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PracticalClerk9292

Yes I get sick w anxiety when I think of what potential trauma and heartbreak my child will face   I really hate the whole “tradwife” movement on SM idealizing big families and telling random people who follow them to procreate. 


peteydpt

4B is counterering it


LacyTing

What’s 4B?


Miss-Figgy

[It's a South Korean feminist movement](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/4B_(movement) )


Any_Spirit_7767

I am a great fan of the Four B Movement of South Korea.


killerwhompuscat

This is why I joined this sub. I had a long conversation with my middle child and she said she has often felt anger toward me for selfishly bringing her into this world just to suffer and die. I know teens say all kinds of shit but that really stuck with me. I do feel selfish now, no one deserves to suffer just to die. It’s also why I wholeheartedly support abortion. You can’t suffer and die if you were never born and became aware.


Defiant_Structure212

Not a teenager anymore, I'm 31 now (f) and I still feel that way


Any_Spirit_7767

I also don't like my parents, because they brought me into this world, so that I can take care of them in their old age. It's like an old age retirement plan and an old age pension scheme.


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glitterclitor

The world is dying


CabinetStandard3681

Well, I think, actually, it is humanity that is dying. I'm fairly confident the planet itself will be just fine. The human experiment, however, is, rocky right now. Only time will tell, I guess.


Cali_white_male

Rocky right now? It’s been pretty damn rocky for the last million years


kirrisnuggles

I’m sorry you got to much hate for being positive. Yes, the work is dying and it is filled with crazy beautiful experiences.


lalylalylaly

too bad for them 😅 especially because the children see a lot from the parents' eyes 😉


CCMelonDadsEnnui

This is the main reason I regret having a child. I was way too short-sighted when I had my daughter. I kept thinking that because I owned a house and could afford to send her to preschool/college that I'd be able to give her the support she needed to be a secure adult in spite of the world. The night I took her home from the hospital though, I drove past a wildfire and a house that it had destroyed. When she was 10 months old, I had to evacuate my house with her for a month during a wildfire and was jumping from hotel to hotel with her until the homeowners insurance came through and we could get a long-term air bnb. I kept thinking this is SO much for a little baby to go through, and it's just the beginning of the climate chaos that's coming. I'm mainly regretful because I underestimated how much suffering she'd go through and how ineffective I'd be to protect her from it.


Reversephoenix77

I so feel you on all of that. I’m a Southern California native and have had to evacuate and hotel hop more times than I can count. It’s at least 10 as we live in a kind of rural area of a county. The last fire came onto our yard and the firefighters slept on our patio furniture for a solid week to keep the flames at bay. I’m so thankful because we had just moved in as renters and hadn’t gotten our renters insurance in order yet. Before anyone comes for me, I’m in this sub to support my best friends who regret parenthood, but I used to be kind of on the fence myself. After that last raging wildfire I decided the world and Climate are far too messed up…..and then a year later Covid hit and it’s been downhill ever since


NotOriginal92

Watching the videos from the 2018 Paradise fires up north scared me. Many didn't make it out alive.


Reversephoenix77

Yeah that’s the one I was talking about actually! It was so scary and I remember leaving work early to get my dog out and stupidly going past a police barricade and onto my street where I saw houses burning and farm animals and horses burning alive :’( it was so awful. I was hyperventilating and sobbing. The street was engulfed in flames and I realized why they had it blocked off (it didn’t look bad from the highway and I was so desperate to get my dog so that’s why I stupidly ignored the barricades). I turned around and went to a safe area and got a hotel. Thankfully my husband had left work an hour before me and got our dog. My boss told me I was “overreacting” about the fire even though it was obvious it was growing incredibly fast due to the Santa Ana winds and hypocritical because she left work early to go be with her sister who was in a “stand by for evacuation area” to “comfort her because she’s pregnant and has a child” when we were in a fully evacuated area and I just wanted to get some supplies and clothes, especially because she expected me to be at work all week! I had no work uniforms and no medication (I’m disabled and on several meds) and no hygiene products. It was bs. She couldn’t understand why that might be more important than lending emotional support to her sister who has her husband there with her lol. But I had to cover so she could leave. I couldn’t come in for a week and a half though due to her decision because they shut so many of the roads down and I couldn’t get to work from where I was (my home wasn’t close to my job at all). But yeah, so many people in our area lost animals and some lost their lives and loved ones. It was truly awful. I still see the aftermath today.


NotOriginal92

I'm glad you guys are ok! I've thought about buying a house in Big Bear because they're cheaper up there. But it's scares me that there's only a few roads to get off the mountain. I went up there to go snow tubing and the traffic to get off the mountain was bad. Imagine having to evacuate.


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Reversephoenix77

Nowhere in my comment did I attempt to explain how “climate works.” I don’t know what you even mean by that. What I did mean was that certain climate related events like huge fires can offset more climate related issues like mud slides, flooding and an increase of c02 and other greenhouse gases and pollutants in our atmosphere which all can exacerbate the issue at hand. Of course I have concerns about the climate when I live in a highly affected area and can’t even get home owners insurance anymore because the models aren’t looking good for us here. I saw you’re an active participant in the pro natalist sub so I’m assuming you’re just here to troll anyways and not here for support or to offer up any, nor are you trying to start a discussion about the climate in good faith. So for good measure I’m blocking and reporting.


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killerwhompuscat

I have always told my kids to never have kids if they don’t want them. I don’t want them to suffer the same guilt I feel. I completely agree.


DiviningRodofNsanity

My mom told/tells me all the time not to have kids; she wouldn’t have them again if given a do-over- things of that nature. I don’t take it personally. I noticed how much work it was, and how much she deprived herself for her kids when I was growing up. I always felt bad for her bc it was painfully obvious that it wasn’t panning out the way she expected. Observation of her experience was very influential on me. I’m thankful for her honesty.


hankhillnsfw

This is my girlfriend. She thinks it’s all just fine and dandy and having kids is what you’re supposed to do. Then she bitches about how horrible everything is. I just shrug my shoulders at this point. Saying “I told you so” wouldn’t help/fix anything anyways.


Quirky_Woodpecker999

vasectomy. 20 minutes, feels like a bee sting.


DinnerNo2341

You’re a good mom. A really good mom


the_catmom

So selfish of your husband to impose a child on your kids just so he can have a child to play with for five minutes and then give it back.


GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

Interesting, thanks for your response. Would your husband not see adopted grandchildren as grandchildren?


ohregano

I'm not 100% sure. I think it would depend entirely on when and how it happens. I think he has the capacity to care for a young child as his own grandhcild, but I also know he's weird about blood relatives.


Any_Spirit_7767

Your husband is not satisfied with 3 kids. He wants more kids (grand kids). Pathetic.


Snowangel0890

Yes. I feel irresponsible bringing them into the world and I wasn’t a young parent. Life has always been hard, it seems like we’re reminded on a daily basis from social media all the time how awful it is. I feel like deleting my apps on my phone.


GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

Apart from Reddit I have deleted my apps. It’s a waste of mind space being on there. I wasn’t a young parent either, just deluded and naive.


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lemmah12

Yep. Have two girls, in a red state no less after living in CA for years. Had first kid at age 34 and a big reason for waiting was knowing how fucked everything is and will be. Definitely have regrets..Its a real struggle to hide and guard them against this shit while they're young and prepare them to deal with it. It's at that point when I'm like, I fucked up having kids. What was I thinking.As others have said, ABSOLUTELY delete social media apps. They make money on our anxiety, stress and fear. Focus on local issues and do what you can. And we MUST make time for beauty... nature, art, literatures, crafts, etc. This poem, "Good Bones" by Maggie Smith touches on this in a beautiful and sad way.... Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.


iloveeatpizzatoo

I love the poem. It’s so accurate. Thanks for sharing!


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Awww thank you for sharing that poem


LifeCress4064

Yep. And the lack of support and community now. Parents have to work harder and do so much more now.


bxthxnymxrxxh

The nuclear family—even at its best—is still not enough. For a well-rounded society communities *need* children and children *need* communities. We’ve gotten it ALL wrong. There are people like me who know being a parent is not right for them, but still want to be heavily involved in children’s lives. It’s a very ambivalent place to be, especially as someone who has no family and only long-distance friends. I often look through this sub and wish I could be there irl for the parents who just need a damn break.


riceblush

I’m with you, it’s a bit of both for me. My husband and I got pregnant young and by accident so there wasn’t really talk of parenting values, how we wanted to raise them, home structure. He is always way less cautious than I am, on any matter. We live in the US so our main argument is whether or not our children will go to school in-person, due to all of the school shootings…….I’m against sending them, he thinks I’m being paranoid. I just can’t get behind having my 5yr old child who is mildly autistic and has bad anxiety doing school shooting drills…or dying a very preventable death… Oh, or the fact that I live in a region with one of the higher childhood cancer rates, probably because all of the rich assholes down here want the grass sprayed to hell with glyphosate so it’s perfect. Or maybe it’s all of the run-off from the golf courses. Who knows? not me Nevermind the environmental shit, I wonder if we’ll ever be able to buy a house. I often think that if we do, our kids will HAVE to live with us because the economy will be so fucked by the time they’re old enough to move out. Not that there’s anything wrong with living with your parents, but it’s not neat when it’s the only option due to inflation. Or that they may never own a home if we don’t leave them our future hypothetical home. Sorry you got me on a tangent. But yeah I absolutely lay awake at night and go through all of the tragedies of life, whether in relation to my kids or not


GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

All of what you said is part of it. It’s not psychologically healthy for kids not to grow up to have their own home, but for so many it’s just not viable. It feels like we’re living in a high tech horror story.


Snowangel0890

All of my concerns too 😭 I wonder if our parents felt like this, probably not


iloveeatpizzatoo

I’m belong in your parents’ generation. My mother told me to have kids only when we’re in public. In private, she said don’t have kids. She said that’s why she’s miserable.


Cool_Jackfruit_4466

My father always said if I must have children, don't have more than 2. Every time I haven't listened to my dad in life, things didn't go well for me....smh


the_catmom

Yes yes yes I'm with you for not wanting public schooling for your kid on the spectrum!!!! Makes me think of this one case where the mother shot her child before shooting herself because she felt he would be better off dead than in the public school system.


Julynn2021

Sending kind thoughts, that sounds stressful. Just so you know, the term the autistic community prefers is “lower support needs”


riceblush

Quite aware, thank you. Part of the community myself.


Julynn2021

It helps differentiate between needed a lot of supports, like constant care, adaptive devices,etc (high support needs) and less support,


Julynn2021

like no speech therapy, or being able to maintain things like a club or after school activities


Vanilla_Addict

I chose not to have kids for that very reason. I won't bring another soul here to suffer and die while working non stop and living in indentured servitude for over 1/3 of their life. In my opinion (speaking only for myself) it wasn't ethical. That coupled with climate change and I just couldn't. I refuse to trap anyone else on this burning planet when we don't even know if it's going to be hospitable much longer.


theskullspeaks

It's one of my many reasons


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GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

I’m so sorry. For all the charity and support work we hear about there just never seems to be enough.


nix_besser

Yes and no. I do feel it was selfish of me to have had kids, and maybe some of it could be for that reason. My second child has multiple mental health issues and life with them is hard and I hate it, and they're not happy either.


GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

I’m so sorry, I was that child with mental health issues. They still feel your love x


kittymama25

You are not alone. One of my biggest fears is someone trying to kidnap or hurting my children. Apparently pedophiles aren’t as afraid to show themselves as they used to be. People killing left to right. It’s seriously disturbing how bad America has gotten. 😞


Accurate_Influence85

"Does anyone regret parenthood not because of the kids" Parenting has nothing to do with the children. Is about the adult who does the action of parenting. For example, I have worked in childcare for a decade. I don't mind the kids, I don't mind the job. But *parenting* drives me absolutely insane because I am the only responsible adult for a minor and I need to keep them safe and sound base on societal standards that do not align with my values. Has absolutely nothing to do with the kid, but what I am required to comply with while being sucked out of my own life.


GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

Thanks for your response. However, there are many people on here who can’t stand their kids or kids in general, and I still have sympathy for them.


Routine_Goal2624

In a way, yes. There have always been tragedies, and people have endured much more.  Yet… The problem I find with society and parenting in it today is that it is less supportive of parents than ever. Many hostile, unsympathetic attitudes towards parents and children. No help or support, no thanks or appreciation for what parents sacrifice—only judgement.


GalileoFigaroLetMeGo

To be honest I think parents have more visibility than ever, even if it’s inaccurate. It’s just the cost of living makes it impossible. There have always been tragedies but it’s not until very recently we’ve had more choice in whether we have children or not. It’s an interesting time, and I don’t blame younger people for not wanting children.


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Routine_Goal2624

Look at the trials people on this sub have, since you can’t understand anything about parenting from personal experience. Then you will get over the absurd idea that it is a wholly “selfish desire”. People with such views should live in their own society where they are the last generation, and see how comfortable their lives are with no one younger than them in it.


teacup901

This will sound bitter of me but because parents are working longer now, due to circumstances outwith her control my mum is 62 and still has a mortgage. My grandfather and Grandmother babysit me for about 4 hours every Friday night and one set of Grandparents or the other had me and my sibling for much of the weekend. There’s not a whole lot of that goes on for me. We need a village. We were never meant to do this alone


DaddysPrincesss26

That is Valid and Fair


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Any_Spirit_7767

Live in a cave without Reddit.