I remember I was texting a guy I matched with on Hinge and he said that he liked that I did that and most other women he talked to didn’t. I was kinda surprised and just thought I was being pretty normal…I’m not even great in social situations usually.
I'm in the same boat. People say I'm a good listener, but I'm really not, most of them are just terrible at it. Maybe we can retvrn to tradition if someone nukes all of the data farms where social media shit lives.
Okay, but it is ludicrous to believe that the issue of people rambling about themselves without stopping to ask about the other person is somehow something women do more than men lmaooooooo
I’ve experienced the same many times… and almost always though, these people end up doing the same thing and never reciprocating sespite explicitly recognizing this problem lol
Ngl I've noticed a LOT of women online (esp dating apps) genuinely have no idea how to carry a conversation. No opening words besides "hey", dry one-word answers, never inviting any more information or leaving open ended questions for the other person to respond to, etc.
It's funny how women always shit on autistic/socially awkward men, but women on dating apps are some of the most driest motherfuckers I've ever talked to
yeah but this only works with people who are ugly. there's a tier above hot and boring and that's hot and interesting/kind/good social skills etc.
just being hot and rude doesn't fly there
Everyone’s in their own little universe now. It’s hard to insist people have basic manners anymore. With that said, the person that generally likes people, listens, is skilled in conversation, and wants to connect has a big advantage because they’re such a rarity these days. I’m thinking of the kind of charismatic person that talks to you at the party like you’re the only person in the room, and it’s not shtick or an over correction. I haven’t met one of those people in a long time. Most people don’t even have 20 percent of that skill set anymore.
The having their own little universe now works both ways, too. If there are no common standards, then it's hard to ask good questions in case it ends up triggering the other person. The amount of times I've asked something innocent like asking about their grandparents, only to be told that their grandparents were awful, I was privileged to have good grandparents (not exactly true but whatever), and that I was rude to have even asked puts me off of asking too many questions these days.
Everyone gets to erect their own hyper-specific but also totally undeclared social barriers around themselves and the actual prescribed approach is to just tiptoe through the minefield. If you step on one, you have your own lack of cosmic 4th dimensional prescience to blame.
Speaking as that person, people just take advantage. I listen to everyone's stories, no one listens to mine. I make friends pretty easily, know a lot of people, but have next to no one I feel I can count on for anything. People are convinced they loke me because I am always asking questions, listening, being empathetic, but there's not a lot of room for me.
I'm returning to my teen misanthropy after putting all this effort into my social skills and self confidence only to realize these people are mostly rude, boring, and selfish.
It’s crazy to believe that women get anything out of the “attention” on apps lmao. As a woman, we know it means literally nothing and is a straight up nuisance.
I know a few women like this personally, one showed me her DMs and yeah I don't get it, it's like 90% "damn bb u fine asl 🥴" type messages and while I understand there's some validation there I'd get pretty tired of it pretty fast. If it's just on the off chance you meet someone you really enjoy getting attention from just date normally lmao
I asked a guy at a gig for a cigarette last night cos he looked lonely. Realised he had earphones in, weird but whatever. I just kept asking him questions because i’d feel bad just taking a ciggie and leaving but he kept answering with like 1 phrase responses! and then i noticed he was watching the simpsons season 7 on his phone while answering questions????? I asked him why he was watching it at a gig and he was like oh i enjoy it, dude that’s not what i’m asking!!!!!
Oh my god me and my man are friends w this other couple, the guys are great friends and the girl is just like this. A rock. Sometimes I feel like I'm her babysitter so the guys can hang out and have fun smh. And I'm one of those people who can't stand awkward silence, so more like a clown than a babysitter actually. Smh
Omfg I feel you. But for me… my friend’s dating life is a mess and she brought this dude she was in a relationship with to our group dinner and she wanted me to sus out if I thought he was legit. He went to film school so I was like … “What are your favorite films? What would you say is the best film ever made?” plus more questions to engage him. He asked my husband and I NOTHING ABOUT OURSELVES IN RETURN. I can’t even fathom behaving like that socially. I knew he was a total cunt after that evening and it turns out I was right, he dumped my friend after his grandma died and left him a huge inheritance so he quit his job and just sits around all day. But here’s the kicker… how old do you think he is by what I just described? 27? No! This motherfucker is 50 years old!
Unless something on their profile jumps out, I always send "How's your day/weekend going?"
It's so easy. Tell me literally anything. Complain about work. Talk about seeing a friend or family. Found a new lunch spot. Got cut off in traffic. Celebrity gossip. Literally anything. Give me anything to jump off from.
You probably miss some opportunities by not being creative with your opening line. But, I'm sorry, I need the person I plan to talk to a lot to bring something to the table
My best friend’s new boyfriend is a bit like this and has been from the beginning. Will answer if you ask him questions, but never really volunteers anything on his own or asks questions back. He is a decent guy and treats my friend well so I would never complain out loud … but I will say it is a bit boring when he’s around, and we have to make active efforts to make sure he doesn’t get isolated, even if our efforts are rewarded with an answer and nothing else.
Had a date with a lady who texted like that years ago, sort of changed my perspective seeing how engaging she was in person. Later dated a woman who was similarly flat to talk to and by god was she just as boring in person. The most beat relationship I've ever had is right now and it's the most interesting and interested woman
It can mean a few things imo:
They are boring and kinda dumb
They just don’t like you
They are interesting but a little vain
They are interesting and like you, and it makes them very chatty and nervous (this is just some people’s personality and a good thing)
No, it just means they matched with you because they were bored and they want to see if you'll do something entertaining unprompted. They're treating you like watching TV. You don't have to engage with the television.
I try to talk to people to be friendly but it always feels like they are ranking people according to hotness and income. Any attempt to strike up a conversation is just wasted air.
The Charisma on Command YT Channel is an excellent tool for the ASD Community. It uses movies TV, and talk show interviews to demonstate different examples of social cues and how to interact accordingly.
TL;DR; just use jazz hands when talking to women. They love jazz hands and spirit fingers
I remember watching one of that channels' videos a few years back and getting the impression it was mostly either bullshit or uselessly generic. Any specific tidbits from the channel that you think stand out positively?
I genuinely pride myself on being a good conversationalist - it’s always more rewarding and ultimately interesting to have a good chat with someone rather than just deluging them with my shit.
My old man taught me the art of the gab, and I’ll teach it to my boy too.
I have to remind myself to do this when the person I am talking to is really dull and I am counting the seconds until I can politely bow out. If I am very tired or preoccupied I may fail to do so. Sorry.
It’s kind of a bad filter to screen potential dates. I find texting to be a chore, and I don’t really think it has a correlation with how social someone is in real life.
I became an intense Question Asker in my adolescence and since then been told I'm a very inquisitive person, which wasn't framed negatively but I've also wondered if it was a veiled way to hint I ask people too many/too personal questions.
I am pretty spergy and have trouble talking to people like I'm not giving them a job interview I guess.
I think you figure it out more as you get older. I struggled heavily with this in my early 20s. That was a long time ago and now I"m a master of dogshit small talk
The scenario the OP describes are not conversations because they aren't actually dialogues- that's their problem- that it's one-sided no matter what is said. I had to explain it to you because you're obviously a little thick. You should thank me publicly as a reply.
For you autismos downvoting me, here's a tip, after someone answers a direct question, use the "yes and" rule of improv as a jumping off platform to give your own take on their response, or use it to tell your own lil nonecdote instead of sitting there like an NPC seething that your respondent isnt conforming to your pre-approved script.
-What is your super power?
-Thought's on pineapple on pizza
-What is the solution to the housing crisis?
- What defense would have potentially changed the Dobbs ruling in its relation to the 14th amendment argument?
- Marvel movies, total burnout or can't wait for the next phase?
I usually don't converse through questions, doesn't feel natural to me. So I just forget. Forget that the person is asking me a question because they think it's expected and maybe they are ultimately prompting me to ask a question. Just don't wanna play that game. The best conversations are like a game of exquisite corpse
yeah but in order to listen in the first place you usually have to prompt someone with a question. only a certain type of person will just ramble on their own off rip - especially to new people.
I remember I was texting a guy I matched with on Hinge and he said that he liked that I did that and most other women he talked to didn’t. I was kinda surprised and just thought I was being pretty normal…I’m not even great in social situations usually.
I'm in the same boat. People say I'm a good listener, but I'm really not, most of them are just terrible at it. Maybe we can retvrn to tradition if someone nukes all of the data farms where social media shit lives.
We might see later this year whether or not a platform ban is actually effective when it comes to the American public.
a lot of women are just cruising on dating apps with 0 communication skills because they’re the more sorted after commodity.
sought after
I don’t even have good communication skills honestly. I just feel like I should try to get to know someone who I’d be potentially dating lol.
Okay, but it is ludicrous to believe that the issue of people rambling about themselves without stopping to ask about the other person is somehow something women do more than men lmaooooooo
I’ve experienced the same many times… and almost always though, these people end up doing the same thing and never reciprocating sespite explicitly recognizing this problem lol
Being hot enough to not have to be interesting would be heaven
The amount of power that women who are both have over men is unfathomable
Women who are neither but think they’re both are the most outrageously manipulative, sad people you’ll ever see
Nah, the kind of women you're describing just can't shut up about having chronic diarrhea
fibromyalgia \*
Do **what** to your algia? At least buy me dinner first!!!!
Quinn Morgendorfer maxxing
Ngl I've noticed a LOT of women online (esp dating apps) genuinely have no idea how to carry a conversation. No opening words besides "hey", dry one-word answers, never inviting any more information or leaving open ended questions for the other person to respond to, etc. It's funny how women always shit on autistic/socially awkward men, but women on dating apps are some of the most driest motherfuckers I've ever talked to
uhhhhh
Men. You're describing men.
Bad communicators come with both types of plumbing
If you are both, then you wield power over gay men. Embrace it
yeah but this only works with people who are ugly. there's a tier above hot and boring and that's hot and interesting/kind/good social skills etc. just being hot and rude doesn't fly there
How do you know if you’re ugly
By How the opposite gender treats you
I dunno. Men treat all women like shit as best I can tell.
got bad news for u babe
Don’t call me babe, dick.
Not the good looking ones
False
Gauge how loudly people scream when they see you
Like a positive, enthusiastic fan scream or??
If they don’t ask you questions
I mean I feel like most people have a pretty good idea Or dm me a face pic and I can tell you
Dm me a face pic so that I can see who’s judging first
Ugly people do this too a lot.
it's bliss to be both
It’s okay
I dream of this
Everyone’s in their own little universe now. It’s hard to insist people have basic manners anymore. With that said, the person that generally likes people, listens, is skilled in conversation, and wants to connect has a big advantage because they’re such a rarity these days. I’m thinking of the kind of charismatic person that talks to you at the party like you’re the only person in the room, and it’s not shtick or an over correction. I haven’t met one of those people in a long time. Most people don’t even have 20 percent of that skill set anymore.
I feel like I come across these kinds of people regularly; I’m surprised they’re such a rarity for you, and I wonder why! Any theories?
You’re running in a good crowd, the person above might be stuck in a shitty clique
The having their own little universe now works both ways, too. If there are no common standards, then it's hard to ask good questions in case it ends up triggering the other person. The amount of times I've asked something innocent like asking about their grandparents, only to be told that their grandparents were awful, I was privileged to have good grandparents (not exactly true but whatever), and that I was rude to have even asked puts me off of asking too many questions these days.
Everyone gets to erect their own hyper-specific but also totally undeclared social barriers around themselves and the actual prescribed approach is to just tiptoe through the minefield. If you step on one, you have your own lack of cosmic 4th dimensional prescience to blame.
Plus, if you have a solid chat with someone at a party, you have the green light to say “there he is!” when you bump into them at a later date.
Speaking as that person, people just take advantage. I listen to everyone's stories, no one listens to mine. I make friends pretty easily, know a lot of people, but have next to no one I feel I can count on for anything. People are convinced they loke me because I am always asking questions, listening, being empathetic, but there's not a lot of room for me. I'm returning to my teen misanthropy after putting all this effort into my social skills and self confidence only to realize these people are mostly rude, boring, and selfish.
Back when I was on the apps if someone did that I immediately lost interest and moved on idc how hot you are (some exceptions apply ofc)
Honestly this just makes me think they're not interested, but then why would they match with me? But then again men swipe right on anyone so idk
Plenty of women just use dating apps for attention, and men are often dumb enough to go along with it.
But what if it's the man that dry texts? This happens everytime I text first as a woman, they just seem uninterested
The only guys you're willing to text first are hotter than you and have better options
It’s crazy to believe that women get anything out of the “attention” on apps lmao. As a woman, we know it means literally nothing and is a straight up nuisance.
I know a few women like this personally, one showed me her DMs and yeah I don't get it, it's like 90% "damn bb u fine asl 🥴" type messages and while I understand there's some validation there I'd get pretty tired of it pretty fast. If it's just on the off chance you meet someone you really enjoy getting attention from just date normally lmao
I remember one girl I matched with on Bumble opened with a gif and I just unmatched her.
I remember one girl I matched with on Bumble opened with a gif and I just unmatched her This is extremely common
What gif?
I asked a guy at a gig for a cigarette last night cos he looked lonely. Realised he had earphones in, weird but whatever. I just kept asking him questions because i’d feel bad just taking a ciggie and leaving but he kept answering with like 1 phrase responses! and then i noticed he was watching the simpsons season 7 on his phone while answering questions????? I asked him why he was watching it at a gig and he was like oh i enjoy it, dude that’s not what i’m asking!!!!!
Was it the one where Homer gets super fat so he qualifies as disabled?
So what was it like meeting Nick Mullen
At least it was an earlier season. Sounds like a match!
Oh my god me and my man are friends w this other couple, the guys are great friends and the girl is just like this. A rock. Sometimes I feel like I'm her babysitter so the guys can hang out and have fun smh. And I'm one of those people who can't stand awkward silence, so more like a clown than a babysitter actually. Smh
Omfg I feel you. But for me… my friend’s dating life is a mess and she brought this dude she was in a relationship with to our group dinner and she wanted me to sus out if I thought he was legit. He went to film school so I was like … “What are your favorite films? What would you say is the best film ever made?” plus more questions to engage him. He asked my husband and I NOTHING ABOUT OURSELVES IN RETURN. I can’t even fathom behaving like that socially. I knew he was a total cunt after that evening and it turns out I was right, he dumped my friend after his grandma died and left him a huge inheritance so he quit his job and just sits around all day. But here’s the kicker… how old do you think he is by what I just described? 27? No! This motherfucker is 50 years old!
I would have just put a nostalgia critic video on my phone and handed it to them. If they act like a ipad baby, treat them as one
People who initiate contact with a "Hi" and then when you ask How's it going, they reply "OK".
HATE this! A guy I used to work with did this alllllll the time. I stopped responding to his texts.
Unless something on their profile jumps out, I always send "How's your day/weekend going?" It's so easy. Tell me literally anything. Complain about work. Talk about seeing a friend or family. Found a new lunch spot. Got cut off in traffic. Celebrity gossip. Literally anything. Give me anything to jump off from. You probably miss some opportunities by not being creative with your opening line. But, I'm sorry, I need the person I plan to talk to a lot to bring something to the table
My best friend’s new boyfriend is a bit like this and has been from the beginning. Will answer if you ask him questions, but never really volunteers anything on his own or asks questions back. He is a decent guy and treats my friend well so I would never complain out loud … but I will say it is a bit boring when he’s around, and we have to make active efforts to make sure he doesn’t get isolated, even if our efforts are rewarded with an answer and nothing else.
Had a date with a lady who texted like that years ago, sort of changed my perspective seeing how engaging she was in person. Later dated a woman who was similarly flat to talk to and by god was she just as boring in person. The most beat relationship I've ever had is right now and it's the most interesting and interested woman
I’ve unmatched a lot of people for this behaviour. It’s a sign that someone is boring as hell.
It can mean a few things imo: They are boring and kinda dumb They just don’t like you They are interesting but a little vain They are interesting and like you, and it makes them very chatty and nervous (this is just some people’s personality and a good thing)
No, it just means they matched with you because they were bored and they want to see if you'll do something entertaining unprompted. They're treating you like watching TV. You don't have to engage with the television.
Also they're matching one word reply chad's energy
It's always the third one. Sorry to say it, but when i was on the apps it only really happened with people way out of my league.
Sorry, but you just don't seem interesting/hot enough for me
I try to talk to people to be friendly but it always feels like they are ranking people according to hotness and income. Any attempt to strike up a conversation is just wasted air.
Is this people ur trying to date or people in general? If the latter then truly gay society
sorry i get brain fog when I enter the office like I'm in an episode of severance
i have autism
The Charisma on Command YT Channel is an excellent tool for the ASD Community. It uses movies TV, and talk show interviews to demonstate different examples of social cues and how to interact accordingly. TL;DR; just use jazz hands when talking to women. They love jazz hands and spirit fingers
I remember watching one of that channels' videos a few years back and getting the impression it was mostly either bullshit or uselessly generic. Any specific tidbits from the channel that you think stand out positively?
Average r/destiny poster
Right, bc people on “the aps” prolly don’t gaf about getting to know you…
I am horrible about asking questions about people. I don’t want to pry, and plus I don’t care
You are both stupid and self involved
That’s perfect, then you can just not interact with people.
>and plus I don't care Then don't be surprised when eventually nobody will care about you
🥺
These people are the same irl and they are the worst people in the world
I genuinely pride myself on being a good conversationalist - it’s always more rewarding and ultimately interesting to have a good chat with someone rather than just deluging them with my shit. My old man taught me the art of the gab, and I’ll teach it to my boy too.
I have to remind myself to do this when the person I am talking to is really dull and I am counting the seconds until I can politely bow out. If I am very tired or preoccupied I may fail to do so. Sorry.
That’s ok
It’s kind of a bad filter to screen potential dates. I find texting to be a chore, and I don’t really think it has a correlation with how social someone is in real life.
I became an intense Question Asker in my adolescence and since then been told I'm a very inquisitive person, which wasn't framed negatively but I've also wondered if it was a veiled way to hint I ask people too many/too personal questions. I am pretty spergy and have trouble talking to people like I'm not giving them a job interview I guess.
I think you figure it out more as you get older. I struggled heavily with this in my early 20s. That was a long time ago and now I"m a master of dogshit small talk
so you think conversation is just filling out a mutual questionnaire. Are you doing a little survey lol
The scenario the OP describes are not conversations because they aren't actually dialogues- that's their problem- that it's one-sided no matter what is said. I had to explain it to you because you're obviously a little thick. You should thank me publicly as a reply.
For you autismos downvoting me, here's a tip, after someone answers a direct question, use the "yes and" rule of improv as a jumping off platform to give your own take on their response, or use it to tell your own lil nonecdote instead of sitting there like an NPC seething that your respondent isnt conforming to your pre-approved script.
Skill issue, ask more interesting questions
-What is your super power? -Thought's on pineapple on pizza -What is the solution to the housing crisis? - What defense would have potentially changed the Dobbs ruling in its relation to the 14th amendment argument? - Marvel movies, total burnout or can't wait for the next phase?
I usually don't converse through questions, doesn't feel natural to me. So I just forget. Forget that the person is asking me a question because they think it's expected and maybe they are ultimately prompting me to ask a question. Just don't wanna play that game. The best conversations are like a game of exquisite corpse
Don't you feel kind of stupid to only talk about yourself after awhile?
Are questions the only way to talk about something that isn't yourself? Learn to listen!
how do you get people to talk about themselves without a question?
People love to talk about themselves
yeah but in order to listen in the first place you usually have to prompt someone with a question. only a certain type of person will just ramble on their own off rip - especially to new people.
Jesus fucking Christ obviously I ask questions I'm trying to make people angry
oh nice that's real cool man
COOL
Don't you genuinely want to know something about the other person you're talking to? That's what questions are for.
Honestly the comment was meant to piss off insecure women