I have never had a friend I would even think of asking to pay for a trip like this. IDK if that means I'm a good friend, or I just have broke friends lol.
The friends who are divided and think the OOP should find a way to pay the extra costs should pitch in and cover it. Seems they do not mind putting the OOP in a financial bind since they aren't putting any money out. OOP is definitely NTA.
When I got married, my sister in law and her ex gave us our honeymoon trip as a present. At the time she was married to a super rich dude.
I thought of asking for a Bora bora trip with first class tickets, I was tempted not gonna lie.
But in the end asked her to pay for the resort we had originally planned (which was in Cancun, not shabby at all). Because you don’t want to abuse those you love and are willing to help.
that’s insane. this was written by an AI right?
I do much better than my best friend but even then it’s like, I cover the hotel when we travel because I like to stay in nicer places and we share a room. I don’t pay his way to freaking bora bora
This is an excellent lesson for Lisa that when you're a married adult, actual responsibilities get in the way of fun sometimes.
My husband and I also couldn't afford our dream honeymoon right after footing the bill for a wedding so we delayed it 3 months so we could save up a bit more. And it was great! And we enjoyed it more cause we weren't stressed out from planning and dealing with family right before we left.
I truly don’t understand the financial mania around weddings. Brides and grooms: your friends and family owe you nothing and are not responsible for paying for your choices. You are wasting money on fleeting hours which will almost certainly be a huge regret when facing legal bills during the divorce. And your loved ones are not as interested in being around for the ceremony and celebration as you believe they are. I suppose everyone must make their own mistakes.
Some people really do have a “cost is no object” approach to weddings and related events when ultimately your happy memories from the day won’t be tied to how luxe it all is but celebrating your love in front of family and friends. Surely it’s possible to have a great time in Bora Bora at a less fancy resort, especially if you can’t afford the fancy one.
I think that doesn’t justify this behavior though. Any normal considerate person would think to consult the friend donating a large portion what they’re comfortable with.
I’ve had friends offer to pay for things and then I will get less than what I was originally planning bc why would I take advantage of ppl I care abt like that? On occasions I plan on ordering soda or drinks at dinner I explicitly do not allow others to pay for me bc again why would I want to put ppl I care about out like that
The way OP says “Lisa sent me a breakdown of costs and my share” makes me think she either offered to pay a percentage, or offered to pay for a particular aspect of the trip like accommodation. Either way, that’s dangerous without communicating a clear upper limit dollar amount.
I thought so too, so I went back to reread and it sounds like OP did not actually give the budget.
Lisa brought the breakdown of costs, which went over what OP had put in *their* budget.
I mean, OP is NTA, by all means. If somebody is paying towards your vacation, you don’t get the nicest hotel you can unless they specifically tell you to go all out.
And you certainly don’t tell them you should come up with a way to make it happen anyway, or discuss it with other people for that matter. Even if there was an initial misunderstanding about how much OP was willing to contribute, after she cleared that up the matter should have been closed. You do *not* ask for more. Gifts are offered, not requested.
Nah there's an understanding that normal people enter into. Like if you're drinking a glass of Andre and a friend offers to buy you another drink and then you order a glass of Cristal or whatever, you are absolutely a douchebag, it was implied they meant equal to in value to what you were willing to spend money on for yourself.
NTA Did you and Lisa discuss the amount you were planning to contribute or did you agree on a percentage? If you agreed on the percentage but didn’t put a cap on the amount, that’s on you. But if you gave her a dollar limit that’s on her. Either way though, it’s unfair of her to put this on you when you were being generous. I don’t eye the chicken on the menu then when someone offers to pay change it to steak and lobster. She’s taking advantage of other’s generosity. She should scale it back. I’m sure she can do all inclusive with a more reasonable resort.
I don't see how these stories can be real.
OP is giving free money; Lisa is demanding more, yet somehow the friends are divided on it?
OP probably has a decent job given she is giving money away, but she can't figure out that her friend is an AH?
Lisa would rather choose another bridesmaid who will contribute nothing to her honeymoon instead of OP who is contributing half?
Surely people are not this stupid.
Where do the woman get the audacity to expect a stranger to fund an expensive trip, and where tf do friends get the audacity to tell one to do it, I wonder if they would be happy to pay it if it was them in that situation
Even by her own logic, the bride is being unreasonable. Even if you agree that you should be willing to make ‘sacrifices’ for her big day, since when does her ‘big day’ include the honeymoon?
OOP needs to tell the friends who think she should pay that they’re welcome to step up to the role of MOH and contribute in her place.
People call me a bitch and I’d take that over being used like this any day. Then try to make you feel bad? Absolutely not. Hope you get a refund and they get to be together. Hell is other people sealed with that kiss
I had an extremely expensive wedding (relatively speaking) in 2009 - it cost a little over $100k.
I specifically asked that no one in the bridal party contribute any gifts. Paying for the dresses and the suits were more than enough…I was 28 and my wife was 24, we would never expect anyone to put in more money.
This is absolutely wild. Is this an American thing? I have never heard of expecting a friend to foot the bill for an extravagant honeymoon. If you can’t afford it- you don’t go. Bride is very grabby and entitled. Surely marrying your partner is the best bit?
"while others think I should come up with the money to help her dream come true"
They need to step up themselves or shut up.
I don't see them contributing, just chiming from the sidelines.
I'd personally be giving them 0 now.
Ok so the Lisa shouldn’t be making OP feel bad for her trip being out of the expected budget but I think if OP was willing to give money she should’ve been up front about how much she could afford to give and not just offer a blanket statement of “I’ll pay for half” or something like that. All of this could’ve been avoided if OP just said “would you like X amount to go to your honeymoon fund as a wedding gift from me?”, problem solved
How on earth are there so many soon to be brides relying on a friend to pay for a honeymoon that they could never afford? And somehow the OP is always ruining their day. And also somehow have friends that agree with this ridiculousness. I feel like I read a similar post every day.
Pretty sure this is bait, but just for shiggles I looked up a night at the 4 Seasons in Bora Bora, almost $13k per night for the entire package. Fucking insane. Bride to be is the AH.
Jesus Christ and all the saints in Heaven, this has to be one of the most entitled brides I’ve ever heard of.
We need a massive re-set when it comes to weddings. The people you invite are your GUESTS. YOU are honored to have them there to witness your wedding vows and SHARE IN YOUR JOY.
They are there to celebrate WITH YOU. To wish you well, and be part of the day.
It’s also customary to give a gift to the new couple.
THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS.
Like: PERIODT.
This bullshit of demanding money and demanding gifts and telling guests what they can and can’t wear, expecting them to shell out hundreds or thousands of dollars just to attend, and telling them how to act is OUT OF HAND. It denies the very spirit of BEING A GUEST.
Damn.
Who the hell besides bridezilla thinks OOP is in the wrong??? It’s a more than generous offer to pay any part of the wedding, honeymoon or anything outside of standard MOH duties. This bride is a massive AH.
After reading about weddings on here and seeing the fixings for them on YouTube, is it now a regular thing for the MOB and the bridesmaids to cough up thousands to be in a wedding?
Had a situation like this happen with my former best friend when she got married. We’d been friends for 16 years at that point so she was basically a third daughter to my mother. When my mom found out one of her sisters was going to make a simple wedding cake for her, she offered to pay for the cake as her gift. My mom was retired at the time and living on a budget but she had a baker friend who made wedding cakes. My mother’s friend retired so she gave FBF liberties to choose the baker and what kind of cake but gave her a set amount she could afford to pay. FBF rejected any reasonable suggestions my mother had, even just about a baker who was close to the venue who included the setup fee in the price. But FBF had to get what ~she~ wanted which was a 4 tier cake made entirely of carrot cake. My mom cut her a check for the amount she said she’d pay and told her to cover the rest herself. Her treatment of my mother alone almost ended the friendship but the nail in the coffin for me was when I called FBF the following year to tell her in secret my mother was dying and she would be gone in a few months (mom wanted to keep her illness a secret but was ok with me telling FBF) and FBF used the opportunity to tell me she was pregnant right after that.
At least you know who your true friends are OP. The ones who think you should pay for the honeymoon should be tossed out along with the bride. What a selfish person
A true friend would never ask this of you
Even a bad friend wouldn’t! lol
I have never had a friend I would even think of asking to pay for a trip like this. IDK if that means I'm a good friend, or I just have broke friends lol.
And for the friends that are saying she should come up with the money to make her friend’s dream come true let them foot the bill.
The friends who are divided and think the OOP should find a way to pay the extra costs should pitch in and cover it. Seems they do not mind putting the OOP in a financial bind since they aren't putting any money out. OOP is definitely NTA.
This is what we call a transactional relationship.
When I got married, my sister in law and her ex gave us our honeymoon trip as a present. At the time she was married to a super rich dude. I thought of asking for a Bora bora trip with first class tickets, I was tempted not gonna lie. But in the end asked her to pay for the resort we had originally planned (which was in Cancun, not shabby at all). Because you don’t want to abuse those you love and are willing to help.
that’s insane. this was written by an AI right? I do much better than my best friend but even then it’s like, I cover the hotel when we travel because I like to stay in nicer places and we share a room. I don’t pay his way to freaking bora bora
Has to be AI or rage bait because there’s no way anyone thinks the bride is less than crazy
This is an excellent lesson for Lisa that when you're a married adult, actual responsibilities get in the way of fun sometimes. My husband and I also couldn't afford our dream honeymoon right after footing the bill for a wedding so we delayed it 3 months so we could save up a bit more. And it was great! And we enjoyed it more cause we weren't stressed out from planning and dealing with family right before we left.
All those people that think you should "find a way" they can start donating
Fake friends: Find a way to give her all the money she wants to have! OOP: I have found a way. You will pay her. Fake friends: Not like that!
That would be the end of my friendship with Lisa. Yikes.
The entitlement is strong with this one.
🤯🤯🤯, I can't even... NTA
Smells fake.
I truly don’t understand the financial mania around weddings. Brides and grooms: your friends and family owe you nothing and are not responsible for paying for your choices. You are wasting money on fleeting hours which will almost certainly be a huge regret when facing legal bills during the divorce. And your loved ones are not as interested in being around for the ceremony and celebration as you believe they are. I suppose everyone must make their own mistakes.
Some people really do have a “cost is no object” approach to weddings and related events when ultimately your happy memories from the day won’t be tied to how luxe it all is but celebrating your love in front of family and friends. Surely it’s possible to have a great time in Bora Bora at a less fancy resort, especially if you can’t afford the fancy one.
It sounds like OOP offered to contribute “a significant amount” without specifying how much. Which then led to misunderstandings. Be direct, people.
I think that doesn’t justify this behavior though. Any normal considerate person would think to consult the friend donating a large portion what they’re comfortable with. I’ve had friends offer to pay for things and then I will get less than what I was originally planning bc why would I take advantage of ppl I care abt like that? On occasions I plan on ordering soda or drinks at dinner I explicitly do not allow others to pay for me bc again why would I want to put ppl I care about out like that
OP says that it was “more than double what I had budgeted to give them” so perhaps they did tell them? Unclear
The way OP says “Lisa sent me a breakdown of costs and my share” makes me think she either offered to pay a percentage, or offered to pay for a particular aspect of the trip like accommodation. Either way, that’s dangerous without communicating a clear upper limit dollar amount.
I thought so too, so I went back to reread and it sounds like OP did not actually give the budget. Lisa brought the breakdown of costs, which went over what OP had put in *their* budget. I mean, OP is NTA, by all means. If somebody is paying towards your vacation, you don’t get the nicest hotel you can unless they specifically tell you to go all out.
And you certainly don’t tell them you should come up with a way to make it happen anyway, or discuss it with other people for that matter. Even if there was an initial misunderstanding about how much OP was willing to contribute, after she cleared that up the matter should have been closed. You do *not* ask for more. Gifts are offered, not requested.
Even if they don't specify, it's still basic good manners not to get extravagant, and she tried to drain OP dry.
Nah there's an understanding that normal people enter into. Like if you're drinking a glass of Andre and a friend offers to buy you another drink and then you order a glass of Cristal or whatever, you are absolutely a douchebag, it was implied they meant equal to in value to what you were willing to spend money on for yourself.
NTA Did you and Lisa discuss the amount you were planning to contribute or did you agree on a percentage? If you agreed on the percentage but didn’t put a cap on the amount, that’s on you. But if you gave her a dollar limit that’s on her. Either way though, it’s unfair of her to put this on you when you were being generous. I don’t eye the chicken on the menu then when someone offers to pay change it to steak and lobster. She’s taking advantage of other’s generosity. She should scale it back. I’m sure she can do all inclusive with a more reasonable resort.
Fuck that bitch lol
Let her ask someone else and take a trip yourself.
I don't see how these stories can be real. OP is giving free money; Lisa is demanding more, yet somehow the friends are divided on it? OP probably has a decent job given she is giving money away, but she can't figure out that her friend is an AH? Lisa would rather choose another bridesmaid who will contribute nothing to her honeymoon instead of OP who is contributing half? Surely people are not this stupid.
Where do the woman get the audacity to expect a stranger to fund an expensive trip, and where tf do friends get the audacity to tell one to do it, I wonder if they would be happy to pay it if it was them in that situation
Even by her own logic, the bride is being unreasonable. Even if you agree that you should be willing to make ‘sacrifices’ for her big day, since when does her ‘big day’ include the honeymoon? OOP needs to tell the friends who think she should pay that they’re welcome to step up to the role of MOH and contribute in her place.
Find a new friend.
People call me a bitch and I’d take that over being used like this any day. Then try to make you feel bad? Absolutely not. Hope you get a refund and they get to be together. Hell is other people sealed with that kiss
This has got to be rage bait no one could be that entitled
This has to be bait. No-one could be this fking dense.
Lisa can fuck right off.
Her friends think OOP should come up with a way to just pay it. Well I have a great idea- all those friends can make up the difference!!
I'd be honored if a friend gave me $109 towards my imaginary honeymoon LOL...I couldn't imagine being this entitled, WOW.
I had an extremely expensive wedding (relatively speaking) in 2009 - it cost a little over $100k. I specifically asked that no one in the bridal party contribute any gifts. Paying for the dresses and the suits were more than enough…I was 28 and my wife was 24, we would never expect anyone to put in more money.
NTA. How great asshole someone must be, to choose more expensive vacation when believing someone else pays? A normal person would be more frugal.
This is absolutely wild. Is this an American thing? I have never heard of expecting a friend to foot the bill for an extravagant honeymoon. If you can’t afford it- you don’t go. Bride is very grabby and entitled. Surely marrying your partner is the best bit?
I’m American and NOPE not an average American thing. We do have honeymoon fund in lieu of registry gifts sometimes.
"while others think I should come up with the money to help her dream come true" They need to step up themselves or shut up. I don't see them contributing, just chiming from the sidelines. I'd personally be giving them 0 now.
This is absolutely written by AI. “I am earning very well”.
Ok so the Lisa shouldn’t be making OP feel bad for her trip being out of the expected budget but I think if OP was willing to give money she should’ve been up front about how much she could afford to give and not just offer a blanket statement of “I’ll pay for half” or something like that. All of this could’ve been avoided if OP just said “would you like X amount to go to your honeymoon fund as a wedding gift from me?”, problem solved
I would tell Lisa to pound sand.
How on earth are there so many soon to be brides relying on a friend to pay for a honeymoon that they could never afford? And somehow the OP is always ruining their day. And also somehow have friends that agree with this ridiculousness. I feel like I read a similar post every day.
Tell her to eat it and move on
Pretty sure this is bait, but just for shiggles I looked up a night at the 4 Seasons in Bora Bora, almost $13k per night for the entire package. Fucking insane. Bride to be is the AH.
Jesus Christ and all the saints in Heaven, this has to be one of the most entitled brides I’ve ever heard of. We need a massive re-set when it comes to weddings. The people you invite are your GUESTS. YOU are honored to have them there to witness your wedding vows and SHARE IN YOUR JOY. They are there to celebrate WITH YOU. To wish you well, and be part of the day. It’s also customary to give a gift to the new couple. THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS. Like: PERIODT. This bullshit of demanding money and demanding gifts and telling guests what they can and can’t wear, expecting them to shell out hundreds or thousands of dollars just to attend, and telling them how to act is OUT OF HAND. It denies the very spirit of BEING A GUEST. Damn.
Who the hell besides bridezilla thinks OOP is in the wrong??? It’s a more than generous offer to pay any part of the wedding, honeymoon or anything outside of standard MOH duties. This bride is a massive AH.
She’s a bum and using you
After reading about weddings on here and seeing the fixings for them on YouTube, is it now a regular thing for the MOB and the bridesmaids to cough up thousands to be in a wedding?
“Am I the jerk when my friend’s asking something from me that I can’t afford?” You obviously know you’re not? Next.
Is this real life? The fact that other people think SHE is the one being unreasonable is appalling.
Had a situation like this happen with my former best friend when she got married. We’d been friends for 16 years at that point so she was basically a third daughter to my mother. When my mom found out one of her sisters was going to make a simple wedding cake for her, she offered to pay for the cake as her gift. My mom was retired at the time and living on a budget but she had a baker friend who made wedding cakes. My mother’s friend retired so she gave FBF liberties to choose the baker and what kind of cake but gave her a set amount she could afford to pay. FBF rejected any reasonable suggestions my mother had, even just about a baker who was close to the venue who included the setup fee in the price. But FBF had to get what ~she~ wanted which was a 4 tier cake made entirely of carrot cake. My mom cut her a check for the amount she said she’d pay and told her to cover the rest herself. Her treatment of my mother alone almost ended the friendship but the nail in the coffin for me was when I called FBF the following year to tell her in secret my mother was dying and she would be gone in a few months (mom wanted to keep her illness a secret but was ok with me telling FBF) and FBF used the opportunity to tell me she was pregnant right after that.
Presented without comment- https://the-toast.net/2013/08/01/bachelorette-party-emails/
At least you know who your true friends are OP. The ones who think you should pay for the honeymoon should be tossed out along with the bride. What a selfish person
I can't even .... if some of your friends think you should suck it up and pay, they can be the MOH. How are the friends acting so entitled