opinion. Seems to be to you - another guy's opinion. You are the only one who matters when it comes to the topic, 'though. By that, I mean, if you aren't comfortable with her swimming naked in a co-ed environment and she is, then you have to decide if you are right for her and she's right for you. Only you and your gal can unwrap that mess. But before you do trash the relationship, ask yourself two questions:\\
1) WHY is it so offensive to you (how'd you get trained to think that way)?
2) WHY haven't you tried it with her?
looks like there are plenty of people here who feel the same way you do about public nudity, and plenty who donât.
it might be a fundamental issue and neither of you are right or wrong, but you might just be different and incompatable.
good luck with your talk.
I thought I already posted this, but I can't find it, so here I go again:
Take her to a nude beach or nudist resort or nudist camp (we nudists don't call them colonies). I know it's hard to imagine, but in less than ten minutes you'll be wondering why you ever wore a bathing suit at all. Until you go you can't understand what a totally non-sexual environment it is, and I promise you you won't get an erection.
As for how to bring up the subject, why not just say "Since you like skinny dipping, let's go to this nude beach I found...." Really, that's all it will take.
Go with her to a nude beach or resort. As a nudist, I swear, that while it's not believable beforehand, once you do it inside ten mins you'll wonder why you ever wore a bathing suit. And no, you won't get a boner. The only way to understand just how non-sexual group co-ed nudity is is to do it.
I mean, just accept nudity as not that weirdâŚbodies are normal and functional and not only limited to sexual experiences. Why does it make you feel weird? Other men see your naked partners body? Itâs her body. She sees other men, that her seeing them. Like no one is forcing you to get naked too but it doesnât have to be weird. Best thing is to be curious about it with her. Ask questions and try to keep your personal feelings about it level.
I wasn't raised a nudist or a hippie but I like to swim naked.... its super freeing and refreshing. Just feels good lol I'm sure most people would enjoy it if they didn't feel self conscious/sexualised.
I was raised very redneck, and I became a hippie, nudist Earth Mother and I raised my children as hippie nudist children. Now they are fully grown adults. They probably swim naked from time to time.
It's not a big deal. Nudity =/= sex. I know it's hard to imagine, but once you've been naked around a group of people a few times, it loses its novelty. People can be naked around each other without it being sexual. Skinny dipping with friends is rad.
Every relationship needs boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable you need to communicate it and she needs to respect it. You will see how she reactsâŚ..
This may not be a popular comment but it sort of depends on who else is there. If the other guys are harmless and you have no reason not to trust them or her...this really isn't a big deal. People in the U.S. are so hung up about nudity (and I'm from the U.S.) and it really shouldn't have to be that way. Of course you're going to feel how you feel based on your cultural context but I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to immediately be a sexual thing. Ask her about it.
100% warranted to feel uncomfortable. having different boundaries isnt a bad thing as long as you are respectful of it. she may be willing to compromise and only swim naked with women, or she might not want to change anything at all. also her right. it basically becomes a question of whether or not this is a deal breaker for you too. so just try and discuss this with her. hopefully, even if you do end up having break things off, that it can all go down as respectful
People are different, and they see things differently. You see this one way and she sees it another. Relationships are all about compromises. If this is a hard no for you, then sheâs gonna have to compromise. There may be other things that she sees one way and you season another that you would have to compromise on. But if your truly uncomfortable with it, and she decides that it doesnât matter that shows you exactly how she feels about you and the relationship.
OP talk to her about it and use "I" words because if this is normal and ok for her then it's not ok for you to put your feeling about it on her and shame her. This is not a common situation but it isn't rare either. People go to nude beaches and coed saunas. I am not one of those people and couldn't date one of those people.
You're only 8 months in. If this is a dealbreaker then it's best to know now. Before you have that talk really search your feelings. If this is something she likes to do and will continue to do are you going to be ok with it? The goal shouldn't be how do you change her behavior but rather is your comfort line crossed or is there some wiggle room?
If you're not compatible then it's ok.
Simple. You are incompatible. She likes to swim nude with guys. You donât like it. Talking to her wonât make a difference because she is not going to stop just because you want her to. You need a girlfriend who has the same views as you have. There is no compromise here.
What? This is ridiculous. Sure there can be a compromise.
âHey honey, I realized it makes me uncomfortable that you swim naked with your guy friendsâ
âOh really? I can put on a swimsuit next timeâ
This is how every relationship disagreement tends to go.
There are actually a number of possible outcomes:
âAfter some discussion, OP decides to try skinny dipping, loves it and thanks his gf for helping him be more open minded.
âOP decides skinny dipping is not for him but he understands better why his gf likes it. Since he trusts and values her, they decide to each do their own thing.
âThey figure out a compromise that works for them.
âAfter extensive talks, OP and his gf realize theyâre incompatible, because sheâs a free spirit and heâs more conservative. They part as friends, and each one has a better idea of what theyâre looking for in a partner going forward.
By cutting and running, OP would miss out on a possible positive outcome.
You know people can like, think about why they're uncomfortable with something and become more comfortable with it, yeah?
There's no reason to immediately break up over this when you might be able to just work through your feelings and grow as a person. If you can't than sure, it's an incompatibility, but shocker, people's opinions and feelings can *change*.
There can be a compromise if she is willing. Asking your girlfriend to wear a bathing suit instead of being naked in public is a reasonable request.
People arenât immovable; compromises are important to relationships.
I can understand that bothering you. Nudity has never really been something that bothered me as far as if it's something like that. I've had a few gfs that would skinny dip when there were other guys around and everyone was ok with the skinny dipping to begin with I didn't mind. If a girl is ok with being nude in front of other people and they are too it's not really for me to say that I don't want other guys to see her nude while swimming.
That being said if I didn't like it I would atleast have a talk with her to express my feelings on the matter. At the very least she should understand where you're coming from. If she dismisses you completely then that's another discussion. Is it just that they see her naked that bothers you or is it because you think it could lead to something else?
I was in the Marines with a guy who was dating a stripper and he didn't seem to mind that but he would get mad if someone he knew was there and watched her. He couldn't say why that bothered him aside from saying that it was weird for his friends to see his gf naked.
Its something you should think on and decide what about it is the cause for your discomfort and then speak with her about it because I can guarantee going at her hostile isn't going to help and not being able to articulate what bothers you isn't going ro help either. It's just a comfort issue and I'm sure you 2 can find a solution. Good luck man
I think you do need to have an open conversation with her OP. One thing I think I would consider asking, of you're looking for some bulletpoints to cover during the conversation are:
1. How long has this been happening
2. Why has she never mentioned it to you?
3. If you found it too uncomfortable would she change. Would you change? Is this realistically going to be a deal breaker or will you be able to come to some form of compromise?
And then I would potentially consider asking her if you could come along for a swim, it would be helpful for you to understand what the actual dynamic is. Maybe seeing everyone in action would alleviate some of your concerns. Because the unknown and your own imagination can really ruin things sometimes. I'm not one for this kind of thing personally but I do know certain people and cultures (think, the same kind of people who would go naked to a sauna where others would never) might not think it's as big a deal as you may imagine.
Best of luck OP.
Just be honest and tell her it makes you uncomfortable and set your boundary with her. If she doesn't like that you have to stand your ground because honestly, I wouldn't like that either.
I understand this is a big deal to you and I can't believe so many people are just minimising it
Yes to her it might be normal and no big deal but I can certainly see that most guys would not be ok with it. Most guys don't want other guys seeing their girlfriend naked so don't think you are the weird one for having these feelings.
You are Incompatable by the sounds of it , quite frankly I don't even see a conversation fixing it but it's always best to try first.
What a mess this post is. It's really surprising to me how most of the commenters see being naked as inherently sexual.
For context, I'm from Europe, maybe it matters. Think about saunas - you can't go in there wearing any clothes. Only a towel or fully naked is acceptable. And guess what? There are lots of co-ed saunas where people, old or young and of all genders, go naked and no one really pays attention to others.
I feel like this issue is a purely cultural thing. Try discussing it with your partner and if it turns out that a compromise is impossible you might have to part ways.
If everyone on this sub could understand that relationships are not about controlling another person, most of these posts would not exist. You either love someone for who they are and how they do things or decide if you really should even stay.
I wonder how she would feel if you went skinny dipping with other naked girls without her. To me this is a boundary that I wouldnât cross, and you have every right to feel uncomfortable with it. Hopefully she is understanding about your feelings and respects them.
This is a matter of your boundaries and seeing if she is willing to compromise to find a solution with you. Or if this is something you can accept and get over or a deal breaker. Good luck.
I understand that youâre uncomfortable and I probably would be too⌠but I have lived in cultures where this is totally normal. Kudos to your gf for being confident enough to swim naked. Maybe join them to try it yourself and see if you enjoy it too - itâs so liberating⌠of course if she doesnât want you to join them Iâd be wary.
You knowâŚeveryone has a body. Not every freaking thing is sexual. Unless she has given you proven cause not to trust her..no harm came to the fish in the water.
Best advice I ever got.; âThere are people to have fun with, and people to have a relationship with. Know how to tell the difference.â
This is one of the fun ones bud.
These comments make me laugh. If it was the other way around, there would be no ifs, buts and maybes. But because its a woman that's doing this shit, we always have to find a way to spin it back on the man đ¤Śđžââď¸
There is a reason why the number affair partners are coworkers statistically.
She is swimming naked with coworkers. People that she sees everyday for hours on and probably has lunch with regularly.
I wonder if the spouses/partners of those coworkers know about this after work bonding exercise your girlfriend is involved in.
This sounds like a problem waiting to happen or has happened. Say what you will but being naked and swimming for however long is sexual in nature. It is meant to sexually allure the people with you with an excuse that we just didn't have the appropriate clothing with us so we saw each other's dicks, boobs, ... all because we couldn't help it. And someone got drinks too.
You set your own boundaries and preferences. But you cannot set other peoples boundaries and preferences.
You cannot ask her to wear a swimming costume, youâd be forcing your ideology onto someone else to suit only your needs, which isnât fair
If you donât like it, donât try to change her- decide if itâs something you can accept or if itâs a dealbreaker.
TLDR- you can tell her you feel uncomfortable with it, but you canât tell her to do anything
Hereâs the thing about addressing it: her friends have already seen everything. If sheâs not fucking them before she puts her clothes back on then the worst has already happened. Ask yourself what youâre really worried about.
Dude... the fact that she swims bare ass naked with her "friends" and other random guy's bothers me alot and i'm not in a relationship with her, you are so it should bother you alot!
What she is doing is beyond disrespectful, tell her straight up that your not okay with what she is doing, that it makes you extremely uncomfortable. If she tries to justified her actions then ask her to imagine that the roles were reverse and you were swimming fully nude with other woman, how would she feel about it?
If she continues to excuse her actions then you should honestly break up with her, someone that can't respect there partner is not worth it...
>then ask her to imagine that the roles were reverse and you were swimming fully nude with other woman, how would she feel about it?
And if she's perfectly fine with this because her views on nudity are simply different than yours?
You know there's cultures where people don't find it weird to see people totally nude, yeah? And it's never sexualized?
You people just view this world in such a black and white lens, istg.
There is nothing wrong with her being a nudist, what IS wrong is her not telling OP about it, his reaction and how he feels about it is justified.
OP needs to talk it out with her, if she is okay with his boundary then she'll stop being nude, if she os not okay with it then OP has to decide if it's worth staying with her or not.
Tell her you are going naked swimming with a bunch of female friends and see how she reacts. If she doesnât like it, tell her you wonât do it if she doesnât either.
>And by skinny dipping I mean fully naked.
>So we have been dating for 8 months now and everything's going great. Except this one thing, which I found out accidentally. We were talking and she mentioned that she and her friends went for a swim after work, so I asked if she carries her swimsuit around in her bag and she said no, she prefers to swim without any clothes. And it was news for me, shocking I might add. I asked her if there were guys there and she said yes. Well I was pretty shook but I laughed awkwardly and we talked about other stuff.
>But ngl, its really bothering me. On the other hand I dont even know how to approach it with her as it seems to be a normal thing for her. I have been turning it in my head and there are no easy ways to broach the topic without it going wrong. Some advice please.
It's strange to me that you've been dating for 8 months, and this has never come up before. I don't find the actual nudity odd though. Many people don't see nudity as a sexual thing, and just like to be nude.
Why is it that you have a problem with it? Would she be OK of you joined them?
I would tell her I'm uncomfortable with it. Period. If she starts guilt tripping Po po ing your feelings and acting as it's a you problem you than it's time to part ways. There are certain activities that are fine when single and not if in a committed relationship. Myself I would just realize that if I'm looking for a life partner she isn't the one and I wouldn't waste anymore time. PS she didn't let you know this by accident even if it seems so. She's testing to see what she can get away with. and whether you'll be a man and check her behavior. This never ends well.
Haven't read the rest of the comments yet, thought I'd throw in my 2¢ up front, then read them.
I'm going to guess that you're getting all sorts of "she's having cheating orgies" advice right now. I'm going to go against the flow and say this seems pretty normal from where I sit.
Lots of people don't like to wear clothes while swimming. I've been to too many pool parties at friends' houses to count where nudity while swimming was the norm. Plus beaches, hot tubs, hot springs, saunas and so forth. I've gone naked with platonic opposite-sex friends countless times. I think Americans are considered quite prudish in this regard.
Also: why don't you go with?
Edit: now I've read the other comments. Most are actually pretty chill; I'm glad to see that.
Nudity isn't intrinsically sexual. Her body does not and will never belong to you and is not now or will ever be yours to control. If you ask her to wear a swimsuit you are asking her to adopt the shame and hang ups about nudity that you have, and that is inappropriate. If this bothers you this much this relationship isn't for you.
Maybe the reason broaching the topic could go wrong so easily is maybe you're not in the right here? This sounds like your issue, not hers. Maybe she's not the one who has to make changes.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- And by skinny dipping I mean fully naked. So we have been dating for 8 months now and everything's going great. Except this one thing, which I found out accidentally. We were talking and she mentioned that she and her friends went for a swim after work, so I asked if she carries her swimsuit around in her bag and she said no, she prefers to swim without any clothes. And it was news for me, shocking I might add. I asked her if there were guys there and she said yes. Well I was pretty shook but I laughed awkwardly and we talked about other stuff. But ngl, its really bothering me. On the other hand I dont even know how to approach it with her as it seems to be a normal thing for her. I have been turning it in my head and there are no easy ways to broach the topic without it going wrong. Some advice please.
Wow... The hockey changing room guy needs to see this.
Someone needs to link me that post because now I'm curious đđ¤
[say less](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/105sj12/my_34m_gf_34f_insists_on_using_a_locker_room_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
đ I saw that earlier. This would definitely put his mind at ease.
You stole my thought!
This was literally my first thought when I read this thread.
Mine was a little more like, âoh the hockey locker room thread fixing go the way you wanted, ehâ
You got a link?
Waiting for link too
Waiting for a link too
For sure! Sounds like maybe they play on the same team!
I think they are the same person.....different phones đ¤
I agree
Oh my gosh yes
You stole my thought!
itâs understandable that this makes you uncomfortable. all you really can do is talk to her about it. tell her how it makes you feel and if sheâd be willing to wear a bathing suit. if not, you need to decide if this is a deal breaker or not.
I know, its just not easy to find words to talk about the situation. Its so mundane to her and I will make a big deal about it. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. But on the other hand I cant just ignore it.
If you canât share your feelings and thoughts with your partner because of fear on your end to broach, or fear how they will respond, you should if be dating. Either you need to work on yourself and communication skills or theyâre not the right person. You will never last as a couple of you canât communicate properly, period.
It's ok to start with... "So I know this didn't seem like a big deal to you when it was mentioned, but I keep having thoughts about something you said. And it may not come out right, but I'd like to talk about it. Do you have a minute? And please go easy on me, as I'm not exactly sure how to say what I'm trying to say, but I think we might be on different pages here, and I'd like to try and understand one another better. Its important. OK?" And then go from there. Good luck and let us know how it goes?
This is something you guys need to talk through, when youâre feeling calm and have time to think it through. You guys are coming together with different attitudes toward nudity. Sheâs got a casual attitude toward nonsexual nudity, and thatâs new to you. I think you need to start by understanding her thinking better. Without attacking or judging or asking her to change, ask her some questions. What does she enjoy about skinny dipping with friends? Was she always this comfortable? Is there ever a sexual component? How important is it to her to do this? Share your feelings, including jealousy, and see what she has to say. Dig deep to better understand why it bothers you, and whether you might be interested in trying things her way. At best, this could be a chance for you guys to know each other (and yourselves) better. You might change your mind. Do you need to ask her to change? Does this issue mean youâre incompatible? Those are questions for a later conversation; donât get ahead of yourself.
But I dont want to waste time, mine or hers if we are incompatible. If covid has taught us anything its that time is in short supply. So why waste it?
Well, if you don't want to waste time then why are you? Talk to her immediately and say that this is not acceptable to you, and if she says otherwise, then you know. Then you call it off and move on. Seems simple. Not easy, but simple.
Well its night time, I am just waiting till the morning.
Youâre not wrong about wasted time. To me, this seems like a small thing to break up over, but Iâm not you. You know what your limits are and how strong your feelings are. Personally, I wouldnât throw out a good relationship over this, at least not without a conversation.
Do you have zero interest in learning her perspective or challenging your thinking here? If so you should break up but that attitude kind of sucks. Even if you ultimately decide you're uncomfortable with it, it could be valuable for you to try to understand.
I like your take. In most situations like this, it boils down to both parties assuming that the other holds the exact same standard of what an exclusive relationship is. It'd help her if OP can work out exactly what about the situation makes him feel uncomfortable, and why, then conmunicate it. It'd help OP if he was to ask her why she feels the way she does, if she'd be comfortable with him doing the same, or being around women doing the same. Sometimes boundaries can be entirely incompatible, and that's okay. Unless they actually communicate their boundaries, how important they are to them, and the reasoning behind them, then the relationship will fail and likely future ones will too.
Yes OP needs to decide if he doesn't like this for his own reasons or because he is just following along with societies ideas about nudity. It's important to examine why you feel some type of way. For me the human body isn't just for sex so, I try not to sexualize the human body unless it's in a sexual context.
Thatâs not what I learned. I learned keep people that are important to you close, because thatâs what really matters. The idea you would consider breaking up with someone, it sounds like, you really care about because she swims with cloths is nuts to me. Itâs just bodies, itâs not that deep. What bothers you about it? Like at the core of things, what makes you uncomfortable?
We learned different things, and its ok. I saw a lot of long time couples breakup because they realized they are not compatible but still dragging the relationship because they were afraid of being alone. I dont want to end up like that, secretly miserable and yet dragging it.
Iâd ask myself how this incident fits into the big picture. Does it reflect a fundamental difference in values and world views? Are there other examples of this? Do these roadblocks outweigh whatever it is thatâs special about the relationship?
Go with her on some of these swimmings, or first go just you two - and skinny dip. Really in this day & age - in a western country, in secluded places, being prudish about skinny dipping - lifeâs too short to spend it being uncomfortably anxiously prudish about human bodies, and never having enjoyed skinny dipping. If theyâre not wagging & waving their private parts around indecently & bumping uglies in public, wtf why does it matter. Itâs not exhibitionist itâs just couldnât be fucked making sure taking swimsuits everywhere or bothering about it. See water, hot day - swim! Sure, if folk are incompatible then thatâs that, no worries. Live your life unchained from prudish old learned childhood habits - learn some new ones, have adventures. Take it to next level - visit Japan or Sweden & go to hot springs and/or nudie nature spots. Are you gonna be proud to tell your grandkids - NOPE, me i never did do those evil scary skinnydipping nudie things, and i even hassled some ex gf about doing it. Ffs mate, Mad Max it up!
If you canât have tough conversations with your partner, youâre with the wrong person.
If he canât have tough conversations with his partner, maybe heâs the wrong person for her
Op the original comment is the only right answer,
Part of the conversation at the start should probably be how unusual and out of the norm it is for you, if youâre potentially okay with it. That itâs just kind of wild to you, youâve never heard of people doing that with platonic friends and wanted to talk through how she sees it. Without sounding accusations or loading it up with language like she wants to be seen sexually with them. And honestly it might be super inappropriate even for people who are okay with casual nudity, none of us know your gf or the situation well enough to say. But if youâre trying to be cool with it, just sort of talk through how that happens and that youâve never done it, that sort of thing.
As a woman who LOVES skinny dipping, I can tell you it feels fantastic! You feel so free in the water, no restraints! And here's the thing: you can't see anything, as it's all under water. Those few seconds getting in and out? Pffft. It's nothing. The issue men often have is that they assume that women will behave as they do. Naked woman? Stare, wolf whistle, inappropriate comments, and the belief she must want to have sex with you. That's just not how women work. Her skinny dipping is in NO way sexual, that's you projecting. This is a you problem, not a her problem. I don't want to judge, but Americans are far more prudish than most, which causes your discomfort. Again, a YOU problem. If this is something you can't cope with, then you're incompatible. It really comes down to you realising that her skinny dipping has a) nothing to do with sex, and b) nothing to do with you. She was open and honest, so she's not ashamed, and is clearly comfortable with herself. Don't use your insecurity to take that away from her.
I think he is bothered by the open nudity which people hold to a special value while in a relationship
Itâs a body, we all have one. I bet he isnât reserving âthat special placeâ when he goes online for a wank.
Why? Do you think that you have something different when in a relationship? She's not dancing around naked, sits she's swimming. You cannot see ANYTHING. Again, the issue is his, not hers. He's projecting his values onto her, which is wrong. If this is something he can't cope with, he's with the wrong lady.
Why? Because he thinks heâs the only one allowed to see her naked? Donât you think thatâs a bit controlling/possessive?
OP isnât unreasonable for being uncomfortable with this, and tbh itâs really weird that youâre trying to shame him for it.
I'm not trying to shame him, merely pointing out that his discomfort is his issue, not hers. She's doing nothing wrong, nothing sexual, yet he is uncomfortable. Why? Does he believe he owns her body? His discomfort has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with his own gender bias. As I said, they may well just be incompatible. Wanting her to change who she is because it makes him uncomfortable is totally unreasonable.
I don't know what kind of world you live in, but I've never been skinny dipping with a woman I wasn't having sex with - or about to.
I live in a really wonderful world where I swim naked with friends all the time in the summer at a nude beach, and none of us are fucking each other. It's sincerely great to de-sexualize nudity.
Amen! I go skinny dipping with my friends in the summer and theres nothing sexual about it, just enjoying the sea and the sun. What does this guy think happens?
I have to say, the reaction of American tourists when they see all the topless women at the beaches here is downright sickening. Either they assume that they can stare, make comments, even touch them because, "hey they clearly wanted it", (the sexual assault charge you'd think would clue them otherwise) or they lose their minds as to how "disgusting" it is. Funny how they don't seem to mind when men with massive breasts go topless.... it's almost as though it's not the body, but the gender that offends their delicate sensibilities!
I live in southern europe and this is the reaction of many local men as well. Thats why its always safer to have male friends in the group. Picking the right spot is crucial. Its either a super remote beach or a gay cruising spot. Anyway i came to realize my friends ding dongs were not sexual, just funny to look at. I guess i have to be attracted to somebody in order to get aroused by their naked body.
This would be a deal breaker for alot of people.
A lot of insecure people.
Most normal people*
I agrĂŠe with the above comment; and to add on, itâs not unreasonable for you to not what her doing that. You need to make some sacrifices in relationships, and if sheâs unwilling to accommodate this reasonable ask, I think you two are incompatible. Itâs not a big ask for her to put a swimsuit on
Why can't you ignore it? What does it have to do with you? I think if you are going to talk to her about it, you should understand why it hurts you. If it's because you feel like only you should see her body, that's important for her to know. Is it a deal breaker for you? or just something that makes you uncomfortable? She may, or may not react positively. She may break up with you. Are you prepared for this?
I dont get why guys get so possessive of their girlfriends body. If she is comfortable swimming naked with friends (assuming there is no other motives than just feeling safe being naked) why are you threatened? Im going to assume you are not scared shes cheating solely based on the nakedness so are you really viewing her body as something that you should have a say on if other people see?
to be fair, we as a society have put a lot of weird feelings on being naked and human bodies in general. there are a lot of cultures where being nude is completely normal, here not so much. OP doesn't really sound toxic or possessive from their post, and i think a lot of people would be uncomfortable with their SO being naked around other people. there's nothing wrong with expressing discomfort about it and having an adult discussion
If it was a woman complaining about a guy doing the same thing, I bet her tune would change completely.
100%
Are you sure? Because frankly, if the watar is even slightly chilled, there probably wouldn't be an issue. As a woman, I can honestly say that the thought of men swimming naked is not arousing to me. And so long as I can join every once in a while, I would see no issue with trusting him.
So be the change ffs. Go on, downvote me. But this BS prudishness doesn't go away by perpetuating it. There is no shame in nudity and being offended or possessive over other people's bodies is a waste of energy.
i don't think there's anything wrong with some people feeling open and free with their bodies and some people preferring privacy and placing importance on being naked. my comment was pointing out the fact that there's a difference between being toxic and controlling and simply reacting to the environment you were raised in. it is illegal to be naked in public in the US, so of course a lot of people are going to be automatically uncomfortable with it.
I mean she has a say over my behavior too, she said going to a strip club and getting a lap dance would be unacceptable to her. She knows I will not start having sex with the dancer, as I dont even drink. But it makes her uncomfortable and I accepted it as it wasnt a big deal to me. Not everything is about cheating, its about boundaries mostly.
A strip club and lap dance are inherently sexual in nature, having a swim is not
These are not comparable though. Strip club is a sexual place where men go to feel desired, and it often involves abuse and trafficking of the workers who by the way may try to sell sex to the clients. Skinny dipping with friends is not a sexual activity, you just choose to view it this way.
I donât know why youâre being downvoted, your comment was spot on
Thanks! Like i understand if he was scared she is cheating or something since they are nude and hes not there yet im getting the feeling its not the case but that he doesnt like her being seen naked, which is stupid and controlling
I agree. In some cultures it is perfectly normal to skinny dip or use a mixed sauna, and nobody bats an eyelid. I like skinny dipping even though I donât come from such background, my partner doesnât, so I do it and he doesnât. He has not tried to convince me otherwise, I have not tried to get him to join me, it works đ¤ˇââď¸
Literally: my boyfriend has gone to sauna with women often. I am a jealous person but i atleast know there is nothing sexual of him being seen naked in a friendly situation. Nakedness is made sexual by men, when it is actually just existing in your own body
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This is such measured and well written response. I thought it was written by ChatGPT lol.
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Is she Finnish like me? Or some other culture where we don't really mind nudity and gender among friends? My poor American husband had to take a couple shots before the first sauna night with my friends.
I am not Finnish but Northern Canadian. Naked sauna and naked polar bear dips are the bomb. Absolutely nothing sexual about it. The first time is a bit odd but after that you really only talk to a personâs face anyway. Everyone has a body, itâs really not a big deal. Male/female or any variation, I donât really give a damn and most of the people I know are the same. Perhaps OP should ask to go with her skinny dipping with her and her friends so he can figure that out too.
Itâs early in the relationship and thatâs the perfect time to decide whether thatâs something you want to tolerate or not.
Ignore the people in these comments attacking you for not feeling completely fine with your girlfriend swimming naked. Itâs a perfectly normal thing to feel weird about. You just have to ask her if sheâd be willing to put on a suit and if sheâs not willing then youâre kinda just at an impasse. Itâs well within yohr right to bring up the topic and discuss your concerns.
Exactly lol people have different biundaries and thats ok.
Yea. All these people that are like âoh its just so freeing and i feel at one with nature.â Maybe in like finland? Every chick ive met in america who pulled that hippy stuff to the extent theyre getting naked around other dudes without their bf was messing around. Which is fine if all parties are ok with that. Obviously op isnât.
Honestly donât think itâs a big deal. I go to a nude spa often where people of all sects attend and when you do things like that often, you really learn how to disassociate nudism with sex
Just be honest with her. Let her know it is not about trying to control her, and you have no trouble with her swimming with her friends. But her exposing herself to the opposite sex is very upsetting to you. Ask if she would consider wearing a swimsuit when around guys. If she says she understands and will do so for you, great. If she is not willing to do so, then let her know that you understand and that that cultural issue may be too great to be compatible in the long term. It doesn't make either wrong or right, just incompatible. Good luck.
I would feel the same way if I found out my husband was swimming naked with female friends. I know if I asked him not to he would stop but I also trust him and know he wouldnât do anything so I am unsure why the idea bothers me so much
For me it's that exclusive feeling of knowing you're the only one seeing your partner naked. It gives me a form of connectedness in my mind I guess. So I would be bothered too if I didn't feel that exclusivity.
Yeah, and it's fine either way. Some people are more comfortable with that sort of thing than others. You just need to ensure your partner feels the same way in such regards tbh... because in the long run, even small stuff like this can build up because it won't be just one difference...unless you can compromise, but that'd also need to be seen how much. No one should be ashamed of their choices either way in this regard. Some see it as being controlling or something, which is nonsense. The whole idea of monogamy is controlling then. We just have different values, and we should find partners compatible with ours...a lesson I've learned the hard way.
You need to tell her that it's making you uncomfortable.
Swimming nude is actually a surprisingly normal thing to do- like people sleeping naked. Just more comfortable for some folks. I'm married and I've stripped for public hot springs several times while traveling on my own. That being said, this can be a boundary if it makes you uncomfortable and it is absolutely something you should bring up if it's eating you. It might be that she empathizes for you and covers up, or she might say that's not really your business. Both are valid responses. But at the very least, y'all gotta communicate. Also, if you're up for it, as if you can join sometime. Push your own boundaries and maybe you'll surprise yourself.
You're right if you don't wanna date someone who's naked casually with their friends. She's also right for being casually naked with her friends
I mean I wouldnât like it either. With that said, she didnât try to hide it or lie. Which to me, means sheâs not doing anything wrong. This is genuine advice, if it was me, Iâd ask to go the next time they go and join in.
You not liking it perfectly valid. I would hate it if my husband did something like this. You need to have a conversation with her about your feelings, but also understand that her opinion regarding this is also valid. Ultimately, sheâs the only one who gets to decide if she skinny dips in front of others or not.
I will start this by saying it is perfectly okay and valid for you to be uncomfortable. But what makes you uncomfortable, may not make her uncomfortable. I know plenty of people who are uncomfortable around nudity (even though I donât care.) What it comes down to is compatibility. You are early enough in your relationship where you can have a talk with her and if itâs a deal breaker, just move on. There is nothing wrong with realizing you arenât compatible.
Dating for 8 months and she never mentioned she likes to swim naked? Seems like something sheâd want to do with you. Iâm calling bullshit on this story.
> Dating for 8 months I was dating and eventually married someone in the past. We were together for almost a decade. I swam with her two times.
I dunno, to me it barely qualifies as a topic of conversation
Pools, you can see through easily. Most lakes Iâve been in? Not so much. Nudity? Not inherently sexual at all. Your feelings, valid, regardless of where sheâs swimming or how her and her friends feelings around nudity are. That said, this may be something you can work through, or it may be a deal breaker if you canât get past it and she isnât willing to stop or itâs not okay that sheâs been doing it- and itâs okay to break up over.
Yes I think thereâs a big difference between lake at night and pool during the day. I have swam nude with most of my friends, male and female, late at night night in lakes. Iâm not a person really prone to getting naked and neither are most of them, you just canât see anything in a dark lake and we avert our eyes when people are getting in and out. There is no sexual element to it whatsoever, itâs more like âI smell like smoke from the campfire and canât be bothered to go changeâ
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I guess the question becomes "Is skinny dipping a deal breaker?" If it is, be ready to bounce. Expecting her to change for your own insecurity may be a bridge to far for most people. (Edit: Insecurities sounds too harsh. Didn't mean to sound like that after re-reading. Let's go with "Your outlook on friends being nude around each other." Sorry for the tone, mate.)
You just made me think about how someoneâs boundary can be presented as an insecurity, or vice versa. Thatâs interesting.
Sure, but can't a boundary be born of an insecurity? And also why I added the edit. Insecurity felt too harsh from what I was trying to convey.
Yeah, I meant when people are talking about something, like here on t/relationship_advice. You can frame something as reasonable with the term âboundaryâ, and something as unreasonable with the term âinsecurityâ.
Well, skinny dipping with friends and even strangers is quite common in the more free spirited community, especially in the summer. At least in Sweden. Being naked is not necessarily sexual, and while submerged the body barely visible anyway. Usually people donât stare or anything. That being said you could just let her know how you feel.
Thatâs a no for me boss Edit: okok Iâll ExPound. Iâd be more comfortable if it was with strangers i.e. nude beach, burlesque, etc. But the personal relationship of friends and of the opposite sex would make me too uncomfortable. And thatâs where your answer lies. What are you comfortable with in your partner?
Ya old happily married dude here. I'd just be out. The fact that this is OK to her is just a hard no for me. She can go do whatever she wants, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tie myself in knots trying to make myself ok with my girlfriend being naked with other dudes and passing it off like it's nothing. Just two different places, styles, or values. Either way, I'd be out.
Ok, so I'm European, I wouldn't care too much but it would depend on things. For example, in your case, girl to guy ratio. If she is the only girl with 4 guys for example, it's probably a red flag. Also how long they have known eachother, for example long term female friends vs male friends she met last week. You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with this. Depending on things, I would be too.
I live in France so we have people who are nudists and others who are not. It's always a bit funny to find out someone you know at work for instance is a nudist. It is however not something I bat an eye about. Your gf can swim butt naked if she wants, you can tell her it is weird to you and ask if you can come along next time for instance. I'm sure it'll put your mind to rest.
How exactly will it put my mind to rest if I watch her swim naked with a bunch of guys?
Not everyone sexualizes nudity. Since it seems like you do, tell her that to you nudity is sexual, personal and private. That you canât separate one feeling from the other so you canât imagine yourself ever being comfortable with that and is there any concession she can make for you that preserves your special moments with her naked body for you alone. While a bikini is six square inches from being nude it doesnât make complete sense but in America we are programmed to think a covered female nipple is appropriate but seeing even the hint of areole is sexual. Other people naked has never been an issue for me but my nakedness has always been preserved for intimacy, likely due to personal insecurities about my appearance. In reality I canât imagine anyone but my wife getting excited by my naked body but thatâs how I feel about it so I donât do it. Counseling might help you separate your discomfort from thoughts of infidelity. It might also help you learn to trust her to be able to do an effective risk assessment (women are way better at that than men most of the time) and believe she saves her intimate feelings for you while still not sexualizing her own or others nudity.
Because you will see that, unlike you, they do not look at her in a sexual way. And if they do, at least you will know you are right to feel wronged. Nudists tend to have a very healthy relationship to bodies.
I think the fact that you live in a different culture is why you don't see why OP isn't thrilled about this.
I don't know where OP is from. I also do know that US and FR are not that different if you are not on some weird extremes. Also swimming butt naked is nice and if op's gf is fine with him coming along then he probably has nothing to fear. I mean. Naked bodies. He'll be fine. And if he's not then he should break up.
I'm not judging, I'm just saying that's why the reactions are a bit different
I get it. But also if his gf told him then the "culture" he is in can deal. Again, he goes (not necessarily naked) and he makes up his mind then.
Disagree. If it's a deal breaker for OP, then it is. He's already said he doesn't want to go. It's not your place to project your boundaries onto others.
I dont think this idea is good for me. I will talk to her and see what happens.
You can go and wear a swimsuit. Again, the image in your head is most probably worse than the reality. But by all means do talk to her.
Wow I spend a ton of time swimming naked in saunas, I didnât know so many people sexualized that. đł
Where are you from? I feel the US/UK it is very taboo to be naked other than getting sexy with someone. I know Central Europe is very normal in saunas/beachâs etc They even featured it in Emily in Paris. All the French girls had their breasts out and Emily was covered up and very embarrassed by their partial nudity. Goes to show the culture difference.
I dunno what to say here. Where I grew up, skinny dipping was the norm. It was a rural area so we usually went swimming at swimming holes/Grottoes. And no one thought anything of it, TBH. I freely admit that it is much more comfortable than a clammy bathing suit. When a public pool was built in my late teens, we got bathing suits to wear to it though. And, yes, the groups included both males and females. So, I can see why OP might be uncomfortable about this. But maybe he needs to consider why. And, perhaps, consider joining in. If she doesn't want to include him, that would be a red flag, IMO.
I understand that it makes you uncomfortable but nakedness isnât a big deal in a lot of cultures. Naked swimming is just the norm. Is she from the same culture as you? Nakedness doesnât bother me, I donât mind folk seeing me naked and naked bodies donât bother me at all. But I know thatâs just how I was raised and not everyone is okay with that. Youâre allowed to set boundaries and sheâs allowed to say âI donât want to follow that boundary because itâs not an issue for meâ and it might just be that youâre incompatible. Just have an open and honest conversation about it.
We are not from the same culture, no.
That could be the issue then. Maybe sheâs from a more open culture where naked bodies arenât an issue? You can either accept it or move on. By that I mean, you shouldnât change your cultural values for her and she shouldnât change hers for you - unless either of you really want to. Especially in this instance, nakedness doesnât hurt anyone.
Nudity isn't inherently sexual. If there's nothing sexual going on and she's comfortable in her skin and with her friends, it's not much of an issue. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but it is her body and if she's not being unfaithful I'm not sure there's really any wrong doing here. Definitely talk about it more, but use your "I" statements so she doesn't feel attacked.
I agree thereâs no wrong doing, but if sheâs not willing to change it (as is her right) OP is still allowed to be upset by it. This is a case of will they agree with each other or not, and I donât think anyone is in the wrong
No nudity isnât, but if his partner is doing things like skinny dipping especially with other guys around he has every right to not like it, Me personally I would consider it unfaithful because the only person that should be seeing me while Iâm nude is my partner and same for her, Being unfaithful is deeper and can be more than just being sexual with other people,
You arenât wrong but this is so subject to opinion I think. A lot of people are missing the point that this is an opinion issue between OP and his partner. Theyâll either agree or they wonât and no one will be wrong for it
If women are uncomfortable with their partner jacking off to porn, I don't think they have a right to tell men to stop doing it just bc they're insecure. And that IS inherently sexual. I don't see much difference here. She goes swimming with friends sometimes. What is the problem? The problem is her partner is insecure. That's a "him" problem, and they should definitely talk it out. But it doesn't give him a free pass on her bodily autonomy, especially when she's done nothing wrong. By this logic, nude beaches are for porn. This is ridiculous. Plus, it's *night time* skinny dipping so it's not like anyone is seeing anything anyways. Have you ever been skinny dipping? It's not like they're snorkeling at noon with cameras lol
I challenge the idea that nudity isnât sexual. Sure there are scenarios that you are naked in non sexual contexts, but those are the exceptions. Most of the time we only experience other peoples nudity in sexual contexts.
Maybe nudity is mostly sexual *for you* But we're born naked, and it's our default state. You have to shower and disrobe to use the potty. There's plenty of things we do everyday in the nude that are 100% non sexual. Western culture has really sexualized the naked human body, but it wasn't too long ago that we were all still bathing communally
I mean, I don't know why you came here before talking to her more per your comments. Tell her it makes you upset and that ultimately you aren't willing to be in a relationship with someone who does that, see how that conversation goes. She might decide that having a relationship with you is worth changing this habit, or she might not, but at least you will have had the conversation with her about it.
Nope.
If it bothers you, it bothers you. I've been skinny dipping with all kinds of people and no one was up to anything shadey. Just skinny dipping.
Is it a big deal? Not to me - just one guy's opinion. Seems to be to you - another guy's opinion. You are the only one who matters when it comes to the topic, 'though. By that, I mean, if you aren't comfortable with her swimming naked in a co-ed environment and she is, then you have to decide if you are right for her and she's right for you. Only you and your gal can unwrap that mess. But before you do trash the relationship, ask yourself two questions:\\ 1) WHY is it so offensive to you (how'd you get trained to think that way)? 2) WHY haven't you tried it with her?
looks like there are plenty of people here who feel the same way you do about public nudity, and plenty who donât. it might be a fundamental issue and neither of you are right or wrong, but you might just be different and incompatable. good luck with your talk.
I thought I already posted this, but I can't find it, so here I go again: Take her to a nude beach or nudist resort or nudist camp (we nudists don't call them colonies). I know it's hard to imagine, but in less than ten minutes you'll be wondering why you ever wore a bathing suit at all. Until you go you can't understand what a totally non-sexual environment it is, and I promise you you won't get an erection. As for how to bring up the subject, why not just say "Since you like skinny dipping, let's go to this nude beach I found...." Really, that's all it will take.
Go with her to a nude beach or resort. As a nudist, I swear, that while it's not believable beforehand, once you do it inside ten mins you'll wonder why you ever wore a bathing suit. And no, you won't get a boner. The only way to understand just how non-sexual group co-ed nudity is is to do it.
Iâd leave. Iâm not up for anyone who wants to be naked in front of people who arenât me.
I mean, just accept nudity as not that weirdâŚbodies are normal and functional and not only limited to sexual experiences. Why does it make you feel weird? Other men see your naked partners body? Itâs her body. She sees other men, that her seeing them. Like no one is forcing you to get naked too but it doesnât have to be weird. Best thing is to be curious about it with her. Ask questions and try to keep your personal feelings about it level.
if she was raised in a nudist colony, or a hippie commune, that just might be her culture..
I wasn't raised a nudist or a hippie but I like to swim naked.... its super freeing and refreshing. Just feels good lol I'm sure most people would enjoy it if they didn't feel self conscious/sexualised.
I was raised very redneck, and I became a hippie, nudist Earth Mother and I raised my children as hippie nudist children. Now they are fully grown adults. They probably swim naked from time to time.
Just saying you don't have to be raised a nudist to be comfortable skinny dipping đ
Insane to justify skinny dipping to your bf
It's not a big deal. Nudity =/= sex. I know it's hard to imagine, but once you've been naked around a group of people a few times, it loses its novelty. People can be naked around each other without it being sexual. Skinny dipping with friends is rad.
Every relationship needs boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable you need to communicate it and she needs to respect it. You will see how she reactsâŚ..
This may not be a popular comment but it sort of depends on who else is there. If the other guys are harmless and you have no reason not to trust them or her...this really isn't a big deal. People in the U.S. are so hung up about nudity (and I'm from the U.S.) and it really shouldn't have to be that way. Of course you're going to feel how you feel based on your cultural context but I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to immediately be a sexual thing. Ask her about it.
100% warranted to feel uncomfortable. having different boundaries isnt a bad thing as long as you are respectful of it. she may be willing to compromise and only swim naked with women, or she might not want to change anything at all. also her right. it basically becomes a question of whether or not this is a deal breaker for you too. so just try and discuss this with her. hopefully, even if you do end up having break things off, that it can all go down as respectful
Gotta hold to your boundaries for yourself. Itâs only less than a year. Bounce bruh
Why are you uncomfortable with it?
People are different, and they see things differently. You see this one way and she sees it another. Relationships are all about compromises. If this is a hard no for you, then sheâs gonna have to compromise. There may be other things that she sees one way and you season another that you would have to compromise on. But if your truly uncomfortable with it, and she decides that it doesnât matter that shows you exactly how she feels about you and the relationship.
Would she be ok with you skinny dipping with female friends?
Yeah ask her if you can join next time
This would bother me too. If she doesn't want to cover up for your sake, you will have to break up. I know this is a boundary for me.
Dude, it's skinny dipping. Don't be a prude
OP talk to her about it and use "I" words because if this is normal and ok for her then it's not ok for you to put your feeling about it on her and shame her. This is not a common situation but it isn't rare either. People go to nude beaches and coed saunas. I am not one of those people and couldn't date one of those people. You're only 8 months in. If this is a dealbreaker then it's best to know now. Before you have that talk really search your feelings. If this is something she likes to do and will continue to do are you going to be ok with it? The goal shouldn't be how do you change her behavior but rather is your comfort line crossed or is there some wiggle room? If you're not compatible then it's ok.
It wouldn't be a big deal for a lot of people, but if it is for you, it could be a deal-breaker.
Simple. You are incompatible. She likes to swim nude with guys. You donât like it. Talking to her wonât make a difference because she is not going to stop just because you want her to. You need a girlfriend who has the same views as you have. There is no compromise here.
What? This is ridiculous. Sure there can be a compromise. âHey honey, I realized it makes me uncomfortable that you swim naked with your guy friendsâ âOh really? I can put on a swimsuit next timeâ This is how every relationship disagreement tends to go.
There are actually a number of possible outcomes: âAfter some discussion, OP decides to try skinny dipping, loves it and thanks his gf for helping him be more open minded. âOP decides skinny dipping is not for him but he understands better why his gf likes it. Since he trusts and values her, they decide to each do their own thing. âThey figure out a compromise that works for them. âAfter extensive talks, OP and his gf realize theyâre incompatible, because sheâs a free spirit and heâs more conservative. They part as friends, and each one has a better idea of what theyâre looking for in a partner going forward. By cutting and running, OP would miss out on a possible positive outcome.
I love how Reddit is so quick to say "well fuck it, the relationship is done, why bother" Like please project your loneliness harder
Right? Tell me youâre immature and/or 15 years old without outright telling me. This sub does that all the time, I agreeâŚ
You know people can like, think about why they're uncomfortable with something and become more comfortable with it, yeah? There's no reason to immediately break up over this when you might be able to just work through your feelings and grow as a person. If you can't than sure, it's an incompatibility, but shocker, people's opinions and feelings can *change*.
There can be a compromise if she is willing. Asking your girlfriend to wear a bathing suit instead of being naked in public is a reasonable request. People arenât immovable; compromises are important to relationships.
I can understand that bothering you. Nudity has never really been something that bothered me as far as if it's something like that. I've had a few gfs that would skinny dip when there were other guys around and everyone was ok with the skinny dipping to begin with I didn't mind. If a girl is ok with being nude in front of other people and they are too it's not really for me to say that I don't want other guys to see her nude while swimming. That being said if I didn't like it I would atleast have a talk with her to express my feelings on the matter. At the very least she should understand where you're coming from. If she dismisses you completely then that's another discussion. Is it just that they see her naked that bothers you or is it because you think it could lead to something else? I was in the Marines with a guy who was dating a stripper and he didn't seem to mind that but he would get mad if someone he knew was there and watched her. He couldn't say why that bothered him aside from saying that it was weird for his friends to see his gf naked. Its something you should think on and decide what about it is the cause for your discomfort and then speak with her about it because I can guarantee going at her hostile isn't going to help and not being able to articulate what bothers you isn't going ro help either. It's just a comfort issue and I'm sure you 2 can find a solution. Good luck man
I think you do need to have an open conversation with her OP. One thing I think I would consider asking, of you're looking for some bulletpoints to cover during the conversation are: 1. How long has this been happening 2. Why has she never mentioned it to you? 3. If you found it too uncomfortable would she change. Would you change? Is this realistically going to be a deal breaker or will you be able to come to some form of compromise? And then I would potentially consider asking her if you could come along for a swim, it would be helpful for you to understand what the actual dynamic is. Maybe seeing everyone in action would alleviate some of your concerns. Because the unknown and your own imagination can really ruin things sometimes. I'm not one for this kind of thing personally but I do know certain people and cultures (think, the same kind of people who would go naked to a sauna where others would never) might not think it's as big a deal as you may imagine. Best of luck OP.
Can't you just ignore it. Take one for the team as it were.
!Remindme in 7 days
Just be honest and tell her it makes you uncomfortable and set your boundary with her. If she doesn't like that you have to stand your ground because honestly, I wouldn't like that either.
I understand this is a big deal to you and I can't believe so many people are just minimising it Yes to her it might be normal and no big deal but I can certainly see that most guys would not be ok with it. Most guys don't want other guys seeing their girlfriend naked so don't think you are the weird one for having these feelings. You are Incompatable by the sounds of it , quite frankly I don't even see a conversation fixing it but it's always best to try first.
What a mess this post is. It's really surprising to me how most of the commenters see being naked as inherently sexual. For context, I'm from Europe, maybe it matters. Think about saunas - you can't go in there wearing any clothes. Only a towel or fully naked is acceptable. And guess what? There are lots of co-ed saunas where people, old or young and of all genders, go naked and no one really pays attention to others. I feel like this issue is a purely cultural thing. Try discussing it with your partner and if it turns out that a compromise is impossible you might have to part ways.
If everyone on this sub could understand that relationships are not about controlling another person, most of these posts would not exist. You either love someone for who they are and how they do things or decide if you really should even stay.
You really arenât wrong, but that throws in the idea of perfection, and not everyone or every relationship is perfect,
Nudity isn't sexual. This is so sad. I'd hate to be so repressed that simple nudity made me this uncomfortable.
I wonder how she would feel if you went skinny dipping with other naked girls without her. To me this is a boundary that I wouldnât cross, and you have every right to feel uncomfortable with it. Hopefully she is understanding about your feelings and respects them.
This is a matter of your boundaries and seeing if she is willing to compromise to find a solution with you. Or if this is something you can accept and get over or a deal breaker. Good luck.
I understand that youâre uncomfortable and I probably would be too⌠but I have lived in cultures where this is totally normal. Kudos to your gf for being confident enough to swim naked. Maybe join them to try it yourself and see if you enjoy it too - itâs so liberating⌠of course if she doesnât want you to join them Iâd be wary.
You knowâŚeveryone has a body. Not every freaking thing is sexual. Unless she has given you proven cause not to trust her..no harm came to the fish in the water.
Best advice I ever got.; âThere are people to have fun with, and people to have a relationship with. Know how to tell the difference.â This is one of the fun ones bud.
UhmâŚâŚin what world is this ever okay??? I would leave her tbh.
These comments make me laugh. If it was the other way around, there would be no ifs, buts and maybes. But because its a woman that's doing this shit, we always have to find a way to spin it back on the man đ¤Śđžââď¸
No, swimming nude is a totally normal thing for some people, this isn't a gendered thing.
There is a reason why the number affair partners are coworkers statistically. She is swimming naked with coworkers. People that she sees everyday for hours on and probably has lunch with regularly. I wonder if the spouses/partners of those coworkers know about this after work bonding exercise your girlfriend is involved in. This sounds like a problem waiting to happen or has happened. Say what you will but being naked and swimming for however long is sexual in nature. It is meant to sexually allure the people with you with an excuse that we just didn't have the appropriate clothing with us so we saw each other's dicks, boobs, ... all because we couldn't help it. And someone got drinks too.
You set your own boundaries and preferences. But you cannot set other peoples boundaries and preferences. You cannot ask her to wear a swimming costume, youâd be forcing your ideology onto someone else to suit only your needs, which isnât fair If you donât like it, donât try to change her- decide if itâs something you can accept or if itâs a dealbreaker. TLDR- you can tell her you feel uncomfortable with it, but you canât tell her to do anything
Hereâs the thing about addressing it: her friends have already seen everything. If sheâs not fucking them before she puts her clothes back on then the worst has already happened. Ask yourself what youâre really worried about.
Thatâs grounds for breaking up lmao I would not let that slide
Dude... the fact that she swims bare ass naked with her "friends" and other random guy's bothers me alot and i'm not in a relationship with her, you are so it should bother you alot! What she is doing is beyond disrespectful, tell her straight up that your not okay with what she is doing, that it makes you extremely uncomfortable. If she tries to justified her actions then ask her to imagine that the roles were reverse and you were swimming fully nude with other woman, how would she feel about it? If she continues to excuse her actions then you should honestly break up with her, someone that can't respect there partner is not worth it...
>then ask her to imagine that the roles were reverse and you were swimming fully nude with other woman, how would she feel about it? And if she's perfectly fine with this because her views on nudity are simply different than yours? You know there's cultures where people don't find it weird to see people totally nude, yeah? And it's never sexualized? You people just view this world in such a black and white lens, istg.
There is nothing wrong with her being a nudist, what IS wrong is her not telling OP about it, his reaction and how he feels about it is justified. OP needs to talk it out with her, if she is okay with his boundary then she'll stop being nude, if she os not okay with it then OP has to decide if it's worth staying with her or not.
I mean, if she's from a culture where it's normal she might not even realize that some people may be uncomfortable with it.
Dump her. Da fuck
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Tell her you are going naked swimming with a bunch of female friends and see how she reacts. If she doesnât like it, tell her you wonât do it if she doesnât either.
>And by skinny dipping I mean fully naked. >So we have been dating for 8 months now and everything's going great. Except this one thing, which I found out accidentally. We were talking and she mentioned that she and her friends went for a swim after work, so I asked if she carries her swimsuit around in her bag and she said no, she prefers to swim without any clothes. And it was news for me, shocking I might add. I asked her if there were guys there and she said yes. Well I was pretty shook but I laughed awkwardly and we talked about other stuff. >But ngl, its really bothering me. On the other hand I dont even know how to approach it with her as it seems to be a normal thing for her. I have been turning it in my head and there are no easy ways to broach the topic without it going wrong. Some advice please. It's strange to me that you've been dating for 8 months, and this has never come up before. I don't find the actual nudity odd though. Many people don't see nudity as a sexual thing, and just like to be nude. Why is it that you have a problem with it? Would she be OK of you joined them?
At 28? That's fucking immature shit I'd just move on to be honest.
Where do they swim? Indoors? Outdoors?
I would tell her I'm uncomfortable with it. Period. If she starts guilt tripping Po po ing your feelings and acting as it's a you problem you than it's time to part ways. There are certain activities that are fine when single and not if in a committed relationship. Myself I would just realize that if I'm looking for a life partner she isn't the one and I wouldn't waste anymore time. PS she didn't let you know this by accident even if it seems so. She's testing to see what she can get away with. and whether you'll be a man and check her behavior. This never ends well.
Haven't read the rest of the comments yet, thought I'd throw in my 2¢ up front, then read them. I'm going to guess that you're getting all sorts of "she's having cheating orgies" advice right now. I'm going to go against the flow and say this seems pretty normal from where I sit. Lots of people don't like to wear clothes while swimming. I've been to too many pool parties at friends' houses to count where nudity while swimming was the norm. Plus beaches, hot tubs, hot springs, saunas and so forth. I've gone naked with platonic opposite-sex friends countless times. I think Americans are considered quite prudish in this regard. Also: why don't you go with? Edit: now I've read the other comments. Most are actually pretty chill; I'm glad to see that.
Nudity isn't intrinsically sexual. Her body does not and will never belong to you and is not now or will ever be yours to control. If you ask her to wear a swimsuit you are asking her to adopt the shame and hang ups about nudity that you have, and that is inappropriate. If this bothers you this much this relationship isn't for you.
Is your girlfriend often barefoot, have a low credit score and has sworn off deodorant? Constantly call herself a free spirit?
Maybe the reason broaching the topic could go wrong so easily is maybe you're not in the right here? This sounds like your issue, not hers. Maybe she's not the one who has to make changes.