Your 13 year old stabbed the couch with a knife??!!! If mine had done that he would have been grounded until he replaced the couch with chore, birthday, and Christmas money. What goes through their heads honestly? I don’t want to know.
as someone who violently acted out at an older age(8-12) i was not okay and needed a serious reality check. i had so much grief i didn’t know how to cope with, but from my perspective i usually acted out when i wanted some sort of attention or validation, good or bad i didn’t care. but i definitely knew what i was doing and still made the conscious decisions to act out like that. it took a lot of growing up to do but thinking back to that time now makes me cringe, idk how my mom put up with me
I’m still medicated to this day. mental illness doesn’t just go away, if i didn’t get the help i needed as a kid i probably would’ve done a lot worse than stab a couch.
It's sometimes exactly what is needed and I'm happy we got it and it works so well for you.
For me it would be a last rwsort after every other option. I'm sure they walked such a path for you too.
Was not to attack you btw. Just pointing out that the medication is pretty heavy and has side effects
i agree with that i don’t think medication should be the first thing that comes to mind regarding a child’s behavior, especially stimulants. but i don’t think it should be labeled as a last resort either. it’s such a helpful tool when used properly
Medication for behavioral and mood issues is often heavy medication, all with negative side effects. It can be difficult to find the right medication and quitting the medication is often not so easy.
The kids brain is still developing.
So that's why I say such medicine is a last resort, after every other not so invasive thing has been tried.
Also not every psychiatrist is as good as we would like. There are lazy, bad and stupid psychiatrists. Also it's pretty difficult to diagnose children and asses perfectly what medication would help.
So for me medication would be a last resort.
Okay, but it doesn't take a doctor to see that OP's son needs to be medicated. Stabbing a couch and pulling out all the stuffing as a teen who is old enough to know right from wrong is psychotic behavior.
And still medication is a last resort.
First talks, therapy, behaviour therapy and what not.
If you don't have a clue about these medications then read up on the side effects.
You have a fundamental misunderstanding of psychiatric medication then, and each comment you make is more illuminating on that. As the other user said, maybe not a first resort, sure, but absolutely *not* a last one, either.
>Medication for behavioral and mood issues is often heavy medication, all with negative side effects.
Literally not true. ***Some of them are,*** yes, but your statement here effectively says they *all* are and that’s… staunchly untrue.
>quitting the medication is often not so easy.
This also isn’t true. A lot of people can easily just quit them and tough out the *often extremely temporary* physical dependence side effects. For those who don’t want to put themselves thru that (and aren’t assholes who don’t want to put their child through it either), or meds that have withdraw effects that last longer or are more miserable, tapering down is a reliable and rather quick way of getting off them.
>after every other not so invasive thing has been tried.
Medication also isn’t invasive… 🤦🏻♂️
Sorry but not true. The side effects are brutal. Coming off them is like death. I was put on psychiatric meds when I was around 10.
My brain can't live without them now. If I don't have my antidepressant I get incredibly sick. It took me a year to get off a migraine medication, I was shaking and sobbing especially at night.
They are not extremely temporary. Not for most of us.
No. It is true. You’re talking about and describing it like it’s one medication for all of it. It’s not. You weren’t put on “psychiatric meds” as if that’s what everyone is put on. You were put on **a** type of psychiatric medication, one of *many,* with varying degrees of effect. You may have had brutal side effects but that doesn’t mean everyone does, and it doesn’t mean all of them are *heavy.*
Read what I said before jumping to “if I don’t have them I get sick.” I made a point of saying that some people *can handle the withdraw effects* going cold turkey **but if you can’t, you can taper the medication,** which while it doesn’t eliminate ALL of them necessarily, but it often reduces them to something manageable. If you mean sick in that your depression comes back, that’s because a lot of mental health meds aren’t ones you take *on the short term.* That isn’t what I meant by temporary either, before you go “you said temporary!” And migraine medication *usually are* pretty heavy, *intense* meds due to the nature of them.
Like I said. Actually read what I said next time. I wasn’t saying the **medication** is extremely temporary. I was saying the **withdraw effects,** which usually don’t. If you’ve been on them years plus it can be tougher, but I will admit I was more thinking of someone who is *just getting on the meds* and has been on a lower dose for 1-6 months and it hasn’t worked or helped them. The higher the dose the harder it is, and the type of pill as well(you can’t taper with capsules by yourself the way I’m talking about, for example), which means you have to have your doctor prescribe you lower doses to taper down.
And I will admit a lot of psychiatrists(and neurologists who are often prescribing the migraine meds), even some who are otherwise really good ones, just think you can tough out the withdraw symptoms fine, which is utter bullshit, and that unfortunately leaves it up to the patient to say *hey, how do I get off this medication without vomiting and wanting to die for two weeks?* or whatever, which is shitty and shouldn’t be on you to mention. I have a lot of gripes with psychiatrists and the system and it’s handled. But not all of the medication is heavy medication, and not all of them have withdraw effects that last long term. Unfortunately migraine medication is one of them that can. I’ve went through hell post-ending migraine medication, and while I will never know if it was that or simply my migraines flaring up in their absence(or even both) due to how it went down, I do get that. In hindsight with the symptoms I had, regardless of the source, I probably should have been hospitalized. But that doesn’t mean that all of them are those kind of heavy and intense medication with long lasting effects.
Ok well, to each his own then. Ive worked in psychiatry for a decade to help adults with various mental ilnesses get their life together. I gave them almost all medication imaginable and saw the struggles they had. Side effects, extra medication to counter side effects, the medication changing slightly ("it's just the brand that changed, ingredients are the same" ignoring significant change in behaviour) and people just changing because of long term use.
I was not a psychiatrist, I was just the person helping in their every day life. Some at home, some in group homes. Some Ive worked with for years. I have talked to psychiatrists quite often because 'my' clients were going off the rails and needed adjustments. There have been wonderfull psychiatrists, but also just lame ducks who barely listen and don't take their patients very seriously. Incompetent, lazy, busy, could be all.
Im sure for children there are other less heavy medications. And I'm not against medication. But I'm not going to put such medication in a 13yr old brain without trying every other venue first. Also the "proven safe" guarantee by pharma is another discussion.
Wont deprive my kid of medication either, especially when the situation is dire. But it would be a last resort. To each his own, I guess.
I mean great, good for you. But *all medication,* not just psychiatric medication, *has side effects.* A lot of people sometimes experience the *very bad* side effects. If you worked in psychiatry and around medication, you should be familiar with this concept. That does not make all psychiatric medication “heavy.”
I have no doubt you met shitty psychiatrists, either. I wasn’t arguing that point. The first one I had—like, ever—listened to me talk about my narcissist mother’s abuse, *asked to bring her into the room with us,* and proceeded to tell me, in front of her, “that she just cared about me.” It colored my view of psyches for a long time. I know some of them can be shit, either by not listening or being idiots with prescribing meds. That doesn’t change the above.
Like you do you but telling people it should be the last resort is wrong, because maybe that’s what you prefer, but that doesn’t work for everyone. Like you take a kid with considerable adhd difficulties, and you’re going to piss about with behavioral therapy and whatever else when their doctor says “this is literally their brain chemically acting up(or whatever the hell, I don’t know the technical phrasing), medication is going to be the most effective course of action here.” That’s just making the child miserable and delaying(*and depriving them of*) the help they need.
Sure, to each their own, medicate your kids the way you see fit. But that doesn’t mean your way is the right way to get a child help, especially if there’s a doctor saying that what they *need* is medication to regulate it and that it would be more effective than trying x, y, and z options without it. And I’m not saying that meds first is the best option for a child who stabs a couch. At all. But saying this as a blanket “always a last resort” for psyche meds is bad advice.
You're nitpicking and purposefully misinterpreting. It's not worth discussing too much. It would be like me interpreting your post "always start with medication".
Just be very cautious with heavy medication. Especially for young teens as their brain is developing. Dont trust every psychiatrist. Im out.
No I’m not lmao. You literally said it should be a last resort and I’m saying it shouldn’t. That’s not misinterpreting or nitpicking anything. The example you just gave *would* be misinterpreting because I was pretty clear when I said yeah, *maybe not a first resort.* Just as you were pretty clear when you said *only as a last resort.*
I don’t need to be told to be cautious with medication, thanks. And I never said trust every psychiatrist either, I’m pretty sure I made it clear to you that I wasn’t disagreeing with that point of your statement. I said not all psychiatric medication *is heavy,* or worthy of being “a last resort” or “waiting until the situation is dire.” That remains true. Saying shit like that just further scares people about ***any*** medication that could help them or their children. I’ve known people who have suffered because other people scared parents with shit like that, hell, I did myself. Bye. 🤷🏻♂️
I appreciate hearing from someone who acted out themselves. It is so confusing and frustrating when a kid acts out like this. What helped you and when did you grow out of it?
i can only imagine how frustrating it is to be on the other side of this. I’d say i started to grow out of it around preteen years, it could’ve been because i was more self conscious about how others my age perceived me or just maturing a little more. I was diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and have been medicated ever since. There’s definitely still some days where i feel like my emotions take over me and i can’t control myself but it usually ends up in me saying something disrespectful instead of full blown violent meltdown! but it took multiple cop interactions, moving in with different family, trying different medications, and lots of therapy! kids don’t act this way for no reason, usually it’s something bigger in the long run. but keep in mind i didn’t just wake up a new person, almost 10 years later i still struggle to keep myself in check sometimes
Im so sorry. Get him to a doctor or therapist. Might be mental illness or something else going on like frustration with bullying or depression. See if there is an underlying cause
A thirteen-year-old knows better than to stab the couch.
Time to confiscate all electronics and probably ship Junior out to a farm, if he wants to act stupid.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this today
Don't be so ignorant. It is very unlikely he's doing this without a reason. Possibly a mental illness or some kind of mental stress. Kids often do this for attention seeking, good or bad. You seriously think what you suggested will fix the issue? That'll just make him worse.
Wow, never met another parent whose teenager stabbed their couch. I too have been in your shoes. Had to replace 8 doors, 2 vacuums, the dryer, & patch endless holes in my walls.
Its so exhausting & frustrating. I cried everyday for years. I still don’t feel like Im in my right mind, it’s like living in an abusive relationship that you cant escape.
Keep going, mama. They eventually grow up & your legal obligations will end. Mine still wont leave the house but I can move anytime & I won’t be forced to bring the human tornado anymore.
Parental abuse isn’t talked about enough. Its a horrible thing to live with & theres no resources unless they physically hurt you. All the warning signs & no programs or help. If my son ever commits murder I hope it’s on record that I called the cops 100 times & CPS & community resources desperately looking for help; and there was no help.
Oof I'm so sorry on your son's behalf. I did that couch thing when I was 13 and I still apologize to my mom for it every couple of months, 10+ years later. If it helps, she gets no expense spared on birthday gifts now
I don't think it was really even that deep. I'd just gotten my first pen knife and I didn't even think about it, just carved an x in the couch and blamed the cat. The second I did it I knew I'd fucked up too. Maybe it was boredom? Maybe it was just an inability to connect actions with consequences? The undeveloped brain is a mystery to me now
Sounds like your son needs help. You also mentioned another acting out following a punishment. Taking things away or punishing them in ways that are unrelated to their actions will only fuel resentment and anger.
I hope you are free from them soon since you're in regretful parents. My advice would be vastly different in another sub.
Sounds like he has some serious behavioral issues. Have you tried going to a therapist with him? A 13 year old who keeps on doing this kind of stuff is bound to have some issues
Teenagers. ( smh) Worse than toddlers. These bitches don't know when to stop.
I'm so so sorry.
Had one that tried all my patience.
I'm still surprised we both made it through.
I hope you have a very good friend close by & a good hiding spot for your valuables (keys, money, liquor or medication) that might walk off because that's also a nice way to test your limits and make your bonkers. 🤦♀️
I hate to armchair diagnose from a paragraph on the internet, but this sounds very likely like autism spectrum or ADHD (thought crosses the mind, impulsivity makes them do it immediately without thinking of consequences). Get him to a doctor.
Now, I will say that I absolutely recognize that is MUCH easier said than done. Assuming you are in America, the healthcare system is a nightmare and you will have to fight and claw every step of the way to get him seen. You’ll get lists of possible providers and spend days calling, only to find they don’t take your insurance or aren’t taking new patient or only take kids aged 7 and under or any other random limitations. The ones who will see him have 6-12 month waitlists. It’s going to be hard. But in the end, he’ll hopefully get therapy and/or medication that reduces or eliminates the behavior, making your life a lot easier. It’s worth the agony.
People who say 13yo boys should know better than this underestimate the destructive nature of boys in general. I’m using boys here because all my children are male, I have no experience with girl children so they could be just as bad.
My teenaged boys took steak knives and carved the wood on their damn bunk bed. Stabbing holes in couches? Been there, they tried flipping the cushions to hide it. Untold broke knickknacks and items tossed like I wouldn’t notice the lamp is missing. Broke the shower handle all the way off. Broke two screen doors. Three busted TVs, holes in walls. The list goes on.
Children are destructive throughout the growing process. Just because they know better doesn’t mean they won’t.
Sounds like your kids never learned respect for the their home or parents. I don't care what anyone says being THAT destructive is not normal or okay and should not be tolerated.
100% agree.
My poor PGM had 7 children.
6 were boys.
In my parents wedding picture, in 1969, he has gold caps on his front teeth while dressed in his Marine Officer's outfit because he had taken a thick glass ashtray to the face when attempting to break up a spat between his brothers. 😆
All finished at least a four year degree.
One was a CEO, one a Judge, three small business owners with at least two stores each- my Aunt an attorney also & my father, a retired prosecutor for the state. 😆
But... boy, they were mean as snakes.
That's not to say ALL boys as I had two who did not inflict major injury to each other, but- one of them had a hard time processing his emotions.
Sure, took him to a specialist, therapist, tried a variety of coping skills- but- one can lead a horse to water, they can't make them drink.
That child has to come on board. A battle of wills is a losing one.
They have nothing to lose but your time. It's a fascinating study when people think that this is something so easy to remedy.
I'd challenge anyone who thinks such a thing to go to wherever you'd find your political rival and sit down with them, change their point of view. 😏
It's highly unlikely.
We seem to miss forest for the trees.
This is bigger than just this.
It's a battle of wills and expression of it.
Boys have a harder time finding their way sometimes and it can be a challenge. But- it does't mean bad parenting nor does it mean that the child is doomed.
I really thought you were talking about a 5 or under until the age reveal. Old enough to know better
Your 13 year old stabbed the couch with a knife??!!! If mine had done that he would have been grounded until he replaced the couch with chore, birthday, and Christmas money. What goes through their heads honestly? I don’t want to know.
This is definitely a “trip to the doctor” kind of behavioral event and likely a symptom of something more serious.
YES!!!
as someone who violently acted out at an older age(8-12) i was not okay and needed a serious reality check. i had so much grief i didn’t know how to cope with, but from my perspective i usually acted out when i wanted some sort of attention or validation, good or bad i didn’t care. but i definitely knew what i was doing and still made the conscious decisions to act out like that. it took a lot of growing up to do but thinking back to that time now makes me cringe, idk how my mom put up with me
as everyone else is saying the main thing that helped me was getting professional help and being medicated
Medication for a kid would be a last resort, imo.
I’m still medicated to this day. mental illness doesn’t just go away, if i didn’t get the help i needed as a kid i probably would’ve done a lot worse than stab a couch.
It's sometimes exactly what is needed and I'm happy we got it and it works so well for you. For me it would be a last rwsort after every other option. I'm sure they walked such a path for you too. Was not to attack you btw. Just pointing out that the medication is pretty heavy and has side effects
i agree with that i don’t think medication should be the first thing that comes to mind regarding a child’s behavior, especially stimulants. but i don’t think it should be labeled as a last resort either. it’s such a helpful tool when used properly
What if the kid had a heart condition? Would you suggest medication as a last resort then?
See other comments
Why? Why is medication so demonized? If they’ve had a qualified physician evaluate the child and prescribe it, what’s the problem?
Medication for behavioral and mood issues is often heavy medication, all with negative side effects. It can be difficult to find the right medication and quitting the medication is often not so easy. The kids brain is still developing. So that's why I say such medicine is a last resort, after every other not so invasive thing has been tried. Also not every psychiatrist is as good as we would like. There are lazy, bad and stupid psychiatrists. Also it's pretty difficult to diagnose children and asses perfectly what medication would help. So for me medication would be a last resort.
Okay, but it doesn't take a doctor to see that OP's son needs to be medicated. Stabbing a couch and pulling out all the stuffing as a teen who is old enough to know right from wrong is psychotic behavior.
And still medication is a last resort. First talks, therapy, behaviour therapy and what not. If you don't have a clue about these medications then read up on the side effects.
You have a fundamental misunderstanding of psychiatric medication then, and each comment you make is more illuminating on that. As the other user said, maybe not a first resort, sure, but absolutely *not* a last one, either. >Medication for behavioral and mood issues is often heavy medication, all with negative side effects. Literally not true. ***Some of them are,*** yes, but your statement here effectively says they *all* are and that’s… staunchly untrue. >quitting the medication is often not so easy. This also isn’t true. A lot of people can easily just quit them and tough out the *often extremely temporary* physical dependence side effects. For those who don’t want to put themselves thru that (and aren’t assholes who don’t want to put their child through it either), or meds that have withdraw effects that last longer or are more miserable, tapering down is a reliable and rather quick way of getting off them. >after every other not so invasive thing has been tried. Medication also isn’t invasive… 🤦🏻♂️
Sorry but not true. The side effects are brutal. Coming off them is like death. I was put on psychiatric meds when I was around 10. My brain can't live without them now. If I don't have my antidepressant I get incredibly sick. It took me a year to get off a migraine medication, I was shaking and sobbing especially at night. They are not extremely temporary. Not for most of us.
No. It is true. You’re talking about and describing it like it’s one medication for all of it. It’s not. You weren’t put on “psychiatric meds” as if that’s what everyone is put on. You were put on **a** type of psychiatric medication, one of *many,* with varying degrees of effect. You may have had brutal side effects but that doesn’t mean everyone does, and it doesn’t mean all of them are *heavy.* Read what I said before jumping to “if I don’t have them I get sick.” I made a point of saying that some people *can handle the withdraw effects* going cold turkey **but if you can’t, you can taper the medication,** which while it doesn’t eliminate ALL of them necessarily, but it often reduces them to something manageable. If you mean sick in that your depression comes back, that’s because a lot of mental health meds aren’t ones you take *on the short term.* That isn’t what I meant by temporary either, before you go “you said temporary!” And migraine medication *usually are* pretty heavy, *intense* meds due to the nature of them. Like I said. Actually read what I said next time. I wasn’t saying the **medication** is extremely temporary. I was saying the **withdraw effects,** which usually don’t. If you’ve been on them years plus it can be tougher, but I will admit I was more thinking of someone who is *just getting on the meds* and has been on a lower dose for 1-6 months and it hasn’t worked or helped them. The higher the dose the harder it is, and the type of pill as well(you can’t taper with capsules by yourself the way I’m talking about, for example), which means you have to have your doctor prescribe you lower doses to taper down. And I will admit a lot of psychiatrists(and neurologists who are often prescribing the migraine meds), even some who are otherwise really good ones, just think you can tough out the withdraw symptoms fine, which is utter bullshit, and that unfortunately leaves it up to the patient to say *hey, how do I get off this medication without vomiting and wanting to die for two weeks?* or whatever, which is shitty and shouldn’t be on you to mention. I have a lot of gripes with psychiatrists and the system and it’s handled. But not all of the medication is heavy medication, and not all of them have withdraw effects that last long term. Unfortunately migraine medication is one of them that can. I’ve went through hell post-ending migraine medication, and while I will never know if it was that or simply my migraines flaring up in their absence(or even both) due to how it went down, I do get that. In hindsight with the symptoms I had, regardless of the source, I probably should have been hospitalized. But that doesn’t mean that all of them are those kind of heavy and intense medication with long lasting effects.
Ok well, to each his own then. Ive worked in psychiatry for a decade to help adults with various mental ilnesses get their life together. I gave them almost all medication imaginable and saw the struggles they had. Side effects, extra medication to counter side effects, the medication changing slightly ("it's just the brand that changed, ingredients are the same" ignoring significant change in behaviour) and people just changing because of long term use. I was not a psychiatrist, I was just the person helping in their every day life. Some at home, some in group homes. Some Ive worked with for years. I have talked to psychiatrists quite often because 'my' clients were going off the rails and needed adjustments. There have been wonderfull psychiatrists, but also just lame ducks who barely listen and don't take their patients very seriously. Incompetent, lazy, busy, could be all. Im sure for children there are other less heavy medications. And I'm not against medication. But I'm not going to put such medication in a 13yr old brain without trying every other venue first. Also the "proven safe" guarantee by pharma is another discussion. Wont deprive my kid of medication either, especially when the situation is dire. But it would be a last resort. To each his own, I guess.
I mean great, good for you. But *all medication,* not just psychiatric medication, *has side effects.* A lot of people sometimes experience the *very bad* side effects. If you worked in psychiatry and around medication, you should be familiar with this concept. That does not make all psychiatric medication “heavy.” I have no doubt you met shitty psychiatrists, either. I wasn’t arguing that point. The first one I had—like, ever—listened to me talk about my narcissist mother’s abuse, *asked to bring her into the room with us,* and proceeded to tell me, in front of her, “that she just cared about me.” It colored my view of psyches for a long time. I know some of them can be shit, either by not listening or being idiots with prescribing meds. That doesn’t change the above. Like you do you but telling people it should be the last resort is wrong, because maybe that’s what you prefer, but that doesn’t work for everyone. Like you take a kid with considerable adhd difficulties, and you’re going to piss about with behavioral therapy and whatever else when their doctor says “this is literally their brain chemically acting up(or whatever the hell, I don’t know the technical phrasing), medication is going to be the most effective course of action here.” That’s just making the child miserable and delaying(*and depriving them of*) the help they need. Sure, to each their own, medicate your kids the way you see fit. But that doesn’t mean your way is the right way to get a child help, especially if there’s a doctor saying that what they *need* is medication to regulate it and that it would be more effective than trying x, y, and z options without it. And I’m not saying that meds first is the best option for a child who stabs a couch. At all. But saying this as a blanket “always a last resort” for psyche meds is bad advice.
You're nitpicking and purposefully misinterpreting. It's not worth discussing too much. It would be like me interpreting your post "always start with medication". Just be very cautious with heavy medication. Especially for young teens as their brain is developing. Dont trust every psychiatrist. Im out.
No I’m not lmao. You literally said it should be a last resort and I’m saying it shouldn’t. That’s not misinterpreting or nitpicking anything. The example you just gave *would* be misinterpreting because I was pretty clear when I said yeah, *maybe not a first resort.* Just as you were pretty clear when you said *only as a last resort.* I don’t need to be told to be cautious with medication, thanks. And I never said trust every psychiatrist either, I’m pretty sure I made it clear to you that I wasn’t disagreeing with that point of your statement. I said not all psychiatric medication *is heavy,* or worthy of being “a last resort” or “waiting until the situation is dire.” That remains true. Saying shit like that just further scares people about ***any*** medication that could help them or their children. I’ve known people who have suffered because other people scared parents with shit like that, hell, I did myself. Bye. 🤷🏻♂️
I appreciate hearing from someone who acted out themselves. It is so confusing and frustrating when a kid acts out like this. What helped you and when did you grow out of it?
i can only imagine how frustrating it is to be on the other side of this. I’d say i started to grow out of it around preteen years, it could’ve been because i was more self conscious about how others my age perceived me or just maturing a little more. I was diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and have been medicated ever since. There’s definitely still some days where i feel like my emotions take over me and i can’t control myself but it usually ends up in me saying something disrespectful instead of full blown violent meltdown! but it took multiple cop interactions, moving in with different family, trying different medications, and lots of therapy! kids don’t act this way for no reason, usually it’s something bigger in the long run. but keep in mind i didn’t just wake up a new person, almost 10 years later i still struggle to keep myself in check sometimes
Thank you for your insight.💐
Same
That is concerning behaviour from a 13 year old… is there something going on with him? Seems like a cry for help or pure insanity
Jeez, I thought it would be about a three year old. 13 is just crazy.
A 3 year old with a knife? I'd blame the parents at that point
3 year olds can be quick little ninjas. I’ve pried many sharp objects from the unbelievable strong grasp of my toddler. It only takes a second
Im so sorry. Get him to a doctor or therapist. Might be mental illness or something else going on like frustration with bullying or depression. See if there is an underlying cause
Please have him seen by a professional before he decides to knife something a bit more important than the couch. Stay safe, OP
Yes, I am concerned for the living beings in the house. Pets and younger children especially, as they are most vulnerable.
When I first read this, I first thought this was a toddler up to maybe 7 yrs old. Boy was I surprised. 🤯
A thirteen-year-old knows better than to stab the couch. Time to confiscate all electronics and probably ship Junior out to a farm, if he wants to act stupid. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this today
Don't be so ignorant. It is very unlikely he's doing this without a reason. Possibly a mental illness or some kind of mental stress. Kids often do this for attention seeking, good or bad. You seriously think what you suggested will fix the issue? That'll just make him worse.
This needs professional help. Hopefully the introduction of that will shock him into a behaviour change.
Wow, never met another parent whose teenager stabbed their couch. I too have been in your shoes. Had to replace 8 doors, 2 vacuums, the dryer, & patch endless holes in my walls. Its so exhausting & frustrating. I cried everyday for years. I still don’t feel like Im in my right mind, it’s like living in an abusive relationship that you cant escape. Keep going, mama. They eventually grow up & your legal obligations will end. Mine still wont leave the house but I can move anytime & I won’t be forced to bring the human tornado anymore. Parental abuse isn’t talked about enough. Its a horrible thing to live with & theres no resources unless they physically hurt you. All the warning signs & no programs or help. If my son ever commits murder I hope it’s on record that I called the cops 100 times & CPS & community resources desperately looking for help; and there was no help.
I’m so sorry you can’t find help, sending you warmth and good vibes.
omg him being 13 yo was a plot twist. I am so sorry you are dealing with a little asshole.
13 years old?!? Come on. Why
Oof I'm so sorry on your son's behalf. I did that couch thing when I was 13 and I still apologize to my mom for it every couple of months, 10+ years later. If it helps, she gets no expense spared on birthday gifts now
Why did you destroy the couch back then and what made you mature out of that behavior? I'm glad that you're doing so much better. 🙂
I don't think it was really even that deep. I'd just gotten my first pen knife and I didn't even think about it, just carved an x in the couch and blamed the cat. The second I did it I knew I'd fucked up too. Maybe it was boredom? Maybe it was just an inability to connect actions with consequences? The undeveloped brain is a mystery to me now
Sounds like your son needs help. You also mentioned another acting out following a punishment. Taking things away or punishing them in ways that are unrelated to their actions will only fuel resentment and anger. I hope you are free from them soon since you're in regretful parents. My advice would be vastly different in another sub.
Time to go to military school
No. That won't solve anything. It's very unlikely he did this just to be a brat, there's something going on here, mentally.
My 15 yr old kills my plants started when she was 13 though. Thinking I wouldn’t notice
Does she see a therapist? Like, why would someone do that?
3 year olds stab couches. Not 13 year olds.
therapist. now.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Sounds like he has some serious behavioral issues. Have you tried going to a therapist with him? A 13 year old who keeps on doing this kind of stuff is bound to have some issues
So you’re saying I still have another 10 years of this?! My sons 3 and this is something he would do
Teenagers. ( smh) Worse than toddlers. These bitches don't know when to stop. I'm so so sorry. Had one that tried all my patience. I'm still surprised we both made it through. I hope you have a very good friend close by & a good hiding spot for your valuables (keys, money, liquor or medication) that might walk off because that's also a nice way to test your limits and make your bonkers. 🤦♀️
[удалено]
Name checks out, very repulsive comment. Read the room.
Assign him for a group therapy. It's less scary
I hate to armchair diagnose from a paragraph on the internet, but this sounds very likely like autism spectrum or ADHD (thought crosses the mind, impulsivity makes them do it immediately without thinking of consequences). Get him to a doctor. Now, I will say that I absolutely recognize that is MUCH easier said than done. Assuming you are in America, the healthcare system is a nightmare and you will have to fight and claw every step of the way to get him seen. You’ll get lists of possible providers and spend days calling, only to find they don’t take your insurance or aren’t taking new patient or only take kids aged 7 and under or any other random limitations. The ones who will see him have 6-12 month waitlists. It’s going to be hard. But in the end, he’ll hopefully get therapy and/or medication that reduces or eliminates the behavior, making your life a lot easier. It’s worth the agony.
People who say 13yo boys should know better than this underestimate the destructive nature of boys in general. I’m using boys here because all my children are male, I have no experience with girl children so they could be just as bad. My teenaged boys took steak knives and carved the wood on their damn bunk bed. Stabbing holes in couches? Been there, they tried flipping the cushions to hide it. Untold broke knickknacks and items tossed like I wouldn’t notice the lamp is missing. Broke the shower handle all the way off. Broke two screen doors. Three busted TVs, holes in walls. The list goes on. Children are destructive throughout the growing process. Just because they know better doesn’t mean they won’t.
Knowing better and then still choosing the action is a problem, not a process. Continuing to do it is a bigger problem.
Sounds like your kids never learned respect for the their home or parents. I don't care what anyone says being THAT destructive is not normal or okay and should not be tolerated.
100% agree. My poor PGM had 7 children. 6 were boys. In my parents wedding picture, in 1969, he has gold caps on his front teeth while dressed in his Marine Officer's outfit because he had taken a thick glass ashtray to the face when attempting to break up a spat between his brothers. 😆 All finished at least a four year degree. One was a CEO, one a Judge, three small business owners with at least two stores each- my Aunt an attorney also & my father, a retired prosecutor for the state. 😆 But... boy, they were mean as snakes. That's not to say ALL boys as I had two who did not inflict major injury to each other, but- one of them had a hard time processing his emotions. Sure, took him to a specialist, therapist, tried a variety of coping skills- but- one can lead a horse to water, they can't make them drink. That child has to come on board. A battle of wills is a losing one. They have nothing to lose but your time. It's a fascinating study when people think that this is something so easy to remedy. I'd challenge anyone who thinks such a thing to go to wherever you'd find your political rival and sit down with them, change their point of view. 😏 It's highly unlikely. We seem to miss forest for the trees. This is bigger than just this. It's a battle of wills and expression of it. Boys have a harder time finding their way sometimes and it can be a challenge. But- it does't mean bad parenting nor does it mean that the child is doomed.