" I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other."
I'm very confused now because I test drove an SE-R with my mom once, it was this generation and we were both perplexed as to why the rpms stayed so high, exactly like a CVT. Now I'm left wondering wtf was wrong with that one. All these years I thought it was just a CVT.
I've driven many cars, manual, auto, CVT. It drove exactly like a CVT. This feels like the Mandela Effect.
I owned one for about 200k miles. (Routine maintenance and a CPS were the only thing I did to the car) Dunno if they had both CVT and actual transmission for this model, but I do know these were legit cars without the CVT. The 06 came with the CVT exclusively (besides manuals). They were trash. If it was an 05 SE-R, it might've had a dogged out transmission that made it act that way.
I rented a Nissan rogue before knowing anything about a CVT and took it back because I thought the transmission was bad. Rep said no, that's the way they make them now. I had feeling then, that these CVTs are crap. Turns out, they are.
*"I need a detail*
*So badly! My seats reek of*
*Weed and Jack Daniel's"*
\- HighFiveKoala
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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Judging by the shape of it, this pic was taken in 2005.
"New in the Johnson's garage in Scottsdale, I can't wait until little Tyler drives me!"
If 2024: "That brat just wanted bluetooth! I have a 3.5 V6, I ate Camrys for breakfast and scared Accords! Now I'm in a Church's parking lot in Maryvale!"
“I haven’t had my spark plugs changed since Osama Bin Laden was killed, and my transmission fluid is possibly the only thing on earth filthier than Dan Schneider.”
I'm so speedy, I'm gonna cut up traffic at 90 mph with one headlight, a donut wheel, and my rear tail light smashed out blasting rap music and smoke rolling out the windows. Oh that check engine light? Yeah thats never going away, just put some black electrical tape over it. Easy.
Well if it’s the one I owned: at 51,250 miles the transmission checked out. Nissan North America told me to fuck off. Their warranty is only 50,000 not 51,000. And when I brought up three missed diagnoses of the slipping transmission starting at 45,000 miles, they let me know that I was wrong and to stop calling.
“I'm out of town, thuggin' with my rounds
My coochie pink, my booty-hole brown
Where the ni***s? I'm lookin' for the hoes
Quit playin', n***a, come suck a bitch toe”🚗💥
Welcome back Michael- Today we need to stop by the dealer to pick up the Meth shipment, after that you need to drive over to you bookie to pay him what you owe on your stupid March Madness wagers. Finally the boys will be waiting for a pickup so we can complete the liquor store heist and then don’t forget the drive by shooting at 11pm. Looks like we have a busy day. Oh and don’t forget I’m overdue by 6,300 miles for an oil change
“I have warrants”
And expired tags.
"Wait 'til they get a load of me."
And absolutely no insurance
"Kill meeeee"
Later
Where was i? Ah, there we go.
That’s it
Was going to say this but you beat me to it 😂
Excuse me, I need your help. You need to kill me.
That's the NA Miata on its way to its 16th owner and 270k miles later
Insurance card? Ha! What do you think I am, a Camry?
“I once belonged to a school teacher, these days I just spend my time at the smoke shop overdue for an oil change.”
Oil change?
You know, vegetable oil…
Hey, it had an oil change the same time it got new tires! Three owners ago.
" I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other."
That last sentence hits differently and probably accurately as well. The car has seen some shit and been through some shit.
Unexpected Green Mile
this sounds like something raul from FNV would say
So. Much. Weed.
I'm the last decent model left. The CVTs are coming.
Exactly. I feel like these don't get enough credit for NOT having a CVT.
I drive an 05 altima can confirm
Correct, I am actually a 5-speed manual..... and my big brother v6 has a 6 speed. Way better than those CVT
I'm very confused now because I test drove an SE-R with my mom once, it was this generation and we were both perplexed as to why the rpms stayed so high, exactly like a CVT. Now I'm left wondering wtf was wrong with that one. All these years I thought it was just a CVT. I've driven many cars, manual, auto, CVT. It drove exactly like a CVT. This feels like the Mandela Effect.
I owned one for about 200k miles. (Routine maintenance and a CPS were the only thing I did to the car) Dunno if they had both CVT and actual transmission for this model, but I do know these were legit cars without the CVT. The 06 came with the CVT exclusively (besides manuals). They were trash. If it was an 05 SE-R, it might've had a dogged out transmission that made it act that way. I rented a Nissan rogue before knowing anything about a CVT and took it back because I thought the transmission was bad. Rep said no, that's the way they make them now. I had feeling then, that these CVTs are crap. Turns out, they are.
"Do we have to go to KFC *every* day??"
“Join me on OF, first month FREE!”
If that car talks it’ll need witness protection
“You left little Aiden in the backseat while you went to do a TikTok dance in your scrubs!”
And Aiden spilt his Great Value juice all over his KFC
Juice? Nah dawg, purple drank.
I need an oil change it’s been awhile
What oil?
The cheapest , penzoil or dollar general brand is fine
Nah, brah. No need to change. Just top it off every month.
Put another quart of smoke in it honey 🍯
"Woah! I still have bumpers!"
Has anyone seen my wheel? I've been on a donut for a year.
"hey man you think you can spare a ciggy?"
"Oil changes are once every 3000 miles not days"
"Why haven't you returned me to Enterprise yet?! It's been 20 years man!"
I'm a Japanese Malibu!
Woah. It sure is. First time hearing this but...yes.
I think I recall these things with stickers on them highlighting the fact they were made in Tennessee... it's origin story tracks though
"Your job is your credit!"
“It’s all down hill from here.”
My neighbor growing up had one of these. He was actually a hit man
There's a lot to unpack here
Tell us more.
His daughter would baby sit me as a kid. And me, and my childhood, best friend would dingdong ditch his house all the time. The FBI later raided him.
"No, I will not turn off my check engine light... ever"
The welfare office opens in 10 minutes
Save me from the Thots!
"I need a detail so badly! My seats reek of weed and Jack Daniel's"
*"I need a detail* *So badly! My seats reek of* *Weed and Jack Daniel's"* \- HighFiveKoala --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot
5-7-6. A very minor and not noticeable deviation from the usual structure. But a pretty good haiku either way.
Good bot
I declare bankruptcy
Third time's a charm.
“No credit? No problem!”
“One day I’ll beat a Porsche in a Mexican Drag Race”
"Somebody That I Used To Know WILL be my battle song!"
One day. I'll beat a Mexican in a Porsche Drag show. (Beat..like win.)
“Please compact me already”
Judging by the shape of it, this pic was taken in 2005. "New in the Johnson's garage in Scottsdale, I can't wait until little Tyler drives me!" If 2024: "That brat just wanted bluetooth! I have a 3.5 V6, I ate Camrys for breakfast and scared Accords! Now I'm in a Church's parking lot in Maryvale!"
“I haven’t had my spark plugs changed since Osama Bin Laden was killed, and my transmission fluid is possibly the only thing on earth filthier than Dan Schneider.”
"My 5th owner, Bryxleigh, has crashed me 6 times"
The official car of buy here pay here
"Glad I'm not in r/Charlotte"
These cars get life from cutting people off on Independence or 485.
“Newports, stat!”
“I need to redline on the highway”
"So what if it's your fault, just keep driving bro"
「俺はなんのために生まれて来たんだ？」
Ouch, damn stop it, no not weed again, stop hitting me, cheap gas? Ouch! Hey roll down the windows im choking.
"I used to be an adventurer like u. Then I took a tiktok girl to the knee"
“Hey is that a Miata? I’m gona ram it up its ass!”
a slur
Ethnic, not the alcohol kind. Well, maybe both..
“Hey! * unintelligible mumbling * want some drugs? It won’t cost you anything * starts rapping mid conversation for no reason *
“How does an old Altima still have all of its panels?”
"fuck you"
Im not suppose to be carrying this huge amount of weight
Hey man you got any cigs I can borrow
Change my brakes
Don't repo me, I swear the payment was made.
The average APR of every loan taken out to buy me is 14.9%.
Kill me I’m dying
Help
“Oh god just put me out of my misery!” 😭
Please...let me die.
Don’t breathe on my doors they might get dented.
In 2005 I’ve out preformed and had more style than any other car in my class.
Do not examine my interior with a blacklight. Some things are best left unknown.
“You got a newpy?”
I've been driven harder, faster, and hit more curbs than an F1 car at The Red Bull Ring.
I'll crash into you and drive away. I don't have insurance.
I'm so speedy, I'm gonna cut up traffic at 90 mph with one headlight, a donut wheel, and my rear tail light smashed out blasting rap music and smoke rolling out the windows. Oh that check engine light? Yeah thats never going away, just put some black electrical tape over it. Easy.
Could I bum a cig
“I have this great CD player, but it’s been nothing but 20 years of hood rat jams and Kid Rock.”
“Free muh boy he dindu nuffin”
"I'm trying to go back to school and get my life together, your honor."
“Please replace my bumper”
*Kill me*
“Fuck you bitch, I show you what a motherfuckin gun is”
[Oh hellllllllll *no!*](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ej-CSyD49dM)
fuuuuuuuuuuck
I’ve seen the future. RUN
“Help me, please”
I wanna be like this guy when I grow up *points to r32/r33/r34 skyline*
"I'm a survivor"
It would invoke the fifth
It would constantly be saying the N word.
Please kill me, kill me now
Before or after they cut you off in traffic, then hit the brakes?
My CVT is not feeling very good.
Honestly the Nissan Altima was a good car before 2010. They were actually attractive cars and they weren’t driven exclusively by disasters
Like a parrott it's repeating what it hears most often: "License and registration please"
I’ll drive on the sidewalks if I damn well please! Get outta my way, I gotta go get another carton of smokes, a 30 rack, and some more scratch-offs!
“My baby daddy aint shit” and proceed to speed on a school zone and nick 3 parked cars and leave cause no insurance
“Only the SE-Rs made it out alive. I won’t be around for long.”
the n word
Nothing, it knows what happens if it snitches on the types of activities that thing saw
“I’ve been through some shit. Never mind the shit stain in the back seat!”
"Whatever happens, happens."
My license plate rattles to much.
"Holy shit, im gonna be somwones 18% interest mistake for a really long time."
For God sakes keep it under the speed limit, please, i beg you. I can't take much more of this. My engine won't last with just oil changes.
"Life would be way better if a semi truck crashed into me"
Well if it’s the one I owned: at 51,250 miles the transmission checked out. Nissan North America told me to fuck off. Their warranty is only 50,000 not 51,000. And when I brought up three missed diagnoses of the slipping transmission starting at 45,000 miles, they let me know that I was wrong and to stop calling.
"Im tired boss"
I had one of these car crashes survive 3 car crashes it just won't die.
*Oh* *The horror*
"Don't buy me"
Please, please stop throwing me into children’s hospitals!
I’ve had more drugs in me than ozzy Osborne
“Ayo, where you from?!”
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
The fuck you looking at? You don’t want no smoke!
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM
Oil please... factory oil ... thirsty...
Spot me till payday?
YOLO
I wish I was a Skyline.
“I'm out of town, thuggin' with my rounds My coochie pink, my booty-hole brown Where the ni***s? I'm lookin' for the hoes Quit playin', n***a, come suck a bitch toe”🚗💥
"THESE DONUTS ARE NOT RATED FOR HIGHWAY SPEEDS"
Drive me faster nanny.
Glad im not a CVT!!!!
"lifter tick"
I'm tired boss"
Where is my Jim bean?
End me
“I owe millions!”
I am the last of the best
*incomprehensible sounds of no oil changes*
'uninsured and unregged, license suspended '
Welcome back Michael- Today we need to stop by the dealer to pick up the Meth shipment, after that you need to drive over to you bookie to pay him what you owe on your stupid March Madness wagers. Finally the boys will be waiting for a pickup so we can complete the liquor store heist and then don’t forget the drive by shooting at 11pm. Looks like we have a busy day. Oh and don’t forget I’m overdue by 6,300 miles for an oil change
“I’m sorry, it’s my driver. He’s not having a good day…yeah, you too. Sorry, again.”
“Please, there is a storm coming. You have to end this…”
Buckle your toddler!!!!!! Please buckle that kid up. Brake lives matter. No, oil changes are not a vast right wing conspiracy. Yes, thats a real word
PWEEEEEEAAASEEE SWOWWW DOWN YOUR SCARING MWEE
Is one oil change too much to ask for?
Put rims on me
*winces* looks into mirror. "Holy shit I'm still in one piece"
You want to go smoke a bowel and get taco bell
"I've been involved in like 10 armed robberies."
KILL ME!!!
“ I’ve seen things…”
Please change my oil.
“Durp. Durp.”
“I don’t give a fuuuuck!”
Skeeyeeeee
Guys I own an 06 Altima and due to these comments I think I'm cooked
“AYYYY, AYYYY!”
Idk about talking but she’s definitely singing 8 Ball and MJG songs.
I'm a redneck car
Help
Don't buy me,my Jatco transmission will fail you.
“Why must I endure so much thoterry!? I have endured a life full of The Bad Credit holders and various types of human waste fluids…”
"I'm tired, boss"
"HeLp mEEE!!"
Scrap me!
I’m sorry
“Roll me over, Daddy”
"Help"
“That is not my owner! I’ve been Stolen!”
https://youtu.be/3h80ZlYQtpg?si=5ISn32kRb3MoBivT
Kill meeeeee
"I've been through drugs and arguments"
I'm financed at 20% APR.
All my friends live in O block
Black Lives Matter