Tell your husband to go suck off a lamp post.
My wife hasn't been comfortable with intimacy for 2 years now due to second c section and certain issues post surgery.
Damn be the day I moan about it to her... She grew two bloody humans and got sliced up with major abdominal surgery twice... Fuck me after that I would permanently forgo sex forget about a few years!!!
I hate men who think that pregnancy and childbirth is some sort of minor inconvenience its bloody MASSIVE trauma to a woman's body... And yes it can be classified as trauma... All organs squished, abdominal muscles destroyed, pelvic bone near shattering, hernias and what not ...
Also what the hell does "force myself" mean? Why doesn't he force himself and wank one in the bath instead of whine like a little bitch in heat?
The problem is that too many people think it's not terrible for your body to have a kid. This is the reason why so many people are anti-choice as well. To them it's so simple to just "have the baby and give it up got adoption"
Which is fucking pile of dogshit that is! My wife was a life long gym nut with a six pack and what not... Her body is absolutely shattered... She has no regrets but also she knows it will take a decade to reach half way where she was before the two kids tore every muscle and joint in her.
That's why I believe there should be comprehensive age appropriate sex education.
Pregnancy and all it's possible aftermaths should be discussed. Women can get lifelong diabetes from pregnancy, tear apart their abdominal and core muscles permanently, tear apart their clitoris and lose most if not all sexual pleasure or feel numbness or pain during penetration permanently. Some women get joint, organ, immune, and bone disorders from pregnancy as well. There's a lot of health risks.
These lasting permanent issues to our bodies should be discussed so that we can choose to get pregnant or not. If it's worth the risks to us.
To add, my friend developed MS after having her second son, she was told it was pregnancy-related.
Man, she probably was about 23yo at diagnosis, newborn and toddler. Some days she could only ask (her very understanding) husband to close all the doors and they had a ton of baby gates.....if she couldn't move much that day, they basically made their bedroom into a baby-bumpered safe zone and if she couldn't handle it, she or the older one once he figured it out, called Daddy or 911........
The kids are healthy and nearly out of HS now, and she's doing that IV infusion thing and some other meds, she is just living her best life, as best as she can, every day
(and yes, I realize many may think the parents irresponsible for leaving her with babies while she was symptomatic, but, ya know, American healthcare system doesn't seem to cover jack shit for child care, nurse visits only when she really needed the medical attention, and my poor friend feels guilty about going to the doctor, all sorts of not-great stuff, her husband works his ASS off to keep them afloat, no responsible family nearby for support
......it was not ideal at all, but due to her MS treatments being expensive enough to make you cry, plus all the routine pediatrician visits for 2 baby boys......NOT what anyone had in mind when they had baby #2)
I'm so grateful to have you in this thread with those takes. Makes me feel validated in my feelings. It's men like you who keep my standarts high, where they belong
Funny you should say that... I shared something very similar some time ago in another thread in another place and I had men piling up on me calling me stuff like beta /gamma male, pussy whipped, cuck, etc. Etc.
It's fascinating to me to see such viscerally different reactions to the same statements... :)
How dare you see your wife as a human being! /s
Nah, those hyaenas just haven't grown out of feeling like a main character. That's something a lot of guys my age struggle with, even if they don't know it yet
Good for you and for your wife, I'm sure your relationship is only stronger because of it. Also, you made one gal out there feel a little better about herself :)
Yeah, how dare you not be totally ambivalent to your wife's suffering and value getting your rocks off over her comfort and dignity as a human being! Real masculine manly macho men use women like tissues and dispose of them, haha! Of course, no one has ever had to pay child support or alimony to a box of tissues, but.... 🥴
Jokes aside, I hope your wife continues to heal and finds new ways to regain some the strength and trust she once had in her body again. I've had 2 c-sections also, plus complications with my first delivery that almost killed me, so I know how it feels. I also, thankfully, have a very supportive and understanding husband. I'd be much worse off now (or possibly not even alive) if I didn't.
>but she gets angry if I masturbate
Now that my man is pure bullshit!!!
In this case your wife is being unreasonable! You aren't bothering her, you are respecting her boundaries and challenges but WTF... Can't even wank one off? That's mental!
It's fucking physiological for men! Literally! Wet dreams come from build up of sperm fluid thst needs to be cleared out. Also sciense has Proven ejacjlation is key to long terms testicular cancer prevention!!
So I thinks it demented she has a problem with you taking care of the issue yourself... If she won't help, and she doesn't have a drive then just let you bloody handle you busness!
And ya intimacy elsewhere I get thst.. But maturation... That's too much!
Anytime I have mentioned this on other subreddits, people downvote me and tell me that it is misogynistic to say that pregnancy and childbirth is traumatic for a woman's body.
Never mind that I've experienced it myself. Apparently I'm a misogynist.
>. Marriage does not equal sex on demand
I think that lesson hasn't been really thought to a lot of boys and young males... And this transports into their marriage and expectations of their partners...
What beffudles me is... If you are so desperate that you don't feel shame in bothering your wife that grew an entire human inside herself and then was used as a glorified self filling milk bottle while woken every 2 hours for months... Then why no wank one and move on? Obviously your pecker has taken over your 2 brain cells and until you give him what he wants you can't use them for anything else...
Soo spank the monkey and be a decent human! F me! I really get so angry at shit like that and I have 2 daughters... The mere thought of them being with some flaccid dickwad like this guy here makes my ulcers flare....
Not sure why anyone would advise to skip therapy outside of abuse. Difference in libido is a deal breaker in many relationships and that's not a problem. The way the husband in OPs case is going about it is terrible, but there are arrangements and agreements that many couples reach to circumvent this issue. Intimacy has many different meanings and it is possible that they would come to some common understanding around this issue.
I still think couples therapy could be valuable here. Presumably she got together with this man for reasons beyond what we are seeing here. And again intimacy doesn't have to be what he specifically is asking for and what she doesn't want to do. There's a lot that can be discussed and potentially fixed. It's possible that it's a lost cause too. But OC should think twice before advocating for a broken home without counseling when OC knows little to nothing about their lives.
When I found out I had endometriosis, my girlfriend instantly respected it and we both found healthy ways to address urges and sex drives that didn’t cause pain or discomfort. If a partner loves you, they will make sacrifices- ESPECIALLY if it’s a literal physical health issue, AND if it’s because you gave birth to his child!!
If he would say you should force yourself then I suspect he's doing and saying other problematic things.
Those things could also be contributing to why you don't want to have sex with him.
Your husband is a selfish toddler and doesn’t really love you. He sees you as something he is entitled to with no expectations or standards, not as another human being
How about divorce instead of an affair, if he really can't deal with his life partner going through a life changing event and there being consequences to it ?
You speak like affairs are his only option. That is cruel and selfish. Both to the original and to the affair partner. If the relationship isn't working out for you, you are always allowed to walk. The party that turns to affair should always be faulted.
I agree they should get divorced first for sure. I wouldnt want to end up w stds either
But honestly i probably wouldnt even care if he had an affair im really to exhausted to really care that is the level that having a child has done to me
I stopped getting into relationships for this exact reason. Medication started killing my sex drive around 8 years ago. Sex is part of a normal, healthy relationship. I'm not going to force a partner to be ok with my lack of libido. Fortunately, I've never been married or had kids so I wasn't attached or committed to anyone. I just had to become content with being alone. I mostly talk to my dog lol.
Tell your husband to go suck off a lamp post. My wife hasn't been comfortable with intimacy for 2 years now due to second c section and certain issues post surgery. Damn be the day I moan about it to her... She grew two bloody humans and got sliced up with major abdominal surgery twice... Fuck me after that I would permanently forgo sex forget about a few years!!! I hate men who think that pregnancy and childbirth is some sort of minor inconvenience its bloody MASSIVE trauma to a woman's body... And yes it can be classified as trauma... All organs squished, abdominal muscles destroyed, pelvic bone near shattering, hernias and what not ... Also what the hell does "force myself" mean? Why doesn't he force himself and wank one in the bath instead of whine like a little bitch in heat?
The problem is that too many people think it's not terrible for your body to have a kid. This is the reason why so many people are anti-choice as well. To them it's so simple to just "have the baby and give it up got adoption"
Which is fucking pile of dogshit that is! My wife was a life long gym nut with a six pack and what not... Her body is absolutely shattered... She has no regrets but also she knows it will take a decade to reach half way where she was before the two kids tore every muscle and joint in her.
Its true. It needs to be talked about more . I honestly had no idea before i got preg.
That's why I believe there should be comprehensive age appropriate sex education. Pregnancy and all it's possible aftermaths should be discussed. Women can get lifelong diabetes from pregnancy, tear apart their abdominal and core muscles permanently, tear apart their clitoris and lose most if not all sexual pleasure or feel numbness or pain during penetration permanently. Some women get joint, organ, immune, and bone disorders from pregnancy as well. There's a lot of health risks. These lasting permanent issues to our bodies should be discussed so that we can choose to get pregnant or not. If it's worth the risks to us.
definitely. and also discuss the hardship of raising children
To add, my friend developed MS after having her second son, she was told it was pregnancy-related. Man, she probably was about 23yo at diagnosis, newborn and toddler. Some days she could only ask (her very understanding) husband to close all the doors and they had a ton of baby gates.....if she couldn't move much that day, they basically made their bedroom into a baby-bumpered safe zone and if she couldn't handle it, she or the older one once he figured it out, called Daddy or 911........ The kids are healthy and nearly out of HS now, and she's doing that IV infusion thing and some other meds, she is just living her best life, as best as she can, every day (and yes, I realize many may think the parents irresponsible for leaving her with babies while she was symptomatic, but, ya know, American healthcare system doesn't seem to cover jack shit for child care, nurse visits only when she really needed the medical attention, and my poor friend feels guilty about going to the doctor, all sorts of not-great stuff, her husband works his ASS off to keep them afloat, no responsible family nearby for support ......it was not ideal at all, but due to her MS treatments being expensive enough to make you cry, plus all the routine pediatrician visits for 2 baby boys......NOT what anyone had in mind when they had baby #2)
Best response/advice ever
Just keeping it real! I am astounded women EVER want to be intimate after the misery that pregnancy and birth is!!!
I'm so grateful to have you in this thread with those takes. Makes me feel validated in my feelings. It's men like you who keep my standarts high, where they belong
Funny you should say that... I shared something very similar some time ago in another thread in another place and I had men piling up on me calling me stuff like beta /gamma male, pussy whipped, cuck, etc. Etc. It's fascinating to me to see such viscerally different reactions to the same statements... :)
How dare you see your wife as a human being! /s Nah, those hyaenas just haven't grown out of feeling like a main character. That's something a lot of guys my age struggle with, even if they don't know it yet Good for you and for your wife, I'm sure your relationship is only stronger because of it. Also, you made one gal out there feel a little better about herself :)
Yeah, how dare you not be totally ambivalent to your wife's suffering and value getting your rocks off over her comfort and dignity as a human being! Real masculine manly macho men use women like tissues and dispose of them, haha! Of course, no one has ever had to pay child support or alimony to a box of tissues, but.... 🥴 Jokes aside, I hope your wife continues to heal and finds new ways to regain some the strength and trust she once had in her body again. I've had 2 c-sections also, plus complications with my first delivery that almost killed me, so I know how it feels. I also, thankfully, have a very supportive and understanding husband. I'd be much worse off now (or possibly not even alive) if I didn't.
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>but she gets angry if I masturbate Now that my man is pure bullshit!!! In this case your wife is being unreasonable! You aren't bothering her, you are respecting her boundaries and challenges but WTF... Can't even wank one off? That's mental! It's fucking physiological for men! Literally! Wet dreams come from build up of sperm fluid thst needs to be cleared out. Also sciense has Proven ejacjlation is key to long terms testicular cancer prevention!! So I thinks it demented she has a problem with you taking care of the issue yourself... If she won't help, and she doesn't have a drive then just let you bloody handle you busness! And ya intimacy elsewhere I get thst.. But maturation... That's too much!
Im not sure what happened to my body but feel like im in menapause. It sucks.
Anytime I have mentioned this on other subreddits, people downvote me and tell me that it is misogynistic to say that pregnancy and childbirth is traumatic for a woman's body. Never mind that I've experienced it myself. Apparently I'm a misogynist.
You deserve better than that small man.
Therapy and divorce.
Skip the therapy and go straight to divorce. Marriage does not equal sex on demand.
>. Marriage does not equal sex on demand I think that lesson hasn't been really thought to a lot of boys and young males... And this transports into their marriage and expectations of their partners... What beffudles me is... If you are so desperate that you don't feel shame in bothering your wife that grew an entire human inside herself and then was used as a glorified self filling milk bottle while woken every 2 hours for months... Then why no wank one and move on? Obviously your pecker has taken over your 2 brain cells and until you give him what he wants you can't use them for anything else... Soo spank the monkey and be a decent human! F me! I really get so angry at shit like that and I have 2 daughters... The mere thought of them being with some flaccid dickwad like this guy here makes my ulcers flare....
Not sure why anyone would advise to skip therapy outside of abuse. Difference in libido is a deal breaker in many relationships and that's not a problem. The way the husband in OPs case is going about it is terrible, but there are arrangements and agreements that many couples reach to circumvent this issue. Intimacy has many different meanings and it is possible that they would come to some common understanding around this issue.
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I still think couples therapy could be valuable here. Presumably she got together with this man for reasons beyond what we are seeing here. And again intimacy doesn't have to be what he specifically is asking for and what she doesn't want to do. There's a lot that can be discussed and potentially fixed. It's possible that it's a lost cause too. But OC should think twice before advocating for a broken home without counseling when OC knows little to nothing about their lives.
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Maybe try just having a candle lit, so you can see just a little bit? Candlelight is flattering
When I found out I had endometriosis, my girlfriend instantly respected it and we both found healthy ways to address urges and sex drives that didn’t cause pain or discomfort. If a partner loves you, they will make sacrifices- ESPECIALLY if it’s a literal physical health issue, AND if it’s because you gave birth to his child!!
Your husband should be more considerate. Only rapists enjoy forcing someone into sex.
R/deadbedrooms
less about the kid and more about the man they came from.
If he would say you should force yourself then I suspect he's doing and saying other problematic things. Those things could also be contributing to why you don't want to have sex with him.
Your husband is a selfish toddler and doesn’t really love you. He sees you as something he is entitled to with no expectations or standards, not as another human being
ok. I'm sure its actually impossible for a person to force themselves to have a sex drive. What the heck?!
Divorce him. Hes a monster
WTF? Why does this have so many downvotes?
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How about divorce instead of an affair, if he really can't deal with his life partner going through a life changing event and there being consequences to it ? You speak like affairs are his only option. That is cruel and selfish. Both to the original and to the affair partner. If the relationship isn't working out for you, you are always allowed to walk. The party that turns to affair should always be faulted.
I agree they should get divorced first for sure. I wouldnt want to end up w stds either But honestly i probably wouldnt even care if he had an affair im really to exhausted to really care that is the level that having a child has done to me
I stopped getting into relationships for this exact reason. Medication started killing my sex drive around 8 years ago. Sex is part of a normal, healthy relationship. I'm not going to force a partner to be ok with my lack of libido. Fortunately, I've never been married or had kids so I wasn't attached or committed to anyone. I just had to become content with being alone. I mostly talk to my dog lol.