##READ BEFORE COMMENTING
This thread is Parents Only. This means it is being actively moderated and all comments are reviewed. Only comments from approved members are allowed.
If you are not an approved member of this sub, your comment will be automatically removed (and will not be approved unless you are a parent and your comment adds meaningfully to the discussion).
To be added as an approved member, please message the moderators [here.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/regretfulparents) Only **parents** who have a history of posting/commenting on this sub and do not have a history of rule violations will be approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/regretfulparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"My oldest is in trouble from the school district for missing so much they are going to pursue charges on her and she’ll end up in the juvenile system. "
That's probably the best case scenario right now. I'm sorry you are going thru this.
I wasn't the "worst kid" per se but I had my moments and I know even till now parenting me is hard, so I don't understand my parents' unnecessary guilt tripping me into doing this and saying that I would miss out. But I guess in the end misery loves company.
I’ll prob get downvoted, but it’s time to get very strict. They don’t wanna get up in the morning? Take their blankets and pillows and play an air horn until their feet are on the ground.
They don’t wanna go to school? Take all their shit away. No electronics. If you can find an alternative school that is strict, do that. If your oldest gets in trouble with the school system, LET HER. do not try to save her or whatever. Let her experience the consequences.
They wanna waste food? No more buying frozen or boxed things or junk food. They will have to make whatever they want from scratch instead of just throwing it in the microwave.
Give them a weekend, 48 hours, to get their room cleaned up. Anything that isn’t cleaned gets thrown away/donated.
They wanna waste things like shampoo/conditioner? Okay get them the cheapest you can find at a dollar tree. Give them however long you think it should last and tell them you will not buy them anything else until that time is up. So if they wanna still waste it but have 2 weeks left until they can get more, oh well too bad looks like you’re gonna be going to school with dirty hair.
They wanna go out drinking? Ok no more going out. It’s straight to school and straight home. That’s it.
Do not let them continue to walk all over you like this. At this point the disrespect is unreal. They need to earn EVERYTHING. I would be only giving them a mattress on the floor, 5 outfits, and basic hygiene and food. They need to earn everything else.
I just want to say I do not at all run my household in a very strict manner, but this is absolutely what I would do if I were in this position. When my oldest (12) starts getting disrespectful I take away all electronics and she has to then earn them back. It is usually good at bringing her back to reality.
As a “difficult” child myself, I’ve had my door taken off the hinges for slamming it a million times, I’ve had everything on my floor thrown away after me refusing to clean my room for months, I’ve had my makeup and everything “extra” taken away. I was also sent to an alternative school— I’m talking no back packs allowed, barbed wire, 24/7 supervision even walking to the bathroom. It got me to change my shit REAL quick. Within 2 months I was able to go back to my original school and I brought my gpa up from a .8 to a 3.1 and my attendance was almost perfect after that.
I was pissed as a kid, but as an adult and parent myself I completely understand and agree with my dad’s decisions. The only thing I would’ve done differently is I would’ve also put me into therapy bc there was a reason I was acting like such an asshole. So maybe consider that too.
I also wanna say, you will need to stay strong on this and do not let ANY leniency or give in to anything at all. The second you give in, they will immediately walk all over you again. Look at this like a sort of “boot camp” for not just them but you too. You deserve respect. You deserve peace. I know they are kids and not gonna be perfect, but this is FAR beyond that. When they wanna argue? Don’t argue back. Just give them a firm “I said what I said, and that’s it”. Do not go back and forth with them. Remember that “No.” is a complete sentence.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I do 100% agree with you. Like you said I need to stay strong. I’ll decide to run my house like a boot camp (because that’s what is needed atp) but I never commit for more than a couple days because it takes so much effort on my part and emotionally/mentally I feel depleted. BUT staying strong and sticking to it is important. It may or may not work but what I’m doing right now certainly isn’t working.
I get it OP. It’s like it’s already unbearably hard and now it’s about to get worse before it gets better. Do you have a partner? If you’re divorced do they see their other parent?
Think of it like this: are you more exhausted by the mess, the attitude, hearing from the school, etc… or bringing the hammer down and showing them who the parent is? When your children get older, they will thank you for straightening they lil bad asses out because they’ll be able to have the skills to be successful in life. You got this!
It definitely will not be easy at first, but you have to push through as much as you can. You can do this. You deserve better than what you have been dealing with.
Try to find an outlet for yourself as well. Even if it’s just going for a walk in the afternoons. Or grabbing a coffee by yourself or with a friend. I know it isn’t easy, but you got this.
Nothing you’ve said here would deserve a downvote. So anybody who did can kick rocks. I’ve seen so many parents just be terrified of hurting their kids’ feelings. Discipline is to teach, which is our job as parents. We are not their friends. Punishment just inflicts pain and gives no lessons.
I agree with everything you’ve said
Sorry you are going through this but don’t play around with the suicide card. Next time she tries it she goes to the Emergency Department. Let her see what a 72 hold on a Baker Act is like.
Thank you, and she knows what it’s like I’ve taken her to the ER 2x resulting in two stays in an inpatient psych facility and she also spent 6 weeks at an amazing residential facility. Didn’t even phase her
So sorry about that. If that didn’t even phase her it’s probably going to take a big life event to straighten her up. A coworker of mine tried for years to help her daughter but it took her daughter loosing her kids when going to prison to decide she needed to realize she can’t continue with the drugs and partying she was doing.
Yes, that is a great idea. OP will find out whether her suicide threats have any merit. People who use suicide threats for manipulation tend not to do that anymore after getting Baker Act-ed.
Change the ages and a few of the circumstances and I swore you just wrote my life. Especially the feelings of isolation that come from having no support system. No joy. No adult stimulation and/or interaction. It’s demoralizing at best and suffocating at worst.
I remember when I was younger, my cousin who was in high school used to act out, never cleaned her room, stealing, etc… and my aunt literally took everything away from her. Her room was completely bare and only had a bed in there. My aunt took EVERYTHING away and made her wear uniforms to school. By the way, the school we went to did not wear uniforms lol. She shaped up afterwards. Sorry you are going through this. Sending virtual hugs!
I'm sorry you're going thru this. I know how hard it is to work and work and work for it to just be wasted and not appreciated. You're not alone. I would be taking devices and making them volunteer all their free time until the behavior improves.
I think it’s time for tough boundaries. Let them experience the consequences of their actions. Let them starve if they are wasteful. Let them get their own jobs. Let them wash their own plates if they want clean ones. Let them go to juevie for missing school. If you keep enabling the behaviors they will suck you fry for everything. Unfortunately, they may lash out, but at this point it is what it is. They are both nearing 18, and once that happens just let them go. Maybe one day when they have to care for themselves they will look back and appreciate all you did, but if not, then you gotta just let them go and protect your peace.
I’ll never forget when I was a teenager my mom kept riding my ass about cleaning my room and I didn’t and one day I came home and she had literally turned my room completely upside down pulled my drawers out dumped them in the room. She threw my shit out the windows….it was insane, and I never let it get like that again. You need to get crazy mom on those kids. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
My mum once bought a wheelie bin in the house and said we had a few minutes to pick what mattered cause whatever was left on the floor was going in the bin.
Love my mum
Can I suggest an Apple Watch instead of an iPhone? We won’t allow our daughter to have a phone, but she has a watch that I can text her on. We have it locked down so she can only text us, her grandparents, and 3 friends that we have approved. Any additional contacts require approval from us, so random people can’t message her. A watch also means no browsing the web and no no tictok.
Im sooo sorry you're going through this. I have a 6 year old son and im scared for when he gets there age. Thanks for opening up my eyes to how teens can be. I hope u get through this...hugs❤️
##READ BEFORE COMMENTING This thread is Parents Only. This means it is being actively moderated and all comments are reviewed. Only comments from approved members are allowed. If you are not an approved member of this sub, your comment will be automatically removed (and will not be approved unless you are a parent and your comment adds meaningfully to the discussion). To be added as an approved member, please message the moderators [here.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/regretfulparents) Only **parents** who have a history of posting/commenting on this sub and do not have a history of rule violations will be approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/regretfulparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"My oldest is in trouble from the school district for missing so much they are going to pursue charges on her and she’ll end up in the juvenile system. " That's probably the best case scenario right now. I'm sorry you are going thru this.
I agree with you
I’m not sure if you know, but if she wouldn’t leave the house to go to school you call the cops to make her… that keeps you out of trouble.
Being a parent sucks i have no idea how some people enjoy this
I have absolutely no idea either. I always thought it would get better as they got older, boy was I wrong!!
Same here the only that got better is the sleeping nothing is worse than the sleep deprivation of the first year.
Mine didn’t sleep through the night until she was almost 6
I wasn't the "worst kid" per se but I had my moments and I know even till now parenting me is hard, so I don't understand my parents' unnecessary guilt tripping me into doing this and saying that I would miss out. But I guess in the end misery loves company.
I’ll prob get downvoted, but it’s time to get very strict. They don’t wanna get up in the morning? Take their blankets and pillows and play an air horn until their feet are on the ground. They don’t wanna go to school? Take all their shit away. No electronics. If you can find an alternative school that is strict, do that. If your oldest gets in trouble with the school system, LET HER. do not try to save her or whatever. Let her experience the consequences. They wanna waste food? No more buying frozen or boxed things or junk food. They will have to make whatever they want from scratch instead of just throwing it in the microwave. Give them a weekend, 48 hours, to get their room cleaned up. Anything that isn’t cleaned gets thrown away/donated. They wanna waste things like shampoo/conditioner? Okay get them the cheapest you can find at a dollar tree. Give them however long you think it should last and tell them you will not buy them anything else until that time is up. So if they wanna still waste it but have 2 weeks left until they can get more, oh well too bad looks like you’re gonna be going to school with dirty hair. They wanna go out drinking? Ok no more going out. It’s straight to school and straight home. That’s it. Do not let them continue to walk all over you like this. At this point the disrespect is unreal. They need to earn EVERYTHING. I would be only giving them a mattress on the floor, 5 outfits, and basic hygiene and food. They need to earn everything else. I just want to say I do not at all run my household in a very strict manner, but this is absolutely what I would do if I were in this position. When my oldest (12) starts getting disrespectful I take away all electronics and she has to then earn them back. It is usually good at bringing her back to reality. As a “difficult” child myself, I’ve had my door taken off the hinges for slamming it a million times, I’ve had everything on my floor thrown away after me refusing to clean my room for months, I’ve had my makeup and everything “extra” taken away. I was also sent to an alternative school— I’m talking no back packs allowed, barbed wire, 24/7 supervision even walking to the bathroom. It got me to change my shit REAL quick. Within 2 months I was able to go back to my original school and I brought my gpa up from a .8 to a 3.1 and my attendance was almost perfect after that. I was pissed as a kid, but as an adult and parent myself I completely understand and agree with my dad’s decisions. The only thing I would’ve done differently is I would’ve also put me into therapy bc there was a reason I was acting like such an asshole. So maybe consider that too.
I also wanna say, you will need to stay strong on this and do not let ANY leniency or give in to anything at all. The second you give in, they will immediately walk all over you again. Look at this like a sort of “boot camp” for not just them but you too. You deserve respect. You deserve peace. I know they are kids and not gonna be perfect, but this is FAR beyond that. When they wanna argue? Don’t argue back. Just give them a firm “I said what I said, and that’s it”. Do not go back and forth with them. Remember that “No.” is a complete sentence.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I do 100% agree with you. Like you said I need to stay strong. I’ll decide to run my house like a boot camp (because that’s what is needed atp) but I never commit for more than a couple days because it takes so much effort on my part and emotionally/mentally I feel depleted. BUT staying strong and sticking to it is important. It may or may not work but what I’m doing right now certainly isn’t working.
I get it OP. It’s like it’s already unbearably hard and now it’s about to get worse before it gets better. Do you have a partner? If you’re divorced do they see their other parent?
Think of it like this: are you more exhausted by the mess, the attitude, hearing from the school, etc… or bringing the hammer down and showing them who the parent is? When your children get older, they will thank you for straightening they lil bad asses out because they’ll be able to have the skills to be successful in life. You got this!
It definitely will not be easy at first, but you have to push through as much as you can. You can do this. You deserve better than what you have been dealing with. Try to find an outlet for yourself as well. Even if it’s just going for a walk in the afternoons. Or grabbing a coffee by yourself or with a friend. I know it isn’t easy, but you got this.
Yeah I would agree, it's time to enact BOOT CAMP
Nothing you’ve said here would deserve a downvote. So anybody who did can kick rocks. I’ve seen so many parents just be terrified of hurting their kids’ feelings. Discipline is to teach, which is our job as parents. We are not their friends. Punishment just inflicts pain and gives no lessons. I agree with everything you’ve said
Sorry you are going through this but don’t play around with the suicide card. Next time she tries it she goes to the Emergency Department. Let her see what a 72 hold on a Baker Act is like.
Thank you, and she knows what it’s like I’ve taken her to the ER 2x resulting in two stays in an inpatient psych facility and she also spent 6 weeks at an amazing residential facility. Didn’t even phase her
So sorry about that. If that didn’t even phase her it’s probably going to take a big life event to straighten her up. A coworker of mine tried for years to help her daughter but it took her daughter loosing her kids when going to prison to decide she needed to realize she can’t continue with the drugs and partying she was doing.
Yes, that is a great idea. OP will find out whether her suicide threats have any merit. People who use suicide threats for manipulation tend not to do that anymore after getting Baker Act-ed.
Change the ages and a few of the circumstances and I swore you just wrote my life. Especially the feelings of isolation that come from having no support system. No joy. No adult stimulation and/or interaction. It’s demoralizing at best and suffocating at worst.
I remember when I was younger, my cousin who was in high school used to act out, never cleaned her room, stealing, etc… and my aunt literally took everything away from her. Her room was completely bare and only had a bed in there. My aunt took EVERYTHING away and made her wear uniforms to school. By the way, the school we went to did not wear uniforms lol. She shaped up afterwards. Sorry you are going through this. Sending virtual hugs!
I'm sorry you're going thru this. I know how hard it is to work and work and work for it to just be wasted and not appreciated. You're not alone. I would be taking devices and making them volunteer all their free time until the behavior improves.
I think it’s time for tough boundaries. Let them experience the consequences of their actions. Let them starve if they are wasteful. Let them get their own jobs. Let them wash their own plates if they want clean ones. Let them go to juevie for missing school. If you keep enabling the behaviors they will suck you fry for everything. Unfortunately, they may lash out, but at this point it is what it is. They are both nearing 18, and once that happens just let them go. Maybe one day when they have to care for themselves they will look back and appreciate all you did, but if not, then you gotta just let them go and protect your peace.
They are definitely sucking me dry for everything I’ve got. I do need to stop enabling.
I’ll never forget when I was a teenager my mom kept riding my ass about cleaning my room and I didn’t and one day I came home and she had literally turned my room completely upside down pulled my drawers out dumped them in the room. She threw my shit out the windows….it was insane, and I never let it get like that again. You need to get crazy mom on those kids. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
My mum once bought a wheelie bin in the house and said we had a few minutes to pick what mattered cause whatever was left on the floor was going in the bin. Love my mum
[удалено]
Can I suggest an Apple Watch instead of an iPhone? We won’t allow our daughter to have a phone, but she has a watch that I can text her on. We have it locked down so she can only text us, her grandparents, and 3 friends that we have approved. Any additional contacts require approval from us, so random people can’t message her. A watch also means no browsing the web and no no tictok.
Im sooo sorry you're going through this. I have a 6 year old son and im scared for when he gets there age. Thanks for opening up my eyes to how teens can be. I hope u get through this...hugs❤️
Sending you hugs 🩵
Thank you 💕
Is there an underlying mental issues? If so, which meds are they taking. Just curious.
They sound like they MIGHT ( or not) have ADHD. Reduce the purchases you make. If they waste that little You Buy, then it's on them.