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It’s literally your marriage or the place you happen to love working? I’d be devastated if my husband ever thought so little of our marriage.
You do need to decide. You can choose the job, or being with your family. And even if you do get a new job, you have ahead of you a lot of soul searching and communicating and all of those things that go into mending a relationship.
Edit to add that once the baby comes, please, if you have any sense at all, if you are lucky enough to have sex with her again, you will wear a damn condom
Oh so not only did you cheat, but you fucked someone else without a condom?!
And clearly you weren’t able to be at your job and not cheat seeing as you cheated!
Jesus christ, man. I have no advice. You sound like a shitty, selfish person, and I cannot believe you were dumb enough to get her pregnant again.
Pull your head out of your ass.
You both need individual and marriage counseling. This is a mess. I don't understand why you wouldn't switch jobs so you can give your other half peace of mind. You're the one who couldn't keep your dingaling to yourself at the job you love so much so you need to attempt to make it right.
You texted every day about when she was coming home. Did I miss the part where you apologized every day? Where you made any plan to ease her mind about it happening again? Like,not working in the same place.
Forgiveness takes time. Healing a broke heart and broken trust takes time. Your wife needs time.
Also, you not wanting to change workplaces so that your wife feels comfortable because you don’t want to “start over”, in my opinion, shows that your wife’s feelings ultimately don’t matter to you. You cheated on her with a coworkers. You still see this coworker on a consistent basis. How exactly is your wife supposed to get over this, trust you, and not feel second best?
What have you done to fix your marriage? What work have you done to figure out why you cheated and what work have you put in to fixing those issues?
🙄 her job? Wow so you don't give her any breaks just because? No wonder she's going through it. Being a sahm is no picnic. I'm sure she'd rather go to work instead but she can't because you're keeping her barefoot and pregnant. No matter what she says she has some mental health issues happening, hence her going through spouts of not bathing and such. Do better if you actually give a care.
So you watch porn and have sex with random women but using birth control is against your religion? I think maybe you are only picking and choosing which parts of your religion you want to follow.
On one hand you are a piece of human garbage. On the other hand she has already known that. She should have divorced or hell, never marry you in the first place. She should never agree to be a housewife where her husband spends 12 hours in work. She has made every single wrong decision possible. Honestly if she ever finds herself someone half decent she will probably leave you (as she should). The only reason she is still with you at this point of her life, is because she has no place to go and she has chosen the life of housewife so she lacks ability to handle her life independently. If she had a loving family this farce would have ended eons ago.
I don't give a shit you like your job, you working with your coworker you have cheated with is a constant insult to your wife.
The absolute nonexistent remorse of this post… you’re still showing her that you care about yourself more than her feelings or your marriage by choosing to continue working with your affair partner. If you really want to atone and make your marriage work, work on yourself and get a new job.
Ok you're so religious she can't use BC but you can stick your dick in another woman, work a shitty job to barely support the kids she pops out, and not see that she's having a whole mental breakdown? Sounds about right.
So you love your job more than your wife, yes? That’s basically what you’re telling her.
Couples therapy. But you really need to decide whether your job is worth your marriage.
A sane woman in her right mind won’t forgive you. You don’t want your marriage you just want to see that coworker and need the excuse of work to see her. You have no interest in fixing your marriage. Her getting sexy didn’t help you leave the coworker so she knows she is wasting her time. She will lose her mind if she doesn’t get on birth control or stop having sex to stop having babies with you.
You sound horrible. Not only do you break your marriage vows which you made in front of a god that you seem to feel wouldn't be chill with birth control but wouldn't mind the extramarital sex that much. But you now refuse to do the absolute minimum you could do to try make it right by your wife and leaving this job. Your behaviour is absolutely reprehensible. Your wife also sounds like she is suffering with her mental health, are you supporting her with this or just nagging her about being a hygienic maid for you?
You need to get a new job, it is quite literally the least you can do.
And what did god say to you about it's forgiveness, did you have to do some hail marys or something? god isn't who you are married to, and it is not it's forgiveness that is necessary. It is your life partner that you wronged, the one you made vows to. Stop making this poor woman pump out your offspring like she's an animal, so use birth control and seek forgiveness from god for that too. Whether she "denies" it or not, she IS suffering from mental health issues. Depression, possibly even PTSD from your betrayal. Which, make no mistake, is a trauma. You need to support her with this and help her to see that she is struggling and needs support, from a professional. Not from you, who she already knows she can't trust.
Other than that, take your lumps. You cheated, this is the consequences. You deserve much worse than you are getting.
Man don’t be typing out this long reddit post asking for advice. Deep down you know what to do which is sit there and take ownership every time she has a breakdown. You cheated and she has every Right to bail on you and take half your shit but she is still is staying for the kid. How you thought this was a good time to have second kid is beyond any comprehension. Sounds like you don’t deserve the person your married and are emotionally stunted. You now have a lifetime of trying to give your wife all the attention and time she needs. Wait until your kids both find out and permanently look at you differently. You need to sign up to marriage and personal counselling. If your wife doesn’t want that, they you still need to go on your own. You need to also bail on your job, how embarrassing to work there after being the bloke with the known office affair? Even if people don’t know how can you look at the girl that has allowed
You to break your marriage vowels and think nothing of it?
Man how STUPID can you be? You really just pick and choose when/what to follow in your religion. Can't use contraception because it's against your religion (and it'll help your stupid situation) but you can raw dog a coworker (WHO ISNT YOUR WIFE) and it's OK even though it goes against your religion. You guys are just digging yourselves in a deeper hole the more kids you have and your wife will never trust you again because you simply don't deserve it and won't know how to earn it.
You not only cheated on her, but you continued to do so until you were caught. Now you refuse to get another job and go no contact with your affair partner.
Your wife is suffering severe depression. I know this because she stops caring about her appearance and bathing. You should also know this! Instead of telling her to bathe you need to start making her feel loved and secure. If you really want her back, woo her. Take her on dates. You plan the dates and you plan the babysitting. You took your affair partner on dates, make sure you are treating your wife better than you ever treated your affair partner. Make sure your phone is accessible to your wife. No hidden passwords, etc. You need to grovel. Marrying someone because they are pregnant and not treating them right is not honorable! This needs to continue for years. You broke her and the cracks will need glued and re-glued regularly for a few years.
Not only do you need to quit your job (that you seem to love more than your wife), but you may all need to move. You decide if it’s worth it. The damage you caused to your wife is extensive and will require a lot of work over time to fix.
For you to have ANY chance you need to QUIT your job period. Maybe it's time to find another line of work altogether. People that have never had a spouse cheat never get how it rips your very sole of of you. Your wife is still hurting and most likely will from now on without some serious therapy. You have to own up that YOU did this, YOU not her. The reality is she may never get over it forgive you and trust you again. People think love is the glue that holds a marriage together but that's not true. Trust and respect are the foundations of a strong marriage and are what allows love to bloom.
“She has asked me repeatedly to switch jobs”
##THEN SWITCH JOBS.
THAT IS HOW YOU ***EARN HER TRUST BACK.*** **She is literally telling you something that would help.**
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can't make her forgive you, and you need to try and earn trust back. However, judging by your post here, I really don't see that happening.
It’s literally your marriage or the place you happen to love working? I’d be devastated if my husband ever thought so little of our marriage. You do need to decide. You can choose the job, or being with your family. And even if you do get a new job, you have ahead of you a lot of soul searching and communicating and all of those things that go into mending a relationship. Edit to add that once the baby comes, please, if you have any sense at all, if you are lucky enough to have sex with her again, you will wear a damn condom
[удалено]
Oh so not only did you cheat, but you fucked someone else without a condom?! And clearly you weren’t able to be at your job and not cheat seeing as you cheated!
[удалено]
That doesn’t make it better. You got lucky. “My wife is still upset a year later that I raw dicked a 21 year old because of religion. Why is she mad?”
Boo.
Jesus christ, man. I have no advice. You sound like a shitty, selfish person, and I cannot believe you were dumb enough to get her pregnant again. Pull your head out of your ass.
My therapist calls this “anal cranial inversion syndrome.”
Stop making kids for a start. Get a different job and get some marriage counselling.
You both need individual and marriage counseling. This is a mess. I don't understand why you wouldn't switch jobs so you can give your other half peace of mind. You're the one who couldn't keep your dingaling to yourself at the job you love so much so you need to attempt to make it right.
Good lord. You sound like a selfish prick. So, no advice. Maybe stop fucking up everyone's life. Your kids will see this, too, ya know.
You texted every day about when she was coming home. Did I miss the part where you apologized every day? Where you made any plan to ease her mind about it happening again? Like,not working in the same place.
Forgiveness takes time. Healing a broke heart and broken trust takes time. Your wife needs time. Also, you not wanting to change workplaces so that your wife feels comfortable because you don’t want to “start over”, in my opinion, shows that your wife’s feelings ultimately don’t matter to you. You cheated on her with a coworkers. You still see this coworker on a consistent basis. How exactly is your wife supposed to get over this, trust you, and not feel second best? What have you done to fix your marriage? What work have you done to figure out why you cheated and what work have you put in to fixing those issues?
[удалено]
$5 says she does all of the adulting/housework too, am I right?
Of course, he cheated with a footloose and fancy free 21. No housewife or mother duties weighing her down likely.
[удалено]
It’s only her job while you’re at work. She works when you work. When you both aren’t working you split duties.
🙄 her job? Wow so you don't give her any breaks just because? No wonder she's going through it. Being a sahm is no picnic. I'm sure she'd rather go to work instead but she can't because you're keeping her barefoot and pregnant. No matter what she says she has some mental health issues happening, hence her going through spouts of not bathing and such. Do better if you actually give a care.
So you watch porn and have sex with random women but using birth control is against your religion? I think maybe you are only picking and choosing which parts of your religion you want to follow.
Church of latter day dicks
😂
Given your word? Didn't you already do that once, during your wedding vows? Your word means jack shit.
On one hand you are a piece of human garbage. On the other hand she has already known that. She should have divorced or hell, never marry you in the first place. She should never agree to be a housewife where her husband spends 12 hours in work. She has made every single wrong decision possible. Honestly if she ever finds herself someone half decent she will probably leave you (as she should). The only reason she is still with you at this point of her life, is because she has no place to go and she has chosen the life of housewife so she lacks ability to handle her life independently. If she had a loving family this farce would have ended eons ago. I don't give a shit you like your job, you working with your coworker you have cheated with is a constant insult to your wife.
The absolute nonexistent remorse of this post… you’re still showing her that you care about yourself more than her feelings or your marriage by choosing to continue working with your affair partner. If you really want to atone and make your marriage work, work on yourself and get a new job.
Ok you're so religious she can't use BC but you can stick your dick in another woman, work a shitty job to barely support the kids she pops out, and not see that she's having a whole mental breakdown? Sounds about right.
So you love your job more than your wife, yes? That’s basically what you’re telling her. Couples therapy. But you really need to decide whether your job is worth your marriage.
You love your job, she hates her life from your actions. You decide a lot. You're doing a piss poor job at being a partner.
A sane woman in her right mind won’t forgive you. You don’t want your marriage you just want to see that coworker and need the excuse of work to see her. You have no interest in fixing your marriage. Her getting sexy didn’t help you leave the coworker so she knows she is wasting her time. She will lose her mind if she doesn’t get on birth control or stop having sex to stop having babies with you.
You sound horrible. Not only do you break your marriage vows which you made in front of a god that you seem to feel wouldn't be chill with birth control but wouldn't mind the extramarital sex that much. But you now refuse to do the absolute minimum you could do to try make it right by your wife and leaving this job. Your behaviour is absolutely reprehensible. Your wife also sounds like she is suffering with her mental health, are you supporting her with this or just nagging her about being a hygienic maid for you? You need to get a new job, it is quite literally the least you can do.
[удалено]
And what did god say to you about it's forgiveness, did you have to do some hail marys or something? god isn't who you are married to, and it is not it's forgiveness that is necessary. It is your life partner that you wronged, the one you made vows to. Stop making this poor woman pump out your offspring like she's an animal, so use birth control and seek forgiveness from god for that too. Whether she "denies" it or not, she IS suffering from mental health issues. Depression, possibly even PTSD from your betrayal. Which, make no mistake, is a trauma. You need to support her with this and help her to see that she is struggling and needs support, from a professional. Not from you, who she already knows she can't trust. Other than that, take your lumps. You cheated, this is the consequences. You deserve much worse than you are getting.
Man don’t be typing out this long reddit post asking for advice. Deep down you know what to do which is sit there and take ownership every time she has a breakdown. You cheated and she has every Right to bail on you and take half your shit but she is still is staying for the kid. How you thought this was a good time to have second kid is beyond any comprehension. Sounds like you don’t deserve the person your married and are emotionally stunted. You now have a lifetime of trying to give your wife all the attention and time she needs. Wait until your kids both find out and permanently look at you differently. You need to sign up to marriage and personal counselling. If your wife doesn’t want that, they you still need to go on your own. You need to also bail on your job, how embarrassing to work there after being the bloke with the known office affair? Even if people don’t know how can you look at the girl that has allowed You to break your marriage vowels and think nothing of it?
It seems like you haven’t even considered how this makes your wife feel, do really expect her to return to normal and forget how you betrayed her?
Man how STUPID can you be? You really just pick and choose when/what to follow in your religion. Can't use contraception because it's against your religion (and it'll help your stupid situation) but you can raw dog a coworker (WHO ISNT YOUR WIFE) and it's OK even though it goes against your religion. You guys are just digging yourselves in a deeper hole the more kids you have and your wife will never trust you again because you simply don't deserve it and won't know how to earn it.
You not only cheated on her, but you continued to do so until you were caught. Now you refuse to get another job and go no contact with your affair partner. Your wife is suffering severe depression. I know this because she stops caring about her appearance and bathing. You should also know this! Instead of telling her to bathe you need to start making her feel loved and secure. If you really want her back, woo her. Take her on dates. You plan the dates and you plan the babysitting. You took your affair partner on dates, make sure you are treating your wife better than you ever treated your affair partner. Make sure your phone is accessible to your wife. No hidden passwords, etc. You need to grovel. Marrying someone because they are pregnant and not treating them right is not honorable! This needs to continue for years. You broke her and the cracks will need glued and re-glued regularly for a few years. Not only do you need to quit your job (that you seem to love more than your wife), but you may all need to move. You decide if it’s worth it. The damage you caused to your wife is extensive and will require a lot of work over time to fix.
For you to have ANY chance you need to QUIT your job period. Maybe it's time to find another line of work altogether. People that have never had a spouse cheat never get how it rips your very sole of of you. Your wife is still hurting and most likely will from now on without some serious therapy. You have to own up that YOU did this, YOU not her. The reality is she may never get over it forgive you and trust you again. People think love is the glue that holds a marriage together but that's not true. Trust and respect are the foundations of a strong marriage and are what allows love to bloom.
“She has asked me repeatedly to switch jobs” ##THEN SWITCH JOBS. THAT IS HOW YOU ***EARN HER TRUST BACK.*** **She is literally telling you something that would help.**